Goes Without Saying - panic attacks & bad days: ur inner child entered the chat

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on handling anxiety IRL, agoraphobia, the struggle switch, panic attacks, and hamilton. ✷shop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.ukhear more ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwingwatch more ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This is such a nice episode if you are having a shit day. If you are having it really hard right now. Hopefully, we can keep you company we're going to talk you through it we're right there with you everything's going wrong not anymore okay we're going to take a second everything's going to work out we're going to be all right we're right there with you enjoy oh god it's all that's in my head right now anyone heard of hamilton thomas jefferson's coming home that's all that i'm in home that's all that's in my head thomas jefferson's coming home lord he's been up in paris for so long what did i miss what did i miss real like deep in there as well yeah that's like that's act two that's the kind

of thing that if i was listening to a podcast i turned that on they started singing hamilton i would turn the podcast off i'd have to go and listen to hamilton there's just i have to turn it off it's like i just can't in general this is actually excruciating but anyway i watched and it sounds like you had a really good time good watch it in the comfort of your own home we should say yeah yeah i did i showed it to my mom i watched on disney plus my mom had never seen it before not sponsored and i was like should we watch hamilton and she was like yeah sure we'll just and let's just watch like the first half of it first bit and i was like i think she'll like it i'm not sure we had to have subtitles on um and then which actually really enhanced the viewing experience, I must say.

100%. Because you can read the poetry along. It's fucking fast. It's insane. And you can just see what he's, what Lin's done there. In detail. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And then we got to the interval. What has he done? And she was like, can we keep going? And I was like, yeah. I'm glad you're loving this. Oh, yeah, we can. Hell yeah, we can hell yeah we can so now i'm just kind of i'm in mr james reynolds even better it's sad that's a crazy

that's the bit that's in my head there and dear sir i hope this letter finds you in good health good health and in a prosperous enough position to put wealth well in the pockets of people like down on the luck you see it was my wife that was my wife you decided to right but let's not let's let's on let's honestly not let's not um although that might be the best we've got yeah let's choose to have a good day so maybe you could introduce well i think we're talking about when your day is kind of maybe a bit frustrating maybe not going well or just even a bit neutral making the decision to be like i'm actually just going to choose i'm going to use my choices now i'm going to choose to have a good day

to think positively to do something that helps me and truly there is a choice there are so many things that you can't control but there are in the spectrum of the things that you can't control there is like a minute space that's like i actually can shift my day slightly i think as well having the awareness that you're just having a shit day whilst you're having a shit day is kind of the hardest part about it, I think. Because when everything feels like it's going wrong, it's really impossible not to be in the spiral of like, everything's fucked. Yeah. And I'm fucked.

And my life is fucked. And my future is fucked. Yeah. Just in it. And not observing it. And there's no hope. And blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

And we actually said in an episode a couple of episodes ago, I actually said in a episode a couple of episodes ago i think in an episode a couple of episodes ago i know what you mean though yeah yeah i think it makes sense um it was said like kind of yeah it could be the worst day of your life and then it will be tomorrow yeah and it will be fine like it can be the shittest can be the shittest month it could be the worst it could be the pits and then it will be tomorrow uh so that's the energy that we're trying to bring i think just a little bit of company if you're having a bit of a um terrible time yeah a bit of a bummer i see you having a bummer over there we are pretty um well acquainted with the pits we're accustomed to a bad day i think yeah it's been known it has

been known and they are difficult because when i think you're right with like it's recognizing that it's a bad day is part of the i don't know it sometimes i feel like i could be quite sort of it feels defeatist to be like i'm having a bad day i don't want to label the entire day as bad but let's be real i've been crying all day let's be real this has been a bad day i think it's for me when i'm like for whatever reason still trying to fight it or like trying to hold back the tears or like trying to keep i'm gonna put on a face and pretend that it's everything's okay like i know that's really like when they ask you you're fine and you have to say you're fine but you're not fine but it's like it really is that thing of when i'm still putting up the fight and almost my pride is still in the

way yeah do you remember i said ages ago on the podcast about this thing called the struggle the struggle switch take it away struggle squish i almost said it's like the struggle switch my therapist told me about it and it's by this guy that i don't know anything about him but he does this meditation that i love i've mentioned it before that's like processing no one can find it can't they is it by richard harris russ harris well no one can find it they're doing rich and his name is russ he's from yeah no one can find it they can't find it how do you know i've seen them but i can't find it either so i can't help sorry guys right guys it's like i don't know is it open to the public

or do you need a specific link i don't know how do i link this it's um it's just typing i think you've recommended something that people can't get let me look i'll go on my laptop right now try and find this russ go on harris okay so it's on my google drive that's why no one can find it you guys don't have access to okay how do i share this with everyone oh i don't know maybe you have to put an instagram story up saying russ harris and then we put it save it to a highlight okay i'm gonna do that on second wing so it's not on my personal that's so cringe as fuck it's really good though russ harris okay so i'm gonna give you the title of it maybe it's not on my personal that's so cringe as fuck it's really good though russ harris okay so i'm gonna give you the tides of it maybe it's like hidden somewhere in the internet the reality

slap it's in making room for painful emotions by russ harris sorry that no one can find it it's because it's in my personal files oh my god that makes a lot of sense good influence yeah there's a reason why no one can get that you can't get your hands on it just go and look at that photo of my camera reel just go and look in my documents honestly god okay that's really really um boomer move from me real like supply teacher like what energy it's actually on my memory stick but yeah this guy if you ask for it we can email it to you maybe oh god it's just a lot of email seffy specifically why don't you email russ you can find him russ harris he might show you the way i don't show you the way no i don't know

anything about this guy but i like this one thing that he talks about and i like this other thing he talks about called the struggle switch okay which is when you're going through your day we get in this state so often both of us i know where you're brushing your hair you're doing makeup oh actually i just had it because my fucking pencil eyeliner my little coal eyeliner i sharpened it tip snapped off sharpened it again tip snapped off three times went downstairs and i was trying to with a knife get the fucking eyeliner out of the thing i actually used you know the things yikes that you put on the side of corn of the cobs those things those little spears first time corn on the cob phrase has ever been

if anyone had that on their bingo card debut bingo um i was using one of those to try and get the fucking eyeliner out freaking out being like oh god and now my eyeliner is all fucked and smushed around and horrible i still put it on my eye splinters you look great you look great you look beautiful recently sephi's been coming on to record and i've been saying she's a don't worry darling because she's been wearing a beautiful um headband it just frames your face really nice thank you so much maybe i'll wear one today that's a nice thing i really love it i love the look it's really like sometimes i think you are my daughter and i kind of it's so nice to see your face yeah i don't want to get the hair out of your face let me see that beautiful face genuinely tuck the hair behind the ears yeah yeah i like that

look with the short hair now it's really cute tucked i like it when it curls up under the ear and it reminds me of daisy buchanan you know who else reminds me of daisy buchanan who oh that boy you were seeing that's a terrible thing to put a boy that you're no i think you said he reminded you of jordan baker jordan baker which i was hoping for more of a nick carraway from him but he just has the classic flapper girl he's got waves yeah he's guys he's long gone by the way he's in the dust this is like six years ago yeah but he did have daisy buchanan's hairstyle i will agree with i wonder if he still does probably does he does i've seen recently um um anyway the struggle switch oh fucking hell so when you're stressing about your fucking eyeliner freaking out or whatever it is you're having just like a moment everything's

going bad you're getting a bit hot i've been there it's like so much of that comes from the persistence of like yeah you're kind of lost in the activity of what you're doing your bus is late oh my god fuck fuck your eyeliner's breaking fuck whatever and actually it's like let's just accept this is literally shit right now this is why don't you just give up this is dog shit right now that i'm what i'm dealing with this is horrendous yes and instantly it's like okay i'm not fighting with my emotions anymore i'm not being like but i've got to get there i've got to be in time or i've just got to get this to work like just give into it like this is just stressful right now i'm not being like but i've got to get there i've got to be in time or i've just got to get this to work like just give into it like this is just stressful right now i'm stressed and that's fine and actually leaning into feeling like i feel upset this is triggering me in some

way um or whatever it is and i'm gonna allocate myself 90 seconds to feel it and it's like oh suddenly i don't really need that 90 seconds yeah i'm over it all right so there's a youtube video about it if you want oh sorry i interrupted you but thank you it right sometimes the fight convinces you oh sorry i interrupted you but thank you anyway um sometimes the fight convinces you that you feel worse than you actually do and yeah especially if you're in a situation like that where it's like you're rushing for the eyeliner or the bus or whatever yeah you just gave yourself 30 seconds to feel it you could just be in that moment and dedicate that time because that 30 seconds is being wasted anyway yeah because you're not getting any closer to what you need it's horrible it's awful yeah oh god i i hate that feeling so much i think i do it a lot in the morning the morning is my worst

um stage or like if i'm every single time i drive to the station to go and get a train every single time i am like running late bag hitting the station to go and get a train, every single time I am like running late, bag hitting the steering wheel when I get into the fucking car, stressing out, like stall about three times on my own driveway. It's like literally. Jesus. God. What the fuck?

Get this girl off the roads. Stalling three times on your own driveway. That's a bad thing. Oh, I do often. Often. I'm quite a staller in life. God. Really really is that bad i mean why are you not used to the car no very used to it it's a bit weird but yeah i mean

driving today so i'm scared about the motorway actually today no you'll be fine i'm really quite scared i was gonna watch a youtube video about merging onto the motorway maybe you should watch the hypnosis that i watched before my driving test. I am a confident driver. I can't link that to you guys. You'll have to find that on your own way. It's not in my Google Drive, though. It's somewhere in public.

If Russ has got that in his archive. Yeah, no, that's somewhere out there. But also, if... I'm sorry. No, please, please. That was me. If you want to find the struggle switch thing, like, actually, that isn't in my google drive that is on youtube that you can watch a video of him in his lovely um accent

describing what it is beautiful okay i'll share my resource that i found it with you all of this detail wasn't enough if you needed more if you need like a professional man yeah which is fair enough yeah because it's actually like a therapeutic therapy thing you know what i did the other day in a therapeutic therapy thing i the other week i was out this is actually ages ago it wasn't even the other week it was like months ago it was over christmas i remember and i brought some popping candy do you like the sensation of that i love it and then i was thinking yesterday i was out and i once again bought some popping candy and i bought two packs i thought i'm gonna have some popping candy in my bags so that when i'm out and about and i'm running for example for

the train like you said and i'm getting all hot and stressed this is like a classic therapy last thing i last sensation really would add to a stressed thing well you know when you need some sort of distraction so sometimes they would say like um like full fat coke or something like tricks the adrenaline in your i don't know it's kind of an aromatherapy energy yeah it's kind of a little thing that you smell yeah you could do something really nice or you could go crazy and do popping candy but popping candy for me is a real like god it's deliciosa and you find it relaxing i find it distracting enough and i find it kind of fun it's like i've had popping candy probably like max six times in my life it's kind of crazy

why do i have popping candy add into your life i think well i just thought it'd be a good thing to have if i was ever just like thinking about the train too much or thinking about a time like oh my i've only got 90 seconds or whatever but in that 90 seconds the last thing i want to do is let's find my popping candy and whilst i'm stressed i've got explosions in my mouth do you not like that i don't like fizzy things i can barely have a lemonade you don't like sweet things either hey no i actually believe my nightmare that candy is not something that appeals to me and yeah well you are in the minority i think you can appreciate really no you think most people don't like fizzy drinks and they don't like candy

that was that what you're saying no i'm in the minority with that i know i accept that because actually i've been very jealous of people that like fizzy drinks my whole life. Yeah, which I do understand. My teeth have thanked me though. No fillings. Good. Thank you. No cavities ever in my life.

27 years of age. Is she even British? Who knows? Who knows? British. British girl. Said so nicely. Yeah.

Yeah, it sounded almost like, oh, it didn't sound horrific. I didn't know King Charles was here. British. Speaking of. Oh, yeah, go on. king charles where is kate middleton i'm still looking well we asked my cousin yeah did anyone hear that bit in the last episode um so he's not actually my cousin what is it if your mum's their cousin is that like second cousin or something once removed no no he's not a second cousin because he's older so he's like my my parents age, but he is kind of an uncle energy. I don't know what.

Is it your mum's cousin? My mum's first cousin. That's nice. But he, yeah. I asked my mum to ask. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature.

I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson.

And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com okay she swam the other day and i mean it was very much um a pr response he said she wasn't well and she was very on the mend or something now she's

getting better that's about all i know sounds suspicious sounds incredibly but he actually isn't with her anymore like he doesn't um well yeah no one is because she's out in the void she's floating yeah he's with prince edward, apparently. She's potentially with Princess Diana. Yikes. That is a scary thought. I mean, it's kind of not really that scary. I don't know. I'm not that bothered.

I'm shitting you. God. I'm just harrowing thought. Anyway. That's just the princess. What's her name? Kate Middleton. Update. The princessate middleton update what's this woman called i love that we do like a bi-weekly update on the kate middleton's whereabouts now to be honest i would love to know i would love to know as well and i thought i had the perfect in but i'm not close enough with him, clearly, for me to tell me. But if anything, it confirms that there's some funny business going on.

It does, doesn't it? My thing with her, from a feminist angle, is she did everything right. She did everything by the book. Yeah. She was the perfect princess. And yet, something wasn't up to scratch. She's being switched out, I think. It's pretty interesting.

God fucking knows. I'm sure all will come to light. I so but nothing comes to light with that like when i said there's a yeah that's mental like that is literally nothing comes like that was buried for years and it's now out in the open that he literally was a pedophile and no one cares what he's up to andrew but he um sweating in a pizza express yeah marble table awaits him we find that really funny no one's gonna know what that is even no well you know pizza express yeah i know yeah their slogan is your marble table awaits. And we always just find that quite funny because it's like, what? Know your audience, guys.

Know what you're doing. You're selling pizza. You're selling dough balls, if anything. That's the icon. Why on earth do you think your hero product is the marble table? Really weird. But then I went to Pizza Express the other day and I was like, they are marble, the tables. They are, but they're the least exciting thing about i've never noticed before i couldn't

care less to be honest your marble table your marble table away that's funny thinking of prince andrew sitting there in a marble table sweating his nut off your marble table hi sir your marble table awaits god what a horrendous man anyway any bad days out there any oh my god so many i don't even know what sticks in the mind they've all been so bad it's hard to choose just one yeah i don't know do you have any that stick in the mind or any i think sometimes kind of on a similar wavelength to like running for the train or whatever a similar vibe and actually a feeling that i fucking hate so much is feeling like i can't escape a situation and we recently spoke about this oh my god this is a huge thing being at school or at work and having a terrible time and feeling like you can't leave trapped

trapped claustrophobic claustrophobic and you're on the brink of tears and god knows what else you're on the absolute brink yeah and you feel like you can't stand up and leave yikes it's horrific it's a bad moment i hope everyone feels like yeah i think that's why work can be so triggering uh-huh like i think that was kind of i don't know i think i've just been having this revelation slowly throughout my life but i feel i think as so many people do doing something that you don't want to do but yet you need to do it is so it makes you feel so powerless and it's like i just it's such a claustrophobic powerless situation to be in and i don't know there are so many ways that you can't escape that like that is the way this system is designed that that is what everyone

really has to do but i think there are so many ways we've been talking about it a lot in terms of relationships and especially friendships that giving the small amount of time that we all have in our lives that is like free time that we have autonomy over giving that energy to people that's like i don't want to give this to you i don't want to spend time with you and actually having kind of the self-respect to be like i only have a small amount of things in this life that i can control and i don't choose you i'm sorry and it's horrible but i think as well like something i was just saying before we started recording behind your guys's back so sorry about that but i was saying to sephi and i'm sure

you won't mind me saying like in this time which you've said is particularly stressful yeah i think it's really important like if you're good if you're in a phase of life where there are kind of extra challenges being thrown at you i think it's so important to like give yourself the extra um just extra like grace in life to be a bit of a dick or like be a bit annoying or just be a bit nicer to yourself like lower the expectations um and i think just generally in life regardless of where you're at probably lower the expectations i think if you're anything like us or i just i know what you guys are like the expectations no offense can be way too high you don't get me wrong you're really capable of doing great things but these expectations honey you need to bring them down a little bit because you're killing you're killing it's killing

us you're killing yourself like it's too much and it only it becomes like um self-destructive and what are you doing the expectations exactly expectations being set way too high the only thing that does is ensure that you will never be happy in your life like it doesn't ensure that your output will be great it doesn't ensure that you'll be loved or valued in any particular way it only ensures your own misery because you'll constantly be disappointed by yourself when actually the reality of you is pretty amazing anyway yeah you're just going to convince yourself that it's for whatever reason not enough but even like saying oh i don't oh it's not going to give you love it's not going to get you validation all of the stuff is i don't even think people really know what they're chasing

i don't think we all set out being like oh i'm gonna if i do all of these things then i'll be valuable if i do all of these things then i'll um be like lovable all of this stuff i think it's so programmed in us from such an early age that just to do these things that obviously the driver behind all of them is that we don't feel like we're enough and we don't feel lovable and all of this stuff but sort of life hack if you can just get that feeling just give up stop but if you can just get to the point where you don't need to jump through all of these ridiculous hoops that were actually designed for a capitalist system yeah if you don't need to um get that promotion to fit to access that feeling you can just maybe have it from the

outset by doing other things that actually nourish you yeah okay so if you were having a particularly bad day and you were in your right mind to start you know i mean to make these choices i'm asking for like yeah the right answer yeah yeah what would be some things that you would be thinking about doing or where where is your mind gonna go in an ideal world it depends it really depends on my energy levels i think because i think so much of it can be absolutely exhausting I think almost the the sort of clean answer is like just start journaling or just start doing yoga or just go for a walk and all of that but it's like but if I've had a day where I've been basically worked up or like I haven't even you know been present all day I've

just been sort of rushing through and it's just been horrible and i've been pushing pushing pushing all of this stuff down so maybe getting a fucking pen and paper and writing it all down is not you're not at that stage yet yeah i think it's like first of all checklist do you need to eat something do you need to like lie down in the dark room for fucking an hour do you need to wash your hair do you need to like lie down in the dark room for fucking an hour do you need to wash your hair do you need to talk to someone i think actually go through all of the checklist of like have you done any of these things that are even like basic level yeah caring for yourself before you step into i just need to go for a run i just need to um feel productive it's like maybe you don't maybe that's not it or

is it the outfit you're wearing isn't comfortable like there are real base levels of um looking after yourself that i think we bypass in order to get to again a capitalist version of self-care yeah i also think there's so much kind of what we were saying before about like almost like the i think so much of this is not conscious but there's so much shame in being like things aren't going right for me today like i think it's that willingness to like fight and resist the reality of like things haven't worked out yeah i think sometimes we can be a bit embarrassed to like turn to whoever you're with on the day and be like i'm not gonna lie like i'm having a bad day yeah this is a flop from me like i think there's when you're still kind of holding out for

like things to work out or like you're gonna handle it you're gonna do it or you can fight it you can make it work or that's the struggle switch guys it is the struggle how you actually feel yeah it is which is a bad feeling because you're actually kind of ignoring your innards it's like truly the inside of you is sad and stressed and all of this stuff but the outside of you has to be perfect it's like what the fuck is i also think in an inner child sense like this is so i know it's like cringe like ew but so much of that is like you are i'm sure in lots of ways like reenacting situations that you were in as a child like your insides your innards right now are sad or anxious or nervous you're a crying baby and what how are you parenting yourself by imagine someone you love even a child comes to you crying saying i'm gonna miss the train i can't get

ready in time i can't get ready in time i can't get ready in time yeah would you be like get that fucking corn on the cob thing fix your fucking eyeliner and get ready no way no you're a psychopath if you would oh well you would say let's just take a second together let's just take a second 70p we can buy a new one it's natural collection cheapest chips kind of thing you can just go and get one for literally one pound. Not stressful. You can just take a minute. You can just take a minute.

Stop. You're crying your eyes out. So I don't know what the eyeliner is going to do, honey. It's coming right off. Let's take a second. But I really think it is such a, I think it's actually a really confronting realisation to have that you are essentially reenacting or replicating

the ways that you were not seen or valued or taken care of as a kid and you are continuing to treat yourself like that as an adult and even scarier if you plan on having children one day i sometimes think these are the things these are the kind of ways that i'm gonna snap these are the reactions that are gonna spill out of me these are the mistakes i'm are the kind of ways that I'm going to snap. These are the reactions that are going to spill out of me. These are the mistakes I'm going to make is going to be like expecting too much of someone or like things like that, where, you know, like your natural instinct, the things that are so built into you, like that level of frustration of like, I'm going to miss the train. I need my eyeliner, et cetera, et cetera. That's the thing that like almost building that patience, building that like compassion for

yourself is only going to help you be a more loving and compassionate and kind and happier more patient um did i say patient already because also you'll just pass that right on like it's actually really horrible and because also chances are your kid will probably be quite similar to you chances are or they might not but they might do things that the things you don't like about yourself oh they're gonna do things that are gonna piss you there's a high likelihood that things you don't like about yourself will also be in this thing and then what are you gonna do tell that little kid it's a piece of shit no you're gonna have to learn to love those things so you might as well love them also

in yourself just the idea that there is this mini there is this baby version of you in you yeah always reacting to things that you almost don't have in your living memory but they're built into you they're so in there they're intrinsic to your being they're your personality they just come out with some kindness yeah it's you yeah it's it's who you are and that is actually like really special and lovely yeah and yet here you are being annoyed about it yeah look at you it's crazy pathetic it's crazy yeah what have we done have you ever done that sorry go on take it to kind of that childhood level i know you say you don't have any photos of yourself but you must have a couple sort of thing have you ever looked at a photo of yourself and

been like oh my god that's me yeah yeah and you just feel so much like love for them and it's like oh my god this little kid i would love more than anything same i would love more than anything to just kind of like have the cheeks between my fingers like that kid yeah big time and just be like oh my god like i think there's so much in that yeah this i that we were kind of having this conversation the other day on the train because you took a always on the train obsessed with trains um kind of francis whatever his name is what that france is the boy who's obsessed with trains francis bourgeois bourgeois yeah we were together the other day and we took a photo and then i was like my hand was in the photo and i was like oh

i have a birthmark on my hand you guys probably don't know this about me but i have a birthmark on my hand as we speak yeah i was holding the microphone as we speak it's been holding your hand the whole time the whole time kind of holding your i've been stroking you guys you're stroking your hair with this hand um it's like a small birth mark on the corner of my right hand and i love it so much because it's like i have been looking at that for a long time i remember being like a child and my fingers didn't look like this they were like little kids hands which is so cute yeah and just looking at that pan and being like that's fucking me it's crazy isn't it cute yeah i remember when this bath mark was a lot smaller like i remember when this hand was a lot

smaller it's fascinating isn't it yeah it's fucking weird i love i just hope everyone feels a bit of love for themselves i promise you you're okay like it's gonna be all right yeah you're gonna be fine bad day not a bad life yeah and you've done it all before yeah you can handle it totally beautiful well if you don't hear from us us on the other hand Seem the worst