Good Life Project - Social Risks: When is it Worth It to Say Hello?

Episode Date: February 16, 2017

What happens when you take a social risk? Simple truth, we’re all wired for a certain level of human interaction. Some of us cannot get enough of other people. We’ll walk up to anyone, introduce ourselves, enter conversations and engage with just about anyone, even total strangers. It’s a bit like each new human is […]The post Social Risks: When is it Worth It to Say Hello? appeared first on Good LifeProject. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today's episode is brought to you by Camp GLP. It's an amazing opportunity to come hang out with me, with our awesome Good Life Project team, a lineup of inspiring teachers from art to life to work, and a community of almost impossibly friendly grown-up campers from literally all over the world as we take over a beautiful summer camp for three and a half days of workshops and activities that fill your noggin with ideas and strategies for life and create the type of friendships and stories you thought you'd pretty much left behind decades ago. It's all happening at the end of August, just about 90 minutes from New York City, and more than half the spots are already gone.

So be sure to grab your spot quickly. You can learn more at goodlifeproject.com slash camp, or just go ahead and click the link in the show notes. On to our show. So what happens when you make a decision to take a social risk? That's where I'm headed on today's Good Life Project riff. So I'm actually, as I sit here and record this, just back from the opening retreat for our Conscious Business Collective, the 108. We were down in Austin, Texas for the better part of a week where an amazing crew of conscious business founders came together. And from all walks of life, very few of them knew each other before they kind of dropped into this three-day intensive retreat.

And I'm always amazed at how people can start out barely knowing each other, kind of strangers, and at the end of three days, leave almost as like, as family, you know, like, literally in tears, and eagerly awaiting the next time they can be together. And it's funny that, you know, very often, we think that we're wired a certain way socially to be able to be okay in different settings or not okay in different settings. And when we move into new social situations, sometimes we find it really uncomfortable to take risks. shared with the group as we came together in Austin as we were just starting out. So a long time ago, in a pretty past life, I graduated college and had sold my first company actually in college. I had a little bit of walking around money and I kicked around for the summer after school. And I was trying to figure out what to do. I kept trying to get this one particular friend to join me in a trip to Australia. And he never did.

I kept that. I was like, hey, dude, let's go. And finally, I just made the decision to go without him, to get on a plane to Australia alone. And I was, I guess, what, 21, 22, something like that, fresh out of school. And for those who don't know, long-time listeners, you're well aware of this, but for those who are kind of newer, I'm an introvert. I am not the most comfortable person walking up to other people in a room and saying hello. And I generally move into social situations slowly and observe a lot from the

corner and then kind of sometimes engage and sometimes don't. When I was in college, I was actually a DJ, a club DJ. And so it's kind of funny, because I would be, you know, two, three nights a week, I was surrounded by a sea of humanity. And I was, in fact, creating the soundtrack that inspired them through different emotions and stories, yet I was always kind of protected behind the table. So I found my way to move into social situations and at the same time be relatively isolated. So when I decided to go to Australia, completely alone, I got on a plane, traveled to the other side of the world, touched down in this, what used to be a sleepy little backpacker's town called Cairns, Australia. It's in the northeast tip of the country, deep into the tropics. Now it's

actually grown into a massively popular tourist destination with big resorts and hotels. But back then it was like this tiny, sleepy little haven with a handful of hostels and a couple of little cafes and pizza shops right around along the water on a tiny little strip that was a couple blocks long called the Esplanade. And I remember I was there, and I was alone. I touched down the country. I was jet lagged. And it was about a day or two in where I kind of got my feet underneath me again. I remember one afternoon getting lunch and kind of getting my tray and being at a little cafe. And turning around and realizing that there were, you know, tables all around and I had a choice to make. And I could either go and grab a table and sit alone and eat my lunch. Or I could take a look at one of the

other tables where there are a couple of other people sitting. And mind you, most of the folks around then were all right around my age and were mostly backpacking., this was a lot of people in their early 20s who were kind of moving around and constantly meeting people. And I looked and there was something in my mind, there was like something that there was a if I chose to sit alone, I might well have been essentially setting the tone for the next three months of my journey as I worked my way down the coast of Australia and choosing to sort of like make that choice for the entire time. And I didn't want to do that. I did not want to be alone the whole time. But I was really uncomfortable walking over anyone, saying hello, sitting down with anybody. But I was like, you know what? I'm halfway around the world. If I totally flame out here and somebody says,

no, you can't sit with me, who's going to know? So I remember kind of really cautiously moving over to a table where there were two women about my age sitting there and kind of looked at them. And what I recall being probably a pretty squeaky, unconfident voice saying, hey, my name is Jonathan. You know, do you mind if I sit with you? And they kind of looked up. And it was, you know, the moment of abject fear. And they're like, sure, come on, sit here. And I sat down, I joined them. And, you know, I don't remember the conversation. But what I remember is this, that in that decision, I stepped into a place of social fear. I stepped out of my normal orientation and realized that

the intention that I brought to my willingness to take social risks and actually say hi to people, that was the difference maker. Because in that first moment, I realized that I could walk up to someone and be okay. And that set the tone for the next three months as I traveled and backpacked and hostiled and scuba dived and found myself on trucks going out into the middle of the outback and boats living in the pontoon of the hull of a boat for a week on the barrier reef. All the while, traveling essentially alone, but never alone, because everywhere I met from that moment forward, everywhere I went, I would just walk up to people and say, hey, what are you doing? I'm Jonathan. What are you up to?

In a way that surprised even me. And the more that that social risk was validated, and it wasn't always, but most of the time it was, it began to let me know that I could be okay and that I could walk up to people. It was kind of a bit of social exposure therapy. I guess you could look at it that way. And it was a profound lesson for me. One that, you know, it's funny, that happened literally 30 years ago is when this story unfolded. And to this day, I remember the moment. To this day, I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach walking up to that first table, being really anxious and wondering how I would be received. And I remember when I was invited to sit down and struck up a really lovely conversation and I made my first couple of friends on the other side of the world. I remember something in me shifted and said, huh, this can work out. I should do more of this. And that enabled the next three months to be kind of magical and to create relationships that changed everything. And we would follow each other as we backpacked and hostile and leave notes for each other. Even as

I found my way back, I reconnected, like I jumped from eventually Sydney over to Hawaii as I slowly made my way back to New York. And I found some of my friends from Australia and Hawaii, and we spent a week kind of bouncing around the big island. And it was amazing how that changed me. And that all came zooming back to me last week as I walked into a room of amazing human beings who had gathered from around the world knowing very little about each other, some raging extroverts, some raging introverts, and some all across the spectrum, but sitting there and wondering, like, will I be liked? Will I be accepted? Will I like others and accept others? And I recounted that story in the room. And the reason I did it, and the reason I'm sharing it here today is because I feel like it's very easy to kind of default to a social wiring that says, I need to retreat and to not take social risks, to look at people who we don't know, to look at people who we may not entirely understand, to look at people who appear either on the surface or in their values or in their stories or in their history, to be in some way different from us and automatically conclude, without any deeper exploration, that they're not our people, that they wouldn't accept me and I wouldn't accept them,

that in some way there is some difference that would make us not get along, that that stops us. It stops us from sitting down with those people and taking the social risk that allows you to say, hey, I'm so-and-so, and then let the conversation continue from there. I think we need that. I think we need that now more than ever. My sense is that we're a moment in our culture, in our history, where we need to drop barriers to conversation, to understanding, and start're wired to avoid social risk in the first place. And my invitation, my exploration, because I'm trying to do this with myself, it was a reminder for me, being in Austin with these amazing people last week, that absolutely astonishing things and relationships can happen when you're willing to go there,

when you're willing to open yourself to the possibility of seeing and being with others, even if you don't know them, and you don't know if there are any similarities moving into that situation. So it's an invitation to not necessarily use social orientation as an excuse to avoid conversation and to avoid social risk and to do the thing that makes you a little bit socially uncomfortable and begin to have conversations with those who may or may not be your people, may or may not immediately accept you. Because when you do, and if they do, that's where magic begins to happen. And when you don't, and if you don't, you close the door to the possibility of profound and deep understanding, compassion, empathy, and connection. So that's what I'm thinking about as we move into this week, exploring social risk, exploring conversation. I hope you found that interesting and inspiring. And I invite you to go out and have a conversation with somebody

who maybe you don't quite know. See where it goes. See what it leads to. I'm Jonathan Fields, signing off for Good Life Project. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. If the stories and ideas in any way moved you, I would so appreciate if you would take just a few extra seconds for two quick things. One, if it's touched you in some way, if there's some idea or moment in the story or in the conversation that you really feel like you would share with somebody else, that it would make a difference in somebody else's lives, take a moment and whatever app you're using, just share this episode with somebody who you

think it'll make a difference for. Email it if that's the easiest thing, whatever is easiest for you. And then of course, if you're compelled, subscribe so that you can stay a part of this continuing experience. My greatest hope with this podcast is not just to produce moments and share stories and ideas that impact one person listening, but to let it create a conversation, to let it serve as a catalyst for the elevation of all of us together collectively, because that's how we rise. When stories and ideas become conversations that lead to action, that's when real change happens. And I would love to invite you to participate on that level. Thank you so much, as always, for your intention, for your attention, for your heart.

And I wish you only the best. I'm Jonathan Fields, signing off for Good Life Project.