Good Life Project - How You Handle No Is How You Handle Life

Episode Date: January 20, 2016

“No.”It’s such a simple word, and yet…massively impactful.Too often we find ourselves standing toe to toe with No—challenging it as an unwarranted slight, or an underserved rejection.My question is—why?No isn’t about passing judgement, it isn’t about demeaning your worth—it’s about communicating “X” is not the best possible fit for the promised outcome of “Y”.At Good Life Project, we use applications for our events to ensure the audience consists of individuals who will get the absolute most out of what we’re doing…It’s not about denying people, it’s about ensuring we can deliver on expectations. Theirs and ours.No is not a personal attack.No is not a critique against the backdrop of your life.No isn't a slam, it's a powerful data-point. Fuel for growth.In today's short and sweet Good Life Project Riff, we share a "Tale of Two No's," exploring how two different people responded to a No profoundly differently, and how each person's response likely informs both the way they move into the rest of their lives AND the way the world rises up to support or seems to war eternally against them. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mayday, mayday, we've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were gonna be fun. On January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're gonna die.

Don't shoot him, we need him! Y'all need a pilot? Flight Risk. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-nest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping.

And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required, charge time and actual results will vary. So tell me if you find yourself playing either of these roles in this scenario. It's kind of interesting. We actually just, we closed enrollment on a program that you probably didn't even hear of because we really didn't promote it. We literally sent one email out and kind of blew out the applications for a program called The Art of Becoming Known. This is not a pitch for that, as I mentioned. It's completely done and cooked and wait-listed. But something really happened in the application process, and I've now seen it happen in the application process a number of

times for different things that we have created. And I've also experienced it as somebody who has applied for different things. So when you have a process where something is created, and anybody who shows up, you know, with a credit card gets in or gets to participate, you have a dynamic where it's not selected, it's not curated, you don't have to prove that you're, you know, a right fit for anything. And pretty much everyone is happy. We tend not to do that with the educational side of our company. We tend to create a lot more very small, very selective programs and fairly heavily curate who's in the room, not to pass judgment or say anybody is good or anybody's bad or better or worse. It's purely about are you a correct fit for this particular program, for the educational

content, for our culture, for the promised outcome. So that means that we use applications a lot and And we don't use them as a sticky marketing process to just like be able to say it's application, we actually pretty heavily curate. So for example, this program that we just closed enrollment for, for 20 spots, and we got well over three times the number of applicants within a very short period of time for that number of spots. So there's this dynamic I wanted to bring up with you, because it really kind of stuck with me this time, even though I've seen it repeated over and over. And that is this, that there are times where I have conversations with, I interview a lot of

applicants when we do this, because I just want to have a conversation with people so I can get to know them a little bit better, and also so that they can get to know me and ask me any questions they may have. And at the end of it, very often I'll realize it's a fit, but then sometimes I'll also realize it's really not a fit. And I try and be as kind as I can. If I know right away on that phone call, it's just not going to work, I'll very often share that with somebody. And I really try and couch in a way where I'm grateful for their application, for their time and for the conversation. And I genuinely am. But people here know against the backdrop of their lives, of whatever experiences they've brought to that moment. And it's really fascinating for me to see how some people respond fiercely differently to a no, even a kind, gentle, grateful no. So it's interesting, this last program, there were two diametrically opposing

examples. One particular person, we had a great conversation, but it also became really clear through the conversation that it just wasn't quite the right fit. And I shared this. And the person resisted and kind of really wanted to have a deeper conversation because in part I was saying no to this particular program, but what it really came down to was I was also questioning probably the larger thing that they wanted to create and inviting them to question it as well.

So I wasn't saying, no, it's impossible, no, you can't do it. I was just saying, this is it's impossible. No, you can't do it. I was just saying, this is the reality that I see in doing it. And I want that to become crystal clear to you so that if you do move forward with it, it's probably not a fit for this. And I would just really encourage you to question some of your fundamental assumptions too, so that if you do choose to continue on, at least you'll have a little bit more clarity about exactly what you're committing to. And I hung up the phone and I felt a little bit bad because I felt like even though it wasn't my

intention that I had to a certain extent, you know, really put somebody into a place where they're really questioning something big that they want to do. And I think it was that same day too, I had a conversation with somebody else. And again, great conversation, pretty respectful, but it became pretty clear during our call that it just wasn't a great fit, that it wasn't the idea wasn't fully formed, that it wasn't going to work with what I wanted to create the dynamic and the culture and the outcomes that I had sought to promise people for this particular training experience. And towards the end of the call, I shared that, you know, and again, in a way that I truly tried to make as kind and grateful and respectful. And which is kind of my MO, I don't, I don't lean into people. But I'm very truthful. And I'm very straightforward,

because I feel like it's important to be that way. And hung up the phone. And within 24 hours, we got emails back from both people. And one of them was saying, hey, listen, you know, I have to be honest, I'm really, it was a hard conversation for me. I didn't want to hear what, you know, was being offered. But, but I've been sitting with it. And as tough as it is, you brought up some really good points. And I'm thankful for you, even though I realize it's hard not to be accepted into this. I'm thankful for you taking the time to actually go deeper into this with me and help me think it through and bring up some major things that I actually need to really sit with right now and go deeper into myself and figure out where I stand with them. So I really appreciate your sort of strategic wisdom on this. And who knows, you know, hopefully maybe it'll be a fit down the road. The second email was short and to the point and abrasive, pointing out all the failures in our

process and how we really should add this and we really should add that. And it's so interesting to me to see that people respond so profoundly differently to what I would like to believe is a grateful and graceful no. And it's been my experience that those who receive that type of what I would call again, a graceful no, as data as thank you so much for that input, I'm going to sit on it, I'm going to see if it feels like it has value to me, and I need to consider it in what I'm doing. And whether I do or not, I appreciate the time that you spend sharing it, versus somebody who receives kind of similar information and then sits there and says,

I feel rejected and I need to, it's kind of the mentality of, you know, like, hey, you're fired. You can't fire me. I quit first. So I got to quit before you fired me. That's the mentality. And when you have that mentality,

that carries through life and it generally ends up causing a lot of strife, a lot of miscommunication, a lot of anger, a lot of missed opportunities and closed doors. It's really similar in a lot of ways to researcher Carol Dweck's growth versus fixed mindset in that how do you take a graceful no? Do you look at it as information that you'll then integrate into however you choose to move forward? Or do you look at it as a door closing and only out of spite and carrying with it a feeling of vulnerability and disempowerment and your way to reclaim a feeling of power is to lash back out against the person who told you no so that you can feel like you told them a bigger no and put them in their place. And I think it's a really fascinating

dynamic because when I've followed people like that moving forward, where I've had similar conversations over a period of years, it's been my experience that the person who receives the grateful no as data, they receive it gratefully as well, and then process it and moves forward, rather than attacking and trying to belittle the person who does not accept them. That person who receives the grateful no, or the graceful no with a grateful lens tends to succeed many more times and very often exponentially greater level than the person who tends to lash out more times and very often at exponentially greater level than the person who tends to lash out and feel the need to exert and dominate. So one of the questions I would ask is how do you receive a graceful or even an ungraceful no? What's your response to it? Is it

an immediate need to reclaim power and dominance? Or is it an ability to sit with it and say, huh, okay, I don't like the fact that I didn't get what I wanted. But is there data in this experience that I can integrate? And even though I was told no, is there a reason to be grateful for the information that I've gathered from this? How can I integrate it into the experience moving forward? And potentially use that to create what I want to create, to build what I want to build, to live a better life as I roll into this next big stage. So something to think about as you move into the new year and really seek to create things.

Doors will be open, but doors will also be closed. How you handle the grateful or the graceful and very often the ungraceful, no, very often is as determinative of your ability to succeed as how you handle the hell yes open doors. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. If you found something valuable, entertaining, engaging, or just plain fun,

I'd be so appreciative if you take a couple extra seconds and share it. Maybe you want to email it to a friend. Maybe you want to share it around social media. Or even be awesome if you'd head over to iTunes and just give us a rating. Every little bit helps get the word out, and it helps more people get in touch with the message. I'm Jonathan Fields, signing off for Good Life Project. summer runs, or playoff season meditations. Whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes.

New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman.

I knew you were going to be fun. January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him! We need him! Y'all need a pilot.

Flight Risk. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch Series X is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes.

The Apple Watch Series X. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone Xs are later required. first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone Xs are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary.