Good Inside with Dr. Becky - Addressing the Child Care Crisis With Gloria Riviera

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

America’s child care system is broken. Parents are struggling to find care and centers are struggling to provide care, which means our kids are struggling, too. How did we get into this mess… and how do we fix it? In today’s episode, Dr. Becky talks with Gloria Riviera—a journalist, mom of three, and podcast host of “No One Is Coming to Save Us”—about why caring for our kids is a systemic issue. With personal stories, data, and practical calls-to-action, their conversation will not only help you feel less alone in your struggles as a caregiver, but also give you tools for change. Remember: We’re in this together. For more, listen to Gloria’s podcast, “No One Is Coming to Save Us” here: https://lemonadamedia.com/show/noictsu/ Join Good Inside Membership: https://bit.ly/3cqgG2A Follow Dr. Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside Sign up for our weekly email, Good Insider: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletter Order Dr. Becky's book, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, at goodinside.com/book or wherever you order your books. For a full transcript of the episode, go to goodinside.com/podcast

You're listening to Good Inside with Dr. Becky. My guest today is Gloria Riviera, a mom, seasoned journalist, and fellow podcast host. Gloria's podcast, No One Is Coming To Save Us, is a weekly podcast about America's child-care crisis. This crisis affects all of us, and it impacts every day of our lives. Gloria and I have a really important conversation. That includes strategies for change, and I can't wait to share it with you. With all that in mind, let's jump in. If you're like most parents, I know you're busy. The last thing we want after a

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quality food. Get 50% off your first order at littlespoon.com when you use the code good inside VIP at checkout. Hi, I'm Dr. Becky and this is Good Inside. I'm a clinical psychologist and mom of three on a mission to rethink the way we raise our children. I love translating deep thoughts about parenting into practical, actionable strategies that you can use in your home right away. One of my core beliefs is that we are all doing the best we can. With the resources we have available to us in that moment. So even as we struggle and even as we are having

a hard time on the outside, we remain good inside. Hi, Gloria, so good to have you here. Becky, I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. Why don't we start with you introducing yourself, tell everyone listening who you are, and the types of things that interest you. Oh my gosh, who am I? I am a journalist. I have been for many years, my first job out of college, the only job I've ever done. I am a mom of three. I have a 13 year old and 11 year old.

Those are boys and I have a little girl who's six. I am a wife, a daughter, a friend. I really enjoy being a friend. I think the biggest thing my father would say about me is that I do too much. I can hear him in my head now. He's no longer with us, but I can always hear him say,

slow down, slow down. Us moms, we like to do a lot of slash too much, don't we? Yeah, yeah, I like to pack it in, you know? In your kind of experience as a journalist, what are some of the issues you've been researching or tackling recently? Recently, I've been looking at the childcare crisis in this country, and that has been sort of the penultimate experience of my career in journalism.

I was drawn to two things, long form investigative stories, and I was also drawn to people. I think one of the best pieces of advice I ever got was from my first boss. I'm 48 years old. I don't know how many people will remember this name, but Sam Donaldson. He was a White House correspondent here in DC. He told me the best thing you can do as a journalist is just be quiet and listen. And you can think about it in terms of network news if you think about sort of as the camera pans to the journalist during a big interview. And it sort of makes me chuckle because you know, there are all those nods, like understanding

nods. But it's also a method. It's like, I'm not going to say anything so you can speak. And it's in those pauses that we often get the best stuff. So I've certainly asked a lot of questions as I've investigated the childcare crisis, but I've done a lot of listening. And that's proven to be a good method.

That's, I mean, it's so similar in my field as a psychologist and definitely it's one of the most important things as a parent, right? It's to be curious and listen to your kids, right? And wait for that pause. Yeah. So the childcare crisis, I mean, I'm not going to ask you to sum it up in 10 words, but can you sum it up in 15 words? Oh my gosh. You could have more than 15. Okay. Okay.

So, I'm going to answer that from the perspective of where I am now, which is having done season one, which really looked at how we got into this mess, right? How did the U.S. get to a place where it is ranked pretty much last along with our pals and Papa New Guinea, literally the only other country that's ranked as low as we are in terms of what we do for parents when they become parents, right? What we do for people when they become parents. I believe the childcare crisis is the most acute social safety net crisis the United States is facing right now. If we can solve that, if we can support people, if we can make them feel like they are not alone when they become a parent, everything in this country will get better.

That's how I'd summarize it. I mean, I could go on and say, listen, post-COVID, most people across industries are back to pre-COVID employment levels except in childcare. People have left and they're not coming back because we don't have fair wages. We're talking about poverty level wages for teachers. It's been too difficult

to keep the doors open. And what we really need is accessible high quality, like really good. And this country has done it before. We have done it during World War II. We did it. We know how to do it. High quality, accessible, affordable childcare. That's what we need with options for people. I have so many, so many follow up questions and thoughts. The one that's loudest for me right now is when someone becomes a parent, they feel so alone. They feel so alone, you're saying. Right?

And the loneliness is something I think about all the time. I feel like it's the enemy of growth. growth is feeling alone and a feeling and an experience. You're saying becoming a parent as it relates to support and having the care around you that the whole family system needs to thrive. That's completely absent. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I listen, I have done a lot of thinking about the times in my life when I have felt alone and they are never, well, the way I was experiencing my aloneness for many years was never positive for me, right? Like we can experience solitude in a really beautiful way. That is not what I'm talking about right now.

And I, you know, I really struggled with whether or not to take this job because I am a white woman with a college education. I speak from an enormous amount of privilege. We were able to have care. My mother was very present when my kids were young and it was still hard for me. I was employed. I didn't take a maternity leave. My company didn't have a maternity leave. I took disability because like as of five minutes ago, you're still disabled from working when you become a parent, which is a whole secondary conversation we could have about perspective and corporate perspective. So I eventually did take the job and I chose to tell the story frankly, because I think I have the bandwidth to do that now.

And so I want this conversation to be out there for everybody, everyone. And I've done a lot of listening to people who have far fewer options than I had when I became a mother. I guess to a certain extent, I'm sort of saying this out loud for the first time. Like, I am engaged in having this conversation because I just don't think a lot of people can have it. I think that parents are too tired to have it, right? Like, they've got a lot on their plates. And I'm thinking of how this all connects to just the stories.

Like, you mentioned stories. Like, the stories you heard around this crisis. Yeah. On a weekly basis, I hear stories from parents who talk about how bad they are feeling, how rough it is. In terms of the stories I hear from our listeners, we get these voice memos every week, we play them on the show. And all we've asked is just send us your moments.

Like the highs, the lows, the challenges where you are. And every single one of them has been really rough to listen to. They're all hard, you know? And I hear a lot about tag team parenting and how that's perceived because childcare is prohibitively expensive. Several families come up with this tag team parenting model so that somebody's always home. And A, that's tiring. B, the child. And there's a young woman who testified in front of Congress saying, I just want to be

with my family altogether. So that's a cost, right? We're not paying in dollars, but that is a cost of the way our childcare system is set up. But C, the first voice memo we got talking about this, the woman said, you know, I'm worried about our us. I'm worried about my husband and me. And what happens to us when we come out of this? I've heard some people say they are looking after themselves, but it's a very small percentage.

Give us all some baseline education. Like, what is the childcare system here? Why is it so much worse than what you see in other developed countries? Like, let's just try to get on, all of us get on somewhat of the page you're on through all your research. Yeah, well, if you're anything like me, I realized I sort of blacked out

once my kids were of school age, right? Like they're in school. We got through those early years, like don't need to go back there. However, a lot of people are very much still in those years. And essentially right now, this country doesn't do anything for you until your child is ready to go to school. So it's like, great, have the baby. But there's no one, I mean, our team laughs about like, there's no one to hold to school. So it's like, great, have the baby. But there's no one, I mean, our team laughs

about like, there's no one to hold the baby. Could somebody just hold the baby for me? Because I need to brush my teeth or take a shower or, you know, go to the grocery store, all those things that make life work is just so hard because there's no one to help us. So then when you think about the options that are out there, family child care, and somebody said something to me early on that was so smart. She said, you know, think of child care like infrastructure. You know, roads and bridges,

that's how we get to where we need to go. So child care is actually infrastructure. Child care is as integral to people getting to where they need to go, as having access to transportation is, or having a road that is safe to drive down. Yeah. Child care is infrastructure in the same way roads and bridges are infrastructure. It helps us get to where we need to go. Without it, we can't move. We can't be out in the world doing all the great things that would happen if that was

a given, right? And it makes me think about someone in their house who is thinking, like, I got to get to the grocery store and then there's no roads. And whether they would immediately think, I am the worst person ever. Right, I'm horrible or I'm lazy. Or if they would think, like why do I live somewhere with no roads? Like I do something about this.

Like I feel like this is not just my individual problem. Right, they walk out, they're just fields everywhere. They're like, wait. Right, I'm asking you just fields everywhere. They're like, wait. Yeah, right. I mean, it's not there. But with child care and I'm speaking from the perspective as a mom, we feel like, why can't I get more done? Or like, why can't I do the things I want to do? Right, we do personalize it and blame ourselves.

Yeah. And you're giving a really important perspective. So for everyone listening here, whether you have a young baby or you have a toddler, if you have a child who's pre-school age, right, think about the moments you've been so hard on yourself. I can't believe I didn't get this thing done. I said I was going to get to the store. I said I was going to run this errand. said I was going to get to the store. I said I was going to run this errand. And just notice that narrative.

And then think about if you lived somewhere where there wasn't a road. And there was no access to public transportation. And just think if you would say to yourself, wow, I'm so lazy. Or if you'd say, I'm mad. Like, I feel like I need something. I don't have what is this. I think that's, that's really powerful to reframe that. So thank you. We always like to say, what the

what? Like what the what and how, you know, just not having somewhere to take your child. And we can talk a lot about all the great things that can happen in those early years, where the brain is just so mushy and it's just taking it all in. And the data is there. That's the thing that drives the reporter in me crazy. It's not like we don't have the data. The data shows all sorts of amazing things happen. Like kids are more likely to graduate from high school. They're more likely to enter the workforce and oh, by the way, by the way, the parents are also able to go to work and pay taxes and be a member of a functioning society that supports work.

And I, this is a, this can be kind of a controversial thing to bring up, but I did live in China for many years. And there are lots of things that we can say about the way Chinese, the Chinese government makes decisions that we don't agree with. However, I remember coming home one night in Beijing, it was about seven o'clock, and right outside the school entrance, were all of these bikes and scooters because it was pickup time, because the government has made it available to everyone

a school for their child starting very young when they're babies from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. that's flexible. So 7 p.m. was the pickup time and it was just swarmed and I thought like what are all these people doing here? They were picking up their child who by the way it had dinner and a nap and we're you know ready ready to settle in for the evening. So a lot of different countries for vastly different reasons, some good, some bad, who knows, they've identified child care as part of the infrastructure. They've identified it as a way to help people.

And our country is missed out on that. It really is kind of amazing, right? Like sometimes, and I feel like the last time I talked to you, there's this too, like you, you say it in a way that it makes me like stop my tracks like, wait, like I'm looking at the same thing, but looking at it differently. Like you have a baby. And then everyone's like, good luck. Yeah, I don't know, like if that, like, yeah, is so hard to raise a child. And I can to share my own experience,

like those first number of months for me, and everyone has their season with their kid or their seasons that are really hard. But like the baby stage for me, oh, it was so dark, it was so hard, it was so hard. I remember thinking like, is this what everyone, is this the thing everyone talks about? Like so glowingly, you know?

And I too have so much privilege and so much access and so I did have access to childcare that I could afford. And I did have a parent who was involved, right? My own parent who is very involved, but being home and taking care of a child and kind of saying, I don't even realize this, but I'm swapping my former life for this other life because it is a 24-7 all-consuming job. And there is no

infrastructure to support me in my basic needs as a human being. That is really unfair. It is a really unfair thing. Yeah, I spent a lot of time being really mad. The first thing I got mad at was baby showers. I thought, why do we have that baby shower? I did get a lot of time being really mad. The first thing I got mad at was baby showers. I thought, why do we have that baby shower? I did get a lot of very cute things, but I actually, I don't really need a baby shower. What I need is after the baby's born, that's when I need the help. And, you know, I think that right now in this country,

we just have a few things upside down. Like, you can go out and get lots of degrees in early education. You can be very well educated to be an early educator in this country. But the job market is bleak. I mean, you want to go out and you spend all this money on your education and earn poverty wages. nobody wants to do that. Like what are the numbers? The numbers are like, I think I'm in DC,

they just raise minimum wage here. But you're looking at minimum wage as the starting salary for early educators in this country, buy in large. And actually during COVID, we have heard from listeners who say, well, first, if you are the owner of an early childcare center,

or you operate one in your home, this other person who told me about childcare's infrastructure also said, like, that's a woman run business, right? You are supporting a woman run business. So we've heard from a lot of those women who say, I have raised wages, right? They want to be competitive. It's almost broken them. Some of our listeners have closed their doors. They operated centers, but they're just struggling to keep people when places that can't afford

to pay people more, like your Starbucks, like your Amazon, like your targets. I mean, no shade on them, they're able to raise the hourly wage to $15 an hour, $17 an hour. Child care just can't do that. I love talking to really like very smart people, like you who, why did my perspective? And this might, I feel like maybe you're insane. Becky, obviously, but I just want to state this. I will get paid more going to work at Starbucks

than I will go working at an early childhood education center. Yep, true, 100%. Yeah, a lot of the providers that we speak to have double shifts and so they go to their childcare center, they take care of babies in toddlers and then they go work a shift at a Starbucks. Or they go drive a bus. Like bus drivers earn a lot of good money

in a lot of cities. So yeah, that happens for sure. And I always say as host of this show, we work with some very smart people, our partners are neighborhood villages, and they look at how to support the existing infrastructure. And I always laugh because they're probably tearing their hair out, Our partners are neighborhood villages and they look at how to support the existing infrastructure. And I always laugh because they're probably tearing their hair out because I ask exactly

those kinds of questions. I say, okay, wait a minute. Are you saying XYZ? And whomever I'm interviewing will say, yeah, I am. I mean, I just learned about subsidies. So I didn't really understand how they work. And we spoke to a woman named Camille Bennett and Alabama, and she said that a lot of these providers, right? Okay, so they are looking for kids who are on subsidies.

That means these kids are getting, they're paying less than is normally charged, but the provider is still getting that money because it comes from the state, right? So the state is the one that says, okay, you get a subsidy, you don't. And by the way, applying for subsidies is a very rigorous, red tape process, but a lot of people do it.

So a lot of these providers, these early education schools or these family care centers, they don't get paid on enrollment. So in the fall when they have like 25 kids enroll in their class, they't get paid on enrollment. So in the fall, when they have like 25 kids enroll in their class, they only get paid by attendance. Right? So if that kid doesn't show up for a day, like, guess how many kids didn't show up during COVID? You know, a lot.

The process for that provider, for salt, in many cases, they're just not going to get paid. But even if they fight for it, it's like, I don't understand that. I don't understand if the money has been set aside to support these kids attending early education centers, why aren't providers getting that money? So some in some places, the fight is about, let's get paid on enrollment, not on attendance.

But like, how crazy is that? And the investigative journalist in me is like, where is that money going? Where is that money going? Hey, quick thing. If you follow me on Instagram or if you're a part of the good inside membership, you probably know I've written a book.

And I'm so excited to say that you no longer have to pre-order it. You can order it because it's available right now. You might have guessed the title is Good Inside, a guide to becoming the parent you want to be. And let me be clear, it's not a book for perfect parenting. It is a book that will help parents like you feel empowered, confident, and sturdy. It is a book that will help parents like you feel empowered, confident, and sturdy. Visit goodinside.com slash book to order your copy today. Now let's get back to the episode. And I'm not thinking, glory about the other side too, because I know there's parents listening

or thinking, yes, those, you know, people who work at early childhood education centers need to get paid more money. And I already can't afford the childcare. Like I get it, if they get paid more money, my rates go up understandably, right? It's still a business, right? How it is now. And I can't afford, I already feel like,

and this is what I hear from a lot of women, it's not worth it for me to work because I would bring home less than I would have to pay a child care center. So can you speak to that side a little bit as well, the cost to individual families? Yes. First of all, I would say, and I grew up with a lot of these women in my life. I am related to a lot of women who choose to stay at home and and that's the hardest job there is. We hear that a lot, but like truly that's the hardest job.

There is. So I also speak to a lot of women and I put myself in this category. I am a better person, whole person because of what I get from my job. Like I am a better person, whole person, because of what I get from my job. I am a happier parent, I'm a happier partner, I'm a better friend, I mean, I would argue across the board that I am a better person because I work. So we all know the childcare situation was dire before COVID, and COVID really put everything into tech and color. It was just like a big spotlight on parents and their experiences

with child care. And I remember when our first season came out, it was right when the New York Times ran a special section called the primal scream. And it profiled a bunch of moms from different walks of life all at the end of their rope. Like people were just, I mean, Fry doesn't even start to describe it. And the needle has not really moved. If anything, the child care landscape, well, there's a lot of great talk around, build back better and what this administration might do. Now we're really in a waiting period with that. So my hope is that, well, my number one hope is that people who listen to this show feel

less alone, right? That's what we're hearing. Like, thank you. You know, I don't feel like I'm in this by myself. I'm like, okay, that's a good starting point. You are not in it by yourself. And then we hear, we hear the pressures of work building and with no child care solution. So like someone's, you know, welcome back to wherever they were working, but there's no noise around what to do with the child. I think that's why we're seeing a rise

and tag team parenting where parents are left to figure it out, which again, is a cost, right? It's like, we just spoke to someone who's, the dad had been offered a job, but he chose to drive Uber because that had flexible hours around his wife's shifts. Yeah. So bananas.

Doesn't have to be this way. That's what my new hashtag is. Guess what? Does not have to be this way. So let's jump there a little bit. One of the things I know about our listeners here is that they love understanding concepts deeply, and then they love translating the understanding

into action strategies. So what can I do? What do I do with this? Right? And one of the things I think you just outlined that is actually an important action is just to say to ourselves, my struggle around childcare,

my struggle to figure out my schedule and my tag team parenting, or is it worth it for me to work relative to how much I have to pay? And where's a quality childcare? There's action in saying, like, this is not my individual problem. This is not my individual fault. Their lacks infrastructure for what my family system would need to thrive. And right now, yes, I'm hoping with that.

But if we can remove fall and blame, that can make moments, instead of feeling completely impossible, feel really, really, really challenging, which we want things to feel better than that. But we don't enter into a shame spiral. Right. I mean, I would share the first thing I sort of sheepishly realized about myself was that I was not a child care voter before. I could not have told you how my congressman while I live in DC. So how my representatives in the various places that I've lived, how they felt about child

care. And I grew up in a split household. So I had one parent was a Republican, one parent was a Democrat. We had lots of interesting discussions around the dinner table. So for everyone, like, are you a childcare voter? Is that your number one question? Like, we just, we have a whole little, we have a little book downstairs

because we're having votes right now in DC for our award representatives. And I'm like, I gotta read that thing and figure out how they feel about this before they get my vote. So that is one thing. And somebody actually said like whenever she hears that someone's having a baby, she's not going to send a gift, she's going to call her representative.

And he's like, you don't want, if you're representative or you know, running for whatever it is, if you think you're not going to win because of your stance on child care or how loudly you use your voice to represent the people who elected you, like that will make you maybe make a few different decisions. So anybody listening here, another point of action is to watch, just put that into something concrete for everyone listening.

What should they do today? Yeah, I mean, I think you should figure out who is a pro- pro election wherever you are. Make sure that you vote, but make sure you get on the website, just type in child care and that person's name. And you know, listen, if you have two minutes to do it, it's helpful. It took me a lot longer to figure out how my representative felt about child care. In the end, it was like she's very aligned with the current president Biden's proposals. It did take some time, but I eventually got there. It was actually really funny because I actually recorded the calls I made and you could hear like, I'm going to transfer you to this person. I'm

going to transfer you to that person. At one point, I was like, oh, you just transferred me to that person. And now I'm back, you know, it was a little bit of a hamster wheel, but eventually I got the answer. That would be the first step, figure out where you live, how do your representatives feel about child care? What else, anything else that you encourage people to do? What can they do? I mean, this is such a massive issue, right? And it's something that affects every fiber of our being, right? I guess that's the thing about infrastructure is it's a foundation, right?

So part of our foundation is missing. Right. Wherever you live, if you type in community organizing and childcare, you will find a place. I guarantee you there are people in your community working to solve this crisis. And we've gotten voice memos from listeners in the car after their shift ends. One woman said, you know, I've got my poster, I'm wearing my t-shirt.

She was showing up in the community to ask for better childcare. And I think that's like, I was never, I never worked in community organizing the first time I really gave it good thought was when Barack Obama was running. And it's so important. Numbers are important. They send, I mean, talking from a network news perspective, you think of that shot, that

one shot that maybe might make the local news, and it's 50 people, 100 people. You know, whatever it is, that's the shot that's going to make the local news and it's 50 people, 100 people, you know, whatever it is, that's the shot that's going to make the story. So showing up is really important. And then also, you know, volunteering your time or signing the petition. In season one, we spoke to Multnah County in Oregon, the tiny little county. They just won Universal Pre-K 3. And it was a uphill battle during COVID. But one of their key moments was when they went around during COVID and got signatures. So that's a community organizing to collect a group represented by signatures. Like that's for any parent out there. You have a minute to sign your name. Yeah.

You know, that led to change, which is wild to me, but also very humbling. And just for everyone listening who might be thinking, oh, wow, that sounds like that sound. So hard or I've never done something like this before. Right, just remind yourself, there's nothing you have to do. And this is an issue, right? before, just remind yourself, there's nothing you have to do. And this is an issue, the childcare crisis is an issue.

That probably impacts every single day of your life. And I think it makes living life with kids so heavy and so individualistic, right? And I think as a step one, just separating, like this is an infrastructure problem, not an individual family problem, is hugely helpful to your personal mental health, right? And then the next things you're describing Gloria, like here's actually how we can have impact on societal and infrastructure change.

Right. Absolutely. And letting people know this issue matters. I can make this something I vote on, right? I can say that this issue is toward the top of my list. Yeah. I mean, I think if you have, you know, half an hour, just last night. Our next door neighbor's hosted a candidate for our award representative. And I went to the meeting and I asked, how do you feel about childcare? And that is something that I had the time to do last night

to run next door. It didn't take a lot. But I also think wherever you are, I just learned about this. I told you, I'm learning as I go. Childcareaware.org is a national organization. Wherever you are, you can join it. And they have a fantastic website.

And we can go on there, put in your zip code, and it will tell you every different option that you have for childcare. And right now, I guarantee you, if you find somewhere that looks interesting and you call them and you say, like, this is what I can pay for one day a week, people are open and flexible. And listen, I'm not saying, I'm not guaranteeing

it will work, I'm just saying it's somewhere that you can go to find out the immediate options for you a day, an hour. Just call and ask. Yeah. Have you heard stories of that type of flexibility? I've heard stories of providers who are doing anything they can to keep their doors open. Yeah.

So that opens up, you know, at least a conversation. But at the same time, you know, that's juxtaposed with this need to be paid on enrollment, right? So it's a tricky path to navigate, but it's there to explore. So toward the end of kind of interview with someone or conversation, I like to leave listeners with three main things to be thinking about or action or just kind of, we all get to this place, like, oh, that was all really important. Can someone, you know, distill it down for me? So we like to make that easier.

So if it's okay with you, I'm going to ask you to give one and three, and I can come in with number two. Okay. So when someone, and saying goes into their day, what is one thing you want them to take from this conversation? The childcare is your right. It's a social service that is your right. We just have to convince the country to fund it.

And know that we've done it before in World War II where all of a sudden people thought, oh, wait, women have to go to work to support the war effort. Oh, their kids are going to need care. And this country had basically pop up child care. Four hundreds of thousands of kids. So we know how to do it. It is possible.

I want to take that and turn that into a mantra as a number two point, right? So for all the people listening here who have young kids or who's kids are in school and you're thinking, okay, well, I have school, but I wish we had options, you know, for that three to seven PM hour, like you were describing. I think reminding yourself, this feels hard because I don't have what I need, not because

I'm doing anything wrong. And I think our listeners will notice that it feels similar to a mantra, I personally use all the time. This feels hard because it is hard, not because I'm doing something wrong, and that one will work too, but reminding yourself, my child care struggles. I was never meant to have to deal with this completely on my own. And in other places, that's not the case. And removing that personal fault can really help tolerate the distress in those tough moments.

Yeah, and I mean, I can come off of that very easily because it makes me think of my own mom and I was raised by a single working mom and when things got tough. And I'm laughing now because I'm remembering coming home from the movies and all the pipes had burst in our house. And I was like, oh no. And she goes, you know what? I think today overall we did a good job. We'll think about the pipes tomorrow. And now we always say, we're doing a good job. And, and, you know, Lord knows, parents have been doing a phenomenal job by and large. And I just think, you know, what is possible if we got a little help?

You know, if we got a little help and we felt fully supported. I said we would do three, but I'm gonna take your third and elevate it. Cause I think that's something, we just don't tell ourselves as parents. That's just, I'm doing a good job. I'm doing a pretty good job.

I wonder if like everyone listening, if we all like looked into the mirror and like locked eyes with ourselves and maybe in that moment, you're locking eyes with a part of you that like needs to hear that, right? And you say to the mirror, looking into the mirror. For me, I'd be like, hey, Becky, you, you're doing a pretty good job.

You're doing a good job. And I always think, like, I could say that to any parent. I say that to a lot of the parents in our platform and our membership. And yet sometimes I hold back because I say, you know what, it's not going to actually mean as much as if you look in the mirror and hear the words from the person you need to hear them from, which I promise you isn't Dr. Becky, it's you. It's you. And I think, I think that's so important. So thank you for leading us to that point. My pleasure. I mean, we are doing a good job. I am doing a good job. I'm looking into the Zoom right now, looking into my own eyes. I'm doing a good job. I am doing a good job. I'm looking into the zoom right now, looking into my own eyes. I'm doing a good job.

Gloria, where can people find more of you, find more about you, find this amazing podcast you have, all the things? You can find no one is coming to save us on anywhere you get your podcasts, you know, Apple, Spotify, wherever it is. And go look it up. I highly recommend season one. It's all about story. And season two is talking to the smart people who are, you know, collectively going to help us change things. Well, thank you. It's always a pleasure to talk with you. I learned so much and look forward to our next conversation. Absolutely me too.

Thanks for listening to Good Inside. I love co-creating episodes with you based on the real life tricky situations in your family. To share what's happening in your home, you can call 646-598-2543 or email a voice note to goodinsidepodcast at gmail.com. There are so many more strategies and tips I want to share with you and so many good inside parents I want you to meet. I'm beyond excited that we now have a way to connect and learn together. Head to goodinside.com to learn more about good inside membership. I promise you it's totally game-changing. And follow me on Instagram and Facebook at Dr. Becky at Good Inside for a daily

dose of parenting and self-care ideas. Good Inside with Dr. Becky is produced by Beth Roe and Marie Cecil Anderson, an executive produced by Erica Belzky and me, Dr. Becky. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to rate and review it. Or share this episode with a friend or family member as a way to start an important conversation. Let's end by placing our hands on our hearts and reminding ourselves even as I struggle and even as I have a hard time on the outside. I remain good inside. you