Goes Without Saying - wanting everything, doing nothing: indecision paralysis & the fig tree

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on learning how to be confident in your decisions, identity and our chosen paths, abandoned dreams and being "unrealistic", fear, anxiety, shame, pressure, and entering your Omelette Appreciation Era (2.0). ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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It goes without saying you're listening to goes without saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Sefi. And I'm Wing. And that feels so weird to do an intro after the bonanza is over. Welcome back to the show. It's weird, keep going. And this is an episode, it's all framed around the Sylvia Plath fig tree, which I'm sure if you've been on the internet for more than, I don't know, 10 minutes you will have seen. If you went to school. Basically, yeah. We're talking about choices, decisions, maybe being indecisive, how to know when you're making the right decision, regret.

So many things come into this. Basically just being a young woman with her choices in front of her. What the hell are you supposed to do? So enjoy! No more summer bonanza. No! That was fun. There'll be no bonanzering around here. No, the bonanza is well and truly over. Over. Back to regular scheduled programming. Yeah, but that was fun. It was really nice a whole month. We did miss a few days but a whole month essentially. There was definitely more than enough to go around in my opinion. I think so. I wonder if anyone was like on the like four days that we didn't put our episodes was like oh no I really wanted one. I know there will be but I don't trust you guys. You are a weird anomaly with terrible taste. I'm not fussed about.

Honestly, there are so much in this world to explore. You don't need little Sefin Wing every day. You'll be fine. That was a huge undertaking though. One whole month of podcasts. I don't, I mean I can't think of another podcast that I've seen do that. Yeah, I like it when you say this,

because I almost, I feel like we take it in terms of feeling like Sefin Wing Wing give the bare minimum and whenever you say that no one else is doing this it makes me feel like okay good no I've never seen it either but I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing. No no I'm not even saying that is a smart move like also what we were saying in a meeting the other day, i just find this so classic, us trying to be sort of smart and then it kind of just nothing works out in the way you think it's going to. being like, every time we've done it, we haven't

even seen a huge sort of financial gain from it or something. every time we're like, okay we'll double our money and then it's like, why did it stay the same? like how did that happen? you know what's good for money? podmas. but I always am shocked actually at like how similar it always stays. podmas was not similar. no not the last one that was really good. I can't let that. that was good presents all round for the family. that was wow what happened there thanks guys. that was crazy. almost like did everyone ship in like we had a kind of it was around for the family. That was wow what happened there thanks guys. That was crazy. Almost like did everyone ship in like we had a kind of it was just giving some people a little hat around. It was GoFundMe. Yeah that was fun. I love podmas. I also love autumn like the

spectacular bonanza that we do. Same same and I'm feeling god I mean summer just it's been a weird old it's a a weird, I feel actually, okay, weird angle to come in with, and I promise I'll get us on track, but this morning, I actually kind of laughed a bit to myself, because I was like, why am I doing this to myself, as if this is gonna set me up for like a nice fun day?

I was getting ready this morning, and I was like, oh, you know, I know you know, I see button on my YouTube, but this is really sad. She has a life update video. She's very somber, she has some somber news, like things aren't good. Yeah, no, it was really, really horrible. And I was kind of like, why have I put this on

at literally 8 a.m., like, who's excited for the day? Yeah, like, here we go, this is gonna be great, I'm gonna have a fun day. And then immediately, just almost thinking about, like, God, go, like, this is gonna be great, I'm gonna have a fun day. And then immediately just almost thinking about like, God, like the things we put ourselves through and like, vulnerability. Oh God, actually. Vulnerability on the internet, yeah I know,

it was really like, my heart is just pouring open for her. Same. And I brought that up because, I don't know, it was just making me think like, I feel like like she was basically saying, past few months have been challenging. And I was thinking it does definitely feel like, I definitely feel strange when I look around. And when I examine the state of life for myself and others. Yeah, I just think, what the fuck is going on? It feels like like do things feel a bit heightened or something at the moment? Yeah, feel like in a lot of areas of my life like people from all different parts of my life and

Just generally when I like read everyone's messages and things like that. I just feel like oh There's a lot of stuff going on Yeah, I feel like people are taking on a lot or like it feels a bit heavy and it might just be that as usual, I'm sad that I'm not in my kind of mid COVID, everyone's telling each other to make banana bread and be nice to each other anymore. So it's by contrast making everything feel. Yeah, and it doesn't compare.

So then it's like, does it suddenly now feel like, have we all become a bit more internal again? And like everyone's taking on more. Almost the world is like sharp and like everyone's sort of abrasive again. Yeah and almost like everyone's putting on a brave face all the time. I 100% agree with that. It's no longer, take your time energy. No, you better crack on now.

Which I hate, like the brave face, it comes, I even find myself at the moment, I'm not even gonna really go into it, but if you've been listening for the year... A cunning ear you might have. Yeah, since the beginning of the year, shit has been going on. And just like... Yeah, it's just horrible. These things, yeah. And just really sad just horrible. these things yeah. and just really sad and horrible but

it's so crazy the speed at which it's like right okay back to normal and actually it's like no I still feel really sad and it comes in waves and it's just really nasty. it's not linear and it's heavy and it's kind of the expectation from others and also ourselves to be like, oh this is my only way forward is to just get on with it. Or like, and it is, we do have to go forward. And it's the only way you really know how to cope with it. But it's impossible.

I guess get on with my life. But it's like, but why do I feel really sad? Or like being shocked at like, but it's been two weeks so I should be kind of, you know, feeling over it. And it's like, but why the fuck would you be? And also kind of get on with my life, but it's like, but how? Like I actually don't know how feeling over it. It's like, but why the fuck would you be? And also kind of get on with my life, but it's like, but how? Like I actually don't know how to do this.

I don't know how, I don't know what my strategy is here. Literally. For like keeping on doing this. Unprecedented. I literally, truly don't know how to navigate this unprecedented time. And that specifically Braveface was something that Estee said in her video to me this morning.

Is it her dog? Why have I not heard a beautiful dog that looks like her beautiful face? No, no, no. Yeah, Effie, no. They just look the exact same? No, no, it's so gorgeous. It's literally the most- It's beautiful.

I remember gasping when I saw her for the first time when fucking the day. Yeah, sobbing. Gorgeous, gorgeous. But yeah, when she said brave face I was like that is just Sefin Wing need to do a bit of unpacking on the brave face I think. Not today but we'll get around to it. We definitely do because it comes so naturally. And it is, she was kind of talking about it, I don't want to put words into her mouth, but almost like a strategy of like look if I've got a day ahead of me.

100%. I can't sit in the middle. I either am nailing it and I'm doing it and I'm fine and I'm not going there or I'm fully in it and I'm sobbing my heart out. I can't do the in-between. There's such a shakiness when it's almost like, if you allow yourself to be a little bit open, suddenly you're cracked open wide and it's tears

and everything's falling apart, which is there's a time and a place. Oh yeah, you can't be then going to the meeting at three after that. You can't do anything. It's really difficult. It's almost like how do we navigate the heaviness? If you don't take the time, it will find you. It will find you in the worst moments.

It's the classic thing that we always have, like when people think they're brushing stuff under the rug, it's like that doesn't just go away it's like suddenly your rug is like a hill in the middle of your room it's like there's a mountain in the in the bedroom because you've been pushing all of your shit under there and you thought it would go away. it's like then find yourself in the meeting eyes stinging kind of biting your lip. and doing a terrible job. you've got to run to the toilet now. It's horrific. It's horrible. On that note, intriguingly, oh no, it's fine. We just got an email from someone from the Nintendo event and I just realised that her name is the exact name of someone that I went to school with

and I thought I wonder if that's a crossover but it's definitely not. Well now I have to check. Because the person I went to school with is definitely not sending emails like that. Lucy Piper. Don't say her name. Yes, yes, yes. I'm pretty sure that was a name of someone. Oh no, no, no, I've got it wrong. That's not even her name.

Oh God. All right, forget it. Well anyway. She clearly made an assumption. Yeah. On that note, would love a soft and gentle hand holding communal vibe of like, it's Sylvia Plath times, everybody. We actually, we asked on Instagram, the Crocs Club, for things we should talk about. And so I think we can start nailing them down one by one.

It's a broadcast channel, Instagram, it's like a little chat thing called Crack's Club, but go and like, people said to us, how do I join it? Like we've got some DMs of people being like, I can't join. The only thing I can say is update your Instagram app. I don't know what to tell you. But just go to our profile and then click

join broadcast channel. Channel, we need the reincarnation of Steve Jobs to help out the people who can't. I don't know why maybe some people don't have access to it and for that I can only apologize. To those people I would say don't worry nothing interesting is happening over there and to the people who are there It's the best thing ever. Isn't this the best? Isn't this amazing? We're just having the best time. Yeah, but yes, so many people put such good We're just having the best time. Yeah, but yes, so many people put such good

Episode ideas and just like concepts and stuff. This is one of them which one I think we've ever touched on specifically We haven't like dedicated a full app to it. So let's let's do it. Yeah Fine, I'll go I Did say actually before we started recording I was like it's fine. I can cuz I was like, oh, let's get some of their responses to bounce off and we were like no no I know what we're gonna say. Yeah which also I said you guys are welcome on Thursday. Yeah yeah yeah on Thursday. We don't have. I kind of forgot the format of like Mondays we do this. Well we were adding and aring of like we were like do we say what is your fig tree? What is your Sylvia Plaath's bell jar fig tree?

And now, like, just almost, we were figuring out what's the way in, but I feel like it's easier to do the episode and then you guys will get the gist of what we're asking. Because really what we're asking is, can you, if you don't mind, tell us your deepest, darkest thoughts and fears and dreams and all the things you abandoned in yourself.

Yeah. That's the bit that I find interesting is like the ideas or like versions of yourself that you have had no choice but to abandon throughout the course of your life due to so many different things, like the concept of quote unquote being realistic or pressure, confidence, accessibility, and almost just indecision, all these different competing.

I think that's the bit that I find interesting, the indecision of it all. I think she says something about, I watched them all turn black and rot in front of my eyes until they all drop onto the ground. I want them all so I did nothing. And if you don't, and that is just so true, if you don't make the decision,

all of these things, they're finite. They have time limits. It's like, okay, so if one of them is go on holiday and one of them is like- Be doctor's assistant. Soon that will rot, that will dry up and rot and it will fall to the ground. It won't be an option anymore.

Unless you grab these things whilst they're ripe, time will pass. And I think it's just a great lesson in like doing really and like it's almost like close your eyes and jump just like pick something and go for it i feel like the whole message of it is like doesn't really matter which one you choose it's just about choosing something yeah it's like you can't have all of them but you can have some of them if you just sit down and choose them and devour them. If you spend your whole time wondering oh is that right oh let me just like do pros and cons of them all and like let me just like cross-analyze let me think it's like then you have nothing it's too late you've wasted your life

choosing and umming and ahhing it's like you just need to choose one of them. That's all you really need to do. Yeah, this is really a thing that I feel like comes up between me and my friends all the time. Even for silly things of like, yes or no, should we do that or that? Or should we go to this or where should we eat even? Go on. Could be basic things.

The concept of like, eventually it will get to the thing where one of us will be like, just make a decision and be happy with it. 100%. I don't care what decision it is But whatever decision it is We're just gonna embrace it and know that that was the one that we picked and now we move with that the worst thing you can Do the absolute was not even the worst thing to do the worst thing you can do is choose nothing and let it all fall to the fucking ground But like the thing when you choose something and then it's it's the classic grass is always greener. It's like, okay

So I chose the I chose this thing We chose to go to Nando's Oh, but pizza Express. It could have been really nice. Oh, it could have been really good It could have been. Yeah, it could have been. But you chose Nando's Pizza Express still exists until that figure is rotten and they go bust because they're giving everyone free pizza on the app Yeah, soon I think. They're surely on their way under. Yeah, the marble table. I don't know how that survives.

Yeah, your marble table awaits but for a limited time only. It's still an option and also like we said this the other day, we say it all the time and I say this specifically about like places. I've said it to you loads, like this is a conversation we've had in terms of like when you're leaving London or when you're thinking about where you're going next, exciting things always on the cards. I always say like, for example, with London, I'm like, it's actually not going anywhere.

Yeah, it's always there. If you can afford to wait to make your way back in, it will still be there. Like these places are not going anywhere and the indecision around like, where should I go next, should feel really like liberating and freeing and exciting and almost like by choosing one door it doesn't necessarily mean that you're closing all the others. No. You

still have options in life and certain things will be there waiting for you and knowing like almost how to play the long game of like there are things that are limited exclusive Your marble table awaits you for a short time only Sort of vibe that you have to jump on and do it and get it while it's hot and go and do it now And don't wait any longer honestly. Yeah But certain things like certain places Aren't going anywhere and you don't necessarily have to rush.

Yeah. Just feel confident in your decisions I think which is really difficult. That I think is the crux. And that is a really hard like that actually is really hard. Yeah and I think that's the thing about the fig tree I was gonna say before of like it is a tree for a reason like she's an amazing writer for a reason. She's chosen a tree for a particular time It has new figs every year. It's like yeah, okay, they fucked up. They all you let them all rot this year

Okay, and next year look what the fig tree did it grew new figs and if you're lucky the thing that you London whatever it is might be on there again. It's like these things aren't once in a lifetime Decisions and also if they are like your do you know how many lifetimes fit into your one lifetime? Like you know how many versions of you there are in this one lifetime and the things that were once in a lifetime to you At 15 will be so different even literally six months later 15 and a half God forbid then by the time you're 18 21 25 30 a hundred years old You'll have new ideals and like desires and dreams and like aspirations.

Sometimes like, I feel like it's one of those things that you get more comfortable with the more you do it. And sometimes you have to like really throw yourself in like exposure therapy, almost like Libra Queen. I feel like as a child, I could not make a single decisions. And now I think I'm quite a decisive person because I feel like I had to just fake being like, almost like people would get annoyed at me

and be like, just, no, pick something, whatever, blah, blah, blah. Do you know what something you said recently that I think is so decisive from you? You were talking about your tattoos, about how, like we went to a pop-up event the other day and Wyn got tattoos there and we were talking about it, about like, oh my god how could you just do that sort of thing. Honestly, how could you?

How could you? Truly how could you do such a thing? But also how do you, like I feel like the fear with tattoos, often for people it's like the regret of like, what if I get, I need to want that for a long time. And I feel like so many of your tattoos you have wanted for a long time. 100%, yeah. But being like, okay, I'm just gonna get that on this day.

And then it's like, or just even like, even if I've wanted it for a year, it's like, I know that how different I was a year ago To how I was today And you were talking about like the idea that you were like, I know that if I want something I know that I'll want it forever sort of thing. Hmm, which I because I'm fully Don't feel I think in part of well, I could change my mind on something I'll never change my mind on the fact that I feel confident to embrace the things that I want at that moment.

Part of my ownership of wanting something is I want it because I know that even when I inevitably change my mind, that's not the most important thing. I want to honor every version of me that wants it, doesn't want it, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And I feel confident to like, I don't know why, because I'm a fucking kind of anxious mess,

but I feel really confident in like, I feel really able to own. Yeah. Yeah, I feel really just able to own and explore things that I want knowing that knowing that if I change my mind, it won't kill me. I will change my mind. I have changed my mind about so many things in life,

and look where I am, I'm still going, still wanting things. If I can't want things, and if I can't enjoy things out of the fear that one day it won't be right for me, literally what is the point? And it's the kind of thing where it's like, for example, I don't know where the podcast is going. I don't know where my life is going.

But still, I would rather turn up every single day and make big, like huge decisions to hold onto something that I love right now because it deserves its space right now. And like, just cause I'm scared that it one day won't always be this way, doesn't mean that it isn't important enough to like really own an honor today.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I think there is a confidence in being like, what if I change my mind? It's like, you know, not what if, like you absolutely are gonna change your mind a hundred times over that I look forward to it. Yeah.

But we can explore every avenue, like knowing that like changing your mind or having a moment of doubt about something isn't a failure it's actually like inevitable it's just a part of it it only allows you to enjoy the things that you're doing more 100% it's really like liberating to just be like what if I change my mind it's like you know I will change my mind and that's fine still like I still own it now and I look forward to it look forward to the new things

Do you I mean because I think knowing that you will one day or like the fact that it's like I don't know It's like I'm also weird about tattoos in general. So the idea of having something one Yeah, cuz it's that I didn't like on my specific angle. Yeah, but any old thing like almost like I you've got such a specific angle. Yeah. But any old thing, like almost like, um, I think relationships are a really good one as well because it's like we do things where we're committing time and time again to like people that we care about. You might not always feel this way, but that doesn't take away from the fact that like it could be everything right now or it could at least be fun for like six months. And also they're complex. Oh, well that is also the whole thing. That also comes into

romantic relationships so much that I really do think like the fun of pursuing something that you don't want to be long term but you want to be an amazing like experience and just literally the feeling of being alive, of doing a cool fun thing and exploring something with someone that's like, okay, so I don't particularly want this person to be in my life when I'm fucking 60, but they're perfect right now for a 27-year-old girl. They're perfect. That, I think, is a decision you can make with almost a lot of self-trust and- Yes. Love and confidence. I think it is

confidence of being like I don't need to only invest in things that are permanent because I know that permanence is a little bit of an illusion. It's not real. No, permanence is not real. No permanence is not real. Love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait, our back to school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido, at your side. Yeah. Permanent. I don't really know of anything that I can think of right now. Well, nothing's permanent. Well, nothing's permanent.

Like I, even like, to bring it back to tattoos, for example, I feel like the one that people would get the most or like, oh no, just any old tattoo. For example, I have a tattoo of my dog. Oh, you can judge me. Honestly, my favourite little thing on the planet, this dog and I got a tattoo of my dog, beautiful. Sometimes my dog annoys me, I think,

you fucking little rat, why have I fucking branded myself with your image? Why are you absolutely full? And he is a brat, for sure. No, he's a total actual cunt. Sometimes I might wake up, I might wake up one day, look at that tattoo and be like, that was fucking dumb, rag rat, and the next day be like, love it again. I could have a moment. That poor little guy. I trust so fully

that everyone's mind is capable of turning them with the tide one way or the other. I could wake up tomorrow and be like, it's not working. And then an hour later I'll be like I'm back on it. I feel like we do that all the time. It's like, you can convince yourself that something that you can explore every avenue and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. You can have a moment of doubt about something. You can have a genuine dislike about something for six months. I love omelets again.

And I went for ages without eating omelets because I made myself sick on omelets. I don't want to see another omelet ever again. These things rotate. Life is always moving and I'm happy to go with it. sick on omelets i don't want to see another omelet ever again these things rotate life is always moving and i'm happy to go with it like well also it's like let go or be dragged you will be going with it you will be going through these cycles you've got no choice guaranteed sephian wing guarantee there you go embrace it you will be going through it if you can enjoy it or not those

are kind of the kind of the options sorry I keep sort of choking on my words. I was gonna say this earlier, I was like, why is it like, are we about to cry? Like, it's not in my throat. I'm saying, it will go in cycles, but I'm not gonna cry about it. I noticed you did it, and I also did it earlier, but I think I played it off, but it's really like,

I think it's sometimes, should we just take a quick drink? Yeah, I actually, my tea's gone cold, so I'm not really wanting to drink it. My coffee's gone cold, but I feel like like I might have cold coffee then too, yeah. Um, we haven't recorded in a while. Look, podcasting is so hard guys, sometimes you actually just choke on your words. It's just almost like, abandon, victory. It's so embarrassing. It's also because we get really passionate I think so we like really rush through the sentence. Totally. My mouth actually can't keep up. We should remember to slow down I think a little bit when we're talking it's almost like there's no gun to our heads about the Sylvia Patsby tree. Or is there?

We can just actually have a conversation at a normal tempo. We could yeah. Should we try it? Normal tempo. Okay, Take the tone down. Yeah. Okay. Deep breaths everyone. It doesn't really matter. It's just, it's fun to get excited about it. No it doesn't. It honestly couldn't get less in fact. I also think, kind of in the, we've had this conversation before I think on the pod, kind of in the Taylor's version way of like, I would be absolutely mortified to go back and

revisit like songs that I wrote when I was 15, even though I'm a genius in this world. If I had written the most amazing songs, I'd be like, oh my God, it's so embarrassing. Just the, I feel like the space that we're in where people are having more of a vocal, there's more of a like acknowledgement, there's a bigger conversation now

than I've ever seen personally, of like knowing that you're gonna be really cringy and just owning it and embracing it and accepting that, God, you looked awful when you were 13, that's so embarrassing. And people actually have photographic evidence of you at your worst. That's really not helpful. It's just like, Mum, why did you not get me a bra? It's not ideal yet, for example. For example, it's sometimes a harrowing thought to be like Oh, there are versions of me existing in everybody's minds

That it's not my ideal version Yeah, and I'll look back on the version of me that I am today and be like not ideal not ideal however to exempt yourself from that situation is to literally only Exclude yourself from all the fun and experience you could ever have in life. There's no alternative. And I feel like that is the kind of fig tree thing of it's like owning every version of you and almost like it just it's kind of what we always say in the Seth and Wayne model is we really we exhaust every avenue.

We take every thought to its conclusion. It's like I want to know how you're feeling about, for example, omelets. I know how you feel about them, because you don't eat omelets. So there we go. But I would be intrigued to smell one. You know what put me back onto omelets?

I went through a big omelet phase, famously, as I do with food. But I didn't know about this omelet phase. Yeah, I can't really place when it was. I just know there was a time where I was making omelets, maybe even two omelets a day. Like I really went in. But what's going into your omelette? So now today, basically what put me back on is when I was on holiday, on the last like

two days, we got, you know when there's a woman making omelettes? There's like sort of an egg bar. I'll have an omelette, yeah perfect. Literally. But we did a stupid thing, me and my boyfriend, on like the second to last day were like why we only Just started entertaining the omelette lady like we could have been doing this so true So then we came home and now it's omelette city and what are you having in the omelette? I'm confused about the I think things I So for example when there was a when I was at the egg bar, I'm not cheesy. I would have cheese in it but for example, I made one, I almost think

if I was really like, you know when you have like different versions of food, or it's like, this is a food that I'm just making like so quickly, it's almost like this is just not even happening and it's like, I don't have to justify it to anyone. Oh yeah, this is shit. This is like really shit and I can't explain it. Yeah, and also kind of fun and taste.

It's purely just like totally what I want. Whereas if I had an audience, I'd dress it up a bit or like almost if I was with someone else, I'd be like, I'd have a conversation about cheese and be like, yeah, go on then, blah, blah, blah. I almost, I can't really explain it, but the version that I did this morning, which was just in private,

I feel like I have private and public meals omelettes. My public omelette, for example my holiday omelette, was there was like, I would have like sausages chopped up, like bacon for example, fresh parsley, mushrooms, cheese. So this is what I'm thinking, mushrooms sound quite good. Yeah, and this morning I had mushrooms and also tomatoes in my omelette. But what I'm thinking, mushrooms sound quite good. Yeah, and this morning I had mushrooms and also tomatoes Yum. in my omelette, but what I love specifically about an omelette is making it really peppery.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like loads of salt and loads of black pepper. Cause I almost think the black pepper gives a bit of like, it almost feels like meat, weirdly. Ooh, okay. I don't know why, it almost feels like it's like, was that like pork? what? that's the way you need to end. but don't they have like peppercorns? like for example like salami has like big peppercorns

in it. yeah. yeah i think that's almost the vibe. i know that from pre the age of five where i was eating salami. that's nuts. yeah. that's crazy. because i used to think they were just disgusting those things. But I like, yeah, really peppery omelette and I brought that up because I haven't always been in my omelette era but I'm back in it and I embrace it and I'll wave her off and I'll wave her back like an old friend, come back in.

Greeted like an old friend. Honestly I'll greet the omelette like an old friend because there's always time and a place it's fine these things come and go it's all good you can be you can be omelette girl one day and not omelette girl the next oh totally if you can be anything you're free you're honestly free it's gonna fluctuate it's fine what about you what would you say is like one thing that has been has there been a fig that's haunted you a fig that's haunted me? you know what I mean? yeah. I know you do. I know you know. well what's coming to mind for you for me or for you for you? oh. oh I thought you said I know you do. no I know you do know what I mean. I know I can say

something like what's the fig that's haunted you and you're completely getting it. oh totally I thought you meant that there was one and I was like oh god, I'd be so intrigued to know what you think that is. No, I wouldn't have the foggiest. Honestly, I don't really have the foggiest. Almost because I know that you, in your right mind, feel secure about your choices and like, I also see you as someone who feels in your right mind. I know the wrong mind happens. Oh, the wrong mind, yeah. The wrong mind can creep in but it's always checked by the right mind. Yeah the crux is always you know it's quickly followed up exactly by the right mind she steps in and she says actually from my right mind everything was fine sort of thing yeah yeah and I trust you as someone who welcomes new figs and eats them. Do you know what I have a fig at the moment.

I'm not gonna talk about it too much. Yeah. But I have a fig that I have chosen from the tree. My tree yielded a fig and I've taken the fig and I have chosen this fig. Yes, juicy and ripe. It's juicy and ripe and I'm about to eat the fig. It's ready to go.

And I definitely have fears about it and doubts about the whole thing. Like I have so much like... You haven't yet eaten the fig. I haven't eaten the fig. It's going to be a two year process of eating this fig. Oh, I wonder. Yeah. But I don't know. I have the feelings of like, it's really scary to choose something that is, it wasn't necessarily on the path. It's a big thing. It's something a bit left field and it feels like a real choice is gonna like

mean that I need to move and it means that like a load of things are gonna change. It's a life changing thing. And it's quite like an intense change. And I have so many doubts of like, is that right? Is it the right time? Am I good enough for it? All of the stuff is kind of coming up, like what if it's a mistake, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I think I have luckily a sort of history of choices that I've made that seem to like

Confirm my trust in myself of being like I know and it's something that I've really fucking thought about as well Mm-hmm, and I know that I Want to do it and I want to yeah, I really want to do it and even if the worst case happens that it fuck do it and I want to, yeah, I really want to do it. And even if the worst case happens that it fucks up and I absolutely hate it and it's a disaster and everything, things will still be okay. Like I'm making the decision with kind of quite a lot of like rationale behind it of like, I really think I'm happy with that fig even though it feels like kind of I've gone for like if my spectrum of figs is on my tree I've kind of gone for one that's quite at the top it's kind of like a bit of an unexpected fig yeah it

was one that I kind of pulled out from the back and you know it was just like oh my god I've gone for one that's basically gonna require quite a lot of like effort and energy to eat. Yeah. Yes. But I'm really happy with that fig. It's a sit down, it's a three course fig meal. Yeah, it is a sit down fig meal. Fig did figgy pudding. Yeah it is, it is. It's everyone's sit down for their figgy pudding and it could have haunted if you let it go. I think it would have done and I think also it's recurred a few times on my tree.

Like the few different seasons, like last year maybe the fig was there, year before maybe it was there, kind of for probably a few years it would be there. I think that's the case with most figs. Yeah, big figs. It's like they almost get planted at quite young. Exactly, it's something that I've known I've wanted to do and probably would stay on the tree, It's like they they get they almost get planted at quite young exactly

It's something that I've known I've wanted to do and probably would stay on the tree would keep being a fit in real It's the thing I'd want to do for a long time But it just feels like okay is now the time to pick it and I've picked it I think that's the thing. Yeah, it's like when this fig is sitting here waiting and when is the time for me to when is it ripe to dig in? And I picked it and it's like okay. I've got to eat it now. It's gonna go bad. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So congratulations to the fit congratulations to the big I've got my teeth here, but I'm too scared to hold it over my laptop like two sips of cold coffee Yeah, I can't even drink it anymore. Do you have a fig that's haunted you? Great question from you. Thanks. Figs that's haunted you. Honestly every day of

my life I'm haunted by a fig. Even figs that I don't particularly care about they just they come and they go. Yeah. But I'm intrigued to hear when you said, when you said oh the other day you said something that was really decisive and it was whatever stuck in my mind. I was like I wonder what you're gonna say that except no idea It really stuck with me because it was like good. I don't I cannot relate to That way of thinking I think specifically in terms of tattoos of being like I'm gonna get this on my body Yeah, I probably won't like this that can't like I really mean, the whole tattoo conversation for you is just completely insane. Honestly irrelevant. Like, there's no sense that can be drawn. There's no point even

thinking about what would that look like because you have a really strong specific aversion to them. A phobia. No, but also... From childhood. Yeah, yeah, you know, it definitely is a re- it's really strong. But then you always, you always want to justify or like come in with a like, but I don't think there's much room for but. But no, but I do think it's weird in that, for example, like I often get with people that have quite a few, like the guy I was last sort of seeing had like quite a lot of tattoos and I always would be like, I'm in a phobia of them. And I didn't have any fears around them.

No, but you have a fear around, for example, if you were to get a tattoo. Yeah, it doesn't put you off people necessarily. No, like I could touch your tattoos. Yeah, but maybe you wouldn't be happy about it. I wouldn't want to. There we go then, and just own it. But I could, I could do it.

I'm sure you could, but like, what I'm trying to say here is most people don't have that thought. I think that's the thing, like I could do it though, I could do it. It's like most people wouldn't have that thought I think that's the thing that I could do it though. I could do it It's like most people wouldn't have to say could I do it? The fact that it's a combo is enough. For example my sister couldn't so I'm a bit like I could. I mean when I got for example my Aussie tattoo

You didn't necessarily come with me to the actual tattooing experience, but you were in the place Which I am still shocked about to this day She came in and like spoke to the tattoo artist and then left. But like, you saw the room. Yeah, I fully came into the studio. And my sister was sitting in a cafe near her opposite, like, is she done yet? Is she done?

Yeah, yeah. But yeah, obviously you wouldn't really, you can't relate to, the concept of tattoos is completely foreign, but just generally the concept of like, it becomes difficult when we put tattoos on it, I feel like the listener is not gonna understand the weight of the conversation around tattoos

for Sefi specifically. It's like, it's just complex and it just is up and down. It's just, I'm weird about them. There's no like, you have a real, no, no, but you have such a strong feeling about them. But also I feel like if you've been listening to this for a while you're gonna know that I have stronger aversions to... I have stronger aversions to two things. Polo tops. Polo tops which I actually don't even want to talk about

I'm actually sickened that we just said the words and tattoos. And she's not joking. No no no. So when I first met you I was like that's like a cute kind of funny bit that you do about being scared of polo tops and then I realized this isn't a joke. This is a very serious hardship that this girl was living through day in day out. Living honestly, I would say in, I don't understand how you actually grapple with the fear of like you could step out of your house. There's probably a guy with a polo shirt on right now. It's not a fear. Like this is the kind of confusing thing to explain to people. It's not a fear. It's a disgustust But it would be a fear of you were to wear I actually I don't even want that image in my mind. I'm not actually this is why it's like that

We can't even go there with her. Of course, you wouldn't feel Confident and getting a tattoo. It's like it's not about the disease. Not about the fig tree. It's about the tattoo Yeah, yeah, cuz to me it's like is about the tattoo. Yeah, yeah, cause to me it's like, how could you do this? That is honestly, it's a red, it's, well it's futile, there's no point even going there. Yeah, I can't get it. It's like, we can't even begin to explain or examine.

But just the polo top thing, it's not, that's not a fear, like tattoos are more of a fear. Polo tops is more like, if someone wears one, they become very ugly to me. Yeah, I always message Sefi, if I'm ever wearing anything with a specific colour, I'll message her in the morning and be like, I'm gonna very ugly to me. Yeah, I always message Sefi, if I'm ever wearing anything with a specific color, I'll message her in the morning and be like, I'm gonna look ugly too today

because I'm just a morning in a polo top. And sometimes I just have to commit. I'll think to myself, I can't be able to get changed, I'm just gonna have to wear it. No, totally, and it's not that it will, although, yeah, it's just a really weird thing. I actually just don't even know what's going on. If I'm getting dressed in the morning,

I'll go to put something on and be like, you can't wear that in front of her. Yeah, and people warn me like I'm wearing shirts in it's like, oh god, like I, but it doesn't mean anything It just means they're gonna look ugly to me. And she just says thanks for the warning. Yeah, just say thanks for the warning. Thanks for the heads up. I do appreciate the warning. No, no, and I would always give it to you just because I'd rather it not be a thing where you see me in person and go, ugh, I'd rather you know that you're about to see me in person. Yeah, do you know what I mean? I'd rather we know what we're going in for. I don't want you to see me and feel the shock.

I want you to see me and have the preparedness of like, oh sometimes even you'll be like, that's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Yeah, totally. Because also it's really specific, like it's about necklines. I'm just really really weird around necklines like. An oversized gany collar is fine. I love that round situation because once you said I'm wearing a big collar and I was prepping myself like okay she's gonna be absolutely hideouso. Mad max hideouso. I was like okay I'm just prepared for it. And then you arrive and you look so stunning in a big gany collar. I love that like that's not what I mean. Yeah.

But no one. Again it's specific. Literally no one really seems to be able to sort of gather the like it's because it's really specific. You're very specific. Criteria. Yeah there's always a specific checklist running with sephia all times I always have to check in and be like how's that hitting the lot of art. And also this could be completely completely unpredictable and even to me i don't know yeah but it's no it's no one else's like job to like know these things but i really do love when i welcome it i love love love yeah when people just get it so right it's just like oh you really do understand me oh everyone i think as well if you're in someone's life they will want to try and we're trying to see you. totally. and I see you for your

collars and I see you for your.. no not my collars. not yours. definitely not mine. nothing to do with me. I would love to know how everyone feels about their haunting fig trees and almost like what new figs you've got coming up how you're feeling about the figs that you've harvested so far. Yeah. You know? I would love to know. That's probably the question we're gonna ask on the next, for the next episode, so get your thinking caps on before. Yeah. I got a message just the other day and I read it out loud to my friend and I thought it was the cutest way of saying it because I was like, oh I've just got a message for the

same blah blah blah and it was like have a little thinky and i thought i will have a little thingy about it. yeah we're always having a thinky. always. there's always thinkies running. have a little thinky about um because you've got an episode to record about figs. yeah yeah okay and if you don't hear from us. oh my god we haven't said this in ages feels great are we never saying not summer loving what was it oh fuck what time did it say so how does that start then should we do it now yeah let's get the lyrics up shall we yeah if no one listened to the summer bonanza this is the big finale we yeah what time is it what time is it? What time is it? Summer time. Summer time. Summer time. High school musical. Intro. Come on. Woohoo. Wait wait wait. I'm not there yet. Chorus. This is trad and ensemble. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Woo. Oh. What time is it? Summer time. It's our vacation. It doesn't start there. It bit. Summer. There you go. Finally summer's here.

Good to be chilling out. I'm off the clock. The pressure's up. And the girls what it's all about. And the girls what it's all about. Ready for sunshine. Ready for sunshine. For my heart to take a chance.

For my heart to take a chance. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I'm here to say that. Moving away. Ready for summer romance. Yeah. It's sweet that she has to say that.

I'm not moving away. It's like no, not this time. It's a big part of her life. Oh was that the part of High School Musical 1 that she... Yeah, she's a mover. But I thought in... But in High School Musical 2 she's like Now I got to go I gotta go on my own, mate. So where's she moving?

No, that's because she's leaving the um... The summer camp. But it's like, Gabriela, you just said you're not moving now you're going away again. Yeah, I'm here to say not moving away, ready for a summer romance. Oh my goodness. Everybody's ready going crazy, can't wait to put it out come on and let me hear you out no one else does this on their podcast either

all together now? what does it? summertime I'm just trying to find good lyrics school's out, scream and shout, I'm just on genius it says Sharpay, Ryan both good bad rules, no summer school I'm free to shout. I'm just on genius. It says sharp a Ryan both good bad rules. No, so I'm school I'm free to shop till I drop. It's an education vacation Oh my god, okay, we got things to do I'll see you soon and we're really gonna miss you That's the line. I think I would want and you and you

I think I would want and we're really gonna miss you. Oh I think I would want and we're really gonna miss you. Oh So who is that yeah, that's right, and we're really gonna miss you You are a Ryan love, oh my god, I'm so Ryan like yeah, I really I also think my when I would be singing Sharp a and Ryan songs pops the top pops up, you know and the like Yeah, I think my voice lends Sharpay and Ryan's songs, Bops the Top, Bops the Top, you know, and the like. Yeah. I think my voice lends itself more to Ryan's lines. Lucas Graybill. Kind of, hey, fabulous.

Yeah. My voice lends itself more to that. I have to end this here, because it's making me really upset. I think that's a good thing. Okay, if you don't hear from us. Assume the worst. Assume the worst.

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