Goes Without Saying - stop being fake: pov you and your alter egos need a rebrand

Episode Date: January 18, 2021

assimilating to fit in with the people around you? we hate to see it. we literally can't stop going on about authenticity, so in this episode of Goes Without Saying we're exploring how we can live as the truest versions of ourselves. are you being authentic, or are you performing realness and relatability? join us (sephy and wing) as we discuss all things ~authenticity~ and how we can stop being fake b*tches. join the conversation every monday. speak your mind on the sephy & wing instagram! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hi guys and welcome back to Goes Without Saying with Sephie and Wing. This episode is about authenticity and how to be our truer selves. It's our goal, it was our goal for 2020 and now it's our goal for 2021 and we can't stop banging on about it so we didn't quite master it in 2020 so we're giving it another go and 2022 catch us saying the same thing again it's just a big time goal to live with authenticity and we're

here to find out how to do it stunning a message that we got that i really loved and i thought it really quite summed up what we say all the time was that they said what stops them from being authentic is being judged but it almost never happens yeah it's like yeah when are we ever really you're not ever really publicly shamed like when are you actually confronted with people's opinions of you haters you don't have any no we don't have an audience like there's no one watching you it's the imagined audience thing that we talk about all the time that everyone thinks there are like these eyes on them when in reality no one's looking no one gives a shit about you because they're too busy thinking about all the eyes that apparently they have on them and in which ways they like let their performance slip a little bit and it's like it didn't slip no one's watching the curtains are closed because i was gonna say oh but then like we

do watch people like you do keep up with people and you do perceive people and you do make judgments but even then you're all wrong yeah so you know all of those people are wrong about you as well or kind of the judgments you're making it's like i might walk past someone on the street as soon as they have literally passed my peripheral vision i have literally moved on to the next thought i'm not thinking for more than a second yeah even if i think oh you really fucked up on that night that was really embarrassing i'm not thinking about it people aren't continually thinking about you it might be a passing thought people will never really care about your failure as much as you care about your supposed failure and how your failure looks it's a scam no one's watching anyone life is a scam have you ever had a moment where you felt like you really embarrassed

yourself or you've really fucked up and everyone's like made do you had a moment where you felt like you really embarrassed yourself or you've really fucked up and everyone's like made do you know i mean like you've been really caught up in what people thought of you yeah so much oh my god i think i do a lot of embarrassing things well i think it's also the way to be happy is to kind of be really um kind of mortifying yeah well i think we found that quite recently it's like actually to be mortified just not even be mortified to be mortifying that anyone else is like oh what are they doing is the path to happiness to give other people's second-hand embarrassment to watch you yeah is the dream it's the only thing i want yeah it kind of is the dream do you have a thing that you're like right okay i've fucked up i embarrassed myself there i feel like i especially

last year really learned it deeply like i you know it was like oh i'm always learning this lesson but then like you really learn it and it's like oh fuck yeah i actually hadn't i hadn't gone in on that at all you have a moment and i thought i was living so great but i actually hadn't oh shit i didn't learn that lesson in the way that i think i did i think i just every day learn more and more that i have put so much energy into like being really palatable or being exactly what other people wanted me to be more than I even realized that I was doing at the time and even now I'm doing it and I'll look back even in a couple of weeks and be like god

on the 16th of January as it is today this episode has a quick turnaround um quicker than ever before I'll think god you were not being authentic to yourself because it's partly because i think you're just growing constantly but also because i think the more you reject all of the ways that you live in authentically to appease others the easier it gets and the more kind of outrageous you want to be because you've done it a little bit and it's like right i'll keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone yeah so we asked on the story when do you feel like you're being most authentic and lots of people said like when they're comfortable like with people that they're really comfortable around or when they're in their own company and I completely agree but I also think

for me I'm living most authentically when I'm out of my comfort zone as well I think there's like a real balance there I think people confuse authenticity with comfort in that it's like oh i feel authentic here because i'm in my pajamas it's familiar um i know where i stand whereas you are still authentic when you're anxious and shaking that's if anything you can't hide the performance if anything it's coming out more but that's not pleasant authenticity is supposed to be seen as like a positive emotion where you're like i'm feeling so authentic and at one with the world but actually it's like it can be you like crying and screaming and all of these things being forced to do something that you wouldn't previously like the things that may feel like a performance like kind of wearing a crazy outfit but in reality the outfit isn't crazy to

you because it's exactly what you want to wear and it feels like a performance i guess only because you've been told it's a performance because actually it does feel authentic to you i think that's really stunning when you realize that the things that other people don't see for you actually are more yourself than you even realized when other people have tried to be like no i don't really see that for you and then you're stepping into that role it's like fuck no this means it's real because i've had to fight well i think just going through life is constantly reintroducing yourself to yourself and others because how are you to know every version of yourself is now out of date you've expired and if you haven't spoken to someone in a week that's a i don't know how many

hours is in a week and i should but that's a lot of hours like that's a lot of time and experience that you've had to be changing to be a whole new person it's what you were saying a few episodes back and I think you've actually said this a couple times but I've really liked it about Miley Cyrus no but I think I didn't really react in the podcast I can't remember but I don't think I've said how much I love it that it's like each week is trying on a new identity and I really agree like I think that is one of the biggest things in life to be able to be fluid with your identity and fluid with what you enjoy and trying new things and whatever it is one week you want to roller skate the next week you want to get into

cooking just paella and it's also what you said a few weeks ago that I loved so much which is you relinquish all control and the latter trust the timing of your life. But it's true. If you can be free with your identity, you open yourself to so much more authentic experience. And I think it's also what we said previously about do you want to be the person that wakes up in the morning and meditates and does yoga for an hour and then eats fucking avocado for another 20 minutes and does like a mindful moment or do you want to be seen as that person do you enjoy going for runs or do you want to be seen as i just go for runs on like the weekend i'm just like get up and run like it just makes you feel good like

all of the things that you like you would probably enjoy roller skating more but because it doesn't fit with your aesthetic you're just going to keep doing your yoga and you're running and you're never going to give yourself the opportunity to find all the things that would be more authentic to you because you've built up a sense of self that actually doesn't really match up with who you are and almost that you not only want to perform it for other people but you want to perform it for yourself so that you can tell yourself well today i went for a run therefore tick tick that off so that you're kind of filling this weird empty void that you need to tick off activities that supposedly made you happy and you're keeping up this performance like see i am that person see i am that person it's like but what if you're not

that person though like what does that mean for you if you don't do anything productive or anything pretty or anything cool in a week who are you then who are you after you've spent the entire week playing the sims are you feeling pretty shit most likely you are you will be feeling shit but it does bring out some depression that game but who are you then or do you need to have these weird things that you do in order to feel you're like yourself because that to me doesn't feel healthy if i can only feel authentic if i've fulfilled a certain amount of like tick boxes that doesn't feel like true like selfhood so when do you feel like more yourself when when are you feeling at most yourself it's so tricky because there are a million different forms of myself and actually you always say quite a nice thing about me it's a really stunning thing

that you say and it might ego loves it and also kind of just my heart loves it that you're like you're the same person around everyone yeah you are which you said and it really stuck with me because i don't think i am where wherever you are you meet the same version version of sephie she might go by a different name but it's the same person might go by something who knows just a few alter egos but you get the same version of this human being in any situation which and i think it's because as you say like you try and be outrageous but I also think just naturally you don't know how I think you're just a lot braver than other people I think you're just very ballsy and brave because also before we started recording we obviously

always have our best combos before we start recording yeah you said that you went to get your hair done years ago and they did it wrong and you went back the next day and you got the guy to redo it and i thought i'm gonna save that for the podcast i would never i mean i never get i always just grab a pair of scissors and cut my hair myself i was also like 13 at the time yeah but i think that's a really courageous i think that just shows the the courage in your character well it didn't pay off because he tried to get me to get a pixie crop which would not look good it would not look good yeah he did end up hating you he's kind of your archenemy now but i think you are i think you're more inclined to be your truer self than like a lot of other people maybe more than you realize well that is obviously the nicest thing anyone's ever said and it's kind of like tears to my eyes tears to my eyes but I think I completely disagree with all of it

in that I think that I you can meet a million different versions of me around my grandparents I'm going to be a certain kind of person the word cunt is not coming out of my mouth as frequently as it comes out in this podcast or in a seminar you're going to meet an anxious shaking wreck and on here you're going to meet some person that's like trying to formulate sentences and with you you're going to see someone that like is talking about Madagascar and, you know, random stuff. I don't know. I don't know which one of those is the authentic version.

But I think they're all authentic. And it's just the age old thing of age old. I literally said it two weeks ago that every week you try on a new wise man. Oh, timeless advice from the end of your episode. From me in December 2020. But it's true. And that's why like you can feel authentic in your pyjamas and also authentic when you look really stunning

in like full glam makeup and a dress. Well, this is actually something that's, I think this has been one of my main struggles of 2020. Identity. Who are you when you're trapped inside? Or who are you when you're in a dress and heels sorry my stomach's rumbling mine is too cute are you put that in what our tummies are rumbling at the same time sorry my stomach's rumbling yeah mine is too cute our little tummies

are rumbling yeah who are you when you're in a dress and heels i think i've always stepped into the role of like i don't even fucking know but i think i've definitely stepped into more of a coolness than a prettiness for example but i think recently it's like what who am i if i'm pretty though yeah i know that sounds absolutely bananas so true though it's kind of like literally go fuck yourself no but it is so true there were a lot of people that would were demanding a nonchalant i don't care what i look like vibe from me for a very long time and i think i was performing i'm just effortless i don't give a fuck like i would go out with greasy hair don't give a fuck

who are you though when you're when you're dressed to the nines for example on a stage and you want to not have shit on on your face like you might want to look a bit nice if there's gonna be quite a few photos of you in a dress it's like is that not authentic then well so it's just like just enjoy this vessel of life exactly like just enjoy like the way i think it's fine to enjoy the way you look every now and then i think that's real real. Like it's really tricky to work out. Because I think you, for example, we'll turn it around on you. Come on, here we go. I think you're very yourself with everyone. And I know you disagree to the cows come home.

I do. I think I'm just a really good actress that you would have no idea. She is Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer Lawrence. But I think you do act yourself around everyone or the version i see of you maybe it's that i'm just wherever you are so i kind of see you and i'm like yeah she's herself like no but i'm not but i definitely think that you do that as well i don't know i don't and i can tell you why i can tell you exactly why okay and it is in my this is again

this is all just like this could be i could be completely wrong but obviously i think i'm right for example i know you know i can think of one person that i know has listened to this podcast and they know me from a different realm of life you know who i'm thinking of don't say but you know i will not say no names coming out because names are banned after that time they might be listening now names and clues could be anybody after the time when erin said this random boy from oh my god it's got much worse well she sent me a fucking calendar of his face on the most random boy from my school who erin should not know the name of and their existence because they're completely random okay let's explain that a couple of episodes ago i don't know why i guess i was taunting you by saying somebody's name okay

okay let's go back even further literally from school sephie went to school with like obviously i don't know a couple hundred people i know like kind of 90 of their names for some reason i know everyone that sephie went to school with i don't know why because you're an open book blabbering on about who i sat next to in like biology it's like shut the fuck up you fucking ball yeah so sometimes i use it against you and in a previous episode i said that she had a crush on which i x y and z person but she didn't i really didn't have a crush on them which is a very layered joke. So then for Sophie's birthday, I sent her a calendar with everything. Really, really, really, really ridiculous.

Which you did see a bit of on the story if you were there that day. You saw a really, really sneak preview, which to be honest, I think they were the most... They were the most normal. Well, I could not show some of them. The most normal, yeah. Some of them you can't show. The one with the binoculars, you can't. I'm not showing the one with the binoculars.

So I edited together some weird things to put in a calendar for Sefi. And February, Valentine's Day, I put a picture. I went on this guy's Facebook. I typed in X, Y and Z boy that she went to school with. Really weird of me. And I thought this is probably like, this should be illegal. And I think it should be illegal. It should be illegal.

I did write on it, like, disclaimer. Like, I'm sorry, this is too far. But I think it should be illegal. It should be illegal. I did write on it like disclaimer. I'm sorry, this is too far. But it's also a good joke. I was crying. Do you know what the most terrifying bit of the whole thing is? So my birthday was in December and this thing had got lost in the post. Wing had to reorder it. So somewhere in the world, there is another one of these calendars.

There's a spare. Floating around with loads of pictures of me it has a brother and then one in february your crush with this boy from my school's face on god this honestly poor innocent guy if that goes to the wrong person in my town like they deliver it to my neighbor which to be honest it probably has i'll die i'll die there's a calendar with your name on it with a random guy's face and some and this is your crush and it's got little pink hearts all over but that is hilarious actually honestly i made some good jokes in that calendar that you'll never hear unfortunately but

i hope you can appreciate but anyway that's how i know that i'm not the same person everywhere um because i think people get really shocked to see different parts of me which I think like it's normal I'm not like a big fat faker I think that's really nice but I definitely have been a big fat faker in my life but I think it's nice to have different parts of yourself reserved for different people I think it's quite like honoring to yourself like you're gonna not tell all your secrets to the person at the bus stop which I think is where i fall down sometimes yeah you do but also i think it's just out of i'm naturally very like i match the energy that i receive so i mean you're the only person i've said this a million times you're the only person that i would do a podcast with i

can't and i'm i think it's the same for me to you because yes more than anything yeah this is a great time to tell you guys about soph's other podcast that she has. I really take in the energy of other people. So I just match whatever's being given to me, which I think is fine. I think it's common. Yeah, I think it's really, really common. I mean, as you probably know, you listening, maybe do it.

If you do it, you know that there are certain situations where you know that you're acting a certain way to appease others and you don't feel good about it and you don't feel good when you leave yeah because that allows the situation where someone's drowning and they're using your head to keep them afloat yeah because if you're matching you meet someone that's going through a tough time you perform tough times you're serving full depression to them and they're loving it whereas actually you're in a stage in life right now where you're feeling really good about yourself you should be able to say that not're in a stage in life right now where you're feeling really good about yourself. You should be able to say that.

Not even in a way of like, I'm feeling fucking great. But I think it's like, you're feeling good. You should honour that. But you need to be honest. And I also think it's about your opinions too. I am, I mean, it's something I consciously work on. Boundaries and also like just being really true to yourself. And like, I also think it's about giving yourself

the right to be here and the right to have an opinion, the same as everybody else. The right to be yourself. Yeah about giving yourself the right to be here and the right to have an opinion the same as everybody else the right to be yourself yeah you have the right to be here by the way like i feel i know that's really like obvious but i don't know it's not obvious to me i forget all the time i don't think it's obvious at all no another message i love someone said i think it's interesting how everyone cuts their hair after a breakup because you feel authentic i thought that's really it's a good point yeah do you want to talk about it's interesting how everyone cuts their hair after a breakup because you feel authentic i thought that's really it's a good point yeah do you want to talk about it's fucking true well my first thought was um in the film divergent actually i think it's in the film insurgent yeah where tris cuts her hair and i just think because she's coming up she's coming a heroine

of a dystopian franchise not because she's in for a breakup if anything her relationship's thriving but we were just discussing this and we were saying we're not a fan so my mine immediately went there well i think it's interesting so they said i think it's interesting how everyone cuts their hair after a breakup because you feel authentic and i think it's that kind of there was a spark about a breakup maybe where it's like a rejection of everything you were in that relationship all of the things you've done to make yourself the most likable you could be yeah i remember look i am gonna bring up miley cyrus i think you should i think i should too um i was born to when she was younger she

was with nick jonas if you're really young this might be a bit before your time there are people who don't know nick jonas the seven rings the seven things no people know nick jonas i think but they don't know the love triangles they don't know the drums um and i remember specifically when miley cyrus and nick jonas broke up when they were like fucking 14 years old he had said to her when they were in a relationship i really love your hair like with these highlights like they look so good on you of course he does and they broke up yeah of course he does what a loser and they broke up no i love him but i'm kind of thinking he would want her with long light hair yeah yeah they broke up and she said that she

dyed her hair super dark which you can see actually in that meme picture you know the one with her eyes and she's like looking at you like she's gonna fucking got a gun to your head her eyes look as blue as the ocean it's yeah think of a blue thing think of a blue thing like two crystal clear blue sapphires um and she dyed her hair really dark too but actually it was coming from a place of like she did want him back deep down like she was obsessed with nick jonas as to be honest as we all were at 14 yeah and she's going through the motions of a breakup yeah it's like in a in a sense you're rejecting the performativity of everything you've done with your appearance and all of the ways that you've become the most likable version of yourself the hottest version of yourself but also you're

performing a breakup haircut you're performing the an empowerment yeah a rebellion yeah yeah we got a lot of messages about being authentic and also representing yourself in the way that just to live on this earth you have to represent yourself in some way because even the rejection of a self presentation is a presentation in itself completely like to even reject the parts of society that tell you to look a certain way, that in itself is still a performance of that rejection. It reminds me of the concept of a revenge body. Khloe Kardashian revenge body. Do you remember that? I was thinking of that just yesterday. I mean, the fact that there's a show called Revenge Body, but even the fact that that

exists as a thought, like I must now get fit. For revenge. i must go through a process with my body to make them want me it's like please cut that process now because you are going down a train of misery you have just aborted the train of depression and you are full steam ahead do not get on that do not go there honestly because you're going to be posting pictures doing all this stuff and trust me they're not looking they couldn't give a fuck they could not give a fuck they've already moved on to someone who looks quite similar to you but just better but just a couple years younger couple stone lighter kind of la la land emma stone where she walks into the lift and there's like two other taller girls with red hair in their clean white shirts oh dear idea i completely get the urge of someone's smashed

your heart into smithereens and you're like fucking hey i need to get back to myself i need to be more myself but i don't think that yourself has to be this like i'm cutting my hair i'm getting a whole new wardrobe it's quite um simplistic bridget jones yeah very reductive i'm gonna eat ice cream and listen to like music. I think a lot of us don't know how to self-investigate. I think a lot of us get lost in we think we're being really self-aware and we think we're giving ourselves a lot of time to think about what we really want or who's our truest self but we just end up doing the performance of what everyone told us anyway. It's just a new role.

Anyway, it's just a new role. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals.

Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Ka animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com you're not going to a more authentic self you're just shifting into a different character slightly

you have all the same insecurities you have all the same habits you just have hair that's an inch shorter and maybe a shade lighter slightly darker brown yeah exactly it's basically it's you're not no longer playing the character of um happy girlfriend you're playing the role of like angry ex and now you're like empowering yourself and all of this stuff. That sounds stunning, but you don't need to play that part. Yeah. If you want to play the part of you, for example, that's fine. I think it's just honestly impossible to live as your truest self if you're living on planet earth in this realm. Society is so, it's all you have ever known and it is all you will ever know.

To think that I myself am bigger than everything I've ever learned, everything I've ever consumed, and everything I will experience in the future is naive, I think. So I can do things that make my life more pleasant and keep taking part in stuff that will make me feel most like me. But me, quote unquote me, will always be shaped by society because i've only ever been myself in society in a society that told me to look a certain way to act a certain way to think a certain way to behave a certain way in a way you're just a symptom you're just feedback you're just like the reverberation of everything that someone has ever told you yeah someone told you

you were good at art before you know it you've got a paintbrush in your hand going this is my passion yeah this is my purpose what you just liked your art teacher you literally like you just wanted your history teacher to have an affair with you like literally yeah shit like you just wanted to go home with your english teacher like stop pretending that you want to read all the time because you don't and also like this whole thing has nothing to do with you nothing to do with you you're not the center of this everything about ourselves like i will find a way to take something personally you better believe it if something's even remotely insulting you know i'm finding a way to make it about me you best believe and it's really not about you they weren't thinking about

you it's i've actually got in a bit of a situation with this recently wait do i want to say that i think you do go on tell us spill the beans go on do you know it do you know what i'm gonna say i have no idea what you're gonna say that's why i want to hear it i don't want to come across as a bitch go on go on go on you already in terms we already are just go for it i'm a nice human being at least we get the same bitch everywhere we go every version of you is the same i'm not a fake bitch i'm actually a really nice person yeah go i actually don't promise that in any way so i was speaking to someone about something blah blah blah i was telling someone you can be a bit more specific than that i literally can't though that's the problem okay go on i think I know what you're

gonna say actually just by that vague hint. I was speaking to someone about something and you know it. So someone was quite stressed about some work they had to had to do and I was saying don't worry that stuff's easy to do you've got it it's so easy it takes a couple of hours and you've got it learned and someone was quite triggered by that and got quite upset about. They thought that you were undermining their work. Their talent, which in no way did I even think of their talent in this. I wasn't, to be honest, thinking about it in any way. I was trying to make someone feel better.

Their talent has not once been called into question by you. No, it wasn't on my mind. It shows how we centre ourselves in situations because this person took it to be me being like, you have no talent. It takes two hours when in reality i was actually trying to comfort someone completely separate and say don't worry you've got it it will take a couple of hours tick tick tick you've got it you'll find it easy yeah yeah but it shows that it's like actually we just center ourselves in narratives that weren't about us we find a way to find the offense in anything that happens and i do it too and everyone does it

where it's like you hear something a whisper and you go that's a direct insult to my entire way of being and it's like actually no it's not it's just people are in conversation it's people's lives it's people talking shit yeah to be honest it goes a long way in saying how much we think we're central when actually we're all just peripheral completely completely that and it is the classic confirmation bias i'm gonna say it you find the evidence for what you choose to believe which is why you need to have if you can manage it a decent sense of self-worth because then you'll find the evidence for compliments you'll find the evidence for the validation that you're choosing to believe rather than um you know if someone says oh don't worry it takes a couple hours like it's not a big deal like it's easy you won't even

register that as a dig to you because you're not looking for evidence that you're shared when we found that quote or when we kind of went in on that quote of decided to live by it decided that it was to be honest our mantra decided to devote our lives to it yeah we decided to dedicate ourselves entirely to that way of life you will find the evidence for what you choose to believe so choose good things choose to believe good things because you will find it you will find it it's so hard because it's such a cliche. I saw a really funny tweet that was like, the worst thing about waking up early and exercising is that it actually works.

And it's like, yeah, the worst thing about sat preaching, like you're going to find the evidence for what you choose to believe, like you need to choose happiness, is that it's like, oh, look, I hate to hear, but it fucking works. But also it's like, it's not going to be,

oh, I choose happiness. Wow, what is this feeling? I'm overcome with happiness. No, no, no, no, no. I'm cured. There are no issues of class, race or gender, ability. Nothing will ever affect me ever again. It's not that.

It's saying I'm going to make an active decision to not believe the things that come up that tell me that I'm shit, that I'm not good enough. And I'm going to make an active decision to be like, what if I can do everything that I think I can? What if I'm actually pretty cool of a person yeah what if i'm actually pretty interesting it's just not that bad you'll start to find evidence for these things

and this is why we say keep a proof list it's tough because in a way it's like okay maybe it is just better to choose an ignorant bliss then if your life is shit and you're just going to convince yourself that it's good like fine maybe that does work but i think it is also more than that at least for me i have to hold myself accountable and like not work against myself to convince myself that things aren't that bad yeah but work with it work alongside it with your healthy delusion with just a little sprinkle of delusion yeah and and hold myself accountable to the ways that i can make myself feel not that bad is that okay at some point you do have to take

ownership yeah and responsibility over some things some ways that you react to things yes you can't choose what happens to you but you can have some say in something you can have some say in how you react you can have some say in your core beliefs about yourself surely like is that too much to ask that you have some control over the way in which you view your authentic self surely what's one like area of your life that you think you've got down like you're really authentic in oh my god um like i know we've all got things that we're like oh god i don't i'm like that i was fake worries and insecurities and like parts of yourself that don't sit right like that i was fake worries and insecurities and like parts of yourself that don't sit right etc that you're working on but what are some things that you

feel like you know what i i that is true to me i'm true to myself in that something's coming to mind something's bubbling under i know what it is because it's something that it's really bizarre go on tell us i think the thing that i know about myself that i know that i love this thing so much so boring i fucking love animals like i love animals you do you know what i see that for you validated by me i love whales cows i love elephants i love cows dogs i love cows i love birds i love i love cows i think that is something that it i feel it so much in my bones i've always loved animals i've always loved farmyard animals i've always loved animals and i know in my core cottagecore queen i would die for a lamb i love them yeah you would And so the lion, what is it?

And so the lion, I don't know. What does he say? What a sick, like masochistic lion. I've got no idea. So the lion fell in love with the lamb. That's what he says, right? Yeah, nice. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. So you're kind of, you're the Edward Cullen. You're the lion and you're falling in love with the lamb because you love a farmyard animal. And you're saying, climb on spider monkey or whatever he says. And I'm sort of a weird paedophile in love with a high school student. You're 117. How long have you been 17?

A million years. I never left this farm. What's one area you think that you're authentic in? I don't know. I have no idea. I really have no idea. To be honest, if I gave an answer, it would be inauthentic. I don't have an answer.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm working on it. I think I'm relatively authentic in most avenues of life. I think you really are. But I'm consciously, I'm like fighting against everything that tells me to be a fake bitch also i'm a libra like it's in my nature to be yeah i was gonna say this is so libra a false

god but also it's quite libra to be like i can't say one anyway like kind of you don't want to tempt fate i don't want to say the wrong answer i can't make a decision yeah i'm actually really good at making decisions but i do do the libra thing of like want to please everyone around you and like not have your own developed sense of self in order to just reflect other people back at you so they like you so if that's you libra listening i see you and if you love cows if you like cows if you are a cow she sees you i see you i do weird thing where i bow at cows as well it's really weird but also it's like this isn't what you came to the podcast for you came for a chat about authenticity it's like authenticity

i really love cows to be honest it would be inauthentic to give you anything less we asked in this episode on the story for quite fun advice we said well we didn't ask you guys for advice we said do you want any advice and you all said no a resounding no i'm joking you all came through with a big resounding load of questions and oh how the advice resounds how we shall resound this advice i don't even really know what resound means it's like i've just heard that in the house of commerce okay okay come let us resound that's very priestess of us let us resound it's so priestess let's dig a deep hole and bury that deep right someone said i feel like most people don't even

know who they truly are even in their 30s because most girls are taught what they should and shouldn't like and should and shouldn't do at a very young age how can one be authentic when we're all expected to be the exact same person aka the perfect human and i'm dancing because it's so true also just in that i completely agree yeah oh that resounds heavy it's a resounding yes from us we're resounding resounding how can you know who you are when the minute you're born someone looks at you and says oh they're a girl get them in the pink dress yeah how can girls know who they are when they're told that they're girls and now i am so that's one thing that i'm authentic in i'm authentic in my identity as a girl i love being a girl that is so fucking true yeah you do i i boy do i i do and i love girl as a concept but of course i do because i've only ever been told that and what does that really mean for

a cis woman to be like oh i really resound with the identity i really identify with the identity of a girl it's like yeah of course you do because you've been told it yeah so and i completely agree it is the classic like yeah how are you supposed to know who you are so i think it's just more about if you can't bring yourself to do the self-investigation like if it's easier for you to distract yourself to keep you busy in that happiness i think if you're doing what is right for you fine it's when you're doing something that's wrong for you that maybe you can feel it i think if you're doing what's right for you you don't really notice but if you're doing what's wrong for you it sticks out like a sore thumb that's so fucking true and it resounds do you

know what i mean i mean something you can't even tell what it is but you know something is up you just feel unaligned you feel like fuck like i'm being stretched too far in different directions and not in an elastigirl way in the worst way no and you don't know what's pulling what but something's not feeling good i completely agree when you're doing stuff right and you're living with authenticity you feel like you're kind of on some right way you feel like a sense of like correctness like this is right for me but also it's not like an overwhelming feeling it's just like there's still the issues of life can't feel a thing really but when you feel like you're doing something that like fundamentally goes against your core it's all off it's fucked like you know you know it and you

lose the balance in all of the other things that should be right for you it's like if you are in the wrong relationship or something in your relationship isn't serving you, your working life won't feel the same. Everything's off. Meeting up with your friends won't feel the same. All your relationships are doomed at that point or they're heading down. You've boarded that train and you're going down the doom train. Yeah.

Your relationships get limited. Your friendships get limited. Your relationship with yourself gets limited. The things you enjoy are limited because you're all holding on to this narrative say that you're pursuing um a career in veterinary you want to be a vet as we were saying in an episode every girl okay we're coming for vets these days every girl when they're younger wanted to be a vet famously are you jealous of vets because they get to spend time with animals is that what this is i always think you've got to be a psychopath to be a vet i was thinking the other day when I was doing the thing that I do

and I hold my dog and I tell him that my life would be nothing without him. And he says what? I kind of imagined that he was dead in my arms. I think I, so I've obviously got some sort of abandonment issue where I put, I project my fears onto everyone and I think everyone that I love is going to leave me, including my dog. That means he's going to die. Because also, I never fucking cared about him dying until i really fell in love

with him and it was a moment you may know it was quite recently yeah it's been kind of an enemies to lovers storyline oh boy was it yeah without the kind of hot like fiery sex yeah i can assure you but yeah it really was enemies to lovers why did i bring that up something about vets if you're pursuing a career in veterinary yeah go on what is this what is this entire podcast we're so sorry that you found yourself here we are so sorry um if you're pursuing a career in veterinary then hi to you hello and you also you're not a sociopath if you're a vet you're actually doing really good work you also you're not a sociopath if you're a vet you're actually doing really good work obviously yeah you're doing a great thing but i'm gonna rely

on you when my dog's fucking dying aren't i yeah we're gonna be knocking on your doors so truly shout out to the vets resounding yeses for the vets out there the word resounding that's my worst word resounding like shut up resound resound yeah go and you have done that because throughout your life you've been told you're a caring person that you love animals that's been a narrative you've held on to for example. And in reality all it was was you had a pet at two years old you had a little dog and you really liked him. Realistically when you were born you were given a cuddly toy and it wasn't a doll it was a little dog. Teddy bear. Yeah. You know what it was you had a fucking pet dog and

it died when you were seven and you thought I don't want this dog to die it's so unfair it's so unfair yeah and then you think oh i'm gonna fucking save all the other dogs i can't tell if i'm thanking the vets or attacking them at this point it's absolutely anything and we have it too some i read a book and i explained the book right and everyone said you will write you will write and then you kept to me in front of a keyboard type type type do i like this or do i just do this yeah yeah it's completely true it's the thing of you made someone laugh once everyone laughed and you went okay i can get attention from that now you're trying fucking stand-up comedy i'm suddenly i'm seth rogan i'm heading out on stage i'm a comedian when really it was just a defense mechanism that you developed and wing is in love with you what more could you

want right i love this bit somebody said how do i exit conversations i don't want to be in i.e when people like men go on about success and life problems and they expect praise or therapeutic advice or for me to baby coddle them i'm not their mum too right you're not their mum unless you are their mum unless you are it's my son i'm not your mum um okay how do you exit combos you don't want to be in how do you exit combos you don't want to be in i straight up exit that bitch i was gonna say i think i just get up and walk away i think i'm quite bad for exiting combos i don't want to be in i'm quite the exeter i'm i definitely abandon ship like more often than i stay on ship i i jump off deck like a drunken sailor more more often than i stick to the wheel

like a captain i abandon ship at all times you're not um going down with the titanic no you're not getting those violins out no and i don't say bye do not pass go do not collect 200 pounds i just leave i think that's really good because sometimes actually i think you are really fucking good because i get stuck no you oh you know i leave yeah because me saying oh yeah i just exit no i don't i sit there and i sit there depends on who it is you'll sit there yeah i don't know i have found myself stuck in some real tediums some real tedious conversations okay tips well i think it's um i think it all just comes down to actually um knowing that you

have a right to be where you are and if you're not enjoying where you are you have a right to leave or if you're triggered yeah at the end of the day if you're sticking around for a conversation or sticking around in an environment that doesn't make you feel good you have made a choice to prioritize everyone else but yourself over yourself yeah and that i don't think is a choice that you want to be making it does that feel authentic to you does that feel good to you i don't think so especially women are born being told that they are natural born like caretakers you are a giver you must give and it doesn't really matter about you how you feel doesn't really matter as long as you're making everyone else feel comfortable you're palatable everyone

else has got like a cup of tea in their hand and you've been stirring the sugar in like yeah that's that's your role everyone else gets the biggest slice of cake and you get the crumbs you're left with a crumb crumb crumb crumb victor i love you think you're in love ron god take me to that tent take me to that tent well while it's safe to be there it's not the irish it's not the irish we didn't think it was the irish you free the irish are getting their pride on jesus christ this episode has been quite strange maybe i don't know what this episode the vibe of the energy of this is quite strange maybe i think it's been an authentic episode i will give us that yeah it has been authentic i feel quite myself do you yeah yeah i do i hope you do listening as well i suddenly we've gone into rapping mode but i think that's fine i'm happy to rap i'm honestly as you know i'm happy to

abandon ship at any point as soon as i'm given the green light to leave a situation i'm on my way home how to exit a conversation you don't want to be in just say the podcast is over guys so we're gonna go um so we're gonna exit the conversation jump ship but i hope you've all had a great time i hope in between now and next week you find a way to make sure you're always getting yourself back to what feels good for you yeah so even if you're not like fucking thriving, oh my God, I'm like being my truest self, blah, blah, blah. I think it's more so getting yourself out

of the situations that are bad. What is that negative reinforcement? Take away the bad stuff. Giving yourself the good stuff is like maybe harder. Something that's quite good that I always do to try and realign myself, because it's quite easy to be like, fuck, I'm not acting with my morals.

I'm not acting with things that are important to me me I actually made like a little list the other day of like my key values in life like to work out your values and it's like if your values are like loyalty kindness honesty do you live by those I think that's when I feel weird when like I'm not living loyally i'm not living creatively i'm not living kindly even what are your morals what are your key values in life what are the pillars the core pillars of yourself if it's kindness but you find yourself not being kind you are gonna feel weird you're gonna be feeling out of whack with yourself i love that okay let's do that maybe we should make that the homework.

Yeah, let's come back next week doing the work and we'll have worked on our key values. One of the pillars of our identity. The key values that make you the unique individual that you are. Make you you, whoever that is. I think that's fascinating. Okay, well, I'll have to quickly think of something then, shan't I? And everyone send that because, because god I'm gonna want to know your values oh you know we love to hear it I'll make my values your values I need to hear you guys's values because I need to take them on as my own well we'll see you in the next episode see you when we see you I guess