Goes Without Saying - your journal is judging you...

Episode Date: July 2, 2024

THE SUMMER BONANZA BEGINS. podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on loneliness and time alone, journalling, connection, isolation, meditation, and solo dates. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Goes without saying our YouTube has dropped finally we have been filming non-stop, hijinks ensued and now the Sephian Wing cinematic universe is alive and ready for you to come and enjoy. There'll be videos all through July and hopefully ongoing as well but come and just see what's going on. Till the end of time. Yeah. Oh wait where can they find it? Type in Sephian Wing guys you know how to use YouTube. Yeah and it's also on our instagram sephianwing. it's also linked below if you need if you need some help welcome back welcome back sephianwing summer bonanza continues. i missed you guys

wow how have you been how long did you sleep guys? it's been so long it has been ages what did you have for dinner what have you been having for breakfast? what have you been? How long did you sleep guys? It's been so long! It has been ages. What did you have for dinner? What have you had for breakfast? What have you been up to? Where have you been? Where have you been? What are you up to today then? Well I'm doing this. And then once again I will be called back to the depths of the YouTube editing vibes. Editing world. Yeah, so I hope you're enjoying the YouTube. Oh my god, I really hope you are.

I know. I personally am. What about you? What are you doing today? What am I doing today? Well my sister's coming home today. Oh yeah, nice. My sister's coming home, so I got home from Brighton and then my sister's coming back today,

my brother's coming back from Portugal today and crucially my dog is coming back from his dog sixes today. Dr. Dougal, so cute. So it's a big day of returns. There's three big characters coming back today. Which will be really nice. I'm really excited to see everyone. Really nice.

I'm really excited for this episode to be honest. I feel like it's nice. I feel like this kind of is the crux of the whole vibe that we're trying to give of these episodes in July. Of just generally like if- Softness. Yeah, softness. And if you feel safe or comfortable with the pod,

thank you so much. And that's just the vibe that we're trying to bring in these little episodes. You're not alone. You know the best thing that anyone ever says to us, I just think this is the highest of compliments in the entire world that people put us on to fall asleep to. It's really cute. I don't know how you do that. Like they'll be like, often when people are like, oh yeah I put them on like, or Naina

was saying she's got like a list of them that she'll put on like if she needs to feel this way she'll put this one on and like it's just I just find that so to be someone that you'd allow into you know people allow us into their beds as they're sleeping it's like there are only a few people I would trust to have their voices playing as I drift off into unconsciousness literally unconscious oh 11 11 11 11. That's our alarms guys. Here hang on. Yeah. 11 11. Honestly 11 11. What are we talking about? Going to sleep with us. Yeah I think it's just the eyes of compliments. It really is. There's no other way around it. It's like oh wow I mean my lifeless body. It literally as I snuggle into that. Echoing around my lifeless body

it's like yeah there's only you certain folk I let into that room it's not. Really weird. It's mental. But yeah. Same thing. So that's the energy of today and the rest of the month hopefully. Like in the other one we were talking about you thinking that you were going to Exeter and then change of plan, your friend's going to uni, you had, I guess your hand was forced to take a gap year. And I was kind of saying about how like disorienting that is, especially at that age where like everything you've ever known is changing and your plan is not necessarily, yeah, it's not going to plan. It's the same as everyone else you know.

Yeah, yeah, not the same as what yours was for yourself sort of thing. And I feel like, especially in summer, it can be really easy to kind of feel similarly to that, that you're like looking around and it feels like everyone else has kind of figured it out, or like everyone else has kind of got the balance right, or everyone else has like got these things going on, and you are feeling a little bit like I don't know where

I'm at or I don't know what I'm doing or like I'm not I don't feel like I'm not using my time right or whatever blah blah blah. Just a reminder that you know everything's fine. There's no right, there's no right, there's no wrong. Like it just is. Like it's just however it is at the moment. Like I feel like there's so much pressure to, I don't know, have everything sort of, or like have everything working towards a goal. Like I'm on track, I'm doing the right thing. It's like according to who?

According to what? Such a weird sort of, it's just capitalism really. I take that out of your summer. I do also feel like there's a huge, yeah, I do feel like there's a pressure as well to be able to almost pin where you're at into a narrative or like maybe if you've not got a lot going on, it's like, but you feel like you need to have an excuse

or like have like some sort of story around like, it's just soft girl summer or like, I'm just, you know, I'm just being in turn, I'm just whatever. You might not have words for where you're at. You might just be literally going through the motions of life, like taking it day by day Yeah, like it's you don't have to give a reason or like a you don't have to justify

Why you haven't done that thing or do you know what I mean? You have to justify where you're at You've got nothing to prove totally do you find the labels can be helpful at the same time of like being like okay? So this is a for for example, soft girl summer, Jesus is also fucking stupid, the whole thing. But being like, I'm in a period of like, relaxing or like, I'm going to intentionally have a like soft summer, whatever, like a chilled out summer. But then also when you know that the collective is also doing the same thing about, Okay, so the world is craving a soft girl, someone like the fuck that is. Yeah, weird.

Yeah, yeah, I do. I do find it useful and I do think there's room for it because I feel like it can get you into the mindset of, like you said, being intentional and kind of doing a bit of intentional romanticizing, which I think we're gonna talk more in another episode about the whole romanticizing your life narrative. But I do think it is really important to like,

try and find, I think what I find more realistic is I don't think it's accessible or like something that a lot of people can relate to is having intention throughout the day. I think most of the day is given, your time is given to somebody else, you are clocking in for something else, you are not thinking intentionally too much and I don't think that is something you should feel bad about and I think it's more realistic to think about like I've got 10 minutes here or five minutes

there or I'm gonna have lunch five minutes there or I'm gonna have lunch and do this or I'm gonna make a tea in the morning and think about I'm gonna do that yeah I mean like finding tiny moments of intention to me is better than generally carrying around a feeling of like disappointment or shame or frustration in my life throughout my day generally. Totally. But I do think the labels can be really important because I think it can give people like a sense of it's just it's comforting yeah to know. A bit of control as well.

Yeah yeah go on. Well just almost like in the thing of like you can reclaim a certain amount of time within your day and like I feel like that's why the I feel like I've seen so many of these of like my 6 to 9 after my 9 to 5 whatever it is, my 5 to 9 after my 9 to 5. It's like yeah okay so reclaiming that time but also I feel like the essence of being like I want to rest and I don't know like there's almost a pressure to do something within that time as well which I think needs to go like I mean Jesus when I was working at the cafe I would come back and I there's no way I was coming back and being like so now I'm gonna tidy my room get everything

nice my five to nice dinner and go for a walk and phone my friend no I was literally like the next person that fucking speaks to me I'm going to actually murder And I need to just be in a dark room Like there was no way I'm setting up a camera my five to nine tonight. It's like no I don't even know what time it is. I don't know what day or week is I'm actually like a zombie Yeah, like there's I feel like there's a pressure to be like I'm going to with the small amount of time that I have Do something nice with it's. And if you can't, Jesus, I get it. Why the fuck would you want to go to the cinema? I mean, I know I'd want to do that but I couldn't even be doing that. That speaks volumes. I just want to be zoned out. I

just want to be out of my body for as long as possible until I've got a gap and do the next day. I do also think as well, for example like when you were working in the cafe, it's like that, you're kind of actively socialising all day as well. All day. And I think- With people that you're also serving, that's also like the added thing of the, there's a power dynamic here. Yeah, it is really draining.

And I do think it is really normal to need time alone or to also in the same way like you might need time alone and also at the same time not necessarily know how to be alone and both of those things are not things that you should feel bad about. Yeah not at all. Also alone time is so weird I feel like in our the current mess of our society of like we're never really alone like you're connected with this thing in your hand. Always. When was the last time you just sat in silence alone? It's like oh shit maybe not for a long time like I most of the time that I'm alone I'm consuming somebody else or like yeah I mean either you're reading you're

listening to music you're watching something, hearing voices, you're listening to music, it's not a good sign. And I don't think there's anything really wrong with it. But like, sometimes when I get to the end of the day, I do a meditation at the end of the pretty much every day. And sometimes when I sort of have that moment, I'm like, this was the first time I felt inside my own body and like, yeah, I I'm alone and even that is a guided meditation Yeah, and the first time that I've shut the fuck up It's like sometimes I get through the day and I'm like god I haven't just literally had a second to be like to get my fucking thoughts straight honestly, honestly

literally and Journaling is good. Yeah, go on. That is a process where you are truly on your own with yourself and also like being creative, productive with yourself. Intentional. Intentional with your time. You journaled a lot this summer so far. Any interesting insights? Oh my god, so many but I'd have to literally pull it all up and out and dredge it all up

again. Like I don't know where it is. it's in the bottom of my suitcase that's still unpacked. Do you find your journaling style, content, whatever changes depending on where you're at? Like we were talking about you journaling when you were in Brighton, for the Brighton summer famously, versus like when you're journaling in Costa or at home? No it's always the same style and always the same. The content changes because it's like

your life is different. It always starts off negative, negative, Nancy and it's like oh my god that's fascinating. My journal is not a positive space. Yeah. It's not a positive space, it's not to be read by a single other soul, it's not clean, it's not anything, it's literally my most internal thoughts. All the badness comes out on the page and every single time it ends, it's like literally a full journey every time and starts so negative, fucking hell, blah blah blah, all these issues I'm worrying about and then I solve every single problem pretty much, I come up with all this stuff and by the end it always is like I'm so lucky like I really everything will be okay and then I end it every single time with three things I'm grateful for and then I end it with five hearts and two underlines every time that's like a really weird thing I've been doing it for literally years

five hearts and two underlines yeah that's so weird that's like what it always ends with and then but it is like foul in there. Well, yeah, that's what I was quite shocked that you say every time it starts negative and becomes positive at the end. Yeah, or like that's when I feel like I most need my journal. Like obviously there are some where I start and be like, it's a really nice day today. Yeah, like if I'm journaling every day, I would hope. Yeah, it's gonna be like, just had my coffee and now I'm doing blah blah blah. When I need my journal the most,

and that's when I do pages and pages and pages, is when my mind is the messiest and it's not clean, nice shit in there. And it's also, it's show your workings. It's active, it's clearing out, it's really running the tap of let everything out of my mind. And also I feel like it can give people clarity for the first time that they wouldn't have had

if they hadn't have seen it visually. Or even it might be the first time that people are essentially vocalizing or properly articulating something that they feel, especially if it's something negative. I feel like obviously it's a different experience to open up to someone and say something that's like really grim or a bit mean or something. So your journal doesn't care, your journal loves you for who you are, Harry. But writing it is so scary as well. It's not nice, yes. It's definitely not nice to revisit.

But it is- scary as well. It's not nice, yes. It's definitely not nice to revisit. But being like to yourself, I feel this thing, like that is really scary to put that even. Like, this is the first time it's been outside of yourself sometimes. But then the ability to be able to work through it, through like seeing it and almost almost really pinning it down. I feel like sometimes you have to be really clear and explicit in what the issue is. Yeah, it's just really nice, but I was intrigued to hear if it kind of changes depending on, do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Where you're at and whatever. Do you have a specific way of doing it? No. Because you used to be a big bullet journal girl. Yeah, yeah I like that. My journaling is the same, it's just gunk. It's like... Gunk. And it can be really gunky.

But I don't know. I feel like I... Yeah, I think my main thing is sometimes it's like the... I don't know, I think sometimes things can be so bad that yeah, journaling could be nice and helpful, but also make sure you're leaning on other things. Totally. If it's like, yeah, every day you're coming

and it's really not looking good in there and you're not getting to a positive place at the end of it, yeah, that's a really horrible thing to be doing. looking good in there and you're not getting to a positive place at the end of it. That's a really horrible thing to be doing. And just make sure you have people around you and stuff. And just almost like, yeah, just talk to people and just make sure that you guys are okay. I think journals are a weird thing. I used to keep them on my laptop when I was at school. I used to just write and write and write on that. And when I looked back on those,

they were so negative and actually really, I think I was almost performing a sort of tumbler-y, depressive sort of artiste or something. Like it was almost like, you don't need to be so negative about your life that can be nice. It's not like this all the time. Although maybe I did feel that,

but looking back I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. So I do think I've made a bit of a point of never ever ending my journal entry on a negative note. Like every single time I end it with three things that I'm grateful for and like I always come to, I make sure that I don't close my journal and I've just written like my life is shit

and all of this shit and I'm just kind of closing it. Like, and I've just written like my life is shit and all of this shit And I'm just kind of closing it like and now I get on with my life Do I and now I get on with that shit life? Yeah I think it's really important to like keep a journal as a place to like work things out as well as express Yeah, 100% favorite thing to do on your own versus favorite thing to do With a friend sort of vibe like there's certain things that you'd like like what's your favorite thing to do? For example, what's your favorite thing to do with a friend sort of vibe. Like are there certain things that you like? Like what's your favourite thing to do? For example, what's your favourite thing to do with me? Wow, okay. Really think about it though. I know what it is but I think I have a few zones

with you. Yeah. Like I have a few. Realms. Number one, this. I mean I've literally never done this with anyone else. No, so true. I can only picture it with you. So true actually. My favourite thing ever to do with you. Yeah. It's like the most bizarre weird thing that we've. I've managed. I only know this experience with you to do with you. It's like the most bizarre weird thing that we have managed. I only know this experience with you looking at you. But, god, get me in a dark fucking room with the TV on with you. Get Game of Thrones on. House of the Drag. Get the pizzas coming out. That is up there. I love when we do a tarot reading. Yeah. I love when we

get a bit spooky boots. I love when we do a roller coaster. I love when we do a roller coaster. I love. Oh should we do that again soon? I would love to. Thoughts on thought park soon or something like that? That's what I was thinking. I would love that. I would love so much. Let's do that soon. What's your favorite thing to do? Not even that like what's your favorite thing to do alone? Alone? Mmm. Those are the things like we love to do together. It's like what's your favorite thing to do alone? Okay, well immediately I was gonna bring my dog in but then I'm not maybe alone. Oh cutie boy. Yeah, cutie boy. Let me think about it. My favorite thing to do on my own. I do love,

I'm so boring. I love to be in water. I love to have a shower or a bath. A bath was really my brand. A bath was my big brand. I'll be in the bath for hours. You're not really a big bather anymore, are you? No, it's because I've got that horrible glass thing on my bath that's gonna fall off. I just don't really... I mean it's not very nice experience. I think that would be still nice but is it like you want a perfect bath? I want a perfect bath. One time I had a bath and there was a spider that came out of the corner right behind my head. That is more about that than the plastic sheet or whatever. Yeah, the glass.

So maybe. But yeah, that's what I love to do, really, is get me a mortar on my own. That's a really nice one. I think I like weirdly... Okay, there are two things. My first real tangible living thing is when I've had really busy days, I get really agitated about not being able to listen to music.

Like it really bugs me like, and I'll like it kills me. And then I need to, I need to just have some music. Like I need to hear music and just be in the music and be singing the music and in the music. And I find it really like telling of when I've been really out of my physical, my body, my whatever, my whatever. Haven't had a lot of intentional time alone with myself

when I haven't put my headphones in and like listen to music or just like listen to music out loud. It's just everything. Like I think I've only really, I kind of thought, I think I'm really, obviously everyone, it's a really common one to have, but not everyone feels really strongly about music. And I think I only realised that as I'm getting older

that I kind of feel like, oh no, I am someone who particularly likes. Who really likes it. Yeah. And also the second one, weird one, was more so just almost the absence of anything. Like kind of just maybe like- Pottering.

Yeah, pottering or even just being really still. Like you've just woken up or you're just going to sleep and you're like really, even though I am in the presence of others, but just being really like, it's kind of the meditating thing, Andy, from Headspace. You're kind of, you're just being really like, it's kind of the meditating thing, Andy, from Headspace. You're kind of, you're just really feeling like, I like when I'm having a moment,

and I get it a lot when I'm like at the beach looking at the sea sort of vibe, where I start to feel really confident in myself being on my own. Yeah. So that would be my answer. Yeah, what would yours be? It's a really stunning one.

Yeah. I kind of get the music one But I feel like I feel like that when I'm like when I feel like oh my god I haven't had any intentional time on my own Is when I'm out of sync with like my shows and like the films that I want to see Have been out for a while now and things like that I'm the show that I'm watching and there's been two episodes I'm not up to date like that. For example, if I wasn't up to date with House of the Dragon right now, that would really be stressing me out like quite a big way. Like that would be,

I would need to set aside the time. Also, I would never let that happen. Like I would be in dire circumstances, I would have missed two weeks. But that sort of thing really, that would stress me out. It's crucial. Yeah. But also a thing that I think that I really like to do on my own, I really like to go to like a museum on my own. That's something that I, it's like a real thing that I'm like, I get so much from that actually, like looking at specifically what I really am into is the sculptures. Like if there's sort of Greek and Roman sculptures of like gods and just various deities and historical figures that oh my god like walking

through that sort of thing I feel like get me some music in my headphones and that's a real experience that I'm like I don't think this could be enhanced by someone else. That's so interesting because I always prefer a museum with somebody else. It's so interesting, because I always prefer a museum with somebody else. So interesting, because you want to talk about it. I love, yeah, to talk about it, or like they've seen something that I haven't, and like you feed off of the, like almost,

yeah, the energy of like we're both learning, like there's just something really enriching about it. I feel like I have a curiosity of like, when I'm in things like that, I want to know, it's like, I'll go to a YouTube video and go to the comments. It's like, I wanna know how people are receiving this information.

Yeah, it's like, I want, you know, if I'm somewhere, if I'm in a museum, I want to know how you're receiving what you're looking at. How did that make you feel? Like, did that move you? Do you hate that? Does that make you feel weird? Like, do you recognize that?

Does that mean anything to you? Like I feel- I'd almost love to do that after. Like I would love to walk for a museum set like completely alone and then meet a friend later who saw the same exhibition earlier and then we talk about it. I feel like the joy that I get from looking at like,

I love like sculpture, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I love like the classical like I get from looking at like I love like sculpture whatever blah blah blah blah But I love like the classical like art like painted art. Yes, and I If I was when I'm doing that on my own It's less Enriching because I want to have the conversation. I feel like it's moving. Yeah, it's moving me towards Human connection. Yeah, so I need someone else to be like, let's connect. That is so interesting. I feel like I find them such interior spaces.

But that's what I think I like, because then I like tapping into someone else's interior. I feel like it's when you've got people, people give you their gut sort of thing. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? That's so interesting. Because I would love to go,

like we've been to a museum together before in Cambridge after speaking in Cambridge and that was so nice. That was really nice. We went around the Cambridge Museum and we had a great time. But I feel like I really would enjoy it more if I wasn't there. No, no. But I feel like they are really something that like I really get a lot out of. Like for example, I mean the cinema is a different one because you are just completely sitting in silence but I really get a lot out of, like for example, I mean the cinema is a different one because you are just completely sitting in silence but I really get a lot out of doing that with people and I really get a lot out of going on my own to them as well. Yeah. There's something about acknowledging I'm not gonna share, I don't have to have any form thoughts, I'm not expressing

anything, I'm just purely consuming, consuming, consuming a lot of information right now. consuming consuming consuming like a lot of information right now in a really silent way. So interesting. All right makes me really want to go to one. I know. Just really like sold them I think. Yeah. Like get me into a pop room. Yeah. Stuff. A pot. All right. Cool. Let's go. Summer's going well so far isn't it? Summer summer summer summer summer. It's good to be hanging out. What's that? The bell. What time is it? Wait what's the bit that Troy and Gabriella sing? It's like I've got my girl. It's good to be hanging out. After the clock. It's something about Emma Girl's what it's all about. I think I think you have to work it is. It touches off? Something about all my things. Emma Girl is what it's all about. Spent a time with my favorite girl. I think I think you have to work it out.

We got to work. Oh yeah, you are. I was, take a trip with my favorite girl. Hanging out at the pool a while. Or whatever it is. That's what I'm thinking of. Don't like it, that's so funny. All right, summer, summer, summer.

Right, summer, summer, summer, whatever the outro is. Someone send us a good one.