Good Life Project - The Truth About Power, Money & Freedom | Spotlight Convo

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

Unlock your power to create the life you want on this insightful episode. Vivian Tu shares bold strategies for building real wealth, while Kemi Nekvapil redefines power as an empowering dance of presence, ownership, wisdom, equality and responsibility. Hear their thought-provoking perspectives on money, equality, agency and living a truly good life.Episode TranscriptYou can find Vivian at: Website | Instagram | Listen to Our Full-Length Convo with VivianYou can find Kemi at: Website | Instagram | Listen to Our Full-Length Convo with KemiCheck out our offerings & partners: Join My New Writing Project: Awake at the WheelVisit Our Sponsor Page For Great Resources & Discount Codes Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I believe that power is a dance. I talk about the power of delight. I talk about the power of fun. It is not necessarily this intense dominant force. It can be beauty and fun and connection and it can be abundant and we can share it with others. And one thing that I know for sure is that if I'm truly in my power, I'm not afraid of yours. I don't need you to make yourself smaller. I don't need you to hide in the cupboard so that I can be bigger. I can actually afraid of yours. I don't need you to make yourself smaller. I don't need you to hide in the cupboard so that I can be bigger. I can actually stand alongside you. You can stand alongside me and together,

we can have power in the world to do things in a particular way. So tell me if you've ever felt this, like you're kind of boxed in by someone else's blueprint of how you quote, should live. Or maybe you've achieved certain material trappings of success, checked all the boxes, yet still feel a void or lack of fulfillment in power and agency that you want over your life. The wealth and freedom that you'd love to experience,

none of this really quite arrives in the way you thought it would. If so, then this illuminating spotlight conversation is for you. It's part of our wrap-up, up actually of our special new beginning series this month on Good Life Project where each week we've been exploring together how to create a fresh, meaningful start one step at a time. And today our guests provide a really deep dive on redefining wealth and dismantling conventional notions of power and reassembling power in your own personal way.

Our first guest is Vivian Tu, a former Wall Street trader turned personal finance wizard on a mission to demystify money mindsets. And Vivian's journey really shows how she reclaimed her power by redefining success and wealth entirely on her own terms in an industry rife with inequality and harmful narratives about self-worth. And she'll share hard-won insights on cultivating a wealthy mindset to unlock your full earning potential. And then next up, you'll hear from Kemi Nechvapil, one of Australia's leading coaches empowering female leaders and entrepreneurs, especially those from marginalized communities.

With profound wisdom from really extraordinary life experiences, Kemi is deeply passionate about helping others reclaim their power and live without apology. And she'll dive into how we unconsciously give away our power and the transformative process of integrating all parts of ourselves to live and lead authentically. Together, Vivian and Kemi will really help us reimagine what true power looks like. Not as an intense dominating force, but as this beautiful expression of presence and self-ownership and authentic connection and abundance to be shared. So excited to share this spotlight conversation with you. I'm Jonathan Fields, and this is Good Life Project. knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are.

So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push, find your power. Peloton, visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest charging

Apple Watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series 10, available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary. on and what that means for you and for Canada. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. Download the free CBC News app or visit cbcnews.ca. Hey, so our first guest is Vivian Tu, a former Wall Street trader turned personal finance expert, educator and founder of the giant platform, Your Rich BFF.

She's on a mission to make the financial industry just more inclusive and clearer, really for everyone. Vivian has amassed millions of followers by redefining money mindsets and destigmatizing financial literacy with this really trademarked fun digestible approach. Her financial prowess culminated in the New York Times bestselling book, Rich AF, the winning money mindset that will change your life, billed as the definitive guide

to personal finance for a new generation. And in this conversation, you'll hear her fresh kind of no BS tips on how to think like a rich person, maximize earning potential, understand different investment vehicles and accounts, identify little-known tax loopholes and strategies, and ultimately build a smart, personalized money strategy of your own. And Vivian shares practical advice on steps like building an emergency fund, paying down

high interest debts, and investing early and consistently, even with small amounts when you don't have much to put into those investments. Her mission is to make knowledge and secrets of the wealthy accessible to all, especially marginalized communities historically left out of financial services. So whether you're just starting out or looking to level up, maybe you feel like you're a little further into life and you quote, should have started earlier, just dive in. I love how it's sort of grounded and practical her take is. This conversation will really help

to start equipping you with the tools to understand the financial landscape and live a life of wealth and abundance and that gives you so much more power and freedom in how you want to step into that life. Here's Vivian. So it's really interesting. You literally start out your new book with the line, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the American dream is dead. Take me there. Yeah. I mean, I think when I think about my parents' generation, right, it was a blueprint that you were supposed to follow. You could be a decent student, go to college, get a degree, get a desk job.

You could be the sole breadwinner in your house. You could live an amazing middle-class life, go on vacation to Florida or Disney World or whatever, twice a year, you would go on two vacations. You would be able to afford a home eventually. You would build your wealth along with the real estate market, which only goes one way, frankly, and you would live your happily ever after. And since then, I feel like my, I'm a millennial, so my generation and the generation after mine, Gen Z and even Gen Alpha now, we're looking around and we're like, hey, I don't know if

this playbook works anymore because we did everything we were told. We were good students. We did go get those degrees and now we have a student debt crisis. There are trillions of dollars of student loan debt that needs to be paid back and a lot of students ended up getting degrees that didn't Pay back that didn't have the ROI they were looking for not to mention Wages have stagnated the cost of housing has in many cases depending on where you live somewhere between three to ten X and Life just doesn't necessarily look like it did back in the good old days.

And so I think it's really important for us to address that the way to wealth, the way to financial security and stability is not the same as it was decades ago. Yeah, I mean, it's interesting, right? Because I think we work on a set of assumptions about the way the world is when it comes to opportunity and potentially wealth building. If we do a certain thing, if we show up a certain way, that X, Y, and Z will happen. We trust in that. I feel like what you're describing is right. That kind of worked for a couple of generations. But the truth is also, I think, when you look underneath that, it also kind of worked for certain people.

Correct. And it didn't work for other people. What you're describing as that American dream, it was never really the American dream that was inclusive in any meaningful way. This was like for a certain group of people who showed up in a certain place in a certain way, yes. Now I think what you're describing is now that sense of anointing has gone away across the board. Yeah.

People are grappling with this fact like, okay, so what do we do now? Because we have this conversation. You've built a global community where you're in there serving every single day and answering a lot of questions. It sounds like part of what you realized goes back to the earlier part of our conversation too, which is that there's a lot of people who don't know this information, but also particular communities of people really don't know this information. It's almost like there's a gatekeeping effect.

And it sounds like part of what you start to step into is, let me not just kind of show what I know, but I really want to actually heal a chasm here. There's a very particular thing that I want to speak to to and there's information that I want to get into the hands of particular groups and communities of people. Yeah. I love that you bring that up because there is so much emphasis. I call my audience the BFFs and I've lovingly dubbed them the leftovers because for so long, if you weren't an old rich white guy wearing a Patagonia vest on CNBC

Financial services didn't cater to you If you were a woman you weren't even allowed to have a credit card in your own name until the mid 70s if You were a person of color. It was totally possible that your community would be redlined and you would be prevented through It's totally possible that your community would be redlined and you would be prevented through unethical and certainly illegal means from buying a home in certain neighborhoods. If you were a part of an LGBTQ couple and you walked into a bank to try to get a mortgage, odds are good, you would be discriminated against. You would get a higher mortgage rate with worse terms than if you were part of a heterosexual

couple. People have not had the same opportunities. So I think it's really important to call out these injustices as well as just make this financial information accessible and understandable because anybody can google the financial rules. But I talk about this in my book, Rich AF, like we don't need just the rules. We need to be taught a strategy, a financial strategy, because you can learn the rules, but you still don't know how to play the game. Riffing off that last word, game, one of your lenses is like, well, this is kind of a game.

And like any game, there are cheats, there are loopholes. And this isn't like slick, hey, gimmicky type of things, but there are actually, there are techniques, there are things that people are just not aware of that people who have access to different information to different advisors to different circumstances are. One of the things you address is the power of loopholes when you're really thinking about how do I develop a strategy. Yeah. I will say this, tax codes, financial strategies, career how-to's, how-to budgets, savings loopholes, anything like that, these were all written by rich people for rich people.

And they've passed these secrets down in their communities for generations. But many of us don't know these things. Did you know that you can be taxed less if you contribute to a retirement account? Now suddenly it's not just today you taking care of future you, but it's also today you getting a tax break for doing so. Do people understand how high yield savings accounts offer so much more in earnable interest than a traditional brick and mortar savings account? If you didn't know that, you're missing out and you're still giving your bank a near interest-free loan. Did you know that if you set up direct deposit

so that a percentage of your paycheck goes towards a specific savings account instead of all onto your checking account, psychologically you are less likely to dip into that money? You're going to be a better budgeter. You're going to be able to save more. You're going to be able to save on your taxes. You're going to be able to invest. All of these are secrets, but they shouldn't be. They should be easily accessible to the public. I just really think that this information should be taught in public schools. Until it is, I'm going to be shouting it from the rooftops. What I like to remind everyone is that the top performer never gets fired.

Never. If you are performing at that high level, if you are outselling, outperforming the people you sit around, the people who are in your team, you will always be safe. And it's really important to acknowledge that even during times of instability at a broader level, if you are a strong performer, you can still ask for more money because you still have value and you still have worth and you are providing something that that company needs. I think it's okay to ask because even if you get told no, you're no worse off than you were 20 seconds beforehand. I think regardless of the year, regardless of the environment, you can still ask. And I recommend people ask for 10 to 15% raises every single year,

as long as they are performing to that level. Am I saying you're going to get that every single year? Not necessarily. But if you don't get a raise the same percent that inflation is currently at, you know, at one point it was at like eight, nine percent. I think right now it's come in a little bit closer to like five percent. If you're not getting a raise equivalent to that of inflation, you're actually going to make less next year than you did this year. And so not only is it critically important to make sure you're at pay keeps up with inflation, but also seeing how much your corporation values you through pay

is a very healthy marker to understand where you sit. If you have been told year after year, your performance is not where it needs to be to get that raise, that tells you something. Or if they consistently say, hey, you're our top performer, but we don't have budget, that also tells you something. Maybe it's time to go somewhere where they will have budget to pay a top performer like you. I'd love to get granular for a moment if you're open to this. Let's say will have budget to pay a top performer like you. I'd like to get granular for a moment if you're open to this.

Say somebody is listening to this and they're like, yeah, okay, that makes sense to me. I actually have been a top performer. There's been a lot of change, a lot of shifting, but I'm the one who keeps staying here. I feel like I'm doing really good work. But also, I see the macro trend here. I see the impact on my company or my team or my division, whatever it is. I know things are tight, but I still need what I need. What would be some basic language that somebody might be able to actually step into to open

this conversation? Yeah. First and foremost, I highly recommend everybody create a brag book, promo pitch, raise receipts folder in their email. Essentially, anytime you get an email that pats you on the back saying, hey, we could not have gotten this project done without Jonathan. Like Vivian is the best designer on this entire team. Like whatever forward those emails.

That way you essentially have a Rolodex of all of the times you knocked it out of the park. And it's very easy to quantify your successes. I would then set time with your manager, six to eight months before your end of year review or mid year review, that's when you start asking for money. Because what everyone likes to do is they wait until November or December,

and they are too afraid to ask throughout the year, so they like bottle it up, bottle it up and then it starts to bubble to the service, bubble to the service, bubble to the service and you get to December and you're like, if I don't get a raise next year, I'm gonna quit. And your boss is like, where is this coming from? Like we've never talked about this. It feels so out of left field.

Whereas if you start six months in advance, eight months in advance and don't be annoying, but be persistent. Remind them every two months that, hey, these are the goals that I'm setting. Here's how I'm tracking to reach them. Additionally, I would like, or a raise of XYZ would be commensurate to the type of work and the level that I'm operating at. Remind them that pay is important to you because they need to know. They need to know that you are always gonna be keeping your eye on that dollar sign.

And that way, when October comes and HR pulls your manager into a back room and is like, this is your budget, you have to now divvy this budget across your entire team, you understand that your boss is gonna have you top of mind because you've been asking for the past six to eight months, you've probably touched face with them two or three times.

They know you care about money. You're going to be top of their mind. Whereas everyone else is going to be an afterthought because they haven't asked. Essentially, you have to tell people you're going to do good work, do the good work, and then take a megaphone and remind everyone of the amazing work you did

so that you can be first in line to get that money because you don't get paid by putting your head down and being the smartest person in the room. There has been statistic research that the person with the highest IQ is not the one paid the most. It is the person who makes the hardest effort to be known socially and people think they do more than they actually do. And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts

that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at OnePeloton.ca. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. The police have warned. protesters repeatedly, get back.

CBC News brings the story to you live. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canada. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. Download the free CBC News app

or visit cbcnews.ca. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest charging Apple Watch, getting you eight hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series 10, available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary. I love the fact that a lot of what you talked about is sort of like, can we dismantle some of the crazy mythology about what you have to do to actually slowly accumulate wealth

and talk about the reality of the fact that it's actually pretty straightforward. There are step-by-step things that anybody can do when you think about this sort of what to do with your money side of things. Is there like one big myth or misnomer that really jumps out at you that bothers you that like you'd want to speak towards it really just sort of like the accumulation of a lot of just little bits of misinformation that stop us from doing what we need to do? I would say it's more like death by a thousand paper cuts. It's all these little bits of information that people are just missing along the way. I think finance is very, very challenging because it's almost like speaking a new language.

The jargon is so heavy. It's not abundantly clear what a 401k is based on the name if you don't already know what a 401k is. It's not abundantly clear what the Roth in Roth IRA stands for if you don't already know. And once you do understand the jargon, it's just really about setting healthy habits in place. But I do think one of the biggest myths is that only rich people can invest. Because how do you think those rich people got rich in the first place? They were investing. It's not something that you wait to do later. It's how you get there. I joke that investing is the only way a single person can be a two household income because not only are you working hard for your money, your money is working hard for you.

It's like having a great spouse who also brings in money and helps support the family of one without having to actually go out and date and find that person, what have you. But it just allows you to make money while you sleep because we as humans can feasibly only work so many hours a day. We are made of flesh and bones. Our brains do give out after a certain point. You are not as good of a money-making tool as your money. Your money is a better use. So the faster you can get to your money making you more money versus your body

or your brain making you more money, the better. If you are going to say, if somebody comes to you and says, hey, listen, finally I had a point in my life where I've got a little bit of money where I can start doing something with it. And I know you're probably going to take an issue with even somebody saying I'm finally at a point because your whole thing is like it doesn't matter even if it's a dollar or $10. Just start now. Yes, exactly.

So let's forget about that. Like when somebody just says, okay, I just want to know like what are the three things if I could only think about like my life is so crazy, so busy, like I just want to know what are the three things that might be the biggest levers in what I might think about doing with money, even if it's small bits of money as it comes in, like every other week and a paycheck. What would you say to them? Yeah. I would say first and foremost, start an emergency fund. It's really shitty that the number one reason for bankruptcy in this country is medical debt.

That seems like that shouldn't be the case. You don't choose to get a kidney stone or cancer or get sick, but it's important to have an emergency fund in case the wheel falls off your car or your roof caves in. You don't want to go into mountains of debt just because you couldn't afford that. I would say for single people, three to six months of living expenses is good. If you are ahead of household, if you have a mortgage, just some more fixed costs, I would say six to 12 months is probably a better bet.

So first have that emergency fund. Two, not all debt is created equal. I would rank your debt from highest to lowest interest rate and focus on paying off any debt with an interest rate that's higher than 7% first, because that is high interest rate debt. Typically anything above that is usually credit card debt and that debt compounds faster than you will likely be able to earn in capital gains if you were to invest. So really, really you want to pay off any high interest rate debt as soon as humanly possible.

It just snowballs so fast that it's going to be hard to get under control unless you're making a concerted effort to pay it down. And then last but definitely not least, if you have your emergency fund, if you have paid off that high interest rate debt, invest early and often. So this is as simple as putting away a1 to $5, $10 every month and set it up on an automatic direct deposit from your paycheck to your brokerage. And there are so many brokerages that allow you to essentially automatically allocate your dollars. And you're going to want to consider index funds.

You're going to consider index funds that track the S&P 500. You might consider something that tracks the total stock market, something that tracks global indices or sectors that you're passionate about, whether that be tech or the pharma field or maybe not pharma because I got burned by that. But just whatever sectors you're really passionate about, as well as if you're really saving and investing for a specific goal, a target date retirement fund might make sense. You want to save and invest for retirement, all you have to do is essentially calculate the year where you will turn 60, 65, whatever, and back into which target date

fund makes the most sense for you. And it's essentially a catered way for you to always be investing in something that makes sense for your age. And that's again catered to the average person. If you are incredibly high net worth, maybe that doesn't make sense for you, but it's a great jump off point and it's so easy to do. And worst case, if you really feel like investing is still too complicated, just get a robo advisor to do it for you. You take a quiz about your money goals, how much money you make, what your goals are, when you want to retire,

how much money you're spending, what tax bracket you're in, whatever, and they will pick investments for you. You just need to start because time in the market beats timing the market or picking the perfect investment every single time. Yeah, that makes so much sense. So zooming the lens out a little bit, we've been talking a lot about money, about wealth, about worth. In your mind, what is the real role of money or wealth in a life well lived? When I first started thinking about money and wanting to be rich, it was for very shallow reasons. I wanted to be able to buy that new designer purse, drive my lime green Lamborghini.

I wanted to have the mansion on the hill. But as I've started getting to a position where I'm comfortable saying, I'm rich, I live an incredibly good life, I am wealthy, I am doing great, money has become more of the ability to have optionality in my life. Money is power. Money is agency. Money is being able to take an Uber at 11 p.m. at night without double checking how

much money is in my bank account instead of taking the subway because I'm not sure if I can afford it. Money is being able to leave a bad boss. Money is being able to leave a bad boss. Money is being able to leave a bad relationship. Money is being able to leave a bad apartment. It gives you the power and agency to live the life you want to live without fear because it gives you choices. And so I think it's so important to encourage people to want money, to want wealth and richness in their life because it gets them out of bad situations and lets them choose exactly how they're going to live and what a happily ever after means to them. Love that. It feels like a good place

for us to come full circle as well. So in this container of good life project, if I offer up the phrase to live a good life, what comes up? To live a good life is to have all of your needs met and then be able to use the resources that you have to not only bring yourself joy, but help provide that joy to others, that comfort to others and that security to others. I think it's all about spreading that wealth because when you are rich, it is not only your obligation, but it's your privilege to be able to help others, to be able to spread that wealth, to be able to spread that education so that more of us get to live a good life. Thank you. Of course.

And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. Good Life Project is sponsored by Wild Grain. So confession time, I love bread. It's one of my favorite foods. I love sourdough and also tend to try and lessen my gluten load. So I'm always looking for yummy options without having to bake from scratch. And that is exactly why Wild Grain caught my attention. They have created the first Bake From Frozen

subscription box that delivers artisanal breads and pastries and pastas right to your door. Just pop them in the oven and 25 minutes or less you're enjoying bakery quality bread without any mess. They have even expanded to include gluten-free and plant-based boxes so really everyone can enjoy in these incredible baked goods. We tried their sourdough and gluten-free breads and pasta shells and croissants and baguettes

and even served most of them to guests for dinner. Everything has been amazing. So are you ready to bring your favorite carbs right to your doorstep? Be sure to check out Wild Grain so you can begin building your own box of artisanal breads and pastas and pastries. For a limited time, Wild Grain is offering our listeners $30 off the first box plus free croissants in every box when you go to wildgrain.com slash good life to start your subscription. You heard me free croissants in every box and $30 off your first box when you go to wildgrain.com slash good life. That's

wildgrain.com slash good life or you can use the promo code good life at checkout. I just love, I love Vivian's take and also just her energy and the integrity and honesty that she brings to what she does and this desire to genuinely help. And next up is Kemi Neckfoot-Pill, one of Australia's leading coaches, helping marginalized communities reclaim their power. And in her book, Power, a Woman's Guide to Living and Leading Without Apology, Kemi redefines power through lenses like presence, ownership, and responsibility.

In this conversation, you'll learn to become really more aware of the internal beliefs and external forces that can diminish your sense of agency. And Kemi shares empowering personal stories that eliminate how we unconsciously give away or have our power taken. Her powerful questions invite self-reflection on the areas of your life where you may feel powerless or powerful.

These prompts really reveal insights about integrating all parts of yourself to step into your full power without making others smaller. And you're getting new understandings of power not just as this dominating force but also as something of beauty and fun and connection and abundance to be shared. So if you're ready to live and lead your life with that apology from an authentic place of equality and self-responsibility, this conversation provides a transformative framework for that journey of self discovery. Here's Kemi. So as we have this conversation, you are in the world largely as a coach, facilitator, consultant, working often with

women on the topic of power, on the topic of full expression, on the topic of living the way that they want to live, more recently into this topic of power and all the nuances around it. And I want to dive into that because it is in fact the subject of your new book. So this becomes at some point a central focus for you. I mean, it starts out as your own exploration. As you move into the world of exploring not just power but also service and how to live well and going deep into what are the elements

of how people actually show up and live these good lives. Power becomes also something that you keep circling back to, it sounds like. And over time, developed your own effectively model around it. But part of that also has got to start with just the notion of what is power. I mean, when we're talking about that word, what are we even talking about? And I have to share that when I was speaking to my writing mentor about this book and we were sort of brainstorming with each other about the title, and I remember just saying to him, power. And the first thing that my head said was, who do you think you are to write a book about power? Like once again, I had this visceral reaction of you are not allowed to go there, you do not get to speak about this. But I also knew because I've been writing for a while, ah this is exactly why you

need to go there, you need to write this book. So the first thing I did as an English person was I went straight to the Oxford dictionary because I knew we all have these ideas of what many words mean and I thought I actually want to go to a respected source and see what it says. What is power? And the Oxford Dictionary definition of the word power is the ability or capacity to do something in a particular way. Now that is extraordinary to me because what it shows is that we have all been told that there is only one particular form of power in the world that is generally male, that is generally Anglo, cisgendered, able-bodied, Christian. Suddenly, if it's how you do things in the world, that becomes one form of power. It doesn't become all forms of power. And then,

I remember talking to my editor, I had just started writing stories. So I started writing stories from my clients working with, you know, over a decade now, working with females in leadership roles in various industries, various career levels. And I started seeing these themes of where they felt powerless in their lives or in the rooms that they found themselves in. But I started with my own stories. And as I was writing them, I believed that gender was going to be the predominant area where I found myself powerless, which maybe was naive, I'm not sure, but this is the power of writing as well. But as I started writing the stories, I was like, oh, actually it's race.

There's the intersection of gender for me, but actually it is race as a defining factor where I have felt that my power has been taken away the most. And so suddenly I looked at, okay so we've got this idea of power, we have a form of power in the world that everyone knows and yet we're being told it is the capacity and the ability to do something. I remember one night thinking I know how I want to redefine power is in the word itself. I know it's in the word. So I just wrote on a post-it night the night before, the structure is in the word. And I just went to sleep, I woke up the next morning, I did my meditation. And in my meditation came the acronym, which is presence, ownership, wisdom,

equality, and responsibility. And once again, Jonathan, I didn't question it. I knew this is where all of these stories, all of my client experiences and what I'm exploring fits into this word. Mm, yeah, again, trusting the download. Let's drop into the model a bit. You have this acronym and it's literally the letters of the word power. The P, the first P there actually represents

the word presence. Take me deeper into what you're actually inviting people into when you talk about presence. 100%. We have already touched on it because it is presence is awareness. So when I talk about presence in regard to power, it's being aware of what is working and is not working in our lives and that our ability to be present or not has a really big impact on our ability to connect with ourselves and to connect with other people. We have to know what is going on for us before we get out into the world to try and make any shifts or changes or transformations. We have to know what in my life is good, you know, but

what in my life has space for change or growth or needs to be completely overhauled? And we have to start with a place of presence, creating stillness in our lives to ask ourselves these questions. Yeah. I mean, when you talk about creating that space, creating that stillness to really be present in the truth of whatever is, part of that is internal. But part of it for you, it sounds like also, is the truth of the systems, the society, the culture in which we function because especially in the context of how do we step back into a place of power in our own lives, that's got to be part of the equation, right?

It has to. And for me, I believe it gives us power. So for those of us that have marginalized identities, whatever that looks like, the reality is, is that we are operating within systems that were not created for us. So just last week, I was working with a client who was a lawyer here in Australia, and she was in a particular room with other lawyers, and she just felt herself close up. And she said, I don't know why I do that. Why?

Why do I close up? I have something to say. Why do I close up. And she said, I don't know why I do that. Why? Why do I close up? I have something to say. Why do I close up? And I said to her, yes, we can have a look at your individual reaction in that space. But also let's have a look at the context. You are not meant to be in that room. You were never meant to be in that room. So let's look at it with the larger context that you're operating under. So it doesn't just become what is wrong with me, why can't I do that? And once again, I felt her just go, oh, of course, of course.

And I'm like, okay, so can you, can we now look at some self-compassion? The reason that you struggle, or any woman, or any person coming from marginalized identity might struggle to have a voice in that room is because you weren't meant to be in that room. And then it actually led her to this space of all of the things and the work that she has done to get in that room in the first place. And it will be a shame for her not

to speak now. Like it actually ended with quite a light note. But yes, 100%, we have to be present to the structures because they are real. I feel very privileged and honored to do the work that I do. I love the work that I do. And I can walk into a room as a black woman and be made to feel powerless in a moment. And that is real. That is not in my head. I have not made that up. And so for me being aware of where is this me and what is my response to this reality compared to this is reality that I have to navigate every single day. Yeah, it's got to be really interesting also because, and this is reality that I have to navigate every single day. Yeah, it's got to be really interesting also because, and this is part of what you write

about under the exploration of presence is the notion that on the one hand, we have to acknowledge the system we're working within and its input into the way that we feel, empowered or disempowered or somewhere in the middle. And at the same time, you also don't wanna let people off the hook. There's an other side to this, which is sometimes one of our go-tos is who else can I blame? So it's a really interesting dance, isn't it?

It is, but the reality is with blaming other people is that it leaves us powerless. It's the complete opposite of a sense of power because it's all over there with them. And then which kind of leads to the final power principle, which is the R, which we'll get to, but if it's all over there with that person, if what they are doing, and obviously I'm not talking about any situation that involves abuse, but in situations where, you know, where it work and just someone, why don't they

do their work or why don't they do this? It's over there. But if we were present to ourselves, we could be thinking, I'm present to the fact that I don't want to have an uncomfortable conversation with that person about their work. It is easier for me to point the finger and maybe enroll other people in the team about how they're not doing their work, which is so much more dramatic and delightful than it is to actually go and have a difficult conversation with the person about saying, hey, you're not pulling your weight in the team

and it's impacting the team. And so I believe that personal development is a gift to all of us that have the resources. And one of those gifts is that we are responsible for the changes that we want to make. It doesn't make it easier, but ultimately it is up to us to make the changes and the shifts. And I completely agree. You know but ultimately it is up to us to make the changes and the

shifts. And I completely agree. You know, it's about agency at the end of the day and how much of it do we want to surrender unwittingly often. What's interesting is you have this sort of meta lens, which is the model, you know, like the acronym power, but within each one of those, like the five different core elements, Your approach is not to say, let me give you the answers to like how to actually like get what you want from this element and then stack the P on top of the O on top of the R and the E.

You do the exact opposite, which is you basically say, I don't have the answers here, but what I do have is a set of I think it's 26 different questions that are split between the different elements that you call power processes, but effectively they're personal inquiries. And essentially you're saying to somebody, this is up to you. I'm gonna share questions

that might help you figure things out, but at the end of the day, it's up to you to both step into the question and answer them honestly, and then think about what is the appropriate action for me, in response to that, which again goes back to this agency thing at the center of everything. And to me, that is the heart of coaching.

There is such a difference between being a consultant where I would say to a client, so you just need to follow this roadmap, and then you will, example, have the house that you want. An architect is kind of a consultant in some ways. You want, and I'll tell you exactly what it is that you need to do. That is not my role as a coach.

My role as a coach is to create a safe space for my clients where I hold no judgment. And so whenever I write a book, it's never about me telling people what to do, because I don't know their lives, I don't know their internal and external resources. And to be honest, I'm sure you'd experience this too, there is so much of the self-development world

that actually makes people feel worse about themselves. And I never wanna be a part of that. This idea that, well, you just do what I did and then everything will be fine, leaves people thinking, well, I couldn't do that. And it's like, well, maybe because you are nothing like that person and you don't have their resources

and you don't have their story. So for me, it's about sharing my stories, sharing stories from my clients. And then as you say, asking questions at the end. So what is a relationship in your life where you feel that you have a sense of equality and a sense of power? Or what is a relationship in your life

where that isn't the case? And for people to work out for themselves where they feel powerful in their lives and where they feel powerless and where some of that may be purely internal and where some of that may be external. Because power is when we as individuals know that we have agency in our lives. And for some people, the next step is to possibly, and I'm actually not joking when I use this example, in my second book, The

Gift of Asking, I was working with a client around asking, and she used to order a sandwich from her local cafe every day, but she doesn't like tomatoes. So every day she'd get this sandwich that had tomatoes and she would take them out every single day. And we worked on her because she had grown up never asking for what she needed or wanted. She didn't want to be a burden, and she did not want to say to the cafe owner, I'd like that sandwich, but without the tomatoes. So part of the work was for her to ask for no tomatoes. And the cafe owner said to her, oh, my goodness, I was wondering when you were going to ask because I just have to keep throwing tomatoes away every day. She was like, I thought you'd be a burden and something like this. So that seems like a really small action for her.

It was huge. She said she was trembling when she asked that question. Whereas I may work with someone in a C-suite and it's a much bigger action that they need to take because the presentation that they're giving, you know, literally will depend on whether or not their company will get the job, will get the tender. So it's kind of a bigger ask for them, but it is still relevant to that person in that season of their lives. I am never pushing a client's hand,

but it should be bigger, you should be doing more. I've never been a fan of the phrase, do something every day that scares you. I'm like, why? Why do I want to send my system into overdrive every single, can't I just sit still? Why do I want to send my system into overdrive every single, can't I just sit still? Why do I have to be scared every day? You know, so there's always the challenge

and that push and pull of progress isn't always go, go, go, go, go, depending on who we are and the life that we're living. Sometimes progress is stop. Now we know the amount of people that are in burnout, on the edge of burnout, coming out of burnout, through the pandemic, before the pandemic. And for some people, progress and growth is to stop

and to take stock of the cost of them continually going forward in what they think is progress. Because we know the body takes us out in the end. Anyway, if we don't stop, the body takes us out. Yeah, always. And I have experienced that that and I think most people probably have at some point pushing too hard. You know, part of what's embedded in your approach of really dropping people into questions rather than answers is also, and tell me if this resonates because this is from the outside, looking in what I experienced, is the notion of testing

assumptions. You know. It feels like so many of us, we move through life assuming certain things are true or not true and we never test them and those become constraints. Constraints in our power, constraints in our agency, constraints in our joy, in our fun, in our pleasure, everything. And we just assume it is what it is. And what was underneath a lot of these questions that you offer up is the notion of testing the assumptions. Yes, and there's power in owning that we have them. You know, as human beings, we are judgmental.

We have to be judgmental roaming around in our tribes to make sure is that person safe? What is gonna happen? We make snap decisions about people all the time. It is so much more powerful to admit that than it is to pretend that we don't. Because when we admit that, as you say, then we can do the work and go, oh, why do I assume if that person looks like that, that their IQ is a certain thing or they're into a particular thing? You know, one of the things that I love to do, not so much now, but in my early

day, people just assumed that I loved hip hop. They just assumed that I knew every hip hop song that was going about. I grew up in Kent. I grew up with foster parents that loved country and western music. I grew up with Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. I'm an absolute country and western fan, although most people might look at me and not assume that. And so I think one of the parts, especially of the second power principle of ownership, is that we own all parts of ourselves. To say, no, actually, I love flowers, I love country and western music, I'm a black woman with a shaved head, I have no idea where I am in terms of geography, most of the time I'm always getting lost,

I don't like driving. You know, there are so many things that when we share these parts of ourselves, that's what connects us with each other. When we can take ownership of our light and our shadow of the things that we know and things that we don't know, of the parts of our stories that we've been told that don't actually belong to us, which is really big for refugee and migrant families sometimes, the stories that we've experienced, those that we've created, those that we've made up, and when we can integrate them all, we get to stand in our power in the way that we navigate the world in a way that we don't if we leave parts of ourselves like I did. I used to leave

parts of myself outside of rooms so that I was allowed in the room. Now for me, power is just not stepping into those rooms where I would feel that I would have to do that. You're certainly not the only one. The notion of leaving parts of yourself outside so that you would be quote allowed in the room, I think everybody has done that or the very minimum considered doing that. And of course, it's going to differ depending on who you are, depending on your level of status and privilege and history. Some people will probably feel more compelled to do that than not, I'm sure. And at the same time, the notion of you giving up or leaving a part of yourself out

so that you can be invited in, I think even when we do that and then we're in the room, it becomes apparent pretty quickly that we're not actually in the room. Like there is some projection of us, some curated set list of uncancellable qualities that's in the room. And if that's accepted, it actually doesn't give us the feeling we want to have.

100%. And it's exhausting. That's the other thing is that it is exhausting to leave yourself outside of the room, but be physically in the room and then putting on this mask or this way of being or this way of speaking or the thing that you do say or the thing that you don't say so that you can be in this room, which actually means you're not even there. No one's actually meeting you and you leave feeling less than you did when you walked in because you didn't actually bring yourself

into that interaction. And I know that for some of us, it is also not safe to show our whole selves, you know? So it is, it's this dance, and I talk in the book, the book isn't about 21 days to power, and then you will always be this all-knowing power forever. The book is about, we will give our power away consciously because we are smart and we know that is the best thing to do.

Sometimes our power will be taken away from us, and sometimes we will give it away from us by default. Once again, it goes back to awareness. When we become aware and present of why and how and with whom and in what spaces, we then start to rebuild our power in a different way. And then in a week's time, taken away from us. I have teenagers, Jonathan, I can go on stage, speak to a thousand people plus feel incredibly in my power and like I'm a worthy human being in the world contributing. And then I get home and my teenager will just give me a glance and I, my power just leaves me and I watch it go.

You know, so it is a dance, you know, in the same way that I talk about coaching, coaching is a dance. I believe that power is a dance, that it can be, you know, I talk about the power of delight. I talk about the power of fun in the book. It is not this necessarily this intense dominant force. It can be beauty and fun and connection and it can be abundant and we can share it with others. And one thing that I know

for sure is that if I'm truly in my power, I'm not afraid of yours. I don't need you to make yourself smaller. I don't need you to hide in the cupboard so that I can be bigger. I can actually stand alongside you. You can stand alongside me and together we can have power in the world to do things in a particular way. I love that. And we'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you.

From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton.

Visit Peloton at OnePeloton.ca First to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canada. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. Download the free CBC News app or visit cbcnews.ca. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist,

whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series 10, available for the first time in glossy jet-black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary

So we've sort of dipped into the notion we've gone beyond dipping into the notion of ownership and that would be the the O letter and the model so built into the center the the center of this is wisdom which I think is really interesting because so often, I think a lot of us probably feel that there is power being exercised in the world that is entirely divorced from wisdom. And there's a wisdom in knowing that you may or may not be able to do anything about that, but you can affect the wisdom that you have and the way that you show up in the world and the way that

you contribute to other people. You know, one thing I say in that chapter is that we tend to outsource our lives. We need to be mindful of not outsourcing our lives. I know that you've had incredible, you know, wisdom, leaders and seekers and teachers and coaches on this podcast. And I love this podcast, and I listened to podcasts, and I have teachers that I follow. But it's all information for me to then process for myself as Kemi, what works for me, what is true for me, what resonates for me, and to actually once again, have that awareness to sit with the information and not assume it is right, but to kind of sit with it and test it and trial. And to actually once again have that awareness to sit with the information

and not assume it is right, but to kind of sit with it and test it and trial. And if it doesn't work to not assume, well, there's something wrong with me, the wisdom is, well, that doesn't work for me. To think that, well, there's something wrong with me is a sense of powerlessness. To say, well, that doesn't work for me, brings us back into our power. So for me, the wisdom principle is all about not outsourcing our lives to trust and train. And we do need to train it. It is a practice we've spoken about. It can be trained out of us from a very early age, but to have practices that when we get a message, when our intuition tells us something, that we get to a point where we can trust it, that it is real. And then we may want

to check in with our head around the how or how does this actually work in the world, but to actually trust that innate wisdom because it will guide us to the life that we want for ourselves. It feels like this also really relates back to our earlier conversation around stillness, creating this space, you know, rather than brute forcing, what is the lesson? What is the message? What is the insight? Like, I need to actually figure this out, which I think is a very Western-minded way to do it also. And I'm raising my hand because I'm wired that way

to a certain extent. Like, do the practice, which just creates the space and allows the insight, the wisdom, the deeper truth to emerge from that space. But again, there's this really tough dynamic because to do that, as you shared earlier, sometimes it means us sitting in a high level of discomfort at the same time.

So we're sitting in stillness. There's a lot of discomfort that emerges. It may be just about the reality of who we are and our circumstance. And at the same time, we're trying to tease out what is the wisdom in this moment that's being shared with me, that's being revealed to me. It's complicated. It is complicated. We're complicated. We are complicated and we are multilayered and we carry around so much within us. There are worlds within all of us

and some of those worlds are really scary. And sitting with some of these stories that we have, sitting with what our wisdom tells us, our wisdom is gonna say things to us that we don't wanna hear because it means going against maybe what our families told us we have to be or should be or what society is telling us we should or have to be. Why would you leave this particular job over here that gives you these particular benefits or this particular status to go and do this thing

that makes sense to nobody at all? One of my biggest tapping into my wisdoms, I was an actor for many years and I loved acting. It was really fun. But when I sat with it, I realized that the biggest gift that I could give myself is somebody who had played a character for a big part of my life of trying to be someone to fit into spaces that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life playing characters. You know, I have great friends who are actors and I love the craft of acting, but I didn't want to do it for the rest of my life. And I had to make a decision as a young person who was earning great money, who was having adventures around the world and decide, I had to decide something that

made sense to nobody. It didn't make sense to anybody to leave a successful acting career, to go back to what I also loved at that time, which was chefing and being a baker, to kind of go back into obscurity, some would say in some ways. But I remember that first night of Saturday service, you know, the dance, you know, I love using the analogy and metaphor of a dance, but for anyone that's listening that is a chef was being in kitchens. The dance when you have a busy service and you're a team working together and you're moving in and out of each other and there's no words but you just are creating this incredible energy together. I remember that first Saturday night and I remember thinking

this may be a mistake that I've just left this career that I should have wanted, but my gosh, it feels good right now. And I will work out what and how from here. But this is the feeling of being myself in a kitchen at the end of a Saturday night service. This feels more like me than the me that I was when I was playing characters

in different roles all the time. That decision was really lonely and very isolating. I'm not sure I've ever felt as lonely as I did then because no one understood why I was doing what I was doing, but I trusted myself and I'm glad that I did. Yeah, I mean, it's that wisdom that comes from within that often is not supported externally. Until people actually have a little bit of space

and people see what's going on. In a very, very past life, I was a big firm lawyer in New York City. We're talking decades ago. I had the job that, quote, everybody who went to school with me wanted. I lasted about a year and then I tapped out not just of that job, but of the profession. One of my big concerns was what will people think? But it wasn't enough.

But there was something inside of me that also knew this is not for me. This is not my path. And it was really crystal clear. And it took years for some of my friends, my peers, my colleagues to understand what was really happening. What was interesting to me is there was a departure memo that was sent around this, you know, like to a thousand people or whatever it was in the firm, as was the way that it happened whenever someone left the firm. And mine effectively said, I'm leaving to go lead people up mountains and explore the outdoors and start my own thing.

to go lead people up mountains and explore the outdoors and start my own thing. And it was the senior partners in the firm who shared notes with me that said, do it, I'm excited for you, please keep me sort of like updated on your path. I thought that was a really powerful moment for me to realize that the people who I had normally looked to, to sort of like normalize what I was doing would not normalize it but the people who were

down the path where we were all aspiring to be were telling me maybe not honor that wisdom that was a powerful moment for me building on the wisdom part and by the way I want to remind everyone that within each one of these different elements you there just a whole range of very specific inquiries and questions that you offer up that I would really strongly encourage folks to drop into and sit with, not just like, you know, like jive out a quick answer but really sit with and return to because I thought they're really simple questions often but really powerful.

Like one question under the wisdom section, who are you waiting to get permission from? Simple question, really powerful when you sit with it, because most of us probably don't think about that, and most of us probably are waiting. As we move on from wisdom, we drop into that, and that is equality. And this is something that's been weaving

through our entire conversation, and it's also something that has become a central, what's always been a central part of your story and a really emerging part, what you're inviting people into. And also maybe of the five different components of your model of power, the one that may engender the highest level of discomfort for a lot of people. Yeah. And I talk about equality in kind of two ways in the book and I think about it in this way. I have a feeling that a lot of the listeners to this podcast

are contributing to global inequalities in the way that they can with the resources they have, whether that's time, whether that's financially, where I think a lot of us are very aware of the global inequalities. And yet we sometimes miss the equality that sits inside every single one of us you know as i said earlier i did not grow up thinking that i was equal to the white people around me at all. And so i just thought that's my place in the world and so and i have to operate in a particular way and you know the same speaking to friends that identify in different ways whatever that is. to friends that I identify in different ways, whatever that is, that so many of us have been told that who we are in the world is wrong and that we are not equal and that we have to wait for permission

for someone to allow us into spaces or places or give us the job or the opportunity. And for me, this idea of power that comes from the inside is knowing that our humanity is equal to everybody else. So one of the gifts of the work I do is that I facilitate groups and Australian business owners, because I live in Australia, but I know The Hunger Project does this around the world. So The Hunger Project is a global organization that really works with people on a coaching model. So once again it gives power and agency to

the people that are hungry. The model is not, we will come and save you. We know what is best for you because that's not powerful, except for the person that's saying that is definitely not powerful for the receivers. The hunger projects model is all about coaching. And so I will work with say 20 business owners. We go over to, I've been to Uganda a few times with the hunger project. And we work with our village partners on the ground to look at what does leadership look like for them and an example may be a woman Barbara who I never forget

who had a home that she was living in that had a banana leaf roof in this village that we had visited and her dream and her commitment and her action was to make sure that by the next time the next time the rain season came that she had made sure that roof was a corrugated iron roof and she was so excited and she was so committed and she was so ready. Now, one of the leaders in the group, the Australian group, and we went back that night to kind of process and facilitate the day, she was really emotional and really moved. And I checked in with her what's going on and she said, I couldn't believe how excited and certain that Barbara was about her ability to have this happen, that she would have a tin roof by the time the rain season came and how she celebrated herself and her accomplishment.

And she said, I never celebrate myself, my team. We've had a high turnover in my company. I've never been able to put the finger on why. And I've realized because I don't celebrate anything or anyone. I'm go, go, go. Now, we could think because Barbara's vision and her goal is to get something that many of us just have. It's a privilege that we have a roof over our head that doesn't have rain coming through it. But how she responded to that, her humanity in her celebration was a mirror to the person that had so many more external resources than Barbara had, but it still gave her something about her leadership. Another thing for me is that I've had the honor of speaking on a panel on Richard Branson's Necker Island.

Now, so I've been in a space with Richard Branson, I'm in a space with village leaders in Uganda, and one thing I know for sure, Richard Branson has more external resources than those leaders in Uganda. And one thing I know for sure, Richard Branson has more external resources than those leaders in Uganda. There is no doubt about that. But when it comes to their humanity, exactly the same. There is no one that is less or more worthy than the other.

They are humans having human experiences with challenges, different challenges, but challenges. And I think we miss that. We are all humans at our core. None of us are better or worse than the other. Life is complex, it is challenging, and it can be delightful, and we're all in it together. And as you share and invite people into the notion

that if we start from that place, and then we say that equity, that recognizing this, that resourcing it, that standing behind it, advocating for it is important to us, we may well also be inviting some level of discomfort, different for different people into our experience. And that's part of what we're saying yes to. And to say yes to the whole thing, because you can't really parse that out. You know, that is a part of the exploration when you're actually stepping into this place of not just inquiry, but action taking.

No, exactly. And if I was working with a client, say for example, and a client said to me, oh, I just feel like that person is less than me, or they just, you know, they don't have as much status as me, or something like that, once again, I wouldn't make it about the other person. I say, what is it about that person that makes you feel that they're less than you?

What is that? And it could be, oh, their English isn't as good as mine or they haven't been to the same school that I've been to. I mean, that was one thing for me that was huge for many years. I did not have the opportunity to go to university. My childhood was very much about survival. So I, and I know for many people that have not attended university,

it is a huge thing where we make ourself less equal to those that have a higher education than we do, because that is part of the narrative of power. If you have a university education, then you have a particular status and you get a particular role in the world. And as you say though, you can have a particular status and a particular role in the world, and it doesn't necessarily give you what you

want. It gives you a level of education but it doesn't necessarily give you the good life. There are many ways to achieve and build and vision and create a good life and knowing that we are worthy of that life is one of the most important things. And we don't need to feel worthy every single day, in every single moment, because that isn't always possible for all of us. But it is feeling worthy enough in the moment to press send on the email, or feeling worthy enough in the moment

to pick up the phone and have the conversation, or to ask for the raise, or to go on the holiday for no reason other than I want to go there. You know, that just being worthy enough in moments, and over time that builds up to know my quality is intact and I'm allowed to be in the world. And that really dropped us beautifully

into the last element of your model, which is responsibility, which it's funny because it spells out a word, it's almost linear, but I really view this as a circular experience. You know, this is something where just everything keeps winding around and informing the next thing. And it brings us back to the notion of agency, which is a lot of where we started our conversation too. It's really about how are we going to step into this and owning the fact that it is actually

up to us and responding to that invitation rather than just waiting for somebody to tell us what the next step is. 100% and I love responsibility. Like I know that for some people it can feel like a burden which is different to having responsibilities. You know, having responsibilities can feel burdensome but having responsibility for your life doesn't make life easier. Let me just put that caveat in there.

Sometimes it makes it harder because you know no one is coming. And just to quickly tap back into ownership, one of the gifts for me of being fostered and one of the gifts for me being black in a very predominantly white world, two things. One, I knew no one was coming to save me. I just knew that. I knew no one was coming to save me. And in reading fairy tale books at that time that were all white princesses with white princes, there were no princesses that looked like me that were ever saved by princes. So I've never had this idea that anyone was coming to save me and that I would need to in inverted commas save myself. The shadow side of that has been that I've also had to

make sure that I haven't veered too much into no one can help me. You know, we write the books we need. So my second book, The Gift of Asking, that asking is a vulnerable act and vulnerability was really scary for me because it's like, well, what's going to happen if you're vulnerable and you're not allowed to have feelings? But for me, responsibility is the gift because it gives us agency in our lives. We take ourselves out of the passenger seat, hoping that the person that's driving is going to go the right way, hoping that they're gonna turn a left when we want them to, although we haven't told them we wanna go left,

they go right, and then it's their fault. But it is scary. It's scary to be responsible for our lives. It's scary to realize that no one is gonna come and say, hey, do you know that job that's sucking the life out of you? You don't have to do it anymore. It's scary to say, hey, do you know this relationship that you're in where you feel less than who you are?

You should probably leave that relationship now. Most of us know not to tamper with people's relationships anyway, so there probably is not anyone coming saying that. But we have to take ownership for ourselves and the lives that we want. And as I said, it is not easy. We have to take the first step.

We have to be the one that kind of straps on our shoe and ties up the lace and says, look, I'm not exactly knowing necessarily where I'm going, but I know what I'm moving away from. I'm moving away from this idea that I have to wait for someone to give me permission to live the life that I want, or the life that I know that I deserve,

or the life that I'm not even sure if I deserve it, or if I want it, but I'm willing to give it a good crack anyway and see what happens. Yeah, I mean that really resonates powerfully. And part of when you dive into these specific questions around each element, part of what you're inviting people to explore also is in different ways the notion of

what actually matters to me. So when we actually stand in a place of agency and responsibility and then to actually, and as you described, you may know what you want to move away from at that particular season. You may not know what you want to move towards. But if you start to this, start into this process of inquiry to ask yourself, what actually matters to me? That I feel like is the thing that starts to reveal the, what am I moving toward? Because it helps reveal like, what is worth mattering to me

and what is worth investing energy in? And that's what I love so much about coaching and questions because there are so many different angles of which people can explore the answers for themselves. So there is, there's what matters to me. There's how do I want to feel? Just working with a client recently, how do you want to feel?

And her answer was, I want to feel, she working with a client recently, how do you want to feel? And her answer was, I want to feel, you know, she's coming to the end of a business that she's been working in for nearly 20 years. I said, how do you want to feel? She said, I want to feel free and at ease. I said, how do you currently feel? The exact opposite. You know, she was like, I feel the exact opposite. But that then led us to a path of what feeling free and feeling ease would be. and it means making some really difficult challenging decisions But now she knows how she wants to feel in the world Another one as well is what don't you want?

Sometimes it's really hard especially for women to identify what it is They want for themselves because we have been socialized to know what everyone around us wants to make sure that we are available All the time and to make sure that we are available all the time, and to make sure that nobody is put out by any needs or wants that we may have. So sometimes asking a woman, what do you want? She actually has no idea. Sometimes the way in is, what don't you want?

And then that can be the path in, that can be the first step. Questions are so powerful because it gives agency to the other person, and we get to be curious about ourselves. We move away from this is me, this is what I do, that's just who I am. And of course, as we get older, there are certain parts of our personalities

that are very much cemented and set in stone, but we have to be careful that those phrases and that narrative doesn't make our world and our lives really, really small. Mm, so powerful. In this context, in the conversation around power, in the conversation around agency and responsibility and wisdom and ownership and all these amazing things,

and in this container of Good Life Project, if I offer up the phrase, to live a good life, what comes up? To give ourselves spaces to be present in our lives, whether that's watching a butterfly, whether that's being present in the relationships that really matter to us, whether it's being present in our bodies,

but creating spaces and places where we can have moments of presence and obviously grow flowers, whether it's one pot, because it reminds us every day that there is beauty and things die and things grow and things happen and yet the flowers always return. So I also think, you know, gardening or flowers also is a really great measure.

Thank you. So much gratitude to both of our guests today. What a powerful exploration into reclaiming sovereignty and building lives of authenticity. Vivian showed us how getting financially empowered provides the choices to walk away from situations that no longer serve us and can redefine power itself, guiding us to embody presence and ownership, wisdom, equality, and responsibility in order to fully inhabit our truth. I hope their insights inspire you to let go of disempowering narratives, align with those core values and take courageous action towards the life you truly want to live.

If you love this episode, be sure to catch the full conversation with today's guests. You can find a link to each of those episodes in the show notes. This episode of Good Life Project was produced by executive producers Lindsay Fox and me, Jonathan Fields, editing help by Alejandro Ramirez, Christopher Carter, Crafted Our Theme Music, and special thanks to Shelley Adele for her research on this episode. And of course, if you haven't already done so, please go ahead and follow Good Life Project in your favorite listening app. And if you found this conversation interesting or inspiring or valuable,

and chances are you did since you're still listening here. Would you do me a personal favor, a seven second favor and share it maybe on social or by text or by email, even just with one person? Just copy the link from the app you're using and tell those you know, those you love, those you want to help navigate this thing called life a little better so we can all do it better together with more ease and more joy. Tell them to listen. Then even invite them to talk about what you've both discovered because when podcasts become conversations and conversations become action, that's how we all come alive together. Until next time, I'm Jonathan Fields, signing off for Good Life Project. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts

that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power.

Peloton. Visit Peloton at OnePeloton.ca. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned. The protesters repeatedly get back. CBC News brings the story to you, live. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canada.

This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. Download the free CBC News app or visit cbcnews.ca. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable

on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X, available for the first time in glossy jet-black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS are later required. Charge time and actual results will vary.