Goes Without Saying - unlearning, accountability & toxic traits: ur villain origin story...

Episode Date: July 3, 2022

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Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com It goes without saying that you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. And I'm Sefi. And I'm Wing. And this episode is all about our toxic traits and your toxic traits and the things that make us all absolutely horrific people but at least we're acknowledging it so it's fine apparently um I think this is a funny episode we were just saying we feel quite funny after listening after not listening saying all of this stuff um and had a

really good time I always have a good time but this one we were laughing our nuts off it's funny to see the ways that people think that they're bad yeah but and the way you're not bad spoiler alert we're all fine and we're all the same apparently everyone said the same things it was great uh so enjoy okay cool by the skin of our teeth we're back sunday sunday at midday today honestly like i'm crawling from episode to episode at the moment i feel like but they're coming out and we're doing them so that's all i'm happy to crawl with you i think it's fun like okay it's casual it's fun nice it's fine how are you i'm good i don't really know how i am i went to the cinema last night to see black phone for the second time so that was

really fun even better second time around maybe um the first time did wow me the second time was fun because you're watching other people watch it nice if you're into horror um horror films which i hope there are some people out there. I'm sure there are. I highly recommend seeing The Black Phone. It's incredibly good. Or just like, it's exactly what I want from a horror movie. You're selling me.

It was great. Sounds good. Yeah, I recommend it if you like that kind of thing. When you're in that mood. It's scary. I feel like I have to be in a really specific mood. I could watch a horror movie any day any time any day any place i'm not i wouldn't be watching a horror movie on my own just randomly

in the day i don't hate myself like that or i do hate myself like that that's why i can't i can't take it i would do that yeah i would do that are you not really scared do you not get scared to go to the toilet and stuff that's the bit that gets me it was horrific afterwards because we had parked in like a multi-story carpet we went to westfield in london and watched it in like the cinema there um nice really fun and we had parked in the um in the car park underneath and we got out at like midnight fucking huge and like the the film is a lot about like there's a guy in a van it's scary times and we were walking down and we didn't really know where we parked um and it was terrifying we were walking around we both had like our keys in our hands like okay this is scary and we were like okay like there was no

one there it was dark we had no signal on our phones it was horrific so that i didn't enjoy that that is bad but if you're in the house on your own yeah i get spooked i like i walk with my back to the wall so do i but i do it to myself this is the problem it's like i love being scared in a group i love everyone in a group exactly being spooked the second i'm on my own instant regret exactly yeah instant regret when i was little i used to look in the mirror and like pull i would pull faces and i would get scared i i kind of still do that i would like drop my oh i nearly did it yesterday i thought the fuck are you doing put yourself together i'll be doing my like mascara and i'll just like stop and pause and just stare in my eyes and be like oh god you're a freak who was that i open my mouth really wide and i'm like ah it's really scary i honestly do yeah i think most people

probably do that it's so weird like i'll just stare deep into my eyes and be like oh god there was someone else in there i'm sure of it it's kind of like did she just look at me funny? Did she blink? I didn't blink. Who is she looking at? Okay. So weird. How are you? Oh, I'm all right. This week we're talking about toxic traits and just having an awareness of our own shit, basically. I love this.

But without the, because that's saying, without the layer of guilt and shame that we add on. What are your thoughts on that? I love it i love there being a bit of room for a bit of a fucked up personality without them feeling bad about it being like i'm aware of it i'm trying to work on it but also i'm not going to put a load of pressure and shit on myself for being a human being yeah 100% and reading everyone's things oh my god everyone is like you're no one is perfect yeah that doesn't exist you can't even be perfect perfect one like perfect to me would be very different to perfect sephie for example and i love it and people's things were so funny like there were so many overlaps oh my god i felt like everyone was saying like i'm so jealous

and things like that so many people were saying that also off the back of our episode on friendship and a lot of people were saying like oh i get really resentful of my friends or i get jealous of my friends go and listen to our friendship episode that we just did was that the last episode uh i can't remember i think so i can't remember what we're doing these days never look uh goes out saying yeah toxic friendships in comparison she's a 10 but only has fake friends oh so good i remember i remember that combo nice it was a good combo and we speak a lot about um because a lot of people are like i just suddenly start hating my friends out of nowhere and i know it's on me but i don't know what to do blah blah we have a really good combo on that um so go and listen to that

yeah anyway what's your toxic tray no me first me first what's your toxic tray i asked you my toxic trait is i always try and ask you the questions so i can get away with not saying much on my own and mine mine is that i will refuse this and i will throw it straight back today i have a ton i have a ton of toxic traits i actually wanted to start off the conversation with a message that someone sent in in response to we obviously asked on the instagram what are your toxic traits etc etc and somebody said my toxic trait is being unable to think of a toxic trait i brackets likely possess so my toxic trait is being unable to think of the toxic traits that i likely possess and i thought this was a good way to get into the convo because i almost feel like

it's not necessarily that you do or don't have a toxic trait i almost think there's it's kind of like well do you believe in toxic traits as a concept because you probably just don't think of it in that binary way because i don't think i do i'm sure we all have things that we know that we need to work on but like also toxic trait makes it quite fun it's like you can be a bitch and be like sorry that's my toxic trait yeah it's just like a little exactly but so i don't think i quite like that i don't think it's a toxic trait yeah it's just like a little tiktok trend exactly but so i don't think i quite like that i don't think it's a toxic trait to not be able to give yourself a toxic trait as long as obviously it's coming with you've got an awareness of all of the shit that you do which you you do

you will do i'm sorry you do you definitely do yeah i like that i do think it's yeah it has to come with a bit of a um a bit of self-awareness of like yeah okay i can't think of it but there'll be a million things but also so what you can't think of a bad thing i quite love that as well oh right yeah love that because i did struggle to think like when i was thinking i was like i'm struggling to think of something like a toxic it just sounds so dramatic it's almost like oh my god well i'm not like i don't do that nasty thing yeah like i i was thinking about it i was like other than other than the fact i'm like a thief i don't know i don't know what my toxic traits are do you think that's your toxic trait or a thief well i i said i kind of said it the other day

like i i took something of my friends and she was like can you just give that back and i was like no it's my toxic trait i'm a thief like what did you take can we can we know um what was it i think it was a top like recent like i keep i just take people's like hair clips and stuff when they lend them to me and just don't give them back yeah i'm also a fan of i don't know i just don't feel bad about it either which is bad i think i think you should feel bad about stealing from friends but i'm not doing it without their knowledge if you don't mind me saying look in your wardrobe i think it's fair for me to say you should feel bad if they ask they'll get it back but i almost might just be like quite like that jumper that's not technically true if they ask they'll give it back go on what have i not done i know of a situation where someone

was without their belongings for a long time and kept saying i've lost my this i've lost my this i don't know where it is and sephie knew she had this and refused to give it back can you email me if i know she did she had no yes she did because i remember you okay well that's bad and you kept saying it's really bad because she doesn't know i've got them oh god okay no that okay it's my toxic trait i'll try and work on it fucking hell fucking hell you're a kleptomaniac that's insane that's insane but i'm aware that i do it um i'll be like you're probably using them now you know i think these are them these are them these must be them i didn't buy new ones because i took them she stole someone's earphones thing is it's never that i'll go in and take them it's just that if someone goes oh you can borrow she lent them to

you out of the goodness of her heart and i took them to portugal and i forgot i didn't really forget actually i took them to portugal with me and then it was just months later and i think she just bought new ones by then i don't think i was lying to her face i don't think i could have lied to her face no and then there was one what was the other thing you took someone's mug or someone's cup or something that was a complete accident the mug the mug was a complete accident oh my god i felt so bad about that but like i've got about three million jumpers in here um that my friends have been like don't wear this i just take them it's really really weird if i've got any of your stuff

to any of my friends that are listening honestly just ask for it i'm gonna do a big um give back soon i'm gonna do a giveaway what's it called you're like outrageous entitlement or whatever yeah no no it's genuine just i'm a thief at heart yeah i think that's i think that's fun it's like i've got a clip like a hair clip that my friend has been like is that mine loads and i'm like i'm pretty sure it is and i just never get i just every time i just don't give it back i thought you're gonna say i'm pretty sure it's not and i was gonna say god you're a serial gaslighter no i'm pretty sure it is and i think it is slightly and then i'm like just let me know when you want it back and they just don't right you need to almost be held you need to be held accountable no i do if people say they'll get it back but people just don't really seem to want their shit and i really do want their shit so i'm hoarding it nice that's a good one that's a funny i think that's like a

that's like a tox like that is actually quite toxic like it's quite weird i think that's a bit of a cop out really yeah i don't that's something i would change do you know what the other thing that i thought no you wouldn't no i would like but then also it's like i think when i have more money i won't steal as much are you robin hood you're aladdin but stealing from my friends my good good friends and giving it to myself um well no but i did think of my other my actual one that i was like okay because i kind of thought yes is um being a thief a bit of a cop out as well um but then i thought um maybe i'm quite you've actually already said this one i thought it's interesting you've said it but i feel like it can be quite binary with my thinking sometimes like if i decide like i either love something or

hate it or i can be quite like that the funniest person ever or they've got no sense of humor like i'm never like i mean i'm never just like people are fine that film was fine i like that show i like that top like i'm either like i love it or i hate it and i and i just almost think I should be more neutral in my life okay I have a funny I have a funny thing to say then go on not funny haha funny weird I have a funny thing to say is that but it's not actually funny is that I was gonna say I think I'm quite binary but not in my opinions not in things like that I think I'm actually actually quite indifferent with things like that. I think I'm really binary and I've said this before,

but I'm quite all or nothing in the sense that it's like, if I'm not, if I haven't meditated, had a shower, drank my coffee and gone for a walk and done this and this and this

by 7am, then I'm a fucking failure and the day is ruined and blah, blah, blah. I'm also mentally ill. But I think I'm so all or nothing that it's like if it's not um a fucking a star i don't want it if it's not extremely perfect i don't fucking want it you'll go to the other side of like if it's not perfect then it must be shit rather than like it could

just be good it could just be good thing could be fine could just be like. It could be fine. It could just be a thing you do. It could just be mildly bad, even. That's fine, just a mildly bad thing. Honestly, it's a big issue for me. But why do you think it's bad? Why is it toxic to have binary opinions? Because I think I flip to hate too easy. I'm coming off so weird, and I'm so sorry. No, you're not. You're not.

It's funny. I'm actually coming off unlikable, and I'm sorry. You're not. They're going to love that. No, it's fine. They'll eat that up. it's funny like i'm actually coming off unlikable and i'm sorry you're not so they're gonna love that they'll eat that up that's funny um but i almost think i would flip to like if i don't because for example you meet someone you don't necessarily have to like love them or like you see um your prom dress you don't instantly love it it would be fine to be like i like it yeah i'm gonna get it like it's my fucking prom i think it makes you dismissive if i don't love it it would be fine to be like i like it yeah i'm gonna get it like it's my fucking prom dress i think it makes you dismiss it if i don't love it like if i'm not like completely in love with it like for example i don't know yeah i've gone to the cinema i've

seen a show i've seen a show i've seen a tv show i was kind of thinking i've seen um stranger things unless i love it love love love it i'll be like that was shit that was awful like what the fuck that was awful like wow i just jumped to like it allows more room for things to slip into hate way easier like because it can't be like oh i like that element i didn't really like that it will either be like everything about that was amazing and if you think you naturally lean into that i don't know because i think i really love a lot of things i like i think yeah i think you naturally lean into that i don't know because i think i really love a lot of things i like i think yeah i think you're really enthusiastic yeah very but i think it can flip the other way so i think i'd like to be less enthusiastic um in a way that's like if um if i've ever gone to a

party and one thing has gone wrong for example i'll be like that whole night was fucking awful no one mentioned it yeah i'm sleeping for a week that was mortifying what happened at the party jesus but nothing nothing like your hair was out of place whatever it was yeah someone looked at you weird fine um or like for example someone recently the person i was really angry about in my life in the last episode i think it was where i was fuming oh yeah the anger has subsided slightly but when i think about it it does bubble to the surface i was like i love this person i love it love love great great great great great they did this very annoying thing and now it's like they're the pits they are they will rue

the day they spoke to me like i hate them i hate them i hate them it's like it's actually not fair of me to be that binary like they can be a normal person that just said a shitty thing why do you think you're like that i was gonna say um why are you like that do you know why are you why you are the way you are i would put a certain amount of it down to we spoke about before but like a neurodivergent kind of autistic vibe I would put vibe I think I I'm not diagnosed but I think I have autism that I would say I think there's a certain amount of me that has always been like um living in the binary kind of either um you're obsessed with something or you hate it like I do struggle with just like a more uh a neutral fluid vibe one day you can feel like this

one day it's either like you know it's a love or hate vibe um just living in the extremes living on the edge but then I also think part of it is just like a habit that I've built up of like actually I need to allow the nuance of situations people um arts even like i need to allow some things to be like good and there are bits of bad in it without it being like oh my god that was just if there was a bit of bad horrific acas powers the world's best podcasts here's a show that we recommend. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com I actually, I think it's a British thing as well. Oh, okay. Not that I completely agree with you, but then I also, not like to disagree, but just to add another thing. Is that I also think it's a really British thing that we're just raised to just just like it's just a really impatient way of living i think it's just really jumping to conclusions i think it's a really like i think it's really british or i think it's quite british to be quite judgmental and and just immediately tar things with just like oh not interested

whatever and be quite just like oh fuck that i agree i think yeah um i don't know what mine's me saying but i think it's a i think there's reluctance to be like open to things or reluctance to be understanding of things yeah and i think i completely agree i think we're raised to just um be quite like dismissive of things yeah but i do think as well generationally i think yeah i think we're working out of that yeah like i wouldn't i think so i think it came up in the dms quite a lot i wouldn't describe yourself you wouldn't describe yourself as what sorry i wouldn't describe us like that as judgmental i wouldn't that is that i would die before i'd be called judgmental i really yeah same that i really think

also judgmental not only does it have like this bitterness and the sadness about it but it also is just like such a limited view it kind of has the same vibe as um stubborn to me which i think we've spoken before like i really don't like it when people well i just don't like stubbornness as a trait and i don't like it when people identify as stubborn because i think it shows a lack of yeah um a lack of i guess the fluidity of being a human of like stubbornness is like you back yourself down into a corner it's like just don't do that like just don't do that because before you know it you're um what's the fate the phrase cutting off your nose it's almost like you're

making things hard for yourself for literally no reason it's just purely um to me it's like an insecure vibe um so yeah judgmental no no no bad but also like very natural i think i think it's a really british thing to be raised as judgmental I think a lot of people grew up with their parents being super judgmental. And then you... I think the only reason I'm not judgmental is because I'm just too insecure. So I judge that everyone is better than me. Really? No, no, I don't think it's that for you at all.

I do. I just don't think... I do not think you have a judgmental bone. I don't think it's that you're too insecure. I just don't think...'s that you're too insecure you're you're i just don't think because when i look around like if i was to say the people that i know or people whatever that are judgmental like the traits that i see in judgmental people it always comes from i think it comes from a self-hatred i think it's actually a move of strength to not be judgmental i don't think it's in i don't think it possibly could be insecure i think it comes i think

it can come from both i think it's go on you're deeply insecure so you just think fuck everyone fuck everyone else like the walls go up whatever blah blah blah and you want everyone else to be miserable or you're really insecure and whatever blah blah boohoo and it's like oh everyone else like let's i just want connection like i do the people pleasing thing i i mean i just perceive goodness in everyone else because i presume that everyone else has things together in a way that i don't it's it's a bit it's it's ridiculous because it's almost like i just almost who am i to judge when i'm a fucking loser freak like not even in a silly way i'm not even like not to be like i'm saying it to be funny but also like just in a not in a deep way yeah i mean that make it

makes sense like in a way that if you feel bad then you feel like you have no authority to judge well it's just the habit i'm just not in the habit of it's just not i'm just not in the habit i think that's a good thing i honestly think i think it's a good place it comes from like even if it's coming from a place of like i don't feel good in myself or whatever i think to not be immediately jumping to be judgmental of other people is always a good thing i agree but i think i think one thing i have that's a positive is like i do think i'm naturally quite a soft person i think i naturally lean into being very friendly and very warm and i think i think the best in people however i think that is also a negative in that i'm too soft it's almost like well she's not

going to survive here like she won't survive in these conditions like we need to weather her skin up a bit but you do you are but i think it's almost that's a toxic trait i think it's just almost like too it's like it doesn't need to be that deep every day it's to the depths of hell like even if it's not sadness it's just it's just too so sentimental so like it's too much thought behind everything i think do you think that's a toxic trait though or do you just think that's the most beautiful thing you've ever heard it's definitely not the most beautiful thing i've ever heard no because i think it makes you fucking annoying and it makes you pathetic it literally doesn't though it literally doesn't

it kind of makes you living in it means you're living in kind of the basis of reality i.e love you're not living in the bullshit of like what i honestly think yeah go on i honestly think this is gonna sound really like extreme and too much and just like no you didn't consent to hearing this but i'm just gonna say it i honestly think that I was I just I just kind of snuck into this universe somehow like I just kind of crawled I got stuck in like a weird water and I just ended up here like I wasn't supposed to be here like I think I'm just not cut out to be here where do you think you were supposed to be just in a void somewhere just like in just eternal emptiness maybe in like a bath somewhere or something i was not i am not it doesn't come naturally to me

i mean i'm sure a lot of people can relate to this just like it doesn't feel there's not uh it doesn't feel right yeah it's not gelling it's unnerving it is honestly i'm very much still finding my feet on this planet yeah to be honest it makes perfect sense like yeah i mean it's not a nice place it's hardly like you get here and it's like oh this feels um welcoming yeah it's definitely a jarring experience there's no fruitcake no it's not handouts it's not getting a bath it's not it's not it's not it's let's put these um girls's not time to go to the park. It's not. It's not. It's let's put these girls to work. You've got GCSEs.

Now you've got A levels. Brush your hair. Come on. No. Listen, wait. Don't eat that. Talk nicely to the man. Don't be too nice.

Oh my God, why are you flirting with him? Open your legs and be quiet. Close your fucking legs. You slut. Close your legs, you slut close your legs you slut yeah literally oh my god it's hardly um surprising that you'd feel like i don't know if i'm cut out for this it's not the best place i know something that i found quite interesting that kept coming up in

the responses was a lot of people were saying that their toxic trait was gatekeeping things yes and i almost thought that was a really interesting idea really because i feel like i don't know i know my impulse and i think your impulse as well is to like really share things hence why we kind of absolutely trash it about the most boring of things or like if i've ever for example read something or watch something my impulse straight away will to be or even like learn something that day is to be like oh my god did you know that ants can breathe underwater whatever they can't don't do that um but like whatever it is like i want to i don't want to gatekeep information places i've been all of that stuff and i don't think like i want to i don't want to gatekeep information places i've been all of that stuff

and i don't think like i just almost thought what an interesting kind of impulse is there anything that you would gatekeep though is there anything i'd gatekeep surely there is or not like you would actually gatekeep it but like anything that i would want to that you would be a bit protective over like if i was like i've just always been a slytherin and like malfoy like is just my hottie and like he loves me i would fucking love that i would literally love that are you kidding me we could literally watch like malfoy tiktoks together i would love that i mean there's nothing stopping us watching them now i just won't be interested really i don't know like i think that was just one that it got me because i was a bit like um that's a really interesting but do you never feel like someone's stepping on your toes yeah but like in what way almost what way would you feel to me

what um i don't know i don't know but i when i think of gatekeeping i think of you're trying to keep people out of something that you feel like you have special access to yeah yeah so I feel like when I feel like I've got like special access to something yeah I want some more I want people to be in it I guess there'll be certain like people that I'd find it jarring if they yeah I um suddenly um my fucking enemy i don't have an enemy my malfoy is coming in and like the sliverins are coming into the swimming pool i'd be a bit like oh it's my swimming pool don't come in here sliverins oh really i don't know i'm trying to think of a thing if my enemy suddenly showed up in my bedroom i'd be like it's my bedroom right but there aren't any things what if what if um someone started wearing all the exact same clothes as you and well i wouldn't love it all of my clothes are my friend's clothes anyway yeah that's true

um no i'm just trying to find like a thing that maybe you would but i guess not i don't know it's not that i'm saying that i i'm not saying i've never had that i would never have it i just almost find it quite interesting that it came up a lot like it would it wouldn't occur to me that even a lot of people would feel like that really i think it's a thing because i think it's i think people feel threatened and when it's around an identity thing and that's what i mean by malfoy not that liking malfoy is your whole identity but i'm trying to think of something that like means a lot to you um because i agree i don't think something that's so tragic that is so tragic that means a lot to you malfoy is a hottie that's what i said and then mine was what else brings us to be swimming pools is it the sliverings are in the swimming pool what world are you in come to reality like you need to honestly grow up i guess not but

do you get what i mean i think a lot of people i think it is such a big thing because i think there's a sense of ownership around it's not it's not necessarily rightfully so it's like delusional ownership it's not true but there's a sense of ownership around things that people build their identity around completely and i think as well like for say for example you know what might be quite jarring say you listen to your favorite podcast goes without saying this goes out saying podcast is your favorite podcast great i've heard it's great then you find out that yeah your your arch nemesis your enemy is loving goes without saying and not only they're listening but we're reposting them on the story yeah we follow them on instagram suddenly i think that's jarring because it's like how someone that you didn't connect with

someone that you thought you couldn't relate to someone that you didn't see yourself in yeah like how could we both like the same exactly yeah yeah i get that yeah that's super jarring isn't it but i see gatekeeping i agree though yeah you you've started listening to this podcast for example and then you're almost like your friend is like do you know any good podcasts and you're like no i mean you're not lying no accurate accurate to be honest you were only telling the truth it's fine yeah so true but i'd love i'd love to hear some expansion on that like i'd love to hear you want more from me in the dm oh okay i think they're gatekeeping everything they've got

anything any old thing you've got access to your clothes your music a film almost like your friend says like oh do you have an umbrella and you're like no an umbrella on your bag it's like what's unless it's a cool umbrella that you want to be unique and it's like i've got like a a goes out saying umbrella and it's like i don't want people to go and buy the goes out saying umbrella why are you trying to stop people buying our merch who is this bitch um what was i gonna say about gatekeeping i don't know i think that is i think that is quite a good toxic trait though because it you can work on it pretty easily yeah it's just like what oh yeah what would you and the ramifications aren't too extreme aren't

they are they no exactly because no one knows no one knows you're doing it the gates are closed oh what a shame like people didn't listen to the new song that you've been liking like big deal but i would say it's almost like the best conversations i ever have really are about like the things that you love shared yeah shared enthusiasm over a thing um so it's almost like why don't you just try like if it is over things like um i don't want anyone to listen to um or kind of i loved kate bush before she was in stranger things that kind of thing it's like why don't you just try talking about running up that hill brackets a deal with god just try talking about it yeah yeah but then it's also jarring when you're not when other people what i don't like

is i don't like when i'm really into something and i know other people don't give a shit i think this is an only child thing in the sense that it's like you go through years and years of like trying to get your parents to like give a shit about um a fucking game or like something that you're interested in it's like obviously they didn't get like whatever they're like 35 years old like they don't want to talk about it yeah they don't look at your tamagotchi yeah like they can only give you so much that i think i don't i think you really share like if you watch a good film you will come home and be like guys we have to go and see this film together tomorrow because almost twice yeah yeah exactly i think you need to do that whereas i have a bit of fear around that in like i wouldn't

i almost don't like over not overselling things but I don't necessarily love declaring my love for things publicly in case they're not received well agreed you know I mean but I think this is the binary thing of like if I love it then I'm seeing it from the rooftops but then there's one thing I hate like it's kind of yeah it's an it's your enthusiasm then it's on the extreme level yeah but this is, a toxic trait. I'd like to bring that love down. No, but I think your unwavering enthusiasm is a very cool... Because this is what I mean by you have such a strong sense of self,

is that you're not getting shaken on that. You don't change who you are. No. That's what I mean. I could. I could. But you don't, though. It's such a good thing.

And you don't. And you always say, hmm, I don't know. I don't know. But it's true. This thing and you don't and you always say i don't know i don't know but it's true this is a good example and you've just walked straight into it but it's so true it's like you're so good at just unashamedly loving what you love and just doing whatever and just being like well fuck you lot because you don't get it but i'd like to not be like no i think it's good i think people need more i'd love to say why do you not like it i think generally speaking people need more of that in their lives fine maybe you have a teaspoon or

two i feel like other but i think yeah i think for me it's too much for me i would like to maybe bring it i'd like to bring it down i'd say seven percent jesus that's too much that's really that's miles too much no sorry you can't do that seven percent goodness there'll be nothing left yeah true do you know what i would like to do actually i don't i don't have a problem with loving things too much i don't have a problem with that i would like to stop hating so intensely. But I don't consider you to be an angry person. No, I'm not an angry person. But if I feel anger, I feel it to my bones.

If you don't like something, you don't like it. Yeah, but to an annoying level, I don't like the feeling of that. It's not healthy. Fair enough. I i'm gonna give myself a heart attack honestly i thought this one was really good actually go on i don't know what i can say about it but i thought it was really interesting and i reckon other people will relate this person said i have a superiority complex which a lot of people said by the way a lot of people said i just think i'm better than everyone else and i was like jesus give me some of that that sounds good i have a superiority complex at the same time as incredibly low self-confidence

i somehow believe i can do lots of things better than other people but simultaneously hate myself a lot of the time and put other people's needs above my own i genuinely have no idea how to work on it that is fascinating i think that is one of the most i think it's a universal experience yeah i was gonna say one of the most universal things i've ever heard like the idea of being like i know i'm the shit but also i am also shit like i'm both at once yeah someone also said sorry and i'm going to use this other person's message to talk about this message someone said and i thought this was so good actually so let's talk about them both because this is such a good one someone says seeing things as patterns or givens when they have only occurred once i.e having a bad conversation and then telling myself

i'm a bad conversationalist so fucking good how good is that genius genius genius genius take it as a given you're a genius it's florence given because what i was going to say about i don't know how to work on it in the sense of i go from thinking i'm amazing to thinking oh my god i'm a piece of shit is about the patterns that you're listening to it's not necessarily that you have a problem with superiority complex and a problem with low self-esteem it might be that you have a problem with reading into patterns too much that is so interesting because also that's just how you build your idea of your your perception of who you are almost totally it's like if you identify you give time to yeah and and it's the same thing that we always say of like um uh you're a morning person or you're

not good at small talk or whatever it is it's like because you um all it took was you to wake up early for a week and now the past 10 years you've been a morning person yeah yeah that was all it took you did it for four days and you thought this is me you got to the pub and you're wearing leggings and everyone else is wearing outfits and now it's oh i just don't really um like dressing up i like i don't i just don't i don't really like fashion like i'm not into it it's like you're telling yourself lies harry you must not tell lies dumbledore is dangerous yeah it's crazy it is yeah what's one that you tell yourself what's a given for you what's a pattern that you what's a pattern that maybe like you had told

yourself for a long time and now you're starting to think hmm i think that was just something i was telling myself do you know what i think i just said it I think I said it in you're not good at small talk and I still think I am really I said like just in the thing of like I think I just said a minute ago maybe I just said it in my head I think I did just say um that you could be telling yourself you're not morning person you could tell yourself not good at small talk oh right right and I think I thought you meant in a conversation oh no no yeah just almost like in i think i've always identified as quite like awkward quite like someone that comes off awkward comes off like i can't um that i really struggle in certain conversations to hold

basically to hold a conversation pretty much what this girl has said like um you're someone that like i can really talk to some people some people i come up with and awkward and actually i think as i've put i still do identify as someone that is awkward in conversations and can um be awkward struggle in we're talking about the bus timetable i don't know what the hell to say um like i just don't actually know but some other people seem to be good at that i don't understand i literally don't understand um or they'll be like oh like the jubilee line was really packed today it was the other day it's like how have you got a point from that like how can you continue this but i think recently i've been in the thing where it's like you can just say whatever you want in a

conversation really and it's probably gonna flow if you just do it with confidence exactly like you're not gonna say anything crazy you're not gonna say what would you do if the sliverings came to the swimming pool you're not gonna be that crazy but you could you could say for example i'm really hungry whatever you want to say and it's not really going to come off that weird if you just do it with a bit of confidence yeah i also think there's something to be said about the responsibility of the other person in that conversation agreed under the assumption that you're not talking to yourself at the bus stop or wherever you are maybe you just don't have opening your mouth really wide did i just try for sephie from sephie she was just like looking in a shop window opening her mouth

really wide but that is scary that is so scary no no yeah it's really scary when you see yourself you try it have you ever put your forehead on a mirror and like looked into your eyes that's the scariest thing i've ever seen that's a bad one yeah it's really scary do you make noises or are you silent when you do it silent absolutely silent like dead silent just like almost doing quite an evil face into my eyes weird weird weird i love it um yeah i think sometimes that's actually do you know what that is an ick that's vile she's a 10 but when she's on her own she opens her mouth really wide on a mirror and does an evil face and then scares herself scaring herself was the bad bit it's the fact that you were scared oh god yeah it's like i jump away from the mirror like oh no i can't look at my i'm like oh god

stop looking at her so embarrassed oh my god um no i think it's sometimes it's not about oh i'm a bad conversationalist or i'm awkward it's just like i don't have good chemistry with that person right now and not even yeah as well i think that's great sometimes the finality of i don't have good chemistry with that person is like no i think it's even just today or like in that instance that's it exactly today and i think that is the the binary shit or whatever it's like that's being like that person i just can't talk to that person but you should just be like that was a really quite stressful interaction yeah i think sometimes i jump to patterns way too quickly like i start analyzing the trends but it's like it just happened one time like get a grip yeah what do you think you um project pattern well i was just gonna say

that i would like in a situation like that i'd be like oh that she just doesn't like me she just hates me like i just i just can't like make her like me like i just can't do something it's like you literally probably spoke for like 90 seconds in a group get a grip yeah and maybe she's just fucking rude it's not because she doesn't like you and you can't make someone a bit too hot maybe she's hungry maybe exactly maybe you um trip on your way and you feel a bit nervous whatever yeah whatever's going on yeah maybe you got a headache like there's so much going on so true maybe her boyfriend just fucking text her something dickish yeah i don't doubt it so true what did you ask me what's something i tell my what's it yeah yeah well uh i don't know if i want to say that one let me think go on well i still think this is true but i think i think i'm a really inconsistent like unreliable person but i brought this up because sephie yeah it was like you're

so consistent you're so consistent because i was saying i feel bad for the listener who's like oh my god i found my new favorite podcast and it's like you didn't know that actually like wing is really inconsistent i'm sorry that you're never gonna hear from me again like that sort of thing do you know i mean like i'm sorry that like you can't rely on every monday for example but i think i'm really inconsistent but okay i'm just gonna come in with the counter and it's based in logic whereas yours is based in lies in lies you have you show up to something every fucking week and you have done for three years three years of your life okay so we've missed a few so we took a scheduled break some weeks we're fucking human and we can't do it but genuinely what else do you do every fucking week nothing i told you i'm crawling from episode to episode but that's fine okay but

you're crawling but you've got that yeah and also i would also say you don't even need to get there we don't need to do it we don't you are so consistent you show up every fucking time and also it's not like okay so the crawling makes it even more fucking consistent because it's not like you're fucking flying to episode to episode so that is so fucking consistent because you do it even when it's hard oh thanks i actually like couldn't disagree more with that okay you're so not inconsistent thank you you're so not that shocks me though that you think i'm not inconsistent because i think it's one of my biggest traits but it shocks me that you think you are because we're all like okay so you could be inconsistent

in many ways that i haven't seen with me you are consistent you show up all the time yeah every week after week week after the phone in front of you pouring your ass out yeah no one asked for this okay well should i give another one then but thank you because that one's void thank you so much um i do disagree but i don't know i'm working on it you would though i would i also think like it's trying to fit a square into a circle it's like exactly consistency doesn't it's not going to mean the same for everyone exactly define consistency to me consistency would mean you show up even when it's hard what you do thanks thank you also fine if you don't literally fine if you don't

thank you thank you never all right um what's the little thing that i do well actually maybe i'll ask you a little question happy to do whatever because i wanted to ask you what is we've done toxic traits what is your best traits that you it's just undeniable it's the thing that you do it you're so good you want to do it all the time it's just yet more of that i want to be more of this trait like this is a good thing that i do and i love think my best trait is i can see the funniness in bleak situations that is such a good one i think i can like i think when things i can see the fine line between crying and laughing it's always there like it's actually yeah i can always find it's because i'm an absurdist i've said it before on the podcast i can see the absurdity in um the pits of hell almost i

actually think i might have to take steal it for myself yeah gay keep it yeah i wouldn't know i would never even i would never care to me too i actually think maybe that's what this podcast does best or worse depending on your agreed agreed agreed i think that's something we're probably quite good at together i think so as well maybe it's maybe it's our toxic traits we don't take things seriously and we trivialize we're painfully deluded because i almost think it's like we can be crying and then we can just start laughing in the cry almost but i completely agree with you that those emotions the crying and laughing there's nothing more tied they're pretty much completely open in that moment yeah there's actually not that

much different from them because you can flip in between them like in the blink of an eye like it's so mad that's such a good answer i think it's how did you think of that so quick you've thought that before have you yeah obviously no i i think i do think that's one of the the things that i probably think it's one of my most important things in life being able to wow um see i never would have recognized that in myself i would see that i totally agree with you i i definitely do but i almost when i think about oh what's your best trait i maybe i'm just thinking too generous i would have been like oh maybe i'm nice or something do you know what you want i wouldn't like i think yeah but like i wouldn't have known where to go but that is so specific it's almost like nice and kind all of those things they're all things that

like almost serve other people but i think one of the things that i like is almost like a self-preservational and like thing that has helped me the most my best trait oh my god you're blowing my mind is that i you're blowing my mind can be absolutely sobbing my eyes out thinking my life is over and yeah i often can start being like this is ridiculous and laugh it is though isn't it it's just oh my god that's so good it's the best thing i've ever heard i think we leave it there okay fun okay that's perfection stunning i'd love to know more about toxic traits like i actually they were really loved this topic like so fun someone said i thought this was really funny someone said i take photos of recipes and recipe books instead of buying them meanwhile people are being like i hate my friends i don't know how to deal with my yeah it's just so funny looking at the different ways people have taken it that's also like

that's being an entrepreneur like you should 100 take photos yeah you're resourceful i think honestly going to a bookshop take every you don't want to buy the book but take a photo of every page read the story for your fucking screenshots that's fine okay and that's just the thanks guys right yeah thanks everyone that was a nice one i think yeah i enjoyed that good good me too thanks for all of your insight yeah genuinely thank you i'm i'm saying to you yeah i'm saying yeah genuinely thank you to you you're all right thanks i thought you're talking to them which i am also talking to them but i was also just talking to you yeah i'm talking everything you've said you've made some great points today honestly so have you I'm going to keep mulling over this it's not the last you hear from me

alright let's go well if you don't hear from us if you don't hear from us this is the worst