Good Life Project - Gabrielle Bernstein: The Journey From Addiction to Awareness

Episode Date: November 21, 2016

Gabrielle Bernstein is the #1 New York Times best-selling author of The Universe Has Your Back and numerous other books.She's been featured on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday as "next-generation thought leader" and leads talks, retreats and meditations for sold-out audiences around the world, embracing her role one of the voices of an emerging generation of spiritual teachers.Gabby is a also certified Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher. GShe is trained in the Emotional Freedom Technique, is a student of the metaphysical text A Course in Miracles, and practices Transcendental Meditation as taught by the David Lynch Foundation.In today's conversation, we take a step back into Gabby's personal story, exploring her relationship to faith and how feelings of isolation as a kid led to her become an organizer and leader at a young age. We dive into her year's long struggle with addiction and then work, and her more recent awakening to the role of childhood sexual trauma in her life's journey and the choices she's made.We dive into her approach to transparency as a spiritual teacher, how she dances between public and private, how opening to the fear in others can serve as a bridge to understanding and so much more. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

One of the lessons throughout the book is choosing to see these obstacles as universal assignments. And so when we feel in some way that we're out of alignment with the flow of the universe and when we're feeling disconnected from the miraculous, that there's an assignment, there's an opportunity to pivot, there's something to look at, and there's something to work on. Today's guest, Gabby Bernstein, is a spiritual teacher, an author, speaker who travels around the world sharing ideas. But it wasn't always that way for her. Growing up in a suburb of New York City, she was the kid who felt like she

didn't quite fit in. Interestingly enough, that turned her into a leader so that she could almost form her own tribes in which to fit. That led her, though, into a career in publicity in New York City, and then a long stint as an addict, both cocaine and alcohol, until she started to pull out of that. And that set in motion an entirely new journey, a spiritual path for her, which in her own words has been quite bumpy and has sort of moved through a series of evolutions as she learns to get honest with herself and then honest with other people and then turn around and share what she's discovered.

We spent some time exploring that journey and also a bit about her latest book, The Universe Has Your Back. And I ask her point blank, does it really? So stay tuned and you can hear the answer to that question. On January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him, we need him.

Y'all need a pilot. Flight Risk. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X.

Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required. Charge time and actual results will vary. So good to be hanging out. Yeah. or results will vary. usual for you? Very. Because we've been trying to set this up for a while now. And it's like, I'm going to be in town for like these three hours. I'm in town for three seconds. Yeah. This is a priority though, let me tell you. I feel honored. Yes. A priority. I did get a lot of requests to come on the Jonathan Fields podcast. It's like, bring tissues, man. Everybody cries. No, it's so fun to be sitting down with you on, it's not even the tail end. I mean, you're sort of like in the middle of the world when you have a book that just came out, getting crazy response. And I want to dive into that and some of the big ideas from it, because I'm curious about a whole bunch

of them. But I also want to talk about you and your journey and your story. You grew up kind of right outside of the city, right? Yeah, I grew up in Westchester County in Larchmont, New York. Yeah, it's a great little town. Yeah, it is. I haven't been back in 20 years. Really? Is this the type of thing where you're like, I'm not going back? I'm done. Done and done. Yeah. No, it's a beautiful town to grow up in and I'm grateful to have had that experience, but I had to move on from my childhood memories. Oh, no. What happened? What kind of a kid were you? What group were you in? I was extremely misunderstood having existential crisis at 16.

And I wasn't at all like I am today. How so? I was very insecure. I was afraid of a lot of things. I was not part of a group or a clique. I was like kind of an outsider. And I know this is sort of surprising because I just feel like such a community creator now. And I was just not part of a community when I was a kid. When you were that age, were you aware of the fact that you felt like you were on the outside? Oh, yeah. Yeah. But there was one area of my life that I felt like I was on the inside. And I would lead these youth.

I was the president of the Jewish youth group. And it was sort of the beginning of becoming a spiritual teacher. I didn't know that at the time. But I was like 13 to 16 or whatever, leading these weekend retreats in different temples throughout Westchester County. But I would lead these youth group community in these spiritual weekends and wasn't necessarily very religious. It was more spiritual. And I felt like very called to lead in that way and in that community and around a conversation that

was different than the norm. So that's where I felt most comfortable and confident. Yeah. I mean, it's also interesting that at that age, you'd feel a calling to lead blended with this sort of like outsider thing. I think that I wonder sometimes if that's more common than a lot of us think that those two things exist. You know. It's almost like you start to lead because you just don't fit in. Yeah, that's interesting. Well, I think that there's definitely a personality thing for leaders. And I think that there's this trait that those of us who identify as leaders have, which is this desire to speak up and desire to be heard, potentially. There's a little bit of that, but also maybe an unconscious sense that you have something to tell, a story to tell, something to share and offering. That is something that I would say I've always had was this sort of unconscious knowing that there was something for

me to speak up about and a desire to speak up. Yeah. So that knowing from when you were younger was based around the faith you were brought up in. Yeah. So you were brought up Jewish. Yeah. But I'm not Jewish. I'm not really identifying with the Jewish religion at all. I mean, I have these beautiful Shabbat dinners with friends and things, but that's the closest I get to my- It's more like the traditions than the- Yeah. I went to a Jewish sleepaway camp and I loved the tradition of it and I loved the community and I loved the spirituality of it all. It's like A.J. Jacobs said, I love his line. He's like, I'm a butcher. He says, I'm Jewish the way Olive Garden is Italian.

Literally, that's how I'm Jewish. faith and what they look at is the teachings and sort of like the commandments, the do this, don't do that, rather than just the cultural traditions. And my sense has always been, I was brought up similar to you. My grandparents founded the temple in my town, but we were, my generation just didn't really trickle down. But I always felt a deep sense of spirituality and we didn't have any of the traditions really. But when my mom actually got remarried, we started doing Shabbat dinner in a very sort of just like general way. And all of a sudden, this new family actually who I was sort of brought into, all the kids

post-college, but they would come together every Friday. And then everyone would go out and do their thing. And there was just – there's something about the traditions because so many – how many faiths have some form of Shabbat dinner or weekend, like resting on a day or something like that? Just the cultural traditions, I think, have so much value. I went to Shabbat dinner last night, actually. And my best friend is like, she really should be a rabbi.

She's the most beautiful. She's an Australian woman who grew up in a very religious Jewish community in Australia. And they're a very tight community in Australia and Sydney. And she does this beautiful dinner where she then sits, everybody sits around as, you know, people would at the after dinner and hanging out in the living room. And she'll talk about the Parsha, the Torah chapter for that week. And she'll give this like epic motivational talk for the week.

And you're sitting here in like this little tiny New York City apartment with this like amazing, beautiful, spiritual being teaching you about the Torah. And so I've been brought back to the religion through her, really. Yeah. What's it like being brought back to, when you say I was brought back to the religion, to the teachings of it? Yeah. And to your point, to the community element and the culture and probably what I love most about religion or spiritual groups in general, which is gathering. People coming together to join in like-minded thoughts and experiences. And I think that that's a big reason why I ended up doing what I do as a

spiritual teacher and leading talks and creating communities because I didn't feel like I was part of community for the most part. So it's like I had to create my own. Yeah. It's so interesting. It's always like we're doing the things that end up teaching us or giving us what we need. Or that we long for. Right. Exactly.

But I think that's such a common experience now. The single biggest growing group when you look at sort of the data on religion these days are what people identify as the nones. They're non-affiliated. And people are leaving organized religion quickly, but they don't consider themselves non-spiritual. Yeah. And I think that it's the people that do identify as spiritual that may be those that are leaving religion. And I don't want to say leaving religion because I have plenty of people in my spiritual community that are religious as well. They just have found different anchors in, but they can find

their spirituality of their own understanding. And that's been the basis of everything that I've been doing with the books that I write and the talks that I give is just really trying to crack people open to that place within them that they identify as their higher self and to establish a spiritual relationship that's their own. And it doesn't have to be from a Torah or a Bible, but it can be from your own experience of it. Though there's nothing wrong with finding it from a religion as well, because you can establish your own spiritual experience through religion. When you're working on, whether you're working on a talk or a book or a course or whatever it may be, in the back of your mind, is there a voice at all

that says, share this in a way that feels true to me, yet at the same time doesn't push up against organized religion that where a lot of my community also finds peace? Always, yeah. I would never in any way put down religion because I think religion is the way that people find a God of their own understanding. And I think that if you find, I don't really, actually, I'm really not hung up at all about how people find God. Like I said, I see myself as this can opener. I'm just going to be there to crack you open. And if you get cracked open in one of my talks or through one of my books and then find a yoga path that's yours or a religious path that's yours, it doesn't matter

just as long as you're finding connection in some way. So it's not about how we get there. All I care about is that we get there. Why? Why do you care so much? Well, I think it's really hard to be alive right now without a spiritual faith of some kind. I think that we're living in a time where I feel like the metaphor I would give is we'd be like a fish out of water, just literally flailing and trying to find breath if we don't have some kind of faith or anchor. And I can say that just from my own personal experience, but we're seeing a lot of people go mad right now. We're seeing a lot of people feel very, very terrified and it's traumatic to be alive right

now. And so the antidote to that trauma is a spiritual faith, is a connection. I mean, even you and I were talking earlier before we sat down to do the recording, and I'm just telling you about this obsession that I have, this latest ego obsession that I have of something that's such a first world problem. But second of all, I was almost embarrassed to tell you that this is what's up for me. And so without my spiritual practice, I would let that issue and that ego thinking drive me. But I keep bringing it to my spiritual practice and sticking around for the miracle. Yeah. So let's kind of fill in some of your story a bit because there is this side to

you. There's a side to all of us. And it seems that something that's been on my mind a lot is distinguishing between the teacher and the teachings and the honoring the humanity of the teacher within the process of building a community, because I think that can be so delicate. And I find it helpful when I start to find a teacher who I really want to learn from to understand their human journey too, and to actually understand what's the truth. So you, I mean, before you sort of really dove into the spiritual journey, tell me more about your life. Yeah. Well, I think I've always been on a spiritual path without knowing. I think I was born into a family that had spiritual roots. So I was brought up visiting ashrams and taught to meditate at a very young age and witnessed a mother who meditated while she was completely crazy. I love my mother, but she was, you know, off the rocker, but at the same time had a dedicated meditation practice.

And I saw her use it as her way to get centered, you know, amidst the chaos and the worry and the stuff that was up for her. So I had that backbone and I had that foundation, that seed was planted at a young age. Then I turned my back on it when I went to college and started to start to see that I could kind of build some successes outside of myself. And early in my career, I had a business where I represented nightclubs in New York City. I had a PR company that I started when I was 21. So it's almost like the exact opposite. It's like similar to like Scott Harrison's story from Charity War.

Totally. Totally. Like many of us do the opposite of what we wind up living in later. That was part of my journey. It was part of getting me here was being this very ego-driven, fast-paced New York City nightlife girl in her early 20s, 21 to 25, and going hard in that world. What did that give you? Gave me a really nasty drug addiction. It gave me the high of feeling like there was something to

chase, right? So I was chasing the credentials. I was chasing the boyfriend. I was chasing the party scene. I was chasing the cocaine. I was chasing the outside world. And the one addiction turned into the next addiction, turned into the next addiction because anyone that's listening that's had that kind of addictive pattern in their life of any kind or have had any kind of search outside of themselves is very, very aware that it doesn't work. It doesn't work. It doesn't work at all. And so for me, it was just a constant cycle of searching, searching, searching, searching, searching, only to at 25 be blessed with a spiritual intervention.

Really. So what happened? It was 11 years and a month ago on October 2nd of 2005. I just celebrated my 11-year sober anniversary, so it's nice to talk about this now. I was severely addicted, particularly to cocaine. It was my drug of choice. And bottoming out, big time, losing friends, losing – my business was still running because it was – I remember it was representing nightclubs, remember? So it was like everyone was doing cocaine.

Like I was the norm. You were just like everyone else. I was just like everybody else. Yeah. And losing my mind, literally. I remember like I had an intern that had worked with me for like nine months and I would sit across the room in the office and I couldn't remember her name. That's how much damage I'd done to my brain, which is really scary. It takes a while to rebuild and regenerate that. Still working on it. Lots of meditation. But I was hitting, I hit a big bottom and I had been trying to get clean.

And actually, I don't tell this part of the story, but this is important part that I'm glad to tell now. I've been trying to get clean. I've been trying to get clean. And, and I wasn't able to do it by myself. Like I was just that white knuckling does not work. Cause it was like, I didn't identify as an alcoholic or an addict at that time. I knew that I had a problem and it got so bad that I remember saying to my business partner at the time, I think I need to go into an outpatient program or something. I didn't know what I was looking for. I was like Googling shit, you know, like what do I do?

And I called Hazelden, which had an outpatient program at the time. It was like $6,000 a month and I couldn't afford that at the time. And I was like, no way, I can't do this. They said, listen, there's actually one of our doctors who has left the program, but he sees patients privately. And his name is Dr. Rick Barnett. And it turned out that Rick's office was directly across the street from where my office was. And I'm like, at the time, I'm like-

It's like, this is meant to be, right? It was meant to be. But I was also like, if it was going to be on the Upper East Side or something, I was like, I was just not going to go. I was just not going to go. And my partner at the time had agreed to like run it through the business and see it, you know, use it as like pay me back. Like I would pay back the business or something. I couldn't even afford him at the time. You know, there was a whole, so we agreed to work

this out and I started seeing this guy and he helped me within a month or so. It was interesting too because he said, listen, I went to see him and he said, listen, I don't have, I'm only going to be here for another month and a half. I'm moving to Vermont, but I don't know why, but I have a sense that I'm supposed to be your doctor. I was like, great dude, just help me. And I believed in him. And he gave me this book called Living Sober. And I started to check off the list and I was like, are you an alcoholic? Are you an addict? And I was like, check, check, check, check, check. And I was like, shit. So long story short, he helped me. I kept going back to him saying, I don't think I'm an alcoholic. I just have a drug problem. And he'd said to me, well, when you drink, what happens? And I said, well, when I drink,

I end up doing drugs. And he said, well, then you have an alcohol problem. So he helped me identify that I had this sort of cross-addicted situation happening. And he very gently led me into finding recovery meetings and helped me see that there was something beyond my own white knuckling. I found the recovery meetings when I really hit a final bottom, even in this recovery with him. And I remember waking up hungover and praying for a miracle. And then hearing the voice of intuition come through me saying that, get clean and you'll live a life beyond your wildest dreams. And I heard that voice on October 2nd in 2005. And I went to a meeting that morning and I never got high or drunk again. And it's over 11 years and continue to unravel why I became an addict and even more that's

underneath that. Yeah. What's your sense of what is a deeper why? So I've been sharing about this recently because it's big and it activates a lot for people. So I'm happy that I have another platform to talk about this. Thank you. Before I even share, in February of 15, it's almost a year ago, nine months ago, I remembered my childhood sexual trauma. I remembered I had the memory, like it came in as a dream first. And then four days later, I was in my therapy office and the memory came through. And in that memory was all the reasons I was who I was, good and bad. It was a terrifying moment in my life, but it was the most liberating moment of my life. And it answered all the questions I always had. I had no idea why I became a drug

addict. Why do people become addicts? People become addicts because they are traumatized in some way and they're running. And we run with a lot of, you know, we become addicted to lots of things, whether it's, you know, work or sex or love or food. And it's strictly because we're running from a feeling that we don't want to feel or a memory that we don't want to recall or something that we don't want to relive. And that was it for me. And so I've been in very deep recovery over the last nine months now. I'm learning a lot about trauma. I know that there's a book in that for me for, when I get through my own recovery. Yeah. What happened nine months ago that, I mean, was there something that unlocked this? Yeah. Well, I've been reading a lot about childhood trauma because this was my experience. And so,

first of all, the brain can shut it off. So if you're under seven years old in particular, and you have a traumatic experience, it can literally just get locked up. It can just be- It's like it never happened. It'll be erased. Yeah. It's not really erased because it's still in your body and still in your psyche and the flashes of the memory can show up, but- And it drives behavior, even though you might not understand what's driving it. It drives the course of your life. In many cases, it directs you on a very scary path. So for me, the way that I funneled that, the way that I protected myself from that traumatic experience was to be in serious control of my life. Hence why I became a cocaine addict

and not a debilitated alcoholic falling all over the place. I wanted to be in control, right? I wanted to have full control over everything. And then when I put down the drink and the drug, it was like the next addiction that I picked up was this work addiction that I only really diagnosed nine months ago. Because I was like the work I was doing was being channeled into so much good. And I felt so inspired by it that and it was being so praised. You know, people in our country just praise that work, right? Like keep working, right? Good for you.

You've done. How do you do so much? And you just get so much acknowledgement for it. And that was my way of being, that control of my work environment helped me continue to feel that sense of safety. And then in 2015, my husband decided to retire from his job in private equity to come run my business. At the same time, we were talking about having a child. And so the concept of being pregnant, him walking away from this huge job and me being the primary breadwinner and meanwhile, I mean, I wasn't going to be the primary breadwinner because he works his ass off for this business. But this story I had of like,

it's all coming from me and I'm going to be pregnant and I'm going to have to have a baby. All that control pattern fell apart because I couldn't be in control with all these new circumstances. And so over that year, I started to crack and I started to literally lose my mind. And month after month, I kept saying, I can't go on like this. I can't go on like this. I can't go on like this. And it was terrifying.

And I didn't know why I was falling apart. And that was a slow burn. It's interesting how the brain works and how your higher self works to almost prepare you to get ready for what's coming. And it's a very interesting thing that happened. I had signed a contract to do a talk in Australia and it was in March of 2016. That was the talk. And I, a year earlier, had signed the contract and I had said to my husband, I'd literally heard a voice because I often will hear the voice of whether it's a spirit guide or my own intuition say, you're not going. Like, that's not happening.

You signed the contract, but it's not happening. And so I wound up canceling the contract because I thought maybe I'd be pregnant or I don't know. That week that I was meant to be in Australia was the week that I remembered. And so it was like I had this – it's not like. I had a presence greater than me guiding me through that process. As scary and difficult as it was, there was a step-by-step method to get me to where I needed to be to uncover this. And in the safe environment to do it.

I was with my therapist and I had all the necessary trappings to support myself. Yeah. I mean, such a powerful sort of awakening, traumatic awakening, unlock key for sort of a next exploration for you. You're also living very much in the public eye during this entire thing. You're out there, you're speaking, you're writing books, you're constantly online, you're doing... How do you be okay when you know there's something inside that nobody knows from the outside right now that is profoundly distressing and that you need to focus on? And at the same time,

you're a very public person. I guess two questions are, how do you honor both of those needs at the same time? And how do you choose what and when to be public or private with? Yeah, good question. Well, while I was going through that sort of cracking period, I was talking about it, my way of going through something and so being in the midst of a healing process and having the commitment that I've made as a public person and a public figure and being out in the world, the way that I balance that is by telling the truth about what's up. In real time? Not always in real time. Most of the time in real time, but not right away when I remembered the trauma. So the year that was leading up to it, and really all throughout my career, I've just made a commitment to tell the truth. And one, because I'm most comfortable in the truth. If I'm not telling the truth, then I feel like I'm just, I feel like a fraud. And I also know that in the expression of my truth,

people can recognize themselves in my story. And so I know that there's purpose in being honest, because if I'm not honest, then it's like that you go first. Like I said, if I don't go first, then I can't open the door for other people to say, yeah, that's my story too. That's a commitment that I've made, but also because it feels better for me to be honest and be in the truth of what's up. Because if I'm not telling the truth, then I feel really disconnected. But there did come a point when this memory came in and it was so raw and I was so paralyzed and depressed. And there was three months of my life. Talk about the universe having your back, right? Here I am. I'm always on the road. I always have something going on. I always have an agenda.

For whatever reason, I had three months of runway. There was nothing in front of me for three months. I didn't have to give a talk. I didn't have to go anywhere. I went up to my country house and I just did two therapy sessions a week. I did EFT. I did shamanic healing. I was just doing whatever it took, crying, punching pillows, and also just walking around like a zombie because I didn't know what to do and not talking about it. I remember I did a session with a speaking coach that I work with right before my first talk that I had to give right before I had to go out after this memory. And I said to her, I think here's this talk I have, and I want to tell

what happened. And she said, absolutely not. It is way too soon for you to go there. And so I started to give a talk for about four months, telling the story without telling the story, you know, saying I went through something and it's my resistance. And, you know, but when we become brave enough to wonder, that's when we truth begins to unfold. Talking about it, but without saying what it was. And then out of nowhere, on a stage in front of 4,000 people, I was telling that same story where I had the anticipation of just talking around it. And on that day, I let spirit speak through me and I just outed it. I just told the truth and cried and was honest.

And it was probably one of the best talks I've ever given because it came to me and I was told it's okay to share now. But I didn't do it a day sooner or I didn't do it because I thought I should. I did it because it came through. And I think that we always can tell the truth without, and that's another thing for speakers and people who are authors or speakers, you can tell your story always without actually having to give detail sometimes. Yeah. It's always a balance. And I think, you know, what's interesting is we're talking about the context of your life, but the truth is with Instagram, Facebook, all this stuff, to a certain extent, we're all public people these days. Everyone. And so there's a constant

balancing act. And it's a curiosity of mine of, because we all move through stuff. Nobody gets out without suffering, without trauma, without having to just go through things. It's a question I ask myself on a regular basis, how much do I share and when and how? But it's a question I think increasingly everybody has got to ask themselves because I wonder sometimes when there's a temptation to share everything, all the details in real time that I think sometimes can be more destructive than constructive. And I guess we all have to find our line. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch

ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest charging Apple Watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series 10, available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required, charge time and actual results will vary. Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman.

I knew you were gonna be fun. January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're gonna die. Don't shoot him, we need him! Y'all need a pilot?

Flight risk. Let's dip back into your story that one of my curiosities also is at, so at some point you start to move down the path to recovery to addiction. And that involves your own spiritual journey, your own process of learning of discovery and deepening into trying to figure out who you are and what matters and all this stuff. What happens along the way to let you know that now is the time for me to move from developing myself to turn around and teaching others? Jonathan, it happened so fast.

It was like as if I always knew. I did always know, I think. I think that we make a commitment, our soul makes a commitment to come in to a certain body at a certain time and have a whole bunch of fucked up shit happen so that you can heal it and then tell the story I had to go through to do it. And so I was willing to do it fast. Very, very quickly in my sober recovery, I started not only writing about it, but giving talks. And when I was running that PR business, I was giving a lot of inspirational talks to marketing classrooms or PR conferences or women's groups or things that were ladies who launch kind of things. And I loved speaking publicly. It was my art. I fell in love with it from the moment that I went to my first talk at Baruch College and spoke to a bunch of marketing kids. It was like, that was heaven for me. And it was back to those days in the temple. Here I am again.

Coming full circle. And so very quickly I started sponsoring people within the first year of my sober recovery, which became almost like my first private coaching clients. And I at one time was sponsoring 12 people at once, which was, imagine that, it's crazy. And very quickly started putting on my own talks. I want to say within a year of sobriety started transitioning out of PR and putting on my own talks and selling tickets to my own talks and inviting everybody in the world, like coming from the nail salon to the trainer, to the astrologer, to my mom's friends, like being like, come to my talk and making all my sponsees bring their friends and like became this thing. And at the time it wasn't popular to be spiritual and it wasn't trendy to be a yogi and it wasn't cool to be gluten-free and it was just like this

were not this was not what was up and i i felt really and you've been in this field longer and you you know you sort of seen this major shift huge evolution huge and for those of us who sort of at the at the beginning and by us who sort of at the beginning, and by no means was I at the beginning of spirituality and stuff, I mean, Wayne Dyer, you know, Mary and other people were doing it way before me, but not necessarily for my generation. So I think that this like newer generation of seekers, particularly women, were looking for that permission to feel better and to not, you know, not have to be like the next Carrie Bradshaw, but instead wanting to be more like Wayne Dyer or something like this. And so, you know, I remember,

I remember my early talks, just putting on talks at the Gay, Lesbian, Transgender Center and like having people set up all the chairs and the PA system sucked. And like, you know, it was just, I was cursing like, I still do, actually. You're a New Yorker. It's just sort of like a part. I like to quote Tribe Called Quest. Occasionally a curse to get my point across. But it's not that occasional. But it became this thing.

And it became a new zeitgeist. And it became community. And so now when I meet people in airports or meetings or whatever, and they say I'm a spirit junkie, that's just everything for me because that's all I wanted. All I wanted was to identify as part of a community. And I remember when I got sober, I was like, wow, I wish that everyone could have a recovery program in a community like this. I wished that for everybody. And that's sort of what I've been intending to do is create that kind of community for people, whether it be through Facebook groups and live trainings and just even people meeting because they share that

common language. Yeah. It's interesting. I wonder, it's bringing up something. I wonder whether what a lot of us are doing sort of in this quote space is recreating church on our terms. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I just, we were just talking with Glennon a couple of weeks back and same thing popped into my head and we had a conversation about it. But fundamentally, when you look at the tradition, when we look at any spiritual tradition, there are always three things in place.

There's the teaching, there's the teacher, and there's the community, you know, like the Sangha. And there's a reason that those three things are there, because without one of those three things, the entire path fails. You need all of them to be there. And it seems like... So if you look at all traditional religion, that's all a part of it. But I think a lot of people, my experience has been a lot of us focus on either the teacher, charismatic somebody who people just want to be in a room with, the teaching, because it provides almost, especially the more you go

towards orthodoxy in any faith, the more certainty is built into the teaching, which we're desperate for. But I think the big thing that people are missing is the value of community. And I wonder often whether we become so disenfranchised and our need for belonging is so grossly unfilled these days that that's the thing we're yearning for more than anything. Absolutely. Yeah. I remember having a conversation with Marianne Williams in a while back and I would say like, oh, do you travel less and go to less, do less speaking engagements because of the internet now? You know, just because we can do so much on Facebook. I mean, this is before Facebook Live we were having this conversation, but at the time we could live stream or whatever it was. And she said, no, I'm traveling just as much, if not more. And I said, why? And she said, because we need to gather.

People need to be in the room. You need to be live. I heard that loud and clear. And while traveling isn't my favorite thing, being live in community is one of my favorite things in the world. So I've been on this crazy two and a half, I mean, it was really a month and a half of so many cities and whatever I had to do in the last month. But I think the reason why it was so elevating and fun for me was because I really thrive on being with the community and being with people. And also just seeing people have an experience when you gather in that way. And you're absolutely right. It's what people are longing for right now. Because there's so much, everything's happening online. It's like people are meeting and dating online and dating for like weeks before they actually meet in person, you know, and can start the conversation online.

And at the same time, if it never actually goes face to face and we're missing, you know, there's a level of vulnerability and empathy that doesn't happen all that readily when there's a screen between you. And that's the space where everything good happens. Can I tell you something cool that happened today, actually, when I was in the Uber coming up here, I had a call with someone who is somebody who's pretty famous on Instagram that I met he's like a really funny Instagram guy and I met him and no I didn't meet him I followed him and I did Lewis Howes's podcast during this

book tour and I shared some stuff about my recovery and my trauma. And I got a message from this guy because I was following him. So he started following me and he realized, oh, she follows me. And so he messaged me saying, hey, we have a similar recovery date and I've got some stuff that's up for me. And some of the things that you were talking about on his podcast really activated some things and I'd love to talk to you. So on my way up here, I'm having this awesome groovy conversation with this guy who now I'll tell you, I can tell you will definitely be a friend of mine. I could tell even that half hour conversation, like we have this common language and such a shared, and that I was able to be of service to him in some way all through because

of Instagram. You know, it's like, he didn't have to go through my customer service to find me, right? He could just message me on Instagram. So I think that there's beauty and community, of course, in our online communities, but the feeling and the essence of being in a group, in a connected space, it's just, I think it's mandatory, right? Yeah, I do too. I think it's just, and the places we used to find it, we're not finding it anymore. Like where? We used to find it at work a lot. You know, there was a sense of loyalty and people would stay a long time. You would go out, you know, and you'd have a lot of your life was built around community at work.

It doesn't exist anymore, you know. And companies are trying to create that just because it's good for the bottom line. But, you know, you feel it when it's sort of engineered faith too. People are leaving a lot of communities, a lot of faiths, traditional religion. And at the same time, they're leaving the community, even though that's not their intention. Local organizations like bowling leagues, local trade organizations are all vanishing. Is that right? Yeah.

Those used to be the places where we find all this stuff. Because you couldn't get it online. Right. You weren't going to find it. Yeah. So we had to do it locally. And there was a certain, there was so much beauty to that because all of a sudden you're just getting real with people. I think that's why I like living in the country most of the time because I've got this small community. There's like 2000 people in the town. It's like Mayberry.

It's really, it's very funny. But we thought it was going to be our country house, but we wound up making these incredible friends. And people in the country have dinner parties and like really good ones too. And people are really good cooks and there's, you know, potlucks and gather. So we could be doing like two dinner parties a week. No. And so that, and it's something happening in the country. Everybody's got to go.

Yeah. Well, I mean, it's funny, as you're mentioning that, I'm getting a flashback to the movie, The Big Chill. The scene, like the early scenes in that movie where it's a whole bunch of people who hadn't seen each other from college. And they're hanging out at this beautiful old country house, like in the kitchen. You know, the vast majority of this is shot in the kitchen. And that's where so much happens. We both live in New York City. Well, I do full time.

You do like kind of part time now where people are like, oh, there's a stove in my kitchen. What do you do with that? And it's a shame because I do think it doesn't have to be a giant community. Even if you just, you're around a table, you're hanging out in the kitchen cooking and having a glass of wine with friends. There's so much grace in that. There's so much elevation and connection that we're just, we think we're finding through screens, but we're not. Yeah. We got to go phones down. I was at that Shabbat dinner last night. I purposely left my phone in my handbag and didn't look at it for four hours. It felt so good. It felt so good to

just hang out. Was there any anxiety associated with it? Actually, no. And that's actually part of me in this trauma recovery is that I'm a new person. I'm a totally new person. I'm so happy that you and I are becoming friends now because I was crazy before. I was like, you know, so like checking everything and on, you know, hyper aware of my business and all the details. And now I'm just like, I'm that person I always wanted to be, which is like on top of things, but like, just let it go. And I'm going to take a few hours to go for a walk or I'm just like, I'm that person I always wanted to be, which is like on top of things, but just let it go.

And I'm going to take a few hours to go for a walk or I'm going to take some time to be at dinner with my friends. This is nine months new, but it's pretty- It's like your birth in nine months. We're birthing the new Gabby. I'm born. Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman.

I knew you were going to be fun. On January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him, we need him. Y'all need a pilot?

Flight risk. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest charging Apple Watch, getting you 8

hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone Xs are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary. Do you have any daily practices that you think help anchor there?

Oh, yeah. I've always had them, but they're so much deeper now because there's less resistance. So, of course, I'm a meditation junkie. Same practice as your mom or something different? Well, I have a lot of meditation practices actually. And sometimes I have different meditation practices at different times in my life, depending on what's going on. And right now I've taken it up a notch a little bit because I think when you start to... So I believe that in the absence of resistance, that's when we can really hear God, spirit, the universe, whatever you believe in.

And so I've been clearing so much of that resistance as a result of having the willingness to go there that I can hear more. So my meditation practices now are about really deepening my connection to guidance, whether it be the guidance of a voice of a higher self or guidance from my mentor, Dr. Wayne Dyer, who I talk to a lot in my meditations and writing, channel writing, or spirit guides or angels. And I believe in all this. And anyone listening that's like, this crazy girl, take it or leave it. But it becomes more certain the more resistance you release, the more you can hear. And you can hear whatever you believe you're hearing.

That's my feeling. And so my meditations now are much more about just clearing and getting into a place of relaxation so that then I can follow with some writing. And then the channel writing is where I get direction. And it's awesome. It's pretty groovy to have that kind of dialogue. It's very, you know, it can be just for you. You don't have to talk about it. Or sometimes you'll get a message for somebody else or, you know, it can be just for you. You don't have to talk about it or sometimes

you'll get a message for somebody else or, you know, but really just giving myself that freedom to be in my meditation for 20 minutes and really calm my nervous system and clear the space and then listen. And then the listening, I will let my pen flow. And that will be, and you have a lot of these types of exercises in your book. It's like being in that receptive place just opens the floodgates to let new information come through. And it's very interesting what you hear. Yeah. It's funny. I think one of the big fallacies about meditation is that it's the thing that fixes stuff. And at least that hasn't been my experience, but it's been really similar to yours. It's the thing that stills the water enough to see what the stuff really is.

Totally. And to, you know, you call it guidance, whatever it is, but whether, you know, for me, it's just, I have had solutions, ideas, you know, from wherever, you know, that drop, you know, to the extent where at one point I actually wanted to design a meditation app that had a voice-activated recorder. So I could literally, when an idea came, because you're supposed to just let it go and come out your breath, I would just say a word to trigger the memory when I was done with my meditation so I could come back to it.

I love that. And I remember having a conversation with one of my Buddhist meditation teachers. I was like, so technically, is that okay? Yeah. And she's like, I don't know. But she's also a writer and an author. She's like, but as a writer, I kind of get why you would do it. Yeah, I get it. But yeah, I think it's the stillness that it creates that it doesn't necessarily allow me

to process, but it's the stillness that allows you to see what's there to process or not. release the resistance. And that's necessary if you want to co-create this life, if you want to let inspiration come through, if you want to feel connected to something beyond yourself. Like I said earlier, I don't care what people call it. For the sake of this podcast, let's call it inspiration to get out of the way and the meditation will get you out of the way. Hmm. Yeah. It also just, I think, creates more of a baseline, much less reactivity. Oh, yeah. That's something that snuck up on me. I'm curious what your experience was with that. Well, I practice transcendental meditation. I also practice kundalini meditation, which is what I teach. And there's a beautiful kundalini meditation called the meditationitation for Irrationality. And I did this for a 40-day practice at one point.

And man, I was mellow. Like it really, really works. But having just in general a daily meditation practice makes you less reactive and less hung up. And it's also a place to bring your stuff, like this little ego thing that I was dealing with when we were speaking earlier. It's like I've just been, it's not gone yet,

but I've been bringing it to my meditation every day and just listening and listening. And when I came out of my meditation today, listening to that issue, because some of it's about regret, right? This thing that we will not talk about on this podcast, one of those personal things that we do not speak about, but it was about regret. And I came out of my meditation today and I heard regret can be recreated or like regrets an opportunity to recreate. And I knew what that meant to me. It meant that instead of dwelling in the regret, that I can recreate something new, right? I can recreate the thought. I can recreate, you know, something beyond this to come up with creative possibilities beyond this situation,

or I can just recreate my experience of it. And so there is these kinds of messages and guidance that come when you're going through something and you bring it to your meditation practice, then the message of healing comes through. And also just physical healing. And let's talk about that, right? It's like our body needs to be in that absence of resistance so that it can heal naturally. And I've been using my meditation practice lately to heal some physical stuff that has been very helpful. Yeah, I think it just comes, it brings everything back to center. It's been, yeah, it's been incredibly helpful for me.

It's a huge tool for me in letting go also. At least my practice is mindfulness. So I'm constantly just noticing stuff and letting it go and noticing stuff and letting it go. And I found actually as an entrepreneur and as an artist, as a creator, I found that massively helpful because you get a lot of stories of self-doubt and worthiness or lack of worthiness. And when you can zoom the lens out and identify them and say, oh, wait, that's not the story. It's the story I'm telling now. Let me just let it go. And it may come back a thousand times, but the practice of letting it go at least starts to clear the space for a different story to emerge or for you to find a different story to tell.

Yeah. Or having the willingness to see that obstacle as an opportunity, right? And to have the, and that's just sort of like what happens when you're on a spiritual path is that you, the commitment that you make to your spiritual path gives you less tolerance for the crazy. So you could be in your crazy, but you just, you know, that's not who you are. And you can be the witness of it, but not want to stay there. You know, it's really interesting to me though. There are so many of, maybe not so many, but there are many examples of people who are considered some of the most profound spiritual teachers of our and past generations who have also been seen as, there's a tradition in like

Tibetan Buddhism called crazy wisdom. As like, when you look at the way that they've actually lived their lives, you know, like boozing, carousing, and multiple sexual relationships, and all this different stuff that would seem profoundly contrary to the quote, teachings about how to live. I'm always curious about separating the teachings from the humanity of the teacher and how much of that has to be done. And especially the way that we're living right now. I'm going to write or speak about this more soon because it's spinning in my head a lot. But the idea of a being being a moral compass for a spiritual tradition rather than the teachings, I have a lot of, I struggle with that because you're holding up a tradition and you're giving it a pass fail test based on the humanity of a person who's talking about it, which

inevitably it's going to fail. Yeah. Well, that's the beauty of the choice that I've made, which is to tell the truth about all the ways that I fuck up. Yeah. Because the more honest I am, one, the more real you are to people and the more they can identify their story in your own. But the more freedom I have to teach from an authentic place and to teach from a place

of certainty, because I can say with certainty, I believe this, this, and this, and this is what I know to be true. And this is my faith. And these are all the ways that I detour from it. And these are all the ways that I come back to it. And so it's given me a lot of freedom. The more honest I am about what I don't do right, the more freedom I have to speak. Yeah.

Because it just lets me, I'm not trying to be something I'm not. And also have faith that even though there may be a day where you loathe instead of love. The idea will continue on because it's not bound to your own human, whether you succeed at fully embracing that ideal on any given day. It's actually the way I teach. The way I teach is to say, okay, here's all the stuff that I'm dealing with or that I've dealt with or that I've gone through. And here are the ways that I brought my spiritual beliefs and practices to it so that I could come out the other side. And it's liberating to be able to, and I think that's

actually what we all must do is to just be the expression of our experiences and to tell the truth about what we've gone through so that, and how we got out, you know, in the 12 set programs, they say experience, strength, and hope, right? And being in that inventory every day of I'm dealing with this right now and telling the truth about it, even though it's not very cute. And then, but this is what I'm bringing to it. And then coming out the other side and saying, and here's the miracle. And then that becomes a lesson. My entire talk I gave throughout my book tour was just like a series of things that

went wrong that and and the ways that i found what was right why do you think we don't do that because i don't think most people do that oh i think people are terrified of being of showing showing how fearful they are i had an experience recently where i was at a dinner and i was sitting next to this person who i thought was like very annoying and like very cold and kind of obnoxious. And halfway through the dinner, he starts opening up to me about some of the problems that he's having. He experienced a little bit of my work, so he knew that it was like safe to go there. And he starts just telling me about his problems and his struggles. And I was like, oh my God, you are me. You know, like these are my problems. So it's like I could see how terrified he was to say what was up. And that's why he came across as such an

asshole. I'm sorry I'm cursing so much on your lovely show. That's okay. Anything goes here. Yeah. No, I think barriers up is like the MO for almost everybody as a starting point. And I get it. I think when we don't feel safe, we don't go there. And I think most of us don't feel safe these days, which is a real travesty. I think people haven't been feeling safe for a long time, but I think it's definitely getting, it's more heightened to a hundred percent, right? It's more heightened now because there's not a lot of places to hide anymore. You can't hide in your career. You can't hide in the safety of another person or it's kind

of anything goes. That's a good thing because I think people are, I think it's necessary that we start to face what's underneath that. Yeah. So I want to come full circle. But before I do that, you use the word universe, you use the word God, you use the word spirit. And I mean, the name of your book, Universe Has Your Back. Did I get that right? Yeah, The Universe Has Your Back. Okay, good.

At least for some reason in my mind, it sometimes translates to the New York word. It's like the universe got your back. Yeah, take it. It's the same thing. Do you experience that 100% of the time? Oh, of course not. No, I know that. I know that with certainty, but I forget all the time.

The knowing never goes away. It's just the momentary lapse, the moments where I just have that fear take over or the controlling urge or the ego meltdown where I don't, but the, one of the lessons throughout the book is, is choosing to see these obstacles as universal assignments. And so when we feel in some way that we're out of alignment with the flow of the universe, and when we're feeling disconnected from the miraculous, that there's an assignment, there's a, there's an opportunity to pivot. There's something to look at and there's an assignment, there's an opportunity to pivot, there's something to look at, and there's something to work on. There is a beautiful message from A Course in Miracles that miracles are natural, and when they're not occurring, something has gone wrong.

That moment when they're not occurring and we witness something has gone wrong, we've disconnected from the universe, we've disconnected from God. So what do we do? We look at it, we call it by its name. There's fear. There's resistance. Something's in the way. What do I have to learn from this? Being willing and brave enough to wonder what is underneath this that I can heal. And then through the process of showing up for that assignment, that's where the real miracle occurs. The miracle isn't necessarily that you got exactly what you wanted, but the miracle is that you got the lesson that you needed.

And it's not always fun. Oh, no, it's brutal. I think, trust me, I'm sure you, me, everybody who's listening to this has plenty of moments where you're like, really? This? Now? Like, really? Really? Because I don't need this. I'm a good person. I try, like, this? Now? Like really, really? Because I don't need this. Like I'm a good person. I try like this now, like no. And you just want to do anything you can to clear that out of your way

rather than saying, really this now, what do I do with this? That is a brutally hard space to breathe into. Very hard. But it's much harder to resist it. Yeah, agreed. Much harder to resist it. And that's why people try to anesthetize their pain with drinking or working or whatever it is that they look to because it's too painful to go there. But when you do and you have the willingness to, that's when you can come out the other side and really, hopefully not make the same mistake again, or not even mistake, but change a pattern. Big messages may not always be easy, but it's worth it. Yeah.

Let's come full circle. So the name of this is Good Life Project. So if I offer that phrase out to you, to live a good life, what comes up? To live a good life, we must savor the moments. And that's really new for me. My therapist told me that I'm a maximizer, not a saver. And that was like major when I got, I was like, oh my God, I'm a maximizer, but I want to be a saver. I want to be able to taste my food and I want to be able to turn off my phone. I want to be able to digest my meal and I want to be able to turn off my phone. I want to be able to digest my meal and I want to be able to hold my husband's hand longer. And I really want that. And I'm moving into it.

I think that that's the key is to savor these moments. It sounds like kind of cliche, but it's everything to me right now. Thank you. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. If the stories and ideas in any way moved you, I would so appreciate if you would take just a few extra seconds for two quick things. One, if it's touched you in some way, if there's some idea or moment in the story or in the conversation that you really feel like you would share with somebody else, that it would make a difference in somebody else's life, take a moment and whatever app you're using, just share this

episode with somebody who you think it'll make a difference for. Email it if that's the easiest thing, whatever is easiest for you. And then of course, if you're compelled, subscribe so that you can stay a part of this continuing experience. My greatest hope with this podcast is not just to produce moments and share stories and ideas that impact one person listening, but to let it create a conversation, to let it serve as a catalyst for the elevation of all of us together collectively, because that's how we rise. When stories and ideas become conversations that lead to action, that's when real change happens. And I would love to invite you to participate on that level. Thank you so much, as always, for your intention, for your attention, for your heart.

And I wish you only the best. I'm Jonathan Fields, signing off for Good Life Project. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch,

getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required, charge time and actual results will vary.