Goes Without Saying - SOS, breakdown pending: self-soothing for dummies

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on mental health, acceptance, time and healing, anxiety, shame, challenges, flops, and failures. ✷shop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.ukhear more ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwingwatch more ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwing Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Goes without saying, you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Wing. And I'm Sefi. This episode is probably one of my favorites in a while. Really? It has a really sincere energy. okay picture this you're not feeling great you're overwhelmed you're running late everybody hates you you're doing something wrong you're gonna get caught out but why what's

wrong with me why are you so anxious you can't sleep you're a mess everything's solved all of a sudden by one podcast episode look at that wow we're classically keeping you company and kind of we really actually take a bit of a tour through the pits of hell we kind of take you to the depths and we give some it's quite intimate this one but it feels really real and nice and sweet and we're just yeah sending a lot of love if you want some company or just some kind of moral support it's here for you enjoy hi hello god throwback i know we're in quite a weird little position right now so every time we record at the moment we're doing a whole like i'm not used to recording like this it's actually quite unbearable yeah so when we're in the studio we complain about not

knowing how to record in the studio when we're at home on zoom we complain about being at home on zoom and then now we're together at home recording in person and we don't know how to do that either it also always feels weird when we're recording on one microphone so there's yeah one microphone that we're both kind of talking one between two today and ozzy's here as well he's lying on my lap like a little cutie he loves you he really does love me right now he loves you always but this specific pose i'm loving from him he's really got his head on my knee he's relaxed cutie he's a cutie boy um well how's everyone feeling yeah good maybe we should start with the thing that we came up with today yeah all right go on take it away so we were talking about our instagram we were like right what should we do like what's a

way that we can be consistent on there like not just like posting reels of the podcast and stuff but like i feel like you guys want to see a little bit more of our lives and this was your idea wing a thing called 11 11 okay so can i come in as well sorry i'm bubble ting i'm kind of i'm chewing my tapioca pearls yeah chew away sorry i was i know we've spoken about social media blah blah i feel very aware obviously consistency is one thing but i also feel aware of how we feel about social media and specifically how i know you feel about social media and specifically instagram that I want to have something where not just we're consistent at it and like yeah we can keep up with it but I would

like you to actually enjoy it and I feel genuinely compelled to share on there because I feel like just discomfort is not nice for anybody no and I would love to enjoy it um but I think a lot of the fun of social media oh I mean i'm i find that very very difficult emotion to access in that space fine yeah so that was what i was trying to harvest out yeah yeah and i was really almost quite drilling you a little bit i was like really kind of it felt like i was really trying to like we were trying to come up with an idea that felt right for us yeah and i was also trying to kind of psychoanalyze a little bit of like who are we and what do we want and what is going to

work anyway no one cares basically 11 11s from today even just personally i think this would be fun for me and sephie yeah we're going to every day at 11 11 send a photo of where we are basically almost like a be real we're gonna we're stealing that idea basically i've hijacked be real we've set alarms in our phones for 11 11 that we're going to take a photo of literally whatever we're doing at that moment and send it to each other and then put it on the story put it on the story put it on the feed and then hopefully there'll be like a roundup at the end of the week of like everything that we're doing at 11 11 and it's like okay these are our 11 11s i also like the kind of magical idea that it's like you've got whatever you've got going on in your life harry

but at 11 11 you know we are connected like there's something i've got little old stepping wings somewhere out in the ether they're doing so they're getting up to no good yeah and i know that do you know i mean it's just a nice way to be like updated in everyone's lives but in a kind of fun and like almost quite casual chilled authentic relaxed yeah silly way it's perfect yeah it just seemed like oh yeah that's a bit of fun but we missed 11 11 today so tomorrow i think 11 11 we're gonna post some photos where we are but just oh so actually by the time this comes out it will be that day yeah we'll be doing it go look on our instagram for our 11 11s uh-huh and we're gonna post them on tiktok as well may as well basically just we really want to be like i feel like the podcast

such a nice intimate it's really easy to be intimate and like safe here yeah i feel like us together and you harry we now speak directly to. It's really an easy way to like feel really, like we're keeping you company. But I feel like we're under utilizing TikTok and Instagram. And obviously those spaces are totally different in nature. Like the visual aspect is completely different than like the kind of black void intimacy of a podcast. But I feel like we could really utilize that space

to be like a nice just it would be nice for you to feel like it's a it's like you're at home there on at sephian wing instagram that's that's your home yeah yeah you're moving in i'm sorry to hear that yeah yeah but that's where you live on sephian wing instagram it's just almost like you're safe there it's nice it's oh what weird shit going on same old because i feel like yeah it's hard to sort of get the vibe of the podcast across visually yeah so i think that would be a really nice thing i would love also i'm really excited of what we're gonna yeah i just think it'd be nice to see what you're doing at 11 11 every day and see what i'm

doing and see and to be honest hopefully see what everyone else is doing i would love that if you guys want to i would love to see what everyone else is doing just like send it to us or whatever yeah send it to us and even like if you wanted to send it to us and when you send it to us say like whether or not you're happy for us to share it because it would always be quite nice for us to collate other people oh my god and do a dumb and do a bit of a roundup it just would be really nice like i feel like that's the most special thing about the pod is like we're talking out in the void and at some point hopefully you've maybe thought haha that's funny yeah or like yeah i'd say something like that yeah i like that in some way about sephie and wing from goes without saying along with obviously all the other shit that we're doing on

like tiktok and instagram and stuff of just like the pod and whatever just want you to feel like because you're very much in the friendship you're very much a character in our lives stephanie wing and harry stephanie wing and harry we speak directly to you um so yeah that'll be really nice but yeah it also is so funny because it's an idea that literally came up about half an hour ago probably two hours two hours ago but instantly we loved it but it was what i was looking for because i wanted something that i'd be able to see on your face genuine care for yeah yeah which is a hard thing to find which is hard to get out of you when it comes to social media i think i think that's why it's important is that we're turning aussie aussie bossy is that we're

turning that space into something that we genuinely feel good about. Yeah I'm excited for it. Which I think is really important. I think it could do with a bit of a shift up just generally in life social media could do with a bit of a shift up. It's a fucking shit show out there. Yeah. So I would love to do something nice there. Yeah. So 11

11s. 11 11s that's now our thing. I've literally got an alarm. We've got an alarm set for it. My alarm technically alarm set for it my alarm technically is set for 11 10 yeah just to give one moment i guess of prep sorry can you just say that again oh just to give one moment of prep it wasn't really great we're just because ozzy walked right over the microphone while i yeah well you said that okay no what are we talking about so today we were thinking wouldn't it be nice to talk about what you do when things go wrong yeah and they do often and they do just when you feel like generally in life things are not going your way yeah it's a bit of a tricky one i think

yeah it is also having some kind of resilience for when things go wrong is a proper skill to build. Yeah. And I think it is kind of, I don't know. Right, okay. Go on. I don't know how much I can say about this, but I do find there are some people that really just don't have any resilience for even the most minor thing going on. Do you think me?

No, I can't imagine. And do you? I would say it's one of, no, no absolutely not but i was kind of getting in a couple about my trains yesterday i thought god there's no resilience to be seen here and every week i come in and out and say resilience this resilience that we're not resilient in terms of like things that are genuinely stressful are i was so close to a breakdown yesterday we went to apple pocket we went basically went to steve jobs house yesterday yeah and i was so close to having to message sephie and our manager frayer and say i'm gonna have to miss it because i had to come back and pick up the camera

it was just a whole thing but it was fine it all worked out and also you like there obviously there are things in life that are stressful there just are and being stressed about stressful things does not make you weak that is like a normal encouraged amazing thing there was something it's it's funny because it was also about trains but there's somebody that I know that like oh yeah do you remember that story about this of someone we know that their train was like half an hour late and they let it ruin their entire weekend that sort of thing and I think there's something to be said for just like something going wrong and being able to adapt, let go, move on. Sort of be like, that was annoying that the train was half an hour late.

But now I'm here and I fixed the problem. The next train arrived. I'm here and blah, blah, blah. Rather than that sort of like mulling or hyper upset and to be hyper fixating and obsessing over something that went wrong and kind of feeling entitled as well to a train that isn't late it's like you must not get the british train a lot because it's always an absolute fucking nightmare yeah i think as well resilience and also i feel like i've got a lot of shame wrapped up in like almost when things are going wrong for me i don't want to admit it absolutely not do you know what i mean like i find that really difficult to

just acknowledge like yeah fuck things aren't going well for me right now it feels like a real personal failure and i take it they take it really personal like most things in life i managed to take it so personal but there's so much power in being like this is not going well for me like yeah this year to be honest has not gone well for me i would say like since the beginning of january it's now beginning of time it's now towards the end of may yeah i really wouldn't say that 2024 is my year like you said earlier sorry to interrupt you said earlier this is one of my worst year in years this is my worst year in year in years and years and i was like oh god absolutely yeah i can see you see it my love yeah absolutely like i am not thriving at the moment that is just absolutely for sure and i will say that

proudly honestly like that is um absolutely fine with me and i think it's actually quite a crucial reminder like do you remember i think i've said this to you loads i phoned you crying like a few weeks not a few weeks ago probably about a month or so ago um and i was like i just need you to remind me am i in a shit spot or is my life shit yeah like i literally can't tell like i've been in this for so long is my life shit or is this just like spectacularly bad at the moment? And what did I say? You said it's spectacularly bad, which somehow was what you wanted to hear. Yeah, I was like, thank you so much.

Like I actually needed that reassurance. I do think like admitting, okay, this is all going really wrong, has a lot of freedom in it because in the moments that I come out of it, like in the moments that I have been thriving and I genuinely like it, what it feels like is I remember who I am. It's i remember my life and i'm like oh my god like i'm a happy person like i am a fun cool happy person i completely forgot like i thought i was um misery guts misery guts miserable molly yeah miserable molly miserable doesn't it doesn't feel good molly and milly and i think i um yeah no i think i definitely found a lot of empowerment in um admitting also like there were a few i it

takes a while until you acknowledge okay this isn't going well for me like this year is not going well and we're about halfway through like for the first few months it's just like i'm not even acknowledging you're miserable you're just sort of going through the motions until it gets to sort of the fourth third or fourth month and it's like wait this is like being like bad it's been a long-term challenge it's not just like oh that was a bad day or something it's like this is actually just like every angle of this feels kind of hard right now um which it really really really is not a nice feeling at all but i think acknowledging that it's bad it's half the issue in its nature genuinely

half the issue it is because it bad is not like um a neutral state it has an opposite the opposite is good and by acknowledging that it's bad opens up the possibility that it will be good i think as well it gives that ownership it kind of feels like it should be nothing it feels like that shouldn't do anything but it offers so much reassurance yeah because you're kind of psychologically it feels like you are allowing yourself to just be how you are you kind of lose the fight yeah and i think sometimes it can feel like there's almost a um like a false sense of like ownership over the fight like no i'm gonna it's gonna work out i'm gonna i'm fighting it i'm fighting it i'm fighting it and that can be confused with like changing it or power or control or fixing it yeah some things

aren't about you fighting it some things are about you letting go and accepting yeah what the fuck is happening or what's going on and even if it's as simple as like okay i accept that work is shit for me this month i i accept that actually i'm coming home really stressed out or like i'm finding it hard to sleep or like i'm crying on the way to work and then by the time i get into the office i'm kind of fix it all fix it up pretend it's fine but there's so much ownership and even like telling like a couple of your closest people even this is shit to yourself yeah there's so much power in that because i think so much you then so much of the pain comes from like the shame and the embarrassment around it and then once you acknowledge it from like the shame and the embarrassment around it

and then once you acknowledge it you lose the shame and embarrassment because you're just like look it is what it is yeah and you can kind of deal with it yeah and also it allows you to be a bit sort of softer with yourself of being like rather than um sort of powering through and just getting through the day and sort of putting the normal pressures of life on of like oh i haven't done this and i haven't done this and shit i haven't spoken to that like just all the pressures being like well of course i haven't because i'm having a shit time maybe i should take extra care of myself yeah and i also think having a shit time it's like once you identify it's like oh i'm just struggling at work or oh things are going wrong for me this year or oh i've got x y and z going on it's like oh and i'm human great yeah that is like it the crux it undercuts everything

the idea that things then are going exactly to plan it's like this is exactly what's supposed to happen like annoyingly things aren't rainbows and butterflies all the time and knowing that you're having some sort of hardship is literally what life is yeah there's literally no way around it you have to go through it you do you can't go under it you can't go over it you literally there's no other way and like we'll be here 11 11 we're here for you yeah 11 we have to go through it you do and also going through it really is just sort of letting time pass there isn't um yeah anything else you can do and it's just what you what are you going to fill that time with like time is ticking time is passing it's horrible right now something bad is happening like there's

things stressing you out it's like what okay so maybe let's spend the evening watching a movie like carving out that small amount of time that you have yeah just with the acknowledgement that this is shit i find that one of the most freeing things actually the acknowledgement of that i'm having a bad year was one of the best things that i did this year i was actually thinking about timing just yesterday because i was thinking about or maybe it wasn't yesterday before i can't remember like the other day i was thinking about and we were having this conversation yesterday about basically i if you don't know i was in an unsafe house and i was like 16 ish and i left that house in order to survive really

yeah but i had nowhere to go so i was effectively i was at the council saying please give me somewhere to live blah blah they didn't um obviously classic council who would give a 16 year old somewhere to live like well that says a lot about the system um in general will it kind of it's like yeah you're on the list it's like with the other hundreds of thousands of people yeah uh and i brought this up because i needed to get it off my chest um because timing i remember thinking at the time so basically all hell broke loose one day and there was kind of a climax of the kind of situation the abuse the danger there was a really violent moment and i and i left at that time and i got in someone's someone came and picked me up and i

cried and cried and cried and i cried and cried cried yeah and i remember thinking i know there'll be a day when i can like talk about this and i won't be welling up and crying really yeah i remember thinking i know there'll be a day that i can talk about this but i don't know how i'm gonna get there wow that's insane to even have that yeah foresight i literally thought to myself like i know there will be a day where this will be the past and I will be able to reflect on it and I won't be crying my eyes out and it won't be ripping my stomach into pieces. What the hell? I just don't know how I'm going to close that gap. Like I don't know how I'm going to get there. That is an insane thing. And to be honest, it also is such a trauma response in that moment to zoom out to the future

and be like i know i'm not this kind of like um dissociating from the moment of being like okay so at one point i'm i'm 30 and i'm settled and i don't this is a memory this is just like a distant memory but it's absolutely crazy to have that level of foresight in that moment where your world is crashing down i'm really heartbroken i think that's only the way that's the only way i can describe it i was so heartbroken and i think when you are heartbroken you kind of think yeah i will get over this i'm sure that's the only option i'm either gonna die yeah or i'm gonna get over it yeah and i don't know which one i'd rather at this point like they both seem pretty scary and bleak i know i'm going to get over this heartbreak i just don't know how

and i don't know if i can let that time pass it's a scary thing knowing that like yeah like the next day is going to be difficult the next month is going to be difficult there are challenges coming in the future that is certain always yeah yeah there are always going to be things coming at you but also like you were saying at the beginning about the resilience like it's having the trust in yourself that not just there's no alternative you have to go through it but you can go through it and you will and you will and i'll watch you will and i'll be applauding on the side like whooping whooping cheering yeah yeah it's pretty harrowing though isn't it it is it really is it's a sickening feeling it's bernard's watch i always say which is really like what is that which i

don't know what that is it's basically it was a tv show i think it was on citv okay and he was this little boy called bernard bernard bernard bernard of course bernard bernard is andy bernard and also bernard the elf from santa claus anyway yeah wait bernard's watch maybe almost bernard's maybe it's the way you've been saying it bernard's watch sorry i don't know no you're right we're in england yeah bernard andy bernard i guess i just have never really thought of that name in like 50 years. Yeah, no, I haven't. You don't really meet many Bernards, do you? I haven't met a Bernard maybe ever.

No, I don't know if I've ever met. Bernie. That's it. Yeah. In his little chair. Who's his chair? Bernie. Who's his chair?

What's that sentence? Bernard's. I'm saying it again. Bernard's watch. Bernard's watch. I don't know if it is that. It's just that sort of. It probably is.

I mean, it sounds more reasonable, doesn't it? It's almost like, oh, I think I've heard of that. Yeah, no, you're right. Bernard's watch watch i don't know if it is that it's just that probably is i mean it sounds more reasonable doesn't it it's almost like oh i think i've heard of that yeah no you're right bernard's watch i don't know if i don't know bernard's watch was this boy who had this magical pocket watch and every time he like pressed the stopper on the pocket watch it would stop time and then he could click it and it would come back around so i want it so bad Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay.

These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson, and this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer, and we are a part.

Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Yeah, I don't know why I brought up Bernard's Watch, really. Timing. Time will pass. You've got to go through it. the time will pass you gotta go through it yeah you've gotta go through it i think it is that thing of just that sickening feeling of being like

this is what i was gonna say i'm like you know what i don't know if you ever thought this but i remember thinking as a kid when i was i like got really in trouble with my parents i remember thinking like please let this be a dream please let this be a dream really yeah i remember thinking like please i wish i was dreaming also because i'm a bit of a lucid dreamer yes and i also was had quite troubled i've always had quite troubled nights you guys know i didn't have any hip sockets famously famously that's almost not an episode goes by i don't know it's crazy that you didn't yeah i mean yeah we should mention it more yeah it's mental so i would be in pain at night like this when i was a baby baby so i feel like sleep

a lot like my brain has always come up with these horrific um versions of like little films that could be happening in order to um justify like the pain that my body was in when i was a kid so a mantra that my mom would always say it's just a dream it's just a dream just a dream so i feel like the line between dreams and reality is always a bit blurred she just created a lucid dreamer with that because that's if you've ever wanted to lucid dream like me um sort of i would love to do it so much i've been in training my whole life that's just the thing that you have to remind yourself all the time is this a dream i'm questioning is this a dream but you were kind of given that message from really early on which is amazing and i remember lucid dreaming when i was like i remember lucid dream when i was like four

or five probably some of my earliest memories are lucid dreams because i had that thing of and it was i remember once i was i think i've said this on the podcast before classically that i was like a little girl well i was a little girl it wasn't just a dream i was a little girl once yeah and i remember there was like um loads of scary men coming towards me army men army with the corrugated iron and i was running through this corrugated iron like almost it was a bit like a sainsbury's car park and it was a bit like a warehouse like i was just kind of running through this place and i ran to like the lift the elevator got myself in it and i was pressing the button like the doors are closing i was like let me in like the doors are closing closing closing

and as the doors are closing i remember thinking but why would they be coming after me like i'm just a little girl and then i was like yeah no it's just a dream you're dreaming that's insane and then i kind of got myself out of it or whatever because i was like it's just a dream now i know that i'm dreaming and i can just turn this into something else whatever but that thing of like i'm identifying that i'm in danger or i'm identifying discomfort or hurt or pain and i think it's really common then it's like maybe no wonder you're here harry it's like yeah I'm identifying that I'm in danger or I'm identifying discomfort or hurt or pain and I think it's really common then it's like maybe no wonder you're here Harry it's like yeah turn to some sort of comfort turn to some sort of escape like yeah and also look for connection it's like

in that moment it's like I want to get out of here and I want to run away to somewhere where I can be safe and loved and like not deal with the shit that I'm going through and I know you feel really passionately about that because TV is such a big deal to you a huge deal yeah it's everything I've actually been thinking so much actually about the world of um sort of TV films books just that that sort of um fiction basically and i've been thinking about like how i would describe what it means to me and like kind of how i think of it is like so we're in this sort of world here we're in our reality but there's like almost a layer above it that you can jump into at any point but it kind of runs in conjunction like it's influenced by obviously

the things of this world like it's created by the people of this world but it truly does feel like you can kind of visit enter the abstract visit this other place and oh my god like even just the acknowledgement of that being there is relaxing to me like just being like i'm having a bad day but i'm halfway through a book that i'm liking um tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow i'm loving it oh no still going still going yeah because i was sick on holiday didn't get to really go into it yeah that's true you guys haven't heard that story i was ill on holiday horrible yeah that's about it really that is the story and it was not nice last day though so then she came yeah exactly and i was fine um but yeah i just think it's actually so crucial to have that um safe to

always be engaged in some book some series some film like I really think like life is so much better when you're in the midst of a series when you've got something to return to and I actually start to feel quite anxious when I'm not what when i'm not in the midst of a thing of a new thing it's like when i don't have a series to watch i've got no clue what to watch i can't quickly access that other realm yeah it makes me feel stressed because i feel trapped and like um yeah there's no out i think as well when you're feeling really overwhelmed in your life which i would put my money on it you probably are you probably are i've never met someone that isn't i'll put it that way

overwhelmed i'm under i can't relate give me more stress please no if you've ever been i think you can't smack him oh sorry ozzy god that sounds crazy i'm smacking him no i think you can't tap his bum i'm patting his bum yeah which he loves he loves a little spanking i think you shouldn't smack him sorry you shouldn't hit my dog by the way poor guy he's really relaxed he absolutely loves being spanked on the bar and he loves a snuggle he does love snuggling up it's so cute yeah when you're overwhelmed it's really important to have something that like more i think it can be really hard for people to switch off basically and i think finding something that because remember where i got into my candy crush era oh boy and that was really good because it forces you to just quickly snap into a different world

as i'm overwhelmed i'm stressed out and i literally there's an app oh god here we go here we fucking go there's an app that if you've ever had uh therapy on the nhs and you and you've and you've let slip basically that you have some tendencies to not feel great and kind of there's an app basically called calm harm c-a-l-m-h-a-r-m okay harm um and i i'm assuming you can get it everywhere i have an iphone so i don't know if it's like sorry people you're on your own but there's an app called calm harm and it has loads of different kind of random weird it's like little games but kind of activities it's like for the next minute you're gonna write in every actor under 50 you can think of and it's like oh wow and you just

kind of do that and then it's like let's do it oh timothy chalamet the first one that came into my mind was fucking matthew perry which isn't even one what the hell is wrong with you it's because i brought up charlotte bing earlier for some reason what did you say about charlotte oh we're at 17 again oh that was yesterday yeah charlotte bing oh timothy chalamet um zendaya oh they got to be met oh i was thinking of me okay for some reason so far it's just timothy chalamet um zendaya oh they got to be met oh i was thinking of me okay for some reason so far it's just timothy chalamet which kind of it does feel like he is the only actor at the moment and austin butler he's the only young working actor and when it's like when did austin butler become an actor under 50 why have i done that um i've given such a hard one timothy chalamet

fucking the fact that austin butler is my second is mortifying daniel kaluuya daniel radcliffe daniel radcliffe hasn't worked in years um rupert grimm god that's tragic yeah um who's the one dev patel who's denzel washington the uh is his name like john david or something washington tenet robert patterson perfect uh god owen wilson in my head it's like not under 50 surely not at all do you see what i mean though but it's very we're very distracted so it's actually very distracting with the intention of you know if you're a panic attack or like there's some sort of self-harm coming up for you ride they call it riding the wave and then that has the wave passes the urge past oh i love that and one of the best this is totally separate and like obviously not sponsored that would be

sponsored by calm which i do love the sound the sound i don't have my phone it sounds i kind of do want to show you it's kind of i guess for like intrusive thoughts yeah yeah should i pause the audio no just leave it leave it go leave it going I guess for like intrusive thoughts. Yeah, little things like that. Is it in my bag? Can I just quickly have a look? Yeah, yeah. Should I pause the audio? No, just leave it. Leave it to go. Leave it going.

You can talk about me behind my back if you want. I've got nothing to say. Okay, I'm back with the Calm Harm app. Yes. So, why I like it, or the main thing for me, is that I've got a streak running and I'm so close to a year. Whoa. Look. Oh my God. is that i've got a streak running and i'm so close to a year whoa look 341 days so i'm look i'm waiting it gives you a little badge when you get to oh i love that and i'm so and actually it's come into my mind a few times of like it's pathetic but i'm like well you can't ruin your

streak no no and for whatever reason that means something to me yeah of course the fact that i'm working that's this amazing so they have like breathing activities i mean all of a sudden this is becoming like a calm harm no but breathe it's really cool and then breathe out hold breathe out pause or completely you know try another at the urges past express yourself like choose your most negative thought and think about what someone close to you would say to change it blah blah blah keep this safe and then take a minute to do it god this is incredible yeah it's a good little resource but they talk about it all the time look congratulations the urge has passed you have surfed the wave and it has a cute little

little guy animation i know it's not really i don't really know why i brought that up because it's really cool uh timing you were talking brought that up. Because it's really cool. Timing you were talking about. I guess. I think that's really cool. And to be honest, there's an app for literally everything in this entire world. Yeah. Maybe we should work with Calm Harm.

I'd love to. We've kind of done it now. Well, that's everything you need to know about Calm Harm. Calm Harm. There you go. We can't get a real advert, but we just do them for free these days we really do we just do why did i bring that up though um because i was talking about candy crush and the importance of like the it really i do think this is actually a skill that you have to learn in kind of um how to take care of yourself as an adult 101 yeah it's like some of us missed the

memo on like well what do i do when i'm running to the station i'm crying and i'm hot and i'm sweaty and it's raining and my hair's a mess and i'm and i'm gonna fall over and i'm gonna and then i get there and i miss my chair now i'm gonna miss that meeting and now i'm fired and everyone hates me yeah that's just the general stream of consciousness that's what i'm thinking every single day and i think it can be hard to know in that moment i think it is important to be the parent of yourself yeah because someone here needs to have responsibility for you and how you're feeling and i think also it's it's kind of thing about like acknowledging the bad day sort of thing or

the bad life or whatever it is just what the bad times part of that is so you're having that sort of stream of consciousness oh my god i'm gonna do this and blah blah blah it's like acknowledging okay so these are like almost intrusive and like anxious thoughts yeah putting the labels so much of the therapy that i had when i was having therapy a few months last year probably probably before things started to go shit yeah it was um genuinely that says a lot really it was also i remember kind of sorry it's not relevant but i remember kind of in december november even things were a bit up and down were they yeah i honestly can't even keep track um it's just like bloody hell i can't keep track i can't even really i don't know when it's i hope you feel like i'm here for you no you are so so

much you know you really are so so so so so so because i also i'm here for you but i'm gonna interrupt but i just think in those moments as well like yeah i think it's those moments when things are going wrong that having people around you that you feel we were talking earlier about being seen feeling seen we were actually talking about the hot priest feeling seen of course we were talking about oh my god beautiful neck his beautiful neck it gets me so oh my god so what do you do what do you do it'll pass so good oh my god it's actually like it upsets me no you do look quite upset no i can't even really begin to explain it it's just so unfair i was gonna say earlier should we watch it but it might even be no no it's not a thing i can dip

into okay fair enough absolutely okay it will destroy me it will destroy me but yeah i think it's really important and i know we say this all the time and i hope if you're feeling a little bit kind of in and out or a little bit like kind of floating around yeah sometimes i think when you're having a bit of you know a shitty time and you've convinced yourself that like there's something wrong with you for feeling overwhelmed at work for example like you've convinced yourself that you're the problem and you're just kind of floating around you haven't really almost confessed yeah neil oh sorry don't do it you haven't confessed recently to anyone in your life you haven't like let it all out and i do think it's really important and in terms of feeling seen and like

being able like you can get things off your chest and blah blah blah i that's my main aim is like i hope you feel generally like yeah okay at least i've got wings yeah of course i do and i hope as well zoomed out you harry feel like okay i've got this random podcast i least I've got wing. Yeah, of course I do. And I hope as well, zoomed out, you, Harry, feel like, okay, I've got this random podcast I like. I've got this, I've got this. I hope you feel like among other things, you've got this weird little space to come to.

Do you know what? That kind of in the way that it's like talking about, like there's this reality and then there's sort of a floating realm above it of things you can dip into. I do hope that we're part of that realm like someone 100 it's like your life is here and there's this thing that runs in conjunction with your life but also is always there and is always reliable and always comforting that's yeah that's the dream but yeah that's kind of what i'm um

hoping for aiming for is what i hope we can be a part of to be a part of that realm is an honor it is and i also think this ties in this is more of an uplifting note but i always think obviously like if you listen to the podcast this might be hard to grasp i don't doubt you like i i think highly of you but i also think it might be hard to really really fathom in like a tangible, the idea that like this podcast hasn't always existed. And Seth and Wing haven't always been podcasters. Oh God, no. And there's very much like, and I say this all the time,

but like there's a million realms, there's a million versions of this universe out there where we didn't fill up this tiny part of the void with Seth and Wing goes without saying. This easily could have not happened. And in terms of accessing that higher realm or whatever of like all that weird kind of abstract made up stuff content art whatever yeah comfort podcast comfort show whatever all of that stuff there's room for you in there you might think that there isn't but like this world is waiting

for you to give whatever you want yeah add to the i'll add to the realm totally please it's a free-for-all approach the elders of the village of the realm absolutely fill the realm with your shit i want it i want it i'll gobble it up the reality this um sort of the uh this realm isn't very nice it needs things from that realm to be able to function in this realm yeah that's the thing i think it's like this we can't survive without your weird ideas and little stories and poems you wrote in your notes app and all of the random shit that you you've been mulling over in the whole water we physically can't live without it

and there's a tiny minute group of people who've grown up with the comfort of feeling really validated and knowing that whatever they want to offer to this world is acceptable and valued and important yeah and if that isn't you take this moment now just to remind yourself that who you are and what you have to say is important yeah there will be someone there to receive it always make the thing that you want to receive yeah do the thing that you would like to see yeah and just like you have the right to be here you haven't done anything wrong no far from it you've done everything right you're great everything right um i'm gonna edit this and sophie's gonna watch made in chelsea

oh speaking of entering the realm i i honestly cannot wait also best thing ever just happened to me yeah is that i so maiden chelsea is on at the moment best times in those times in my life when the when it's running when it's running like there's so when it's in season it's off more than it's on it's so right off it's a rare bird to catch um because they do small seasons as well i mean it's also completely always on but i love it i had watched it and i thought oh my god that's the end season that's the end of the episode that was like season finale done um they were kind of setting up for a holiday so i was like okay they're gonna do one of the mid-season like the holidays that they do in between damn it that's

over it was a kind of shit ending my friend texted me being like oh my god it didn't end that last night's was an absolute hit absolute corker next week's looks even better oh i didn't realize there's another no there's more and more it keeps going i'm so happy i'm so happy for you i'm so happy because i really was disappointed with the ending i just thought that it was so dry and rubbish the ending is like you called it and then it was never an ending no because also i watched that when i was um sick i was in spain all my friends were at the beach and i was lying in bed at home watching made in chelsea could be worse but um but i was like rubbish ending slam the laptop shut everything's boring go off and be sick again yeah um and now to find out that that was just my delirious mind

thinking it was the end so good they probably even showed her next time i was saying earlier like it's the most classic seffy story of like there's something that you love so much and you just got slightly lost in the details yeah but now you've got this amazing reveal like plot twist there's more it's really you have it taken away just to get it given back so good oh my god it's so sweet and that's my dream is like we're at mine and i'm like my dream is to kind of have you just doing your own thing and like i know that when you've got made in chelsea and you're going to be having the best time it's funny because that's really fulfilling to me that's also really fulfilling

for me it's also my dream but it fulfills me to know that you are fulfilled thank you one of my friends once was like you really get a kick out of um watching people that you love um be happy yeah be happy because i was saying really nice well i was saying i got asmr once from this guy stroking aussie really we were in that coffee shop i used to go to but then i was like i had to leave yes i made a few there was some close encounters with some acquaintances i couldn't show my face unfortunately which is so gutting because it was a great little spot but he wanted to sort of no i can't say okay he could be lurking even that might be too much i don't know yeah anyway um i'm one of the guys who worked there who i always thought just had such a good vibe about him.

So peaceful. Such a lovely guy. And sometimes I do see him. In a hot way. He is hot, I guess. Because I feel like you're not going to get ASMR from a weird guy striking or something. Yeah, no, no. It's definitely someone.

It's almost a euphemism. When we see each other in town, we say hi. Wow. No, I really fostered relationships in that coffee shop. In that cafe, yeah. Yeah. And he kind of was kneeling down crouching over ozzy and like stroking him for like a couple of minutes i remember thinking

like please don't go please don't go i was literally like tingles tingles tingles tingles and then i sent a voice note to my friend being like i just have the craziest asmr that's crazy that's actually insane also, what was the other thing? Was it Jack? Was it my boyfriend maybe getting complimented at work or something? Just something like that. I was filling her in on a voice note. And I said like this, this and this.

And then this guy was stroking Ozzy and it gave me ASMR. And she replied in the voice note saying, you really get a kick out of watching your loved ones feel good. But there is a sexual element of that. Like a hot guy stroking your dog it's like okay um oh Ozzy yeah he was hot but just he was hot he's gay oh okay so I need to give that angle oh he's a really good looking young guy but we're not in each other's demographics no which made it even better because it's like pure just joy i love you yeah it's just like i just love life so much yeah and like i'm not scared of you and like he loved ozzy it was just great oh i love that all right off we go then okay well i'm excited to watch this apparently a banger of an episode of maiden

chelsea uh hope you're exciting to edit this yeah i really am actually i am excited about this we're also going to the cine later yeah maybe we're actually planning on filming little clips of that yeah so um if you want to hear our thoughts on horror i'm not gonna say which maybe yeah then maybe go over to instagram also we've been told this is actually a thing oh yeah please actually follow subscribe whatever it is the way you said actually is very like can you actually it's a bit teacher it's like please actually put your name in your homework before you hand it in actually i'm trying to almost like what is the thing we actually want to kind of follow it would be just so helpful because yeah just we don't it doesn't really come naturally to us to ask people to do

that and like but we spoke to this woman that's like the international person basically we keep calling her international susan because her name was susan and she does something internationally we keep calling her the international susan which is weird it's really weird um but it's just this woman that gave us this advice and she was really nice and she said make sure you're saying that because you guys aren't saying that she said make sure you're saying that because you guys aren't saying that

because so yeah please please please actually follow subscribe please follow us on Spotify, Apple like wherever because we're bad podcasters that we don't say it. We just put this out and then just hope for the best. We just drop it off into the void

and hope you're there to pick it up. We forget to actually do the thing you're supposed to do. Speaking of that, the YouTube is coming 1st of July. 1st of July. God, we're actually fucking

big hitters these days. There are big hitters. There are big announcements dropping left and right. Jesus. We'll see you there, hopefully. Do you know what we're doing at the moment?

We're really trying. Like, actually, we really are. That's really sweet. do you know what we're doing at the moment? we're really trying you can't say we're not you can't knock us, you can't blame us for driving look at us, look at all those things we just said bloody hell shout out to Freya our manager, everybody say thank you Freya thank you Freya and yeah off we go

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