Good Life Project - How to Navigate Criticism | Summer Series Pt.3

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

Have you ever received criticism that left you confused and defensive, wondering what you could do better? How often have you felt personal attacks masquerading as helpful feedback? These experiences are all too common, leaving us questioning our self-worth and abilities.Today's episode explores how we can navigate criticism in a way that fosters growth instead of damage. Listen as we explore the psychological effects of criticism, debunk the myths surrounding it, and share strategies to make it a catalyst for positive change within your life and work.You can find the 1-page worksheet HERE.If you LOVED this episode:Be sure to check out our entire Summer Series, which you can find easily organized as a Spotify playlist as they are released each week.Check out our offerings & partners: My New Book SparkedMy New Podcast SPARKEDVisit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Our responses to criticism aren't just about the criticism itself. They're also about us, our personalities, our past, our self-esteem, our self-compassion. And by understanding these factors, we can better navigate the world of criticism, using it as a tool for growth rather than a source of stress. Criticism in its essence is a form of communication. It's one person telling another, hey, I see a problem here. And that is where the magic can happen. So have you ever wondered how criticism, whether it comes from strangers online or familiar faces in everyday life, how that can shape our emotions, our self-perception, and even our personal growth? How do the voices of others, whether hidden behind screens or spoken

face-to-face, impact our well-being and resilience and the ability to live good lives? In this interconnected world where digital platforms grant everyone a voice and face-to-face interactions shape our relationships, we find ourselves navigating two distinct realms of feedback. The rise of social media and online communities has introduced a new kind of criticism, one that can reach us at any time from any corner of the world. And meanwhile, the opinions and judgments of those we encounter in our daily lives can also shape how we view ourselves and the world around us. But the story on criticism isn't all negative. In fact, it can be transformational. And in today's special summer series episode, we're unraveling the complexities of criticism

and delving into the ways that affects us both online and in person. And we'll explore the unique aspects of online criticism, the detachment from context, amplification of negativity, and the anonymity that fuels both constructive and destructive comments. And at the same time, we're going to examine how in-person criticism, with its nuances of tone and body language and personal connection, influence our emotional well-being and even self-esteem. And we'll talk about when you're on the other side of criticism too, and how to do it right.

And throughout this episode, we will be drawing on the latest research and psychological insights to really help you navigate the intricacies of both online and in-person criticism. We'll dive into strategies to decouple your self-worth from opinions of others, whether they come from behind a screen or in direct conversation. And you'll discover specific tools and strategies to handle criticism with resilience, to filter out the noise, and embrace the value of constructive feedback. We'll examine the role of empathy, effective communication, and setting boundaries to build healthier relationships and work environments. And whether you're an entrepreneur, creative, or simply seeking to grow personally. The insights

and strategies that we dive into today will empower you to really reclaim your narrative and embrace the transformative potential of criticism. That's where we're headed in this third installment of our Good Life Summer Series, where every Monday I'm going solo to take on a single topic that is critical to a life well-lived. Dive into the ideas, the issues, the practical impact, the science, art, and then explore specific strategies, tips, and tools to navigate these experiences with more grace and ease. So last week in the summer series session, I took us all into the world of overthinking. And in the first episode, we dived into the murky waters of manifesting. If you

didn't listen, you'll find a link to the earlier summer series solo episodes in the show notes. And be sure to take just two seconds right now to follow Good Life Project on whatever platform you're on right now. That way you'll be sure to never miss an episode from this summer series. Okay, let's head into our deep dive on navigating criticism. I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest charging Apple Watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes.

The Apple Watch Series X, available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required. Charge time and actual results will vary. Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were going to be fun. January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing.

Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him. We need him. Y'all need a pilot. Flight risk. So, criticism. Shoot if we need them. Y'all need a pilot? Flight risk. So criticism, there really is kind of no way to get around this experience in this life that we live.

And I hope by the end of this conversation, you'll start to realize that there are ways that you might actually even want to embrace it and say yes. But for the most part, when people think about criticism and the way that it affects them, it's not a good thought. I remember way back in a past life in my lawyering days, being fairly young, working for a giant federal agency and being called into my boss's office, somebody who'd been there for quite a number of years and standing in the middle of the office, I wasn't invited to sit down, being pretty aggressively dressed down for something that I perceived as not only a pretty minor infraction, but maybe not an infraction at all, and maybe just a misunderstanding. And it hit me so hard. And I realized over time that it wasn't just what was being said, it was how it was being

said. There were so many aspects of how I was being criticized that instead of me actually looking for any possible insight or information that I could have used to help our relationship to be better at what I was doing, I just completely put up my defenses. I shut down, I backed away and developed some feelings towards this other individual that probably weren't the healthiest. shut down, I backed away and developed some feelings towards this other individual that probably weren't the healthiest. Now, on the other hand, fast forward a long time, a couple of years back now, actually, I spent the better part of a month traveling out to rural Pennsylvania to work with a luthier, a guitar builder, to learn by his side, 13, 14 hour days to build a guitar by hand.

Now I showed up on that first day and knew nothing. I had played guitar, but I'd never done anything about building a guitar. So I was starting from scratch, not so differently than when I started my legal career where I had some schooling, but I really knew nothing. And the entire experience of working side by side was actually filled with nonstop, what you might consider criticism, teaching me not just how to do things, but helping me understand when I wasn't doing them in a way that was constructive and effective and how to do them better. But I experienced that situation as generous, grateful, and a really powerful growth experience that I look back on and actually love.

So what's the difference? How does this thing called criticism go so right and so wrong? Well, I think a good starting place for us is really by defining what is criticism. So by definition, criticism is the expression of disapproval or the noting of the faults or shortcomings of a person, an idea, or a thing. But there's a whole lot more to criticism than just pointing out what's wrong. Criticism in its essence is a form of communication. It's one person telling another, hey, I see a problem here. And that is where the magic can happen. Because once a problem has been identified, we can start working on a solution.

But it often doesn't go down that way. So criticism can really take many forms. And understanding these forms is crucial to navigating it effectively. And two big differences are the ones I want to tease out here. First, we have something called constructive criticism. So this is the type of criticism that is meant to be helpful. It's communicated with the intent of helping someone improve or grow and typically well-meaning, solution-focused, and respectful. And constructive criticism provides specific, actionable feedback. You could consider it a tool for personal and professional growth. On the other hand, we have negative or destructive

criticism. This is what pops into most people's mind when we think of the word criticism. This type of criticism isn't typically intended to help or guide. It may feel harsh, unnecessary, even cruel. It's often vague with a negative tone and may feel more like an attack than guidance. So constructive criticism, as the name suggests, it's designed to build up rather than tear down. It's criticism that's meant to help, to guide, to improve, and it's presented in a way that respects the person being criticized and values their potential for growth and change. So when someone offers constructive criticism, they typically highlight a specific behavior or outcome, not the person as a whole. They provide clear suggestions for improvement and deliver their

criticism with kindness and respect. And the key here is the intention to help, to assist, to provide feedback that helps you learn, grow, and improve. On the destructive criticism side, this is a criticism that feels like a punch in the gut. It's often delivered in a way that feels personal and hurtful. Destructive criticism can feel like an attack on your character or your worth as a person. It's usually also vague, leaving you with a sense of failure, but without any clear idea of how to do better. And the key differentiator here is that destructive criticism isn't designed to help or guide. And here's a crucial point. The impact of criticism, whether constructive or destructive, is also hugely influenced by how we receive it. Constructive criticism can be ignored

or dismissed out of hand if we're not open to hearing it. And even destructive criticism, it can offer opportunity for growth if we're able to sift through the hurtful delivery to really find any grains of truth. So let's say someone gives you a piece of constructive criticism. They've been careful to frame it well. They focused on the behavior, not the person. They've offered clear ways you can improve all the hallmarks of helpful, well-intended feedback. But let's say you're just in a negative headspace that day. You're tired, you're stressed, you're not feeling your best. And suddenly this well-meaning feedback feels like a personal attack. You feel defensive, upset, maybe even angry. The criticism, no matter how constructively presented, lands as hurtful and destructive. On the other hand, suppose you receive a piece of criticism that isn't framed as

kindly. It's vague, maybe a bit harsh. It feels like it's more about you receive a piece of criticism that isn't framed as kindly. It's vague, maybe a bit harsh. It feels like it's more about you as a person than your actions. This could be seen as destructive. But let's say you're in a particularly resilient and well-resourced mood. You're feeling confident, secure, and open, and you manage to filter through the negative delivery and find a nugget of truth. Maybe there's an aspect of your behavior that you could improve. The criticism, initially harsh, it becomes a catalyst for growth. And here's what I want you to take away from this. The same piece of criticism can be experienced very differently depending on our mindset,

our emotional state, our history and what we bring to the moment, and our willingness to receive feedback. The key really lies in cultivating a mindset that lets us filter and process criticism effectively to distinguish between the message and its delivery and even the messenger and to find the valuable insights buried within the criticism. And that's exactly where we're going to explore throughout the rest of this episode. We're going to dive into how to navigate through both constructive and destructive criticism to uncover the opportunity for growth that lies within them. So as we journey further into the landscape of criticism, let's also ground ourselves in what science says about how we humans generally react to criticism.

So a big piece of the puzzle when it comes to understanding our reaction to criticism is something called the negativity bias. And at its core is the idea that things of a more negative nature have a greater effect on our psychological state and processes than neutral or positive things. And this isn't just some abstract concept. It's deeply rooted in our evolutionary biology. So ancestors had to be more attuned to potential dangers to survive. Ignoring the positive didn't have immediate direct consequences, but ignoring a threat, that could be the end of the line. And as a result, our brains evolve to pay more attention to the negative. So how does this play out in our lives today and relate to criticism? Imagine you had a day at work where you received nine positive comments and one piece of criticism.

Pretty safe bet. And if you're like me, when you lay your head down at night, it's that one piece of criticism that is still echoing in your mind. And this has been researched and explored. One of the studies by Baumeister, Bratzloski, Finkenauer, and Vose in 2001 found that negative experiences tend to elicit stronger and more pervasive responses than positive experiences. And this bias towards the negative extends to criticism as well. We tend to remember and ruminate on the critical comments more than the positive ones. It can feel like a spotlight has been shown on our faults and shortcomings, while our strengths and accomplishments fade into the background. But here's the powerful part. Just knowing that

this bias exists can make a big difference. When we receive criticism, we can remind ourselves of the negativity bias and make a conscious effort to counterbalance it. We can remind ourselves of the positive feedback, the strengths we possess, the things we're grateful for, the progress that we've made. And we can choose to view criticism through a more balanced lens, not allowing it to overshadow everything else. We can learn to just navigate the choppy waters of criticism with more grace and resilience, using it as a catalyst for growth rather than a source of self-doubt. But of course, that's not the whole story.

We are still just in the beginning. Additional research has also found that our responses to criticism are shaped by our individual differences. It's not a one-size-fits-all situation. Our unique personalities, histories, and emotional landscapes, they all play a part. One key factor, for example, is personality. So certain personality traits can actually make us more or less susceptible to the effects of criticism. For example, individuals high in neuroticism, one of the five major dimensions of personality known as the big five, they tend to be more sensitive to negative feedback. They may perceive criticism as more

threatening and react more defensively. This was actually outlined in a study by Sewells and Martin in 2005. On the other hand, individuals with a high level of agreeableness, another one of the five personality dimensions, they may be more open to criticism and more willing to use it as a tool for self-improvement. They may actually perceive criticism as less personal and more constructive, even if it was delivered in a very personal way. Our past experiences, family culture, relationships, they also all shape our reactions to criticism. For instance, if we grew up in an environment where criticism was used as a tool for control or humiliation or shame, we may have developed a heightened sensitivity to it. And we may perceive

criticism even as a threat, even when it's meant to be constructive. In addition, our reactions to criticism, they can be influenced by our self-esteem and our levels of self-compassion. So people with high self-esteem have been shown to be better able to accept criticism without it damaging their self-image. They can take on board constructive feedback, make changes where necessary, but still maintain a positive sense of self-worth and self-compassion also. It plays a significant role in how we handle criticism. So research by Kristen Neff has found that people with high levels of self-compassion often view criticism as an opportunity for growth and learning. They're able to acknowledge their

shortcomings without letting them define their worth. So our responses to criticism aren't just about the criticism itself. They're also about us, our personalities, our past, our self-esteem, our self-compassion. And by understanding these factors, we can better navigate the world of criticism, using it as a tool for growth rather than a source of stress. And what's important to remember here is that while we may be biologically wired in a certain way, we're not stuck. We can learn strategies to counteract our natural tendencies and respond to criticism no matter who we are and where we've been in healthier, more productive ways. So now that we've explored the nature of criticism and the factors that influence our

reactions to it, I think it also makes sense to turn a bit of attention to the psychological effects of criticism. And don't worry, we are going to get to a whole bunch of different ways that criticism shows up and specific strategies for how to deal with it. But the psychological effects I think are important to note as well, because understanding these effects can help us navigate criticism with more grace and resilience. First, let's be clear. Criticism, especially when it's frequent or harsh, can have a significant impact on our psychological well-being. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression. It can damage our self-esteem and self-confidence. Research published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that people

who were more self-critical were more likely to experience symptoms of depression and anxiety. So even our own criticism towards ourself can make a difference. This shows how internal criticism, often triggered by external criticism, can negatively impact our mental health. On a neurological level, criticism activates part of our brain known as the amygdala, which is associated with the fight or flight response. And this can lead to heightened levels of stress and anxiety, and it just feels physically uncomfortable. So that's the psychological aspect of it. But one of the things we often don't talk about is the potential impact of

criticism on our physical health. Yes, you heard me right. Persistent negative criticism can, in fact, impact not just our mental, but our physical well-being. Our bodies and minds, they're intricately connected and emotional stress can and often does manifest in a host of physical symptoms. According to one study published in Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, chronic stress, including that stemming from constant criticism, can lead to inflammation in the body. And this inflammation, if not addressed, can contribute to a range of health issues from heart disease to diabetes, even certain types of cancer. So imagine the stress of being constantly criticized.

The tension, the anxiety, the worry, all these feelings put your body into that fight or flight mode, releasing stress hormones like cortisol. Short-term, this response helps us survive threatening situations, but when this state becomes chronic, these hormones can truly wreak havoc on our physical health. Another area impacted by constant criticism can be our sleep. A University of Pittsburgh study found that marital strife, including criticism and negativity, led to poorer sleep quality.

And we all know the importance of a good night's sleep for our overall mental and physical health. Disrupted sleep can impact everything from our mood and cognitive function to our metabolic and cardiovascular health. Understanding this connection between criticism and physical health, it really underscores the importance of learning to navigate criticism in healthier ways. It's not just about our emotional well-being, it's about our holistic whole body health. And what about criticism in the brain in particular? What about the neuroscience of criticism? Well, neuroscientists have done a meaningful amount of research in this area, and some of their findings may surprise you.

Our brains have evolved with one prime directive to keep us safe. They're pretty much wired to prioritize survival, which means they're always on the lookout for potential threats. In fact, our brains have a specific area that I talked about before, that amygdala that acts as a sort of alarm system. And when we perceive a threat, the amygdala activates acts as a sort of alarm system. And when we perceive a threat, the amygdala activates and triggers a cascade of physiological responses, that fight or flight response that I mentioned. But here's the catch. Our brains are not great at differentiating between physical threats and emotional threats. So when we receive criticism, our brains often perceive it as a

threat and react accordingly. One study found that receiving criticism can actually activate the amygdala, leading to feelings of fear, anxiety, and anger. And the pain centers in our brain also can light up when we receive social rejection or criticism. And this may help explain why receiving criticism can often feel so visceral and why our initial reactions might be quite intense. But the thing is, it's not all doom and gloom. The beauty of our brains is that they are incredibly adaptable, a quality known as neuroplasticity. By using strategies that we're going to talk about in detail, pausing, reflecting, seeking clarification, practicing gratitude, and a an example, people were able to decrease their amygdala activation in response to negative stimuli, including criticism. So this is not a story about your brain is what it is and just live with it. This is a story that says we can rewire the way that criticism lands in our hearts,

in our minds, and even in our brains. Which brings us to kind of an interesting part of the conversation here about criticism. So what we're starting to see is that when it comes to criticism, there can be a lot of negativity in the picture. But the story is actually way more complicated than it's just bad. On the positive side, criticism, in fact, can drive both personal and professional growth and happiness and connection and so many good things in our lives. Yes, you heard me right. Criticism, that thing we often dread, can be a catalyst for growth and goodness. So let's start with personal growth here. Imagine you're trying to, let's say, learn a new skill like playing the

piano or learning a new language. You've been practicing on your own and you think you're trying to, let's say, learn a new skill like playing the piano or learning a new language. You've been practicing on your own and you think you're doing pretty well. But then a piano teacher or language expert comes along and gives you some criticism. They point out some mistakes that you've been making and suggest some areas for improvement. Now, how do you feel? Probably a little deflated, right? But here's the thing. That criticism, if you take it on board, can do you feel? Probably a little deflated, right? But here's the thing, that criticism, if you take it on board, can help you improve. It can help you avoid mistakes, refine your technique,

and ultimately become better at what you're doing, especially something that you really care about growing with. That's personal growth, and it's fueled by constructive criticism. And what about professional growth? Well, in the workplace, constructive criticism plays a vital role in helping us develop our skills, improve performance, and advance careers. Consider one study which found that employees who received constructive feedback, that is feedback focused on their strengths and how to develop them, were 12 times more likely to outperform their colleagues. Or another study from the Marshall School of Business at the University of Southern California, which showed that employees who sought out feedback and made changes based on it were viewed as more effective. These studies, they underscore the

value of criticism in driving professional growth as well as personal. They show that constructive feedback. It can help us identify our strengths, work on our weaknesses, and ultimately become more competent, accomplished, and successful in what we're doing. So criticism in a constructive form can be a powerful tool for personal and professional growth. It can help us see our blind spots, recognize potential, and move closer to the life we want to live. But, and this is crucial, we've got to be open to it. We have to be willing to hear the criticism, consider it, and use it as a springboard for growth without just throwing up the shields, throwing up the shields, throwing up the defenses, assuming that we're being attacked. And sometimes we are, and that is an appropriate response, but not always. And letting the informational part in, the data that will help us grow. So let's reframe our thinking around criticism. Instead of viewing it as a

threat, what if it was an opportunity, an opportunity to learn, to grow, or to improve? You can see this in a bunch of different domains also, for example, in innovation and problem solving. Now, I know what you're thinking. How does criticism, something that I pretty much dread, lead to something as dynamic as innovation or effective problem solving? Well, first, let's talk about innovation. And by the way, innovation right now is a skill set that pretty much every person on the planet needs because we are in a world where the pace of change is so profound and rapid that if we are not able to personally innovate, to be agile, to tap dance, we get left behind in all parts of life. So what fuels innovation? It's the need to improve, to do better, to go

beyond what is currently available. And how do we identify these areas where we want to improve, go beyond, or create something new and different and groundbreaking maybe. Often it's through criticism. Take any groundbreaking product or service that you have encountered. Chances are its creation was sparked by criticism of what existed before it. There was a need, a gap, a problem that needed solving. Constructive criticism helped identify that gap and in turn, trigger the process of innovation. I actually have a friend who started a number of companies and launched a number of products. And part of that was based on a personal role that she had, which is if she ever finds herself complaining or criticizing something three times,

then she needs to actually solve the problem. And that has literally motivated the launch of companies. Constructive criticism, if received well, it doesn't just fuel innovation, it also drives leadership. So what about problem solving? And this is something that, again, problem solving is a skill set that is really required for every single person on the planet. Criticism plays a similar role here. It helps identify the problem, understand the nuances, and then evaluate potential solutions. So imagine you're part of a team trying to increase customer satisfaction for your company. You brainstorm, come up with a plan and present it to your team. Then comes the criticism. We have all been there. Some team member points out the potential issues with your plan. It's too expensive. It's not feasible given the current resource. It

overlooks certain customer demographics. That criticism, though it may initially sting, it's valuable. There is data in it, not all of it, but some of it. It can help you see the holes in your plan, in your ideas, in your proposals, the areas that you've overlooked. And with that new understanding, it gives you the ability to go back to the drawing board, to revise and improve your plan, to come up with a more effective solution. And this isn't just theory. One study conducted by Charlene Nemeth, a professor of psychology at UC Berkeley, found that debate and criticism actually stimulates more creative ideas. Teams that were encouraged to debate ideas and voice criticism were found to generate a greater number of diverse and original solutions than those who are not. So criticism, when offered

and received constructively, it plays a crucial role in both innovation and problem solving. And that's not just at work, that is in the day-to-day experience of our lives. It helps us identify gaps, understand problems, and brainstorm better solutions. It stimulates creative thinking, promotes diverse ideas, and ultimately, it just leads to better outcomes. But of course, there is a caveat here. For criticism to drive innovation and problem solving, it needs to be delivered and received constructively. It needs to be specific, actionable, and respectful. And as receivers of criticism,

we've got to be open, receptive, and willing to learn. Not always an easy feat, especially when it feels personal. Remember, criticism, it's a tool, a source of feedback, a mirror reflecting back to us what we might have missed. And when used correctly, it can drive personal growth, professional development, innovation, and problem solving. Some other areas we see the positive effect of criticism. Carol Dweck, a professor of psych at Stanford, conducted extensive research on what she calls the growth mindset. And in one

study, she found that individuals with a growth mindset, meaning those who believe abilities and intelligence can be developed with effort, we're not just born with a certain quantity and then we tap out when we hit it. People who have that growth mindset are more open to criticism and feedback, viewing it as a chance to learn and improve. And that mindset leads to greater achievement in the long run. Another study on feedback and job satisfaction by Steelcase and Ipsos found that employees who receive regular feedback, which can include criticism, report higher job satisfaction and engagement. Did you hear that right? Employees who receive regular feedback, which almost always includes criticism, report higher job satisfaction

and engagement. In contrast, those who don't receive feedback are three times more likely to be disengaged. We need the information that is delivered to grow and change and evolve and also to become more engaged in what we're doing. Another interesting study published in the Journal of Grad Medical Education found that residents who received constructive criticism significantly improved their skills over time. The study shows that in a high stakes field like medicine, criticism plays a crucial role in skill development and overall performance. And these studies, they all show how criticism when delivered again constructively and taken positively can be incredibly valuable. The Apple Watch Series X is here. It has the biggest display ever.

It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required.

Charge time and actual results will vary. Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were going to be fun. On January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg.

You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him, we need him. Y'all need a pilot. Flight risk. So that brings us to the big question here. How do you actually take criticism in a way that allows you to both receive it constructively and effectively and not feel like you're getting pummeled by it at the same time, especially when many people who offer feedback and criticism don't know how to deliver it in a way that actually would be inherently constructive. This is where it comes time to dive into some of these specific strategies about how we can respond to criticism in a way

where we gain the benefit of any information that might be included in it and not get destroyed by any negative aspect of how it might be delivered. So let's talk about some general strategies here. And then I want to dive into some very specific sort of use cases and contexts in our life. And then we're going to touch at the end of that into how criticism has changed in a pretty dramatic way when we move into the world of the online domain and social media. So let's start out with the role of mindfulness and something called cognitive reappraisal as a powerhouse strategy in navigating criticism. And as part of that, we're going to dig into the science of emotional regulation and how it can help us navigate criticism. So emotional regulation,

it refers to our ability to manage and respond to our emotional responses and experiences. This might sound like a pretty abstract concept, but research has identified some really concrete strategies that can enhance our emotional regulation skills. And two of the most effective pretty abstract concept, but research has identified some really concrete strategies that can enhance our emotional regulation skills. And two of the most effective ones are mindfulness and cognitive reappraisal. Now, long-time listeners, you've heard me talk about mindfulness in so many different ways, in so many different contexts. Mindfulness is both a type of meditation and also a way of moving through the world. We'll talk here specifically about the actual practice itself, where you focus on being intensely aware of what you're sensing and feeling in the moment without interpretation or judgment. And that last part is critical.

Practicing mindfulness involves breathing methods, guiding imagery, and other practices to relax the body and mind and help reduce stress. One meta-analysis of over 200 studies published in JAMA found that mindfulness meditation can help us reduce negative reactions to stress, including the stress that comes with receiving criticism. It helps us to stay present and focused instead of getting swept up in negative thoughts or emotions. And the beauty of mindfulness is its simplicity and accessibility. You don't need any special equipment or locations, just a few quiet moments and a willingness to focus on the here and now.

You can literally type in to any app, any listening app, any podcast app, so many actual meditation apps, any streaming service, mindfulness, and you will come up with tons of different guided mindfulness meditations. And I definitely invite you to check out a whole bunch of them and see what resonates with you. Now let's talk about that other thing that I brought up in the context of emotional regulation, and that's something called cognitive reappraisal. And this is a psychological technique that involves changing our emotional response to a situation by reinterpreting or re-evaluating what it means, put simply by telling a different story about it. We often call this, in just normal human terms, reframing. One study published in

the journal Personality and Social Psych found that people who regularly use reframing. One study published in the journal Personality and Social Psych found that people who regularly use reframing or cognitive reappraisal tend to have better mental health and well-being. Imagine receiving harsh criticism about a project at work. Your immediate reaction might be to feel hurt, upset, or defensive. So cognitive reappraisal, it gives you the skill to reinterpret the situation. Maybe this criticism is an opportunity for learning and growth. Maybe it points to areas where you can enhance your skills and improve future projects. Telling a different story, not being locked into your immediate knee-jerk reactive story, but zooming out and saying, what other interpretation is available here, can be an incredibly empowering

way to respond to and take in criticism. By using mindfulness to stay present and calm, and cognitive reappraisal to transform our emotional reactions, we can become more resilient in the face of criticism. Remember, these techniques, they're not about ignoring or dismissing criticism. They're about managing our emotional reactions so we can respond to criticism in a way that is constructive rather than destructive. Okay, strategy number two, pause and reflect. This is about stopping and considering criticism

more objectively. So let's start with a foundational skill when it comes to navigating, the ability to just pause and reflect. Now you might be thinking, that sounds simple enough, but when criticism comes my way, seriously? My instinct is not to pause and reflect. My instinct is to react. And honestly, it's not a voluntary one. It just happens. And that is completely understandable. Our brains are hardwired to respond swiftly to perceived threats, which unfortunately can often include criticism. But let's delve into the science of why pause and reflect can be such a powerful strategy. In one study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, we learned that our initial reactions to emotional events, including receiving criticism, are usually rapid and relatively thoughtless. They're often based

more on instinct than careful consideration of the facts. And that immediate reaction might be anger, defensiveness, or self-doubt. I know I have cycled through all three of those many times. But are those reactions always helpful? Often, not so much. And that's where the pause comes in. That's where the pause comes in. By intentionally taking a moment to pause when we receive criticism. We're doing two things. First, we're interrupting an automatic and often unhelpful emotional response or pattern. And second, we're giving ourselves the space to engage our prefrontal cortex, the part of our brain responsible for rational thought and decision-making. And during this pause, we try to engage in deep, slow breathing.

Additional research shows that slow, deep breathing can help reduce stress and promote a sense of calm. So in this calmer state, if we do that during the pause, we are much better equipped, better resourced to just reflect on criticism that we received. And reflecting on criticism involves asking ourselves some key questions. What is the content of the criticism? Is there any truth to it? Can I learn something from it? And how can I use it to grow? Remember, this is a process of pausing and reflecting, and it doesn't have to take long. Even a few seconds can make a really big difference.

The pause and reflect strategy isn't about ignoring or dismissing criticism again. It's about slowing down our emotional autopilot reactions so that we can consider criticism more objectively and respond to it more effectively. And that also helps us drop the part of it that maybe we don't like so much. So a third strategy is often called the feedback filter. And this is all about discerning when to take criticism to heart and when to let it roll just away from you. It's a pretty important skill because while some criticism can be constructive and helpful, other criticism may not be worth our time or energy at all. How do you discern the two?

So here's how the feedback filter works. Picture in your mind a filter, a sieve, if you think about it. Now, when you receive criticism, rather than absorbing it all directly, run it through this mental filter. Here are some questions that you can use to help determine whether a piece of criticism should pass through your feedback filter. So one, who is it coming from? Is this person a trusted mentor, friend, or colleague who has your best interests at heart? Or is this someone who often dishes out negativity? Two, what is their intention? Was the criticism meant to help you improve or just to put you down? And three, is it about you or your actions?

If the criticism is about your actions or behavior, it's likely something you can change and improve. But if it's about a character or identity or quality, remember that nobody else gets to define who you are. Fourth question, is it fact-based? Is the criticism based on observable facts or is it just someone's opinion? If it's fact-based and can help you grow, well then consider potentially accepting it or at least being open to it. If it's just someone's opinion and doesn't resonate with you and there are no facts to support it, it's more likely that you can just let it go. And five, does it align with your values and goals? Is the criticism relevant to something that you care about or something you're trying to achieve? If not, it just may not be worth your attention, even if you feel called into it or

pulled into it or triggered by it, if it really doesn't have any relevance to you or something you care about, it's much easier to say, I'm just going to let that go. Remember, not all criticism is created equal. So using the feedback filter, it can help you sort kind of the wheat from the chaff and ensure that you're investing your time and energy in the feedback that truly matters. Which brings us to another powerful strategy. Respond, don't react. Choosing your response is so important. So it's a small shift in wording, but it really carries immense weight when it comes to managing criticism. When we react,

we are often in the domain of our reflexive, automatic responses. And these responses, they're usually driven by our emotions and aren't always in our best interest. But responding, that's different than reacting. Responding implies taking a moment to process the situation, to consider our options, and then to decide the best course of action. One study that we see in the Harvard Business Review, which found that when employees reacted defensively to criticism, it often led to conflict and reduced cooperation in the workplace. But when they took the time to respond thoughtfully to criticism, it actually increased levels of

trust and collaboration. So you might be thinking to yourself, well, sure, that sounds great, but how do I respond rather than react? The key here goes back to something that we started with, and that is rooted in the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness is a form of meditation that we talked about, but practicing it can help us create that space between the event, in this case, receiving criticism and our response to it. And during this space, try asking yourself, what is my initial reaction to this criticism? Is it helping me or harming me? What would be a more productive response? And then choose your response based on what would be most beneficial to you.

Remember, criticism often says more about the person giving it than the person receiving it. And by choosing to respond rather than react, we can help reclaim control of the narrative and navigate criticism with more grace and ease. Which brings us to our next strategy. And that's about seeking clarification. This strategy, it's all about ensuring that you fully understand the criticism that you received,

which is something that we don't often do. And if the criticism lasts more than a second or two, often we start to layer our own history, our own lens, our own filter on it, and we actually stop hearing what's being offered, or at least we change what's actually being said. So communication, it's a tricky thing. What one person says and what another person hears can often be two different things. One study actually published in the Journal of Pragmatics found that misunderstandings are incredibly common in everyday situations. And when it comes to criticism,

misunderstandings can lead to so much unnecessary stress, confusion, and conflict. So how do we employ the seeking clarification strategy? So first, resist the urge to interrupt or defend yourself immediately when you receive criticism. Instead, listen to the person's entire feedback to the extent that you actually have the bandwidth and the wherewithal to do it. Sometimes it's just not easy to do, but this is the first step. Then if something isn't clear to you, or if you just completely disagree, rather than just starting out by saying I completely disagree, ask for further explanation. Say things like, could you clarify what you mean

by that? Or could you give me an example of when you saw this behavior? The goal is to understand the critic's perspective more fully, even if you don't disagree with it. Restating or paraphrasing what you've heard is another useful technique. So it may sound something like this. So what I'm hearing you say is that you felt I was dismissive in our team meeting. Is that correct? So that technique is helpful in two ways. It shows the critic that you're taking their feedback seriously and it ensures that you're understanding their point correctly. So remember, we're not seeking clarification to find fault with the criticism or the person giving it. We're seeking to understand the criticism fully so that we can then respond rather than react in the most informed and effective, constructive

way possible. And that brings us to our next strategy. And that's all about practicing gratitude. Yes, you heard that right. Practicing gratitude can be a powerful tool in navigating criticism. I know it actually sounds a little bit counterintuitive here. How can we possibly be grateful for criticism, especially know it actually sounds a little bit counterintuitive here. How can we possibly be grateful for criticism, especially when it stings? So expressing gratitude can

actually increase happiness and reduce stress and depression. And it's not just about being thankful for the good stuff. The power of gratitude also lies in its ability to help us find value in our challenges, including criticism. When we receive criticism, we often focus on the negative aspects. We feel hurt, we feel judged, and our instinct is to defend ourselves. But what if we could shift that perspective? What if we could see criticism as a gift, an opportunity for growth and improvement? It's a simple shift in mindset. Instead of thinking, this person is attacking me, we can think, this person is offering me a perspective I hadn't considered.

Again, is this easy? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But learning to actually make this shift can be incredibly powerful. So maybe try this as a strategy next time you face criticism, take a deep breath, let go of any immediate defensive reactions and express silent gratitude for the opportunity to grow. You don't have to agree with the criticism. You don't even have to like it. But by finding gratitude, you can shift your mindset from one of defensiveness to one of openness. And if in fact, there is any value, any data, any genuine insight in the criticism, it will allow you to see that and then benefit

from the experience. So it may take some practice, but over time, you might also find that this shift, it really helps you respond to criticism more effectively, reduces the stress you feel, and may even lead to insights and improvements that you might have dismissed otherwise. So those are some of the big broad strategies, but I also want to drill down here a bit and talk about specific places and circumstances where criticism tends to show up and some of the ways we might explore it. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping.

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The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were going to be fun. January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. results will vary. Let's start out in the domain of work. How do we handle professional criticism? Right? So we spent a good deal of time talking about the nature of criticism and its impacts, both positive and negative, one of the places where we are most likely to encounter criticism, whether from colleagues, supervisors, or those who work with us, how do we handle the criticism in a way that promotes growth and keeps us connected rather than stress, tension, and disconnection? Here are five strategies. One, the don't react, respond strategy. Our first instinct when receiving criticism is to become defensive, but take a moment to breathe and process the feedback. Second, utilize that clarification strategy. So not all criticism

is clear cut, especially in a work context. You would think this would be different. You would think with reviews and with process and structure, we'd be really good at giving and receiving criticism in a work context. In fact, because most people feel really uncomfortable on both sides of it, communication often gets really jumbled. So if you're not sure what the issue is or how you can improve, ask for specifics. Three, consider the source. Remember, everyone has biases. The criticism you receive is often more reflective of the person giving it than you. Four, use that growth mindset.

Viewing criticism as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal attack can change how we perceive and respond to feedback. And five, seek out feedback. Proactively seeking feedback can make criticism easier to handle. According to one study in the Journal of Management, employees who actively seek feedback are more engaged and perform better at work. Remember, these strategies are tools for your toolbox. Different situations will call for different approaches, but with them, you're just better equipped to handle criticism in a constructive, growth-oriented way. So what about relationships? Navigating criticism from

loved ones, from friends, that can be really painful. And depending on the nature of relationship, it can be a pretty common experience. So this includes romantic partners, family members, close friends, while criticism in these relationships can be the hardest to bear. It also can sometimes present us with the opportunity to really deepen our bonds and improve communication. So five things that you can explore in the context of personal relationships are practicing active listening. So before you respond to criticism, make sure that you fully understood it. And active listening, that is focusing fully on the speaker and confirming your understanding before responding, can show your loved one or your friend that you value their perspective. The Gottman Institute, known for its extensive research on relationships, and I've had the great pleasure of having both Julie and John Gottman, the lead researchers on the podcast in the past,

really talks a lot about active listening as a key tool for handling criticism and personal relationships. Avoiding defensiveness is another strategy, so it is natural to get defensive when criticized, especially by those we're closest to. But another study found that defensiveness can actually escalate conflicts and hinder resolution. So to the extent that you can, try to approach criticism with an open mind and a willingness to understand your loved one's perspective. Three, use I statements when responding to criticism. I statements can help you express your feelings without blaming or criticizing your loved ones.

For example, instead of saying, you're wrong, you might say, I feel hurt because. Four, offer reassurance. So let them know that a critique on a particular behavior is not a rejection of them as a person. One study published in the Department of Psych in the University of New Hampshire found that reassuring loved ones of our positive feelings for them

can make critical feedback easier to accept. And this goes both ways. And of course, five, if you feel it would be helpful, get professional guidance. If criticism is becoming a major source of conflict in a relationship, it might help to seek advice from a relationship counselor or therapist. Lots of studies have shown that couples and family therapy can be highly effective in resolving communication issues, including handling communication. What about social

settings? Dealing with criticism from peers and acquaintances. Social criticism, it can be especially tricky since we often have less emotional investment and rapport in these relationships, but it can still sting and cause stress. So what are five research-backed strategies for dealing with criticism in social settings? One, that go to, respond, don't react. Two, seek perspective. Not all criticism is equal. Remember, peers and acquaintances don't know you as well as closer relationships do. Their criticism might reflect misunderstandings or bias more than anything that is addressable by

you. Three, set boundaries. So if somebody consistently criticizes you in a way that feels uncomfortable or inappropriate, it's okay to assertively set boundaries. Good boundary setting can really improve your mental health and self-esteem. Four, and this is a little bit harder to do, but sometimes it's available to us. What if you could look at it as a learning experience? Even when criticism is hard to hear, it can still provide valuable insights. Even negative social interactions, according to studies, can teach us about ourselves and help us grow. And five, and this may actually be the hardest one, especially in social context,

is to stay positive. Try and keep a positive attitude. Research out of the University of Kentucky suggests that maintaining positivity and optimism can buffer the effects of social stressors, and that includes criticism. So what are the things that allow you to shift into a positive state of mind, activities, thoughts, experiences? Remember these strategies, they can be helpful, but none of them are one size fits all solutions. Different situations call for different approaches. So what about the domain of leisure, like hobbies or passions or interests? And this is kind of a weird one because a lot of people don't think about this when they think about criticism.

But I got to tell you, when criticism happens in these domains, which are often these deeply connected expressions of who we are, it can land badly and really set us into a bad place. So you might be wondering, well, how can something that I love and pursue for enjoyment invite criticism? Whether you're a passionate gardener, an amateur painter, dedicated book club member, criticism can find its way into these spaces too. So here are four research-backed ways to handle it in the realm of our hobbies, passions, interests, and leisure pursuits. First, remember your why. So remember why you engage in this hobby or interest. It's likely for enjoyment, relaxation,

or personal fulfillment, right? One study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, it emphasized that hobbies are meant to be a source of joy, not stress. So if criticism is dampening your enjoyment, remind yourself why you started this in the first place. Often reconnecting with your why can help you let go of any criticism that takes you away from it. Two, think about valuing progress over perfection. Hobbies and interests, they're often about learning, exploring, and improving, not about

achieving perfection. And I know, I'm raising my hand, sometimes we can get really caught up in trying to make or strive for the perfect thing, the perfect outcome. And researching it tells us that focusing on progress rather than perfection encourages intrinsic motivation and resilience in the face of criticism. Well, here's an interesting one. Number three, what if you embrace criticism as a chance to grow in this particular domain? As we talked about before, criticism, it can be a powerful tool for growth. It can help us improve our skills and deepen our understanding of a chosen hobby. And that was the example that I shared earlier when I was learning to build a

guitar. If I was not getting regular feedback and within that feedback was a whole lot of criticism of how I was doing things, I wouldn't have learned so much about how to build a better guitar. And then fourth strategy, which I think can be really powerful in a lot of different ways, is to find your people, find your community. Find communities or groups that share your interests and can offer supportive, constructive criticism. According to one study, supportive communities can not only buffer against negative impact of criticism, but also foster a positive environment for personal growth. And I would be remiss if I didn't talk about one really big category here, which is probably on everybody's mind, especially in really regular and often painful ways.

So online and social media criticism refers to feedback, comments, or opinions expressed by others through any variety of digital platforms. It can come from a wide range of sources, including strangers, acquaintances, or followers. We may not personally know. Oftentimes, it's complete and utter strangers who we have never and will never meet. The nature of online communication often creates this unique dynamic that can influence how we perceive, receive, and respond to criticism. So here's why online criticism, it can affect us differently than almost everything else that we've been talking about. One, there's a disconnection from context. In online interactions, we often lack the context

that we would have in face-to-face conversations. Non-verbal cues, tone of voice, facial expressions that are not easily discernible make it challenging to fully interpret the intention behind the criticism. And this disconnection from context can sometimes amplify misinterpretations or misunderstandings. Yes, emojis can sometimes help, but they rarely get you all the way there. The second thing is that anonymity and reduced accountability comes into play here. Online platforms, social media apps often provide people with a level of anonymity and reduced accountability. And this sense of emotional detachment can embolden some people to express their opinions

in a more harsh or confrontational way. The absence of face-to-face consequences can result in more blunt or uninhibited or sometimes outright vicious critiques or attacks. I would sometimes wonder when it happens, would that person say the exact same thing if you were standing in front of them holding the hand of your child? Often the answer is not a chance. And yet in the online realm, it happens all the time. The third thing that is unique about this is the quantity and accessibility of criticism. Social media, it allows for just a vast quantity of information and opinions to be readily available and easily accessible. It's almost like a fire hose. The sheer volume of contents and feedback

can be overwhelming, leading to an increased likelihood of encountering criticism. And this constant exposure, along with the anonymity, can heighten the impact of negative comments and make it more challenging to filter out any constructive feedback if it's even in there. The other element is amplification of negativity. So online spaces can and often do amplify negativity due to the viral nature of content and the potential for a negative comment to gain traction and visibility. Algorithms tend to share negativity much more aggressively than positivity. So negative comments tend to stand out more prominently and get spread more broadly, especially when they attract attention or engage in controversy. And this amplification can intensify the emotional impact of online criticism.

So given these factors, it's really important to understand that we need to approach online criticism with mindfulness and self-awareness. And while the digital realm offers many benefits, it also really calls us to navigate a complex landscape where criticism can come from unfamiliar sources and manifest in different ways. So considering the unique aspects of online criticism, what are some of the strategies that we can really tap into to effectively deal with it? Well, I'm going to keep going back to what I started out on a strategy basis with, and that's that notion of mindful engagement. Practice mindful engagement with online platforms before reacting to criticism.

Take a moment to pause and reflect. Consider the intention behind the comment and evaluate whether it aligns with your values and goals. Respond with thoughtfulness rather than impulsivity. Or just don't respond at all. Simply because somebody has the ability to say something in an online domain doesn't mean that you have to be a part of that to explore developing digital resilience. So cultivating digital resilience by building a strong sense of self and confidence in your

abilities can go a long way. Recognizing that online criticism is often a reflection of the sender's perspective rather than an accurate representation of your worth or skills. So really focus on maintaining a healthy self-image grounded in your authentic self. And that means doing the work to actually know and feel comfortable at home with your authentic self. Another strategy, just filter and block. Take advantage of the very tools provided by social media platforms to filter and block negative or toxic interactions. Unfollow or mute accounts that consistently contribute to a negative online environment. You really want to prioritize mental wellbeing by curating a space that fosters positivity

and constructive engagement. I know sometimes we feel like if we're in the online world and there's an open conversation that if we unfollow or if we filter or if we block, that in some way, shape, or form is censoring. And in fact, if somebody's coming to your house and spray painting the front of your house, or hurling all sorts of things that are hurtful at you, would your immediate reaction in an in-person setting be, oh, to just invite them in, or to let whatever they spray painted on the front of your house just stay there because they happen to be wandering by, so they had a right to do it. No, of course you wouldn't. Take those same rules and take that same sense of empowerment and agency and control to the online space. If somebody is harsh in your vibe, they're yucking your yum in the online space,

you have the tools available to you to actually remove them from that space. Use them. Four, seek support. So reach out to a supportive community, both online and offline. Share your experiences and feelings with trusted friends, with family, or online communities who understand the unique challenges of navigating online criticism. Their encouragement and perspective and support can provide validation and really help. In the very early days of blogging in 2008, 2009, I was new to it. And I remember writing a post as a blogger that went kind of viral and exploded. And I saw scanning down in the comments, there was a lot of traffic actually coming through another website in the comments. So I tracked it back. And I realized that somebody who was actually like a reasonably well-known

semi-famous person was attacking me. And I was absolutely destroyed because I was new to this. I was like, I don't know the rules. I'm messing up. And everything this person is saying is right. But instead of just completely pulling back and saying, I'm never doing this again, I actually reached out to a friend of mine who had been one of the founding people in the blogging space. I had been early to the game, but this person had been there for a number of years before me. And she built up a lot of experience and a great supportive community.

And she basically said to me, this is not you. This is about them. And you've got your own beautiful community here. They will actually take care of whatever needs to be taken care of. And indeed they did. They were the ones who rallied to support and respond. And I was able to let it go when I realized it really wasn't about me. Number five, limit exposure. So recognize the impact of excessive exposure to online criticism. Set boundaries by limiting your time spent on social media platforms or specific online communities that tend to generate negativity. We started Good Life Project in 2012, 11 years ago. And when we did, it was actually a video show that we posted on a

weekly basis on YouTube. The comment section was notoriously, especially back then, not friendly, not pleasant, not positive. Very quickly, I learned this. And rather than getting floored by it, or having to deal with all the criticism, I just told myself, this is not a space that I want to regularly spend time. I limited my exposure. I just told myself this is not a space that I want to regularly spend time. I limited my exposure. I set boundaries. Six, focus on authentic connection. So direct your energy towards building authentic connections and meaningful relationships online. We want to engage with people who appreciate and support what you do. And by nurturing those positive connections, it helps to counterbalance the impact of negative online interactions.

Another, I think, powerful tool that I think more and more people have been practicing are digital detoxes. Regularly disconnect from social media and take breaks from online interactions. I do this on a pretty regular basis. I will vanish entirely for weeks, sometimes even months. So dedicate time to offline pursuits that bring you joy and fulfillment. Engaging in those activities like hobbies, exercise, or spending time in nature can help restore your sense of well-being and also perspective. Remembering the online space, the social media space, it is actually not the world. Beyond that, think about reframing criticism as opportunity. And this goes back to some of the

more mainstream, the more general strategies that we've talked about. Embracing online criticism as an opportunity for growth and learning can sometimes have value. What if you could reframe negative comments as valuable feedback that can help you refine your skills or perspectives? Using constructive criticism, it can fuel your personal and professional development, and it can also help you understand. If you are in the online or social space, because you are trying to build some sort of community or following that will in some way, shape, or, facilitate your ability to earn a living, make an impact, then you are in service of others. And understanding how to be in service of others in the best way possible can be greatly helped

by hearing and listening to the things that they're saying, what they want, what they don't want, what's working and what's not working. So your ability to parse any negative aspect from it and extract the data and use that as an opportunity can be incredibly powerful. And then finally, practice self-compassion. Cultivating self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding, reminding yourself that nobody is immune to criticism. It does not define your worth. It's so important. It's almost like a mantra that you want to keep revisiting every day. Practice self-care however that is for you. For me, it's meditation, it's movement, it's breathwork, it's being around beloved community and family and friends. Offer yourself words of encouragement and focus on your strengths, your accomplishments, and what you're grateful for. And remember,

online criticism is just one aspect of the digital experience. By implementing any combination of these strategies, it'll help you navigate those more unique challenges of online interactions with resilience, protect your well-being, and make the most of the positive opportunities. And there are many that the digital world offers. So before we wrap up here, I know I've talked a lot about being on the receiving end of criticism, but I think it also makes sense to just spend a few final minutes exploring what happens when we are on the other side. When you're the one giving criticism, how do we help increase the chance that it will be constructive rather than negative or destructive? Like I said, you cannot control whatever another person brings to the conversation, but you can control how you step into it. So let's shift our

focus for just a few minutes before we wrap to delivering constructive criticism, the art of providing feedback in a way that promotes growth, understanding, and positive change. Constructive criticism, it's a powerful tool when used effectively, and it requires intentionality,

empathy, and skillful communication. So what are the key elements or steps for delivering constructive criticism? Here are a few things to think about. One, establishing trust and rapport. So begin by building a foundation of trust and rapport with the person that you want to provide feedback to. We want to create a safe space, psychological safety, where they feel comfortable receiving your input.

Offer your perspective from a place of genuine care and support. Two, be specific and objective. Make your criticism specific and focused on the behavior or action that you want to address. And really try and avoid generalizations and absolutely avoid personal attacks. By offering objective observations, you provide clarity and a clear starting point for improvement. And by avoiding personal attacks, you avoid the shields and the defenses automatically going up and whatever value is in the feedback never being received. Three, think about what is the right place and time. So timing is actually pretty important when delivering constructive

feedback. So think about how do I find a suitable moment when the person is receptive to receiving feedback? And of course you want to avoid things like public settings or moments of heightened stress, as they're pretty likely to hinder effective communication. Four, use I statements. So frame your criticism using I statements to express your own perspective, rather than assuming absolute truth. This helps avoid a confrontational tone and encourages more of a collaborative dialogue. So for example, you might say, hey, I noticed when you interrupt others during meetings, it can disrupt the flow of the conversation instead of you always interrupt others during meetings. That is not going to land well. Five, offer solutions and alternatives. Be a partner in this. Alongside pointing out areas for improvement, provide actionable suggestions or alternatives. This shows that you are invested

in their growth and offers a roadmap for positive change. So you really want to encourage a discussion where they can actively contribute to finding solutions, and that you are willing to do that as well. So what might be an example of this? So imagine, let's say you have a colleague named Sean, who tends to dominate conversations during team meetings, leaving others with really limited opportunities to share what's on their mind. So here's maybe one way that you could approach the situation in a more constructive way. You might say something like, hey, Sean, I really appreciate your insights during our team meetings. There's a ton of value there. And I want to discuss something that I was observing. I've noticed that when you speak at

times, others will sometimes struggle to get a word in, to share what's on their mind, and it can create an imbalance in the conversation. And I believe everyone's input is valuable. And I wanted to bring this up because I know how much you care about collaboration and valuing other people's input too. So what do you think we could do to ensure that everybody has a chance to share their thoughts more effectively? So by following these steps, you can engage in constructive conversation that acknowledges the issue while inviting collaboration and growth.

And that approach, it allows the other person to reflect on their behavior and actively participate in finding a solution without immediately feeling attacked. Remember, constructive criticism, it's a skill that can and should be honed over time. So by incorporating these elements in the key elements of your feedback conversations, it'll help you create an environment where criticism becomes an opportunity for growth and for connection and for positive change. And that is what we all want. So as we bring this home, as we come to the end of this episode, this is deep, deep, deep dive into criticism. We've talked about criticism, whether the constructive or destructive elements can have

a significant impact on our wellbeing and growth and how we receive and respond to criticism greatly influences its effect on us. We talked about how criticism is not always negative or mean-spirited. It can be a valuable tool for learning, growth, and innovation. And by debunking that myth, that all criticism is bad, we open ourselves up to its potential benefits. We explore how it's essential to recognize that individuals who offer criticism are not always themselves negative or mean. People can give feedback from a place of care, concern, or expertise. Debunking this myth that you've got to be a mean or harsh person if you're criticizing, it helps us approach criticism with greater openness. And criticism also,

we've learned, can have real psychological effects, including self-doubt, lower self-esteem. Understanding these effects can help us navigate criticism with more awareness and compassion. We've also seen how criticism can disrupt relationships and work environments, and how it's really crucial to be aware of the potential for criticism to become manipulative or abusive. Recognizing the signs and setting boundaries, especially in personal interactions, is essential for maintaining our well-being and safety. And we've also seen that there are many strategies, such as pausing and reflecting, developing a feedback filter,

responding rather than reacting, seeking clarification, so many others that we have explored here today that can make a huge difference in the way that criticism lands. Even if somebody who's giving criticism never changes the way they are, always delivers it with a certain amount of lack of tact, lack of skill, and maybe makes it personal, we can actually learn to step into it differently, to receive it differently, and to benefit in many different ways. The role of things like mindfulness, self-compassion, self-reflection as a larger scale intervention or skillset or practice cannot be overstated when it comes

to handling criticism effectively. These practices, over time, they help us cultivate resilience, self-acceptance, and a compassionate response to feedback. And by understanding the importance of effectively navigating criticism with all these tools, we can embrace it as an opportunity for personal and professional growth. It empowers us to learn, to adapt, and continuously improve ourselves. Remember, navigating criticism, it is a skill that can be learned and honed. And by implementing these strategies and tools, we can create a path towards a more fulfilling

and resilient life. So remember, embracing constructive criticism is not about seeking external validation or striving for perfection. It's about using feedback as a tool to become the best version of ourselves and contribute meaningfully to our lives and to the world around us. So we can approach it with an open mind

and eagerness to learn and grow. And let us see it as an invitation to become more whole, more calm, more still, more fully expressed, more alive people. So thanks so much for joining in this episode of Good Life Project, the third in our summer series. Again, if you have not listened to the first two on manifesting and overthinking. Be sure to go and check those out. You'll find a link in the show notes. And if you have found value in this episode, please be sure to follow Good Life Project podcast so you do not miss any of the upcoming summer series episodes.

Some solo ones where we dive deep into topics like this, and then some conversational ones, but again, in a very, very topic focused and actionable way. Thanks so much. And we'll see you next time. I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project. Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were going to be fun. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were going to be fun. On January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing.

Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him, we need him. Y'all need a pilot? Flight risk. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever.

It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest charging Apple Watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X, available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone Xs are later required, charge time and actual results will vary.