Good Life Project - Radha Agrawal: How to Find Your People and Start a Movement.

Episode Date: September 11, 2018

Radha Agrawal (http://radhaagrawal.com/) is the co-Founder, CEO and Chief Community Architect of Daybreaker (http://daybreaker.com/), the early morning, sober dance celebration. This global gathering happens in 25 cities and more than a dozen college campuses, with a global community of more than 500,000 people. Agrawal is also a successful serial social-entrepreneur, author, DJ, inventor, investor and gifted experience-designer named by MTV as “one of 8 women who will change the world.”But, none of this would have happened had she stuck to her original plan to build a career as a New York City investment banker. In today’s conversation, we dive deep into her journey and explore critical moments of awakening and change, along with ideas from her new book BELONG: Find Your People, Create Community & Live A More Connected Life (https://amzn.to/2NyYJxj). We also explore answers to the question, "how do I find my people?" and "How do I create large and meaningful communities in the real world?"-------------Have you discovered your Sparketype yet? Take the Sparketype Assessment™ now. IT’S FREE (https://sparketype.com/) and takes about 7-minutes to complete. At a minimum, it’ll open your eyes in a big way. It also just might change your life.If you enjoyed the show, please share it with a friend. Thank you to our super cool brand partners. If you like the show, please support them - they help make the podcast possible. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Imagine waking up early before work and driving or jumping in a cab somewhere, showing up to have an incredible dance celebration with, oh, a couple hundred to a thousand of your besties before work even begins. Well, that is exactly what my guest today, Radha Agrawal, has created. She's the co-founder, CEO, and chief community architect of Daybreaker. It's an early morning sober dance celebration that happens in more than 25 cities and over a dozen college campuses with a global community of more than a half a million people. She's also a social entrepreneur, actually a serial social entrepreneur. She's done it many times over. Author, DJ, inventor,

investor, gifted, experienced designer, named by MTV as one of the eight women who will change the world. But none of this would have happened had she stuck to her original plan to build a career as a New York City investment banker. In today's conversation, we dive deep into her journey and explore the critical moments of awakening and change, along with the ideas from her new book, Belong, which answers the question, how do I find my people? And how do I create large and meaningful communities in the real world? I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here.

It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum.

Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required, charge time and actual results will vary. Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were gonna be fun. On January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you i knew you were gonna be fun on january 24th tell me how to fly

this thing mark walberg you know what's the difference between me and you you're gonna die don't shoot if we need them y'all need a pilot flight risk yeah i'm usually just doing my japanese calisthenics at the at home and a two-song dance party in my living room okay japanese calisthenics you can tell me what yeah oh okay well i'm half japanese right so uh rajo taizo which is like japanese calisthenics where in the 1920s the entire country of japan would do the same calisthenics every single morning together in unison as a country but specific time slots and and so imagine how cool and connected the community felt the country of japan felt when everyone's moving together, right, as a community, how that connects you in flow.

And then you go to work, but everyone's kind of connected energetically. No wonder Japan is like, you know, I really believe that Japan's success is attributable to Japanese calisthenics. I mean, there's an interesting argument. It's funny because when I first read that and then you shared like, okay, so now you're doing this too. I had this flashback. I was with my team every day at 3 p.m. Oh, no kidding. Yeah.

Daybreaker's office. It's like a really unifying experience. Oh, yeah. But I remember walking around Hong Kong like probably close to 10 years ago now. And I'm an early riser. So just walking around was like really quiet. I was down by the water and I walked by this park. And there were like hundreds of people. Yeah. Yeah, totally. And I was like, around. It was really quiet. I was down by the water, and I walked by this park, and there were hundreds of people.

Yeah. Yeah, totally. And I was like, this is so poetic. Yeah, I just sat there, and I just kind of watched. And it was like, I wasn't even moving, but I felt like in some way I was a part of it. Right? And you can join them, too. Anybody can join them, and that's what's also really cool.

We do Japanese Calisthenics sometimes in the park as a team, and we'll just invite people to come and do it with us. That's awesome. Yeah. Right. It's not about how well you do it or the perfection. sometimes in the park as a team. And we'll just invite people to come and do it with us. That's awesome. Yeah. Right. It's not about how well you do it or how perfect you are. I mean, honestly, it's actually meant for old ladies sitting down. And I do them every morning.

I'll send you a clip of the video on YouTube that I use. But it's literally for old ladies up to little kids. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. So your mom's Japanese. Yep. That's from India. Yeah.

And you grew up in Montreal. That's right. So you're like Japanese. Yep. That's from India. Yeah. And you grew up in Montreal. That's right. So you're like this interesting blend of three cultures. Part curry, part sushi, part Canadian bacon. So what's it like growing up in that household? Oh my God. It was, I mean, my dad is like, hello, how are you? You know, my mom is like, you know, like they just like the thickest, beautiful kind of accent. So I got, I have an ear for every kind of, I can tell an Asian from any part of the world, you know.

But the household was just, oh my God, full of life. I have identical twin sister and another sister, Yuri. And the three of us were less than a year apart. And our home was at Grand Central Station. My parents were very much proponents of gathering. So we would have, you know, probably every week people over at our house, and we would have huge birthday parties every single year that we would invent games for as a family. And that became a tradition for all of our friends for 18 years until we all went to college.

We would have these summer parties called Agripalooza. My last name was Agrawal. So it was like Agripalooza. My dad had the whistle, and we had this whole camp that we would do every summer. And then New Year's Eve, Eve on the 30th, we'd have this intellectual Olympics that my parents would put on in our house where they'd have quizzes with riddles of current events from that year in every single room where you had to decode different riddles to unscramble these letters to be the winner of that year's Intellectual Olympics. It was a very entertaining household.

And my parents were such creative, incredible parents, and very strict, of course, Asians. Because they're first generation. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. First generation. So very, very strict about school, about studies, about school comes first. If you don't get straight A's, you can't play sports. They pulled us out of basketball when I was in high school, uproar of the high school.

And it was just like there was a whole thing. But I really owe everything to them. Yeah. I mean, it sounds like it was a central gathering place, and they loved. It sounds like they really instilled in you this idea of gathering and also celebration. It sounds like there was no opportunity for celebration that was missed. Oh, my gosh. Celebration. I mean,

Daybreaker is very much a celebration of life. And I think that is so much modeled by my parents and how I was raised. Yeah, it was, I mean, you know, again, there's two parts of it, right? So everything was celebrated, but celebrated in many ways, which is also very, again, Asian philosophy of like in, in, in winning, in victory, you know? So, you know, we, we definitely were pushed to success, to, to succeed because, you know, if we weren't the best, you know, there was a talking to now, but I think, I think, I think, yeah, I think everything was celebrated. Birthdays, family life celebrated so much and, and academics were very celebrated too. So then what was the expectation about you and like the three sisters? You would go to school and then become?

Yeah, doctors. Definitely doctors. My dad, until a year and a half ago, would say, it's not too late to go to medical school. And I was like, dad, I've achieved a measure of success that I hope you'd be proud of. But I know he is. I know he is. He just came to their first day. My parents both came to their first daybreaker two weeks ago. Oh, that's amazing.

For the very first time. Yeah. That's so awesome. It's really cool. So you end up going to school and then you find yourself in New York. Yeah. Well, I went to Cornell University undergraduate, played soccer there. I had learned so many lessons just being away just from family and learning how to be independent. Just because I had my twin sister with me, but she, she, she and I go hand in hand for every, every conversation. Were you guys both at Cornell together? Oh yeah. I bunk mates and smooched many of the same guys.

But we're, you know, we're best of friends. So when, whenever you hear like, we, you know, we did this, people are always like, who's we? And I was like, oh, sorry, I'm making me, you know? So the longest we'd ever been apart until we were 21 was eight days. Wow. Yeah. That's amazing.

Yeah, so I was born in community, you know. Yeah. Yeah. It's like it's literally in your blood. Yeah, truly. So you come to New York. This is early or mid-2001. Two months before 9-11 to the day.

Right. And what was your intention? Why were you coming here? I moved to New York because first I wanted to live in the the city and i got a job as an investment banker actually it was also to prove to again to my parents like can you tell like a lot of my life has to do with my parents uh was to prove to them that i you know that a communications major and a minor in film and and business could get a job on wall street you know but that wasn't really why i was just like it was my dream move to new york city yeah and so that got us there with a really you know, but that wasn't really why I was just like, it was my dream move from New York city. Yeah. And so that got us there with a really, you know, a great way, a great way in.

So you're both in investment banking. Yeah. Mickey and I are both investment banking. Starting in like the summer-ish of 2001. Yeah, 2001. And then- Two months later. Two months later, 9-11 happens. And boy- Where were you guys living at the time? What part of the city? I was in Brooklyn. I was in Brooklyn, New York. And yeah, it comes right back, right? Like it was a moment I'll never forget as long as I live. We just moved our offices to Midtown. So I trained the World Trade Center. And, you know, our, the secretary, whatever, of our group comes running in with soot in her hair. And she was like, I just came from downtown. Some things hit the world trade center so you go rushing down to the fifth floor um the trading floor and we look at all the tv screens and watch a second plane on like 50 tv screens like hit

tower two and it was just like uh yeah it was kind of like it it hit my whole soul too right and like then that moment i knew right the mystery of life is you never know when it's gonna end so that moment was like it's time to pursue your passions right now. What do I care about? So investment banking wasn't that. I'm guessing like film background and all this other stuff that was sort of like, okay, so I've checked that box from my parents. Yeah, but I have to say that experience of working 100-hour work weeks for a full year, year and a half, gave me the tools to be an entrepreneur. You know, it gave me the lack of fear of looking at spreadsheets, gave me an understanding of business. Even if at 22, I don't understand how they put analysts to work, like, you know, who

don't know the first thing about business, but give us all this responsibility. But I learned a lot and I was thrown right into the fire. So I'm very, very grateful for that period of my life, even if it was suffering. I mean, what do you think is the single biggest thing that's benefited you coming out of that window? Work ethic, for sure. Understanding numbers, understanding my way around Excel, understanding, sort of understanding of finance in general and how business works. You know, we were in the M&A sort of department, if you will, group of CIBC. So yes, I got to really see, you know, kind of the inner workings of how shit works.

Yeah, I mean, it's amazing. We have, we were talking before we came on air about you and I have like a freakish number of similarities. I was an M&A securities lawyer in a past life and I worked at the SEC. I was actually, I worked down at the World Trade Center before 9-11 when the very first attack happened. And we were, I was at the SEC back then and we were, I literally went out to lunch for pizza and we came back and it was like madness was going on. And then, you know, still a like long time New Yorker when, when, you know,

9-11 happened. And it's funny though, because, went to, by then I was long time out of the law. I had done a stint in a large firm before that where I was doing similarly. I was working with investment bankers. We're all working ourselves to death, to the bone. It was nightmarish. People often ask me this similar question. They're like, do you regret all of it? And I'm like, the one thing that, the most powerful thing that came out of that window was just like you said, it was like somebody could put something on your desk and be like, and you look at it, you did like, and I'm like, you know, the one thing that the most powerful thing that came out of that window was just like you said, it was like, somebody could put something on your desk and be like, and you look at it, you're like, this is impossible to do. And then you do it. You just understand that you are capable of so much more.

Right. I think I fit. I think we probably both fit, you know, two days in one every day. Truly, you know, that's so, that's so wild. Yeah. It's kind of crazy. What was your experience of 9-11? Horrendous, just like everyone else. I was living in the house kitchen at the time

and married, new home, three-month-old baby. And I had signed a six-year lease for a floor in a building to open a yoga studio the day before. And I woke up that morning, I was like, wow, my world is different. And of course, like everybody here, we were all, the first thing we're thinking about is who do we know? Because everybody knew someone. And then I was like, okay, so where do we go from here? And I had a similar awakening to you. I had already kind of left the path, but I was about to open a company. And I was like, hmm, am I actually going to do this?

We opened it two months later, and it was an amazing community for healing. I mean, are you kidding? I mean, back then,, yoga, I feel was still kind of a buzzword. It was. It was kind of like nobody could pronounce the name of their studios. Totally. Yeah. People were a little freaked out by all the incense. How long did you have it for? Seven years. Wow.

Yeah. So it was really, it was a powerful experience, but back to you. I could interview you. So, so you go from there and this is a wake up call for you. And you're like, okay, so this is like, I learned a lot from this, but this is like, okay, this is not what I want to spend my days doing. So, so like back at that moment, did you have a sense for what was what you wanted? Well, I just actually, yes. I was like, if I were to die tomorrow,

what would I want to do? And at the time, I was obsessed with the film business. Like, that's what I thought I wanted to be in. I wanted to be a filmmaker. I wanted to be, you know, sort of, you know, making, telling stories. And so my entire group was laid off from CIBC

because we covered, we were M&A, but from airlines, gaming and lodging. So it was like, yeah, it's like decimated. Yeah. Especially casinosA but from airlines, gaming and lodging. So it was like decimated. Especially casinos and that whole world, gaming and lodging. So our entire group was laid off. They put us up at this outplacement agency where they help you find a

new job in financial services or whatever. And I go to the lady. It was my turn to be interviewed by this woman to be like, where do you want to go next and i said listen lady like i don't ever want to do anything i don't ever want to be in investment banking ever again do you know anybody in the film business and then she said well that's not what we do here but i like you and we had again a come back to community again it's like this rapport human connection and we just had a

wonderful connection so she said look i have a childhood friend who I haven't spoken to in about 10 years who's an agent for some of the top film and television directors in the world, like the Coen brothers and Christopher Guest and Albert Brooks and Baz Luhrmann and all these amazing, amazing filmmakers, film directors. And I was like, cool. As she's saying this, like what's happening in your heart? I'm just like, whoa. It's like your heart jumping out of your chest. Yeah, I'm just like, whoa, that's like your heart jumping out of your chest. Like, wow. I'm just like, whoa, that would be such a huge, beautiful favor that she would do for a young woman, you know? So she connected me with this guy, Carl.

Carl Forsberg. What's up, Carl? And I went to meet with him. And I didn't really want to be an agent, you know? Like he was an agent, but then him and his partner, Douglas, the two of them just totally just won me over with their spirit and their attitude and their kind of, Hey, like you'll peel back the curtain. We'll peel back the curtain to the entire industry for you, but for TV commercials, not for film, but for TV. So then I got, then I spent six years learning how

to tell stories in 30 seconds. So again, a beautiful sort of business school for marketing and advertising, you know, and telling stories and, you know, understanding how to make, you know, Apple computers look beautiful and how to make cans of soda look super delectable, right? Like all these aspects of the film, of the TV commercial world that you don't really think much of the level of thought and care that is put into every detail for these larger companies. It was an incredible education to watch and learn from and be around all these incredible creatives who are really lending their sort of mind to making beer cans look beautiful. So I just was like in awe, honestly, of that level of creativity and thinking.

And it really took me on this whole path of creative storytelling. And as it relates to products. So in the future, that led to, you know, I developed Daybreaker and Things and all these other products. I had all of this, you know, sort of six years of school. Yes, so you had to tell the story for product or brand. Yes, and just like, and even things like, you know, the color choices and logo style. Like, there's so much around products that brand has everything to do with. And community building is one of those things.

We're talking about that today. But, you know, And community building is one of those things. We're talking about that today, but most community builders don't think about brand. You know, they don't think about logos or color palettes or font choices or how much breathing room is around a word or an image, you know, but it matters. It matters, especially today where kids are swiping and adding filters on their social media.

So that education, that moment in my life, really pushed me towards an understanding of sort of the creative storytelling. Yeah, I mean, how powerful to have that experience at that moment in time. Exactly. So you ran finance to understand numbers, five, six years of marketing and storytelling. Brand building and storytelling. Brand building, exactly.

So after five or six years, what makes you be like, huh, this isn't doing it for me anymore? So in that time, about four years, five years into it, I was like 26 years old. I'd moved to Miami. I'd followed a guy, fell in love, as you do. Met some guy, left all my friends, quit my job, the whole thing. I became an agent for another director out in Miami. And then my sister called me and she said, Hey, I'm opening my first restaurant. And, and she said, I need help.

So I went back to New York to help her open the restaurant and, you know, left my engagement, left my house, the whole, you know, the whole, my whole life in Miami that I had for now two years and moved back to New York to help my sister open up our first, our very first restaurant. Okay. So we can't just jump over that. So something like, as you said, you and your sister are tight, tight, tight, tight, tight. So you felt powerfully enough about that you were willing to move away from New York, move into it. And then something like you feel powerful enough so that you're willing to basically abandon the life that you had and the relationship that you had started building in Miami to go back to your sister. What was happening? It was like divine intervention every time, you know, I really believe that like this, I mean, just a wild sort of quick story is

that this guy who was one of my clients had hired one of my directors for one of his TV commercials. He's a cyclist. I'm a cyclist. Went for a bike ride. He crashed his bike, broke like six ribs, broke his back. So he spent like two weeks at the hospital together and we fell in love. And when you have the intense Florence Nightingale moment with somebody, you just deeply connect with them. And I just was so kind of in love that I said, and I needed to escape in that moment. There was just kind of not the greatest environment at my office as an agent. I just wasn't feeling the purpose anymore in what I was doing. And I just longed to have more purpose. So I just made him my purpose. So I moved to Miami, sight unseen.

We bought a house together, got engaged in a year, building a life Miami, riding motorcycles every weekend, the whole kit and caboodle. But then in that time, I also had this deep longing and realizing that you can't give everything to just one person. I had a mission and a purpose that I knew was larger than just me in this life that I was living. And so when Mickey called me, it was almost like she was like, hey, I'm plucking you out of this potential housewife situation. You know what I mean? And I am throwing you back into the, like the, so I really have. So she kind of like, did she know before you that like this, it was time to go? I don't think so. I mean, I don't think she did it purposefully. I think she was just like, I mean, I think maybe, maybe she did, but I mean, I don't

know if it was purposeful, instinctive, divine intervention that came through her that I needed the escape of coming back to New York as well. Yeah, it was a mix of things. But yeah, she's always been, you know, sort of my biggest inspiration, my closest ally. So if she needed me, I was going to be there, you know, for her. So she's like, hey, we're opening a restaurant in New York. Yeah, she'd raised the money already for it.

The browser broke ground already. And I was just like itching to support her and help out. And then I moved back to New York. I had these like zany these zany, hilarious marketing schemes to get people to come into our pieces. Like what? Tell me about it. Do you remember any of them?

Yes, of course I do. So one of them was we auditioned for a reality TV show, the ABC primetime reality TV show. We were like 26 years old. And it was like ABC. It was like picking eight New Yorkers and giving us a abc it's like you know picking eight new yorkers and giving us a mansion on fire island and they'll film our lives and we were like oh free marketing for the restaurant so we auditioned and got on and and then spent the whole summer running away

from the cameras because it turned out to be like a hilarious drama but again you know a lot of people came to the restaurant because they saw you know the first three episodes before it was canceled and then and then nothing we did was we went to the restaurant because they saw the first three episodes before it was canceled. And then another thing we did was we went to the local gym down the street and we tried to do tastings there. And they kicked us out. They were like, get out of here. We don't do tastings with pizza at our fitness. We're like, no, but it's healthy pizza.

And it's organic. And they're like, what's organic? Back then, they didn't know what organic was. Totally different than now. So Mickey and I went and auditioned to become spin instructors and then so that weekend we got a three-day spin instructor group fitness certificate and we went back and they didn't recognize me i don't think but i probably pulled my hair back or something but i auditioned to be a spin instructor at the same fitness studio down the street and they and they gave me the job so once a week i started teaching there and And after like a

couple of weeks I said, hey, I have this restaurant down the street. Can I do tasting? And by then I ingratiated myself with all the managers and they let me do it and we doubled our business overnight. So you literally like became a spin instructor. So like as a marketing channel for the restaurant, I still love that on so many levels. And then, but then I fell in love with spinning because I taught for eight years. And then one of my students invested $80,000 in another business that I started called Super Sprouts after I left the restaurant. Mickey and I realized that we're best at cheerleading and supporting each other. Probably not best to be two awful females in a room together building and growing a company together.

And so we started things together. But then I was like, look, Mickey, I'm too swamped on Super Sprouts. It was my kid's company that my student invested $80,000 in. I ran that for five years. And Mickey and I started Thanks Together. So what was Super Sprouts before we sort of just go on and say that? Yeah, so Super Sprouts, I ran for five years. I raised like $5 million for it.

It was like Sesame Street for nutrition education. So I got very deeply interested in childhood obesity issues. When kids would come into my restaurant, they would order just cheese pizza in the pizzeria every day after day after day. And I was like, parents would say, hey, plain cheese pizza, no green stuff on the pizzas. And I was like, what are you talking about? The green stuff is the good stuff. So then I started digging around. My investment banking analyst mind came back in and I audited

the entire industry. And I'm like, wow, Sesame Street teaches about literacy. Captain Plant teaches about the environment. Dora the Explorer teaches about Spanish language learning. But who's teaching our kids about food? Nobody's teaching our kids about food in a fun and playful way that's not like eat your vegetables. So I developed, I wrote five children's books. I developed 50 videos. I worked with Michelle Obama and Sam Cass. And I spent five years of my life building this thing. We impacted like a million kids all over the country with curriculum. Opened the first salad bar program in Compton.

It's 120 schools in Compton had their first salad bar program. Opened up in Puerto Rico. A large obesity epidemic in the world is in Puerto Rico. So like what's driving you through that window of time? I mean, you've got like the intersection of, yes, you're playing and co-creating with your sister. Yes, there's some, seems like some bigger health sort of like thing that's running through everything. And there's a process of creation. Yeah, totally.

Was there, was it just a blend of that? Was there something else? I don't know. I mean, I think, you know, I think it was also the brainwashing of, again, growing up of like, you must be a doctor, right? Maybe in some ways that sort of bled into this idea that I don't want to ever be a doctor, not interested, but preventative health is actually very interesting to me. It's a different way in, a much more creative way in to not just putting a bandaid on a

problem, but to solving the problem, right? It's so interesting the way we hold on to that stuff from our childhood. It's like, it keeps sneaking back in. I think this is probably the first time I've put that together. But I think, I mean, also, to be honest with you, just like watching kids in New York City going from Canada, and Canada has a really healthy culture, to an American society where everywhere I turned, there was an overweight child, like really unhealthy overweight child. And it was very jarring for me. I actually cried a lot about it, you know? And I just remember feeling just like, why? And then I would actually go and ask the mothers like, hey, just curious, like what, you know? And I learned from these moms that A,

they live in food deserts, B, they have no education around it, C, you know, they have no time for it. So, you know, so it's a mix of all those things that created these issues. And the other piece is they just didn't have a way in to talk about food to their kids. So that was what got me really interested too. But I think, so I think it's a host of reasons, right? That you do do anything but I also knew that I'd never want to bring a child into the world where they didn't have the tools I didn't have the tools to give them sort of a very healthy upbringing too but yeah it was five years and a half and then I was like a whole doozy of just like a hostile takeover and just like a whole

thing of misaligned investors and having to to sort of leave the company kind of abruptly, which was one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my entire, entire life, like five years, you know, gone in a flash. But I think, you know, every experience that you have in life, it just makes you stronger. And I, you know, I really feel like all of those tools have led me to where I am today, which is with Daybreaker, we have no investors. It's just us. We're creating this beautiful community around the world and supported by the community for the community.

So it's such a beautiful concept that's not driven by EBITDA and next quarter earnings, which sort of every single company is, you know, is under the golden handcuffs of, right? Like, whenever I hear my masculine friends being, I just raised $30 million. I'm like, dude, are you that? No, I'm like, but also, no, it's, you're now $30 million in debt. Like, it's not you raised, you're now in debt, you know? So I think that we've totally screwed up the perception of what fundraising is, you know? And I'm very much a big advocate now for really, really thoughtful growth and really, really evergreen sort of year over year, yeah, sort of thoughtful profitability, you know, and I tell my team all the time, I'm like, if we have kind of an undulating wave, like kind of next 10 years, where some years are, are, are less, you know, revenue generating other years, I'm not going to freak out, you know, we're going to have a beautiful life together, no matter what. And as long as it's sort of slowly going up,

you know, that's way better than having hockey stick growth with a very steep and sharp kind of descend. And included in that is an anxiety attack, a nervous breakdown and everything that I've heard from all of my friends who are Fortune 500 CEOs. We can get you there. The University of Victoria's MBA in Sustainable Innovation is not like other MBA programs. It's for true changemakers who want to think differently and solve the world's most pressing challenges. From healthcare and the environment to energy, government, and technology, it's your path to meaningful leadership in all sectors. For details, visit uvic.ca slash future MBA. That's uvic.ca slash future MBA. That's uvic.ca slash future MBA. Running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest charging Apple Watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series 10. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required. Charge time and actual results will vary.

Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were going to be fun. On January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him! We need him!

Y'all need a pilot? Flight Risk. It's so interesting the stories we tell ourselves about what success means in the world of entrepreneurship. Totally. Founders, especially because most of that is coming out of the world of tech these days. And it's like a couple of years back, somebody, you know, Amy Hoy coined this term, entreporn, which I love.

It's so good. Because it's really, it's like, everyone wants to tell these crazy stories about like, yeah, the team were like crazy, crazy, crazy. And then boom, we exploded and we're a unicorn. And then we exited at a gazillion dollars. And it's like, but you know, you're telling the story of like, you know, one-tenth of one-tenth of one-tenth of the people who go into it. And also, it's- You're modeling the wrong reasons.

Right. It's the wrong reasons. And most people get destroyed along the way. And is that really why you're here? Right. Even if you make it, I'm sure you've seen this too. I know so many people that have succeeded by traditional metrics. Their ROI is what it needs to be. They're returning to their investors, they're setting up for exit, and they are miserable going into work at the company that

they've built every day. I'm like, how is that success? I know. That's exactly it. And I think I've seen that now enough times. And I've also been the victim of that myself in my previous companies to know. And I'm so young still to know that that's not. I've, you know, more than half my life and my career left. Way more than half my life and career left. And it's just exciting to know that I've made so many of those mistakes early on.

Yeah, just getting out of the way. Yeah, like misaligned investors. Also, we'll make plenty more. Yeah, leading with fear, not with abundance. Like I led a lot, one of my businesses, Super Sprouts particularly, I was like leading with such a fear-based mindset, not an abundance-based mindset. What was it fear of at that point? Fear of going out of business, fear of disappointing my investors, fear of disappointing

myself, fear of being a failure, fear of not achieving the goals of Super Sprouts to eradicate childhood obesity. There's just so many fears, right? And also fear of not loving exactly what I was doing every day. And wanting, willing me to sort of love going into work every day, but just feeling so micromanaged by my investors that I just was so scarred by it. And then now, when I came into Daybreaker and I built the team there, it's just like such an, a complete 180, no investors, no stress of, of the quarterly or weekly or daily phone calls. Like I used to get the bucks talks with me, you know, and, and my, and my boss is the community, you know? And so that's, that's, that's such a mindset shift. It's such a sort of a purpose shift and it keeps me totally authentic to the mission, you know? So share what, what, what exactly is Daybreaker and how did that come to

be? Cause we kind of left the story at, okay, so. Well, then Think started, yeah. So, okay, just to kind of quick segue, then, then during Super Sprouts, we launched Thinks as a Kickstarter project. Mickey and I, you know, we were heavy bleeders. We're Indian, you know, Japanese and just like heavy bleeders. And we'd be in investor meetings all the time and just have these embarrassing moments, leak stains, you know, whatever. So we sort of got our curious hats on again, like we do often together.

And we started just tinkering around and calling up different manufacturers in China and sort of melding, you know, molding fabric, getting fabrics together to invent the kind of the first ever, you know, period underwear solution and launch on Kickstarter 2013. And we've seen ads like all over the subway in New York at this point. Yeah, exactly. But that's when sort of my sister took over and led the team. So she and I and our friend Antonia kicked it off, started off. And then I just was so sort of bogged down with, with super sprouts that I just didn't have time to give to, to things.

And so she and Antonia took it over. I mean, I'm still, you know, third partner, I'm still a partner in things, you know, and, and, and an inventor of the underwear, but it just, I'm so in honor and, and in awe of how my sister took the sister took the idea and built it to what it is. So you go from investment banking to media, entertainment, film, TV, to restaurant industry, to media, health, nutrition, children's, and education education to underwear. And so there's, I mean, it's kind of astonishing. It's like, do you feel risk? Yes. That's what's interesting, right? Like I do feel risk, but I do also know one of one when I see it, right? So my sister and I always say, is this one of one? So the pizzeria, it was the only organic farm and table pizzeria in New York City in 2005, where we served different gluten free crusts, you know, different sort of dairy free cheeses on the pizza. every day. But yet there's not a single, but yet one in four Americans are lactose intolerant. And yet there was no lactose-free pizza in New York City. So we were like, okay, we're one of one. So no matter what, we're serving a niche client, right? Super Sprouts was one of one.

There was no Sesame Street for nutrition education, right? And all of them, by the way, are social enterprises. That's something that's also the through line of everything that we do. The underwear, one of one. I think it says one of one, and then Daybreaker is one of one. So everything that we create isn't just another t-shirt with another logo on it or like a new kind of sock or a new kind of shoe or whatever, you know?

Other than if the sock is like, you know, it's like has some ballistic heel or toe or whatever, you know, kind of added to it. But yeah, I think that's really what we look at is like, how can we continue to be the first to market with the first of its kind of product or service? Like Daybreaker. So Daybreaker is an early morning dance community. We wake up at 6am at sunrise before people go to work on a weekday morning. And people dance their butts off without substances. So no alcohol, no drugs, no, and we serve green juice, coffee, and tea. We, we replaced the bouncers with a hugging committee. You know,

we add performative elements. So imagine at 6am when you just got out of bed on a Wednesday morning, if we're going to work, you see fire spinners and aerialists and break dancers in a horn section and dueling violinists and acro yogis, you know, kind of jumping in the air and then a thousand people exalting and dancing. And that's Daybreaker. And the idea was, you know, so the first hour is yoga, the second two hours is a dance party. It's a three-hour experience. And the whole idea is to just deeply transform your day

and then transform your month before the next one, you know. And the whole idea is that we live life that is so routine and our entertainment experience right now is at nighttime only when we're tired. month before the next one, you know? And the whole idea is that we live life that is so routine and our entertainment experience right now is at night, nighttime only when we're tired and we don't have, we're hopping ourselves up on drugs and alcohol because we are exhausted. The energy of when you walk into an environment like a club is, is very different. So like I'll walk into a night club or whatever, and I'm, the energy levels of every person there that they're emanating is very, it's kind of all over the place, right? So it's jarring

for me as an empath. And the morning when you go to Daybreaker, everyone's energy is the same. It's optimistic and bright and fresh and new, like right from their bed. So it's just like this vibration that I can't even explain unless you have to just come and be there. So we blew up, we launched in 2013 in New York City. We had our first one in New York City and I have my community to thank for that. So like, you know, the big kind of backstory there is, you know, after the restaurant, after there's so many moments where I was like, where are my people at, you know? And then 30 years old, and that's the beginning of my book Belong, you know, I look myself in the mirror and I realized I didn't belong. And that I spent my 20s in sports bars

or hanging out with people who were inspiring and then really taking the time to get intentional about my community, which I also read on your website is a big part of what you're about, intentional community. And I just kind of create these exercises for myself and really began this quest

for where are my personal people at before I go out to build my next business or my next community or my next whatever it may be. I first have to feel fully safe and in belonging, you know, in my own life. You know, I think so many people in community building that I've seen are looking for answers outside of themselves. Whereas the answers start from within first. And so many of the commuters I've interviewed have said to me that they feel like outsiders on looking in on the communities that they've built themselves. Yeah. Totally. You know?

And so for me, you know, I learned all those lessons early on in my career and just in my twenties. So I just knew, okay, this is the time to be generous with my energy, generous people who I meet. If I love someone instead of just hoarding them to myself, I'll introduce them to other people to make sure that ever, and then all of a sudden there's a community that will be built

if like-minded people meet each other. And yes, they might hang out without me, but I'm not going to feel FOMO, you know? And so I think there's that level of trust and generosity that you have to have and just saying, fuck it. I'm going to introduce as many people as I can to each other. I'm going to just open up my Rolodex so that everyone can connect with one another. And that was the beginning of this incredible community journey for me, which then led to Daybreaker and which then led, you know, so on and so forth. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting because your other businesses, to a certain extent, were, okay,

I'm going to take what I see and take my skills and I'm going to scratch somebody else's itch because I can see the itch and maybe nobody else can. Whereas this was very much like you're scratching your own itch with Daybreaker. It grew out of that, which is like, that's a change for you. Well, Thinks was too, actually. Thinks was born out of the fact that I didn't have a solution for my own heavy bleeding. But But yes, I mean, I think that all the businesses that have succeeded for me have been the ones that I've personally suffered, you know, from as well. And I think that's actually a really, an important note and distinction to share with with all the listeners is, is just start with what sucks in your world, you know,

what is it you're struggling with? That's my sister's mantra with what sucks in your world. You know, what is it you're struggling with? That's my sister's mantra is what sucks in your world. You know, does it suck for a lot of people? And then can you be passionate about this issue, cause, or community for a long time? So, yeah. Which is funny, again, because when you go back to the traditional business world, it's entirely focused on what sucks. But of course, they use customer or product market fit as like the blah, blah, blah, boring version

of what sucks in Europe. But the passion side also, like what I would call product maker fit, like everyone ignores that. It's like, but nothing's going to get you through the really hard times. And everything you try and build, it's going to, even if it starts easy,

at some point it's going to suck for you. It's going to get brutally hard. And if you don't have that inner thing, like that deep sense of connection to it, you're going to bail. Totally. And that's the thing. Like I looked at,

I looked at Daybreaker when I started that and I just was like, I literally will dance until I die. Like I will be 99, the old lady with the dentures. Hopefully by then there'll be like bionic teeth, you know, and I'll be the one dancing on the dance floor

with my brand new bionic, you know, joints and stuff. But I think, yeah, I think this is something else. Well, I will do daybreak refresh for my life. And it's something that I feel so excited about, bringing joy and silliness and playfulness to the world. Yeah. I mean, like, it's grown now.

We're 25 cities around the world. Right. It's incredible. We're a community of half a million people. And we're not stopping anytime soon. We're now on college campuses as well. We're really focusing on the fact that college students are really dealing with an alcohol and drug abuse issue and a depression anxiety issue, largely related to the alcohol and drug abuse issue. You have a 17-year-old daughter.

She's in school, and I'm sure that she's probably having to shield herself from that all the time. So my fiance's younger brother had three friends commit suicide because when they were in college, it turns out suicide is contagious and they were dealing with depression and anxiety as well. There's lots of stuff happening. And so for me, my dharma is truly to bring more play and kind of spaces for people to gather and connect and dance. And do it safely. And do it safely.

In a way where it's like elevating rather than numbing. Yes. And so much of also the conscious world can be very serious, you know? And I think that's the other piece that I've been very focused on trying to kind of not stay away from, but I think there's a lot of judgment there too. I think it's interesting, you know, you'll go to yoga class and the person next to you will be like, you're too close to my mat, you know? And I'm just like, oh, sorry. To New York is like a quarter of an inch.

I know. I know. And so it's like, I just always ask myself, okay, well, what is conscious anyway? You know, what is a conscious community anyway? What is a conscious human anyway? Is it just going to yoga? The act of going to yoga, does that make you a conscious person? Is the act of eating from whole foods make you a conscious human? Or is it actually the, you know, sort of the interest in connecting with others? And it's not just about talking about being conscious, but actually living in it. Our community members, I watch them every time at Daybreaker. And I'll see someone who could come by themselves, and three community members would go and introduce themselves, kind of unsolicited, not asked by any of our Daybreaker community member, Daybreaker team to go and do that. But I just watched that level of generosity of spirit happening constantly at our events, and that gives me so much hope.

Yeah. And that's amazing. And that comes from you. It comes at its source. It comes from you. It comes from the people. But it also comes from a lot of the ideas that you share in your book because I think on occasion, stuff like that just kind of randomly

happens. You know, we were talking a little bit, we've for five years, we've run this summer camp for grownups and, and, and I've been to enough events and enough gatherings and stuff like that. And I've walked in and felt instantly uncomfortable. Totally. Where I'm not the type of person that walks into a room like, hey, I'm here, let's party. It's just not my wiring. So we become hypersensitive to like, what are the touch points that we need to create? What are the values that we need to have in place? And that's the work that you've done. And that's a lot of the conversation that you share and that you're sort of like going deeper into. And I want to talk about that, but there's something else that you brought up that I want to circle back to first, because fundamentally underneath all of that is self

awareness, self knowledge. Well, that is literally chapter one of my book is gentle self awareness. You know, I think awareness can actually be quite harsh, right? Like, sir, are you aware of how fast we're going in the lane just now? Right? Sorry, officer, right? So awareness can be really harsh when you do the work. And sometimes you get trapped in your own awareness, right? So I think gentle self-awareness, being gently self-aware of how you're showing up. When you walk into a room, are you bringing the room down? Are you rolling your eyes all the time?

Are you being a negative Nelly? Are you being a shoulder shrugger? Are you saying, yep? Are you saying, yes, enthusiastically with exclamation point, right? Like, how are you showing up? And I think that self-awareness is such an, if that is the sort of the cornerstone and the first level of finding your tribe is, who are you? How are you experiencing the world? How's the world experiencing you? The first exercise I did for myself was this three column list. Column one was all the qualities I was looking for in a friend, right? Column two was all the qualities I didn't want in a friend.

That's all in my book. But column three was all the qualities I needed to embody in order to attract the friends that I wanted. So I need to be less of a workaholic. I need to be less flaky. I need to be a better listener. I need to be, you know, so that awareness, that self-awareness made me realize, okay, wow, well, clearly I'm showing up in this way, which is attracting

this kind of friend. So what if I actually went back to the essence of who I am, which is a kind, open, caring, silly person not putting on the air of I'm too cool for school and I'm going to wear makeup and whatever to go out on weekends because that's what everyone else is doing. I'm going to return to who I am, which is this quirky unicorn-wearing, whatever, onesie person. And then from that kind of space of radiating who I am from the inside out, was I able to actually find the most incredible lights who

were attracted to me too, right? So it really starts from within. And that self-awareness is something I work on every day. There's certainly moments every day where I can see outside of myself and I'm upset about something or I'm hormonal from being pregnant or whatever. And I know that's happening. And I know I can be more aware of how I may be sharing my words or whatever to my assistant or whoever else it may be, my partner. But I'm very, very self-aware. Yeah. And I think that's the first piece. No, I totally agree.

But it's so easy to just sort of, you go to that place, you're like, yes, I'm self-aware. I'm being myself. I'm bringing like all the goofy, silly, whatever it is. And, and now I'm attracting all these, these people around me. And they're like, for the first time, Oh, they're actually my people. But then there's also, I'm curious whether you've found this. Like, I think there are moments where we get a little bit spooked and we find ourselves reverting and like throwing up a bit more of a facade again. It's like we're hiding for some reason. And then stuff starts to, you're like, okay, so I'm not really loving what I'm doing or where I'm around. We don't really realize that the reason is because we just built the wall again. And then people don't want the wall. They want the real us. Oh my God. This happens to me when I go to conferences. There's particular,

some particular conferences, but where everybody's killing it. I'm just killing it. Everyone's just killing it. And of course, I've worked so hard to shed my masculine, because I really dominated me for so long trying to keep up with men in entrepreneurship. After Burning Man, actually, I realized the power in my feminine, in my divine feminine. So I really began shedding the need to show my, be like beating my chest all the time. But I do find that I revert back to my masculine when I'm in those types of masculine environments where everyone's like, how much did you raise? How much did you raise? And what can you do for me? What am I doing? I know. And then I find myself mirroring.

I do a lot of mirroring, and then I catch myself, and my partner Eli is always like, what was that? And he keeps me so honest, and I'm like, babe, I don't know. Something came over me, an alien took over my body. I have no idea what just happened, but clearly I was uncomfortable, and the person in front of me made me uncomfortable. And so I put on this mask, you know, and I'm working really, really hard to be fully authentic in who I am at every moment.

But that's a daily practice. Yeah, totally. I mean, that's like a lifelong thing. Yeah, yeah. It's like, because at some point something else is going to trigger you. Totally. It's going to bring you back to that place where like, I just want to be accepted. Like everybody, we all go there.

Yeah. It's like we're human beings at the end of the day. Exactly. Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were going to be fun. On January 24th.

Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him. We need him. Y'all need a pilot. Flight risk.

The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series 10. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum.

Compared to previous generations, iPhone Xs are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary. So once you start to sort of like build on this really deep self-knowledge, I love the three columns that you made. You also talk about like going deeper into your values and your interests and your abilities and really identifying like that. And like then you can turn out to the world and say, okay, so I get who I am now and I get what fills me up and I get what empties me out. And now let me find people that resonate with that. Exactly. And so it's almost like it's a two-prong thing, what you were

talking about. Like when you can stand in that, you start to radiate differently. And then when you, not only that, so you start to just like, there's something about you that people want to be around. And at the same time, you have clarity around exactly who is it that you want to be around. Right. And also you have clarity around what you're good at, right? Like I think so often we're like, I'm a meditator, but really I am ADD and I can't sit still. You know what I mean? So maybe dancing and meditation is better for you, you know, which dance is meditation, movement form. But I mean, let me just kind of touch on the values, interests, and abilities concept, because I think it's really important as part of your going in process. So my mantra for community building is you have to go in to go out,

or you have to go inside of yourself to go outside of yourself. You know, we do this type of proctology exam for our professional lives, right? Like, and we do it for our romantic partners. Like, they have to be perfect. Whenever I ask my girlfriends, like, what they're looking for, they want to be funny, they have to be tall, they have to be handsome, they have to be this, they have to be that, you know, whatever. And I'm just like, okay, what is their energy like?

Like, let's stop looking at the physical. Like, how do they make you feel, you know? What i'm just like okay what is their energy like like let's stop looking at the physical like how do they make you feel you know what is their energy like and and then all of a sudden the conversation stops and it's like oh right and it becomes like less about like the transactional thing and it's more about the the energetic thing so the same thing with your values your interest in your ability is like right like You sit down and you actually ask yourself, what do I value? You kind of have to Google values. What is a value anyway? That's what I have you do in the book anyway.

It's like Google. I give you a bunch of values as well, but I'm like, look, there's hundreds of values to pick from. Take the time to write down what are your personal values? What are you interested in exploring as a human being? Not what the press and media says, not what your mom and dad want you to do, but what you as an authentic, unique human unicorn that you are is interested in. And then what are you good at? What are your abilities? Are you naturally good at taking out the trash?

Because that's an ability that my fiancé does not have. You know what I mean? But he's incredible at cooking, and he's amazing at understanding everyone's point of views. He's incredible at cooking and he's amazing at understanding everyone's point of views. You know, he's incredibly patient. He's like so many abilities that 99% of people don't have. And I have abilities that 99% of people don't have as well. And we all have, you have abilities that, you know, 99% of people don't have. And each of us have these incredible, beautiful abilities.

And yet we don't sit down and ask ourselves, hmm, how can I contribute my abilities to a community? How can I contribute my ability to be patient, my ability to cook, my ability to take out the trash, my ability to draw, my ability to ask questions like you are right now in this podcast? How can I use that ability to deepen and grow my community in a more meaningful way? You use it to build a business.

You use it for so many other, again, transactional things. But if you just use your abilities to create community, then all of a sudden it becomes this wonderful freeing experience, not a stressful, anxiety-inducing experience of where are my people at? Yeah. I mean, it's so interesting too, because I think I wonder often why we don't do that, why so many of us don't do it. Even if we do the self-inquiry and the self-knowledge and we get it, we don't turn around and say, okay, so how do we find, how do we connect with, how do we contribute to community? And I'm so curious what your thought on this is, because I think my sense has been that we don't understand how important belonging in community is until we

re-experience it on a true level. Like we, I mean, and you write about this in your book, right? And this is like belonging is a physiological and a psychological need. Like when we don't have it, we wither on the vine and eventually die. Yet I don't think we realize that. I think we walk around in anxiety and pain

because we don't understand how much this matters. Is that your experience too? A thousand percent. That is honestly the root cause of all of our suffering is our lack of belonging. And there's a few things to add there, but it's like, think about when you leave your mother's womb, you went from literally being inside of somebody else in complete belonging to a cold, bright world where maybe someone took you away from your mother with forceps and now you're wrapped in some foreign blanket. So you literally went from

complete 100% engulfed belonging to separation and isolation from the moment you're born, right? The moment you come to the world, you're isolated and you're separated. So you spend your entire life looking for the feeling of going back inside the womb, never to find it again. Right? So it sounds morbid, right? But it's not because that's actually the human experience of looking for the womb again. And the good news is you can find it again if, again, you understand that that's the human condition of our need to belong, we need to find the womb again. And if we can find it, if we can create an environment where we find the womb again, then we will lead a happy and healthy life.

I mean, two crazy stats for you. One in four Americans have no friends to confide in. This number has tripled in the last 30 years. And that Harvard came out with a study that shows that having poor social connections is as harmful to your physical health as being an alcoholic and twice as harmful as obesity. So there's all these studies that are coming out now that show that- It's the center of everything. It's the center of everything. Yeah. It's funny. In your book, you kind of re-imagined Maslow's hierarchy with belonging being at the base and then flowing through everything. It's funny because I was

looking back in my notes from a couple of years ago and I drew a picture of Maslow's hierarchy as a diamond. Because when you look at it traditionally, there are like five levels and belonging is in the middle. I was like, no, this is actually a diamond. Like belonging in the middle is the biggest thing. And then like it goes up and down,

but everything emanates from that. Ladders from that. Yes, exactly right. It's the same sort of like I saw you're re-imagining. I'm like, yup, same thing. We drew it a little bit differently, but fundamentally it's the same stuff. And simultaneously, while we don't acknowledge it, and then at the same time, all the places where we used to find it, you used to find it in the company you worked for, not so much anymore. You used to find it in faith-based organizations in schools. It's all going away. Totally like a social media. Yeah. So it's like what you were doing with Daybreaker is you're providing this thing, which is nourishing on such a deep human level. So here's a quick definition for you that could be really helpful for you and all your listeners as well. So people use the word community today. We need to find community, community. Community is all the buzzwords, all the rage.

But it's being bastardized already, like the word organic. You know, like community is now another word for how many users can you get or, you know, who you can market to, right? So I think of community actually as a container. So it's a space. Community is a space and a container in which you experience belonging. So belonging is the feeling that we're going after, whereas community is the container in which you experience that feeling. So if instead of trying to create community, we're trying to create a community where you experience belonging, that is actually the real antidote to our suffering in the planet. Yeah, we're so focused on the mechanism rather than the experience and the feeling.

The feeling, the energy. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So when you think about, and this is stuff that you write about, when you think about, okay, so what actually has to be present for you to have that feeling? What are the ingredients of that recipe? Yep, so I don't know if you, so I coined this term, which I think is really wild that no one has ever put it together. But I was like, late night, 2 a.m. And I was just thinking about what are the ingredients

that create the most wonderful, authentic community experience that inspires that sense of belonging. And I wrote down the four happy brain chemicals, dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. And what do they spell? Dose. Dose. Can you believe it? So that it was just like, it's like some scientist put that, but didn't even realize that the word that we use to medicate ourselves, to drug ourselves, right? Dose is actually something that we can access with our own mind if we just practice Jedi mind tricks, you know? Why are those four things important? What does HK say?

So yeah, so dopamine is the pleasure reward, right? So you feel kind of the dopamine rush when you're accomplishing a task or listening to music. So, you know, Daybreaker, you feel that dopamine rush from waking up at 6am for everyone else does. You're like, holy crap, it's dark outside. I'm waking up to butt crack of dawn. I'm going to this dance party. I'm going to listen to music, which is, you know, both of which give you wild and wonderful dopamine rushes. So that's the pleasure reward. So you can get that from anything that you do as it relates to creating an event and showing up to that. Like that's the dopamine rush of dressing up for the thing and going to the thing. Like there's a rush in that pleasure reward, right? The oxytocin you get from touch. It's like humans are so starved for affection. Americans are the number one porn viewer in the world, and yet we're

also the most starved. A study came out that on average, Puerto Ricans and Mexicans touch each other upwards of 130 times in a conversation, whereas Americans touch each other upwards of once in a conversation. And yet we are the most porn-watching country in the world. So it just says the Brits touch each other zero times in a conversation, by the way. But yeah, it is an interesting world. So oxytocin, we get at Daybreaker. In any dance, any human to human experience, you're going to get a handshake with someone, a hug, hello. At Daybreaker, we have a hugging committee on your way in. So every single person gets a hug. And I actually

am usually the hugger now at Daybreaker. So I've probably hugged tens of thousands of people in five years, probably hug 400 people at an event each time before I'm you know relieved for my duty four or five hundred people and I love it because I people go from this space of like I deeply needed that to like thank you to crying on my shoulder to looks of bewilderment of like waking up early in the morning my first time here I came by myself to wow thank you for welcoming me. I've seen thousands of faces go from kind of lost or sad or whatever to joyful, grateful, thankful, and it just shows how much just a simple hug can do for one another. So the oxytocin is actually what makes us human and it's what we need to survive and thrive,

and yet we don't have nearly enough of it. So that's the oxytocin release. The serotonin you get from feeling a sense of worth. You get that sort of the serotonin dump when you're on Molly. You're like, you're the best. I love you so much. La, la, la, la. But that you can get also just from having an emcee at Daybreaker telling you how to stop judging yourself.

This is bigger than you. Just dance and let go. We're all here together. We're on this crazy spinning planet, you know, and we have this incredible trained MCs across the world who really are kind of self-help MCs who help you get out of your shell while also motivating you to have the best time, you know? So that serotonin rush happens from those moments and from really being one person in a bigger community and feeling like, holy crap, like this is such a wild transformative moment to be part of this

community of sober humans, you know, all dancing and exalting together. And then the endorphins, of course, you get from the runner's high, from working out, from sweating, and you burn upwards of 500 to a thousand calories, if not more, not more, at Daybreaker, twice a month. So in 23 cities all around the world. Yeah, it's amazing. So come find us. So you've got these four things, which are all really important, and they're all part of the sort of belonging experience.

They're part of the thing where you say you feel belonging. Totally. Well, there's another ingredient that I haven't shared, and it's a big one. This is actually the real sort of trick. It's a big one. This is actually the real sort of trick. It's a few things. That belonging lives at the intersection of mystery and safety. And that's a little bonus.

It's not in my book, actually. I forgot to put that in there, but it's kind of a big one. I was like, crap. But that belonging lives at the intersection of mystery and safety. And what that means is Daybreaker is the reason why we've been around for five years already. We're growing leaps and bounds. We're half a million community members and growing thousands every day is because there's the safety in knowing that our events are going to be beautifully produced, that there's a safety in knowing that our food and beverage is going to be delicious. There's a safety in knowing that we're going to have amazing performances

and an awesomely positive DJ and great MC, really good decor. Just like the experience is going to be awesome. The people there are going to be amazing. Type person comes to Daybreakers, an A-type personality who's going to, you know, just it's self-selecting. It's a filtering community. It's not the negative Nancys who want to come and dance at 6 a.m. sober. You know, it's a joyful group of people who want to come and be a part of it or at least an optimistic group of people who

also want to change their own lives maybe they're having some struggles but they want to come and change so so so the safety of knowing that and then the mystery of where is it going to be next who's going to be the dj what's the theme? Wait, who are the performers? You know, so we're always changing venues every time. We're always changing DJs every time. We're always changing the decor, the theme every single time. So we live in a time where I don't want to go back to the same place over and over and over again. You know, the attention span of an American is eight seconds or less millennial, more likely. And, and so the, the,

the idea is that if we can, community can sustain at the intersection of mystery and safety. No, I love that. It makes total sense. The, so you're building this company, you're building this community,

you're building this global uplifting experience and you decide to write a book. I know I felt, which is, you know, it's beautiful. I love there. You can see it's like sitting here on my lap and there are little things sticking out of it all over the place because there's just so much I want to revisit in it. And I do think we are in this moment where we are starved for belonging and for community, but really for belonging. And we don't know how to get it. We don't know what to look for. We don't know what to say yes or no to. And it really helps guide you and understand that.

Why did you feel the need to write this now? I mean, you've got crazy amounts of stuff going on in your life already and writing a book is no easy thing. So what makes you say like, oh, now is time to actually set aside a chunk of my emotional, energetic, and personal bandwidth to do this? Yeah, this was definitely the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. But I really felt possessed after the elections, to be honest with you. I was just really, it felt like 9-11 had happened, you know? And I just felt like I had all this knowledge from five years of building these incredible, joyful communities, have inspired these spaces where people have met their best friends,

their wives, their husbands, their roommates, their there you know just just and and here here i am with all of these secrets and people emailing me once a week twice a week three times a week asking to have coffees which which i often did but one hour coffee is never enough to just share everything i know one hour conversation with you even here on this podcast is never enough. So I want to just, you know, we can talk a lot about belonging right now, but the goal is, hey, if there's something that speaks to you, here's a book in which I have literally open source everything. Here's exactly what we did at Daybreaker. Here's the type of container, the space that we've built. Here's our tips and tricks for what we did. Here's our value system. Here's what we've, you know, here's how we've created a robust community. Here's what you can do in your personal life as well to create your dream

community. And, and I just felt really like suicide hotlines aren't the answer. You know what I mean? Like, like that's what everyone's posting right now is that's the last resort, you know, like those types of sort of, sort of places are last resort places. Like if we can actually teach each other how to belong in this world, we'll never need a suicide hotline, right? Like, again, these types of things become these band-aid issues when we can be totally dealing with the root cause early on. So I just felt like, just, I just felt like possessed.

I just was like, I just felt like we need, there isn't a guidebook, a simple step-by-step guidebook that teaches you exactly how to make friends and build a community from scratch or evolve your community if you have one and want to continue scaling it. And every book I'd bought was written in a way that was very academic, was written with just black and white words on a page. And I'm a very visual person. I can't read very well, to be honest with you. I get bored. So my book, I illustrated every page as well with my friend. Yeah. And the whole idea is that the book is an experience in the same way that Daybreaker is an experience. You're participating in the book. There's 20 exercises in the book for you to participate in. I want you to write in the

book and get dirty inside of it and rip pages out and share it with friends. And I want you to turn the page really anticipating what the next silly illustration or fun, sophisticated thing I'm going to share or whatever. And I also hid a secret Easter egg in the book as well. It's a key code that unlocks an experience in the real world. So for the first 200 people who unlock the key code and enter it into belongbook.com, they will have the first access to... Ours will be this wild event that I'm putting on and I'll be hosting for 200 people here in New York City. So you'll have to find it. I'm not giving any hints. Yeah. I mean,

you and I can geek out on so much of this for so long. It feels like a good time for us to come full circle. So we're hanging out here in this thing called the Good Life Project. So if I offer out the phrase to live a good life, what comes out for you? Oh my gosh. To live a good life is to be sharing it with others who fill your tank up with an equal energy exchange. A good life is completely shared, you know, truly. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening to this episode.

And thanks also to our fantastic sponsors who help make the show possible. You can check them out in the links that we have included in today's show notes. And while you're at it, be sure to click on the subscribe button in your listening app so you never miss an episode and then share the Good Life Project love with friends. When ideas become conversations that lead to action, that is when real change takes hold. See you next time. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him. We need him. Y'all need a pilot. Flight risk. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever,

making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone Xs are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary.