Goes Without Saying - self-sabotage & self-loathing: likely place for her to be

Episode Date: November 18, 2024

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on overthinking brief encounters with acquaintances, self-obsession and self-awareness, 'acting normal' and neurodivergence. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I'm Wing. And I'm Sefi. This, I feel like, is a really nice episode. We're talking about all the ways that we self-sabotage and kind of really, um, oh just like validating like being a bit off, not being on great form, overthinking what you just said in that interaction that lasted 90 seconds and now you're going to take it with you for the next two weeks, overan analysing ourselves, the kind of self-sabotage of being self-aware, like the paradox of self-awareness in itself. We're just coming with a lot of love in this one. It feels like, you know, just coming back home, two friendly faces

waiting for you. Excited to hear what's gone on. Love you guys so much. Enjoy. Should we first of all just get something immediately off? Yeah, what's this? Off and out, out into the world that Sefi's housing situation has been resolved. Okay, right. I need to actually fully tell this story then. Yeah, you need to give the- First of all, I would like to say a special thank you to Emily.

Emily, Emily, Emily, love of my life. Thank you, Emily. Thank you so much. Emily is a lovely girl studying law that listened to this podcast that messaged me being like, I can help you. I sent her my full tenancy agreement. She came back with, oh my God, genuinely like the gratitude I feel is like insane.

She came back with like all this information, like all these clauses in my tenancy agreement. So good. She even, and i think this is what solved it she sent me a list of every registered hmo in norwich and the house i was living in was not on that so we got her we got the landlord she was fucked she was quaking in her boots so i sent a very nice message being like hey i don't think i should be having to pay anymore this is getting a bit ridiculous like i found three replacements and i dropped in the word hmo. hmo. and she got spooked. classy move. and she said to me i agree with your proposal of me not paying. yeah she said your proposal is a is what did she say?

i think she says your proposal is acceptable. Acceptable? Yeah. It's a weird way of saying I accept your proposal. Really strange. Your proposal is acceptable, it is, very much. So I'm out guys, I'm free. Thank you Emily and all the, the Emily at how, thank you to Emily and all the Emily adjacent out there.

Genuinely thank you so much, like it makes me feel, like it, it's just so grateful and also to have people with specific knowledge that I don't have that were like willing to help and physically like improved my life like that truly I was so anxious about it. Made a very tangible difference. Yeah you saved me like money. You saved my life! You kind of did! Genuinely though actually. Like My full deposit is getting returned. I got out of this really kind of scary, quite weird situation. Really difficult situation.

Oh my God, and I just felt so free that day. I was just walking around being like, oh my God. I'm done. It was actually a crazy moment. I also, I didn't think she was gonna let up that easy, but she did, the landlord. She did, it was the word HMO. She immediately, the white flag went up immediately,

which I love to see. So true. For any opposition, but this was my dream. This was the thing that I was like, I know there's people out there with knowledge that are happy to share, and I think it's also nice for the listener, just the listener in an abstract sense, not Emily specifically,

but just anybody. It's nice to be able to actively show up in that way. I feel like it is important for you. It validates you guys as well in not feeling like it brings you in closer. It allows you to feel like, oh, I'm like a valued listener of this podcast, which you are. So fucking valued. I'm so sorry, I've really got my dressing gown and hood up and I'm really doing the Dwight thing where he's like, don't tell him. He's kind of giving dementa. It's really demental. Demental, demental.

Yeah, that's kind of what it's reminding me of. It's like... Oh god, that's quite terrifying actually. Yeah, I can't really see what I'm doing, but I know I don't look great. Okay. So I just wanted to get that out of the way that everyone who's worried, just like, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, worried, of. it's like.. oh god that's quite terrifying actually. yeah i can't really see what i'm doing but i know i don't look great. okay so i just wanted to get that out of the way

that everyone who's worried.. genuinely i have felt like.. like a light as a feather since that changed. so supported. like i.. yeah i didn't re.. i knew it was impacting me so much just like.. just feeling trapped into something that I didn't like at all and the situation that was kind of weird and kind of scary to be honest and just like very claustrophobic even though I didn't live there just being tied to it in this weird way was definitely affecting me in like a big way. I would just have this like background anxiety of like fuck I do need to sort this situation out and like it doesn't look like it's's gonna be sorted easily like I was trying and trying and there was this resistance to let me out of the contract so oh my god just like

now not having that as a problem like I need to go drop off my key at some point because I still have that but when I drive away from that building for the final time god it's gonna feel good. It's quite a... it's the end of a... it's the end of something. For sure. It's the end of something pretty crazy. Definitely the end of something. But so nice. So thank you so much, honestly. Yeah. Like genuinely words cannot describe. Oh also did you come on your period? Yeah I did I'm sort of towards the end of it now. Yeah same, thank God for that. I was gonna say that to you the other day I'm just like

oh thank God I can be functioning again. Did you come on on the day of the end of it now. You're saying, thank God for that. I was gonna say that to you the other day, I was just like, oh thank God, I'm gonna be functioning again. Did you come on on the day of the full moon? Yes. So did I. God, look at us. And I actually have a question about the full moon. Yeah.

Just for, this is for the listeners. Oh, okay. Carrie, this is for you. I don't think this affected you, but I haven't actually asked you this or we haven't spoken about it. So I know three people. So first of all, my housemate got a really bad migraine on the full moon.

And I was like, maybe it's the full moon, that's so weird. Then in town, I bumped into this woman on my course. She said, I've been knocked out all day because of this migraine. Then spoke to my friend Alice, never known her to get a migraine in. My entire friendship with her. And she said, I was so weird the other day,

I had a migraine on the day of the full moon. And I was like, this is mental. So I would love to day, I had a migraine on the day of the full moon. And I was like, this is mental. So I would love to know if anyone had a migraine on that day because my period came on very like heavily and like intense. Like I was sort of feeling really dreamy and like achy and weird. And I do think the moon affects women in like a really intense way.

So much. So I'd love to know if you had a headache or anything on that day. Cause I just thought that. Yes. It was so weird that Alice had one. It really threw me. Yeah that is weird. It's like when Alice has got some sort of ailment like that you know something's up. It was like so weird. Because Alice is not in communication with the moon or ghosts or anything. She's not. She's not entertaining these sorts of things. Yeah she thinks I'm a lunatic in many ways. I'm rightly so. And she's so right. she knows me very well. She's so right.

But that did kind of make me think um if Alice got a migraine I think a lot of people would have had a migraine on that day. I definitely didn't I don't remember having a migraine in particular but I definitely I took paracetamol I took ibuprofen actually. So did I. I wasn't feeling great. God me neither. Also I don't yeah anyway i don't take i'm proven often i often like yeah i know you don't sephie's like like five she's on maybe kind of five years off of being an anti-vaxxer like oh my god i've got maybe like i've got a decade max left of this friendship i deny i deny i deny i I deny. She turns and she drops off the press crew. I love the vaccine guys, I'm vaccinated, everyone in my family vaccinated.

There's just something about Ceci in her essence that is like, she's not one for modern medicine. I am just a bit weird about paracetamol, like I take it as a last resort. Yeah, yeah, and I get that, I kind of agree with you. Because it affects me, it actually affects me, I start shaking if I take paracetamol. I also just, I'm not very good at, I'm not popping pills easily, I find it very difficult. You're crazy. It makes me feel sick. Even like the sugar coated there's basically I think I was on the contraceptive pill and then this like literally 13 years ago like it's like a whole lifetime ago and I was sick once or I think I was hung over or something and then I took my pill and felt really sick and I think from then on I've made the association I've kind of Pavlov'd myself into taking a pill

makes me feel like yeah so um the eye profile wasn't great but I made the commitment I did it totally so did I but I do I think of you taking like paracetamol quite? Well I do take it dramatically because I find it hard to swallow. It's a bitter pill to swallow. But then I find it so weird like my sister will just swallow it dry. I know so many people do. It's just mind over matter. But as we know when it comes to mind over matter my mind is way stronger than my matter. Yeah like if the game is mind over matter i have to i'm really logging out i'm not gonna win that fight. totally. um i also yeah no okay right perfect then let's get in. look go on i'd have to know what that was. oh it's a bit of a thing i don't know whether i want to say it but

okay so i watched the martha stewart documentary the other day. oh my god you did yeah. there were just some moments where they were showing photos of her like on a boat when she was like in her 20s and 30s and she looked really beautiful and I was really close to messaging Alice and saying Martha Stewart looks like you here. Oh like well you have to. Well it was really giving well then I thought oh it's just a dangerous thing to say isn't it just as we've spoken about before. Can I Google Martha Stewart? Yeah but Google like beautiful Martha Stewart young. Yeah. Because that's the thing is almost... I think no one loves a compliment more than us. Well that's the thing I just want to make sure it be taken as a compliment. She won't like that but it is true. No I'd like and I love to get I don't love to give a compliment no one loves to give a

compliment more than me but I think saying you look like someone is just always loaded even if it is complementary because I always receive them in complementary and it's lovely and it's lovely and it's lovely and I'll always if you ever tell me I look like someone I will take it as a compliment thank you so much. I won't. But seffie won't. So I just think it's dangerous to do that do you know what I mean but there were just some beautiful photos of her where Martha Stewart I'm talking about, where there was just something in her essence that it was very natural, it was very just kind of perfect. Oh my god, like this sort of boat look here. Oh let's see, yes exactly, don't, do you see what I mean? But almost she's a bit older there. 100%. There were more like, where she just looked really youthful and fresh and gorgeous. And I found the

whole kind of documentary of Martha very inspiring so I would love to know what everyone else thinks about it but almost here I see it yes beauty queen yeah Alice is one of those people just to speak about Alice yeah one of my friends I was on FaceTime to Alice and one of my friends came in and like they hadn't really met before and when I hung up the phone my friend was like oh I just hate people like that they're just so naturally pretty this is one of those people that's just like annoyingly like naturally beautiful. She's just beautiful yeah beautiful girl but it really she really came to my mind with the Martha Stewart thing where they were kind of celebrating how young and beautiful she was. I couldn't help but be reminded of, forced my hand to be reminded of Alice. Anyway. Alright, should we get in

then? Yeah, let's do it. Bloody hell. Is everyone having a good time? Mm-hmm. I am. I am, personally. I love this podcast. It's my favourite podcast, in fact. I think it might be mine. I mean, I definitely have the strongest feeling towards it. Definitely. Nothing else is evoking a feeling quite like this. I'm definitely the most invested in it. Definitely. Nothing else is evoking for you quite like this. I'm definitely the most invested in it. Alright so we're going to speak about self-sabotaging. Any main things coming to mind for you immediately off the cuff? Because we can go anywhere with this but...

I'd love to see what some people have said before because I don't actually really... So obviously on thursday we're gonna dig in properly to what everyone is saying but we've asked for what you are thinking about in terms of like what how are you guys holding yourselves back why are you self-sabotaging how are you self-sabotaging there's a lot of really good responses i definitely have been thinking recently that i have this thing and I'm seeing it kind of in the responses Yeah, where I am very presumptuous almost to the point where like I

Like you can't convince me that I don't know how something's gonna play out or how people see me That's intriguing. I definitely like I will come away from a situation and be like I I know exactly what they were thinking I know exactly what they think of me did it obviously it's negative and I'll But that's literally and I'm like, well, that's just me being realistic I'll come away from a situation and be like well realistically, you know, they don't like me because of theirs They're obviously thinking me of like this Like really self-obsessed very like it's not self awareness, it's just like delusion and like being obsessed with myself.

Yeah. Utter madness. But I do have this thing where I very much feel like, almost you can't shake me on it. I know how blah, blah, blah. I can have a nice interaction. It doesn't really happen with you, I guess, cause you're just like, you're just a separate,

Sefi's just orbiting around my life in a separate way. But anybody else, I might meet them, have a thing or whatever and I'll come away from it. I've got so many things built up in my head that it's like, they obviously think this of me. They see me in this way. So for example, I might meet someone from home, I didn't go to uni with, and I'll be like,

oh, they just think like this girl, and she's got a podcast and she won't shut up and so obsessed with herself and like it's all fake and But they're a bit mean. They're right. I kind of make people mean which isn't very nice. And also why am I so Presumptuous as to assume that I could know what anyone else is thinking of me. It isn't really fair on anyone involved. And I do, my assume the worst tendencies are very self-sabotaging, because it just means I just take the fun, or like I just take nice experiences from me all the time.

Like I will immediately rewrite something that should be quite pleasant as something extremely horrible often. That's kind of my default. Totally. And when I don't do that, I'm like, oh, okay, this feels nice to allow myself to enjoy something. I kind of get that.

I mean, it definitely feels rarer. Do you remember? 100%. Do you remember the time where we had met someone? Kind of, I don't really know. It was kind of towards the beginning of us knowing this person and we left together. We were at the station, like we just said bye blah blah blah and I was like oh do you think maybe that bit was a bit bad and you were like stop let's not do it because that was

nice. Yes I do remember that. Let's not dig into every moment where we could have done that better or every moment. I actually do remember that. Yeah, we were like, let's just not. I remember being quite, it was always quite strict of me to be like, I'm not gonna let us do that. We're not talking about it. Yeah. Yeah. That was weird. Because we were about to ruin something.

I was maybe a bit possessed. Yeah, I remember it, it was almost basically, there was, oh god, a very intriguing line of interrogation that could have, yeah, there was something that we could have really gone for hours on. This idea that basically someone might not like us that much and they like somebody else more than us. Am I thinking right? Brilliant. It's a horrible line of inquiry. It's terrible. You don't want to go down that path. Because you're only going to find truth down

there. Once you're, like, not truth, but you're only going to find negative stuff down there because your mind is already focused on such a negative confirmation bias is extremely real um and yeah i remember being quite strict and being like i don't think we should have this conversation and we we barely got a couple sentences out before i was like let's zip this out yeah like let's just call this i didn't really remember that but that's funny that you do because it's obviously quite scarring Yeah, I think often with myself like I will leave like I'm in a point of my life now We're just starting this masters that I'm meeting a lot like too many Like literally actually far too many for my poor brain

so many fucking people and Which is really nice, but so often you can bump into someone. Or like I'm bumping into people who I'll ignore just as a small place that I don't really know that well. So I'll see someone, have like a brief sort of five minute conversation with someone and walk away. And the brain will start being like, oh, do you think they thought you were weird

when you said that bit? Oh, do blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm having to kind of do a bit of that moment in the train station of like, why would I do this? Like, let's actually stop because that was nice. Like, that was absolutely fine. It was a fine thing. And they're moving on with their day.

They leave that interaction and they go by their fucking croissant and then they go to the fucking library, whatever they're doing. It's not about you. They're not thinking. About 3.5 minutes into that conversation, I think she stuttered a little bit on that sentence. They're not saying they're not thinking that.

You know who is thinking that? One time I have quite a bad example of that where I bumped into somebody and later on in the day, after I'd kind of been mulling on the situation, I was just like, oh, was that a bit weird? And I'm like, oh God, wasn't a great form there. I was going through my camera and I was like, shit, I accidentally had recorded that interaction. Like I had my phone in my hand

and I'd accidentally recorded it. And I was listening back and I was like, God, I say hi badly. God, I say bye badly. God, I did it like almost like, bye. Like there's a shake in it. There's a, the delivery is off. Like having the full capacity, like having the shake in it, the delivery is off. Like, having the full capacity,

having the data in front of you, yeah, it's like immediately delete, because it's just not worth it. No. And like almost, there's no reward here. It's a very fruitless adventure. There's no reward for being the most, what you think you're gonna get a medal

for being the most self-aware person. That's not what this is. There's no goodness at the end of this journey of like looking into all of the ways that you're being a bit embarrassing. It's not worth it. You don't get anything from that. There's also no reward for being the most normal or funny or pleasant in a conversation. No. Even in the best case, like my big thing in interactions, or the feedback that I have had from people is that I come off weird.

Like I'm- Oh, okay, who's saying that though? Well, like I know that people in my life view me as weird. Like I definitely know that I'm on the spectrum of weird. Yeah, but wait a minute. Yeah, like yes, I'll validate that. But also, your feedback that you're receiving. Not from my general interactions,

but I know that's how i come across. but that's then what i'm asking is like, so you're assuming, and i'm not saying you're wrong, but like, is there a difference between the feedback that i'm getting is people will often say you come off weird versus i know when i meet people i come off weird. they are different. i'm not saying that people fill in a feedback form. No. But I know, I know, no, no. But do they tell you that? That is how sometimes interactions come off with me. And do they tell, like how often are people saying to you? They don't tell me but like my friends will often be like god you came off weird then. Yeah that's fine. But don't you think it's an interesting, there's just a small discrepancy there because I'm not discounting the fact that you come off weird or like whatever yes sure I think you come off great personally and I've been around you so many times where I don't know I do

I know yeah and I'm that's not really that's not where I'm trying I'm not there um no you're fine yeah there's a weirdness there's an energy for sure and they're honored to receive it whatever but I'm more interesting I think is the difference between the feedback that I get quote unquote is that I'm weird versus I know people think that I'm weird. It's almost like most of that narrative I think is from yourself which is fine by the way. For sure. It's probably accurate. Well it's the built up identity of like years of it and also I think that I've been so preoccupied in my life with like hiding the weirdness and being like just just begging to come off normal or getting through interactions like that. And I still think I have that completely of bumping into

someone for a five minute conversation in the street. My main objective in that is to be kind of normal, not do anything weird, be nice, but I'm not trying to be kind of like normal, not do anything like weird, be nice, but like I'm not trying to be, I'm mainly trying to come off normal. That's like the main thing I'm trying to come off I think. But I'm trying to relax a little bit with that and just be like, look, I'm not a fucking freak. Like I might say things that sometimes are just like,

maybe a bit, I don't really know how to describe it. Yeah, it's kind of indescribable. I think I have a huge preoccupation with like, just trying to be like normal person. And I do think this is connected to autism 100%. Like it must be. That like, I find it so admirable when, like it actually kind of brings a tear to my eye.

When people, when I'm speaking to someone and they will just like talk about or they're not worried about it like they're coming off like slightly strange like it's not the social norm like you've jumped into like a strange topic here and if you're relaxed in it is that's fine like I don't walk away from talking to someone that has done something a bit strange in a conversation thing think like, oh my God, they're so weird, like I can't be friends with them. It can be weird and nice and all the stuff at the same time. Normally I think the weird ones are actually

when it goes better because I feel like people want a little something, they wanna have that moment, I think basically and unfortunately what I do think is a bit of a sad truth or a concerning truth about the world is a lack of confidence or your discomfort makes other people feel uncomfortable. So like if I'm coming off like stiff or embarrassed or whatever, nervous, it's not going to come off well if that's going to make people feel, you know, like if you're scared of dogs, don't

let them know they're scared. They can almost sense your weirdness. Like I always say when people approach Ozzy, who's like a tiny little thing but he's very bitey, when they approach him slowly I'm like just go straight in, he's gonna bite. Yeah you can't go like, you can't slowly bring your hand towards his face, you need to just really kind of rough and tumble with him and he'll be fine. And I do think it's similar, maybe don't like kind of with other people in the street, kind of go for their neck, put their fingers in their mouth. That's what I do for Ozzy.

I really kind of get quite brutal with him. But I know that when I'm uncomfortable with myself, other people will respond to that discomfort. They can feel that I am on edge. They can feel that I am like trying to, I'm hiding within myself. So it's- But then trying to hide that is part of the thing

that makes you come off strange. Exactly, yeah. But owning it is the most useful thing for yourself in that moment. And the positive kind of symptom of that, the positive consequences then people receive that nicely and they find that easy to be around and whatever. But it's very, I think for most people it's a lifelong journey.

I was thinking, oh no, I can't be bothered to go down that route, don't worry. It's just about the pandemic before you ask, there's nothing interesting. Like I would say I'd love to hear about it, but I don't. I know you wouldn't. It's just a passing thing about basically,

I think the pandemic has made people more aware of themselves and less comfortable with like passing conversation with people, kind of acquaintances and stuff. Anyway, it's not a route I care to go down. There's nothing there. There's no life there. I really like that though. Like I completely agree with all of that. Perfect. I'd like to hear that. Yeah. I think that it's, that is a real easy way to self-sabotage coming away from a situation

and being like, should we delve into that? Just in my own brain. And we love to delve, but yeah, let's not. Almost like it doesn't have to be like this. But also, I don't think many... this is feedback that I've got from people. Mm-hmm. That we delve too much. Yes, I hear that. We will buy, for example, yeah, we'll buy a croissant in a fucking cafe. speak about it for the next two hours. yeah literally and do you think the lights in there maybe were slightly too bright?

took the wires out of my mouth. did you see that couple in the corner? I think he was breaking up with them. how I would merchandise their wares would be. literally. yeah. we go far too in. yes. and I do actually think people find it jarring when they hang out with us. well no i think you guys said a funny thing where you we were basically we had we split off at one point and seph had to do something and i had to do something and you were with people in there i remember you voice knowing me after and you were like just nobody wanted to go down the avenues i was leading them down. what was that? what is that? but yeah like you were like and i couldn't, to me as i took it as a bit of a compliment because i think when we're around people i think it encourages good conversation like we're great to have a like you once have been

willing to come around and like spice up a conversation i think we can be quite great to entertain some avenues that maybe certain people wouldn't naturally go down maybe and i enjoy it and i've seen positive feedback but I do think it just made me laugh when then we were split off and you were like oh I just no one was able to... No one was able to chat about the carpet. No one was willing to go there. Every single dynamic, like every dynamic is quite interesting really but, no one really was biting on the chat. Also like, we often have very similar takes on dynamics but also often have really different

ones where we'll be like, oh did you see that moment? And it'll be like, no, how did you take that? Or like, oh I took that completely differently. Which kind of shows that. That I think is really important because it shows how... Perception is everything. Perception is everything. And these things that you are holding in your mind as truths are not absolute. They are not necessarily accurate. Your presumptions are not going to be right all the time, especially if you have this bias against yourself and this tendency and this habit to really drill in and be really self-critical. And if you're always leaning

on the side of they probably don't like me or I probably did something wrong, then yeah, your assumptions about how people took a certain situation or how you will read that dynamic is not going to be necessarily accurate to everybody else. And it's important to remember that, I think. Definitely. Cause I just think I'm always right and I'm not.

Yeah, no, that's bad because it's like, yeah. I think that's been one of my big things to let go in life that I used to think I'm always right and I'm not. Yeah, no, that's bad because it's like, yeah. I think that's been one of my big things to let go in life. I used to think I was always right. Well, I don't think I'm always right in life. I think I'm always right with, I know that these people hate me and you can't convince me otherwise. I can, yeah, I get it.

Because generally in life I think I'm always wrong. I used to think I was always right about things. Well, that's why you didn't get into... What one was it? Exeter. Yeah, that's the Exeter saga. We've been through this. We've been through it. Yeah, no, I definitely used to think like, okay, look, I know best. I know best here. Life and death were two very realistic coexisting possibilities in my life.

I didn't even think I'd make it to like my 16th birthday, to be honest. I grew up being scared of who I was Anyone of us at any time can be affected by mental health and addictions Just taking that first step makes a big difference. It's the hardest step, but CAMH was there from the beginning Everyone deserves better mental health care to hear hear more stories of recovery, visit camh.ca. We get it, life gets busy. Luckily with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave.

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Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. Which is why you still have that pizzazz to you, which is why I need you in my life. But I truly like, I feel quite open as a person. You are. I do think this is even possibly to my detriment. I am really, really like often hoping i'm wrong about things like i am so quick to back down in situations like in arguments or whatever because i will i am so

willing to be wrong almost like so much so that i think i really struggle to get back in my own perspective sometimes because it's almost like i... Because that's the easy way out, is to be like, I'll take the blame and I'll take the brunt and then this can be over and it can be nice again. It's dreamy when you're in the wrong actually because it's like, oh, I'll just change that then and it's all perfect again. Yeah, it's tough.

But you do have a natural, you have this thing where almost like you don't think strangers know better than you or like are more deserving than you. Yeah, like people in the street, which is what I need. Cause I kind of think strangers are God. I like move about my life thinking that strangers are God and I am dirt. Like it's really like these people,

I literally look at them like they're God. I mean, that's really weird. I don't believe in God, but like I'm out in the world and I look around and I think, God, you people have got it good. You're God. You're God to me. I do get that in the anxiety way, like I'll be on the tube and I'm like,

oh God, I need to cough. I could not cough in front of these people. And it's like, Jesus, it's just a load of strangers. Like it doesn't matter at all. Everyone else coughs in a way. I definitely just, it's not, I assume people are carrying a lot of judgment and they're gonna put it at me No, I knew I do think they are

I don't think they are I think people not necessarily in a mean way But I think people have opinions and all of this stuff like just walking down the street in their lives But I don't think it's any of my business anything to write home about the old lady Like for example, I haven't told anyone this. Actually I did tell my mum, but I haven't told anyone this. That like isn't my mum.

This is such a weird moment that happened to me. And like I haven't really spoken about it. Okay, I can't wait to hear. This was when I, before I, I know this was like a couple of weeks ago. I was back home for reading week. I had bought a coffee and I was walking down the road. Is this gonna annoy me or is it gonna make me happy?

It's gonna annoy me. Great. Go on then. I don't know which way it's gonna make you laugh hopefully. It made me laugh. Okay. But like it did sort of shock me and just like make me aware of yeah the passing judgment that strangers are making just because this woman vocalized it to me and it actually took me back. So I had walked into town and I had bought a coffee and I was just walking back which is kind of part of my like routine at home. Walking back with my coffee and I had my airpods in and I was just like feeling like okay Maybe it's all gonna be okay. I was actually thinking about like, just like the whole stuff that goes on in your head.

I was like, I do feel like coming back here, my relationship with my hometown has developed so much, and being back here after being free, like kind of having freedom for a bit, got it so interesting, new life, all of this stuff. Just living my life. Yeah, yeah. Drawing conclusions. Did not even notice this old lady walking towards me. okay. i see her mouth moving.

she stopped in front of me. she says something. i take out my airpods and say sorry what? yeah. what did you say? and she said, she looked at my coffee cup and said good to see you've got your priorities straight. and i laughed. i was like, wait what? And she said again, because I didn't really understand it. I kind of thought she was being like, oh yeah, nice coffee. Yeah, yeah, good for you getting a coffee, yeah. And then she's like, said it again, good to see you've got your priorities straight. And I went, oh nice, and like, come on, walking. Oh cool, fuck you, bye.

Didn't really know what to say. Yeah. Also, I didn't know this old lady, like I usually know everyone. That's what I was going to say, red flag immediately when you don didn't really know what to say. Yeah. Also, I didn't know this old lady, like I usually know everyone in the town. That's what I was going to say, red flag immediately when you don't recognise them and they're from your hometown. I don't know this lady. Okay.

Well, it's someone's grandma. And when I got home, and I said to my mum like... And then I said to your best friend's grandma. Yeah, no, I don't know this woman. Okay. She probably could be. She probably is someone. She'll be someone's.

If you went to my school and are listening, this probably is your grandma. Yeah. She's one of you. This probably is your gran. Is that sounding like Nanny? Yeah. Yes, and I got home and I was like to my mum what would what do you think how would you take that to you what do they mean? yeah. and she was like yeah no she's saying. she's making a dig. she's like oh you're these youths yes. off buying their avocados every day. she's doing that and it did make me think like god I hadn't even like registered the fact I had a coffee. Like, you know what it's like? No, because you were too busy into in the

intellectual reflections of what home means to you and actually contributing to society. I'm on higher things lady. Yeah no, the coffee is just here to facilitate these, the bigger callings of your mind. Well I don't know but I think it was that I had already become immune to like in a small town That is a big lavish thing and I would have guilt. Yeah much guilt for buying a coffee. Yeah Like that sort of thing is I don't know it it can be seen as a Like oh my goodness That's the sort of thing like my grandparents would think was recoil a fucking joke

If I had bought a coffee for like two pounds or three quid whatever out like they would literally be rolling in their graves So well, I get why this old lady thought that because that is something that like it's seen yeah, I get it But I think within the month that I've been Out of that environment in in a city and the city is Norwich, guys. It's not exactly super language. It's not New York City, yeah. It's not, it is, I'll tell you one thing, it is not New York City.

It's like a lovely little literary town. It's beautiful, it's beautiful place. Oh God, it's so stunning. It's stunning. But it's a slow pace for a city for sure. There's a coziness to it. and I think it shocked me like oh like this is a registerable thing to you this thing in my hand like you've seen that and you've been insulted by it and I think I just saw like the different

perceptions between like city and town and like an age. yeah youth and old ladies like all this stuff and just just her, how comfortable she was to kind of voice that with me. I think that's the main thing, yeah. It's like, look, I'm not picking you up on your coat that you're wearing. No, I'm not picking you up on anything. Other than like, hello, good afternoon, whatever.

I wasn't even gonna, to be honest, I didn't even notice her. But I think that's the thing as well, that obviously you know. I don't know if it's so much a reflection of like people, everyone is making these judgments all the time. just some.. i think as well when it comes to like particularly critical judgments i think we often fall victim to like a very loud minority. and i do think most people.. which i do.. like in 2024 it can be easy to forget or like it can feel quite far but i do think there is a lot of truth in the

understanding that most people generally are like nice decent people that you can have a conversation with they're pretty pleasant they've not got much to say about you and your life and whatever and yeah you know hope you're well whatever let's leave it there. i think the internet really feeds into that as well. yeah has warped people's perceptions and also old people can warp your perception. like how many people is this old woman speaking to on a daily? maybe not many. you have a podcast. like we are worlds apart. like this woman maybe is not getting a lot of interaction and she needs to vocalise her thoughts and they need... no she's fuming. yeah she's absolutely seething all day about how house prides... like all these young people are complaining that they can't buy a house.

She's not your everyday Joe, you know? She's not. She is a character and a person. Obviously there's a lot of people who are finding themselves in certain echo chambers and like supportive of certain views that we don't relate to and that we can't understand or that we can understand, we just don't like them. But also most people are like nice and normal. I don't know if they are. I think they are generally. Most people are like all right. Look, I think I'm trying to train myself maybe to like see a bit better in people.

I don't know if, I don't know. I don't know because I agree with the thing about the loud minority for sure. And like I do think that is with the internet, especially the idea of like people that comment negative things or whatever. I'm not talking about us. We literally get no negative comments, which is no. And when we do we make them last a lifetime so don't worry you're covered. If you've got anything you can say they've covered it. But I do think we have landed in an amazing spot on the internet. Yeah and we've created a lovely spot. Yeah we've created a lovely spot on the internet.

And but I do think people, it's so easy to get warped. How much more likely are you to comment if something annoys you than if you love something? I would be so much more likely to be like oh wait I really did not like what you said about that. I would just notice it more than the moments that I did like. Well I also think generally most people are not going to comment. The majority of consumers generally are very quiet and that's fine. Same here. This doesn, you know, this doesn't need to be a back and forth, it's okay. I'm receiving it with love and that's fine. They'll just leave it there. I think most people don't feel very encouraged to

speak. No, no and also I, for example, I don't think I've ever... just I saw this guy on the train the other day commenting on a TikTok. Like it wasn't his friend or anything, it was a big old TikTok. He was scrolling through his boogie page and he was just like leaving comments on some, like just you know, just funny comments, whatever. I didn't see what he was doing and I thought, I don't think I've ever really seen anyone do that before. I do, I leave comments now. Just general, do you? Not on Instagram, but on TikTok I comment, I'll be like, so good or like sending you love or like, and I mean it, but like if something really, like if I like something, like I saw this one thing recently

and it was this girl who had really like, okay, so my TikTok is knowing me well. It was this girl who during a manic episode had taken all of these photographs and she was then captioning them what she thought of them and blah, blah, blah. And one of them was like where she'd written in lipstick on her window and she thought it was like spiritual or something

and she wanted to send it to her friend or whatever. It was like this, you know, it was a manic phase. But then the last photo was a building on like a blue sky and it was kind of this postmodern building. So it was like very kind of linear very angled and there were just some shadows going down yeah it was very stunning and there were some shadows going down the building that kind of looked like steps it looked like stairs going up oh my god love that and then i think there was like the sun or the moon in the in the image i can't remember it was leading up to

the sky it was very truman show and she was i literally thought this was like my stairway i think she called it stairway to freedom maybe? And it was really good and a lot of there were a few comments saying wait that last photo is really good but I just wanted to comment anyway saying that last photo is really good so I commented saying that last photo is so good hope you're well or whatever. Because that was my genuine thought like and sometimes I feel like on TikTok I just, I comment more. Not that I comment often, but I'll be like, ha, oh no, I don't have a comment ha.

But I'll be like, oh sometimes, do you remember there was that one where that person had a horrible smear test that I told you about, where the doctor had really violated her. It was really weird. And she was making all these complaints through the NHS and going through all these departments and blah blah blah

and sharing her experience and talking about the doctor and all this stuff. There were thousands of comments. And I commented being like, oh, I hope you're okay, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I hope you're feeling proud of yourself for I hope you're able to feel good about the fact that you've been able to speak about this.

I don't know if anyone commented, like that is crazy to me. But foolishly, I pressed send before i'd finished it so and i'd like gone back into edit it and then i was like oh shit so i had to just delete it so i was like oh this is why you don't comment because it's like you just you get that one shot at being normal and you don't want to fuck it up but i just wanted to comment and be like it's important that you shared this i hope you feel that sort of thing because i think also like people find it hard to speak or do anything in this world and there are people out here strangers validating you and wanting you to do it and being like yeah good i'm happy that you

did that or like i gained something from that photo or i gained something from that story of you talking about your smear test and i want you to know i want you to feel encouraged to keep doing it because i think when it we just live in this loud minority and silent nice normal people it is hard it feels like you're breaking through something it feels it's kind of just living in england it's like you feel like you have to break through the norm to do anything good it feels like the norm is very shit or the norm is like encouraging you to be like a bit mean or like not very progressive. Well totally, look at who we've got as the role models in this world. You know what I mean?

So I think it's important like if you genuinely, if you have a nice thought I feel like I used to be so much better at sharing my thoughts, sharing like, like being like in person I'd be like I love you or whatever I feel like I'm just, I've kind of lost that so I'm trying to get, like I feel like there was a couple of years where I felt a bit like oh no one wants to hear what I think So now I'm just trying to get back Yeah, I still feel like that but yeah anyway Well, I'm glad that you do speak because it would be I do but I do find it hard to I appreciate the the strength that you give me to speak and i do have things to

say. i do. well you have so much to say and i think you're great like.. yeah i know you do. god i don't think that comes across at all like i think you share your opinion very freely. thanks. i actually would call you quite opinionated. that's so funny that you say that. bloody hell. i.. okay go on. this is not really very relevant but I wonder if anyone would find it interesting. I've recently made an observation about men, strangers, men that I don't know. When they approach me, when they when we have a little teeny chat and obviously goes out saying I'm giving back the bare minimum, I'm giving back the bare bones of a human, they'll often say oh god I really

like that, you've really got something to say. Oh God, yeah, you've got an opinion. And really it's just like, okay, you didn't think I was human. Like almost, I've said hey back. You thought I was going to be completely silent. You thought I was just empty.

I know what you would have been like in those dynamics as well, which is like, you would have been nice and normal and yourself and all of the stuff but like you're there is no way you're going in saying political points and like what you said like you will have just been like talking totally just talking and it's the main feedback that i get from a man a stranger trying to fuck me on the street the first thing they say is like there's a shock of just like oh my goodness like

whoa like oh my goodness and she can talk. She has thoughts. Really really interesting. That's really scary. Yeah it's really like I actually had that with the guy who I was on the train with who was from Norwich if you remember that. Oh my god. That was something he gave me as well which he was fine but yeah I don't know. Anyway just thought it was funny it's a funny observation yeah that it's like I'm not being particular I might make a joke or two I might say something a little bit dry maybe and I do totally but it to register it as opinionated or like oh wow like almost you're it's shocking to you that I have a personality when we speak that's really interesting.

I think that opinions are like arseholes or whatever. Everybody's got one. I think opinions are like. Hell yeah. But I do think they are like arseholes but I also think... I don't know. I think, you know, for example, the thing you always say about me, like, I give you strength from above, whatever. Which I do think is funny, but also, I think I was really raised with, like, you know, I think I was raised with, like, opinions being quite at the forefront of, like, what

we were encouraged to do. Pizazz. Totally. I don't think we were ever told to be neutral about anything. No. I think it was always encouraged to be like, and what do you think about that? Because when I look at my family, especially my siblings, we have such fucking strong opinions,

and they're always differing and moving. But one of the things that I think about those two. those two people my sister and my brother my half sister she's not old enough yet to do these opinions but when I think about Lizzie and Charles I they both are so fucking opinionated like they have like strong thoughts about most things like yeah casual small things will have like big thoughts about most things. Like, casual small things will have like big thoughts about them. And I think that was like- Drilled into your eyes. That was like a thing that was really encouraged in us. I don't necessarily know if it's like

good or bad or whatever. Like I would like to feel a lot more neutral about things. But I think what we thought about things, even like we could change them and all of the stuff, but like what do we think about that? Like what's our reaction to that? Must've been something that was really encouraged in us as kids. Yeah, I think you guys, I think you definitely feel to me, from the moment I met you, from all those years ago, you have always felt entitled

to think the way that you think. That's how I receive you, is someone who feels entitled to their view, and not necessarily very preoccupied with how they'll be received. You you are not bothered if you feel like oh I don't like that or that's not really working for me. You don't mind if the person is going to be upset or like well maybe you don't want to upset anyone. You feel validated in your beliefs and you should and like you feel entitled to feel the way that you feel and then what comes after is like the conversation about it. like you don't you feel like you have something to give and like it's worth

hearing. there's something you have something that makes you feel like yes i can share that. i feel like that's how i feel. like i feel like you, there's a confidence to you. And also when we first, maybe not when we first met, but there was like a phase in our early days where you would be like, I just, who you don't mind me saying, you'd be like, oh, I feel like I don't trust myself at the moment. Do you remember that?

There was like a phase where, maybe you still feel it, I don't know, but there was definitely time where you do. Yeah, I do still feel that at times. Reflect on lacking, like feeling like, oh shit, I just don't trust myself or whatever, blah, blah, blah. Which I feel like is indirect opposition to who you function as.

Like I feel like you are so, you so have a compass. Like I don't know if I know anyone who's more set. Like. Set, what does that mean? Just set. I'd love one more word. What does it mean? Just so I can really work that out. For example, set for greatness. But just set. You just, you know. You're not very wavering person. That's so interesting because I feel like I do not know. I know but you do know. I feel like your core essence, there's something about you that is a knowingness of like you live with the truth in

you and there are certain things that are just like you know. Yeah. I think you're very, it's kind of like you look for an instinctual man. I think you are a very instinctual being and I love. Oftentimes you'll text me or call me and be like, how do you feel about this, isn't this? Or like, what should I do with this, this and this? You're open to like people's thoughts and guidance and all of this stuff, but there is like a knowingness in you that you feel like how you feel is important.

And I think it's really rare. Do you know what? I agree with that. Hope you don't mind. Yeah. No, I do. I agree with it for sure. I do think I have an internal,

there's this, I have a very strong sense of what's right for me. I have strong opinions, but I think the idea of not trusting myself, that became a phrase for me. I think when the idea of me potentially having autism was introduced in a serious way, it's always been a theme.

As an adult, I guess. As an adult, but in the first time that I probably thought, oh, do I wanna think about that maybe? Like, that might actually be a thing. Is that an avenue I want to go down, basically? Exactly. Could this help me to understand that more?

I think the elements that I don't trust myself with, and I think this ties into the whole conversation that we've just had, pretty much, about coming away from a social thing and being like myself with, and I think this ties into the whole conversation that we've just had pretty much about like coming away from a social thing and being like, oh, was I weird? All the elements I don't trust myself with are all social elements. There'll be things about conversations and dynamics and like reading things wrong.

And I get so upset, like actually get like physically upset when I walk away from something or like someone's like, no, you read that wrong. Like we all read it this way. And I get so upset when I walk away from something or someone's like, no you read that wrong, we all read it this way and I get so upset when I can't see it, that I could almost bring it here to my eye thinking about it. I don't really know why. Just because it's, maybe because it's a huge lifelong

deep personal issue to you, maybe? Something like that? Maybe that's why. Maybe that's why you feel quite emotional. But that has brought some tears to my poor little eyes. But yeah, I think all those elements where I'm like, I don't trust it is when I would like make a joke that I thought was funny and then it would upset someone

and it would take me a moment to understand why that upset someone or like not necessarily, there was one that really, really got, it got to me so much. It was like in the library back at uni where like I made a joke slightly too loudly. And I thought it was like, cause we'd used like a code name.

I thought, but I can say it loudly. And they were like, but they can easily crack the code. Like it was about this guy that this girl was seeing, blah, blah, blah. Like, and it just upset me so much that I had upset her. Or just like that I had risked something for her. I think that got me so much through me not reading the social thing right.

That I had risked her next date with this guy. Or risked embarrassing her in front of this guy's friend that could get back to him and all the stuff. Cause oh my god. And things like that really gets me when I don't read things right like that because I find it so gutting and embarrassing to every,

like that I've embarrassed someone or whatever. But yeah, that's definitely where the lack of trust comes in that I sometimes think I can't. There's like a fear. Yeah, totally. Fear of upset. And it comes back to the thing of like doing something wrong, being weird, embarrassing

myself or someone else or whatever. Or not fitting in, not being right sort of thing. Yeah, but I also think, especially with that situation, and I know everyone will be thinking this, obviously the fact that it was between friends, and your immediate response is the willingness and feeling upset at something. feeling upset at something that you've done not out of malintent shows your goodness as a person. oh sephi! why is it gonna make me cry? literally the thought of embarrassing her. because you feel bad about it and that's okay. also luckily he did not crack the cookies. also like guys it was a hundred years ago. But like, it's okay.

Yeah. But I think that's, I think that's- I also am just hungover today. Yeah, but I think it's also just like a long term thing of like, you know, you don't want to upset your friends. That you don't want to do something. I also think you're not someone who feels particularly aligned to like, how you could beat your,

do you want to take a second? No, I'm literally fine. It's actually ridiculous. Well, cause I think how you can beat your... Do you wanna take a second? No, I've lived through it. It's actually ridiculous. Because I think how you can beat yourself up in your head about that situation is being like, oh, I've made a joke loudly that's embarrassed my friend about a guy or whatever. That is something that doesn't feel aligned to you.

It's my worst nightmare. It's your worst nightmare. And why then I think that you feel especially bad about it is because you feel like you've done something that you disagree with, but actually you haven't done that. Like that intention is not there. That's not who you are.

That's not what that was. And I think you can be unnecessarily harsh on yourself. I guess so, but it just feels so bad. I think that's like, yeah, I don't know. I just would hate the idea of like, yeah, like risking something for someone else because of like a bad, like almost like not reading the room. It just all comes into that. Yeah. But it is also like, it's a very forgivable mistake. No, it so is. That has been forgiven. I see that. I see that so much. Yeah. Yeah. But it's also difficult and it is shaking and it's also like, like what you're 23 and you feel like you've fucked up it's like okay so the world ends now you know like it is it's really

harsh it's like a harsh it's a bitter pill to swallow the thing of like oh shit oops yeah totally and i think it just perfectly ties into like all the those anxieties about like everyone else god sorry guys like don apologize, don't apologize. I just want you to feel okay or like. No, I kind of do, I actually do. But the idea that everyone else can see it and I could, I don't know. Yeah, it's jarring.

It's really isolating and weird, just weird. Yeah, yeah. It's a weird feeling to be like, it takes me a second to see something that's like inherent to someone else, to everyone else. But then also I think what might be a nice reminder as well that I know you know, but I also just think it's important for like a lot of people to recognise that Harry I now speak directly to you, the idea that like these things that you personally struggle with are not necessarily mirrored

in the people you're surrounded by. But everyone at that table in that library that day has their own weird way of seeing something, have their own issues. They have an anxiety that doesn't let them do this, that is frustrating to everybody else. They have an OCD that plays out in this way that is frustrating to everybody else.

Everybody around that, everybody in that room and on this planet, I'm sure, has something that makes them unique. And sometimes that uniqueness plays out in a way that is like, oh, fuck, I really fucked that up. Shit, that's not great. These things can play out badly. That doesn't mean that's not where we are right now. And that's just a part of it. And I think embracing that for what it is, it's kind of the thing like when we were saying at the beginning of like someone coming in and being like, whether they're autistic or not, just being like,

ah, mental, whatever, haha, like I'm just coming in weird, whatever, like I'm feeling so anxious or I'm nervous, I'm being chaotic, whatever, is always going to be received in open arms by us personally. And I know a lot of other people. 100%. Because it cuts through through it's something real and it's really people feed vicariously off of the empowerment that you and like the love that you give to yourself and like the acceptance that you have to just

actually just be who you are and like not be embarrassed is so empowering for other people and it's so rewarding for yourself and others for example to be like I'm not someone who is for example a dick to their friends I just have OCD and this is how it's playing out at the moment and this is a symptom of what I'm dealing with and I'm like an adult on this planet living my life going through all of these things and this is a real life thing that I'm dealing with and separating it from like, it's not your personality, it's not who you are in your being, it's not something that you're not good enough, it's not like wrong. It's an issue that we can all deal with together. Like, everyone is so fucked

up here. Like, god, they really are as well. And they really are. They really are. Everyone are. And there is a beauty to that. Because when we start accepting it becomes easier to just be like I saw this thing um of this girl being like she was agoraphobic and her boyfriend would list he made a list of like on his phone that said like it said like 17th of November, went to Aldi today, she bought a few things and came home. And then the next day it would be like, she did this,

blah, blah, blah, and made a note of all of her. This is a TikTok that I didn't comment on, but I felt, I did feel moved, but not enough to comment. Your comments on it through this. Yeah, this is my comment. It was one for a broader commentary. I feel like treating these things as like the things that they are rather than these personal,

like almost rewriting the truth of it. Like of like, I just can't go outside, I just can't go outside. It's like, you are a person who has symptoms of agoraphobia right now and that we can deal with. Do you know what I mean? It completely changes. It takes away all of the like,

makes it real again. It brings it back down to earth of like, you've gone far away with it. You've turned it, not you personally, you've turned it into, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself. And what it could have been is, I just need to double check the oven at the moment because I've got an OCD that's flaring up

big time this month Or this week has been particularly hard for me with my depression And this is how it's playing out and it's fucking annoying, but I'm dealing with it rather than I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself 100% you know couldn't agree more couldn't agree more and everybody loves you and I trust you And I would trust you in any room to make any joke Thank you God, you know, and I love you guys and trust all you guys too it's true okay cool that's nice

I didn't really expect it to go are you feeling okay with that? no I actually feel really good yeah good I think you should but you know when you're shocked by your own emotion almost I think that's life yeah I actually do think that's life. Do you know what?

I think it might be genuinely. I think that is literally capital hour life. Like these things just sneak up. They do sneak. I was like, right, that's a whole new thing that I wasn't really dealing with at the moment, brought to the forefront. Genuinely, I was like, oh God,

I thought I kind of had that under control. Yeah, I thought I had that under control. I thought I felt right about that, straight back up to the priority list. I kind of thought I was over that whole thing in the library in first year. Well, I think you are, and then on a random Sunday, it sleeps back up and then it goes away again.

These things lie dormant, it's just the way it goes. We're here for all of it. Yeah. All right. Okay, well, I've really liked this episode. I feel like it's been an absolute banger once again. Good, good. I mean, it's what we're known for i thought we did really good episodes

recently i scratched the last one but like which actually when wing did listen back she thought it was good i thought it was good and um said a lot of the comments i saw a lot of comments saying they like it when we say that it's bad yeah which i do get and i actually text something about that being like i get the things so much of like when you're listening to someone speak or like you're watching someone like someone like someone who's making content that you like and they start saying like oh You know I do hate when they're like the lighting is just really bad and it's like honestly I couldn't care less what the light the lighting do you think I give a shit? But it's like okay. Yeah, because I don't know how good it could be or I don't I'm not here for your vision or whatever

Haven't even know hadn't even noticed. i was just here to receive whatever you gave me. but we appreciate you guys. hope you feel that. sorry just on that i find it really funny it was like sorry my camera died and now it's like a bit darker. yeah don't tell me. doesn't matter. don't tell me the camera died. i did not notice that it's slightly darker in the room. i actually hate when people say the battery's run out or the camera died or whatever. it makes it feel stressful. it makes it feel so stressful. which is why i always get nervous whenever we would come on here and be like oh we need to leave in half an hour. same i would hate that. i'm sorry that we put you guys through that stress. totally. i'm sorry that was

our stress. you can't not say it if you've got a train in like 45 minutes. just keep it to yourself. stress that was our cross to bear. you can't not say it if you've got a train in like 45 minutes. just keep it to yourself. but no but it's like all you can think about at the same time so it's hard. but like i would hate that as a listener being like oh god okay so i've got gotta go in an hour it's like oh we'll fucking get out of here. it's like shit it's like i'll leave you then i'll leave you too. yeah no genuinely why are you doing this? it's stressed me right out. all right well thanks guys for being here. okay cool., thank you everyone. More chaos in the next one I'm sure. Oh as usual yeah. If able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it.

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