Good Life Project - The Will to Change Must Come From Within

Episode Date: January 6, 2016

Ever try to help someone who had absolutely no interest in being helped?It's one of the most frustrating experiences we can have. Maybe it's a family member or partner. Maybe it's a close friend or colleague. Or even a customer or client.So many times, we end up banging our heads against a wall trying to motivate or force others to care, then impose a solution they never asked for, because we "determined" it was in their best interest.We do this in our personal lives and, not infrequently, in our professional lives, too. But, even if the action we're looking to compel is, in fact, in that other person's best interest, until they care as much as we do, it's game over.Today's short and sweet GLP Riff dives into this phenomenon, shares a story of how Jonathan bumped up against it while looking to build a personal training practice years ago and what he learned.In the end, there's one simple truth. You can motivate action externally for a moment or even a window in time, but the sustained action needed to create real, lasting outcomes can't come from the outside in.The will to change must come from within. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Mayday, mayday, we've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were gonna be fun. On January 24th. Tell me how to fly this thing. Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're gonna die.

Don't shoot him, we need him! Y'all need a pilot? Flight Risk. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever. It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-nest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping.

And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations, iPhone XS or later required, charge time and actual results will vary. Back in the day, I was actually a personal trainer. When I left my career as a large firm lawyer, my next move was actually to become a $12 an hour personal trainer so I could learn a new industry. I was fascinated by the fitness industry, the wellness industry, had been pretty much a lifelong entrepreneur before then. And I wanted to understand what is the dynamic that is happening, not just from the level of management, but from the most basic point of service. So I became a personal trainer and worked one-on-one

with a lot of clients and then eventually split off and started my own practice before I ended up then a little bit down the road from there opening my first facility. And I will always remember this one experience. I was building a practice where I actually visited people in their homes. And marketing is a kind of like a really fun human behavioral puzzle for me. So a lot of people despise marketing. To me, it's just kind of this fun puzzle. Like how do we move the pieces around in a way to inspire people to take an action, behave in a way that is in some way beneficial for them. So it, and it's not an easy thing to do, especially in the health and fitness world. And there's one big, big lesson that I learned really early on. So I had actually, I believe I sent out a direct mailing and found a list of people in a great neighborhood and

targeted demographics that seemingly would be great for me. And I got somebody to call and they said they want to set up a first appointment to try it out. So I got my gear together. I got my bag. And I'm wearing all my stuff. And I'm excited to go and meet a potential new client and see if I can help them. And I'm in a big building on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. And I take the elevator up to the floor. The elevator gets out.

It's a really long hallway down to the end. And so I realize that the apartment that I'm going to is at the very end. And I start walking. And as I'm walking, even literally at the point of the elevator, I hear yelling. And there's a gentleman, he's screaming. But I can't really make it out. I don't really know where it's coming to.

But he's angry. He's not happy. He's really cranky. And I start walking down the hall. And I'm walking in the direction of the cranky yelling. And I'm thinking to myself, wow, somebody's really not too happy right now. And I'm getting closer to the apartment where I'm going to meet my potential new client here. And I'm realizing the yelling is getting louder and the crankiness is getting crankier.

And I'm walking closer until I'm standing in front of the door where I'm about to do this session. And it becomes clear to me that the angry gentleman is behind that door. And he's yelling at his wife. So I stand there for a moment to see if I can actually kind of make out what's being said. And what's being said is this, you made me do this. I told you I didn't want to do this. You forced me to do this. I hate this. I'm not going to participate. I'm going to do nothing. He's ranting and raving about how pissed off he is that somebody who loved him dearly gifted him, essentially, a trial session to actually work with somebody who might help improve his life.

He wanted nothing to do with it. Absolutely nothing to do with it. So I'm thinking to myself, huh, do I just turn around and blow off the appointment? I can't do that because I'm a professional. And if somebody makes an appointment, I have to show up. That's my job. So knock on the door. Knock, knock, knock.

Everything quiets down. You know, they realize, hmm, this guy's out in the hallway. And a couple extra seconds, I hear some shuffling. Wife comes to the door. Very lovely. You know, a couple in there, I would put them in sort of late 60s. And she greets me. She's super friendly. And I come in and I see off in the far corner in the living room, a gentleman, my future client supposedly. And he's in his sweatsuit and

his running shoes and with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. And he kind of harrumphs hello to me. And then I come over to him and I try and be very, very nice and friendly and not let on that I've heard any of what's just been going on. And I kind of proceed to move through what I would have done with, you know, pretty much anyone else, but with the extra sort of knowing that this is somebody who really, really, really doesn't want to be here. And we get to the end of the session, and he says, you know, thank you, and just walks away. And I look at his wife, and she kind of rolls her eyes a little bit, and says thank you to me also. And I know at that point, I will never see either of them again in my life. And it was a really important moment for me

because what it made me realize is that you can be astonishing at what you do, but until somebody wants to help themselves, it's going to be nearly impossible to help them. So a lot of people will ask me, how do I get somebody to do X, you know, to eat better, to move their body, to exercise, to stand, to consider a different job or career, contribute or volunteer? How do I get them to do it? And the answer is you don't get anybody to do anything else. So in this particular scenario, there was nothing, you know, there was no conversation, there was no argument that could have easily been had to make this happen. You know, somebody has to come to a place where they become motivated to actually

want it themselves. If you want it for somebody else, that may be sort of a short-term motivation. But to keep something happening sustained, to keep a behavior that you may not even love for a while sustained long enough for it to really benefit you, you've people who want it themselves or who are open to a conversation where they would consider intelligent arguments and intelligent reasons that would cultivate that wanting in themselves rather than being forced by somebody, rather than being told by somebody else, this is what you have to do. You know, when somebody else imposes their will like that, it's probably more counterproductive than productive, because now somebody is not going to do it, not just because they didn't want to, but because they're being told to do it. And, and as a parent, and I'm sure, you know, we have a

huge community of parents listening. We all know this when it comes to kids. But the truth is, we don't outgrow that. We really don't. You witnessed by this couple in their late 60s, for so many of us, it kind of stays that dynamic for our entire lives. or an industry or a business or a company to work with, or when you're looking to create your own business or private practice, or just be of service, one of the things that you really want to consider is, do they want it? Do they want the service? Do they want the potential outcome that you can deliver? Do they want it for themselves

and not because somebody else is forcing them to do it? Or are they at least open to the possibility and the conversation that would lead them to want it themselves? Something to think about as you choose where to put your energies, because if you choose to put your energy into a place or a path or a career to contribute your gifts to the world in a way where the vast majority of people are being told that they have to do what you have to offer and they don't want it or they're not open to the conversation around you know learning how to want it you are not going to have a very rewarding career experience. Something to think about, to the extent that you can, what would happen if you built the way you contributed to the world

around the opportunity to serve people who genuinely need and want what you're there to give? Kick it around. If you found something valuable, entertaining, engaging, or just plain fun, I'd be so appreciative if you take a couple extra seconds and share it. Maybe you want to email it to a friend. Maybe you want to share it around social media. Or even be awesome if you'd head over to iTunes and just give us a rating.

Every little bit helps get the word out and it helps more people get in touch with the message. I'm Jonathan Fields, signing off for Good Life Project. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes.

New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. The Apple Watch Series 10 is here. It has the biggest display ever.

It's also the thinnest Apple Watch ever, making it even more comfortable on your wrist, whether you're running, swimming, or sleeping. And it's the fastest-charging Apple Watch, getting you 8 hours of charge in just 15 minutes. The Apple Watch Series X. Available for the first time in glossy jet black aluminum. Compared to previous generations,

iPhone XS or later required, charge time and actual results will vary. Mayday, mayday. We've been compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were gonna be fun. On January 24th. Tell me how compromised. The pilot's a hitman. I knew you were gonna be fun. On January 24th... Tell me how to fly this thing.

Mark Wahlberg. You know what the difference between me and you is? You're gonna die. Don't shoot him, we need him! Y'all need a pilot?