Good Life Project - Rosie Acosta | How to Feel Radically Loved (even by you)

Episode Date: February 28, 2022

How do you create a radical change in direction in your life? My guest today, Rosie Acosta, found herself asking that question in her mid-teens, after being arrested, and the answer came in a way she never saw coming. Born and raised in East LA at a time when gang violence was the norm, Rosie pushed up against authority from a young age. But, after being arrested, a simple sentence led her to commit to a radical reimagining of her own life. She didn’t know what form or shape it would take, until one day, ditching school, she found herself in the Self Realization Fellowship in LA, listening to the words of a woman who would change her life, and lead her down a path of spirituality she never saw coming. Especially since she’d rejected religion, or anything smacking of faith, in the years before.Now, a sought-after advisor, coach, yoga and meditation teacher, she travels the world leading workshops, retreats, and trainings, boasts a private clientele that includes Olympic athletes, NFL champions, NBA All-Stars and veterans of war, and hosts the Radically Loved podcast. A first-gen Mexican-American, Rosie’s mission is to help others overcome adversity and experience radical love, and she shares her philosophy on radical love in her new book, You Are Radically Loved: A Healing Journey to Self-Love.You can find Rosie at: Website | InstagramIf you LOVED this episode:You’ll also love the conversations we had with Justin Tranter about defying convention and expectation and carving your own path in the world. Check out our offerings & partners: My New Book SparkedMy New Podcast SPARKED. Visit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The more aware we are of our own nourishment, nourishing ourselves, the more we can invite the other to be nourished as well. And that type of tender love and care and kindness is what creates a good life. So how do you create a radical change in direction in your life? Well, my guest today, Rosie Acosta, she found herself asking that question in her mid-teens after being arrested. And the answer came in a way she never saw coming. Born and raised in East LA at a time when gang violence was the norm, Rosie pushed up against really authority of any kind from a young age. But after

being arrested, a simple sentence in that process led her to commit to a radical reimagining of her life. She didn't know what form or shape it would take until one day, teaching school, she found herself on a bus and sitting inside the Self Realization Fellowship in LA, listening to the words of a woman who would change her life and lead her down a path of spirituality that she never saw coming, especially considering she rejected religion or anything really smacking of faith in the years before that. And now years later, a sought-after advisor and coach, yoga and meditation teacher, she travels the world leading workshops and retreats and trainings and boasts a private clientele that includes everyone from Olympic athletes to NFL champions, NBA all-stars, and veterans of war.

And she hosts the Radically Loved podcast. A first-generation Mexican-American, Rosie's mission is to really help others overcome adversity and experience what she calls radical love. And we unpack what that is, by the way. And she shares her philosophy on radical love in her wonderful new book, You Are Radically Loved. So excited to share this conversation with you. I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project. We'll be right back. flight risk. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running,

swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series 10, available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required, first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone Xs are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary.

All right, we have to start with something really, really serious here, which is I understand that when you were, I don't know, five or six years old on your birthday, you got in a heap of trouble for singing every single words in the lyrics of the song Dirty Diana. You really did your research. I did. Oh, gosh. It was good. It was hilarious. Not only did I get in trouble for singing them out loud, but I had also written them down in my little diary. And you know, I don't even know how to spell, but there were, you know, I did my best to phonetically write out the lyrics to the song. Got it. And I'm sensing also that there's like no small amount of foreshadowing in this particular moment. At all, at all.

Writing has been my friend for many, my entire life, really. My first best friend, I would say. Were you a journaler when you were a kid? Yes, I loved it. I loved, well, it was more my diary, right? The little diaries with the locks on them. Of course.

It felt very just, it was obviously an intimate experience, but as a child, it felt like this was something that belongs to me and nobody else could access, even though my parents could just easily open it. It wasn't like, and they did. Obviously that's where they found a lot of my, you know, private things.

And let's not discuss the violation of privacy that that does to a child at such a young age, but we'll save that for another conversation. Yeah. I mean, also I have to imagine, so you grew up largely in East LA in the nineties, sort of like a lot of your formative years, which around that time, like there's a lot going on in your mind and also in the world around you and also in your immediate community. I mean, what the nation was sort of like looking at on the news on a regular basis and hearing stories about and focusing on, this is just your lived day-to-day experience. This is your life. This is your family, your neighborhood, your friends,

your community, where you're growing up. Yeah. What was interesting about that is that all of my friends, family members, we were all having the same experience. So there wasn't anything that was too noteworthy. Everybody was going through experiencing trauma and living through drive-by shootings and seeing violence unravel and seeing people in the throes of addiction. It was just right outside of our door. And so being in that environment, when you don't really know any better, you just think that this is the entire world. This is the way the world works. And the juxtaposition being when we would watch TV shows like Silver Spoons or The Cosby Show or anything that sort of showed this middle to upper class family living this idyllic life where people would sit down for dinner and parents would work or not or just kind of be around and show these really united families

that were seemingly happy and had nice places to live. You know, the juxtaposition of being in a small, dilapidated two-bedroom apartment with 10 people in a neighborhood that was severely overcrowded, largely immigrant families. And it was probably my first experience of seeing that the world wasn't all like this, right? There had to have been some other way of living. But at the same time, having your parents tell you that TV is not real, right? So it's like, no, no, that's not real. That doesn't really happen. So then you believe, okay, this is fake. And the chaotic life that I live every day is the reality. Got it. I mean, as an adult, so many of us, so few of us are really well equipped to handle that just on a regular basis. But as a young kid, you know, on the one hand, you describe it as, well, this was just like everybody's life in the community. So it becomes normalized. But it's not normalized in terms of how it affects the human condition, how it affects a person's mind and body. It's like it just layers into it and layers into it and layers into it. Yeah. It's the constant hypervigilance. You're living in that central nervous system for many, many years. And one of the things that I

talk about all the time with people or anytime I'm teaching, I always think about it in terms of if you don't know any different and you're just used to being in this hypervigilant state all the time, you don't know how to self-regulate. You don't learn how to self-regulate. Any task is a bear. Anything you do is a huge feat, right? So we look at these people that grow up in environments like this. And this is many, many years later, learning about how PTSD and trauma live in the body, seeing how people can integrate just living their daily life. And how do you even stay vertical? It's hard, right? It's a difficult experience. And to me, it just shows our ability to be resilient and our ability to adapt, to manage change, to just be able to push through adversity, but not always. get through it. And some people can't. And we see this a lot with people that end up having

addictions or they end up having a severe depression or they are completely disconnected to their life because they've lived most of their lives being disembodied. Yeah. Recent conversation with Bessel van der Kolk was he was sharing how, you know, all of these things that you're describing, just they land so physically in us. And he also brought up this notion of social cohesion and social support having a certain both a protective effect and also an effect where it helps potentially in how trauma lands with you after the fact. Like, does it turn into post-traumatic stress disorder or does it turn into post-traumatic stress disorder or

does it turn into post-traumatic growth? And I wonder in sort of like in the environment that you grew up in where so many people became fiercely devoted to family and those who didn't feel like they had that connection became fiercely affiliated with other groups a lot, especially like at that time with gangs. Gangs, yeah, exactly. Partly for safety, but also I wonder if partly it's like this, something inside also kind of helped them feel a little bit downregulated through this like traumatic existence too, by being a part of a group that had your back. Yeah, absolutely. I think there's a lot of that and it's a very nuanced, discerning statement, too, because to be able to figure out which one it is, is I think it's both sometimes, you know, being able to live in a situation where you did see a lot of the youth veer towards more gang related activities to feel seen and heard and accepted or to just feel the need for protection. I mean, there's so many reasons why kids end up turning down that path. And I know that for me,

it was so easy. It's easy because everybody is doing it. So that's just kind of part of what you do. I think in our family, my mom at the time had... Well, my mom is my mom forever, not at that time my mom, but at that time, all of her friends had kids in trouble with the law. My childhood was pretty idyllic in the beginning. I had this typical SoCal existence where there was a lot of music and we had barbecues on the weekends. We'd go out to Santa Monica Beach. We would just enjoy life. And I do remember those moments being filled with joy and excitement and creativity. And my family comes from a very musical background, so there was always music playing. And then as we got older, as the other children grew in the neighborhood, that's where you started to see the divide of, okay, these kids now are being influenced by their environment. And it wasn't just the environment.

It was also politically what was going on in the world at that time, you know, after Rodney King and after, you know, once the riots started, it really ramped up the violence in a lot of the areas of the LA metro vicinity, especially in those neighborhoods, lower income neighborhoods, neighborhoods that were largely ignored by police, you know, so people just kind of made their own rules. And you started to see the sort of degradation of these areas. And to be somebody who was being raised as a Catholic child, I always say I'm a recovering Catholic, right? To be able to see this disparity between, oh, okay, if I believe that only bad things happen to bad people, why do bad things happen to people that I think are good, that go to church every day, that are these loving little abuelitas and aunts and moms that gather every week to do these prayer circles, why are they suffering? Why is God punishing them? And so there was this, again, the same

thing with the family, right? Watching TV, seeing this idyllic version of what a family is and an environment is, and then looking right outside of my door and seeing, okay, this is not how the reality is. Why is it not the same? Why is it different? Same thing with seeing what was happening to families being torn apart by violence. Why is this happening to bad people? And so I think that that started my small acts of defiance at that age. And it just continued through my teenage years. Yeah. I mean, the way that you describe it and you share sort of like a lot of this moment of your life, this season in your book, when you're in your teens, I think every kid rebels. Like this is the point where you're starting to step into your own sense

of identity. But this was a different thing for you. You know, you were, you were rebelling against religion, which was a huge part of your life and your family's life and your community's life. And saying, this doesn't land with me. You're rebelling against everything that was happening in your community at the same time. But at the same time, it sounds like you were also looking for belonging. Yes. All those same people. So that leads you to make decisions which are troubling. Yeah. Yeah.

And I think that is where the crux is because going back to what Dr. Bessel van der Kolk says about what the difference is between the post-traumatic stress and post-traumatic growth. I did see the difference. I did observe the juxtaposition, the paradox in it all. But at the same time, you desire to belong. You want to be part of the tribe. You want to not be an outsider. I feel like it takes a really strong and courageous person to be an outsider, to make your own decision. I was having a conversation with Tori the other day, and you're a father too. So I'm curious to know what your thoughts are on this. As a parent, when you see, you can tell, okay, my kid is pretty strong-willed and they're not going to be easily persuaded. And then you see the other one that is like, okay, let's keep my will, I am still, I'm an easily persuaded

person, you know? And so I didn't know that at a young age, but it was written all over my decisions and the way that I would make decisions because I wanted to fit in so badly. And in that environment, there's also the socio-political experience that is happening at the same time. As a teenager, to be able to observe the fact that if I don't act and behave in a way that's going to make me look like I'm part of this crowd, I'm easily going to turn the other way. And either way, it's kind of a lose-lose situation because, well, that's not true because I did find a solution to the issue. For example, the wearing of certain colors. We lived in an environment where certain colors meant certain things. You were either part of this gang or you were part of this gang. And it didn't matter if you weren't gang affiliated. Each area, especially in LA, especially in these parts, there are areas that belong to certain tribes, certain colors. And so if you live in a certain area, you just know to not wear certain things. And so the way that I navigated that was

to just wear one color all the time. So I just wore black all the time. I'm like, oh, this is safe. Nobody's going to stop me on my way to school or on my way home. It's just I am really going to channel into my punk rock aesthetic and just wear my Misfits t-shirt and be totally just neutral. But at the same time, having my mom expressing her disdain with my wear, she's like, why don't you, why are you always wearing black? You look like a gothic kid. Just wearing black all the time, it invites dark energy and it it's going to make you sad and depressed and i'm like okay so how do i explain to my mother if i were to wear a color it's going to uh potentially create an issue right so you have to just learn how to

toe that line and i imagine with kids today, I mean, I think different areas are different, but it's a hard thing to go through as a teenager who already feels a little bit disenfranchised, right? Yeah, I would imagine. And at the same time, you know, you're sort of like figuring out solutions that are like acceptable enough and sort of like keep you safe, but in a weird way, also keep you invisible. And that's got to be really interesting dance for that moment in time for you because they kind of equate to the same thing. Your invisibility is one of the things that actually keeps you safe, but that also means functionally abandoning who you are to a certain extent. Yeah. Well, also during a time where you're trying to figure out who you are

and what you are. So there's, it's a very layered experience. I, I talk about how after getting arrested, it left me having to weigh all of the, all of the things that were happening in my life to make a decision because I didn't want to end up like everybody else that I grew up with. And so being able to be in a position where I had this vision of, okay, what happens if I decide to be a good kid? What happens if I decide to not be easily persuaded? And the answer was always going to be the same. You run the risk of getting spurned from your tribe, from getting exiled. You essentially have to choose exile. And I think that that was probably the hardest thing for me to

do during that time, because in order for me to separate myself from the environment I was in or the people I was around, I had to separate myself from them. And in a way where I did have to be invisible, so I'd have to get in trouble with my teacher so I can get detention so that I didn't have to be out during lunch. So I could just stay in the library all day. And that was also affecting my report card, right? Because I'm like, okay, every day she has detention, she has detention for lunch. And after a while, I just had to talk to my English teacher at the time who I told what was going on. I said, you know, if I don't get detention, then I, I have to be out. And since I got in trouble, first of all, I can't

hang out with those friends anymore. And second, if I do, I know I'm easily persuaded. I just see the writing on the wall. So she was, I mean, she had the foresight enough to be able to grant that wish and give me that pathway, really. So she has a lot of credit for my experience of getting into reading and reading books and entertaining myself by myself. pressing challenges. From healthcare and the environment to energy, government, and technology, it's your path to meaningful leadership in all sectors. For details, visit uvic.ca slash future MBA. That's uvic.ca slash future MBA. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist,

whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, You referenced some troubles. Charge time and actual results will vary. You referenced some troubles. So there's this big inflection point, like when you're 15 years old, where you're going down a certain path. And you also mentioned how a couple years earlier, you're at a party and you end up, like, you're one of a couple of 13-year-old girls in a party of adult men and that you didn't know is laced with PCBs being passed around and you end up basically blacked out and waking up in a hospital ER and having lasting psychological effects from that that are crippling in some way and certainly intermittent but chronic. And then a couple of years later, you sort of like everything comes to a head at this inflection point when you're 15 and you get arrested. Tell me about this moment and tell me about sort of like how you're not just the sort

of like what happened, but what's going on in your head as this is all going down. Yeah. It's interesting. Cause I've not talked about that house party experience, which a lot of that, that party experience got taken out, which is really, I felt like it painted a picture of what being a teenage girl at that time in that area was like. But it definitely did inform my environment and the people I was hanging out with. And so that was sort of the beginning of me ditching school and hanging out with the wrong crowd and understanding that what I was doing was, yes, I was acting out, but at the same time, I wanted to belong. By the time I was in high school, hanging out with the same friends, I...

This is so funny because I think about it, right? Because I'd had that experience going to the ER and getting drugged, essentially, I wanted to stay away from drugs. So that was a plus, right? So I was really freaked out by drugs. I didn't want to do drugs. I had no desire to do drugs. I was scared straight in that respect. But I was still hanging out with people that were not a great influence. period and with one of my friends, we're walking to the park. There was a local park where all the bad kids hung out and some older graduated or dropouts hung out too.

Looking back respectively now, I'm like, why was I... I'm like, I think about... I don't have kids yet, but I think about if I were to have a 15 year old girl, I'm like, the last place I would let her go hang out is this park with a bunch of gangbangers and older men. It just was not a great space. But I went anyway, there was two cars parked in the parking lot of this park and cars were open. One of them happened to be a cop car. Both cars are running and I'm just walking over. And one of the guys yells over at me and says, Hey, Rosie, like you, you get in the car, like you should get in the car. And I was like, of course, what a great idea. Who would not get in the vehicle? So I did.

And I happened to get in the vehicle that was a cop car. It was a police vehicle. And I go in there and I sit down and I'm just pushing buttons and just being cool, thinking I'm cool and everybody's watching and they're just so impressed. And as a young 15 year old, you're impressing a bunch of older people. Of course, that's makes you feel good. Uh, it didn't take long before I saw in the, in the rear view mirror, all the other cop cars and some unmarked police vehicles just pull up and there's like six officers that come out, guns drawn. I'm wearing a black hoodie. I've got some panda fingerless gloves on and I just

look like I'm troubled, but at the same time not. And so I get out of the car and they cuff me and they're manhandling me. And the whole experience was very out of body. What was interesting, and I've actually never talked about this before, was the fact that it felt very normal to me. It wasn't the first time I'd been in trouble with the law. I'd gotten arrested like two times before that. But this was the moment where I felt, oh, yeah, this is normal. This is what's going to happen to you. There was almost like this feeling of acceptance, just knowing the history of my environment and really seeing what was my future at that point.

So it felt very normal. There was no fear. It just felt like it was par for the course. So I get arrested and I get booked. And the minute that I go into this holding cell and the booking officer is getting all my information and is asking for my parents' phone number. And at first I was like, nope, I'm not telling you who my parents are. I don't want them to come. They're going to be so mad and they'll probably just leave me here anyway. So I ended up giving him my information and he looks over at me and he says, with this sly smile, almost kind of just disregarding me like just another number. And he says, welcome to life in the system. Like, ha ha, you know? And that is that moment that struck me

because I felt the indifference and it made me very angry. And I thought about it in that second. And I, I thought, man, he's right. He's right. This is where I've been heading this entire time. There was no other way. There was no other place for me to end up with everything that I was doing up until that point. So my dad came and bailed me out. And, you know, I, I do write about this in the book. It's actually in the first chapter. I talk about being in the courtroom and, you know, then what happens after that, I make a decision. Yeah. I mean, this is a moment where you could either say, well, you know, like, okay, this person who just made this proclamation about me is right. Like, why bother resisting

go into it but there was something that it's like a switch flipped in you that said yes no not me actually like that this this is not my future and you know you it seems like for you that's the moment where you start asking different questions. You know, it's almost like if you plant the seed and you say, well, if this isn't the future I want, what is? Right. You know, and it seems like you start asking different questions and making different decisions from that moment forward. And there's a moment of what feels like kismet that you describe

where your mom basically brings you a booklet, you know, like not too long after that. And, you know, it's the journey to self-realization by Paramahansa Yogananda. Yogananda is this towering figure for so many people, for millions of people. Most people know him from the book Autobiography of a yogi that did something to and for you in that moment and and i wonder i want to know what it did but also like did you have any i'm curious why you picked it up because it seemed like it would almost be out of character at that moment in time to say i'm curious about this yeah no it definitely was out of character and the way it ended up in my hands was a friend of my mom's at work. She was working at the Children's Hospital in Hollywood at the time. And one of her friends, somebody had mentioned that meditation would help with my anxiety. I was having these crippling anxiety attacks that would just keep me borderline agoraphobic.

You know, I was deathly afraid of leaving my house. And then once I would leave, I'd be at school and I was deathly afraid of leaving. Right. So I was trying to manage all of this and this friend had said, Oh, she should try meditation and came home with these booklets and just kind of left them, you know, on my bed, you know. So it wasn't, had she said, oh, do this, I would have never done it. So she knew. She just kind of left these pamphlets on the bed. That's how we would communicate through notes or, you know, because we were also kind of at odds at all times. And I opened it up. I loved new agey things. You know, I always did really enjoy anything new agey. I was really into astrology and reading horoscopes. And so for like Mexican people or Hispanic people,

there's this famous psychic and you might know him. They did a special on him on Netflix. It's Walter Mercado. So he's this famous astrologer. And so since I was a little kid, when my parents would watch the news, this was part of the segment. This was part of the news segment. It's like everybody just tuned in to watch Walter Mercado read your horoscope, whatever your sign was. And so there was something about that world that really spoke to me in a very fairytale, esoteric type of otherworldly. I was really into Star Wars. I was really into sci-fi books and anything that was really like outside of what I was living, right? So new agey things were really appeasing to me. So when I opened the book and I just started to read about the power of affirmation and being a positive thinking and practicing meditation and what meditation is and

the power of community and being of service and just all of these things that just sounded really interesting. It sounded a little culty because I was, you know, being in LA, you're exposed to a lot of different types of people. So we knew what cults were, we knew what different religions were. And so being a recovering Catholic, I was also anti-Catholicism at the time. So it just felt like anything outside of that was going to speak to me. So there were enough words in there and I couldn't even tell. I still have that pamphlet, but I couldn't tell you exactly what I read that sparked that curiosity within me to go to the Self-Realization Fellowship in Hollywood, to go see what this was about. And so I did. I took the bus. I ditched school, even though

I wasn't supposed to be ditching. I still would very much. That was my alone time. This was what I did to think, right? This was my way of really practicing self-care. I'm like, I have to ditch. I need a day off. I need to think about things. And so I would take the bus and really it was an excuse to listen to music too, because it was my time to just listen to albums all day long. You know, I'd put my like new tool record, or I would listen to, you know, some Alice in Chains or Rage Against the Machine, whatever it was during that time. And I went and I got to the center and it felt very familiar to me. And I can't really explain why. There was resonating familiarity the minute that I walked into this space. And I'm not saying into the building. I'm saying the minute that I got in the proximity of the block

where the Self-Realization Fellowship was, this particular one that's the one on Sunset in Hollywood. I just felt something, and I couldn't explain it. And the deeper I went in, the more of an ease I felt. And I think about it now, it could have been the lavender that was outside. It could have been the burning of incense. It could have been so many things that just felt very at home to me. And I did think that it was weird that people were looking at me and nodding and smiling and saying hello because I, again, I'm a teenage girl. You're in LA. You just are always watching your back. People, you're suspicious of people. You just always have to be on high alert. So I thought

that it was really strange that people were smiling and looking happy. It's bizarre. So I go into the lecture hall and there was a woman speaking. And so I go and I sit down and it felt very much like church. It felt very much like going to a service of some sort. I sit down on the chair in the back and she's talking, she's going on and I'm just kind of looking looking at the time. I start listening to what she's saying, and she's talking about happiness. She's talking about how we have this reservoir of energy within us, and we have the ability to be powerful beyond measure. We have the ability to choose happiness and make different choices. And what she was saying felt very interesting to me because I'd never heard somebody speak that way in a public forum. I mean,

I had never been in a lecture space before, aside from being at school when you're being told what to do. There was never the invitation of you need to inquire within, ask yourself. I'm like, who is myself? What is this? And so one of the interesting things that I like to note is the fact that I'm sitting there waiting for the guy to show up to give the lecture, right? I'm like, where's the guy? Because this lady is really cool. But like, after a while, I noticed I'm like, oh, she's the guy. She is the person. So that also opened up this sort of visual field of a female giving this powerful talk, being inviting and welcoming. So she starts to guide us through this meditation and she instructs everybody to close their eyes. And I did not like to do that. That was not, I wasn't into my eyes

being closed. It was uncomfortable for me. It caused a lot of anxiety. And so I kind of kept my eyes a little bit, slightly opened. And she starts to guide us through this meditation. She's instructing us to relax. I didn't know what relax was. What do you mean relax? What does that mean? She's like, relax your shoulders. Take a deep breath in. Notice your body. And I'm like, what is my body? What is this? What's this person inside of my head? Like, what is going on? So it was almost a very jarring experience of, oh, hello, here I am. Like, hello, you. And the way I've described it other times has been, it was almost like I was watching my life for the first 15 years of my life, living in this hypervigilant state. And then in that moment, it was almost like I arrived back

into my body and I realized, oh, hello, you. Like this is you. This is the you that is not easily persuaded, the you that can have a beautiful life, the you that can make different choices, the you that deserves to be happy, the you that's not afraid. about as being that spiritual awakening where I felt, oh, this is what God is. Like this is that spiritual relationship that people have with the divine or higher power. It's arriving to where you're meant to be. Yeah, so powerful. Do you ever think about that one moment that your mom dropped that little leaflet on your bed if she had never do, where would I be? I don't think that I would, I would be here right now, you know, and in more ways than one, because I was really in a difficult place. You know, there was, I didn't have a desire to experience life. You know, there was just kind of this, this place sucks. You know, it's like, this place is awful. People die. Bad things happen to people. Like people are starving. People are going through so much

tragedy and heartbreak. And I'm a very empathetic human being. I, ever since I was a child, I've always been. I'd see somebody cry. I'd start crying. I'd be like, oh, my God, why are they crying? Like, I want to make them feel better, right? There's even the moment when I talk about my grandmother picking up the makeshift rose bushes that keep getting disseminated. And I'm already like preparing as a five-year-old to console her. I'm like, I'm going to make you feel better, grandma. Like, don't be upset. So I had had a lot of that taking in the collective emotion of tragic events. So I was at a place where something needed to happen. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not.

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Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were gonna be fun. January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're gonna die. Don't shoot him! We need him! Y'all need a pilot? Flight risk.

Yeah. The, um, the fact that you wander into this space and it just lands so powerfully, you know, this becomes effectively, it's like, okay, so it's like, it's time to turn the page. It's time to sort of like say, okay, how do I step into a place of intentionality from this point forward? Because now I found, it's almost like up until that point, there was a life philosophy that was like, life happens to you. Yes. And what tends to happen is really bad stuff. And your only goal is to try and just stay human through it, if not stay alive through it. And there's like something that happens in this moment that says, well, but what if, what if I had some agency in this? Like, what if I had some intentionality? What if I could actually make it different? And the tool for you, like the guiding philosophy and the set of tools,

become this new world, this world of yoga. It's interesting to me also that your introduction was through Self-Realization Fellowship, SRF, in L.A. Because at that time in L.A., L.A LA was sort of like yoga central in the United States. Yes. But it wasn't that. This was like the day of hardcore power yoga and vinyasa yoga and fast, aggressive, super physical flow was all about the body. Right. And there were amazing teachers and amazing students that were all about that. But if you walked into most of them, the experience that you were going to get was this hyper physical, hyper performance oriented

experience. And you gravitated towards sort of like this entry point into the world of yoga and also spirituality that came in sort of like from the opposite approach. It's about the mind, it's about the body, it's about the heart. It's about the spirit in a town where the broader practice of yoga was kind of like gave lip service to that. Like if you have to do that, you would. So I'm curious when you have this introduction, right? And you're like, there is something powerful here. And then you start to explore.

Well, okay. So this word yoga is part of it. It keeps coming up. And like, let me check out like what's happening with yoga in the rest of LA. Like, does that become a really jarring experience for you? Oh my goodness. Absolutely. It was heartbreaking, you know, because I am so grateful every day, even to this day,

I'm grateful that that was the way I was introduced to yoga. That was the best gift I could have asked for in this lifetime is to have had it introduced as a philosophy, as a way of living, as opposed to a way of moving or just the asana, the physical portion of it, which we of course need. But for me, it wouldn't have landed the same. It would have been a different experience, I think. And that introduction did allow me to open the door to different Eastern practices. I got into learning about mindfulness and meditation and Buddhism and yoga and yogic philosophy and the yoga sutras and really diving in. So by the time I did get

into the physical portion of the practice, I knew that there was something missing, right? I knew that there was a gap that wasn't being filled, especially at that time, because yes, it was very much the pinnacle of yoga liberties and this power-based, fitness-based, superficial experience of what is a deep and beautiful esoteric centuries old way of life. Right? So it was heartbreaking because I was trying to reconcile both. And I was, I wanted to do the physical forms because I knew after studying the yoga sutras and the eight limbs, I knew that asana was, even though in the yoga sutras, asana just means comfortable seat. And that's the only asana that's practiced. So I also understood that we do the physical forms, the asanas to be able to sit still, right? And so

I know that my body needed to move and I wanted to have the experience of harmonizing the movement of my body with the movement of my breath. When I started to practice yoga, it took a couple of tries. You know, it took a couple of classes. I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my teachers and the people that I really resonated with. And I'm grateful that the first experience I had was with the physical asana portion. I'm grateful for the teacher that taught me, Jean Heilemann, who she's in the acknowledgments in the book, longtime teacher, student of yoga and tantra. It was nice because I felt like she did an incredible job at incorporating yogic philosophy with the physical movement. But there was just a big hole. I felt like this was just another exercise.

It felt like if I'd go to a Pilates class or I'd go take any type of fitness class. So it was a little bit – I didn't think that it'd have a long lifespan, to be honest. I didn't actually see myself doing it. And the way I talk about it in the book, especially as a woman, right? Because women, you're supposed to look a certain way. You're supposed to wear the outfit and the little lemons and have it be a sort of fashion show when you go into the studio, especially in LA, you're practicing next to celebrities. Sometimes it's like a scene, it's the, it's the whole experience. And being in LA, being from LA, those, I was never really impressed by that. For me,

it was more, okay, how do I do this and stay here even though I'm really uncomfortable. And I'm glad that I was, I was learning about moving through the discomfort at that time because I used it as a part of the practice, right? I really want to leave because the teacher just came by and poked at my little love handles, you know? Or it's like, oh, do this. Had I been in another state of being, I would have left, right? little love handles, you know, or like, it's like, oh, do this. And somebody could have, had I been in another state of being, I would have left, right? Most people,

it's understandable why you would leave, but I didn't. And I just, I knew that for me, what I was doing was working. And all I kept thinking was, there's a hole here. Maybe I can fill it. Maybe if I create a welcoming space for everybody and everyone, I can bring this to other people who feel like this is not for them, right? Because they'll see me as a normal bodied brown person that can do these practices that can move their body and not all the bendy ways, but I did my best. But that yoga is not about touching your toes. It's not about how bendy you are. It's about being present and it's about being able to breathe. And it's about connecting with the mind, body, spirit integration and being able to, yeah, be at home within your body, within your space. And it's about making the unconscious conscious, you know, like your

unconscious mind that is processing your life doesn't care what you look like in your little elements. Like it doesn't matter that so-and-so can do this really fancy handstand and you can't. It means how can you be fully present where you are and how can you carry this practice outside? Because I saw so many of those people that would be incredibly athletic, beautiful postures, go into the parking lot and like honk and yell and be totally frenetic, trying to get out of their spot in, you know, right outside the yoga studio. So I always saw that as being part of the LA paradox that LA is. Kitchen in New York. And it was always this interesting paradox where you'd see somebody who just has this physically gorgeous practice. You watch the way their body moves and the mastery of the breath and the movement. You're just like, that is stunning. They must be so committed and

so devoted and so still inside to be able to reach this place physically. And then five minutes later, I'd walk by them on the street and they're chain smoking and screaming at somebody else on their phone, like calling them all sorts of names. And I was like, wow. And this actually happened once or twice with people who were teachers for us. And I was like, this actually is not okay. Like we can't have these people representing our community and our values. It's a really interesting world. And the journey of you being this like a teen who's really, really struggling and on the edge, having this one experience that leads you into the spiritual side of the practice. And then like finding your way deeper into that out of a place of curiosity. And also I would imagine at that point, just desire to breathe, desire to like, like once you have that first experience where you're like,

oh, this is me. Like the, the, the me that is, that is me isn't hyper-vigilant, isn't, you know, like posing to try and be accepted. It's just me. It sounds like that was this powerful catalyst for you to go deeper and deeper and deeper into the esoteric side, the philosophical side, which then led you to the physical side, which then led you to this awakening that says, huh, I love this. I'm deepening into this. I could see this, like doing this, but there aren't a whole lot of people like me that would feel comfortable doing this.

And I wonder if I could actually be the bridge. Yeah. Which you then become, you know, over the next period of years, you step into this role as the teacher, as the bridge, as somebody who invites people into the practice and into themselves. And eventually in 2018, land on the cover of the biggest magazine in the space, Yoga Journal. By the way, I have a story being in the pages of Yoga Journal years earlier, which is not a good story. Oh, no. Well, pray tell.

Yours is fantastic. You're on the cover. And they're really sort of telling about you. And it's this really interesting full circle experience. And along the way, you're writing, you're speaking, you start to build a podcast. You're basically taking every avenue that you can to share what you're learning with people who might raise their hand and say, yes, this sounds cool to me. And you start to develop your own philosophy. I literally went all the way back to the very first post on your Instagram, which was in 2015, I believe. And even in the very early days, you're using the hashtag radical love or radically loved. So this is like this philosophy of radical love, which then now becomes the name of your book, You're Radically Loved, with pillars and tenets that are part of it.

This is brewing inside of you for years. And I'm curious, what happens where you're saying, okay, so I've deepened into this world of yoga and spirituality and this philosophy, but there's the rosy philosophy that needs to find its sweet spot with all of these different things that I'm learning and sort of like be formed into something that I want to stand behind and share with other people. Yeah. When you put it like that, it sounds so nice. Really nice.

Yeah. Radically loved was definitely part of that spiritual awakening, right? That moment where I experienced being me and being supported and feeling held. So much of what I do and what I create is still coming from the student in me that wants to continue to learn and support and just provide value as much as I can to everyone who wants it or is open to it. There was a lot of autonomy for myself during those formative years because both my parents worked, my parents were separated. And I spent a lot of time by myself just thinking a lot. And part of my desire was always wanting to have somebody there to just listen, you know, to hold space, to feel that support. And I think in that experience at the Self-Realization Fellowship was that moment for me where share these teachings and to explore other ways of integrating what I was learning. And, you know, it's the quote that says, if you want to learn about something, read about it. If you want to know about it, write about it.

If you want to master it, teach it. So it very much felt true to where I was going and what I wanted to provide. It's still difficult even now to think about myself as the leader or the teacher or the person. I always say we, and it's our podcast or it's our book, our book has finally arrived or because it very much feels like a collective. And I, I want everybody to feel that from me. You know, I, I want people who don't have somebody to sit with to know that they can sit with me, to know that there are people who just care because they just care. And there is no reason for it. It's just people. People just care. first came up with the concept of the book, it was more about what you said. What is my

philosophy? What do I stand for? What are the tenets of what I'm trying to create? What is the truth of this experience? What do I want to bring to the world? And that's where the concept started to come up. And it was really a blog post, if I'm being honest. It was one blog post that I wanted to have as a manifesto of sorts for people to know who I am and what I'm about and what I'm offering. And it just grew from there more and more and more and more. and then a podcast about the topic and then interviewing other people about what they thought about the topic and and on and on it went and I I'm still it's hard for me to look at it from the perspective of like man I've been doing this for a long time I mean I started doing this full-time I've been teaching for 15 years, but I've been doing Radically Loved

for about a decade. So it feels very much like even writing this book feels like the completion of a cycle, right? It feels like, oh, this last decade, we're done. This cycle is now complete. The lessons that I was learning and the voids that I wanted to fill are filled. And I feel complete. People have asked me if I'm proud of what I've done. And as a recovering Catholic, I always say this. I'm like, I have a weird thing with pride. I'm not a very prideful person, but I do feel complete. So, yeah. Yeah, it's an important distinction, I think, in a lot of ways.

So, and in the book, you know, you basically, you know, this is, it feels like it's probably the expansion of that original post so many years ago where it's like, okay, so here's what I believe. Here's what matters. A lot of it, you know, and you have these, a series of radical truths with which people can, can walk through and, and, and exercises to really explore them. A lot of it sort of like it, it circles around the notion of self-awareness and dignity. Like those things, as I was reading those two words, well, I guess three words, self-awareness, depending how you write one. I got you. But they kept coming off of my head over and over.

I'm like, this is about knowing yourself more deeply, more honestly, more openly, more truthfully. And about you feeling a sense of dignity, like knowing, but not judging yourself. You know, like, even if there are things where like, the more, you know, there are definitely things that you're not proud of and you want to change that within that, that self-evident truth or the seeds of, of dignity based solely on acknowledging your humanity. And that's what kept coming up over and over, you know, with all the different ways into it. I feel like you just kept bringing us into that place, which I think is so important and so needed at this particular moment in human

history, you know, because a lot of us, we are so divorced from really knowing ourselves and we feel like we don't have a lot of dignity and people are really struggling around that and wondering what do I have to do to earn it? And so much of what you're saying is nothing. It just is like what you have to do is just own that. Yeah. I mean, God, it's like, I love that you said that. And it actually kind of chokes me up a little bit because it really is at the base of all of that work and all of that inquiry. And I really do feel like we have lost that desire even for inquiring within in a deep way, in a sustainable way, not in an instant, I'm going to do a 14-day challenge way, right? In a way where you really spend time getting to know yourself. I'm thinking about sparked, right? How you talk about really understanding what your spark type is and giving yourself the space to like, okay,

you do this, but you also do this and that's okay, right? So we're always trying to create some sort of finality with who we are when we're evolving and we're changing and we don't even have the same cells that are in our system like hour by hour. They're constantly changing. There's constant movement. And if we're able to pull from that inner reservoir of acceptance, of true, deep acceptance and love and integrity and dignity, we can really create anything in our lives and be happy and be content. It's not, I mean, you're not content and happy. It's not sustainable to always be that high, right? That's always the pinnacle. But I always like to say, I,

I want to know who I am and nurture myself enough to know when I'm in the valleys that I'm being cared for and supported. And I know that I can weather any storm that comes my way. Because the peaks, they're amazing. Of course, they're absolutely incredible. But they're also not sustainable. We can't be there all the time. What we know for sure is that we're going to be on the path for longer than we'll be on any peak. So part of that philosophy too is understanding yourself at a deep level to create that sustainable practice for yourself. That's why each chapter, there's a practice, there's some invitation to integrate this for yourself. What are your own truths? What is your vision for your life? What is it that you're wanting to create? How are you wanting to feel supported? How are

the relationships in your life nourishing that? How are you nourishing yourself? How often are you asking yourself how your heart is? Because you're right. We've sort of disintegrated that part of our society where we can just be who we are. Everything that's being fed to us is telling us how imperfect we are. Everything that's being fed to us is only reaffirming our negative beliefs, the negative thought patterns telling us we're not enough. We are not likable enough. We're not attractive enough. We're too old. We're too young. We're not talented enough. We don't have good grammar, you know, like all of the things.

And I feel like we need to create that validation within ourselves more often than not, because that's the track that's playing in our mind most self-discovery. And I love that you do include, I'm not going to call them exercises, but invitations, similar to the way that you first step into that one day when you did school, took the bus and showed up at SRF and you see a woman and she's sort of seed planting and planting invitations for you to play with, work with and say yes or no to, I feel like you're doing the same thing rather than saying, here's what you have to do. Go do this. It's sort of like, here are invitations to go deeper, to explore some ideas to work with and see how it feels for you in your context, in your life. Acknowledging that each person steps into the process with their own history, their own circumstance, you know, and their own sensibilities. And that's got to be a part of it, you know, if this whole thing is going to work. So it feels like a good place for us to come full circle in our conversation as well.

So sitting here in this container of a good life project, if I offer up the phrase to live a good life, what comes up? I listen to your podcast, so I always like this question. I think to live a good life is to nourish yourself. To really nourish yourself and to really nourish the people in your life. And I'm not, I mean, food, yes, delicious food is great, but I think more of the energetic nourishing where the more aware we are of our own nourishment, nourishing ourselves,

the more we can invite the other to be nourished as well. And that type of tender love and care and kindness is what creates a good life. Thank you. Hey, before you leave, if you love this episode, say that you will also love the conversation we had with Justin Tranter about defying convention and expectation at a young age and really figuring out how to carve your own path in the world. You'll find a link to Justin's episode in the show notes.

And of course, if you haven't already done so, go ahead and follow Good Life Project in your favorite listening app. And if you appreciate the work that we've been doing here on Good Life Project, go check out my new book, Sparked. It'll reveal some incredibly eye-opening things about maybe one of your favorite subjects, you, and then show you how to tap these insights to reimagine and reinvent work as a source of meaning, purpose, and joy. You'll find a link in the show notes, or you can also find it at your favorite bookseller now. Until next time, I'm Jonathan Fields, signing off for Good Life Project. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever.

It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X, available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required, charge time and actual results will vary. Mayday, mayday, we've been compromised.

The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were going to be fun. January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don knew you were going to be fun. On January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're going to die. Don't shoot him, we need him!

Y'all need a pilot. Flight Risk.