Goes Without Saying - so you cried on your birthday...

Episode Date: July 6, 2024

THE SUMMER BONANZA BEGINS. podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on ageing, underachieving, the pressure to be perfect, unhealthy goals, and birthdays. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Goes without saying our YouTube has dropped finally we have been filming non-stop, hijinks ensued and now the Sephian Wing cinematic universe is alive and ready for you to come and enjoy. There'll be videos all through July and hopefully ongoing as well but come and just see what's going on. Till the end of time. Yeah. Oh wait where can they find it? Type in Sephian Wing guys you know how to use YouTube. Yeah and it's also on our instagram sephianwing. it's also linked below if you need if you need some help yeah yeah

wow welcome back to sephianwing summer bonanza it's a hot hot hot summer. it is it's an end-of-summer vacation it really is. so I'm excited for this topic so the title that you write down on this lovely list was So You Cried on Your Birthday so I don't know if that's the title or not. Yeah. But it really got me thinking so I've been thinking a lot about my birthday recently which is funny because as you know this is a summer thing. My birthday is the 27th of December if you know me well Capricorn girl. She likes to get ahead. I like to get ahead but what I've been thinking is so I cry on my birthday

every year I hate my birthday it is a very very bleak time after Christmas two days after everyone's busy my family are bored of me by that point it's just kind of like no one wants to do anything it's just horrible so for the last few years I've been going to the theater of my sister which has been so nice like we just go and see a show which is really nice but it's still not really how I would like to spend my birthday it's almost like the best that I can do in those conditions of like okay no one no one, none of my friends are free, no one is, um, has the energy, what can I do? Sit in a theatre. So nice, but, you know.

So I've been thinking, I might move my birthday. I'm gonna move it to somewhere. Wait, Sophie, this is crazy. Yeah, I know. Okay, now let's rewind, let's go back. Before we hit record, behind your guys' back, we're like what should we go, what should we do next? We're going through the list. So I said, ooh, let's do So You Cried On Your Birthday dot dot dot because I've got a special announcement. Yeah. And she's looking very mischievous. I thought god what's she gonna say? And she was like it's not that big of a deal. But it's just an idea I'm trying out. I'm thinking about it. Okay so this is not what I thought you

were gonna say at all. What did you think I was gonna say? I'm trying out. I'm thinking about it. Okay so this is not what I thought you were gonna say at all. What did you think I was gonna say? I don't know. Something not that you were moving your birthday. So I'm intrigued. What do you mean by that? So I'm not gonna move it in terms of like I'm still gonna go to the theatre on my birthday but I think I'm gonna celebrate my birthday, do a party with- You're gonna do a second one? As in I'm gonna just like that's just my- that's the day I was born yeah that's where I marked my age but I'm gonna celebrate my birthday in the summer so I can do a second one. As in, I'm gonna just like, that's just my, that's the day I was born, yeah, that's where I marked my age, but I'm gonna celebrate my birthday in the summer so I can do

it with all my friends and have a nice time. Well I love that, but I'm also shocked at, um, I guess what I'm hearing here, what I'm, what is so confusing or just wow, I guess I'm alarmed. I didn't realise that there was such a strong feeling about the 27th of December. Obviously we can never get rid of it. I love it. I do genuinely love my birthday and I really, really identify as like a winter baby.

I think that's more my thing. Yeah, it's like almost, does that change the way that you identify in your mind? Like almost as a wintery soul. Because I'm not gonna choose a date basically. I'm not gonna be like, okay, so this is my new birthday and this is the day that I age up. Like I still age up, 27th of December,

that is my birthday. And that's when I would hope to get happy birthdays in the mail like that day. And gifts? Or are you looking for two sets of gifts? No, no, no, no, no, no, absolutely not. I'm not trying to get anything extra. I'm purely just trying to be able to-

Have a nice time. Have a nice day. I just would absolutely love to be able to, every single time I'm like, oh my God, I would love to have a party. I used to have parties when I was younger, like when I was 18, 17, 18 sort of thing. But for the last literally 10 years,

I've just been kind of on my own or maybe seen a few friends. And it's like, I really, been kind of on my own or like, maybe seen like a few friends and it's like, I really, really, really would love to be able to do what I see other friends doing of like have a dinner party and like, you know, go for dinner with like a lot of people or maybe have a picnic and things like that. I would just absolutely love to be able to do that. And I think the fact that it's so close to christmas you just can't so i was like oh my god i think i'm just gonna and i think my friends would kind of get it in the like i think like people will be like okay that's how i mean i definitely get it it's definitely it's definitely

giving sephi yeah and i kind of like that i almost think it's like as a bit of a joke it's like okay so my birthday is not bleak anymore we're gonna do a big um picnic. yeah i think i'm just shocked at um the strong the strength of the feeling of the december stuff not not working. well it's not really like almost just in the terms of like it's not nice to cry every birthday it's not nice to be on your own every birthday. it's not nice no no. i would love to do um and i could move early basically i did consider going early December, but my friend's birthday is the first of December and that is a big bonanza.

That's an event. And I'm just thinking, you know what, what is stopping me from being like, guys, I'm just celebrating six months early this year. Nothing's stopping me. It's deranged, but I almost quite like it. My boyfriend's dad, famously, I don't wanna say too much here,

but I'm sure no one minds, is born on Christmas day. and I remember a few years ago at his old job they celebrated his birthday in like the middle of the year. So what would that be? Like the middle of June or something? It was like June 15th or something. They like gave him a little surprise birthday because everyone was off on his actual birthday. Oh I really like that. So that's kind of what I'm getting from this. Yeah, and that's what I'm going for. Is like, that day isn't working,

so we're gonna reframe and let's just have a fun day on this day. Yeah, almost like, I know no one can come on that day, so I'm just gonna do it, and why would I do it in November when it's still cold? I'm gonna do it in the summer. Okay, I love that. I love that.

I think I'm just sad that that day is not that convenient. Like I almost think... What 27th? Yeah like if there was somewhere to be I'd be there. Do you know what I mean? But there isn't a way to be there. What about like ice skating? But I can do that in December in general. Not for your birthday? Oh like I could like that would be so nice but like... You want to have a summery event? I would love so nice, but like. You wanna have a summary event. I would love to do that, but I would rather, if I'm moving my birthday, I'd rather just move it to someone else.

Oh yeah, good, of course, yeah sure. If you're moving your birthday, you may as well take it. If you're moving your birthday, you might as well move it half a year. So, and this is gonna be a low pressure day with no tears. Yeah, because it's not really my birthday. Right. Yeah, so it is a bit of a life hack.

So what do we think then creates the tears, all the pressure and the overwhelm? I think people often cry on their birthday. Well, like the amount of messages we get being like, I always cry on my birthday or like just cried on my birthday, blah blah blah. So I'm seeing that it's a global phenomenon. Like I can't blame it all on being so close to Christmas. No, it's got nothing to do with poor old Santa Claus. Poor old Jesus, once again taking the blame, poor fella.

Taking the hit. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's the pressure, the like, I think also it's a huge idea of like, what have I accomplished? It's a huge thing of like, another year down the drain. Yeah. Another year over.

I feel like people feel like it's not, like they haven't done enough. Mine is more just is bleak. Yeah, that's so fair. That's so fair and I absolutely love this proposal from me and I support it wholeheartedly. Do you? I feel like you don't like it. I feel like there's something about it that you're not liking.

I'm just shocked. Fair enough. I'm just shocked. I love it. I just didn't think you were going to say that. And I feel like... I kind of said it in a dramatic way for dramatic effect of like I'm moving away from my birthday. And it landed. It worked. It was very dramatic. It really... Yeah. The drama paid off for sure. I love it. I love the idea of having a fun day in the summer I'm just shocked like it like the claiming of moving my day

I feel like you are really you have a strong sense of like your identity in certain things and We're not gonna I understand now that we're not detracting from the 27th of December No as like a pillar of your life, but I think that was the beginning thing of like. I'm not changing the date. Yeah, so there we go. So, problem solved. I actually just said it a bit dramatically just to get the, the fruit.

Oh my god. Yeah, and it worked. It really worked. Yeah, so I'm glad. It really worked. But what I'm doing is just celebrating. Having a summer party. Half a year earlier.

Yeah, which I love. I'm all for the celebrating more in life to be honest. Like, I'll kind of celebrate a Tuesday night. Just, it's Tuesday. We're two days in. It's a Tuesday, can you believe? In a few days we'll have a weekend. It's Tuesday. Yeah. It's 8pm. I love this time. Let's celebrate. Exactly. We also, I saw we got a message on spotify today from someone saying that it's their birthday on the 16th of july. yeah and they're really excited about us doing this month. should we do a birthday party for them on that day? 100% and maybe in in essence it's everyone's birthday party. yeah. if you don't mind sharing. so 16th of july let's

remember that we're gonna do a bit of a party on that day. yeah. for you. i don't know your name. because when i saw that message. bad birthday. when i saw that message i was like oh that'll be really nice because you'll get a birth- like i was literally thinking you don't even know that we've got a birthday kind of episode planned. hee hee hee. that's really fun. in a kind of mischievous way. yeah i know. so everyone- if it's not your birthday on the 16th, everyone moved their birthday to the 16th of July. that's the new day that we've agreed on. it turns out guys we're in a world you can move your birthday like you do. yeah. honestly I think that's the crux of it. that's the crux really of life generally is you can do what you want and I think when it comes

to birthdays there is a massive sense of like yeah what the fuck have i done it's reflecting time or it feels like it almost feels like all of a sudden everyone you've ever known has got a checklist on you and they're saying well you didn't do that or i thought you were gonna do this or oh what a loss of potential and also you get a new identity you're in your late 20s you're in your early 30s that's enough of that thank you you're getting your late 20s, you're in your early 30s. That's enough of that thank you. You're getting new weird labels. Yeah and they are weird. They're really weird. They are weird. Yeah I hope if that's something you kind of feel like suddenly there's a checklist out I'll do the whole um hope this one lands with you guys. You come to this day with nothing to prove. That's what I love. Exactly, exactly.

Did you need to hear that? I hope so. Yeah. Because it's true, you really do. You come here with nothing to prove. You came to this life with literally nothing to prove. What you have done is above and beyond what we could have hoped for.

You're amazing, you're amazing. We're just lucky to have you here. And you don't need to show off for anybody. Just settle into who you are because that is chef's kiss perfect. And I do feel like there is in terms of like pressure and like feeling overwhelmed and really like in the kind of self-critical reflection period around birthdays and just when you start thinking about the kind of finite mortality that you have as a human being when you start thinking about the kind of finite mortality that you have as a human being when you start to think about your

impending doom it becomes really easy to think like I haven't done enough or all of the kind of maybe outrageous ideas you had of like by the time I'm 21 I will have done this or by the time I'm 31 I will have done this. By the time I'm 13 if I'm not in Doctor Who just give up underlined. Famously. Maybe you could just spill the beans on that one if people miss that somehow. Surely surely. It's like the Exeter saga. It's a classic. But they do slip through the grapevine. I wrote a note to myself when I was 12 or like I don't know how young I was like at a young age

being like if you are not in Doctor Who an actor in Doctor Who by the age of I think it was 13 that I wrote in big capitals and underlines just give up and I hid it behind my wardrobe to find a later date and I envisioned myself finding it and being like, oh, thank God, I knew as a young actress that I would be in Doctor Who. And I had auditioned for a Blue Peter competition to be in Doctor Who with my grandma. And I sent a little tape off, which I didn't even, this is also the sad bit about it.

It was supposed to be a scene with your dad, but my dad wasn't in. So I did it with a scene with me holding a toy cat and talking to the toy cat being like, Dad, just do this. And it's like, that's quite sad. And my grandma filmed it and we didn't put it on a DVD or a memory stick or anything. We literally just took the tape out of the camera, put that in an envelope and sent that to Blue Peter.

It's so good. And I obviously didn't get the part and then I found the note like later and later in my life and thought god that's so sad that I wrote that. Like that is just devastating. It is heartbreaking. Just give up. Just give up. If you can't even do that be an actress in Blue Peep in Doctor Who just give up. If you can't even do that, be an actress in Blue Peaks in Doctor Who, just give up. If you can't be Billy Piper, just give up. Basically, if you cannot play Rose Tyler in Doctor Who, just give up. So that's why I just gave up and at the age of 13 I just decided I'll just give up then. I'll just give up. Still giving up to this day. Yeah honestly.

Just give up. Just give up. It's actually so crazy. That was my mine and my sister's joint room. Like she probably saw me write that note and hide it behind the sofa behind the behind the wardrobe and was literally like, God, this freak. Like what's going on? It is harrowing. It is so cute. It is harrowing. Did you have any goals for yourself that you wanted to hit by a certain age? Like did you have

anything sort of that you were like, by this age, I will have done this? I don't think there was anything really crazy, like nothing like really specific, like a specific age or a specific thing. I just feel like my whole life I've had a really destructive, honestly, obsession with some sort of unattainable goal. And as soon as I achieve something, I immediately discount or discredit it because it's mine so it can't be real sort of thing. There isn't a specific one, the only similar story I have is that,

I didn't set a goal or anything, I just, I wrote a letter to myself and I was like, in four years time, I didn't set a goal or anything, I just, I wrote a letter to myself, and I was like, in four years time, you can open this. Wow, animal crossing and sending a letter to your future self. Yeah, literally, but then after like a few months, and one time my friend was around and she opened it, and I was so devastated.

It got so mortifying. Well no, it wasn't even. So you haven't had a chance to accomplish it, oh yeah. No, no, because there was nothing even in there It was just like hey, how's it going sort of thing, but it was almost a bit of a history project for me It was a bit of a like time capsule. Yeah, and I was just really like I've seen it damn sort of thing that my streak is ruined God that's really sad. You know what I mean? Yeah

But yeah, there's no specific goals apart you know what I mean? Yeah, totally. But yeah, there's no specific goals apart from just like be a perfect, pristine human every day. It doesn't work. And every day I wake up more miserable than the last and less perfect than the last. But I do feel like that's maybe my dying mission is just fucking get over it and like stop Honestly, maybe just give up is a bit of a mantra in terms of like stop trying Maybe like stop trying in a really specific way because I think sometimes when you try so hard to be perfect It means you don't try anything at all and it becomes really like just a suffocating way to live and a really boring way to live

honestly just a suffocating way to live and a really boring way to live honestly. Also because you don't know what you want like is the classic what we're saying in that episode a few days ago I don't know when you heard that Harry but us being like you don't know what's right for you like no you don't you don't. Doctor Who maybe that I don't know if that right now is exactly no. I'm quite loud. I don't think that was necessarily now is exactly... No! Now I look backwards at you. I'm quite loud personally. I don't think that was necessarily the pinnacle of acting. Yeah, it worked out for me that you didn't get that.

Yeah, it's like that wasn't really... it didn't seem necessary to my happiness in the way that it clearly did to me when I was nine or whatever. Yeah, I think as well, like, yeah, you're so right and it is the kind of thing where... I remember actually saying this maybe... oh, it may be in like a similar type of episode that we would have done on like something end of year or maybe a birthday one or something like that. I remember saying like, I know there are certain things where if a younger me could see my life she would be really like, just so gutted at the way that certain things have panned out.

But at the same time, we keep saying at the moment, off the pod, we keep saying, it's really embarrassing, being like, well you forced my hand, I have to give it to us, a round of applause. But it's like, I'm left with no choice, but to give myself a round of applause of like, there are certain things that have been really devastating, like they've panned out in a really horrible way,

and I would have found it heartbreaking as a kid, and I still find it heartbreaking now and at the same time I still feel really um proud of myself and like um like I have a lot of faith in myself and whatever my future might look like that it's almost when things do go wrong it'suring it ends up being like you find the silver lining of like oh Even when things did go wrong, I still could have a good time or I still had good things You know, I mean, so it's like even if things really don't work out even if things get really horrible and harrowing It can still be okay. Yeah, which doesn't sound very nice but it actually is. no but actually that's the whole point of life. also I can guarantee you

things aren't gonna pan out in the way you think they're going to. totally. that's actually a guarantee. you've got the sephianwane guarantee on that. yeah. got it. that's the only thing. yeah that's the only thing we can guarantee is things will get worse. and also I do find the whole thing of like would your younger self be proud of you? That whole conversation really weird because do you trust a fucking 10 year old? No. Do you give a shit what a 10 year old thinks? Like as much as you can look back with love.

Well yes I give a shit what they think but I don't expect them to make decisions because they're a child and they have bigger fish to fry. They're here to have fun. I don't trust their judgement. Well no they're a child. I think you don't know what's fucking good for you. Like, you would literally sit and watch cartoons all day if you could.

Which does sound pretty good. You're not in your right mind. No, and that's all they should be. Like, I feel like the most important thing is that kids are given a free space to fuck up and be silly. And be a kid. And be a child.

Like, being a child is all about not knowing what this life is and just figuring it out and like, being free in that. Not judging their future decisions. Absolutely not. I think I'm happy with that. No. I think I could have done better. It's like, no, I don't know.

I find it a weird concept that is partly useful to be like, have I stuck don't know, I find it a weird concept. It's like, that is partly useful to be like, have I stuck to who I think I am as in my core in that like, okay, so if I went and like, became an evil banker, my childhood self would probably be like, I think I changed quite a lot. Like, I think I disagree, like I became someone I disagree with. But I think it's like, okay, so if my childhood self is saying I want to be a doctor who's assistant now I don't particularly care for that, I haven't watched it in quite a while. It's actually fine if you haven't been on Doctor Who. yeah I think that's the thing is sometimes there's like a dissonance there's a disconnect between concepts of your like your childhood self isn't necessarily your core or truer self, it's just who you

were when you were eight. Yeah. And there are parts of you that were true then and still true now, but also you were just eight and that doesn't mean that you can't grow or change and that your kind of self today isn't as valid. And I feel like sometimes in the desire to like get back to that pure state of like being a kid and like be nostalgic and heal the like inner child vibe, we can lose a sense of like confidence in who we are now.

And I think it's really important to like respect both of those versions of you in kind of respecting every version of you. It's like yeah It's not 2004 anymore, and I'm not anymore and thank God for that Look at what you're wearing in 2004. Do you trust that person? I mean, it's all come back around which is quite telling but we probably look better than ever I mean it's all come back around which is quite telling but we probably look better than ever I definitely didn't Someone definitely should have got me a bra. I do not know what my parents were thinking. Oh It's like I was actually talking to my sister about this today. It's like

Jesus Christ like a bra. Why did someone not say get this kid a bra? Okay, and wash her hair while you're out here. really? wash your hair? it's almost like when i was in year six it was almost a bit like i don't know i think it's just like oldest child that like developed a bit early but it's like right okay so. they're getting to grips with it yeah. come on someone be like maybe i think my mum was a bit like okay so you wear a crop top it's like no no no I need a bra it's too late yeah we missed the crop top boat oh like that was yeah a few months ago yeah exactly yeah so yeah that was that was last year we could have done crop top okay well happy birthday everyone

happy birthday god yeah no that's the 16th. Well, it's not really, is it? We've all collectively moved into this. But, yeah. Okay. Okay, well, happy birthday in advance. That's the fun about moving your birthday. You just move it back. It can be any old day. Also, you could have it today and then be like, oh, actually, I've changed it to tomorrow. I think it's actually next week. Alright, that's fine. Okay, let's get out of here.

Happy birthday, everybody. You're out of here. Happy birthday everybody, you're ageing so well, like a fine freaking wine, and yeah, we love you. Yeah. Summer, summer. Summer, summer, summer, summer, summer. Summer, summer, summer. you