Gone Medieval - Christmas Movie Knight

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

It’s Christmas. The holly and ivy are adorning the fireplace, hopefully the shopping is (mostly) done and the King of Misrule is on his way…Who are we to disobey him? Matt Lewis and Dr. Eleanor Janega have hung their medieval stockings and are having a blast discussing the best 'medieval' films delivered to our homes via the very modern magic of TV. They choose the most accurate, the most absurd and the most bell-ringingly fun depictions of the middle ages, including the gritty authenticity of 'The Last Kingdom', the hilarious 'Army of Darkness,' the problematic 'The Physician,' the martial spectacle of 'The Great Wall,' and the intriguing 'Outlander.' Plus a hefty dose of Robin Hood and his Merry Men in their many, many film adaptations. There will be tights...Gone Medieval is presented by Dr. Eleanor Janega and Matt Lewis. Edited by Amy Haddow. The senior producer is Anne-Marie Luff.All music used is courtesy of Epidemic Sounds and All3 Media Music.Gone Medieval is a History Hit podcast.Sign up to History Hit for hundreds of hours of original documentaries, with a new release every week and ad-free podcasts. Sign up at https://www.historyhit.com/subscribe. You can take part in our listener survey here: https://uk.surveymonkey.com/r/6FFT7MK Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

From long-loss Viking ships and kings buried in unexpected places to tales of murder, power, faith, and the lives of ordinary people across medieval Europe and beyond. Join me, Matt Lewis, Dr. Eleanor Jarniger, and some of the world's leading historians as we bring history's most fascinating stories to life only on history hit. With your subscription, you'll unlock hundreds of hours of exclusive documentaries with a brand-new release every week exploring everything from the ancient world,

to World War II. Just visit historyhit.com forward slash subscribe. Hello, I'm Matt Lewis. And I'm Dr. Eleanor Yonaga. Welcome to Gone Medieval from History Hit. The podcast that delves into the greatest millennium in human history. We've got the most intriguing mysteries, the gobsmacking details, and latest groundbreaking research from the Vikings to the Normans, from kings to popes to the crusades. We delve into the rebellions, plots and murders. To find the stories big and small that tell us how we got here. And who we really were.

Hi, Matt here. As you might have guessed, today's episode is about the fantastic and maybe the not-so-fantastic medieval films that you can watch over the festive period. But I also wanted to mention that Eleanor and I have just made a brilliant new film with History Hit all about how to survive the deep, dark of medieval winter. And it's released today.

We had a blast. We went to Wales and visited Cosmeston medieval village. We were was sailing and toasting with cider in Devon. And you can see if you can tell who got most of the cider. And we spoke to the most wonderful people about food, cider, clothes, cider, wood, oh, and cider. If you want to see how Eleanor and I plan on surviving this winter medieval style, and it's not all cider, I promise,

you can find the film now on history hit.com forward slash subscribe. Now, let's crack on with Christmas movie night. With a K. See what we did there? It's Christmas. We. The holly and the ivy are adorning the fireplace. Hopefully the shopping is mostly done.

And the king of Miss Rule is on his way. So who are we to disobey him? One of my favorite parts of the festive season is turning to old favorites for entertainment. No, not Uncle John and his terrible acting in charades. But the best medieval films delivered to our homes via the very modern magic of TV. We are here today to celebrate the best and the worst of medieval life on film and especially find out who's having the most fun. Matt.

I can't believe you got a John into the introduction to this. Look, I've got a... You know, I have not only an Uncle John but an Uncle Bob, shout out to both of them. So Bob is my uncle. But look, we want to let everybody know what they could be doing other than charades at Christmas. There are options, people. And first of all, we wanted to talk about some really fun viewings and box sets that you can check out, especially on our old pals Netflix.

I mean, the obvious one to go for, I guess, has got to be the Last Kingdom. Bernard Cornwell's books set in Anglo-Saxon, England, you get a bit of King Alfred in there, you get Vikings cropping up, it has everything you might want from a violent early medieval TV series. But nothing since Christmas, like a violent early medieval TV series, frankly. I mean, whether you look in the living room or you look at the TV, you're going to see people bashing each other and falling out. It might as well be Vikings and Anglo-Saxons. You know, yeah, that's the thing. me to go ahead and distract everyone by putting on The Last Kingdom and it'll be fine. But also, I think this is a really fun one because we have a tendency with medieval films

to always highlight, you know, the high medieval period, the late medieval period, pageantry, chivalry, a guy on a horse going to a tournament. And that is cool. Obviously, we love that. But the Last Kingdom lets you get a little bit more down and dirty. You are now called Uttrit, Utrid, son of Uttred. Lord, I should like to baptize. again. If you're out at Heaven's Gate, De Zootred, they might wonder what's happened to Osbert. It's got that

slightly more authentic kind of muddiness and darkness to it. Everything is a dark castle and there is a mud on the fields and everybody's fighting and they look a little bit grubby and somehow they all manage to make it look amazing, which is so unfair. It does quite, I think it does a reasonably

good job of leading us through kind of high politics of the Anglo-Saxon era while the Vikings are arriving and there is lots of squabbling over who's going to be king of where and what the seven kingdoms might look like. I mean, you could throw in as well. You know, Uttred of Bambra is a real figure. He doesn't live in the time of Alfred.

He lives earlier. But there is a real figure, Utreid of Bambra, who is incredibly active and proficient warrior kind of during this period. So you can kind of link it to the real history. It's one of those, I think, where you definitely don't believe everything that it says, but it's quite good at giving you those little plot points to follow. through, you know, you can get an overview of what might be happening during this period. Just don't believe everything that it says and don't think that's everything that happened either.

And I think that you and I have talked about this before. And it's that I'm not asking every medieval movie to be 100% point perfect accurate in terms of the history that it's bringing to me. But I love the little highlights that The Last Kingdom has for all of us. And you can actually learn a thing or two. And what you can do from there is use it as a jumping off point. You know, if you found some of the characters interesting or you thought that this period is interesting in general, well, hey, we've got you covered here and gone medieval. You can go dig through our past selections and learn a lot more about the early medieval period in England. But it can be a way of sorting through all that and seeing what takes your fancy. Yeah, I think fiction is a really great gateway in to see, oh, that character sounds interesting.

That event fascinates me. I can go away and find out a little bit more about that. And we've got you covered. Hopefully there's a gone medieval episode on almost anything. I mean, at this point, practically, if there isn't right in, we'll try to make it for you. While we're on Netflix as well, so I'm one episode into this. So I don't know if you've seen it yet. The DeCameron.

Oh, I love the DeCamaran. Yes, because I'm a Macacho head myself. So you know your girl had to get in there. Yeah. And I said this is based on a genuine. 14th century book, you know, written in Italy, the immediate aftermath of the Black Death, and it gives us the perspective of a writer in the early 1350s on the decimation that has just happened, but it's also all wrapped up in, it's slightly funny, it's slightly naughty,

there's an awful lot going on, and like I say, I'm an episode into it, and it's really good, I'm enjoying it. And I think that it's a really fun one is the thing, which the DeCamarin absolutely is. And as you say, it's coming out of this period of absolute devastation. We tend to think about the Black Death as one unending slog of horror. And I'm not saying that the horror wasn't there. Please do not get mad at me, everybody. But the point is, people were still there and they were still being people.

And that's what the DeCamaran as a book reflects. And I think that's what the show reflects as well, is the silliness and the sluttiness. And, you know, just the little bits of life that keep ticking over even in horrible circumstances. So these are the walking gardens, which I highly recommend for a nighttime evening stroll. Sure, if you like being stabbed by bandits roaming the countryside. We haven't had any issues with bandits here. We're too isolated for intruders. Oh, plus, Calendrino. Calendrino!

Calendrino! Didn't have any issues with a pestilence either, but here we are. Calendrina keeps a watchful eye on the gate. The gate won't stop death. Yeah, it's all of that alongside the horror of the Black Death. People are literally dying in the streets while posh people are working out what they're going to have with their tea tonight, you know, what wine are they going to open to have with their tea? It's that real dichotomy of experiences during it, whilst at the same time the Black Death is this great level of the people are running away from it, the nobility are running away from it because

they have no other protection but to isolate themselves. And so, I mean, the DeCamarin gives us 10 people locked in a villa in Italy and essentially they fall into each telling a story every night. So over the course of the two weeks that they're there, because of the feasts and holy days, they don't tell stories on. You get 10 rounds of 10 stories. You get 100 different stories. Some of them are funny. Some of them are rude. But they are a really interesting window, I think, onto what the world was thinking in that moment. Absolutely. And, you know, it's very like the Canterbury Tales in that it's this very traditional way of telling stories that was luckily written down for us. Thank you, Picatio. And it gives us an insight into ordinary people's

minds. And it can be something if you're looking for a little bit more lighthearted, but also something that has a direct connection to the medieval period. You know, the Last Kingdom, a bit more fictitious. The DeCamarin is fictitious, but based on historical fiction, so that's okay. Yeah, yeah. It gets us closer. It's written by someone who'd lived through all of those things and was writing in the 14th century. Well, of course, we would be remiss, I think, if we didn't mention the fact that history hit has many fine documentaries to watch at Christmas time.

And there is a broad and growing selection of fantastic medieval things to watch in there. Some stuff about the Normans. That's right. Do you know, actually, I think for Christmas, my favorite thing that I've done, that is quite festive, is the medieval pleasures series. You know, I had to wear armor.

for your pleasure. So it was difficult. Not as difficult as I thought. But, you know, that's a real fun one because when you're in this time of feasting, which we still do, and playing games, which we still do, this can help us reflect back on to medieval society. And it helps us also to pick out the places where we differentiate, right? Because look, we're all, well, okay, maybe not all of us, but I am drinking at Christmas, right? But most Americanly, I still drink dog. It's like a, you know, we can get into it later. Don't worry about it. Medieval people, they wouldn't do that, but they would have really cracking ale, which I got to try some sort of medieval ale in the middle of all of this. And it helps you kind of see how

there are these links through in terms of what people want from a winter festival. We still want something spicy. We want something sweet. We want all of these things, but the way we come at it is really different now. But it's also a really good way for us to get a connection back to the real people living during that period. They wanted to do the same things that we wanted. They wanted to have fun. They wanted to chill out. They wanted to spend time with family.

They wanted to get absolutely hammered on Boxing Day and start a fight down the pub. They're not all of that different from us. There are slight nuances that are different, but ultimately the desire to have some downtime is the same. Well, and speaking of regular people, another one that I would really recommend is, of course, your series on the Peasants' Rebellion.

if people want to find out what peasants were up to, what ordinary people were putting up with, again, in the 14th century, one of the more garbage centuries. Yeah, with a wonderful guest appearance from none other than Dr. Elin Earniger, too. But yeah, that was a really great chance for us to, again, get amongst the ordinary people. You know, we spoke to people at a project called the People of 381 project. But this is a project that has been getting closer to ordinary people

who got wrapped up in the Peasants' Revolt. So it's easy to talk about John of Gorns and Richard the 2nd and Henry Bollingbrook and the Archbishop of Canterbury getting his head cut off. But this gets us into the ordinary folk who were taken to court afterwards and prosecuted for doing what they thought the king had given them permission to do. And people who bought legal cases against other people who had ransacked their shops and things like that. And it allows us to see what was driving people into rebellion at that time, a rebellion that they knew could cost them their lives.

And that in itself gives us an insight into how desperate they were by 1381. How significant the factors that had driven them to revolt must have been for them to put their lives on the line to do it. We recognise that kind of consequence or fear in Britain today for going to a protest march. We don't have that kind of sanction for it, but this was literally taking your life into your own hands to do it, which goes to show just how desperate they must have been. Yeah, absolutely. And I think that it's really nice to bear witness to that. And, you know, at a comfortable remove, when you are inside, you know, on your 12 box of chocolates or whatever, you know, where you can consider how lucky you are in comparison.

And I don't think that's a bad thing to do. And in fact, I think it really bears witness to the horrid things that people went through. Absolutely. And what fight came before to allow you to sit on your sofa and eat a box of chocolates on boxing? at some boxing day. Absolutely. It doesn't come from nothing. I will tell you that much.

That is all very worthy viewing. These are things where people can learn a lot. What if I don't want to learn a lot, Matt? What if I want to become stupider for having watched a film? There are a million ways to do that. When we were thinking about what's the most absurd medieval film, I was trying to come up with fairly sensible medieval films that I thought just hadn't worked.

And then something popped into my head that 16-year-old me absolutely used to love. And this probably says a lot about 16 year old me that I may not want to share. I don't know. But I was slightly obsessed with the film Army of Darkness. Yes. Yes. And for anyone who doesn't know, this is a, you know, I'm going to age myself here. It's a 1992 film with Bruce Campbell. It's part of the Evil Dead series of horror films. I actually went to look on IMD what this film is categorized as. And it's like a comedy, drama, horror, slapstick. Correct.

It is all of those things and it is so much more. It's absolutely brilliant. I too, as a teenager, was quite fond of this movie, which I suppose is how you end up in The Bees like us. But it stars your man there, Bruce Campbell, who you may remember from such excellent shows as Zeno Warrior Princess. And he starts out in the Evil Dead 1 and 2 series.

but I promise you don't need to watch those. I mean, I'm not going to be like lying about that. They're all so good. But he is taken after fighting zombies in a cabinet in the woods through a time portal to the 14th century. By this point, he has lost a hand because it became demoniac. He has replaced it with a chainsaw. And he's got a shotgun.

And now he is in 14th century England, which looks remarkably like Southern California. It's just so stupid and I love it so much. For that arrogance, I shall see you dead. Yeah. All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this? This is my boomstick.

It's a 12-gauge double-barred Remington. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel. and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-mart. You got that! Now, let's talk about how I get back home.

It is ridiculous. I mean, to be fair, I don't think they do a horrendous job of things like costume. It's vaguely convincing as a medieval environment in which to fight demonic witches and tiny little people who stab you with, needle-like swords all of the time and to have a big boomstick that threatens the entire population of medieval Europe because they don't understand what it is. It is ridiculous and that's

why it came in as my most absurd film but it's also brilliant. I love it. It's hilarious. It's funny. I would recommend anyone to watch it and then you can at me on social media and tell me how awful you thought it was. Look, go ahead and at me. I'm not going to change my mind. I think It's also the genesis of the now classic line. I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of bubblegum. So, you know, thank Bruce Campbell for that. And we'll just thank Bruce Campbell, generally. He's a great guy and he's making the world a better place.

Thanks, Bruce. But all right, I'm going to yuck our yum here. We've gone from one of the heights, one of the best movies of all time, which is Army of Darkness. And I'm going to bring you down with a terrible movie that I pray you've never seen. But actually, watch it just to wind yourself up. And this movie is called The Physician. Okay, no, I haven't seen that one, so I feel like I'm going to have to waste an hour and a half of my time later today. Okay, all right.

It stars Ben Kingsley. That should be a good start. I like Ben Kingsley. Ben Kingsley. And he's playing Avicenna. Hmm? Compelling? No.

No. Okay, this film. This film is set initially at the beginning in pre-Norman England. And yet somehow the young man in question who is like the hero of the story is called Robert. That incredibly Norman night. It's like the most Norman name you could possibly get. And but the trouble is, you know, here he is in medieval England. And his mother has what they're referring to as side sickness.

You're supposed to understand that it's basically pancreatitis, you know, and she dies. And do you know why she dies, Matt? Because the church hates medicine. Oh, no. And the church is a bunch of cops who are out here to stop anyone from doing medicine because it's witchcraft, question mark. And it's like everything here is wrong, right? In the first place, the church were the number one people who were training. They literally manned hospitals.

Like, that was who was doing it. A, B. In the 11th century, like pre-Norman, the church does not have enough guys to be going around, like witch hunting. That's not, that is an early modern thing, witch hunting, in the first place. And in the second place, like, what guys? You know, you can barely make it up to Northumberland, like, let alone, like, yeah, they're kicking in your door because you were doing some slight barber search and stuff. Anyway, it's incredibly stupid. He ends up traveling to the Middle East because he hears they make good doctors there.

And he gets under the tutelage of Ben Kingsley. And he really, really wants to learn a lot more because guess what's happening? what's happening? The Black Death. What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The Black Death's just come a cheeky little 300 years early. And, you know, the church just won't let anyone shut it down. I love the director being, no one will notice. It's like, it's absolutely ridiculous. And they're like, oh, well, if only we had access to the good Greek medicine like Galen had, we could solve the plague. I'm like, no, you couldn't? Like, that may. and didn't know about antibiotics and what are you talking about?

So everything about it is wrong. It's slightly offensive. But if you're like me and you enjoy righteous indignation, it's a one. You don't really pop off to this one. You know, surprise and delight your family by forcing them to watch a really bad film and then screaming at it. Yeah, why not? It brings everyone closer together. We're better to sit for Christmas then right on your high horse.

That's right. It's the best view to complain about everything. But there are some actual pleasurable things that can be watched on many fine places. And I wanted to talk about one of my faves because I know you like it as well. Ooh, what's this one? The 13th Warrior. I do love that film. Yes.

It is, it's just such a good watch. We've got Antonio Banderas as Ibn Fadlin traveling up to Norse lands in the far north. And it really does play into that idea that we know now is absolutely true of this connection between the Viking world and the Near East. There are trade connections and he's up there. He's a poet. Turns out he's not really, he's been up to some dodgy stuff and got kicked out. But he falls in with this bunch of Vikings and you get this kind of,

there's an idea that's some witchcraft going on. There's this evil monster, snake monster that's coming for them that makes this big smoke snake through the forests at night. Incredible story to it. and they need a 13th warrior to go up against it. And do you think that's going to be? Ah, it's Antonio. It's going to be Antonio.

It's going to be Antonio. But this is another one of those. I think it just looks so good. It tells such a good story of the outsider coming in and becoming part of the Norse community, gaining that acceptance and everything else. It's got a bit of spooky witchcraft suggested going on in there as well. I just think it's such a good watch.

People are very quiet today. The peasants fear you will bring the fireworm down on us. What? The fireworm. The fire serpent. Fire serpent. A dragon. I do not believe in dragons.

It's a really great reimagining of Beowulf. So if you're a Beowulf head and frankly, who isn't? It's a really nice one to watch because it helps you to kind of think about the way that legends are. made, what they can be based on. And I think that it is genuinely creepy and fun. I don't know why this didn't do well at the box office, to be honest, because I think that it's really well acted. The costuming's really, really fun and good. It's got kind of a sophisticated idea about what the medieval period is like. I think it's a yes for me. Yeah. Like you say, it plays into those ideas of how do we know the stories from the medieval past? Because we know this one, because

Antonio Banderas's character will go away and write the story of it. And of course, he's going to make it ultra heroic and all of those kinds of things. And these are the stories that we receive from the medieval period. So it's got another layer to what it's telling us as well, I think. Absolutely. I mean, this is one to watch and, you know, maybe pick apart. It's one that I actually find myself thinking about afterwards. And I don't think that can be said of a lot of the medieval schlock that gets kind of thrown against the wall. Talking of medieval schlock that gets thrown against the wall, that is the perfect segue into a film that I would like to just spend a brief moment talking about.

The Great War. Oh my God. Dear Lord. A waste of my man, Pedro Pascaal. You know, justice for Pedro. Pedro, call me, et cetera. This is, you know, Matt Damon turns up as a Western warrior who winds up at the Great Wall of China. turns out that the Great Wall of China

is not about keeping people in check, but these demonic monsters that are desperately trying to invade. They look nervous. It's a big wall to be so nervous. I mean, I like watching this film in that it's got elements of a Chinese film to it in that it looks beautiful. The action routines, the way that they leap down from the walls,

it's like a dance. And I think it uses elements of Chinese cinema in that way that I really, really enjoy watching anything, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, it ain't perfect film. It uses elements of that to make it look incredible, but it also has that ridiculous edge to the story of this, you know, this archer that turns up and saves all of China from alien monsters that he didn't even know existed. Yeah, I mean, the fight choreography is absolutely gorgeous. I like martial arts films, so it's one for that. And, you know, I like a monster as much as the next

person, I guess I just am fundamentally down on the idea of like a white guy must save the Chinese, like the most successful kingdom in the medieval period. I'm like, yeah, sure, Matt Damon, why not? But it is kind of, it's a good laugh, I will say that. And it is pretty. It's nice to look at. Yeah. So the next film I wanted to mention is sort of a halfway house maybe between the 13th

Warrior and the Great Wall, and that is Outlander. Ah, yeah. I really like this film. I don't know how quietly I should say that, but I really like this film. It's 2008, Jim Caviesel, and you can throw in the mighty John Hurt, the incredible Ron Perlman at the height of his pomp.

Oh, yeah. And we've got an alien crash landing in Viking Norway, the beginning of the 8th century, and on his ship was also this terrible monster from another planet. that begins to hunt the Vikings, and they need to find a way to stop all of this. We're not going down there. That's where it came from.

That's where we're going. But we don't know how to kill it yet. We need better weapons. No. We need better metal. Borimer, get the forts ready. And Firth, Olaf. Get the torches and the ropes.

Let's go. It's got, you know, clan politics. They all think it's the other clans coming to, get them and warfare and arguments around who's the right for king and what does it mean to be an outlander, someone that they don't recognize. How do you become part of that community in the same way as the 13th Warrior plays on those ideas? But here you can add in a CGI space monster, not dissimilar to the Great Wall. But again, I think it looks really good. I think it's a little bit silly, but it's a really enjoyable film to watch. Well, you know, and who amongst us

hasn't asked what if Grendel was actually the predator, which outlanders solves that question for us. And I really appreciate that personally. But it does play that, you know, how do you explain away the things that crop up in medieval literature that sound ridiculous? There are things that sounds like monsters and aliens and things like that. Kind of for me, it's an imagining of what might be a way to explain some of those things. What if someone had crash landed on Earth a millennium and a half ago. Absolutely. And I think that it is a good bit of fun. Again, I've already admitted my fondness for monster movies. So I'm predisposed to being into Outlander. I think that it goes down well. People love a bit of Outlander, really. You know, in terms of medieval-esque movies,

I've forced my loved ones to watch, this one's higher up. I think if I had to criticize it as well, I might come down on the accents. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. Because there are about 47 different accents in the village of 50 people. And they range from Norse to Irish to Scottish to English to American to bad English ones. There is everything going on

in that community. I don't know how they all ended up together. How you designate who the outlander is is very confusing, given the range of accents. We have to see. He's the one that talks most like the Viking king, John Hurd. Okay, a slightly weird one for you.

Have you seen First Night? The King Arthur first night. The King Arthur First Night. Yeah, that can have to be put in the guilty pleasure category, isn't it? Yes, all right. Okay, I like it because what I like about first night. Well, first of all, Sean Connery, get in. So fine, done, you know, but we got, you got your man there, Richard Gear.

And I think it's a really interesting retelling of Arthurianna because I like how he doesn't really include magic at all. I think that's quite fun. And it's got a really, interesting setup here. You know, so it hinges really heavily on the political marriage between Guinevere and King Arthur, which I think is a really smart thing, actually, to say, yeah, you know, relationships like this are set up for reasons that have nothing to do with romance. They have to do with doing the right thing or doing the best thing for any number of people. But then again, what if Lancelot was Richard Gere in his prime?

Well, who? are the problems that causes. Yeah, and I think what this film does really, really well, for me, it takes the classic Arthurian myth, the Arthur Lancelot-Gwinnevere Love Triangle, and it does the job too that medieval Arthurian stories do, of placing it, it feels very early medieval in that it's lots of petty kingdoms fighting with each other,

we're looking at who's going to be the overall ruler at Camelot and things like that. but they're all wearing armour that could very easily, I mean, it doesn't fit any period whatsoever, but it's very clearly, you know, high medieval armour. So they're wearing the clothing of the time that lots of these Arthurian stories are being written in a world, you know, post-Roman kind of thing when Arthur is suggested to have existed in all of those stories.

So it mashes together those timelines in a really interesting way and tells us, I think, the classic Arthurian story. Absolutely. I want to branch off one more because this isn't even a guilty pleasure. This is just a Christmas pleasure and a traditional Arthurian Christmas pleasure, which is the Green Night. And I absolutely love the Green Knight. That's it. The end. Done. Nothing. I don't have to preface that with anything. Def Patel is incredible in it. It's got all these really lovely medieval touches. like his girlfriend is a sex worker, and you can tell because she's got bells sewn onto her cloak.

It really has all these great magical episodes that you see within the Green Night, and it's a traditional Christmas tale. Yeah, one of the first things that I did when I started working for history hit was we created some audiobooks, and we did an audiobook, I read The Green Night as an audiobook. And it is, again, it is that classic Arthurian, story of slightly magical, mystical, but all set at King Arthur's Christmas court.

What could be better? Very well. You laid down your challenge. I accepted it and accepted it still. Never forget what happened here upon this Christmas day. It's absolutely fantastic. The costuming is sumptuous. It's creepy.

It's funny. It's confusing. It's really worth a shot. And then go check out Matt reading it, you know, compare and contrast. What is the actual Arthur? But it's nice to look at, I think, the actual Artheriana versus modern retelling. But I don't think you need to feel bad about this one at all. It's just a wonderful movie.

It is a classic story. And it asks lots of questions about, you know, what does it mean to us as people? If we tell lies and we get caught in our lies and should we have lied, is it ever okay to lie? All of those kinds of questions that we probably still ask ourselves today. Absolutely. So go check that one out. Treat yourself. Finally, though, Matt, you know, last time we had our theory on a corner when we were talking about medieval movies. I've got a new challenge for you.

We're going to a different corner. We're going to a different corner. There's at least four. Right, who's in this corner? In this one, it's our boy. It's Robin Hood. Oh, man, yes. I mean, there has been some amazing Robin Hood films. Let's not shy away from this. No. The only question really is where to begin. There's only one right answer to this. And that is?

Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Don't tell me it's not worth dying for. I'm not going to sing because it was. That was my best Brian Adams impression, everybody. I'm not sure whether this falls into guilty pleasure territory at all because it's slightly nonsense. Oh, yeah. But Alan Rickman, Sheriff of Nottingham is possibly the greatest character. ever created on film.

You know, my man was eaten scenery. He was just clearly having the best time. And you have such a nice time because he's having a good time. And I mean, I will gouge your eye out with a rusty spoon. Catchphrase of a lifetime, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, and you can add in the witchy element to it as well. Makes it slightly creepy if you're a little bit younger, slightly spooky.

But it does the job of telling what, like, first night with the art. Arthur story, it tells what we think of as the classic Robin Hood film, this man who is deprived of his inheritance, takes to the woods, builds this band of merry men, or particularly in this case, you know, finds the band of merry men and takes charge of them. And fights against the wicked sheriff of Nottingham to restore order, except that order is the elite having everything. But maybe we don't go there for that. Hey, look, look, it was the 90s, all right? Let's not ask that much of people. And you get a bit of Kevin Costner. naked backside. Oh, yes. Yeah. For the ladies.

You know, and it's just kind of a who's who of early 90s personalities as well. You know, you've got your Morgan Freeman in there, which is a really nice touch. You know, it's kind of fun having this, hey, the Arabic world exists moment as well, which I think is really quite smart and good. It seems safer to appear as you're a slave rather than you're equal. You know, for an infidel, you have uncommon clarity of thinking. Did you tell me nothing of yourself? For instance, your name.

Azim, what does it mean? It means a great one. Great one, really? Did you give yourself this name? It's a joke. And I think we ought to have a moment for the Sycamore Gap tree as well. Oh, yeah, RIP. Which appears in the film and is no longer with us.

It absolutely does. It absolutely does. So, you know, whether you just want to see the Sycamore Gap tree or Christian Slater. Getting catapulted. Absolutely. You know, Romanode Prince of Thebes has it all. It has it all. And, you know, it's difficult to overstate how much everybody loved this movie in the 90s.

And I still do. And I'm sticking to my guns. Yeah, absolutely. I won't apologize for loving this film. While we're on Prince of Thieves, though, I did want to mention another one that crops up vaguely connected, men in tights. Oh, yes. Come on. Robin Hood, Men in Tights.

Come on, Mel Brooks. This is a couple of years after Prince of Thees. and I mean I love Mel Brooks films, Blazing Saddles if you don't laugh at men sitting around a campfire farting their baked beans away There's something wrong with you That's over for you Space balls, you'll never watch Star Wars the same again

I love Mel Brooks films Men in Tides is just such a clear satire and rip-off of Prince of Thieves Carriol was doing that classic What's different between you and other Robin Hoods I can speak with an English accent It's so good Clearly just a straight dig at Kevin Kossner not even trying an English accent in Prince of Thieves.

Oh, God. And it's one for everybody who loves the Princess Bride, you know, so a little bit, let's get Kerry back in. You know, fantastic times. But it's so funny and the songs are so good. It is just a Mel Brooks classic. And I don't think anyone is going to be upset if you throw men in tights on at Christmas. If men throw tights on at Christmas? I mean, well, I don't know.

Maybe. I'm open to it. Look, I'm an open-minded person. I've got a couple of glasses of port. Anything goes. It's such a good film. And I think it's often easy to write these things off as just being funny.

It's not just funny. It's incredibly clever as well, I think. Absolutely, which I think is the gift of every Mel Brooks movie is that you come away with three or four one-liners. And then you also kind of have to go back because you hadn't realized how funny certain things were.

And also, you will never get the theme song out of your head entirely that we're men, we're men in tights. We rub from the poor and give to the rich, that's right. You know, it's great. And if you like me are a big fan of the producers or indeed young Frankenstein, it's got that similar musical-esque quality. I definitely feel like things can only go downhill in Robin Hood terms from here. Oh, they're about to. We've hit the peak with Prince of Thieves, men in tights, where do we go next? Well, I think that we're going to have to go in order to a truly terrible Robin Hood movie,

which I have to differentiate by the year, which is 2010. Do you know which one this is? This is the Russell Crow. I might disagree slightly and say that I enjoy this ridiculous film. Wow. This might be our first moment of dissenting. Okay, we're fighting. All right, look, what I will say about it is when this movie started out,

I was like, oh, I'm into it. Like, I loved the beginning, which is like a siege at the castle where Richard Lienheart gets killed. And I liked how gritty they showed that as being and how they were really dug in. And I was like, oh, this is really nice. Like, we're actually getting some nice little historical tidbits in it. And then it all goes horribly after a minute. But then the movie kept going. And I'd never really recovered, in my opinion.

Yeah. I guess I would have to say, everyone should probably know that Eleanor moved about a foot closer to me aggressively when I said, Like this film, slightly scared. I feel like I need to row back from liking this film. I enjoy watching it. It is absolute nonsense. The idea of this figure who becomes Robin Hood. I mean, it places it in a slightly different time than we're used to.

I guess it's later into John's reign rather than being strictly in Richard's reign. And I think that plays into this notion of Robin Hood is this timeless. The ballad of Robin Hood, the first version we have recorded is in the reign of Edward the second. True. So completely out of all of this kind of King Richard time period. Robin Hood was just one of those names that crops up all over the place for a generic rebel who's up to no good and the government want to deal with. So he is this kind of anybody hero that can pop up in any time.

But then I just enjoyed watching it the idea that he steps into the role of a nobleman rather than being a nobleman who's deprived of everything, who is a common man who is wanting to fight for the common man. He's not some noble that's had this revelation from going to the Holy Land has seen horrible things that he ought to be a better person. And then I guess where I really have problems with it is the whole D-Day landing scene at the end, which looks great and plays into this French invasion of England around 12, 14, 12, 15 when Louis of France comes over to try and take John's kingdom. and they never fight on a beach like this, but you end up with this scene that looks like something out of a World War II movie and the D-Day landings, which is just ridiculous. Yeah, and I feel like it's also kind of rubbishing a little bit the whole point of Robin Hood,

which is that, no, English people can be rubbish on their own. Like, you don't have to have like a French threat from the outside. You know, this is what happens when in a. world where there aren't laws that can be executed in a particularly microscopic way, I suppose. People can get away with some really bad stuff. And I think that the Robin Hood myth really plays on that. And I'm like, no, the problem is not the French, right? Like, this is, it's just not the issue. In my defense of the film, I'm going to throw in, there is Eleanor of Aquitaine telling John he's an idiot. Oh, I do love Eleanor in this. It is quite funny. We get a bit of William Marshall.

I guess my biggest problem with it is I don't like the whole, oh, I'm a lot. And, like, everybody loves Magna Carta. Richard I wanted to free everybody. He just loved regular. Shut up. Nobody loved regularly. Yeah. And all of these regular people who had stored a copy of this charter in the stone of a cross in the village that was written by Robin Hood's dad.

I mean, it. Like, get out of town. Yeah. Get out of town. Like, I, and it's not that I am not pro people power. That's my whole deal, right? But don't go around acting like Richard the Lionheart was. going to somehow be the one to that place like, oh, I was getting around to free and everyone,

but I just couldn't stop pausing around Europe and getting killed, unfortunately. As soon as I get back home, the first thing on my to-do list. I'm Annie, don't worry about it. It's just that I've got something more important to do, which is to die at the siege of this random castle. Yeah, so I think maybe I'm 50-50 on this. I know it's ridiculous and yet I somehow still enjoy watching it. Well, hey, look, if you're having a nice time, that's chill on not coming over. The look on your faces are the ones.

It's not okay. I'm sorry, Eleanor. That's right. Hear me. Matt, I think we can get back on the same page by talking about the 2018 Robin Hood. Do you know which one this is? I do because I deliberately re-watched this film in the last couple of days. Because I thought, you know, it's got Taryn Edgerton. It's got Jamie Fox. It can't be as bad as I remember it being when I first watched it.

Sometimes you watch a film that you and you remember it as being a bad film, you go back to it and you think, it's better than I remembered, actually. It has some positives. I can't believe I wasted another two hours of my life sitting through 2018's Robin Hood. It is such a jumble and a mess. I almost don't know where to begin. The intro when it's like, I could tell you the year, but I can't remember. I could tell you the history, but you wouldn't be interested.

I would. Yeah, I would. Like, what are you? And then, and then it proceeds to throw in a bunch of historical stuff as well. Yeah, because then he gets drafted for the Third Crusade. You know. Which very clearly places us at a specific moment in time. Which also, I just love it.

Yeah, drafts for the Third Crusade. Definitely a thing. Mm-hmm. Go off King. Right. Like, yeah. And it's just the, I mean, before we even get into the story, the costumes are ridiculous. So I'm conscious last time we talked about films.

We talked about a knight's tale as being completely anachronistic, modern elements to it, but it absolutely works. This is one that has very modern-looking costumes. Parts of the cart chases that they have looked like they go through 18th century factories in London where there is molten metal pawling everywhere. There are sparks shooting up all over the place. I'm waiting for the woman from footloose to come and dance across the screen. I literally have my brain can't work out what is going on.

It looks a mess to me. Well, do you know, okay, the problem and difference between a knight's tale and 2018 Robin Hood is a knight's tale knows what it's doing. You know, it is presenting you with a really fun bit of fluff and it's telling you an unsurious story. 2018 Robin Hood pretends that it's telling you a real story. It pretends that it's telling you something kind of historical while refusing to give you any history and then just presents you with this thing

that is supposed to be very worthy and very serious, right? Because why? They mentioned that Muslims exist like in our man, Mr. Fox, you know? And, you know, talking about the horrors of the Third Crusade. And you know what? I'm fine with that. If you want to talk about the horrors of the Third Crusade, I'm not going to stop you. Yeah. Like I think that that was bad. I'm going down on the, you know, renegade side of Third Crusade Bad, right? But it does all these things that are just so much like putting on a hair shirt. And then it's like, oh, and yeah, have a cart chase. Like, what are you talking about? You need to pick one. It's either cart chases in molten metal or it's we are castigating ourselves with a ver. version of history that tells a particular moralistic story.

She killed me. Everyone thinks of dead. Something's much to be a hell. You want to know what hell is. I lost my hand in this war. My people were in chains. My land was pillaged. And my son was murdered.

I'm sorry. I couldn't save him. But you tried to. In all my years of war, I've never seen anything like it. That's why I chose you. And then it does all of these other weird, juxtaposed things where you've got the sheriff of Nottingham who is a bit of a rubbish villain, but talks about the people of Nottingham as his subjects, but people aren't subject to a sheriff.

No. And then this evil, wicked, autocratic sheriff who treats everyone like a subject has town hall meetings in the middle of the castle where people are allowed to generally complain about taxation and the way things are a bit rubbish. Those two just don't sit together. No, absolutely. That would be the most enlightened ruler that you could possibly find in the medieval period if he ever let anyone come together and yell at him. I mean, please, absolutely not.

I think we're back on safe ground of agreeing that this, is this the worst Robin Hood film? I think it's the worst. I think it's probably the worst. There's absolutely nothing redeeming in it. You know, at 2010, I can pick out the things that I think are. cool. At least you get to see Kate Blanchett in the 2010 one. You know, God bless Bono's daughter. She tries. She's there. I don't know what she was supposed to do with this script either. I don't want to be too down on her. Yeah, no. I think all around the script, the story, the look of

it, it's just a bit of a mess and it kind of just doesn't work. It feels really bad ending on a downer. Maybe we ought to just mention 1973 Disney Robin Hood. Oh, come on. Yes. The formation of, I think, everyone my age's first crush. You know, like, that, that's, for some reason, that fox was very sexy. I don't know. It was very confusing for four-year-olds. An entire generation, for some reason,

you know, it has the hots for a cartoon fox, or, you know, one or the other, it's wide open, right? Yeah. Again, it just does this really good story of Robin Hood. It's funny. The characterizations just all work. The animals are spot-on picks for who they all are. and just does all of the things right that we've just said are wrong with some of the other films. Absolutely. It is having a great swashbuckling time. You get swinging from brutes. You get cool archery competitions.

The little church mice, I think about them all the time. They're so great and cute. And it just, it's giving you a storybook world because fundamentally, Robin Hood is a storybook story. And I don't think you need to turn it into some examination. of the Middle Ages. It's okay to just have fun. And I think that you and I have come down on the side of, we like the fun ones. Every time there's one that's just, you know, we're doing a musical comedy, we like that. That's fine. Do it. Why not? Yeah. And Robin Hood is a genuine, it's an everyman story that can mean anything to anybody. You can do it in any way you like. It can be a comedy like Men in Tights. It can be an animated bunch of animals like Disney did it. There is almost no wrong way to do Robin Hood apart from 2018, Robin Hood.

I didn't think there was a wrong way. They found it. Congratulations. Well done. But I think we should end on a high of Disney's all-time classic. Absolutely. Absolutely. Watch it right now.

Let's go. But look, we are just about to roll right into Christmas. I'm very, very excited about it myself. But I'm setting us a little bit of homework for the new year before we do that. I promise we can come back to it later. I don't think we've covered Robin Hood yet here on comedy. No, he's one of those weird blind spots that we come across every once in a while that is massive and yet we've not seen him. Look, it's just a thousand years of history or so. I can't believe we haven't covered every angle on yet.

But I would encourage you, gentle listeners, to write in and let us know what it is you want to see us cover about Robin Hood. How do we do it? I mean, can we do it? It's Robin Hood Month, everybody. Get ready for that. You know, four episodes. Do we go back to the ballad? Do we put him back into the reign of Edward II? Do we go for something more classic? How do we tackle Robin Hood?

Was he real? Was he not real? Yeah. Have a couple of sherrys and let us know what you think. But a very, very Merry Christmas to everyone out there listening, the day itself is almost upon us. We'll have a couple of more episodes coming out for you over the festive period. And we'll be back in January as always. But until then, we just want to thank you so much for spending a part of your holiday season with us. Thank you very much. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas, a fantastic new year,

and joins us in what is promising to be a big hitting January. Ah, 2025, Matt. It's upon us.