Goes Without Saying - the End of Year OVERWHELM: podmas #1

Episode Date: December 1, 2024

merry podmas! festive podmothers sephy & wing enter a Big Sleigh: carolling on running on low-power-mode, feeling exhausted at the end of the year, and hopeful and deluded for 2025. ✷see more �� www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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A message from the Government of Canada. Mary Podmas! Mary Podmas! This is potentially the first episode of Podmas. We did just record what we thought would be the first and then we thought I think that's the second, it's like over an hour long. Might have to be spares. We get into like a proper conversation about age. It's like quite heavy. Yeah. It's not like, it's not festive, it's not merry, it's like you know I'm absolutely fuming all of a sudden. It didn't feel welcome to Podmas Angie. No it didn't. Which I'm not surprised really. Exactly.

So this now is the welcome to Podmas episode. Welcome to Podmas, we have beautiful merch as always. seffyandwing.co.uk is the website. She knows where to go. We've been really raving, we were joking in what was supposed to be the first episode about how much we've been raving about Matilda Jeff and Matilda Jeff's dressing gowns and it's just quite absurd to be like so in love with Matilda Jeff when currently it's like we also have merch by the way. We also have, we don't have dressing gowns, but we have you know, other shops are available. Amazing stuff. But you'll hear that tomorrow maybe. Yes. So don't, let um okay how are you i'm good how are you good i'm excited for this so this is if you don't really know what podmas is 25 days we do absolute carnage up to

christmas day christmas day see you there this is your advent calendar basically oh i miss that language yeah this is like an advent calendar. That's kind of the essence. It is, it is the essence yeah. And also no pressure to keep up. I mean they're gonna be very kind of isolated episodes so don't feel like you need to have kept up with absolutely everything.

There's no FOMO here basically. You can drop in and out as you please. But like please do, like I would love you to be along for the whole ride. You're more than welcome. There's always a seat spare for you. We're always holding, you know, right on next to us. The seat at the Christmas dinner. Totally, head of the table. We've always saved some... Best seats in the house. Best seats in the house. We've saved some potatoes for you. We've saved it all. Always, always. But there's no pressure.

This is just for you however you need it. So if you're having like a bit of a shitty day, don't put tomorrow's episode on because it's going to get you in a stinking mood but you know just as and when you need it and we're just here for the ride here for the 25 days and we'll see where we go. I like when you do say that but then I love it when people do every episode and come along with us the whole time I totally get it like absolutely love it but I know a lot of people can't like other people have lives but if you're like us and you don't have lives you're welcome yet i love it when people say because we do get a lot of people messaging saying i listen to every single podmas so i absolutely i think let's not um overlook the every dayers i love the every dayers i just i hate

that feeling of like oh i'm not on top of things and sephian wing being included in that list is just absolutely harrowing it's like don't worry but there's no pressure. We're all just here having a good time. I didn't even think that could be a thing. There was absolutely no pressure. A lot of people are like Jesus guys shut up I can't keep up with you. Nobody is saying that. No they legitimately are. People are so different. Just between us you know they are. They are but they're also saying I have seen more people say that I love podmas Definitely we love podmas. We're just remembering like the one person that said I can't keep up with podmas Well, also the good thing about podmas is it's happening anyway If you're here every day perfect. Yeah, nice chill out. This is gonna be a nice clean game from all of us from all of us

I was just thinking about advent calendars then. have you got an advent calendar yet? not yet, do you? no i haven't i never usually get one because there's no good sort of vegan oh look not to be absolute i don't have a sweet tooth loser. oh yeah. but i don't really. she doesn't have a sweet tooth. or not even a sweet tooth like you don't like it's not even about sweet i feel like it's like artificially flavored it have a sweet tooth. Or not even a sweet tooth like you don't like, it's not really about sweet, I feel like it's like artificially flavoured, it's beyond sweet tooth. Hell on her. Yeah she doesn't like like kind of fizzy drinks and like sweets. Sweets, no. Just like a candy vibe. But chocolate I do like but I can't, but I don't particularly like vegan chocolate so I need to find one that's just like a dark chocolate calendar that is vegan. You like those love

raw bars didn't you? I do but they don't do an AdFriend calendar. No but I wonder if they do a podcast sponsor. Maybe they fucking do. Love Raw means a lot to me. I bought one to watch gladiator 2 in the cinema. I know. Alright, lovely. Hold on to that guys. You might know we're in the works of getting a podmas sponsor at the moment So you will hopefully have had something before you're hate. Maybe not. We're right here. Thank you so much What a lovely year we've had truly a merry podmas and a harry new year harry new year. You'll hear that later Okay, so this is mental so okay, how do we feel about this? Six minutes? We happy about it? Yeah, it's fine. Just whatever. Great start to Podmas. Start doesn't mean to go on.

Exactly. As always. Alright, so reflections on the year. We were kind of talking about how you get to kind of the end of November, you get to the beginning of December and it's like, thank God I've got Podmas to look forward to because everything else is the right slog. Like almost it's the end of the year I can see it now. You're crawling. You're at your wit's end. How are you gonna go on? Do you have the means to go on? Harry, Sefi anybody do are you prepared to commit to the end of the year? I'm definitely getting that vibe because it's speaking of sponsors actually We've been obviously emailing around being like hey does anyone want to sponsor this and every single one has said we've got no budget

for q4 yeah you're telling me that's why i need some and i've yeah if anyone here's got no budget it's us and i feel like that epitomizes how people are feeling people are thinking i've got no budget for q4 i've got in q4 what the fuck this is quarter four i've learned um and it means i've got no budget for q4. I've got q4 what the fuck this is. Quarter four I've learned. And it means I've got no budget. I'm emotionally spent. I've got nothing to give. Yes. I could not possibly give any energy to sponsoring a lovely little podcast. Yeah. My favourite podcast. And that's fine. I completely don't blame them. Oh no I don't blame them. If anything I think it's good business, Moo. Say no to us. I think I respect it. I actually have to curb it because we're not gonna get any sponsors like- don't- if you- if I've emailed you, stop listening now, you're actually too

deep in, you need to go. Fuck's sake. Just immediately fucked it. Jeez, it's eight minutes in I think. God. Okay, right, let's really get into something. So this year's been up and down, hey? God, I think it's been one of the worst years I've had in my memory. In your living memory. It's been really, really bad. But also it's really ending on a high. I've obviously started, so I've been here pretty much just like a month and a half, maybe. Probably coming up to two months. Yeah October yeah I mean two months and god I'm loving I'm really enjoying it I feel like I'm really ending the year in a different position till I started it yeah

completely different it's a whole new area you're in yeah and I'm really really feeling very excited and hopeful about it like it was very like still new beginning sort of thing but my first term is done of my first year Because I'm doing over two years, but yeah mental so I feel like good about it But the whole year as a whole has been shit But good to have it that way round Start to the year and then ending on like you've turned corner new page new start all of this stuff actually ending on a high Yeah, you've turned a corner, new page, new start, all of this stuff, actually ending on a high. I'm much happier to hear Sefi's ending on a high

rather than starting on a high and ending on a low. Yes, which might be you, Harry, and the heart goes out to you, I must say, and I'm honored for Sefi and Wing to be involved, hopefully making your year better. Yeah, yeah, I think so i hope so yeah well how are you feeling then at the end of the year i always like i start to get a bit kind of in q4 i find myself feeling quite um i get a bit aggy at the end of even like the end of the season like

at the end of summer i remember really being like i didn't realize how much i needed like a kind of cold breeze i didn't realize how much I needed autumn to come in. Like I get very, I don't like things being the same for too long. Like I like to kind of get a bit of, I need some fresh air, open the windows a bit. Like I like kind of switching, like something's got to give. Once I've been in something for too long,

I start to get really like frustrated and almost a bit claustrophobic. Yeah, I get that. Do you know what I mean? So, and I and almost a bit claustrophobic. Yeah, I get I mean So and I always find myself in queue for Desperado absolutely deluded next year is gonna be the best year ever. Oh my god. I'm gonna be I'm gonna thrive I'm gonna go my everything's gonna be good. I'm gonna just be whole new I'm gonna be so amazing and then I don't know we'll catch up on that in like May and see how I'm feeling then

Place your bets We are quite hopeful I would say Put it that way have a fresh start. We're always like absolutely deluded Yeah, we are maybe quite deluded, but I think we're entirely to like that New Year I love a new year and I got it in my birthdays in September as you guys may know have a birthday to me Did I tell you on my birthday someone messaged me being like knew you were a Libra. Really? Yeah and I was like oh sorry. Probably because you say it all the time. I was like oh sorry and she was like it's alright. Also that's such a you response. Sorry. Sorry she goes it's okay I was like alright have a birthday to me I guess. That's a really strange person. It

was all in good humour I think. My birthday's in September and the school year starts in September. I'm not at school but I do still subscribe to the laws of teachers. I still am trying to impress my year 9 history teacher Mr Lee if you're out there. I'm still interested. Really? I shouldn't say that. No I'm not so interested but I don't know.

Was he just a man at school or was he actually hot? We could come to some sort of arrangement. Really? I shouldn't say that. No, I'm not so interested but I don't know. Was he just a man at the school or was he actually hot? We could come to some sort of arrangement. No, he wasn't necessarily hot but he was the history teacher. Mr Lee and Miss Frances. I probably shouldn't say this too much but Miss Frances, that's my idol. When I grow up I want to be Miss Frances still. Really?

It's not important but yeah, I'm still basically, September rolls around and I start to get a bit pumped. It's the new year and I'm excited. and I shouldn't be because nothing's happening, but I get this new wave of like oh fuck Maybe life is worth living maybe life is worth living and I can kind of chirp up a little bit Yeah, do you I mean it's almost just that end of the year and it's like oh just it's I always say bottom of the barrel That's just really It's the last scrapings of peanut butter from the jar. I had that the other day. We're like right up the top of the jar. Do you know what I mean?

It's like we're really digging in. Round the top? Yeah. It's like yeah, I knew I should have got it last time I was in the shop but I didn't and here I am. Dragging the knife at the top of the jar. That is such a horrific feeling when you're getting into that crevice. It's so that. The crevice and I always think no one else is doing this but they are. No no everyone's scooping around the top of the jar for sure. Yeah it's wasteful if not. It's like you've already exhausted the bottom and you have to go back up to the top. To the top. To the drain.

Which they don't make it easy. They don't. They really don't. They keep that top peanut butter that's special stuff. Do you know what I mean that's not that's not everybody gets the peanut butter that's left at the top of the jar. no not everyone always gets that top round the top. no not for the faint of heart only the brave. so true only the poor. who are willing only those who are willing to scoop round the top of the jar. actually though but that's how the end of the year feels. yeah no I really like that I think that's really true. you know yeah but there but there's still peanut butter to be had. there is, there is. you can only go to the shops, buy a new jar of peanut butter. you could, yeah. but i won't. but i won't. no i won't. and why would i? because i've seen some in there. i've seen, oh i'm onto you. oh i see you in there. okay, highlights of the year. masters. Talk us through it.

It's bringing in a whole new wave of energy for you. Goodness me, this year has had stages. I didn't, at the beginning of the year I didn't work at the community cafe. That's crazy. Oh no I did, I did, I did actually. That's a total lie. Just immediately wrong. I actually did work there because I worked there with Chris.. Yeah, I actually did work. Yeah, cuz I work. Oh, yeah

No, I did. Oh, I quit I quit in like March. So like I did three months at the Queens Cafe this year I was there before yeah, I was really left like nine months, but like that's crazy to like at the beginning of the year I was working there. Jesus Christ. Like yeah, just feel like God a lot's gone on So much has gone on my grandma has died this year year like yeah, that's kind of a huge life The crown that's definitely the crown jewel of the year. Yeah, just like that's the big hitter That's definitely Bottom of very bottom of the barrel But I feel like I am in a decent place with that like I feel like I for the

last like month or so I've been able to talk about that without crying and like well I can still do cry about it all the time but I feel like I can look at a photo of her now and things like that and I also I'm just glad that she's happy podmas not suffering anymore yeah Mary Mary't know what to say. Yeah, merry merry festivities. Merry podmus. That's so true, yeah. Yeah, and I think I feel kind of okay about that. Yeah, it definitely created a shift

in terms of then you turned in, you went into your masters, that was kind of the final. It's just completely different. Stage. Completely different thing. You're testing yourself here. Am I? Just almost being like, and I don't cry about it as much when I talk about it. So my eyes are massively watering. I'm sorry. I don't cry in the first episode of Pop! We can't keep pushing back these episodes Every episode we do we're like our first episode It's not our first episode

Jesus Christ it can't be the first episode I don't know what I brought You're fine, you're fine It's a really horrible side We literally sat down whatever we, don't talk about horrible things. Just only talk about good things. I literally said, so yeah my grandma died this year and now I'm crying. Fuck sake.

It's awful. It's horrible. This is episode one of Podmas. Very Podmas. Advent calendar. Surprise! Good morning everybody! We don't have an argument but like it's not very nice. We're sort of disagreeing a little bit. We're arguing the same thing really passionately. From different angles.

You know, Sefi's taking, let's walk on the left side of the road and I'm saying no let's walk on the right side of the road we're both going to the same destination. exactly. as always. you guys know that it's important that you hear that. we had to push that back because that's not an absolute one and then i go and cry and the first one's so brilliant. no it's fine. as long as you're okay that's literally the only thing that matters. and i know you are but. i'm totally fine. it's just not nice is it? and this is kind of what I mean by the end of the year slog right side. God. It's all a little bit much Do I'm going Zoe Sugg uploaded that video? It's all a bit much or whatever How much would it spit? It's all a bit much or like sometimes it's a bit too much someone everyone knows what I'm saying I know you do those are three Rude a's girlies the black gang shine girlies will know what I'm saying She had a video Means if you were saying there's definitely a problematic connotation strange hearing that just said so casually black gang Sorry, what is that? I'd look into that if I were you this that doesn't sound

Something sounding is definitely a history there. Anyway, if I know England Something sounding... there's definitely a history there. Anyway, if I know England, I know there's a problematic history there. But yeah, Zoe Sugg, you know, kind of in those big days, maybe 2013, 2014, I think it was sometimes it's all a bit too much. And it was her... it was the title and she was crying. But then she took it down, but it's still up somewhere, I'm sure. But that,'s like if you know that's like deep in the law like you know to reference a video of her crying with the title is a bit crazy and I think it's true and she was just saying you know I'm really lucky and I'm so grateful but sometimes a bit too much but then she took it down because I'm

assuming she felt like she wasn't allowed to say that really because she was like kind of the luckiest girl in the world i guess well she is but also sometimes you're allowed to cry sometimes it is a bit too much yeah you can say that again god you can so i think that's it i think it's quite telling as well i also think in our lives sephi and wing as people we are we've had some issues coming to these episodes recently because we've got a lot of energy, we've got, there's like a lot, like not even a lot happening behind the scenes but like we're in a kind of a weird point. Yeah. And we are like, I don't know, I think we're having like some... I don't know. Also I think this is kind of the quite a lot of like our last episodes have Mentioned this which I feel like it's something we haven't really mentioned

That much. I'm scared. But like in the last few episodes we have definitely spoken about like this year We've had a really bad like financial year It's been a financial crash And that has been a really like, it's taken to the top. I mean it's also industry wide, like we've heard some interesting things from internal people that obviously are not made, nobody tells the podcast that, no one can be bothered. This is not on Friar by the way, because when I say internal people I'm not talking about her, I'm talking about other podcasty people.

Other people, it's almost like, I don't know how much we can say, but I don't think we can really say much. But you hear some things and it's like, well, that would have been nice to know sort of thing. It would have been nice to know. Before maybe we record every single day in July, you guys were there. Jeff Bezos decided that ads would be zero pounds

for the month of June. And it's like, oh right, that would have been nice to know. Something like that. I'm speaking vaguely and it's not necessarily that, but it's kind of those sorts of things. Equivalence's like, oh right, that would have been nice to know, something like that, you know, I'm speaking vaguely and it's it's not necessarily that but it's kind of those sorts of things. Yeah. Equivalence of like, oh people have been making decisions about your thing that you do. But not necessarily informing. Yeah, no, we never told you that, why would you know about your own thing? Whilst we dip our hands in the pot of the money you make and take a big chunk out. Absolutely. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But at the same time Zoe Sugg with Lucky Lucky Lucky, like we are, eternally.

But there's just some interesting things happening and it's kind of, it is the crux of Sefian Wing where we've spoken a lot from the bathtub to the, from the bathtub to the boardroom. We've spoken a lot about like the white men in suits, our whole podcasting lives and that doesn't go away even when you start to get closer to it if anything it just kind of amplifies it so I don't know. From the bathroom to the boardroom that was one of the first things we ever said. Good times. That was like our introduction to the internet. Self care. Self care from the bathroom to the boardroom. Out of the bathtub and into

the boardroom. Great quote. It's not my favourite but... Well it was just like... It was a bit strong. We came in strong to the internet. 2018. Yeah. 2019.

Yeah. Anyway. No we're in a really really great position like... This Giving Tuesday, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health is on a mission to make better mental health care for all a reality, and we've made incredible strides forward. Breaking down stigma, improving access to care, and pioneering research breakthroughs. But now is the time to aim even higher.

Together, we can create a world where no one is left behind. Donate at camh.ca from November 25th to December 3rd and your gift will be doubled for twice the impact. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessi Kirkshank and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture, but when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show.

I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Acast.com We truly are. I think that just has been a theme of the year which we kind of hadn't really because it almost like in a way we're so much better than ever. We are like for example I'm wearing you'll hear about this in the next episode I'm wearing a Matilda Jeff dressing gown. Spoiler alert. I got it for free from her revet last night after she stroked our arms and was very lovely to us. Oh god you're giving away all the details. I know it was beautiful. That is a position and I've got a Stanley Cup that I got for free next to me right now. It's really nice. And my friend Alice always says about us, well she doesn't really say this about you but she says it about me but it

also applies to you. Yeah it does. She says I am, what's the way around to say it asset rich cash poor I think it's really true and you're also um nouveau poor yeah no I am but that's my family wide that's so funny but yeah we so why am I sitting here with a Stanley cut but with like no money I just I don't know like we just want to do this in the best way that we can for you guys like for you guys I hope it's just like a really nice little part of your day when you choose to dip in or whatever we will be eternally grateful for that until our dying day. Totally. And just figuring out how we can best maintain that and not that it's going anywhere. No, no my god. It sounds like a serious all of a sudden. Jesus.

Oh I'd be nervous if I was listening. Jesus. I'd be like oh we're losing them. That would be absolutely devastating. On the start of podmas, day one of podmas, I think they're gonna quit. No, but I also think this is kind of... day one of podmas. Day one of podmas, is anyone else getting the feeling that this is about to die? I'm literally joking. Jesus Christ. That we couldn't be more keen on the pod. But I also think that's why we worry about this sort of stuff because we need it to be sustainable. That is the whole fucking thing. That is why it's a big concern. Yeah, it's a team effort this podcast. As in, I'm not talking about the team of us, I'm talking about Harry. Yeah, couldn't do it without you, Harry. Yeah, no, I couldn't and wouldn't. Or we did for a time, where were you, and it was terrible.

You were a bit late. Remember that when you weren't there and we were just talking into the void before you found us. But basically also, I really do, like this is kind of a big thing that I feel like we do say all the fucking time, but like I think especially when we talk about things like money, it becomes really like necessary to say there is nothing in the world I would rather do

than do that like I then speak to you like the fact that this gets to be like our job is the most insane thing in the entire world and like we have and do do it for free like it is literally it's not. When my dad talks about this he's literally my dad will literally be nearly into it when we talk about it like he actually cannot believe that I'm doing something like a bit fun for work. Like he literally couldn't be more happy about it and I do feel very like proud of us for doing it. Definitely. Because I feel like when we talk about money it's almost like there's this idea of oh it's for the money and it's like trust me. Oh god. I mean that's absurd. But like I do think it's just really worth being like

god we.. we truly do do this for the love of it. totally! i think the only thing that comes up with money is as well getting a little bit closer to the industry. i've seen some things about what.. i've seen what other people make for certain things. guys if.. i mean if you ever catch us on the street feel free to ask us these questions IRL because I'll spill the beans, I don't freaking care. People, it's ungodly, it's actually like unbelievable. It's sounds of money I've never, passing around, they're skipping us, they're skipping us, but they're passing around the industry. Yeah, they're right over our heads. And wow, wow, wow. Life changing amount. It's a lot of money and I know that, you know, I feel, I also think the thing that gets me with, like, you know, I feel I also think the thing that gets me with like, you know

I think our audience really worth something 100% like I really feel like this audience not a joke. This is not just your average I'm definitely not laughing like not to have no laugh. It's not funny. I'm not to be really up your asses But I do think there's like a very Sincere and in like intelligent Kind of mind behind the listener of goes Without Saying. I think there's something really very powerful and very valuable. And I think, yeah. We just also like want to do fun things for you guys. Anyway, is this day one? It's a weird, but you know. I think that's just it. I think Podmas is just in its essence strange.

Weird. It's almost strange. The next one you get is completely different, and then the next one you get is completely different. There's something unnerving about it. Something so unsettling about this Podmas thing. Yeah, it's an advent calendar of- Can't quite catch the rhythm.

Of horrors. And it's an hour after the podcast. But you never know which direction it's gonna go. No. But is that not the podcast? Yeah. I feel like that is the whole podcast. We truly never know where it's gonna go. Should we set some like, I know it's a bit early for New Year's resolutions, but almost like we can call them, you know, podmas intentions, whatever, for the new year of the pod. Because I think, big thing for me is I would love to feel a little bit like I always have to, believe it or not,

I have to really remind myself Jesus I mean you have to I feel like I have to remind myself that like I can speak on here I can say things if I don't agree or you know, if you don't agree, you know If Harry doesn't agree with me, that's not the end of the world and that's okay And I'm allowed to like come on a podcast and talk my shit. That's fine I can do that and just to feel quite free in that and I've actually been thinking to myself recently about like I very easily slip into the kind of crash PR brain of like what will people say like I'm very good at knowing. That is your go-to actually.

I assume the worst. I do think it's a skill that you have though like yeah you are good at perceiving threats before they happen in there which is great i know what the threat will be i know what the danger is when i speak it's good i go in blind it is good but then i also there was a recent time where then the one time i was like fuck it i want to be allowed to speak like let me be a bit silly let me be a bit goofy talk about somebody and you know two days later they die. So, alack, I'm trying to find the balance of like, you know. That was really rough. Rest in freaking peace.

Rest in peace. I am just trying to find the balance of like, I want to be allowed to be silly, and I want to be allowed, and I think I am pretty fair and reasonable as a person, and the listener might disagree, and and we just we let each other go we're just ships in the night off we go we never speak again and that's okay i just i just want to feel like that's my new year kind of resolution is like just feel more confident in the space i think i agree i actually think i agree kind of from a different angle i'm definitely not um pr brain like i don't know what you guys are thinking. It's not PR brain, it's disaster brain. It's how is how is everyone gonna hate me? But is that not the PR thing as well?

Like you're thinking about like how the reception of it will go wrong but you're fighting fires before they've even... Totally, but it's kind of it's just an anxious brain. It's like I'm doing that with everyone I meet. I'm doing that with like everything like I'm doing that every day sort of thing. It's it's kind of it fits nicely into like oh, yeah, like that's good for like social Well, there is a skill in it like yours is a skill It's something that does serve us in a certain way But oftentimes I'm perceiving threats that aren't there totally I want to get like a lot Yeah, I want to remind myself that I'm safe more I think for sure, you know, I think it's good to be

willing to be less like like I think I'm safe more, I think. For sure. You know? I think it's good to be willing to be less liked. Exactly. I think I'm trying to, on here, and I think it's something that I kind of want to continue, is speak more freely, rather than think that my point has to be right, or people have to agree with it. I think I am kind of okay at that. I think you are.

But I often, I kind of am in essence, but then, like in theory but then I actually really don't like it when it's like oh god I've upset someone or whatever but I think it is really important to be able like I'm trying to have conversations on here that reflect who I am like take the pressure off almost of like look you don't need to agree and like maybe I don't know just actually kind of say what I really think. Yep, it's true, because I agree with you that I think,

and that's how I would see you, and that's how I know you are and your essence is like, you have, you know, you're confident in your beliefs, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, but I do get the thing of like, it's all well and good in theory, but then in practice- Yeah, but it makes me feel bad about myself. It's difficult.

It makes me feel sad and stuff when it's like, oh, I've said something that like, people are then going to be like, oh well I don't know what Sefi said there, that doesn't feel nice. But I also think I still would rather say something that I believe and people go, oh I don't like that she said that. Or like, you know, it's within my sort of morals of being like, I think it's, say what's kind and things like that. I do think that's the point as well. I do really think it's important to be speaking as myself not as the version of myself

that I want to be received. Yes. Oh my god. Well otherwise what's the point? But it's so easy to slip into being like well I won't say that bit because that could get misconstrued it's like I actually just want to be a bit more like oh fuck it you probably won't like you misconstrued. It's like I actually just want to be a bit more like, oh fuck it, you probably won't like, you know, it's fine. It's Taylor's oldest time. I always say think I'm not speaking to people who are like determined to misunderstand me. No. And the more we treat the listener

as like somebody who's like normal. Yeah, yeah. Then the better this thing will be like, is that I trust you guys. Totally. Like you're not dumb and you're not weird. You can receive information and deal with it, you know, in a normal reasonable way. Yeah. Okay, they're nice. Let's catch back up next year and see how we feel about that. Yeah. Do you have

any goals that are like, is there anything, there's one thing that we would, this is like, I think this is doable. Okay. But there are no leads. What is it? For example I think this would be like a fun thing for us to have and like would be fun to like see you guys there blah blah blah. We think this year we could get a billboard. Oh that wasn't what I thought you were gonna say. I know I confused you with the ending but yeah you did. God you really keep me on the time. Also a live event. Yes a live event. That's what I thought you were saying. I think it would be really fun this year just as like a silly thing to have a billboard in London. I agree with you it wouldn't be silly to me I would

absolutely I mean my dad would be sobbing which is kind of always my goal. My dad would be like and? My dad would be sobbing. My dad actually wouldn't shop about it, I think. And what? Keep pushing. Or something like that. I think it would be amazing. I think it would be really cool. And I do agree with you.

There's someone at Spotify that can make that happen. Is it you, Harry? Probably not. Is it you, Harry? Because genuinely, who is in charge? So there's a rotating billboard. There's a rotating billboard of podcasts in Leicester Square. Every podcast under the sun has been on it other than us. So someone has the thing, someone can press a button here and make it us. Yes. Is it you Harry? Do you know Harry? Do you know who

could do it? Please send them our way. Or anything anything like that harry can do something for us. anything interesting any ideas you've got harry send them over genuinely please we do i think i'd like to have like fun things this year like that like like to speak to some more things yeah if you know anything if you want us there let us know we'll probably come oh my god 100 highlights of the year highlights of the year i don't know do you have a highlight was cambridge this year i was just about to say was Cambridge this year. That was last year. Yeah No, Cambridge was February or January this year That was crazy. It's all been downhill from there. Reading was a highlight reading was a big highlight, but I love meeting So that moment after Cambridge was a highlight that didn't go on for long enough

We got dragged away, but but like we did have to meet probably didn't go on for long enough we got dragged away but but like we did have to meet probably 20 minutes of like meeting everyone and so that was so fucking nice it's just the best thing in the world yeah that was a massive massive massive highlight of my life actually no actually actually legitimately yeah like nothing's being that that's crazy yeah and what would you say is your biggest lesson for this year? Oh my god, can you go first? I just thought, I wish I'd asked that. Can we say that for another purpose?

As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I was like, oh fuck it, where we go? Let me think. I think I'm still very much learning it, I'll say. I definitely don't have much clarity right now. I've been talking a lot about being really hard on myself and it just makes life really unpleasant and i just feel like i just um nobody hates me more than i do i'm very good at it and i'm always finding new and exciting ways to push myself. to push the limits of hate. honestly i really am um and i just don't want to live like that i think it's really just a shame and a waste

And I just don't want to live like that. I think it's really just a shame and a waste So I definitely want to make more of an effort with that next year, but in terms of lesson I'm not sure. It's a really really tough question This might be a bit of a somber lesson. Mm-hmm. I hope you appreciate it Harry where I'm going with this But I guess it is nobody's coming Harry vibes but I do think life can be quite isolating and I think no one else is in here and I'm touching my head no one else has access. You're touching your head with an Elizabeth Arden eight hour cream. No one else and for good reason has access to what's going on in here and you wouldn't want to but I think this year I've kind of you know

No one else is doing it like it's on me. I need to I'm the one ultimately this is down to me And I should absolutely like lean on everybody and have the best time and did it but also like I have to push I have to give the final word of like set the things into motion and like do you know what I mean? Allow myself to do things. Yeah. That's down to me like almost like when I die I'll look back and be like that whole life was down to you so how do you feel about that sort of thing? Do you know what I mean? I feel like I'm you know you come to the end of the year and you're like okay thoughts on that like yeah how did that go and there's no one not that it's been particularly bad but just there's no one more responsible

than me for this and so i think it's just a lesson in like being able to kind of just like take action for yourself yeah like invest in yourself i think is a bit of a lesson for me god that's a really nice one. It's nice, isn't it? I've never really thought about it before. This is all unformulated. This is just straight off the top of my head. But I think it is maybe there's something in like understanding or just trying to learn that I am worth investing in. This is all I've got for the time being. It's just me here and it's worth, like I am worth making an effort and looking after myself and doing all of these things.

Just kind of like we were saying in a previous episode of like, oh if somebody hurts my feelings, that's fine, that doesn't matter because my feelings don't matter. Oh perfect, then nothing's happened because I can just get over that. Or kind of like, oh you've already eaten, oh no I don't need to eat then, I won't sort of thing. Like those sorts of things where it's like, it's kind of the bare minimum of just kind of looking after yourself and considering yourself as a human who deserves like to be taken care of and to like you know those sorts of things. So I think that might be a lesson that I'm carrying into the new year. Yeah I like that. I think that sounds good.

Yeah I don't know I honestly don't know. It's just been a year of so many different bits. Definitely lessons of change. I feel like and like relaxing into something but also like deciding you want something and like pursuing it and then being like I'm gonna fucking go and do that and it will uproot my whole life

but I'm gonna do it. That and like trusting that has been huge and like essentially basically applying for a thing that I've, in a place that I've never been to, being like, can I even do it? Getting in, going to viewer's sits you've never been to, moving into a weird farmhouse where there's like hair tied to fucking plants, being like, okay, this is fucking weird.

Skulls in the kitchen, no big deal. Skulls in the kitchen, shit up the stairs, crazy shit. And then finally being like, oh, okay, now all of that work and decisions and all the stuff has paid off and I'm happy and comfortable and I feel like I'm in a good place. But weirdly has been God such a road to get here. Even though it's only the beginning of it, all I am and just all I am is just here Like I haven't accomplished anything. I haven't you know, but it feels quite nice to be like, okay I'm in a comfortable spot right now. It's very nice

It is it's very nice Especially when it's like you have to really persevere like there was a real moment of like in the early early days Yeah, it's like every single day is like oh god that was hard and tomorrow's gonna bring a lot of shit I know that much like do you know what I mean? yeah it was very much like okay there's you know it can be challenging yeah it wasn't very like smooth but yeah I think it was like obviously it's been a really depressing year for reasons previously discussed and I was like I need to do something

yeah to get out of this and I made a decision I've stuck with a decision now I'm living in the consequence of that decision and I think they were good decisions. I think it was a really needed decision definitely and I feel like really sure of that and that feels really nice but like I haven't felt that in a while yeah and it felt really intentional and right so I think it's a lesson in like trusting yourself and also like allowing time to pass as it will and like not rushing anything and being like okay so you're in March of whatever every month what's fucking hard of the year yeah and. And being like, but I'm making a decision so that September will be different.

Yes, will be new. And also like, okay, some days you're in March, some days you're in September, some days it's hard, some days things are different. And like living for the awareness that tomorrow might be a different day, tomorrow might be easier, I think is worth it. For sure.

Okay, Podmas is really weird so far. Podmas, god I hate it. I worth it. For sure. Okay, podmus is really weird so far. God I hate it. I love it. It's absolutely strange. Oh, podmus sets my teeth on it. You never know what you're gonna get. Podmus, you're freaking me out. Definitely feels weird. Does it? I'm not opposed. Okay cool. Merry podmus everybody. Merry podmus. I'd love to know. On Spotify I know you can do this, I would love for you to like leave a little comment about like your kind of thoughts on this year so far, how you're feeling at the end of it. Oh my god, I would love. I would love to know like what the year has looked like for you and what you're hoping for next year, might be nice. Also maybe like some Podmas, right, what do you want from Podmas would be great.

Like this is your chance, tell us what you want, or we're gonna keep doing this. this yeah it's more of the same slop we've given though we actually do have like some ideas but we would be nice to you know the usual podmas mark but the usual spread but I think let's see what you guys want stunning all right cool Cool, well, Mary Podmas and a Harry the year. Oh, I fucked up, sorry. Three, two, one, do it again. Mary Podmas and a Harry the year. Very cute. This Giving Tuesday, the Center for Addiction

and Mental Health is on a mission to make better mental health care for all a reality, and we've made incredible strides forward, breaking down stigma, improving access to care, and pioneering research breakthroughs. But now is the time to aim even higher. Together, we can create a world where no one is left behind. Donate at CAMH.ca from November 25th to December 3rd and your gift will be doubled for twice the impact. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

I'm Jessi Kirkshank and on my podcast Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture, but when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no.

That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jessie Cruokshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts.