Green Light with Chris Long - Michael Collins! On The Masters, Lee Elder, Best PGA Tour Party Courses & Best Caddy Nicknames. NFL News. Green Light Jeopardy.

Episode Date: April 9, 2021

(01:20) - Welcome, Layup Line, Strawberries and Flowers, and Hockey. (43:12) - Michael Collins on The Masters, Lee Elder and Caddy Nicknames. (1:25:16) - NFL Roundup. (1:46:58) - Green Light Jeopardy and Wonderlic Test. Green Light Spotify Music: https://open.spotify.com/user/951jyryv2nu6l4iqz9p81him9?si=17c560d10ff04a9b Spotify Layup Line: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1olmCMKGMEyWwOKaT1Aah3?si=675d445ddb824c42 Green Light with Chris Long: Subscribe and enjoy weekly content including podcasts, documentaries, live chats, celebrity interviews and more including hot news items, trending discussions from the NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA, NCAA are just a small part of what we will be sharing with you. http://bit.ly/chalknetwork Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, Lee Elder won a tournament in 1974, which got him into the Masters in 1975, which is why I got this hat on. Oh, wow. So, Lee Elder today on the first tee, there were all a bunch of these hats out there. It was Steph Curry and his company that made these hats. And so you're going to see a bunch of NBA guys run out onto the court tonight wearing these hats. And this is the saying from Leelder, stay the course, is what it says. And what that means, and it's still very true today, is that. We ain't there yet when it comes to golf being completely open and embracing to everyone.

We're not there yet, but stay the course. Slowly but surely it's happening. On to the Masters. Golf shot. It's over, dude. We know golf now. We're 24 hours plus into the Masters. We are.

Yeah, you're today. We're charging hard. You're yesterday. We're sitting here. The Masters just started. We're going to talk about golf today for sure. You're going to be like obviously hi Augusta but you know more importantly Virginia Beach Virginia hello never been wow never been to Virginia beach bonkers yeah

and you've lived here 30 some odd years yeah 30 some odd years uh listen man I imagine there's just a big seawall is there a beach there yeah so it gets a bad rap it's not as cool in quotation marks is the outer banks. OBX. That's the problem. You need a bumper sticker. Right. It's not your,

what's north of us? We've got a dune. Oh, listen. The beach is there in Maryland. I say this, and they call that the Upper Peninsula. No, they don't call it the Upper Peninsula.

The Uper's in like Michigan and Minnesota. Yes, they are. Very good. Yeah, but this is actually called it's the Bay. Chesapeake Bay. The Chesapeake Bay.

Eastern Shore. Eastern Shore. That's what I'm looking for. The eastern shore, I actually like, it's going to sound like sacrilege, some of our Philly listeners, but just so you know,

I don't pander, the eastern shore is number one for me. So Virginia Beach has this reputation for, I don't know, maybe being a bit... Spring breaky? Yeah. Maybe a Myrtle vibe to it.

Yeah, not? Well, here's the thing. There's some good restaurants. One, two, a bit of culture. You know, the Atlantic Ocean. is right there. State park or two.

There's some stuff going on. North End, very classy, Virginia Beach. Our largest city in the Commonwealth as well. More like seaweed beach this summer, because I don't know if you heard, Virginia has enacted. They've hit all systems go on reef or madness.

And that seems like a major hot spot to partake in the hot leaf. We should make a pilgrimage down there that, well, you're not going to do that, could drive me down there and I'll smoke a j on the beach and that'll be the first time i've been in virginia beach i can do it legally this summer first state in the south congratulations virginia yeah you have any any more thoughts i mean you're the probably you're the most famous famous you're probably the most famous outspoken drug addict in virginia well i've been testing it out to

make sure it was safe for the for the moment they legalized it so you're welcome and you're It is safe. It is. Yeah, the study is concluded. You're thriving. I'll probably just keep partaking to make sure it's good. And so at no point it stops being good. And I'll let everybody know if it's not safe anymore.

Then you could advise other states, a North Carolina, South Carolina. That would be nice if they'd catch up. And I do want to say this in all seriousness. You know, it's exciting. But we're not like proteins smoking wacky tobacco. Teens. Stunt your growth. Don't touch it.

It'll make you short if you smoke it as a teenager. It'll make you dumb if you smoke it as a teenager. And it'll probably do a whole host of other things, including getting you grounded and that sort of thing. So I would just wait until you're of college age or even young adulthood when you can pay for good weed. Hey, for serious, is there a certain age with this law? The law?

I'm not really sure. I didn't look in the law because last time I checked I was halfway to becoming a geriatric. Quick parents guide to kids using marijuana. I don't want to be a narc, but it's responsible if we're going to applaud. You just clap for drugs, huh? If you're going to... You just clap. A clap is a thing where, I mean, you can't...

A clap is what I said. A clap, all right. All right, funny guy. A clap is hard not to join in. Yeah, it's hard not to just take one toke, huh? Anyways. I'm going to be responsible. responsible as a podcaster because in all seriousness, like this is the conversation.

And part of this is, hey, you know, these podcasts are going to live forever in perpetuity. So enjoy that. But when my kids are of age and people are like, what are you going to tell your kids about marijuana? I'm like, I don't know. The same thing I tell them about alcohol and cars. Like, buddy, just wait a while. And I'm not equating marijuana and alcohol. But there are things that we have to wait to do that kids wait to do.

And we've survived this long. that are much more dangerous than marijuana. Your kids will be fine. So I'm not a narc. What I'm doing is my duty. I'm being, you know, this is me, being fair and balanced. You know, I was balanced on the Eagles thing. I forget what I said, but no, I gave props to the eastern shore, the Chesapeake Bay.

Now I'm going to be fair and balanced and tell you your kids, these are the signs you should look for. Your teen may have red bloodshot eyes. I don't really get bloodshot eyes, do I? No, are you one of those who puts the... things in your... No, I think that's lame. I think like, well, you know, some people really do get red eyes, but then some people are like, oh, like just public place with visine. Like, we get it, dude. Your teen could be very giddy or very tired depending on when they got high. I, you know, that, that, yeah, that's true. Your teen may be paranoid or anxious.

Your teen might be asking for cash over credit. The stuff smells, God. The stuff smells, God. The thing you have to worry about now, kids aren't smoking like flour anymore they're not going to come home, smell like Cheech and Chong, unless they just don't respect you and that's your problem. You got to worry about the vape cartridges.

You got to worry about the gummies, that sort of thing. So just be vigilant. And kids, just wait. It's like anything else. It's a responsibility you should earn. Your teen may get the munchies and be hungry for anything

they can get their hands on. All the chunky soup is gone. I remember, you know, when I was north of a teen in St. Louis as a young player, we get New England clam chowder by the six-pack, basically Campbell's Chunky, and I would mix it with a whole bag of crushed-up goldfish.

You know, like if your kids are doing things like that, if the clam chowder's not enough, if the goldfish aren't enough and you're seeing them doing hybrid foods and things like that, just unreasonable snacks that seem very impulsive or like they're probably high. Speaking of the I thing,

my wife asked me, this week, have you been crying? And I said, not more than usual. And that sounds like a joke I wrote. And it's not. That's the truth. That was an actual exchange. Shout out to Jimmy V.

One good cry a day. Laugh, thank, cry. Exactly. It's a hell of a day. Seweed coming to a port city near you, Virginia, in the summer. So that's a good thing. One more time. I'll just clap making you don't need to clap twice.

Layup line, man. Halliberry or hallelujah. Yep. You know what the name of that song is? No. Is it, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is it called Halliberry? It's not.

You want another guess? No. It's called Money Trees. Money Trees is a Kendrick Lamar song. I'm trying to find out which year it was because I think it was 2012. Good Kid Mad City came out. It was one of the favorite years of my life in football and in music. And that album is a time and a place for me with that group.

It was awesome. I love Good Kid Mad City. this is the song that if it came on at the old pepper lounge there in st louis it was on strobe lights that sort of thing i mean it wasn't your who did we listen to last week on the bonneroo lineup it's not your edm but it's like it's yeah lick capital letters all of them it's not lick but it'll get you going in the club and uh the reason uh i chose money trees is because we have a money tree right here i bet you didn't know that i did not yeah work on your horse It's sitting right in front of you.

You didn't even ask me about the tree. It's gorgeous. I got it from 1,800 flowers.com. We also ordered a bonsai azalea. And we know the significance of azaleas, if you know anything about golf, right? Masters this weekend. They got a lot of flowers down there.

So 1,800 flowers. Also, I got these lovely flowers here sitting right next to me that I'm going to bring home to my lovely wife this afternoon. You know the backstory about what happened what happened with 1,800 flowers. Tell the people. So this is an olive branch of sorts. Fantasy football league, you guys have heard all about it.

And I will argue a branch not needed. You don't think so? We're moving product for them. Increased product because of... Yeah, well, because of my being a moron. Truly a moron. Just a moronic? Like, why wouldn't you just see what it was?

Well, listen, when you got a good idea, you just let it fly and we had a good idea the loser of our fantasy football league was Michael Lewis a friend of ours shout out to Michael Lewis I got the Monoloco sticker anybody in Charlottes for the members Monoloco shout out to Monoloco you know Mike Lewis Mike Lewis

was abhorrent he found a way to lose to me and my brother Kyle who half the time I didn't know the rules seven weeks in I didn't know the rules this is two seasons into fantasy football Kyle didn't have his password I had to set Kyle's lineup for him last week I didn't physically do it, but I prompted him to do it because I didn't want to see him get last. Not really. I mean, really, I didn't want.

Collusion watchdog? Yeah. You got a dog for that too? I do. Basically, the punishment of being last in the thing is being on a billboard on the side of 29 North, which is a major. I don't know, how would you describe it? We say highway around here. That's not a highway to people somewhere else, but it's a four lane road. Okay, you got four lanes, a lot of traffic. If you're coming to the hook, aka Charlottesville, you got to pass this billboard. You've board around Rutgersville. And the billboard, as you know, is an ambulance chaser template,

Markson Harrison looking ass, billboard, 1-800, lose-lose, don't call Michael Lewis worst fantasy football player in Charlottesville. You know the deal if you're a regular. Well, 1-800 lose-lose, you know, about 30 minutes into the group chat, like good vibes all around,

guys are like, oh my God, look at this billboard, somebody just texts me oh ha ha ha ha Chris you're so awesome great idea oh I didn't read the Chris you're so awesome you're so awesome and I was like yeah that was a great idea by me well 30 minutes in somebody asked me if I'd called the number it's the same number as 1,800 flowers okay

so why didn't you make it like 1-800 loser so that it could not be a phone number because lose-lose sounds better in that in that format does it not I mean it does it does for sure but it's also not a number. To be fair, it's eight numbers, and that's where I thought we were good. But when you dial the first seven,

it's 1,800 flowers. So, yeah, I mean, like, I'm an idiot. 1,800 flowers. We just wanted to extend this olive branch would be the best way to put it. You've got some lovely plants, although I will admit, the bonsai azalea,

which should be blooming anytime soon, doesn't look much like what's on the website, but eventually it will be there. We know that. And the money tree is immaculous. It's one of the nicest money trees I've ever seen. I'm not familiar with the money tree. It is cool looking.

Both are cool looking. Oh, they're amazing trees. And these flowers, they smell great. So real quick, we mentioned money trees. Shout out to, on the music front, Jen Wozner. She's from a band called Y Oak, which I had never really heard of, but they're really well liked. And now I'm diving in.

It's a nice little rabbit hole. But her first solo project is just killer. Flock of Dimes is what she's going as and Head of Roses is the album. It is fucking fire, dude. This album is, I really like the sound. I get some Bonnie Vair vibes. B-O-N-I-V-E-R. You like them, huh?

I don't know their music, but I know the band's name. You should know their music. You'd really like their music. So check it out. And I will drop it in this week's playlist on green light Spotify. Would you like to know what I've been listening to? Yeah, tell me. Daydream Believer by the Monkeys. Kind of on loop here for a while. I'll be cruising around town. There's a sunroof. Don't know that song.

Oh, I know this. This song. Oh, I'm cutting me to a day dream believer. Yep, we're going to get fine for this probably licensing and I'm just going to take that out of your guys' checks. And so thank you. licensing. It was the only reason we had to turn that off. Let me lay out this show, shall I? Shall you? Shall you? Shah. You shan't.

We're hitting all the services today, including the hardwood. Let's start with the hardwood because we have some unfinished business with our friends, Titus and Tate. Who are our friends? Okay, Monday night, Baylor wins the NC2A national title. Reed, what kind of scoring system did we do for these brackets again? Finnerbachi. Fibinacci, you got it. Finnerbachi.

You got it, pal. So, final scores. Chris Long, 165 points. Is that good? Really good. Yeah, had a good day. Macon, 147. Tate Frazier, 103.

This is kind of, okay, tell me Titus. Mark Titus, 96. Well, Titus kept it all the way 100. Titus put Ohio State in the national championship and I think they lost to Gonzaga without looking three overtimes, 126 to 125. Are you on drugs, Mark Titus? Combined scores Greenlight Pod 312, Titus and Tate 199. So that's the equivalent of beating somebody like 82 to 47. Also, this is the equivalent of you being better than me at picking football.

Aha. You know what I mean? And by the way, that Waffle House trip is coming up. You know, my vaccine is almost kicked in, and I can't wait to spend 24 hours at the Waffle House as a result of being shitty at picking Thursday night football games. So good win for us. Great win.

Titus did have Ohio State, Texas, Oak State, and his final four. One of those teams made it to the second round. Tate had Illinois as his champ. We both came through with Baylor. We gave you all the answer key. Yeah, the answers to the test. I didn't even listen to Stanford, Steve, and I put Baylor in there. Well, I did, but just, you know.

And look at the bottom. We can move on, but look at the bottom of your Midwest. I mean, that is outstanding. Oh my God. I mean, there's not a mark. You had one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight games, eight for eight. They're in the bottom of that region. Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah, I'm sure those boys will be paying up in no time. And no offense, guys. We didn't mean any offense by just kicking your ass at this. It's kind of like what you do, but we just, we don't mean any offense. Non-intended. Oh, I forgot, dude. Can you try one of these real quick?

We also got some these look so, oh my God, they are decadent. Look at these. I don't like decadent at 5 p.m. It's not decadent. I just wanted to use the word.

Oh, they are decadent. No, they're not. Look at those little orange. And we got them on like clearance right now. By the way. Little orange.

No, little orange. Oh, you got orange. You want an orange one? What are they? What are they? These are orange covered.

What do you mean orange covered? I'm just saying the color of the frosting. They're frost. How the fuck do you say these? These frosted chocolate. Usually it's just chocolate frosted strawberry. I don't know what to call it when it's not chocolate. Just a frosted strawberry.

I got an orange one. Yeah, Reed, have one. Like the flavoring is orange is what you're saying. I don't know. I'll bite it and I'll tell you. I think the flavor is going to be strawberry with some sugar. Oh, man. That's good.

1,800 flowers. Not just flowers. I'm going to go with chocolate on chocolate. Oh, my God. Hey, kids, or parents. If your kids are spending like $300 on 1,800flowers.com, they're probably stone. Hot tip.

It's very good. Very good. I'm going to eat the one that's got a bunny face on it, too. Do you want one of the ones that have as a bunny face on it? No, I'm good here. Mm. That's good. Are you eating the greenery of the strawberry?

You seem like a reckless person like that. No, but I do eat the, I do eat entire crawfish. Did you see that? no was that on your podcast or something well no it was on darren bates's podcast shout out to the raw room party trick okay we've uh we've finished eating strawberries almost hmm what a treat i'm energized bro that's about 60 grams of sugar right there down the gullet and i get low blood sugar you know when you call me a bear yeah it's usually when i get low blood sugar um Baby bear is what I call you.

Baby bear. We're hitting all the surfaces today, okay? We're going to, we'll be on the gridiron. We're going to talk about Sam Darnold. I know you like New York football. Love it. And, of course, we're going to head to the rink to troll some guys in Michigan and Canada. And most importantly, we're going to be on the green with Michael Collins.

Okay? You know him from ESPN. Michael Collins is cool as hell. Met him at the Espies. He's an Eagles fan. and just down to earth. So this week, you know, I don't know what the, Hail Mary, the equivalent of a Hail Mary in golf,

but I did that to try to get him on. And he wrote back in like five minutes. He said, for the Greenlight Pot, anything. New friend of the program, can't wait to talk to him. So Michael Collins, he's down there in Augusta right now, and we'll speak to him in a few. You know, you should be more careful trolling Canadians or being associated with trolling Canadians

now that your favorite baseball team is the Blue Jays. Toronto Blue Jays. If you want to go up to Toronto, I don't want you getting beat up because you sit in the chair next to me and I made fun of like a hockey player for not being tough enough. You know what I learned in my first week

as a Blue Jays fan is that we play our home games in Florida. Yeah, somebody tweeted at me. It was like, it's an interesting pick making considering you can't see them, but that's just for this year. Mention that UVA poster you posted today. A UVA basketball poster,

where can I get that poster? Yeah. That might be one of your most successful tweets of all time. Oh, really? Do you think? Well, the Kyle Long News has greatly enhanced the likability of that particular feed. Yeah, I actually have better versions of that photo, all taken within the same 5, 10 seconds. Tell us what the photo is.

But that one includes you. So I posted it. I'm a company man. That's nice you. Two years ago yesterday, Virginia won the national championship in men's basketball, beating Texas Tech 8577 in overtime. And the picture is of me losing my mind and of you with a nice smile. And that was the vibe.

Like I'm a relieved Virginia fan. You know, you, you had was do or die for you. It really was. I think you were going to die if we lost. Yeah. So, you know, for me,

true to form, I just have this shit eating grin. And you're about to jump up on the press table like Jalen Suggs. A little bit of a me picture. A me picture. I didn't know it was being taken. I was just freaking out. Yeah?

I swear. Just right in front of press row. Like that's where all the cameras were. That camera was, was 50 yards into the stands. Days following, like I had trouble keeping my emotions and check. And there were times where you're like, all right, buddy, we get it. Yeah, we get it. Like you like Virginia more than all of us and that's cool.

And not the point I'm trying to make, you know, just really couldn't check my emotions. An amazing picture. We need that poster. That's one thing. And we'll talk about this in a minute that we need to throw on the wall here. Finally, end of the show, a little bonus for you guys. We tease this out. We're going to go head to head in Jeopardy.

I had a gaff earlier this week where I said Aaron Rogers was on Jeopardy asking the questions. It was part of a little joke I had on Twitter. But I don't, you know me. I'm not a details guy. Sure, he's reading the answers. We get it. He's saying the first fucking thing before you think about it and try to score some points. Makin, Trudea form pointed that out.

So I said, you know what, in my state of embarrassment for not knowing how to frame that sport, that game of Jeopardy, I'm going to kick Macon's ass in Jeopardy. Have you asked me to do this? I don't know that I want to agree to the challenge. I swear to you, it's not set up. No, I believe you. I'm just not in Jeopardy form. I'm not in jeopardy form either.

When's the last time you think I looked at a fucking placemat with the capitals on it? I was in a groove. I don't know about nightly but close to it with Alex This doesn't look good for you man You don't know Game of Thrones But I would like in this matchup in Jeopardy to

You're the Mountain intellectually And I'm Oberyn Which you don't watch fake TV right Correct I'll just say this If you've seen the mountain in Oberyn I'm like probably plus 400 to beat Mac And he's legitimately

You know He's got a massive brain That's nice of you to say I would say I used to I think it's slipping. Slipping for me too. I'm also getting lazier, evidently. And I, uh, I guess with that setup, I have a lot to lose.

I don't know, I don't know really why I would. Well, I sit here for, you know, hours saying stupid shit. You might miss a question. It's no big deal. You're the minus 400 favorite. This is a 16-1, dude. No big deal. We've never seen that happen before.

So, um, we'll talk about it later. You know what? Let's talk about the set, huh? I hope nobody asks how many weeks there are in a year. Yeah, well, I got that wrong. last week in the middle of the pot. I was trying to cop to it. Oh yeah, I was actually doing a little bit of recon.

Recon. Like honestly, if you had asked me, hey, Chris, how many weeks in a year and you gave me a minute to sit there and think about it? A minute. I would have said probably 50, okay? What I said in the heat of the moment. 44.

In the middle of a conversation, it was not about the weeks. I was saying in passing like, hey, dude, it's not gonna be like 44 weeks of this shit or something. You know, I fucked it up. No big deal. Who needs to know how many weeks there are on you? You know what I did for a living? There were 16 weeks in my year.

Yeah. So then you called your mom after the show. And she called me an idiot. I wrote down what she said. Yeah. Oh, honey. Yeah, she did say, oh, honey. She said, oh, honey.

You impressed me in so many ways. Yeah, exactly. Perfect. Yeah, well, you know what? It's just not a big detail for me. I actually didn't even feel stupid about it. But you were, and my mom, you guys were selling it like, I was the dumbest person on the planet.

We were aghast. I called probably 10, 12 people. 33% don't know that there's 52 weeks in a year off the top of their heads. And that's when I'm posing the question at them. Bullshit. That's not bullshit. I have three people. So it's not 33%.

It's 25%. Three people in 12 calls. I'll be conducting my own survey. Yeah, sure. Conduct your own survey. Good for you. And then get your ass kicked in jeopardy in a few minutes. How about that?

We're doing that today. Oh, yeah. Oh, snap. I haven't studied. Were you afraid of Jeopardy? Yes. 15 minutes, dude. It's nothing.

It'll be fun. See how you feel. Okay. Housekeeping. Let's talk about these chairs. Let's talk about the elephant in the room. The chairs have changed. My lovely wife loved our chairs and thought they'd be better at home in my man cave.

Interesting. Doesn't add up. It doesn't add up. But I love my wife. So I said, yeah, whatever you want. Can I use these antique chairs? we copped in Waynesboro a couple years ago. I think they look great.

I think they feel pretty good. I think they could use like one of those lumbar support back pillows. Would you agree? I would. You have an issue because it leaves the... Look, I think backup, I trust you. And like everything, every decision you make. Except calendars.

I trust you. I think the set looks awful. I think the chairs stand alone are handsome chairs. I don't think they work here. We're much lower. The table is up at our shoulders. Yeah, you can see our mid sections on the camera. Yeah, yeah.

The other ones with the arms, and I could just dangle my hands down. Now you see my little noodle arms. But you kind of looked like the guy in Pan's Labyrinth, which is a movie. And he wasn't a guy, but with the hand. So it's good that you're not going to have to sit like that anymore. The backdrop here used to look awesome and now it looks awful.

It looks really bad in here. It's in construction. I don't think it looks bad. I think it looks great. And there's a lot of Easter eggs for you guys back here. It used to be symmetrical and cool and now it looks a mess and no offense to you. Well, it's like a jungle in here. We've got a ton of swag from 1,800 flowers.

Listen, I got Bill Walton on the wall. We see that. But here's the deal, man. After this weekend, we've got a number of cool things coming in the mail that are going to be nods to your fandom, to my fandom, maybe some bumper stickers. They're not going to, maybe they don't look great on the wall, but we could get some now jeans, you know? That's the only reason people have now jeans is for bumper stickers. Agreed? Yes. I mean, we've got William Hayes on the wall. We got one of Whalen's pictures on the wall. We got a raccoon now has a wig on. I mean, like, it's just, you know. It used to look so cool. Oh. I got a, it's a shame. No, it's not a shame. Mike Airman Trout has always been here, by the way.

I'm just having him block the maker of my computer. Now that I know where you stand, what should we put on the wall to fix it? Glad you asked. Everything that was there before. Just put it exactly. It looked good. No, I'm not going back.

Well, if you want to do a wall of stickers, I might ask if we're trying to look like an Applebee's. Oh, like a TGIF Friday. TGIF Friday. Couldn't have said it better. PGI Friday. I mean, good for you. You eat there and you know what it's called. I have no fucking clue. But I know that they have a bunch of stuff on their walls. Yeah. This is going to become an Applebee.

No, it's not. Not at all. We're not putting any water skis. We're not putting any road signs. We're not putting any black and white hockey pictures or baseball pictures always before the color barrier was broken by the way. Because those chains are racist. Hey, listen, ma'am. It's all about the finished product. The company culture remains strong. The workplace is just taking a hit. Okay. Well, see, well, let, hey, this is in construction. The chairs, the chairs, nice chair, just too low. I was used to high. I was low. The chairs are too low.

Okay. And we have yet to mention that the chairs eat things. Yeah, ate my phone the other day for like, read, I came in. Like, there's, there's not a cushion that comes off this chair, right? Mouthful of strawberries. 1-800flowers.com. Actually a really good opportunity for a corporate partnership. Guys, I mean, we only mentioned you eight times.

Beat an entire bushel of strawberries. Sure, he's berries. Listen, here's the deal. The chairs just don't drop your phone in there. They're not coming out if you drop phones in there. There's a cushion. The cushion doesn't come out of the chair, which is why I think it was so cheap when I bought it.

I thought it was a bargain. This thing eats phones. I had cowboy reading here trying to retrieve it. He was pinned under the chair like the chair was attacking him. He had a screwdriver. He was trying to reach around. He was trying to reach around on the bottom of the chair to unscrew the bottom. These things swivel.

That's a plus. The other ones did too. Yeah, that's the thing. Us being lower has screwed up the entire set. When we were up higher, a good foot, it worked. Everything worked. It just doesn't work. You know what?

I'll get you a phone book, short guy. Short guy. Yeah. I got a 16. of an inch on you, playboy. I also have a Michelle Fyfer poster in the air as we speak. Everybody has the, every, whoof, woof, whiff, misogynistic meathead has fucking Tony Montana snort and coke on their wall.

Like, oh, this is the coolest poster, not this podcast. You approve of that, huh? Michelle Fyfer poster from the motion picture scarface. We're going to be different. Dare to be different. Dare to respect women. Dare to respect our lovely wives. dare to get that garbage out of every college dorm room

most overrated movie in history and it's damn sure not going to be represented that way on our pod as the father of a daughter I'd like the old setback okay also quick shout out to tree pollen I can really respect what you guys are doing I gotta give respect where respect is due everybody to your point is feeling like novel coronavirus is not ongoing the weather's good we're getting out nah

tree pollen to the throat You're going to think you have COVID for about six hours. The map yesterday here in Virginia, I told you it looked like Florida on election night. You didn't get the reference. What I mean was the entire thing was red. There was no yellow. There was no green. Pollin is having a career week.

I still don't understand. So pollen appears as red on maps? The worst of pollen is. Generally like anything, like a headache. If you watch TV sometimes and they do a commercial, it's like, this is where your headache is. The redder it is, it's the worst. And over that map, same thing.

Same thing goes for maps. Code Red, R.E. pollen. Yeah, dude. So be careful out there. I thought about doing a meme, which is not advisable. Like D-Day, D-Day being tree pollen, Normandy being my throat. And everybody else's throat. I mean, that's what it was like yesterday.

Man, you are boned up on your history. You knew this Jeopardy was coming. I mean, who doesn't know? What day was D-Day? It's in June. I have no idea. It's the sixth one. It's in June?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's good. See? What year was it? 1944? Yeah, I said it first. Idiot.

Fucking slow idiot. You're going to need to be faster than that when we do Jeopardy. Do we have buzzers? Because, you know, all it takes is somebody to get hot. Do we have buzzers? I'm sure we have buzzers, dude. check out the budget on this show. You hear about it all the time on SVP's midnight show.

We got a bigger budget than them. We got buzzers. Not just braving that, the last 24. We've talked about this, my first day with Invisaline. I'm just going to tell you it's been a rough ride. I take them out for the pod. I know some people are listening. You have to put them on as much as possible if you want it to work.

Well, that's not what the dentist told me. He knows I have a moderately successful podcast. His last name, Crentice. by any chance? Nope. I'm not gonna docks my dentist. But suffice to say, like at your workplace, what would it feel like if somebody had walked up

and was like, man, your smile is ugly? That would hurt my feelings. My self-esteem would plummet. Playing in the NFL, that's not a big deal. And for years, you know, we just make fun of our appearances. For me, if you were gonna make fun of my appearance, the first thing you might go to would be either my long nose, which is my face is filled out,

as an adult to fit the long nose. When I was 13, it looked like a beak. Hey, you've got a long nose, long ears, long eyes, long mouth, long teeth. Do you get it? Do you get the joke? I get the joke. But the problem is my teeth, whatever length they are,

they're going in every which way. And they're overcrowded. And quite frankly, I fucking hate them. And my buddies used to make fun of me. And I'm not real sensitive, but I was like, you know, they got a point. I used to make about his teeth. He went and fixed him.

You know what fixing him is. You got the veneers. Now he's got the pearly white smile. I actually consulted somebody who was going to replace my teeth. And I'm so glad that they told me my teeth are too fucked up for veneers. Like legitimately when a dentist is like, yeah, we could just shortcut this thing and throw the veneers on. But your teeth are really fucked up. They're really out of alignment.

So maybe the best thing for you is braces or Invisaline. and I have flirted with making this decision for five years. I've finally done it. Well, good for you. All right. I guess where I, as a person who was not born with good teeth. Do you see your teeth?

No, they're fine. They're better than mine. Well, let's take it back to 1997 when you're the new kid at your new school. And, um, we got to reset your jaw before we put the,

uh, put the, we reset the palette. They broke your jaw? No, we reset the palette. Like we had to unscrew, we had to widen the two front teeth before we could start over with the braces. All I'm saying is I'd had rather waited 20 some odd years for the better technology than to be the new kid at school with stray hand gap. Yeah, yeah.

Then the braces, like years long experience. And I looked over one day to see Redacted, literally drawing a picture of. of me, a caricature. Of your teeth? Yes. That is just, and you know who you are if you listen to pop. You remember doing that. But I never care.

I was just like, you know what, you're right? I do, like I never liked my teeth and I think I'm going to fix them. Like, people say, when I tell them, of course, they wouldn't say anything else, but your teeth aren't bad. You've got a nice smile. The teeth are bad, guys. Okay. The teeth could use some improvement, and the teeth will be improved in 37 weeks.

That's what they say. The pros, obviously straight teeth. I won't be biting my fingernails as much. That's a positive. Doesn't really work with the Invisaline in. Drinking less soda. You're not supposed to drink soda within. You drink soda?

Sometimes I drink soda to get up for these pods, you know? Really? Yeah. That's unhealthy. Yes, Sprite. Okay. Yeah, but I'm doing a little bit less of it. The positive about not cutting your fingernails is you can get that cocaine.

cocaine. That cocaine pinky finger thing going. You know that thing? No, I'm not familiar. A lot of cocaine users and neither of us have honestly used cocaine. Hey, can I get that bump? The point of the cocaine finger being a positive is, I know what you're thinking. It has nothing to do with usage. It has everything to do with finding out who's doing cocaine. Because if I can just grow one long cocaine finger, any party I go to when this thing opens back up, people are going to be like, hey man, you want a bump? I think you do cocaine. You know, Bob. Bob Ross had a Coke pinky? No.

He's on, there's a bobblehead here. And people for the longest time thought Bob Ross was, was on cocaine. But actually, Bob Ross was just a master in his craft. They don't have it in the bobblehead. Painters use that fingernail to actually scrape the paint off. So like Bob Ross was at Gailas and like Stevie Nix was like, hey, you want to hit the bathroom? And he was like, I don't follow. I'm a painter.

So, yeah, that's a pro for me. A con would be how many minor head colds am I going to get? Because I got to take these things out before I eat and germs D-Day, these bad boys. I got to put them back in my mouth. I woke up this morning. The top ones were on the nightstand. I did it in my sleep. That's going to be a problem.

You'll get used to them. This will be great. You could be a dentist. Well, congratulations. Thank you. I appreciate it. Well, don't congratulate me yet. We've got a, yes.

year build ahead of us. This is like I'm introductory press conference at like Ball State. I don't know if they're bad, but I assume my teeth, Ball State. I like you as God made you. But we'll take the new and improved

reconstructed you as well. Talking about a profession that sees a lot of invisible line customers. I know we have some hockey on the show today. I think it's time to head to the ice. Let's check it out. Let's check it Check out. Check it out.

Okay, so the house is not clean yet. Housekeeping continues, hockey housekeeping. Did you see the Wayne Gretzky video I posted? I did. Big win for hockey. I had no idea that Wayne Gretzky was that fast. Literally, somebody made a joke about Wayne Gretzky saying, it's a marathon, not a sprint, in relation to the baseball season.

And I thought I was being cool and making a joke. And I was like, the irony about that joke is I've never seen Wayne Gretzky run skater for a living, right? Seven dudes. You didn't see him in 1982 running that 100 meter against Pele, Bjorn Borg and some other fucking guy. I don't know who it was. Sugar Ray Leonard, bro.

Sure, Ray Leonard. I'm sorry, I couldn't read. I just learned about this last night. Did you know about this? No. Twitter has conditioned me to feel stupid as fuck for not knowing that before I was born, Wayne Gretzky smoked three other professional athletes in 100 meter dash. Uncomfortably fast.

Uncomfortably quick out of the gate. It's like he might have cheated. So Pele, I did a little dig in. He was 42 at the time. And our boy, Bjorn Borg, the furthest he's ever run is just 15 yards back and forth. He's a cutting guy, not a running straight. Allie to alley. I feel like this was a hockey propaganda thing.

Baseline to net. Exactly. Back to baseline. Back to net. Doubles. I mean, Gretzky smoked them. So plus one hockey. I want to be fair when it's fair.

I want to be fair and balanced. Hockey plus one. But then this same week that I find out, there's a hockey player who went on IR this week. And I'm not blaming him because maybe it was a bad break. But he went on IR over a broken finger. Now, I've heard all the stories from hockey fans, and this just doesn't add up.

This just doesn't pair with all your tough guy pot. Staping. Broken finger? Tape it to the next one. Stick it in one of the finger holes. Just get a glove with a double finger hole. Problem solved. And to make matters worse for hockey, just when you think you're up, and then this finger thing happens the same week, there was an MMA fighter or a kickboxing fighter.

One of these guys who fights in a cage this last weekend in PA lost his finger in the fight. fight. They could not find the guy's finger. They were asking the 2,500 people in attendance to help look for the finger. Like they had no idea where it was. It was in the guy's glove all along. Oh, geez. But I think the guy was super casual about it. So again, the same week we got a hockey player and I are, we got an MMA player who loses his finger in the ring. And I'm pretty sure he said something like, I can finish the fight. You see how that finger makes twists and turns? I'm sure there's a harrowing tail behind it.

Well, twice broke and once dislocated in the same incident. And the softball team's decued if I don't finish the game. So I go up there and draw a walk while I am in excruciating pain. Get to first base. Then I check out. Boom, hospital. Like you see Bobby Orr do that. I lied.

Didn't even go to the hospital. Bobby Orr would have gone to the hospital. Bobby Orr would have gone to the emergency room probably. Hawke was a couple doors down and said I'll splint that up. Another bad look for hockey this week. Brooks Kepka, I don't know what the injury was, but it was bad. He's still golfing. And hot seat hockey is the toughest stick sport.

I'm just saying, one step forward, two steps back. That's what it feels like for hockey this week. Just when you think you got a W. Speaking of Ws, the St. Louis Blues. I got to make sure and see if they've, yep, they got to win. Congratulations to St. Louis Blues. St. Louis Blues were riding a six, seven game losing streak. I lost track.

The last time they won, I mentioned this the other day to read, was when Virginia and Ohio were playing in the tournament. That's a long time for them to just win last night, Wednesday night. You're two nights ago. They're on the green. Fade. We're here. It's golf time.

Hook. All that stuff, slice. Straight down the middle. The bit is over. We know golf now. And the Masters is going on as we speak. We have a little green light pod pool here. Cowboy Reed's got some action.

Macon's got some action. I got some action. We got five dudes we picked. And what are the rules of this game? Don't tell us who you picked Reed. We're going to reveal that to Michael Collins here in a moment. But what are the rules? Rules are you add the lowest score of all five-year golfers by hole and the low score between us wins.

I'm going to win. I don't even know a couple of the people that I picked probably. And I didn't understand any of that. I don't think you were, it's just hope your golfers do well. Okay. And we also, as I mentioned, have Michael Collins, the ESPN caddy, for those of you who are just surface level golf fans. Obviously, we've been waiting to talk shop with Michael Collins for a while. and the Masters is finally here.

So without further ado, let's get Michael Collins on. He's down there in Georgia right now. All right, so the backstory is Michael Collins is a guy that I've met at the Espeas and is so cool. And as a guy that knows nothing about golf, little old me, the Masters are coming up. I need a guess and I'm thinking Michael Collins will be great.

I look, I realize he follows me. He actually remembers who I am. And I shot of a message here. He's making a message. I shot of a message who said, anything you need. so let's give Michael Collins a round of applause here he's he's at augusta national he's got a phone Mike how do you but look don't we don't me what he's phone what are you talking about shut up listen here here's the deal yeah there's a reason I was cool at the espies freaking out

just a little bit I'm you have to forgive me if I fanboyed out just a little bit so full disclosure just so everybody in case everybody's questioning it oh look at that oh there it is Look at that tat. Look at that tat. He's got the underdog. He was holding this. That's spectacular. Why the 34?

That was always my number because I was a big fan of Walter Payton and Kirby Puckett when I was a little kid. So, you know, shaped like Kirby Puckett and I always wanted to be like Walter Pate. And I ended up doing stand-up comedy. So I was neither pretty much athletically. So this is the thing. I mean, like for the people that have seen Michael Collins on TV, TV, you know the back story. He's got one of the most interesting stories in sports to me because you're a stand-up comedian, which takes rare talent, and it takes balls. And then you go from that

to telling golfers how far away the hole is, which can be nerve-wracking too. What's scarier? Actually, the caddion's more scary because I'm not in control once the player gets ready to hit the shot. See, I'm in total control on stage with the microphone. I'm, I decide what comes out of my mouth, what facial expressions I make, like where the inflections are, how I pause during the hitting the punchline and all that. When you're a caddy, you're the vice president, man. Ain't nobody want to hear from you after the round is over. No one is like, hey, good playing. Can we go talk to your caddy about how awesome you were on the board?

So that was one of the things I loved about it, but it was also, I'll tell you what, the first time that I ever pulled a club out of a player's hands, because I didn't agree with what he was hitting, I almost threw up. You know, here's the best way to describe it. It would be like you think you see something on the offense and you call a different defense. And then you're like, did I really see that? Oh, man, what if they're not really running?

I just called a run defense because I think they went into a run formation when we originally had a pass defense called. Yeah. And if this dude throws a pass, I am an asshole. And then there's also the whole thing of, Like the awkwardness, if the player that you're caddying, and I always wonder how you guys go about this, just fucks the shot up and looks at you. Like, are you like, hey, dude, that was you. You didn't hit the club correctly.

See, here's the deal. As a caddy, though, as a caddy, you don't do that. Like, caddies, our job is to take the hit. There's a code. I'll never forget. Yeah, there is. I never forget. I was caddying for Kevin Strumman in Hartford.

Yeah. And we were talking about what the wind was doing. And I told him what the wind direction was doing. and he hits the shot and turns and tells me that it was wrong. You know, the wind wasn't doing that, blah, blah. And I'm like, yeah, I got it, man. I know, I know, let's get this up and down, no biggie. And then he gets it up and down.

We're walking over to number 16, and he looks back at the flag and sees the flag doing what I said it was supposed to be doing. And he looks over me and goes, hey, man, I'm sorry, it wasn't your fault. You got the win, right? And I stopped and put the bag down. And I was like, don't you ever effing apologize to me on the golf course again, ever when we're in the middle of playing. And he goes, okay, it was like I slapped him in a face.

And he goes, okay, because I'm like, I don't want you to think that you can make mistakes on the golf course mentally. Yeah. You know, if something goes wrong, we both know it was you, but outwardly, you got to be, have that bravado like, man, that was your fault, not my fault. That's a lot like my co-host here. He always makes me feel good. Were you about to say that?

Well, I feel Michael's career as his stand-up comedy. to my real estate. Yeah, yeah, he's a real estate agent, by the way. He does this on the side. He's just got a lot of skill. And Caddy is celebrity podcasters, co-hosts. Yeah, and your job is to make me feel like I'm not an asshole, and I'm often an asshole.

Here's the difference. Michael, let's say the champ at the Masters is bringing home a cool 2-mill this week. What's the caddies cut? Let's get down to brass tax years. 10%. So the way that the pay were, people always think it's 10% across the board, but that's not how it works.

So caddies get a regular weekly paycheck because caddies have to pay all their own expenses. Airfare, hotel, rental car, food, that's all on the caddy. So they get a weekly paycheck from the player. And then you get a percentage of what the player wins if they make the cut. And it's normally the base is 10% for a win, 7% for a top 10, and 5% for the, for everything else. But that number is negotiated between every player and caddy. There's no such thing as a contract between player and caddy.

I got fired on a Thursday after the first round by a player's wife because he wouldn't come out of a locker room because he was afraid we were going to fight and he knew he was going to lose. Right? So like there's no, but you can also say, okay, look, I'll take a, let me have instead of 1,500 a week, let me have 2,500 a week. and only pay me 7% across the board. Right.

So 7% no matter what we win. Right. But like this week, player who wins is going to win probably $1.8 million, $1.7 million. So the caddy's going to make $170,000 to $180,000 plus their weekly pay. You're picking up negotiating tips, aren't you? That'll play.

That'll play. Golf. I know it's a golf term. It's a golf term. We know our golf well here, Michael. Michael, so we know golf well, but we also know that one thing we know about golf is that people like to party too, you know, like the night before they play golf. How many guys are hung over on the course?

Let me ask you a question, man. None? Brow, look, if I'm telling you... What about the caddies? Same thing. So if you're the pro golfer and you know that tomorrow we're going to try and win $2 million, you ain't partying the night before because you know the other guys are not partying the night before.

Do you want the dude who's giving you advice and carrying a bag? You want him hungover standing next to you? Maybe that's a problem because on a lot of my football teams, I saw coaches staggering back into the hotel. And effectively, head coaches and coordinators are our caddies, and they're drunk the night before. Yeah, but here's the thing. They don't have to make tackles or throw passes and nothing like that.

Where the caddy, I'm standing right there with you. Right. Like when you say, hey, man, what's this putt going to do? Right? Yeah. If I'm like, Oh, which hole are we on?

That ain't gonna go well, man. And I'm not, now here's the funny thing. The irony is it didn't used to be the way that it is now. Okay. That's the old school, old school, I mean, there was, we had a caddy, one of my buddies who since passed away.

His nickname was asbestos. He was asbestos because he was fireproof. This dude would be so hammered. He would miss tea times. He would show up drunk. Like there was one time in Hawaii when his players on the first tee and he still sleep in the bushes and just got up. Let's go.

And once he was on the course, he was just money. But you wouldn't want to stand there. It's funny because, yeah, you could catch the waft and then you might be like, I'm thinking about the clubhouse after I win this thing. Same thing with a caddy named shitty. Caddy name shitty. He had a nickname shitty. Yeah, because he actually.

He had an accident on the train going to the Open Championship, and he thought he had extra rain fans with him, and he only had a rain jacket, so he gets off the train. And he's got the rain jacket, one leg in each arm. He's got the thing held up. Is that the worst nickname in caddy history? Greatest one. Well, no, because I mean, so one of the caddies' nickname is due north,

because back when it was illegal, his player said, what's the wind doing? And he pulled a compass out. and was holding the compass. So his nickname was due north. And then the same guy got another nickname because he kicked the ball in the pairway. So from then on, he was known as Pele.

And that's really good. And that's cheating. And we had a mention of Pele earlier in the pod. I wonder, you said that's a new school, that's old school. We had Hunter Pence on from the MLB last week. And he was talking about how sometimes breaking out of a slump, you just go and scramble your brain and get drunk.

So I just wondered if, and knowing a little bit about, like, back in the day, I mean, John Daly, bringing the house down and then going and playing golf, right? Of course, yeah. Yeah, but, you know, how's he doing now? He'll be, like, breaking down a lot now. Yeah, and I love John. He's my boy.

I can't tell you how many times I've had to drive him back to his bus and then Uber to wherever hotel I was staying at because we were having, like, he was having fun. So I was like, all right, I'm going to be a responsible one and make sure you get home okay, you know. Give me the best party city that you. you see on the tour and you're like, oh yeah, I can't wait to go there. Even for dinner. Like even to see people.

You don't have to drink, but like that people, if you're going to a golf event, is it waste management? Is that like the best time for a golf fan? Well, for a fan, there's two tournaments you have to go to as a fan. You've got to go to the Masters. Yeah. Because the Masters is literally like going to church on Easter Sunday or Christmas Eve. It's that hollowed ground and like everyone's dressed their nicest and on their best behavior.

And then you've got to go to waste management Phoenix Open because that is a combination of the hangover, Bachelor party, Animal House, and Wedding Crashers. And good golf. But see, there's 100,000 people that go to that tournament and maybe 15,000 actually watch golf. The rest are there, the party and have a good time. Sounds like the Super Bowl kind of. Yeah. And there's a party across the street in the tent that every night is just,

thumping. So you basically walk right from the golf course to the tent party, and it is debauchery. Okay, so wife alert here. If our lovely wives are listening to the pod, what Michael's saying is not true. We just want to go out to the desert and watch some golf. It has nothing to do with the party. And we want to go see the waste management open. It's been on my bucket list my whole life. Speaking of parties, where are you on rowdy galleries? Are you rolling your eyes at getting the hole in Baba Booie? or are you all for? That's not a rowdy hole. That's just yelling out to try and make sure your friends hear you're on TV.

That part of it's stupid. That part of it's really stupid. I like when people are creative, if you're going to yell something to get heard by your friends, like I heard one guy yell, yelling random things so my friends hear me. Like that was, even the golfers laugh, right? When you hear something like that.

Don't yell something that everyone's already doing. You got to do something very unique. But that being said, the problem with doing stuff like that is you have to pick the right moment. And normally people who are going to do that have had a few drinks. And then as is most the case when you've been drinking a little too much, your timing is off. And in comedy, timing, timing is everything. Right. Like so if you start to say something before the guy even makes contact with the ball, now you're messing up the golfer.

And now I got chop you in the neck. I got chop you in the throat so you don't say no right now it's a problem you got you ain't going to see no more golf but it's not cool to do but that being said a whole like 16 at waste management or even 17 at the players championship where it's a party atmosphere but when the players get ready to hit everyone is paying attention and it's like all right ready and then as soon as the balls you contact god and there's gambling going on there was plenty of times where there was the tournament and Colonial had the 13th hole, they had the caddy races. And people would in the stands. And it was so famous, the tournament had a T-shirt made. People would gamble on which caddy was going to get to the green first.

And they would be cheering the caddies on as they're walking from the T-box to the 13th green. And we got into it as caddies and we would have the lead and then we'd slow down, put the bag down, tire shoe, and people would lose their mind. So, I mean, there are times when players

and stuff would get into it. Tiger's old caddy was a walking motherfucker, wasn't he? He could walk fast, couldn't he? Tiger's old caddy. Stevie? Yeah, Steve. He had a,

the calves on that guy. If you look very closely and you match his gate up to the lost Bigfoot tape, real close. Dude, I'm telling you. Real close how long that dude's stride was. But my wife used to tell me

when I was caddy in full time that like my stride, I would take off and be like, what are you walking so slow for? you know because it's that tempo because the gallery the gallery you don't have to give them what they want let's talk about this weekend real quick

you played with one of my old peers yesterday or you did something with Patrick Holmes how's his game for my show America's Caddy me and Patrick might we might have something

coming out for the next episode of America's Caddy which I'm telling you this right now I want you to be on one of my shows at some point let me get good quid pro quo. Let me get go. No, we don't got to play.

No, I'm not good. Man, I'm not as good as good. Patrick's a better golfer than me. We didn't, we just talked and hit some shots and stuff. If we're going to play, I'm a 15 handicap. I'll play with you, man. But you said Patrick is good. If you did something with him, allegedly, you guys have something.

Yeah, he's a 7.7 handicap. So he's got some mad game. There are, I'm surprised it now. I shouldn't say I'm surprised. I am surprised at how good athletes who are still playing and competing for a job or at playing golf. Because it used to be the guys who got real good, they were good after they were done playing. But the dudes now, you know, Patrick, Steph Curry, them dudes, they got mad game right now. And if you watch The Last Dance, you know that every once in a while, a Danny Aange or Michael Jordan during the Eastern Conference finals might meet up.

up to gamble on some golf. So it's always been an athlete's DNA to want to dabble in that in that beautiful game you guys play. It hasn't hit me yet. I live in a golf course here in Charlottesville, and it's right across the street. I'm going to have to get it done. I want to- Hey, look, I'm just going to tell you, though, I'm warning you, if you, like, once you go over there and once it hits you, bitch, I tell you, it's more addicting than heroin. And at least with heroin, there's an 800 number you could call when you want to quit. There's no 8-0. number for golf. There ain't.

Hello? Yeah, I'm going to go play 36. No, no, sit down. Let's talk. Maybe you just hit half a bucket at the driving range. There's something in between. So we didn't do a Calcutta exactly, but do you know, my producer here, Cowboy Reed, making myself, we did the pick five golfers thing. I want to read you our groups.

And what were the rules there, Cowboy Reed? So you get one player in the... player in the top six, one player seven through 12, then 13 through 25, 26 to 50, 51. Yeah. So Cowboy Reed had Dustin Johnson, Patrick Cantlay. Yeah, Can't Lay. Billy Horshiel. Yep.

Kevin Kistner and Gary Woodland. Who do you like best out of that group? Who's the best value pick for Cowboy Reed? Value pick? Yeah. Well, DJ is the defending champ. now that that weight is off of his chest, fantastic. But Kevin Kisner is a Georgia dude who absolutely loves this place and can roll the rock.

So, he's real, yeah, he's real quiet. Woodland hasn't done a whole lot since he won the U.S. Open, although he's one of my favorite people out here in the whole world where I love all of those guys to death. But I would say DJ and Kisner, those are the two money guys for him. All right. So my five, which I don't have written down. Reed, you want to read my five in a totally ass-backwards format here? Chris is five.

John Rom, Tony Fienow, Tommy Fleetwood, Max Homa, and Bubba Watson. You're going to kill all of them, bro. You got, let me, so here's the deal. Golf no-nor. I know, bro. I don't know who you paid off to get those names. But so my pick to win for ESP.com was due. on Monday at noon.

And Monday morning at 8 o'clock, I still didn't know who I was going to pick. I had a bunch of dudes that I was trying to decide over. And Rahm just had his baby on Sunday. And he had told people before this week, before he said, don't bet on me because if my wife goes into labor, I'm leaving. I'm not staying for the masters.

I don't care what place I'm in. And now they have the baby on Sunday. Monday morning, I wake up, see the day they've had the baby, and I'm still trying to think, like, who am I going to pick? and for some reason Rocky, too, the movie came into my head and I couldn't get it out of my head. In that scene where Adrian wakes up from the coma, Rocky comes in the room, they bring the baby in,

so they see the baby for the first time, the Rocky's like, hey, if you want me to stop fighting this, they won't have to fight this boy, you know. And she goes, come here, I want you to do something for me. Come in. She looks at him, she goes, win, win. It still gives me goosebumps. Yeah.

And I was like, I got my winner because I know, like, John Rahm and Kelly are good friends of mine. They were so excited about having his first baby boy. And yet he's one of those guys being from Spain. He can run real hot. But he's going to be so exhausted and so happy that he's got his baby boy. Mama and baby are very healthy and doing fantastic that he's coming here thinking it's free money. Instead of thinking, I'm trying to win my first major. Right.

So like John Rom's a dude, I picked the win. Tony Fienow, another guy who's played spectacular around this. place, even though he hasn't won, he has played really good here. So, like, you're, the five guys in your lineup, Max Homer's another one. Like, consistent golfing, and yeah, and one of the most fun guys on social media that's out there. One of my favorite do is the follow on Twitter, because he rips other people when they send them golf video. I love that. I love that. And I think it's great for the game, too, like to have somebody who, like, gets in the mix that way. Yes. You know, yeah. Don't take it seriously.

Yeah. Make, who you got? Chris is here in my list for the first time. That's right. We did this separately. I didn't hear reads either. Are you ready? John Rom.

Fuck you. Zander Shoffley. Tony Fee now. Cam Smith. Jason Day. Oh, man. Bobbing it sideways. Like you won the whole thing.

Because Michael's about to say that you were actually a new leader in the clubhouse. Um, well. two of the dudes see here's the thing everybody's hot on cam smith right now

right and yeah he's playing some good golf I don't necessarily know that I trust them around here and who was the other guy after cam smith Jason day

see good value if his back is okay yeah you didn't hear about the bad this is the problem this is the problem with j day who in another guy. I love him to death. He's one of my favorite people in the whole world, but his back can be amazing one day, and the next day, he gone. He just, he just can't turn. Yeah, he gone. Like, so.

We're going to turn on TV Saturday. I hope not. I hope not. Yeah, that's what I mean. I want him to be healthy, but Makin, you probably didn't hear about the back thing. I just, I do a lot of reading. Jason Day is one of those, yeah, he's one of those guys who just, he's got a really touch and go back. and it just started to get a little better, so his consistency hasn't necessarily been there right now. And it's also a dude who lives in Columbus, Ohio, during the winter. So he ain't getting a whole lot of outdoor practice. That's interesting.

He's talking about practice. What an interesting career choice. Well, it's because his wife is from up there. Okay. She runs the show. Yeah, well, that's how it goes. Hey, at Augusta, same. With these get-ups, we're putting caddies in, what do you wear underneath?

It depends on the temperature. You know, Stevie would never wear a t-shirt underneath and always have a zip a little bit. I'm like, what do you think you, 70s playgirl? Let's stop with that. It's a taco mate. I know, come on, bro. Welcome to 1970s, brown, chicka-bown, like zip that thing up. What's doing?

Most of the time, here's the best part about this place, too. The caddies are probably taking care of better here than any of, other place on tour or at any other major. Maybe the U.S. Open because they have massage therapists there and hyperbaric chambers for the caddies. But the caddies have their own locker room here. So when they get here to work, like they change out of their clothes and have like usually running shorts underneath, the athletic shorts and a t-shirt and then you put that

jumpsuit on, you know? And if it gets real, real hot, then you don't necessarily need the shorts. You can just go draws. Yeah. So you got, it's like, right, it's like second to space suit as far as like things that look hot on TV. I mean, just just incredibly. And it looks toasty at some of those tournaments. And here, you want to hear something awesome.

So the player, when you win the masters, he only gets to take the jacket off property for the year that he's the defending champ. Oh, wow. So like this time, Dustin only got the jacket from November. If he doesn't win again this weekend, he got to leave the jacket here. So all the winners of the masters, their jackets stay. The caddy, when you win, you get to keep the jumpsuit and the flag from 18 for life. It's actually hot take here. It's better to be a caddy than a golfer.

All right. So I want to ask you about one guy here that's a hot. It's always a hot name. But this weekend, people think it's like a cagey thing to do is bet Jordan Speath, right? Like he hasn't won a lot lately. He was a guy who I heard about last week. Well, last week. So he played last week, which is, from my understanding, somebody who knows golf told me the guy had been in a slump.

A lot of guys who are like him don't play the week before. What goes into making that decision and why don't guys want to play the week before? Well, a lot of guys want to get here a couple of days early to get ready. But a lot of guys, they like to play into shape. So some guys like Jordan who had not been playing good, he needed tournament reps to like feel good and be in a good place. And that's exactly what he got. And slowly but surely, even before the Valero Texas Open, you could see his game was starting to trend in the right direction.

Now, somebody here on this show may have found a parlay for 125 to 1 on Jordan winning both Valero and the master's. Oh, my God. Because the last time it was done was Phil Mickelson won the week. before at TPC Sugarloaf in Duluth, Georgia, and then came over here and won. That was in 2006. But Jordan is one of those guys when he gets hot. He can stay hot for a while. So he's one of those dudes that now that it's clicked again, he even says he's not, he's not where he was in 2015, but he's going there. And to be able to win already and then come to a place where he loves and has won before.

That's why he went from, it's funny, last November, after the Masters, you could have probably gotten Jordan at over 100 to 1. I know he was over 85 to 1 to win the Masters this April.

When this tournament started, he was the favorite at 10 to 1. I'm gonna tell you who I bet knowing nothing about shit this morning. I bet Rom, so that was a good bet, right? Yeah. I bet Vijay Singh.

Like, just because I'm, it's a running joke here. I was like, He's one of the only golfers I knew for the longest time. Seven over through 16 at the time of this interview. Is it fucking Thursday or is it Thursday? Is it Thursday?

T83 for BJ. Let me tell you something. BJ probably not going to be playing on seven. Well, BJ's got the green jacket. He had to bring it back after a year. He is probably underrated one of the funniest guys on the PGA tour and one of the most loved by other tour pros. Okay. Okay.

That's good. He does not. He hates the media. So the media tried to paint him as a really. bad guy, but it's the complete opposite. I love the guy to death. He's absolutely hilarious, and he is loved by the dude, the players and caddies out on tour. You hear that? VJ. Singh, my guy, dude. My guy, maybe one day, you put it in a good word for us. Maybe one day we can get them on the show. All right. So I want to take a hard right turn to finish here, man.

All right. You know, the Lee Elder, it's like dropping the first puck, you know, in hockey I'm learning. It's the third shot or how does that work? The ceremonial first shot, it basically, it starts to tournament. And so for a long time, it was Jack Nicholas, Gary, Player, and Arnold Palmer. And when Arnold Palmer passed away, there was only Jack Nicholas and Gary Player. So the backstory is, and this is something I haven't told anybody before. Last year at Paines Valley, I was with Jack Nicholas and Gary Player for the opening of this Tigers course up there in Branson, Missouri. And Gary and I started, we were, me, Gary and Jack were talking about the Masters and stuff. And Gary brought it up. He was like,

You know what we need to do? We need to have Lee Elder be out there and be with us and hit that ceremonial first shot too because it would be the right thing to do for golf. And don't you know, then probably six months later, there's an announcement comes down that Lee Elder is going to be out there for that ceremonial first shot. And why that matters is the Masters for a long time had rules in place to kind of make sure, and even one of the guys who ran this place said for as long as he was in charge, the players were going to be white and the caddies were going to be black right and in 1974 the

masters made a rule that if you won a tournament that got you into the masters well lee elder won a tournament in 1974 which got him into the masters in 1975 which is why i got this hat on oh wow so lee elder today on the first tee there were all a bunch of these hats out there and it was step curry and his company that made these hats And so you're going to see a bunch of NBA guys run out onto the court tonight wearing these hats. And this is the saying from Leelder. Stay the course is what it says. And what that means, and it's still very true today, is that we ain't there yet when it comes to golf being completely open and embracing to everyone.

We're not there yet, but stay the course. Slowly but surely it's happening. So the fact that Leelder was on that first tee, Jack Nicholas and Gary player for that ceremonial first shot. It mattered a lot. And this is how far Augusta National and the Masters has come.

The Masters in Augusta National actually have funded the golf program at Payne College here in Augusta and HBCU. They have Lee Elder in his name, a scholarship for a man, a man

and a woman for that golf team. Paying college doesn't even have a women's golf team yet. They've never had one. And Augusta is paying for it. So they're going to have a women's golf team and then someone's going to go to college for free under Lee Elder's name from Augusta and the master. So I know there are a lot of people out there. And I've, you know, I had this conversation with people a lot about, you know, it took them so long and why are they waiting and they have it.

They do everything slow. And I, you know, my response is always this. there's never a wrong time to do the right thing. And if you're doing the right thing and going in the right direction, God bless you. And now it's our job to not be grumpy and sit there with our arms crossed all pissy and be like, yeah, now it's our job to be like, okay, cool, what else are we doing? Let's go. Let's keep going. Let's keep going.

And so that's why I love the fact that Lee has that same state of course on the side of the hat. but it was for legacy-wise and history-wise, what happened this morning on that first T to start the 2021 Masters off was there aren't many, how many opportunities do we have to be standing somewhere when a goosebumps moment happens? And I got to stand there as a goosebumps moment happened. It was pretty awesome.

And with your perspective, I would imagine it's pretty powerful with everything you've seen and lived and been, I think what's really cool is you do a great job of, I mean, not only is it really important to me as somebody who's watching, and, you know, I think golf's cool and I want it to grow, and I think, like, obviously, you want everybody to have an opportunity, but, you know, when people are watching ESPN, they see your face talking about golf.

I think that's super cool. And I think, like, you probably don't want to to tweet your own horn, but your personality, your charisma, and then also you're being like, look at me. I love this game, and, you know, And, you know, the more than merrier, let's, let's get everybody a chance to play. And it's a great game. Yeah.

That's one of the things that I love that ESPN has given me this opportunity, you know, and that they trusted me enough to put me on TV and give me my own show, you know, America's Caddy on ESPN Plus. And, you know, that I was doing stuff on ESPN.com for a while. It's, it's important that people see someone who looks like me and sounds like me, that they never saw doing this before so that other people can go, oh, wait, I can do that job? Like, I didn't even know that that job was available for me to do

because I've never seen anybody that talks a little bit different and, you know, looks at golf a little bit different and then looks like him. So, but, you know, it's also proof positive. I think ESPN was like, well, we got to put some ugly fat dude on TV. And you'll give Mike. Don't sell yourself short, man, in that in that, in that button. You got, man. What do you got?

Fireworks on that thing? No, it's flowers for the springtime, man. This is the beginning of spring. Is this, okay. The azaleas. The azaleas got it. Hey, you know, we mentioned this earlier, but we ordered an azalea bonzai just for the masters.

Last question before we get you out of here, because I know you got golf. There's azaleas right there. There we go. Those are the real azaleas. So we got the real azaleas on the pod now. Well, and that symmetry of the salt and pepper and that beard is something to be hold. It's something. Somebody asked me one time if I color it that way on purpose.

No, it's just dope. It looks like a tea. It's a tea. You're like a create a caddy. If you could create a caddy, the way I learned about Tiger Woods, like about golf was Tiger Woods. Like I used to be watching TV and be like, why didn't he just adjust the pitch on his club to just make it stop right when it hits the green,

like the video game? If I could create a caddy, I would create you, Mike. So last question. We just talked about, you know, Lee Elder hitting the ball off the tea and that great tradition at the Masters and what that meant. 25, 30 years from now. I'm assuming it's Tiger Woods. Phil Mickelson, who's the third that's going to be hitting the ball off the T

at the Masters? Oh, man, good question. Maybe like Ernie Ells. Either Ernie Ells or somebody, see, Westwood, he's got to win a green jacket to be able to do it. Because, I mean, it's going to be someone who has a green jacket in order to be able to hit that shot. You know what the who 20 years from now being friends with Gary Player?

that dude might still be around. Yeah. He's in better shape than all of us. After the ceremonial shot, he ran around the first team, just low five in people, just running around, hammered the T shot when he hit it out there. It was crazy. He was awesome. So, yeah, that's a great question.

That's a, actually, man, I don't, the third one, I don't know. That one would be still open. Yeah, Freddie couples. He would be a good one, too. But he only one. Vijay Singh, dude. Yeah, the answer was already in the interview with Vij. I know.

Vij would be awesome, but I don't know. Vijay doesn't want the role of ambassador. Right. I like this guy. That would mean he would have to do more media interviews. This guy is awesome. This is great. Okay, put in a word first with Vijay Singh.

If you ever see him, tell him two podcasts. Tell him he's our favorite golfer. We're going to hit him up sometime. Michael Collins, man, like this is beyond great. I told you it was like a shot in the dark to even get somebody on who knew golf this week. And you're the only guy I know, man. So thank you so much for hitting me back. And go birds, man.

Go Eagles. Big Eagles fan. I'm going to tell you this right now. I might not introduce any of the golfers and caddy stuff because I don't want you to know anybody else because I want to do this some more. Hey, listen, we'll sign you to a damn lifetime contract to come on this pod and just update us on what the hell is going on in golf. You throw me with a damn good time. There you go. Next time it's in person, though, after this pandemic clears.

and everything. We're going to get a beer. Absolutely. Michael Collins, man. Thank you so much and have a great weekend. Anytime, man. Thanks for having me on. We'll definitely be doing this a lot more. No doubt about it. I didn't want to say this during the interview, but I don't know a lot about golf.

I didn't want to say this. I don't like golf. Oh, I like golf. I want to like golf so bad. You ever want to like something really bad? Yes. Okay, I haven't really tried real hard. So now I'm about to try. I'm going to watch the entire Masters. this weekend. By next week, I'll be getting

haul passes to go play golf and get drunk. Obviously, I can't do that with my friends because of ongoing novel coronavirus pandemic. I'll go out there alone and play golf next week. I don't care. I'm going to, like a duck to water is how I'm going to be. I almost picked Justin Rose. He's

like a 50 plus golfer. The menu thing, which we didn't get to with him. One second, sorry. I hate to be the one to tell you this. Yeah. Would I rather be read? I would. You have been disqualified from the Calcutta.

Oh, no, that's not true. Sorry. We were told to pick. It's not Calcutta by whatever the hell it is. You're mad again. You're mad, dude. You didn't get you, you can't put a bet in. You damn near tried to run me for a bet that you didn't make the other night.

Now you got to complain about the format of our game. There's three guys working around the clock here to create a fun and easy way for us to get into this wonderful game and you're nitpicking it. We were told to pick a player ranked one through five in the world, six through 12, 13 to 25, 26 through 50 and 51 or higher. You did not pick a player ranked in the world six to 12. I know because I felt bad about how bad I'm going to beat you so I picked two guys from in one lesser category. I would have loved to jump categories but I follow the rules of the game or you could just text us. I texted the Wizard of Oz, John,

and John said that was totally fine. John wouldn't say that. John, pop on. I thought since there was no advantage gained, it was legal. My foot, John, I would have picked people from all over the place. That's awful. That's awful.

This sucks. So does your team of five. When Michael Collins heard it, he was like, oh my God, dude. Well, our teams are virtually the same. Unfortunately, I add in Jison Dye, who's five over today. His back's probably acting up. He tried to warn you.

Real quick, I do just want to, let me make sure I, hey, Reed, you could tell us what people's scores are, any of the guys I bet on doing well. Let's see. Well, you obviously have Khram, my Kram. I think he was even today. John Rahm. Yesterday, for those of you listening. I put down a couple chickens to win a lot of chickens on him.

He was like plus 10.50. outright. And then Tommy Fleetwood, who I love, was like plus 3,000. So I put down a few chickens on that as well. Reed, how's Tommy Fleetwood doing? I hear that Vijay Singh, not doing so well. Tommy Fleetwood currently plus four through 14. And our boy, Vijay Singh finished seven over with the 79. Okay, well, Vijay Singh is playing possum, and he's cagey. So I'm not worried about it. You can recuse yourself from this competition if you like, and it can just be me versus Cowboy Reed. can't you just follow rules? Hey, Cowboy,

are we good? The rules were clear. They were clear. They could have told me if they didn't like the, uh, the format. Oh, this a separate set of rules for everyone else. Let me say that differently. Everybody's got to follow the rules.

And then there are a separate set of rules for you. Is that like, Mr. Special? Is that like being on the pre-show call? Dog, you want to, you want to, you want to ring me. ring me. You want to ring me? You ring me? All right. So that's golf, man. I mean, we've talked plenty of golf. Here's the deal. Gridiron time before we get to Jeopardy and wrap this thing up.

Hudud. Hike! You know, I thought for years that that's what you had to say before the ball was snapped. Hud, Hut, Hike. Oh, man. I remember I used to tell Kelly Maddie to say Fuchsia 69, Fusha 69. Like, we were just very high school. Blue 42, I thought, was required. You can say whatever you want. There was a long time.

that people just went off of video game rules. And every quarterback had to sound like, you know, 90s quarterbacks all sounded the same. They sounded like a pocket quarterback. Who was the coolest sound quarterback? I don't know, like I- That you heard. Oh man.

I know what should be the right answer. I mean, Peyton, the sheriff walking around in a southern accent, like just, like, just situating a bunch of grown men was fun. Ohio, Ohio. I mean, Eli, when we heard Omaha, we knew the snap was coming. I don't know why, well, it wasn't Omaha, it was Omaha Blue Go.

If you heard Omaha Blue Go, like, you could get off the ball against them. But you're always afraid of the dummy calls. I don't know. Somebody like Rich Gannon and I feel like just had a fucking killer, like raspy 90s, 6'5 Caucasian, e-mobile quarterback voice. My favorite from the couch? Cam Newton. Oh, yeah.

Just a just beautiful. Yeah. Why did he? Ready. Yeah, just claps. Yeah. I'm like, fuck, dude. Are we playing in the backyard here?

Golly. I just feel like, does this mean you're going to run QB power right here? Why is he clapping? He's got some big hands. It's my size. And it's back there in shotgun. The dudes in the 90s that couldn't move, the lawn dears, they all had that very madden voice. We have to do that one day.

maybe we'll go through cadences and do top five cadences um first thing i just want to rant on this before we get on to the lighter stuff you saw the jeff gladney news this week it's a miracle you did because i thought i was told like a month ago when the chow wheeler thing happened and let me be clear from the outset he should be buried under the fucking jail i was told from the outset that we weren't hearing about him for a whole litany of reasons to which i responded and i kidgloved this entire segment because it's a sensitive time that fans and players alike have never collectively cared about domestic violence collectively it's not just a football problem it's a men problem but every time it happens at least since I grew up as a

football fan until we had video with Ray Rice nobody gave a fuck and still we've talked about this I do think certain people deserve second chances and that sort of thing and I can't speak for how people grow up in their households or the trauma that people endure and they don't know how to have a relationship. They don't know how to communicate. If you grew up in a fucked up situation, I get that part of it. But right after something like that happens, I don't care. And every time something like that happens, I usually look around and say, nobody's talking about it. And when Chad Wheeler happened, because people could have a sidebar conversation about something else, they cared. And it just was too easy to do the, we only don't care,

he's white. Listen, you know where I stand on issues of race. You want to talk about his treatment in the criminal justice system. Let's talk about that because that's a real thing. Like, he's going to get it easier than all his peers because he's a white guy and has already begun getting it easier than all his peers because he's a white guy. But if you want to talk about, why is Twitter not talking about it? Why has ESPN lagged today not talking about it? Chad Wheeler was out of the league. I didn't hear Jeff Gladney's fucking name once this week, including from a lot of those players who were the first in line to, I'm going to say it here, and I hate the phrase, virtue signal that they hate domestic violence. What I learned this week about with Jeff

Gladney is any blue check that was talking about Chad Wheeler, any player that was talking about Chow Wheeler, that basically, like this is what time it is, when this happens, I will be vocal about it. Well, it was just a month ago, dude. Did we forget that we care to about domestic violence? No, because we never fucking cared. Twitter never cared. Fans never cared. Men never cared. And dudes in our league never cared. And you can listen to me right now and be like, oh, there's some soapboxy shit. Whatever, man. The facts are the fucking facts, dude. I looked for Jeff Gladney's name on Twitter this week and the most prominent tweet featuring that guy's name. This is a guy that allegedly choked his girlfriend out. You know, I was disgusted the day

the chat wheeler thing happened. It's like, nauseating. This thing's the same way, dude. I mean, like for him to get third degree assault in Minnesota, I think you have to be cutting off the air supply of your victim. That's insane. And we're not talking about it. And SportsCenter tweeted about it got 600 retweets. Half the comments were, are we keeping the same energy for Chad Wheeler? No, we're not. This is a very different energy. We haven't heard shit about Jeff Gladney. And he's not out of league. He's a fucking first round pick who has. had quote unquote character concerns coming out of college. And all I'm saying is as long as teams

will take chances on guys that do shit like this. And it happens again, those teams, to me, look like they don't care. And players are in a league, as long as they pick and choose when they talk about domestic violence, just in the spirit of having a sidebar conversation, it's not even about domestic violence. And that would anger me a lot. If I was a woman watching the game, you know, I couldn't imagine what it's like to see this stuff. But I'm thinking to myself, like every time we have this conversation, if we do, it's about something else. And the Chad Wheeler conversation, I was, I treated it delicately because there is a racial component to it, and I'm Joe White guy. Okay, but I know one thing for sure, in retrospect, we didn't collectively as an online community,

as an NFL community, care about Chad Wheeler. What we cared about was, it's not fair, he's not getting talked about. And I want to talk about the media being slow to, act. I want to talk about people not tweeting about it. I want to talk about why is Ray Rice trending and not Chad Wheeler. Well, I'll tell you why Ray Rice was trending because you were typing his fucking name. How about we treat all these instances like we're upset about domestic violence and not some other thing? Like, I totally get it, dude. When Chad Wheeler goes and sees the judge, he's going to look at him and see his kid. And that's the fucked up thing about the criminal justice system and, you know, the mental illness side of it. You know, like we do have

talk about mental health and that sort of thing, but I don't want to hear that the first day. And we do use that crutch sometimes. But listen, man, NFL players and men have been stepping over this line for too long. And you don't treat women like that. And if you're going to puff out your chest when Chad Wheeler does a despicable act, I hope you do it the next time when it's your teammate or your friend. Because so far, NFL players as a whole, they're not really bold. They're really not bold.

NFL players are not bold because they won't speak out on their friends. And I've been guilty of that at times. Like, you know, like if I went back, I play with guys that have crossed lines and stepped over lines. But like I said, when the Chad Wheeler thing came up, I'm going to start today and I'm going to, with this podcast, with my platform, say every time a case like this comes up and I hear about it, and it was a miracle that I heard about Jeff Gladney.

Because if you, it was fucking crickets on Twitter about Jeff Gladney. Every time this happens now, we're going to mention it. I don't know what that means for Jeff Gladney's future. And at this point, we don't know for sure that it happened, but if it is true, that's some just scumbag shit. And we as men and we as like pro athletes, listen, you talk about politics. When you opt into something like politics, something political is going on every day. And so at a point, people say to me, well, why didn't you talk about this? this, why don't you talk about that? They keep score. They say, well, they deduced that because I

didn't talk about this bill or this thing, maybe I don't care about that. I just can't tweet about something every day. I am not an activist. Once you opt into that, it's really hard to pick your spots. And I am ultimately picking my spots. But there's a downside to that. Domestic violence is not something we're going to talk about every single day. Your take is not going to get repetitive. How about when a player beats up a woman, we just fucking say it's wrong? That pissed me off this week because it proved out what I thought a month ago. That nobody really cared, just like we've never cared about it. Like there are dudes that care, but like as a whole, we have to be better.

And that's the bottom line. It just every time it happens, it makes me pissed off. This happened early in the week. And I was like, man, I don't even know if I'm still going to be mad on Friday enough to like talk about it. But every morning I have named search Jeff Gladney. and I'm not doing it because I'm trying to win an argument. I'm not doing it. Like, I just knew I was right.

And I hate knowing I was right and being proven right in a situation like this. People don't care. And another thing was, was the easiest tweet in the world during the Chad Wheeler thing was that you could easily get about 40,000 retweets here if you were just the first one. And everybody, it's just the low-hanging fruit. It's, oh, we don't see Chad Wheeler's mugshot. Did you know that in the state of Washington, they cannot legally fucking post people's mugshot? So if you had a favorite player of any color or creed in the state of Washington and he got popped for something in the last year, go find his mugshot. I could be wrong, but that's what I read.

But it doesn't pay to be right. It just pays to say something that sounds cool. And for a day and a half, it sounded cool to turn it into something else. Oh, well, Ray Rice, all they posted was a mugshot. I Googled, I Googled Ray Rice news articles from when that happened. I googled Greg Hardy news articles from when that happened. You know how many mugshot articles I saw? Goose.

I'm sure you could find some if you looked hard enough and prove your argument to be right on some level, but 99% of the articles were just like Chad Wheelers, picture of a guy in a football helmet, picture of a guy walking off the field. So like listen, I get it. There are so many turns where me as like, I'm like sure somebody's going to be like,

fuck him for this. Like I'm just calling bullshit when I, I see it. Nobody cared about domestic violence when Chad Wheeler, some people did, but nobody that I saw in the league has come out and tweeted about both things. It ain't just football players. I'm not going to sit here and shit on my peers. We are a remarkably well-adjusted group of guys considering what we've done. And it's like a cross-section of America. There are dudes that come to league that have traumas and there are dudes that come to league that have, you know, grew up in, of every color and greed that have grown up and fucked up households and a lot of them turn into really

really upstanding dudes so I hate when this happens for that reason as well because we have so many good people in our league you know it tarnishes the image of the league every time um the league does you know a player in the league does something like that we got to talk about it another thing was the chad wheeler thing was doing the fucking super bowl what are you telling me that oh you know opening day five days ago was the reason that Jeff Gladdy's not talking about. What's the reason Jeff Gladdeny's not being talked about? And if you're listening, you're probably going to be, well, he seems like he's pretty upset about Jeff Gladney, but not Chad Wheeler.

If you're thinking that you're a fucking moron, I just want you, I want like that, that sentence to come through my microphone, however that gets from my microphone to your earholes. And I want you, like, I mean that if you think that. I just, I hate bullshit and I hate seeing women. and bullied. Let's talk about Sam Darnold. Sam the Ram Darnold. No, Sam the

Panther Darnold. You're right. What say you about this trade as a New York football fan? First off, would you rather at this point be a Giants fan or a Jets fan? Of course a Giants fan. I'm bathing in Super Bowls

here. I'm talking about now going forward. Hmm. Yeah. Giants offseason is kind of fun. Kenny Galday. Kyle Rudolph. Yeah, that's fun, man. That sounds like a lot of fun. They got a ball pit too?

You know, and that's a really hard question to answer. Would I rather be the GM of the Jets or the Giants? Yeah, probably the Jets. If I can take my fandom out of it, I'd rather mold the Jets. I think the giants are unfortunately stuck for a while. Hopefully it works out, but I think there's a better shot that it doesn't than it does. How about your instant reaction to trade? Because I heard it the other day here when Reid and I were sitting here.

Yeah, I don't think, like, I didn't see it coming. Like, I also haven't been paying enough attention to kind of the quarterback carousel stuff. That shit got old and it's going to get old again here soon. So I took a break. I like the shot. I like the shot on Darnold. You got to take a shot until you have your guy. And obviously they don't think Teddy's their guy.

Now, I think there's, if you're Teddy, you're sour grapes about this. And you're justifiably so. He didn't have his best year, ironically. And it's interesting, as you look at possible landing spots for him, a reunion in New Orleans would be great. I mean, he was awesome with Sean Payton. I mean, they didn't miss a beat in 2019 when Drew went out with that thumb. So, you know, as you look at destinations, again, classy by Carolina saying,

we'll let you look around. and Teddy should want to look around because he was good enough last year in his first year under center there to not get discarded you know but they saw an opportunity and you get that kind of first round quarterback

thing where it's tantalizing the ability the one throw we see on the internet all the time that everybody's posting lately from Sam Donald you know the one he's running to the left and throws it across his body this shit is it's the ultimate dicties for GM So listen, take a stab at it. It honestly didn't cost much to get him.

And that speaks to probably what the market was in actuality for Sam Darnel, which is not a good sign for the Panthers. If I'm a Panthers fan, I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, I'm pulling for this guy, but you need to brace yourself because he could have a really good year or two off the bat. I can't think of when he's up. I think he's up in a year. They're going to have to,

there's a team option or something in a year for Sam Darnold. They're going to have to decide where they pick that one up. You know, if you think about the trajectory of a lot of these young wizards, these offensive wizards, these skinny-looking young guys we've talked about that come out of nowhere, the Joe Brady's of the world,

they're usually out pretty quick. They're coordinator, and then they're going to get a shot. And so when I look at Sam Darnold, I can't help but wonder, even if he plays well, and you're sitting there considering do I mortgage the future of this franchise

to sign Sam Darnold to a deal because we like what we've seen. If Joe Brady leaves and when he leaves, what's that going to leave Sam Darnold looking like? And I'm not saying that's how it works that Joe's going to be everything and that once he leaves, if he does, that Sam's going to be shit,

but you just don't have a full picture of what this kid might look like. Something interesting to watch, if you're a Panthers fan, is Ryan Tannahill this year. Want to guess why? Why? That's a good guess.

Because Adam Gase has been Sam Darnold's best friend through this whole process. Maybe he's great. Could be just Adam Gase ruining his life. Like, okay, we said that about Tannahill and Tannahill in Tennessee

has been bad news for Adam Gase. What if Arthur Smith leaves Tennessee and Tannahill regresses to the mean? And this whole conversation we've been having about coordinators and Tannahill and Gase and was more about Arthur Smith than it was about him escaping Adam Gase. You know what I mean?

You're picking up what I'm putting down. That's going to be something for Carolina to watch. And I'm not saying it should inform their decision, but as fans, like you might say, if Tanna Hill looks like shit this year, like I'm a little bit more concerned about just paying Sam Darnel because he looked good for a year or two under Joe Brady. The other beautiful part about taking a flyer on Sam Darnold is he's 23 years old with three NFL nearly full NFL seasons under his belt.

It's a great point. I mean, if you are putting them into this 2021 NFL draft quarterback, whatever pool, I mean, Darnold, what, right behind Lawrence? I don't know if I'd take a flyer on anybody else. You know, Donald's couple years has sullied his prospects if you just, like, you couldn't in a vacuum. Now, if you didn't know what you know now, certainly he'd be up there this year. I mean, you know, Darnal would be probably QB2. That's what I'm saying. Until like the last minute and Zach Wilson, that love affair takes over.

But I think it's interesting. And again, a lot of these teams have to consider. I think this is good news for Teddy. If Teddy ends up somewhere like Reed's Broncos, if Teddy ends up somewhere like San Francisco, who I think took a hard look at him, but. maybe the door still open. My favorite destination for him would be New Orleans. My favorite destination for so many quarterbacks would be New Orleans.

But someplace like Denver would be pretty good for him too because they've got good bones. Teddy's 28. He's going to get one more run at getting paid again. And everybody wants Teddy to get paid. Everybody wants Teddy to succeed. If he goes to a team that he can play into the middle of the pack at the very least and look good doing it, he's going to be in line to receive a payday because next year's draft, as we've mentioned before, not exactly bountiful when it comes to filling that position of need.

And from a QB movement standpoint, I mean, who knows year after year? I mean, it could be Russell Wilson on the block. Could it be like, you know, I haven't kept track with a year ahead who's going to be on the market. But Teddy could find himself at a pretty empty table playing musical chairs, which is how you want to be. And maybe a good year under his belt somewhere like Denver. And bridge turns into a long bridge,

Benjamin Franklin Bridge, Walt Whitman Bridge. Those are long ones. Yeah, Golden Gate Bridge. There's always going to be a 2021. Guy's name is Teddy Bridgewater now.

That's right. That's exactly right. Teddy Long Bridgewater. I would love it if Teddy Long Bridgewater, also not, I would love it if Teddy Bridgewater was more than a bridge. Well,

he's got a shot. There's always going to be a team like Indianapolis this offseason. Yes. Who thinks Carson could be a guy who puts them over the top, not just a bridge, but the next guy.

Maybe Teddy could be the next guy for somebody. Absolutely. And, you know, like anybody else would tell you, I love Ted, just watching the way he, and I can't say Ted because I don't want to get Matthew McConaughey, but I love watching Teddy Bridgewater play.

You just, to shorten everybody's name. I do. I'm a shortened, I wouldn't want somebody call me Christopher. And you do call me Mike. I do call you Mike. Hi, Mike. Theodore Edmund Bridgewater Jr. Hey, real quick, dude, before we get out of football and we finish this show with Jeopardy, we got a combine coming up. You and I are going to participate in several NFL combined drills. You want to, do you want to pick a couple right here on the spot? We're definitely running a 40. I think 40 is on the Mount Trashmore, another Virginia. Virginia Beach landmark on the Mount Trashmore.

Yeah, Mount Trashmore. It's a landfill. People see it. Go see it. And you were selling me on Virginia Beach? Seweed City? It's better than people think. Actually, screw it.

I don't want you all coming to my spot. Yeah, keep going south. Huge landfill. Oh, it's gross. It stinks. Yeah, 40 is, what's the best? What's something that's the best? Like a gold medal?

Yeah, 40 is the gold medal of NFL Combine. Oh, see, I don't think so. I'm not, if you know if the player is good or not, the 40 can help you a lot. Oh no, no, yeah. Watch the 40. No, I think it's fairly worthless. But when you think combine, you think 40.

I don't think it's worthless. I think it's a hot take. But at certain positions, it's very important. For somebody like a defensive line, and it's not so much as important. What you should look at is the 10-yard split, which we're gonna do as well, I think. Yes, please.

We have multiple timers out there. Three cone drill. Do you think you can run faster and Rich Eisen? that's a good question um maybe not just because he's had so many reps at this and i'm not now we're doing weight i'm not athletic we're doing height and weight okay so we can get your height once and for all six two shoes or no shoes no shoes just like at the combine okay i want to take this time to remind you that at the combine i put tissue in my my gloves to try to yeah no cheating no cheating no cheating but they called me on that and i'm not going to cheat man

You know I play by the rules. Here's the kind of athletic I am. Yeah. I don't look stupid doing... Jeopardy athletic. I don't look stupid doing most things. Like, I can throw a ball probably better than you can throw like a football. Oh, football.

Yeah, my shoulder shot. Yeah, a lot of people can't throw football. It's like baseball I can look like I know what I'm doing, throwing the ball. You had a catch with my lovely wife. I did. And she was... Good. She was...

No, she was accurate and with velocity. It was impressive. She was better at it than you. All I'm just saying is, I can look. like I know what I'm doing. In a layup line, you think, oh, maybe that guy plays. Yeah. I can, I'll-

Maybe I got to listen to Money Trees. I'll shoot you 80% free throws, but you throw me out there in a game. I don't have any handles. Gotcha. I can't rebound. I can't jump. Gotcha. Point being, I'm going to perform poorly.

I'm not going to run fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Part of the draw of doing this. I don't know what Rich runs, but I think my first number is probably a six in a 40-yard dash. I'm taking the under. Really? So we'll do. some betting on this. We'll do some in-house betton and we'll do some predicting. But that's coming

up probably next week, I think. So we got a couple days to get ready and watch out for that tree pollen while you're out there running around. Yeah, it doesn't affect me as much. Close your throat when you run. Oh, actually, you know, no, I can't. That's always my problem running. I cannot. Run with your mouth open. I've practiced trying to breathe through. I run with my mouth open. It's the only way I can get air. And then if it's below 60 degrees, like it's burning within three minutes. I've asked people who run a lot. I have asked them, how do you breathe?

And then they say through your nose. And I say, how do you breathe through your nose? And they say, you just do it. Needless to say, we're going to do an entire combine kind of thing next week.

So just be on the lookout for that. Let's finish this off with a swing of jeopardy. Okay. Which you're telling me now you never agreed to. I didn't. That's just a run-of-the-mill selective liar action. Lyer? Yeah, dude.

Hey, uh, Hey, Aaron Rogers. Really? you kind of look like Aaron Rogers a little bit. People at home don't know what Cowboy Reed looks like. He looks a little like, let's describe what Cowboy Reed looks like. He's got a mustache.

We know that. Reed, can I see you? Oh, right, the mask. It kind of looks a little like Aaron Rogers to me. Looks more like Aaron Rogers than either of us. For sure he does. So, Reed, I want you to act like Aaron Rogers. We're going to do Jeopardy, explain the rules, because obviously I don't know them.

And then we've got a couple wrinkles in there. Oh, good. Yeah. Typical jeopardy rules. You guys get to pick which clue in the category. I'll read it. And then you have a shot of answering and giving the points. If answered incorrectly, your opponent gets a shot at the points.

Megan, why don't you pick first? I'm looking at a screen. Read, beautiful job. It looks like a real jeopardy screen. U.S. Geography, music, boozing, sports unies, and movies. Music, boozing, and movies. Who put this together? You used to drink a lot of alcohol, so just think hard.

What are you going to pick? U.S. geography for 100. Virginia is bordered by this many other states. Chris, you buzzed in first. How much time do I have? Ding, ding, ding, ding, three more seconds. Five states. Maryland?

You don't have to name them. Oh, well, let me just, yeah, five, sure. What is five states? What is five states? You're correct. Bang, bang, I'll tell you, Maryland, West Virginia, North Carolina, Tennessee, and probably Kentucky.

Kentucky, that's it, the bluegrass state. You didn't answer in the form of a question. He saved you. You shouldn't. Well, Aaron Rogers is way more chill in this studio. Chris, the board is yours. Oh, the board is mine. You know, I'll go movies for 300, please. In Apocalypse Now, Robert Duvall says he loves the smell of this in the morning.

Chris, you buzzed in first. Your answer. Thank you, A-Rod. What is... Napalm? Correct. I want to give you a chance here. No, I don't want to give you a chance.

I'm not going to be fair about this thing, because he's smarter than me. I got out. Think him here. Let me go Movies for 400. Movies for 400. This Los Angeles Hotel features prominently in the film Pretty Woman.

you buzzed in first there? What is the Beverly Hilton? I know. I know. Oh, and you love that movie about the prostitute. Chris, would you like to answer for the points?

I would. What is the Beverly Wilshire? Fuck! Chris, you were correct. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

I knew that answer. A current point standing is Chris 800 with three correct answers. I just got, I'm the retrievers. I knew it was the Beverly Wilshire. Good, why did you say it? I don't know. Oh, it's a lot like me with the weeks, huh?

You're not even running a fucking podcast. There's weeks in the year up here? No, well, I mean, we're... 52. 44. Chris, the board is yours. The board is mine, huh? Let me give Making a shot because I said that he used to do some boozing.

We'll go 300 for boozing. According to its maker, it takes 119.5 seconds to pour a perfect pint of this. I know. Chris, you buzzed in first? Beer. Chris, that's incorrect. God damn, Guinness! Macon, what's the answer? What is Guinness? Correct. He's on the board. Macon. The board is yours. Hold on.

You're gonna do a golf clap. Sports unis for 500, please. Nobody in the NFL has worn this uniform number since 1973 when it was banned. Chris, you were the first one to buzz in? What's your answer? Zero. What is zero? You have to answer the form of a question. This sucks. This whole thing sucks.

And I'm just going to buzz at everything because these are easy. These are easy. That is correct. Current standings Chris 1300 making minus 100. Chris, the board is yours. Let's go music for, oh man. You know, I'm not, I don't have to get greedy here. I'll go 300.

Recorded the 1990. He's not going to know this one. mind playing tricks on me making you buzzed in first I'm the wicked witch of the west right now who are the Supremes making that is incorrect Who are the ghetto boys

Chris that is correct All right we're gonna go into geography Goet O is that really how it's spelled No but that's how the ghetto boys are spelled let me go I sit alone in my four corner rooms Alright

300 U.S. geography This U.S. state Has the most active volcanoes Man this is a tough one What is Hawaii Wrong Macon would you like to steal Oh fuck dude

Three two One It's definitely not Illinois I think it's a lot You're submitting an answer? I think it's probably Alaska. No. The correct answer was Alaska.

Fuck me. No points, except Chris loses 300. Let's go. Megan's board. Sports Unis, 400, please. New York Yankees Yoga was appropriately designed by this diamond of the jewelry world. Macon that was you on the buzzer?

The Yankees were invented in 1800. What is Tiffany's? That is correct. What a bitch? I mean, bitch, you were kind of right on. on the fucking buzzer. We have to take that to the review, but I'll give it to you because you're... Sports union is yours.

...Fourte's 300. 149th. In 1976, the Chicago White Sox became the first and only major league baseball team to ever wear these. Chris? What are shorts? Chris, that is correct.

Tally, Chris has 1,600 making has zero. Now he has answers some questions correctly, but the way it works in Jeopardy, making if you haven't seen it before, is they, if you lose points.

I've got a family if we could keep this moving. No problem. Let's go, let's go geography for 200, please. To be fair. The largest U.S. city without a professional sports team. It tells you.

Three, two, one. fucking Omaha but it's not no it's making would you like to steal is this one of the big four or any professional sports team big four

big four uh yeah I will take a shot at this read what is Seattle wrong what is Austin well hold on a second you said Seattle yeah Seahawks

Mariners yeah the Mariners cracking then I don't have a basketball team you can't even be mad at me on that one you know what I thought and the answer was what I just saw it Austin Austin which makes a lot of sense I thought it was probably like a big city next to another big city

that had a team like one of the twin cities okay I'll go music for 400 the number of keys on a piano oh you know what oh that's a tie tie goes to the one who's losing and Macon's losing by 1600

points. What is 84? Incorrect. Chris, would you like to steal? I would not. The correct answer is 88. You were close. You idiot. You don't know how many keys are on a piano, you idiot. How are you ever going to survive? You probably just

die tomorrow because you don't know how many keys are on a piano, you idiot. I'll go movies for 500 and put this thing away. This Martin Scorsese film holds the record for most F-bombs in a movie. Chris? The Godfrey.

Father. Say it in the form of a question. What is the godfather? Nope. Super long, so. Makin, would you like to answer? No, thank you. All right.

The correct answer is the Wolf of Wall Street. Oh. I did say fuck a lot there, huh? Making, the board is yours. You can make a real run here, making $900 and minus 600. You can be above zero for the first time. Geography 400.

In two turns. Two turns. So be patient. The only state flag that's not in a shape of a rectangle. I think that was you. That was you. It was definitely you in real shit. One of them is...

Three, two, one. What is Alaska? Incorrect. Chris, do you like to answer? I would not. Correct answer is Ohio. What is they got a triangle flag there in Ohio? Crapazoid.

Chris, the board is yours. Man, you know, I'll go U.S. geography for 500. first state after the original 13 colonies to join the union Chris North Carolina Nope making no thank you you're in striking distance I'm down to 400 you're down to a thousand I might just start Vermont Vermont they were early to dance huh making

and quick score update now Chris with a couple incorrect down to 400 points making minus 1,000 Sports Unis, 200. This NFL team features a logo on the right side of its helmet only. Making your answer, please. What are the Pittsburgh Steelers?

That is correct. Yep. You got it, you motherfucker. 800. Or is yours making. Boozing, 500. Yeah, there we go. Look at an alcoholic.

Its production process begins with steam rice and mold. Chris? Oh, fuck, dude. It's the... Three. Two. Saki.

What is Saki? Correct. Yeah, bitch, let's go. 900. Cushing season, like the Phillies. Chris Bors yours. I'll go music for, I'm feeling froggy. Now I'll go boozing for 400.

Let's stay in the pub. Traditionally, these are the two sauces that spice up a bloody Mary. Chris, what's you got? Mm. Tabasco. What are Tabasco? and Three

Two Worcestershire That is correct Bang Bang bang bang Bang bang Bang Go ahead

I'll go You know what I'll go Sports Unis 100 Make this a slow death The last NBA player To regularly wear them

John Stockton Is known as the king of these Making your answer What are Short shorts It's false Correct. Short shorts.

Good job. Minus 700 in striking distance. Daily double is going to be huge. I've got the board. Okay, go ahead. Music for 500, the daily double, please. Daily double. This Roman numeral titled Record was Led Zeppelin's best-selling album.

Macon, I'll let you determine how much you'd like to wager after you've seen the question. Nothing, Alex. I mean What is for Chris that is correct But it was a daily double You don't He didn't wait for

That's okay That's okay I don't need a shot I'm up 1800 to minus 700 I just wanted to tell you that That's a great album You should check it out I'll go movies for 200 Tom Hanks

Receives his first Oscar nomination For his role in this movie Chris What is castaway Incorrect to make and would you like to stay. What is big? Oh, we're...

Correct. Oh, big, great call, dude. Thanks. In all seriousness, you should be proud of that one. I said Seattle doesn't have a major sports team. And I admitted this week to not knowing how many weeks there were momentarily. I mean, I don't understand the leapier thing at all. I'll admit that.

Boozing for 200. You're going to booze after this? A good tequila has 100% of this color of agave. Chris It's What is the Three Two

One It's the The yellow I can't think of it right now No Macon would you like to steal Yes What is white

Incorrect What is blue Oh blue agave That's I've heard of that Yeah I have Borders yours Uh I'll go

music for 200. Let's take this. I don't know. Stephanie Joanne, Angelina Germanada is better known by this stage name. Makin. I know, I think. Three. Who is Gloria Stefan?

Incorrect. Who is Lady Gaga? Correct. Oh, right. Joanne. She got my birthday. I have her birthday. Joanne. Music 100. I don't even have to phone up. Finish the lyric. Just the small town.

World. Go ahead. Ask the question. Finish this lyric. Just a small town girl living in a world. Makin. You were pretty quick to buzz in.

What is small town? Okay. Hold on. Would you like to steal? Just a small town girl. Longley. What is? lonely world took the midnight train going anywhere.

Chris, that's correct. You've obviously done a lot of boozing to not be able to remember every time that song comes on in the bar. I said small town girl in a small town world. We should make a t-shirt. We really should make a t-shirt for that. That would sell like hot cakes. Small-town girl living in a small town world.

We just have a tiny town graphic, tiny girl. like she's at she's at peace she's at home in this world yeah because she's small town girl she doesn't want to live to a big city after college people were like yo got an internship for you up here paid of course in new york city and she was like nah just a small town girl living in a small town work you can't it doesn't even work let's try boozing for 100 boozing 100 1 drink is defined is 12 ounces of beer

5 ounces of wine or this many ounces of liquor making What is 2? I'll take it from here Incorrect What is 2 and a half Both incorrect

That is 1 and a half In the Matrix Neo takes this color pill If you don't get it What is red making that's correct everyone knows he who

answers correctly last wins thank you read final tally chris 1,600 points making not as many all right make let's do final jeopardy

how many points are we wagering 3,000 I'll wager a 1,100 I'll wager everything well he can't possibly beat me right read right right dummy

I just well I guess I'm not the dummy who just got beat by the dummy hey tony bennett was way classier than you getting knocked off by a 16 seat tell you what you can learn a lot more from tony on those walks to the locker room between you know you probably it's not over yet all right i think it's over let's talk about that when it's over okay final jeopardy you guys will have 30 seconds after i read the question answers for 3,000 points nice oh back in it no he can't beat a i'm not going to let him beat me i'm not wagering 3,000 answer the question correctly. I will, but you guys are fucking the game up, Reed.

I don't know. Let the record show I won. He's probably going to give me a double jeopardy that. Go ahead. Jim Nance and Tony Romo announced this many NFL games during the 2021 NFL season. Macon.

I said, please reveal your answer. What is 20? Chris. Mine is 20 as well. The correct answer is 20 games. Did you write what is? No.

You're an idiot and you don't play by the rules. There are special. rules for you. There always have been. There always will be. I mean, come on. You've got a lot of special rules. People kind of tiptoe around you in almost every walk of life. I'm sorry? Oh, come on. Talk to

any of the neighbors. That guy, you just got to really watch yourself around him. He's got his own rules. I wagered 3,000 points. Can't watch. Hold on. I finished with 3,000. You wagered nothing. I win the game. Good for you. Good for you. Good for them. You know what? You wagered a bunch. You said there were fucking no teams in Seattle. You said... That wasn't

oversight. I won Jeopardy. I'm not worried about this daily double thing. Hey, listen. This was a, this was a, this was a, this was a pleasure, pal. Thank you for this. Congratulations. Do you want to, do you want a combine question real quick before we leave just one wonder lick maybe? Yeah, yeah. Read wonder lick us. Steve's utility bill was $25 in March. It was 32 more in April than in March. And it was $19 less in May. than it was in April. What is the average bill over these three months?

$21, $30, $38, $40, or $35? I have the correct answer. Yeah, it's $40 is the average. Yeah, you got it as well. Good, we're both one for one. Good job, guys.

I mean, we know Matt. A car traveled 11.5 miles in 15 minutes. How many miles? miles per hour was it traveling? The answers are 46 miles an hour, 52 and a half miles an hour, 65 miles an hour, 70 miles an hour, 48 and a half miles an hour. It was 46. I have 46. Okay good. We're both two for two. You guys are both two for two. That's right. I show my answers, by the way. I showed them to read as well. That's fair. That's fair. Which three of the following words have similar meanings. Now we're talking. Let's go! Let's go, bitch!

All right. Sorry, Reed. What? Which of the three following words have similar meanings? Deliver, bear, believe, trust, and bring. Deliver, bear, and bring. Obviously. Three for three. That is correct. Four individuals invest in real estate together and agree to split the profits equally. N invest $12,000,

X invest $6,000, Y invest $25,000, and Z invest $7,000. If the profits from the first year were $120,000, Y receives how much less than if the profits were divided in proportion to how much they invested.

Bring them out, bring them out. $50,000, $6,000. $60,000, $20,000, $30,000, or $25,000. Okay, okay. Thank you, Reed. Thank you very much. Thank you kindly. Shut up, man.

Gee, I'm always talking. Yeah, well, I mean, I kind of have a, I do a podcast for a living. I'm saying 30K. Chris, what you're saying? You're probably right, because I'm, I'm saying 20. Because he should be. 30,000 is correct. Yeah, so he should have been making what?

Talk this out with me. Okay, so the total investment is 12,000. plus six plus 25 plus seven. So that'll get us 50K total. Yeah, 50K. So he's 50 in. He's 50% of the investment. Yeah, well, got me?

Yeah, but what I'm saying is if they made 120 and he's a quarter and he's 50% of the investment, he should have, yeah, I just fucked it up. You're right. Congratulations. Okay. You've got a one wonder league coming into the real week. Thanks. Now, you really got to smoke the combine because what they might say is guy's kind of smart,

but maybe he's not so fast. They might, or they might say, hey, he's got that quick twitch speed. He can really flip his hips. Yeah. Tune in next week to hear about making flipping his hips. Y'all take care.