Goes Without Saying - social burnout: girls don’t like boys girls like time alone

Episode Date: October 10, 2021

the vibes are off! in this episode of Goes Without Saying, sephy & wing talk about isolation, independence and the chaos of oversharing - so you don’t have to. #nOrMaLiSiNg being bad vibes and giving your loved ones absolutely nothing to work with! just girly things! <3xxjoin the conversation every monday.speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram!you’re invited to our discord group chat: https://discord.gg/j5HsjVCtgw Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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wherever you listen to podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com It goes without saying, you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Sefi, and this is Wing. I am Wing, yeah, hi. This is a conversation about social burnout and why we all kind of feel a bit knackered after we talk to people even if we like the people and how we can

kind of avoid that and if there's any reason why we feel like that and is it even bad to feel like you want to be alone or should we all kind of be in this weird like dependent relationship with everyone we know or is that fine too who the fuck knows are we extroverts are we introverts is there even such thing or were those terms made up by a man in the fucking 1700s that like was beating up his wife who the fuck knows jesus also this is the last episode before a two-week scheduled break that we're gonna take because if you can't tell we're socially burnt out slash just burnt out in general so we're taking two weeks off which will be really nice and coming back with really fun stuff see you then so we'll see you after the break or we'll actually just see you now we'll see you now oh fuck okay how are the vibes how

are they are the vibes immaculate tell me they're immaculate my vibes aren't immaculate how are yours off no i would say they they are they are pretty immaculate but um weird morning weird morning but it's all good uh-huh weird morning weird life hey weird morning weird life weird world hey weird podcast i hate how we start these it's just awful same um go on then spill your guts what's going on spill my guts what are my guts today my my guts what i'm actually kind of thinking about now is the guy that looks like all three jonas brothers mixed together that's really fun yeah okay go on let's start with that i'm just talking to a guy at the moment that looks like all three potentially all four we're recording frankie which he does

look like all of them mixed into one I thought even Kevin even Kevin yeah maybe even in some lights especially Kevin I think especially Nick yeah I agree but then in some lights I saw Kevin and then I started to see Joe I saw Frankie immediately I have to say I saw Nick immediately but it is insane isn't it I mean it's his only redeeming quality is that he looks like the Joneses because it's not going well is it oh entirely it's the only redeeming quality he's the most pretentious person i've ever spoken to in my life and she's spoken to me how are your vibes though um absolutely terrible thanks for asking thought that might be the case go on um no they're all right i'm just in a weird um zone right now i honestly just think i'm like insanely hormonal

yeah and that's kind of all there really is to say yeah i think you're insanely hormonal yeah not an unfair judgment to make just heightened emotions absolutely i did have my second back side not that long ago and i'm now on my period and i think that tainted my birthday i think that's just been the general let's just get this over with kind of this like god just get me into ovulation station absolutely yeah she needs to get this period over yeah just anything but so are you on your period now yes thank god thank fucking god because i was waiting out like please tell me i'm hormonal and not just like a broken woman well that's nice but yeah no periods here you're you're approaching the end of it period is here yeah it's nice it was making me see things different it was making me how can you see

clearly when you're blinded by the sun i couldn't see things clearly because i was tainted by misery yeah how can you see clearly when you're blinded by like literally the world's most awful period yeah just emotionally yeah that's that it that oh you're also quite socially burnt out aren't you just to link to the topic oh i absolutely am yeah and to the point i saw my friends the other day and then i said to her i was like i'm literally saying to seffie now we're doing social burnout as a topic because the only thing i can bring myself to talk about right now is how burnt out i am and and when you said it i feel like i hadn't realized yeah a hundred percent i feel the exact same yeah you know when you're just pushing through like yeah yeah i'm seeing a lot of people right now well yeah i think i'm doing okay right

now but absolutely i'm not yeah absolutely not doing okay go start saying flailing around in this life um hamster wheel but just completely burnt out i completely and i think loads of people like even if you don't really necessarily know that you're burnt out burnout or thinking oh yeah i feel really like overwhelmed at the moment i think a lot of people kind of post covid and also just like in life in general it's like god i actually think i don't really want to be hanging out with the amount of people i'm hanging out with or like even just the small amount of people that i do choose to see it's like god i actually think i don't really want to be hanging out with the amount of people i'm hanging out with or like even just the small amount of people that i do choose to see it's still too much i can't even manage that right now even them it's still too much even my best friends are too much right now it's just hibernation vibes from me station it's the hibernation station

hibernation ovulation station it is yeah i can't wait to pull up to that station yeah with the nation look at the state of our nation no no no no i'm stopping you there i can't have two episodes in a row of lynn manuel i'm i just told you i'm socially burnt out and you want to give me a whole hour conversation about lynn manuel miranda like you think i can take that right now he's the cure i'm telling you now he's the cure and the disease yeah he is the disease i would never i'm not speaking badly on him yeah i do love him but same fuck me anyway um also uh no no you know what it's fine no go on no no okay so we'll never know what that was no no it's nothing really makes it sound like it's something no no don't worry look i was saying as well before we

start recording i was like the word so my social burnout thing where i'm at at the moment is i'm kind of in that phrase where it's like yeah you really you probably you're not feeling great so you probably shouldn't be seeing people you know when sometimes you're like oh you know what it'll probably be one of those things where I go out and I see them or I spend time with them. And I just feel so much better and blah, blah, blah. And then sometimes you have it where you do it, you go out and you see them. And you give them terrible vibes the whole time. And you just know you've made it worse. And it doesn't make you feel better. No, it makes you feel a lot worse. Because I think that I was I would say like, Oh, no, but I think i if i don't want to go out and i force myself to go out i always feel worse but actually that's

not the case sometimes you can pull it together yeah but then sometimes you know when you can't i think sometimes a bit of socialization is what you need to pull you out of wherever you are if you're like not feeling great if you're prone to isolating yourself then it can be really helpful but then sometimes it's like fucking hell i can't see any more people or even one person i'm giving the wrong impression here do you know what i mean like you know when you're out and or you're with someone you're talking it's like everything i'm saying is just slightly off and i'm like i'm off the rhythm of the convo and boy do i know i just can't pull it together i'm like going through options of what to say they're all wrong it's like oh i'm just stuttering i'm not laughing right i'm giving weird vibes i'm

making them feel i'm making everyone uncomfortable get me home thing is i think that's my general state and i think it is kind of an autistic thing where you realize that your rhythm of kind of communication is off with the general population's rhythm of communication like they're kind of and you're bad we're not vibing this isn't creating a pleasant sound for anyone here and there are certain people i have that with so fucking badly oh my god well you just don't click with somebody it's it's beyond a not click it's like the conversation is like this oh hi how are you oh yeah i'm i'm i'm all right like oh no no i mean like i mean like um it's just like you're just awful it's

spluttering it is spluttering like the conversation cannot flow and it's just you two shouldn't speak you can't get back on rhythm yeah you two just should not be friends to be honest well also sometimes it's just yeah sometimes it's the the combination of two dynamics yeah yeah and then sometimes it's just yeah you're going out and meeting the world with a really weird dynamic and the world is going to meet you back and be like what the fuck are you doing what are you offering me here just pure chaos so that's what i'm offering you in this episode yeah we're offering you listening to goes about saying podcast is just just not harmonious no rhythm it's literally awful well people had a lot to say they did

there's one that i really liked that maybe we could just start straight off with it was a dm they said i'm a lash tech and i talk to people all day every day would definitely say i'm an extrovert but when i finish i'm so socially and emotionally exhausted i can't bear the thought of socializing with my family people really dump their problems on beauty therapists which i'm flattered that they feel comfortable doing so but i don't know how to process everything at the end of the day and take a lot of their shit on top of my own things i have to worry about and definitely feel socially burned out by the end of the week god yeah yeah i mean fucking how i just was thinking about um say it kind of say it do you

know i'm what i'm gonna say i think so yeah go on about the time that we got socially burnt out oh no i thought you're gonna say like it's totally gendered that like of course we just like dump loads of our problems on our hairdressers but yeah well i was but i was kind of gonna say that and when you said say it say i was like oh you're gonna go for a personal thing oh no i was gonna say i think especially in like the beauty industry like she was saying but like especially like hairdressers nail technicians i guess never had my lashes done but lash technicians fucking brow technicians the whole thing is you're sitting there and because yeah it's two women it's almost like it's very intimate as well it's kind of like mummy do i tell you my story mummy someone's doing your hair it's like you're my best friend now yeah yeah yeah too much it's way too much because i

sometimes hear it that's why i love either getting my hair done i'm quite a silent um client i would say but i'm really eavesdropping on everyone else i'm really eavesdropping and especially getting your nails done because you're kind of in a line with everyone yeah and you can kind of really listen in and you're quite close super close you can really hear everyone's convos it is a lot isn't it i just find it fascinating it's people pour their shit out and that and it just i think it's so frustrating then because at the same time people in that industry i think are like undermined so much when you think about like the amount of energy that it takes to do that not just to do someone's lashes but to like receive that amount of energy from x amount of people over the course of a day a week

whatever it's just a lot and also that it's weird that that's kind of expected as part of the job because if you were like right i'm a lash technician i'm a silent lash tech with sephian winger clients that's for sure absolutely i will not be saying a word don't you worry for me how was your day good any fun gossip no absolutely silent i don't know why i just get so i've always been a silent well it's like look i've i've used all my words on my podcast go and listen to that if you want to hear some silly little thoughts sorry i will not be talking at this appointment but i will give you a pair of headphones and you can hear me talking to a girl called wing i think you'd really like her vibe what do you like the topic of sexual assault or the topic of social burnout your pick um but i do find it weird

that part of the job is not only being amazing at your job but also if you didn't say anything the people you work with be like you need to be a bit friendlier right and it's like why why do i need to do that well you can be friendly but you also don't need to be like don't need to be a therapist and like a dumping ground for people's shit an emotional toilet absolute emotional toilet no what was it an emotional dildo someone said once yeah someone did say emotional dildo emotional dildo you're not their emotional dildo no you're not you're a human being you're literally doing their nails yeah you've nothing to do with my ex boyfriend takes me last like no it's hard though because how do you balance it when you actually

care what is that like you have to know when you can receive this is the endless problem do you know what i mean because it's like all well and good for us to be joking about like oh just don't dump your shit and blah blah people getting shit dumped on you so yeah but we also give a shit i would say most of us here yeah care like you want to be nice and also how many times this week i've been an emotional dildo this very morning yeah you have this morning before 8 a.m i was getting my shit dumped yeah and i hear i am going don't get dumped guys don't get your shit dumped on you but then when it's people you care about you end up just being like fucking dump dump i'll open the lid yeah yeah flush your shit down yeah yeah it's so weird like i don't know i think you balance it by being like i give a shit but i also give a

shit about my own well-being like there's there's only so much i can do i can listen to you but i can't like solve your problems i can listen to it i can be the the journal that you write it all down in but i can't like fix anything but can you all the time maybe you can't no absolutely can't all the time you can be the journal no absolutely you can't the journal have you seen the state of people's journals it's like do you know anything about the chamber of secrets it's like yeah no i'm not cut out for being that little scrappy old journal absolutely not no not i'm tormented enough as it is thank you but what i mean is there will be moments where it's like right now i can be your dumping ground like you i'll listen to what you have to say definitely there comes a point sorry journals journal

journal times are closed right now like i can't i cannot do it but i think when it starts to move move out of like um just tiring or like general chit chat to like it's exhausting social burnout is when it's like right okay now i'm invested now i need to solve your problems right why don't you tomorrow why don't you oh there's an imbalance yeah it's just weird as in like one of you is the social dumpy or the emotional dumpy and the other one is your social dumper. But if you're working as a lash technician, you cannot start dumping. You can't be like, Oh, absolutely not.

Like don't go to visit her again. But I was going to say, maybe it's also a capitalism issue of like, it's not, if you know that your job requires you to be the emotional dildo, there's nothing, there might be nothing you can do about being like, I'm not going to be an emotional dildo.'s there's nothing there might be nothing you can do

about being like okay i'm not going to be an emotional dildo it's like well you're not doing your job then yeah but maybe you need to make sure you get a saturday off every once in a while otherwise you're going to start being annoyed what is wrong with people to start like do you feel like you have ever like walked into an appointment or something like that and started oversharing come on could you imagine but this is what i mean what is wrong with people what what is wrong with me for even having a podcast it's so bizarre as in like if anyone who actually knows me knows that it's so weird with me to do that it's like you never speak i don't think it's weird of you you literally never speak why on earth do you have a podcast it's so weird it's so weird because i just so don't see you like that

no well i love to speak to you little chatterbox i see you as um have you ever walked into a thing and started oversharing no no i dare not even ask no this is what i mean who the fuck does that everyone does it i think there's also a gift that you have that people think that, you know, when people like overshoot how close you are or like they misinterpret the relationship because you're so warm and inviting that they just slip on right inside. This is what I thought you thought I was going to say at the very beginning. We're like, I know what you're going to say. I guessed and I got it wrong. Yeah.

What's what I was going to say? at the very beginning we're like i know what you're gonna say and i guessed and i got it wrong yeah what's what i was gonna say yeah yeah there was once a time i don't know how much we can actually say about this but as we know too much you can't say that you've already fucked no no no how do i can't say it at all no don't okay okay no no i'm just gonna be more vague okay okay it's a thing that we've discussed quite a few times together where there'll be times I can't say it at all. No, don't. Okay, okay, no, no. I'm just going to be more vague. Okay. Okay. It's a thing that we've discussed quite a few times together where there'll be times together and separately that people will... I think it must be something about us. And I've noticed it increasingly since having the podcast with you

that people that we know have been like, oh, okay, I want to talk to you about that thing. Or like if you have experienced something similar to that, oh, you have thoughts on that topic, so I want to talk to you. Or they feel like if you have experienced something similar to that oh i want you have a lot of thoughts on that topic so i want to talk to you like or they feel that they know us or something like that i don't know but always people that we actually know kind of peripherally suddenly start oversharing it's something that we've noticed even before we had the podcast that people tell us things that often seem inappropriate to say and i do think it's because we have a warm and inviting vibe but i also think it's like if you

if you start making it a safe space for people to like talk to you about stuff it's like an accidental thing it's like i didn't mean to open the doors to that but before you know the flood gates are open and it's like oh shit you're telling me about your relationship with your mom oh god okay but i think i i think i prize the the flood gates open not like I don't force people to tell me things but I really like being the receiver of someone's like vulnerable sometimes I really really like that like I really take it as an honor like when you tell me about your life or yeah when x or people that I don't really know I do really like I can't pretend to be like yeah and it's too much and blah blah blah it's like no i i love it i like it to an extent i feed off of someone you know when someone's like they they trust you and they're happy they're comfortable to share something with

you i don't think it's about we're talking about different things i think to me what it feels like is a false intimacy well that i don't like that's the opposite of what i like yeah it's like i don't think they do trust me i think they're just desperate to tell so they like need to and it's not their fault oh my god we've all been there i was like fuck i don't know how i'm gonna contain this but it's like i don't know this whether this makes me sound like a fucking bitch go on but i've been in a lot of things where there's been like recurring themes coming up with people in conversations and i make the small suggestion and i don't know whether this is the wrong thing to say can a therapist tell me if this is the right thing to say but sometimes I've been like I think maybe

you should like research therapy and I don't know whether that's a crazy thing to say and you shouldn't be suggesting that but I think I've said that to a few people in particular I think what you need is therapy and it's always met with no no I don't no I know I don't and it's like but then why have you just spoken to me for like four hours, wasted my time? Well, there's a million issues there. Yeah. Yeah. There's a look, we're talking about a million different things. We're talking about people who need therapy and can't see it or people who need some help in life. Yeah. Some support, which their friends can't give them. Yeah, for sure. We're talking about people who are like being vulnerable with you and like trusting you with personal information, which we we love we're also talking about people who are trying to be fake and force something with you to yeah create

this false sense of like intimacy and friendship that isn't necessarily there which one do we want to go into because otherwise we're lost let's go into false intimacy i agree with you because that to me is the most insulting thing because if the most like honoring thing someone could do is like share their shit with me because like i don't share my shit with everyone like i share my shit with you and people who are really like insanely close to me after like a long time of thinking about it and the people who listen to my podcast and that's it i just yeah just you and a close few thousand people if you want to find out what's going in on in wing's head either get insanely close to her insanely close insane more insane the person

that she's paired her name with forever saffy and wing or just listen to the podcast but i don't i'm not natural i'm not naturally a sharer and i would never say i've never come close to oversharing really so when someone just shares with me like genuinely it's the nicest it's the highest compliment for me because i know what that would take for me to do that to someone else likewise though when someone is like throwing out whatever just for the sake of forcing something i hate a forced fake vibe because i want you to like me so if you're giving me something fake i feel like I've failed that's a bit of personal information for you that's so interesting you feel that is a failing on you absolutely I feel like they've failed well you would wouldn't you

Sefi navigates through life just immediately you've you've inherently failed just by being around her. No, it's just, I feel... No, I agree. It is a failure on their part, but... I just wouldn't see that on me. I take it as a personal failure. I do get that because it's like, oh, fuck, you don't feel... I don't know. It's just sort of like, I think I can see it from a mile off.

Absolutely. When someone's being real and when someone's being fake i think we're really good at that yeah i agree i agree i completely agree and i think actually most people are i don't think it takes a genius to work out why are you sharing that with me because there are so many times when it's like there's a difference between somebody that because i think i'm really comfortable with sharing trivial things that just a lot of people seem like deep or something like that but to me they're like oh god that's not even um scratching the surface of what's deep it's not half of it yeah no god

jesus you don't know how deep that well goes i've just given you the cherry on top we're only in the shallow end we're in the baby pool yeah honestly you thought that was deep we're in a jacuzzi literally because a lot of people or not a lot of people but i think i've had it a few times i think you've had this as well where people say god when i'm talking to you we just get so deep we get so deep and i think boy oh boy we stay so fucking shallow like no no we do we're close to the shore yeah we do not get deep we just don't and that doesn't mean that my deepest i'm so fucking deep man i'm james franco all of a sudden it doesn't mean that my deepest i'm so fucking deep man i'm james franco all of a sudden it doesn't mean that yeah you're the guy that you're you're the tinder guy yeah i'm

all knit all of the jonas brothers mixed together i'm not that or the conversations that i desire are not that but it just shows it's like okay so you were sharing things that were vulnerable and you did that because you interpreted what i was saying as vulnerable but i wasn't being vulnerable I was saying the same thing to you that I would be saying to just some random other person because it's not deep it's just general general conversation I feel like as well it's kind of it's not even this isn't this would never cross my mind like with me and you for example it's like someone who's actually in my life and like the relationship is established and it's whatever it's kind of it's those peripheral relationships where there's an awareness of the intention of what's being shared yeah because you're really you're you're establishing like you're setting the playing field for what might develop into

relate like some sort of relationship or is it going to stay as acquaintances or what is this there's an awareness of like we're making first impressions here maybe so what's your impression of me going to be and that is dependent on either how i respond to you but largely like what i share with you and people can only decipher who you are based on what you've shared so it's like for example if you start it's it's the same thing with the podcast it's like if you share a worry if you share you have anxiety suddenly they start building an idea of okay she was so vulnerable because she shared she had anxiety it's like actually it's not really vulnerable it's just a fact to me because i don't have any but it's just that's just a fact but then they'll start to show that they have

depression and to them that is a huge thing it's almost like god i feel like i've tricked you into saying that now because you're trying to match the i don't know right like it's kind of an unfair yeah it just feels like an unfair playing field which i feel like most conversations are really it's just constantly the balancing act because it's hard isn't it yeah i just oh i'm always i actually am always down to hear the shit really i am i agree i just for me it makes me feel bad when i know i'm not giving off the right response or vibe which is rare to be honest i'm pretty on it i agree i think we do to be honest it's probably why we fucking started this that it's like we definitely do thrive in those deeper darker conversations i i think i have an inherent problem with small talk in general that it makes

me feel sick i feel most socially burnt out when it's like just went to the shops like it makes me feel sick because i feel like i'm getting it all wrong what i liked with sefu when we first started speaking like chatting her up was that you're you're so so honest that where i could have a quote-unquote deep conversation or just a normal just a conversation with someone about x y and z and then you get to z and it stops for them but with you you bring me another letter you bring out a wild card of the alphabet it's like oh she's not stopping she's got more to say because you're not scared of being honest no which is what i really love and respect but some people look they don't fucking like it do they but anyway but i think some people find that really jarring and to be honest you're probably more likable than me and

probably a lot nicer than me and that's fine. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson, and this is a Field Guide to Gay Animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world.

The animal kingdom is queer, and we are a part. Find a Field Guide to Gay Animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com It's just different. People want different things at different times as well. But that's when i feel that the conversation is like you're hitting different notes because most people are

really comfortable in that safe space in in the social lens and that's why i'm silent at hairdressers that's the fucking crux of it because right they that's when you're oh yeah so just picked up the kids from here and oh yeah i've got this club tomorrow. And I physically like, I always hitting the wrong notes in those conversations. I also wonder if there's a part of it, for me at least, it's like, I just think, well, they must not really care.

So I'm not going to go into it. Exactly. I'm not going to bore you. Do you know what I mean? Well, it's like, do you want to hear about my dentist appointment? Like, do you actually give a fuck? Exactly.

Yeah. It's like, I would feel bad. I would feel really embarrassed going on i don't i don't like that do you know what i mean be so embarrassed yeah awful there was a lot of talk in the dms and on the stories and everything about well because we put it up as a story and that we prompted the conversation about it yeah what a coincidence we put up a thing that was like do you identify as an extrovert or an introvert which i think is a crucial thing to talk about with social burnout but then everyone came through in the dms being like how do i know like i'm an ambivert i don't really know like is there a test

yeah myers-briggs but fuck it don't even bother because it's all just kind of an identity thing anyway that's why it's like which do you identify as because i do think it's shifting because a lot of people were saying oh i'm both i'm both or like i used to be an introvert and now i'm an extrovert i don't know i don't even know if it's a thing that we really believe in but i also do think it's quite a useful framework for understanding your like expectations of socializing and like why you might be feeling more burnt out but it's also just one of those things it's like oh just don't if you were concerned about which one you are just don't worry yeah that's kind of all my thought like you're right do we believe in it i i no go on my thing with oh i'm gonna sound like a negative nancy but i just feel like someone came up with

those words you know like it's not it's not like and you have an elbow but i do also kind of feel like it's a little bit outdated or just not enough it's simplistic and binary it's oh super super reductive to just be like i'm an introvert and that's that um or i'm an extrovert and that's that because some man probably in the victorian times told me that i was yeah just doesn't really work but i also feel like it's interesting because i think well a lot of people who listen and a lot of people in the space said oh i'm an introvert i'm an introvert but it's interesting because i think for example one of the ways that it's outdated is extrovert introvert

can't take into account all of the hours that you've spent in bed on your phone listening to this podcast or watching emma chamberlain literally yeah you've spent all day with her you don't feel burnt out you've been socializing all day really right yeah you've spent all day with her you don't feel burnt out you've been socializing all day really right yeah you've been with humans all day you've had something there's some there's something there you're not on your own and you're not left to your own thoughts so there's something you're having some sort of interaction it's a bizarre one i'll be the first to say yeah it's a one way but there's something there you craved a connection yeah it's a one way. But there's something there. You craved a connection. Yeah. It's just a human thing to crave connection.

I feel like there's so much obsession at the moment with like wanting to be independent and like just on my own. And which is absolutely true. All I have is myself. So true. But you are dependent because you're a human. You're going to need some connection at some point. Literally.

The end. Like you just need connection in this life. You need to feel wanted. You need to feel like you belong you need your other human beings we're not that bad fucking hell like rude we're all right sometimes like we're okay we're an all right bunch not really but it is funny isn't it like how often are you actually on your own and that's not to be like go out now yeah and see how long you can spend with your own thoughts i don't know it is interesting that it's like our idea of alone now of like oh okay i'm gonna be i want to be alone www.youtube.com instagram oh my god it's like no you've never been less alone even like i just sat in the park on my own it's like no but you watched like that young

family with their two little babies you know you sat and watched them for kind of seven minutes. And then when that guy was jogging past you, you were like watching him. Like if you were on your own, as in like trapped in like a Truman Show box and all of the other characters left and it's just on you, how long are you going to last then?

Because I don't think it's very long. I'll be shitting myself. You're on your own. You're in pure isolation. Is that, yeah, God, I mean, that's crazy. I mean, I don't think anyone would be an introvert then if that's what that means to be an introvert i just think we get too in our heads about it and it's fine to just want to have some connection sometimes absolutely that's what we're

here for i think there's definitely a romanticized a right a romanticized idea about like the lonely girl as well like the girl that's like on her it's like a not like other girls thing you're misunderstood which i totally get yeah you're the kind of the girl that's off drawing on her own all day but you're kind of the manic pixie dream girl and it's like this kind of fetishized idea of like the alone kind of angry angsty girl on her own superiority complex that makes us all be like well we don't want to be the popular girls in that way they're all packed together and there's like strength in numbers but they're all like vapid and all of this stuff so you're stronger if you're on your own but it's like guys come on we've moved past this now yeah i agree i think just the fluidity in relationships sometimes feel good around people sometimes feel good on your own big whoop yeah it doesn't take

a genius does it it's like yeah you you're gonna change a lot like the wind by the hour yeah and your relationships are gonna change as well over time so i think i didn't used to know each other for goodness sake for the majority of our lives the vast majority barely know this bloody stranger so if i walked if i was waltzing around my life saying i'm just a a loner and like, oh, I'm just like missing, like, you know, fuck this. Like, I'm an introvert and blah, blah, blah, blah. I mean, I'm not, whatever. I don't know if I was, if I was kind of set in that identity too much, then what we wouldn't have had this.

You just, you miss out on a lot of experiences. Yeah. You miss out on things. I just think be open to being on your own be open to being with people sometimes but it's the i think it's just the knowledge in yourself of like either is fine i'm fine either way however i feel either is fine however i feel in the moment that's kind of the goal no yeah it really is the goal however i feel in that moment is what i'll do stunning no i don't no attachment tounning. Also not discrediting if

you do feel like you're an introvert and you're an introvert through and through. Absolutely. Oh my god. I 100% think I felt like I was an introvert through and through when I was like at certain points in my life. And that's just fine. Because I was at that point. I was like, fuck. Whenever I hang out with people, I feel fucking drained. Right. Okay. So let's talk about that then and this isn't even about you this is just in general because I don't want to make this sound like I'm now saying this about you but for example if you're saying every time or if one says every time I'm around people I feel fucking drained blah blah easy fix might be to think oh it's because

I'm an introvert what might be a bit harder is to think well why am I so drained when I'm around people what am I performing that is so hard to keep up when i'm around people or who am i surrounding myself with that it's so difficult for me to be around them like maybe there are other directions you can take your thoughts to other than just aligning title of introvert extrovert do you i mean maybe it's more interesting to think about what else is going into it it's so fucking important i do think that is one of the main it's obviously just one of the main downfalls of that discourse of like introvert extra it's like yeah you're gonna take in anything to do with like who the people are your particular like triggers things like that are you tired do you always hang out with people

after you've just done fucking swimming club it could literally be as simple as like you've got a lot of revision to do you've got exams coming up so every time you're around your friends and your family at the moment you just feel a bit guilty because you know you need to be getting work done and that's it can't be asked it doesn't mean you're going through this whole thing or none of my friends and blah blah it's literally just it can be that simple you just go through phases in life when you first like said should we do social burnout um i i was thinking about it because i think it really as i was saying the beginning i think it really hit me like because i was thinking that I was saying to my friend the other day like ever since this is deep ever since my granddad died quite recently I have not really

been that interested in like seeing other people I've been really like I have been seeing people but every time it just feels really like yeah it was nice but like i feel really rude because i don't give a shit about a lot of the issues discussed it's like we're talking about blah blah blah and it's like i don't uh-huh i can't i care on a human level but i also i can't muster up the care i cannot give you the energy you require from it i'm literally like i don't really care which is so horrid um but i don't i say it like i'm really struggling to give a shit which is so crazy but i don't think that's because you don't give a shit it's it's like everything feels trivial the classic thing of exactly everything feels silly or like you can't access caring about fucking um tom hiddleston for example oh we

didn't get the right seat in the cafe today right you can't wait what did you say tom hiddleston for example oh we didn't get the right seat in the cafe today right you can't wait what did you say tom hiddleston yeah literally tom hiddleston you can't muster up a combo or a care or thoughts on a certain thing when your mind is elsewhere but then it's interesting because even when you feel like your mind isn't necessarily elsewhere it's like you're not like for example you're not actively sat there thinking about your granddad my granddad my granddad yeah you feel all right yeah just your mind's not there that's fine literally and then it's so arbitrary the things that you can focus on because i don't know whether this is a thing i'm sure it is just whenever anyone's been through a bit of a thing they've just been thrown around the fucking mill

whatever um a little bit and they come back out and it's like the things i can focus on are so arbitrary for example what are you thinking about oh at the beginning a guy that looks like all four jonas brothers funny cute frankie's involved now mixed together it's so arbitrary yeah i don't give a shit though harmless it's harmless it's a safe thought it's a safe space yeah it's safe it's not triggering it's funny whatever but the second someone else would be like oh my work is really stressful at the moment as soon as it's like a slightly real thing it's like i've switched off i'm so sorry i'm literally so sorry no that's just life i think but i don't know how long it's gonna last for like i it's that thing where i'm like i hope this phase goes quickly where i'm like

i don't care because it's like i don't care about any of my things. I'm having to like do real stressful things at the moment. Like I'm having to move house and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Like I care because I've got to find somewhere. But it's like this weird thing where it's like, I'm so burnt out from just like that event

that anything feeling social, discussing other things, I can't be doing with the conversation. I said to Sophie, let's do social burnout. And she was like, I was like, it's just the vibe right now social burnout social burnout she was like it's always the vibe is burnout i was like it really is though and why is that always the vibe is that we do literally nothing and we're constantly burnt out i don't think that's normal it's embarrassing that our vibe is socially burnt out it's like what vibe are they giving i would say like burn out they're giving a burnt out vibe yeah but it's so fucking true oh i think if you

spoke to most people they would say they're burnt out which is quite a funny thing like i don't think there's many people that i would be like do you think you're doing really well at the moment do you they probably didn't yeah they wouldn't use the word burnout but they might be like i'm fucking knackered or like jesus christ i'm just overwhelmed at the moment or like i'm exhausted it's like yeah we are aren't we as a collective we are knackered if i think i gave a poll which maybe we did give a poll oh no we did have you ever experienced um burnout social burnout but i reckon if we did a poll that's like are you overwhelmed if i gave you an option that's like are you feeling yeah overwhelmed burn out can't cope to everything's too much at the moment.

Every single person, yeah. I mean, frankly, I don't remember the last time I wasn't overwhelmed. It's an overwhelming space, no? This earth. This life, yeah. This life. It's hard to be like, yeah, I'm on top of it all. It's really been normalised how overwhelming this space is. It's like, can we un-normalise this earth, please?

Because it's not normal it's bizarre and i don't like it a lot of the time well sadly it is normal it's just completely we've all kind of accepted that it's like oh no you just go through everything feeling slightly stressed and like conversations can sometimes be a bit overwhelming and like sometimes even the people i like most in the world i don't want to speak to them it's like that's a bit weird actually that's not that doesn't sound good does it even just life is so demanding having all these demands made of me i can't i can't respond to these demands suddenly your friend's like oh i want to talk to you about like the issues with my boyfriend it's like i don't care but it's like i want to care but i don't i think that's fine that you don't care sephie come on it's fine that you don't care

and you know what this might make you feel a bit better i guarantee a lot of people in your life don't expect you i don't expect you to care i know you already don't care no i do certain things but you do really care about other things but no one's expecting you to you're not um what's her name very good mother no no never make me that like don't expect too much for yourself like we already like do you know what i mean yeah come on don't expect too much don't expect to give a shit about anyone we already know you don't give a shit the thing is the painful thing is like i really do but it's just the trivial things i just i physically cannot bring myself to like get in on the convo on it

because you're honest if your head's not there your head's not there you're honest that's it there we go case closed open shut case am i a bitch i feel like i'm coming across like a real fucking bitch why i don't know because i probably am being a bitch i'm coming across like a bitch i mean what i've just said i don't give a shit i for one think you're coming across super accurately this is totally representing who you are in your whole character no i'm joking oh god no come on it's a tiny little podcast number 28 in the uk today don't tell me that i know i know they're scaring the bejesus out of me i know same that's what scares me now it's like oh god I've just said publicly I don't know I would rather not care honestly not caring would actually

save me a whole lot of fucking issues sleepless nights honestly I don't wish sleepless nights unto you it's too much maybe we could find a bit of a middle ground we're good balance yeah but I think it's because we're out of balance at bit of a middle ground we're good balance yeah but i think it's because we're out of balance at the moment usually i think we hit a nice sweet spot oh you think me and me and you are out of balance as it no just out of balance with our emotions generally and that you at the moment are super super emotional i'm just kind of dead inside i need that though that dead inside i got really upset about some someone sent us like honestly a really rude message the other day it's so fucking rude it's actually outrageous and sephie was just like sephie was

really just like dead the whole time and i was like really crying crying crying sending these voice notes going like really insane and sephie was like super like kind of nonchalant i did start to think no that is fucking out of order but i kind of just thought i'll fuck you then well exactly whereas i was thinking fuck me then i'm gonna need to end this yeah space life yeah exactly here we go again i'm gonna get in trouble but god we're not in we're not in our right minds right now well that's what i've been thinking i think i'm i'm a lot closer to my right mind than i was a couple of days ago yeah that's quite nice which sounds good better than nothing right i'm still just floating on a lifeboat over here just like right no you're fine you've been doing great yeah no i'm doing you have been doing great yeah no i'm doing you

have been doing great don't lie don't do yourself a disservice yeah i've been doing okay no i've been doing okay i'm doing okay i would just like to get a bit of niceness back i'm quite i'm living quite brutally at the moment i'm quite brute you're dressed like you're in abnegation or whatever it's called you're dressed like you're dauntless i couldn't be more gray just in my life she's in a sweatshirt which zeffy never wears like anything that isn't naked basically yeah because i've got body dysmorphia another issue to work through yeah and i'm wearing full i'm kind of in a in a bin liner right now you're in my outfits i'm always in baggy old like men's clothes i'm the menswear yeah yeah i've been really wanting to wear a suit and a tie recently you have yeah

i think it would just look so fucking good because you're so gay just throw every label at us guys honestly just throw whatever the more the merrier i'll take it on i'll perform it for you i've been really wanting to wear a suit and i was trying to like explain the vibe to my friend the other day i was like up on pinterest like like that like that i'm just a bit confused i'm a bit confused about what the vibe is because every photo you're showing me is like very different vibe a different vibe i was like no but this but this she said yeah but that's completely different to what you just said but i just think i'd look so good i'm manifesting it in a suit and a tie and like trainers goes without saying you would goes without saying you would come on now i agree

i agree so i need some kind of event that i can wear that too but also socially burnt out so don't you dare invite us anywhere oh yeah no no and also i'll be really mean to everyone there fuck and i'll be crying the whole time like i'm so sorry we're the worst people ever anyway okay no here's my thought because i also don't want to make it sound like earlier i was talking about how important connection is blah blah but then i also just want to can we just have a little moment to just address that not wanting to see people or like just wanting to spend a bit of time on your own is entirely your right as a human and actually healthy i would say absolutely yeah it's like actually encouraged for sure by me a medical professional i just think there is definitely like a narrative that's told to like

especially young people i think of like well why don't you get out and go and blah blah or like why don't you go to that party even though you hate everyone there or like why don't you go and i'll just talk to her and blah blah blah it's like i think you know deep down where you want to be this is one of the main issues i think i had as a teenager oh why don't you just go to the party oh look come on you're young well why do i feel like i'm fucking 55 then so someone explain that to me why do i want to do knitting yeah i'm not getting any younger and i'm spending my youth listening to all these people that i don't get along with for example like sorry that i don't want to do that i'm really sorry that i'm letting you down as a 15 year old that doesn't want to go out.

But I don't. I'm sorry. Well, I also think it comes back to the thing of like, we've normalised such a stimulating, demanding world that like, no wonder, especially like younger people just need some time to fucking recuperate. Because as I said, like everyone thinks you've been alone all day, but you haven't. You've been with Emma Chamberlain. You've been with Stephen Wing for a bit. You've been with emma chamberlain you've been with stephanie wing for a bit you've been with everyone all day

the best company i'm thinking you're fucking knackered after listening to five minutes of this it could all sting god i wouldn't know where to especially this one really sorry for everyone that was like having a nice day and then they put this on really sorry genuinely um sorry let me just scratch my dog he does you know when a dog goes to scratch yeah i always do it for him i agree okay don't don't you wait do not waste honestly a minute of your time scratching yourself yeah don't put that leg up on your neck it's like let me do it because i've got nails as well and you'll like it you'll like it ozzy it's also like rely on me i am your mother and you love when i scratch you wing said that my dog looked like a big man earlier flirting with my dog oh i love otto i do he's handsome boy same he's so cute he was standing by the window and he was

like oh there he goes again that's him right there listen to him he's barking away he's showing off he's showing off his manhood yeah and wing said god he looks so manly he does well then i've got this little scrap of a dog here little like chihuahua thing so yeah he does look manly manly honestly a cockapoo tiniest little thing as small as a dog can be um all right where are we going with this then it's a weird vibe as well it's a really weird vibe and it's i think it's only gonna get weirder as well it's normally at this point where we settle into like a weirdness have you noticed i agree yeah no yeah we get to this point of the episode we settle into something strange i agree we find our footing in the worst place in like oh so the burger king um whopper or the royale yeah god and then we'll

go for 15 minutes on that it's like god these poor people listening to this yeah yeah okay well maybe we should just leave i just yeah i think i just want to end this by saying like you want to be around people that's fine you don't want to be around people sometimes that's also fine and i just honestly hope you're okay and i'm sure i speak for sephie as well when i say i think about you all the time in listening yeah don't you think the listener is always on your mind i just navigate my life constantly thinking like what are you up to how's it going always always just kind of um i hope everyone here is having nice things today is feeling all right yeah yeah yeah it's like okay it's even if things aren't like because

sometimes we get dms about like oh i've got this shitty thing and like or like someone said i'm going to surgery the whole day i was thinking i hope the surgery went okay literally i really fucking hope the surgery was okay someone said they were cycling to work in the rain i was like god i hope they were safe i hope they wore a high-vis jacket i hope they wore a helmet yeah like all day i'm thinking about this shit it's like just take a breath i think like it just is it's something you can't explain is the like gratitude of someone listening but it's absurd how grateful we are beyond yeah every day number one of our gratitude don't i ruth look you're really really nice apart from like look there's an oddball in here who's there's gonna be someone listening who's deliberately misinterpreting what we're

saying and it's gonna be an arsehole in the dms but everybody else is my favorite person alive and you might get some crying voice notes from wing look she's in a vulnerable place she's kind of menopausal right now there's something happening i just hope everyone's okay oh god you better be because we're not someone's gotta be okay around these parts well if you don't hear from us oh actually you're not gonna hear from us yeah oh yeah don't go assuming the worst we should be all right yeah we should be all right but we because we're not all right at the moment we're gonna take well we're human beings yeah we're fine we're fine it's not it's not um this is not like a unscheduled emergency exit this is like we're just designating a bit of time to take a step back even though we probably shouldn't

considering we're charting right now and if we stop this momentum we will drop off the charts but i think it's a sacrifice we're willing to make some of you may die but it's a sacrifice i'm willing to make okay but yeah so we're taking two weeks off for it's been scheduled it's not um panic times well now we're talking about it i'm like oh i don't want to take two weeks off i'm gonna miss them i know but but then when we don't take it then we start getting sloppy but remember how depressed you are wing then we put our episodes where we're like the whole way through yeah i've been crying for days it's just crazy that's true so we're taking two weeks to stop up to be okay okay and i hope you all understand but i hope you all have an amazing

two weeks oh no it feels like a goodbye i know it's really sad isn't it actually well we haven't taken organized time off in a bit in in actually ever really ever yeah not since the beginning of sephian wing it's always been an emergency exit and we're coming back with quite fun stuff like we're not exactly taking two weeks on like resting don't get everyone hyped don't get everyone hyped because we don't know what's gonna happen true it's all fun and game saying this when there's no one listening i think we forget we've actually got people listening now so we can't just go pulling out wild cards willy-nilly it's like we actually have to follow up with what we're saying

that is the thing we discussed though that we were coming back with something fun but also look well yeah we're coming back with the podcast that's fun enough can we just keep the stakes really low really low really really really low you're getting a puppy for christmas we might not even come back okay and then when we come back that we're so excited yeah okay yeah guys we're never coming back just really undershoot expect disappointment assume the worst assume the worst guys