Goes Without Saying - quarter-life crisis: the girls that get it, get it

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

and the girls that don't... how does it feel to be god's favourite? sephy & wing are Going Through It™ in this episode of Goes Without Saying, discussing social media addiction, comparison, and existential dread. fresh from ~the pits. join the conversation every monday.come and chat in our book club!speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram!you’re invited to our discord group chat: https://discord.gg/zuPH7gyeGp Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com It goes without saying that you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Sefi, and this is Wing. And I'm Sephi and this is Wing. And I'm Wing. This episode is a very kind of, I guess, quite vulnerable, cosy, quite sweet episode. I think, well there's a big storm a-brewing outside. The winds are blowing so you might hear some crazy noises. I mean it's Creek Rattle City in my room anyway, I don't know about yours. Kind of we're coming to you from the gryffindor common room we really are and you're in the slytherin common room we're on skype talking and then you're listening to it nice we're talking through the fireplace i think harry

no people are listening whoa um like 75 of people just turned off maybe make a hot chocolate a butter beer if you will make a little hot drink um and get into our convo we're talking about get into our convo or don't do what you want um we're talking about social media and quarter-life crises and why we're debatably breaking down everyone's in the crises are resounding can't. So, I mean, make of this what you will and hopefully enjoy. Also, I'm just extra emotional in this episode because I had just dropped my dog off

at the fucking vet for a surgery and I've been crying all morning. He's fine. But I'm just more emotional than usual if that is even possible. So that explains my mood in this episode. Okay, why I think this is an interesting topic, and kind of talking about something that we talk about all the time, to be honest.

I'm so boring. And something that we've been talking about a lot recently is kind of the past two years, we've been in a pandemic, like a lot of people have been on their phones a lot more blah blah blah and i kind of wanted to start with something that i was thinking about the other day which is just that there's really there was kind of this sentiment that i think has kind of been lingering around of of which i totally think is true in a lot of ways for a lot of people it's definitely true to me in some sense the idea that you know at the beginning of the pandemic for example we had just time to really be alone and to really get to know ourselves and

to really just appreciate who we are when we're on our own and try out new things and take a step back and blah blah and I actually think through the pandemic and through social media and just the past few years of being in my early 20s whatever i feel like i haven't been taking time on my own to get to know me better i feel like i've been taking time to get more and more lost in whatever my identity is like i feel to be honest a lot further away from having any grip on who i am mostly i think yeah like i've probably learned some things about myself yeah like I've grown up and whatever blah blah blah I wouldn't even say grown up but you get what I mean I've grown you've evolved I've evolved I've been doing the work but I mostly just think I've been

kind of bummed out and confused for like two years I just wanted to share that with the class I don't know how I feel I think it's just a mix of everything like when I was reading through everyone's responses someone would say oh I learned so much about myself and I'd be like yeah yeah yeah that that's it that's it and then the next person would say I've never been more insecure it's like yeah yeah that's it as well yeah I just think I kind of feel like it's everything in one yeah I feel like I've lost myself I found myself I've stayed the exact fucking same i don't even really know who i am anymore basically it's a man but don't you think there's such a vibe of like we all had time to reflect and blah blah

i think i just had time to go mad yeah yeah or just me maybe let me think i think at the beginning it's too long now the whole thing's too long at the beginning, it's too long now. The whole thing's too long. At the beginning, I think there was this kind of vibe of we're going internal. If you know kind of tarot, we would say hermit card is what we're being served. You're about to hermit the fuck up. It was that time of kind of go in, go in, go in. And I do think there was a time of reflection. But now that's long gone fucking hell. I think now it's just, I don't know i'm getting weird vibes a

weird vibe so you said you've been you've been learning you learned things about yourself over the past couple years don't ask me what they are though okay well i was gonna say what have you learned i think that's a fair question but no worries if it totally is we're just gonna take whatever you say with a pinch of salt we're not going to hold you to these answers it's just a free i think i learned just i think i've had a lot of phases i think everyone has surely i mean i just a random fucking boring thing is like yoga who fucking knew that i loved yoga so much were you not doing that before the pandemic not at all not at all interesting not at all and not even in the in the romanticized lockdown where everyone else was doing yoga i wasn't doing yoga it was only

when it it was that it was kind of the winter sort of vibes that i was like okay yeah yoga now that's my thing and had you never done yoga before no no i'd done yoga before but not in an everyday part of my routine sort of thing like i'd done yoga but never in a way that's like i live by this now like this is a mandatory part of my routine that's that's got to be that was a it still is a huge thing an absolute massive thing that's like transformed my day-to-day that's nice i wasn't doing that before of course i learned i learned so much from that that's lovely and i still am but it's just i don't know i don't know if there's a huge like i don't have a huge lesson yeah we're not full of revelations no i'm the opposite of

full of revelations do you have like anything what do you say that's the big thing you learn oh god fucking knows god fucking knows but i just feel like i'm at a point where i'm thinking like shit the time has passed i just feel like everyone gets into these phases where they're just like what the fuck am i doing and who the fuck am i yeah i mean like who's wing when she's at home no fucking clue like who is that oh my god no who is this bitch no idea i think that is one of the scariest feelings so yeah sometimes it's good right because you're sometimes like it's just whatever there are no rules there's no limits i can just be whatever fluid like i i don't know who i am and i don't really care to find out right now i'm just gonna live and see and it's fine and there's like a carefree part to it i feel like

the negative spin on that is really feeling the discomfort of kind of of being you yeah i think that is an absolutely horrific feeling especially when you pair it not only with um covid and everything but then also with social media as a whole when you think that when you're realizing who am i but i've also been like sharing bits of myself like i've been sharing my daily like my life with people it's like how dare i yeah it's like you're identifying more with the like present the outward presentation with yourself and then you sit in your bed you take your makeup off and you're like who the fuck am who the fuck's this bitch that is an awful feeling i think we both felt it a million times over it's just like a weird i think you can feel that in terms of like you don't

feel comfortable in your own skin you don't feel comfortable in your own skin you don't feel comfortable in your own mind or where you are in your life like just nothing it's weird yeah it's all just a bit off the vibes are just off off off off which i think they have been for us like i think i don't know are we good i'm almost just leading us straight into it, I guess. Yeah, guys, Stroke Tuesday is coming up and we need a full month to celebrate. So we're not going to be around. Well, we basically, we had a phone call. Well, we've been speaking for a while.

We were like, why do we just feel slightly... We've been speaking for like three years straight. About why do we feel slightly, I guess the word is lost. And I think we were on the phone and we had the idea the grand great idea that i think we need to take time off and i think we need to take specifically a month off there's gonna be four mondays in march with no episodes yeah that's what it means for you what it means for us is we'll be going mental telling ourselves inside out doing our laundry actually looking at my life i can't wait exactly yeah but what it means for you is you'll just have a bit of peace and quiet

for a bit which is probably quite nice the book club will still be running over on our patreon but we will not be on the podcast there'll be no episodes and i think it's so needed just because i almost think i was saying to sephia i just feel dry like i feel like i've got i've got no i've got nothing there's nothing of substance here to give you guys now like i've really run dry you can probably tell and i don't think it's fair to anyone like listening to you need you you know you want to be able to i think it would be nice if we go away think about what we want to talk about bring you some fresh things to talk about and blah blah blah you get the gist i think the truth of it is we have got a bit lost in it and that we it's difficult to i i think it's

difficult to form your identity when your outward identity is changing it feels to us quite rapidly that it's almost like i don't really like coming to a microphone every day and having to say your thoughts it's like then you get so used to the performed aspect of yourself it's like wait wait wait wait but what happens if for three four weeks i don't have to have any thoughts that would be so fucking freeing right now and that means we can come back with new thoughts yeah at the moment i've got nothing got nothing left embl style also i'm just kind of hit with the absurdity of my the fucking storm so we're having this conversation honestly i'm in a wind tunnel the storm is a brewing you know where we are we're in the bit in philosopher stone where it's daddy's

gone mad hasn't he we've gone to this fucking island in the middle of the sea a windy fucking tower hagrid's gonna burst the door down I can't wait for him to burst the door down it's just also it's just quite an intense thing I think to come every week with like some fresh tears and fresh laughs and whatever we're feeling and and share them and I think for us it was so easy at the beginning because there was no one listening and now I think we just need to adjust to the fact that we're so lucky to have people listening I think we really need to let that like sink in we just I think that's a big thing for us is we just can't believe that anyone's listening so thank you it's a combination of we need to process that we need to actually process that because every since we even change we well we always say it high priestess

she that will not be named then we were sephian wing since sephian when we've completely changed the way we speak the way we do this and i think you can really feel a difference in it and i think we need to process the fact that the space has completely changed since we last had a break or since we last had a breakdown breakdown or anything take breaks not breakdowns 100 it resounds it sounds so heavy and i also think we need to um work out a way within ourselves that we can do this and not be performing like as much as there is like we're real we're real there's still like a layer of performance that i just want to shed i just can't have the person the version of myself that i project on here that's a version of myself that i find acceptable and then when that slips i see that as it's an unacceptable version of myself and i just for me i can't have the distinction i need the whole thing to be okay to share otherwise it's

just not sustainable for me like i need to work out a way that i can do that yeah there's not only one version of you that has value exactly and i think also it's about setting a nice example for anyone that is listening in the sense that i want you lot to feel like you can take breaks all the time yeah i want you to feel like all parts of you are worthy not just the parts that are high energy or like insightful or any of that like i want everyone listening to feel very relaxed so i think we need to lead a bit more by example yeah i agree i think it's the only way we can do it because i i kind of think my sister listened to the first ever episode that she's listened to she's for the years and years we've done that she's never listened to an episode because i was like don't listen to one she listened to the most recent one and then i said

you need i said we're taking a break and we're taking the whole of march off and she was like yeah like even listening to the newest one i think you need that it's like god it's it's it's evident in the content that we're insane i think we're giving a bit too much maybe to be honest everyone probably needs a break from us they're like god every week in week out these guys dump their shit on me yeah give me a break stephanie and way i think from editing them like it's one thing being in the conversation having the mental conversation but then when i go back through them it's like for the last 10 you can kind of feel us becoming more and more um mental and i think that's fine but i do think it's time now for a month of not having to have thoughts just empty brain month and i can't wait yeah yeah okay okay how do you think your relationship with social media

needs to change in every conceivable way in every conceivable way first of all there i think there are two aspects of the way in which social media i think everyone's but let's put it on me is there's one that's as the kind of the endless consumption of it that needs to change goes without fucking saying screen time fucking hell fucking hell what is your screen time saying these days it's it's low i'm not like it's low at the moment because of this documentary that i watched well what was it before oh well it was probably you don't have to say forget it no i don't i don't care god as if i give a shit about we've worse things. I think it was at like four or five hours, but I think today it will be,

today it's 43 minutes. You're so brave. You're so vulnerable for sharing that. But as in, it will creep back up. This is why the break is needed. Yeah. But I watched a documentary, it's on BBC,

iPlayer, called The Instagram Effect. It's nothing really that groundbreaking, but it did make me think. You've been paying your TV license. definitely 100 every last penny page just checking 100 paid in full yeah you cannot catch me out on that okay because there's an officer in your area who's about to pay a visit that's what i've heard i'm paying you i promise but they were saying about

how people use instagram as like a self-soothing thing so it's like you're feeling stressed you pick up your phone you start scrolling but you're using pretty much the most harmful way of self soothing yourself and i just thought that aspect of social media has to go if you're feeling stressed you need a distraction that's not where you go to distract yourself a world of um nightmares is not the place to self-soothe maybe hell yeah it's just like hundreds and hundreds of daggers or is your kind of baby's um bonnet i don't fucking know what that was was that a metaphor um and then the other aspect of um social media that i think needs to go is there's the consumption and then there's a creation side anyone that posts on instagram which i think some people don't use instagram to post at all um and are purely there for the scrolling and for the consumption the vibes or you can lie and say

you're there for the connection we're not let's not be silly if you post at all and if you have any awareness of like your feed or the most disgusting word your brand or any of this stuff for me personally you can do what you want but for me that needs to go like there's no planning feeds anymore there's no fucking um so seven we're about to get ugly but i just think there can be no awareness for me of or like i need to lower the awareness massively of like the outward presentation like it needs to just be if you think that's a good photo put it up there's no um otherwise it's otherwise it just you take something that can be fun and you turn it into something

that's a living hell can it be fun have you had a time where it was completely fun have i had a time where it's completely fun i mean they're momentary aren't they there's a moment where you see a funny thing and you laugh right yeah those are the moments is that what we're hanging on for but what about in sharing in sharing it's always telling you something isn't it about your worth it's well it's always always always as much as it can be fun and you post a thing and it's like okay i like that photo how much of that validation is healthy and how much of it is just like the worst fucking feedback you could be getting i think as well it's kind of the amount is the is the amount of feedback it's

like the sheer volume of like opinions that you're getting all the time yeah if we just cut that down because i feel like taking in that much of other people's shit is really not a natural way of existing on this planet and that's why i think the pandemic is interesting because especially when you think about everyone being at home not physically being like able to see people in real life and then slowly but surely the only people that you see and the only versions of people that you see whether you know them in real life or not is through a a screen. And it's oftentimes something that they've chosen to show you.

I started to forget what people look like. Even when I see my friends, I'm like, that's what you look like. Not that they like, I'm friends with a bunch of catfishes, but you get what I mean. When I see people, I'm like, that's what humans look like.

And I don't see humans that much. Well, when you saw me, do you remember? We hadn't seen each other in a year and the first thing you said to me was rude but also i totally get it you went oh my god you've aged it was a complete joke you said to me i look ancient that was you you started it i said you look like you've been on a sunbed because you said i looked older and i thought i'll get you back that is fucking i thought the sunbed joke was funny you didn't look older by the way i don't think we did look

older but it's just funny seeing people in real life oh my god it's 100 funny because also it's like we all look kind of 10 more haggard than we present like i just love do you know what you said something um about euphoria i'm trying to think yeah you thought yeah i was gonna say i don't know if you want this but i was trying to think is there anything that you wouldn't want in this but you were saying the reason one of the reasons you liked euphoria was you're seeing faces you're seeing real people and i think i said all their teeth are fucked like yeah which i didn't look it's kind of the thing of like i don't even know how to say this but kind of um what's her name um alexa demi or whatever alexa demi i've got no idea who that is

well maddie the girl from euphoria yeah yeah she's so gorgeous obviously completely stunning like objectively stunning in real life and online and whatever like objective well not objective you get what i mean gorgeous gorgeous person but it's almost like you know when you can tell like a boy has never seen a woman up close yeah or like there's this thing i don't even know what fucking game it is but they're making this game or something it's not lara croft but if you imagine like lara craft and it's like oh when it like there's like stills slowly being released of like what the woman the character is gonna look like yeah and this guy tweeted like there's been a lot of uproar about what she looks

like and one of the guys tweeted like why she got a fucking beard or whatever and it's obviously not a beard she just has like hair on her face as all humans do just like fluff on her on her cheeks human skin human skin and someone tweeted it being like tell me you've never seen a woman up close without telling me because it's kind of like if a boy has only ever seen um lara croft like bodies in porn or whatever yeah it's like you've never seen a human up close and i think that's what i became for a bit it's like i've never i haven't seen humans up close this is so fucking true so i forget that like you have little hairs around your ears or like a little wrinkle around your eye just like all the good bits of humans just get washed away all of the most stunning bits yeah all the

cutest parts just get rinsed out i think that's also part of um what we've been what we were saying as well like what part of instagram do we want to be involved in like i personally and i think i'm i think i can speak for you as well i don't think we want to be involved in anything fake yeah definitely acas powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois.

Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals.

A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. I think we just want to be involved in real shit. Like, yeah, I don't want ever, I mean, on the basic level of airbrushing out fucking body hair or a dimple or a fucking wrinkle, I actually don't want to be a part of any of that.

I actually think it goes against my morals. Well, this is why... Do you remember months ago, I was like, on 7 Wing, I'm not... This was like last year. I was like, I'm not using filters, like the cute little cowboy hat filter or whatever on stories. Because I like the pink cowboy cowboy hat but it changes my face like i don't i don't like that it balloons your lips up to an insane level yeah and it changes

my cheeks everything is different it's like i don't i'm just gonna stop doing that because i don't agree with it and i think there have just been a few moments where i'm like are my actions conflicting with my core beliefs yeah yes often all the time sometimes that's fine can't bother to deal with it and sometimes i'm like you know what let's change that i think it needs to change because otherwise it's like what's the point if my you're right it's core beliefs it's my core core core one of my fundamental values in life is that i what i value is i never want to make anyone feel bad and i will I like things that are real and not fucking fake so and also like people aren't necessarily looking at a picture of you

with a filter on thinking they making them feel bad it mostly just makes you feel bad it's like if you can't control how that makes other people feel you know for a fact that it's showing you that there's a version of you that can be shown to the public and it's an altered version of you. In order for people to look at you, you essentially have to be wearing a mask. You have to have a pink cowboy hat. Yeah, it's insane. Yeah, I need to have a pink cowboy hat on,

Dalmatian sunglasses, no fucking texture on my skin and my lips need to be probably four times the size. Sorry. Yeah, because also we're all going to the same hellhole like i'm not blaming i'll look at a ton of girls on instagram it's not their problem that i'm feeling bad about myself but i need to control what i am doing completely agree i like this message that we got someone said that i forgot what it's like to quietly chase my goals why do

people feel the need to tell everyone everything because when i chase the goal silently um the pursuit and result is a reflection of my own essence but when we tell people it opens the lineup for opinions criticism doubt planting etc i agree with this so much i am not a goal sharer no you're not a goal sharer and i agree i'm not really a big sharer which i think is why i need to take some time away to reflect on all the shit I've been talking for the past few months and months and months yeah what have I said oh my god it'd be quite scary we'll get to like week two and be like god this is embarrassing I know I think some space might be quite scary like to be like oh god okay that's all being said now but yeah I really like that. Just the idea that, I mean, when you share something, it kind of loses a tiny percentage of its like sparkle.

As soon as you say something, I'm doing this. It's almost like, I do think there's something amazing in sharing shit openly and not being scared. But it's the thing of, if you're running a marathon, you're running a marathon. And then if you, sorry, if you're running a marathon, you're running a marathon you're running a marathon and then if you sorry if you're running a marathon you're running a marathon but if you're running a marathon on instagram a tiny bit of the performance comes in right well also the thing of people being like

oh i didn't think you were the kind of person who would run a marathon exactly i wish i could exist in the parallel universe where you never said that to me and now i can't yeah exactly now now i know that now i have a little bit of disbelief with me on every step that i take uh-huh just opinions that i didn't need weighing you down it teaches you as well that there's nothing worthwhile in achievement in an achievement unless the achievement is validated from other people but i don't also i also don't think it's bad if you have something amazing you graduate and you want to show everyone you graduated fuck yeah but i think don't lose the instagram does teach you that an achievement is nothing unless you share it if you got married and you didn't post a picture from your wedding

day people are saying what happened on your wedding day it doesn't matter how good the food tasted how did it look on your instagram doesn't matter how amazing your friends are what do they look like like blah blah blah do you know what i mean like it's it's not even a it's literally anything in your life only matters when other people have got their filthy paws on your sulky drawers 100 people are eyeing it up that's like i think ask yourself when was the last time something stunning happened to you you did something stunning that you didn't take a photo of and share you just kept it for yourself when was the last time you did that because i think that's one of the questions i'm asking myself um is when was the last time that something looked amazing in the real world and i didn't my first instinct wasn't to take a photo of it and get my phone out i don't think

it's that often and it was totally yours yeah it was totally yours no one was there's a sunset there's a cat you've got a cup of tea why is my phone out my phone does not need to feature in that moment one of these things is not like the other yeah the life your life is a life that is just passing you don't need to do that and that doesn't set it's not like a revolutionary thought but i think when you actually think when was the fucking last time you went to a party or you went on a night out and you you didn't take a photo of it you just had the night out with your friends you didn't put on a nice outfit and think can we get a good photo tonight yeah was the last time you just wore a nice outfit to wear a nice outfit or maybe all the time but could still be more often maybe um this reminds me of this thing that i remember

really taking to heart and I'm probably going to butcher it. I definitely will butcher it. But Sammy Maria, my love, Sefi Stokke was her beauty crush. My sister saw her the other day. Really? My sister saw her at the station. Oh, that's nice.

And I said, Wing's also seen her baby before. And I met her back, I met her when I was 13. Wow. Why? Isn't that crazy? I just bumped into her. Oh, wow. Beauty crush. Beauty crush. Yeah. I said, oh wow beauty crush beauty crush yeah i said it's

that beauty crush and it was and it was anyway yeah she said this amazing thing actually about her daughter um i don't know if it was like a q a someone had asked her something about her something she basically said she gave the general sentiment of she thinks about her daughter and social media and she thinks that you know she would want to protect her daughter from social media in so many ways because she can see that her daughter has so much worth and just wouldn't want to be, you know, clouded and like dragged down by this place that can be so dangerous. And then she thought, but why is it OK for me then? Like if I can protect this beautiful angel child from it why is that not how i see myself literally some things like achievements blah blah blah your baby some things are sacred and it's actually amazing to keep them sacred and keep them just as yours

and sometimes it's amazing to share things completely. It goes without saying. But that's where the boundaries have been blurred. And I think it should be obvious that some things are amazing to be yours and some things are amazing to be shared. That is absolutely amazing. That is balance. When that's in balance, that's everything. But what Instagram and social media teach you

is that nothing should be yours or the things that should be yours are the shameful, embarrassing things that aren't good enough. And everything else should be yours or the things that should be yours are the shameful embarrassing things that aren't good enough and everything else should be shared your breakfast looks great so you take loads of photos that but your dinner is embarrassing you should not take photos of your dinner it's like wait you're teaching yourself that if something doesn't look good it has no value then you should never own up to it almost it should be a dirty secret if your outfit on friday night looked amazing so you take loads of photos you post loads of pics of pics of it

um and then your outfit on the sunday where you're hungover you've got greasy hair you can't post that it's shameful it's disgusting it's not the real you and you start to like kind of fragment yourself into the real version of myself that everyone can see and the version of myself that is disgusting and not acceptable yeah versions of you that are worthy or unworthy based on what you imagine other people would say about them yeah and that doesn't necessarily mean post pictures of the greasy hair post pictures of the fucking disgusting food that you don't like or whatever i don't want to see that shit i'm just making it it doesn't mean that it doesn't mean share to check but it's just this like why is there just have an awareness of

how you think about yourself i think of how you're presenting yourself as good and bad or shareable and unshareable i think as well like i was gonna say it kind of sharing a nice sunset or sharing that you've got a new job or whatever blah blah blah is great but what social media has done is kind of we don't know how to share things with people that we love anymore because we don't yeah yeah it's like if you're gonna share that you got a new job you don't like message your friend well you might you'll message your friends or whatever but like people that you may have once in the early 2000s picked up the phone and said oh i've got that job that remember we briefly spoke about it blah blah blah they only hear about it now in the same way that you told your second cousin who lives abroad in the same way that you told the guy you used to work with in that job two years ago

in the same way that you told someone you went to primary school with like you're not just sharing with people that you care about you're sharing with literally everyone who's ever had access to you you're performing for them and then that makes it really i find quite disingenuous almost when you you've you've said oh like for example i have people that are super super close to me and i'll say oh yeah i did this thing they've done it oh yeah no i've already seen it and it's like that makes me feel bad that makes me feel really bad actually the idea that you say yeah i've got for example yeah i've got that job i've got for example yeah i've got that job i've got this new job i'm really happy with it you no longer get to phone up

um yeah your best friend and say yeah i got this job it's like yeah no i already know so that that doesn't feel good to me that feels like i've lost i've lost the connection there i had a thing where i was speaking to my friend on the phone she was like oh blah blah like how are you blah blah blah and i said i'm so shit I've got I didn't really but I was like uh all of this is going on like blah blah blah it's not great times at the moment and she was like I literally thought you were having the best time because of everything that I saw which is like yeah I am having the best time in those times but also there's a whole human being life going on in the real world and that's

what social media does especially instagram but it's just it it's black or white either your takes all the context away takes all the nuance away takes all the story away takes all the humanity away i was like it takes all the humanity away and you just become a little avatar i just don't want people to be feeling bad in that because i also i think a part of it the part that bothers me is it feels like a race yeah 100 the falling behind feeling i don't like that i don't want to be racing with everyone no i don't want to compete with anybody i'll let you win hands straight up especially not with the people like if you think about instagram kind of spheres if the people that are in our instagram spheres are mostly young girls it's like if i want to be competing with anyone in this world it is not my peers no way in hell it is not these stunning

people not competing i drop out i drop out of the competition of the race kenicky needs to be my second why am i doing greece references today penny pick it up what was i gonna say oh yeah there was a there was a bit in this documentary that i watched and i think it was talking about how instagram in particular is quite insidious and i don't know what it was saying but it was like somehow they measured what each social media was like what was at the core of each social media and they said that for like facebook it's like friends and family connection whatever or it's like sharing or and tiktok was performance um and instagram what was at the very core of it was bodies and comparison wow and i just thought wow like that is if tiktok is about performance which

i totally facebook yeah it's small it's small scale it's friendship facebook is about hating vaccines and people who aren't white and then it was like um and twitter is about opinions and snapchat they said something that i slightly disagreed with they were like it's about like filters or something it's about child pornography more like it's about stalking children on the map fate and then instagram was about bodies and comparison when you actually boil it down 100 100 yeah i totally think it's about comparison it's about you look at what they have presented you and you directly compare your life to it like and that seems basic but it's like no that is literally what each of these images is each image is an image of a life that looks way more fucking stunning

than where you're sitting right now. That doesn't sound good. It doesn't, does it? When you have TikTok, which I also can't be on, which is about performance. Fuck, I can get into a performance if that's the essence of the technology,

which I also think it's not really. It's about addicting you to an algorithm. But the benefits I got out of TikTok in terms of I was actually laughing. technology which i also think it's not really it's about addicting you to an algorithm but the benefits i got out of tiktok in terms of i was actually laughing i was actually feeling emotions it was like a fucking roller coaster and i don't want it i was actually getting um i was gaining some things from it i was also losing a lot of fucking time from it hours yeah hours of my life for little laughs but instagram i'm not um rolling on the floor laughing at an instagram the majority make me feel neutral to bad so what the fuck

i think that yeah that's as well like the problem is we just don't know we don't know what we're doing we don't know what we're doing that's a niche one i might have to explain that one that's in goblet of fire when i think they say sorry guys you have to be 17 yeah i'm fred and george fred and george are like what and everyone's like kicking off like oh fuck i was gonna i was gonna nominate myself in the goblet of fire to kill myself whatever blah blah blah i'm fred and george like you don't know what you're doing it's just such a ridiculous thing to say i remember you saying like it's clearly like the direct expect just be outraged guys they don't have a their line isn't specifically you don't know what you're doing no they didn't

have a line they're just ad-libbing just shout just shout what you shout you don't know what you're doing from the heart a little bit of improv from fred and john you don't know what you're doing from the heart a little bit of improv from fred and john you don't know what you're doing it's why they're my faves funny they're so funny they are funny i just hope everyone's feeling all right and like i also i just want to be open like i don't know what i'm doing here we don't know what we're doing and i just want to i want to yeah i don't know what i'm doing and i want to be very explicit in saying like i really don't know what i'm doing and i sincerely apologize if at any point along this journey that we've all had together that I have somehow made it seem like I sometimes do.

I don't. No. I really don't. No. And my goal is I just want, I just don't want people to be like fucking overwhelmed every day. Wake up, roll over, go on your phone, overwhelmed. Get dressed, overwhelmed.

Get changed, didn't like the way you look, overwhelmed. Yeah. Go to school, overwhelmed. Go to work overwhelmed go to work overwhelmed like god it's horrible that's i honestly think that is i don't know if it's the human experience but it's definitely like the 2022 experience or just the zephyr and wing experience it's definitely my experience of this life so far is just every single thing feels just like a bit much i just want to be like a bit of comfort for people who are feeling a bit like fried in the world yeah i i do think it's the two sides of like yeah there's the there's the bit of instagram that's bad is we know don't follow accounts that make you feel bad we know this we've known it for years for some reason it's not sinking in that's what the explore page is for literally go on the explore page to see people that are gonna make you feel

bad don't follow them guys just wait for the algorithm to feed them to you anyway it makes no sense we know this but i just think the main one of the main things is when you feel yourself like and it was reflected a lot in the messages of people losing themselves in curating their life i think for me that is the part like I've done the thing I know that social media is fucking bad as a consumer I know that it doesn't work for me to be scrolling that's not something I want in my life but I think the aspect that was coming up a lot was the the curation of your life as if your life isn't good enough and all of that I just think that's the bit that I that's for me I think why i need to take the time back of like what the fuck like why can't you just be the version of

yourself that you wake up as can that not be good enough to share can that not be valid so hang on if you think about like consumption versus creation your worst your most dangerous part is on the stuff that you're putting out you think i think it's the awareness of being perceived oh god that fucks me up because i don't think it's actually what no i don't think it's my actual time actually physically posting or um putting stuff on the story or anything like that or anything but i think or recording or anything like this yeah i think that's the best part 100 that's absolutely because that's actually creating that's creativity i love it and generosity generosity of course but i think what fucks me up is it doesn't end with you record an episode and you leave that there in the creation process and it was stunning i think it follows you

around the weird fucking identity that is building up around you until it becomes almost indistinguishable whether you for example had a cup of coffee and you liked your cup of coffee or whether you want to take a photo about your cup of coffee make a point about your cup of coffee do you want to it's building some weird thing around yourself almost is like this weird armor of performance and it's actually like no fucking drop it i don't want it i want to be there in the when we're recording i want to be there i take photos something that i want to post but i don't what i don't need or want is that to follow around and outweigh who you are just when you're lying in bed or when you're at home with your family but that bit there that's not aesthetic enough to post or any i just want it just to all

be normal i want a nice normal show and a nice clean game for all of you not gonna happen how i don't know if i asked you this already but maybe you didn't give me a proper answer because i'm absolutely dying to know oh lovely how has your relationship to social media changed over the past couple of years did i ask you that no i don't think you have but i feel like we talk about that a lot i think i ask you that just like every other day maybe you did and i said in every conceivable way because maybe i was just about to say that again in every conceivable way um or does that in what way does it yeah does it rule your life yeah in every conceivable way yeah um it's completely changed i this is what i mean by

i have the awareness of the performance i have i have an awareness of a perception of me um that i never had before has it how's it how has it changed for you i just think during the pandemic the scales got really tipped like when i talk about seeing people in real life yeah it's i'm still not over that when i see people i'm still thinking like it still kind of hits me that they're real people and I feel like at the especially at the beginning of the pandemic I think it just the scales were so tipped in the sense of I was just experiencing the world through a screen rather than just being in that world and there's nothing really tangible there and then obviously that's changed with the podcast like now it's like my life has changed like i i i'm living in a new space like i and i i'm there are lots of

things that have changed i have lots of good things in my life i had good things in my life before but now i've got more good things but i still feel shit all the fucking time but now i have people occasionally being like you're amazing and that's like what but that's i think where the distinction the um not distinction disparity discrepancy whatever that's where that comes in it's quite i think confusing to be feeling bad and then get a message saying you guys are great it's just like oh i wish i could feel it and i think that's why we need the time off to to feel okay process what's happened yeah and then i might be able to believe someone when they say you guys are great i don't know if you agree i do agree

completely always agree well not always but don't always agree with this it's a mess i don't always agree but i do agree but i think i also like had to come to terms with i don't know i think i think what i hadn't really realized was a big thing for me why you hear that party time lads lads lads yeah lads on the town cheeky nando's at my door it's because there's loads of airbnbs down this road anyway no one cares um i think something that i didn't really realize is how much it probably impacted me being having this constant stream of people on my phone that in lots of ways don't represent me and this kind of came up for me on the podcast but i think it comes up for people in different ways just to be hashtag relatable.

I kind of, I don't know. I think I got to a point even like recently where I was thinking like, if I'm someone that's giving people content and the only way I can do that nicely is, or like the only way that I can not hate that is by just trying to be authentic. Then I don't know, there are parts of me that I don't know

it's like if I'm being real with with everyone which I need to be then yeah a big part of my quote-unquote brand for people that don't know me in real life but have consumed hours of me talking is gonna be like oh like she's got mental health problems like oh she's that do you know what I mean and I think I hadn't I don't know I think you just see a lot of there are lots of ways that I'm absolutely reflected in social media like scrolling through it's like yeah tons of these girls look like me but but in a real sense the ways that you aren't being represented like which is why I think it's important when people are authentic and I know Sefi those things that you've spoken about of your experience that that's why people will feel better

about themselves that day and that's why people will feel better about themselves that day. And that's why people will feel connected to you is because you shared something that even if you weren't super secure in it in that moment, you spoke honestly and freely. And it isn't something that is necessarily completely represented everywhere. And that is what you take from it because that's the most valued thing. that is what you take from it because that's the most valued thing so I almost feel like I became aware of myself in a different way through social media because I think I've consumed a lot of the same type of person yeah and it's really made me identify in myself the parts of me that make me different the parts of me that are not represented everywhere that just make you who you are I think that's quite nice it's so nice definitely I definitely it's definitely jarring though when you realize that a thing someone relates to you about is the

thing that you kind of i don't know have no grip on i guess i don't i think the bit that's jarring is sharing things that you don't have a grip on i think people connecting to it is i think that's the that's the good bit yeah but then but you're not you're not you're not an authority on anything the bit that i kind of find weird about that is i really don't i've i've been saying before pretty much every episode i don't want to talk about bodies i'm not going to talk about bodies because i physically can't um as in like body image stuff at the moment i just can't um but like i think that's one of the things where when because pretty much all of the messages well not can't um but like I think that's one of the things where when

because pretty much all of the messages well not all of them but when I was scrolling through I think probably I'm just tuned into it but I see so much stuff even this one Instagram makes me feel bad about my body Instagram makes me feel bad about my body body dysmorphia blah blah blah and I get messages saying like talk about body dysmorphia all of this stuff and it's just like I can't even say the words like I or like Seie can you talk about that it's like i am no authority on that like i have never had something had a grip have a grip on me more than this does so it's just it's like there to me is a of why can i not decide the word between discrepancy or disparity which i feel like i've made up that word i like discrepancy there's a discrepancy

between how i see myself or how i literally am which is someone that at the moment or throughout my teenage and adult life have like quite badly suffered with body dysmorphia to a point where it's like it's ruined so much of my experiences and still has its fucking dirty claws on every element of my life then people messaging saying you've helped me with it and it's like ah i can't have because you're like i'm not the i'm not the well of info that you like when you say speak about it it's like i'm just gonna fucking cry so i don't know what what i could possibly give other than saying or like i would love to get to a point where i would have something to give but at the moment i'm just a total um mess the only word is mess a fucking mess with it so i find that one of the weird bits when it's like it's not so much the identification of oh yeah

people connect with it but it's almost like i can't do anything it's the discomfort in the actual thing yeah and having that be or you feel like it's public or responsibility to share lucy moon who i love love lucy moon you always say you do love lucy moon you love lucy moon i do love lucy moon it's kind of um should we have her over for tea you love lucy moon um i do love lucy moon and she said i think she said again i'm probably just butchering what everyone's saying as usual um but i'm sure she said something like when it comes to social media she had this little phrase which was show your scars not your wounds stunning that that's it that's it which too fresh it's like yeah if you're sat there bleeding out

with little like plasters all over you no no one wants to see that don't share that take your time please go to hospital so fucking true and then when you want to share your scars show your scars whatever and i think that's why you tell the story i need some time to process because i've been sharing wounds i'm ensuring god knows what honestly i've been sharing i feel like i've been sharing my bare bottom i feel like i'm sharing absurd things so i think it's time to get not go right i maybe i don't fucking know i think it is time to go it's time to go and it's time we're gonna do one more episode after this isn't it yeah just in march there's no every monday in march march 2022 yes no new episodes much 2022 that's assuming we're still going to 2023 god yeah i was gonna say optimistic ambitious i feel like we've made it almost sound deeper than it is

if we're literally crying we're having a breakdown we felt incredibly positive when we thought like I felt so hopeful I think it was the first time it's like oh my god we're like I think we're we're pre-empting a breakdown rather than reacting to a breakdown which was quite nice yeah this is not a bad thing it's just needed and I think we'd be mad to think a break wouldn't be needed like who the fuck do we think we are yeah superman just some time off to come back with some fresh stuff for everyone yeah okay i think that's the best we're gonna get today i hope the storm hasn't been too distracting because it's been distracting me and my windows are rattling i know i've got little toys of um timmy and tommy from animal crossing timmy and tommy nook so cute um and they've been falling off the windowsill they've

been taking the brunt of it i mean the window's closed and they're falling off so there's definitely some kind of wind coming in here or there's a ghost wouldn't put it past this house i hope this is yeah i know i think we're oh no what have we done what have we done what did we just drag them through no i think um look the intro would have prepared you for what you're about to go in for so i just hope that you're feeling at peace in yourself and like you can just slow down a bit why don't you just like have a nice cup of tea like why don't you just get in bed and just chill out like turn your phone off put fucking chamber of secrets on why don't you just take the day also just because we're melting

down about social media doesn't mean you need to be melting down about social media like for us it feels quite urgent i feel i feel like we've given off quite an urgent like ah delete social media is evil i think for us we're we're due a breakdown for a long time and it's just for once it's coincided both of us which is quite amazing but it's also it's not a breakdown it's genius move in my mind guys this is nowhere near the breakdowns oh nowhere near but i think it's we both need time off at the same time which is perfect um but it doesn't mean that you need to you can do whatever the fuck you want if you're thriving on social media at the moment fucking keep it up it's just i think an insidious monster that's trying to eat your life but do what you want do whatever you want

if you like it then whatever if you want to keep tiktok then do whatever you want it's giving anti-vax energy okay let's go well if you don't hear from us which you will next week but you won't in march you will be hearing from us yeah but you. Okay, yeah, if you don't hear from us, assume the worst. I'm sure you would already.