Good Life Project - Rise of the Super Connector | Chris Winfield

Episode Date: August 27, 2019

In the mid-to-late 2000s, Chris Winfield (https://www.chriswinfield.com/) was riding high. Living fast, a co-founder of one of the hottest creative-agencies in tech, he had the world at his feet. Secr...etly, he was dying inside, addicted and, at what seemed like the height of success, Chris' business and life imploded. He realized there had to be another way, starting in recovery he set off on a journey of rediscovery, seeking to figure out who he was, what really mattered and how he wanted to serve. Years later, coming from a more intentional and healthy place, he's rebuilt his life, clean and sober, leading by giving and found a way to tap what he learned was one of his greatest and most valued strengths, his ability to connect with people. That fueled the launch of a series of groundbreaking publicity events for entrepreneurs and experts, Unfair Advantage Live (https://events.chriswinfield.com/), along with a new venture, Super Connector Mediaâ„¢, on a mission to help people share their unique genius with the world.-------------Have you discovered your Sparketype yet? Take the Sparketype Assessmentâ„¢ now. IT’S FREE (https://sparketype.com/) and takes about 7-minutes to complete. At a minimum, it’ll open your eyes in a big way. It also just might change your life.If you enjoyed the show, please share it with a friend. Thank you to our super cool brand partners. If you like the show, please support them - they help make the podcast possible. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 So my guest today, Chris Winfield, is actually a good friend of mine. We have been part of a group of New York City dads who've been meeting on a regular basis for years now just to kind of support each other. And I'm really excited to be able to dive into his story with him. So in the late or in sort of the mid to late 2000s, Chris was really riding highs, living fast, a co-founder of one of the hottest creative agencies in tech, pretty much had the world at his feet. But secretly, he was dying inside. He was addicted. And at what seemed like the height of his success, Chris's business and his life pretty much completely imploded. He
Starting point is 00:00:42 realized there just had to be a different way. And starting in recovery, he set off on this journey of rediscovery, deeply personal, seeking to figure out who he was, what really mattered to him from the inside out, and how he wanted to serve. And years later, coming from a way more intentional and healthy place, he's completely rebuilt his life. He's clean and sober, leading by giving, and found a way to tap what he learned was actually one of his greatest and most valued strengths, which was his ability to connect with people. That eventually fueled the launch of a series of publicity events for entrepreneurs and experts he called Unfair Advantage Live, along with a new venture called Super Connector Media, which is really fun and cool because he's on a kind of a mission to help people share their unique genius with
Starting point is 00:01:29 the world. Really excited to share Chris, his story, his rediscovery and reclamation and devotion to service in today's conversation. I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him. We need him. Y'all need a pilot. Flight risk. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever,
Starting point is 00:02:15 making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X, available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required, charge time and actual results will vary. I was never really allowed to be still growing up. Never, like that was not something I would,
Starting point is 00:02:47 you wouldn't walk into our house growing up and see anyone just like laying on the couch or meditating or anything like that. Like it was always, you had to be in movement. And I still have that where I'm like, oh, well, I'll feel guilty. Like if I just, I'm my own boss, you know, for a long time. And if I decide to like stop in the middle of the day and watch like an episode of Billions, I'll have guilt around that. Or like, let's say Jen comes home and like, I'll jump up
Starting point is 00:03:14 and like pretend I'm doing something because I'm like, oh, I don't want her to think that I'm not doing anything. So there's like a certain amount of almost shame associated with just kind of chilling. A hundred percent. That's so interesting. A hundred percent. And you can tag that back to when you were a kid. Oh yeah, without a doubt. It was, you know, there's a lot of reasons for that, but it wasn't something, our house was not just a place where you just did nothing. Yeah. Which actually kind of like, I mean, like I feel like I've met your parents. And actually I met your dad the first time when he was like in the city because he was helping out at the New York City Marathon.
Starting point is 00:03:52 So I'm guessing that was part of the whole like philosophy and ethos of movement. Exercise was essential, still is for them. So his father died from heart disease when he was about like nine. And I think that there was this whole idea like that he didn't want that to be him. So exercise, being healthy became just paramount, you know, above everything else. I don't know if above everything else, but it's still that way. So it's like, they're still, they'll come over. I love my parents. They'll come over though. And like to see me and, you know, they always have to have a plan. You always have to know what we're doing, what we're doing, what we're doing. And that was like my life for,
Starting point is 00:04:34 for so long. And I think I can still go back to that really, really easy. Yeah. Were you an athlete as a kid though? Not anything good. I didn't, I had this story that I wasn't um it's really interesting you know the stories that we tell ourselves or just I had this idea that I wasn't a good athlete and you know now as an adult like people like oh you're a great athlete and I'm like no that was not that was not me um I mean I did sports because we had to always be doing something yeah you had to do you know a sport or have a job and all these different things. So I did this stuff, but I did it so half-assed and just not into it at all.
Starting point is 00:05:15 Yeah. Well, also, I mean, when you're a kid and that's sort of like mandated from the top down, it's not the thing you want to be doing. Exactly. So you had part of the growing up thing was you had to have a job also. Job. Yeah. Sport, job, everything. So it wasn't just about movement. It was about, it sounds like responsibility. Everything. Yes. It was, it was like, all right. And the, the crazy thing was I was constantly getting in trouble. I was not like a good, I mean, I was a good student just because I was able to, even if I half-assed it, I was able to do well,
Starting point is 00:05:46 just get by on brains or whatever. I never studied and always got in trouble. That was like my MO. For what? Talking, just everything. And my poor mother. So my mother was a school psychologist, but both of my parents were. At the school that you went to? My high school. Oh, poor. And I literally, and I, when I say like, I got in trouble every day, that's not like an exaggeration. And that poor woman, you know, she had teachers or friends that would just stop talking to her forever. All this, it was just, it was awful. I feel really bad. Every time I bring
Starting point is 00:06:21 that up, I'm like, I get to call my mom after this. Make amends. So when you finally graduated high school, she's like really happy, but for multiple reasons. Forever. But then my brother was right two years behind me. And in different ways, he was just as much trouble, if not more. Right. And the family, some rebellion. You grew up in Tuxedo, right? Tuxedo, New York, and then further upstate.
Starting point is 00:06:48 Right, which for those, so we're hanging out in New York City right now and Tuxedo is like an hour and a half or so north of New York. Exactly. And for those who've never heard of it before, so the only way that I know Tuxedo is that as a kid, I went there for,
Starting point is 00:07:03 it's kind of become legendary for the Renaissance Fair. So like every year you go up there and they're like, it's taken over by people running around in tights and eating with their hands. Yep, exactly. That's Sterling Forest, which is right past Tuxedo. It's all kind of considered the same because they're so small.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Tuxedo has Tuxedo Park, which is like the only gated town in, like the only gated like public town or something in um america i believe i could be wrong but and then like actual gated there's an actual gate to get in so there's tuxedo park and then there's tuxedo and tuxedo park is one of like the richest communities in i don't know in america there's like so many celebrities that live there, a lot of hedge fund guys. And there's an actual gate that you have to go in. And then I lived in tuxedo. So I literally lived on the other side of the tracks. You know, when people say that I was literally on that other side. And, you know, that growing up, that shaped me so much because I grew up so close to extreme wealth, but I did not.
Starting point is 00:08:06 That was not my story. And I remember having so much shame around not having money. And we would go in, like when you go to the gate to go into Tuxedo Park, you have to actually, like if you don't live there, you have to say, you know, we're here to see, blah, blah, blah. And I can remember at like six years old, having shame around that. Because if I was going with like a friend or somebody who lived there, they just opened the gate automatically. So I guess here, New York City, like my building has, you know, doormen. So it's the same thing for your building. You have to announce yourself. If you just, if you live there, you just walk right in. And it didn't bother anyone else in my family. It always bothered me extremely. And I just thought that everyone in the park was happy because they had so much money. So I literally
Starting point is 00:08:59 made that connection. All right. These people are all happy. I'm not, I don't have money. These people have money. They're all happy. And so it's, and it drove me for so long. Yeah. So like at six years old, you literally have this thing in your mind that says happiness is money. Completely. So directly. That's kind of fascinating. And I believed, and I knew the crazy thing was, this is what's so weird about how powerful stories like that can become. I knew people that lived in there, a lot of my friends and their parents, their parents were miserable people.
Starting point is 00:09:34 And, you know, there were some happy, nice ones, but most were not. But I didn't even think of that. I didn't equate that. I just had this overarching belief. Everyone in here has money. They're all happy. Yeah, it's the stories that we want to tell ourselves. It's funny because I grew up in a town where it was East Egg from the Great Gatsby in Port Washington. And the town was overall actually fairly well to do, but there was Port Washington and then there was Sands Point, which was the tip
Starting point is 00:10:03 of it where there was some pretty astonishing wealth. And I saw a lot of the same things. And I remember having similar struggles, not so early, but I remember in high school. And reflecting back on that, it's funny because you look at like, well, the haves and the have-nots. We weren't really the have-nots. But I mean, we live such lives of comparison that when you look at just astonishing wealth, it makes somebody who's actually like the family's fine and everyone's good. And we're like, everything's great. It's like, there's something that happens to our brains where it just kind of flips into this mode of like, wow. Oh, what was me? Exactly. Yeah. And I have this story that I had like no money growing up
Starting point is 00:10:46 because that's how we kind of lived, but that's not really the case when, you know, I compare myself to somebody who truly is like destitute, but comparatively, I, that's how I thought because we had, you know, we couldn't just go out to dinner. We had, you know, like things like that. But I just, I believe that. And I chased that for so long and I still, you know, I can still revert back into that. Yeah. Well, I mean, we're living in New York City, so it is, all you have to do is look up and you see it around us on every corner. Exactly. So when you went off, when you went to college, you went to Albany, right? Yeah. So when you, when you went to Albany in the back of your mind, was this sort of like the first step
Starting point is 00:11:27 towards that big master goal? No. I went, I had no plan. I had no, there was nothing like I wound up going to Albany because it was convenient. Yeah. My father had said, we'll pay for a state school. I didn't want to do anything more. I just went there because I think that was like the first Yeah. weird thing is that upstate New York, the actual campus was designed for Arizona to create wind. So if you're on campus, it's like 15 degrees colder. It's miserable. And I hated it. I hated just because I was so unhappy as a person. I struggled with, I didn't even realize it was struggling, but with addiction and drinking and all these, I didn't even realize it was struggling, but with addiction and drinking, you know, and all these. I didn't realize at that time. I just thought that's what everyone did.
Starting point is 00:12:29 The people I was around were like that. And I had no plan. You know, some people say like, oh, I knew exactly what I was going to do and, you know, become an entrepreneur and all this. And that was not my story. What did you end up actually studying? Political science. I used to want to be a lawyer. Oh, you end up actually studying? Political science. I used to want to be a lawyer. Oh, which is weird.
Starting point is 00:12:48 You were a lawyer. Which is funny because I studied political science too. And the only reason was because my senior year, I could not figure out what I should do to graduate. So finally, I'm just like, yeah, I have enough courses in this. I had no intention of being a lawyer at that point either, even though I ended up going down that path.
Starting point is 00:13:04 So you come out of there and this was then the late 90s, early 2000s? Yeah, right at the early 2000s. So this is a really interesting time in the economy and the dot-com world too. Yeah. And I was looking for a job. So again, I've been an entrepreneur for almost all of my life, but it was not what, I didn't think that that was possible for me. What were you doing as an entrepreneur when you were younger? No, no, nothing. Meaning like in my adult life, I've been an entrepreneur, but I,
Starting point is 00:13:36 so I'm, so here's the interesting thing. In my immediate family, not only was I the first person to become an entrepreneur or, you know, on my own business, I was the first person to become an entrepreneur or you know on my own business I was the first person not working a school system oh no kidding so my parents were both school psychologists then my brother became a school psychologist my sister worked in a school so I was like the first one to just not do that so I there I was looking and trying to get different jobs or whatever. My sister introduced me to this guy who was a family friend of her husband's family. And he used to be a huge pharma executive. And she's such a good guy, family man, all that. So he was starting a web development company with three other guys this was around the time that like a company called razorfish was trading at like 200 right it's like billion dollars you
Starting point is 00:14:32 know multi-billion dollar company everyone just making up the weirdest name you can for like whatever the company is exactly and people are just throwing money so these guys so started this company, web development company. Now, the pharma executive six months in wound up being in rehab. He had a terrible coke problem. He had left his family, all these different things. And he was like the most stable of the four partners. So another guy was a like the number four guy at Strand Oakmont, which is like boiler room, Wolf of Wall Street and stuff based on. So, which I didn't know any of this stuff at the time. And then another guy wasn't allowed to trade securities in like New York and Connecticut and, you know, blah, blah,
Starting point is 00:15:19 blah. And it just keeps going on. And my job was making phone calls, like making calls, like basically cold calling people to get up, to get appointments set up where, you know, to see, to demo like our web development stuff. And I was really good at it. Like I would call like 300 people a day in New York City. It was like the most miserable thing. And then I led the telemark, you know, all this stuff. And I worked really hard and I was just expecting like, you know, all this stuff. And I worked really hard and I was just expecting like, all right, this is it. So like that six year old kid, all right, you're finally going, this is like your ticket to happiness. You're finally, because everyone was becoming, you know, multi-million and billionaires from the dot com days. And this
Starting point is 00:16:02 was it. I had an office like overlooking Statue of Liberty down on like Water Street and all this. And it did not work, obviously, as you can probably tell from the, the, the foundation of those four guys. But it, it just like, I wound up leaving there and I was like, I never want, I never want to make a cold call again in my life or do like people would spend so much money on, you know, on these websites that would do nothing. So I kind of decided, all right, I'm going to do the opposite. But it was, it's just amazing. Like how I, like, I really thought like that was the key that was going to be it. And it was so far away from being it. Yeah. I mean, at the same time though, it's
Starting point is 00:16:45 like to, to be in that environment, especially straight out of school on the one hand, you know, there's a lot of stuff that you see that you realize is all smoke and mirrors. But on the other hand, there's a lot of stuff that you see that's all smoke and mirrors. It's like, you kind of like, you know, the, the, the illusion or, you know, like the, you know, the fiction that you were telling yourself from the time that you were six, you start to like realize pretty quickly that there's something that's like not quite right about this. And I think a lot of us don't wake up to that until, or at least start to see hints of the fact that that might not be real until way later in life. Yeah. And I, it didn't, it still didn't completely know i mean all i knew
Starting point is 00:17:26 was what i didn't want right which was what these guys are doing but i still i wanted like the i still wanted the money i still had i wanted all that like that still was the driver for me right so money's still the driver at that point you're were just like, not this way. Exactly. So where do you go from there? Started my own business for, and it was completely as a result of just seeing what didn't work and then figuring, all right, here's how we can make it work. So these guys were like doing, building websites that weren't doing things for people. So I'm like, all right, I just started learning about marketing and, you know, how to actually drive traffic and stuff like that. But this was also around the time where everything crashed. Exactly. I mean, because I remember at 9-11, so I was living in Brooklyn
Starting point is 00:18:18 and because that's really like when things started to really, that's like for me, like was such like a turning point. And I remember our office at that point was like in like Flatiron area. So for people who don't live in New York, like 20s or something like that. I was living in Brooklyn and Brooklyn had a, the W train goes above ground. You're like going over a bridge. And I remember stopping in the middle of the bridge, the train stopping, the guy, the conductor started like talking as if it was as if it was like Disneyland. And he was like, if you look to your right, you'll see that the Twin Towers are on fire. It was like really that like not realizing what was going on
Starting point is 00:19:04 or anything like that. But the reason I'm telling this story is like, this was such a turning point for me. I wound up like getting to our office and watching one of the towers fall because we used to have a view of that. But that next day after getting, you know, through all that and the next day, um, after getting, you know, through all that and the next day, like not even having enough money to go to like to dinner or anything and calling our boss and be like, Hey, do you want us to come into work? Like, that's how I was still that like driven. And, um, you know, and him being like, Oh no, go out to BC.
Starting point is 00:19:41 He hadn't been paying us all this stuff. And, you know, that being like the, the huge turning point for me. And then that, you know, the, I think the whole world kind of changed at that time. Um, yeah, it was just, it was, I don't know why I'd like been on my mind recently around that whole time. Um, and then that's like right after is like when we wound up leaving and then starting um uh starting my own company yeah i mean i think that was a catalyst for so many people to just make some really abrupt changes like us both having been in the city yeah um at the time it was it's funny i sometimes wonder um you know it was a it was a it was such a traumatic window and experience for everybody, for the entire country.
Starting point is 00:20:28 But for those who were in New York and who were New Yorkers that day, it was different. It was. There was something that is just indescribably visceral that changed almost pretty much everyone I know who was here that day. Yeah. Especially just all the different, there's like lots of different reminders for me. So for example, I lost a lot of people. And I remember one of my friends, this girl who then I'd seen her like two days before and bumped into her at the gym. And she was, I think she was with her mom.
Starting point is 00:21:07 And I remember I was drinking Fiji water and she was like, oh, that's my favorite water. So anytime that I pick up a bottle of Fiji, like I always remembered that. And, you know, and it wasn't like, I wasn't super close to her or anything like that, but it's just like that, that interesting, like different little things like. There was a kind of a massive wall in New York where people just started taking tiles, little ceramic tiles with people's names or just remembrances and posting them on a fence and became this massive sort of, you know, like back,
Starting point is 00:21:41 just crowdsourced memorial from thousands of people. And you would go there and it was just, it was complete silence there, you know, just crowdsourced memorial from thousands of people. And you would go there and it was just, it was complete silence there, you know, as you just walked and looked. And my wife and I just literally walked by that spot, you know, years and years and years later. And there are still, it's still there. There aren't nearly as many tiles, many, many have gone away over the years, but there are still, it's still there. There aren't nearly as many tiles.
Starting point is 00:22:05 Many, many have gone away over the years, but there are still many up there. And I was amazed how in a moment, it's like just seeing this, like you're back there. It takes you right back, yeah. It's crazy. It's like, it's just beneath the surface. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:25 The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series 10.
Starting point is 00:22:44 Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required, charge time and actual results will vary. Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were going to be fun.
Starting point is 00:22:59 On January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him. We need him. Y'all need a pilot.
Starting point is 00:23:08 Flight risk. So this happens. And at the same time, everything's falling apart in the company that you're at. And this becomes a catalyst for you to say, okay, things need to change. But you also, you didn't decide to go somewhere else. You're like, let me, I want to define my own thing from this point forward yeah and i just started learning and that was like that's how i've learned everything like just online trying myself like no no i didn't have a mentor i didn't have any training or anything i just started like reading and learning and just trying
Starting point is 00:23:44 things it always sounds so much better in you know looking back like it wound up being great or anything. I just started like reading and learning and just trying things. It always sounds so much better in looking back, like it wound up being great. But I mean, as hell, you know, I think that that's like an important thing to remember. Like I was broke as a joke for a long time, you know, a really long time. And, but then I would, again, like I was still chasing, like, I'll be happy. This has been a big theme for me is like, I'll be happy when, all right, when I get to this, when I don't have to worry about this or, and I just remember like never, like it never works. You know, it works for like 30 minutes, like whatever those goals are. I remember like the first time I got like a nice car and driving it home from New Jersey.
Starting point is 00:24:27 And for some reason, we bought it in New Jersey. And I felt great for like 30 minutes, like driving and like, you know, smelling the new leather, all that. And it was a BMW and it just went away. Like I didn't even make it back to New York City and it was gone. I was like, oh man, this is so sad.
Starting point is 00:24:46 You're like, I need to go drive this back and get the bigger, shinier one. Yes, exactly. And then that would go, you know, that would last 31 minutes maybe. Yeah. But still you're in it. So it's like, even though you're feeling, do you, actually, here's my curiosity. When you look back, can you remember like that was what happened? Or do you recall actually feeling that in the moment
Starting point is 00:25:05 while you're literally like you're driving it in by the time you hit New York City? You're like, okay, so that was nice, but what's next? Yeah, this is an interesting, it's such an interesting question because I sometimes wonder about my own memory. Like I think I have, I think we all have this ability to like, you can change what your actual memory is. So I don't know if I felt that right. You know, how deeply like I,
Starting point is 00:25:33 in my mind, I can see it and I can feel it exactly as it happened. I wonder if that's exactly the way, like if I had that realization, because perspective is so unbelievably powerful and perspective can, you know, I can see it so clearly now. I'm wondering at that time in like, you know, 2004 or whatever, how deeply I felt that. Yeah. Because I mean, so you start a firm. This was 10, 8, 20, right? Because the office was on 10 East 21st Street.
Starting point is 00:26:03 And then at that time, numbers came up before, like directories were so important. Like Yahoo was like a directory and like that was so important. So numbers came up before letters. So I would always be at the top of any list or anything like that. So you're thinking SEO. I was a big SEO guy. And that was also, so that was in a part of New York City where back then it was considered, there was like a small slice of Manhattan that was considered Silicon Alley. Flat iron. You know, like we were chasing Silicon Valley.
Starting point is 00:26:34 And so that address for non-New Yorkers would have been in the heart. Yeah. Like right in the middle of where everything was happening in the tech world in New York City and all the explosive growth and everything. Is your intention at that point to just build a giant? My intention when I started was to just get money coming in, meaning instead of getting a job. It was really that simple. Like, again, like I did not have that mentality yet of really wanting to be an entrepreneur or, you know, do something remarkable or anything like that.
Starting point is 00:27:15 I was not at that level in my life where that really, that really mattered. I mean, I was very still very self-consumed. So I was like, all right, well, I'm going to be able to help people doing it better than we had been doing it and make enough to live on. Yeah. So did you start this alone or with other people? My wife. Well, we weren't married, but my ex-wife.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Right. So you were dating at the time. Yeah, exactly. Which adds a whole other element to this. Oh, yeah. Why make it easy? So that firm, though, I mean, looking back, when we know the history of that firm, it actually grows to become this sort of like rock star in that world. Yeah. And well, so that wound up becoming really, it did great. I started speaking, I started focusing on publicity to differentiate myself,
Starting point is 00:28:14 started being the person, the company that people would want to hire to do, you know, something cool. It was like the, it was like the really, um, like just kind of like the rock star status of it. And then it got to a point where I was going to then sell it because I got really focused on, all right, I'm going to, I want to just build this to sell it. And I got to a point where I had the offer in my hand and it was a good offer but there was a two-year earn out and meaning I would had to work for the acquiring company for at least two years and blah blah blah and at the last minute I was like nope I can't do it and I think immediately I put down the the paper picked up the phone called a bunch
Starting point is 00:29:01 of different people a bunch of like competitors slash friends that did similar things. And we formed something bigger. And again, now here is where I was like, all right, now I want to build the biggest, best agency in the world. Yeah. So this was like, okay, so now we're going to turn this into like my razor fish.
Starting point is 00:29:19 Exactly. Yeah. So you partner up with a bunch of other people who had been doing their own thing to create this sort of bigger agency. What year are we talking about at that point? That was 2008 or 2009, I think. Right. And you're on your way in your mind.
Starting point is 00:29:40 2009, maybe 2010. Actually, 2010. Yeah. Yeah, completely. Are you happy at that time? I was miserable. So I, I was not, so now I'm such a person focused on personal growth, spiritual, none of that stuff. I was focused on me and I was focused on ego. I was focused on how I came off to people, what people thought about me. I mean, completely.
Starting point is 00:30:09 So also, I'm attracting people like me. And yeah, I was miserable, absolutely miserable. Now, if you looked at my life on the outside, you'd probably think it was great. You know, constantly being talked about like a great pub, all this stuff. And I was absolutely miserable. Now I didn't really know how miserable I was. And also, I mean, I had, you know, I was struggling with addiction, like again, not even realizing it, but no, it's like now obviously looking back, I can talk about that. But so I didn't know, I didn't know how miserable I was. The way I was described as like, I was comfortable being
Starting point is 00:30:50 uncomfortable. And there's different levels of that. There's like a good uncomfortable, where you're pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, literally. And I think that's like a really powerful uncomfortable. But there's also like an uncomfortability where you're just like stagnant and you're just kind of miserable, but you don't know it and you don't want to change anything because there's like safety in your misery. That's what it was for me. Yeah. And I mean, not only safety in your misery, but there's also, if you're surrounding yourself with people with the same value set and who are all equally miserable, there's like camaraderie in it.
Starting point is 00:31:29 There's like a sense of like your sense of identity and belonging is built around us all feeling this way. Exactly, yeah. And when you have a lot of power in choosing who's gonna enter the realm, it's like you just keep adding more people with that same lens. Exactly, yeah. So at that point, you were also struggling with addiction.
Starting point is 00:31:48 How did that show up? It showed up by just being a complete egomaniac. It showed up by, I mean, literally just being, I had a, by the time I got sober, so I got sober on January 3rd, 2011. So there was like a nine month period from starting this company to that. So this is the new company where this is the new company. Yeah. And I was just never, I was never, the best way to describe it is I was never present.
Starting point is 00:32:25 So even if I was, I had a new daughter who, you know, now, like, it blows my mind to hear this. But I was not a part of her life. You know, I walked out of her life at one point. And, you know, it was just, I was not, I was not a person. I don't, it's the best way for me to describe it. I was just, I was not, I was not a person. I don't, it's the best way for me to describe it. I was just, I was just there. I was taking action, but not in any way that was doing anything. I was so disconnected from just, from not only other people, but from myself.
Starting point is 00:33:02 Yeah. Completely disconnected. So what happens on January 3rd, 2011 to make that change? So it was more like December 28th of 2010 is I had this moment. I had moved to Florida. So when I talk about like, I literally walked out of my daughter's life. And I was married at the time I walked out on her and moved to Florida because, you know, that they were the problem or, you know, not my, not my daughter,
Starting point is 00:33:34 but you know, whatever it was. And I'd missed a bunch of flights back from Las Vegas. We had just acquired a company and, you know, I was out there speaking. It was like a mess. And I come back and I move. I moved to Florida. We had an office down there. So I'm going to move, do that because there's something in that, in like the recovery where they call it is a geographic. So you, you know, I've changed where I live. I'm going to change myself.
Starting point is 00:34:02 So you can do a geographic with so many different things, a job, a girlfriend, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is. I moved down there and it's a mess. And the whole time, it's just a blur. And I come back up for Christmas and I am, you know, with my family and, you know, not staying at my own house or anything. And my daughter's first real Christmas, where I remember being at my sister's house, and I have also three nieces, they come running in Christmas morning, like six o'clock, to go open presents. And I have to go and take take drinks and, you know, in the bathroom just to be present enough to watch kids open presents. So that's kind of just to give you like an insight into like where I was at that point. And I then, you know, go on like that for a few days.
Starting point is 00:34:57 I was supposed to go back to Florida. And I knew like in my mind, it was like I hadn't been going through with like these three thoughts for a long time. Like, you know, continue living the way that I was living. And I'd always thought I would be dead by 40, you know, from being a little kid, even before. I don't know why, but that was always kind of the idea. It was really, it's crazy for me to say that now. And, you know, number two, the second thought was like, just, you know, ending at Kilmeth, you know, like, just don't want to live this way.
Starting point is 00:35:27 I didn't really want to do that, but I was so miserable. And number three was like getting clean. Now, I didn't know anything about sobriety or anything. It was just getting clean. They all seem like equally good. Now, again, at this point, like, if you look at my life, like, it looks good. I'm, you know, all this stuff, but like, this is why social media and all these things can be so dangerous because like, you don't know. And I wound up just, I wound up going back to my house and I'd had this whole argument with my
Starting point is 00:35:58 daughter's mother and, you know, wound up like, she was like, I just can't have you in our lives. And I wound up going into my kitchen, and I'm in the kitchen at my island, and I just had this thought. And the thought was, I can't do this anymore. That was it. I'm too tired. And I was like, she came back down the stairs, and she went up to put my daughter down for a nap and I said listen I want to get clean you know I don't want to drink anymore I don't and
Starting point is 00:36:33 she said all right I'll help you and I'd wanted to go to this like 10-day treatment center it was the first thing that came up in Google and it was an aversion therapy place. I didn't know anything about. So basically you, if you go there and then they like you drink or something and then they, they give you like true serum and it's just this awful thing. And so I'd said, I want to go to this because I just was like, all right, get it done in 10 days. I didn't know anything about recovery. I didn't know it's like a, you know, lifelong thing. And we had been seeing over the summer, this guy, this counselor, and she called him and this guy never would take a dollar from me because he's like, I can't help you. You're not ready. And that was like, it drove me crazy at the time. And so she called him and she said, Chris is ready to get clean. He wants
Starting point is 00:37:23 to go to this place. And the guy was like, well, Chris is done to get clean. He wants to go to this place. And the guy was like, well, Chris is done making decisions. Here's where he's going to go. He's going to go to Karen Foundation in Pennsylvania. And that's where I wound up going. And the reason is December 28th and January 3rd is they couldn't take me until then. They couldn't take me and I was fine with that. You know, so it's an important thing
Starting point is 00:37:46 it's like even though i was ready i still needed all that time you know and it wasn't like i had some great like you know new year's eve party or anything it was like mostly just being like passed out or whatever but um when i went there i just listened just listened. Even though I didn't want to, I was ready. And I think that's an important thing with change is that it's not like I wanted it, but I didn't want it 100%. I think there's this belief. And I know for myself, I can get this belief. I got to want it 110%. And especially now, there's all this with hustle.
Starting point is 00:38:25 And you have to hustle 1,000 percent and blah, blah, blah. And like, for me, the thing that I started thinking about back then was I just have to want it a little bit more than I don't. So I always look at like 51% of me, like, that's it. Like, so somebody would come in and be talking and I'm like, oh my God, I hate this person so much, but they're so stupid, but, but I wouldn't get up and leave. And I would listen. And you know, that, and that's been like how I've changed everything from there. It's like 51%, because 51% gets me those days when I can have 90% or 65%. So. Yeah. So when you come out of that, how do you step back into your life? Again, and- Slowly.
Starting point is 00:39:06 And I mean, what are, so you've got, cause you're still in this company, right? You're now different. Completely. Than the entire, like everything that you've built and the culture that you've built and the assumptions about how you'll be in that culture is different. Now in the assumptions about how you'll be in that culture
Starting point is 00:39:25 is different now in the context of like your personal relationships that's probably a good thing right because the expectations are like okay so now we've got something to work with your back but in the context of this like your own company that you've built where the culture is like no no that's not how we operate yeah it. It was, it was a challenge right from the beginning. So there, because a big part of how I grew my agencies and built so many of my relationships revolved around drinking, revolved around going and speaking at conferences and then going out at night with people. And so I had had, you know, I'm struggling with this whole idea of like, how can I have a successful business and not drink?
Starting point is 00:40:10 Like that was such an integral part of it, which now kind of blows my mind eight plus years later and realize like it's almost crazy to me, but that was such a big part. And then, you know, that's also how all my, you know, relationships had formed and that was such a big part. And then, you know, that's also how all my, you know, relationships had formed and that's what they're around. So yeah, that there right from the beginning, it started to cause like, there was such a disconnect. Yeah. And it sounds like at
Starting point is 00:40:38 the same time, also the new entity was having some issues. Yeah. I mean, from kind of from the beginning and it just, but then we just kept growing it and growing it. And, you know, it just kind of hummed along and looked great on the outside and was a complete mess on the inside. And it was like a perfect example. I always say for like me, you know, like it was an analogy because I was still, even though I was sober and doing all this stuff, like I still had this huge tug in me. Like I would go into my own office and feel miserable and, you know, realize I'm like, what am I doing? Like, how am I really giving back or contributing? And then I was very outside of recovery.
Starting point is 00:41:22 I was very disconnected, you know i because there was this whole thing like about connecting with people and it was so in business it was so related to drinking and it was so related to partying and all that and i just i couldn't do that anymore i was you know that was just not who i was so that the that just kept going on. And then that company like spectacularly imploded, you know, I guess about two years after that. And it was like all the, there's like the saying is like, God will do for you what you can't do for yourself. I probably, I don't know, I didn't have the strength to just leave because that was my identity. That was like so much of who I was, was tied up in that company. I think the same can happen for people in like a relationship or, you know, whatever it is. And you just, again, like you
Starting point is 00:42:18 stay stuck and it's comfortable. I was comfortable being uncomfortable. And then that just like all kind of imploded. And, you know, it was like all the worst possible things that I could imagine, like all kind of happened. And it was very public and just like gross. And it was like, looking back, like that was one of the best things that ever happened to me in my life. But it felt horrible. Like I've read, you know, Facebook memories. I got one from like six years ago on a Saturday and I showed it to Jen and it was like about like, you know, taking the high road. And, um, you know, because I just, at that time it was just so like, you know, painful and going on. And I, um, but that's also where everything started to change for me. Like that was like part two in terms of, so getting sober, which felt like the worst day of my life ever waking up in rehab. Like literally I wrote down on a piece of paper, this is the worst day of my life. I want it to be a, that's the day I look at every single day as the best day of my life. It didn't feel like that. Now, when all
Starting point is 00:43:22 this stuff happened, this was like act two for me. This was the beginning. And, you know, it just, it still amazes me how we have to, we don't have to, but for me, I've had to go through a lot of pain to get that growth. And, you know, that's, so this is like where then, you know, the whole next part happens where I'm like, oh my God, I'm so unbelievably disconnected from people. Yeah, because now you don't have this whole structure to distract you from whatever level of suffering you're in. At least you go to work and you can be distracted like 24-7. Yep. When this massive thing implodes and then it's you. And not only do you have the struggle of figuring out, okay, so at that point, you know, like married, your father, you're living in New York City, high standard of living, really big public enclosure.
Starting point is 00:44:10 I was living in Florida at that time. Oh, right, right. In a gated community down in Florida. So I hadn't even made it back here yet. Right. And this is being in public also. So there's like a big public reputational thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:21 And you're clean. So you don't have a community that's really clean and sort of like looking at the same way as you outside of the people like recovery recovery where do you go when you're brought to your knees at that moment i mean what's the next move like how do you look up and then say okay so how am i going to be okay yep i so the big thing i started to get, I started to get healthy, really healthy as a person. I remember one of the books that changed everything for me. It's so weird. He lives a block away from us. I found James Altucher, who's now a friend, which is so weird because at the time I read
Starting point is 00:45:01 a TechCrunch article that he had wrote like 101 something. And I was like, oh, I love how this guy writes. I went, bought his book, Choose Yourself. Start reading that. He has the whole thing about like daily, I think he called it daily practice, you know, just doing these different things. And I was like, all right, this, that really makes sense. I started doing my own, you know, I call it daily routine and, you know, really focused
Starting point is 00:45:24 around getting healthy, like mind, body, soul. And so I start that. And then I realized I'm still like kind of disconnected. So I start to reach out to people and set up meetings. And at first it was in Florida and I start meeting with no matter what one person a day. So when I say meeting, sometimes that was phone calls, but a lot of times it was just, it was just going and sitting down with somebody. Now it's so strange, but I was so nervous to do that. I do it all the time now, but I was so unbelievably uncomfortable. Why?
Starting point is 00:46:02 What was behind that? I think I was great unbelievably uncomfortable. Why? What was behind that? I think I was great being able to be up talking to a crowd or whatever. But then when it was just one-on-one, no alcohol, no nothing, just getting into vulnerable stuff. And I never would have talked like this, talked about all my flaws or failures or anything like that. Never. Because I wanted you to think that I was perfect. Because I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that I needed you to believe that. So I started doing that.
Starting point is 00:46:37 But then I started just like opening up because I had so much pain that I didn't know anything else. So as a result of that, just being open and like vulnerable with people, people started telling me stuff that, you know, I don't think they ever told anyone in their lives before. This still has, like, I'll start talking to somebody in like a Starbucks and they'll wind up telling me something. And I think it's like that. So I'd learned a lot of just being able to be open in recovery and talking about stuff. And so I started doing that with quote unquote normal people and it was just absolutely amazing. So then I was like, all right, let me also, instead of like being that person that was looking for something for myself always out of anything. Let me flip that around and figure out what I can do to help
Starting point is 00:47:26 people because I didn't need to, like, I didn't have anything. Like I didn't know what I wanted to do next. I didn't know how I was ever going to make another dollar in my life. Like forget a million, five, anything. I was like, I don't know. Cause I was so like scarred from this. And I started doing that and you know, I've done that now. I don't even know how long it's been, you know, I guess that was April of 2013 and just doing that. And, you know, then doing it in, you know, having dinners and, you know, asking people, you've been to many of my dinners and it just, it's absolutely amazing because again, getting back to what I mentioned before, like I realized how much of a disconnect there was between what I saw from people on social media or what I saw from people.
Starting point is 00:48:12 Like I started meeting when I moved back to New York, I started meeting like celebrities that I grew up like worshiping and then talking to them and being like, wow, they have this, they're more fucked up than me. Like, you know, like it's, it's so, it was fascinating to me. So I wanted, like, I realized how much pain that had caused me. I'm like, how do I like, you know, start to change that for people? You know, because I think that there's such a, there's such a belief now we see like all the highlight reels and we see like somebody's perfect life and i know so many of those people that have the perfect life and i know you know their pain um you know i know what the real issues are yeah i think um social media really screws with us and on the one
Starting point is 00:48:59 it's like it gives and it takes you know it gives flattens the world. It lets us meet and befriend and be in service of, and like all these different people who we never would have been able to actually build relationships with before. And at the same time, like you were saying, so much of what goes on with it these days is like, here's my shiny, happy, utterly fake life. And then if you were the kid who had the comparison thing
Starting point is 00:49:23 at Tuxedo Park when you were six, which we're all that on some level, and then instead of just seeing the gated community, like in your town, you see effectively what is the shiny happy gated community lives of millions of people. And you're making assumptions about how it's so much better than yours.
Starting point is 00:49:44 And then knowing also that so much of it is just smoke and mirrors. It's fascinating to see what it's doing to us. I mean, it's also, I mean, you look at the levels of anxiety and depression out there now, not just in adults, but also in kids who are native to this. It's really scary, the linear relationship. Yeah. There's a loneliness epidemic. So we're more connected than ever, but we're more disconnected because it's not a true connection. So I'll share a quick story with you. So we do these different dinners, like bringing together influencers or, that's funny saying influencers when we're talking about all these issues. Um, but, uh, media and all kinds of different people, we were doing one in LA and at that dinner, there was maybe 25 people and, you know, most had like, let's say a hundred to
Starting point is 00:50:39 a million followers and, you know, seven or eight figure businesses. And, you know, many of eight figure businesses and, you know, many of like people leading absolutely perfect lives. And I always start out any of our dinners, people have like, we pay for everything. We do everything. They just have to answer one question. You know, the question is, what do you need help with right now? And I've found that by getting people to answer that and putting themselves in a vulnerable
Starting point is 00:51:03 position, it's really amazing because other people help them and all this. At that dinner, though, like 60% of the people in that room, the thing that they wanted help with was finding actual friends, like actual connection. And it just, again, these are like the people with like that perfect life but still not feeling you know really truly connected and that's like a basic
Starting point is 00:51:33 human need you know and so that's why I believe in it so much because I know for me that's what changed everything connecting being open honest and vulnerable figuring out what I can do to help somebody. That changed my entire life. Everything. Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were going to be
Starting point is 00:51:57 fun. January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot if we need him! Y'all need a pilot? Flight Risk. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping.
Starting point is 00:52:20 And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X, available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required, charge time and actual results will vary. So when you start to lean into that and do that on a daily basis, it changes you. I mean, also on the one hand, I think it changes you because you reconnect with people who maybe see the world similarly to you. You're more vulnerable. So you realize we're all struggling through this in the same way.
Starting point is 00:52:56 So the way you compare changes too. I mean, I'm curious also how you're going through all of this. You know, like you're tight with your family. They're watching from the outside looking in. What's happening with that dynamic? So with my family? Yeah. In what way?
Starting point is 00:53:16 Like you're, so like your mom, your dad, your siblings, on the one hand with them, and then also you trying to reintegrate into you know like the life of your kid and then your your wife yep yeah it was all so when my family I mean a lot of my family time was around like it's interesting like how alcohol like you it can lead to so much or like you can, it's crazy to me now because, um, you know, it doesn't play a role in my life at all, even though I'm around it so much. But what I find is that I had to like, just re redo all of my relationships. So that meant completely eliminating a lot of people from my life. And, you know, the one, like I literally changed my phone number at one point.
Starting point is 00:54:12 And I remember I went to the store and like the Verizon store and the guy, I was like, I want a new phone number. And he's like, oh, you want me to move over all your contacts I was like no and he's like really I've never seen that before but I just wanted to start completely fresh and you know and I think that's like such a that's such a powerful thing now that didn't mean like just getting rid of everything in my life but um you know family and things like that but it did but, you know, family and things like that. But it did mean getting, you know, cutting relationships with a lot of people and some in my family, not my immediate family, but, you know, and I think that's okay. It's unbelievable how many people I've gone through in terms of like, the more, this is something people always talk to me about and they struggle with and like, you know, but I found that you have to let go. You have to let go of people. But with my daughter,
Starting point is 00:55:16 you know, she was like the big catalyst from, she's the one who helped me realize like that I was really disconnected. Like I realized I was disconnected from her. That's what literally led me to start getting more connected to other people. So I'm like, all right, this is the most important person in my life. And she doesn't even feel connected to me. I got to change that. So with her, it's been this whole thing of just, it's amazing because now I have the closest relationship with her and she is unbelievably confident in who she is. So she's 10. There's a lot of kids, and she lives in, well, it's going to be 10,
Starting point is 00:55:51 but she lives here in New York City on the Upper West Side and extremely privileged life and around. And a lot of kids start getting their phones at like 7, and she doesn't care. She doesn't want a phone. She told me that she called me yesterday I was in this meditation thing getting ready to start and she's like can I tell you something like you know some kids at school had started a group chat and she could care less
Starting point is 00:56:13 like and I love that like I love that that she doesn't feel pulled to that like that makes me really really happy it's a great reminder for me too, because I probably check my phone way more than Nina. But yeah, it's, I think a big part of it was just like either having, I had to kind of learn, relearn how to live or learn how to live. I don't know if I ever really knew. Yeah. When you start exploring all that also, I mean, you also have to rebuild your career literally from the ground up, you know, and granted it starts from you having all the different conversations, but it's also you asking the question, what's next? Like, did you have any idea where it is? So like right now, as we sit here and speak, you run this company and you're all over the media, which is interesting. And very often when people see you on TV, it's under the moniker, the super connector. You run a company called Unfair Advantage where you bring a lot of people together. from the inside looking out, whether it feels like from me over the last chunk of years now,
Starting point is 00:57:26 you've taken those once a day conversations where like the sole intention becomes to be of service to, and just continue to build upon them to figure out how to essentially be the person who understands how to create astonishing relationships that benefit other people and teach others how to do something similar and somehow figure out a way to turn that into a career, a living, a company, all these different things. So my favorite quote of all time is you can't connect the dots looking forward.
Starting point is 00:58:01 You can only connect them looking backwards. Steve Jobs, 2009 Stanford commencement speech. Now, I'm not even a big Steve Jobs fan, but when I heard that, I was like, oh my God, that's it. Because I did not know. So we just like, your podcast is such a great example of this. You hear somebody's story, and it's all these disconnected things
Starting point is 00:58:21 that all somehow wind up connecting. So I had to go through all of those different experiences to get here. And it's, I didn't know, like I never would have thought this, and this is a big thing of what I teach people now is like connecting with people wound up becoming something that came easy to me and looking back over my childhood and things like I always had lots of different friends and, you know, always very close relationship and things like that. But like, I would never have thought that I could make money from that or build a business or be fulfilled from that in any way.
Starting point is 00:58:56 And, you know, for seven months, I had no idea what I was going to do. No idea. Move back to New York was down to nothing because I'd lost so much money in this business and had no idea how I was going to make another dollar. And I don't say that in an exaggerated way. And then one day from starting doing all these different things, becoming much healthier, talking to people, doing all this, like the daily work, it just came to me and not this, not the business that I do now, but just how I could start making money again, because I didn't want to do anything around marketing or anything. I was like so turned off.
Starting point is 00:59:35 And then I started helping somebody and then I started helping another person with like their business. And as soon as I said, Hey, want to hire me to do some stuff? Like they were like, yes, boom. And then, you know, another person. And then I really was in, like, I had to start learning how to actually work. So I got really into productivity. You're laughing. Uh, there's a reason Jonathan plays a key part in this, but I got really into productivity. And then I built a business around that. And I started writing in all these major magazine things around productivity. And I had this business around that and I, I liked it. I didn't love it. I liked it and started speaking, doing all these different things. And then I,
Starting point is 01:00:20 you know, then through, um, I started doing dinners, um, with my my friend Selena Sue and I. We started doing these dinners. And then we did a mastermind around publicity because that's how I'd always built everything, was using publicity and all these relationships. And then here's the reason Jonathan's laughing, is that we're in this small mastermind together. We call it the dad mastermind. And mastermind is like a fancy word for basically four guys that all have kids
Starting point is 01:00:50 that are really committed to them, but also run businesses. And we get together about every 45 days and just give each other feedback. And on top of that, where it's one of the closest, closest group of people that I've ever been part of. Like anything that anyone in there needs, I will do.
Starting point is 01:01:09 And, you know, I feel like vice versa. In February of 2017, you guys looked at me and I use the plural because everyone takes credit for it because it worked out. They don't take credit for all the bad stuff. You guys looked at me and you're like, listen, anytime that we describe you to somebody, we describe you as our unfair advantage. I was like, what do you mean by that?
Starting point is 01:01:33 I said, well, if we want to get media, if we want to find like a launch partner, a vendor, like you're able to just like kind of text somebody and all of a sudden it's there. And so I thought about it more and more and, you know, we explored it. And I'm very good with people that I trust at taking advice and implementing. That's one thing that I can say about myself. And, you know, so I took that really to heart.
Starting point is 01:02:01 And then I'd helped our friend who's also in it, Todd Herman. I'd helped him a lot that year with 90 to his big event. And he's like, you got to do this. You got to like put your stuff together and do an event around how to build these win-win relationships, how to connect entrepreneurs to media and all that. So I wound up doing that as an event. And it was amazing. It was like a one day thing. I did not, wasn't expecting a business around it. One day thing, teach people how to do the stuff that I do, bring in people from the media, help them make connections and not around pitching themselves, but around creating a relationship. So again, going back to what I had been doing for something, it was not about like going in and pitching myself to people. It was like, all right,
Starting point is 01:02:48 figure out what I can do to help them. And then as a result, they wanted to help me. And there's a law of reciprocity. Like if you do something good for somebody, it has to come back to you. It doesn't have to come back to you from that person. It's got to come back to you. And then there was no business around it. And I just did that in the middle of like Todd's like three day, two day thing. And he had an extra day. And so we did that together and I did another one and now it's turned into a three day event, uh, you know, that we do. And it's just this amazing thing. I built an absolutely beautiful company. And when I say beautiful company, I don't mean that, um, in a bragging way, but like of people that I love working with, my colleagues are absolutely amazing. And clients that I'm just like, we help people that don't really aren't, they're really good at what they do, but they're not good at telling people about that. And my belief is that those are the people that need the world needs. And they're just
Starting point is 01:03:51 amazing, amazing people. And I love, like, I feel so unbelievably grateful because I know what the alternative is like. And I say this every Friday, we do a weekly wins call with my company. And I say it every Friday. I'm like, it's, I'm so unbelievably grateful to get to work with you people. Doesn't mean anything's ever perfect or anything sort of like you've the thing that got you out of a really dark place um then woke you up to the power of just being with other people who see the world like you and then turned into this thing which now becomes your living and your form of service um and I think it's really fascinating too to to me, to see how like knowing you really pretty well for a number of years now, to see how your devotion to doing the work every day on yourself profoundly informs.
Starting point is 01:04:53 I think it's so important for me to see also, because I'm constantly struggling with this, is to know that, you know, like when you have the opportunity to create something and form a team and build a culture, that it's always just a reflection of your own inner life. Yeah. And your own inner work.
Starting point is 01:05:11 It's been interesting for me to see how, like knowing your history, you were, you created, and were part of an organization where a lot of things were toxic. Yeah, a lot. You know, that melted down. Yeah. You melted down along with it.
Starting point is 01:05:27 Yeah. And when you've had the chance to birth something new, it's almost like, it's like the George Costanza thing. It's like the opposite thing. It's like, you look back at like all the choices that you made, like everything that you did, like back then, it's like, what is the opposite of that? And that's what I want to create now.
Starting point is 01:05:48 And what's interesting to me is that both as somebody, you know, like a friend, but also an entrepreneur and somebody who's worked a lot of entrepreneurs is a lot of people think that, but when it comes to executing and building, there are a lot of market tensions that try and pull you away from it. Yeah, constantly.
Starting point is 01:06:07 So staying to that core of values and beliefs and practices is really hard. So it's interesting to sort of see you navigate that. Yeah. And it's something that we keep getting better and better with. So we have like different rules. This was something that just came up recently where it's like, don't settle. So what I mean by that is
Starting point is 01:06:33 that we had a couple of different opportunities. We're constantly hiring people and where it was like, oh, this person's really good, except it's not like 100%, like, yeah. And we're like, you know what? Don't, like any time that I've had that, it's never really worked out. So like, just like, it's like that whole thing of trying to get over like the short term, like relief of from pain or whatever the pain is to, you know, for the shortcut And, you know, same thing with clients. Like we have something,
Starting point is 01:07:06 I learned this from my friend, David Nagel is like, if somebody on the team, like, let's say there's some, a client that one person's unsure of a potential client, somebody can just pull a red card and no questions asked. We can't take that on. Now, as somebody who like loves sales and that's hard, but it works. It's like because you just keep getting closer and closer. There's a lot of people out there. You know, there's a lot like if you come from the abundant mindset, which is not my default, you know, that's had to become like and I have to work at it just like you said, because I start over every day and in fear and, you know, all these different things. And,
Starting point is 01:07:47 but if you come from that, it just, it's, it's unbelievable what winds up happening. Yeah. And it is a practice. That's not my natural default. I know people where that's kind of their default. And I'm like, man, I know, I wish I could wake up in the morning and just see the world that way automatically. And I'm like, but I don't, but I do in general, like through making it a practice. So it feels like a good time for us to also start to come full circle. So hanging out here in the context of this container called good life project, if I offer up the phrase to live a good life, what comes up? The first thing that came up was to be of service. Now, again, that's not my default.
Starting point is 01:08:31 So it kind of makes me laugh to say that because that's not what I thought. I didn't think that was the case. But when I realize when I'm at my happiest is when I'm not thinking about myself. Thank you. Thank you so much for listening. And thanks also to our fantastic sponsors who help make this show possible.
Starting point is 01:08:55 You can check them out in the links we have included in today's show notes. And while you're at it, if you've ever asked yourself, what should I do with my life? We have created a really cool online assessment that will help you discover the source code for the work that you're here to do. You can find it at sparkotype.com. That's S-P-A-R-K-E-T-Y-P-E.com. Or just click the link in the show notes. And of course, if you haven't already done so, be sure to click on the subscribe button in your listening app so you never miss an episode. And then share, share the love. If
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Starting point is 01:10:32 The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were gonna be fun. On January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're gonna die. Don't shoot him, we need him! Y'all need a pilot?
Starting point is 01:10:41 Flight Risk.

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