Goes Without Saying - the 'self-improvement' cycle: That Girled too close to the sun

Episode Date: April 3, 2022

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ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Goes Without Saying. You're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. Hey, welcome back. I'm Wing. I'm Sefi. This is season three, I guess. Yeah, season three. We were saying earlier we're in our Prisoner of Azkaban phase right now. We were stuck in Chamber of Secrets, but it did feel like we were in the Chamber of Secrets.

And I was going, get me out of this fucking chamber. But now we're going to watch Scabbers turn into peter pettigrew before our very eyes we're gonna fly off on a hippogriff i can't wait stunning freeze frame at the end freeze frame the ugliest freeze frame ever it's so weird this is a weird episode from us definitely but i feel like look we've had a month it's just a real dump of shit to be honest in the best way very casual chat you're in the mood to just listen just chat with your friends chill out it's all good casual vibes fun just something fun for the summertime for the girlies so fun and we have i'm sure you can

already see but we have a whole new look which oh new saying? New look designed by Wing herself. Jump on it. Beyond stunning. Yeah. So I hope you're as in love with it as we are. Yeah, we are in love. Jump on in the car, guys. Get in. We're going to Burger King drive-thru. Do you want anything?

So enjoy. Wow, okay. Wow. Okay, we're back. How bizarre. God knows what we were talking about in the last episode. Honestly, all those years ago, it feels like. All those eras ago. It's weird, isn't it?

Yeah, it's so weird. It's so weird. I honestly got about two days into the break and I was like, fuck, I've got so much to say. I've got so much to tell the pod. It was weird. I feel like I was torn between literally maxing relaxing and being so

desperate just to speak i like do you do i think everyone does this anyway but we're like you kind of pretend you're vlogging like where you walk around the house like so i'm just making a little kale salad so this is going in i found myself doing that a bit more i literally said to sephie to like a week in probably i was like i I am so tempted to fucking record voice notes. Like, hi guys, I'm in the back of a car. This is just what I'm doing, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then just upload it as a random thing on the podcast. Because it just felt so like, what's going on?

I just, I hate feeling really far from everyone. It felt really, felt weird, didn't it? Because it's funny, because I feel like we don't say anything worthwhile on this podcast but then suddenly when you're not saying anything at all it's like shit i suddenly have things to say i forgot i was a genius i've been thinking i was an idiot this whole time turns out i was just overexposed to myself mine was just life updates do you know what i mean completely i think it was weird to go through the switch of feeling like you have nothing to say but you've got to speak often to feeling like you've got loads to say but no opportunity to say it i just wanted to catch up with everyone just be like guys

how's your march which we could have done on the instagram i couldn't personally because my march was bad bad i'm joking it was great but there was a death in the family. Two deaths. Anyway, let's not go there. Oh God. Anyway. What a bad break it was. Just to actually get in there. It wasn't the break of all breaks, was it? Wasn't city break? No, but I honestly, I feel amazing now, I have to say. Do you? I feel like I've run a marathon or something.

Do you know what I mean? Like, I feel like I've been... You've been through it. I've been through something. There was just a lot going on. I had like a, not like a hashtag busy month, but I had like a busy month in a nice way in the end. New look.

New look. The shop, the high street chain, new look. What are your thoughts? New look, question mark. I i mean so wing has been i think that is busy like i've been busy busy i think that is the most stunning way to be busy yeah but the bulk of this was happening just for context guys this the concept for the new look hashtag new look was happening in like oct. I was... Sketching. Trying to, yeah, trying to bring this to life. And it wasn't right.

The times wasn't right. The vibes wasn't right. Everything was not right, as usual, in my head. And then, look, the moment came. And now here we are. And the moment has arrived. Everyone, what do you think? We're in a little

car with you um so yeah what about you how was your time atrocious literally atrocious in every way any findings i keep saying i want you to report your findings show your workings my my main finding which is a finding i've had for many years but it has been confirmed that just there is always going to be something stressful going on like there always is yeah you can't control it all you can do is just relax amongst the chaos like if you're waiting for this perfect time when oh my god you've got a break it's going to be completely like this is my time to thrive maybe your mom might break her leg maybe that might happen and you'll have to go and look after her and all the

shit maybe that might happen there'll never be a clean part of your life where it's like okay now is your time you've got a month of time to dedicate to yourself you might not get that like that that that's never coming so you might as well learn to take time for yourself to learn all of the shit with chaos going on around you that's my main finding i we had a bit of a conversation well like we had many conversations but we had a conversation didn't we where i was like i feel like the idea of what this break needs to be for you is actually making the break worse because it's putting a certain amount of pressure on something and this is kind of why i was like i think this is a good topic to bring us into the new season new era and the flop era with a new conversation because i

feel like sometimes i don't know there's definitely an idea around like self-care and like healthy habits and like um personal development and like i'm growing i'm learning and blah blah you're supposed to be evolving all the time that i feel like sometimes it means that we impose these rules or ideas onto ourselves that end up being really hard to live up to and then when you don't meet those expectations so for example oh my god i'm just i'm gonna be evolving i'm gonna be thriving i'm going to eat eat i'm going to drink two liters of water a day let's have he's drinking boiled water anyway i'm gonna drink two liters of water a day i'm gonna um i'm gonna read every day i'm gonna do this every day and blah blah and you set

yourself up for failure that ends up making you feel worse than you did before you came up with all of these ideas of things that would make you feel better it's like you're trying to come up with ways that will improve you but sometimes that in itself can be the thing that you're using that to make yourself feel like shit it just creates the space between yourself and your dream self it just makes that slightly bigger oh i'm gonna use my time to um i don't know something i'm going to dance every day when you don't dance it's like oh i didn't dance every day but it's like actually it was never about dancing every day it's never about that it's about self-acceptance yeah and that's the only thing it's like self-improvement

yeah okay whatever but self-acceptance that's where it's at that's where it's at but that's the only sustainable mission surely yeah because also what are you striving for somebody else's idea of improvement no thank you no thank you or your insecure your insecure self's idea of improvement no thanks don't trust that bitch how do you think this month has been in terms of your self-acceptance um a mixed bag a mixed bag it's hard isn't it i feel like some i feel like coming we're gonna be extra erratic i think in this episode because i think coming every week is i've only got seven days really worth of like shit to unload on you whereas a month is like a lot has happened now there's a lot exactly so oh wait we're backlogging it now it's like okay

well do i need to go to week one my week one shit was this exactly yeah it's like here's what you missed on glee yeah yeah this looks like okay so week week two self had learned this but about week three she'd forgotten it exactly yeah it's like i don't know what my lessons are yeah i wish i had a neat little nugget of like oh so this was my lesson i was gonna say there's one takeaway oh you want the nugget yeah okay i always want the nuggets six piece nuggets even even 20 nugget box have you had the burger king nuggets um i've never had a chicken nugget the vegan nuggets oh are they vegan chicken nuggets i saw a poster for those um no i haven't

have you it's a poster what would else it be a revision poster it's not like i just saw it i saw the poster like someone's putting up posters it's like you have a poster hanging in your bedroom of the Burger King nuggets I saw a drawing of those nuggets um and I did see a poster have you had them they they have a bit of a yeah they're I don't know they're not fun they're nice I think I'm not here to turn down any vegan option ever okay but they're not good I'm getting but I'm here for your nuggets anyway oh okay right let me just quickly whip them up or just one thing that you would like to bring into at least just the new season of the podcast my new thing that i'm bringing i guess is self-acceptance and just acceptance of this i am just coming with super relaxed chillaxed energy which is not translating because i feel more manic than ever i think we're both shaking actually both quite shaken up covered in sweat it's horrific i think it's just is it's it can no longer be a space for perfectionism it has to be

a space for mess it has to be when i'm editing oh a cough was there that has to be gone that's embarrassing yeah it has to just be let it be let it be mother mary comes to me wow okay right not the lyrics as well what's your nugget okay i'm really looking forward to the season then that sounds great thank you thank you so much what's your little nug nug nug um I agree just self-acceptance I just feel quite at peace with who I am for once in my life for a fleeting moment I just feel quite at peace and I don't know there there are some good things going it's just been nice it's just I have had a nice time I also I was in Dublin at the beginning of the month and I really felt the presence of the Irish listener with it the power of Christ compelled me um I really felt I don't know

and we went to Manchester and we met some of you who listen um i'm so dumb i was literally like when did you go to manchester it's like oh i was there what a dumb boy with you oh my god maybe we should tell a little story from that i feel like maybe we should tell the story of like the train both ways what a journey oh wait the train on the way back is a good story i think both are great on the way there we were nearly puking we had sick bags next to us we were sicky so you might have seen on the instagram if anyone has what's it is it a metaphobia or something um yeah a metaphobia my friend has a metaphobia yeah is that how you say it yeah I think so unless she's saying it wrong um we were so basically we were invited the most stunning thing we were living our um

best lives we're literally invited to speak at this event thing and we're literally like this is fucking perfect how fun we thought we were glamorous gals for a second little did we know we got on the train we had to get the sick bags out we thought we were gonna puke so bad just we got travel sick which is so weird i've never been travel sick in my life i have been many many a time you took my travel sickness virginity with my travel sickness virginity which is just a social construct but it was taken by you that day maybe i just pressured you into to be honest because i am quite the travel sicker or like many a minibus in my childhood have i been sick on i used to wear those little bands oh god really you you actually you would actually be sick well i would yeah yeah i've been sick on one before

whoa oh my god it would literally be like poppy's been sick no i would always be sick when someone else was sick if someone else was sick oh it would be seconds it would be goddamn seconds seconds oh oh i thought you meant you're going in for seconds it would be seconds until I would be no seconds later it would be the thing um I remember the day like my final day of primary school I was like all of my final like school trip of primary school I remember being like I'm never gonna get on a minibus again like this is my final day of a minibus little did I know secondary school minibus times even uni I had to do a minibus a few times bloody hell i remember you talking about that uni minibus on the minibus at uni someone was eating spaghetti this girl sat next

to me and opened a tupperware of spaghetti bolognese that's crazy that i remember that story from when you first told it like two years ago but it was like real me loser like terrified couldn't speak to anyone i was like okay i'm the loser with no one next to me on the bus girl gets next to me oh hey we're going down this rickety little road coming back from virginia wolf's house fun day um rickety like a little rickety bus girl next to me spaghetti bolognese spilling it all over the place because it's so ricksy didn't someone faint as well oh my god i forgot about that yeah because they weren't feeding us you're a real gossip you really came back from that trip with so much goss that girl fainted i forgot about that but it was a real like her knees buckled hit the day in virginia wolf's bedroom pacificus totalus yeah it was honestly that she just went

down oh my god um way back from manchester fill us in came back from manchester it was i would say um horrifying we missed our horrifying site our first train was cancelled so we thought okay perfect let's go to nando's as we did stunning we thought perfect we shoveled our chips down we just literally rushed it really i didn't get i honestly i probably had like four i had my spicy rice in four four spoons i had to get a little takeaway box because i was taking too much time which is funny because we also had takeaway ramen on us from earlier in the day so we were just collecting little tupperware boxes of food all day that's what's ridiculous as well we show up at the conference we're like okay we're professional girls we're like hey actually can we put our two take takeaway ramens in your fridge

it's like that's embarrassing that ramen was good it was great i had it the next day for lunch did you it was so good because i had like a whole portion left it was so good yeah and what oh yeah we were on the train on our way back we were like okay perfect we're gonna get seats boy were we deluded we sat down on these little seats then it started packing up packing up we're like oh god this is getting a full train but we hadn't reserved seats and so we were in someone else's seats technically if you're abiding by those laws of the land which i don't know jokes we had to sephi at one point was was shouting they can't charge us all because basically what had become apparent

they can't find all of us i'm like who who are you with right now i was starting a mutiny come on guys if we all do it then they can't do anything what had become apparent was that they had overbooked the train uh-huh because the previous one had been cancelled because of the one before this is exciting isn't it everyone's on the edge of their seats so exciting tell us tell us they'd overbooked the train it was beyond capacity yeah so everyone was sitting in seats at one point there was a mother and her baby and she said i just had a child please let me sit and it was like okay this is getting quite serious now it was honestly titanic vibes so we stood up because we're nice we're nice people yeah we were like okay let's just try our luck in first class crazy we're getting crazy now well i seffy said let's go in first class she was saying let's go to first class they can't charge all of us and i was saying look i'm happy to like sit

on the floor in like the little hallway and i agreed wholeheartedly so we're not technically sat in first class but i just needed to get out of would you call it like a galley way in between the would you call it like a galley i would call it handmaid's tale like it was everyone stood in that aisle being like let me sit it was it was every man for himself oh it was crazy so we just needed to get out of it basically because i agree more than happy to sit pretty much in a bin if i have to as in like you couldn't walk down the train because there was like 30 people in front of you trying to come the opposite way it basically everyone was glued to the to where they're standing it was horrific people's luggage

falling out it was quite mental so we were just like it's falling now that was crazy that was sirens people vomiting oh it's horrible it was horrible a woman was giving birth i was carrying two pots of ramen and nandos and like about a million goodie bags will smith turned up it was a whole thing it was a whole fucking thing he punched someone and then we were like okay let's go to first class we're just gonna fucking do this on our way to first class we were legging it legging it legging it pushing past pregnant women joking we were of course we were no we weren't i was shoving my ramen up my stomach saying please i need someone to sit literally and we managed on our way there there was quite a kerfuffle because

over the little intercom we get a message we have decided to declassify the train what does this mean we wonder what does it mean first class is now declassified people ned's declassified school survival guide the man behind us said that means we can sit in first class running running and that was all we needed we took that as our signal we ran for nails we started legging it we started running but so did the whole train we got there we got the perfect seats i remember saying at one point i just wish everyone move a bit faster it's so embarrassing it's crazy so crazy because we couldn't basically i think we were scared that we we couldn't be sick again but standing up it's like it was horrible enough being sick sitting down i couldn't go through no sickening by a bit no although it would be would come in handy

we weren't actually sick by the way i should say no but it did come close you had to run to the loo at one point yeah because i needed a wee oh i thought you were like running to the running to the thing oh my god oh my god no but we were saying i've been telling everyone like wing even had to go to the loo oh my god no i just needed to wee but then we were saying sephie had a little coffee cup and i was saying i was gonna be sick and I was saying cup give me the cup lovely lovely reference cup give me the cup that is Professor Trelawney

if anyone is confused so that was about it really we managed to get a little seat it was actually the perfect seat it was it was I've never even seen one of these before never seen a seat quite like it

it was a seat then a table then a seat yeah but it was not two seats and a table and two seats it was a seat then a table then a seat yeah but it was not two seats and a table and two seats was a seat table seats perfect it was all to ourselves just the two of us just how i like it but i was just eavesdropping you fell asleep i think because i was eavesdropping to hell

oh yeah well you put your head down and i thought look i've got no choice now but just to sleep i guess because i was just looking at the back of your head the whole time. But I wasn't sleeping. I was listening. Let me put my head down. But I had my contacts in so I couldn't sleep. Oh, horrible. Horrible.

But that's our break. Anyway. That was our trip. But that was so riveting. Everyone's so glad we're back. That was our trip to Manchester, which it was absolutely amazing. But the journeys weren't the best journeys of my life. No.

But they were fun. But they was really fun. And I loved being train sick, not train sick, travel sick with you. It was fun. Me too. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature.

I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson.

And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Okay, so I wanted to ask you what we asked everyone on the stories,

which as always, before we record these episodes, we ask on our Instagram stories for how you guys are feeling about a certain topic. And we talk about that in the episode. This week, in this episode, we're talking about... I mean, we're apparently talking about being sick on the train to Manchester. But we asked on the story,

when do you feel most yourself? Is it when you're telling yourself you're going to drink two liters of water every day and blah, blah, blah? Or is it another time, for example? And I wanted to ask you, my dear Sefi, you're're gonna struggle to answer this when do you feel most yourself i love putting you on the spot oh it's so tricky i literally i didn't even like when i saw it on the story for some reason it didn't occur to me that i would be asked that so i haven't thought of anything

but i think what comes to mind my instant is when i'm surrounded by like animals that i love not people animals i love like and also people love love my friends love my family yeah we know god boring but they are the afterthought to the animals they are definitely not as important to me as cows and dogs but like the idea of i feel very very very myself if i've got a cat in my arms nice like if i'm holding if i'm spending time with a little animal that i love god you can't top that that's like that feels like every time it's like yep you're in the right place yeah like i've just stroked a cow's back weird little massage for the cow and it's exactly where you need to be and i just thought that's the perfect thing i could do right now that was exactly exactly

what i'm supposed to do fucking weird as shit sorry about that okay when do you feel least yourself then least yeah when i'm in a group of people that i fucking hate oh my god cows i like people not so much joking i i think it's when i'm doing anything i don't like for example what would come to mind is like it's not even about the people but like doing an activity that i don't want to do like if we're going for i don't even know just in a conversation that is against what i believe an activity like bowling no i'm well up for bowling down in one strike can you give me an example what's it called when you get a half what's it called or like yeah yeah or is it like in two goes yeah yeah oh i know this from we sports it's like some it's

like turkey something yeah that's what i see oh come on i don't know a spare is it called a spare a strike and a spare yeah maybe it is a spare i think so spare yeah yeah i got i got a spare it's flashing up on the screen now see it to me now lizzie you only got a spare i got a strike you can see it now so but that's when you feel yourself but when what are the activities or people like what's the vibe opposite to being with a cow basically i think it's if i'm in a if i'm being forced into a situation which i often feel in life where you're just going along with something but you can feel that it like goes against what you're supposed to be doing like you're doing something to like appease someone and it feels kind of wrong but i don't know what i mean by that no no i think that makes sense i think that

makes perfect sense i think that's it i also feel myself in a fucking cinema like if i'm doing something fun anything yeah i think that when i feel not myself is when i'm doing something fun, anything. Yeah. I think when I feel not myself is when I'm doing something that I literally just don't enjoy. And that often comes with being around people that I don't think are right for me. So that's actually funny because a lot of people responded saying really similar things.

A lot of people were saying that they feel most themselves when they're alone. Yeah. And there were different answers. When I'm alone, I'm listening to music or when I'm alone, I'm cooking or when I'm alone and I there were different answers like when i'm alone i'm listening to music or when i'm alone i'm cooking or when i'm alone and i'm whatever blah blah blah but a lot of people saying like when i'm on my own yeah which a lot of people said when they're with their friends and etc but i think it is interesting because when you're on

your own you're taking away the external pressure of like living up to somebody else's idea of you you can't assimilate to anything. Yeah. Which I think, I think it's funny that that came out of my mouth because I'm not an assimilator really. Like I really don't adopt anyone else's. I don't think you know how. I think that goes against your being. Yeah.

No, I can't. I just, yeah, literally anytime that I've tried to be, maybe I could be like that kind of person. It's coming off stiff. It's coming off a bit wrong no but not even you're i'm not saying you're bad at trying to emulate people i'm saying you're good at being yourself i think it's a positive

yeah i think it's positive i just i don't know how to to copy someone yeah so i i don't think it's because i'm assimilating that i would like to be alone yeah but someone said which i is literally this that they said they feel most themselves when they're in bed in a baggy top with no makeup to be honest they said i love that which i just think is that kind of encompasses that feeling of like oh that sounds amazing i just want to snuggle up next to you like let's throw animal crossing in the mix let's throw fucking stardew valley that i'm obsessed with in the mix like let's fucking yeah like in a baggy top no makeup in bed it's like yeah like that sounds fucking great like i think i would feel really myself like when i feel clean and like in my space my room is tidy maybe 100 oh my god i just yeah i think that feels fucking great what about you like when do you think you

feel most yourself i don't think i feel most myself when i'm like in bed t-shirt whatever i completely get that that i completely i get why it should but i think i've been that is associated with being upset feeling shit yeah yeah which probably is really like myself maybe that is my truest form um but i i feel like i feel most myself like for example at the event in manchester wow i love that that's when i feel most myself i feel most like impostery then well i do feel imposter i feel like fucking hell how have we got away with this but i also feel like because i know how we got away with this because we have things to say like i don't know i i think i think this is why i feel most myself like when i'm dressed because i'm like

yeah look at me go i'm fucking dressed wow love that i don't know though love it no that makes perfect sense also it's like yeah if you can view yourself as the version like the truest itself is the favorite self it's like yeah fuck that of course it should be yeah i well i feel like you know why i'm saying this is because i feel like my the self that maybe like has the aesthetics of being more authentic or more casual or more informal or more stripped back or whatever are you me in bed out of the shower whatever that to me is when i know i'm not my best yeah i'm not like i'm not my best like i'm not dressed up looking good i mean like when i'm not my best mentally which i just refuse to believe that that's the truest me even though i do think I love I love deep sad I love it all like I love emotions I love being when we get cozy though when we watch a little movie in our pajamas 100%

but but then I'm feeling most myself because I'm with you or when because I'm with my friend or with people that I love yeah but like if I'm in bed watching animal watching animal crossing well to be honest I probably am watching someone play animal crossing on twitch yeah and i'm playing animal crossing alongside them and i'm like whatever we'll just like in bed like in the t-shirt no makeup reading whatever i don't necessarily feel most myself because i don't know maybe i have to investigate that more i don't think you do it literally makes perfect sense okay i think it's really nice to view the truest self as the self that has done their hair has picked out an outfit has done their makeup because i almost feel like because i have such um sort of patriarchal

shame around putting on makeup or like yeah all of this stuff around femininity it almost feels like the more i do to conform with things even if i do view that as my truest style it is taking away from my true essence which is the pure clean yeah just in a t-shirt vibe i think that's it is that i think my truest self is a slut i think my truest self is like stunning hot slut like hot mess like drug like do you know what i mean i think i think that's a big part of my identity but is that a slut yeah just as like a fun like i don't know i love the feminine vibes well i love i love it i thank i praise god that i love the feminine vibes i see it for you i see it for me too well i see it in it's just like yeah of course yeah it's like the getting

dressed up and being like yeah i, I look great. Yeah. Of course, that is just as true as the self that is playing Animal Crossing, whatever. Yeah. It's, yeah, they're both true. It's just which one do you identify with more, I guess. But I almost feel like when I'm, sorry, I'm really dragging it. Forget it. Forget it.

No, no, forget it. No, go in. Well, I was going was gonna say when i'm when i'm in that animal crossing state i feel like i'm covering up the troop i feel like i'm pushing away the true part of myself oh wow to sit in that space i don't know that's so interesting i'm i'm just trying to this just not at all i hope no one's trying to understand what i'm saying no that literally makes perfect sense i'm saying no i think it makes literally makes perfect sense i mean it makes i think it's a perfect point your standards must be very low can i ask you a question has there ever been like a habit or like a something a self-improvement

sort of thing that you've tried to set yourself up for that hasn't stuck or that just doesn't sit right with you or that you feel like actually doesn't necessarily align with you yeah a few definitely like what comes to mind instantly is just like every diet i've ever tried in my life which throughout school i was obsessed with just like there's this new diet you don't eat any food and you just don't eat and it's perfect it clears your skin and you look great um just like crazy shit so i just think every single thing apart from veganism but i very much like that was in no way well i don't know but it was really like i viewed it as a real lifestyle change yeah whereas i think dieting is like if i do this for six weeks then i'll be able to look amazing at this event yeah rather than i am doing this

for the rest of my life because i saw a cow get dropped into boiling water but like it's a lifestyle change that worked for you for the bet for the better completely completely although i am craving eggs i have to say so much it's so weird isn't it never craved anything in the nine years the other day when i was drunk i said to my boyfriend i wanted him to order me a lamb kebab i really wanted lamb shish yeah did you get it but i didn't obviously get it no i knew you didn't because you would have told me imagine oh my god did i tell you about the ice cream no this was on the break too oh my goodness oh my goodness this was crazy no no because i was at home which i live in a real little town at home like i live in london and a real little town

market town um and i went back and i went for dinner with my two friends we it was like this it's a real shitty little pub that we've been to our whole lives like it's a real like food pub no it said on the menu this thing this pudding is vegan you should sue huh i know where this is going you should say i couldn't sue it they i've been there my whole life it's a real close to my heart place they've got like 200 quid to their name kind of thing so it's not gonna work you couldn't do that to them yeah okay fair enough i'm gonna sue this place. Could not sue this place. And they, it's actually ridiculous. I went up to the little things you order at the thing and I said, can I get the peach

tartan? Peach tartan. I don't know how you say it. The peach tartan. Um, and they said, I said, I can see that it's vegan optional. Could I get the vegan option? Cause I had a little a little vo next to it not a ve a vo vegan optional yeah she knows how to read a menu all right um can i get the vegan

version and he said oh i didn't know it was vegan and i was like no no it's not vegan on its own but then you could i think you can make already it's going bad yeah yeah yeah instantly big regrets uh-huh anxiety just a giant coke please honestly i'll just have boiled water which i'm obsessed with at the moment don't know why since i had covid boiled water is my whole thing really weird and i also had covid over the break don't worry don't worry about it god honestly he gets over someone and she's like yeah it is it is vegan the thing it's vegan and i was like no i know that it's not vegan because it doesn't it doesn't say vegan it says vegan optional so there's something in it that's not vegan but there's something you need to change it yeah i

think it must be the ice cream that you could have vegan ice cream and she was like no god you even explicitly said to them you couldn't have been more clear couldn't i literally was like and i was on the border of being like no no let's just not do this but then they they did pull me back and they seemed like they knew what they were doing let's not do this i just thought let's not even go there let's not let's all just quit this let's quit while we're ahead guys we've had a lovely meal this is just the pudding i don't need this peach tartare i've never had one before i don't know what it is so yeah so they came over to the table my friends had got their like delicious kind of chocolate brownie and i think the other one got it was like a cheesecake so i think it looked fucking great

yeah my peach tartar comes over oh god here it is it's it looks absolutely amazing meaning probably isn't vegan it's looking suspiciously good it looks great okay every vegan has had that thought looks like there's egg fucking wash all over that pastry this tastes suspiciously good and i said just to check i know i'm being so annoying can i just check one more time that this is vegan you didn't just scoop a fucking bit not vegetarian not vegetarian vegan you didn't just scoop some dairy ice cream on top of that i'm not just a little bit annoying i'm completely fully annoying i've asked you like seven times now but you have answered incorrectly most of those times so i'm just gonna answer one more time is what you've got on the play vegan right now she said so sure she was like yes this

is vegan god she swore on the bible i haven't eaten anything non-vegan in fucking eight years with my knowledge so i'm not gonna start apart from that sandwich that you had other than that but that wasn't just vegan that i never forgiven my sister for that that was had chicken in it chicken oh that's crazy i ate that on a double deck of bars and we had we both took one bite and we're like what's that flavor we've both been veggie our whole lives and we're like what is that and i and i worked it out and i said lizzie don't say the word until i've swallowed it because i'll be sick so we both had to swallow it and then we both had to run off the double deck of bars at the next stop and be sick wow because we realized it was chicken oh my god i mean yum it sounds good to me but yeah go on

anyway the peach tartare is this good content it's good for me i'm loving this i haven't heard this story i'm on the edge of my seat you've wasted a month to hear about a peach tartare i know it's worth it what is a peach tartare um do you even say it like that do you might just say it tartan i think it's tartine there was no e oh oh look i'm not a dessert kind of i'm what is this bake off maybe they had literally spelling it spelling was like it was t-a-r-t-i-n so i was saying i would say tartine tartine well i look they didn't know what they're doing anyway so it doesn't matter if you say tartar to me i'm thinking tartar sauce i'm thinking it's fish and chips it's battered cod everywhere it was a weird it i look i don't know what i was doing honestly it's savoy that's the

one thing i miss savoy anyway carrying with the story sorry savlon you would hate it it's your worst nightmare savoy what is that like a fish it's it's wait what is it a savoy sounds like you'd catch an animal crossing savoy what is that like a fish what is it though what is that like a fish like a disgusting fish i i like it just being like i i prefer the universe where you don't know what a savloy is let's just carry on it's kind of you've caught a seven centimeter savloy savloy it's your record yeah honestly it's a working class hero. Donate that to Blathers. It's amazing. Anyway go on go on. Got the peach tartare is in my hand. If I could accidentally sneak myself a Savloy. What is it then? What would you have it with? Give me a clue

what would you have it with? I would just chomp on it raw. Not raw but I would just chomp. I would just take it in my hands and chomp on it like a like a breadstick i have to google i'm sorry no don't i'm googling savloy savloy oh i can't believe it i i thought savloy was a common thing until i got to uni and no one knew what it was it looks fucking horrific it's amazing it's really like sweet oh yummy wow it's a giant pepperami yeah but it's not it's you know what i don't like it on that i don't like there's like the twisted end yeah yum oh i'd forgotten about the twisted end it looks like it's got a little nipple on the end i mean i would just leave that like a banana you just leave the end got it i don't think you're supposed to but i would always

leave the end do you want to know what it's made from yeah go on then the second the second search is are savloys made from pig brains and are they probably it's like processed it's got about a million ingredients but brains aren't there that's why it's so good yeah yeah it's pumped with shit the more the merrier honestly and that is what you want in a food for sure yeah go on the peach tartan the peach tartan um was in my hands i looked into her eyes and she assured me it was vegan me and my friends however we looked at each other and thought there's no fucking there's no fucking way i took my spoon did you enjoy it anyway i plunged into the ice cream plunged into the tartan yeah dove in the deep end dove straight in and i thought it was good it was good but i wasn't sure like i

thought i can because i know dairy from a mile i can smell that in a tea from a mile away do you though yeah now i'm i don't trust myself i can smell dairy in like a coffee a tea like dare like milk i can smell cheese not so sure egg i'm sure but the ice cream was good. And in hindsight, I couldn't poo for probably about three, four days. So I'm thinking it was dairy. Wow. Wow. Oh, but we don't have any. It's not confirmed.

Not confirmed. Well, they would lie through their teeth. We have an unconfirmed case of dairy. If we got them on as guests, they would assure us that they scooped out of a vegan ice cream bowl. But I know they didn't. That's fine. Did anyone else try it? it no i gobbled down that tartar i said i'm not sharing this get your own tartar this is my one non-vegan meal in seven years no one else is getting a bite of this not giving them a second finders keepers um well i hope everyone's getting lots of advice from this jam-packed podcast jesus christ what the fuck i really like this one that someone said and i think i love it especially

because it ties in with our new logo um they said driving somewhere in my car on my own listening to music is when they feel the most themselves and i just think so fucking true yeah where should we road trip to let's go get in the pink car we're going towards a sunset paris paris let's let's 100 minutes paris but i just think that feeling of like i remember writing in my little journal when i must have been like 15 or like probably i was 16 because i was probably like i'll be able to do driving lessons soon i remember being like soon i remember i was like i'm going to drive in my car i'm gonna listen to fleetwood mac was my like vision i had for myself it makes it sound like i think i'm driving a pink car but which i was driving my grandma's old honda jazz not as cool i love whenever the

honda jazz comes up i love the h Jazz. Major issues with the Honda Jazz. Failed its MOT. No way. I know. My car always used to fail its MOT. It was a real bummer. Gutting, isn't it? But it's fine again.

Yeah. It's fine. It's been fixed up. Good. What was wrong with it? Just a small little issue. Oh, a million things wrong. It basically is the oldest car you've ever seen.

How much did it cost to get it fixed a bit like a bit a bit just isn't there was just like a shit i don't think i know that currency a bit just because sometimes you know when you go and they say no it's failed and it's gonna end up costing you more to fix it than it was originally to buy it that was what used to happen to me all the time but my car was like 200 quid anyway i mean it's it's kind of all the doors don't work like it's just a fucked up car is that you have to unlock it from the boot that's an issue like the the the locks don't work on either like you have to go around the back of the car and unlock it from the boot and then you can oh it's a nightmare but and you climb in through the boot no no then you can open the other doors but it was a bit of a stress when those

people chased us like that's embarrassing like you're in tesco car park it's like why is she climbing oh my god parkour moment it's not ideal if there's like a man following you to your car no like you've got to go to the boot then you've got to go right it's a whole fucking thing it's like in the movie fresh when she's opening her car door i don't think you've seen it yet i haven't seen no yeah there's a moment where she goes to open the car door and she's unlocking it like physically like she's putting the lock in the door oh and i thought god you need to it's actually a health and safety issue i think for women that you need the automatic like you need the button key on your car key you need it yeah yeah 100 anyway i've had it before being chased i remember this story but i won't get into it

you've heard enough from me peach tartan times i think we have no no i think you've told this story on the podcast when i got chased on quad bikes yeah because i said i think i asked you what's the scariest moment of your life and they chased me yeah and my dog otto and your sister down the hill but she we all dealt with it really well even also dealt with it well poor old otto yeah i know he did really well just jumped straight in the car off we went they chased us down it was terrifying through the boot but that was a real like my sister stalled them whilst i did the fucking boot situation we got in oh my god nightmare i wonder where that story is i don't know if that was on the pilot season might be long gone now probably it wasn't that good it was i just nearly died from some nutters not a big deal anyway the car thing i really like that like it's just

like that feeling when you're driving on your own you're in control you feel like an adult it's like i fucking not only passed my test i'm now in a car behind a wheel i get to choose the music i get to choose where we go i love that feeling i love driving it's actually a hobby i think completely agree i used to love the drive like to and from brighton because i used to go at like 9 p.m so you would just be on the m25 like on your own i mean stunning just you and the open road yeah love is a highway i'm in the car with michael scott yeah it was so good so nice i just love that feeling i just think it's such a freedom a kind of an artificial feeling of freedom that's quite nice yeah but do you remember that conversation we had like probably a couple of

years ago now maybe a year and a half ago when we were like what do you want from life and it's like i want freedom yeah like how high is freedom on your priority list top three pretty high yeah what's top one what else what else is up there can i ask on priorities from life yeah this is really on the spot i'm taking it with a pinch of salt like it doesn't have to be neat but like if i'm being like i think just compare like number one is just like so, so embarrassing. It's literally like health and safety in my health and safety monitor. Yeah. Those are the numbers. That is number one.

No, that's so fair. Yeah. Just like being, I would care more about being safe than I would about being free. Can I actually say something? Just off the back of the health and safety issue. This is a health and self-safety nightmare. I don't know if we had this conversation, but I was thinking like recently,

I know I've said it to a few people because I can't shut up about it, but I was thinking, you know when you just have these fleeting thoughts as you do, I was thinking, God, what if I was pregnant? And well, not if I was pregnant, because let's not go there if I was pregnant now,

but like if one day I was lucky enough to get pregnant you know not right now not not it's not what i want guys but yeah at some point in my life i would be fucking googling like omega-3 like blah blah so this kid can see properly i would be fucking like i would take such good care of myself to ensure that this baby, I would suddenly give a shit about myself to make sure that this baby was healthy and blah, blah, blah. So question, why do I feel so, so sure that I am worthless and yet so ready to take care of myself when there's another being involved it's like why can i not afford myself the same concern of health and safety or just why can i not treat myself the way that i apparently think human beings should be treated which is with love and compassion and nurturing and all of these things why does that not exist for me why am i not enough to warrant that sort of care for myself so that that's my little reminder, guys.

Drink your water and just like, don't be a dick to yourself. This is the revelation. I think there was a Star Like You video who I go on about. Star Like You, Star Like You, all the fucking time. Love them. They did a video and in the video, this girl says, I started to feed myself the meals that I would feed to like my imaginary daughter and i think that is revolutionary when you think yeah i wouldn't feed this shit to my daughter or i

wouldn't um give my daughter this little fucking measly fucking salad of a meal for her dinner she's had a long hard day she's been studying for her gcses savalloy to be honest and what she's got to fucking eat nothing she's got a little bit of gruel for her dinner so you know she gets breakfast lunch dinner and snacks and they're good they're good meals and i just think that is revolutionary when you start to think oh if if my daughter um was tired would i be like yeah go and sleep okay so then you get to sleep like it's when you start to treat yourself like someone you love then maybe you start to love yourself as a byproduct but don't know not like someone you're not like someone you hate yeah no it's so true it's so true because it's like what if someone that you love came to you and said oh i've got to do i've

i did really badly in my blah blah blah right oh i have to do this thing i don't know why suddenly you have all the right things to say suddenly you've got empathy yeah and because you've got perspective but it's when you're so wrapped up in your hatred of yourself or just rejection that you have towards yourself you can't be nice you can't think straight you become a little bitch come on babes drink some water you become the world's worst parent to yourself it's like well you failed the test come on work harder rather than maybe shove a night watching tracy beaker that's allowed uh-huh yeah or like do you want to talk about it let's see how you feel literally come on it becomes so clear basic yeah it is it is but we're so inept honestly yeah we're so badly trained at like dealing with ourselves we're really not good i think socially at like nurturing ourselves

at survival to be honest yeah i think we're bad at living agreed agreed at least i am which is why like when i'm in my animal crossing rut i'm like oh this this isn't me it's a part of me but this isn't the truest me there's more to me yeah because i'm bringing doom to it i just think it's kind of whatever makes you feel most yourself doesn't mean that there are no other aspects of yourself it's like realistically we're all fluid and you can enjoy your animal crossing day as much as you can enjoy the getting dressed up you're going to the met gala tomorrow i think it's just we're so easy to reject whatever bit we don't like it's like okay that made me feel uncomfortable when i wore um heels oh well it can't be me it's not me blah blah is it actually maybe the heels you do enjoy it as much as

fucking playing um whatever is a game it would fucking gta wouldn't work with me but it doesn't mean oh it's not me it just means you didn't like the game you didn't like the heels it's fine i love gta i have to say do you i've only played it at my cousin's house once and i wasn't a fan i had a great i was saying god knows what to god knows who and shooting prostitutes left and right was terrible do you know what i did like it i mean yeah go on i was gonna say what it brought out in me it must be scary i mean i'm scared to think about what it brings out in like a 10 year old boy. That's what's scary. Go on.

What you did like about it. What I did, what game I did like, I also played at my cousin's house that reminded me of GTA. I feel like it's just the watered down version of GTA. Is, did you ever play Simpsons Hit and Run? I knew, I knew it. It is GTA, but just, it's's not gross um no i didn't ever play it i just watched people play as my watcher well say me at my cousin's house as if he was handing

me the remote yes i'll just watch you play yeah remote even the controller also i was gonna say and you're just as worthy as a person when you're in your i'm doing all my good habits oh my god i've like i've been for my walk every day and i've been reading loads and i've been eating super healthy and blah blah you're just as valid when you're doing other things yeah it doesn't don't be so narrow i think yeah don't don't have such a narrow like idea of what's good and bad for you because i think sometimes we we impose these like rules on ourselves or like these ideas. You just end up feeling like a failure.

And you should totally strive for your goals and like be healthy and all of this stuff. But I think also practice self-acceptance. Why do you only get love when you're doing things right? It's like, you know, when you fuck up, when you make mistakes, you're still worthy of the love. Yeah. And you'd know that for anyone else and that's why like your daughter is a great example because that's someone that you have unconditional love for for some reason

love for this person doesn't exist by the way you have unconditional love for your daughter but you know what i kind of see the listener as my daughter yeah yeah just unconditional love do you know what i mean i almost think like guys don't listen you shouldn't be listening to this shit no anyway no so maybe we should go on that note okay cool let's go then well i hope you've enjoyed the first one back season three yeah season three thank you guys so much thank you so so much for listening to this at any point, for being here, for chatting with us, for humouring us on this weird thing that we're doing. It's so weird. And you're all perfect beings in your own lives

and just amazing. Well, thank you so much for being here, guys. Oh, and also, sorry. Go on, she's got more. She's got more. I was also just thinking about how we get to go with people and their days. And like maybe you're at the gym. Maybe you're in your car.

Maybe you're going for a walk. Like blah blah. It just feels really special that we get to be a part of. Your day. Someone's day. Yeah. Well I hope you're having a good day. So do I.

I really hope you're having a good day. Just like a chilled nice day. And even if you're not having a good day. It do I. I really hope you're having a good day. Just like a chilled, nice day. And even if you're not having a good day. It's always tomorrow. Allow yourself to do what you want. Don't put the pressure on guys. Treat yourself like you're your own daughter. Yeah.

Bloody hell. All right. Well, if you don't hear from us. Oh, wow. Yeah. It seemed the worst. We got our own exit. We forgot about that.

I forgot my own slogan. Jesus.