Good Life Project - Naked and Silent: Asking Is Not Receiving [encore]

Episode Date: February 23, 2017

There’s this odd thing that happens the moment after we ask for help. While we’re asking, we stand in a place of surrender. We hit a point, often deeply uncomfortable, where we’re riddled with uncertainty and we step into a place of vulnerability and say, “please, I don’t know where to go from here. Can […]The post Naked and Silent: Asking Is Not Receiving [encore] appeared first on Good LifeProject. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, it's Jonathan. One of the things that I've learned over the years is that a pretty significant part of our community are what I call conscious entrepreneurs. And what I mean by that is it's folks who are founders, and that could be of a business and organization, foundation, private practice, anything like that, that have three things in common. One is that you serve a genuine need, you really solve a problem and you deliver that and get paid for it. And so solving a problem

and generating real profit is important to you. The second is that what you create actually serves as a true vehicle for the expression of your strengths, your values and beliefs and your voice. So it lets you step into your fullest potential. And the third is that there's something bigger happening here. You're part of something bigger and you're serving some bigger need. And that's what I call a conscious business. And we've created all sorts of experiences, programs, courses over the years designed to serve conscious business founders in a variety of ways.

And amazing things have happened. We put pretty much everything on hiatus this year because we wanted to really deconstruct what we were doing and figure out how to bring more people together to serve them on a higher level. Because what we found is that not only do people need information and great advice and strategy and support, but there's a tremendous amount of isolation and loneliness for so many people who are in the business of founding conscious businesses. And we want to create a true community.

So we've been at work at this for the better part of the year. And I'm really excited to share that we are now live with this really powerful new experience. It's called The 108 and it is a conscious business collective. And if you want to know what that's all about, if you want to figure out whether it's in any way something that would be interesting for you, then you can either

just click on the link in the show notes, or just head on over to goodlifeproject.com slash the 108 that's T H E. And then the number one zero eight, check it out. See if it feels right to you. If it does, then awesome. And if not, then thank you for listening. So what if the only thing that's standing between you and what you want is you, but you have no idea that that's what's going on? So I'm reminded of a story of young Samson and his mentor and a conversation between them where Samson comes to the mentor and says, you know, I built something incredible and we're working with world-class people and world-class clients and we're the best at what we do and nobody can touch us and I've gotten us here and I'm steering the ship. I'm really smart. I'm working insanely hard and yet we seem to have stalled. We're not growing.

I can't see my own blind spots. I don't know our next move. Can you help me? Can you help us? Please, I'll do anything. And the mentor says, well, that depends. Are you open to receiving? And Samson says, well, I just asked for your help. Of course I am. And the mentor says, well, good, then let's begin. So they begin to work together and months pass. And then they return to a conversation and Samson says to the mentor, I don't understand. Why isn't anything changing? You said you would help, but everything's the same. And I don't understand.

And the mentor says, you came to me seeking help and you need it deeply. We both agree with that. I was and am still open to giving it to you. You shared you were open to receiving it, but your actions belie your words. Your biggest blind spot, it's not the market, it's not resources, ideas, strategies. It's your own unwillingness to be vulnerable. To own the fact that though you've gotten yourself here at this moment in time, you don't know what you're doing or how to move forward. And until this changes, nobody can help you. And Samson's kind of incensed at this point and says,

but I asked for your help. How can you tell me that I'm not vulnerable, open to receiving? And the mentor calmly responds, what you ask for and what you're open to, they're not the same. I've shared ideas. I've brought others into your orbit far smarter and more accomplished than I, willing and able to help you. But every time we talk, you, me, and them, you stop listening and instead talk over us, talk over our ideas and our offers of help.

Instead of receiving, you posture. And it's become so automatic, you have no idea you're doing it. So understand, you don't do this because you're rude, not because you're ignorant, not because you're incapable. You are, in fact, immensely bright and kind and capable. You do this because what you're being offered is not coming from you. You've been conditioned to believe through no fault of your own that you need to be the one who figures it all out, that if it doesn't come from you, you'll be perceived as weak, as unknowing, as incapable. And this thought destroys you. You need others to feel that you're

quote, on parity with them. So instead of listening and learning and receiving, you talk and you posit and you rebuff, you revert to the illusion of strength and retreat to the blockade of false confidence. You refuse to acknowledge the newness or validity of any proffer from someone who's not you. And in doing so, you push all those who would line up to help you away without even realizing you're doing it. You punish their arrival by raising your shield, leaving them to bang their heads against an armor that protects you from the very thing you claim to see. It's incredibly frustrating to be asked for help and then refused a way to give it. So Samson thinks about it and says, so are you saying all those people who've offered to help

me over the years but then abandoned me. That actually wasn't about them. It was about me. The mentor says, well, look, I can't speak for all people, but I can tell you this. The people that I gathered to help you, most of whom have, using your words, abandoned you, yes, they've all shared this reason with me. When you first came to me, you acted on a moment of deep pain. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable and that led to a temporary openness to receiving help. Yet the moment it arrived, the fact that you needed it and the reality that accepting it would require you to own your own unknowing in the eyes of others, it terrified you. So you shut back down and defaulted to that classic show of bravado. But maybe the most dangerous part is this.

You don't actually see it. You're not even aware you're doing it. So you keep asking for help, wondering why nothing changes and why people keep saying they'll help and then walking away from you. Here's the truth. Asking and receiving are two very different things. I know this dynamic so well because honestly, I have been you, I am you, and I'm sure I will be you again. I'm drawn to create. I'm both burdened and gifted with ego. I'm immensely human and sensitive.

I struggle with my need to feel strong, to have all the answers and not be seen by others as lesser. I too have that armor. But I've also learned very much the hard way. There comes a time when you need to stand naked and silent in the room. To not just lower the shields, but keep them down. To own the value and truth of other people's ideas and efforts. To not discount them simply because they're not coming from you. To stand in a place of deep vulnerability, not as a show of weakness, but a show of strength. Samson thinks,

so I need to come clean to the world about where I am then? The mentor says, no, start with a single person or a small group of people who are there for the right reasons, who love you, respect you, and want to help. It's often brutally painful to remain in this raw, exposed place long enough for true change to happen. Yet sometimes, naked and silent is the place where your next better self takes root, and where the thing you most want to grow begins to blossom, or in this case, come back to life. So I ask you again, says the mentor, are you open to receiving, to standing naked and silent? If so, the real work begins. If not, I wish you well. And I would turn that same set of questions out to you guys as you listen. Are you open to receiving, to standing naked and silent? If so, the real work begins. And if not, of course,

I wish you well.