Goes Without Saying - real friendships (& how to find them)

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

THE SUMMER BONANZA BEGINS. podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on 'female friendships', cultivating real relationships, acquaintances & 'catch ups' & loneliness. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So, let the magic begin. Let the magic begin. Wings wearing a t-shirt, Harry Potter t-shirt that says let the magic begin. It says let the magic begin. And it really is. Let the magic begin. Oh god, I could watch that. Philosopher's Stone. I watched number four. Oh yeah. In Portugal. Number four. Number four. I'm really having to do them like that because I'm showing my little sister all of them. Yeah. But she's kind of young, she's nine. I don't know what age you should be watching all of these at.

But I think she gets like scared quite easily. So I've been having to like drip feed her the villains of each one. I like showed her the basilisk when she was quite young. Like do you reckon you can handle this? She's like, not yet. The basilisk is kind of, um, Dr Dr Who, the angels. I think Quirrell's worse. yeah Quirrell is not good. it's like okay i'm gonna show you the back of someone's head can you handle this? no definitely not. oh god and the spiders in chamber of secrets is rank and a dementor it's like well dementor is now we're in a different and it's like okay and now i'm gonna show you a photo of this guy called Wormtail. It's like, I've been showing that like-

Have we said on the podcast, oh no, go on. I don't know, I've just been showing her harrowing images, but go on. And that is harrowing. I don't know if we've said- This is crazy. On goes that saying. Yeah, that we keep saying, like,

could you have sex with this person? Could you have sex with this person? And we were saying, probably Wormtail was the worst case scenario. And then we got him up, like Google image, Wormtailtail or like Peter Pettigrew I think we typed in and like when you actually see that character it's like oh my god it's even worse than you could imagine. Almost like in the context of the film also he's next to Voldemort so it's like okay so he's kind of watered down a little bit but it's like

if you imagine that in real life, oh my god I think we actually got that because we thought we probably could have sex with Voldemort like if I could have sex with Voldemort Well, I don't know if we said this but I this has been like a long This has been a lifelong thing of mine like since I was literally like six years old I would be like could I have well, I would be like could I have sex with Voldemort if I had to It's a horrible. God god what is this world? It's really horrible. Little girls think to themselves if I had to have sex with the worst man alive, a murderous man, could I do it?

And I used to think, I don't know, I don't know. But I definitely could have sex with Voldemort. As I get older I think for sure I could have sex with Voldemort. But wait. Voldemort's not that bad to me. Yeah, in his little kind of kimono. he's wearing like a silk little thing. i don't know. i'd rather have sex with voldemort than wormtail by my.. like literally by my.. like they're not even in the same realm. no. there's something about voldemort as well that's almost like.. it's maybe a bit hot. it's a bit hot, it's a bit of a story. It's like, let me tell you what I did. Oh god, this is... you're never gonna guess it.

You're never gonna fucking guess who I am. I don't... but he's just a bit grey? I don't think I mind that. I think I really mind him. You said before, you were like, he doesn't have a nose. And I'm like, I don't mind. He doesn't have a nose and that is a problem. Does he have a dick?

That's what you said and it's like well that's fine. It does see it's still a pressing concern to me. It is, it is a concern. It raises, you know, it's a question. Long fingernails. Okay that is a push. That is actually a push. It really is quite horrible.

He probably has like long toenails. Voldemort. He definitely does. Do you think he showers? I think magically he does. Like there's some kind of washing smell. Because I can imagine him either smelling like really good. You know, I definitely think he's, I think he always smells quite like minty masculine yeah yeah almost quite like woody yeah but fresh yeah yeah totally like kind of like yeah and I would fuck him if I had to. Whereas Wormtail, Peter Pettigrew.

He doesn't smell good. He does not smell good. And he definitely has a dick but I don't want to see it. Oh my god. No. I don't want to see it. Actually harrowing. That one is next level like I can't even comprehend it.

Just google it guys. Like if you haven't seen them in a while. I know but you need a refresher of the reality of what that character looks like. You do, you do, it's shocking. It's so crazy. You were saying like he's got like open swords. Yeah, yeah.

It's kind of the king from. He's like really decaying. House of the Dragon. Yeah. Not my king from House of the Dragon, the old king. So speaking of Voldemort's dick, et cetera. What is this? We're speaking about female friendship,

how to find friends. Yeah, of course. And I do feel like that was one of the founding pillars of our friendship, even still to this day. I think- Voldemort's dick. Maybe not Voldemort's dick specifically, but definitely like, I knew I had you

when I would do like kind of the melodies of things from Harry Potter. Toasty. And you would like really laugh and I thought, yeah I've got her now. Yeah, you'd be like, mam's a witch, dad's a mother. Yeah, exactly. And I'd be like, God that's just so good.

Yeah, you'd be loving it. I love that. Yeah. I feel like that was, I feel like Tarot also was just the huge pillar of our female friendship. I think- Of our female friendship? I read the title.

Of our female, which is, our friendship, which is female, definitely. Oh my God. Our female friendship is horrific. Jesus Christ. I would love to say it's early, it's literally 9.30, like people are like well at work by now. But we're just in a weird place.

Jesus Christ, sorry guys. Of our female friendship. Of our female friendship? On other friendship. It was, and I think the crux in that is when you are yourself, other people can connect with that. And if you're running yourself through like a weird filter, you won't get anything real from it. Yeah.

I know that's, yeah, I'm a bit head empty today. Okay, I would actually like to know, in your life, do you think there's like a common through line, a crux that connects all of your kind of closest female friendships? What is the thing that is the common denominator? Is there one? Or are they totally unique and different?

Or is there something that runs through each? Oh my god, that's such an interesting question. Yeah, you know I am really smart. You are. Yeah. I don't really have an interesting answer back. you do. I feel like they are so different. I have friends for different purposes as well. if you've been sort of building up your friends throughout your life you end up with quite an eclectic mix because of all the different things you've done during your life. Exactly, yeah. But also there have been like this year at home I've really reconnected with specifically one friend that I hadn't seen. So we were sort of best friends when we were younger and then we

sort of drifted apart and then we were really good friends when we were in like year nine, year ten, like sort of inseparable friends, then we kind of drifted apart again. good friends when we were in like year 9, year 10, like sort of inseparable friends, then we kind of drifted apart again to the point that we didn't speak at all. Like we literally hadn't spoken for like three, four years. Like we just were not friends anymore, which is so sad. Like there was no reason to it. We just weren't friends anymore. And we just became friends again this year. And it is the nicest thing because we just know literally so much about each other like it's someone that I mean god she knows my house inside out yeah like it's the way it's so so strange but now it's so nice to be able to like re-connect with someone that you really you haven't been updated on

the last like I've missed like the last like five years of her life like I need to hear all about this stuff but I know her like at her core yeah it's such an interesting thing and I feel like maybe that's the thread that like goes um through all of my friendships female friendships all of my female for gendering this up to the absolute max I hate what females are it's like so well it just feels wrong. It does just feel wrong. Yeah go on anyway. It's just like why am I talking about your anatomy right now? It's just like yeah. I think I'm not very good at having acquaintances. I'm either all in or all out. I'm really close with people or I don't know them. Like for

example like my sister and my mum they both are really extroverted people and they I've never met people with more fucking friends. Like I don't know how they keep up. It's fucking Marty and Grace with all her pen pals. Have one of mine. It's like how do you have this many friends I don't understand. Or like it's normal for you to see your friend once every six months and it's not all, like I don't get it. Okay, so you need to be all in sort of thing. Oh my God, I wouldn't count you. I think it's just like either come in or come out.

Are you in or are you out? I'm shutting the door. Come on, it's getting cold in here. Exactly, yeah. Are you in or are you out? I just think I don't really know how to do that. I either have, if all of my friends are, I feel like I need to know them on like a soul like deep level that I... That in my life and I'm not...

And it's current. It's your day to day. It's why I don't like the whole concept of let's catch up. Let's catch up. Sometimes it's necessary but when it gets to the point that we're all we're doing is catching up every time we meet up, you're not my bloody friend. Wow, okay. So you're out. That's just bleak to me. Yeah fair enough. I don't know but I know that that is different like people seem to be able to have friends they don't talk too often but to me that would be like okay we're drifting

apart we're not friends anymore. Not in a deep way but just in the way that like I think I like to have. I like my friends to be close to me in the same way that I like my family, like people that are important to me. I like them to, I care about their lives. I want to hear about them. I want to be helping and I want to be involved in decisions. I want them to be involved in decisions. Like I want it to be, you know, involved, just like real and there and not like a weird sort of we text every now and then. How are you? Good. Are you? What's up? what's up you know yeah okay but I don't know um I really I love what you're saying about I don't know if you named your friend I don't think Emily yeah I was gonna say I know you're talking about Emily but I don't know if that was a secret um but when you're saying like, it's just really nice

when you know so much about each other and then also like you're learning all the new things sort of thing. It's also the kind of thing where it's really nice. It allows you so much to be seen by somebody. Like it's as much as it's like, yeah, I get to know, I know everything about you from your childhood or whatever, blah, blah, blah., I know everything about you from your childhood or whatever, blah, blah, blah,

and you know everything about me from my childhood, that is so enriching, fulfilling for the soul, because yeah, there are new things that we have to learn about each other, but feel, oh god, I'm gonna cry. Feelings, I hate that one, it's like, ugh. When you get a bubble, yeah. Yeah, and it's like, you need to,

this is why podcast doesn't work, because it's like, you need to see bubble. Yeah, and it's like you need to this is why podcast doesn't work It's like you need to see that I am not To the other day I was like, by the way, that was just Because it's really bad to be like I'm not crying but it's like I'm actually not crying Why am I crying about your friend Emily? It's like it doesn't make any sense She's just so it is cryable cuz it's so lovely to be really like deeply seen and I crying about your friend Emily? It's like, it doesn't make any sense. She's just so cryable. It is cryable, because it's so lovely to be really like deeply seen. And I think that's really important in terms of like,

when we are lucky enough in this life to have like relationships that have like real longevity to them. It is a testament to like all of the different versions of each other that you have seen. And I think then when that is met with allowing each other to also be new people tomorrow is really, that's like, oh my God.

It's huge. It's huge, it's everything. Also there were things with her, I just find this sort of thing that I just I really like forgot I don't know so we were playing we were doing netball together we were at this weird netball club oh yeah yeah very strange like a lot of sort of we're playing this match and the umpire who was just this woman that was born I just said to her that woman reminds me of my grandma and I said it just as a casual thing and she

was like oh my god she's just like her yeah it was like oh my god I forget you you know my grandma yeah yeah it was just like oh my god like I forget you fucking know her yeah and it's just so it was just such a nice moment of like could I completely it's just so nice yeah it is nice there's no it tells you so much that it's like oh I I have a footprint on this earth and I am involved in my community. I am seen and recognised and loved by the people that are surrounding me. It's really deeply a human need to be loved and validated in that way.

Because also when you're in the phases where you don't have that and they will come, there will definitely be phases where... And they'll be enriching in new ways. Totally. There'll even just be a phase, like for example, the last four or five days I'm in my hometown, I'm at home, Emily's in Thailand, my other friend that lives here, she's in Manchester at the moment. Being here with no friends, oh my god, like, it's so isolating, like, it's just a completely

different experience. And I was really just thinking, like, god I've been relying on these people, like, I really hate being here without them. Thank god I'm seeing one in an hour. It's like, so nice to have people to go for like a dog walk with and stuff. But when you don't have them, it really is horrible. It's really isolating and horrible. Yeah and I think that's the thing,

the only thing that's comforting in that situation, obviously for you it's like, well Emily's gonna come back from Thailand and the other friends come back from that restaurant, we're fine. But also generally in life, when you're going through phases where you're feeling isolated or on your own in a situation,

knowing that everything in life is always changing and you're already on the move to somewhere new, you're literally on your way. You haven't even noticed that it's like you're literally like you're halfway there Like you're you're so close to literally bumping into Your favorite person alive sort of thing like you are so on the brink always There's always the potential of like new things coming to you love that you didn't have before like it's yeah Also, it does come from weird places yeah like it really does like I don't know sometimes you do meet someone

like even when we met we met in a room in a house in fucking this weird place and stuff like where it was it your your living room? no it wasn't was it? wasn't it? oh god I'm thinking of our second... no no no the first time we met was at a weird party where I said to Alice the girl next to you looks like Selena Gomez talking about you. thank you so much. and that was the first time we met as if I would know god look at the trajectory we've had I wouldn't think that we were there talking about does Voldldemort have a dick? voldemort's cast like i did think though that wasn't that time but i remember them meeting you again and i thought

there's something there with that girl. i remember thinking the same about you i went away and said she's a good storyteller. yeah i like that thanks for that. Which is not something you say about everyone. I also, knowing you, obviously like, I know now that I know you, I know that when you compliment someone, you mean it, and especially if you don't know them, or like your first impression of me being, I'll take two, Selena Gomez and the storytelling stuff, that's really high praise coming from you.

Like that really, yeah, it's like, God, I got away with that because I almost would think you would come away and be like, fuck, I was a bit annoying sort of thing. Or like, I don't know. I think knowing you now is, I know what that would have meant. Like you don't take that lightly. Being like, I'm a storyteller, she's a great storyteller.

Yeah, it means I actively really liked you. Yeah, that means like, oh. Here we go. And almost like, oh, I've garnered some respect from you in that moment. Do you know what I mean? Like now that I know you, I know what that means. Yeah, yeah.

And you don't think, oh, great storyteller lightly, just about any old folk. No, because I do think that's a rare skill to have to be a good storyteller. I guess it is yeah. It is like I don't it's really specific as well like who have you ever met in your life and think they're a good storyteller. No no never. Like I think it's so weird to like retrospectively look back on that comment. Yeah. Now that we have all of this and you literally tell stories on a thing

you're talking and talking telling telling all these things look at you telling your dream in this beautiful storytelling manner I thought the first thing I ever thought of you was great storyteller. It's like That is weird. It's really nice because it tells me that you came away from that. I obviously held you for a moment there I obviously had you I don't know what stories I was telling But like interesting that you came away being like she's a great storyteller not just like Oh that was interesting when she was saying about that dog or like oh Did oh my god, we need to speak about that Wagamama's thing It's like no no it wasn't even the content of what I was saying that you came away with it was how I did it

Which how it obviously had you you felt like you were being told a story is like totally that means a lot coming from you I think thank you so much. I don't know why. It really does. It does, Sefi, because I feel like you could easily just come by and be like, nothing to say about that girl. But you didn't, you said great storyteller, which is like, oh, thank you so much. You are though.

Thank you. I do think as well, like we are really good, and I think generally, and I think it is a real, it's probably like an over-emphasised kind of rapid thing about quote unquote female friendships of like the kind of, in terms of like giving each other love and support, kind of bring each other up, that sort of thing. But I do think that is also a common thread in my life that I always feel most comfortable.

Yeah, I was about to say I haven't asked you. No, no need. To see the mark we're coming to but it's like maybe you can weave into this. You didn't ask? But yeah, no, this is... Yeah, weave in. I think that's of any relationship really where I feel most comfortable is knowing that like we are personally invested in one another and it's just purely nice, loving.

Like there's a genuine care for each other to be feeling good and I feel like in my relationships there's always a lot of room for us to be like not feeling good or talk about like the shittiness even in ourselves of being like, like we were saying in the other episode of being like, I'm just being a bitch sorry sort of thing. I feel like there's a frankness that I really need in my capital F female capital friendships. Only female friendships. I hate it. Suddenly weird. horrific. That is the term, right?

Yeah. Maybe we'll call it something else. Alright, well anyway. It's like a bit JK Rowling. I don't, yeah, no I hate it. I actively hate it. So maybe let's not call it that. Detest. Yeah, I totally detest. Alright, bye, summer, summer, summer, summer, summer. Summer, summer, summer. That's another nice one. Yeah.