Goes Without Saying - no social battery & running on empty: podmas #10

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

merry podmas! festive podmothers sephy & wing enter a Big Sleigh: carolling on performance and masking, hyper-awareness and insecurity, shape-shifting and mirrorballing. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let the jingle bells ring. Let the jingle bells ring. I've got my heated blanket on for this one as well. Oh nice, so have I. Welcome back to Podmas. Welcome back. Welcome back to Podmas everybody. This is gonna be a fun one. You said you've got something to say. Yeah I do. Nothing that exciting but it will be a little bit more exciting for Sefi so sorry Harry. Just because you were there in this instance. Okay. Well hang on on what's happening here oh god i don't like the look of that what is it just the way my thing is recording is almost looking like it's gonna delete like it's not but it's just like it's not looking very nice

it's not looking very safe what does that mean like almost like my recording thing is it like a bit jagged almost it was just i'd put the window like off screen so it is it like a bit jagged almost It was just I'd put the window like off-screen. So it was just looking a bit flat It wasn't giving like leave it to me vibes It was giving like I'd keep an eye on that if I were you. So Harry are you hearing this? But Harry's hearing it and we're all good. Are you receiving this? Okay, so the thing that I was like, oh, I've got something to say straight off the top because me and Zev were going back and forth So like what should we do? We've got a long list of episodes and we've been kind of digging into them. It's been a bit of a free for all. Really. We've decided on

this. I hope you enjoy it. But there was something that just came to my mind and I thought we haven't ever spoken about it taken away. And as we directly to kind of off the back of a situation that me and you were in the other day, Sefi, is very much like the social battery is not just running low. Oh, I know exactly where it was now. Yeah, yes, yeah, that's all I have to say and immediately you're there, you're back in the room. Yeah, back in the room. I'm not even low on batteries, I'm in the minus now. Yeah. There have been a few times in my life, you know what, no there haven't. There's been one time in my life where basically I remember this one time we went and did something and then

Freya you guys know, Queen, she was like to me like a month after we were reflecting on this one night that we'd had and she was like, oh yeah, I felt your energy dip like towards the end. Like in that last hour, I felt you be like, I've literally felt you switch, like turn off. Almost like the battery was like going down, going down. It's in the red and it hit the one percent. It's like, oh, she's turned off. She's off. Yeah. She's, you know, she's I'm not functioning anymore. Um, because it was a night that was particularly challenging. I won't say why, but yeah, I was being challenged. Every interaction was a challenge. Have you ever been in that situation

where you think, Jesus, every interaction is a challenge? This is not easy. I think it was also, I think I disagree with this, and there's like a huge subtext beneath the conversation that is just exhausting me. Yeah, it's very difficult. But then I was thinking, so then the other day me and Sefi were at a place

and we kind of gave each other a look of like, I'm done here. Yeah. Yeah, I'm done here. Let's go, let's get out of here. And to be honest, I couldn't get out of there fast enough. My feet couldn't carry me fast enough out of that building. But I just needed to get out of there. And then I was thinking just just briefly, before we started recording, that it's so interesting that Freya made that comment about,

like, I felt you just turn off. Like, I felt your energy dip. Yeah, I felt that. Because I remember that specific night, I remember consciously deciding to stop making an effort. night just I remember consciously deciding to stop making an effort yeah like I remember thinking to myself I'm done now like yeah that's it now you've had your fill there's physically nothing more I mean guys when I talk about bottom of the barrel it was really like I'd given the dregs and I was done also it went on and on and on so I'm not surprised. I mean they didn't make it easy. I kept going and going but they didn't make it easy. I was done that night and I made the decision to turn off and then it made me think ever since I've been thinking about vaguely and just now I really kind of had the

thought for maybe the first time in this sort of language about almost like how we camouflage and put on an act, camouflage over like mask who we really are and how we're really feeling in order to get through some sort of event, situation, social setting, whatever. And that I made the decision that night to just turn that off in the last hour and Freya picked up on it and probably everyone there picked up on it. I didn't. Or whatever. Exactly didn't but you wouldn't really. I didn't pick up on it because I left like I was still going on with the show essentially. Yeah. I was like right okay this is kind of very difficult. This is mental. And also like I was running on like a lot of adrenaline. Yes. And I sort of yeah I didn't really pick up on it because also there were just a lot of um voices in the room so i kind of um i knew that the whole situation was weird but i didn't know how done you were yeah i don't think i knew how done i was

until then after yeah that night i remember like in the debrief i was like that was a bit hard for me and then i think even a couple of weeks later when we had that conversation with Freya and she said yeah I felt your energy dip I think that confirmed to me something that I wasn't really conscious of myself which is like oh that was really hard for me like almost I thought that was difficult in the sense of like oh maybe I just wasn't on my best form or like I just wasn't in the mood that whatever but it was like no actually recontextualize this that was a very difficult, absurd section of people being really mental. But not acknowledged.

Really not acknowledged. No no, totally under the surface. It allowed me to like almost, it like validated the way that I felt I think. Just her acknowledgement of like oh yeah I felt your energy drop off like a fucking dead weight. Like actually like dropping like flies. But then just now before we hit record I was like, hmm, it's kind of funny because I feel like

every situation I'm in there's always an awareness of like, what am I giving and do you know what I mean? Like I'm nodding so much. You can't see that Harry but I I'm nod, nod, nodding. Just nod, nod, nodding away. Profusely nodding. Nodding off. Never nodding off, nodding off.

Never nodding off, apart from when she yawns. You know, I'm like, God, I'm yawning. I was yawning all through the, I was just at a little lecture and God, I was yawning like in the woman's face and I was like, I'm so sorry. One time that happened to me, I remember, at like this, I used to work in retail

and there was like, we got called in for this thing And the fucking woman who was running it I yawned sorry that I'd got up at fucking like five I know where she didn't address thing. Yeah, she said sorry. Am I am I boring you or sorry? Am I am I hiring you or something? I think I have a thing about that. I hate when people say am I boring you? It's like I'll get a new line Get a new line. You know that you know that I think it's like it's no it doesn't know it doesn't it means they're tired which is very different to bored if I was yeah I'll tell you now I wouldn't be in the

fucking room I'd be out well I was bored and I was tired that day but I just remember thinking oh shit I've yawned Anyway, go on. I'm nodding profusely because I think we have an issue with many issues But I do think an issue that we have and I think this is partly from what's a mental health issue Yes, but I think it's a problem with it's like a performance issue like we Are natural-born performers, but also we are so used to like putting on a show now And like when the energy is dipping like bring it back up and things like that that I think in social settings We we take it on ourselves to be like the class clown almost like if people aren't having a good time

we really want them to have a great time and a great experience and we're like it's kind of a thing like if I can see someone has just embarrassed themselves I'll like do something so embarrassing just to like embarrass myself more to make them comfortable. Yeah, shit in the middle of the room. Genuinely, I'll do whatever it takes. I will literally start singing a mortifying song. And nobody asks but I'll do it. I'll start performing a slapstick fucking routine

and it will cringe everyone out and I'll be like perfect, mission accomplished. Done what needed to be done. Took all the heat off this one person. Yeah, somebody had to do it. And there's one example that we have, I think that I'm sort of getting into your brain and I know you've got it.

Oh, yes, well I've got it. You can see it wash over my face hit me like a ton of bricks. There was this one time which I just think epitomized this entire behavior and I know that it just burnt us out to the absolute end. I'm still recovering from this it was like two years ago I'm still recovering. It was crazy like it was just one of those things where we sat down with someone and they gave us They basically sat down and said go on then let's watch I want a live episode of goes with us. And we just and boy did we and we just we did podmas Without even thinking like we don't owe this to some this person. We don't need to do that

We just basically went for about four hours straight doing all these bits and we left. The response from them was literally like, just to give a little bit so that you know what we're talking about. Because it's also quite difficult to even explain this dynamic. It's really difficult to explain, but basically it was me and Sefi in this dynamic,

this person sat for essentially what would be a one-on-one if there wasn't two of us. It was an intimate meeting of people. Like a lunch. Like a lunch, yeah. Doing, you know. Like something that should be pleasant. Something amongst friends even. Yeah, it could be. And it would be like, me and Safi tell a funny bit, we do a little joke, there's a laugh, silence, they wait for the next one. Me and Safi tell a little joke, tell a little story, there's a

laugh, silence, wait for the next one. I mean like giving nothing. Talk about energy dropping off. I mean. But like, I feel like most normal people, or like, I think we just felt quite like weirdly powerless in that situation. Because a normal person over like a really, really reasonable reaction or if I had like had two brain cells to fucking rub together, I would have been like, wait, take a breath. You don't need to make this person laugh like you're not getting paid for this you are not literally not a jester and wing is not a jester she does not need to do this. No but we're looking at each other poking each other going go on do it there's like fear in our eyes of the idea of there being a silence and like we are willing to

fill every moment with like we don't't, we basically just like, I think I realized that we work harder to keep dead dynamics alive than most, than most normal people. And I hadn't experienced like, this was probably like, I dunno, a few months ago now where I was sitting down eating with someone, like we were having food together, and they just clocked out, essentially. Like it was just one of those things where it's like, okay, you're not going to speak and you're like, we're fully in the food moment, like we're eating now. And I kind of don't, there's an element of that that I don't mind. It's like, okay, so we're, so we're not talking anymore, we're now eating, you know, like

I kind of like it in a weird way. Okay, I get it. I'm keeping up, I'm keeping up, we're not talking anymore, we're now eating. You know, like I kind of like it in a weird way. Okay, I get it, I'm keeping up, I'm keeping up, we're eating now. And we're hungry and we're eating the food now. It's dinner time. Nothing gets past me. Enjoy your food, totally. But I really did not know what to do with myself

because there's a bit. What's your relationship with this person, are you close? No, no, like relatively. So it's difficult. Relatively like distant, no, like relatively. So it's difficult. Relatively like distant essentially, like we're kind of, I would say like acquaintances. So to be eating a meal together is, you know. Yeah.

And it's calling for a kinship that we don't quite have yet. Genuinely, like it's not a silent time. I don't know, it was just quite difficult because I don't know, to me it was like, I was trying to be like, so you enjoying, like what's your food like sort of thing and it's just like yeah good and then it's like so then starting a thing and it's like not met with anything and like trying and trying and trying to keep this like conversation

going just because it was so awkward just sitting in silence eating with this person but then I sort of realized they're not feeling awkward they don't feel awkward and also if anything they're trying to bat off your advances they just want to eat and like trying to enjoy my meal but like i think the thing that i really realised was like they don't particularly have a mind regard for how i would feel in that situation like they're not thinking externally in that moment they're just thinking like i'm hungry i'm eating my food so why am i not thinking okay i like i'm eating my food or that I'm gonna talk or whatever I'm trying to judge what they would want and then do that rather than

actually think well I'm thinking I want to talk so this thing is not awkward for them this isn't you know and I thought I sort of thought like is that which one's normal like I don't really know I don't know either because I do get the thing of like why is this person talking to me, let me eat my food. Oh. But then I also think that's very strange as well. That's very strange as well. I don't really know because... Yeah, go on.

I don't know, it wasn't a thing that they like zoned out more totally in the food, it was just like... That you felt that they weren't aware of themselves in the same way that you were aware of yourself i think it's like i would do anything to make sure someone wasn't uncomfortable eating a meal with me that would i would really hate that the idea that someone was like but then you were projecting your discomfort onto them completely completely completely like because what i like is a big funny time. You know? I like to have like a big funny conversation or like deep conversation. Well they've got big boots to fill I'll say. Or like even just like a nice neutral thing. I cannot, I actually, I'm gonna fucking say

it, I cannot sit with someone I barely know eating in silence. That is very, very, very awkward to me. I cannot really sit with people... I like to say like I think I do this also in a lot of areas of my life. I don't mind if something fails as long as I know I've thrown absolutely everything at it. Yeah. So I almost think even in like relationships or conversations and things like that it's like maybe there is no chemistry but I will leave no stone unturned in checking if there is even a single spark. Like, fine, maybe this isn't a great friendship or maybe this isn't gonna be a long lasting relationship where we say oh my god we just have the best time, we just click blah blah blah. But I will try.

Totally. For this five minutes that we're in front of each other, I'll give it a good go. But do you think that's an issue? like I think maybe it's a bit like there's a gap between the level of trying like I feel like most people don't think okay I'm gonna make I'm gonna really give everything to get this person to like to have a nice time or whatever it will be more just like oh my foods here and I just I'm not really thinking like you know. you know I think there's a big issue I think there's like a really big problem that we have, genuinely.

A little high. Yeah, I actually, I do think it's a really legitimate problem. Before you were saying that we are just natural born performers, I was gonna say I also do just think it's reflective of some mental issues that we have going on. Oh my god, well I don't wanna hear that. No, I just, I think it's a reflection of the state of the brain. And I think a lot of people do just function

I guess in a you know, their quite and quite normal brain just allows them to like have like a normal level of awareness of what other people might think or like experience a normal level of like a difficult emotion and those sorts of things. But I think we, I think the performance experience a normal level of like a difficult emotion and those sorts of things.

But I think we, I think the performance is more than just like wanting everyone to have a good time. I think it's- It's an inability to have people have a bad time. An inability to have a bad time and also an inability to like truly be comfortable in who you are around other people. Yeah. Maybe, I think myself.

Like, I think it's not just about performance of like, oh, I want everyone to be happy and I want everyone to like me and all of this stuff. I think it's like really, really deep down, I have some sort of, I mean, shame doesn't cut it, but some sort of deep inability to be able to really allow myself to actually be who I am. So that when I spend all day out with somebody

and then I come home, I'm like, whew. And I'm like taking my clothes off, but that's not even the half of it. It's like I'm taking off this mask and this performance that I've had on all day to be able to participate as like a human being in society. Yeah, I feel like that in different contexts though because yeah I don't feel like that in the majority of things but then when I do feel that it's

like in new settings or things I don't feel comfortable with the person or like for example I wouldn't like would you feel that with me? No, not in the same way. But I would still feel like an awareness of like, hope she likes me. Well I've got some good news for you. Like I hope I'm doing and I hope I'm like in terms of like, I'm gonna throw enough out there to make sure it works. Like, not necessarily with you but in life I would always, always, I could spend, well that would be different. I was gonna say I could spend two weeks with you

and then come back and be like, I hope she likes me. But I, any time I'm around literally another human, there's the awareness of like, oh, I hope I haven't done something to give off. Yeah. You know, I hope I haven't made a mistake there. But then I talk like, yeah, I think that it does speak to just like a insecurity and all of the stuff,

like completely, and like, I don't know, I often speak to people, like for example, the person that like is so comfortable to like sit there and eat in silence, which I'm not necessarily against that, but I think it was just like, the atmosphere did not call for that, and it was like, God, you haven't even like read this atmosphere, whereas I'm like

over reading it sort of thing yeah like we don't we don't know each other so much that this whole thing is just reading the room yeah actually that's not happening on your end I haven't relaxed yet but I can see that you have or just like you don't care what I think almost like I don't think you hmm I don think you either I don't think I don't really know but it was just such because you definitely don't care what they think I think I don't think I care whether they like me or not that's not necessarily the care because I I actually would be very I mean I'd be upset but I also would be like yeah okay I'll survive who is it? Okay we have to cut. It goes without saying. Yeah that is weird. Yeah what was I saying? That you would be you wouldn't want to hear

that they don't like you. Yeah I don't really know what the thing is like I wouldn't necessarily be it's not about liking it's more about like it's not reflective of me to not care if you know what I mean like I would like I would care about that situation. Like I care about them being comfortable. I care about just like having a nice time in general. And I find it weird that that's not reciprocated, but I guess I'm just kind of not putting myself in their shoes in a way.

What do you mean? Well, because I sort of understand it's like, if they have a preference to eat silently, I'm all for that Like I kind of love that but I think it was just a bit of a jarring situation Yeah. Oh, yeah, that was a thing. There was just an added bit that I had that was like I also bumped into someone kind of recently And it was just a really passing thing Can I say this actually? You can spin it. Okay, let me think of how I'm going to spin it. And it was just a guy that I sort of vaguely know.

And I bumped into him and I was like, oh hi. And he was talking to someone else, like a group of two other guys. And he was like, oh sorry, like I just don't want to lose my train of thought. So I'm just going to keep talking basically. They were already in a conversation. All I was saying was like, hey, as I walked past and he was like, oh no, sorry, I'm just saying something. I don't wanna lose my train of thought.

And I just walked off like where I was going. And I just had a thought and I was like, in a way I get it, but also I would don't think I would really ever feel comfortable to do that. To shut somebody up. To like dismiss someone and be like, sorry, I'm just gonna keep going. But also I understand, but I know that if I did that, to dismiss someone and be like, sorry, I'm just gonna keep going. But also I understand, but I know that if I did that,

that would be something that I would maybe think about, like, oh God, I need to text that person. And it's like, and it was, I wasn't offended. I think it just highlighted to me like, oh, there's a gap there in like how I would behave and how that person would behave. And in a way I sort of admire it, because it's like my train of thought is important here

and I must keep going on it rather than say hi to the person. But it just surprised me as a thing and I thought that's just really different to how I would act. I think that's actually been like a bit of a theme of my year in general is being surprised by how comfortable people are in like giving nothing or like how comfortable people are in like letting everyone around them be uncomfortable. Yeah, it's definitely not my forte, I have to say. It's not my area of expertise. I admire it in the sense that I'm like, I'm jealous. Like I wish I cared that little. There's definitely too much caring going on mentally for me that I could shift like 75% of it and still probably care

like a little bit too much to still be a little bit too preoccupied. Like I've definitely got room, I've got an abundance of thoughts happening and I could ditch like a few hundred thousand and still have more than enough to get me by. But I also think I like being fucking nice and I like that I'm someone who is aware of how other people feel and I like being fucking nice. Totally. And I like that I'm someone who is aware of how other people feel. And I like that I naturally, like instinctively think of how other people are feeling. I don't have to try.

Yeah, it doesn't feel like an effort. I don't have to make an effort to think about how someone might receive something. I think I do. Or like, hmm, it's nice. I think I do have to make an effort to think how they would feel, but I think it is really instinctual to be kind like that's not a

that is not an effort. Yeah, I like giving a shit. I actually find it... Pilates era or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push, find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at OnePeloton.ca. Quite sad when I see people. It feels, often times I feel like I see it where someone,

I would say, has their priorities. All fucking wrong. Like me with my coffee cup that that old lady told me off for. Exactly. She needs to sort out her priorities vibes of like you are thinking too much about things that are not really important to your soul and I hate to be really annoying and say like oh me and you know Sefi and Wing we're just like really good like soul people and we don't care about like these fickle things and da da da We're just the bigger person, all this stuff. But I do feel like this year I have seen some things

and I've heard some things and I've met people who only care about money or only care about fame or only care about being relevant or viral or they only wanna know somebody who has X amount of followers or they only wanna do something if they can look a certain way in it or all of these things. I really do get a huge, like,

I have a huge awareness for like the survival instinct and like the reality of business. I can really, really appreciate that and I really admire that. But I also think, generally speaking, I've seen a lot of people really not care about like being nice to other humans or valuing other people. Being really cruel, being really really like insanely selfish,

having no awareness of like what a real life person is doing. And it makes me be really glad that I have like a normal, first of all that I've lived like in some ways a bit of a horrible, I've lived a lovely life in so many ways but I've lived like, in some ways, a bit of a horrible, I've lived a lovely life in so many ways, but I've lived some horrible things. And I definitely think that has allowed me to experience a sadness or a depth of emotion in a way that I can empathize with things very easily, or like, I don't treat people badly.

It's never my instinct to treat somebody badly. And I've seen so many people this year Treat people badly because they think that these people don't deserve to be treated well and it's really embarrassing and Sad and I actually they're cutting themselves out of a life full of nice lovely Experiences and real relationships. Well, there's a real bad Sorry, did I just cut you off go on? No, I just I And I feel bad for them. Well there's a real emptiness. Sorry, did I just cut you off, go on. No, I just, I said I feel bad for them. Yeah, yeah.

It's the thing where Dumbledore, Harry is with Voldemort and he's like, I pity you, you'll never know love or friendship. That's, that's exactly it because. I hate to bring that up. No, no, no, but it's that. But it's so true. You will never know love or friendship.

Because the thing that I feel bad for them about is that there's like a, there's an emptiness there. 100%. Like that, like, because I do think like, and I'm, and I don't mean to say we've had the hardest lives because we haven't, but like, I do think- No, we've got lovely lives. Like- But we've experienced real shit.

There has been- You can't take that away from us. No, I wish you could. I wish you could. But like- You can't. I do think it gives a level of depth and I can really see, or just like empathy

and all of the stuff, and actually all of the things that have happened that are really shit. I do think like, and I don't mean to say that trauma is helpful or anything like that, but I do think that a lot of the things that have been hard in my life have actually made me more empathetic and loving and like more capable of love. Brazilian?

Yeah and I do and I think there's actually like when I look at some of these people that we have met in the last year I do think there's like a bit of a void there. It tends to be a through line. It's just a bit void like I don't think there's much of a spectrum. It seems to be like they sort of sit kind of in the middle of the human emotions. They get some new gifting items and then they feel sad because they feel a bit worthless or whatever and then they feel good because they do this thing and it goes well or whatever and there actually is a real like lack of real experience there like there's

not really much life going on and I think that is what I feel when I'm around those people when I get like a small insight there's nothing really happening it's just a void of love like there's, what are your thoughts? Who are you outside of this thing? Where are the people? It's all very empty. It's just clinging on to something that will dissipate. Like it's, like, yeah, there is like a huge,

it's just a huge, huge black hole. 100%. It actually is though. Yeah I agree with you there's a lot of black holes out there and I just I'm actually not I'm really not of the belief that like my sensitivity or like softness towards other people is wrong or something that needs to be changed or is silly or is not cool or any of these things. Do you know what I mean? I actually think, I personally feel like

there's a lot of wisdom that comes with a general love and kindness towards other people and an awareness of how you are interacting with them. And also a real sadness wrapped up in people's sense of self-importance. It's very sad and yeah like it is the thing where like I can look at them and be like I'm jealous that you don't give a shit because I'm sure that makes your life a lot easier but your life is so easy that there's nothing else going on. There's nothing there.

There's actually, it's void. There's nothing. It's empty space. It's literally just going on. There's nothing there. There's actually, it's void. There's nothing, it's empty space. It's literally just empty space. Supermassive empty space. Genuinely empty fucking space. And that is... That's one thing we don't have around here is empty space. No.

We filled every nook and cranny. But it's intriguing. It is intriguing. And I think that I'm not putting those two people in the same camp like I'm not putting like though that level of emptiness that I think kind of we're talking about people that are in potentially like an influencer e space that we've kind of acquaintances but like the person that I saw the other day that was like oh sorry I'm just on my train of thought I'm kind of putting them kind of separate.

Yeah, totally. But like, there's something in that that I do think like, it's just interesting. It is interesting. It's just an interesting behavior that I hadn't really seen before of like, okay, like kind of basic manners of like, just being like, sorry, I can't speak to you

because I'm on my train of thought here. It's like I just couldn't really imagine doing it like I sort of thought like I haven't really seen that before. It's definitely a weird one. It's definitely a one off, it's a unique experience. Yeah yeah I think as well like nothing is set nothing is linear everything is always changing and And one day you're gonna meet someone, they're gonna be like, god, she was fucking rude. And then the next day you're gonna meet someone and be like, oh my god, nice person ever. Da da da da da.

Totally, but also it's like, it's not all about you. That's also the thing, people aren't really thinking about you, I think it's like, rather than being obsessed with how you're being perceived, which again, it's like, wraps up in that sense of self-importance. And like a bit of a weird God complex. So you can't control how these people think. It's the first rule of fucking Bruce Almighty, guys.

You cannot control how people act or whatever. Beyond how they think of you, your reactions in situations and your behaviors are changeable and you are also a weird, fluid being who says the wrong thing sometimes or does something and then is like, oh, maybe I didn't mean it like that or whatever, and you bump into somebody and then say,

sorry, I'm just in my train of thought, and then you think about it in two weeks time and you're like, wait, I wonder if that came off as, or you're like always aware of the other person. Like not how it, like I'm less concerned with like, oh how did that make, how did they, how did that make them think about me? And more about like, obviously not wanting to upset them.

But also like, is that someone that I want to be? Like is that a behaviour that I want to have? When someone says hi to me says, sorry, I'm just on my train of thought like that would necessarily be who i would want to be i also think yeah definitely and i also think it's the kind of thing where you know like we're catching you guys in the middle of your life's journey it's the kind of thing that i was saying about like going to the Matilda Jeff event and everybody's dressed like Matilda Jeff or whatever yeah because we're at the Matilda Jeff event and everybody's dressed like Matilda Jeff or whatever. Yeah. Because we're at the Matilda Jeff fan point of your journey. Like, and it's like, I catch you in two

years, things might be different. It will be the new, whoever's the new Matilda Jeff. Yeah, it will be someone else and that's fine. But like, it is, but also don't do that. Moving towards and away from things and you're going to be in a certain phase and then you're going to change and you're going to be kind of quiet for six months and then you'll get over it and things are moving and like however you're doing right now I probably I always say this but I really actually would put so much money on the fact that like if you're listening you're probably just being hard on yourself yeah and that you're probably doing like a reasonable amount better than you think or if there's a certain something about you that you're

like not happy with right now I kind of think you're probably giving that a bit too much weight and you need to step back a little bit and not think About it Do you know I mean like yeah not to undermine the issues that you're living with but almost if you've identified things about yourself that you're Using to make yourself feel bad and you're in this kind of spiral of not feeling great about a certain something the way that you Are with other people, whatever. I would bet so much money on the fact that it isn't as bad as you're making it out to be. You're thinking about it too much. You're being too hard on yourself.

There's something in there, sure, we can think about it. Next week, we'll pick it back up, we can talk about it. But until then, just for now, why don't we take the rest of the week off? Why don't we just have the next five days or whatever, put that one on pause, take that off heat, off, you know, put it to the side. Let it sit on.

It's not for now, just let it sit for a sec. Doesn't need this much thinking. And I think that it kind of goes for everything that we've said. Kind of the podcast in itself. It doesn't need that much thinking. It doesn't need that much thought. It doesn't.

Some things just should happen without thought. Some things, do you know what they do? They go without saying. It goes without saying? Yeah. Okay. Okay, Podmas ep done. Lovely couple of episodes there. I really really like these, we just did two guys and they're both really nice. Back to back smash hits. Yeah. If I do say so myself. Yeah. Podmas is going really well actually isn't it? Are you enjoying it? I really am actually. I am as well. I just love Podmas. It is a lot though actually, isn't it? Are you enjoying it? I really am actually. I am as well. I just love Podmas.

It is a lot though, I will say. It's a big undertaking. Whenever I tell people we're doing everyday after the 25th, people literally, their jaw just like falls. I almost think, I think I'm just out of this is normal. Same, until I tell someone outside of like us. Until I do it and then I'm like,

well yeah, no wonder it feels a bit weird. You just did it yesterday and the day before and the day before and the day before and the day before and what you're doing tomorrow and the day after and the day after. It's like, yeah, maybe it isn't recommended. It's not on doctor's orders. Maybe it's a bit mental.

It is a little bit mental, but I do love to chat with everyone. I love it though. Yeah, I do love it. Also, I think that's the thing to follow. It is weird. Yes. But we have the most fun doing it.

These have been so nice. And also I absolutely love hearing that people are listening to every single one. I just love to be here with everyone. I just love hearing people's like what? We're gonna do this, upload it, and someone's actually gonna listen to it. Thank fucking God for that.

Today. God, it's good to be at this point. Honestly, whoa. Thank God. It fucking God for that. Like today. God, it's good to be at this point. Honestly, whoa. Thank God. God, it was hard out there for a while. Fucking hell. God, just feel that for a second. Like, we can have this conversation, put it out there.

God, someone is out there to receive it. I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. You're genuinely saying. Thank fucking God for that. Jesus Christ. Well, that's it then, we've done it. Fuck. Oh, we did it.

Yeah, no, we did do it a long time ago and we are doing it. Like it genuinely, yeah, it was not like this for like a long time. Good while. Thanks guys. Yeah, thank you for being here. We owe you one.

So genuinely thank you for being here. Genuinely thank you. What a lovely team we make. What a lovely trio, the Holy Trinity. Yeah, the golden trio. The golden trio we are. Yeah. All right, thanks guys. Oh my God, actually I just suddenly thought yeah the golden trio the golden trio we are yeah all right thanks guys oh my god actually I just suddenly thought in the golden trio so we've got Harry obviously Harry you're in there Harry yeah I think you're

Hermione and I'm Ron it's funny that they're Harry it's like the main characters are not even here so they're Harry are they yeah It's a bit like, well I think we're kind of Harry. Not to take it away from the listener but almost snatch it back out of their hands. Take your fucking headphones off, you're not fucking Harry anymore. Actually we're Harry. But like I also, if you had to be, if you were to say you are one of the characters from Harry Potter, which one would you say you would be? Do you most identify with? Or you could play them or who do you think?

Oh God, okay. Maybe not play them actually because I wanna not gender it. But if there's one that you identify with the most, who do you think you are? Well, do you have an answer off your head for you? I think I'm a mix of a few. A mix of three?

I think I'm a mix of three. Go on then. But two of them are twins. Oh okay so you're doing all characters. You know totally I'm doing the whole universe. That's why I was making the joke but you're a mix of three. Which one do you relate to the most? I think I'm a mix of the three of them. I'm a mix of Fred, George and Luna. Oh my god you're so Luna. Fred, George and Luna. But like Fred and George come as a pair. I'm a mix of Fred and George and Luna I think. Okay nice. But I don't know, like I don't know if that's like my self perception. I would agree with you that you are. I would give you like...

Lupin? Why? Tricolic? Tie you up at night? Why? Just a bit like a bit kind but kind of ruggedly handsome. Yeah you are nice but Luna and Fred and George are so nice. No that's way more I just think I love looping. Loin is great. Like a bit hot. Oh, so hot. Like the hottest guy. But I do think Luna's very stunning. Yeah. I can't say the same for Fred and George personally, but I know he's great. I used to love them.

I don't know, why I struggle is because I feel like- But only like one normal girl. Oh, do I have to, I don't have to pick a girl though, do I? No, you don't, but it's like, Hermione is like, yeah, so yeah so boring but like yeah. I wouldn't even call her normal no offence Hermione but um I think more so I just have an issue with like I know you disagree but you kind of would because I've played this little trick on you too they're almost like I just am different with different people and I don't know if I have a real personality

I'm just a reflection of I'm the mirror of Erised. I think you're the boggart You know, I just am a thing. I just I am only what you see of me I'm only what you make of me that there's nothing here. I'll just reflect something back to you I like literally despise that so much. I know, I know, but you wouldn't think that. Who am I talking to? My fucking doppelganger. I'm talking to like wing through Sefi,

if that makes sense. Well, can you talk to me not through me? No, I need to work on it. That might be a thing for the new year. I'll put it off for a few weeks. I would like to meet you, not through me. Same, but I don't know if that really exists yet. Also I get that, definitely I frame myself through that. I know, but I've got a real issue I think that I need to kind of get to the bottom of something.

I think it's quite bad. Well it's just exhausting but also I don't think... I get what you mean by... Well not even exhausting but just like... Tailoring the conversation or like tailoring like... Yeah. How my demeanor to who I'm talking to but like... Yeah but also my beliefs and my... But I think you have a distinct...

You've got such distinct personality and beliefs that you are opinionated on this stuff. But don't you think you're opinionated and you have a distinct set of beliefs so then isn't it funny that you meet me and I start acting like I... Yeah, sometimes. We'll argue about our beliefs, that you won't just say what you think and it'll be what I think. Like you'll disagree with me. Yeah, but only in a way that you would like.

No, I often don't like it. I often think, bloody hell. I know you don't like it. I think you like it in theory, but not in practice. I hate it. I think that's something I need to work on. Like I... Really. I think that's something I need to work on. Really? I think, as someone like I would say I'm opinionated and I've got like strong opinions about things, I really really really hate like a debate. I really don't enjoy disagreeing

with someone. Like I think it's obviously really important but I find it really like emotional actually to be disagreed with and for someone, to be with someone that you feel close to. It's like if we have a moment where we disagree with each other, I find it really, it makes me feel distant from the person. Yeah, I think it upsets me that you find it upsetting because I love the debate so much.

But that is a GCSE history trait. What is? A debate. But I did GCSE history. I know, but you obviously didn't like it very much. I loved it, I didn't like all this. I know, I'm joking, see, that is? A debate. But I did GCSE history. I know but you obviously didn't like it very much. I loved it! I know I'm joking, see that's not a debate. But I just mean like some people have the debate gene and some people don't. I don't like it, it makes me, because do you know what it is?

You don't like it. Everything is personal. Right. Everything is personal. Yeah I couldn't agree more. But sometimes it really isn't. I think that's what I like. I think that's what I like. I think that's why I like debates is because it's maybe the one time that I'm like, oh,

it's just a debate. So I can like it. None of us, we don't mean any of this. So I can like let the thing go. Do you know what I mean? Like it almost feels like a safe time because it's under the thing of like, you know, it's not like an, it's not an argument. It's not an actual thing. Yeah, it's not an argument. It's not an actual thing.

Yeah, it's not an argument. It's just like a discussion of like an intellectual topic. So we can talk about it. That makes me feel like, I think that I don't like it then when you get upset because I'm like, oh no. Like I- I don't think I get like upset in terms of like,

I'm not gonna be like upset, but I think it just, I don't like anything really that resembles a conflict. Yeah but to me a debate is like the opposite of a conflict. It's almost like we're having sex. It's really not for me so I think that's actually non-consensual. Well anyway look I've got some issues. I can't give a Harry Potter character. I have no personality.

I have nothing more to say. I need to edit this right now. Okay why't give a Harry Potter character. I have no personality. I have nothing more to say I need to edit this right now. Oh, but it's gonna be insulting. It's like, you're that troll in the dungeon. Actually, it's gonna be written, you know Grawp whatever his name is. It's gonna be so insulting. Go on then, dig me out. I don't have one. It's like Hermione.

Yeah, I kind of think the main character, like the trio, is so kind of perfectly balanced and generic that most people- You are kind of Ron as well with your hatred of spiders. Oh my god, so much. That reminds me of you. And I kind of am Harry in that orphan sense. I'm not orphaned but I am definitely an isolated child. Yeah.

Um. Yeah, so maybe it is the three. Yeah but it is not is it? I actually know who you are. Go on then. So I agree with that, that there is the trio in there but like there is something so Dumbledore about you. Oh that's true, yeah alright I'll take that. It's almost a bit annoying though Dumbledore. It's been like don't go to the third floor corridor on the right hand side but I won't tell you why. Well there's like one whole bit where he completely blanks the main guy for like the one thing he's doing. Wait what? I think it's, which one is that? Half-blood prince? What, when he ignores Harry? He's

just completely ignoring him for the whole time. I wouldn't do that. No no you would never do that, that's just Dumbledore. No, That is just Dumbledore. That's classic Dumbledore things. It's classic him. Yeah, I think I am a bit Dumbledore. Nice, great ending. Well, Mary Podmus. He was shaken up. Yep, Mary Podmus. Now we have to do a fucking another Harry Potter reference more times.

Mary Podmus. And a Harry, Harry, Harry. Oh my. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Krigsjank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates

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