Goes Without Saying - sobriety, restriction, & self-care: podmas #17

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

merry podmas! festive podmothers sephy & wing enter a Big Sleigh: carolling on not knowing how to be a functioning human being, learning self-love and self-care, restriction and exercise, and the slop that is men's dating app profiles. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Okay. Hey. Hey. Another day and we're back. Let the jingle bells ring. Let the jingle bells ring. God, I hear them ringing out so loud. They're ringing round my head. Oh God. Ringing and ringing and ringing. How's it going? How are you feeling? It's good, yeah. I definitely felt a bit overwhelmed like literally like three minutes ago. Yeah. Like before we started I've been feeling good all day and then just something annoying happened just at the moment that wing ran. Divine timing. And it's like, sorry, you caught me in a terrible moment actually. I feel very annoyed all of a sudden.

I completely get it. But I feel fine now. Speaking to you has made me feel, like it was literally nothing, it's just an annoying person. Well it's just when you're in the like, and then all of a sudden there's a microphone and it's like, oh okay. As soon as someone catches you in a bad, fragile moment setting up anything it's just like sorry I've got a call in literally five minutes and then of

course people are annoying at that time. But deep breaths it's fucking fine. Nothing actually has happened. It is fucking fine. You're tired. I'm so tired. Oh God. Insomnia. Talk us through. I hate her. She's back with a vengeance. Yeah. I just didn't sleep last night and it was one of those like get up out of bed, like walk into the living room and set up camp for the night at like 2am or whatever and I just, I'm very tired and we were supposed to record this morning and I'm sorry and I oh god can I even know where to begin? It's fine but I am tired. No it's literally fine also I have to be out there's a transition happening within my house someone's coming back from somewhere and it's best if you know people are out of the house we're just trying to make things easy here. So then I had a weird time limit

sort of thing I don't know if that won't make sense to anyone but you know well it barely makes sense to me. I kept pushing us back but then you said you ended up having a lay-in this morning before you went for your run which I thought was very nice. Oh my god it's left so late. That's nice. Yeah because they plan originally, this isn't interesting to anybody Good for us just as we're gonna record this morning. Oh look we haven't it's now the evening perfect. Yeah, we are recording. That's fine Lovely and it feels good to be here. It really does and the safe arms of the listener Harry Harry in the safe arms of Harry When you think of Harry what age of Harry are you thinking like when you think of Harry what kind of us still are you thinking?

Like what poster are you thinking? I? Think I'm thinking quite young Harry, but then almost like I'm I picturing like deathly Hallows Harry But just then when I said Harry Harry Harry strong I think I was almost picturing almost like his Christmas jumper like he's hugging us like in the arms of Harry like I could feel that world I've got that jumper in my wardrobe I was thinking actually of wearing it you know Christmas day yeah tis the season may as well tis the season. Well I did a big clear out of my clothes did you did you? and i have my slitherin scarf and i was almost like do i need this i has that part no have i passed the time of the slitherin scarf

i think you need it i've kept it yeah good i was even thinking i don't want to do this but just the idea of a photo in us of us in our in our wet i don't want to our way so you want to wear your harry jumper and i'll wear my scarf i don't know if i do want to do that it just you know when something feels like something you should say and then when you say it you think no why why so yeah i would love you to get like a scarf a scarf i don't don't want one. Unfortunately. I think the only one that works is the Slytherin one and even that is pushing it. You have to be you basically to get away with it. It's massively pushing it. And that's kind of what I'm thinking.

No offence to anybody else. It's not necessarily necessarily you have to get it mmm people might think a little bit like I don't think it's a nod and a wink but at least it's the bad guy exactly a bit of sex appeal to me because I was thinking this about you earlier when I think there was something about an angel and a devil and you're like oh I'm not gonna be the angel I'll be the devil yeah and I was thinking like it's funny that you connect with or like you you find that interesting. Yeah you find the villain stuff exciting. Yeah it's just hotter. Cool. Like 100% like there is no also I think it's like yeah like no 100% please please please get me with Malfoy on that table don't put me down next to. The thing is also dude like I am a cheekster but like you're so cheeky Gonzales. I don't know I think I like a

villain. You do yeah you do. I think I would like to play a villain. A villain. In your reputation era. Well just in the way that like this is it's not a villain but like if you were gonna think of Greece it's like I'm not Sandy I'd be Rizzo. Not Frenchie. Do you know who I really want to be Sandy, I'd be Rizzo. Not Frenchy. Do you know who I really want to be? Marty. Marty, that's the one. Coolest one.

The coolest, most stunning one. When she has all of the things dropping. Like insane. You're never one of mine. Just so stunning. Oh my god. And when she sprays the paper with the perfume. Oh, aye, aye, aye.

Couldn't be better. I hate- What's his name? Who? Vince. Vince. Oh, we always do this. Is he a Fontaine? Vince Fontaine. Vince Fontaine. Did we say that at wedding when Fontaines DC were on? Did we say Fontaines DC Vince Fontaine? I don't think we did. I don't think we did say we didn't make the use of

that opportunism. Also I'm really into Font's DC and I know that your boyfriend is also really into them. Yeah he's loving them. Yeah. I was inspired by, do we keep talking about Reading? You're the same. Mine is also inspired by. Inspired by Alice. By Reading. Yeah. Who lives with Boris Johnson. You know the one. Right. Okay, so where's that going? Can't see the time. Six minutes? Seven minutes? Yeah, six minutes. Lovely. Alcohol. So yeah, we're talking about alcohol today.

Which I'm happy about actually because I like it when there's a kind of topic and I feel like, oh I'm safe in this topic. 100 percent. And alcohol weirdly feels like a safe topic. Even though it's not. We've spoken about this before but we both have quite like, I would say healthy, balanced relationships with alcohol. Yeah. Which is really nice, like I could definitely, there's many things I don't have

healthy relationships with but alcohol really is one that I feel very chicken. Would you mind naming a few? Chicken. I said would you mind naming a few things you don't have healthy relationships with but I'd rather not. I don't know because that doesn't feel like such central. Yeah no no no no no no. Yeah. Or like for example like if we're talking about like vices that people might have I've spoken before about I definitely have a certain something something for cigarettes. That's something, smoking is something that I feel could be a slippery slope for me. Okay Well, it just takes that one they say.

It does and my mum was actually lecturing me about that last night because I was saying I have like one a month and she was like but it could be that one and I was like so true. The only reason well there's multiple reasons why I you know would advise you not to smoke but the main thing would be I know you cannot afford that habit so don't do it. But I've never bought a packet. I literally- Well keep it that way. You think I buy them? No I know you don't. I'm the girl in the smoking area, hey. But then that one time we went to the beach in Brighton and you bought a pack and then binned them. Yeah because I was like ew. That was crazy. That I think made up for all the ones that you've stolen off of people in the smoking area. That I think made up for all the ones that you've stolen off of people in the smoking area.

Yeah, truly, because I probably pinched like one a... Literally one a month. Yeah. So that packet that I bought... Is all of those? Yeah. I don't know. That's definitely something that I feel more like Gotta watch that a little bit. Keep my eye on that. Yeah, fair enough. So go on on you had some thoughts here about alcohol. well my thought is that I drunk more than I usually do last month. okay. was a social month, I moved into a new house, met lots of new people, it was like socializing a lot of like pub and like going out and stuff. drinking. which then there's alcohol there and I I just would have like a glass of wine at these things or like you know, two nights out and stuff. And I could feel it in my body like okay I've been drinking a lot lot more than I usually do. And I've come home now for two or three weeks I'm gonna be here I think for Christmas and I really feel like I don't really wanna, I think I need a bit of a break from that.

That's nice. Yeah. Because that's kind of my only thought. Well lovely, thanks for sharing it. Thank you so much. So we thought we'd do a whole half an hour episode about this. That sounds perfect. I mean yeah, I completely get it.

I do think, oh fuck off. I literally don't think anything. I was saying... I do think, do I? Because I was saying, yeah, if I go to a pub, yeah, I don't want to drink. Doesn't feel like I've ever had a thought before, honestly. Well, I'm not going to talk about getting older. But... Why don't you, though?

But I do think... Not even getting older, but just my thing is always like I want to give a shit about myself more and like remember when I said before about washing my face at night or like in the morning or whatever, it's like I guess it's like not a thing that people really worry about maybe too much. Yeah, literally that people said loads to that. What do you mean? The washing your face.

People like yeah same I don't ever do that. Oh okay. I remember being... being sharp. Yeah. How filthy everybody is. I remember thinking god you guys are depressed. Showering. Yeah. I genuinely I did not really connect that. Oh my god it's everything. People be as like a carey. Yeah. Obviously it is. But I guess that's in the brain of someone that hasn't been depressed. You don't even think of those things as things to think about. They're so automatic. Well, you know, sometimes I know that you have this maybe, I think we've spoken about it, where you'll be like, living your life and then it's like, oh wait, I'm like really hungry.

And almost I forgot I missed the window of life. I missed my hunger queue or like, yeah, need a way. Yeah, I'm like five steps too. Yeah, like need like, need a wee, need a wee, mildly. Yeah, no, I'm like five steps too late. Yeah, like need a wee, mildly, need a wee, mildly. Oh my God, I'm like desperate for a wee, why didn't I take care of this like an hour ago when I could have sort of thing.

There were like, I feel like my brain is not very good. Like for example, we said in this I didn't sleep, didn't we? I really like can't concentrate. We said in this one that I didn't sleep. Yeah, that was the beginning. Okay. Well, we've only done one take of this. I know, but I can't concentrate. We said in this one that I didn't sleep. Yeah, that was the beginning. Okay. Well, we've only done one take of this. I know, but I can remember what we said just between us

and then what happened after we pressed record. Got it, got it. I'm literally like, yes, there are one and there are options. Are we on right now? This is happening. Last night, and then I didn't say in the episode that my jaw was hurting, did I? And my head was hurting.

So I had like a really bad headache and my jaw was really hurting. But I only noticed that at like maybe 12 p.m like midday by this time I've been up for like a hundred hours like it took me a long time I kept thinking oh my jaw like ow ow but I didn't actually identify like oh this thing is hurting this is like actually bothering maybe take some paracetamol or like you are dealing with a headache. Like I feel like, do you know what I mean? Like it, I don't, my brain like I almost just think, no I'm just in a bad mood today or like oh my head's just a bit heavy, but it's like no like you've, you're just, you're just a human being with a headache and like you can put that name on it. Yeah, and then you can do something about it

maybe. Headache is a hard one though. Like I also get the same thing with period pains where it's like maybe. Headache is a hard one though, like I also get the same thing with period pains where it's like something in me wants to just power through that. Yeah. It's like you can just take medicine. Yeah. And then you won't be dealing with that but something in me like a headache is like it will go, it will go and then before you know it's like I've had a headache all day. 100 I think I'm just not very good at like. It's so stupid. I mean looking after myself as a human is not even a thing. I think I'm actually not very good at functioning like a human Mmm, so so there's that That's something to look into but definitely like you were saying for the like

To chill out on drinking for a sec. I do think and this is kind of a thing with getting older I think about like the longevity of my body and like how I want to Just like be happy as possible, be as happy as possible when I'm older, hopefully, if I get to be like an old woman. I would love to like do things now to like look after that old lady and I would love to like, for example, if you have grandkids, I would love to be able to like throw them around and like sprint around and- Boy, do I want to throw them around. Or like little things like go swimming with grandchildren just I've never thought about that before but I guess that's the thing I want to do. Swim with grandchildren, top of my list all of a sudden.

But like things like that I guess. Yeah that like that would be so cute. That is cute. The idea, oh my god I just had sort of had a weird vision of me calling you up. It will probably be some sort of hologram situation by then. Help me Obi-Wan, you're my only hope. Yeah, you'll be saying that. And you'll be saying, I'll say, what did you do today? And you said, I'll take the grandkids swimming.

That'd be lovely. That would make me nice. But in order to do that, I need to start, for example, washing my face in my 20s, doing the bare freaking minimum. Well, yeah, like little things like that, like being able to function and like look after myself. It's important. And I need to start treating myself like a person who deserves to do these really minor things. Like, I know I said the other, this is like maybe, it's something that I think like for example my parents generation would think is really woo woo and crazy but it is like actually a foundational thing I think for me to keep me like a bit sane just

in the way that my brain is so dodgy. Five freaking moments, five minutes of meditation when I wake up, that is essential but more so like things like drinking water, going outside like fresher, I know that's so boring, I know, I know having a shower, washing my hair but like I'm not good at that, I'm not good on earth, I'm not good at these things. I look around I think god you guys are so good just like chatting away and showering and you just walk down the street, that's really hard for me like I'm not cut out you know. No I get that so much. That's really hard for me. Like I'm not cut out, you know No, I get that so much. That's where I'm at. No, I get it

Cuz also like even though that is not a place that it manifests for me like in like showering cuz that's I just kind of Love the warm water too much. I just get pulled right into it. So do I? It's kind of like the only reason I can get out of my bed. It's heaven is to move to a shower It's actually a portal to another universe. I think that hot water. It's crazy. It's insane. It's the best thing ever, yeah, it's perfect. But I have been running, literally the last two days I just got up and I've been running. And this morning after my run I was doing my little cool down walk and I was like doing my little my little cool-down walk and I was like the impact this has astronomical the like I think I underestimate the fucking impact that just had it took half an hour of my day I'm shaking my head so hard because I

don't run but I know the feeling of lights pretty I think the thing that I'm trying to do is the meditation of like these things think the thing that I'm trying to do at the moment is the meditation of like, these things, like the resistance that you feel so much, like not do the thing that you know. I could still so easily not do it tomorrow. 100% and also that's when it gets kind of tricky because like, that's important to also have moments where you're, you know, letting yourself get away with not doing things and blah blah blah and like almost doing it out of love not like pressure and hate. And also that's the thing that I've been trying to break my whole life exercise has been pressure and hate entirely until literally I think it was last year I had one it was just one

therapy session about exercise in general and that changed my mind about so much like I don't think I've ever ever ever been in the habit of exercising without thinking. I'm losing weight. So I shouldn't have that later because I've just burnt that. That was completely my attitude around all of it. Since last year I've started playing netball a bit, running, yoga's just been obviously fucking huge. I was bang on about that but I'm not really

in the habit of that at the moment. But you do like to bang on about it, Joking. I just like the way you said that. I love it. A bit of badminton. You know what I like. Yeah, badminton I think you're banging on about more. I'm happy I let that go. Yeah, badminton. Oh my god. Love. Got out of that. That really, yeah, I don't know. I think I'm growing a healthier relationship towards exercise. I think it was something I avoided because I knew that it triggered all that stuff of like, dieting and stuff because I was a huge, huge restrictor as a teenager, early 20s, all of that. All I did was fucking, I never, yeah, there's old news, big old, definitely eating disorder girl, but like kind of in a weird way.

But exercise kind of leaned into that as well. But now I just honestly like I'm so unpressured with it. I go I ebb and flow with my running or whatever but I think running this morning I was literally like it's so hard like it can actually be like it's quite painful on the fourth day almost. I'm like this is not fun. And then suddenly it is and and I was like, wait, if I could feel this feeling kind of guaranteed every morning by just running for 20 minutes even, the walk back is like, I was like, sorry, I'm elated.

Like, that's insane. I think that's it as well, and also, I'm so sorry my brain's just not working No Also, just notice I've got a black shell over my hands. I think it's from my candle Yeah, so we are filming these I think you're not gonna see it yet But you might there's gonna be a move in the Safian Wing Yeah, we need to do an episode like and sort of explain explain ourselves Not even but just like there will be there will a video available to all of this at a later date I think if we make this move we might be making a bit

of a move somewhere you'll still be able to listen to us where you listen to us we're not moving to YouTube I think no we're not moving to YouTube no no no that's what I don't know if you will my detective is yeah no I think you will if we're on Apple still we need to get a response from this guy. Yeah, I was just gonna say, kind of underlining everything you said, love-hearting it, just drawing big hearts around it. Yeah, thank you.

Exclamation mark, exclamation mark, love to hear it. And I was gonna actually say about how you were saying your relationship to exercise has got a lot better. And I think things like that happen when your to exercise has got a lot better and I think things like that happen when your relationship with yourself gets a lot better. Like I feel like people listening will probably be like oh my god yeah I like if someone for example is relating to you and like the up and down that you've had with like food and restriction and exercise and stuff and then is like yeah I want a really healthy relationship with exercise I'm gonna start doing this this and this. I do think that's quite late. It's probably been like I would honestly say the last piece of the puzzle and if I tried to introduce that too early I think I would just have gone right back into everything.

I think and still and I still kind of think I probably will like it's a daily fucking thing to be honest. Yeah yeah. I hate to say it but it kind of is. I think that is the thing, I think it is these things just you live with them throughout your life. Totally. Like even earlier I got a packet of cookies from M&S, the vegan plant kitchen ones. Not the famous grow ones. Because I was like oh I want something sweet blah blah blah blah. And I kind of sort of said, I sort of had the thought of like, oh I don't think, maybe I shouldn't eat a cookie because I've just done a run and everything, just as like a habitual thought. And I was like, I have to buy them now.

I don't even want them that much. Now I have to buy them and eat one. Have to challenge the thought, yeah. Because it's just like, as soon as that kicks in do the opposite like I it's so ingrained that is like a constant It's very active 100% I also think so good. So annoying. She always just likes to pipe up at six. Sorry. Oh no, it's not what time is Oh six. God that's flying. Okay. God that just went really quick. They're really dead. What the hell? Okay. Can you see me? You keep yeah, I just don't quick. Yeah, it really did, what the hell? Okay. Can you see me? You keep squinting.

Yeah, I just don't have my contacts in, I'm too tired. I haven't got my glasses on or anything. Got it, got it, got it. But I keep looking at the time to see like, the time of the pod. Sometimes I think, can you see me? I can, oh, I see all of you. What's going on here?

You're so seen. Oh, speaking of feeling seen, I watched the Anna Kendrick, Woman of the Hour. What did you think of that? It's a good question, Safie. It's a good question. I thought good, I thought bad. I think I thought good and bad.

Yeah, I was happy to see that she donated all of her income from the film to all of these organizations, so that was lovely. I thought it was really, I love- 70s. I love a 70s, and I love dating show, I love watching TV in a film. So for example, Nope. What Bits TV in Nope?

Is it not the SNL, it's not actually SNL but the monkey bit. Oh my god, yeah the best bit of Nope, sorry I always forget that fucking Gordie's House bit. Yeah Gordie's House is the best bit. The best bit. Yeah and also Late Night with the Devil which you need to watch and we should watch it together. I really need to watch that yeah. I love watching TV on film and also the subject matter I obviously agree politically with I'm aligned with the with the movie so that makes me like it. And I trust the intentions. I

love the intentions yeah I love the intentions. I'm glad it exists but there was a lot about it that I didn't like. How are you? Well I'm glad it exists. But there was a lot about it that I didn't like. Well, I'm glad it exists as a film. I'm glad that like Anna Kendrick's got her shot doing that. I'm glad that's what she's chosen to do. I think it's a nice thing. I think it should exist. I think lots of people probably need to see it more than I do. But there were like a load of different things from like stylistic choices to like maybe some kind of political things that didn't love, but there was just a single line in it where the psychopath says to this girl,

do you feel seen or did you feel seen? And she says, I felt looked at. And I really liked that because- Yeah, God, that just shivers down my spine a bit. Is there not such, it's just, I've never really- It's such a difference. Yeah, like almost verbalised the difference of like I do feel looked at or I have felt looked at but am I feeling seen? It's a different question.

Yeah I just thought that was really um like actually a really lovely quote in itself. Did you feel seen? Well I felt looked at. Felt looked at. There was this term, I kind of forgot all about it, but it was a huge thing when I was doing my undergrad. If you have studied film you will know this, it's like basic basic. There's someone called Laura Mulvey, she's like a critic or something, and she has a thing that's called like to be looked at-ness. It's's like a thing and it will if you've written it if you studied film you would have written a thing about that and it's kind of there's like this idea of this triangle of like the man looking at the woman yes the woman

looking at the man looking at her or the woman the man looking at the woman and the woman looking at herself in a mirror being looked at the man. It's just like for a man to see a woman, it's very like that is a one-way thing but there's an idea of like women potentially feel desire through this idea of being to be looked at nurse which is the awareness that they are being watched or like seeing themselves through the eyes of a man watching them. I've been thinking recently about how good women are at emulating what men like. Want.

Yeah, yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot recently as well actually. Bad men are at emulating what women would want from a man in like a heteronormative sense. I look at a lot of men and even in like films or like I look at actors in interviews and stuff and I'm like, if you were a girl, yeah, you would be following a different script.

Like you're just missing certain marks. Like almost this could be so easy for you. But you just are like missing all the cues. And like as a girl, I've been picking up on stuff since before I could talk of Who we are I am like into the fabric totally and it's so natural and almost the performance that you can put on is like actually really impressive and like women are so good at Performing. Yeah in every way even just like at work,

I watched today, so this morning, didn't sleep, did I mention that? I was watching Estee LaLonde's videos. Oh yeah, Essie Button. There were a few that I hadn't seen, Essie Button famously. She's got a lovely few vlogs, she's uploaded her last few vlogs been really nice. So she's been through a turbulent time in life and she also has depression and she there was just a

bit where she was I don't want to butcher this woman's life but go and watch her recent vlogs I'm sure you already do like if you're here guys I'm not you know whatever yeah she doesn't need our pedestal she doesn't need our platform this is really not a huge where she's getting her views. Yeah um it's not supporting small businesses me shouting her out but she there was a moment where she was like sobbing sobbing sobbing and then the next minute she's on a call like hey yeah i'm good how. Like, it's just so natural to bend and morph and like put on a little thing.

Just be like appeasing to, yeah, just appease it. And just like function. Rather than feel uncomfortable. Just get through and be really good at it. Yeah. Very interesting. Yeah. I'm so glad we're having this conversation about alcohol.

I love this conversation about alcohol. I love this conversation about alcohol. I think also that is the conversation. That's why it's kind of like yeah let's do a 30 minute episode on nothing. On everything. I think it's been kind of self-caring. It has been self-caring to the words right out of my mouth. Yeah. Which is good. That's how I'll remit out of the bathtub and into the ward room for anyone who's been here a long time. If anyone recalls our original phrasing. Okay. Yeah. Do you think that's a wrap then? Well I kind of, I just have one tiny thing, it's not really anything but it's kind of on that, it's on that note. I'm so sorry. It's nothing but if we need like a little bit of extra, if you want a little bit of pudding. I do. Everyone. You know I do. Well it's just a continuation of

the main really but I've definitely been thinking about like how men cannot curate themselves because I've been talking a lot about hinge with people recently. Okay. Women. So if you look for a load of women on hinge they know how to present themselves, they know how to take photos of themselves, they know what prompts a cringe and what's not cringe, they literally are trained within the art of self presentation. They know exactly what to choose, everything is well lit, they've got some with friends, some with not friends, they've got one with the dog, they're very wholesome, they've got blah blah blah.

They know what they're doing. Yes How much do I say I saw a guy in real life recently for the first time I are I are out for the first time That's the first time you'd ever and I thought good-looking. This is a good-looking guy. Not just good-looking There was a lot more than that guys. She's putting it there was a lot more than that guys, she's putting it lightly there. But let's not say too much. Let's not, but no, it was like, you know, that's a really charismatic, impressive hot guy.

For sure, for sure. And also, we had a very fun afternoon mid-way of going- Going through LinkedIn. Going through the depths of the internet. Going through the depths, I did my research. Following the trail that the man has left on the internet. No stone unturned. No stone unturned. She met this person once and I took it upon myself to explore up until

2009. I've seen the ins and outs. We're big fans. Yeah and I am a huge fan. I am in support of this. Impressive for sure. Like borderline to be honest, I thought kind of like, okay, out of my league in a way. Which is crazy. That's crazy. Like he just is kind of- And I will out of my league in a way. Which is crazy! That's crazy. He just is crazy.

And I will put in capitals in a way. No Belle Peace Prize winner. He's not. Like actually insane. But like, insane. Yeah. Like very, very accomplished. Very, very like, whoa.

Whoa. Now let's not go any further than that. Yes. I feel like that's still vague enough that they wouldn't see themselves in that. Oh my god. I mean if they saw themselves in that they'd be mental. Yeah, they couldn't actually. They couldn't.

And... Bartilak. Tell me why I go on Hinge. I see... the guy. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Probably one of the worst profiles I've seen. Ever. Like probably ever. Which is funny because I don't know if I can...'m sure I can't it's not really a big deal

But you- But like careful with it. Yeah, yeah, I'm being so careful. I'm being so gentle to the touch There was somebody else that Sefi was quite liking and then she was like, oh no, no, no, there was someone else By the way guys, I just got about 10,000 crushes at the moment. Yeah, no, she's at a good point, it's fun. Sefi was going on a date with somebody else. yeah. i do think be careful with that. i know, yeah. but we might- that's literally it. okay, start again maybe but like a bit more carefully. okay, okay. so they're- so you may be like- so sephi was talking to people exclusively on hinge, had never met them in real life. one of them, she was going on a date with this guy and was kind of like, oh do i cancel it because i like this real life impressive guy.

and we hadn't even seen the hinge and i was like, just, do I cancel it? Because I like this real life impressive guy. And we hadn't even seen the hinge. And I was like, just imagine, if you only had impressive guys hinge to go off, I can imagine it would be so bad. Like you wouldn't like him, you wouldn't like him. It's worth going on a date with someone that you see on hinge because real life movement and mannerism and charisma

is everything. Chemistry is everything. And there's only so much of that that you can get through a screen. Cut to the suspicion that the prophecy was fulfilled. The hinge is absolutely appalling. And this is like... I found it the other day. It's crazy.

And god it took my breath away. I was like, oh my god, you cannot represent yourself. And I just had this big sort of realisation of like, look, I help people. I've got my own hinge. I see my friend's hinge. We've all done it. We will help curate these hinges. We make them perfect. It's a team effort. It is. And they are divine. I see them. It's my creative outlet, in fact. It's my art form.

It's my art form. Curating people's age. And they're tailored for what you want in a relationship and what you want from how you want men to view you, out of first glance. They are completely... you've thought of all of this stuff. This guy who is Mr. Perfect over there. Yeah, yeah. Mr. just like, whoa, okay, you've got a lot to talk about here. Mr. Impressive. Jesus Christ, you have fucked this. You've completely fucked this. I don't know what you were thinking. What have you done? Yeah. What have you done? So I just have been thinking like,

God, they cannot represent themselves. Like, because it's not an issue of who they are. like, because it's not an issue of who they are, it's a gap between them having no awareness of how to present, let alone to women. Very specific. It's why like, but not hard, the kind of old school like rom-com boyfriends, it's almost like those are the only examples in like a romantic sense, in like a heteronormative romantic sense, those are the only like blueprints that men follow that are like, that relate back to what women might want. Cause everything else they're watching is just like a muscley guy attacking another muscley guy on TV and porn and that's it. And also, sorry, just give me one moment to remember this boring thing that I was gonna say. No, no. How do you do this? What do you want? Just deal with me. Jesus,

how do you deal with me? Yes. How often have you encountered a guy that you've thought, oh, in like five years time, in like one or two girlfriends time, he'll be perfect. Once he's had some preening from a girlfriend somewhere, once he's had some grooming and some zhuzhing, once he's been looked after by a woman. A woman has got to work curating this. Honestly. He'll be great.

After a woman's got her hands on him, he'll be unstoppable. But I am not that woman, therefore. No, no, no, no, no. Leave him straight. And I don't have the time. I'll reap the benefits. In a few years. In literally 10 years time, but this needs. A woman's touch is just, there. Leave him straight. And I don't have the time. I'll reap the benefits in a few years. In literally 10 years time.

But a woman's touch, it's just, there's nothing like it. I'm really obsessed with women at the moment. No, I don't agree with you. I have a friend actually that is dating quite a younger guy. Okay. And she was saying, at the very beginning, she was like, I just don't want to have to teach him all of this stuff. I don't want to have to teach someone how to be a boyfriend. Like you need to do this and you should do this. Like basically doing the job that we just laid out, we just laid out the job specification. The duties include styling them, teaching them how to care for a woman, teaching them

that a woman is a human, how to behave, how to do this, blah blah blah, get rid of all their preconceptions of women. I don't necessarily need to be doing that work, but it needs to be done, so any takers? I don't know if I need to be doing that work with someone I actually like. It's like you expect me to almost just put a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. It's like you're really asking a lot of me. It's like I don't want to potty taste in my mouth. It's like, you're really asking a lot of me. It's like, I don't want to potty train at my boyfriend. It's like, I don't want to see you at your worst. This isn't like in sickness and in health.

I don't even know you. This is a big ask of me. Yeah. Oh, God. And also quite triggering. Like I would find that incredibly triggering having to be like, excuse me. Like one of the examples she gave was that she

was having to walk back from the station on her own. He was like, well, like well I'm in bed it's like but I why am I having to teach you that you should be there you should want to though and also because you clearly don't know you haven't ever fucking thought about it it's not safe for me to walk home I'm gonna have to pay for an uber blah blah blah all of the stuff all of the shit and it's like I don't want to have to teach you no that stuff and actually you know what personally how shit. And it's like, I don't want to have to teach you that stuff. And actually, you know what? Personally, how I feel is... It's not worth it.

If you can't teach an old dog new tricks, like if they don't know it. If they don't know it. I agree. I think, well, maybe not I agree with that, but I agree. The dog should just let the dog out to your life. And if the dog is being so annoying, maybe we rehome dogs. I would just say maybe that's not a boyfriend. We go full Lily Allen, and we just start re-homing dogs left and right. Oh, Lily.

Lily, Lily Doodle. It's a shame that podcast. Sefi's a big Lily Allen. Well, you've got a relationship with her. Obsessy. You've got a relationship with her, it's a bit weird. I do, I'm David Harbour. Long term.

I guess as everyone in England does but like you really have you've done the Matilda Jaffe, you've style iconed her. She's style icon status to Sefi. Yeah it was kind of Lily Allen and Miley Cyrus. That's kind of the only people I cared about as a kid. Miley, Queen. Like that's kind of it. Maybe Amy Winehouse a bit but that was sort of pushed on me a bit. Pushed on you? Jesus. WellUSHED ON YOU? Jesus! Well my dad really, like I really loved Lily Allen a lot and my dad was like you should really like Amy Winehouse and I do love Amy Winehouse so much but like I think I kind of as a kid yes you just sort of want the pretty pop star not the one with the most amazing voice you've ever

heard you just sort of like but Lily Allen wears a dress and trainers she's so cool. She is so cool and that was really cool. But yeah no Lily Allen the podcast. It's not Sefi's favorite. I don't know you know I think it is. It's just never meet your hero sort of situation. You've never met her have you? You've just listened to her podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know. I'm meeting her properly for the first time actually. Are you? No, please podcast. Oh god. Fuck. I haven't been invited to that! I haven't been invited to that! I've been listening to her words! Yep. But do you know what? I don't think it is Lilly. Like, I just think... You know when you just realise people are more... They're just in a different space. It's super millennial.

They're just in a completely... The way they speak about everything, I just am in a different space. Place. And I think it's partly Makita as well. I'm not putting it on Lilly. Whoa! I actually think Lilly's iconic in a way. But Makita's not even iconic. She is iconic look I just yeah no no no no no just like good guys I just I love Lily so much and some I just think ****. No no cut that out. I love her I actually do love her but like I do actually worry about her. Yes. I actually do I actually do worry about her about her and she will hate that and I might have blown my chances That's why she kind of won that card. I love her so much

I think yeah No, I think it's fine that you love like Lily if you ever somehow do listen to this Yeah, what would you actually say? You don't know what you mean to me? Yeah, and I really like sincerely hope that you're okay And I hope you hope that for me and hope you hear this in good faith She will she will that we all make you wait And I know I know she might she might she might because you'll think look we all say things and she knows that no anyway I let's just get out of this. She's a big fan. Okay, if you can't see that then you're a fool You're absolutely fool

All right. Well, that's not bad. Something we haven't spoken about that I would love to speak about in the next one. Okay. Just because I just saw it because there's a on a vision board here there's a picture of Lily Allen on it. Yeah. But that doesn't tell you Lily how much I love you. See? Come on. Also I scanned down to the bottom picture of Kieran Culkin. Yeah. I would like to just say about Kieran Culkin at some point. Go on then. But I'm maybe talking about manifesting or something. Oh okay. Sorry I just had to pick up my dog. Yeah alright. Let's do that then. In the next one. Yeah cool. See you there. Okay bye guys. Bye. Right no we need to say our thing. Oh shit sorry and um also. We don't end it bye guys. Bye guys. Click. We have a whole

embarrassing one that we say. Merry Podmas, Merry Christmas, podmas! three sorry three two one Merry podmas and a Harry new year