Goes Without Saying - validate yourself: *your self-doubt is shaking*

Episode Date: September 7, 2020

*insecurities have left the chat* if you're searching for validation from random people and irrelevant institutions, this one's for you. this week, we're talking self-esteem and learning how we can validate ourselves, rather than expecting affirmation from money, follows, and popularity. from building confidence to rejecting 'imagined audiences', we're learning to release control and ~go with the flow~ speak your mind on our instagram! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hello everyone and welcome back. I am Persephone or Seffie. Persephone Madeline Ketcher-Wasley-Deacon is the full title. Fucking hell. The artist formerly known as... Persephone Madeline Ketcher-Wasleyodeacon is the full title. Fucking hell. The artist formerly known as. Stephanie Madeline Ketcher-Haslodeacon. It wasn't Ketchup in the middle though. It's kind of Esteban Ricardo Martinez, whatever his name is. It's a mental name. I don't know what my

parents were thinking. And I'm with my good friend, wing, wingling, Erin Emerali. What's your middle name? I don't have one don't you no i'm not lying i'm like no eye roll i'm like no side eye don't bring it up jesus i think i took all of yours how did i not know that you did know that but you have a shit memory strained hippocampus sephie doesn't have a good memory and it's okay i'm not gonna be angry at her for it anymore it's all good so we're back we're talking about how to validate yourself and let go of wanting to be liked the control that we all have over life and or try to have over life and we're letting go of that bullshit it's honestly a ride a ride and a half strap yourself in it's

stealth and colossus and nemesis inferno get me to thought park now get me out of it get me there now if you're not from the UK do you know what thought park is if you're not from the UK how do you bear to listen to this because we speak about some insane things that are very UK specific very niche even if you're from literally my same town so one of the things that was very common um in everyone's messages about the ways that they validate themselves, etc, etc, was lots of you were saying you validate yourself through grades and achievements. So someone said academic, specifically academic or career achievements. And I think that's probably one of the most common, I guess if we're doing like two sides of it. So you can either be validating yourself just through yourself and knowing that you have some level of self-esteem, etc. Just an innate, if not love, lack of hatred for yourself.

Indifference. bit of the different tools that we use to validate ourselves that could still become quite corrupted yeah and are still actually quite external and i think like grades and career and stuff is a very normalized way of validating yourself and it's also really distinct like i feel that if you're using your relationships as a way it's all very like fluid and like not very easy to see but grades is literally on paper how well you've done. It's one of the only places that your success is literally written down and like marked out of a hundred or whatever.

Yeah. It's like actually marked that you've got a grade back and it's like a tangible view of success and essentially control. It's almost feels like that you can draw quite a parallel between that and the way that you could validate yourself or like attack yourself kind of berate yourself about weight in the way that you can yeah that there are numbers attached there are numbers involved and there's not really much of

life where there are numbers involved like do you know i mean like there's a very specific ways that you can also not only analyze yourself but directly compare yourself to the information that you may or may not have about somebody else do you remember we did a post this was ages and ages and ages ago and we were saying that if there is like a numerical value attached to your success it probably is not success yeah money weight if you can attach a number it's not success that's like a societal construct construct yeah because also who gave you that number fair enough the scales gave you a number but the society told you what to make of that number your teacher told you that they decided

that you only get 35 out of 100 it's all completely subjective and all the things that are real in life as we always say the only thing that's real is love when we're being really annoying yeah um or like happiness or power and all the things that bring about success and like an easy life or happiness and easy life are not tangible you can't say oh well right now my love in my life is getting a an a star so it's doing great but yeah you get that with your maths test. And we say this all the time. Like if your barometer for measuring success is based in something that society told you,

you A, will never achieve it. And B, if you do, you'll still be miserable. Because this society is bullshit. As we have said time and time and time again, this is not a good place. So don't measure your stuff on this. Yeah, well yeah well your weight could be perfect but your grades would still be off you might get perfect grades but your money and financial situation is not going to be spot on the minute you've achieved something quote unquote achieved something you'll be straight

on to the next thing because your ideas are vapid or even if you have achieved it you've been striving and striving to get um a thigh gap next week oh no we want thick thighs now yeah oh sorry i've been i fucked up there whatever you're striving for is not real we're already starting existential this time yeah but it's so fucking true it's like the classic it's just what we go on and on and on about so how did we learn that i think we learn it that? I think we learned it the hard way. Yeah. I learned it the hard way. I definitely think throughout my life, I have put a lot of emphasis on like academic achievement. I mean, we've spoken about this. This was years and years and years ago that

I definitely had like when I came out of school, I wanted to study English. I was like, Oh my god, I have to go to like a Russell Group uni. Does anyone remember that terminology? A Russell Group uni? If you're not from the UK or you're not familiar with what a Russell Group university is, I believe it was a group of about 20 universities. Yeah. Mostly the older ones. And it was said to be this kind of esteemed group for higher education where there was a certain stamp of approval,

not physically, nothing tangible, but just kind of a nod with your interviewer or kind of your parents would smile a little bit wider if you got into one of those versus one of the newer or maybe just less esteemed universities quote-unquote but it's actually i mean it's we're not new in saying this is a dying concept yeah well university as a whole is a dying construct and to be honest I would say borderline already dead construct. Well, if it wasn't already dead, coronavirus just truly killed it. Oh, absolutely. So, sorry, can we also just note, so we're going to be paying full bang, but getting no bang for our buck going to Cambridge University at home.

You're having me on. I don't get to go to a single lecture, no? You're winding me up. Shut the fuck up it's truly but you do get the name on your cv or whatever you're looking to write that down somewhere and i have seen it quite a lot with people that for example work in places that sound good constantly referring to that place and it's almost like you need the stamp of approval of a big institution yeah like this institutionalized idea of success is leads nowhere it really does lead nowhere and i definitely think when i came out of school i'd been essentially fed or i had developed

myself a borderline obsession with like i need to go to one of these places or i've failed already written my life off if you're not familiar with seffy's seffy had already failed a few times apparently because she said at eight years old if i'm not in doctor who by the time i'm nine years old i should die or something i wrote myself a note famously that said if you're not an actor in doctor who by the time you're 12 or something just give up and i hid the note for myself to be found when i was like 15 and thought failure failure we should be quite familiar with sephie's all or nothing ideologies exactly yeah kind of if i don't do this then i must just give up with like an insane time constraint too yeah totally like we're constantly working against the clock when we're with seffy yeah so i had a whole um if you do not get into there was one uni

that i really wanted to go to exeter university which we're gonna name and shame we are and i don't know what it was about them because when i went there i remember being unimpressed with the vibe but i was like right okay i've got an interview at oxford uni like it was a whole like big fucking thing but i was like exeter that's the one for me and i was so arrogant i didn't put an insurance choice so you're supposed to when you do a uni application you pick one and then you pick another one just in case you don't get the one of your dreams and i was like absolutely not 100 got this i'm not gonna put an insurance it's pretty mad of you which is to be honest unheard of it is pretty unheard of yeah considering

how formulaic the whole again uk-based like ucas process is to apply to university in the uk at school age is very much like a formula and the teachers will have you follow it and yeah sephie was there shaking her head no no no guys i've got that don't don't worry about i'll handle it i was like guys don't even talk to me like don't stress do you see where this is going you see yeah yeah i'm building it up you see where this is going someone's about to get their hard crush um and so i was little arrogant me look guys i've got it i'm already in this uni like it's all good all i needed to get was two a's and a b easy english literature of course don't get an a you were picking out your bed sheets you were like google maps in the city i'm ready for this like i've got this and also had literally been

to this uni once knew nothing about the course like really insane dream like based on nothing essentially other than just like insecurities and i have to get this marker of success on comes results day oh god you log on to this thing called ucas um which is like gives you your like did you get in or not log on no you did not get in heart crushed utterly crushed and what does it say word for word it's like unfortunately we you have not been successful yeah you have not been successful that's quite gutting you have not been successful yeah you have not been successful that's quite gutting you have not been successful that's horrid you are a failure yeah exactly they've literally gone on to theosaurus.com and typed in failure and gone on the antonym okay

you haven't been successful i never said you're a failure i just said you haven't been successful that's awful so fucking rude also how dare some kind of 45 year old man be typing that out in his little code sending it out to poor 18 year old girls it's an act of violence yeah you've not been accepted or something you are unacceptable in society you are unwanted unworthy you are worthless you by the way did i tell you you're ugly you're really ugly as well you're too ugly for this unit did i mention that boy actually doesn't like you by the way i don't know if he told you yet but he doesn't your family have never loved you you're worthless you know

when you think you're worthless oh yeah you are actually but yes i went i sent my mom in to go get my results i'm not fucking showing my face in this town ever again what was the first thing that went through your head almost like the mortification of i was so sure so arrogant and it's like baby hasn't paid off this is a hard lesson to learn it's honestly a harsh lesson i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy i wish it on myself though i really really truly believe i needed this so badly or i would have just been constantly striving for like that institutional stamp of success like I really think it was so weirdly the best moment of my life not at the time but one of the best things it led you right to me it did it really did and it just led me to my happiest place on earth Brighton but yeah so I sent my mom in and got the grades back and so i needed a a b and i got a b b and i was one ums mark off the grade that i needed to go but that means it's like one

fifth off a mark off the thing which to me was just like so aggravating but now i see it as such a like in my kind of woohoo mind as it's like such a sign but yeah so i definitely think i had to learn this the hard way and i definitely can continue this with like doing kind of unpaid internships at like big places because i believed it made me seem cool or powerful or something whereas you're getting nothing but the name you get nothing but the name you're getting not only no money no respect no and you're treated awfully and it's just like the most classist thing anyway to be able to do an unpaid internship it's absurd that they exist and everything to be honest I stand against I definitely was searching for some kind of like number or name to put themselves behind me and I just think I've over the last three years of uni and everything I just learned

so much about like success and all of that it's like it's all bollocks I'm just like letting go of your like life plan yeah I think that's it i had such a strict plan like with the you're going to be an actress on doctor who you're going to be this you're going to be that it's like by this date you will have graduated from x to uni and x y and z and it's like you can't have these plans because they never work out and that is the best thing when they don't work out completely because also it's like as much as that was your plan and it was a very specific plan to have i think that's quite common and i think that's what we do as people is we get served a life plan depending on who or where you are society tells you you should look like this act like this marry this person have these children go to this university get this job

and within that very broad outline we will funnel in kind of what we thought was quite glamorous or what we thought was the most kind of admirable you know thing in the world to strive for you just find a random marker that yeah tells you oh success looks like exeter uni yeah or success looks like a size a any of these things and exeter uni might be a success for you absolutely absolutely or kind of it could be anything for example the randomness of an actress on doctor like a size a any of these things and exeter uni might be a success for you absolutely absolutely all kind of it could be anything for example the randomness of an actress on doctor who no one else views that as anything but it for me that was i must be this when i was 12 and it's just it shows you how meaningless the marker is because it's constantly moving and it's utterly

meaningless because no one gives a fuck the worst thing you can be in life one of the worst things you can be is someone that is constantly referring to an institution that has claimed you. Yeah. It's an embarrassing trait. Oh, shot on fire. It's a very unlikable trait, I must say. It is because it's not a trait of your own.

It's not a trait of your own doing. It's just like we've all succumbed to being a number then, essentially, in the way that we just look for these numbers for validation and it's a real lack of understanding of capitalism it's like you haven't comprehended what you exist within and obviously as an 18 year old how on earth are you supposed to comprehend that and of course if you went to oxford and you're really happy about the fact you went to oxford you really are striving to go to oxford of course you just see oxford as a place of worth because you've been told that or being pretty as a place of worth because you're told that every day of your life every minute of your

life but i think it's about seeing beyond that and like understanding that does it actually bring you happiness no because it's un it's unmeasurable completely i completely completely agree i also think just that whole sentiment is similar to just our bigger idea of letting go your background on your phone seffy if i remember rightly as a subliming post that says don't try to steer the river how funny that that just relates to that whole story so much because yeah my literal background on my phone it has been there since i think i said it in third year of uni. Ages, yeah. So that's over a year, has been this quote that just,

it's like, I mean, subliming posts are just so aesthetic. So beautiful. And they've got a highlight, subliming.jpeg, I think they're called on Instagram. Yeah. They have a highlight that's like loads of wallpapers

and they are all so aesthetic and just like very cool. But this one says like, don't try to steer the river. And I just thought, oh fucking hell, like that's it. And my dad always says this as well to me. aesthetic and just like very cool but this one says like um don't try to steer the river and i just thought oh fucking hell like that's it and my dad always says this as well to me i think it's like i think i'm quite known for like trying to construct a plan and be like well where are we in two years i think it's probably my capricorn i always say to you your script writing you try and

give people their lines and then when they're not saying the lines back to you like why are they not in character yeah i do this all the time this isn't how the episode was supposed to go. I do it a lot on like dates and stuff where I'm like, so I'll say hello. Then he'll say, hello, how are you? And you'll say, I'm good, thank you. And then they'll go and be like, you're right. Oh my God, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'll be like, what?

I didn't prepare for this. And I'll go in with, I am good, thank you. How are you? Yeah, yeah. It's awful. But yeah, the thing my dad always says to me is that time is passing without your control. Without you doing anything, time is passing. You can either choose to do stuff or not do stuff.

Things are going to happen anyway. Like you can't control any of it. It's all going to happen anyway. You can just decide how you react in the moment. And that's literally it. And it goes back to two things that we, Sefi and I have already said today, but this is the first time you'll hear it.

Well, at least from us. What a coincidence if someone's already said this to you today, that is a big sign from the universe. The two things I'll say is one that we said earlier about be intentional with your life. Yeah. And the second is... I have no idea where this is going either. And the second we say all the time is you're going to worry and stress about something that you think is going to happen. If it happens, now you've just stretched, you've stressed about it twice. Yeah. If you worry about something, you're putting yourself through it twice.

Exactly. I think it's the thing. You're going to stress and stress and stress about your exam. You haven't done any revision. That exam is still going to come. And now you've got the stress of the exam actually being here. so where you could have just lived your life peacefully and then had a little bit of stress on the day of the exam oh no no no we've had nine months of stress where you've been stressing stressing stressing oh my god i need to pay my rent your rent's still gonna fucking come

so we're gonna be intentional and do something about it if you're someone that has quite a bit like anxiety that's kind of like you kind of love to be in control of situations i think the overthinking is one of the most damaging things you can do the thought of something is always more dramatic than the reality you're running through worst case scenarios blah blah and the second you're there it's like oh it's nothing and then you're done you're like oh i wasted my day it's like i always think the thought of getting with someone is always better than the reality that's fucking true going back to our old episode like the fantasy of like having sex with someone would always be better than the reality of like one night stand with them because you build up your own way and it's your narrative yeah you dramatize things in your head exactly it's basically a film

that you were the director the actor and the writer executive producer the cinematographer the whole thing was you the costume department mark jacobs by mark jacobs by mark jacobs it's that scene in mr beans holiday if you know where it's like directed by blah blah blah exactly it's either your worst nightmare or your dreamiest dream yeah because it's all of your own creation so you know how god you know how to stress about something i know you do do. Not talking to you, Sefi. I'm talking to you listening. Yeah.

Well, I do as well. And me too. Who's like, who doesn't? What a trio we are. The three musketeers. The holy trinity. The holy trinity of stress. Actually, if you just don't try to steer the river, the iconic quote, it's literally like

the river is flowing. Anyway, the river has had a predestined path that is going,'s going to follow you're trying to say no come over here though like no there's a current that you don't know about in that corner over there that's going to take it yeah there's a reservoir just perfect for you around the corner around the river bend that you've got no idea about it's like just don't try to steer it like it actually nothing to do with you it's actually none of your beeswax. Yeah, honestly, wind your neck in, it's none of your beeswax. Literally. It's nothing to do with you what happens in your life. It really isn't. That's the most liberating thought. It really isn't. You have no control over it. We said this in a few

episodes back that all the main things, all the big things in my life that have happened were nothing to do with me, which is kind of the most iconic thing that it's like, actually, all the decisions that I stressed and stressed and stressed over never happened or just never were anything or didn't make didn't lead to anything whereas all the things that i didn't even think about what turned out to be the most bit the biggest and best things that happened in my life monumental so there we go fuck it fuck you gotta let let it go let it go something something anymore what's the lyric let it go uh can't hold it back anymore can't hold it you want to build a snowman should we go into some embarrassing ringtones by

the way let's do embarrassing ringtones because let's okay quick round of embarrassing ringtones i wish we had a little jingle stunning one i wanted to give an honorable mention because it's wins in my mind because i've used it um against you sephie to win the game of embarrassing ringtone to win the game this one i thought was hilarious because it's the it's because it's the intro that you basically to win the game it needs to be either a quite obscure or notable intro or kind of a song from the top 40 of 2013 yeah and this one i think is so good and i think it's hilarious because they said that their mom has this ringtone oh my god and it's thrift shopping macklemore because the beginning is

hey macklemore can we go shopping i'm sick i'm vomiting hey macklemore how bad is that how bad because some songs it's like you've got a little bit of a kind of musical accompaniment before the singing starts. You can quickly answer it. But something like that, there's no way out. Hey, Macklemore, can we go thrift shopping? Can we go thrift shopping in the middle of a seminar? Oh, my God.

You're looking around thinking whose phone is that? It's not mine. Sorry. That's so bad. There's no way out. One that I, someone said something by this singer, but I thought of my own one. You're riffing on it. I'm riffing, you know.

And I just thought this one would be bad. That song. And we all just want to be big. Because the start's like, I've been standing in line. Oh my God. Like the tone of the voice. Oh my God. Nickelback.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, I've been standing in line. Is it Nickelback? Yeah, yeah. I think so. Yeah. Just that. It it was like in a bathroom we can play baseball baseball and wow that's bad that's awful there's no way out no no that's like you have to throw your phone in a river at that point like that can you're dropping out you're dropping out of uni you're quitting you're quitting your job that was awful never to be seen again someone else said that

their mum again your mums have quite embarrassing ringtones are just funny someone's mum's ringtone that goes off in our store apparently is sweat by snoop dogg that's bad that's quite bad if it's the explicit version i just want to make you wet it's like why is that coming from that woman's phone that's so bad jack and i were having dinner once with his niece and we jack was just like alexa shuffle songs by snoop dogg and his niece is about i don't know like 12 at the time and we were just eating chomping away and then it's just like i just want to make you wet i just want to make you wet over and over again it's like right like at what point do i kind of look around and get like alexa stop alexa turn the volume off can you turn it down alexa skip yeah honestly there was a really good one

um oh my god this one made me laugh someone said oh my god mine is the sex in the city theme song is that embarrassing be honest and i'm gonna be honest and say yeah because that's like it's like it's like i always used to have a thing with the sex in the city theme tune with my sister i'd be like try and sing it try and say it's like one of those things you can't sing it you can't catch the melody it's like wait it's like oh you know what's a bad show worse than sex in the city zoe 101 are you ready oh i know you see me standing here do i look good my dear i always thought that's a shit lyric do i look good my dear today if you want an iconic song yeah that's really bad what's the drake and josh one how does that start that would be bad oh fuck i'm googling drake and josh theme tune

oh no i know i don't even need to see it i never thought that it'd be so simple but that's not too bad because it's kind of it can be ironic it's a meme isn't it yeah it needs to be something that can never be ironically funny zoe 101 is bad because it's niche but sex in the city is kind of like it's also bad because it's like what is the tune of that song i literally i need to hear it i'm not familiar it. It's like, you just couldn't, you couldn't sing it. This is the problem. If anyone can sing the Sex and the City theme tune, send us a voice note. Because I actually think it's impossible to sing. I would die.

I think it's impossible to sing. Another bad one that someone sent was, Wake up in the morning feeling like being diddy. Whoa. That's bad because it starts immediate. It's, wake up it's oh yeah you've got no time to quickly be like is that my phone ringing shit the volume's still low it's like no we're coming in strong it's bad as well brush my teeth with a bottle of jack before you know it is and tuck in pedicures on our toes toes the beat has dropped yeah it, it's bad. That one's really... Honestly, before you know it, you're in deep in Kesha.

TikTok on the clock. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals.

Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find

a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com A lot of people said Crazy Frog and I agree, that's awful. That is bad.

That has the same energy as Spider Pig. Yeah, it does. Ring, ring. They're coming from a similar vibe, yeah. Basically, keep these coming. Whenever you think of them, just DM us because it's honestly the best game of all time. Yeah, whenever you're having a down day,

just think, at least I'm not in a seminar with Crazy Frog blasting out of my phone. Not even also quite funny to do, not just a ringtone, but you open your laptop in a lecture and there's a YouTube video playing. What's the most embarrassing YouTube video to be playing? I had this.

This was really bad, actually. One of my first ever lectures it was with my housemate we were in a lecture together which we were never in we had been googling i don't know what this was we were googling extra large condoms but i don't know what the reasoning was i reckon we were going to fill them with water or something like i don't know why we'd be getting specifically extra large god that's quite bad it's like quite a niche thing to get and then it's like you're really giggling and it's like quite a niche thing to get and then it's like you're really giggling and it's like god like are you yeah children full children because also it

was on one of those quite tiered lecture seating things and it was like she was trying to close it so quickly and like you've got full access to everyone's screens it's like you could see it in a dark because it was like a cinema lecture like it was on like global cinema or something and it was like dark and it's just glowing extra large and it's like why so why the specificity why extra large like why were you googling extra large it's like a bit arrogant to be googling that yeah that's it's a bit like try hard it's a bit like do you think you're yeah yeah it's a bit are you 15 years old googling it for all the funny reasons and it looked like all the bad reasons it was i was in a seminar once and this girl opened her laptop and it was on a dan and phil video oh my god bearing in mind i wasn't at uni that long ago this is recent also

no shade to dan and phil but it's just hilarious she's honestly got the whiskers drawn on her face. She's like, meow, raw. Truly. That's so bad. Thing is, I never was a Dan and Phil girl, but I definitely, definitely fancy Dan. Same. Definitely fancy Dan. And I thought his coming out video was amazing.

I think the best I've ever seen. Not that they function to be rated by me, but I did think it was great. Yeah, and it kind of revived my love for him a little bit, but I definitely used to fantasize about him like a little bit kind of like i love them playing sims yeah yeah they had like dan and phil games or something like play or something yeah and they play this they play a sim called dill yes oh my god i definitely watched dill yeah i don't know it's a combo of their names yeah i can't remember but anyway and there's a really funny episode

where dill sets everything on fire anyway and i was properly laughing it's fair enough it's a fair enough choice to be sat in a lecture watching dan and phil i don't know if it is though i don't know if it is at 22 or whatever to be watching dan and phil in a lecture to be watching dan and phil games is quite specific but also it's not just on it's not just the moment where they open their laptop and it's on the video it's the moment where you see them close it yeah it's like get that mouse straight on that x get out of here the urgency at which the mouse moves across the screen it's like yeah it's mortifying shouldn't be seen by another human dan and phil oh my any youtube is embarrassing at that point anything's mortifying yeah you shouldn't be on youtube if there's something about youtube that it's just like that's very private yeah no one can see my subscriptions i was gonna say it's a very private list me and lizzie i went on my sister's um youtube the other

day and we're watching like a youtube video together and it was like subscribe to like jim chapman and it's like lizzie this is amazing it's bizarre it's like why are you subscribed to jim chapman but it's also a weird it's a very intimatezie, this is amazing. It's bizarre. It's like, why are you subscribed to Jim Chapman? But it's also a weird, it's a very intimate experience to watch YouTube with someone else. Yeah, absolutely. To let them into your subscription box. With TV, you can watch it with anyone. We're not fussed.

But YouTube almost feels like it was made for you. Just your eyes only. You have very personal relationships with everyone. Much like listening to this is quite an intimate thing, I would imagine. In that you feel like you're in the convo with we're doing harry i now speak you have one hour one hour one hour oh you're one hour i definitely feel that when i listen to podcasts that they're my friends i want to watch youtube i feel like they're my friends and all of this stuff and i think it's so it's so intimate like you're with me especially the podcast you're with us for an hour a week essentially yeah you can't reveal us in the middle of your seminar

oh my god no we're just for you we're not for your ratty seminar pals do you want to hear the worst thing that happened in a seminar that i was in once oh god what this is like this actually strikes me as probably the worst thing worse than an embarrassing ringtone what worse than a dan and phil um so i was in a seminar and we walked in this in the final year of uni and it was an english seminar and we're studying this book that had like some mexican writing in it and someone had the teacher had written on the board okay there's a mexican phrase on the wall and it's they said so can anyone by chance translate this like Like, does anyone speak? Can anyone speak this language? What does this say?

It's like a Mexican book. Is it Spanish? Is that the language I'm looking for? Well, it would be, yeah, some language from Southern America, depending on whereabouts. And it's like, can anyone speak this? Like, does anyone, can anyone translate this? This guy at the back of the seminar, hand shot up in the air, and he just says, fuck to death. And the guy was like, no, sorry. It means build a wall. fuck to death and the guy was like no sorry it means build a wall fuck

to death imagine fuck to death fuck why would you ever what would ever possess you first of all what possesses you to raise your hand in a seminar when you don't have something incredibly profound to say and even if you speak full spanish and you're like fluently and you're like that says fuck to death very clearly i would be thinking maybe i won't put my hand up and say fuck to death in the middle of a seminar but also it's so awful that it said build the wall also it would be a boy wouldn't it the levels of entitlement you have to feel you have to be raised as a male in this patriarchal society honestly fuck to death and it was like hand straight down head down never to be seen again in the seminar you just can't show your face after that no you're getting fucked to death after that also to death it's like that's funny that you thought that would be a phrase that would

be normal fuck to death i do think that is something of note though that it obviously let me guess it's a little white boy yeah it was it was. In what? Was that an English seminar or a film seminar? An English seminar, yeah. Little white boy in an English seminar is 100% raising his hand to say fuck to death. Yeah. Because I know for a fact

all of the other girls in the room are thinking about how they can validate themselves with their achievements. Fucking learn whatever the book is. Do you know what I mean?

And they can read it. They did a Spanish module and they can clearly read Build the Wall. And they don't want to say and they think i guess it was a trump sort of thing i don't really know what this was yeah and they can read that it says build the wall and they're thinking no no i won't say i know and then they hear this fucking guy say fuck to death it's like oh my god the arrogance that takes to say that in a seminar is imagine insane i think it's just just one of the most obvious examples of symptoms of the patriarchy where men feel entitled to space yeah and it's not necessarily

a bad thing it would be great if women felt entitled to space too yeah i'm not trying to take it away i think it's i think it's funny to be ballsy and put your hand up and say fuck to death but it's unfortunate that that's a luxury that hasn't been afforded to women or actual fucking mexican people not fucking white people putting their hands up saying fuck to death it's unfortunate that that's a luxury that hasn't been afforded to women or actual fucking Mexican people, not fucking white people putting their hands up saying fuck to death. It's like actually it's a very serious convo that we're having. It's a very serious discourse. And you've inserted yourself to say fucked to death. Any minority is so aware of how they are taking up the space and how their voice should be minimized and that it's almost not appropriate in a seminar to say the word fuck even.

But with the arrogance at which he put his hand up and the word fuck just came off his mouth so easily, like he just owns the room. It's like, okay, that's really, really ballsy. And it was appropriate in an English seminar. Like it was very... But even if it wasn't, there's a lack of consequence. It's funny, this reminds me actually,

just thinking about how different people feel differently about taking up space etc just essentially how different we are when it comes to validating ourselves i thought this was really interesting what someone said because i know that you and i seffy have different approaches to this different experiences with this so they said a way that they validate themselves or the way that they get validation is by posting something on social media and from my experience that feels very foreign to me. But I remember you said it in a past episode, I think. Maybe you just said it to me and I just immediately think that everything in our friendship is monetized.

Yeah, it is, actually. But you said that you have done or have known of people that if you're feeling a bit down or like, for example, if someone's feeling a bit down about the way they look, they'll post like a selfie or like post a pic of them looking good whereas i would do the opposite i would disappear off socials and i do frequently frequently yeah not even that i would do that but i completely understand the logic behind doing that and i know i've seen people do i've been with people when they're like oh i'm gonna post something yeah

like i just feel like posting something because they obviously are feeling a bit like oh it'd be nice to get a load of likes and i I completely understand that. I think also I do definitely dip out of social media when I'm feeling shit because I know it's not a good place because it's not a good place apart from our platform, which is great. The best thing about social media, let's be honest, is us. It's us. And all the amazing people that I follow. Like me. Yeah, literally. All the people that I i know including this one person right wing yeah so i definitely do dip out myself but i do understand the impulse to make yourself more public in the way that when i am anxious i put on a show like i think there are two ways that you can deal with stress essentially or like control or like a need

to control an inability to let go is you can either become more and be like quite outrageous and like you walk into the room like hi guys or you can walk in timid timid timid and i think i lean more towards putting on the show same which is similar to then posting on social media which i understand but i don't know whether i actually do that specific behavior i just remember the first time that it must have been someone again on the space said that they did that and you were like yeah yeah that happens all the time and i was like fuck i've never it's definitely a thing it was yeah not a concept that i'd ever thought about it's kind of like someone's boyfriend breaks up with them and then they post loads of like bikini photos yeah completely yeah of course you do that because you want to you're going into

performance mode suddenly you're an actor you're meryl streep you're like collecting your Oscars like I'm having the whale of I'm having an absolute whale of a time because I remember definitely people when their boyfriends broke up with them they were like oh my god well I need to post things on Instagram like I need to have Instagram stories up the whole time and I was like what just block them like why are you performing for someone they were oh no definitely you'll do this as well and I was like I don't think I will though or I hope I won't and I don't yeah I would much rather have an internal struggle than have an external performance going on I think it's a mad behavior that you know what people say like if you're holding on to jealousy you're only holding on to something that burns yourself or something like that or you're holding

on to resentment yeah holding on to is like hot coal you'll only burn yourself like that we're doing these like public performances on your story like i'm out all the time i'm filming the fucking festival i'm taking pictures and i'm making sure that other boys are in them so that he knows that i am seeing other boys and all of this stuff it's like you're only hurting yourself because then you're checking who's viewed it and all of this stuff and it's he's not looking and it's very transparent it's a really it's so fascinating how we overcompensate and it goes back to the classic your mum's genius of imagined audience yeah it's a genius phrase you really think that you have a whole audience just waiting

for your next move on social media it's like actually i didn't realize that you hadn't posted in three weeks yeah and it's the imagined audience of truly the best phrase ever that I use all the time. No one views your story more than you do. I'll sit all day viewing my own bloody story. I said to you the other day, Sefi, that I put something on the story and I said, I've honestly watched this about 400 times. I need to clip off of it now.

It's like a bit much. It's a problem, isn't it? But do you ever do it where you watch something, like your own personal story or like go through your feed even and you're viewing it from a specific pair of eyes like you'll see that sort of this person in your story has seen it and you'll view it from their perspective and then you'll find someone like oh my god like this person watched it oh i wonder what they thought and you'll watch it again through their eyes it's like a really odd behavior so self-indulgent i know sephie you and i have

noted this before about how back in the day when I was like 11 on Facebook, I would very much post for me, even though I knew that like my aunts and uncles would see it. But I thought they were irrelevant. And this was my circle. So I wasn't worried about putting on a show or giving a performance for what they would want to see on my Facebook through their eyes. Now, as I've got older and the social media etiquette has changed and grown over time i definitely went through a phase and i'm more aware of it now where i do think people in our generation now feel like we're the peripheries yeah versus when you first met social media if you're in this you know the same generation as us which you probably are and if you're not thank you

for being here yeah when you were first introduced to fucking myspace it very much felt like your aunts and uncles were the peripheries of that and you were the center of myspace whereas now it's like you feel like you're the peripheries of instagram because you are because kylie jenner is the center of instagram for example yeah totally and you're always we say it all the time you're looking at pictures of a party that you'll never be invited to yeah it's the opposite of centering yourself with this whole narrative like be the main character be that you're the main character in your own life blah blah blah it's like instagram is engaging in the absolute opposite behavior unless you're monetizing your instagram i think you if you're using instagram to share your own stuff like for example you're sharing your artwork or your

for example have a podcast or whatever you do then you are centering yourself in a way that makes yourself and other people very uncomfortable yeah but it's still dangerous because then maybe even more than the average consumer of instagram you are seeking validation through social media which is always tricky horrific if you get your validation essentially through anything from anything that is external yeah you're fucked should we talk about like like for example where do you get your validation from do you think let me just sit with that for a sec i think i get my validation from lots of different places i think i get my validation a lot from my sense of identity yeah and so whatever fits in in my from my perception of what is my identity, I'll feel validated by.

And I think that's when we feel most shaken up as people, is when it feels like your identity is being shaken a bit. So for example, if you always felt like the smartest in the room. Yeah. Hamilton reference, but yeah. If you always felt like the smartest in the room and then you go into a new job, for example, and you are in a team where you very much are functioning as now the underdog all of that validation you'd previously built it's scrapped could be shattered

to smithereens yeah and you're the scrappy dappy do and meanwhile scooby and fred are ruling the roost and you have no means of keeping up or you were the daphne and you move into a new space and you're now the fucking velma there's another hot girl and it's like oh fuck where does your validation come from oh i was about to go on a whole thing about scooby doo um good thing you steered me off um um where does my validation come from i definitely agree with like a sense of identity but it's even more like the it's not even when i don't see it reflected it's almost like if i catch myself behaving in a way that doesn't align with my sense of identity or someone tells you otherwise that throws me the most for example if i'm thinking oh i'm the hot one i'm the hot one and i walk in and i'm suddenly very clearly not the hot one

i have the knowledge in my own mind but i am but then if then i catch myself in a way i think i'm really funny and i say something that i believe is really not funny and really awful. That's worse. That's like, oh, everyone's like killed it. And then you're like, oh, I'm not funny. Fuck. Yeah, that's bad. You know how sometimes we say you're walking a tightrope depending on the day.

The thread that you walk on could be very thick and fat and stable and secure and you're completely balanced. fat and stable and secure and you're completely balanced or you're walking this tightrope and it's a very teensy tiny thin scrap of string and one gust of wind and you're knocked off so because that to me sounds like it's not necessarily someone saying to you oh you're not the hot one today or you're not funny today that's like just on the off chance that whatever happened to you that day set your perception of yourself slightly off and one small moment could be taken very differently because you could make the exact same joke and it land the exact same way on a different day and you'll be thinking god i'm fucking ricky gervais i think it's so true i mean the tightrope is something that we always come back to in that i think true happiness success and all of these

things is having a very wide tightro rope which kind of is about saying that like no matter what you're thrown in the day you have a basis that allows you a bit of give like say someone kind of spits in your coffee one day something crazy something crazy happens you don't go oh it's because i'm fucking horrible and ugly and of course this would happen and i'm disgusting and i'm evil and all these things this would happen it's my karma you go that was fucking weird that that just happened i'll move on i'll get another coffee i can't wait to talk about this on my amazing podcast yeah it's a ridiculous story it's about having a different you just have a bit of give in your life

if something bad happens it's not directly about you whereas if your tightrope's very thin you're constantly on the edge constantly wavering and wobbling off the edge and it's like one person can like look at you the wrong way and you're falling off the tightrope down the fucking dark hole and you're in despair all of a sudden yeah but actually it's that is happiness or success or whatever because i don't think it's about these markers of when i've got this job that i'm in a constant state of happiness bad things are always going to be thrown at you stressful things are always going to be thrown at you but if you've got a wide tightrope a wide sort of to be honest a big sense of happiness, bad things are always going to be thrown at you. Stressful things are always going to be thrown at you. But if you've got a wide tightrope, a wide sort of, to be honest,

a big sense of self-esteem, a decent sense of self-esteem, you're okay. Your contentment will last longer. How have you built that? How do you widen your tightrope? How do you validate yourself? From learning.

For example, the Exeter thing, when I didn't get into Exeter, my tightrope was very thin at that moment. At that point, as an 18-year- into Exeter my tightrope was very thin at that moment at that point as an 18 year old girl my tightrope was very thin and all that it took was to not get into the university that I wanted and I was spinning down into despair and in those moments you really do have nothing other than yourself to build yourself up and you do have to find the block the building blocks on your own and build up with things that you do like from having experiences that knock you yeah so much knock your confidence your self-esteem and all of these things and having to build with real things because i was holding to be honest my tight

rope was built out built out of like fucking spaghetti yeah and now it's made out of fucking stone it's like a bridge now building it with real shit rather than like ridiculous things like the scraps that you find that boy text me like this boy once said that you're walking on spaghetti it's like that's not gonna build sustainable that's not good you need to be building a bridge right now what about you i love this extended metaphor by the way of the tightrope so stunning it's like a tightrope a bridge spaghetti food scrappy do but it's all actually just your self-esteem. What about you though? I can't think of really a way that I validate myself

apart from looking at the reviews that you guys leave us. Imagine the cheek of it. That is, it is validating. We always fucking talk about the reviews in that they are just so kind i was crying my bloody eyes out the other week in my car on my own and i'm not afraid to say it and i was also i was crying but i was also kind of laughing thinking you've probably just like listened to an episode and thought i feel quite bad for them i'll leave the review i'll be nice go on i've got five minutes i'll do it And they leave a lovely little review. And lo and behold, I'm crying my eyes out.

Cut to, I'm shedding real tears. Real tears. Water. Because they're just sweet. Yeah, they're really sweet. Like full bodily functions are happening. Like full sobbing. Full sobs.

Over something that someone wrote in two seconds. It's really sweet. They're just kind of... Basically, it's not even just the reviews. It's the DMs. It's everything. That is... I always think it's borderline

dangerous validation in that i feel very validated for example right now there's no one else here it's me and you convo which i fucking live for we live for these conversations but then it's also this on top of that the validation of like there are people listening to us talking now in the future like god knows where you are when you're hearing this voice right now it's bizarre it's like that's validating in a weird way but it's borderline like it's dangerous because that's not coming from us that's how i sense of self is completely in your hands are you listening and i'm not happy about it i'm crying you could snip the tightrope at any moment snip snip that spaghetti yeah so don't you dare but it's a weird borderline between

external and internal like the internal is so kind of joyful i guess of us like creating this thing and it's really fun and it's like really from ourselves but the external is like the likes the follows the dms the fucking sponsors all of that it's just like the numbers the number game and that is where you must not we must not yeah get trapped because that's just like the numbers the number game and that is where you must not we must not yeah get trapped because that's just like distraction yeah from actually truly what this is which is um thoughts and what the fuck is this thoughts and um i think it really comes back to being intentional this is my whole new thing i'm gonna ride this out for the next kind of six episodes you won't stop hearing me say this be intentional life-changing also it's not the first time i've heard it but i don't know why it's just hitting different this time i think i got lost i think

i got lost crying i think in your car i think i did get a bit lost i think i got a bit passive yeah and was living unintentionally i was kind of of like, oh, there goes another day. Oopsie. Kind of like, oh, just like stuck in the rhythms of life. Just like honestly conforming. This is recently, by the way. This is like a couple of weeks ago. I definitely had this revelation when I was listening to a Solange song.

And I think it says like, you're nothing without intention. Do nothing without intention. Yeah. I think it's like one of those ones that's like kind of a seven second song it just catches you it's like oh shit what we were saying just before we started recording when we're talking about intention because clearly every combo is a podcast combo insane fully we are insane um but i think it's like we were saying about like even drinking your tea you're drinking a cup of tea and before you know it you finish your cup of tea and it was just like blah blah blah you've had a cup of tea but actually it's like i'm making myself a cup of tea because

i want to drink a cup of tea and every moment you're drinking that cup of tea you're thinking yeah i chose to do this it's not just something that happened every single thing that you do has a reason has a motive it's fucking important to know it yeah like why are we doing a podcast right now because we want to it's so true not oh i oh sorry it's it's this day of the week well we have to have one out by monday we've got it's like no it's actually like an intentional decision we want to speak to you but also like a fine line between intention and control because well because it comes back to whose intentions are they love it whose intentions are they so fucking true because at the same time someone could go to sussex university and have the worst time of their life because it wasn't made for them are they your

mum's intentions who wants you to live this certain life are they your grandma's intention than once you live this certain life are they your best friend's intentions who wants to go traveling and you also want to go traveling you want to wear this outfit but is that your some is that sort of gokwan's intention that you copied. Fucking hell, it's Trini and Susanna Smith. Honestly. Do we operate in 2006? I think we do, actually. It's like we recorded this in the September of 2005 and it's only now being released.

Someone found it in a time machine. All of our references are so embarrassingly off. So off Stephen Moan is the ultimate one. You know what it is? It's you were cast in Doctor Who at nine years old and you're going in your time machine, flitting back and forth and finding all of these podcast archives

and releasing them. And bringing them back, releasing them in 2020. Shivers. Why did they talk about Gok Wan? Bizarre. I also went to a Gok Wan book signing once. Oh, you've told me this before.

Really weird. That's it. What happened? Oh, nothing. That's it. We went to that's it we went to got what was he wearing what were you wearing did you wear something impressive i i thought it was at the time but it was my sister's coat and it wasn't very impressive it's from new look and what did it look like um it looked like it was kind of gray and like checkered it wasn't nice at all i think i

was wearing you know what i was wearing 100 i was wearing uggs ugg boots wow definitely with like leggings i guess with maybe like jeggings even yeah fucking hell it was a time wasn't it it really was a time kind of side fringe big belt bit kind of it was like a little bomber jacket maybe i definitely thought it was good i'm obsessed but when i look back on the pictures i definitely remember thinking god you definitely should have washed your hair like it was a bit too greasy that's a bad look did you have the fringe yeah like you know when you had the side fringe oh oh yeah of course of course and it's almost like a bit of a yeah i definitely just remember thinking like back then it kind of was a bit of a greased look i feel it definitely was like i probably i

probably had like hairspray in it but it it wasn't looking good i remember got kwan was unimpressed so one of the stats stats already boring the thing that i thought on the story when we asked you the questions they're like no not the stats anything but the stats they're no longer called polls and they're no longer called stats we're gonna call them we should come up with a fun name if you can think of a fun name that we can call like the polls that we do that would be good so someone we said do you struggle with wanting to be liked by others so family peers and strangers slash strangers and all um and 85% of you are saying yes and i think that's interesting it's like do you struggle with that

and the vast majority want to be liked by everyone are we living authentically then are we in are we trying to steer the river the famous quote goes that everyone should set as their background it's on the subliming highlights but are we all doing that and we absolutely are i feel like i had quite a life-shaking lesson or just kind of mantra or like thing that i like to remember it doesn't have to be dramatic it's my life's work it's like one passing thought but i just got to a point where i thought for a second like if i look around this room i don't really have many opinions on the majority of people here and a few of them i would even go as to say i dislike them yeah so why does it matter to me if this person that i actively dislike likes me or not? It's like,

really, really doesn't matter. Fair enough, I can give up, you know, I can understand if I really like or admire someone, I would want them, I mean, I would love them to feel the same way about me. But I absolutely do not give a fuck if the scrappiest of scrappy-dos like me. I don't want to be liked by you. If anything, if you like me, I'm doing a bad job. I need my enemies to despise me. Otherwise, I'm not standing up for anything. I need to be making my opinions loud and clear. Yeah, if you stand for nothing. Yeah, exactly. If you stand for nothing, bear, what do you fall for? Another Hamilton reference. But it's true. It's like you need to actually be making people that you don't like feel funny about you for example a similar situation that i'm doing something at the moment a poetry thing that i'm doing at the moment sephie's a poet i'm a poet guys really though

i'm doing it with a group of people that i was looking around the room the metaphorical zoom room and i was thinking unimpressed unimpressed unimpressed for the vast majority there were some people that I think yeah you're fucking really cool you're very impressive I'm so impressed so so amazing so stunning the poetry is so stunning but I also for the vast majority I was thinking I don't like you then why am I so nervous to read my poetry in front of you no no no no no honey and I think it is life-shaking to realize I'm unimpressed they're allowed to be unimpressed back yeah that's that is fine that's allowed to be unimpressed back. Yeah. That's that is fine. That's allowed to happen. My sense of self doesn't get shaken by that. It should not get shaken by that. I think everyone should carry that with them in that it's okay for people to be

unimpressed or actively dislike you. You want to be disliked by the right people or the wrong people. You want a group of misogynists to hate you absolutely absolutely that and it comes back to our bigger argument about gender in the sense that women so often are encouraged to be as palatable as possible be as non-offensive non-abrasive as possible be quiet in your opinions if anything don't form them you'd be better off if you just kept your mouth shut and sat pretty be smaller small small small but then the man in the seminar can put his hand up ever so bravely and just say fuck to death absolutely not like it's nothing whereas you've been thinking oh my god i looked a bit weird when i smiled at that person no fuck that the whole time you grew up in mexico and

you've heard this mantra build the wall so many fucking times but you didn't dare put your hand up because it was embarrassing so give yourself the space because honestly no one else will yeah and also no one is watching one of the best most liberating lessons of life is that nobody is watching you nobody cares about you no one gives a fuck about you no one gives a shit about you apart from us we love you you need us we are all you have you need us right now You need to give us a review right now. Give us a review. You need to maybe give us your money right now. You'd be nothing without us.

Think about where you'd be without us. You're good friends. Sophie and Erin. It's fucking true. No one gives a fuck about you. And that is a good thing. The people that need to give a fuck about you, give a fuck. That your imagined audience, these people that you think are watching your story and liking your pics and kind of thinking

oh i was thinking this the other day i really want to start riding my bike because i have never ridden my fucking bike and i was like what the hell it would be so good just to like pop into town on a bike so easy and i was thinking what is actually the thing holding me back yeah sure in london is the fear of death is holding me back on a bike but when i'm at home which i am right now is in in essentially the countryside middle of nowhere i can of course just cycle around it's fucking safe as anything but the thing that's stopping me is the thought that's like oh my god like i'm riding a bike like what if someone sees me it's like it's like not hot yeah it's not a hot look because 100 i'm having a helmet like what i can't it's 10 minutes for me

to get into town that means rather than a fucking half an hour walk so you're gonna get to your deathbed at whatever 106 years old or whatever it was that you said and you're gonna think back and think thank fucking god i didn't wear that helmet and get on that bike and i looked hot as fuck when i was 23 years old absolutely not absolutely not i believe that you can make it very fucking hot on a bike i'm gonna make this cool as hell the hottest thing in the world is you doing whatever the fuck you want exactly so i just think fuck that i'm not gonna not ride a bike for that reason that's insane yeah it is insane it's like no one's watching but the problem is no one the problem is we're raised to not have the scope to think critically in that way you would it's crazy

even that you've got to the point where you're thinking hang on i do want to ride a bike why have i not most people just think yeah i've got no interest in riding a bike but you actually do probably yeah you've just convinced yourself that you don't because it's easier because it's not attractive or not normal or it's easier to conform it's not attractive for girls to do it a guy on a bike is oh my god he's just like careful he rocks up on a bike why do women's clothes not have pockets it's the same because we've got nowhere to go men need to be practical and carry things because we should have a little purse women have nothing to do apparently just just enough to keep a little lipstick in i honestly can't fucking bear it so i think i'm now we're going to become helmet bike sort of an olympian bike rider yeah i think i'm suddenly

becoming that guy what's his name who did the drugging thing what's that cyclist called that drugged it's a it's a man that rode a bike oh people are probably screaming at this he was like a olympic biker you're gonna do really well on a bike yeah i'm a biker you like get on your little bicycle with a big leather jacket harley davidson you're a biker gang i also think it's like what why can't i do roll like rollerblade around a fucking park like why am i not allowed to do this because it's not cool so true but i just i'm having these whole things of like all these things that you've stopped yourself from doing because you were told in year eight oh no the girls don't ride their bikes the boys do but the girls don't oh you just got the vibe yeah no one

even said it just you noticed none of the girls were riding their bikes um and you just think fuck well i wasted my life walking i could be cycling yeah i could be rollerblading am i mad you could have split that travel time in half all of the time that i've spent walking trudging i could have been actually rollerblading yeah through blistering winds and scorching deserts climb to the top of the tallest tower what is that it's prince charming in shrek oh my god yeah and his hair's going yeah i love it and i could have been literally roller skating am i an idiot you are yeah to be honest we all are yeah we're all imbeciles we should all start roller skating instantly.

I hope that this has been, to me, this would be something that I would need to hear. When I'm living quite passively, I need someone to jump down my earphones and scream at me to be intentional. So I hope we've done that for you in a nice way and we haven't shouted at you or made you feel uncomfortable at any point

with the strange, bizarre references. I hope you were okay with everything that you just experienced i'm not even saying it's like you need to start riding your bike i'm saying i need to start riding my bike it's like we all need to start doing this we all start need to start thinking even like things like oh i'm just hanging out with the same people i've always hung out with do i intentionally intentionally even like these people no i do um if i hang out with you i do like you my line goes dead do i intentionally want to hang out with these people am i actively meeting up with these

people that i like or am i just like hanging out with them because i've always hung out with them and if you're my friend thinking oh is that about me no i'm not talking about you this isn't about you it's true are you spending your days how you'd like living with intention or are you being And if you're my friend thinking, oh, is that about me? No, I'm not talking about you. This isn't about you. It's true. Are you spending your days how you'd like, living with intention? Or are you being passive and letting life wash over you? Because I do that all the time. And I constantly need to be on it.

Pick myself back out. But also, no pressure. If you intentionally want to watch fucking Netflix for hours on end. Oh, absolutely. That's kind of the point. Sounds like a dream. Well, there you go. I hope that's your plan today. I hope you can just have a nice day today and chill so stunning live your best life be your best self so stuns and i love that stunning has become a thing for us how

stunning is that i didn't even realize we fucking said it but you know what life is stunts it's kind of um stunning stunning stunning what time is it stunning time stunning time it's off vacation get me out of it i think we need to go cool so everyone go ride the bike live with intention always put an insurance choice on your uni that's the life lesson honestly lessons learned lessons learned and live your best authentic life don't try and steer the river we are the worst just live with intention and leave us a review bye god i hate myself yeah i love it see you next time then guys thank you so much for listening we'll see you soon