Goes Without Saying - the OVERWHELMED GIRL starter pack: unhinged and it shows

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on the everyday frustrations and devastating realities of 2024, how to motivate change from anger, tangible ways to better your inner world, and the holy miracle that is Co-Op's £1 cookies. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily with Palaton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes? Take a quick Palaton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45 minute tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Palaton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push. Find your power. Palaton. Visit OnePalaton.ca It goes without saying, you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Ceci and Wing. I'm Ceci. And I'm Wing. And this episode has a little bit of a chaotic energy I think, it

goes in lots of different directions. We're talking about turning your frustration into a reset. We kind of go in a bit of a political direction, we're talking about turning your frustration into a reset. we kind of go in a bit of a political direction we're talking about sort of practical ways to get help and slash why the world is kind of fucked but it is sort of a funny episode I think. we talk about mental health we talk about therapy whilst we ask me. okay and enjoy. hey you've got us in a weird mood. hey I don't know how to unpack what we've just really been through but... have we been through anything that's the question. well I just mean the conversation has entailed. we've gone up and down. today's been one of those weird days. Like, it has just...

I don't even know. It's just got weirder, well just more irritating as it's gone on. We are both coming on our period, so... Tomorrow, slash today. Let me actually check my app. I didn't check. Mine says I'm, I think, one day late. Ooh. Well, mine, I've been said this the third time I'm gonna say this today, but...

Oh, I've still got two days apparently But I said earlier to sephi I my symptoms have crescendoed so high There's actually nowhere to go like I we can't go any further like we have boiled up. We are right up to boiling point There's no much more we can do Every symptom has reached its height surely now I come my in my period, but a lack. But no. Nothing. Nowhere to be seen. Zilch. It is kind of the worst thing, but that's nice when it's such a relief when it comes.

Can't wait. Yeah, I can't wait. I, big news guys, went to the Citizens Advice Bureau as discussed in the previous episode. Right at the end, if you haven't listened to it, won't get into it all now. Probably the most useless experience of my entire life. So if anyone does know anything about like property, law, anyone studying law or is a landlord themselves. I think there are going

to be some training lawyers here who specialize in renters rights. There might be one or two. If you are, make yourselves known. Don't be shy. and if you hear that and think what the hell is she talking about, go back to the last episode, listen to the me going on at the end, and if you have any solutions for me i would love to know because the 15th is coming up and that's when i have to pay rent to this crazy woman. if you know anything about the rights of a renter in the United Kingdom as and and I would like some sort of accreditation that I would like some sort of qualification there or like a little bit more than just like I have access to Google sort of thing. If you know your staff. We've done the general wing was great this morning she's been on Google for me she's been looking at all these bills.

Yeah but the bill hasn't been passed yet so it's still a bill, it's not an act which is really annoying but if anyone has any advice for me or help that knows what they're talking about that's my crucial thing like crucially that knows and can actually help I would love to talk to you because it's just so stressful and I just don't know what to do you're fine it will it's gonna work out but it's just bloody nacreoonian I kind of accepted like I'm not gonna get my deposit back and like all of this. I hope you do.

I hope I do but I don't even care. Obviously I would love it back but I don't even care about that. I just want this situation out of my life. I just want to move on. Out of your hair. I don't live there anymore. I just want this whole situation gone.

I don't want letters from this landlord. No. I just wanna be gone. I don't think she from this landlord. I just want to be gone. I don't think she's got it in her to send any letters to be honest. Can I use the word doofus? That's the word that comes to mind. Doofus woman. I know that's pretty rude. I'm not that scared she's gonna hear this. Okay, hi. Hi. She's fine. She's fine. Just the situation is so weird. Is that alright that I called her a doofus or do you want me to cut that? is so weird. is that alright that i called her a doofus or do you want me to cut that? yeah you call her a doofus. okay all right shall we get in then? yeah. okay so. if she could be called a doofus that's fine. it's not a word i ever really use but it is the one that comes to mind.

doofus is kind of um quite endearing i think. i think i'd quite like it if someone called me a doofus. you use often and i was gonna bring it up earlier, you use moron a lot. Moron, yeah. And you say that's moronic. Yeah, because sometimes there is no other word. Yeah, you do. And I said that earlier because I just said, I've just been passed around. I was on hold earlier to the parking permit, people.

That explains it. And I, yeah, literally today has just been a day and I said to Wengor, I've just been passed over from moron to moron to moron I cannot get away from these morons today. I feel like that's the experience of then turning on this podcast is like all right here we go moron to moron to moron yeah. But it's just exhausting I hate being on hold so much and I just hate um we all do but like kind of like classic like life admin stuff I feel I could particularly get stressed out by it. Especially when people feel like really really incompetent and unhelpful. I hate when I feel like I'm not being listened to. Well the thing that I didn't like earlier was they were like at the whatever it's called

the Citizens Advice Bureau. I mean it's already feeling stressful and claustrophobic in there get me out. But I just like had a with the woman in the waiting room essentially and she was like okay so you just need to go on the shelter website. So we went on the shelter website and then it was like chat room closed and she was like oh well I guess you just need to wait for the chat room to open again. It's like so that's completely useless then. I will say the shelter website was really good. It was really helpful.

It's a great thing, let's just open the chat room opens and i was it more just showed me like look i'm not someone that really really needs this service like i'm gonna have to pay 250 quid look that won't ruin my life like that is absolutely fine like i can deal with that. what i what it did really show me it's like jesus christ like say you have kids and stuff like this this system is imagine being in that waiting room and they're like just go in the chat room and it's like but the chat room's closed. Say you're 16 and you've got nowhere to live and you're homeless yeah you're fast. You've got nothing to do no. What's it will wait for it to open again it's like well how long will

that be I'm afraid I don't have access to that information it's like imagine what the hell do you do your kid needs to eat, you have just been kicked out, you're being abused separately. so i guess i'll go back into that shit situation then. i think that's what it's for really, primarily. yeah. it was pretty crazy. i think the whole world kind of functions purely to just keep people in shitty situations. yeah it was just like Yeah, it was just like, yeah, it was just like basically unhelpful. That was my main emotion just like, God, well that was extremely useless, which I guess is just frustrating. But like, it's not the end of the world. But also I would love some help from the legal gals out there.

Yeah, me too, because I know you're out there. I do. I genuinely know you're out there. I can feel the vibes. Like, if you know the name of a, of a right that I have that I can just like put in a text, I would be... Exactly. Just something that we can name. Or almost basically, Safi's got a lot of... I'm just really going into it. Safi's got a lot of differing... she's got a lot of evidence here. She's got a lot of things that have happened and I don't know what is best useful or like, I don't know what is most relevant in a legal sense. Like, there's a lot of things

that she's got to complain about but a lot of it is just like that's gonna be waived out of town. It's not technically it's not legally binding in anything do you know what I mean? So I'm looking for the legal... Totally. Well it's like you can say there are plaits of hair tied to plants and skulls everywhere. But that means nothing. And they'll go like yeah but there's no law against that. It's like yeah I know there's no law but like how do you describe this? Is it anti-social behaviour? But it does need to be like non-hazardous and habitable for human living. There's shit dragged up the stairs. What does that count for? So that counts. Or like there's people

screaming around the house at two in the morning and yeah and there's like addiction issues within the house. Like I don't know what I can actually name. You know what are my rights here to just end a tenancy. That's all I want. That's all I care about here. Yeah. All right. Just to literally walk away. Have the thing you've kept. Have everything I've paid to you so far. All I want to do is just walk away from this situation. That's all I'm begging. Bear in mind I've also the crucial thing found three new replacements which have all been rejected for no reason like I have been trying and trying and trying. Bloody hell. How's everyone else then? How's

everyone feeling? How's everyone going? I'm feeling that November slump. People are a bit not happy right now and rightly so. It does feel like a November slump. That's for sure. How are you feeling then with this? Generally how I'm feeling in my life is extremely, extremely overwhelmed. That's horrible. That is, because obviously I've just moved house.

Yeah. As previously discussed a few moments ago, not out of the first situation yet fully, but I moved house, that was just my priority of just I need to get out of here. In a new house now, really, really enjoying it, so different, so nice, but it feels like, so the first, my first bit here in Norwich, I was like really cementing myself like with new people, all of the stuff, and then because I moved, I'm in a completely new social group

now. I still have have the friends that I made from before reading week. But it's felt like sort of freshers all over again. Like I'm having to go to, like I'm pushing myself socially, which is really nice, but I'm absolutely exhausted. Yeah, it's a lot. That's how I'm feeling. Okay, yeah, well I feel that.

What about you? Yeah, feeling fine. Okay, yeah, well I feel that. What about you? Yeah, feeling fine. I feel like we just, yeah, we've just also had like an hour where we were like quite firing things off together. We really were. So, I'm just trying to, you know, give some context

and think about where the app is going from here. Well, go on. The last episode was about 1111 and we're talking about like what the hell were we talking about? We were talking about the November slump, all of the things that have got us to this point in the year and what we want to leave behind and where we want to go. So we asked on the story if you could reset one thing in your life and one thing only,

what would it be? And I feel like you've given very interesting responses. Definitely. I don't know what I would say. I think it's quite a good question, honestly. One area of your life to reset. So does that mean to erase and start from scratch? Or like I'm... because a lot of people said like money. It's like don't reset or you're going back to zero. Oh, is that what you think? Well, that would be like for a lot of people they're in debt so a reset would actually going to

zero is like a real... Would be quite nice. That would be nice like that's what I need to do. I need to go to zero. It's kind of like I'm delusional in the fact I think I'm not below zero I'm like you go back to zero it's like no just don't even ask about those student loans. Well not even loans but just actively like people are working from minuses in their life, me being one of them. So it's really like a reset is like, in terms of finances I found it really interesting actually looking through very briefly some of the messages people were saying like their relationship to money and also I saw something about a relationship to money in regards to relationships with men and having a kind of runaway fund

And how being financially free is obviously a feminist issue Which I do think is really It's really interesting and complex because I think Like we've just been discussing like like we've just touched on. The world is not set up for people to be living lavishly. The world is not set up for a lot of people to be living securely. A lot of people cannot, for example, afford to live in a home safely. That's a truth about the current state of the world.

It's a big issue. It's a really big issue. And so we can do the focus on the individual and on a micro sense and do the kind of like neoliberal idea of like I need to work on myself, I need to work on my relationship with money but also focusing on like our own like habits and our own like tendencies and beliefs and behaviours and all of this stuff will never and like tendencies and beliefs and behaviours and all of this stuff will never negate the fact that we live in a really unequal and stifling society. There are certain levels and degrees of oppression really that no amount of therapy will cure you from.

Definitely. And also as we just said, the labour government are only just trying to get a bill passed that says that you can leave a house within these things. we've been living under, i don't know, and i don't want to bring up trump that it's all gonna get a lot worse but there are certain laws, there are political things that keep you stuck. you have a government that does not have the same issues as you. Mm-hmm. And they don't care about your issues, so it doesn't exactly make it easy. Like we just were discussing how the system does not exactly...

It's fucking us. ...empathise or it doesn't necessarily prioritise people that are actually in need. I mean, it doesn't really prioritise anybody other than themselves and I do think like it's really important to do all of the focusing on ourselves as individuals and like make our day-to-day lives easier to bear and make it a more pleasurable experience in your own mind like make your life more livable but I do also think it's really important to recognise the ways that you can challenge how you've been like disenfranchised in your life in like a political sense for example getting your resources like knowing people who are like legally aware or like having access to um

a story where I'm really touching wood that some girls are going to come forward and be like I'm in my second year of law, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I'm focusing on housing rights and all this stuff. That is a huge privilege to have access to that. I'm really touching wood that it's one that we have access to, but I think it's like a priority in life, in the way that this person was saying about being

financially free and having a runaway fund and being secure enough in yourself that you are not feeling trapped anywhere. Yeah, and dependent. It's like really... Huge. Yeah, it's really huge. It's like very, it's very real. It's very actually important.

I'm just gonna turn the light on, sorry. For sure. And I also don't think you should beat yourself up if you're not in that position. Like I also think it's important and huge, but also like extremely rare to be in a position where you could financially support yourself when we know... I mean we know the climate. That is not something that I know many people. I don't know many people that would feel like oh I could just start from scratch. Either way, even if you do

feel like okay I've got this fund or I feel like I'm on a salary where I could do that it's still dependent on this thing your job like it is all everything feels um fragile to people I think like the people I speak to anyway I feel I think people feel like it's the only way that that could be taken at any moment and they need to work harder than they can and all of the stuff. So I don't think beat yourself up for not feeling that. Not at all. I think the question is how do we find a balance in enjoying our life when we know that everything is fucked? That's kind of where I'm at. It's like, how do we then, as individuals and as a social group, learn to progress and like, mobilise ourselves to live in a disgusting, in a place

that has been run, do you know what I mean? How do we- Into the ground. Honestly though. I mean, you're not coming Into the ground. Honestly though. I mean you're not coming to the right person to start this. Like the question is how do we cope with this? How do we cope? Do we just accept that this is normal? Oh thank god.

Do you know what I mean? It's not seeming very normal to me. It's a huge question. I don't know. Like, because I think the whole point of like, I don't know, I could come up with a load of fucking shit here but I actually don't want to. The truth is, I don't know and I think that's a problem that has been, people have been trying to get the answer for literally like generations and I don't think that, I've looked at the generations above and I don't think they came to it.

No. So I actually truly don't know the answer to that. A lot of people said as well that they would get rid of some of their core beliefs around who they are. They would reset their understanding of themselves or remove or erase, delete these concepts of who they are. And I feel like that was something I was saying

in the last episode was like, I've just been so cunty and not in a cute way. I've been really annoying and out of order to myself this year and I feel like I'm only just realizing I had some good habits internally and I've lost them over the past few months. Almost I'm thinking, oh shit, okay, I've got a bit, just being a dick to myself.

Being able to, do you remember the therapist thing of if you had a thing that would get rid of one thing that would solve one issue what would it be? I think silencing the inner critic is a huge one for a lot of people and it's like yeah there isn't a magic pill or like a big reset button but there are kind of incremental ways that we can work towards that reset. 100%. What would that be for you? Oh my god.

Well, definitely. Like, I... Because so many of these things are narratives. They're narratives that you have got attached to. They're essentially stories that you've told yourself. Like, yeah, we always say, morning person is one. Being like, oh, I'm a morning person. That is an identity which truly is nothing more than a story that you told yourself.

Just a turn of phrase. That is not, that is not, um, you're not, that's not something you are tied to in any way. Like that really is just a story that a set of beliefs have like allowed, a set of like behaviours have allowed you to view yourself, but view yourself like that. Sorry, I'm, I'm tired. Same, I feel like, sorry, I feel like we're talking big and neither of us can get our words out but we've because we've got so much fire today or like because we're kind of coming from so much frustration we want to speak about the anger but we can't articulate. Anyway, go on. On my call earlier with the parking permit

person I'd be on hold for ages and my first words were like, hi so I erm, what's the word? What's the word for? No no no not bought, not bought. I applied for a parking permit that's just been rejected. Could you please tell me why? Oh so they rejected it? They rejected it. I think it's being sorted but they just don't, you know, my tenancy agreement did not have enough proof in it because the landlord had spelled the wrong address. A different one.

Oh, fuck off. So don't worry about that, that's a whole other issue. But hopefully we'll be amended soon. But my, yeah, like my first word, I couldn't think of the word applied. And it's like, I was like, sorry, I can't quite think of the word applied. And it's like, sorry, I can't quite think of the word applied. That's the first thing you say, you absolute idiot. Yeah, what are the small ways that-

These things are all stories. And I know that it feels like if you have a story that you've been telling yourself for literally years and years and years, especially something that took its roots in early, maybe teenage years for example. I feel like that's a time when you start to move from not feeling anything about yourself, feeling quite neutral into feeling quite bad about yourself. Suddenly feeling quite strongly. Having a position, taking a position on yourself, of like I think I fit here, I think I'm one of these people.

Definitely taking a stand on something. I can see how I fit within this social world. The landscape of a school, for example, usually breeds some negative feelings about oneself. And I would say that- About oneself? Truly about oneself. I would say that there's definitely been points but I've thought that some of these stories have been like so true. Like there's not even a thing of like this is a story or anything, this is a true fact about myself, like being so fixed in it. And now I don't have those beliefs about myself which

leads me to believe that they were not true facts and were in fact stories, like sets of beliefs. And I genuinely through like therapy and also like building confidence in myself and like living a life and becoming no longer a teenager, but someone in their, everyone collective breath, late 20s. I have completely changed my mind and like gone back on some of those things so I feel like they feel really permanent like you can't change these things but I do think so many of my beliefs about myself like especially negative beliefs about myself have had a reset so I do think that is extremely possible, if not extremely likely as you get older if you put the effort in there. Like those things don't just go away. But like as you build up the patterns and like as my dad would say, act your way out

of a way of thinking and like build up, I'm someone that does this, I'm someone that does that, a new story does start to develop and I mean I've seen it happen. Mmhmm. I think I'm a bit too grumpy to respond. Oh no, why are you grumpy though? I know why. Because I'm just a bit annoyed, like. It's a grumpy day. What I was gonna say, I would just say it, don't reply. We're just gonna let it go. Don't reply? Well you could reply but I want to sense you, I want to silence you because I just always think if we start spiralling

on this we won't get out of it nicely. Okay, okay. It's not even a big deal but it's just really annoying to me that I know we know it and we say it often but just the idea that like you can try really hard and change your beliefs about yourself totally and you deserve to do that. So true. 100% goes without saying. And that's the core of what we believe in. It's the core of how I want people to feel when they listen to the pod. I want you to feel like you can feel better and you deserve to try. That's the crux. Totally. And that's true. That is true. You actually can. That is true. You really, really, really can. And you do deserve to try. but lil miss grouchy over

is feeling a little bit like... you can definitely try if that is accessible to you and so much of what makes it accessible to people is about things that are out of their control and i find that really fucking annoying and really sad. And I feel like you could easily find yourself listening to this podcast. And when we're talking so much about the things that affect our inner worlds and our like internal monologues and all of these things that make us, you know, we feel a certain way, it's really important to think about that the ways that we can work on that but also there's a huge element of like, we are living in a very real place that is very grim. Do you want to reply? I'd

rather you didn't. Yeah I do want to reply. I definitely want to reply. I've also got something else that I wanted to say that was much more positive so we can do that after. Don't let us go away from that. the positive stuff. okay you came right. got this weird tone today I'm sorry. would you like me to reply to that or would you like to do the other? no go on I don't want to censor you. there's no censoring like I just don't want anyone to feel completely hopeless. exactly that's I don't want to dwell on the negative. but also, there's some kind of flare in the sky. What the hell is going on? Oh my god, I almost need to show you this it looks like the comet in Game of Thrones like, you know Oh my god, the prince who was promised. I can't see I can't see it. Oh wait

I kind of can but your window pane is blocking it Oh my god, it's disappeared That was I have no idea what it was. I think someone just set a flair into the sky. Like, kind of Harry Potter. It's a bit, um, Titanic. Anyone alive out there? Can anybody hear me? Sorry that's just the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Sorry, the flair literally just just stopped me in my tracks. Oh yeah. Yeah, go on.

Um, well yeah, like, agreed. Like there are so many barriers to different kinds of people in this world, like it's absolutely horrific. Yeah, but you're gonna give us something to live for, so go on. Well... Go on, quick! Think of something. I don't know. Look, this doesn't apply to you unless you live in the UK, which is fucking gutting. Okay.

But the NHS is a resource that you have. Yes, use it. And yes, the waiting list is diabolical. You may as well get on it. We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily, with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes?

Take a quick Peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45 minute tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Peloton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit you need to become everything you want. Find your push, find your power. Peloton. Visit OnePeloton.ca. It is diabolical that waiting list, but it does exist. And being on a waiting list is better than not being on a waiting list. So true. Things that you do have within your

control. Therapy. Eleven sessions of NHS therapy, yeah, maybe not private, fucking amazing therapy. You should get 12. How many? You should get 12. I only got 11. That's not right. So I wonder what happened.

I had 11, but with like a call at the beginning, like an assessment. That's probably right then. There are 11 slash 12. It's also dependent on the thing, but you should always push for more. Yeah. Those sessions are available to you if you live in the UK and if you have time for it

and all of the shit, but that is a resource that you have and yeah, that only applies if you're in the UK and access to like medication, blah, blah, blah, blah. Only exists within the UK. I'm so sorry if you're not in the UK. But also like access to a room where you can sit on your own and talk freely to somebody. Maybe hang around after school and do it on your phone, ask the English teacher if you can use their room after or whatever and do the zoom from your phone or whatever. But it's so intricate the levels of access that people don't have that it is completely

but I also see people often create invisible barriers to that so I think it's really important to actually acknowledge whether those barriers are there for you if they are there for you yeah for example you don't have access to a quiet room the barriers are completely different then. But what I see often is people create barriers for themselves that are non-existent because really the barrier that is there is like their own fear for it. Well that's the thing I always say is there are a lot of things in your way, don't be the final boss. Literally. And I hear people often say that they can't afford therapy and I think people

say that often. Because it's a kind of worm starting therapy. Yeah, it's out of fear because in the UK, therapy, thank fucking god, literally praise the NHS, these 11, 12 whatever sessions are free, they just take a while to be on the list, all of the stuff, they might not be good but. All of the stuff. And they might not be perfect. They might not be good, but they're better than nothing. Yeah, but you can. They truly are. And also some of the best therapy I've ever had has been on the NHS.

I think it's being empowered of yourself as well to fight for what you want and what you need. Totally. And don't create the invisible barriers. If they're not there for you, be real about it and be like, I physically could do that. I could find a quiet room. I could get on the list. It's a phone call. You can do them on the phone. I've had them on. You don't need to be on Zoom. They can be on a phone. You can do it literally walking around the street. The barriers for that fall down quite quickly, I think, when you are on the list and- Yeah, I think certain people definitely create,

the barrier is they just don't really wanna do it right now, which is a whole other psychological issue in itself. Because I do think that's the common thing that we touch on often on the pod, is the idea that there are so many things happening to you in the world and also you hate yourself, and that is always the crux. Like yes, you're poor. But also you really don't like yourself. But I also think those

two things are obviously married together. Like for example, okay you're on the waiting list, okay you get therapy and your therapist doesn't understand why you might have some issues with misogyny because they're coming from a place where they can't understand that or race or class or whatever like these things are beyond you and they need to be recognised in order for you to feel better beyond just the things of you writing yourself out of narratives that you've told yourself about like yeah it's really good that you don't just want to tie yourself to being like a morning person anymore but also you need to be validated for who you are and we're not doing enough to validate the people who are disenfranchised in this world.

Yeah. Which suddenly is all I wanna talk about. No, it's so true. I was talking to someone that was autistic the other day and they were talking about the diagnosis process of that. Like, come on. Yeah, it's just sort of, I don't know, it's a whole thing so I don't know if I even really want to get into it but it kind of was reminding me of what you were

saying of like, the person that is supposed to be opening the barriers, like making things easier for you, is actually a hurdle within itself, like that is the thing. Going to the person that is supposed to help can't relate to you as a human being. You're saying exactly what's going on and they're hearing something completely different. So yeah, I think that's a whole other thing. Or even going to that room is a challenge within itself.

That doesn't feel like a task. That is realistic or doable. That's gonna be, yeah. For a lot of fucking people. And for the majority of people who actually need it, it's set up in an entirely wrong way. Very, very, very like, should we blow the world up sort of vibes.

Okay, I think your period is imminent. I think you're right. All right, let's do a different tone. I've got a text from Prezo, celebrate at Prezo with 50% off all your food. Oh my God's do a different tone. i've got a text from prezo. celebrate at prezo with 50% off all your food. oh my god that's really good. what? that's amazing. how'd you get my number? see the world is in bar. that is amazing. oh my god. let's go. let's end the world tomorrow. wait how did you guys get to me? a text? it's crazy. they text me directly.

celebrate at prezo. it's like guys read the the room i'm not calling for celebrations right now i have to opt out text stop should i text stop i'm gonna do it no no don't take stock why say meet you at seven at prezo i'll be there 50 of food fill in the form below to get your voucher is that a scam though no it's real it's from the prezo website in the form is that just send some money here yeah exactly to collect your free pizza well should should we get prezo soon then? i don't think i love it that much. well i don't definitely love it that much i don't remember the last time i went to a prezo but i would still go. me neither because if i'm gonna go to a prezo i'll go to a pizza express. yeah same but we're getting 50% off food so you may as well. yeah true. these times

are hard we may as well 50% i wouldn 50%? Which ruins it really fucking hard. Alright. Guys, I'm just a bit like... But that's fine. And also, like, what you're saying about the citizens advice stuff, it's just like... It just winds me up. I think it's fair enough, like... yeah. Yeah.

And I find it personally triggering. I find a lot of things personally triggering at the moment. Another thing that I found personally triggering was something you, it's not that you triggered me. And I need to remember to go back to the positive stuff I wanted to say. Let me quickly do it now. Right, is everyone keeping up?

The positive thing I wanted to say was, it's really important when thinking about the ways that you can feel better in yourself and the small incremental ways that you can help yourself start to change your beliefs about who you are, one of the things that i think is really powerful, more powerful probably than we like recognize or that we give, i think we just really underestimate the impact that the people who we surround ourselves with have on us. and i was going to say i often, and I've said this literally so many times actually so boring but I'll lean on you so much for example just yesterday we had a whole thing where we were

pitching to people for the pod to advertise on the pod and we made this thing to send out to brands and it was not we wing made it absolutely beautiful thanks so much and sephie sent a voice note like an hour later being like I just feel like all of these brands are gonna see this and then we're gonna have to end up saying no to people like what are we gonna do because everyone's gonna love it so much they're gonna work with us and in that moment when i heard that voice i was like this is why i keep you around because it's just absolute delusional like like just really and obviously in the 24 hours that have passed that has not come to be true. And then I'm like god I think we need to lower these prices. We do need to lower the prices but um quite bad if they listen to this episode to be like do we want to sponsor these girls it's like god it's absolutely awful. I don't think they're going to get this far through to be honest. No they're not. Um but yeah I often will say and I've said it literally thousands of times on the podcast, Sefi has like a certain confidence

about certain things that I don't. And I am sure have a certain confidence about certain things that Sefi doesn't. We overlap very nicely. It creates perfect harmony. We can lean on each other. We balance each other out in a way that it's like, if one person is anxious about something,

the other person will come in and maybe deluded and be like, no, no, no, we're amazing or whatever. So what? But we're always deluded when the other person is unnecessary. Needing some delusion. So I feel like we get to a neutral always. We're not very balanced in our own lives. No but we bring each other our balance.

We do because it's like we're either like absurdly confident like kind of maybe over egging it slightly like oh yeah we're gonna get 20k for this thing but we haven't earned a penny in months for 7 years. who do you think said that guys? or we're like filled with self-hatred like oh my god everything's fucked so I feel like we always are coming yeah to a good point together. the other person's got the right thing to say but and also like it just you remind me as well that like I have opportunity and like I'm worth trying things in my life. 100% No do you know what I mean like you keep me in my life thinking like okay maybe life is

fun and you can do things and whatever. Life is genuinely I do think life is fun like I hard to remember and I have not had much fun today. You found me on a day where I've been on hold and in a citizens advice bureau so it hasn't been that fun today. But you know what was fun? I had two chocolate cookies. You did. And that was fun. You did complain about it at the time though. Because I had a sugar rush. And I said God I really want that cookie and you said you don't. I do. it's like does anyone know these are actually this is a tip for the vegans the grow ones. co-op the grow brand GRO like the co-ops own vegan range the

cookies that are like Sainsbury's Bakery. we should send them the deck. it's too late now. why? nobody buy co-op GRO cookies just yet. although they literally do. yeah. literally do. like they are really good and I think they're something that when I walk past a co-op I think oh my god they're gonna have those grow bakery cookies. yeah. like I never really lived near a co-op and then now I like whenever I have lived near a couple I'm like, oh my god, they're gonna have them and how much is it for a bag of grow cookies? They're like one pound 30 or something. Jesus. They're cheap. They're so cheap. You get four of the big ones So I'm not talking like Maryland fucking chocolate chip cookies. No, no, they're bakery cookies

But they also do those the grow things What I'm talking about is you get four big cookies in a paper bag With a plastic this is prime sponsorship time by the way genuinely grow this is for free So like in my bleak day. Yes, and I'm not trying to do some like there's always a moment of happiness I'm actually physically not trying to do that. Okay, but But try as you might I do think- by god she's done it! by god! I think there is an inherent funness to things that when you put all of this shit

on top of it it obviously gets obscured and like the life is obviously so bleak at times but like my base level of this is niceness with my cookies and then it feels like on top of that being deserving of fun. There's being weird citizens advise people, being horrible and a weird fucking parking permit person that I started on the phone to. But like look, my cookies were there at the base level and that was good. That is good. I'm sure I had a second thing, didn't I?

I said I've got something positive and that was you. And then what was the other thing? Can't remember. So let that just go down the drain I guess. You said that something is personally triggering to you. Oh yeah. I was about to stop you because I think I know what it is and you have to be careful with it. I will I'll be so careful. But like so now cut back. Alright. That has to be gone. Okay, so I will say, right, it's two truths and a lie. Me and Sefi went to an event for the podcast. Me and Sefi met a young man. Me and Sefi, when we were speaking to this young man, he said lots of things that we thought were great and then the next time we saw him he'd gone back on

all of it and blah, blah, blah. How's that sounding? That's sounding unrecognizable. So unloving it. Okay, so basically the gist is speaking to somebody, they say all of these things like, oh, this is where I'm at, blah, blah, blah. You hear them out, you connect, you think,

God, okay, loving this, having great convo. I'm in. And then the next time you see them, you're like, how was that thing you were telling me about? They go, what? Huh? I never knew that. What? No. They plead ignorance to this whole thing that you got me invested in and I think why I find it personally triggering is I don't like, I'm recently, I've been saying about like people almost being um, I find it very scary to people, to be around people who don't have their wits about them.

I feel like as a child, as a woman, it's integral to my safety that I have my wits about me. And I don't mean this in like a, you can be silly and you can like go the wrong way, get lost on your way to work and all this stuff. That's nothing to me. That's hilarious. It's amazing. Whatever. Yeah. Otherwise we could never be friends. No, yeah, and same here. Like, I'm so dumb often, but I will have my wits about me in the sense that if I make a conviction about somebody- With your decisions.

I stand on my word. 100%. And if I decide that, for example, somebody has mistreated me, and I've shared that, and I've confided in you, and I've taken time, I've taken time out of your day to have you give me advice and all of this stuff. You won't catch me throwing that back in your face. And that is a really complex thing to say because there are so many situations where,

to be honest, my general crux is abuse is something very close to my heart. So I feel so much love and support for people who are in abusive situations. And at the same time, I find it really personally triggering to be around people who are not necessarily in abusive situations, but who throw around really big, difficult concepts as a means of connection. So for example, my boyfriend, this, this, this, this, and this. And then the next day it's like, Hey, do you wanna go to the park with me and my boyfriend?

Maybe no, because this means something to me. I hold this in great stead. This is really meaningful stuff to me, and you can't just throw it around like it's nothing. When you tell me you're going through something, I'm going to believe you. I will be in. I will be there for you,

and I find it really difficult if that wasn't sincere. I think it is sincere. I genuinely think it is sincere but I think the thing that's been jarring with that specific thing is how quickly the mind can change or how quickly they were manipulated basically into forgetting it and things like that, which you are kind of witnessing an abuse tactic that's so disguised, or it's very reminiscent of what I would deem an abusive relationship. But yeah, no it's really hard to watch. And also I think that's the stuff that's really difficult when you're hearing that when you're the person that's being confided in. I am god I mean you're absorbing it or you're pouring your heart into your advice and all of the stuff and it's like I am here and I am fully engaged and listening and all of the

stuff and then it's almost like when you next speak to someone and they've got their eyes glazed over and they're over and they're like kind of they're back in the sunken place and they're like Everything's fine. I think there's a big difference between it being sincere They were sincerely confiding within you and then they've since been manipulated or whatever but that I find like, okay I'm still in and I'm rooting for you the thing that I find less the thing that I think is totally separate is a concept of somebody being like, I think some people love, they almost use certain like tropes as like a means to create a drama that you can bond over.

A bit of drama? No. Yeah, they like think it's a bit fun and I'm like pulling out this big language or like these big examples of abuse is not drama and it's not fun for me. I actually really don't like it. I'm pretty upset. Do you think it's that, no yeah, hate. i think it's genuinely that they would not recognise that as abuse so they're not- in their mind they're not telling you a story about abuse. they're telling you this annoying story blah blah blah like oh my god it's so scandalous but they don't realise that it's like oh god like i'm taking that quite seriously actually. like that isn't

great. I think sometimes people judge things up and create a bit of a story around something that I think is really real. And it's the kind of thing that I would have as a kid that I would find really sad where, like, something funny would happen at school. I'd be like six years old or whatever,

and I'd come home and be like to my parents or like my nan, like, oh my god, guys, like this thing happened at school. Like, ha ha, isn't that hilarious? And they'd be like, no, that's actually really serious. Make sure you tell a teacher. And it's like, oh, fun suckers. school, ha ha, isn't that hilarious? And they'd be like, no, that's actually really serious, make sure you tell a teacher. And it's like, oh, fun suckers. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, no, it's fun, it's fun.

But I feel like now I live my life and sometimes people say things as if it's fun or funny. And I'm like, no, not to be a vibe killer, but it's actually really serious to me. And you can't throw this shit out there and then expect me to move on. Like, I'm invested now. And I hope you meant what you said, that's i think. yeah no completely. i think i struggle when people don't mean what

they say. yeah you know because i want there to be the room for the joke and all of these things like that is- and also there's so much room to not mean what you say and then be like so sorry i am so straight and whatever and all of this stuff it goes without saying but- i think yeah it's just tricky when it's like yeah I'd yeah, we can't really say that much, but it is just kind of tricky and weird. It's very tricky and very weird Well speaking of tricky and weird this episode's been very strange. Yeah. Oh God definitely didn't do what it said on the tin Well, I'll have to rewrite the tin. i think we might

need a rebrand of the tin. we'll have to rewrite the tin. because this definitely didn't feel like 11 11 energy. it's not 11 11. it's like definitely don't make a wish on that. this is.. yeah no. this is not um giving reset. it's kind of giving quite deep. it's kind of reset. it's what's that thing room 101 or whatever. it's like just- it's not 11 11. it's not 11 11. it's room 1. it's- it's throw the whole world away. it's like yeah the whole thing just needs a rewrite. it's almost like okay i didn't realise how big the reset we were undertaking was. it was kind of a systemic- you know when you start tidying up and it's like you throw all- you get all of your stuff out and it looks worse before it gets better. we've left it at the gets worse stage. we've chucked everything on top of

our bed and then gone i'm actually really tired i'll finish this tomorrow and then just got into bed underneath a load of shit. oh my god because also i know that that stays there for weeks and weeks as well. months. i had literally a bin bag full of clothes that i was gonna put on vintage for probably eight months And then they all went to the charity shop because I was like that's just not happening. Is it? That's the end of that. Okay, well, that's the essence of this. We're sending this to the trash I'm hoping what will happen is when we listen back like almost in the edit I'll be like, oh this does have a bit more of a three line. That's kind of what I'm hoping as well

That you'll be like, oh because I will definitely I'll definitely hang up, be like, right, bye. And then be like making my dinner being like, do you feel quite bad about that episode? It's not really what I want. We have to commit. We have to commit to it. I'm gonna, I'm gonna edit it literally right now because it's going up tomorrow. Just for context, we recorded this yesterday, if you're listening, when it came out. So hopefully we're feeling good about what just happened. I don't mean I don't feel bad,

but I just feel like what is the listener experience of this? Well, I also am having this thought recently with the listener that I wanna start treating the listener more like a actual intellectual being and not something that we have to spoon feed to. Like I almost think I trust you guys and I trust that you are like intelligent.

I don't think we do do that. I don't think we do much spoon feeding. Well, I don't think we necessarily bring anything cohesive But I just want to make sure that like we you know bring you what you deserve and trust that you can Take from it what you need. God definitely. I mean, I hope we've been doing that Okay, so this is where we start balancing each other out Do you see what I mean? Because I am always just like I fucking hope hope we're not spoon feeding because it's like yeah I'm not doing... Well I just want to put the respect on the listener of like... I just want to give you guys more respect of like you can go you can go through something up and down with us and you can

you can still draw conclusions from it and find value in it. Totally. I mean Harry I think you'd be doing that. I think that is what this is. You should go without saying it's a me issue. that's the feedback i think we get from this that it feels like um i think it's like a nuanced thing i hope. like i don't i don't think we come with a clean cut through line ever anyway. like i don't think it's um very commercial in a way. which has put that on the deck for the past 20 years but I do think we yeah look I think we're already doing that okay yeah I would always like to up that. Glad you think so. I think there's a lot of respect for Harry here. There's so much

respect there's there's so much respect and so much love really but I just want to yeah almost like done so much love really but I just want to yeah almost like the idea of what oh fuck off Erin all right let's go okay if you don't hear from us dreadful episodes go over dreadful days. I actually just can't even be bothered to keep going with that it's like just end that there that's so I'm about to go nuts. I have enjoyed it though. Same it's not bad also this is like you is just always, the kaleidoscope's always shifting. We're always showing Seven Wing in a new lens. We're always slightly moving the lens slightly across. You're getting us slightly to the left today,

slightly to the right. We're always shifting and changing. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. That's a good way of putting it. Do you know what I mean? There's always something new with us. There's always just a new angle. I like that.

You haven't seen us like this maybe before and now you have. So they definitely have. No they have. Yeah they have but they didn't like it. There's like one in one in five. No it's not one in five it's like one in twenty. Is it one in twenty five? Yeah. Maybe more. That's not bad. That's not a bad success rate I think. Let's not say this was a dud. I just think it's very specific. It's only 5% terrible. Alright, okay I'm actually gonna stop. Cool. Okay. If you don't hear from us, assume the worst. We're talking about turning frustration into a recess. We've answered your questions. To a recess? What did I say? I think you said a recess. Definitely did not. Did he say diagonally? I did not say recess. Okay, sorry.

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