Good Life Project - Defying the Odds | Chris Norton

Episode Date: August 6, 2019

Chris Norton suffered a spinal cord injury playing college football. Doctors gave him a 3% chance of moving anything below his neck again. But, four grueling years later, he defied the odds and walked across the stage (https://chrisnorton.org/book-movie/) at his college graduation with his fiancé, Emily Summers. Three years after that, Chris attempted another incredible feat, walking down the aisle with his wife, Emily. Their moving story is told in a new book, The Seven Longest Yards (https://amzn.to/2jNu7P7). Along the way, Chris created the Chris Norton Foundation to help people with spinal cord and neuromuscular disabilities and Chris and Emily adopted five amazing girls, and have fostered a total of 17 children. They are both deeply committed to providing a safe, loving home for children in need.-------------Have you discovered your Sparketype yet? Take the Sparketype Assessment™ now. IT’S FREE (https://sparketype.com/) and takes about 7-minutes to complete. At a minimum, it’ll open your eyes in a big way. It also just might change your life.If you enjoyed the show, please share it with a friend. Thank you to our super cool brand partners. If you like the show, please support them - they help make the podcast possible. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So my guest today, Chris Norton, suffered a spinal cord injury playing college football in his first year. Doctors gave him a 3% chance of moving anything below his neck again. But four grueling years later, he was absolutely committed to defy everybody's expectations. And he walked across the stage at his college graduation with his fiance, Emily. That was captured on video and hosted online and became massively viral. It's actually how I first discovered Chris. And three years after that, though, Chris attempted another pretty powerful feat, which was walking down the aisle with his wife, Emily. And their moving story is told in a new book, The Seven Longest Yards. Along the way, Chris also created the Chris Norton Foundation to help people with spinal cord and neuromuscular disabilities.

And Chris and Emily have adopted five amazing girls and fostered 17 kids. They're both deeply committed to providing safe and loving home for children in need. In today's conversation, we dive into this entire journey because on the surface, it seems like this powerful story of triumph and darkness to light.

But the reality is that every day creates a new opportunity for Chris and Emily together to make choices about their life. It's not easy. In fact, very often it's incredibly hard. Yet they are so devoted and so committed both to each journey, the powerful choices that they've made, and how they stay completely committed to being of service on a daily basis. So excited to share this story. I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project. We'll be right back. Y'all need a pilot? Flight risk. The Apple Watch Series X is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever,

making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required. Charge time and actual results will vary. I first became aware of you probably similar to 300 million or so other human beings

when I stumbled upon a video online that showed you walking across the stage for college graduation. And for those listening, you may be like, why would 300 million people watch a video like that? It's a janky cell phone video. There's no production company. And we're going to deconstruct that, why that was so mind-blowing and so moving for so many people. And so it's nice to be sitting here with you and kind of to dive into that backstory. You know, part of that has to do with, I guess, your attraction to athletics and to sports as a young kid. Tell me more about that. Yeah.

So just growing up, I love sports. I love competition and football in particular because you can kind of let your, you can be rough and you can be physical and you kind of let out anger and aggression. And although I wasn't an angry person, I'm not at all. I'm not very aggressive. But when you put on the shoulder pads and the helmet, like this aggression, this new persona kind of comes out and it's just kind of fun to be physical and tough. And I was known for being physical and tough. And I was able to continue my playing career, go play college football. It wasn't like a big school, like a full-ride scholarship or anything like that, but still be able to play competitive football, strap on the shoulder pads.

And it was October 16, 2010 is when the sixth game of the season as a freshman is when everything really changed for me. Yeah. Were you, I mean, it's interesting also that you kind of say like you stepped into this different identity when you sort of strapped down the patch. Because I've heard that story from so many people right now. It's almost like it allows you to access a different part of yourself. Or did you feel like you're really just stepping into a whole different person? You know, I think you just access a different part of yourself? Or did you feel like you're really just stepping into a whole different person? You know, I think you just access

a different part of yourself that you don't let out. Again, I'm not an aggressive person. I'm a friendly, happy-go-lucky. I'm a lover, not a fighter. But again, you got the shoulder pads and this helmet on, you feel invincible, which is also part of the reason why there's a lot of injuries then also take place. Because when you put this helmet on, you feel invincible, which is also part of the reason why there's a lot of injuries then also take place. Because when you put the helmet on, you put the

shoulder pads, you think, oh, I'm invincible. I have protection. I can go harder and faster and not get hurt. Well, obviously it's not the case, but as things get more safe with protection, also then you feel a little bit more, you don't hold back as much. Yeah. Were you sort of like a risk-taking, aggressive kid just in general? I was. I love a thrill. That's something I've always enjoyed.

Yeah. So coming up to sort of like that, quote, fateful day, you're in college, you're playing a game. Walk me through what happens. Yeah. So sixth game of the season, 18 years old again, freshman at Luther College, Decorah, Iowa. It was a small school, and I'm on the kickoff team, and I remember running out for the kickoff,

and the kicker huddles us up, and he calls the play, mortar kick right, which simply is a short, high-arching kick to the right side of the field. And I don't know why we didn't just call it kick right, because the kicker was so bad. Every kick was short and high-arching kick to the right side of the field. And I don't know why we didn't just call it kick right, because the kicker was so bad. Every kick was short and high-arching. But I'm excited because I play on the right side of the field. This is my opportunity to make an impact and to be recognized.

I'm trying to work my way up the ranks. And so the ball's kicked. I'm sprinting downfield as hard as I can go. And I see this opening forming. And I know that ball carrier is going to run through that hole. He's trying to score a touchdown. I'm going to stop him. I'm going to drive my shoulder so hard through his legs.

Hopefully he'll drop the ball. Well, he's running through that hole and I hit him at full speed. But I mistimed my jump just by a split second. So instead of getting my head in front of the ball carrier, my head collides right with his legs. In an instant, I just lose all feeling and movement from my neck down. And I hear the collision of people above me, the whistle blows, the pile clears. And I try pushing up off the ground. Were you unconscious at any point or you were conscious the whole time? Conscious the whole

time. Okay. And I'm trying to push off the ground and my arms aren't working. My legs aren't working. It just felt like I was ahead. And I was really confused. I'm thinking, well, maybe this is like a really bad stinger, like something that, like a pinched nerve that temporarily like turned off my body. Just give it a few minutes. I'll get up off the ground. And, you know, I wait and I wait. I can tell then the game stopped for me like i'm

thinking this is embarrassing yeah like everyone's waiting for me to get up so in your mind you're almost self-conscious about what's going on oh yeah i'm completely conscious it felt like a routine tackle like it wasn't a play where people are like oh or like you know that you see something on television or you see something live and you cringe because of what happened. It wasn't like that at all. It didn't even feel like that. And here I am just motionless. I felt like someone just turned the power off to my body. I'm just waiting for the power to come back on. Are you aware of sound around you at that moment? Like any changes in sound?

Oh yeah. I mean, the crowd was buzzing. Like we were making a comeback. We were down a couple of scores and we just scored a touchdown. We're trying to keep the momentum going. And then, you know, when someone's down motionless, it just kind of sucks the life out of the stadium.

And you can just pretty much hear the wind going and then the athletic trainers just talking to me, just pretty much hear the wind going. And then the athletic trainers just talking to me, you know, seeing how I was doing. So what was he, what was the trainer saying? So firstly he came over and he thought maybe it was a concussion. Like I was knocked unconscious and asked, you know, can you hear me? Can you see anything? You know, I can hear you fine. I can see, I know it's not a concussion. I just think it's a stinger. Just give me a few minutes. I'll get up off the ground. And eventually they roll me onto my back. And I'll never forget making eye contact with one of the

student athletic trainers. And when I rolled over and I made eye contact with her, I could just see the fear in her eyes. She was terrified. And that was like my first sense of something is wrong. Because my natural instincts is like, look at the glass half full and that nothing bad can happen to me. So I never in a million years thought something severe was going on. That's not where my mind goes to.

My mind's always the positive spin or it's just a freak accident or a play where things are going to be fine. Because everything always worked out for me. Everything went according to plan. So when I saw her eyes, it just started creeping a little bit. And then they started asking me questions like, Chris, can you make a fist with your hand? I tried making a fist and nothing happens. Chris, can you feel us touching your legs? And I couldn't feel a thing.

They kept asking these questions. Over and over again, I keep telling them the same answer. Eventually, the paramedics come over and they call in for a helicopter. And that's when I knew, okay, this is serious. At that point, I just closed my eyes because that was the only thing I could do. And I wanted to block out reality.

Like I thought if I could just keep my eyes closed, maybe this isn't happening. This is just a nightmare that I'm experiencing. And I just didn't want to accept it. And I just began to pray, just God, just please just give me the strength. Let me get back to the sidelines. Just let me be able to walk again. Just whatever you do, just don't change my life. I love my life. Like whatever you do, just don't change this plan for me. But you know, sometimes life has a better

plan for you than the plan you had for yourself. So when you're lying on the field and you hear them call for a helicopter, were they telling you, were they relaying to you what they thought was going on or what they thought was your reality? They didn't. I had no idea what was going on, and I think they probably knew what was going on, but it was nothing that was communicated to me. Even if they would have told me, I probably wouldn't have registered. I didn't know anything about spinal cord injury. Like I just was completely oblivious to anything like that, or that you can even suffer a severe neck injury bad enough to paralyze you

like that. So that was just not even crossing my mind at that point. Yeah. I mean, so this was also, so you're a freshman here in college, right? Yeah. Right. So you're playing in front of a crowd of people, assuming it has a whole bunch of your friends in that crowd also, and obviously all your teammates. Have you talked to them in reflection about what was going on in their minds and hearts at that moment too? Yeah, I have. And it was actually kind of fun. I'm looking forward to, we did a documentary and they interviewed my friends and I've seen a couple of clips of what they said about that moment in that time. And it was just a really eerie feeling for them. It just, all the life and energy just got sucked out. And when they had to resume play, no one had any sort of drive or motivation to play.

Like everybody's thoughts were what's happening to Chris. And do I even want to keep playing after seeing something so devastating? And actually my coach told me that they had to wait a couple extra minutes before resuming play because the referee was so shooken up and crying that he had to collect himself before even resuming the game because the ref was that shooken up. And then also my family was there. I had a lot of family coming there to watch. And they actually eventually came on the field to check on me. And they were concerned because typically when someone's injured on the field, they're rolling in pain. They're grabbing their knee, their ankle, their arm.

You can see the pain in them. But the fact that I was just not moving at all was really startling and eerie for everyone in that stadium. Yeah. Who from your family was there? My mom, my dad, my older sister, Alex, my grandma Connie, and an uncle. Oof. Yeah.

Yeah, and I'm sure you've had a lot of conversations over the years about that with them. Yeah, it's something that, thankfully, they were just as confused as I was, and they knew it was important for them to be strong for me. If they were panicking and freaking out, I would have definitely started panicking and freaking out. So they kept it strong, kept it together. And they kind of had an optimistic outlook too.

Just trying to stay as positive you can in that situation with so much unknown uncertainty we just didn't know what was happening um so that almost the unknown and the uncertainty of the gravity of the situation almost helped kind of numb that situation if we would have known really what was going on it could have been much more emotional and like distraught yeah so you eventually um i guess, get helivacked to a center where they can take care of you. Yes. And they start diving in and exploring

and doing whatever tests they need to do. What do you learn? Well, when I was getting into the helicopter, I began to lose the ability to breathe. And it was something that I didn't understand why I was losing the ability to breathe. And it was something that I didn't understand why I was losing the ability to breathe. But later I found out that it was a spinal cord injury, a C3-C4 fracture, a grade four dislocation,

which is right below your skull is where that fracture is. And so it affects everything, not just like your legs. It affects your lungs. It affects your lungs. It affects your arms. And so it was a pretty, very severe injury. And when I woke up the next day is when they told me that I had a 3% chance of ever regaining any feeling or movement back below the neck. So woke up from what? From surgery? From surgery, from emergency surgery. So they flew me out to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota and went through a series of checks and scans, MRI, x-ray. I had to go through traction where they have to break your neck back together. I had to be awake for that, which was brutal. And then eventually I was ready for surgery. So you come out of surgery the next day,

and this is when they tell you, okay, so this is what we found. That's when the doctor gives you this 3% number? That's correct. Tell me more about that moment. Well, it was like entering the twilight zone. It was like this sound, and my ears started ringing, and it was just like, is this reality?

Is this really happening to me? And it just seemed like everything else that he was saying to me just kind of went away and just thinking about that number in my life. And just, again, trying to understand that, is this my life? Is this my worst nightmare? And this is actually happening

to me. And eventually when I just kind of came to, it was this feeling of desperation and urgency that I can't accept this. This is not going to be my life. And so I say, no way, not me. This is not going to be my life. I'm not going to be that 97% that doesn't recover from this. I'm going to do whatever I can to be that 3%. And so I just went to work and I just started doing the only thing I could do at the time, which was to nod my head yes and no. And so I just nodded my head yes and no for hours.

I looked like a giant bobblehead just bouncing my head around. Could you speak at that time? I could. It was like a whisper because my lungs were so weak and thankfully i didn't need a like a ventilator to keep me to breathing a lot of times when with my kind of injury people are on a ventilation system sometimes their whole life and sometimes it's definitely the beginning but i was able to not depend on it which was a huge just step forward but yeah everything was like a whisper

and like one breath, one word at a time to communicate. But yeah, it was just kind of like a chipping away, a little baby steps that I just focus on that progress that kind of helped me keep going. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting when years ago, I knew somebody that was involved in spinal injury rehab. And they'd worked with a lot of different people.

And they told me that their observation was that the true healing began when somebody sort of like, quote, accepted the reality that they were never going to get their sensation back, get their feeling back. And so it's interesting for me to hear your lens and say like, like you heard 3%. And for you, it wasn't about saying, okay, I'll accept that and just build my life around like whatever that number is. Your response was, and I guess is to this day, that's not going to be me. Yeah. I mean, what was was gonna be me was the 3%.

Yeah. Like it didn't, the odds didn't intimidate me because I was just that determined that I was gonna be part of the right side of those odds, right, that 3%, not the 97% that doesn't recover. And I think that just kind of goes back to who I was as a person and just that competitive nature in me and just all the failures and disappointments I've had in my life with school or athletics and so many workouts and games where you felt like giving up,

but you knew you had to keep going. All those little moments, I think, really added up to this big moment that gave me that resiliency and that courage and the confidence to just keep going. Yeah. Did you ever ask, so that doctor, and I guess maybe even the team that you began to over time work with, did you ever have conversations with them that were something along the lines of, what's the difference? Like, is there a difference between the 97% and 3% that I might have control over? And like, if so, like, what would I do that would shift the odds? You know, what was really like surprising to me

was I was going into it thinking doctors and they have it all figured out. Like they know the answers to everything. And this was something that they just did not have any answers to. They just have kind of these statistics that they can kind of base off of, but every spinal cord injury is so different from the other that you can't, it's really hard to quantify and like put it all in one category. So that was really hard for me because I'll never forget. I mean, right before surgery, I asked the surgeon, there was a question that was just

like burning inside of me, but I was too scared to ask until they did all their medical tests. And before they, I thought would have the answers. And I asked him, will I ever be able to walk again? And the look on his face, it was pretty disappointing, but he just said, I don't know. And that surprised me. I'm like, wait, you're the doctor, you're the surgeon, you should know, right? And then as time went on, I realized that there's a lot of question marks surrounding spinal cord injuries. I just really don't know. And so when a doctor or someone tries to tell you what your future is going to look like,

it's really kind of impossible to actually predict that most of the cases. Yeah. So where do you go from there? Well, I just try to inch along to like try to get as much back as I could. And, you know, so many times I question though, like, is this ever going to pay off? Like, am I wasting my time just training and wanting to get my life back? But there's a moment that really just changed everything for me. And it came about the fourth night of the hospital stay. And at nighttime was the worst. I hated going to bed because that's when all your thoughts, your doubts just pour in. And I would cry myself to sleep. I'm like, I felt like, again, a prisoner in my own body thinking about my future. Will I ever go back to school? Will I have to live

with my parents the rest of my life? Will I always be in a wheelchair? Will I ever walk, play sports? Will I ever be happy? And on this fourth night, this physician comes in to check my vitals about 4 a.m. I can't sleep. I never could sleep. But they check my vitals and they leave. But this physician checks my vitals. She comes over to my bedside. She gets down on one knee and she says, Chris, look me in the eyes. And she was kind of mean about it.

And so I lock eyes with her. And she's a short, slender woman and probably in her 60s, reddish hair, glasses. She has this voice that sounds like she came straight out of a Western movie. And she says, my name is Georgia. I'm from Wyoming. Do you know anyone from Wyoming? I say, no.

I'm thinking, where is this going? It's 4 a.m. And then she says, well, people from Wyoming don't tell lies. And I want you to know, you will beat this. You will beat this. And I just broke down crying right there on the spot. I needed to hear those words so badly. It just restored my faith and my hope. And the thing about Georgia was that she didn't just say, you can beat this, that you will beat this. And I believe her. And that's where, you know, up to that point, again, I was questioning the time and the effort that I was putting into it. And after that, I never held back and I just went into it full force.

Yeah. Did you see her again or was it one time? Well, she was kind of part of the team, but not like a full-time member of like my medical team. She kind of like would make visits every once in a while. So it was kind of a rare encounter, but I did happen to tell her though, like a couple of years later, how much that moment meant to me.

And like, that just really just changed everything for me. And I mean, I heard, Chris, you can do this, keep going, believe in yourself. And I heard that from a lot of people, but it was just something special when it came from her in that moment at that time that just really gave me that confidence to move forward. Yeah, when you saw her those years later and shared that with her, did she remember that moment

also? I think she did. I think she knew and remembered who I was. And I feel like she did remember it as I told her because it seemed like it really made her emotional when I was telling her just how much that did mean to me. So I think, I don't know, just like this angel just like came in my room and just changed everything. Yeah. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here.

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Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were going to be fun. January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him. We need him. Y'all need a pilot. Flight risk. So from there, I mean, there's, you know, know substantial now it's basically okay so let me see what i can do you know it's like let me see what i'm actually capable of which requires not just people working on you from the outside in but a massive a herculean effort from you yeah no i i was just so committed i i went from like one hour a day of PT, OT, physical therapy, occupational therapy. I went up to three hours and I was like the max amount. Was that all

your choice? You were like more and more and more, or was it? Yeah, more and more and more. But then like three hours is like, that's the limit. I'm like, well, three hours isn't enough. So I asked them for a fourth hour and they say no, but they asked, well, why not? They said, well, no one's really asked for a fourth hour. Well, eventually I got that fourth hour, but four hours wasn't enough. And I asked for a fifth hour. They said no again, but this time they meant it. Instead, I had my therapist over at a workout that I could do on my own outside of my scheduled therapy time. So if I wasn't working or I wasn't sleeping, I was working, just trying to do every little thing that I could,

whether it was scheduled or not scheduled. And I just used that time in the hospital. I was not at time to relax and watch TV or distract myself with like electronics or anything like that, but to really dive into my training, just knowing that whatever I did today would impact my future. Did you, I'm curious, did you have a goal in your mind? Like by the time I

leave here, I want to be able to do X or feel X or? I did. My goal was to walk out of the hospital. I was dead set. I'm going to walk out of this hospital and like, no one can tell me differently. Like I had that kind of mindset. And as I was going and I was working towards that goal, it became more and more clear though that I wasn't going to walk independently out of the hospital. Now, eventually though, I did get some strength back in my legs

and I was able to stand with assistance and take steps with assistance, but it wasn't like I was going to independently walk out of there like I envisioned. That was my goal. Yeah. When you get to the point where you finally do leave the hospital, were you okay, just psychologically, emotionally, with the fact that you had created this vision in your mind and you were not in fact leaving in that same place? You know, it was kind of a constant battle. And what gave me peace about it was I was working really hard.

I was spending all day towards this goal. So the lack of effort wasn't the reason why I wasn't walking out of that building. And that was like a sense of just peace and contentment on my part. And I still viewed my injury as like a placeholder. Like you suffer a ACL, you know, there's after maybe nine months, you kind of get back to going where how you used to be or, or more. I kind of thought of that with my spinal cord injury. This is just being in a wheelchair. I just thought this was just temporary and this is just how it is. It just takes time and I'm just going to work as hard as I can until that time comes where I just thought this is just temporary and this is just how it is. It just takes time and I'm just going to work as hard as I can until that time comes where I just walk independently.

Yeah. So you do start to get a certain amount of mobility and sensation back. By the time you leave, though, you're still dependent on equipment, on people to be around you, to help you. Did you go back home at that point? Did you go back to school? What was the next move for you? So the first move was to go home and that was like right in time for like summer.

So I was home for summer doing my rehab there. And then that fall, I went back to Luther College. And thankfully I was able to do that because of my older sister, Alex, actually just graduated from college and she was able to live right off campus. So she could help me with that transition. And I also had about like five, six buddies move into an apartment with me and they all act as my full time caregivers. So one guy would help me get up in the morning, get changed.

Another person would help me get to class, then to the cafeteria, get my food. Someone to get me the physical therapy, occupational therapy. And, you know, the list goes on and on of all these people kind of came together to help me with that transition because I was completely dependent on other people. Yeah. How did you leaving, leaving to go back to school, what was going through your mind? How did you feel? It was tough.

I'll never forget like the first time I went with my teammates to the football meeting to get ready for fall. And as the coach is talking to the players, getting them ready for the season and just realizing I'm not going to be part of it. I'm just a cheerleader now. This is not just how frustrated I was. This was a life I was supposed to live

like playing football I was supposed to be the starter uh kind of the up-and-comer that's gonna you know make a difference be this all-american and now I can barely move it was it was tough and then you're going through campus and you have to change all your routes you have to learn all the accessible routes you can't just skip down the stairs to the classroom you have to change all your routes. You have to learn all the accessible routes. You can't just skip down the stairs to the classroom. You have to go all the way down the hall, go up this elevator, then go all the way down this hall to get to your classroom that's right there. Just all these little things that you knew you could navigate just fine, now you can't. Or even transitioning back to my house, my room was on the second floor. And knowing that I'm not going to be able to see my room and I'm living on the main floor, like made a makeshift room for myself.

It was every single first like that was painful and you had to like grieve it. I really had to just grieve and let go of that. And that was something that I always have to do. Like every time I encounter a first of some sort, there's like a grieving of, I can't do this anymore. I'm not going to be able to, probably for a long time, if ever. And just letting that go off your chest. Yeah. I mean, you know, there are those firsts

and then there's also, because you were at Luther already, you know, like you had a community, you had friends and because of what happened to you, I'm guessing kind of like everybody knew who you were when you come back, which on the one hand is a good thing. But on the other hand, also, I imagine could be kind of weird and strange and almost pressure filled. Yeah. You can't blend in. Like when you're the token one only person like in a wheelchair pretty much on campus and with that kind of injury on a football field, yeah, everybody knows who you are

and there's no more really blending in. Yeah, the people who knew you before, when you came back, the people struggle to try and figure out how do I, like, are you different? How do I relate to you now? Like, is it, was there, I mean, I would imagine there's sort of like an adjustment period for everybody trying to figure out, okay, so is it okay to ask this? Like, do I hug you? Do I not hug you? Like, what do I do? Yeah, there was, there was this was this kind of awkward tension of like, you know, who is Chris now or how is he?

And I think though pretty quickly, they realized though, Chris is still Chris. Like whether I'm up and walking, running or not, like you're still who you are and that your physical abilities don't really define who you are. And I had to learn that from my spinal cord injury because I was thinking, oh man, I'm an athlete. I'm this strong, independent guy.

Who am I now? I don't have that anymore. And will people still like me? Well, how will they think of me? How do I even think of myself? But I realized that people care about who you are, how you make them feel, the value and the joy and the love that you give.

That's what really matters to people, not whether you, how fast you can run, which I mean, those are fun things and important things. Don't get me wrong. But it's like when it comes down to it, people want to be around people that you like and give life. Yeah. So you're back,

you're in college, you're kind of like reintegrating into this new reality, your new life. And you're also, you're at that point, you're a young man, you know, like you're 19, 20 at that point. Yeah. I came out of the school at 19 years old. Right. And that's also a time where a lot of guys in college are looking for love or are dating, are having relationships. What's going through your mind at that point in terms of what's the future of me and relationships? Oh yeah. I mean, thinking about that was scary and haunting. Like, will anyone want to be with me and sign up to help me and to have to take the side road to get to the accessible route. There's so many little extra steps that you have to take being in a wheelchair. There's extra planning. There's extra equipment. There's just extra everything. And will someone want to

deal with all that and the lack of mobility? And I also wrapped up the idea that as the man that you should be this protector that that's not always important to every girl and every person. And again, it kind of comes back to how you make people feel and the love that you give off. So I began to slowly see that the possibility that that's not everything. Yeah. Eventually you do find somebody. I did. It's kind of a funny story the way that happens. Yeah, it was through online and started talking to her and she began drilling me with questions of about my injury and about everything that unfolded and how I handled that with so much grace and positivity. And not that it was all grace and positivity.

I mean, there's a lot of dark moments and moments where I felt like giving up. But overall, I handled it with optimism and she was really curious and Emily. And so it really made me feel open and confident. And when you address someone's vulnerability, I don't know, there's like a connection there. You just feel like yourself. And so she really got me to open up and to talk about it. And most people are scared to go there other than maybe like interviewing

with you or, you know, someone like that. But usually just like you're a friend or someone that you encounter, they're not going to ask you questions about what it's like waking up from surgery and things like that. But she went right for it. And I just felt really connected to her. And eventually we met in person and she didn't stare at my hands or my legs or my chair. She just looked into my eyes and talked to me and wanted to get to know me. And she was also beautiful. So that helps too. I mean, it's interesting.

So, I mean, you guys ended up writing a book called The Seven Longest Yards and we'll get to why it's called that too. But it's interesting because in the book, you guys trade chapters, you know, it's both of your story from your own point of view along the way. So it's kind of fun to see what's going through your mind at that moment in time and then what's going through her mind at the moment in time and where it lines up and then where it doesn't line up and what your individual fears and concerns were. meeting. I mean, it was interesting because also I know she wrote that when you had both started talking about meeting in person, because this was a while where you were just kind of carrying on from a distance and texting and stuff like that. I guess she had some, maybe you invited her to come to a friend's house first and she had concerns about sort of like going to somebody's

house versus, so you guys ended up sort of like choosing a public space. Yeah. When Emily and I wanted to meet, we finally got to the same city because we lived a couple hours apart. I was at a friend's house and we were trying to figure out how to meet. And so I invited her over to my friend's and she's like, no, I don't want to do that. And I'm thinking, okay, that's a rejection. She doesn't want to meet up. But in reality, you know, she just wasn't going to go over to a stranger's house with a bunch of guys.

So kudos to her for thinking that through. But then she suggested, well, how about if I just come over and pick you up? And we can just throw your, you know, your chair in the back. And I'll just, we can drive to somewhere to eat. And I'm thinking, oh, no. She has no idea the gravity of my situation. She's not going to be able to transfer me into a car and my chair's not going to fit in her little two-door yellow car. She doesn't get how paralyzed I am.

She maybe thinks that I fully recovered, like this is going to be a disaster. I'm going to disappoint her. So my mind just went to not the optimistic side of things. And finally, though, we met at a public meeting spot and she, I'll never forget her, just walking across the street, coming towards me. And I'm pretty sure my jaw just dropped. I'm just thinking, holy cow, this girl is beautiful. She was an amazing person. I could just tell her heart and how beautiful she was on the inside. And then seeing her in person was just like, it was unbelievable. I call it love at first sight.

Something I never believed in. But when I saw her and just knowing who she was, I was in love right away. Yeah. And it sounds like she kind of felt the same way. Although it took a while for you guys to get to that place. It did. You know, she just got out of a relationship. She wasn't actually looking for a relationship, but there was like this curiosity drawn her towards me.

And she knew she wanted a friendship. And I wanted something more, but I was also pretty guarded too to not let my hopes get crushed. So things started out slowly, but we just had an instant connection and just loved being around each other, talking to each other and things just kind of blossomed from there. Yeah. So as you guys are getting closer and eventually end up falling in love, the backdrop to this is you're also still, you're back in school, you're working on the degree, you're doing your academics. And at the same time, you're still working physically to

rehabilitate, to recover, to regain control and strength and sensation. What's happening with the progress there while this is all going on? Yeah. So at this point, I'm still doing three hours a day on top of my school load, just to walk across the stage in my college graduation. That was my big goal. Yeah. And I told her about it and she loved the idea. And she actually came alongside me and became a personal trainer of mine. Actually, probably the best personal trainer I've ever had, just pushing me and encouraging me and doing extra things to get ready for this walk. So, you know, I was walking this like big walker and with someone like standing behind me, kind of helping me with like the balance. I could take steps and I was

slowly progressing where I didn't need as much help. It used to be like, I need like three people, like an army of people to help me walk and support me and balance me. And then it just went from three people to two people to help me walk. And then it was two, like one person and a walker. And then it was just one person and just stripped away equipment and people as I went along. Yeah. And at the same time, I mean, when you and Emily first met, you weren't living in the same place. No. So she had to commute about two and a half hours each way just to come see me. And I couldn't drive at the time. So I had no way to go see her. So she was always the one that had to come see me. So there was also that distance

that was challenging. And then also just a lot of the workload went on to her to do the driving, to help me get from place to place. And I was scared to let her help me because that just puts you in a vulnerable, you feel weak when sometimes when you ask for help. But really, there's more strength to come out of asking for help than there is just keeping it inside and not asking. So eventually I was able to slowly ask her for more help and we came even closer as a result. Yeah. Tell me more about who she is, where her heart is. Yeah. So Emily has this passion, this energy for helping kids who have come from rough places. Kids who've been abused, traumatized, who've been placed in the foster care system, who don't know what love is.

They don't feel that they're special. She gravitates towards those kids and she's mentored a ton of kids and she just has this burning desire to help anyone who's hurting. And she has this way to getting through to you, just the way she got through to me and to open up and to feel comfortable to talk to her. She can do that with like anybody. And she really gravitates towards kids who've been placed in foster care and group homes, kids who don't have that support and love. And she wants to be there for them to give that to them. Yeah. It seems like you guys are well-suited for each other in a lot of ways. So as you're heading towards the final year before graduation, you're falling in love with her,

you're doing as much as you possibly can to regain strength. And she becomes effectively, you know, like your partner in life and also your personal trainer, your sort of like chief motivational officer. Caregiver. Caregiver at the same time. Are you guys living together at that time? Yes, we were. So we moved to Michigan. Okay.

So when I was setting this goal to walk across the stage, it became, you know, important. And then she found this trainer named Mike Barwiss. He was this former Michigan strength and conditioning coordinator, works with professional teams. And he's helped a couple people walk independently who were in severe cases like mine. And when we saw that and we saw the opportunity, they had an opening for me to be at their training facility in Michigan. I knew I had to jump on it, but in order to get in his program and to take full advantage of it, to also get into it before the graduation walk, I had to move there. And we should say you were in Iowa before.

I was in Iowa. Yes, I was in Iowa. And so I didn't really have a whole lot of suitors to want to do that with me. And Emily just graduated college. So I just felt like we had to do this in order for me to walk independently. It gave me hope that maybe I could walk independently, that things are going to be different now if I can just get in this program. And so I was going to find any way I could get in that program. And she felt the same way and found an apartment and decided to move in together. That wasn't really our plan to move in that early and before marriage, but it was something that it felt like we had to do. This was a chance to walk again.

Yeah. Wasn't your plan to move in together before marriage? I mean, I know you're, so you're both very driven by faith. Yes. So when it's almost like that, when the circumstance kind of says like, just from a practical standpoint, just like, this isn't what we want to do. This isn't sort of like what we envisioned, you know, did that cause any sort of like internal conversations or conflict or were you just both like, look, we have our faith, we're steady in it, and we understand why we're doing this and we're okay with it? Yeah, that's pretty much what we came down to. It was just the understanding of, yeah, this is not how we drew it up, but it's just very unconventional circumstance. And it just, again, it was like, this was the last hope, the last chance for something to happen now

for me in my life to walk again. Because at that point too, I felt like I needed to walk independently for me to feel successful in life. I felt like if I would not end up walking independently, like I failed, I was a failure. And that really drove me. Mayday, mayday.

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Take me to the couple days leading up to that moment, to graduation. Yeah, so I planned a surprise proposal to propose to Emily the day before my graduation walk. And I was way more nervous for the proposal than the walk in front of thousands of people. And it was a really great surprise. So we had a restaurant that we loved and they were closed during the day and they had a banquet room. So I had my family set up candles and rose petals that said, will you marry me and pictures of us and music. I had a videographer, a photographer there and everything in place for, I told Emily, we're going to have interviews later that day that they want to check in on us and that we have to go over to this restaurant to get my graduation gift.

And so she got all ready, dressed up to go over to this restaurant and lead her to the back room. And boom, she comes in the room, her jaw drops, she covers her mouth like in shock. And I asked her to marry me and she said yes. And it would have been really awkward if she would have said no, but it all worked out. And I had like, it would have been really awkward if she would have said no, but it all worked out. And I had like family and friends and then come afterwards and celebrate with us. But it was just a beautiful moment. And I couldn't even eat that day. I was so nervous. Yeah. And then the next morning, you know, is the day where you're going to like, this is what you've been working for so hard. Did that, did that day before, did that moment

where you're doing all the preparation and then you ask Emily to marry you and she says yes, did that at all change the way you felt about what was going to happen the next day? It made it more special that I'm not walking across the stage with my girlfriend. I'm walking across the stage with the love of my life, the person I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with, my fiance. It just made the moment just like that much more special for me.

And I wouldn't want anybody else to walk me across the stage but her. So it was just, I don't know, it just made it just that much more special. Yeah. So the next day arrives and you and Emily are both there. There's thousands of people at this commencement and you come up to the side of the stage. You're in your wheelchair. You're with her. Just before this thing that you've been working so hard for, what's going through your mind? to prove to myself. I wanted to prove to everyone just how hard I've worked and that when you do work hard, you know, good things can happen. So I, it just was important to me that I could show

my progress that I've made. And I wanted people to, to be proud. I wanted to feel proud about myself and that all the time and all the effort that I did put into this crazy goal, that it was worth it. And so I had all this anxiety about it. And I was also really nervous too. I thought I was going to get like booed off the stage because graduations are long and it's hot and it just, it can be brutal at graduations. And I'm thinking people are going to be so mad that I'm taking so long to go across the stage. I also have that in the back of my mind of like, I got to book it.

I got to get across the stage so people don't get too mad and they're sweating and everyone's fanning themselves off. So, you know, getting up and Emily stands me up and you just hear this roar of cheer from the crowd. And as an athlete, I'm pretty tunnel vision and I'm focused at the task at hand. You block out the audience and people around you,

but you couldn't help but notice this, the roar in the room. And as I'm taking steps, the clapping and on the corner of my eye, I see people then standing. And then when I turn and I get the diploma and I look out, just kind of like wave a thanks, the whole room standing, cheering, and everyone's crying.

Everyone's bawling their eyes out. I was like, what is going on? What just happened? I did not anticipate just the amount of tears that were flowing. I had some of my guy, a lot of my guy friends obviously were there and they're all bawling. I've never seen any of them cry before and they're all bald. I've never seen any of them cry before and they're all crying. I'm like, what is going on?

Someone just cutting onions in the room. But after though, I get back to my seat, which I was already in my seat, but wheeled to my spot. I just felt this like weight on my shoulders, just like be lifted. I just, like this dropped and just took a deep breath and it just felt good to just like be lifted. I just, like this dropped and just took a deep breath

and it just felt good to just, to be done with it. Cause I put too much pressure on myself and just also grateful for how well it went. Yeah. And that was the moment that, you know, where we started our conversation, where I said, you know, that somebody, I guess, captured, was it a family member, someone who captured it?

It was my friend of mine, Michael Crocker. He also did then the proposal too. So he's one of my best friends and I told him to videotape it and he did an awesome job. Yeah, and so that video goes up online and all of a sudden it goes massively, massively viral and you've got a ton of attention on you at that point.

Up until now, I mean, there was your family, there were your close friends, there were the people who kind of knew you at Luther and knew what you were going through, who knew your story. And I guess there was a bit of media when you first got injured, right? But after that, a lot of it had kind of like died away.

And then when this thing, it was massively, massively viral online, all of a sudden you've got the world looking at you again. What was that like for you? Survival. I could just like, when I get it on the interview, it's just like deer in the headlights. I felt like I was pretty, I'm like, I've done a lot of interviews, but doing live interviews is a different beast than just taping an interview.

And I'll never forget the very first one was Fox and Friends. And they do like a lot of times remote locations where they have like a backdrop behind you, but you're just looking at a camera and you have like a mic piece in your ear and you're just talking to the camera. You're talking to nothing,

just to the person in your ear. So it's weird like that. You're on live TV talking to someone in your ear. You can't even see them. But just trying not to mess up was my goal. And thankfully, we made it through. But just over the years, obviously, we've been able to get better. And we also made it just an opportunity now to add value to people

versus just telling my story, which we hope is inspirational. It gives people hope, but hopefully every single time we have the opportunity to share our message that we can also add more value to people versus just what happened. Yeah. I mean, it's also an interesting moment for you, right? Cause I've had the chance to talk to a number of Olympic athletes who've competed. They've actually meddled. So it's like they did what they came to do. And then they came back home and they dropped into

deep depressions. So you're coming off of this one big moment. You'd worked for a number of years at that point for this one moment, right? And it's almost compounded because you've fallen in love, you've crossed this major threshold of becoming engaged to the woman like that you absolutely love and this one moment of walking across the stage you worked so hard you did it you made it happen and then what it's like and you've also graduated school so it's like okay so this these like things that have given you like a reason to just work so hard and a purpose to wake up in the morning. It's like, okay, so where do we go next? That's exactly what we ask ourselves.

We get back to our little apartment in Michigan and it's like, okay, what is next? I mean, we had the wedding coming up, so we had that to look forward to. But yeah, there's a lot of question marks of where do we go from here? And you'd think it would be like a fairytale ending and just everything you live happily ever after. But, you know, this is a real story, real life, right? And, you know, it really hit Emily hard. And what I didn't realize at the time was that Emily buried herself into the graduation walk, into my dreams, because she was hurting so much on the inside. Like I was talking about her passion to helping kids. What she was doing was she would carry the pain and the suffering that every kid that she mentored was having, and she put it on her shoulders,

that it was her responsibility to help them and that it was up to her to make a difference. And when she started to realize the more she experienced and the more she was trying to help and these kids who were in these worst spots, imaginable that she couldn't do, she couldn't fix them.

It really weighed on her heart and darkened her heart and her mind where she couldn't fix them. It really weighed on her heart and darkened her heart where in her mind where she really had a depression after everything like that happened. And what I thought would be a time to plan her wedding became just like a battle between the two of us. We just went round and round and I didn't realize at the time, but she was going through a depression and I just, I was naive. I was, you know, it's just a bad attitude, right? Like it's, I went through spinal cord injury. I thought, you know, I've been through it, been through it all. Like you just got to look on the bright side and, you know, it's mental health is something you treat.

It's you see a doctor for, you see someone for, it's you break a bone, you see a doctor. I mean, mental health should be treated the same way. And just because you can't see it doesn't make it not real. Yeah. I mean, I wonder also, and maybe you guys spoke about this when it was going on, whether, you know, for you, you've got to recalibrate after, you know, like, okay, so what is this thing I'm waking up in the morning for? Like, what is my next thing? But for her, it's almost like, it seems like being your caretaker, your coach, your partner was also a bit of a coping mechanism. It's like it gave her something else to focus on.

It was. mechanism it's like it gave her something else to focus on um and then when that you know like that big thing goes away and she all of a sudden just all the pain that she had taken on and you know there's not as much to distract her from that so how do you guys navigate through that moment yeah you know there was a lot of fighting um And then eventually there was an opportunity to move to Florida. My PT that I was working really closely with, he got relocated to a Florida facility. And, you know, I told her that he was moving and she's like, well, let's move with him. Let's go down to Florida. Like, why stay in Michigan, cold Michigan?

I was like, well, I just didn't want to put any more on her plate. She was overwhelmed and stressed. And there was just a lot of back and forth between the two of us and then we moved to Florida and it gave her another distraction where I thought things were going back to where they were back to normal

and it served as a great distraction again but it came back to depression and anxiety set in even worse but thankfully she got enough courage to go to church. And it was the church service and the worship, it just gave her the confidence that, okay, I do need help. I can't do this alone because she's such an independent person.

She hates being vulnerable. She likes doing everything herself. And she's such a strong-willed person. And she hated the idea of anyone knowing that she was suffering. I was the only person that knew that she was going through anxiety and depression. She made it her mission that no one else would find out. So not even her family? Not even her family. She's really close to her family. She loves her family. They love her dearly. They would do anything to help her. But the idea of them knowing that she needed help and she was struggling, terrified her. Just like, she just wanted to always be this strong,

I have it all figured out kind of person. And she knew she wasn't. And so the idea of being revealed, I guess, in a way just haunted her. And she just made me swear to not to tell anyone. She even threatened me. Cause I told her, I'm like, Emily, like you gotta talk to your mom, talk to somebody. Like you need to like see somebody. And she said, if you ever tell anyone, I mean anyone, my family, a friend, I will just empty out my bank account

and I will leave and you'll never see me again. And she was dead serious about that. She was just in a really dark place. She was in a very dark place, and I worried about what if. If I did tell, but at the same time, if I don't tell and something even worse happened, how would I live with myself? And it was this constant wrestling match in my heart of what do I do? How can I help?

But thankfully, she got that strength? How can I help? But thankfully she, you know, got that strength that I can't do this alone. And then she went and saw a, like a mental health therapist, psychologist that prescribed her antidepressants and anxiety medicine. And they said within a couple of weeks, you should feel differently. Within a couple of weeks, that just like flip of a switch and like everything balanced out. And she was back to just loving life. And I guess what she's still, you know, a big part of her heart is still in playing this role

of helping the kids who are in deep need. How does she, and how do you together? Because like you're a unit at this point, move through this window? Like, okay, so where do we go from here and how do we, helping kids was such a big part of her. It's not like,

I'm gonna walk away from that to remove the source of pain. In fact, you guys kind of went in the opposite direction. Yeah, we did because she learned how to handle it versus taking everything onto her shoulders. she put it on to God. It was the faith that just changed everything. And she knew she wasn't supposed to carry all those burdens and responsibilities.

It's not her job to do that. And the burdens were weighing her down where she became paralyzed from doing anything about it because she wanted to guard herself. But by putting the weight on to God, it allowed her, freed her from those like, kind of the chains of doing everything herself and having to fix everything. And she just realized that wasn't her responsibility.

She can't fix everyone and everything on her timing. It's God's timing. And that just allowed her the freedom to do everything in her power to help kids. So our first foster child that we accepted because we got licensed was a 17 year old. Before we jump to that, we should probably just insert in there

that you guys ended up getting married. But one of the goals also was you walking down the aisle after you got married with her, which all happened and it was beautiful. And it's actually, you can read a lot more about it in your book. And also there's a documentary coming out around. So then as you're starting your lives together though, then you start to think, okay, so sort of think about a family and kids and it rolls into this part of the conversation. Yeah. I mean, again, we kind of went unconventional where we took in kids into our home

before we were married. Oh, this was even before you were married? Yeah. This is a couple of years. I didn't realize that. Yeah. So we took in Whitley, who's 17 years old at the time.

When we were 23 and 24, we just moved into Florida. And how that came about was it was a girl that Emily mentored. Just one of her, Whitley's the reason why she knew about the foster care system, because when she was mentoring Whitley, when Emily was in high school, Whitley went to the foster care system at the age of like 11. And seeing that process and everything that entails, it broke her heart. And Emily knew she wanted to help those kids. And when Whitley became 17, she called and was like, I have nowhere to go. They're going to send me to a juvenile detention where they're just going to lock me up until I age out of the system.

Will you please take me in? And at this point, Whitley's been in a lot of trouble. There was a lot of history with substance abuse and there's a laundry list of things that have happened where no one was willing to take that on. But she knew that Emily might. And so Emily and I, we talked about it and we felt like this was an opportunity to save a life. And also at this time, this is before Emily got out of her depression and anxiety. Like, you know, it wasn't like it was constant depression, anxiety. It was just like, it'd be really bad for a couple of days and it would lift for a couple of days.

So it's not like it's always steady, but I knew if something happened to Whitley and we didn't do anything about it, I think the worst would have happened potentially to Emily. And I knew that we had to take a chance on Whitley. And I knew that Emily would do everything in her power to give Whitley the life that she needs. And we give her more balance and stability and love

than anyone else could in her situation. So we said, yes, and we took her on and became parents to someone who was six and seven years younger than us. What was that like? As you can imagine, it's tough. When a 17-year-old comes in and they have their own views on life and how things should work and trying to show them a different way, a better way to cope and to handle situations. So a lot of run-ins with the school and teachers and getting in trouble. Those were pretty tough to handle

when you're only 23 and 24. But we also had a lot of fun moments too. So when she called in sick one day, I went to go get her and went to the nurse's office. I'm here to pick up Whitley. And the nurse looks at me funny and she's like, well, students aren't allowed to check another student out. And then Whitley chimes in, oh no, that's my dad. And then the look on the nurse's face is just like, what? Like just so confused. And there's been so many moments like that where she'll refer to us as. And there's been so many moments like that

where she'll refer to us as mom and dad in public and people are like turning their heads. Like what? Trying to figure that out. But that's always been a fun thing to do. But yeah, I mean, there's a lot of moments where we felt like nothing that we're doing is working. There's not one thing that's working.

Like nothing's getting through to her. But just over time, you start to see the progress. And she was able to graduate high school, which there's a lot of times we didn't think it was going to happen, but thankfully she was able to, she worked really hard. Yeah. And so taking Whitley in, on the one hand, it's like you'd think, okay, so given the scenario that you guys were in, given that Emily was still sort of like emerging in and out, like in the right direction, but it's in and out from the outside in, like probably people around you, I'm guessing, were like, this is madness. Like you can't, like this is the worst thing that you could possibly do.

And yet you guys did it. And it sounds like while it was really hard, it was also amongst the best thing that you could possibly do. And yet you guys did it. And it sounds like while it was really hard, it was also amongst the best things that you did. Oh yeah, it was definitely one of the best things we've ever done. Fostering and adopting is by far the best thing that we've ever done. Just giving someone who doesn't feel loved or special,

helping them see that they're loved and special is just something that I'll forever treasure. And same with Emily. But yeah, I mean, my parents were like, what are you thinking? Like, have you actually thought about this? Like the scenario of raising a 17 year old, like they just thought we were crazy. And Emily's family, they always kind of expected this out of Emily in a way. Just she's always been that passionate and caring and doing so much that they weren't really that surprised. But my parents were like, what?

You know, you guys are only 23, 24. You don't want to parent this young. You're not married and, you know, all these things. But we just felt called to do it. And, you know, again, but at this time, no one knew though what Emily was going through. But we knew despite what Emily was going through that, again,

we give Whitley a better life than a group home or anything. I'll let you in on the tent, anything better than that. I mean, just because she was in that state doesn't mean she couldn't be there to love her and care for her. Maybe not as much as she potentially could, but there was still love and care to be given.

Yeah. So this also, Whitley becomes the first kid who comes into your home, but not by a very long shot to last. Yes. Yeah. And then after Whitley graduated high school, we decided to open our home for one child

under the age of two. And then the first call comes in and it's two kids, two year old and a two month old. And Emily's like, Chris, we got to do it. I'm like, this is crazy. We can't take in two kids. Like, that sounds like madness. I don't know how to take care of kids. And eventually, you know, she's pretty convincing. And we said, yes. And then we realized, and I realized, okay, we can do this. And so they come in. They're scared out of their minds. And we grow this attachment to them.

And we became hooked. And we just knew we just had to be doing this the rest of our lives. And we kept inviting more kids in and opening our home to more children. And eventually we got up to five, even before we got married. So you had five kids with you? Yes. Before marriage? Before marriage.

Right. And also kids that came from other homes, and I'm guessing also tough circumstances in a lot of cases. Oh yeah. I mean, one child that we came, he'd been kicked out of every foster home that he's been a part of, every daycare he's been a part of. And he came to our house and Emily and I, we, we worked with him and we didn't give up on him. And he went from pulling hairs, screaming, just grabbing things, just spiking it, just broke. I can't tell you how many decorations he broke and the scream of a screened in porch. And just for fun, he loved to rip holes in it. It just, It was a kind of a nightmare at times, but we just kept praising him

when he did do the right thing. And he just wanted attention. Like he always got attention when he did something bad from his previous locations. And so we began to give him attention for when he did things the right way and started to give the attention

to the negative things less and less. And it really began to transform him. And he became a great little kid. So you're both going through your own stuff. You're in your early mid-20s at this point. There's no instruction manual for parenting, at least none that I've ever seen or anyone's ever shown us. And it's interesting because what you're sharing

sort of like a lot of behavioral modeling and sort of like, how do we actually work with kids who are really troubled and struggled in a way that shows a level of sort of like wisdom and observation and awareness from somebody who you wouldn't necessarily expect from like your average 20 something year old in this situation, in any situation.

Yeah, I mean, again, so Emily grew up nurturing. She grew up doing mentorship programs. She did a family services degree. She's worked at group homes, volunteered at group homes. So it's been her life. It's been her life working with kids who have been troubled

and who've gone through rough things and who have behaviors. And so she has this level of patience and commitment and love and authority

that is a really special blend. Plus, we've also educated ourselves. So there's this great book called The Connected Child, which I recommend to anyone who's ever adopted

or going to foster. It just pretty much became our manual handle to a lot of these behaviors. And so we educated ourselves, we've gone through some experiences, and she just has this just natural ability to get through to kids, which gave me the confidence in the first place to even say yes to helping and bringing in kids so young. Yeah. When these kids come into your house from the backgrounds they're coming from also, and then seeing you for the first time in a wheelchair, how do they respond to that? I'm like some foreign creature. Like, what? What is that?

They're really surprised. They haven't seen very many people in a wheelchair if anyone at all and especially like someone young maybe someone older but not as young as i am and then they'll ask questions to like emily like i'll be right there why are you married to him he's in a wheelchair he can He can't even walk. Like I'm like, I can't listen or something like that. Like there's a lot of confusion and just kind of like a distance about me and my chair, but you know, you're able to kind of break through those barriers. And that's really, I've found through all my experiences with people, not necessarily to that degree, but just like, I'm the guy in a wheelchair. Then you get to know me, it's Chris in a wheelchair. Then it becomes Chris, as you really get to know me, that I'm

more than just a chair. And the same with the kids, they realize that I'm more than just a guy in a chair. I'm Chris, I'm a foster dad or, you know, parenting a loving figure, right? So just kind of breaking through those barriers and those walls. I almost wonder if they get there faster than your average adult. Because I would, and tell me if this is right, but I would guess that they would be more open and honest about the questions and what's really going on in their mind. So they could get, just get it out in the open and get through it faster and just see you as Chris more than like your average stranger, like adult stranger who meets you for the

first time and like is much more standoffish and won't ask so many of those same things? Yeah, I probably, I know like one time we're talking about like trick-or-treating. Like, oh, I love trick-or-treating. I can't wait that we can do this tomorrow. And they're like, why would you like trick-or-treating? You can't even walk.

And I was like, well, you don't have to walk to enjoy trick-or-treating. But I can imagine a lot of people are probably maybe to some degree are wondering questions like that. Or do you actually enjoy watching that or doing that when you can't do the full, I don't know, the full action of it? But yeah, they're very honest. And you just explain why you can still enjoy life and love life. And it also gives them a new perspective. And sometimes they see my situation,

they think there's no way I could live with that. And it kind of gives them compassion and a source of an example of someone dealing with their circumstance in a graceful, impactful way. Yeah, really powerful modeling, I would imagine for kids. You end up eventually over time, you and Emily end up taking in, is it 17 kids or more at this point?

It's 17 right now. Yeah. Right. Yeah, so we just, again, kept saying yes to kids. And I mean, I'll never forget the first time we said yes to getting five kids. We had the one boy with all the behavior issues that I was talking about.

And then we get a call about, you know, these four sisters and they're asking, can you take one or two of them? And Emily just felt compelled that we got to take them all. I might take them all. Like, you know, that's, that's a lot of kids. Like, can you, can you do that? Like, is that something that you can handle getting me ready, getting five other children ready and cooking, cleaning and shuttling and all these different things. And I travel for my speaking engagements. Like, this is just seems like a lot for you. Like, are you going to be okay handling this load?

And she says she could. And we said yes. And he just kept realizing we can take on more than what we think we can handle. And even this past couple months, we even took in two other kids. So we had seven in our care. And I thought, no way we can handle seven, but you can handle seven. And I think that's when you can really realize your potential is when you take on more than what you think you can handle. Yeah.

You just mentioned speaking, because I'm sure a lot of listeners are probably thinking, okay, so there's a lot of care. There's probably a lot of expense. And we've talked about, you have done to be able to train for three and four hours a day and be at centers and do an intense amount of work for years to get to the place where you are. You've got to be able to support that financially. So you speak. So you're, I mean, so you're on the road. We were just talking before we turned on the mics, I guess about 50 gigs a year at this point. You're on planes, trains, and automobiles and traveling around and standing in front of crowds. And you're, I just said standing in front of crowds. When I say something like that, like how does that land

with you? It's fine. Like I'll sometimes say like, oh yeah, should in front of crowds. When I say something like that, like how does that land with you? It's fine. Like I'll sometimes say like, oh yeah, should we go for a walk? I mean, I say that myself. I don't take any offense to it, but I mean, spoiler, I do stand at the end of my talks. So there is some standing with my speaking.

Yeah. So, you know, at what point does the idea come to you to say, you know what, this might be an interesting way for me to not only make a contribution, but earn my living and take care of me and Emily and all the kids that we also want to give care to? Yeah. I mean, I'll never forget, I was in college and I was asked to speak to a group and they said, you know, you should take it serious. There's gonna be a couple professional speakers there that they get paid to speak.

And I'm like, they get paid to speak in front of a crowd? Like people make a living doing that? And they're like, yeah, like you can do that too if you work at it and, you know, you got a powerful story to tell and it could be something you do in the future. And I'm like, that kind of sounds kind of cool. And I've done some small group things where they just informally asked me some questions,

something like this and talking to you, but never like I thought on a professional level. And I shared my story and I don't think it was very good. I wasn't polished or anything like that. I didn't really prepare much, but people were just leaning in. They were listening. They were crying. They were laughing and standing at the end, clapping. And it was like, wow.

In talking with people afterwards, it made an impact. It shifted their perspective on life. It shifted their attitude that they're not gonna sweat the small things and that they wanna keep going just because I kept going. I thought, that's pretty powerful. That's pretty neat that I had that opportunity to do that.

And so it became a passion of mine to then present and to make my speech as best as possible. And I got a coach and I practice it and I videotape myself and I watch the tape. And it's just something that I'm very detail-oriented on because I know the impact and the difference it can make. And so it blossomed into a career of mine where, yeah, like you said, I get to travel and make a living through my speaking. Yeah. I want to start to come full circle with our conversation. So I kind of dropped earlier in that messed up the timing a little bit about this window where you and Emily worked together to also be able to walk at your wedding. There's a much bigger story leading up to that moment as well. But rather than, I'm going to leave that for people to read more about in your book as well.

Because I think it's also beautiful the way that you both share simultaneously how you're experiencing these different parts. The name of that book, again, is The Seven Longest Yards, and you'll understand why it's called that. So as we start to come full circle here in this container called The Good Life Project, if I offer out the phrase, to live a good life, what comes up? I think it's just living your life to the fullest. It's taking on more than what you think you can handle. And that when you are lying there before time, like before you're going to pass, knowing that you gave everything that you had

and that you had nothing else to give. And just that you took advantage of every opportunity to help and to give back. And I think knowing that you realize your potential is a feeling that you lived a good life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening. And thanks also to our fantastic sponsors who help make this show possible.

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