Green Light with Chris Long - Nastia Liukin On Winning Olympic Gold, Relationship With Shawn Johnson & Gymnastics

Episode Date: March 19, 2025

Olympic gymnastics all-around gold medalist, five time medal winner, and cultural icon Nastia Liukin chats with David Vobora about her remarkable journey to become a champion and the struggles of achieving a lifetime goal at eighteen years old. Nastia shares details of her tense friendship with teammate and rival Shawn Johnson, manifesting her olympic gold medal and reflects on her personal journey after sport. A remarkable story of one of the United States' olympic heroes and her Life After. (00:00) - Intro (1:30) - Youth in Gymnastics (20:35) - Celebrity and Fame (38:00) - Road to Olympics (41:45) - Relationship with Shawn Johnson (52:45) - Manifesting the 2008 Olympic Gold Medal (1:10:45) - 2008 Olympic Finals (1:36:00) - 2012 Olympic Trials (2:05:55) - Gifts Life After with David Vobora is an inspirational and motivational podcast that dives deep into guest's personal stories of hardship, perseverance and personal realization. After playing professional football, overcoming addiction, working with Wounded Warriors, and creating the Adaptive Training Foundation, David knows that life-altering events come in many ways, but they always come. On the new series, former “Mr. Irrelevant” in the NFL Draft, Vobora, talks with incredible guests about overcoming adversity in the face of unimaginable circumstances. David identifies crucial—and sometimes tragic—moments in their lives' that helped shape both their success and who they are today. Motivational Podcast | Inspirational Podcast | Perseverance Make sure to like, follow and subscribe on Life After's YouTube and social pages, linked below: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaFfMRZJRbo2_57YUmjqylA Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lifeafterwithdavidvobora/?hl=en Twitter: https://x.com/LifeAfterWithDV Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lifeafterwithdavidvobora https://youtube.com/@lifeafterwithdavidvobora?si=IdpcHfEtN5V_UQJn And check out the Green Light Podcast here: https://greenlightpodcast.org/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if you had achieved everything you'd ever dreamed though by the age of 18? Well, Nostia Luka and our next guest, Olympic gold medalist gymnast. She did just that. Imagine the life-altering moment wasn't tragedy, but rather triumphed. But the pressures of being this person who had to adhere to a highest of possible standard with two parents that were Olympic medalists themselves, as well as her coaches. Nastia takes us through the story, her vulnerable story, of what it was with teammate Sean Johnson,

and co-competitor there always one and two. And ultimately, when Nostia won the gold, what that did to her relationship with Sean and the difficulty therein, it was really impressive for her to be able to speak to how she's redefining her life now a number of years later as a successful entrepreneur and businesswoman. Y'all come check out this episode, it's special.

Welcome back to the Life After Podcast. I'm your host, David Vibora. And today is no difference. We have another extraordinary guest for you. Welcome to the show, Nosti Luka. Thank you so much. for having me. I'm so pumped that you're here. Well, I guess I'm here. Yeah. In your beautiful you mean this isn't your pink marble? Well, I do appreciate pink marble, but I'll tell you what,

this room's beautiful. Your house is beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. You are beautiful. Everything that we have today to unpack, I'm so excited. I'm excited. So with the name like Nostia Lukan, one would assume you're probably not from West Texas. Probably not. Let's start from the jump. Where are you from? So I was born in Moscow in 1989 and we, both my parents, um, grew up and competed for the Soviet Union. They were both gymnast. Yeah, pretty successful gymnast of that, eh? And I'm the only child.

So when I was born, they really did not want me to do gymnastics just because the level that they achieved. So my dad won four Olympic medals, two gold and two silver. My mom was a rhythmic gymnast and world champions. So they obviously loved the sport and have a passion for it. But they wanted me to be happy. and that's not to say that they weren't happy in it but they you know they knew how hard the sport was and they kind of didn't want that life for me um but they wanted they knew that they

wanted a life that was better maybe than that they could give me like there and so that's really why we moved to the united states when i was about two years old um my dad was still training and competing. So he unfortunately, like, was really only around the first two years, like, on weekends, and then we would go visit him, Round Lake is the training center in Russia. And we would, you know, that's, I took my first few steps, like, on a gymnastics floor. And I was just constantly in the gym because that was our home. And their other dream was to also open up a gymnastics school one day and coached their own athletes, not their daughter, to becoming World Olympic champion gymnasts. but they didn't really know how to do that.

They had a dream, they had a goal, and knowing the two kind of people that they are, nothing was going to get in the way of that. But they also didn't speak the language. They didn't have any money, like no safe, like nothing. They literally came here with an infant and a dream. And, you know, for me, I didn't know any different. Like, it was just my norm, but they built the gym from the ground up, like, with their own hands and, like, friends that they found.

Let me ask a question. So you immigrate from Russia to the United States. Sorry, stopped in New Orleans. Okay. New Orleans. The week of Mardi Gras. Tell me, like, oh, wow, Mardi Gras week. So that's like...

What is this country? Yeah, talk about foreign, but, like, real, real foreign. Yeah, they had friends there, and they got offered a coaching job at a gym there. So that was just, like, Pathless Resistance. It was her first domino. Yeah, 100%. Like, let's just get it. You know, and it was my dad and my dad's best friend and their business partners still to this day.

And so he's like my second dad. And yeah, we move together, like as families together. Do you remember anything? Like your first memory from coming to the United States of America, was it something, do you remember anything from Martin Gras in New Orleans? Or was it moving up here? So I've always wondered if we remember, like at two, three years. years old, like, do we remember it actually, or you see a photo and you remember the photo? Yeah.

Because, like, I see, I know, like, I have these photos in my mind, like, in a hot pink leotard when I was three, like, with, I was, like, eating an ice cream cone or something. And, like, it's, like, the funniest photo. But I'm like, I have no idea where it was. Yeah. I have no idea what I was. Like, I don't know, but I'm like, that I know that was in New Orleans. But is it because, like, they told me that, you know, so I'm not really sure.

What did you like about America as a young youngster? Was there something that stuck out? I was happy. I was just, like, so happy as, like, my whole life, but really, like, as a kid. And I think what brought me happiness was something that they were hoping didn't. And we stayed in New Orleans for nine months. And then it was before the 96 Olympics. And so.

Which was Atlanta. And so they were going, they were going between opening up a gym and Atlanta, given, like, the excitement around an Olympics, especially in gymnastics or Texas. And huge. Houston had started to become a hot spot for gymnastics at the time, and it started kind of traveling a little bit towards Dallas. And so they were like, Dallas or Atlanta, and they chose Dallas. And I'm like, so I don't know. I know it's like life is all about choices and decisions,

and I was not part of that decision because I was a baby. But like, yeah, it's become home for me and it always will be. And no matter where I live, like, I just think it's, it also, you know, it built us into who we are. And this not only the state, but the country, you know, it's, it gave us the life that we live and it gave us that opportunity. And I think not know, like, I didn't know that they couldn't afford a babysitter. I didn't know that, like, we were at the Collin Creek Mall in Plano, Texas, and they had to, like,

hide me from the Disney store because they couldn't afford to buy me a stuffed animal. Yeah. Like, I was so happy. Like, I had no idea. So they insulated you to the black. Oh, gosh. Like, I just, like, and it wasn't like they were trying to. to hide it.

It was just like the way that we looked. Like, it's like we had food. Like, we were like, you know, like struggling. But it was not really the level. They were wanting to work as hard as they could to give me more. Of course. Which is why they moved here, right? Yeah, absolutely.

Bet on yourself type of attitude. A hundred percent. And I think, though, because they couldn't afford a babysitter, me essentially spending so much time. Like, I was like, oh my God, this is so fun. I have this giant playground 24-7 and like I don't have to leave. Yeah. Like I would like become friends with like the little kids I went to class.

They were only there for an hour once a week. And I was like, oh, that sucks. Yeah, you're like, I lived here, man. And I tried to like sleep in my leotard. I literally loved it so much and they were like, shoot. So they were trying to insulate you, right? They weren't actively coaching you, but they watched you. Oh, no, they were pushing me on the side.

Like, they would not coach me. For fear of just. Of like not wanting to be those parents, you know, and not wanting to. to be like the Olympic winning parents that like are now making their daughter. Like that was my mom tried to take me to piano lessons every day. And I cry. Nothing against the piano or anybody that plays, but I cried every time because I didn't enjoy it. And I was, it was taking time away from me being in the gym. And so she was like, okay, well, we try. You know, like, so they really wanted me to make sure that that is what I loved. So was there a moment when it was,

was clear that like someone had to coach you and it was better to be your parents than someone else. So my mom was my first coach and somebody terrible. Like she was like, oh, are you, oh, sit down, honey, it's okay. Oh, she babied you. Oh, gosh, yeah. Like, and then she never coached me again. Because dad was like, no, it was more. So it was her and another coach and we still like have a great relationship with him. But so this wasn't his fault, but I slipped on the bar. Like my hand slipped and I got a black eye. Literally not his fault at all. I can't. My dad was like, little girl. That is it.

He was like, if you're going to do gymnastics, not that I don't trust him, but like, it's got to be me. And I was like, okay. Like, I didn't think anything of it. And I thought it was cool. Yeah. And I think it was really, when I was very young, they would keep pushing me away and they were coaching their own girls.

And I would just try to, like, mimic what the girls were doing. And when they saw he was doing it better than the girls that they were coaching, they were like, okay. Like, fine. Like, okay, fine. Like, we'll let you, like, do it for however long you want and hopefully, like, and you do that they were gymnasts, but, like, did the medals that your dad won or that your mom's championships? Like, did those matter at that point?

No, because I just thought it was, like, part of the, like, it wasn't, like, I didn't know what it meant. Had you seen them? No. Like, I don't even know if we, honestly, like, I don't know where they were if, like, we moved. Like, my grandparents had, at the time still lived in Moscow. I don't even know, like, where they were. Like, I honestly have no idea. Like, I'm shocked that they didn't get law.

Honestly. So I think your parents are pretty humble people. They are. And I think that, you know, when you're young, you don't even know really what that is or what that means or realize it even. And I think that growing up, I never felt like my parents were different than my friend's parents. Like, I think that it started becoming weird or different maybe, like, as a teenager when, you know, oh, like, don't talk about it. about her death, like she's coming. Like, if they were like talking about it,

come with or like, whatever. And so then I was just like, well, that's annoying, but like, whatever. Like, I truly didn't care because once I fell in love with the sport and I had so much passion for it and I like genuinely love being their good or bad. Like, and then I created this goal for myself. Like nothing was going to stop me.

Yeah, that was laser. Yeah, I was like, okay, bye, like another one like is gone, you know, whatever. I just, I was so determined once I had that goal. Early on, I just, like, loved it. And, like, never lost the love for the sport, but I think I didn't realize how, and I don't think they did either, like how far I was going to get because I didn't have the body.

I didn't have what it took at the time to be the best in the world. Like, it was like, oh, cute, you can, like, keep coaching her until, like, you know, things get too hard and then she can't do it. do certain skills. I got to stop you. In your book, I read a part about in your book, Finding My Shine, Fantastic Read, by the way. Take it out if you haven't. But you talked about... There needs to be a part two, three, four, five. It's like a little outdated. Hopefully we get into some of the more new stuff today. You wrote about learning English from like Barney and Sesame Street, but alongside your parents. And so not only are you like, your parents are starting

this new business. They recognize like, whoa, my daughter is actually better than the girls that were coaching at this, but also the language barrier and otherwise. So to hear that they made your like integration into American, American culture very seamless shows that they weren't really about like, hey, touting who we are. They didn't have the medals up at the gym. Like, very humble. Like, and I think that that like, I don't know. It's actually really interesting. I've been thinking about that a lot in the way you kind of like summarize that. It's a great question to ask them because I think also them not, like it has to feel not very empowering. when you can't speak a language, right?

And like you're in a country where you can't speak a language, nobody cares or knows who you are. And Russian and English is not even close to the same. Oh gosh, like the alphabet is different. Yeah, we're not talking Spanish English. Like you can't just like sound it out. Yeah, roll in R and kind of pretend you know Spanish. Like my name in Russian starts with an English, like an H.

I don't know. Like, but that's an N in Russian. So it's like you can't even like look at a piece of paper and know. Like, so I feel like that has to be. But also once you get like, like, past that, that has to be so empowering. Right? And so it's like, okay, if I did that, I can truly do anything kind of feeling.

So I've always gone with that. But I also didn't know any different. Like, you don't know that, like, people are born and able to just, like, speak the language. And, like, so I think watching Barney. Did you just speak Russian in the home? So, yeah, we had to because nobody really spoke English at the beginning. Yeah. But then I started obviously going to school and everything here.

I'm sure you're learning. Oh, 100%. And like as a child, you learned so much easier and quicker. But I think what I then struggled with was being a little embarrassed and like to speak a different language. It wasn't cool at the time when you're a kid. You just want to fit in. You want to be normal. And like all of a sudden your parents are speaking a different language to you and they're just kids are looking at you like, what?

And I'm like, no, speak English, you know. And they would say, they literally would say, like, we don't understand what you're saying because they really wanted me to keep the language up to speak to my grandparents. And at the time, you don't really think about, like, growing up and being older and being able to, like, do that. But I'm so, so glad that they, like, kind of forced me to do that. That was, like, the one and only thing that they forced me to do. Being judged your entire life in a sport that is largely subjective. Right?

100% Subjective, we'll just call it what it is. Yeah. Do you feel like there's been times in your life when you've maybe become aware, like, I am allowing outside opinion to affect me? Or is that thick skin just sort of put up a barrier where you're like, no, I didn't ask your opinion? I wish it did. Every day, honestly.

And I think especially in a world that we live in that's so, first of all, instant, right? And then second, like my career or job that I get or don't get is still based on someone's opinion. And sure, analytics can help and like numbers can help. But at the end of the day... Do you fit in the little nausea box or not? And that to me is what I feel like I've struggled with my whole life. I've always put myself in a box. And it wasn't until I got very lucky to have Kobe as a mentor.

and he was like, why are you putting yourself in that box? You're putting yourself in a box that is a long girl on a pink leotard and a pink scrunchy. And like, cool, yeah, you did that. But like, that's so what? And I was like, oh, whoa. And when he told me that, and it was the week before he won an Oscar. And we were backstage both presenting at some show together. And he was like, I can't tell you.

the amount of people that I've walked into a boardroom or something and they're like, what does he know? He can only shoot a hoop. And I was like, wow, yeah, that's probably valid. Like, you know, like, but he is, like, the most successful at one, like, when someone is successful at one thing, people think that, like, you can't be successful at anything else or you aren't, like, you can't do anything else. And it's like, but why? Like, we had, we, how many subjects did they teach us in school? You know, it's like, when you think about it, sure, we pick one to major in, but it's, I don't know. Like, I think society has made us believe that. That's what I say, like, there's the outward approach of, like, how you be, how you're defined.

But for you in sport, the discipline that you developed, right? The competitive edge, the way for you to compete and can push yourself, that all of those are intangibles that apply. So, and if I don't, like, let, if I don't take those things, like, that is on me. Right. Like, like, okay, cool, you, you, good job. You use those for one thing. Like, can carry on. And I think that was my biggest fear was that I achieved my lifelong dream at 18 years old. I did not see a day or like a moment past August 15, 2008. Not that like I thought life was going to be over, but I just. That was what you dreamed too.

I didn't let myself even think or want to even think past that. My whole entire life was up until 2008. That destination. And I thought, you know, it's really funny because I thought, I remember, like, going to sleep and I'm like, if I could just like do that, I will be happy for the rest of my life. And it's so interesting because it's like, sure, I'm so proud of that moment. And, you know, I did work so hard. And my dad did and my family did. And it was all a team effort.

And I don't regret a single, like, hard day or training. Like, it did help me. I live the life that I love because of that. But it doesn't define who I am. Yes. And I think that's what I struggled with. And maybe even someday struggle with still is I let myself for so long. And not that anyone taught me this, I just like put these like thoughts into my mind, I guess, of, you know, you're not Suoguneg and the gymnast and the pingley aadthard.

And it's like, no, I'm not a gymnast. I'm not the gymnast. Like I did gymnastics. And there's such a fine line between you're the gymnast and, oh, you did gymnastics. because that's so cool. Like, those I am statements can be, like, really dangerous. And like, they can be important, right? Like, I am like, beautiful.

I'm strong. I'm this, I'm not. But it's like, when you let one thing define that, it's like so powerful that it's, like, can be detrimental to so many other things. I think it's when the descriptors are intrinsic. Yeah. Yes. When they're extrinsic, when they're roles you play.

Because anyone listening, right, what she said is so profound, it's that, yes, she was at one point in her life, the, you know, blonde girl on the pink leotard. And the things that made you great at gymnastics also parlay into daily life today. But we have to all both take credit and take some stance for what it is we've experienced, but also recognize that those are qualifiers for the next version of ourselves. 100%. And I think it's like that next version, right?

So it's how do you step out of that box and find that next version? Because it's, you know, when your career too is something. somewhat still like, not defined by that one thing you did when you were 18 years old, but like it's still part of who I am. And I don't want that to like, I don't want to like walk away from that because it's not that I'm like ashamed at all. But I have so many more passions and interests that at times don't have anything to do with that. And I think that's where people struggle in like even seeing me outside of that. Right. And it's like, well, what, like, that's cool that you like, you like to do that. But like, okay, so let's talk, you know, and it's like, they just want to talk

about that. And it's like, can I, like, the only, sure, it was hard work. Okay, let's move on. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, yes, it was all those things that helped me achieve the greatest thing I ever wanted to do in that sport. But like, life had just started at 18. And like, we keep wanting to go back to, you know, and it's like, and not you or like this conversation, but it's like, it is so interesting. Or if someone recognized, it's always, like, oh, you're like, I'm like, how do you know you weren't even alive yet? Like, you're, you know, it's like so, yeah, it's like a very conflicting kind of. And I think that's why I never, I never know how to respond when someone like recognizes me on a day, like at a restaurant

in the bathroom this happened yesterday. And I was like, I just like, I freeze up because I'm like, yeah, it is me or whatever, but I don't, I'm not like, oh my God, you know me? Because they're speaking to the gymnasts. They're not speaking to the not. when they were a child watching on TV and that's normally what it is. And it's like, I loved you. Like you inspired. And I'm like, thank you so much. But then it comes across so, like, cold and bitchy.

And it's like, yeah, I struggle finding that like, yeah, of like, thank you. Like, I do appreciate it. And like, I'm so happy that I was able to. Like, because that is my, like, goal in life, right? Do you ever get recognized now in a way that, like, people are like, dancing with the stars or, and it's not even connected to your gymnast side? and it's like really refreshing or you feel like very encouraged by that? Not really.

Not really. Because even on dancing, it's about your back. You know, like every. Yeah. And even I guess more so when I did special forces a little bit, that was. That was pretty outside the box. You could say that again. Which is actually how we got connected.

So Dana Amandola, shout out to my boy. One of my best friends, synced us up, which I'm so grateful for this conversation. Oh my gosh. Same. Love him. And he was like one of the soul reasons. I like survived as many days. So I was number, so we, so basically,

we had no idea what we were signing up for. This was season one. Like they don't really tell you much. Middle of Jordan, middle of nowhere in Jordan. And this was honestly the greatest thing. They do everything for a reason, obviously. And when you're going into it, you have no idea why. So, you know, we're like, like taken to the, like,

It's almost like kidnapped, taken to this place, and we're just like, okay, this is real. Like, we had to, like, turn in our phones, but, like, you just don't know still what you're about to experience. We are completely asked to remove all of our clothes, like, down to, like, just undergarments. And we're like, oh, whoa, okay, this is a little invasive. And, like, there's cameras. And it's like, but you also sign, like, you're never, like, they're never going to show new, whatever. So, and for me, I was, like, a joke must my whole life. So I was just like, oh, okay, whatever.

And I look over and like Melby who like spice girl like come on like that's like a slight fan girl moment like yep and I'm just like oh my god what I'm like I'm like I'm dressing next to Melby yeah in the middle of Jordan and I'm like what am I doing like maybe I shouldn't be here and I'm like anyways and like we just stopped and we looked at each other and we just started laughing and we got in trouble for laughing and the reason that they and then they lined us up once we like changed and they hand out our numbers and And I also didn't understand fully why that they were doing this. But the reason why is essentially you're stripped down completely of your identity.

And that can sound so like terrible and negative. But it was it was honestly like the best thing that could have happened because like and they said it in a way that was like so like funny. Like we don't care how many TikTok followers you have or Instagram followers you have. But, like, coming from them, like, we all kind of, like, tried not to laugh. But it's, it was so true. They were like, we don't care how many medals you won. We don't care how many trophies you have.

How many Grammys you have? How many Oscars do. Like, you're all here for a reason. And we're all won now. You liked that. Oh, yeah. I was like, just as, oh, 100%. Because, like, I've always believed that, but no one implements that in real life.

That was just an arena where it truly was. Where, like, you're right. It doesn't matter how many fault. Like, it's not about that. And. So you like that freeing feeling? I did. I liked not being defined by any of the things that are like a little bit, like bits and pieces of who I am. Tell me this. What would be the most misunderstood parts of you?

Everyone thinks I'm high maintenance and like, I think it's, I'm such a perfectionist. Sure. That I don't like to do anything unless, yeah, like my standard for myself and the bar is just so high. But it's like with things that it shouldn't be that high, right? Like doing an Instagram story. If there's stuff laying on the floor, I, oh, like, I, the, there's this like, like, trending sound that's like, no, you don't understand. I want my house to look like no one lives in it.

And it's like, that is me. And it's like, not because, like, I want no one to know no one loves in it. It's just like, no, why would you have dirty clothes on the floor? So does it come out of control? Is there a little that like OCB? Yes, but also because like why do something if you're going to half ass it? Oh, I got the goof bumps when you said it.

But like it's like like why spend or not even spend it a waste time. Yeah, exactly right? Unless it's full effort and truly high standard then you're just wasting time. But then that comes off as unrelatable. And so then it's like I struggle with this every single day of I actually am very, like,

like relatable and normal. Yeah. And I think that's where I've always struggled with reality TV with doing a show like that because when the cameras are on, like I'm just on, right? And I'm competing or I'm just like, I'm back in that element of like it's subjective. You could do the best routine of your entire life, which I have at a world championships. And I got the silver medal. And like silver's amazing.

Don't get me wrong. But like my dad. my dad being such like a perfectionist also, but also like a technical genius. And it was the year before the Olympics, I think, two years or one year before the Olympics. And so, you know, with an Olympic year coming, he now is like in the mindset of like, okay, we need to restructure everything. Like how do we, so he just after the competition, well after, asked the judge, just curious, like, what was it? Should we like, should we, like, almost like advice, right? Yeah, yeah, give me something. And she basically just looked at him and said nothing.

I like the other girl better. That's really hard to perform that well and still have someone just go, she's not for me. Oh, 100%. And so I think that's where I have struggled both like with that and then just in life and has made me become controlling or like to be in control because I could have the best routine competition of my entire life but it's not who touched the wall first.

It's not who crossed the finish line. It's not who scored the goal. But finally, when I realized, just go do the thing that you love, try your best. And if you have the best competition of your entire life and somebody else still chooses somebody over you, that's okay. You can hit the pillow at night knowing that you did the best. And I think when I was able to process that along with,

stop worrying about everybody else because just like you can't control the judge's score you, you can't control anything about them not their performance, not Wiliator, they were, none of that. And I think that the combination of that was like so truly groundbreaking when it like all aligned and clicked for me that then I was like

had the best year of my entire life like obviously like in competition. and I mean, a lot of other things had to, you know, had to, like, do with that. But it was a really, really challenging thing for me to not just process, but live by, right? Of, like, you can still be the best. You can. And, like, and I took that with me in so many different aspects of life. Like, okay, if you're showing up to, like, a red carpet, like, you, the best hair makeup team, the best of this.

And then it's like, you're still, like, can be picked apart on the internet. And it's just like, so then it, like, spirited. goes down to feeling like there's nothing you can do to ever be enough. And that's like a little deep, obviously, but it's kind of like, again, the life that I've lived, essentially my whole life of, yeah, it had nothing to do with the way my parents raised me or what they taught me or like how they were. Like, they truly didn't care if I won a gold medal or not. Like they always said, like, we want you to be like a good person and have a good heart.

And no one's going to remember how many medals you want or didn't win. But people always remember the way that you treated them and the way that you acted towards somebody, you know, on the street or the waiter or the little girl that, you know, is crying because security said, like, sorry, she has to go. Like, be the person to turn back around. But that's not what people are talking about, right? Back to that. And it's like, so you have. have to be so happy and confident just like in your own self and I feel like it's hard to do that. It's harder to live that than just portray it, right?

And especially in a world of social media, that is like, I've got that down. Like, it is so easy to like put the stuff out there, put the content, like, great at editing. Yeah. And then like, that's like, okay, you can, you're essentially built. you're building a character. And, like, that character is, like, a brand. And it's also the way you pay your bills. So, but then you're like, is that me?

Right. And people are going to make their judgments whether it is or it isn't. And so, like, you have to be okay with that. And that's what I think where I, like, I struggle with, like, the perfectionism and building that character and brand because I do, like, yes, it's part of me. but then it's the things that like are not relatable that I'm like, wait, but I actually like that in my real life. Like if you ever just like walked into my house, like, and it's like, we'll show that. And I'm like, well, I don't know how.

I don't know how sometimes. And I also feel like, but not everybody should get that version of me. I like that. It's a sacred sort of feeling of that. 100% of like. That access into your human. If I let you into my home, I trust you. Like I obviously trust you and all of this.

in the sense of, I know, like, just by speaking to you, like, you know, for the last month, whatever, that you're not going to flip this narrative. No, I want to hear your version of the narrative that maybe people haven't heard. What is life after these, in your case, right? The chosen moment for you is a grand success. Like you said, like, it's this pinnacle thing where a lot of people I've interviewed it's some big tragedy. Well, so I'm going to spin this now on you.

Okay, yeah, come on. Because, yeah, sure. All the things they've talked about, yes, 100%. And forever grateful for that moment. Like, it truly made me believe that we really can do anything we want. Like, no matter what. Child prodigy achieves the goal, then what? I was so young that, and I loved Jim.

So I was like, wait, I'm not, why retire now? But then it was like, whoa, all these opportunities are being like thrown at you. and you have worked almost 20 years of your life for not those opportunities, but like, just because you loved it, but now they're coming at you. So, like, you'd be stupid not to take those opportunities. Yeah. And, you know, my parents never had those opportunities. So they, you know, obviously guided me and I'm so grateful, but, like, they didn't know what was going to come next. You know, like, they didn't, they, finding an agent, my, I was 12 years old when I was professional.

12 years old when I took my first paycheck for an Adidas commercial. What? Yeah. Like, so at 12 years old, there was no NIL? Yeah. Like, I was. There wasn't even social media in the same way, right? I was literally making, I, at 12 year I was making the decision to for go and CAA,

like a full ride to an amazing university and compete and do something I love to do for going professional. Yeah. And going professional in a way, and actually this was one of my questions, which is, is missing out on normal childhood, right? Like, it's clear for what you told us, right? Not just from your parents from their background, but it's clear that, like, you had a choice. They didn't just push this on you.

And at the same time, like, when you were so focused on your goals, like, you didn't get a driver's license, you didn't date. There was probably more things that you said no to than any teenager ever has for the sake of being able to have the opportunity at the 2008 games. So for me, it was like... I didn't care. I was always allowed to have a sleepover.

I was always a lot. Like, my parents really did want me to just have a normal childhood. And I was always the constant driver of like, no, no, no, but like I have training anymore. I'm going to be tired. Like, because I've done it before. Where do you think that came from? Where did that well up inside of you if they weren't the ones pushing it? Nothing is going to get in my way of me achieving a goal.

And I knew that it wasn't just the seven hours. hours a day in the gym. Like that was just like that's surface level. Everybody's doing that. That is so anybody can do that. I remember thinking like I have the rest of my life to have sleepovers. I have the rest of my life to date. I have the rest of my life to, you know, and it's like, but you don't have the rest of your life to achieve the one thing that you want to do. So you were making a conscious decision even at that age. A hundred percent. And I think, yeah, I would say conscious. Yeah. I mean, I think I maybe at the beginning was just kind of like, oh no, I have trained.

Like, you know, you just kind of like, this is my life. Habit. Yeah. And it's, and I also didn't think, all my friends were my teammates. So it was kind of like a little easier because I didn't, they also had to be at the gym. Like they weren't, you know, like, I didn't really know, not better, but I didn't know different. Yeah.

And I didn't want different. I wanted that. I wanted what I was doing. And I literally remember telling myself, like, when people ask like, but don't, aren't you missing? I'm like, on what? Yeah. Like, to go to prom, I went to prom, but I, like, was home by now anxiety training in the next day. Like, I just didn't care.

Like, but then I got to go to the SB's and walk the recovery and win best female athlete. Like, sorry, like, thank you, senior prom. Love you guys. But, like, that top. It's not that I didn't care. It's just that my priorities were different. So here's a question. Back to the word obsession.

We used it talking about OCD things, right? Yeah, I know. It's a tough word, I think. But I wonder and tell me if I'm putting. words in your mouth, having gymnastics was the obsession with an extrinsic goal, but internally you were very motivated to achieve. That was also in somebody else's control. True. Then you step out of the arena of gymnastics, right? Still have the traits that make you genius at your gift, which is the obsession that it takes to do anything necessary to achieve. Then where do you aim

that? So I think that was where I completely just lost. myself and my identity essentially, because I had no idea. Look, I never won a gold medal, but transitioning out of football, I didn't know who I was without football. It was the scariest question ever. And also, like, people didn't allow me to fully transition. Oh, because they kept being like, no, we need the pink leotard girl, please. Yeah, and like you're getting, it's your job, you're getting paid to be the pink leotard girl. Oh, that's like you're paying your bills by paying the pinkleotard girl.

That's like the artist that's trying to sing the song from 10 years ago and they hate people. because that song doesn't mean anything anymore. Yeah. And so the best thing I ever did was go back to the advice that my dad gave me when I was 10 years old, and he said, go to school one day. Promise me, no matter how far your gymnastics career takes you, please, I don't care what school you go to, but please go to school and get a degree because an education will stick with you for the rest of your life.

These accomplishments, like, somebody else is going to win the Olympics very next time. And then another one. And then another one. And either time they do, you're a little less relevant, right? And also relevant or not, like, you need to know who you are outside of that. And I would like, again, when you're 10 or 12 years old, you're just like, yeah, sure, dad, thanks. Like, you know, you don't fully understand that.

And I remember I was already, so the Olympics were in 2008. I graduated high school in 2007. And so all my friends left, right? And they went to call it. And I was just seeing social media, Facebook had just started. about, yeah. So I was like just, that was my first, like, little, little cases of FOMO, but like not fully because the Olympics were right there.

That's back when Facebook you had to have a school email. I literally had to lie because I went to a private school. Sorry. And like, because my school wasn't on the Facebook down to place. And I like said lied and went to some. That's amazing. So I got accepted or whatever. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember thinking, I didn't have FOMO of like. what they were doing. I felt like I was now behind. Yeah. Because I knew, like, I still out a year and, like, I wasn't going to, I was going to follow through and go to the Olympics, or like, you know, hope to go to the Olympics. But I was like, okay, they're going to graduate a year before me. So it was like a little bit of a like competitiveness, but also like, wait, but that's,

that's the next chapter of life. And now I'm going to be behind on life. You're ahead on something. A hundred percent. And now, but I can't control that. I can't, like, run more. I can't do more like ropes or leg lifts. Like I literally can't speed up time. Which is wild to think about because in 2004, Athens Olympics, you're not old enough. Which guys, I've learned about gymnastics through all this research. I appreciate this. And I love, I mean, I was with Amadola.

Like 2008 training camp in the NFL, it was Michael Phelps and Nossi Luchin. And we were a bunch of football guys again who have no idea how to score gymnastics, but getting pissed with the judges somehow, you know, didn't do you right. But, you know, if you look at the world of gymnastics, if you are of age, right, 15 in calendar year before. Yeah. Yeah. Turning 16 Olympic year, essentially, yeah. Then it's very likely that you end up not just competing, but meddling and podium in that one.

And then four years later, in 2008, being front-honored and favorite. Yes. But you go into 2004, can't compete. I'm a year too young. You're too young. 2007, you had a gnarly ankle injury, which is the only surgery that you had in your career? So it was this lingering 2006. Okay, that's an injury.

Like, I never flew, yeah. But I read, I heard you competed. You went to worlds in a wheelchair. Mm-hmm. That was fun. I mean, talk about grit. Like, just, again, I know you stayed over it. Oh, I was so embarrassed.

I'm like, the people that were looking at, like, yeah. They're like, what are you doing here? And they did it because you're so good in one event. In one specific event. And because the accumulation of points, it was worthy, worthwhile to have you come. But, like, I couldn't walk, like, even when I competed. And like, let me just say, nobody forced me to do this.

So I hurt my ankle. And I, you know, immediately went to the hospital, whatever. And there were a few bone chips. But, like, I called my doctor back here, Dr. Cooper, who loved him. Shut out, Dan. And we sent him all the scans. And he was like, okay, look, like, I already know. Like, you're asking me if you can computer.

And I was like, yeah, okay, so careful. And he was like knowing that also the, he always thought long picture too. And that's kind of why, like, my dad trusted him. Like so, like, he wasn't going to tell him or me or any of his athletes like, yeah, go take six months off. Like, he knows that A, that's not a possibility. And be like, sure, that's the easy, safe answer to say. But like, just tell me, it's a cop out. And tell me what you actually think is like, so he was like, are you going to injure it more? No. And I'm like, okay, that's all I need to hear. I'm like, like, my dad, you can talk to him. Yeah, say no more. And so he basically was like, now do you need surgery? Yes. And I was like, oh, God.

Like, I had never, and that was all because of like the way my dad trained me. It was all smart training. You were always really flexible. Oh, I was not strong at all. Right. Like, strength and power was not you. Oh, God. Like, to this day, I hate running, like, with a passion.

Like, because I, we had to run every single day at track and I would get last. every single time. And then I would start crying because I was like, felt sorry for myself. Do you think there's kids in school that say, or people that train with you, are like, hey, I used to beat Nazi shit. Yeah, she won the gold, but I can outrun her. Oh, 100%. And I will gladly get that to them because like, take it, Swiss.

Yeah, go for it. But yeah, I remember that moment and he was like, you need surgery. But I know you're trying to leave in a week for world championships. And like, but you can't. So, like, yes, you can wrap it up real tight and go compete. and then the second you get back home, like, we need to do, yeah. And it was an orthoscopic surgery. It was, but what happened was, um, the bone chips with some landings because I still had to,

like, wrap it up and do a dismount. Um, they kind of travel, like, behind my Achilles tendon. And so it was like, I was getting a little stuck, like, just going up on Releve, whatever, made it through that, got the surgery. And I just kept, like, I wasn't patient, you know, like, I would like land a little short. and then like, I'd be back a few weeks, whatever. Which is wild because all of the lead-up to 2008 games was Sean Johnson, Sean Johnson. Well, up until 2007, it was like I was the favorite, right?

Because she was like such a big, like wasn't on the team yet. Yeah. And so I think that's, that moment was where I started struggling. Yeah, because, yeah. Like these setbacks. Obviously physically. But it was that moment that it was like, wait, everybody that used to love me and say that I was the greatest thing that walked on water and like, I am the future of Jim.

Like, all of a sudden, everything is flipped. And that was the first time I fully experienced something like that of like, literally a month ago you loved me. And you talked like so highly of me. Is that like a welcome to the sport? Welcome to like life. Because it happens in life too. It's not just a sport.

Yes, it's, I feel like magnified maybe in the sport. especially like gymnastics, especially in the Olympics, where, you know, as a female, especially you, you know, really only have one chance, maybe two if you're lucky. But, and nothing against any other sport. Like, we can't try again next year, right? You have to wait four years. I don't know how you do it. Because it's like, it's equally all just as hard people put in the work.

But it's also like, you have one chance. And so much out of your control to your exact point. So, like, you can't just like. suck it up and like you know go run faster like it's like so many things go into that so when i started seeing this happening i was like wait are they right am i now not good enough am i too old am i too injured am i too like there's girls better than me okay sure maybe right now how did that weigh on you oh it was i was at the worst place in my entire life because i never had experienced like i'm not saying everyone all

always told me I walked like, but I had never experienced something so, like, was such a drastic flip. I was like, wait, but you literally liked me when I won something like. So I'm like, so do you only, so this is where I developed the, you're only going to love me if I win. Yeah, never enough. You're only going to love me if I'm the best. You're only going to love me and support me if I get a gold medal. And so that was a struggle. I had to essentially stop listening. I wouldn't let myself read or listen to anything. And my dad had a rule before that. Like, give the interview, do what you need to do.

Like, obviously, like, you have to. You're not allowed to read the article because this is when we had to, like, look up an article, like, not just, like, on social. Can't imagine having social them. You're not allowed to read, whether it's negative or positive. Because both will affect you. Yeah.

I love your dad. I got to meet your dad. Oh, God. He's the greatest. Yeah, he's the greatest. Put to sit down with pops. Positive. It's also.

No one needs extra, like, you know, like to, like, pump yourself up. Like, just stay neutral. So say what you want to say. Again, you're not in control of how they word it and what they write. So when I realized that, I stopped listening to the broadcast who became then my colleagues. And like it was, oh, I let them have it. Did you again? My first, like, production meeting.

I was like, oh, yeah. So, like, like my dreams were held together by tape. And everyone was like. People don't forget. You can forgive. You don't have to forgive. But I think like that moment that I was able to finally like, like silence the noise and only listen to the people that like were going to help get me to that goal. So that's a tool now that you invest. Right. For sure. And it's like easier said than done sometimes. Like all. Yeah. But I think like with social, it's definitely harder because it's like it's like it's not just like a one. every four years. It's every single day.

And it's crazy to think about gymnastics, y'all. Like, and again, you're talking about hundreds of thousands of girls across the country, right? They whittle down to like 300. They're eventually whittled down to 30 for like six spots. No, it's like four. Yeah. Or it's four spots. Whatever.

Regardless, the nature of having your shot only every four years plus like social media. Like an eight. Like, you know, it's like you could roll your ankle on a curb. Yeah. It's like, yeah. And then you talk about social media and body image issues. And the pressures that, right, like, you know, you were too tall, too skinny. not powerful enough, right? Sean was X, Y, and Z. Yeah, exactly. There's never going to be. She was born

in the right place and she's the right age and it's like, it's just that constant comparison. And so like, how do you feel enough? And how did that affect you and her, your relationship? Oh, we didn't speak. Yeah, I mean, we were friends until the Olympic. Right, which is crazy because you're on a team, trying to achieve. Well, so that is like the craziest part of our sport. Yeah, speak to that. It is a team sport. The, the greatest, like, our biggest goal is, to win the gold medal as a team for the United States of America. But, or but. But, like, it is an individual sport.

You want to beat each other. Of course. And so, what do you mean, like, if we all do our best, like, you know, we're going to win? Like, sure, maybe for that one day and college. Like, but really it's who wins the gold medal in the all-around. And we're roommates sleeping next to each other. That's so wild. Like, and we're 16 and 18 years old.

Like, what do we even know about life? And the world has this whole narrative. And the world has this narrative. And our agents have this narrative. Like, and all the sponsors take sides. Like, no sponsor signs to gymnasts. No one. Like, it's either that or that.

Yeah. Salt or pepper, honey. So, a hundred percent. And so it's like, you're either team Nosty or your team Sean. And like, that's all funny and cool until it's like. You're living it. I am that. I am.

Yeah. And then add on the pressure that now you're like team not like spot. Like I had no idea like thank God probably that I had no idea like the clauses in pretty much every contract if I didn't make the Olympics. Like I'm so glad I didn't know that. I'm like what? Yeah. But it was like that kind of pressure, right?

That you were like these Fortune 500 companies are trusting like a 16, 17, 18 year old to like represent. like hundreds of millions of dollars are put into putting on like you being on these like billboards and credit cards and coke cans like and you're just like I just want to just go play on the beach like I just like this is my sport like I truly just like did this because I love gymnastics not that and don't get me wrong I'm so grateful that all of those like took a chance on me and like the faith that they had in me but like that's where I think it started becoming like Like, I've lost a friend now because people I don't know are like...

Creating this. Yeah. And then that was hard. What became even harder was just... Then it started escalating even more. Like, she's doing this, she's doing this. She has an appearance on this show. She did this late night show.

She did that. It was literally like... It felt like that to the outside world. It was that times 10. I couldn't imagine living it. So it was, it was what I think our, and like our breaking point, it was eight years went by of that, our breaking point was, we were both engaged at the same time. Then you're being concerned about that.

And then it was bride wars 2.0. And I was like, you know what? That's where that's, it's too much for me. And we both felt it, but I think it had been so long that, that, we just lied to everybody. Like, oh, like, do you, are you guys still best friend? You know, because that we truly were at the, so it's like, then people would put that down our throats.

And it's like, oh, I actually haven't spoken to her in six and a half years. Like, and if we would see each other at events, it was the fate. Hey, how are you good to see? And then you walk away. We didn't even have each other's phone numbers. Wow. Because we had changed it multiple times in the course of that. What's the relationship like today?

So we're best friends. I am the godmother to her first child. At the time of we were both engaged, I didn't get married then, but both being engaged and planning our weddings, she reached out to me, which I was a little annoyed about. No, I'm just kidding. I just wanted to be the one to do it, but I didn't want, I didn't know how. I honestly, I didn't know how. Somebody had to. Somebody had to, and it was both of her now husband at the time.

I mean, like, they listen to us like, look, what she's, like, doing this. Like, you know, it's like we obviously were still competitive because people made us be competitive. But, like, we as humans probably are the two most, like, common people and the people that understand each other the most. Then, like, even more so maybe than her husband does. Yeah. Because of, like, what we lived and went through together. And so I was literally, I was in New York City at the Bowery Hotel at Gemma having an interview with the New York Times. And the guy says, so your teammates' wedding is coming, Sean's wedding is coming up.

Are you going to be able to make it? I wasn't invited at the time. And I was like, I'm not sure yet. I'm not, you know, I don't really know like our schedules are so busy. I did like, I like without even thinking, yeah. And then I'm like, you're not even invited. Why would you even say that? But I was not going to say that I wasn't invited.

Not just for me, but like for her. Like I didn't want for. Yeah. And I knew that was going. So I just said the like whatever. And like a few questions later, he excuses himself to go to the restroom. I pick up my phone and I have like a two-page email from Sean. Two-page.

But I'm like, yeah, long. And basically. Basically, yeah, apologizing, you know, saying how, like so many. I still have it. Yeah, and then asking, I was living in New York at the time, going to school, and she was like, I'm actually going to be in New York next week. I would like, not sure if you, you know, have any interest, but like, I would love to just see you. And I wrote her email back right away.

I totally got. I was like, sorry, I just have to answer. Like, I was like, didn't even tell him. And then in the email, she was like, I would love to. for you to come to the wedding. I don't even know if you have any interest. And so I was like, what I said about the wedding. I was like, yeah, I'll be there. I'll be there. Yeah. We joke. We joke about this all the time. Well, I pulled something from your book that I thought was really, really magical, if I can use that word. But the night before the 2008 games in Beijing,

you had a dream. Now, this is wild because to the point you just made, Sean Johnson is in the room with you, the bed next to you. Oh, we have like, yeah, like little like, you're in like a dorm basically, right? literally. And I guess talk, tell the audience about that dream. The dream starts with obviously the leotard that I wore at the Olympics, the pink leotard and the matching pink scrunchy, which I got a lot of heat for because it was not patriotic. That being said, I understood where people were coming from, but did I have an American flag on the sleeve because that's also like a role you have to have your country's flag. But we felt, yes, as a team, like when you're

competing like team you're always team USA right at the Olympics like it's almost like it bothered me a little bit because it goes back to the constant judgment being why does it matter what you're wearing why does it matter what color you're wearing because frankly a color if the judge doesn't like that color what if a judge is colorblind then what or or they do hate the color pink or like anything right so I'm like so a lot goes into this decision like for me, I didn't even think anything of it, but our head coach is very, like, you know, like, there's thought behind everything. Probably pretty old school.

Very old school, yeah. And so she, like, makes us, and, like, we have, like, what we call a fashion show. Yeah. We all, like, just get in the same leotard, and she decides which one we wear for team, which one. And so the first time in history that this had happened was leading up to this Olympics, even the individual all around finals only two per country qualify but like you're you're representing the same country you're still a team like your teammates so you wear the same exactly a tart

so when we were trying on leotards for the individual all around finals it was okay try the purple one on first girls so we put so me being as superstitious as i am the year before at the world championships in the all around i wear purple and i fell off the beam and i'm like nope nope nope We're past that. It's okay. Like, you want to think that that's going to happen again, but, like, it's not the same leotard. And also, you're stronger than that.

Like, this is my thought. Oh, within the matter of, like, 25 seconds. And so I just stand there, like, you know, no emotion. And I'm just like, you can't give your opinion, really then. But you're screaming inside. Oh, my God. Inside of my piece up because of a little. No, no, no, no.

And Sean won the all-around finals in the purple leotard that same year. So I'm like, she's probably wanting to wear that one. And I'm just like, you know what? Control your controllables. this isn't in your control right now. And as, like, hard as that was, I was just like, you got to let it go. So she's like, okay, great, now put on the pink one, both of you. And I'm like, I did not do this.

I guess I came out, like, just like happy. Yeah, and, and she looks at it, and she goes, oh, okay, you seem to really like this one on. And I was like, oh, no, I don't like, it's fine. Then I was like, oh, God, yeah, I was like, it's fine. And so she was like, okay, she was like, now put on the red one. And Sean, I guess, maybe looked more confident in the red. So the pink and the red were the same version of leotard, just different colors. So she goes, Noste, you're going to wear the pink one, Sean.

You're going to wear the red one. And I guess I, like, lit up. And, like, it was the first time that they, like, allowed us to wear different ones, but they were the same exact leitard. Okay. So the same. Anyways, that was like the, yeah. So the night before the all-round finals, I went to bed.

And because of the time change in China, like, this. This was the first time in our life that we were waking up for the most important day of our entire career at like 4.35 a.m. so we could compete in the morning versus the evening so it could be live back at home in the U.S. So that in itself was already like, you know, it brings a little like, we're not awake and warmed up and like whatever. It's outside of the norm. And don't miss your alarm for the biggest day of your entire life. So going to sleep that night was already a little challenging.

I can't imagine. Yeah. was up until then, like, training seven hours that you don't have a problem going to sleep. You're so tired. Like, you're like, can't wait for your bed. But I remember that night, we turned, like, we had, like, our beds right here, two nightstands and, like, the lights were here. And we both, like, reached over, turn the light off.

And we kind of just, like, looked at each other and didn't say anything and turn the light off. and it was like this strange moment of two teenage girls knowing that somebody's dream was about to come true and somebody's wasn't and it was like unspoken feelings, words, emotions, nerds. Like there's so many different things in like the moment of turning a light off, right? So I go to sleep and I have this drink. I'm in my pink leotard and the matching pink scrunchy. And never in my life up until this moment ever,

have I ever had a dream the night before a competition about gymnastics. I very rarely dreamed about gymnastics. If I did, it was like me falling off a beam and I wake up and I'm like falling off the bed. Like had that plan. The moment of the bad catastrophes. Terrible. Like, and so that's why I think it felt as real as it did. So it is the all-around finals in Beijing in my dream.

I go to vault. It's always been my weakest event. And never in my life have stuck a vault landing in competition. And I stick my vault landing. And so I kind of was like new still. It was like not real. It was a dream because like that never happens.

So I go to bars my best event. And this is the moment where I have the highest advantage. And if I want to maintain on top, you can't even like your pinky toenail cannot even be all. Like, you have to deliver. And so I'm always most nervous on bars. I make my bar routine, but I step, I take one step on my dismount, but it's fine because it's only one tenth of a point.

Move on to beam, have the best routine in my life, stick my dismount, move on to floor, have an amazing routine. I finish in my ending pose. I wave, I go down the steps off of the podium to give my dad a hug as I just won the Olympic gold medal. and I wake up with my arms up here hugging the air. Wow. And I remember being like, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was so real. What do you mean?

It's not, like, looking around and it's like Sean's sound asleep next to me. And I'm like... Was it the morning? Was it time to wake up or was the sort of the middle? No, it was like an hour before my alarm went off. So then I'm like... Yeah, there's no sleeping now. And now I'm going to be tired for the actual thing, you know, all these stuff.

I love the athlete mind, right? So I'm like, it's okay. It's okay. it's fine, just try to go back to sleep and shut your eyes. Did you feel like it was Manifest Destiny? One million percent. I mean, you did the vision board, right? So for those to do, I know when I came in the house,

we talked about it in the gym room, but talk about what you did because I think this was a really, like you just said something a minute ago that said control the control levels. And a lot of people think the vision, like it's not in your control. Right. But I would beg to differ. And I think people could use this, right?

Like whatever they're dealing with right now, maybe someone listening is like... Listen, I could deal with this. Like, I could use this right now because it's like we're always dealing with something. Yeah. And a past version of yourself believed in something that was much greater or harder and we're difficult than what you're going through now. And yet you got through it. But because it's different, we don't believe. We don't believe.

We don't believe. All of a sudden, we're like, I don't know what to do. But like, I compete on a four inch wide balance beam in front of billions of people and I somehow figured it out. Right. So the vision board for me. was like well I read the book the secret yeah amazing yeah and my mom tried to get me to read it and I it's like you know when your teacher makes you read a book and you're like no and it was like the year it was right before

Olympic trials and she's like I really think you should read and like but she reads a lot of books and so I'm like you've told me about a million times read this book and whatever and this was when Oprah was still on TV and I remember in between trainings one day her I would always like turn it on before where I'd go back to the gym. She had the whole entire, like, show was, like, with, with Rhonda, yeah, the author and the book. And I'm like, well, if Oprah's, like, so I literally leave for training early, stop to stop by Barnes & Noble, the bookstore, grab a book, and hide it in my car.

Because I don't want my mom to think that I listen to her. Yeah, no, of course not. So I ended up reading it, like, in one day, like, but it would hide it, like, under my pillows. So I didn't want my mom to see it, which is, like, so stupid. So it's basically, you guys should all read it, but I believe in it. It's the law of attraction. And yeah, so I made this vision board. They had just released what the Olympic medals were going to look like in Beijing.

So every Olympic Games, the host city, gets to design the medal. The front always stays the same. It's like the Olympic emblem. And then the back they get to design with like the ribbon part. So I printed off the gold, silver and the bronze medal, like on a piece of printer paper. and like cut it like terribly like and just put it on there. But there's a power in getting specific in this exercise. Very specific.

And so it's like don't just put like the like gymnastics on there. Like you know or the Olympics even. Like you have to know exactly. Yeah. And like that is like the biggest part of it. It's not just like yeah, you can't just put Thailen Bigger Rings like cool. Well then you'll make the Olympic team. But like what do you want like taking it even further.

So what my mom did because you know she saw. that and she realized that I read the book, she dug up my dad's Olympic gold medal that was rolled up in a ball in a box in the basement somewhere. I had never my life seen them. Wow. This was the first time that you got to see. Yeah. And this was about a few months before the Olympics. And she hung up his gold medal on the corner of the board. Right next to a picture of the Beijing Olympics, like, that were, like, medals that I could possibly win in about three months. And when I saw that, I came home one night from training. It was like 8 p.m. I was so exhausted.

Just like, it was like probably a Wednesday or Thursday, middle of the week. And you're just, like, pushing through. And when I saw that, I was like, whoa, like, I literally feel like I could go do 10 more bar routines right now. Like, I just was like, there was something that made it feel so real. Yet I knew that that wasn't like my medal. or it wasn't the Beijing Medal. This was one from exactly 88, 28, 20 years prior. But seeing those next to that,

and my dad being my coach and my dad, I was like, cool, got it, that's all I needed to see. So powerful. And sent, like, from that moment, like, nothing else, like, truly, and I say this, like, nothing else got in my way. A bad day, it's fine. Somebody telling me I couldn't do it, like, okay, get lost. Like, there was literally nothing that,

was going to stop me. I knew what the outcome was going to be and then the dream proved itself. So the night, the day before the all around finals, our head coach came up to me in the cafeteria. So my dad and I, like, we're very superstitious. Like, we know what the end goal is, but we don't, you don't talk about it. Like you just, you don't talk about winning a gold medal. You just, like, you assume that that's, you have the common goal and like no one needs to talk about that. Like, you just do it. And so this was after the team competition where your individual scores don't matter for you individually, but they just matter for the team, but you still see your scores. So she came up and we got second as a team, which, you know, that was a whole thing in itself

of like people asking us, how did it feel to lose the gold medal and we're like, we just won the silver medal? Like, what? Like, this is all of our first Olympics. Did we want to win gold? Sure, who doesn't? Who doesn't? And I have always thought second and fourth are the two hardest. Like, I'm so happy for you. You won the medal. But like, and I still am happy. But like you're so close to being the best.

And then fourth you're so close to being on the podium. So like those are just hard. But I was obviously like so proud of our team. And like despite like everything that happened. So she comes up to me, pulls me aside. And she's like, you know, today was the Olympic all around finals. You'd be an Olympic champion right now. Like just like this.

And I was like, I know, I can do it again tomorrow. And walked off. Oh, savage. And I was like, who am? Like, then I was like, oh God, who am I right now? You don't say that? I'm super sin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, overthinking everything. And I'm like, no, stop. Like, I like had never, this is why I wanted a major and it's like, I had never in my mind like been so just mentally strong. And not like mentally strong in a bat. Like, I don't think it was bad. Like I still felt all the feel. Like, you know, it wasn't like you were a serial killer here.

Correct. But like, I was so determined to do something that nothing was going to stop me or get in my way. Do you feel like it was already a foregone conclusion in your mind? Oh, yeah, I already knew what was going to happen. So that's why I was like when she told me that, I was like, yeah, I know. It was almost like, I already know what's going to happen. Before you had to think about it. Just let me just do it.

And so like stop like, yeah. And so then the dream happens. And I'm like, see, told you. Like, but I like, obviously I tell nobody. Yeah. I don't even tell my dad because, again, we're superstitious. Like, no one needs to talk about it. What do you think he would have said if you told him?

Like, I just would never have told. I don't know. Like, I've just never, like, we don't even talk about. That was for you and you only. It's just like, it's not that like, I didn't want to tell him because of something. Like, we never even talked about making the Olympic. Like, it would, like, at the Olympic trial was when I got, like, you just do the work. Like, I have no, like, to the point where he was so superstitious about the way, like, the safety pins that he put on my, like,

Like, and I, then, oh, this is good, actually. The number on my back, also not in your control, like of our leotards. But, like, I would always find a way to look at the numbers and, like, that would determine how I would do. So let me tell you. My number was 412 at the Olympics. I never normally see the number. Like, my dad only takes it because one time at my third nationals, I won. My number was one-one-one.

and he was like, oh, God. He, like, wouldn't let me look at it. Because I had already won two in a row, and winning a third in a row is, like, it's hard. And he didn't want to get that, like, in my mind. So my number was 4-1-2. But they give it to you, like, because it's, like, your pass. It's, like, all very legal.

Like, they can't hand it to your coach, like, when they're passing them. I'm like, okay, I'm, like, sitting with it on my lap. For the number of medals I'm going to win, plus the one in the middle is the all-around gold. That's five medals total. And two is the amount of gold. I tied for my second gold, but that there was a tiebreaker and I got silver. So technically, I was right.

You were right. Which is like so crazy. Like this is how like, yeah. It's freaky. Yeah. Do you believe there's a god? Is there a... So I didn't grow up being religious.

Religion was kind of like banned in Russia when I was born. Very much was. Yeah. And so my grandparents, like it was important. like they got me baptized like in secret. Like it was just very much like, but growing up, I guess, Russian Orthodox. Yeah, so a form of Christianity essentially. So yeah, I do believe it.

I just, I'm not educated at all. I guess maybe a better question. Did you feel like like going back to some of these signs? Yeah, yeah. The number, for example. Like I do believe there's a higher power. Like, do you believe that like God was orchestrating these things? I think everything happens for a reason.

And so, yes, I believe. that, like, because I'm not educated in religion, because I didn't grow up, like, we weren't like essentially allowed, which sounds crazy. But I always thought that, like, God has, I never prayed about winning or wanting to win. Like, I felt like he has way more important prayers to answer. Like, I was like, people are going through cancer and, like, going through things that, like, the Olympic, like, that's not worthy of it. So, and I don't, again, like, I'm just like, that was my thought process, but I do think that, like, everything, down to the way I answer a certain thing, the question, like.

You can tell there's something. Yeah, like, I don't know, like the law of trial. And I know it's, like, very, like, controversial of, like, religion versus, like, people, whatever. But overall, it's, like, we all believe in the same thing, essentially. I think, I don't know. But anyways, yeah, that was my, I just never felt not worthy of like asking, you know, whatever. But I was like, people are going through so much worse. Who cares if I don't win the Olympics?

Probably helped you to at some level rationalized and make sense out of what was in your control. And then, like, why else would I like, like in my mind, right? Like, I'm now going to somebody else. Like, the judge is already not. You're just going to trust. Yeah. And like, if I could do it myself, why wouldn't I? Yeah, sure.

Like, I don't like delegating. I don't like relying on other people. Not that I can't rely on them, but it's like I'd rather just do it myself. And so had this dream, wake up finally about an hour later, and we look at each other. Like, no words were exchanged.

It was like a typical competition day. Well, we've never really been room. It was everything but typical. Like it was the biggest day of our entire lives. And I think, again, it was like this like elephant in the room of when we go back to sleep tonight. Someone's going to be devastated. And then the other person

who has achieved this thing... Then how are they going to be happy? And how are they not going to feel bad? Because you don't go out with your family. Like you have another conversation the next day. Yeah. It's not like... You literally go do your media obligations and you come right back to that room. Yeah. And the outside world thinks, you know... You're out party. Yeah, you're out celebrating.

It's not that at all. It was the most challenging, honestly, yeah, I'll get to that. So the dream happens. We wake up. We're both like standing at the mirror doing like our like lack of makeup that we both laugh about,

but like hair and like everything is going right for me. Like but I put that out. Like I believe that I like, like I did my, this sounds like so silly, but I did my hair right on the first try. Like I didn't have to read it. And Sean's like has to redo it and she gets annoyed with me and I'm annoyed with her.

Like we're literally just looking at each other being like, what the heck? like, you know, and I just, like, walk away because it's, like, time to go to breakfast. And then I have never in my life been so just, like, calm and confident at a calm, like, I am the epitome of, like, I'm going to throw up. Yeah, wound tight. Oh, like, literally, like, my dad, every single time I tell him, I'm like, oh, my God, I feel like I'm going to puke. And he's like, you're not. Like, you know, like, he's like, he's like, it's okay.

Like, what, yeah, and he's so great, obviously, he's, like, learned how to do that. But for the first time in my life, I was, like, looking around, smile. Like, our head coach comes up to me, and she's like, is everything okay? And I was like... Oh, they were worried because you were so calm. I was literally, like, I never am, like, chit-chatty, especially at a... Hello, this is the biggest day of your entire life. Like, what are you doing?

And I go, yeah, why? And she was like, I'm nothing. I'm just making sure everything's okay. And I'm thinking like, that's weird. Like, okay. Yeah. And also, like, my warm up, like, we have to do all of our routines. So it's like the results essentially are like, you know, kind of on par with my, like,

attitude, I guess and like my confidence because like I'm doing fine. I'm not like all over the place, not focusing or anything. Then my dad comes up to me, that's the same thing. And I'm like, but like they don't know that I just had the stream and I already know what's going to happen. That's crazy. And I don't want to say because I'm just like, they'll just see. I'm like, I'm like, yeah, everything's fine. And he's like, okay, well, you just seem a little like not so focused.

I just like, and I'm like. It seemed aloof to them. Yes. But really you were just so honed in that everything was just floosting. And they thought I was so nervous. I couldn't, like I couldn't even like stay. Like, you know what I'm saying? It was like the complete opposite.

So we're standing about to march out until the Olympic all around finals. We're warming up our last event. We're standing at the chalk bucket. me, Sean, and this girl from Russia. And I've always had a great relationship with them. And she, in Russian, obviously, turns to me and goes, you know what, Nostia, I really hope you win today. And I'm thinking, is she trying to mess?

And I'm like, all Russian people are superstitious, you know? And so I'm like, but she's like the most innocent, like, sweet. And I look at her. And Sean doesn't have any idea what she's saying. So she's just looking at us like, what? You know, like, what are y'all talking about? And I'm like, just believe the best in everyone. You know, just like, there's no reason for you to be thinking.

Like, even if that is the case, just wish her. So this is all within two seconds. I look at her. I'm like, thank you so much. And she just, like, smiled at me. And I'm like, okay, whatever. Like, it is what it is now. Yeah.

And, like, she truly was being genuine. But I think it was because, like, this, you won't have this opportunity again. This is the one moment in your life. Yeah. Your one chance. Yep. So we march into the arena. We have a 30 second touch.

I do my vault and I take one step on my landing in the warm up. And my dad goes, good. And you can hear him when you are not hear him. You can see him when you go back. And he goes like, good, good. Just try to do the exact same thing but try to stick it. And I laughed because I knew that's what I was going to do because I did that in my dream. Now, who in their right?

mine has ever seen like i'm laughing at the like he looks at me and is like what the hell's going kind of like but like doesn't want to like you know say and i'm like yeah i was like yeah yeah okay he was like but like do because i've done this before where he says try to stick it and when you overly try to stick something you fall yeah exactly you're stiff and then so he's like oh my god i shouldn't have even said that like we taught we've talked about this since what a dance the whole thing is like saying too much not saying enough it's like i can't imagine like there's a video of Oh, yeah, him. Just him watching me the entire time.

I'm like, Jesus, like, he's like, and I'm like, Dad, do you want me to be calm? So, yeah, I guess I never watched him. So it's my turn of all. I go up, like, not nervous at all, and I stick my own thing. Like, literally the most perfect vault I've ever done in my entire life and career. And I'm like, as soon as that happens, I think,

okay, all these thoughts are now valid. Like I now know, I have confirmation that that dream was actually going to happen. You thought it was going to happen. But by one result, like, now it's for sure going to happen. So just like, have fun the rest of the time. Be saying that at like the Olympics. Go to bars. Again, always like really nervous.

But I'm like, it's your best, right? Yeah. And I now, like, I cannot mess up even the slightest. But I'm like, you're good. You already know what's going to happen. You're going to take a step on your landing. I mean, like, I guess try to stick it. But like, you know that's going to.

Like, this is what I'm telling me. myself, do my routine, do one step on my dismount. And I'm like, Casey, I told you move on a beam. I was last up on beam the way like the draw works. And I'm sitting on the floor like the whole time. My dad's like, okay, you get up. Like you need to start. Like you're in two people. I'm literally watching every single person on the beach. Which I never watch anyone because like no one wants to do that unless it's like the team condition. You're cheering on your teammates. You kind of have to. I'm literally just watching people. Like I look back and I'm like, whoa, I literally was a little, maybe too confident.

I'm like, it was just a dream. So I'm like, oh, okay. So I, like, get up and I, like, do arm circles, and my dad's, like, warm up your routine, right? Like, he now is, like, getting, like, super nervous. Especially because you've done so well in the first two events. Oh, and, like, I'm in the lead. And so he knows I'm halfway to winning the Olympics.

And, like, now I'm, like, being, like, weird. So anyways, I, like, I'm like, okay, yeah. So I have the best beam routine in my life, and I stick my dismount. And then I get nervous because now I'm like the hardest three events are passed. This floor routine is literally like a like a breeze for me. The scores kind of take a while and we're like like marching to the last event now. And you can like see the panic when you watch it.

Like someone's getting in my backpack and like there's so many rules. You can't carry. Yeah. And I'm like what's my score? Like the score's not coming up. And I'm like that's never a good sign. That means they're trying to screw me. and I'm just like looking back like trying to find the score and like did they give me all my

difficult like there's just so many then we march onto the floor I still don't really know my score we have 30 seconds but there's so we have like three minutes because every person gets 30 seconds my first pass I go which is my easiest pass and I crash on my face and I like pop up and I'm like okay that's exactly what I needed to snap back a little bit into reality and my dad looked at me again He was like, what in the heck? And he was like, it's okay. He was like, go back to it again. Like, he stayed very calm.

But truly I needed that moment of like, okay, like, it's not over yet. I was second to last. Sean was last. So when I did my floor routine, I remember, I just like, there's two moments I remember. The rest was a little bit of a blur, to be honest. Your coach is not allowed to say anything to you during your routine or else you get a deduction. no coaching, which the coach can't coach you. Like, at that point.

Weird, but like whatever. So right before my final tumbling pass, I do like a leap thing. And he always stands in the same corner. So it's like where I start and like where I start and happen to like right before I go to end. And we've never really done this. But like I do like my final pose and I happen to like look right at him. And so he's not allowed to say anything because deduction. but he literally just like does one, like he goes like that and like says like come on like come on, but and I know exactly what he's saying.

And I'm like, oh God, don't mess up, don't mess up. Like that's what I'm thinking going into my final past. And I'm like, what are you? Like this is the opposite of everything you've been taught, like everything you believe in it. And I'm just like, stop. Like don't think about that. And I'm just like, go. Because like you're going to be late with the music.

And then I land on my feet and it's fine. And I immediately. I'm like like shaking, talking about, like going down the stairs and I give my dad a hug and I just like make sure to like hold it there for a second longer. And I thought like, is this another, is this actually real? And I look at my dad and he's crying and I've never seen him cry in my life. So I'm like, maybe this isn't real. Is this another dream? Yeah.

And I, so basically after three events, I kind of knew that all. All I needed to do was just land on my feet. And I did more than just that. Like, I had a really great routine. But the scores are, you know, it's still a judge sport. And so we're just like, you have to. Yeah. And my final score comes up.

I remember. And we look at each other. Watching you. Like, it's funny. It's so, thank you for so beautifully depicting all of that and what you were feeling. Because like, anyone listening, the world saw. If you go back and watch these moments, you see it. I'm going to.

I'm going to. There's a moment where we. we look wait for the final scores and the cameras are like on of course Sean is well actually backtracking when I go down the stairs to give right before I get my dad a hug Sean is coming up she's about to go and we had this moment where the NBC cameras didn't catch it a lot of other like other countries did and this is like the photo there's a photo and there's a photo from both ways and we stuck our handout and we like had held on, like, kind of like, no words were exchanged, but we, like, squeeze each other's hand.

And it's the coolest photo for me because it's like, I'm, like, trying to help her, obviously. She's, yeah, and it's like, you see it from both sides and just, like, it's a pretty, like, no expression, like, really no emotion, no expression, just kind of, like, on both sides. The contrast of that, though. Yeah, and I'm, like, I'm wearing this pink. And it was just like this, like, this. Yeah, it was this moment of like humanity, I think. And like...

At the end of the day, you are people. At the end of the day, we have to go to sleep next to each other. And so that's honestly... And I still don't know what my score is or the final score, but I'm like, never ever do I want to win because someone messed up? Right. Do I want to win because someone had a bad day? I want the best person that date to be on top.

I don't want to win by default. No. Or because someone was nice to me. Or like they got sick and didn't compete. And I'm like, oh, she won because she didn't compete this time. And so I truly, genuinely, like, I wanted her to have the best routine of her life. And, like, not win just because, like, she messed up. Right.

And so we were waiting for my score as she's preparing to go. Because she can't start until my score comes up. And so she's, it's like, it's awful, honestly. Yeah. And so in the scoreboard where my score. scores up, her name then goes up in a green light. So she has to be looking at it. Yeah. Wow. So she knows exactly what, like, you know, what I get in like, like, like, we don't know each other's like high, like we know exactly. Like when you're at that level, you know. So my dad

and I are now are like just like standing close together, but not like we're not speaking because it's also like cameras are on you. There's nothing to be really said right now. Like we're waiting. The scores come up and this is the moment when you look back at the fit footage, we look, we both look up about it and I like I like went to smile but I tried not to smile because I'm like no you need to support your teammate she might be watching you sell like no this like

don't make it about you and then my dad looks at me and he doesn't like we don't really even embrace not because of anything besides he just like yeah and he and he half smiles it's just like a moment of us acknowledging the fact that I just won the Olympics

but no words were necessary no words were needed but also the finals, like there was still one competitor to go, so still you don't celebrate, but you know. And so then the next minute and a half, like, you know, watching Sean. Was it slow motion? What did it feel? You know, I don't remember any of it.

I don't remember, like, I remember us looking at it. I remember giving her a high five, seeing my final score. I do remember, like, cheering for her and watching. But I, like, I think I was so, like, it felt like a different, Like, I wasn't living in reality. And especially because of the dream that I had the night before, it was already such like a, like... Dejaveu almost?

I think I was so scared that I was going to wake up again and it not be real again. And so I, like, didn't know how to eat, like... But then I would be telling myself, like, oh my God, like, you did it. Like, you did it. Like, this is the one thing you've been wanting your whole entire life and, like, you just did it. And I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, did what?

You know, because you're just like... You're probably so used to just like, great, that was fine. I can't rest on what I just did, so I'm on to the next. And remember, I'd never thought about life past this day. Right. So I'm like, wait, do I go to sleep tonight? Yeah, and like, then I'm thinking, like, the call to Dr. Cooper that I made a year and a half ago and, like, all the other injuries every other day, like, not injuries, but, like, he, you know,

just the people that led me to that moment. And the obstacles I had to get to, like, this is everything that I'm thinking. Was there gratitude? Was it just like overwhelmed? Oh, 100% there was gratitude. But when her final scores came up and it was like officially official, I was like so happy, so emotional. But like, I had nothing was coming. Like I couldn't.

And I'm like the most sensitive. I'm a crier. just cry. Yeah, turn it on. So, backstory, my mom doesn't watch. She was in Beijing, but she doesn't watch.

So this is what I do at every competition. I go grab my phone. And I just call her, text her to let her, because she's always like, just let me know that you're safe and I don't even care. You don't need to tell me the results.

Yeah, just tell me you're good. So I also had the iPhone one, which I literally just found in my cabinet. I have to show you. Oh my God. That's imaginary. Keep that for it. And I had a deal with AT&T at the time.

So everybody thought this was in my contract to pull out my phone. phone on camera. To show the iPhone. I'm like, I'm just trying to call my mom to tell her I won the Olympics. Apple liked it, though. I'm sure they told. Yeah, it was great.

So I call her, she doesn't answer. I'm like, this is embarrassing. Call her again, she doesn't answer. I'm like, cool. I just won the Olympics and no one's answering. So I call her, I text her and I said literally, hi, mom, I won. I love you.

Yeah. And so she was walking around Beijing somewhere. Literally, I think she went to a Buddhist temple. Again, we're not. To find solace. She literally, she said, I turned my phone off because I didn't want play-by-plays from everybody at home. Like, I didn't want anybody calling me telling me except for you.

But I kept looking at the time thinking, okay, I think it should be over soon. And so when she turned her phone back on, my dad was calling her to tell her. She made it back in time for the ceremony. But I remember when they announced your, like you're standing there about to get your medal. And for the first time ever,

an international competition, it was our announcer that does all of our competitions in the U.S. they hired him. Oh, so it was for my voice. And I didn't realize that it was him because it was so second nature every time he announced up next on being, like, but I'm like, it was a comfort zone that I had heard. But I, so I didn't even think, like, why would it be anything else? Even though that world is always different. And like, they butcher everybody's names.

And like, and for the first time also, which was weird, my legal name is Anastasia. And obviously, like, your past, like, it was everywhere, it was like, Nostia. And so I was like, that's weird. And then I was like, wait a second. I'm like, whoa. And so I always, like, him and I always like would look at it. He's like, great job. Like, you know, he was just like a voice.

I didn't even know where he sat in the arena. Like, for a while, I've never met him. And I remember him saying an Olympic gold medalist and champion of the world. And like, that's when I like, Nosteel again. That's when I kind of like lost it a little bit of I stepped on the podium and the man giving me the medal. He goes, stop crying. You should be happy. And I was like, I'm trying.

I was like, I am happy. And then I looked across the arena like the far, far, far back corner. And my dad was standing in a corner by himself just falling. 20 years prior to this moment, he competed in the Olympic all around final and got a silver medal by 0.001. For 20 years, he lived with that feeling of, I just done that. And so that moment, 20 years later, full circle with his own athlete, not just own athlete, but daughter, you know, he said, like, not that he made a mistake, but he said it erased every mistake I ever made. And so there was just so many things, like, that, like, it was like two and a half, three minutes, I don't know, standing there. standing there, National Anthem is playing.

I remember the video of you kind of being like... Well, I don't even... Like, there's so many things. Oh, yeah. And then I'm like, oh my God, I hope I remember the aunt. Like, you know, because it's like, everybody obviously knows that. Yeah, you don't want to mess up the words of the anthem. But you're crying.

You're like thinking, like, I'm looking in the arena. I'm like seeing, like, Mary the Rett and was that, like, all these... Surreal. Yeah. And then I'm like, what just happened? And so then we had press for a while. And I remember just getting... Putting my gold medal in my backpack.

and like just like carrying on with my day. My agent telling me like you're on the Wheaties boss because it was like who like it was like there were so many things. And then yeah, we had to go back that night. And yeah, and that was, it was tough. How was that communication in your room? There was none. Just not knowing how to approach that.

I think, well, it was an unapproachable kind of unfortunate. And like I don't, I would have probably done the same exact thing. Like it also felt so lonely. Like you win and you want to be. with your family, you're not allowed. You don't win, and you want to be with the family, you're not allowed. You're with the one person you don't want to see.

Like, from, you know, and so it was, it was honestly probably one of the hardest, like, nights, like, you know, like moments of, I wanted to hug her and say I'm, but it's like, that was not, yeah. You didn't even apologize either, right? No, I know, and I didn't even apologize, but I also, like, more so I was, I guess, apologizing for her, I don't know, how, how, how, she was. she felt, right? But then it's like, she sat on that, like, she did not want to be taught. So it's like, you have to respect that, right? And so for that, for eight years, like, it was tough.

I think more so being children. We were, we were kids. Well, I'm sure the narrative of the outside world plays into it, too, because you're in this bubble. I, it's really cool that you guys have reconnected. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's like, yeah, her daughter that I am, the godmother, too, was born October 29th. My birthday is October 30th. I'm like, Like, you couldn't have waited. Wonder is, Sean. And she was like, I can't share her. I'm just kidding.

So, I mean, you just mentioned the Wheaties. You know, ultimately at this point, you've sort of, I mean, for most standards, aged out. Oh, yeah. Right. Like you're, you were already too old when you were. Yeah. Yeah. People already said that you weren't going to win because you were too old, too injured,

all the things leading up, right? You end up against all odds, you know, shocking the world. Not shocking me. Not shocking you. I told my dad about the dream in the car, right? and he was like, you couldn't have told me because I pretty much had a heart attack all day. You're like, I didn't want to screw it up.

I didn't want to somehow jeopardize it. And then I told him like what our head coach said. And he goes, are you kidding me? Why? And I was like, dad, it's fine. It worked out. Like, I don't tell you anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, respect. I can't even imagine. This is profound. So let's talk, because again, I do believe. So that was just felt like the star of like, even though I said there was no like after. Life after. Life happened after.

And then that was my biggest. challenge. So this child prodigy achieves the dream, gold medalist all around. Well, and it felt very much like the American dream. Oh. Like we moved to this country for opportunity. For the opportunity that we were living. Yeah. And where do you go from that? Yeah. And it felt like for a bit that there was never going to be anything I could do to live up to that. Yeah. And It was like a strange feeling of feeling like you were literally on top of the world. Like thousands and thousands and thousands of people were at the air. Like just the next few years, specifically months, but years were like a little like chaos.

Blur. Yeah, it was a blur because I, it's almost like something was taken away from you that you like loves. Like you're like, wait, but I just still wanted to, I love gymnastics. Back to sort of that personal sacredness of the sport. and why you chose to do it versus... It felt like your safe space. The gym. Now all of a sudden...

I wasn't in the gym ever. And all of a sudden, now I had gone through like puberty and like this and I had gained weight because I wasn't training. And it's like, people are like, what happened to her? Like, what happened to her in the pinkie? And I was like, what? Yeah. Like, I was like, I'm just living like...

I'm still the darling. Oh God. It was like, honestly, probably the hardest time in my life of... Have you counseled other... Olympians after what you've experienced. Okay. I think that that was... You kind of just got to go through it.

No, well, I think it's like that is a missing piece of a lot of sports. I know some sports have programs and organizations that like... Transitions or just like to connect, connections to communicate to help each other. Because the identity crisis is for real. Oh, it's for real. Even if you just graduate college and you weren't an athlete. It is for transitions are like... the hardest thing in life, no matter what you're transitioning from and two.

And it's not that no one was there for me, but like my parents didn't go through that. They didn't like have, like they tried their best, obviously, and they were so great and supportive, but like... There's no roadmap. There's no like... And it's like, no one... Now, like, I was coached my whole life. Someone told me what to do my whole life and now no one's telling me.

Like, I can eat what I want. And not that, like, I actually like, like, my dad made me, like, make sure I had enough. But I'm like, well, if I don't have training... Like, Saturday nights... for my like pizza nights or like something. I'm like, but today's that like Saturday? Do I have pizza? Like, you know, I was like so confused and didn't know how to even work out that wasn't

doing press handstands, road climbs, the leg lifts. Like I walked into a gym. I was like, oh God, I was so intimidated. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I didn't know how to even use a weight. Like I didn't ever lift weights. And I'm like, I'm going to leave right now. And so it was a strange.

But then I'm like, wait a second. I'm an Olympic medal. Why am I... Yeah. Why am I questioning? Why am I not confident, but the arena is different? Did you feel like kind of the trajectory that took you to 2012 of Olympic trials? Was that sort of your choosing, or was there a little bit...

Okay, talk to me about kind of that path. So, throughout those four years, I missed gymnastics. Like, I truly... Like the sport for itself. The sport for itself. Like, yeah, my day-to-day was all surrounding. grounded with things revolving around you being an Olympic gold medalist. But I'm like, I missed flipping.

I missed being like with my teammates and my dad and doing the work. Putting in the work, the grind and like the outcome, whether it was positive or not. Like it's just there was something I felt like also. I was like missing this like, like I would come home every day from something and just not feel fulfilled. because I wasn't so exhausted that I could barely make it up to the top of the stairs after training seven hours a day.

So I'm like, oh my God, am I never going to feel fulfilled or accomplished in my life ever again because nothing will ever make me feel that, like, that I worked that hard in order to be that, like sore, tired, fulfilled. It's a drug that you could never replicate. 100%.

And it's like, wait a second. But like, so do I just, am I on a constant search for that the rest of my life? or do I accept that nothing else would bring me that? But then is that giving up? It was a challenging kind of period. So then I remember thinking, but who's forcing you to stop?

Like nobody technically. And then I was like, you know, I knew that I was going to be in London one way or the other, whether I was four years later, whether I was working, cheering on my teammates in the stands, a spectator in a stand, or I could be on the floor. And so I thought,

I feared living with regret. I feared living with what if I would have tried. And it had nothing to do with like anybody telling me. My dad actually tried to not get me to do it. He was like, you already did it. Like why? You know, he just wanted me to be, again, back to being, like,

happy and healthy and just like carrying on with my life. Like we did it. Like, you know. But like also he was like, I was never going to be coached by anyone else. So he said, if you're in, I'm in. So at the Olympic trial, I had a torn rotator cuff in Layroom, and Dr. Cooper was like, it's like, it's not fully torn, so you can, like, it's up to you.

And I was like, no, no, no, don't tell me that. But he was like, listen, you, if you get the surgery now, like, Olympic trial, like, you're not going to recover quick enough, whatever. So part of it was that I'm not using, I don't really talk about it because it's like, it's not an excuse. It was just I knew I couldn't train enough. to be at my best, but I also wasn't going to just quit. Like, it was this very strange thing.

So on my best event bars, the second day of the Olympic trials, I kind of knew that, like, if I had any chance, because I wasn't competing the all around just to events where I could help the team. If I had any chance, I'd have the best routine in my entire life here. And then maybe, maybe, they'll, like, think about it. And they were announcing the team that night. And I remembered starting and then all of a sudden being flat on my face on the floor. And I was like, what the hell just happened?

Mild concussion, like literally, like knocked everything out of me. On my very best event, I fell and landed flat on my face. And that moment was just, I remember. I was embarrassed. I was mortified. I had disappointed myself. I thought I had disappointed my dad, which wasn't the case. I had just disappointed my teammates, my gym, the country,

because now the pressure going into your second Olympic site, people know who you are now. Right. You were not now just like this like underdog. Yeah. It's like, no, you were the best in the world. You show up and you have to be the best in the world. And I had just been the worst, like that was the worst routine of my entire life.

When you're supposed to be the bat, you just won an Olympic medal. That is the expectation of you. Did you hear the audience? I heard nothing. And so I'm laying there, and technically you have 30 seconds to get back up and finish, get back on the bar and finish your routine or else you get a zero. It literally, like, everything stopped.

And I, like, think that the judges maybe gave me a little longer because they also, like, this was my last come. If I wasn't going to make the team I was done, I actually do one. under that. I need to ask them. Like, after you finish, you become friendly with them. Tell me the truth. Yeah. So I had, like, I'm laying flat and I, I then remember my dad's saying, are you okay? The first thing you're taught as an athlete is how to fall. So I felt you are, like, if you are like that, like you break and, like, you know, you are taught. And also for him, if you touch an athlete or spot, you get a point deduction. So it is this, like,

any other time I could have caught, it was a fingert, like, fingertipper we call it. Like, you could have caught the bar. In the gym, had he, like, held a little bit. It would have been totally fine. But he's thinking, she's either going to fall and that's a point, or I'm going to touch her, and that's a point, and she's not going to make it.

And then it's on me. Yeah. So, and it happens like that. Yeah. So I think we're on, like, you know, ESPN's top, whatever falls. I've seen, oh, yeah. It's not, it's, if you want to go check it out. No, I always say, go watch it on YouTube now because it's kind of funny, though.

And then I fix my hair. And I do. like, like, I was not in my right mind. My boyfriend didn't know that was me when we first started dating, and it sent me that little gift-jifting. Oh. And I thought he was, I thought he was, like, being funny. Oh, I was like, you know, that's me right.

And he was like, what? Oops. Yeah, but then it's like, now even more funny. Yeah. He was like, well, why did you just like kick? And then he fixed your hair. And I was like, I don't know. Like, I just landed on my face, bro.

So my dad tells me, let's just be done. Like, it doesn't matter. Like, you're not making. you know, like, let's walk, we're safe. And I was like, no. You always told me, no matter what you do, you always have to finish what you started. And he was like, yeah.

And so, like, you know, he knew he was not in control of, like, me going or not. Like, I was going to finish. I didn't want that to be my final moment. So I got back up, finished my routine, landed on my feet on my dismount. And for the very first time in my entire life and career, I had a standing ovation for the worst routine of my entire life and career. How'd that feel?

I thought it wasn't for me. I was like, I looked around to see, like, who else had just gone and they're on their way to making, you know, their Olympic team and had the best routine of their life. Nobody was on the podium. It was all for you. It was literally, I was the last person to go. And so I'm thinking, people shouldn't even be, like, clapping or cheering for me. Like, I literally just fell on my face. You're supposed to be the best in.

the world. You were the best in the world. And you fell on your face. And so I'm like confused looking around like what, no, what are you doing? Like sit down. Did you guys miss that? Like, and I think that's why like my face, I was very confused. I always thought and believed not because someone taught me this or raised me this way. It was the opposite. But I always thought that people were only going to love me and support me. I was the best. If I stuck my dismount, if I want to go. gold medal. And that's how I define that, my worth. And so when I fell on my face, four years after winning the Olympic gold medal, which by the way, when I won that, no one was standing on their feet. Sure, they were clapping and cheering and telling me a great job. But when I fell on my face,

didn't make my second Olympic team, but got back up, finished landing my feet, 20,000 people in the arena stood to their feet. And to this day, that is like the thing. We were in the arena. We watched people because that is life that is the most relatable thing that could have like I definitely didn't do it on purpose but what I didn't realize was my whole life I thought work hard and she like if you work hard hard hard work doesn't disappear don't give up like and yes those things are all true but every single person is going to fall in their face literally or figuratively and it's about how do you pick yourself up and keep going how do you not let that moment define you How do you learn from that instead of saying I failed?

So that became the defining moment in my career. And I didn't realize it then. Like I was like, it took me a while, a few months, probably maybe a year. I don't know. But like, that was the greatest thing that could have ever happened. And a lot of people still said, like, I don't know why you even tried to go. Like, you already had that. You know what, to me, my career didn't feel like complete.

Like, I would have always thought, what if? Yeah. It reminds me of the man in the arena, you know, poem that just talks about those that are out there, right? And that's the, it's really easy to sit back in the audience and weigh in. Yeah. But you got up. And you got up. And I didn't have to. Right. It could have been like, I would have still been respected. You could have been hurt. And, you know, everybody would have had compassion for you. But I think the fact that you stood up, the fact that they applaud was, you're right. You're human. And every single person thought back to a moment that they fell. Yeah. And I. And I. And, like, every single person thought back to a moment that they fell. And I. And, and. And I. And, I think, like, that was the greatest life lesson that the sport taught me. And it wasn't winning because, and it was, and also what was so defining was that I finally realized that people would still love me and still support me when I was not on top of the world, but when I was falling on my face. It's beautiful. What a perspective.

And one, that again, when we talk about, like. Everything else in life. Yeah, your life-altering moments are, they're going to come in different forms. And probably, like, again, you intellectually could say, like, yeah, everyone's going to fail, of course. But until you had to embody it and had to live through and make the difficult decision. Very publicly. Like, you know, in front of so many people. Like, I think that was what was, like, even harder for me.

Because I'm like, it was the embarrassment. And, like, I felt a shit. Like, I don't know why, but, like, ashamed that I was. You put so much stuff on you. 100%. And, like, in a sport that is so, like, subjective, violence. someone's thoughts, I'm like, I can't imagine what they're going to think of me now. But I love what you said, that it was your definitions that you put on yourself and that

belief system that actually was completely destructive as a result of this thing and you recognize that like, do my worth isn't tied to that outcome. It's not. And I think that we are our biggest, like, barriers for a lot of things, like ourselves. Like, and I have to remind myself that very, like, often. When I wasn't supposed to win, I won. When I was supposed to. to win. I didn't. And it's like, it's life. It's life. And it's also just the importance of going back to the beginning of your why. Why are you doing this? Why did you start this? Like, all of those things, like, if you can remember your why, then there's no such thing as failure.

Yep. Because a failure, which I like to call a disappointment or a mistake, not a failure, because you learn from those moments. A failure is like makes you feel worthless. Failure is quitting. It's quitting. It's literally quitting. Like keep going. Don't quit.

Don't quit. But if you don't quit, then you're not a failure. Because that moment didn't, like, it taught, it should teach you something. So if you can like learn something from that mistake or disappointment, then you didn't fail. You know, the amalgamation of the scars that we endure are the proof of the triumphs. A hundred percent. And it's like I wouldn't be sitting. here being the person that I am if I didn't have that moment because it just it and it's like

still even with that moment we all still have to try our best in the world that we live in like I'm still picked apart you know it's like not playing the victim card but like it's still so I can't imagine not having that moment because up until then for 23 years I literally thought my like like people would only like me or want to be around me and like hadn't even started talking about dating. Like, you know, it's like, you don't even know who you are, but like your, your happiness is brought by someone else's opinion. It's dangerous place. It's very dangerous.

And it's, and I find, you know, there are moments where, like, you can find yourself back in, in that, like, not spiral, but like, so the importance of like your inner peace and happiness is just as important as your why. Yeah. Yeah. So understanding which wolf you feed, right? That inner voice that you listen to. And probably catching yourself because we are here.

Oh, we are. There's going to be a comment on social media and it's going to get to you. But when it does, what do you do with it to course correct? Correct. Yeah. Do you find yourself doing that today when you get like a little like? Oh, I mean, I unfortunately, yeah, I am a sensitive person and like I have been this way my whole life. So it's, it's, I've gotten a lot better at it not.

affecting me. Such a neat contrast for you. That's what I'm saying. I'm literally the combination of both my parents. But both extremes. It's not like a little bit of this a little bit. I'm like 50-50. Like like and she's 100% and he's 100% and it's like yeah. It's kind of um it's challenging sometimes with I would say being sensitive, a people pleaser, a perfectionist, stubborn. Like there's so many but then not being competitive at all and anything else. Well that's what I was going to say like coming up to, again, your significant other today, like, how competitive are you in a relationship? Is it different? No, I'm not competitive.

Like, again, I guess it goes back to, like, controlling the controllables. And so, like, for me, like, you know, he just got, like, this job that he's been, like, working so hard to get. And I'm, like, genuinely, like, so happy. Like, not once that I think, like, oh, God, like, well, now I need to, like, you know, get a deal. No, it's a teammate thing. No, it's like.

100%. But also, I don't really know the teammate thing because I didn't really have real teammates. That's true. That's true. And I'm the only child. So like when like our friend that introduced us said like, what's wrong with you? And I said a lot. No, I'm just kidding. But I genuinely think that when you are the best version of yourself separately, then you can be the best version together and you lift each other up. So like, yeah, I don't know. I'm like an over like, it. maybe can come across with someone that doesn't know me, like, fake of, like, how happy I am for someone's success or just not even success, but something that makes them happy. Do you get tired of being analyzed? Yeah. I've been analyzed. I've been judged my whole life.

That's what I mean. I've literally been judged since I was six years old, but probably before them. Yeah. But maybe it also is a gift in the sense that, like, you, because everyone will feel judged that's watching this, not to the degree that you have been. Yeah. But I also feel like I, going back to like life, I think not everybody can handle that. And I'm not saying that I'm the best at handling it, but I do believe that we're not put into situations that we can't handle.

Pressure is a privilege. Mm-hmm. And whether it's a privilege or not, I don't think a lot of people couldn't handle. And they also like don't know, like, they're not in my emails or DMs or like whatever, whatever. But it's like, I know that I'm strong enough to handle. it and I have to that but the importance of the why surrounding yourself with the right people and your personal happiness is so important and when one of those like you're lacking you have to go back to that and you have to like heal that or you have to take the time because it's like

then everything else is going to spiral. Yeah. And nobody can truly yes they're experts and yes the people in your life can help you but no one will help you find your inner happiness or like feel that happiness and yeah. Yeah, you have to identify the flag in the ground, what true north is. Yes. And then recognizes the balloon and the hurricane is going to get pushed around that like, no, this is, I know back to the IM statements that are intrinsic. Correct.

Like, no, I know Nostia is built for this. So do your worst, right? Universe, throw it at me. Yeah. I remember when I went on the Ellen show feeling really afterwards, it was so rehearsed. It was so produced. It was so, and being leaving and being like, I feel dirty. It's like an ick feeling.

Yeah. And I was like, no. Oh, like that wasn't supposed to go like that? No, you're like, I was just, yeah. Yeah, but at the same time, actually, ironically, I got in an Uber. So after Ellen, I got in the Uber line, like with all the fans, which was hilarious. I had my suitcase and they were like, wait, weren't you? You were just on.

Yeah, but I got into Uber and I went to Danny Amadola's house in Venice and got out of the Uber and went in, and I said this to him. And it was interesting because I think the comparison rings true to you. Like, Danny, who achieved crazy steps and success in Super Bowls and otherwise. But that's the thing is unless you're with your people, it all feels, kind of hollow. 100%. So I couldn't imagine winning the gold and then not being able to be with your family

or being with those people that you love the most. And it's just like you don't even, I go back to like I don't know sometimes how to, which sounds so silly like for anybody listening and watching. Like what do you mean you don't know how to respond to someone saying like, oh my God, aren't you not see looking, you won the gold medal? Like this literally happened at Parkout on this weekend in the bathroom stall. Like I was coming out and this girl was like coming in and I was just like kind of like And she was like, oh my God, like, I watched you, you.

Like, and I was just like, I like froze. And I'm like, thank, okay. Do you say thank you? Yeah. If someone says I watched you? Am I thanking you for ratings and viewership? Like, yeah. And so then it comes across as like, so insincere and so not like, bitchy.

And I'm like, but if I'm like, oh my God, you did, like that's like, you're so full of yourself. Oh, yeah, totally. There's no real win there. Yeah. I like that you said that you'll tell people that you're a professional dog. What was the, I'm a dog mom? Dog mom. So it's like, you know, on an airplane.

Well, when I was in school, because I went to school six years after, like, that was, those were the greatest times. I'm like, I'm a student. And they're like, what the? You were a very familiar-looking students. Yeah, and like, that's all I would say. Like, and it was just like they can't really carry on a conversation because, like, I'm just in school. I don't know what you. No, I get that.

And now it's like, oh, like, what do you do? It's like the small talk. And it's not that I need or wants one to know who I am. It has nothing to do with that. But it's like, that should. I know, because I've. lived this, once they know, it's different. It's a different tone. It's a different look. It's a different way that they serve you. And it's like, I don't want that. I just want, like, to be

respected and treated like every single person in this room. Like, I am no different than anybody else. I can tell you this as I have my notes here. The highlight reel is, is real from graduating at NYU, modeling, acting, very involved in fashion. Nasi Luka and Fun, Nassi Lukan Cup, broadcast. for NBC, how has that been? You mentioned earlier, like, making good with some of those people that maybe talked out the side of their mouth. Yeah, I mean, that has also, that was also a reason I think why it was like, for like transitioning, not competing, but still being so involved, it's almost like it didn't, I like held on, you know, have held on to it for so long that it's like, yeah, yeah. And it's like, it's, but I'm grateful, obviously for it because it's like, it's something I love,

Like the sport is truly something I love so much. And I'm grateful it's part of my identity in a sense. And it led me to here. It led me to who I am. It led me to the way I think. Like all the relationships, but I would say 80 to 90% of them are because of, even if it's like trickle down in the front of whatever, but it's like it all goes back to that.

Sure. And I'm like obviously so grateful for it. But at the end of the day, I just like want to be. the best dog mom to Harley that I can be because like he doesn't know how many medals I have and he doesn't care. Isn't that beautiful? He doesn't care. Something that loves you unconditionally. Yeah. And so like when I'm having like a tough day or something, that's what I like I think about that. And I'm like, let's go for a while. You know, and it's like not wanting to like compare every person to my dog, but like at the end of the day, like that it's like be the person that you are that your dog thinks you are or that wants you to be or like whatever.

That's the takeaway right there. Be the person that your dog thinks you are and you can't. You can't go wrong. Yeah. Well, again, I'll keep going because dancing with the stars, you were outstanding. I saw a Ninja Warrior. Was that a charity? Oh, my God. Yeah.

You were going on to do something. So, like, this is my thing. If I want to do something. Oh, no, but like I did not. Everybody was so pissed because they were like, they thought I was just like going to, like, Derek, who was my partner in dancing, did the show too? We were on. And he was like, did you just like secretly trainings?

I asked you if you trained for. I was like, Derek, I have not worked out, not even like done a Pilates. Derek, I'm an athlete, buddy. Sorry to break a to you. No, and like, he knows this at me. But he was like, what? And it's, it's, yes, strength, but, like, technique. Like, I was the weakest probably in that moment in my whole life.

Maybe, yeah. And I made it through. And so it's like, the gymnastics helps. It's technical, like, swing. And I was trying to help. I'm like, you guys, hollow arch kick. I'm like, trust me, I know how to do this. What does that even mean?

Yeah, and they're like, wait, what? Tighten what? But, yeah, that was like a mind. It's like a mind over matter thing, I think. Well, I'll just compliment you because, like, you've chosen a lot of really hard things, special forces we talked about earlier, crazy hard. But, like, you've chosen to do hard things when you don't have to. Like, I think, thank you.

I appreciate you recognizing that. I think I choose to because I know I've done harder things. And I, even things that we didn't talk, like, you know, life, the game of life, I guess. And I think that. Can we go there? I just, I remember you mentioned a really difficult period of your life that involved COVID, which was difficult for. everybody. Yeah. Certainly. But then, and I have it here in COVID, breakup, dogs pass, moving.

Like, those are all things that the audience can really connect to from just a huge perspective. I think, well, it started with, like, my engagement prior to that and, like, that not happening. And that was, like, that made me feel like a failure for the first time. Not when I fell in my face. Like, it was like a moment of, like, you've disappointed. I don't know. Like, I don't know why I felt that way, but it felt like worse than falling on my face and there wasn't but there wasn't 20,000 people cheering, clapping for me

but it was still relatable and it's like talk about it but no, it's like so person like it was really challenging and then there's two people involved you know so you just like I don't know I've always like respect like for me

like no matter what and like we still respect each other like don't obviously communicate or keep in touch but like genuinely like we want the best for each other and whatever but I think like so that happened And then my next relationship, you know, like you never, like, I hate dating.

Like, I just think, like, I just like want to, like, find the person and, like, be with it. Like, live. Like, lift, like, whatever. Especially dating these days when the world is just. Yeah. And so I was like, God, like, the thought of starting over, I think was, like, deep down, like, this fear that I didn't, and I was like now living in it, right? And so then I was like, wait, now I'm starting over again.

And so it's like, then I would see, you know, all my friends married. All my friends have kids. And it's like that stigma of like you're not getting younger. Like society, like you should have been married. And it's like, well, who said that? Like and then the constant, again, like me letting these constant call like, do you not want a family? Do you not want to be married? Like, and I'm like, what?

Like also not your info. Like, yes, I do in case you're wondering. But like, why should that even be a question? Like, is that why you follow? me like to see if I do get like what what is it and so I think then again not feeling like enough for doing it like it's just like this vicious cycle again and so I think another break of happen and it's like I guess also I've chosen to be in the public somewhat so relationships are you know so it's like it's so hard I've been lucky that both both those relationships

I had like a solid six months without the people knowing. And so I was able to start healing at least without it being the next day. You know, breaking news. And like no one cares that much. But like that happened. COVID happened. Sorry, back up. Like Kobe was one of my biggest mentors and he passed.

That was hard enough. Then like shortly after a breakup, shortly after COVID, I came home. I was living in L.A. came home to be with like my parents for a little bit. I didn't know how long this would be. Nobody did. Two dogs passed two days apart. And it was just like,

it was really, really hard in that moment to not play the victim card. And to be like, anything good? Like, you got anything good for me? Because, like, right now life is shit. And there was nothing anybody could say or do to, like, pull me out of that, really, until Harley came around. And it was, like, my parents and I were like, we're not getting dogs for a while.

This is like the most traumatic thing. Like, no, absolutely not. I ended up randomly going to look for houses because I was like bored. And I read this article in the Dallas Morning News that said, why is now the best time to buy a house in Dallas and not L.A.? And I was like, okay, you convince me. And I never went back to L.A., but I looked at this house, put an offer that day, got it the next day, moved in.

Like, I just decided to like just be done with like, the why me thing. I let myself do it for a second. I think that was also like an important time for if anyone's going to do it like now is your time. Like nobody knows what's going on. Eat all the ice cream, grab all the wine, lock yourself in. Yeah, 100%. I moved into this house and my dad's like calls me and I. He really like him and I, he doesn't call unless like it's like it's like it's not to chit chat. You know, like I mean, there's like an agenda. Yeah, my mom will like I talk throughout the day. Good morning, good night. I landed. Like I'm alive. He calls me. I'm like, oh gosh. Okay. He's like, I think you need to get a dog. I'm like, what? I thought we just decided we're not doing that right now. And he was like, we'll help you. Like you live here now. Like, like, we'll do it together. And I'm like, okay, they're struggling. You know? And like, the dogs always lived at their house even when I move. Like, so I was like, they're struggling for sure. And so I knew I wanted to get a golden doodle. You know, shed. Like I just like, I had been around one.

I feel like that's your spirit animal for sure. He is literally like me. Incarnated. Yeah. And I was like, okay, I'll start doing some, you know, I reached out to somebody and they were like, oh, yeah, okay, there's a six month waiting list. I'm like, perfect. Like, I'm not in a rush. Do you know what kind you want? No, I have no idea.

Like, I literally don't know anything, but like, here's my name. Like, you know, I just like was like, put me on the list. The next day at 11 p.m., I get an email from her. Shows me this photo, and I have to show it, too. Hold on. Pull it out. Pull it out. It's like the one photo. And she goes, I have it in an album because it's like.

That good. It's, I mean, you tell me. Take my heart. It was also like, I was like, why was I uptracking my email at this hour? Yeah, all the things aligned. With a tie. With a little bowtie. Show those cameras here.

We can punch in on that one right there. Look at a little Harley. And she goes, so this little guy was brought. back today, someone, you know, from the litter, like, and they changed their mind about being able to have a dog. And I was like, she was like, I'm emailing you and two other people first come first, essentially first. And I literally, I like, went to text or call my dad for some reason. Well, I'm like, I don't know why, but I'm like, why am I needing a, I'm like, yeah, I was like, I'm doing it. And so I responded right away. I go, here's my credit card. Like,

I literally didn't even know, I'm like, giving this random person my credit card because she's like, this is the deposit, whatever. And she was like, but, you're like, but. you need to pick him up ASAP because we really don't like them being a lot, like, especially traumatic. That's already not with their moms. Like, now, no siblings. Now he's being brought back. Like, he's confused.

And I was like, I can be there tomorrow. It was like in Fort Worth. Like, I don't even know where it was. My dad literally, I think, did not go to training to drive me. Like, it was like this whole thing. And yeah, he was like the greatest little thing in my life. And I just didn't even realize, I knew how much, like, they can bring joy to your life. but I didn't know how much I needed it then.

And yeah, it was like a moment that truly kind of like turned things around for me. And like he became my little best friend. So. Wow. And see, look, a little sticker now. Yeah. I feel like I'm not obsessed with my dog at all. Not at all.

No. And nobody knows it. Like, well, thank you. This has been phenomenal. Thank you. I know there's been a bunch of nuggets that people have been able to steal. I know I'll steal some of them. And with that.

Honestly, me too. I'll tell you this. I think sometimes it's like. Listen to yourself. Yeah. Well, I believe you in everything you say, and that's the most important part. For all of my guests,

I tried to do something that's really personal. Oh, gosh. And special. So if we could grab her gift. Oh. So I have an amazing friend who's an artist. Oh, my God. Who sketched a personal photo of Harley.

I'm like, nothing makes me cry. Now until this. It's pretty big. So we got to find a good spot for it. And I literally just showed you a sketch on my, I was like, look at my sticker. Yep. So we've got the Harley portrait and we've got a special goody bag.

Oh my God, that is like the most thoughtful thing. Why don't you pull some stuff out of there and see what we got? So I know how important Kobe is to you. It's a hat, 824, his two numbers. With the angel wings. Okay, so I'm just going to tell you this. the first thing I pull out to. I told you I've been wanting to do a podcast

for like obviously a while. Two days before, I think, I finally found someone to help me just like literally produce I just like don't have time and I'm not educated. And he goes, okay, well, I'm just going to stay on you. Like I'm like going to like, what did we say? I needed accountability. Sorry, my words are all out in my head now.

And I go, please do. Like I do well with accountability. And he goes, okay, so let's have a target date. what do you want it to be? And I go, well, I want to have 10 episodes recorded. So, like, and then, like, go. So not like, this is the date. And that's start recording.

And I said, I have this launch party, a clothing line. Like, but I don't want to, I keep, I've said this for two years, right? So I'm like, let me just find a date. And he was, I think January is. I'm like, wait, start recording in January. He's like, no, you have 10 episodes done by January. I go, okay, let me look at January and pick a date. I picked 1, 8, 24.

And I picked the Monday I saw Because I thought Mondays were good I don't know if that's even accurate And then I saw 8 and I was like oh 2008 And then it was 20 I was writing it And I was like 1 8 24 and then I was like I looked Breck and I looked at each other and I was just like And then we met at the 2008 Olympics like yeah anyways

There's only 1 8 and 24 man And it's pink I never got to meet Kobe but I knew as I was researching you that we had to do something. Yeah, he, you would have loved him. Like, just, like, such some, like, from what I know of you. And, like, even him, like, like, ugh. Yeah.

Yeah. Just like a special human. And, like, made you believe that you were so much bigger than just yourself. And I think, like, that's hard to find in humanity. Much less someone like that to validate you back to the outside of the box. Yeah, that's what I think what really made me believe it. Like, no offense to. Everybody else that's told me that.

I got goosebumps on goosebumps. It's Kobe Bryant. When he said, saying we're staying backstage and he goes, no one believes that I could, I walk into a boardroom and I close a hundred million on this, like not me, like right,

a product I believe that. Then no one says I know how to direct a short film. I go and direct it. No one says it's going to be nominated for an Oscar. It got nominated. And you watch me. I'm going to go win that effing thing next week. And he did.

He did. Amazing. Talk about manifesting it. Yeah, and so I think when someone that has done so much, like I've done not even, like in your career, continues to believe that you can do more. Like I don't know another person or way to make you believe that, like, that's possible, right?

To do, to be great or greater than something you were the best at ever, I think. But like, it takes someone that knows that rare error. to be able to say that to you, to give you the permission slip. And, like, that's what he was like, stop. Like, let me guess. You go walk into a meeting and, like, you walk in as the girl in the pink leotard in your head, right? I'm like, yeah.

And he was like, why? And I was like, I don't know. And he was like, get out of that box. Like, you're not even wearing a pinkleotart. And I was just like, you're right. Thank God. But he was like, you are more than that. And so, like, just hearing that along with everything else that he taught me was just like,

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Keep digging in. I know. I'm like, I won't have a story for every single one, hopefully. Oh, my God.

A little something for Harley, a little golden pooch. He's laying out there. I feel bad. He's going to get spoiled when he comes back in. You guys are so thoughtful. Thank you. You did not. This is an amazing team, man.

Also, the pink with the Merlot. Did you know the clothing line? No. I'm like. I may have had some insights from, You're amazing assistant, Breka. Shout out of some Breka. I was like, can I connect her?

Because I, and not for, obviously, I had no idea. I was like more so just so I respond to like attach. It was great. Before I ever met you, I had a lot of pictures of you and Harley when we were trying to get this thing sent off so it would get made. What's so funny because I have a little, if I would have known, I have a sketch. I'm kidding. No, but this makes it even more special.

It's pretty cool. In that photo, that was the one in Montana. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know my... Little candle. Everybody likes a candle. Oh, yeah. We literally keep them around here like it's our...

This is bad. It's so cute. Okay, what you did? A little something for Harley to look a little flashy. Oh, my gosh. A little fendie. A fendie little, I was going to say, but a collar. Collar, yeah.

What the heck? Keep going. There's a couple more things in there for you. I like, I mean. I'm like terrible at, um... Opening gifts in front of people. I know me too, this is the ultimate of like... And it's like 18 years.

Like a whole audience, I'm like, my face feels hot. Right, let's make you emotional and make you open up gifts in front of everybody. Did you know this? Dog mom of the year. Oh my God. Do you teach classes on gift giving? I'm serious.

I had some support. Yeah, we had some support. I'm a great gift giver and you've, like, I think. And you've outdone here, me. It's hard to be some chocolate. A box of chocolate. Life is like a box of chocolate. It was just good that those didn't melt because Texas,

gotta do pink. No, it's like life is like a box of chocolate. I forget the rest of it. Never know what you're gonna get. Never know what you're gonna get. What you don't get. That's just a little like silly dog fun. Positive.

Love a good positive vibe. Sometimes Harley needs some affirmations too. Is that good? My God, these are amazing. Here's the thing that's crazy about those. If we just gave ourselves more of these affirmations, I think we'd all be walking around a lot. Oh, like, I tell, like, when I tell you, like, this was the perfect week at the perfect time, like, one day I'll tell you more. But, like, not there yet.

But anyway, no, I'm like fine. But, yeah. Thank you so much. That is, like, so, so thoughtful. Oh, right on cue. Right on cue. This bag is so cute. Thank.

Oh, God. You're very welcome. Thank you. Oh. I know we're connected to things. I'm like, why am I? We have wires. Give me a hug.

Thank you. Oh, there's, oh, God, sorry. We're stuck on this. I think that's so awkward. It's the like awkward both getting retracted by our own leashes. Thank you. You're right.