Good Life Project - Melissa Ambrosini: The Joy of Missing Out

Episode Date: May 13, 2016

Today we're featuring a very special GLP Guest Riff with Melissa Ambrosini.Melissa Ambrosini is the bestselling author of Mastering Your Mean Girl, an entrepreneur, motivational speaker, and self-love teacher.In her signature straight-talking style, Melissa teaches women how to master their inner Mean Girl, smash through limiting beliefs, and ditch the self-doubt so that they can start truly living the life of their dreams.THer mission is to inspire women across the globe to create a heart centred life that is wildly wealthy, fabulously healthy and bursting with love.By now, there's a pretty good chance you've heard of FOMO or fear of missing out. In today's guest Riff, Melissa offers a provocative reframe, a little something she calls JOMO or the "joy" of missing out. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today's guest riff is from my friend, Melissa Ambrosini. And it is a riff which is about something which is kind of a fun and different term. We've all heard the term FOMO. Well, you are about to discover a variation. In fact, almost the exact opposite. And it is called JOMO, J-O-M-O. What is that? Well, you got to listen to Melissa to find out.

Melissa is an awesome human, lives down in Sydney, Australia, one of my favorite places on earth, and is the author of a book called Mastering Your Mean Girl. And you can find her at melissaambrosini.com. You can find that link in the show notes as well. Turning it over to Melissa now for a fun, short and sweet riff for you on Jomo. Embracing Jomo, the joy of missing out. In 2013, the Oxford English Dictionary added a new word to their lineup, an important one. Now, to be fair, they add new words every year. If a word is used a lot to the point where it becomes absorbed into regular daily use or part of popular culture, they'll add it to their list, which is exactly how words like twerk and fo' shizzle have become part of the lexical canon. And no, I'm not kidding.

But in 2013, a word was added to the dictionary that I think was particularly important. One that says a lot about the state of our lives and our headspaces. In fact, about our culture as a whole. And that word was FOMO, which is fear of missing out, that the Oxford people thought it warranted inclusion in the dictionary. The most iconic list of words that we as a society have. If we look at the sheer prevalence of the word, they were totally right to include it. I mean, let's face it, Instagram posts, Facebook updates,

tweets, newspaper articles, blog posts, song lyrics, heck, even tattoos were seen everywhere across the globe with those four letters, F-O-M-O. They've come to symbolize a significant and all too common aspect of our modern mindset. The all-consuming anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere. It's the fear that while you're watching an episode on TV, something else might be on another channel that's even better. Or while you're on a date with person X, there might be a person Y out there who's even more perfect just for you. Or while you're attending one party, there might just be another party happening down the street that's infinitely better and more exciting than the one you're currently attending.

And what does all this worry do to us? Well, of course, we become completely detached from the present moment and completely unable to enjoy the here and now, the only moment we truly have. And this is because we're so caught up in that all-consuming thought that there might be something else out there that's better and, oh my God, we're going to miss out on it. The Oxford Dictionary people, in their wisdom, actually expanded their definition with a specific example of where FOMO is most frequently triggered. In their words, it is often aroused by posts seen on social media. And boy, holy smokes, is that true. Social media is a fertile feeding ground for FOMO. Our news feeds show us the constant stream of all the awesomeness that's going on around us.

The glamorous parties, the perfectly plated meals, the epic business achievements, the adventure-filled holidays, the perfect workouts. All of it portrayed in glossy, glistening detail, and all of it making us feel like crap. In case you're doubting the seriousness of this fear, let me be clear. The impact of FOMO is not just in our imaginations. It's real. An Australian study published last year found that one in two teenagers have FOMO. They feel like they're missing out on the seemingly perfect lives that other people portray on social media. They worry that they're having a less rewarding experience than their friends. They're anxious that their friends are off having more fun without them. And they

even report feeling distressed if they don't know what their friends are doing. Now that's a whole lot of angst and a whole lot of unhappy people. And the FOMO phenomenon doesn't look like it's slowing down anytime soon. If anything, it seems to be reaching epidemic proportions. So what on earth can we do about it? Well, I propose that a new word enter our cultural vocabulary, one that would counteract all of this angst and fear, that would help us shift our collective mindset from one of scarcity to one of abundance, that would help us return to the present moment and tune in to all that wonder that this life has to offer. So what is this magical, miraculous word? It is JOMO. That's right. JOMO or the joy of missing out. FOMO, as the name suggests, is grounded in fear. It indicates a scarcity mindset. It's rooted in the belief

that the present moment is not good enough. It's predictated on comparison and on measuring ourselves against other people. Now, JOMO, on the other hand, the joy of missing out, is built on the foundation of joy. It's about having an abundant mindset that sees the present moment as a gift. It's about having an abundant mindset that sees the present moment as a gift. It's about looking for the beauty and the wonder in what you have and what you are experiencing right now and pulsating with gratitude for the blessing that it is, indeed, that all of life is. It's about keeping your eyes on your own game and forgetting what everyone else is doing so you can soak up every single ounce of goodness possible from the current beautiful, precious present moment. But what does Jomo actually look like in reality? How does it

feel? How do you embrace it? Well, let me give you some examples. So the joy of missing out is relishing in time alone. It's finding the sacredness in solitude, knowing that time spent by yourself isn't time wasted. It's time to pause and expand and just be. We're so busy doing all the time that we forget to just be. Jomo is quitting worrying about what's cool. It's letting go of the need to be in the know. And it's not just releasing your need to keep up with the Joneses. It's about stepping outside of that framework all together. Jomo is feeling safe and secure enough to say no thank you to invitations, to requests, to business opportunities. It's about embracing an abundance mindset and knowing that there is enough pie for everyone

and that another door will always open when you're ready for it. Jomo is being wherever you are, wholly, fully, and completely. If that happens to be sitting across the dinner table from your partner or your children, be all there. If that happens to be at a fancy pants, red carpet party or event with all of your closest friends, then be all there. And if that happens to be at home, alone on the couch with your latest Netflix obsession, you guessed it, just be there fully and completely. Jomo is transforming your relationship with social media. Now, please note that I didn't just say switching off from it or taking a digital detox. These solutions, while effective, are only short term.

Taking one day a week off from all of your social media and expecting that to transform its effects on you is like going to the gym once a week and expecting to magically get a six pack. It ain't going to happen. To me, the notion of switching off or taking a break from social media are kind of missing the point. We don't just need an intermission from this noise. We need to completely reframe our relationship to the noise entirely. If every spare minute of your life, every inch of white space, you're looking to fill it with social media, you're setting yourself up for some serious FOMO, even if you think you'd rather have joy. And one day a week simply isn't going to make a difference. So today I have three steps for you on this front. If you want to shift your relationship with social media once and for all to create more space for joy in your life rather than fear, these are some great ways to get started. Now, first of all, resist the urge to fill the

gaps of white space with social media. Now, I'm guilty of this. If you're standing in the line at the checkout, if you're standing in the waiting room at the dentist, if you've got two minutes to kill before your kid finishes basketball, don't automatically reach for your phone. Feel the urge, but resist it. Let it pass. Instead, stay in the moment and really experience the space and the breathing room around you. Take in that moment, this moment. This is all we ever have, so be in it fully with your whole heart. Secondly, resist the urge to document everything. You and your partner are having a crazy delicious meal at an exclusive restaurant, great, be there, all there, fully there, which means no whipping out your camera phone, then sharing your pic with

your 500 closest friends, then checking 12 times throughout the meal to see who's liked it and who's left a comment. It's not Facebook or any other social media platform or the likes or the comments that make your experience real. It's being there fully in the moment and experiencing it fully and completely that makes it really real. Now, my third tip for reframing your relationship with social media is this. Schedule specific times when you're allowed to look at it and think about it and then switch off your brain from it all together. I always find it funny that none of us would ever dream of turning on an episode of say,

the Big Bang Theory every two hours of our workday, nor would we keep it playing in the background while we're trying to get stuff done. We know that that's unproductive and would be turning our brains to mush, not to mention we'd either get fired or drastically reduce our income. Yet social media punctuates people's days in exactly that way. 20 minutes here, half an hour there, another 15 minutes after lunch or whilst I'm on the toilet and so on and so on. Make no mistake, all those stolen minutes add up. They really do add up. And if you added up all of your time on social media, I think you would be shocked. And they all contribute to your brain being wired to need that dopamine rush, to need the stimulation, to buy into the FOMO. Instead, I suggest having one or two finite windows a day where you check social media.

Just like you might let yourself watch one or two episodes of your favorite TV show after dinner, then switch it off and be done with it until the next time. It's there and it's fun. But once you click the off button on the remote, your brain instantly moves into the next present moment. So it's really important that we do that. We take those little chunks and be fully there when we're checking our social media and give yourself a time frame.

Maybe it's 15 minutes, twice a day, and then let it go. Don't constantly be checking it all day long. So there you have it, my short riff on embracing JOMO, the joy of missing out. I want this joy-based mindset to become the default setting of our culture, not FOMO. I want us all to be wired for joy, not fear. These are only small steps towards making that happen, but they are a start. And I can guarantee you implementing even just one of them will have positive repercussions across all areas of your life that you can't even imagine possible. By embracing a JOMO mindset, you can create a richly layered, meaningful life,

one where you're in the moment, where you're full of gratitude, where you've got plenty of inner white space, and where your whole existence is focused on living your own life, your own truth, no one else's. And that right there might be the most joyous thing of all. Hey, thanks so much for listening. We love sharing real unscripted conversations and ideas that matter. And if you enjoy that too, and if you enjoy what we're up to, I you just click on the reviews tab and take a few seconds and jam over there. And if you haven't yet subscribed while you're there, then make sure you hit the subscribe button while you're at it. And then you'll be sure to never miss out on any of our incredible guests or conversations or riffs. And for those of you, our awesome community who are on other platforms, any love that you might be able to offer sharing our message would

just be so appreciated. Until next time, this is Jonathan Fields signing off for Good Life Project.