Goes Without Saying - reset routines: anxious anxious girls need to prioritise themselves

Episode Date: January 24, 2022

#NoRmaLiSiNg finding life overwhelming 100% of the time. sephy & wing discuss their experience with burnout and mental health slumps (it’s their forte) and how they recover (they’re still learning).join the conversation every monday.come and chat in our book club!speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram!you’re invited to our discord group chat: https://discord.gg/zuPH7gyeGp Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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to the wild world of queer animals. So get ready to gag on knowledge and tune in to Think Queen, where the world of STEM gets a major makeover. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. It goes without saying you're listening to Goes Without Saying and I'm Sephi and I'm Wing. This episode is all about how to reset your life if you're feeling like a bit stagnant like you're just in kind of a rut with your life and you just cannot why do i want to say see the wood for the trees you want to see you want to get out of your headspace change up the mindset nice spin it up wing said this episode is a bit of a hot shower she said which I quite like we're talking about reset routines how to shift up your mindset and just said that we've just had a whole conversation

about how Sophie says she hates the intro and I was like you don't you just put too much pressure on the intro they're fine I think it's just in your head but now actually I'm there I think I'm thinking yeah you do hate the intro sounds like I've got a gun to your head i find it really difficult to sum up a conversation that we've just had so that's basically it the title speaks for itself enjoy enjoy the episode guys take one intro no take one fucking hell good start um so we've just been speaking about smear tests for a bit yeah we really need to book them and if you haven't had yours then this is honestly i'd be quite pissed off it's like um new episode of a podcast and i turn it on there's admin vaginal

admin reminding me that i haven't i know haven't done my admin so you're gonna tell me to take my asos parcels back as well like it, it's really annoying. I know. But you do need to do it, guys. So let's do it together as a team. What's the, is it when you're 25 you need to start having that? When you're 25, you get a letter, which really, I think it should be way earlier, obviously. Everyone knew I was going to say that. But yeah, when you're just, when you're turning 25, the NHS sends you a letter.

Is that what happened to you? Yeah. Yeah. Because I got, I got a letter when I was only 24. I was a young spring chicken. 24? Yeah. Yeah, you'll be 24.

It was before you turned 25. I thought you were supposed to get it on your 25th birthday, kind of your Hogwarts letter showing up through the door. No post on Sundays. They show up at your birthday party. I thought it was that situation that when you turn 25, this letter will arrive that tells you time for your smear this person comes out dressed as a big vagina that's kind of what

i was expecting hagrid to come through the door jumps out of the cake with the big cake that says time to get your smear or smell but no i got it when i was 24 early oh my god yeah well we were just saying i've had one before this is not good advertising i didn't love the experience obviously you wouldn't would you but it's we have to do them guys i know so there you go if you book yours i'll book mine i will do it i need to do it yeah let's book them for next week maybe we should do them when i come to bryson next week what a miserable get us together worst idea i've ever heard dinner then a smear should we go live in the okay well now we've got that out the way yeah how are you oh i'm all right how are you yeah i'm all right thanks to everyone

who um sent their condolences to me on the last episode i really had a breakdown don't bother listening to it if you haven't listened to it I mean it's a great episode I loved that episode which sounds weird because there were tears in that episode but I just felt like it was a roller coaster I just loved I loved speaking to you that day I just had a really good time with you it's been downhill since there we haven't oh my goodness it's been downhill like nothing else so we tried to record yesterday I'm just gonna say this we tried to record yesterday. I'm just going to say this. We tried to record yesterday. I burst into tears.

Before we started. I was having a bad body dysmorphia day. Before we started recording, I... Just having none of it. Literally couldn't stop crying. So we had to stop. So we're trying again today. Because we couldn't really have two crying episodes in a row.

It wasn't even the crying. I want you to feel comfortable to cry. It's more so just we weren't, the energy was off. Oh, way off. Way off. Do you know what I mean? It's like we can't ignore, like, don't dismiss the feelings, you know? Totally.

Totally. So are the vibes off today? I don't know. I'm sure you'll let us know. They could be. Yeah. They could well be. I think that's it from me.

What about you? How are you? That's totally it from me. mean nothing's new had to pick up some kids from school yesterday that was pretty boring not your own kids we should say not my own kids no i haven't had two kids in the space of last week you're in one division yeah literally i haven't seen that well i started it so here's the thing guys i'm proposing a marvel bonanza yeah to seffy and i'm accepting the proposal she's accepted the proposal yes which is good news yeah what's that from yes yes a hundred times yes i think it's a jane austen thing yeah yes a hundred times yes yeah maybe it is i think it's from emma yeah it's from something

a hundred times yes yeah yeah starring gwyneth paltrow i was thinking of the new emma oh starring anya taylor joy it's not from that could not be that i don't know what it is yeah oh fuck knows fuck knows it's not that well it might be yeah i'd look whatever the vibes are off confirmed what's that from so boring such interesting combo you guys just love iDynamic i do think i'm really down for the marvel bonanza because wing loves marvel and i've never seen anything yeah who knew i that was me i've only ever seen the toby mcguire spider-man yeah and you saw um uh homecoming far from home you saw far from home far from home because i said to her you're gonna really like this film because i'd already seen it in the cinema and i feel asleep we used to have great times in the cinema and i said come with me let's go watch it again because i knew

you'd like it because it's a school trip vibe and you were 100% right you were yes a thousand times yes right yeah have we spoken about the time that in the cinema once we got there half an hour early and we decided to sit there for half an hour and talk about the things that we love I think most times we got there a half an hour early absolutely I get funny about like being late to the cinema if i'm even one minute late we're turning around to go back home oh it's ruined it's ruined cancelled yeah absolutely cancelled but we got there like really early and then we sat there and we said should we do superlatives it's kind of the bones of compliments to the chef it really did lay the foundations for compliments to the chef we were giving each other bread for the table kind of laid the foundations

for our whole kind of marriage counseling vibe that we have so true that's what they recommend in marriage counseling go to the cinema and just talk about what you love about each other for half an hour yeah talk freely about the poor people arriving to see the film whilst we're in the middle of that jesus are those girls crying are they sobbing film hasn't started are they saying you're the most loving so odd most loving so strange good times yeah great times let's go to the cinema like next week do you want to okay i would love to or let's do something fun what can we see though we could see licorice pizza yeah we could is it out in cinema is it out like in big cinemas though or is it kind of i don't know i don't know

fuck knows we should arrange this really off the podcast yeah so what time are you gonna get here you're on your way okay bye see you soon what are you gonna wear oh for god's sake right this episode yeah shall we reset i would like to make this reset thing a bit more um a bit more intentional for me okay you're already so intentional to me yeah so i've heard so i've heard in today's compliments to the chef that we did before we started yeah before oh yeah we saved that for off the put we saved the interesting conversation about what should we see at the cinema for the podcast thought you guys couldn't miss out on that i know i've spoken about being disciplined before on the podcast but i do feel like taking care of myself is something that i'm trying to

be more disciplined about and i feel like if i for some people this is not gonna work but but because it and also I totally get the whole what this episode isn't going to be is like an interesting conversation or like commentary on like the online like buzzwords and discourse around like self-care and like reset routine and like healthy habits like I'm not commenting on that today personally I don't know if you've got any comments up your sleeve, Sefi, but... CBA. Yeah, CBA to get into it. There is good and bad. CBA. Pros and cons to these YouTube titles that you're clicking on.

But I think a really defined reset routine for me would be quite, I don't know, a good idea. Probably a lot of things that would be a good idea to be honest i think one of the hardest bits is knowing when you need to reset though because i think i kind of plow through my life a few two like a few days too long before i realized you should probably reset it's like oh if i could just identify a great beginning of the spiral the very first step before you fall down the fucking staircase yeah you might need to take a step back that would be great but i'm really bad at identifying when i feel bad same in the early step but yeah before you know it it's too late i agree we actually had a comment saying something

like that let me read it i'm kind of so deep in my ruts that i don't realize i'm in one and just wait until it leaves which i think there's a i think it's a good thing to have the whole patience vibe because i feel like that is something that i really need to have is like if i feel basically if i feel like i'm putting pressure on myself like we can't do this you can't be like this right now you have things to do get up get up you need to do this like blah blah if i'm putting the stress on like sort your fucking shit out you have time for this it makes me feel like but i can't do it i can't i feel even more not capable yeah do you know what i mean so it's like the balance of because you're piling the shame on exactly how often do you think you um no judgment here how often do you think you get in

like a bit of a bad time i think think I have bad times throughout every day. Yeah, that sounds good. I think I go through, honestly, the ringer every day. Every day. Through the ringer, you've been in the ward. Through the ringer. I definitely have like manic ups and downs throughout every day. But I think I only get hit by like a bad bad time

when it's like long overdue right kind of you've been stepping into that and then i all it all breaks at once i think i do a real i'm not someone really that gets sad in like a wallowing yeah way i don't really i'm not very slow i don't take my time which is stupid i'll either be ecstatically insane in one way or i'll go the other way where i'll be kind of like hysterically crying furious i never really like it will flip before even i realize it like one second i'm like i need to cry i don't know why i need to cry oh my god yeah you know what we kind of had this yesterday tell me to stop if you want me to stop about where when you were getting upset and you kept being like i'm fine i don't know why i'm crying i'm

really fine and i was like i know you're fine but i also think part of what you're experiencing is being like oh the story that you had told yourself in a kind of brené brown kind of way the story that you had told yourself was you weren't going to cry today because you felt fine so then now when you're crying you're like what what no no i'm not doing this today this wasn't my day and it's very confusing and like feels very unsettling so it's like not only you crying because you're feeling the emotions of crying it's also like no i'm fine i'm fine it's like i believe that you're fine i I know you are. But also you're just experiencing this emotion right now. Doesn't mean you're not fine. It was definitely that

because I think I had told myself. Just stop before you, sorry, just stop before you go in. Are we happy to just take a second to think about, I don't want it to be like, I've brought this up and then you speak about it for 10 minutes and then actually you're like, you know what, I didn't want to talk about that. Yeah. I think it's fine up until this point, but just think about how much you give here in terms of what you want to give yeah i'm gonna give like a smaller version yeah i think it's because it was confusing because i was making a decision that was good for me but i think i forget how hard those things can be like it's almost was a counterintuitive thing that i was doing oh fuck it no i don't want to give

anything you don't have to give anything that can go in it's just it's just too much it's too much it's it's kind of um talk about it in past tense not when you're still in it yeah no I'm too in it but I think that was fine just whatever I mean it just made no sense what I said I just wanted to stop you before we talk about it for 15 minutes yeah and then it's like i don't think this episode is right do you know what i mean it's just almost what i think i i don't know what i think because i think sometimes i i almost think what would be quite good for me is i this is probably what everyone else does normal human beings i guess take like every sunday or whatever a couple of hours to just do a minimal reset and they just feel quite good whereas i will just go for like months on end just like me okay oh my god i'm miserable oh my god i'm like this whatever yeah

oh but you you acknowledge that you're miserable in that time because i think i can't even acknowledge myself that i'm miserable i'm like i'm fine i'm fine no you're okay i think a lot of the time i'm i know i'm not good and I don't care enough about myself to take the time to do the things that I know will make me feel better. I'm just like, well, fuck you. Fucking keep feeling shit then, you piece of shit. Yeah, no, that is it.

Which is really healthy. Well, it's like you don't have time. For me, it's like when I'm in misery, when I'm feeling bad, there could be a list of things that I know will make me feel good but the thought of doing them is not good to me so i'm not going to do them do you know what i mean and i think that's it it's kind of we know all of these things i could list 10 things that will be

on every youtube video reset routines how i get myself out of a slump blah blah blah and it's like and what everyone said i journal i take a walk i clean my room i have a shower i have a healthy meal i get off social media that's five off the top of my head look at me go yeah i take a walk. I clean my room. I have a shower. I have a healthy meal. I get off social media. There's five off the top of my head. Look at me go. Yeah, I take a time off my phone. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature.

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Blah, blah, blah. podcasts everywhere aks.com but when you're in when it's too late basically that's why it's kind of important that if you could just have a healthy dose of a reset routine every now and then rather than burn yourself into oblivion and then be like shit i could really do with the reset routine right about now clicks on a youtube video saying my reset routine so it's too late for you it's too late now do you know what it reminds me of a quote that we used to be quite i think we quite liked this back in the day i don't think we've spoken about this in ages but this was like one of our early kind of takes when we first started like instagram it was a quote that said create a life so like caring of yourself that you don't need a self care routine or something like that and it's like that's nice i remember we quite liked it but then

i remember saying it once i went i did this poetry thing for a while and it was like with this group of people and there was one thing like they were like what's a quote you've had recently and i said oh my god i heard this one where it's like create a life so good that you don't need to escape it sort of thing and they're like uh that's a lot of pressure to put on yourself. And I thought, okay, was it that good? Is it? What do I actually think? And then I just actually think, no, I do agree with the quote, that girl doesn't know what she's talking about. Bad faith. Living in world bad faith.

That's I think it, for me, it just comes down to know, and it's what I've said before, tell us all this time, nowhere to push. Yeah. Because someone said, so here's a little thing that I wanted to talk about this. So someone said,

they said, bit weird, this is not me saying it, they said, bit weird, I decide the aesthetic of the day will be cozy, i.e. a slow morning shower, Netflix. And I was going to talk about this because it's kind of like, it's the kind of romanticize your life thing.'s like if you put a name on it what's the aesthetic of my day yeah have you not thought i never think of that really i never think of it

in terms of what's the aesthetic i more think of like kind of i don't i honestly i'm so unintentional i don't think you know i don't think i'm so unintentional i just before i know it i've got up and i've done my things yeah like i don't i never think of like oh today's gonna be a reckless aesthetic i'm superficial libra vibes i think of the aesthetic i'm like what is this what are we giving what's the look today like what's it like but there's there's the obviously pros and cons of it is that for some people that would be too much pressure of thinking about like why are you putting is that a performance like what is that like an aesthetic on your day like just live just live freely like we could go there we wanted to but i can't bothered you guys get what that take would be and for some in some ways that's completely

true but i also think if that works for you and i kind of feel like not only with this podcast but kind of with the reset routine for me is about take what works for you learning what works for you is like a long process take what works you just disregard other things everything else and i also think don't have any attachment to specific things so well we're just easily done just don't have any attachment to anything be Be attached to nothing. But kind of sometimes, so something might make you feel better. Like, oh, when I journal and I go for a nice walk, it makes me feel loads better.

That's great. But then one time you might feel bad and you go for a walk and you do your journaling and then you think, I still feel like shit. And I think sometimes certain things are going to work. Certain things won't work. You might do yoga for six months straight and then not do it again for six months doesn't mean oh my god i need to get back into i need to get back into i need to get back into this you can do it when you

want some kind of habits and routines you can just pick them up and drop them as and when you need them do you know what i mean don't force it yeah entirely and also we've said this before but but it's not the things that you would expect that would relax you what sometimes you need to reset and to make your life feel good isn't always the stunning things like if you drink a matcha ice matcha in the morning and you get outside and you read your book which by the way sounds amazing and you do your yoga and you eat your breakfast and blah blah blah those things might make you happy but it also might be you need to go to a party you need to get your smear take your asos passes back yeah you need to go and have a fucking bit of metal shoved up your vagina like it doesn't always sound like great okay that's

fucking restful that's amazing all of this stuff but it's like actually maybe it is you need to watch the most gruesome horror movie you've ever fucking seen i agree it's not always gonna be oh if you do your skincare routine yeah i wish it was if i do my skincare routine i feel great but actually sometimes you don't feel great sometimes you don't feel great and sometimes it's like actually what you need to do is let your hair get a bit fucking dirty and go outside and live a bit in the real life in the real world i think it's about learning what does and doesn't do you know i mean like the willingness to try things and the willingness to let things go and yeah being fluid i think it's so difficult to be fluid because if the one thing that humans want is to belong is to be accepted

in like a society and to be similar to everyone else, but also be exceptional within that. Not a big ask. Kind of a hard life we've all got. Yeah. But that is kind of what we want, to be exceptional, but belong. Weird. I don't know. It's like, okay, so it'd be great if they could be the same things as everyone else.

could be the same things as everyone else and it would be great if they were like the most neat and aesthetic and oh my yay the aesthetic of my day that i need today is for example cozy love the vibe it's a cozy vibe i'm gonna have a shower do my face mask all of the stuff i'm gonna maybe phone my friend and it's gonna be like a cozy stunning day i'm gonna go and get a hot chocolate stunning i want to come with you so do i but it's also like the aesthetic of the day could actually be you need to let your hair down yeah you need to chill the fuck out go to some grotty fucking bar with your friend and get drunk and talk to them i'm not suggesting you do that but kind of are though like why not i'm not suggesting go to a grotty fucking dangerous bar. We're not saying start an alcohol problem.

Yeah, yeah. It could be start ruining your life. Turn to substances. But I do think it could be something a bit unattractive and a little bit like weird, like I don't know, a little bit dodgy. A little bit not from a mold, from a cookie cutter not from the prescription of social media not from anything that comes from the the tendencies of the discourse of

self-care it could be nothing to do with that and what a young pretty young girl should be doing fuck that do what what do what a fucking ugly 50 year old man's doing yeah they're the happiest people in this fucking world they've got everything so do what they fucking do don't become a banker fury become a banker eat lunch at your desk every day become depressed cheat on your wife sleep with a prostitute i mean okay i really like this message somebody said i just shake things up every now and then picking new hobbies changing diet making new vision boards etc really stunning and actually i was thinking this this morning because when we woke up i kept saying to my boyfriend i'm really excited for today i'm really excited for today not that anything's happening but i was it kind of made me think when i'm in a good mindset i am excited 100 i think i i feel excitement i think more i think that feels more like happiness to me when i'm excited if i think

about my sadness is like hopelessness and like i'll just slip out the back door and no one will notice kind of thing yeah the opposite of that is like- Oh God, that is so horrific. I know, sorry. Let me just not drop that in. I actually just quickly want to say off the back of the last episode, I just, I think what I was trying to say is I hope-

I think you said it perfectly, by the way. And I, not even I hope, because I think it will be happening. Thanks. But I just don't want any of you to think that you could slip out the back door and no one would notice because this is your earth.

You are supposed to be here. Your is valid take your time there is no rush this is all yours for the taking whatever you want this life to be it's all yours that's my crux stunning anyway i woke up feeling excited because i think that's the kind of opposite of where my sadness is in the sense that if i feel like there's no hope and no point the opposite is like i'm really excited for today even if i literally have nothing in the diary or nothing particularly like exciting on paper it's just that feeling of i'm looking forward to it and i think that's a really nice i think doing things like this person said like just trying to just change things up in maybe even in a really nice i think doing things like this person said like just trying to just change things up in maybe even in a really minute way like just try a new meal or even

something you haven't eaten in a long time or like going you go and read it at one park or go and read it a different on the other side of town like yeah just small things where you can almost like artificially inseminate you can almost just pluck and drop a little taste of excitement in your day it wouldn't have you know i mean you're you're manufacturing that feeling yeah consciously with intention basically and that's kind of the incredible thing about emotions you can kind of give yourself then cheat the system there's a huge fucking quote that we say on this podcast all the time which is something along the lines of i forgot it now suddenly i'll remember it what is it i don't know what you're gonna say it's like give yourself everything you once desired from others now oh everything you once desired from others you give to yourself now yeah now now and that's that you can you can give

yourself the feeling of excitement by doing something exciting yeah you can give yourself the feeling of joy by doing something joyful obviously it's not as fucking easy as i want to be happy oh my god i did something happy now i'm happy no flick a switch yippee not that easy no one is saying that but i do think there is something about i used to have a thing when i was at school i was like i one of my favorite feelings in the world and i'm sure it's most people's one of people's favorite feelings about is like belly laughing when your belly is aching aching aching and i was like why can't i have that every day yeah i need to have that every day so i uh curated

like a youtube um playlist playlist of hilarious things that i watched every day super highbrow comedy but it was horrific because now if i look back it's like shane dawson and fucking louis ck but like things that i thought hilarious when i was in year 11 and i just watched all of this stuff and i guaranteed i would laugh every single day i would have like a big fucking laugh every day and i think yeah even though i probably wasn't happy at that time i wasn't a happy person i still was laughing every day you're getting your laughs in like getting your steps in literally and i knew that i there would be there would be two minutes during that day that i would be smiling and laughing like you can cultivate you know what the opposite of that is oh no go on sorry no just you

can you can artificially inseminate a little bit of laughter you don't have any friends that are making you laugh but you can artificially inseminate a laugh into you also i had loads of friends i literally was like you might not have any friends but you can artificially inseminate a little bit of excitement i'm so sorry it's like all of my friends at friends i like i've had a lot quite a lot sorry i've more than than i do now oh my god i was gonna say you know the opposite of that is kind of being on tiktok for an hour and like doing a little a little like extra air out of your nose kind of laugh like twice yeah but that's not good enough for an hour's input of scrolling no that's what i'm saying the opposite of that the opposite of that yeah yeah totally is unintentionally opening an app spending

two hours there and like getting kind of five percent of enjoyment out of it rather than taking some dedicated time and also about 10 triggering things in the meantime exactly yeah you're just flooding yourself with a load of shit so some of it will stick someone's gonna roll right off but if you actually took the time to just revisit the ones that you've liked or go to the ones that you've just sent your friend or xyz you're gonna have a much more curated experience and a less risky yes tight concise experience rather than just diving in the fucking deep end and just taking on yeah i might get bit by a shark i might see a beautiful flounder but chances are yeah you're gonna be in alive on the way yeah use your brain dummies come on guys get a grip get a grip where are we what are we thinking the idea of the fact that this is a

normalized behavior and no wonder we all need a fucking reset routine if this is what we do every day we wake up our eyes open to this crazy fucking world our alarms going beep beep beep beep and we go okay before you've got someone next to you going i'm really excited for today i'm really excited for today that's that's amazing but realistically what is you realize you've got to be out the fucking door in half an hour but you've got just enough time to open up the world's most risky app that gives you minute long sort of artificially inseminated things of laughter fear joy trigger anxiety hilarious yeah yeah it's literally like no wonder you're like i think i need to have a bath today yes like honestly that and the rest i think i need to do a skincare routine i need to read in a different park today it's like maybe we should cut out the fucking

shit that's making us need to reset. And this is the quote that I said at the poetry thing and they all said, no, don't think so. Little did they know you had a podcast that you were going to spread this misinformation to thousands of people. Literally, you've met too much pressure. Well, I'm going to add some more pressure to you.

But maybe it is a better idea to create a life that isn't filled with shit and i don't mean go live in the bahamas quit your job go live in the bahamas and drink mango smoothies every day i'm not saying live in this fucking blissful utopia i'm saying maybe there are some behaviors that we have in our lives that make it so that we need to reset our lives every month why don't we just remove that shit yeah realistically it's not actually adding anything and i remember the day i deleted tiktok was over a year ago now and i haven't gone back to it i was absolutely addicted to tiktok i loved it loved it loved it loved it got me definitely definitely got me through the pandemic i would say the first bit of lockdown but actually i would say did it or was i just did it get me through I would use that as a bit of thing oh my

TikTok was so great got me through the lockdown don't know if it did I was just on it all the fucking time the minute I deleted it I never thought of it again I was a bit gutted when my friend told me about this whole sea shanty thing that I missed but other than that I didn't give a shit yeah I did not give a shit i don't think there are certain things i'm not just talking about tiktok because i do think the algorithm is absolutely incredible sublime it's just yeah honestly divine unbeatable true cannot be beaten they've tried it youtube shorts instagram reels they're all trying it cannot beat that algorithm but it's like okay so maybe there are some other behaviors in your life that you just do um almost unconsciously you open your eyes and you do this thing or you

maybe you wouldn't need to have such a strict skincare regime or take a long bath or read in a different park or any of these things maybe actually you can just wipe out some of the things that are causing you stress in your life eliminate things that's why i was saying as well at the beginning that it's all about learning what isn't isn't working for you because i think the crux of that if you wouldn't mind me offering one i would love a crux is to take responsibility for your own actions in your life which i honestly don't want to do no i'm like i'm a bit annoyed at that like because i would love someone else take responsibility yeah like fuck off.

Like can someone else book my smear? Like, oh Jesus. Where's God when you need him? Yeah, honestly. But it's literally, it goes without saying, it's the only way, it's the only choice we've got. And by not taking responsibility and not being intentional and not kind of being disciplined

is only making it worse for me. It's nobody's coming,ry it is yeah nobody's coming to book your smear and nobody's coming to delete tiktok for you and nobody's coming to be like maybe you should learn guitar i mean maybe this is us coming maybe this is technically someone coming are we actually harry's dad yeah are we the patronus after all yeah what's your patronus it's these two girls they have this podcast called close out saying and they come out and they just like spew out a load of shit and the dementors like run away it's really fun i mean that's the worst thing you're

expecting your dad's patronus to arrive and it's us harry nobody's coming harry we're shaking you stunning scene by the way serious soul serious soul is getting sucked out this is resounding so much but i have to stop you here assume the worst guys bye peace out bye that would be i mean what a big twist nobody's coming coming harry but it turns out it's us we're coming harry we were coming harry oh shit not me not on my new you so embarrassing um can i ask yes no pressure is there something that something you haven't really spoken about before oh dear a little bit of pressure maybe just something like oh i think i might know where you'll go with this i'm trying to not not i'm trying to steer you in a certain direction i'm trying to predict my words do you want to just do the answer the

question and the answer you can do it but i think maybe you haven't really oh i don't know but i'm gonna say let me not say that maybe you haven't realized this thing about you that you do that is horrific it's a good thing it's a you do that is horrific it's a good thing it's a habit that you've got it's a good thing oh my goodness okay go on um but i was gonna say what is like not that it's a habit but what is there anything that you've basically learned that like you could do more in your life that like whenever you do it you feel good so you should probably factor it in a bit more what's the thing you think sorry because i was trying to guess what you would think i know she wouldn't think that she wouldn't think that what's she

gonna think go on i was thinking this is not necessarily like the direct answer to that question but i just thought this might be where your mind goes is that i know with book club you've been getting back into reading big time so i was thinking maybe it's reading oh my god yeah 100 i wouldn't have thought that straight away but yeah no it definitely is that well that's what i said you might not have realized yeah no i might not realize i definitely i'm so grateful for us having the patreon book club because it just has opened such a door for me. I think I was in such a rut with reading that almost it's like I wanted to be like reading actively for ages. I mean, since uni where I had to read so fucking much,

I just hadn't read. I think it really actually, I'd underestimated how much the experience of reading so much academic books had put me off. Did you read a lot at uni? Well, I read academic books. Oh, yeah yeah that's true you're reading fiction but you're thinking okay so i can bring that up and i can talk about it's

like you're not ever reading for the joy of reading you didn't read for pleasure yeah and it didn't put me off doing like watching films but i do think it it changes the way you read and i think just reading for that experience of i'm reading a book and I never have to fucking talk about it unfortunately I actually do in the in the book club I actually do but I really read that book as a consumer yeah which was so great yeah that is good if you want to join our patreon book clubs and there is no pressure to at all but I'm just going to mention it because people keep dming like when can we join you can join at any time but if you join at the beginning of the month you can read the book along with us and then um at the end of the month we're doing like a bunch

of zooms and you guys can join but join at the beginning of next month maybe if you want to come because you were saying as well about how reading was a different experience to watching tiktok which is so profound should have really gone without saying to be honest what genius i am god but i think that it's just it's a different pace isn't it i struggled with how slow reading was well because you were like i'm a slow reader i'm a slow reader and i was like you're not a slow reader i'm telling you no no i am i am i genuinely am a slow reader and i always have been a slightly slow reader oh really i think i think i am a slow reader like after reading but i i don't hate it i just really think i know i take time and not even intentionally it just takes me a long time to read and i think

that puts me off because i'm like fuck okay it takes me time to read a book and all this but i really you don't want to feel like you're slugging behind don't want to miss a sentence and i really go back quite a lot like if i feel like i didn't you know when you're reading and your eyes are going over the words and you're like fuck i didn't take any of that in yeah i really always go back yeah the last two paragraphs where did they go yeah yeah definitely i was thinking about something else i always go but i really want to like take it in because i would never do that in a film like tune out and things I'm really in it for sure yeah so I just I think I am a slow reader and I don't hate that I just think I am so I've been so kind of a fucking tidal wave of media has been thrown over me in my life and it's so fast paced of film tv

twitter instagram all of this shit it's like yeah okay so looking at a page of a book I'm like boring yeah I'm boring where are the pictures where is fucking tom holland yeah what am i looking at here um i was a bit like oh fucking hell and then i got in and i just thought god reading is what i've missed reading a book that's so see so good so fun and you didn't even realize no i didn't realize that you were gonna i didn't think you were gonna go there i was gonna pull that out of you is there something that you think you like have missed in your life yeah watching tv oh so nice watching tv like watching some new watching a new dedicated movie or something yeah watching a show because i would just read mindlessly would be one not mindlessly but like i would be reading a lot and i would be

on social media a lot and i would be just going about my day and i would be re-watching things a lot especially in the pandemic it's just like i would just put on something i've seen before oh my god yeah every night the office is on the office i the amount of the office that i have consumed yeah i don't think i go a day without watching the office which is slightly worrying but it's like i need to get to dundum like every day is me returning home to dundum I don't think I go a day without watching The Office, which is slightly worrying. But it's like, I need to get to Dundam. Like every day is me returning home to Dundam. Yeah.

It's like, let's go to work. Yeah. It's like time to clock in. It's insane. Where would you, sorry, this is just an office thing. Yeah. I've been thinking about it quite, I've been thinking it quite a bit recently. If you had to sit anywhere in The Office, where would you sit?

Oh, shit. it's quite tricky like you're a new employee at dunder mifflin where would you sit oh i don't like that because that oh that puts a lot of pressure on it doesn't it i know i've been really thinking about it because annex out of the off the cards i don't you can't be in the annex yeah you may as well kill well kill yourself. Because I think the good table is where Pam starts to sit later, as in with the table with Jim and Dwight, but you're a bit close to Michael. I think you have to be close to Michael. It's Steve Carell's show. You're a new employee, I'm thinking.

I'm thinking you have to be somewhere in those ranks. You have to be with Pam. You have to be with Jim and Dwight and Michael. You have to be. I think that is probably the best seat. The seat that Pam takes later. What you're thinking kind of next to Stanley. Maybe Phyllis's seat is quite good.

Well, that's what I was. That was the other option. But you're with. She's the bridge of. Stanley and Andy. The accounting department. Yeah. And then Stanley.

Yeah. And Andy. And then on the other side is Jim and Dwight. yeah and andy and then on the other side is jim and dwight and then later pam and and michael on the other side and you can turn around you've got your back to dwight so that's fine but if you look to your left slightly jim's there don't quite like having my back to dwight don't really trust that no he's like pulling a knife he's gonna shoot me in the head yeah yeah like i don't maybe andy's would be quite good you've got full scope of everything that's going on you're in between stanley and phyllis but then

there is quite a thing about phyllis having like smelly perfume which i don't necessarily like that's gonna put me right off stanley i don't know if he'd be he wouldn't be about talkative which would be my issue if he has a heart attack i'm done i can't do you know what i mean like yeah i kind of want to be i want to be up top i want to be at the front the only problem i have with sitting in that seat with jim and dwight is jim and pam are just flirting the whole time and you're just stuck with dwight i'm kind of thinking me jim and pam have come to some sort of arrangement where i well that's the thing that's the thing it only works if you're flirting with jim i think maybe some we've had some artificial insemination going on of romance yeah well i'm thinking of kind of what's her name

cc or something it's like maybe i'm carrying a child i've literally had artificial insemination you're carrying their child something or or maybe they have a non-romantic relationship and i've stomped all over the whole thing and it's all about me and jim yeah that's quite good okay yeah just wanted to know where on the floor plan you'd place yourself i i think i think you're in and amongst the drama you have to be you don't you don't want to be hearing laughs from the other side of the office and you think what's going on there you don't want to be where toby is and you have to traipse over and say hi guys what are we talking about oh my goodness miserable miserable you have to be in and amongst it well you don't want to be meredith and creed that area's bad i would come out you're coming out a different person you're

spending every day with the likes of meredith and creed it's kind of if you're the smartest in the room you're in the wrong room it's like if you're surrounded by meredith and creed you're coming out with to be honest you've you've turned to substance abuse totally to bring us back okay good good convo sorry if that alienated the non-office watchers maybe i mean if that alienated you i'd really recommend watching it goodness it gives me a similar feeling to go without saying actually pure comedic genius oh my god such genius i was saying the other day the best shows in my opinion that have ever been made are game of thrones yeah i would say succession and the office i do i do feel like i'm joking but i do also think

the office does give me a similar feeling of if you're listening to this podcast to feel connection and to feel comfort with these random kooky characters and crazy girls when losers it's genuinely comfort then yes it's very comforting yeah it's genuinely like the safest world you could be in i think once you know them it's just there it's just so that's my cozy reset routine it's really nice actually great show it's a great yeah it's a great show well this is what i'm anyway but i'm also trying to watch new things that was what i was saying but you've really sold me on actually just not watching anything else other than the office yeah but i do find that when i watch new things i just feel so inspired i so get that yeah is this from defending jacob and and excited i guess it brings some sort of excited defending jacob was

great and i watched marriage story oh yeah of course which i was really singing the praise of scarlett johansson because what what of oh just phenomenal performance just so beautiful yeah just so like i'm every word i'm in on every word i'll take whatever you give me and you're giving me everything and i'm sucking up suck all the teat i love it scarlett johansson i loved it it was i just love like a real kind of internal yeah i really like it i really want to watch you really have sold me on it but the thing is they are all wearing she looks like she's wearing shirts quite a lot and i really she is wearing little shirts i don't know whether i've mentioned my phobia of shirts and buttons and shit but it's a whole fucking thing it is real it's all gone is it real

but i just find it really it's also it's like i'm dedicating time to watch this and it's something new it's just it's exciting it's nice yeah i just need to watch more tv i think can i recommend one for you sure i feel like we're really recommending this is the recommendation podcast did you recommend something to me the other day is it what you're gonna say i would highly recommend dope sick and i've finished it now it's on disney plus yeah i was gonna watch it yesterday it's great okay about the opioid crisis all star cast absolutely amazing cast michael keaton is now i would say one of my favorite actors wow really i love michael keaton now. Okay, I will watch it. Can't stop Googling him.

But this is not going to be a comforting show to me. Oh, do not watch that as a comfort. But I'm on the edge of my seat. Oh, no, no, you'll be. It's very depressing because it's real. It's based on a true story about what happened during the opioid crisis in America, which I knew nothing about.

And it's just about pharmaceutical companies being cunts am i cut out yeah i think you oh you can 100 handle it it's just one of these it's one of those things that you watch and you just become so angry at the world yeah i can do that it's unbelievable what they got away with they just paid their way out of killing thousands and thousands of people it's incredible dope sick it's on disney plus and somehow no one ever understands what we say on this podcast so it's dope sick on disney plus i was literally thinking so this morning got this really recommendation city and this is the last thing this might really isn't me a very quick point that i was listening to bobo and flex this

morning just for a quick nostalgia hit but if you have not yet listened to Bobo and Flex you're gonna really fall in love with them there's nothing like it there's no podcast like nothing they're amazing and I was thinking about how someone has sent me a screenshot once of someone who'd messaged saying what was that podcast that you guys mentioned was it um Fizzy and Bo which I thought was so funny I just don't think we can speak no we obviously no we we obviously can't because i replied just being like it's bobo and flex but i just thought god we must not be able to articulate ourselves we butcher things we absolutely annihilate the english language in every episode so now it's dope sick our instagram Instagram is seffy and wing.

And wing. This podcast you're listening to is called Goes Without Saying. And it's nobody is coming Harry. I love this message. Before I say it, I just want to reiterate that take what is going to work for you and disregard everything else. Because I know for a fact this is going this is gonna freak some people out i think but when we asked what people's kind of reset routine is what they do to kind of pull themselves back into a good space this person said and i saw myself with this person they said i remind myself of death and the things that i want to do in my life and that gets my head clear

brackets mostly and i know that you're the same, Sefi. You know what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. Some people, I get it totally, it's too much. It's kind of like being reminded that you're like a tiny dot on like a massive universe freaks people out. I really do get that. And I do feel like sometimes this might work for you

and sometimes it won't. But I think it's kind of, it's kind of, I'm pulling us back, I guess, to Nobody's Coming, Harry. It's kind of that sense of like, and I know I said actually at the beginning that I need to not feel like I have a time limit on myself and no pressure. But in the right mood when the environment is just right, having some sort of urgency brings me back to, because I think it's kind of, there's a fine line between urgency and excitement, for example. It kind of lights the fire of desire again to do something. It is, again, kind of one of the opposites of just like eternal hopelessness and just like doom and pointlessness and despair. The opposite of that is like lighting the fire under your ass and being like, fuck.

I've got shit to do. All right, no, I can do that. I'm going to go. Let me fucking do it yeah i mean we have fun do you know what i think i get the opposite feeling from the whole the planet is gonna explode you're a tiny speck there's a universe of stuff so it's like none of it matters it's almost like there's no urgency in that for me it's not right oh my god i'm a tiny speck i need to do things it's like oh fuck none of it matters yeah i can totally chill nothing matters yeah i get that too and then it's like it frees you up to be like what do i actually want to do yes yeah completely it's not oh well i need to

have done this by this time then i need to get my degree yeah no it's like what's a degree to an infinite universe nothing it's it's just a piece of paper it literally is take that to your graduation yeah it's what is it what is a degree to an alien what is a fucking um any milestone what's an alien to a failed job interview two sides but yeah i completely agree literally i think it takes all the pressure off me there is no urgency when i think of that and i do think of my death often if you couldn't tell no one is surprised and i and i love it i love the idea of like i'm hoping it's an old age i'm touching wood wood. I hope that for everyone here.

Touching wood for you, yeah. Even if you're listening thinking you hate us, I hope it for you. I do think there is something about recognising the reality of this is finite. This is a finite experience. That is so amazing. Like that is so relaxing to me.

I find it quite grounding because I think when you lose sight or you lose perspective yeah i've lost grip that sort of thing i forget that and it's the kind of thing of like i can't even i can't even understand that i'm here on this earth i'm having an experience it becomes so passive and so out of body that i'm just rolling through the motions of oh i'm just this person i just go through these things yeah and i just put in nowhere you know this is just what happens to me in this existence does i actually know i'm on earth for a limited amount of time how am i spending my time and who am i here what do i want all of these experiences what do i want and it's suddenly you

stop taking it for granted in the sense that and not oh you just take your life for granted but in a sense that it's like your life it becomes that it goes without saying that you're here it's like oh well this just is something that has happened to me and i've ended up here and it's like yeah you can either choose to go through it like it is the most mundane thing of oh what what do you do in this life oh i guess this is just how humans behave or you can think it's fucking strange that we're all here and then we've then all created these rules of the way that we do things and we're all just going along with that until the day that we die and then we hope that our family continue to live beyond us and then i played my role it's just a weird thing

it's like actually if i'm here and one day i'm not going to be here what do i want to do oh well if i want to stay in bed all day and watch the office i 100% should if i want to learn guitar and make a painting i 100% should do that if i have this time how should i spend it yeah do anything i want to go and sleep with a fucking hundred people i should 100% do that it's just you should go and literally do exactly what you want because it truly doesn't matter as long as it's not hurting anyone else is my little thing i'm gonna put on the end of that as long as it's not hurting anyone else you should do whatever the fuck you want doesn't matter yeah disclaimer so

sometimes thinking of the world dying is the best thing you can do my reset routine reset routine just contemplate death for a few moments and then I'm pulled right back. I really think nothing refreshes you like the realisation of the meaninglessness of this whole amazing experience. It is beautiful. I'm so sorry to leave you on that note if that doesn't feel good for you. Yeah no I totally would. Also you're totally right in that that isn't nice. You're in your rights. Yeah of course. What a horrific thought but also wow the power it's a powerful thing yeah exactly well it's the sooner it's kind of that classic thing is the sooner you can accept that then you can like get a move on with get on with it your happiness basically you can look at you can look at what you want why do you want it because it really the praise

you're gonna get from it it's gonna rot away like your body one day so what do you want that made it better that made them all feel better hope you're feeling good guys i hope so is that our wholesome ending your praise that you get will rot away like your body like your dead body okay bye well yeah i've got nothing else to say what do you have anything that you like any burning desires of things to say my burning desire is just say thanks because i really feel the connection same i think we we always talk about this that i don't know it i personally find it sometimes quite rare that you feel the love from it or you feel like yeah you can i don't know sense that something is

kind of in a good spot right now and i think we both feel that we're in quite a good spot with this right now i think we're really grateful for just like every single person for listening to this so just genuinely thank you i was saying yesterday i kind of have the thing of like i can always feel the goodness but sometimes i always feel a lot of badness. Yeah, yeah. And I think it's when I can lean out of the badness and just take, do you know what I mean? It's not that I can't feel the good,

it's that I've got too much bad in my head, yeah. Clouded, agreed. It's just all the goodness is just clouded by shit. And at the moment we must just be unclouded and we can see it. I honestly think we spent a good 45 minutes before recording today just like, like in a kind of weird state of just being like, what the fuck? This is amazing.

So fucking weird. So thank you for being a part of that. Genuinely. Shall we? Let's. So if you don't hear from us. Seem the worst.