Goes Without Saying - what if it all works out?

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

THE SUMMER BONANZA BEGINS. podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on rejection, changed plans, harsh truths, life lessons, and destiny. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing �� www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Goes without saying our YouTube has dropped finally we have been filming non-stop, hijinks ensued and now the Sephian Wing cinematic universe is alive and ready for you to come and enjoy. There'll be videos all through July and hopefully ongoing as well but come and just see what's going on. Till the end of time. Yeah. Oh wait where can they find it? Type in Sephian Wing guys you know how to use YouTube. Yeah and it's also on our instagram sephianwing. it's also linked below if you need if you need some help. yeah yeah. so what if it all works out guys? what if it all works out? i refuse to believe it but what if? it's nice isn't it completely changes it. It totally changes it. It's definitely not where I'm starting. There's not a chance. No, there's not a hope.

Never even occurred to me. No, honestly. So I feel like you've had a bit of a history with this quote. Have I? Yeah Did you see something that maybe looked like Emma Chamberlain on Pinterest and it said what if it all works out? Oh my god, I did see something. It was like a yeah yeah little girl drinking a little coffee or something. yeah quite an ugly meme it was like a stunning photo of a girl when someone's written in like white writing like sort of comic sans over it what if it all works out it was like good fucking question. good question. yeah what the fuck. good question. jesus no one's ever asked me that before. yeah which it is a basic thought but you know we always say this is like sometimes something just hits you in a way that's like, god you're so right.

Yeah. And then I think I- Oh no go on. No please. I think I also then saw a thing about, which I've spoken about on the podcast a couple times about that neuroscientist that was talking about like, you should ask yourself often to like build the neuro pathway. Like what's the best case, what's the best outcome that could possibly happen from this?

And repeating that almost whenever you have a dilemma, it builds that sort of, that to be a natural question that you ask yourself of like, you assume the best rather than us let's assume it's the worst. Assume the worst, yeah, yeah, it's true. I think as well also, it's a nice reminder, regardless of whether, what if it all works out, hits you or not in a specific way.

Like regardless of, if you might feel nothing when you hear that, but I do think it's a nice reminder of like, oh shit, it only contrasts how I've been feeling or what my neutral kind of inherent state is. Like it just highlights how much I'm not thinking like that. Yeah. Which isn't great. It's not ideal.

It's not ideal. Okay, I'm misery girls. I'm really going through my life being like, nothing good will ever happen. It's like, I thought, but also at the same time, of identifying as like a positive and like rational person. But then thinking, like realizing that your internal monologue is quite like,

oh well that's unrealistic. No, no, no, that would never happen. It's like, but you're living in this weird, like why do you think you're writing history? Yeah, and kind of, if you think it's so unrealistic or like dumb to think everything will work out, you're living in an equally unfounded realm of presuming everything won't work out sort of thing.

Like the world is not following your kind of negative bias. We're not following your script. Or it will. Or it will. Until you make it happen. Yeah, we have been speaking recently about the self-fulfilling prophecies and how much our hyper vigilance of like all our anxieties

and worse fears can end up kind of creating those fears or emphasizing, just steering us on the path of seeing danger when there isn't danger or just generally then making your day more shit than it could have been sort of thing. It's like if you are looking always to be perceiving the threat, which we are naturally, if you slip into that too much,

you might think you're being really self-aware, but you're actually being really self-critical or you might think you're being really self-aware, but you're actually being really self-critical, or you might think you're being, for example, like really rational and reasonable and being prepared for like assuming that something bad is gonna happen, but you're actually not. You're just making yourself live longer in that uncomfortable, horrible, worried, anxious state.

Not nice. Not nice. Not nice. Not nice, but what were you thinking? Yeah, genuinely. What were we thinking? And it's almost, I think we're doing it out of sort of, like, our own intelligence of being like, oh, I'm so smart that I can see that not everything's the happiest thing in the world.

Like, I'm a realist. Yes, nothing gets past me, ha ha. You can't fool me. Don't worry, I've already assumed that everything's going wrong Ha ha like I'm not so naive to think that everything's perfect But it doesn't mean that everything's perfect just means that you're actually attuned to the negative Mmm, and that also you're giving yourself permission to enjoy your life Like there's a huge part of it. That's like you will have lots of good things in life

But if you are so worried about losing them then you can't enjoy them and we speak about this a lot with like romantic relationships oh my god like a bias that we have internalized of like well that's just doomed so yeah never gonna like hat like i would never be so stupid as to think that i could actually be happy and fulfilled and that this would happen, blah, blah, blah. When actually that just isn't based in fact, it's based in, for example, things that I saw as a kid and it's just not that simple.

And you end up being really self-destructive and also being really miserable and convincing yourself that things that you love are things to be feared. And that's not to say that important things in life can't be precious or even precarious. I just think we do have a tendency to over amplify those negative, cautious thoughts. For sure.

Which is natural. That is what you're gonna do as a human that also, especially if yeah you have grown up with any sort of like losing things that you love or things like that which I'm sure like everyone really can relate to. But things don't always go to plan. So then it's natural to build up a thing of like okay so I assume that the things I love are not safe I assume that like if I feel happiness that, that will leave me.

And it's always like, they're scary things, but then it just takes away everything, really. The whole thing is lost there. Yeah, it really does. Yeah, yeah. And also, then so what if you do lose things? The impermanence of life also makes it, it's a nice reminder of okay, embrace it

and make the most of it when you have it and then know that if you do lose things, you will continue on forever being happy and you'll find new happiness and life is changing and all of these vapid Jay Shetty, Diary of a CEO style quotes. But there is more to life beyond like the, what if it doesn't work out sort of fear. Because yeah what if it does all work out and also if it doesn't you're fine. I think those are the

best moments for me. I always think like if oh my god if that thing does fuck up it's like I'm literally fine then and that's the craziest bit when it's like oh wait okay so what if I lose that thing what if I lose that thing. It's like it's almost a bit of a CBT mindset of like okay so let's play it through worst case scenario let's play it through so you feel really shit for a bit you have a really sad um few months you rebuild you lean on the people you know you lean on the things that you love you do that blah blah blah like you know you rebuild and then it's like oh oh, and life goes on, like in the weirdest way.

Like my sister was saying this to me. I can't remember what I was saying, talking about, and I was like, that would kill me. Like that would kill me. Like I don't find that a survivable thing or something. Like I was talking about like, oh my God, if that thing happened, that's a nightmare. Like I would just die sort of thing.

Just being dramatic. Like just being like, just feeling the fear. Oh my god if that thing happened that is just awful that's horrendous. Yeah that's a no go. I think you've got a weird idea of how little you could cope with. Literally. I think you have a weird idea of your resilience like you seem to think that um everything is the end of the world. Almost like, or like if a bad thing happened like if something really horrible happened your house burned down it's like well then it's all fucking fucked like everything's fucked. like you would survive your house burning down. like that's a horrible thing but like well yeah if you get out hopefully. touch wood everyone. yeah. but like you

yeah like almost I think we all have weird ideas of how we would cope with things. It's like oh yeah the worst case scenario can happen. It's like and I've seen people get through the absolute fucking worst situations like conceivable. I've seen people survive and even like the the most crazy thing is I've seen people be happy past things that I would think okay so you would assume in that moment I'll never be happy again and I've seen people live fulfilling happy lives and it's like the most ground-shaking thing to say. Yeah, I do think that's part of humanity though, it's kind of the Cephean Wing experience and also when we were

saying in the other episode about just like things we've watched where it's like you're laughing and also crying at the same time. These things always coexist like in humanity it's just you will absolutely cry until your stomach hurts and laugh until your stomach hurts again for sure. And they're really quite close to each other. They're literally their besties. That's one of the weird things is that we kind of polarise those two things of like laughing and crying. They're complete opposites, happy and sadness are complete opposites. The weirdest thing, like literally the most bizarre thing that I've found in my research

again in my ongoing experiments on this planet. Yeah, making people laugh, making people cry. They're the same thing, like they are so close to each other the amount that they slip into each other when someone is crying they laugh in the middle of when someone is laughing they cry in the middle of it it is or when someone is sobbing sobbing sobbing cracked wide open like can't stop crying often gets to the point where everything has come out and it ends up like a hysterical laughing thing like it's the weirdest thing. But I think it is that, is that you're totally wide open. You're totally wide open.

And also part of it is you're really in your body in that moment. It's like, it's not just an emotional thing. It's like we've taken something emotional and it's made its way out and it's really physically, there's a tell, it's happening really, it's planer's day in your body. It's just really raw and real and they are literally so human and so connected.

Yeah. Okay, so I wanted to ask you randomly, what would it look like if it all worked out for you? Oh wow, Jesus Christ. I know, sorry, I like to just come in with a really insane question sometimes. What can you go first? what? no that's the whole point of me getting to ask you. no go on I'm asking you. well you can't I've already asked you first. ooh no reverse. mm-hmm no. oh what you want tangible things like I can't say that come happy. I don't know. you can say you're happy but maybe maybe even like over the next month or two. next month or two. that surely makes it easier right? yeah it does but i also am at a point where i

don't know what i'm doing like as in there's one... okay so i'm not really gonna say anything. i was gonna say yes so you haven't said anything. no i haven't said anything because i don't want to say anything about it. okay. but you're hearing this so you're concerned and confused. Mysterious. But so I think I'm at a point in the next month is a weird one because, so I've just had my Brighton Summer iconic. Famously. I've come back home and my next few years are sort of hinging on this outcome, which

I'm kind of happy if it goes either way, but my next few years will look different depending on what I hear and what happens in this thing. And I'll kind of say no more than that, but like, so, but I've got my outcome, like my dream outcome would be, and I think I've learned so much from, for example, my Exeter saga. Yes. I've learnt so much from like, you don't truly know what you want. Like you can have guidelines in this world of like, I think I want that and you can throw shit at the wall. I want, oh I'm going to throw a lot out there. What comes back to you is literally none of your business. Like it is nothing to do with you really. Maybe could you explain us the Exeter saga?

Exeter saga was, and you- And it really was a saga, Jesus. Harry, I know you've heard this, I know you've heard. I don't know, I feel like it could slip through the- Really? Yeah. Okay, so when I was- Obviously we know it's like, this is almost first chapter.

This is like big- Exeter saga, yeah. Yeah. So when you're leaving school you might choose to apply to university. I was choosing to apply to this specific one. I wanted to go to Exeter University. I had it in my mind and I don't honestly know why. Like to do English. To do English literature. Just straight up English literature. And I just had it in my mind. I want to go there. I just know that's where I want to go really really weird like I didn't really know anything about it blah blah blah I wanted it so bad I didn't even put an insurance choice on

my thing I was like because most people pick two places my first choice and then my second my insurance choice I was like I'm not doing that I don't believe in plan B like I'm not doing it like I think if you're not, maybe if you don't know, if you know, you know how nuts that is. It's bold, it's so weird. It's insanely bold. I think in our school and stuff, you weren't allowed to not do an insurance choice or thing.

The teachers were like, we strongly advise you do not do this. And I was like, I'm doing it. I don't care what you say sort of thing. And they would have said, I told you so. And it was like, teachers, what, you think I respect you? Like I was quite, I am doing it. Like, I don't care what you say, sort of thing. And they would have said, I told you so. And it was like, teachers, what you think, I respect you. Like, I was quite nuts.

Shit. Yeah. You see where this is going, don't we, people? Arrogance, someone here needs to get humbled. This little 18-year-old girl. Like, what's going on in her brain? And what is going on in her brain? She's thinking, I'm better than you, I think.

What, better than the teachers? Yeah, definitely. But thinking just generally. But better than the other I think. What, better than the teachers? Yeah, definitely. But thinking just generally. But better than the other people who are replying. Or just like, no, no, not that people are replying, but just almost like, I'm thinking, I don't need your advice, I know what I'm doing. Yes, yes.

And trust me, I'll get in, sort of thing. Or just almost like, I know what I want, and if I don't get in, I don't want to do anything, like sort of thing. Really insane, and also really naive, and an 18't get in, I don't want to do anything like sort of thing. Really insane. And also really naive and an 18 year old girl. And I wonder what happens next. And the universe taught me what I needed to learn. I didn't get in. And the crucial, the bit that was the craziest bit was that I was one mark off. I needed one, literally one mark off, like not one grade, one mark in the exam off, crazy.

So I was like, I genuinely was devastated, so devastated, like, I literally thought my life was over. Yeah. And now I look back on that whole thing and it was like, that to me was such a like, I honestly get a bit spiritual about it of like that was like a universal like block of like this girl needs to divert like divert her train like this is not um what she's supposed to be doing like this is insane I mean Wendy's small frosty is the ultimate summer refreshment and not because it's cool and creamy and made with fresh Canadian dairy, it's also refreshingly cheap. Just 99 cents until July 14th. It's a treat for you and your wallet!

Your whole life and I also like I guess I've never really played it through of like if you did get in it would be a bit alarming that this girl who was really keen on going somewhere, this one place, it could have, I'm sure it could have been amazing but it also could have had loads of other different things that could have gone wrong. No, I know, I also know, like, obviously I don't know but like, there's never been such a sure feeling right now. I don't know but I do know. I do know, like in the weird in the ways I just I had then that

year that I had a gap year I was I'm not going anywhere else like I'm just gonna fucking cry in my bedroom sort of thing for a year. I ended up going to Japan I got a job at this wedding magazine place that I loved I got a job in a bar like it was just I learned so much and I grew so so like in ways I literally never thought I would, got like actually, sort of healed so many relationships with my family, like I was really like, and like my own identity as like the person that would just guess what they want sort of thing, I'm like, oh yeah, I just, I think I can do that, I get it, and it was like, no, you don't actually, you fucking don't and you had to rebuild your identity. I was like, you were arrogant and you got humbled

and now you have to tell all your friends, I'm not going to uni, which was not the plan. That's what I was gonna say. How did you tell people? Like, was it? I went so silent on the day, because everyone was like, congratulations, oh my God, on the group chats.

And I remember just being like, devastated. Were you embarrassed? I think I was more devastated of like I don't think I felt like um I think I was jealous as well of like everyone that was going because then I was with my friend to, poor girl, one of my friends was going to uni and she was like I'm gonna go and buy like loads of stuff that I need from we're going to London her and her mum to like do you want to come with it's like a week later. And it was her being so, so fucking nice, like trying to include me and all of this stuff. But I remember just being so jealous

of like, Oh my God, you're buying pots and pans and like, you know, and it was like, I'm not going like fuck and it's kind of my fault. And I was still at that point too arrogant to go through clearing as well. That's what I was going to say is you still didn't. Because also there was one, this is the craziest bit and just tells me all about the growth and like the universal plan and what if it all works out and everything. Is that my mum was like why don't you look on clearing there's this one called Sussex University it's in Brighton you should look at that and I was like fucking no way. Like I don't give a shit I don don't wanna hear you talk about that.

Like, don't talk to me again. Like, I just wanna be depressed in my room. Scary girl. I was like, I was devastated. I was devastated. Yeah, and rightly so. And like, in the weirdest way. And then obviously the year,

like I did the year and like had the most like unprecedented growth of life. I was almost like, oh my God, I actually have clarity on that young girl that wanted that stuff and I feel distant from her and all of the staff. And the university I applied for, I applied for two universities, so strange, I actually haven't even really connected this. I applied for Sussex University and UEA. Intriguing.

Yeah, and I obviously got, and I chose Sussex and that was yeah rest is history. But I think it is she would be devastated because she's like a child it's like we your choice of like what you're doing after school is so massive and it just feels of course it felt so, so, so huge when it's like everyone you know is going off and doing whatever and you've always had this plan. To divert is like, it is a really, really big thing to ask of a child to be prepared to take on

like the essentially rejection and then pivoting into a new path and not knowing what that is and going literally just you've got no choice but to just keep going into the unknown it's really scary yeah and then I think that's what I've learned from it and kind of why I brought it up yeah I'm so sorry that you had to hear the retelling of those exasperators if you know of it. No but I think it's well it just hits every time I think it's so crazy it hits me every time because I'm just like what the fuck yeah it's, well it just hits every time I think. It's so crazy. It hits me every time,

cause I'm just like what the fuck? Yeah, it's really a lesson learned, like absolute incredible lesson to learn actually. But I think what I, the biggest thing from it is like, you can be so set on I want this thing, I want this thing, and just literally know so strongly that that was not, like that didn't happen and for all the right reasons. And it was the weirdest feeling of like being like, oh my God, like has something in the universe like got my back or something? Like what

is, what the fuck was that? Like it was me, pod mother pulling the strings. It must have been something. It's like she's not going there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. She's coming to me. Come to mama. She needs to go to Sussex. She needs to meet everyone. Like she needs to meet Wing. Start this podcast.

Do that. Like none of that would have happened. No. And I also think it's really highlights the way that something can be so devastating and also then a great thing. Yeah. We often talk about this. This is actually a bit of internal language,

which I don't think we've said on the podcast. Oh God, what's this gonna be? But we often say, it's Dobby at the Barrier. Oh right. Which, it works. It's even worse than I thought it was gonna be. Show's a weird. Having the same sort of nonsense off the pod.

Okay. And that hurts. Do you mind if I sort of just go into another story, but I feel like I've just been vlogging all day. Oh no please. I'm so sorry. Well no that's music to my ears so I thought you were going to say do you mind if I ask you about blah blah blah and it's like yeah no I do mind let's keep it on you. I do want to ask you but I'm just worried that it's getting long but it's just the perfect example. No no it's perfect. Do you remember so this was last summer, like probably exactly. Oh my god, yes, I did.

Just over a year ago maybe. So anyone that knows a bit of the law is that I was dating a guy from America that I'd met in America. And he was coming to England and we had planned this day in Brighton, we were gonna like stay in this stunning hotel that has recently burned down. Burned down? Was it one night you were gonna stay? We were gonna stay, he was in London and we were gonna like stay in this stunning hotel that has recently burned down. Burned down? Was it one night you were gonna stay? We were staying, he was in London and we were gonna go to Brighton for one night together.

One night in Brighton. And I was like you're gonna love Brighton, it's so cool sort of thing, we're gonna meet you and I really wanted him to meet your boyfriend because that was just like a bit of a funny joke there. Yeah connection of the names maybe? It was just almost like, what the fuck? Like it was just weird, it was a bit of a second wing moment, they were called blah blah blah, like it was just a bit weird.

And it was just like really, I was really looking forward to it and it was going to be really nice. And for some reason, I woke up on the day so ill, just I was just randomly so fucking ill like, and I was like, what is going on? I wasn't ill the day before, I don't know what this is. And I was really thinking, is it anxiety? All my friends were like, this is anxiety, you feel anxious and then you snap out of it sort of thing. And it's like, no, it's not that. I'm like, my nose is running, I'm coughing, I'm sneezing, I'm ill. It wasn't hay fever, I was just purely fucking ill. I obviously told him I was like, I'm so sorry I can't come, which was gutting.

And then I had to cancel. And then the next day I felt better, completely better. Like I was still ill for the full day. The next day I was like, I'm a bit better, I could have gone today. And it was one of those things, like, I remember phoning you on the day and being like, this feels like something's blocking me like almost it feels like Dobby is at the platform nine and three quarters thing and he's stopped carrying on from going yeah yeah I need to get in the flying car and go but I couldn't and it's like the acceptance of that is like no there was maybe some reason why you couldn't have gone maybe the hotel would have burnt down that night like maybe maybe but also you don't know well we

did kind of have a theory didn't we yeah but I don't want to get too much into that okay so yeah I think we are maybe it's like it would have okay it would have progressed in a way that you didn't want sort of thing yeah it's really we know now we have the hindsight of that guy not being right for me and I do feel like I I don't know I was going on a holiday with him straight after like there was a lot of stuff I do think it was the right thing for that bright tonight not to have happened. Yeah, but like That was out of your control and you have no choice but to go with it Something stopped it and I do genuinely feel a bit spiritual about it. Yeah. Yeah

something stopped it and I do genuinely feel a bit spiritual about it. Yeah, yeah. Some things do just work out. What if it all works out? What if it all works out? Can I ask you something now? I'm so sorry. I'd rather you didn't. Well what does it look like for you for it all to work out? Oh Jesus Christ, Seppy. 20 minutes later. I'm so sorry. Yeah, what the hell? No. No. I feel in a way like generally in my life I I feel like, okay, so it has worked out. I've hacked something where ha ha ha, mo ha ha ha, Sefi didn't go to Exeter and we did do the pod. I just feel like if this is coming to your ears, it worked out, Harry, I now speak directly to you. That for me is like a big, I don't get it.

Like what? Like I almost don't believe it. I think it's so weird. I remember when we started this being like, how do you get people, like what? I almost don't believe it. I think it's so weird. I remember when we started this being like, how do you get people to find it? How do you get people to listen? And it's like, I don't know what happened, but you did find it and you did listen

and I'm eternally grateful. And I just, it really restores some sort of belief in just the idea of trying in life, just the idea of like, yeah, just do it and see, and it's worth it, and you don't even know like the little spaces of life that you could occupy. Like you might look at something, like we looked at the world and thought,

yeah, there's no weird room for like a thing called Sephie and Wingoes without saying, pod cut, like blah, blah, blah, we didn't see a little space for that, no. But we barged our way in and we made it a thing. So I really just feel like, yeah, I feel like that connection of like, it's just really sweet and special

and it makes me feel like if that can happen, anything can kind of happen in life. Wow. Do you know what I mean? It's firing. A little bit. Very, I'm inspired. Oh good, got the higher fire. Yeah I've got the high cheesers guys. But do you know what I mean? It's a bit like well that wouldn't have, that easily wouldn't have happened but luckily I get to live in the world where it has happened so let me make the most of it and feel grateful every day. So thank god we're in this universe.

And happy every day about it. Yeah, genuinely. Okay. Cool, well, guys, just ask yourself what it all works out. I would love to know though, what would that look like for you guys? Oh yeah, maybe tell us in the box below if you're listening on Spotify or DM us or anything. Yeah it's just really cute. Almost like the things you think you deserve. Good things that you deserve, these good things. Like really that's a hard thing to admit I

think sometimes. Yeah it's really hard to admit because there's an embarrassment in that. Well and also everyone's telling you not to, kind of with the extra thing, is like everyone's telling you not to not put an insurance choice, do you know what I mean? But it's like, in some way, that was like massive self-belief that you had. Yeah, and I still back it in the way that like, I trust that girl, in that I trust

where it led me to right now. I do think that was a really, really actually incredible lesson to learn. Oh my god. So early as well. So much. I'm really back every step of that girls journey. 100%. Love it. Alright we were doing summer summer summer. Well we just still don't know. Should we just quickly think of something? Yeah. It's a bit cringe. Maybe we can't. No, I think we can't.

Why don't we do What Time Is It? Seventh-Wing Summertime. I can't say that. It's really a fact. It's our vacation. Why don't we do a whole song? Oh, God. Scream and shout.

La da da. La da da. We can do. Finally, summer's here. It's good to be hanging out. La the part where we've got things to do. And I'm here you, and you and you, ba ba until next fall, ba ba. What's the really good bit? What's Sharpay's bit?

She says, she says, yeah, she says goodbye to you and you and you and you. And you and you, I'm really gonna miss you all. Yeah, he says that I think and then she says, bye bye until next fall. I'm really gonna miss you all. I'm just gonna say that. Ha ha ha ha. All right, I'm leaving now though.

I've got nothing left to add to that. We're really gonna miss you all till tomorrow. No, no. Ha ha ha. Thanks for watching!