Darren Waller! Playing with Derek Carr & Davante Adams, Josh McDaniels, & Podcasting. Worst Places to Go #2 Draft.
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00:53Tennessee, y'all two.1-800-9-9-7-89.Welcome to the Greenlight podcast.We have a great chat with Darren Waller today.We talk about the changing of the tight end positionand how that affects the monetary value of those players.Darren also talks about getting to play with Devante Adams,what we can expect from him this year,
01:18the chemistry with Derek Carr,and what Josh McDaniels brings as head coach of the Raiders.Darren also goes into his battle with substance abuse,his recovery, and his upcoming podcast,where recovery journeys are a main theme.We'll end with a little bit of fun.Chris Kyle Dr. Fax.They're going to draft the best places to go number two.
01:36And I sure hope you all enjoy.Much love.What's up, everybody, from vacation.Northwest Montana.I got Cowboy Reed on the Zoom.Cowboy Reed, what's the word?Not much.Charlottesville's still standing.
02:27Still here.We're still here.I hope Montana's nice.It is nice.It's a low of 49 at night.Damn, that sounds wonderful.But the bad news is the bugs are like alone.bugs and I just got off the porch where I first tried to do this a little open. I got absolutely
02:45obliterated so I'm back inside. I've retreated into a closet where the acoustics are good. Welearned that from Macon on his last vacation. About Macon, he will be back when I get backfrom vacation in August. So, hooray. Yeah. So as far as we know, I got to, we got to talk about it.But that's, you know, we had people asking because it was Macon's birthday this week.Happy belated birthday to Macon.I missed his birthday by 10 minutes.All that shit I talked about actually texting him this year on his birthday and I missed it by 10 minutes.July 9th, Megan's birthday, I kind of continued the bit.
03:25I woke up the next morning, July 10th, after I, after the late text message and I wished him a happy birthday on July 10th.So everybody that wished him a happy birthday, that was the day late.kind of fucked up, but I figured I'd have fun with it.Birthdays, man.They're overrated.Everybody's got one.Everybody's got one.No, they can't wait to tell you about it, Reed.
03:47They cannot wait to tell you about it.So, happy birthday making.So the bottom line is I'm off for a couple weeks.My version of off.I will be standing by just in case something big happens in the NFL.Like if Jimmy Garoppolo gets trade, no.No, Reid.I think it'd have to be a lot bigger than that to come on an NFL segment.
04:10Like what?What would it have to be?It would have to be Dan Snyder stepping down.Maybe I'll send a voice note.A voice note.Yeah, that's a voice note tier NFL news break.Got it.Jimmy G gets traded.
04:26I kind of stuck my neck out there and said that might happen and it just hasn't happened as crickets.Is there a certain number of draft picks that would move that voice note?up to a Zoom?Like if you went for, say, three first round draft picks.Oh, yeah, we'd have to get on the Zoom to talk about that.Two, same thing?Yeah, same thing.I mean, yeah, maybe one first.
04:47I don't know.I don't know what Jimmy Garoppolo's market is, man.I don't know where his health is.I'm not going to pretend to know right now.But I do know the point being I'm not going to be spending a ton of time on the podcastover the next month.But the good news is we busted our asses.late June and we served up a couple really good banked interviews, something that I've never
05:10liked doing much to everybody's disdain. I do feel like keeping, keeping up to speed with everythingthat's going on and kind of talking to all on the regular is the way to go. But we're going totake this month and really kind of try to take a break. The interviews are great. Today you'regoing to have Darren Waller, somebody I respect greatly, a hell of a football player.somebody that, you know, I imagine sometimes it's so hard to do what he's been able to do off the field.Such a challenge is so, you know, so many people have to go through, but it's such a difficult challenge,that being addiction.Overcoming that, making the plays he's making on the football field, I don't want to minimize
05:48how difficult football must be for anybody, but it's got to feel kind of easy compared to the stuffhe's overcome. And so cool to talk to him about, you know, the tight end position.but also to talk to him about kind of his journey, which everybody talks to him about his journey.It's a remarkable journey. Maybe you've heard the story before, but I enjoyed the conversation.So we've got Darren Waller. We got Michael Bennett, which is basically like two guys on the phone for 90 minutes.And then you've got Leland Melvin, who's a fucking astronaut and was actually in the studio.So I hope you, Leland, if you're listening, I hope you didn't feel like I brought you all that way.so you can meet my kids.
06:30I was very, very proud to say as a dad that I had an astronaut at work.So I had to call the little guys in.So we had Michael Bennett, Leland Melvin.Oh, and we can't forget Bill Goldberg, who read.That guy was amazing.He was wonderful.He was great.You're going to enjoy the interview.
06:52I enjoyed talking to him.So over the next couple weeks, you got a bunch of that.And you got some, like, childish shit.because I know some of you all like it.It's kind of like your browsing history.Like I see your browsing history.When we do the immature shit that we do an hour or two of this show,sometimes I get the feeling that maybe you don't consume that stuff,
07:14but the metrics say otherwise.The retention rates are kind of disturbing on that stuff.So we're feeding you some of that stuff today,starting with worst places to take a shit.You know, Reed, we included you in that draft.it was three big guys, Nate, myself, Kyle.We included you because it actually takes less time for your food to process.A lot of people look at us and say, big guys, they're the experts there, but it's probably you.
07:41Probably.Yeah, I was, Kyle had one selection that really surprised me, one that one of his selections is one of my favorite places to go outside a normal toilet.But you'll hear about it.the draft is going to be electric and it's going to be on the back half of this thing afterDarren Waller, so stick around for that.Reed, I don't know if I left out any guests, but we banked a lot of content.So I just wanted you to know that if you get on for 90 minutes and Jimmy Garoppolo just gottraded in a week and you're listening to like the first lady's draft, which is a thing we
08:18actually did late in June, it's not because we're in studio.okay I'm taking a break I need the break we all need the break so enjoy these interviewslisten I got two things to talk about in the sports world today I'm not going to talk aboutHersh Walker I promise I'm not going to not going to do it not going to do it read bad airis that bad air is that bad air brother the fucking job security in our in our political system right now isincredible. He would lastthree days at Monday night football.Like,
08:55he'd have, he'd becalling a game at Mile High Stadiumand somebody's tired and it's a Chineseair.He'd lastshorter than Dennis Miller in the booth.I wonder if, my mom just walkedthrough the living room. My mom
09:13loves Dennis Miller. He didn't last in the booth.Not long.Hersia Walker would last.less time than Dennis Miller in the booth.You can say whatever you want and run for all best in this country right now.I'm not going to talk about Herschel Walker.I'm going to talk about Albert Pujols.So Albert Pujols, he's in the home run derby this year.
09:36I told Kyle earlier, Kyle's take was that there should be an age limit.I think that's really fucking antiquated way of thinking, Kyle.You know, let's not be ageist here.Agreed.Put anybody who wants to be in it.In the MLB.Also, dude, can you name five, Nate, Reed, name five home run derby winners the last 15 years?Alonzo, right?
09:58That counts for two.He's back to back.Mike Trout, I think, won one.See, now I think you're just throwing them out.Robbins-Cannot.Oh, God, damn it.Are you serious, Reed?Oh, Bryce Harper, because his dad was like, he was kind of like sauceing it with the pitches.
10:16So, Reed, does the home run derby need a gimmick?Because the point I was going to make is that the.gimmick can't hurt, but since you remember everybody who ever won a home run arugby, maybe it doesn't need a gimmick.You know what the gimmick could be?They put like a relative out in the outfield and they get more points if they hit a home run,the relative catches it and the less steps that that relative takes.So say they hit it, the relative only takes one step, like one step to the right.
10:43That's like 100 points.Oh, I like that.The number of steps, you know, removes from 100 or something.Sounds like video game shit, honestly.Like just aiming for a little crash pad.Yeah.I think it sounds to me like the home run derby's alive and well.How many dingers this year for Albert Pooholz?
11:01Is this kind of thought to be a legacy?I'm not going to fake the funk and say I've been watching a ton of baseball read.It's not crunch time yet.Yeah, we didn't pick teams this year.No, we didn't.Yeah.Everyone knows we've been slacking on baseball, but that's all right.That's okay.
11:19There's time.Five.dude he's got five home runs so i know that some people are probably hot and bothered about this thingman i know some people are upset dude this makes mockery of the home run derby and all that i don'tgive a fuck let the let the boy watch we got to watch albert poohos hit dongs manyou don't know how long you're going to see that that's right this is and read if he's in the derbythey're going to win the dirt he's going to win the dirt he's going to win the he has to so i don't carewhat anybody says this is good good tv and if and if he wins the thing and you tell me it was
12:00played in the hangar yeah i might believe you he's only this is only his fifth career home runderby i thought he would have had more last uh first one since 2015 that's weird i won'tyou probably you probably turn them down because you're tired from hitting so many right duringthe season yeah you don't hit free dangar yeah you don't hit free dayyou know um so that's the baseball stuff that was baseball uh and then the zach wilson stuff is justuh it's juicy read yeah it was revealed in an instagram post that zach wilson's ex-girlfriendis now dating zach wilson's ex best friend and in the comments of that instagram post there weresome accusations that zach wilson was in fact sleeping with his mom's best friend you know reid we
12:45we were talking about sports movies in every sports movie.There's athere's like a time where thatprotagonist encounters like adversity.And in this case,this protagonist, theadversity is the New York Jets.Right? So
13:00what does that that protagonistdo usually? He seduces anolder lady.Okay? Movies like Bull Durham.That's a good one.He couldn't hit the fucking strike zoneuntil he got in the bathtubup with Susan Saran.
13:17Am I right?Okay.And then it was like, he was painting the corners.Angel Hernandez couldn't call a ball on this motherfucker.He was like, that's the way I remember it, right?Is that not how it went?No, that's exactly right.I could be wrong here.
13:31So I don't want anybody like, actually, you got the plot wrong in the movie.He was hitting the mascot.And then he hooked up with Susan Sarandon.Okay, take Talladega Knights, for instance, Ricky Bobby.He forgot how to drive and then he got in the car with that cougar.Is that right?Yeah.That's a little bit more of a stretch because it was actually a live cat.
13:55Right.But you get the picture, man.Exactly.What's going on, what I'm reading on the New York Post is nothing but good news, man.It's nothing but good news and there's nothing wrong with it.And I'm not going to shame Zach Wilson.I'm not.He was grieving the loss from a romantic sense of his,
14:15girlfriend who had had as the kids are calling homie hopped and so and so I'm not judgingZach Wilson I think Zach Wilson is going to have a big year if what they say is true aboutZach Wilson this is just a right of passage this is like Indiana Jones when he goes over theinvisible fucking bridge you get the chalice and he has ever everlasting lights that's what's goingon in New York so ignore the noise I thought more people would have gotten my millfunterreferences on Twitter.But,you're a little bit younger,
14:50and I know you're afraidmaybe some of your friendslistened to this podcast.I'll laugh too hard at that.But Zach Wilson, man,no judgment.What a bad boy he's becoming.Just a bad boy, dude.
15:01He's like Jim McMahon.Yeah.He's all of a sudden like Jim McMahon.He's like,oh my God,Jim McMahon was Mormon.There's just a badasserygoing on with this guy now.
15:12Yeah, so not that Jim McMahondid this at all, Reed.I just feel like he's given those vibes off right now.He's just running around sewing his wild oats, you know, and he's doing it in his neighborhood.So if what's alleged to be true is true.Our friend Billy Football is he's adamant about it.He's staunchly defending Zach Wilson.Stanchly.
15:39And I am too in a different way.I'm saying, who cares?good for him.And here's another thing, Reed.I'm 37 years old,so now the people that they're calling Mills are my age.I'm not going to judge the kid at all, dude.At all.
15:55Listen, people freaked out about the Lamar Jackson thing.They freaked out about him not being in that ESPN top 10.I'm not going to get into something that ridiculous,a top 10 list of quarterbacks.Like, yeah, it's July, man.I'll tell you what, he's in my top five list of players.I don't want to play.He's on my top five list of players I don't want to rush.
16:16I started noodling with a list like that earlier.Maybe I finish it later this week and send it to you on a voice note.Perfect.That's voice note worthy.Yeah, yeah, it's voice note worthy.But anyways, I feel like Lamar is going to have a good year, man.See him on that picture the other day he had really bulked up.This guy, he's got delts and shoulders and shit like that.
16:39It's unfair if he's if he's,if he's got a truck stick this year.And we talked to RG3,and he gave us kind of the rundownof what Lamar has been doingto improve himselfto kind of take that next stepto really punch into the top 10,
16:53even the top 5 QBs,which we think he already is one of.Yeah, I do think he's a top 10 quarterback.I think he's right outside the top 5.And I think the thing that gets tough here is,danger is danger to an NFL defense.I don't care, you know,how you qualify
17:11what that danger feels like.This guy's pressing NFL defenses every Sunday.He's definitely kind of the straw that serves a drink there.And they've been a very relevant football team,even with some deficiencies.So I'm not going to sit here and have Lamar Jackson arguments in July.The guy's got something to prove, but it ain't much.Okay, so Lamar Jackson, hell of a football player.
17:36And a dynamite alley-oop there before we get to Darren,RG3, our friend, friend of the program.getting a big, big job, dude, big job.Big fuck you money, dude.Big hat tip to him.Big hat tip to RG3.Now he gets to get on that, he should get on that, that halftime show and justdunk on people, dude.
17:58But he won't because he's a high road guy.It's a high road guy.Oh man, the Washington football team playing on Monday night,RG3 out there in a P coat just shitting on the, on the foot,on the commanders, dude.In some gloves, holding a microphone.God bless him.I know he won't do that, though,
18:19because he's a classy individual.Very classy.In front of the program,as I say now that I'm part of the SEC read,Virginia's...Sweet tea and magnolia trees.I'm just waiting on that fucking report to get some legs.I mean,
18:35some swimming blogs says that Virginia is going to the SEC,and I willingly,yes, it's a bit, you idiots.It's a bit.We fit the SEC like chocolate milk and fried chicken.But here's Darren Wall.I got to give my parents back there living room.So again, we're going to be on vacation.
19:00We've got some great interviews for you, Leela Melvin.Michael Vint.Thank you, Dad.Appreciate it.You hear that?Yeah.You just go to the open.And I walked through here and dors the open,
19:10which proves he wasn't listeningbecause I was talking about Zach Wilson Hills.We're on vacation.I love y'all,but I love myself more and I love read more.And we need a break of sorts.So we will pop in from time, time,but enjoy these interviews.
19:26I hope everybody's doing great.Enjoy Darren Waller and then worst places to have to shit.When you're building a dream team,great scouts can help you find the future MVP's first.to hire great talent faster you need Indeed.Indeed is the hiring platformwhere you can attract, interview,and hire all in one place.
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20:52I'm glad I'm not a nickel corner, dude.I'm glad I'm not somebody who has to cover these tight ends anymore.When I came in a league in 2008,I often remind people, me and George Kittle had a long conversation about this.Tight ends did not do the things that tight ends do now, man.They're like different football.football players, where do you think that position goes from here?Like, do you see that position changing?
21:14It's like a chess match.It feels like in football, offense and defense, personnel changes, trends change.Where do you think that position goes?I feel like it's a position that's becoming more and more fit to, you know,carry a team's passing game.I mean, you see it on a lot of different occasions with, you know,myself for a couple of years, Travis for a long period of time,George, you know, Mark Andrews, setting franchise records.
21:38Baltimore, Kyle Pitts, like, you know, just guys that have all the abilities necessary to,you know, be the focal point of the passing game for teams and, you know, hopefully beingcompensated as such. Exactly. Okay. Well, there's the alley-hoop to question too, which is,how did we go about paying these tight ends? Because we talked about it with Kelsey and George wastalking about it. How do we evaluate? Because there's still variability in like what a tight end does.Like, we're not at the point now where all guys have skill. And that's not to throw shade atanybody who blocks most of the time or anything.But how should they classify that and get guys paid?
22:11I don't know if it's like a,if there's a certain benchmark of,of stats or like percentages of places lined up,percentages of Routes Ran or B or Reed.I don't know. I don't know what that looks like,but I feel like it couldn't,it shouldn't be that complicated.I mean,
22:27I feel like at the end of the day,you know the impact that a certain guy is having on your teamand he should be paid according to that impact.Yeah.And y'all deal with some of the highest paid.You're right next to the highest paid guy on the team and the tackle outside of like quarterback or whatever.You're chipping some of the highest paid guys on defense.You know, you're matching up with maybe their most versatile player.
22:49And you're involved in the run game and the past game.I don't see what's so hard about this shit, dude.Right.I feel like it's the most complex set of skills that you have to have on the field.You know, I mean, you look at just a certain craft.I feel like quarterback and corner are like ridiculously hard to do.but at the same time wide range of skills that you have to haveI feel like it's no more than the tight end
23:10and I don't think it's close.And y'all get absolutely like teed off on sometimes.Like you're in the middle of the field and you're tall.Like I was talking to George about thisbecause we were talking about if LeBron played footballbecause everybody makes the tight end comparison.He was like, man,LeBron's too tall.
23:27Like no offense to LeBron,but like it is a motherfucker to catch a ball,turn your head and like immediately people are rifling it.at your knees and ankles.Yeah.Yeah.I couldn't imagine.Yeah, I feel like I'm tall enough as it is.
23:41I wouldn't want to be an inch taller because, yeah, those guys are flying in at your knees.I remember I got hit on one.I think it was Jesse Bates with a baby.There's like a picture of me.It looked like I'm in like a three-legged dog yoga pose.That makes sense.I think it's the only reason you know that pose is because your co-host, which we'll talkabout this podcast a little bit.
23:59Your co-host is a yoga guy, right?Yeah, Donnie.Yeah.Donnie, yeah.Dottie, yeah.So you got some yoga acubin now.Yep.That's so.
24:07Who's a guy?You said Jesse Bates got a good shot on you.Who's a guy that you're like, man, I got to watch this guy.Off with Derwin James in that category.Patrick Queen smoked me on against the Ravens.I caught like, you know, flat route and then like had to spin back in.And he was just right there just under my chin.I mean, it's a lot of dudes, man.
24:27A lot of dudes that are explosive and powerful.Those are something that kind of come out the gate.My rookie year, it was Dante Wittner.He hit me in the chest on the crossing routeand gave me a concussion without hitting me in my head.That is special, dude.It's the whiplash of the collision, dude.And Wittner was an, they called him Hittner, dude.
24:46Yeah.Like, young guys now don't know Dante Wittner like that,but Dante Wittner would lay you out, bro.I always remember him.Yeah, of course.Of course you will.So are there tight ends that you don't think get enough love in the league?Like certain guys that you think are a little bit underrated
25:01when you watched them on film.I was going back and forth about tight-end you and some of the,you know,the less famous cats that are out there making plays on Sundays.Who do you like watching?I mean, 2019 and 2020,my tight-in coach had put me on to a lot of Cam,Brate from the fucking years.
25:20The box, yeah.Yeah.He was,I mean,he was killing it.Like back when James was there,quarterback,like a lot of things that he was able to do.
25:28He was a guy that really jumps out for me.But yeah, there's been a lot of guys like Jonu and Hunter, things they've been able to do throughout their careers.I really like Irv Smith.I thought he was going to do some big things.He got hurt before last year.But the way that he was trained, the way that he was working, I thought he was going to do some pretty special things.But yeah, there's a lot of guys that, you know, can make plays when called upon for sure.And it's good to have that tight in you to spend time around those guys.
25:58Mike Gassiki is a dog, Dalton Shultz.I love watching Mike.Yeah.Yeah, he's got a little swag too.Mike's got like some swag to him, dude.He has a little shoulder shirmy when he makes a play.Yeah, that's what it is.I never had the shoulder shibby, dude.
26:12That's good shit there from Mike.How much of what y'all do at tight end?Because it's so funny, I'm banged heads with tight ends for so many years.Now that I'm sitting in the seat, I can really ask you all these questions.I always wondered about how much is it nonverbal with you in a quarterback?Is it more or less nonverbal than it is with a wide receiver?Like, because you guys are sitting down.in spots and zones and like you know there's certain routes that you run are options and that
26:35sort of thing like how important is it especially a tight end to have that relationship with a derrick carwhere you guys can kind of finish not finish each other's sentences because that's corny but likeout on the field like you guys can probably read hey what you're about to do he knows it becauseyou guys have wrapped this even if it's off script yeah yeah there's a lot of that even if it's just likea thumb or just like a head or like you said like there are certain situations like even in thisoff-season program where they were like, okay, we're running this against this coverage,but a different coverage showed up. And I was just like, I was kind of broke to the middle.And there, and the was already there, you know, and we hadn't even have gone over it.
27:11So I feel like that that time together has definitely translated into him knowing what myreactions are going to be in me kind of like anticipating what he's about to do.Is there any reset of any nature with that communication because Josh is there nowand there's like new concepts? I mean, how has that process been with Josh comingin. I would say it's not a lot of, it's just a lot of new terminology in a new way of like wordingthings and shifts and things like that. But once you're running the routes and the plays andyou get the concept names down, it's really, it's really just football to the end of the day.Pretty much everybody's running similar things. Maybe a little few minute details that are
27:49different. But I feel like we're picking up on just fine. How much are you learning from or how muchis Devante learning from you? Like, you guys play different positions, but I'm sure you pickup on work habits and just little route running deal. I mean, he's just, he's incredible.Yeah, I try to go get in the line with him, an individual when they're releasing,doing releases on the little tire man over there in the corner. And he's working this littlelike double hand swipe windshield wiper off the line or, you know, just, I don't know. It's justlike, you know what the release he's going to do the little split with the shape, but it's like,it's just so smooth and quick and effective and guys are just about to shit themselves.
28:27Yeah.trying to stop it and it's just like i'm over there in line just watching him or you know if it'sin a team period i'm not in and he's in like i'm just trying to be like all right what is it aboutthat that makes it so effective and it's just i don't know man it's just a balance and just a mindset ofyou know i'm running shit out here and nobody's going to make me move at a pace that is in my ownand i think he's great you just said it like he's great with his hands and his feetyou know there's there's the totally different skill sets right how have you seen darrychange over the last couple years? How have y'all changed over the last couple years? It's been a
29:01trying couple years for y'all. I mean, last year alone felt like 10 lifetimes for that team. I've neverseen the team go through so much stuff. Does that change y'all's personality fundamentally insome way? When things were happening the way they did, I felt like it would. It would just kind of likehardened guys up, but I don't know, it just kind of brought guys together. And it just just createdeven more of a fun environment just to want to be around those guys because you knew likeanytime you'd go outside of the building or anywhere else people would kind of be like,oh man, it's got to be rough, it's got to be rough, it's got to be rough.And it's like, yeah, it's tough seeing guys that were part of the process not being there anymore.
29:37But guys that were still there had such a good relationships with each other and enjoy justbeing around each other and playing with each other weekend and week out.So it was, I don't know, it just made for guys to band together.And you see like, oh, man, how great you guys performed in a diversity.It was just like, I mean, we did that because, you know, we were still excited about being there.necessarily focus on the negative but just focus on you know being there for guys that you enjoybeing around because you don't want to let them down and you want to continue to show up for themand i feel like that's all that was you can forget some really fucked up shit that's going on at
30:09work you know like if you're with your buddies you know that's probably the best thing that youcould be doing with everything that went on last year is playing football for a living i mean exactlyyou know you can really go into kid mode and have fun and work hard like get it out of yourhead. I just felt like, I felt like that team was, it was so special. I know you guys didn't make adeep postseason run like you might have to have, but just even getting there and over, I knowthat's not what guys want to hear, but just overcoming all that shit is incredible. I mean, I've neverseen anything like it. And the coaches, I know that had to be a hard thing with Rich and, and Gus and allthose guys. Like the older dudes, you guys had some like amazing old coaches that I know you're starting
30:53and fresh with Josh, but it had to be hard to see those guys go.Yeah, yeah, there's guys that everybody, everybody liked, you know,Gus always had his phrase the other day in his quotes.And, you know, Rich would, you know,rich cared about you on a human being level and wanted you to succeed.So, yeah, seeing those guys leave, like everybody,everybody wanted them to stay.Everybody wanted to be the guys.
31:14But, I mean, you understand the nature of the business and, you know,having these new guys come in.I don't know, I just feel like Rich in them,they definitely serve their purpose for this team, this franchise, and then some, and they deservea lot of credit for nowhere we're about to go.The week 17, week 18 game, I can't keep track anymore how many fucking weeks are in the season.Week 18, week 18, it's a tie, right?You guys are, it's like a shit show.
31:42We were doing a live watch of that game.Take me on the field.Like, I saw guys Echler in Handshake line like talking to a teammate or something thataffecting. He's like, wait, we were trying to tie it, or it was just completely confusing?Was it confusing to all the guys on the field what was going on in that little sequence at the endof the game? I had no idea what intentions were. I was under the impression that we were justtrying to go win and put them out because the Chargers, like, let's put them out of their misery,you know, like going to the playoffs. So that's what I thought it was. I mean, last game,
32:16you see like, oh, no, well, they looked like they were trying to, and I had no idea. So are theChiefs like the clear rival in that division.I mean, not to pick one, but like when I talked to, what was it, we were talking toUnique about this and he was like, yeah, because the whole stomping on the logo thing.Like, if you, like the, yeah, I guess that man, I guess Unique answered the fucking questionwith the actions, but is it, does it go like Chiefs?And then obviously they're all great teams, but is there one team that bothers you the leastin the division or are they just all kind of like, the F.C. West is
32:51kind of hot. I mean, I feel like it's always been wars and battles with everybody in there,you know, I feel like, I mean, even if you look at the Broncos, I feel like their roster.I mean, if you take the quarterback position out of the picture for the last few years,has been as good as anybody. So it's like, it's never a cakewalk with any one of those teams,you know, but it's like, I guess the chiefs add, it adds a little more just because of whatthey've accomplished and how they've, you know, dominated essentially the division over recentmemory and it's like you know that kind of just rubs you the wrong way until somebody does somethingabout it yeah no question do you do yeah exactly i was in the nfc west when the seahawks were good it
33:28was like fuck i hate them but i guess somebody's got to do something about it here oh this hatehim is not really doing anything how much is like somebody like the honey badger like what do youmiss when you miss the honey badger like because obviously he's going down in new orleans um he's notgoing to be in kansas city anymore he was a really productive player for them as a reallyimportant positions we touched on. What are they going to miss? I feel like it's just like thelike just the dog nature. Like just like a dude's like a lion out there, you know. It's like notmany people can replicate that level of just like raising everybody else's intensity level and energylevel and just a collective confidence. So I wondered who's going to be that for them now because
34:07few people, if any, can do it the way that he does. And I feel like he gave him identity,especially when, you know, I thought they'd struggledon the season, but then when it came time in the playoffs,they were just like flip a switch almost.And I had to have been leading the,leading on the front lines of that mindsetand that mental shift.So we'll see how that works for them.
34:30I want to talk about Vegas as a city to play inbecause you have a unique perspective, man.Everybody knows your story.I think for me, it's wild that you're so good at this,not just talking about it and helping peoplethrough your story, but obviously, like,when you're in recovery every day is you're on right is the way i understand it like i think peopledon't understand it like oh it's good that that's in the past but you know i know it's you're
34:53constantly tested and it's Vegas man like with your background how did the Vegas thing go downi mean you were signed off a practice squad or something like how did that technically go down how did youend up in Vegas and like is any part of you like fuck I'm about to go try to beat this thing andI got to do it in Las Vegas yeah no it was definitely that was definitely part of it uh 2018 I gotreinstated to the league I was back in Baltimore at I was originally got drafted was on the practicesquad till Thanksgiving the Sunday after Thanksgiving and then the Raiders claim me and I wasto Oakland I played the rest of that 2018 season then played the whole 2019 in Oakland and then we movedto Vegas 2020 last time I was in Vegas I was in a bent
35:36I was on a bender.So it's like,let's see how this goes.But just being here,I mean,just the meetings and the recoveryand people that I formed friendships with,like,
35:46in that community,have been amazing.And, you know,just like setting up my foundation and stuff.It's like,now I'm like,there's no place that I feel likeI'd rather be,
35:56you know,and be at peace and be groundedin my recovery than here.It's like,nothing like it's just God having a sense of humorof like,yeah,placing you there.
36:06And,having you be like a voice of change and a voice of something different when most people wouldthink that you'd be like like tempted every day to not run into a casino and uh do all whatever type ofnonsense is down there so it's been it's been amazing is it more about the people around you the place aroundyou because it sounds like if you have the right people around you it doesn't matter where you areexactly yeah you can and it shifts your perspective you know and allows you to be like i gotthere's a purpose for me being here and it's to you know like a lot of people's lives can be madebetter by me continuing on this path and continuing to give. You know, it's bigger than me at this point.
36:42And a lot of people around me that have a shared vision are going in the same direction and want tosee me do those things that I want to do. And yeah, I felt you can be anywhere and be straight.I was watching the interview you had with Taylor Rooks just a little bit. And you were talking abouta guy named Paul. Obviously a very important figure to you, but my ears really perked up when youwere talking about underground tunnels in Vegas. Yeah, Paul is my guy, man. Paul. Paul.He lived down there for just under four years, I believe.Yeah.And so, yeah, that's his community.
37:11And he started the foundation shine a light to go down there and bring people out,put them into rehab, recovery, sober living, whatever it is.But yeah, I went down there with him once.And that was a really surreal, really perspective shifting journey, you know,because, like, you're down there.There's like complete utter darkness, you know, people living in sewers and whatnot.And you can look up through sewer crates and see Caesar's Palace.in different casinos and it's like these people are there's and they run all under town and
37:41it's crazy i'm being paul connected because he said the tunnel that he would go in and out of the mostwas the ex that i live off of now in Vegas right just like it goes all throughout the city i thinkthere's like 1500 to 2,000 people living under there wow and yeah wow 2,000 people living underLas Vegas dude and for the most part i mean if somebody has an opportunity to get out of there andlive a more normal life they're going to take thatopportunity. It just depends on the person. Yeah, it depends. But I was also down there on one where theylike, you know, they have the phone numbers on wristbands and, you know, contact me ready to come out.And the dude was like, I don't want to come out. Like, I'm comfortable down here. And it's like,
38:21you isolate themselves so much and don't want to deal with the world and anything that it has tooffer and that they want that they go to that place. And when it's like, you think they want to come out,they're like, I don't want none of that. Like, I want to stay here. Like, I can control what's going onout here. Yeah, we used to do in St. Louis, we worked with a place called the St. Patrick's Center.It was a homelessness, a homeless shelter and like a services provider. So like we'd go out and try togive people a home or, you know, be like, hey, we're going to put you up in a hotel for until youget on your feet until X amount of time. It was me, me and one of my teammates. And like, of the threepeople that we, like, I think two out of the three didn't even want the help. You know, they just
39:00where like not ready to accept the help or fundamentally this is not somewhere they're comfortablein a hotel it was more like hey i'm comfortable living the life i'm living and that's got to be toughwhen you're like i can tell you what i think the right thing is for you from experience and and whatnotbut you're not ready to be helped right now or this isn't a lifestyle that you're ready to liveyeah it's just like yeah i mean it's kind of like with sobriety as well it's like people at thethe day people have to arrive at that decision themselves and want the change for themselves or youcan't nothing's going to be forced among people because i mean in my case like i'm just going to my wall'sjust going to build higher and higher the more you try to force yourself upon me so it's like going down
39:43there with like an element of grace and compassion it's like we went down there we hand out socks andbatteries for their lights and um snacks and waters and stuff like that and it's just like you know hey how youdoing. I just want to let you know we're thinking about you. Just want to say hello, bring you somestuff and not necessarily be like, you know, you need to get out of here and all this stuff.It's just like they are where they're at and we have to accept them where they are and love themuntil they are ready to make that decision. Even if they ever don't continue to still love themanyway. I was like, man, what if I asked Darren, you know, that question, what would theDarren Waller day say to the old Darren Waller? Would you say anything? Because like it wouldn't
40:19fucking matter or like, you know, you weren't going to listen anyways. Like, how does that work?And if you could reverse engineer, like how you could have gotten to where you are quicker,is there even another option?Like, could anybody have done anything differently?It was just all you had to decide.I feel like every part of the experience was necessary.I remember two times I saw this dude.You ever heard Chris Heron?
40:42Yeah.Basketball player.Yeah, I heard speak twice.And after both times he spoke, I was like, wow, powerful.Well, time to go get high.Like, you know, you hear that shit.It's like if anything is going to shift you to change what you're doing, like, it might be aexperience like that, but I was just like, no, no, like, I'm going to carry, carry on.
41:02So it's like, I don't know if I came around and said something that, you know, because I wasn'tin a place where I was ready to receive or ready to learn from other people.Because in a way, my addiction made me self-centered and made me think that whatever waythat I went about doing things was the only way.There was no other way to consider or to, you know, to even hear out.It was like, I'm doing it this way.And if you against me, like, I'm running somewhere where I can't hear you or you can't get to me.That's just how it's going to be.
41:32So I don't think that there were any words that I could have said or anybody could have said that would have brought me out of it earlier.I was just so fixated on that being my way and that I needed that.And I had to have it.That took me getting humbled the way that I was for me to be like, oh, I'm really not in control.I'm actually being controlled.Mm-hmm.Yeah, that's crazy. I mean, it's crazy because here you are, this person who has the fortitude and the toughness and the drive to do everything you've done. And that person's in there, but there's this fence. You know, it's a mind fuck, dude. The total mind fuck. That's crazy. How about mental health, like, just as it pertains to somebody, even if you don't have a substance abuse problem, mental health and football? Have you ever gone out on the field and been, like, distracted by the state of your mind? Like, since, you know,you got clean.
42:22It's, I don't think I have.I feel like I've been in a place where I've been calmand been in a place where it's like,I don't know, I feel like the best thing that ever happened to mewas detaching from the resultsor the way that I appearedor where I was ranked on certain listsor, you know, things like that
42:38and just taking an element of what am I,you know, what am I giving to this team,you know, or like a play-to-play basis of my best effort,the best attitude I can haveand the best preparation I can haveliterally keeping it that simple.And then, you know, numbers have taken care of themselves, you know.Anytime I'm out there and I'm like, I think back in my early career, I'm like,
42:58I got to make a play.I got to do this.I got to do that.And it's just like, you get so tense.And it's just like, instead of just letting the game flow how it's supposed to, you know,they may not start in the way you think, but you may make a key play later on in the game.And it's like you can't control the process and the flow of things.It's not always going to look perfect.
43:15I always want things to look perfect because that's what I tie my identity.to. And as soon as I take me out of my performance and it just being who I am, who I'm becoming,that's when it allowed me to enjoy the game and be like, yeah, I used to like doing this.And then I can just go out there and just keep it simple as me playing a game, me being out herewith guys that I like. And it's just all about my perspective that I bring to it.Yeah, that's it sounds like the easiest thing in the world to do, but detaching yourselffrom people, the reception of who you are or what your numbers say or that sort of thing.like it's so interesting the best lesson to me in my career is like when i retired i realized how
43:55fucking little it mattered people never cared they cared for five minutes on sunday they might wear yourjersey like i'll see somebody in my jersey from back and day i'm like that's cool but by and large thepeople you're worrying about aren't worried about you if they offer criticism it's in passing like sowhy are you hung up on this guy you know what i mean like they're going to move on when you retire it's inyour best interest to not care what they think. But that's increasingly harder because social mediahas created a whole other issue with people's mental health. I mean, whether you're a playeror whether you're somebody just sitting on Twitter all day. Like that stuff affects your mentalhealth as well. Yeah, absolutely. I've made it. It's been a priority for me to just like literally
44:35not be in the know on things that even happened around the league or just in news. It's like if Ipost on my Instagram, I'm posting and I'm logging off and deleting the app off my phone immediately. And I'llpop back on when I'm ready to throw something else up a few days or maybe be a couple weeks.But it's like, I don't know. I feel like my piece is much more abundant when I'm not onthe app because that app makes you want to compare yourself to people.You take things personally and it's like, you know, what's the point in me doing that?I know what's going on in the world. I'm in the know. I know what's going on. What's cool?What's not? But I don't have any peace or I'm always like feeling like I'm less than.
45:09Like I don't feel like that's a compromise I'm trying to be. Yeah. It's also like what are yougetting out of it? You know, like, for some people,you're monetizing something online so you're paying the bills like i got to get on and and postsocials of this podcast like you got a guy that probably post your socials and that sort of thing likeso you don't have to dive in the shit you know but if you can get in and get out that's the bestway i actually just got a second phone dude i have a second phone with no apps on it and i justshuffle between my real phone and and the side phone which has now become the main phone becausei just don't even want to look at the app like if you look at the app it's like a it's like a
45:46It's like burning a hole in your pocket.They rewire your brain the way they've engineered these things, dude.Yeah, you got to, that's why that's the main reason why I delete the app.There's a while I have my phone like completely just black and white.So it took the colors off the apps.It's like anything to like make my phone less attractive and keep me present into the real world.Yeah.And just having like conversations like these with people, you know,
46:10instead just like just being on that app and just like the hamster wheel in my mind starts going.It's just like, then they'll tell them where I'm,going after that.What do you do now thatbesides football that you get that kind ofthat kind of high from?Like because,you know,
46:23they're safe ways to feel good.And I know now you probably find all types of reallyenriching ways to feel good.For me,I make music.I record right here in my house,like one chair over.That's awesome.
46:35Make beats and stuff.That's my true.Like the thing I enjoy the most doing out of anything.And then also just being out in natureand seeing different places.Like I went to Lake Tahoe a few days ago.for the first time.Amazing.
46:47Just doing a tour and being in the mountains and being around the water and stuff.Like that kind of stuff is amazing to me.Like I never thought that I just want to be out in nature.Like,but here I am,you know,trying to go to national parks and stuff like that.And that's just what I love doing.
47:02I'll probably say those two the most.Well,Darren Waller get a camper van like an influencer.Like,you know,like one of those dope sprinter vans, dude.I don't know if I'm going to be the influencer.I'm a little low key.
47:15Okay.Yeah, good. So with the music, man, like, what did you listen to growing up? Because I don't want to date myself. How old are you?I'm 29. So a 29-year-old, like, you're inspired to make beats and make music. Like, who inspired you to do that as a young fan of rap or hip-hop music?Jay-Z. I grew up in Atlanta, so I was ludicrous. I took a liking to ludicrous very early on.Kanye, anything New York rap, my dad, but like Wu-Tang, Most Deaf.gang star guys like hip hop like that what do you like now i'm a lot i'm a lot of underground now likei don't even really listen to a lot of uh mainstream music there's an artist out here inVegas his name is euros you e u r oz it's one of my favorite rappers right now there's another
48:01another guy from back home where i'm at from in georgia his name sorry the kid he has the bestrap album of the year i think him and kendrick might be one a and one b i loveon the Andrews album.So it's guys like that, but yeah, I don't really listen to a lot of mainstream rap.I don't know.I guess I'm more conscious of the message and it's like so much nonsense out there right now.So I just try to, I'm more picky with my rap music these days.Aren't we all?
48:28Well, how about Drake with the dance album, dude?You got to, I listen to the first time, I'm like, I'm not really here for this.Are you into the dance concept?Yeah, I'm cool with it.I was, uh, I was listening to like a few other songs last night with my girl.It was cool, you know?Like, it's like a vacation type of thing.You got back of like a, you're in the beach or something.
48:49Yeah, no question.The Kendrick shit was awesome.I love Kendrick.The United in Grief has gotten 50 spins in my truck.Dude, I can't play that thing out.How you can make a song that's fucking just slaps, but it's also so fucking, like, insightful.It's incredible to me as only he could.So.
49:08Right.I was really blown away by the, I think it's called We Cry together, where it's like,like him and the girl arguing with each other, but they're rapping.This is ridiculous story here.Well, it's pushing the confines.I mean, like, I remember when rap was like, first hook, first hook.And now it's like people are making this immersive music.We need more concept albums.
49:29We need more like Sonic kind of just off the wall shit.I love that.I'm glad it's going that way.Yeah, no doubt.So you've got comeback stories with Donnie.Yeah, we just, I mean, we try to have a conversation with people.Like, one that stands out is we did one with Steve Smith, senior, a few weeks ago.And it's like, not one question was led with football.
49:49Like football may have got sprinkling in a little bit, but it was really just like life story.He shares about like traumas from his past and just like how he's overcome those.So we really try to make it like more humanized.Like we know what these people do.But it's more so about diving into what they've had to face, what they are, how theyovercame it and how that contributed to the success that they had.Like Michael Phelps, I think he's going to be the first ever.episode and like the way he went deep was just like incredible.
50:15It's like I know people will be inspired by him sharing because it's like you look at himas like this iconic like, oh man, I could never be like Michael Phelps.But then he talks about what he went through and it's like, damn, I experienced that shittoo.Like I feel like that when I go to work.I feel like that when I'm with people that I want to be friends with, but I don't reallyknow if they want to be around me type of thing.So, but yeah, it's just kind of like to bridge the gap where people like are super
50:38successful, but it's like they can, you'll be able to relate to the.been by what they've gone through.That's cool.You doing them all in Vegas?Yeah, we're recording out of the blue archie.That shiny studio, dude.That studio is sick.Hey, when we come in town, I feel like, man, we really made it.
50:54Like, they really got our picture up here, dude.So, hey, and then you guys get great guests probably that come through, which is awesome.I see you got Mike Vic coming up.So has podcasting, like, have you started your little bucket list of guests?Because we kind of have one over here.Like, do you have a bucket list of guests that Derrick?Aaron Waller wants to sit down with and hit some of these topics.Yeah, they told us to make a list.
51:17I made a list and they were like, oh, like, you, oh, you got high hopes here.And it's like, you got Peyton Manning, Jay Z, Tony Hawk, Barack Oprah Winfrey.I got all kind of people on there.Yeah, dude.You're taking shots.First play, dude.First drive.Sudden change.
51:34Just taking a shot.How about what do you think about Draymond?That's my last thing, man.because, you know, as we tape this, the finals had just wrapped up.I'm a huge Dremont fan.I thought it was just ridiculous that people, well, it's not ridiculous because I don't knowthat I could handle doing a podcast after the finals.I mean, like, but that's me.
51:53I know Dremont's doing it and he's a three-time now four-time champion.Like, he probably knows what he can and can't handle.How hard is it for you to do the media thing while you're still exposed to criticism as aplayer?Because, you know, people, they think like we just getting like a bubble.all day and play football.Like, nobody goes home and does anything else.How has it been for you doing podcasting while you're a player?
52:15I feel like it's been great just because, like, I feel like I have that experience with music.Because I've been putting albums out since like 2017.So I'm like, you know, I made that decision to be like, no matter what people may say,whether they love it or whether they don't, like, I'm going to do this because I want to dothis and I feel good about what I'm doing.And so that kind of carries over into the podcast where I'm like, I don't know.And just what we talk about, I feel like reminds me of what really matters when I do gettoo caught up in the performance of things because like we would record the day after games or like
52:43on the off day sometimes and it's just like you know some games may not be the greatest you go in thereand it's just like man this is what it's really about you know like I'm going to attack this footballthing and put the best that I have while I'm still doing it but you know this is stuff that reallymatters I need to carry these kind of conversations over into the locker room so it's I don't knowit just keeps me balanced yeah that's awesome man you've got comeback stories coming out July 11thand Darren Waller man this has been a lot of fun I hope tohave you on again sometime. I want toyou did a song with Max Crosby, right?
53:13Yeah. That, hey,that's my guy. I love Max Crosby.You got Darren and Max Crosby on a song, so gocheck out his music. It's fucking actually reallygood. And the podcast, again,his comeback stories, July 11th. So thanksfor the time, Darren. Appreciate you, man.I appreciate you, Chris. Yeah, man.
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54:04Gambling problem in Arizona call 1,800 next step. In Colorado, Indiana, New Jersey, and Virginiacall 1-800 gambler and in Michigan,1-800-2707-1-17.Tennessee, y'all two.1-800-9-9-7-89.All right, so we're planning four players,hoping for four rounds,worst place to have to take a shit,
54:27starting with mate.Number one off the bat is any portal potty.That has to be...That's the player.That has to be number one.It's not about the portal potty,it's more the thought that, hey, if someone really wants to be an asshole right now,they can push this thing over and it would get real shitty.
54:54Or if you're on jackass, they could tie it to a to a bungee and shoot it up into the air.Yeah, exactly.There's just a lot of things that you can, a lot of things that can go wrong with shitting in a portal party.So that's my number one pick.Yeah.I always think like, I wonder what's.down there like is there anything alive down there it's kind of too far to see does the location of theporta potty matter to you because there's like certain places where a port of potty's better than other
55:22portopi listen in the VIP area of a music festival the porta potty's in 2020 or pristine you couldeat off the urinals man it's just i mean they're they're like stage coaches i'll never forgetbeing at foxfield the one time i went and watching people run and race across the top of the porta potty'sand thinking, this is why you're waiting in lineand people throwing full beers at these peoplerunning across, like it was like a game.But all I'm thinking about is I'm waiting on this lineand what if I'm pissing and someone falls through the roof
55:56of this portal party while they're running across?Then you're both going down.Oh, my goodness.It would be fucking terrible.Yeah, you end up in China.It's a shitty situation, man.Yes.Very shitty.
56:08That's good.with the number two pick.With the number two pick,I'm going to go withairplanes or buses.Well, wait.You got to pick one,you got to pick one.
56:20Oh,I'm going to go airplanesbecause I travel more on airplanesand especially when you're withwith Jen Pop,when you're not travelingwith other football players,like there's no chance
56:30that you're going to find metrying to use a number two.If there was an emergency on a plane,I don't know what happened, man,because I can barely stand upin that thing.I would imagine sitting would be,more comfortable but I don't know what shitting would be more comfortable I've
56:42shit on a commercial airline I think maybe like seven times in one flight and it now it wasn'tit was international though it was international this is like we're gonna be here for like half a dayand most people have like the hudson news bubble guts you know I wouldn't say seven times but atat least three once you do it it's not that scary all these years you look at that thing you'relike man I can't believe that guy really just went up there and blew it up that just means if youhaving shit on an airplane you just didn't have to shit bad enough that's all i think i agree with youchris yeah if you got to poop worse you'll poop it's kind of like a big guy problem too right likei could take a shit on an airplane it's not that hard it it's it is a big guy problem but it is funny
57:25when you when you walk up and like it's occupied and then next thing you know you're like wonder who'sgonna come out they've been there while and it's like a it's like a dainty 30 year old woman and it justsmells like death in there, dude.And she locks eyes with you and you're like, I'm not junk.I was like, baby formula shit.Yeah, I'm like, look at me, dude.I'm going to leave it worse than I found it.Okay.
57:47Sporting event, dude.Sporting event is the worst place to take a shit.It's all dudes.They're all angry.They're all drunk.Piss everywhere.Yeah, there's piss everywhere.These sports fans, they piss everywhere.
58:00They just, they pull their pants down.They whip their dicks out and they just spin around in circles.That's how they,that's whateven at soldier fieldKyle is probablydisgustingactually I know it's disgusting
58:15it was my first pro gameyeah it's the worst placeto take it downI still haven't seen a game thereyou knowin the standsyeah well it wasn't great Kylenot at the porta potty's
58:24another thing is everybodydecides to go at the same timelike nobody's like maybe I'll goduring the commercial breakin the third quarternopehalf timeI think your pants are a bad place
58:34to take a shitI've done it a couple timesyour pants aren't a good place.Yeah.Why are you admitting that?That's a great.That's a great pick.Hey,
58:43sometimes it happens,man.No,it doesn't.It hasn't happened recently,but sometimes it happens.Like you sharded or like you just shit in your pants.Oh,
58:50you know.It meets the criteria.Worst place to take a shit.It's not the greatest thing.You have to think of how to clean it up.Can I side with facts here?You're wearing a diaper?You have depends on.
59:00Okay.Everyone went to the bathroom of your pants when you were like five years old.Can't shit himself now today?What a day, man.Reed can't shit himself.Mm-mm.What a day.Mm-mm.
59:12I need to get Dr. Drew in this motherfucker.Yikes.The only issue I have with it,the draft is where to take a shit or the worst place you have to take a shit.Worst places to have to take a shit.In your pants, yeah, I guess.Yeah, you're going to be stuck in the line.I'm getting there.
59:26I'm there, Reid.Okay.It's not great when, you know, it's coming.You might win the draft, dude.It might be over.Wouldn't in your shorts be worse than in your pants?No, you don't want to turn.on the side of your calf for an hour.
59:39You just, you need that thing.What kind of turd is sticking on the calf?Well, my calves and you know how that is.If you're wearing like some tight khakis and you,and you shake your pants, imagine for a second.You're like a girl.They say you could rest a drink on that ass.You can rest of shit on that calf.
59:56Yeah, same with you.You know how that is.But like, imagine you're actually wearing some pants that aren't like cargo.And there's a,there's a semi-solid turd coming.I'd rather just fall out.could like change locations say whose turd was that over there not mine or just tape the bottomof your pants and so that it doesn't leak out and you deal with it later and tighten your belt
01:00:19tighten your belt and then to put tape like around the bottom of your pants and you're good to gotill you're doing like you're doing like a surgery on this like you got to trap the smell it's morethe smell i can't believe that we're doing we're devising strategies this is where i took us but it yeahit would never be there was a gal chris that i went tomiddle school with me and Grant Houchins had gym's class with her,and she wouldn't change into gym shorts for class for whatever reason.And we caught,she had caprize on with the cuffed bottoms,
01:00:49like the scrunchy bottoms like Nathan talking about.And we caught her shaking a shit out of her leg around behind like the volleyballnets.And yeah,there was like a whole log that rolled out of her caprice.It like,yeah,it was crazy.
01:01:05And then she just went right back out and like,know, served to the volleyball or something.Yikes.Well, that's what I'm saying.So that might be one of the best places to shit, because you could just dispose of it.That's not true.That's a reason.Because you don't want to get caught either.
01:01:20Like, you caught her, right?Yeah, Kyle.I feel like it's easy to get caught.Kyle, what if you guys were meant for each other and that happened?How do you rationalize that?I don't know, man.You're in love with a girl that.She's a 10, but she poops out of her band.
01:01:37okay so my my next pick i'm going with probably when you're a kid in elementary or now like elementaryor a high school bathroom just because cell phones and i just like have that that that fearof your friends just reaching their phone over like and taking a picture like ah look he's takinga shit at school like i don't know i have to really really really really like almostOh my God, I'm going to shit in my pants to, like, shit somewhere that, like, I'm not, like, comfortable or if it's someone's home, like, house.Well, don't give up the big board.Back to Chris's point, these are all places that you would only shit if you have to shit.Yeah, these are, yeah.
01:02:24Okay.Okay, so with my second pick, I'm going outer space.And you know what, Kyle?It's an unpredictable shit.It's a great pick, man, because you're eating space food.we had, I'll give up the cookies.I don't know if this is before or after you heard the pod,but Leland Melvin, who's an astronaut on the pod.
01:02:44And he talked about the fact that you'll take a dump and it'll just float up by you.Like, and like if you take a long shit, it like takes a while to get past your faceand it goes up towards the ceiling.Yeah.So yeah, terrible.Wow.I'll go presidential debate.Think about that, dude.
01:03:02You've been working your whole life.to become presidentyou get up to thepodium but you're talking about fuckingI don't know likelike gerrymanderingand it justyou just feel the
01:03:17like that water buggler down thereand you just know you got a shitand there's 37 minutes leftthan the debate. Free world's watchingdudebut you probably could shit on the stageat a presidential debateand win the debate
01:03:33they're just so badin actualitybeing forced to shit on the stage could backfireyou know the other way around you actually could end up the presidentwe've seen you know the irony is we've seen a lot of shitfall out of presidential candidates mouthsyes dude it's sure no but people would be likehe's human no he's human
01:03:55I think no it's going to be more you you're like oh fuck I got a shitI can't get to the bathroom like gun reformpoop everywhereAnd the next thing you know, people are like,yes.Thank you for the show.Slow clap.And people are like, yo, he really, that was symbolic.
01:04:13He's saying the debate.Yeah, that the, or that the debates have gone so south.You should be a writer for South Park.This is like a South Park skit.Yeah, dude.I've dreamed of that.There was that one episode where they switched Kyle's brothers' pills and Tom Brady's pills.So Tom Brady got the, they're the pills.
01:04:33and go to the bathroom.So he's like,huh,huh,and then he just kept shitting himself.Hot,hot, hot,see,
01:04:39don't give up the board.You're taking,you're taking my pick.Hot,hot, hot,hot, hot,hot,hot,
01:04:44hot,hot, hot,hot,I love when South Parkdoes football.Chad Henney would do that,uh,during walk through.
01:04:51He'd go,hot, hot,hot,hot,hot, hot,hot,oh,practice is not a bad place to have to take a shit.
01:04:59Practice is the best place to have to take a shit,because you get like a break.And it's always during stretch lines.I know I used to do it during one-on-one pass rushindividual and stretch lines was my poop timeyeah let me let me miss one-on-one pass rush it's just a bunch of guysblocking me that I'm like all right dude give me some tort allwhoop your motherfucking ass dude on Sunday you're blocking me on Wednesday
01:05:22this cool it's November or they'd rather go insidethe alignment want to be though Chris the last place I want to be toowhen they say 101 pass rush you're like fuck there goes my dayor they're trying to run you into the indoor facility wallOh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.See if you're healthy or one-on-one.Yeah, fucking, yeah, these two.These two with their fights during individual periods.
01:05:44That definitely would have happened today.He's testing today.Yeah, we had fun.That was actually great.We got kicked out of practice.We got the missile.Can we get a recount of that real quick?You just, you know, pause.
01:05:55You guys good?No, Nate beat me.I got mad.And then we got kicked out of practice because we were fighting.And the coach said, you guys, he canceled practice.And he goes, you guys are brothers.You guys are like brothers for Christ's sake.And then he goes, walk back to that cafeteria.
01:06:12Together now, together.Hold his hand.And everyone had to watch us in continual practice.It was, the indoor has windows.So everyone had to watch us walk across this field.But I was only upset because I was under reception that we were going to get fined.And we didn't get fined.So it was literally like a free day.
01:06:33to be honest.Yeah, well, you guys really didn't have to hold hands, did you?No, I don't think we hold the hand, but we walk next to each other.Okay.That'd be, I want a painting of you two walking into the fucking facility.Like a really bad painting.Can somebody paint?You know in the doctor's office when they say like patience and it shows like a dad holding a son's hand, walking off the distance?
01:06:55That was like me and Nate.It was not turning.Holding our helmet.Can I get some.If somebody, somebody, ace.Ace and Chicomy dude can you paint usa painting
01:07:08of Nate and Kyleholding hands in their practicejerseys walking towards a practicefacility in Lake Forestholding hands like brothersfrom the Walter Payton Center toAlice HallOh my God
01:07:21And then we had to sit and eattogetherand Nate was likeI'm not talking to this fuck an assholeLike he wasn't even lookingHe was just like shaking his headeating his like mac and cheese shaking his handbecause I'm worried about
01:07:34I'm waiting for a conversation NateI'm waiting for an opportunity to be likehey bro I lost my coola little bit out there and Nate wasNate looks up to me I think and he was likeyo you're so dumbyeah that's thatI remember getting that phone calls like
01:07:51who'd you fight with today ohlike my best buddy Natelike your best buddy Natelike you fought with one of our friendsthis is gettingcomplicated you know it's william hayes and then it's Nate it's almost like one of those thingshe has to fight all my friends yeah i realize it oh fuck next it's me yeah that's bad that's good that'sgood shit right there i would imagine prison would be a bad place to take a shit i've never done it but
01:08:23oh i would imagine that would be a tough place i wouldn't want to do it yeah i might just hold it might behard to hold it. Right, it might be really hard.From the sex.But sex, Reed.You think this job is bad, Reed?Go to prison. Yeah.Reed's up here at night, like, fuck, I'm workinglate.
01:08:52Oh, man. I'm shitting in prison.Chris, round three?See, so far, I think what I haveis I have sporting event. I havepresidential debate. Is that everythingthat I have so far? Oh, butNate's up first.Start round three.
01:09:06Okay, got it.And it's up first.Take an inventory.I'm going with on a fishing boat.Oh.That's a really good one.I'm unsure if fishing boats have bathrooms.I'm sure they do.
01:09:20I think they do.They're really small.It's probably hard to squat down there.Most do not, unless you're on a really, really fancy one.So, yeah.I would think that having to take a shit, like, on one of those boats.that are really moving.I can imagine.
01:09:40Yeah,that wouldn't be fun.A lot of back splash.That's the real,the real issue is thinking about that,like,hey,if this boat tips to the left
01:09:48and I already drop one in there.You have a big fear of being submerged in your own poop.Someone,like,for the potty's,fishing boats.You know,it's like you don't like pooping unstable places.
01:09:59Uh,yeah.What happened?Not at all.I,you know?It's just like,shit is dirty.
01:10:04Shit is dirty.for my thirdpick rightsometimes it's funny becausethey say when nature callsoftentimes when you're in naturethere's nowhere that's really normal to poopso you have to hit the sumo squat
01:10:19and you got to put your ballsand your dick behind your shortswhen you deep squat so you don't peelike you can't just get butt nakedyou have to put your pants somewhereit's not as simple you have to get youryour rifle your rifle facingstraight down instead of into your own pants to go back to the pooping in your pants thing.
01:10:41Nature poops are tough, man. And you have to have really good knee and hip flexion.I got no, but listen, that's where I thrive. And then where do you, where do you wipe? What do youwipe with? Jungle leaves. See, like, I have done some awful things to remove poop from myself.No, you have to sacrifice a sock. Okay. Is it my pick? Fuck, it felt like it was just my pick.nobody said a date yet single people i imagine that's a really tough thing man i imagine that's a tough thingto have to poop i just feel like that stays on your your your soul when you take just a nasty shitat a steakhouse i feel like you eat your apps maybe you've had some drinks maybe it's day threeof a bender and you you got that date and it's a sunday and you know you steam up the bathroom at mortons
01:11:25and then you go back out and you feel like your whole dinner jacket has poop on it like it's notenough for me. I'd have to get completely nakedand, like, drape my clothes somewhere.You're fancy. You're thinking,Morton's for a first date?Wow.Sheesh. Like, damn.Morton? I was just thinking about,
01:11:42some guys do that.Yeah, I suppose, butMorton's more... I took my wife to a barbecuejoint for my first time. I'm comfortableenough. I'm comfortable enough. If we're going tomornings, I'm comfortable enough to say, hey, I'm not,if I'm single, I'm not going on a date with that.If I'm single, if I'm single, I'm not going on a
01:12:00date with any young lady.You know,Morton's,it's got to be special.We've probably been,if I'm going on a first date,single Chris,alternate universe,
01:12:09we have to have written lettersto each other for likeat least a couple weeks first.So Morton's like we've gotten to know each other.We've been texting.We call in.Screen,we've been,
01:12:21I've been screening her.Then we go to Morton.But if you blow up the bathroom on a date,it just stays on you,man.I just feel like it stays on you.And it on you.And then also in your,
01:12:30head. It's in your head.Really, really in your head.Look good, feel good play.Yeah. I think it'd be worse if you were like at your date's house.Well, now wait a minute.Well, I guess it is my pick.So it's like the first time at your significant other place.Yeah.
01:12:47Yeah, that would be, well, that was tough.And, uh, had that happen.Yeah, but I narrowly avoided.I, you know, it was.Where'd you poop?Was it done and dumber?Oh.No, no, it wasn't dumb and d'am.
01:13:00Why did you bring that?Oh, Nate doesn't like the movieDumb and Dumber. Like, oh my God.You are a racist.Do you thinkDumb and Dumber is one of like the greatestcomedy movies? It's an iconic comedy.Holy smokes.
01:13:17How hard did you laugh when they were in the suitsand they were sword fighting walking into the dinner?And then he was like, this is a $500of plate dinner. And he says, put us down for twoin case we want seconds.Yo, to be totally honest, like the hardestI laughed in that movie was at like stuff like little stuff like like when he looked through thepeople and the guys were there and he's like yeah there's two people out there one of them has a gun
01:13:40and he goes he asked did you pay your gas bill like that was funny yeah but that the movies litteredwith those little throwways dude but like a lot of them it was just like they just admitted he laughedof the old movie like they're stupid like it's stupid funny but like a lot of the parts I feel like everyonesays and you guys say, it wasn't that funny to me.He wrote,Dear Gas Man on the note they laughed.And the guy was eating antacist.He goes,
01:14:08how does he know I got gas?These guys are fucking good.Pills are good.Oh,because he were laughing.Yo,you guys are like hilarious.That hurts your feelings.
01:14:22I don't think it's that.Oh,our feelings are not to hurt ones.I'm going to bring in some breath spray every timeand just point it in the wrong direction.But not.Bonaka.That's what it's called, right?
01:14:33Is that what it was?Yeah, it's Benaka.Last round.Worst place to shit.Yes.In the middle of an Olympic swimming race.Oh, yeah, yeah.That's bad.
01:14:46Those camera angles under there.Yeah.Oh, in the stream.And you have to do the flip and come back.Can you imagine?But if you can angle it, that could be a nice, like, diversion.What if it got into the next swimmer's lane?Yeah.
01:14:59They do swim really tied to some of these lanes,especially in the backstroke.Like I imagine, Kyle.Yo.You're number four.Okay.I'm number four.A lot of us played high school sports,
01:15:11Pop Warner football,high school football.We've all gotten ready for a gameand know how long it takes to get ready for a game.There's nothing worse than going out for warmups,coming back in with your full uniform on,taped up,and you have to shit.
01:15:24And there's always a couple guys before the gamethat are in there pooping in full pads.And there's nothing funnier than hearing the click-clack of cleatson a on a on a on a on a locker room floor in the bathroom i'm like that guy's in there taking hisshit and he's about to have three sacks depending on what depending what type of flooring yourbathroom has if it's that tile it's slippery yo trying to wipe with cleats on and footballpants but your ankles and knees is very dangerous the whole thing's dangerous dude youprobably yeah you oh yeah dude um and the sweaty butt feeling when you go back out there dude you're like
01:16:00your butt sweating, but are you like, is that something I don't want it to be?You're thinking about that the whole first quarter?I'll take the last pick of the draft.My team is not ready.We're constipated.Yeah, you can defer.That's allowed.Okay.
01:16:13Mine is a late night bar post 12 a.m.And when there's only like, you know, there's only one bar, everyone's lining up to pee.And you take a little too long and everyone knows.You walk out, you talk about a stink on a dinner date.Yeah.That everyone knows you walk out after like five.minutes you're like that dude wouldn't pee in that's not good but at least you have less dignity rightbecause you're really fucked up oh and if you're doing that and if you're doing that what you call it
01:16:40there's some bars redacted that sometimes they don't have the they don't have the door on there yeah sothere's so it's so it encouraged you to be fast in there so if you really got to go you have to havea mind of steel to just be like yo i'm about the shit here and whoever see like you're gonna see me drunkwhatever happens.Maybe a little less chance of people doing nose candy with no.They probably don't care.Maybe a little less.That's a good one, read.
01:17:12Riding up the St. Louis Arch,if you have this shit riding up the St. Louis Arch,like you are in trouble, dude.How long does it take?Minutes upon minutes upon minutes.And you're in this tiny car and there's no windows and the wheels just turn.You can hear him.You're in this fucking like Chris Angel like like kind of claustrophobic deal.
01:17:31It's like really from the 1900s, early 90s.No windows.No windows.Yeah.When you ride up, you're like in the belly of the beast, dude.Can you box it like hotbox it?I think you probably somebody's probably vape hot box.I'm sure there's no smoke detectors in that motherfucker.
01:17:46There was a fire in there.I've played with some guys that are from St. Louis and there's no doubt in my mind that theywere hot boxing that shit when they were in like middle school.You think they were hot boxing it?on field trips.Just some absolute real ones from St. Louis.Yeah, dude.There's no such thing as anything else, dude.
01:18:03After a real good shower,like,and being clean and then, like,getting out and, like,all of a sudden,like,in the bubble guts,it's just like,
01:18:13fuck.We just went through this whole thing.Right?Like,damn it.Leave the car wash and it rains.It's like,God.
01:18:19That's exactly.And then you got to go backin the shower.You have to.You don't have to,but it's just like,you know,you have to.
01:18:25And you got to clean your asswith a bar of soap.Or when you get in and you have to get out to actually use a bar of soap, right?No, you need to use a rag?Do you use a rag?Kyle wasn't here for this.Kyle, Kyle wasn't here for this.You shower with a wash rag and or a lufor, correct?
01:18:40No.Oh my.Also, he's not the foremost authority on shower.Okay.All right, I am.Oh, my God.I shower the fuck out of like, and listen, nobody's impressed that you do a lufa that yourbutts clean because you do a lufa.
01:18:54I'm using the bar of soap.I'm using the bar of soap in there, dude.Just up and down, dude, all through there.Dude, you just dial.Oh, my God.You're telling me, I don't want to talk about this anymore.You're passing judgment because I don't use a loop.No, like a washcloth also.
01:19:10Like also, you need a washcloth.You don't need a washcloth.I'm going to say two quick honorable mentions before we go.These are ones that have happened to me in the middle of a poker tournamentbecause you feel like you have to rush.And if you don't go really fast, you're going to lose all.your chips yeah terrible spot yep as all us sharks know and then coaching a basketball gamehaving to shit at halftime is very awkward because all your players are sitting there waiting for you
01:19:39to come talk and you're just dropping a deuce you've had to do that before you've had to I have had todo that and the kids think you're coming back with some like just amazing movie quality speech butyou're actually just coming out of the shitter and then they realize it when it hits everybodyshits every brown wavecoming from the bathroom.Everybody shits.Even you at home.
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