Goes Without Saying - off the record: misogyny bias, maternal instincts, & the eras tour

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on the gamer girl to rotting depression pipeline, our friendship, everyday sexism, maternal instincts, empathy, taylor swift, and the dehuminisation of pop-culture spectacles. ✷shop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.ukhear more ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwingwatch more ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Okay, hello. Hello. How are you? Nice. I'm good, how are you?

Good, I'm on my new mic today, which is quite fun. Yeah, so I'll be very curious to hear this back does this sound good because i feel like it sounds good to me right now but everyone that has listened from the beginning i've been recording on the same mic this entire time wing switched up a few times but i have been have actually same mic that from episode one and it was vintage when we started it was it's an old microphone and i was like oh what do i do with this now and i was like oh do i throw it out and it's like no i can't it's a relic i can't but um i do think the audio quality on it was quite garbage so it was really

it couldn't pull its weight at the end which is fine it was quite quiet i understand so i did sound like a little mouse in the episodes but quiet and poppy banging around yeah bang oh look that didn't even pop too much it's fine anyway hi everyone we're going at the beginning of the app um okay so are we talking about well should we set the scene first yeah a bit of erratic energy i think because we are we're coming in in the morning so we this is going to come out today yeah you know we're we've kind of got on a kiss and a twist we were just having too much fun yesterday yeah and we went to see

madame webb and it's just everything's kind of yeah everything's up in the air so we didn't record so then now we were like okay we'll do and then i had a long train journey back from brighton yesterday so it didn't feel like at the end of it okay let's do a recording session at the end of it you didn't get back till late right didn't get back to about half about 10 probably i didn't get back i mean then the last thing you want to do is be like okay now let's record yeah no offense guys i'm sure you'll understand and then i've got my writing you don't want to hear me at 10 p.m no you really don't you just don't and then i've got writing at half past well i've got my writing you don't want to hear me at 10 p.m no you really don't you just don't and then I've got writing at half past well I've got to leave at half past so that's fine

we've got loads of time we we oh my god we've got so much time you know what I did last night no you didn't I did I start so basically Sefi I was actually thinking this morning I really just love having you in my life because for so many reasons thanks so many so so so many reasons because i was thinking had such a good time when you came to be came down it was so it was really nice um and not even in a thing of like oh it was really nice like it's always nice to see a friend but i was really thinking because we have so many conversations about like our limits and our feelings and stuff and like what we want and it's like oh it's just sometimes you can just you need your own company or whatever and i just very much feel like we just get the vibe of being

like i can just be in my own company and you're also next to me which is fine which is ideal but i was really thinking this morning i'm so glad you're in my life because you did me such a kindness of recommending a new a game like a new like nintendo switch game uh do you want to take the floor well i'll tell you the origin of it yeah i was as as previously discussed i'm in a stage of my life right now where reality seeming not too nice right now so i was like right okay i need to find something to distract me could go into game of thrones again something like that but what do i want to do where okay i need to find something to distract me could go into game of thrones again something like that but what do i want to do where do i want to be googled new switch games like good switch games like stardew valley crucially like stardew valley like animal

crossing nice nice games yeah this one came up the cosmic wheel sisterhood instantly sorry The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood. Instantly. Sorry. What did you say? Excuse me? Come again? The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood. Looked into it. Beautiful. It's all about tarot. Iconic.

And if you want to get hooked on it, I would just recommend watching the trailer. Just type in the Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood trailer switch. Iconic. The trailer of it is what I was like, oh my God. And as soon as I saw it, I just thought,

Wing needs to know about this. i just actually think the gaming world is an underrated way to like turn people's minds off because i think as well it's people get themselves in the cycle being like oh i can't bother to like sit down and watch a film or like they don't have the attention span to like it's just almost like a new series yeah but it's like play something you're just gonna sit on your phone scrolling through tiktok which definitely has its time and place oh 100 but like i really think sitting down with the intention of relaxing or the intention of like going into something yeah going into another world and and just kind of doing something just purely fun just purely for you but the thing is i don't necessarily find them relaxing games i find them

i go into a frenzy and i get um thrilling yeah i go exhilarating hysterical like if i play sims sims is a real one that i need to have limitations on you actually have to have boundaries when it comes to sims and i always say like i or like harvest moon is this game series that i've loved my entire life friends of mineral town people like best game ever created love shout out to my friends from mineral town friends of mineral town oh my mistake friends of mineral town is a game boy game but it sounded like that's where you were from yeah yeah go on um and that i remember when i was a kid like even being like 12 like recognizing that i needed boundaries but then being like do I have time to open this game because if I open this game it's three days like can I lose three days now yeah well this is kind of what I was saying when you recommended this

game to me I was like I just need the moment where I know and I didn't really have time yesterday but I had time enough you definitely didn't But I had time to like start it. Like I really saved it to like I got into bed. Heated blanket. Yeah, I know. We are just grandma people. We get into the grandma. Grandmas don't play games.

Grandmas don't play games. I will definitely be playing games. We will because we're game people. But we're not grandmas. Heated blanket is grandma. Come on. No no do you know what it is this is the thing about women only allowed to enjoy their life once they're past a certain age it's not grandmas it's like this is people everyone likes to be yeah everyone likes to

be entertained everyone likes to be well fed why is it grandmas everyone likes to be warm they do but it's like grandma that's because that's the kind of um the personality that we put on that of like you're maternal and you're giving you want to cook food or what and you want to sit in there you want to be cozy you want to make people feel cozy you want to feed them i don't want to feed other people i want to be do you not uh i would i much prefer the role of eater rather than et okay i'd be the et yeah i'll be the feeder and you can be the feedie i like to be the feedie when there's people that i love i love to like make sure they're really full to the brim you're good with that i'm good with like drinks almost like i'm good with like but like for example my sister is is

a good cook she will when she comes home she is the house chef so i think she will cook for everyone whereas i enjoy eating it i just don't slip into i will be at the dinner table waiting i'll be around but it's not my role yeah i don't enjoy that but i love watching people that i love eat i don't okay fine well there we go that's why we're a great combination i actually think about you with that often because i think you say that you enjoy watching people eat in general it it yeah i can't really explain it but it's just so human watching someone eat it's almost like it's so it's so intimate it's so real and like oh i don't know it kind of could bring a tear to my eye god i love that i don't know why it moves me so much to the point where and this will shock you

guys you've heard whispers you've heard the dregs of this story there was this there's an evil man who has been in the been in the vicinity he's been rotating through the sphere of my life in a really horrific way like just evil evil abusive guy yeah evil man who he'll get his comeuppance i'm sure karma is every day every day he's going step by step from town to town yeah yeah but i remember one time i he was sat in the garden eating like a sandwich or something i don't know what he was eating and i felt so much i think it's like an empathy thing i felt so i felt moved by it that's so embarrassing no it's just strange like i i guarantee people will be like oh yeah i get that just watching people eat it's like oh my god look at us all here like oh i don't know anyway it's a bit shane dawson i'm an empath maybe It's a bit embarrassing. No, it's not. Jesus, no. It's not that at all.

I do have a sort of pet peeve with when people, when there's like an old person eating. Yeah, I know. And then someone's like, oh, look at them. But that's because it's kind of the infantilization of an old person. It's like, I think that's more about the fact that they're elderly. Mine is like, watching you chew. Watching you kind of, there's a crumb. Oh, a crumb just fell it's like oh god oh this is my nightmare really it just crumbs falling i don't it moves me

emotionally i feel weird now thinking about it anyway anyway what i don't know it's just like it's really sweet it's like god look at, look at you. Like, it's a really, it's such a humble. It's just, especially if you watch someone like really enjoying their food. It's like, oh God, I just want the best for you. It's sort of like they're really in it on their own. No, they don't have to be on their own. They could be with me. They could be with anybody.

They could be in a group. But it's, they could be any, they literally could be anywhere. It's just eating. It is absolutely. is absolutely particularly particularly when they enjoy it it's like oh i'm so happy for you anyway anyway anyway i do love eating with you that's one of the things that me too we're really good at together we are good at things like that together we're good at we were kind of having this conversation yesterday we're good at like things for the senses like yeah the things that we enjoy people yeah we want to be like on a roller coaster getting a massage we have never done together which is fair enough we smell a lot of things together the other day you came out of the toilet

yesterday um you like popped into a cafe to wee yeah and then i just saw your face confused confused confused looking i was really looking around what's it called what's that place called neil's yard being like smell my hands smell my hands yeah and i was enthralled it was honestly great sense we love curated there yeah no we do we do love something we just it's a sensory thing we also had a big conversation maybe we should put this in if you're um ever in brighton and you need a wee in the lanes you should sneak into the trading post the one that's like on the corner opposite infinity foods and buy that cafe called dharma i think it's called run straight up the toilets are upstairs you can just run in past the till without possibly running like vigilante and you can just go to the toilet and then come back just think because it's actually and you

really make me think of this all the time it's actually a feminist issue like this is a hate crime the fact that toilets aren't accessible for like children people with periods etc etc people yeah it's a sexist issue anyway i think this in um clubs quite a lot i'm not i'm really in clubs that much anymore but when i used to be um out in the clubs when i was maybe in my younger years i um would always think you look at the boys toilet and i also think in fucking airports men's toilets in and out they're in and out in and out in and out they have the same number of stores in the women yeah same number of stores even potentially more they've expanded or whatever and the queue is out of everybody's ass it is insane it is such an insane queue yeah the girls are missing their night the girls are

missing their flight because of this spoken word no it's true there's actually a book that talks about this and like goes in detail about this whole thing and i think it's true there's actually a book that talks about this and like goes in detail about this whole thing and i think it's called invisible women well it sounds divine blah blah blah blah i mean the name speaks for itself you'll find it um but yeah expand girls toilets now now that's my order honestly you're on a committee or else or there will be hell to pay or i will wee on the floor or do you know what or i will be going in the men's which i'll push you to the ground straddle your head and piss into your nostrils yeah piss into your nostrils is intriguing god bizarre okay i just think it's like don't ever be i mean

it's scary to go into the men's but i think if you're with some friends don't ever ever ever be um embarrassed or whatever to go into the men's toilets because it's like you know what you guys are going in and out why should i stand in a 20 minute queue to have the same rights as you recently i was in selfridges randomly and i just needed a wee and i just walked into the toilet but you know sometimes like the signs they have for the toilets or whatever it's like stop trying to be like funky yeah lipstick on her who's in a dress i can't tell like where am i going here but i just walked in and then when i came out of the cubicle the there was a cleaner there and he was like oh you're in the men's and i was like well i'm i've just i'm done now so i guess i'll

leave but like i was like okay i know like it's fine like i realized but like it's fine like i'm done now what do you want me to do go and get my piss back out of the fucking shove it back in yeah out of the fucking pipes pipes it's in the pipes hermione's worked it out pipes pipes how's it getting around pipes pipes that is quite scary though it's using the plumbing horrible just not a phrase that would ever come out of a child's mouth it's using the plumbing it's like kids don't know what plumbing using the plumbing good one jk anyway oh well this is a nice little catch-up i'm liking this also something i've been loving recently acas powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals.

A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com is starting your swifty journey sephi to swifty oh my god in your indoctrination so much are you yeah i am okay good good why do you not think i am because i need you in floods of tears like i need i haven't been yet none of them have moved me to floods of tears yet

the thing is we could go there but i we can't we have to push things off there are certain things why don't we go floods of tears oh no we don't want floods of tears tears no nothing relevant to my life at the moment but that's where she okay so that's almost i think taylor swift's highest power a god-given gift among many is the way that she is going to like unfold her life into this beautiful story for you and whether she's a vague or incredibly specific if it's the right one for you in that moment you it will hit you it will literally you can pick it up and place it over your life place it over the people that you know place it over the things that you've done and things that you've experienced in the ways that you felt and it's as if it's like god is she behind me yeah she's sneaking up on me where like how did you do that woman lady how are

you doing this um but there are certain songs of hers that i mean and i say my tears ricochet i was listening to every every listen to that i've never listened to that you have it's on folklore but maybe we should listen to that in the safety journey but even that it's like that's one of the saddest songs of all time and even hoax as well again like it's the folklore evermore vibe but those are songs that it's like yeah they're really really sad and i have no business listening to them in my own like why am i doing that and yet there is still almost a league above that of like blacklisted songs that i will just not entertain from her to be honest ever because they're too sad because they're so

brutal and i will name them now those are intriguing me for example ronan is one bigger than the whole sky is another i just i'm like when am i listening to that soon you'll get better that's i've never heard any of these marjorie is obviously one god yeah not now that is truly the most beautiful song i've ever heard in my life like but it's like i can't i can't do that i can't go there like it's crazy but yeah literally just just a kind of one rig below that it's like my tears ricochet it's like this is gutting it's absolutely gutting best song i've ever heard i'll listen to it every day well let's listen to that can that be on the next playlist you make me of course yes if you

haven't seen yeah i hope you have seen this because if you haven't you're really missing out actually you really are if you like us which i hope you do i would like to feel safe here do you like us do you like me well we have been making wing has actually been um making these videos but we've been filming them um these beautiful uh videos of wing showing me taylor swift sort of playlist like song she's curated me the first one was gone what was the first one so the first one i brought sephia in and i was like this is a collection of taylor swift songs under the kind of a vision within the theme within the umbrella of you're escaping the capital with peter malark right this is how hard i'm trying guys i need some respect here i am really putting everything on the line to get this girl understanding the fathoming that we're looking

for i love that you did that it was iconic and yeah so there are the you can see some videos on um instagram tiktok sephie and wing and we also we're just making some videos at the moment i just really think you'd like them me too i really do if you like i am enjoying them you will enjoy them yeah i believe i believe as well i'm a believer i'm a believer and frank would have been a believer oh 100 100 that's the second time in two days that i've made that reference which is really embarrassing but it is a classic reference it's so good it's like what the fuck was that lapse of judgment do you know another lapse of judgment that also involves um and frank oh god okay um not as in not her lapse of judgment yeah um the fucking fault in our star situation what was going on at that point in time where

and frank was being used as like a pop culture sort of i think it's in the way that we were learning history we'd kind of reached that point where we were like far enough they were teaching like for example world war ii in a way that was as if it was like a history drama or like an amazing action movie and it really like dehumanized the people who were living through that situation because they'd almost we just made it far enough it's like we're not post-war anymore we are in like a different realm where we have children who could never understand totally if and also the images of it being in black and white i think that sort of thing does help to distance things

when our media looks so different now yeah it's really interesting crazy crazy fucking um thing to study as a kid when you realize it's like your grandparent it's oh god it's just bizarre i also think just the kind of the early 2000s like the 2000s the 2010s like it's just it's a bit of a free-for-all i think with the internet i think it made people feel um like an ownership over their ideas in a way that they hadn't before like it's like oh i have something to say and I can announce it to my 400 friends on Facebook and I think that changed the way that we view like our authority and what we should speak about but I just wonder as a writer your writing fault in our stars can I remember if it was is it John or Hank whichever one of the

brothers yeah John I just don't know what was he in amsterdam and did he go there and think this is a good scene for that do you remember when we were in amsterdam we were walking past and that girl was like doing a photo shoot outside the anne frank house it's so odd it's so so fucking odd okay can we actually say this on the podcast because i know we have thoughts on this and this is just to end up wrap it up in a little ribbon and a bow okay we watched madame webb boy did we boy and i wish you were there i wish you could have seen us reacting because we actually had we had live reactions we had visceral reactions to what we were experiencing it was so strange obviously we went into it so if you don't know madame webb is like

i think it's marvel adjacent i don't actually think it's directly from is it not in that universe it's in association yeah and it's not in this kind of like uh i i think dakota johnson said like it's not technically in the same world as like tom holland's captain america captain america etc whoever that hubby yeah whoever that is i think it's sony which i think is the problem but anyway it's part of the spider man came up at the beginning i thought yeah i haven't heard great things great things yeah i've heard bad things in fact i've heard actually very bad yeah and this proves it but it's it's a spider-man film but it's dakota johnson sydney sweeney and some other girls that

i don't know their names unfortunately but they were great and this random guy what's his name but um his name in the film is ezekiel or something he was the star of the show like he was the thing that put it into a different league for me everything he said we died laughing at him not with him by the way at him very much it was absolutely insane so this actor i have seen this act before because he's in a bbc a bbc thing with the serpent that i watched at the time he's using the plumbing i knew who he was it was like i didn't know who he was i'd seen him before but not like this oh my god i've never seen anything like this in fact it was so kind of 90s like

so strange what it was cheap cheap cheap as chips cheap i actually enjoyed that film so much so did i so obviously it's absolutely mortifying. But there were elements that were mortifying. But there were elements that really fucking were. There were just threads. There were tiny whispers of what could have been. If it was taken into... Yeah, webs.

Her web connects them all. There were tiny webs. And with the responsibility of this film. Great. They just mishandled. It was mishandled. I was having the thing where this film. Great. Yeah. Missed, mishandled. It was mishandled. And I was having the thing where I needed a wee in the film. Obviously we both did multiple times.

And I had the thing where I was like, I don't want to go. Like I'm trying to choose good, good, like see boring scenes to go to the toilet. And I was struggling to find a scene that I didn't want to watch. Yeah. Yeah.

That is a crazy thing that I was't want to watch yeah yeah that is a crazy thing that i was not expecting to experience during madame webb it's objectively capital m capital g not good yes exactly but also under the same time brackets good so enjoyable i had honestly the time of my life it was good and i actually feel bad because dakota johnson then said like i think and you can see this so much that like through reshoots and just through the whole production process the what the film was and what it was supposed to be changed so much which i think is really sad i must like i just think it's an interesting thing as for i mean as a woman even is an interesting thing like layer

added to it but as an individual and as a young person as an actor being or not even as an interesting thing like layer added to it but as an individual and as a young person as an actor being or not even as an actor but just in your job you're working in this role where you are the face of something but you're really stripped of so much autonomy and so much control and you have to have so much trust in the people essentially the money men but they don't deserve pumping you and no totally of course not and that's why it's so scary because it's like you can be the face of something that ultimately is is gonna flop and also you're filming it knowing it's going to flop now because you know it's changing looking like something that you didn't sign up for exactly and that's it's like

it's kind of a consent issue it's really interesting concept but anyway loved it had a great time really enjoyed it i actually would recommend it because i never ever get hooked by marvel premise things really i think i just missed it or like there's something about the style of it that just doesn't speak to me but when i watch the trailer of this and she's kind of on the subway and it's like fuss it's like oh god it's what the hell is this yeah i was like this looks good and it's premonition she's a paramedic i'm into exactly i'm into it and there were so many good potential the diner scene the subway scene the subway scene that might be it but they were good i didn't mind the scene with the bird and the microwave i didn't mind the bird and the microwave oh i liked the balloons yes the baby balloons i liked that a lot i didn't like

jump out of my skin cave didn't like the cave didn't like the kind of vortex white light thread connecting yeah there are a lot of things going on but anywho kind of don't kind of do recommend madame webb i actually do recommend it if you've literally got nothing better to do and you want to see what the hell's happening when we're talking about i've been seeing a lot of things at the cine as i as yeah it's a good thing to do i would recommend madame webb for a fun time over june totally i mean over june 2 which i did think was bad to be honest I'm really excited to watch June 2 though and I'll get back to you I'm really excited to watch it I know I'm excited for

you to watch it but I do think it was very very very luxurious with its runtime and it didn't say anything at all which is gutting it was a shame it goes without saying podcast hey it really is but I would a film I actually would recommend which i didn't i never heard anyone really talk about wicked letters really i would recommend it i haven't seen it i've just seen the trailer about 5 000 times i've never seen the trailer anything when i went into it i went in completely blind was it funny it's a true story and it is it's humorous in a way that's like i think it's aimed at slightly older audience it's definitely aimed at older women yeah my my audience was roaring with laughter i had some it was boris johnson in that audience he wasn't there no no he couldn't make it terrific he has been spotted

at the didcot cine world where i do regularly where sephie famously frequents. I do famously frequent. But yeah anyway. Stunning. I've got to go. Yeah let's go. Let's get out of here. That was a lovely little catch up. I hope everyone's

okay. We love you. We love you. Yeah. Hope you're okay. If you don't hear from us. Assume the worst.

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