Green Light with Chris Long - PFT! Tony Boselli! NFL Hall of Fame, Mentions of the Year & 2022 NFL Fix-It Ideas.

Episode Date: February 18, 2022

(2:53) - Hello to MJ and Shuffle Layup Line. (9:40) - Tony Boselli on Becoming a Member of the NFL Hall of Fame, Receiving a Congratulatory Video from His Dad, Being Introduced by Bruce Smith, Terrell Davis and Sterling Sharpe’s HOF Outlook and the Next Jaguars to Become HOFers. (32:45) - PFT Commenter on Driving Across the Country with Billy Football, Going After Strahan's Sack Record, NFL Fix it Rules for 2022 and Mentions for the 2021 NFL Season: Hollow Man, Best and Worst Plane Ride, Fly on the Wall and More! (1:39:26) - Who Would Win Book Review #1: Jaguar vs Skunk. Green Light Spotify Music: https://open.spotify.com/user/951jyryv2nu6l4iqz9p81him9?si=17c560d10ff04a9b Spotify Layup Line: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1olmCMKGMEyWwOKaT1Aah3?si=675d445ddb824c42 Green Light with Chris Long: Subscribe and enjoy weekly content including podcasts, documentaries, live chats, celebrity interviews and more including hot news items, trending discussions from the NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA, NCAA are just a small part of what we will be sharing with you. https://www.greenlightpodcast.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Download the app, bet big, win bigger. And I got to tell you, I really like the sound of that. And with WinBet, it's just that easy. WinBet has what you need to win, including boosted same game parlays for the upcoming NBA action after the football season. So if you're from Arizona, Colorado, Indiana, New Jersey, New York, Tennessee, or right here in Virginia, sign up today to receive a special offer. New users can take advantage of WinBet's bet $10 win $200 offer.

Just bet $10. and win 200 in free bets. Download the win bet app now or visit WynNNBET.com. Download the app, bet big and win bigger. And let's get after it. Bet 10 win 200 is not available in Michigan. Terms and conditions apply must be 21 or older and present in a state where win bet is available.

Gambling problem in Arizona call 1-800 Next Step. In Colorado, Indiana, New Jersey, and Virginia call 1-800 gambler. and in Michigan, 1,800-2707-1-1-7. In New York, 18778, Hope, NY. Tennessee, 1-8009-9-9-7-89. Welcome to the Greenlight Podcast. Cowboy.

Got two guests today, one NFL Hall of Famer, one Super-Duper podcaster, two football fans. Chris and Macon are going to talk with Tony Bisselli, freshly minted in the NFL Hall of Fame, talk about his career, the impact football's had on him getting the call to get it in the Hall of Fame, the announcement at NFL honors

and why it was so special. Then it's PFT commenter. Chris Macon PFT are going to talk a little part of my take, macrodosing, PFT's latest tweets, could he be a record-setting defensive player in the NFL? And then they'll give their NFL-fix-it ideas how the NFL can make the 2020, the best season of football ever.

And they're going to go through, their season long mention awards. All the best plane rides, worst plane rides, Belleville Conways, Hollow Mands, you'll hear it from Chris Macon and PFT.

We've got a little book report at the end. I'll try to get through it. Hey, y'all enjoy. Have a great weekend. Wilmington, North Carolina. Hello! Happy birthday, Michael Jordan. That's where he's from.

Wilmington, North Carolina, which is the most random place that a basketball player could be from. Oh, I don't know. The state of North Carolina? But Wilmington. It doesn't sound like a very, it's a beach town. That's right.

It's on the water. Beach and basketball. They don't go together unless you're out in the west coast. Have you heard that he was cut from his whatever the fuck team? Yeah, dude. Everybody else is like, I waited for the Michael Jordan thing to happen. Never happened. Relatable story for some of it.

Hey, dude, people are liking the layup line thing. We have Tony Bisselli today. We have PFT commenter today. And so we're going to be quick. This is a Jimmy John's open. Yeah. Oh, okay. So you have a sandwich and it's cut down the middle

and one's got 60% in the sandwich one half and others got 40% which half are you eating first? The smaller half or the larger half. Probably the 60. It depends on how hungry I am, honestly. No, correct. The correct answer is a 60.

Yeah. Because what if you die in the middle? You want to have had left sandwich. So anyway, let's get going with layup lime. You ready? I'll shuffle first. Yeah. People like this.

We're down to three, though. Go ahead, say it. Wonderful World by Sam Cook. My Maria, Brooks and Dunn. The Rockefeller Skank, Fat Voice Slim. Oh, damn. The Funk Soul Brother, check it out now. Two out of three bangers.

Which one wasn't? The first one, Wonderful World, Sam Cook. What was the second one? My Maria. Memory is becoming. My Maria. There it is. You're just, you just have a contact, Ty.

Yeah, that's right. Every day I walk in here. Come down easy. Space Men 3. That's a banger. None of you know that one, but it's a banger. Release your Delph. Release yo Delph, Reed.

That was the one that I posted, because it was in my head from when Reid brought it up one day, posted it on Instagram and Method Man, actually impressed on the, the story like where you leave an emoji like a fire emoji we got a fire emoji from Method Man burden in my hand sound garden you know that one fire into

the desert now you have it's a good Chris Cornell impression yeah well it's hard to fucking imitate him especially now geez I'd argue it's easier now no it's not black whole sun or something how about that

It's the first CD my mom ever got for me. At Plan 9 music. Okay. All right. So there you go. I had three. You had three. What do we got?

Well, as much as I love, genuinely love My Maria. I'll nominate the Rockefeller Skank by Fat Boy Slim. I think I'm going to, what I'm going to do right now is set us up to have Rockefeller Slim playing on the pod, which fucking sucks for you at home. But blame making.

He's a genius. Space Men three. Right about. now. That's right. The funk is so brother. Check it out now. Right about now. The funk's old brother. Right about now.

Well done, cowboy. Okay. There you go. I got one thing. If I don't get it off now, might never come back to me, okay? I had a statement prepared. I've lost it.

Roughly 10 days ago, you were FaceTiming with your wife and said, love you. And then as she was saying, Love you back, you cut her off and hung up. Yeah. after she had gotten like the la out.

So you mean to tell me that these are genuine, I love yous and are like the foundation of your relationship when you don't even care to hear it back? I was nervous because I'm still in love with my wife. So my hand slipped. I was like so nervous to talk to her because I'm still in love with her. You know,

I just shook a little bit and I hit end the FaceTime call. But if you'll notice, then I call back. Yeah, because you saw my eyes get really big, and I knew I had something. Or maybe just because I wanted to make sure that my lovely wife knew that I didn't cut her off. Yeah, well, you did cut her off. That's... On accident.

Not to be debated. That was a good story. Do you love me? Yeah, I love you, dude. Yeah, love you. Okay, so here's the deal. We're going to go Tony Bisselli, Pro Football Hall of Fame, first, and then we'll get PFT commenter on.

We're going to, like I said, we're going to fix some stuff, be commissioner for a day. We're going to give out our mentions, the last mentions of the year. So stick around for that. The great Tony Bisselli. I started taking athletic greens because I wanted to see what all the hype was about. With one delicious scoop of athletic greens, you're absorbing 75 high-quality vitamins, minerals, whole-food source superfoods, probiotics, and adaptogens. to help you start your day right.

This special blend of ingredients supports your gut health, your nervous system, your immune system, your energy, recovery, focus, and aging. And it tastes great. It doesn't taste like it's super healthy. It kind of has a mild tropical taste that I actually look forward to each morning.

I recommend it to the whole green light crew, especially Cowboy Reed. And now everybody's feeling spry. Athletic Greens uses the best of the best products based on the latest science with constant product iterations and third-party testing. AG1 is a small micro-habit with big benefits. It's one thing you can do every single day to take great care of yourself. Athletic Greens is also a climate neutral certified company. To make it easy, Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D

and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athletic greens.com slash greenlight. Again, that is athletic greens.com slash greenlight to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance. I am pleased to welcome Tony Bisselli, pro football Hall of Famer. He's got that mustard jacket now.

What's up, man? How are you feeling, dude? How are you? I'm doing good, man. It's been a crazy, crazy few weeks, but it's crazy in a good sense. You know, there's bad crazy and there's good crazy. And this is the good crazy stuff. Well, you had the long wait.

You kind of alluded to you were kind of like, hey, everybody around me is crying every year. The last six years you've had to wait. And you're like, aren't I the one that's supposed to be sad? Were you bummed about it? It's one of those things where you have no control over it. So you have a bunch of people judging your career. And, and, you know, you're competitive. You played.

You know, we're all a little bit nuts in Taipei and like we like being in control. We like like dictating life. And this is one you can't do that. And part of it, you know, right or wrong, it's probably wrong. You feel like when you didn't make it, they're telling you you're not good enough. Yeah. And so, and your family wants it so bad. And so half the time, the worst part for me was watching everyone else be emotional.

And I'm like, listen, I'm like, can we just go out and have a good time right now? Can we like stop crying and do something else? So that was hard. And I think the hardest part, one of the hardest ones was last year when I didn't make it. And not for me or any other reason. It was a crazy year, COVID, you know, my wife had cancer a couple times. She's, you know, good. But my dad, I knew last January when I got the phone call that I didn't make it,

that my dad probably wouldn't make it through the year because he had cancer. and that was hard because I wanted he's such a big part of my life and he was a big reason I did what I did in football and he helped me have success. So him not being around for this, that was really hard to like just come to terms with that. And so that was probably the hardest part of this whole process last year. But as anyone will tell you who gets in the Hall of Fame, once you hear your name and once they tell you you're in, it doesn't matter. Yeah. It's like, this is whether you had to wait a long time or your first ballot, you're in the Hall of Fame.

It's all that really matters. Deacon Jones said you can't get cut, can't get traded. That's right. He had a pretty eloquent way of putting things. He used to come talk to the Rams a little bit, break us down after practice. He was a legend. On and off the field. All right.

So I was going to ask you then, you know, like you obviously miss your pops. I'm sure he was so proud of you, man. And like you've got a bunch of people you could call. when you first get the news, maybe old coaches, old teammates. I would ask you who that first kind of call to somebody that you'd be proud to know, but maybe it was the guy at the door? Yeah. So the interesting thing is, you know, they voted all the way back on the 18th of January.

Yeah. And I found out on the 27th. Yeah. The video of Anthony Muio was going to knock on the door. But I couldn't tell anybody. Like the Hall of Fame's like, you can't tell anybody until honors. Right. So like there's this two week period where I'm just sitting around.

like I'm in the Hall of Fame, but I really can't tell anybody. Like my wife and like our super close friends that helped like arrange the whole thing to get me into this, give me over to the place where they were going to knock on the door. They knew. So, but once I got in, there's a couple phone calls I made. I called my high school coach, Sam Bogano, whose son Chuck was the head coach of the Colts. I called my first offensive line coach at USC guy named John Matzcoe, who's now the offense line coach of the Washington commanders, I think they're called.

I got to get their name right. Commanders for this year. Commanders for this year. And I called the offensive line coach I finished my career with at S.E. Mike Barry and then Tom Coughman. So those are like the calls. Because I want to like my whole view this thing is, like I don't think anyone, whether it's the Hall of Fame, success in business, getting to the NFL all by itself.

No one gets there by themselves. Like we all, like in this, our culture, we all want to pound our chest and say, look what I did. And the Hall of Fame is like the biggest individual honor you can have. But I'm just a firm believer. Like none of us get, have success in life by ourselves. It's impossible. And as I look back over life and this has been a lot of reflection by me is like, one, I didn't make myself six, seven in athletic. That was a gift of God that he smiled on me for whatever reason.

And he put great people in my life. That's what I'm thankful for. Like, when I showed at SC, I couldn't even, I never had run block in my life. I mean, pass block in my life. We ran like a wing tee in high school. And John Matzko taught me out of passwalk. Pat Harlow, who's a former first rounder, was a senior at SC and taught me how to play, helped me learn how to play the game football.

My high school coach moved me to offensive. I wanted to play quarterback like every other damn kid in America. He made me an offensive alignment. My dad, you know, lied for me when I was eight years old so I could go play. padded Pop Warner because you had to be nine years old in Colorado and I was begging him and driving crazy. I mean, like, just go back and reflect and like the people's fingerprints that are on my life that helped me become who I am. I'm so thankful for that. I mean, it's, it's such a cool, there's so many cool moments like through this process. Like my favorite, people have

asked me, like, what's your favorite moment so far? I mean, like, obviously, you know, Anthony Munoz, who like that's who I wanted to be. What a great hugger, dude. He's a great hug. Like, how about the hug on that guy? Just the mitts. He just, like, I felt like, I was like, let's go. Getting close.

I mean, I didn't want to let go. Walking on the stage at Honors, Bruce Smith introduced me. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. But I'll tell you, one that, you know, in a private moment. So, like, Thursday night after Honors, the Jaguars and my wife, like, hosted this party at USC. Yeah.

for me and had a bunch of old teammates and everything else and they did this video like people like saying nice things but you know my friend my friends half of them were giving digs at me in the video with good fun stuff but at the end um all of a sudden my dad pops up on the screen right and my wife and my good friend the guy named eric murphy convinced my dad 12 days before he died to make a video congratulating me to make him all thing. And they said, and he didn't want to do it. Because my dad was pride, like, you know, strong and like pride and didn't want to admit that he was dying. And they convinced him to do it.

And so all of a sudden I'm sitting in this room in this video of all these like light moments of people saying nice things, joking. My dad comes up on the video. And, and dude, I couldn't even watch it. And all I remember, I got to go back and watch it because I couldn't get through it. when it was playing, all I remember is he said, I'm so proud of you. And like that, what else does a son want to hear, but their dad to say they're proud of them? And so that, like that moment right there, and the fact of my wife and my good friend thought of doing that, it was just, it was magical. That's amazing.

Gives me chills. I mean, yeah. And to top it off, as you mentioned, I think it's really cool as a player, whether you're a Hall of Famer or whether you're a regular player to meet a guy you used to. battle with and there's actually respect there like there's a mutual respect and when you when you share that moment and you guys having the ultimate like mutual respect your first game against bruce smith i was read about it yeah you but you blocked him and just how what a great player he was and what a great player you were and just to see you guys him kind of pass the torch to you at honors and kind of does just a cool moment talk about y'all's relationship or you know is there something

special. Yeah. Well, no, you know, it's funny. So, you know, everyone's like talking about Aaron Donald's the greatest defensive player ever. And he's one of them, but like, we forget because it's just like recency bias, bias. Like, like, whatever is happening now, we think is the greatest ever. And taking nothing away from Aaron Donald. But we just put Matt Stafford in the Hall of Fame the other day, I think. Yeah. We're all complacent here. Yeah, we're all complacent here. Yeah, we're all the place that we all do it. I do it. It's like, oh, it's the greatest moment ever. It's like, it's the greatest game who I've ever seen.

What about the one a year ago? It's the same thing. But so in 96, we're playing the bills in the playoffs. They have four hall famers, future hallfamers on their roster. Bruce Smith was defensive MVP. Yeah. And here we are. And our game plan, like we, like really simple. Like, we were one-on-one as offensive tackles. There was no sliding, barely any chipping.

and Kevin Gilbright, the offense coordinator time, basically looked at me, he says, you're going to block Bruce Smith today or on Sunday. I'm like, and that's it. Like, that's all you could come up with and all the hundred hours of meetings you guys have as coaches. Like, you're trusting me. And so, and I remember watching film on them as all of us do. And I watched every game that year.

And no one had blocked him. Like, he was just wrecking havoc, just killing people. And I remember walking out going, like, here we go. We're going to find out whether you belong or not. And we battle. It was just a crazy one-on-one battle. And a lot of talking, and him mad, you know, doing what every defense alignment, I'm sure you did. Yeah, we get mad.

Bad match. You're holding me. I'm like, shut up. I'm not holding him. And, uh, you didn't have to hold, but some of these motherfuckers had to hold, okay? And, uh, and we had a bunch. We played a few more times. and throughout his career.

And we didn't have any relationship. Like for a while, like he wouldn't even answer questions about me. That's wild. And, and so we had no relationship. So like, you can imagine when I came out, I had no idea who was introducing me at honors.

No clue. Yeah. Like, because every other Hall of Fame or like someone played from their organization is in the Hall of Fame. Like, there's no Jaguars. Like, there's no one else. And so I had no idea what they're going to do.

So I walk out, it's Bruce Smith. And I'm like, okay, this is really damn cool, first of all. And probably one of my favorite moments is he comes up on stage afterwards and with all the other Hall of Famers. And he came and gave me a big hug and said, welcome to the team. Welcome to Hall Fame.

Like, and as a player, like, you don't have to like me and I don't have to like you. But I want respect and you want my respect. That's it. And that's like the greatest thing about the game of football. Like you can beat the shit out of each other for 60 minutes and just try to kill each other. But all I want at the end is your respect. And all you want is my respect.

Like we went and played the game the right way. And when Bruce came up there, it was number one gracious of them. It was great. And I joked with him because he, you know, he wore the, he was representing now. He had the red jacket on, the 100 year football. Yeah, that's a sick looking jacket, too. That sick look and I said, I was at that Super Bowl. Yeah.

I was too. That was amazing. And they looked sick. Bill in a red jacket. Oh, just so, just, just so sweet. They should have made them even brighter. I mean, these guys are amazing. Well, because think about it, like, that's the Hall of Famers of the Hall of Fame.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, those are the dudes. Yeah, it's pretty terrible. And so the battle with him and having him introduced me was, it was awesome. That's so amazing, man. All right, so I've heard you talk about two players in particular from Jacksonville. You're going to be the first Hall of Famer from Jacksonville Jaguars. Also, one of our producers, Taylor.

is a big Jags fans. So we get some Jags fans in the house. And then, you know, out of those two guys, I know you think they both should get in, but speaking for the general public, like, do you worry that one won't? Do you worry that one is going to have a harder time because of the way he's perceived?

You know, this would be... You're talking about Fred and Jim. Yeah, Smith, yeah. Smith and Fred Taylor. Yep. So I always go by this, and I always tell people, like, I want to know what other players think about guys.

Yeah. Like, tell me when you played, like, when you had to match up man to man against Jimmy Smith, let me know how that worked out for you. Yeah. It didn't work out well. The dude had 290 yards against the Baltimore Ravens the year they were the number one defense in the history of this league. We scored 36 points against them.

I'll say this, Chris, you'll understand this, is our offense at the end of the day was pretty simple. We'd line up. If there were seven in the box, we were giving it to Fred Taylor. If there was eight in the box and there was single eye safety and man outside, we were thrown it to Jimmy. And nobody could, they couldn't stop Jimmy. And Fred Taylor, I think there's three backs.

He has over 12,000 yards in his career. There's only three backs that have averaged more than 4.6 yards per carry for his whole career. Think about that. Over 12,000. It's Fred Taylor, Jim Brown, and I want to say it's Adrian Peterson's the third. There's nobody, I mean, these dudes, they didn't ever got the recognition they deserve because they played in a small market. It's the market thing. Yeah, it's the market thing, isn't it?

But go ask the guys who played against them. And that's when you'll get the true answer of what it was like to match up against those guys every day. So you were expansion team twice, right? The second time never quite worked out because my damn shoulder. I know, but I was going to ask, like, considering everything, you're a rookie going to a brand new team. You know, you've been in the big city. You're going to Jacksonville, Florida. They have a team there.

And you, it's probably, it's like terrifying on a level. But then probably also when later in your career, like you don't know how your health was like in your head at that point and you're going to start somewhere new like what was scarier the first time joining a brand new team or the second time they were scary for different reasons the first time because like people ask me all the time do you wish you would have played for like the cowboys or the giants or some Steelers like these historical teams and people have told me like well if you played with one of those teams you'd already be in the hall thing I said you know what I wouldn't trade it for anything because I have the honor

and the responsibility being the first pick of a franchise. And I take that seriously. But I was terrified because I was going to let them down. I realized when I was 23 years old and they made me the second of all picked. Like you remember?

It's fucking scary. I was second. Yeah, I was second. I was second like you. And people are always like, how'd that accomplishment feel? I'm like, accomplishment. It felt like more of a fucking giant challenge.

Yeah, I was like, I remember walking in. I'm like, and all I didn't, like, because you hear about the bus. Yeah. And I'm like, I never want to be considered. And so there was just like fear, I guess. Like overwhelming feeling of like you can't let these people down. They're investing millions of dollars in their franchise on you.

And so I took it as like a responsibility. You know, the second time with the Texas, I was in a bad place. My shoulder was messed up. I'd had three, the surgery, the first surgery, they, I think it screwed it up more. I had two more after that. I was working 12, 16 hours a day and rehab. having it and it was terrifying because I can see the end and I wasn't ready to be done like I wanted to play more like I loved the game I in my body was not letting me and I was depressed it was it was like

like I was I mean we didn't talk about depression or mental health much back you know when I was playing but if I would have gone and seen somebody they probably like like dude you're like clinically depressed like I didn't want to do anything I didn't want to leave the house I didn't I mean I was just obsessed with the fact that my career was over. And so that was a miserable time. And I didn't want to leave that Jacksonville because of the injury, my cap number. You know, I was the easy choice to, you know, send down the road to Houston. And the only thing that made it even manageable, and I know the McNair family gets all kind

of heat in the press because of, you know, as owners of the Texans, but I'll tell you, my experience with Bob McNair has passed away since, just one of the most gracious, like, good dudes ever. Like I'll never forget he brought me into his office with the GM head coach of Dom Kaper's his head coach at the time. Charlie Cashers and GM, they all bring me into doctors and trainers.

And here's Bobby Graham, this big old conference room, big table. And I'm like, here I am the player. They're paying all this money to that they want to protect their rookie quarterback and I'm freaking useless. And you know as a player how that feels. Like, could you feel like I'm only here for one reason and now I can't do it? And I'll

never forget this. He started starts the whole meeting and I'm thinking they're getting ready to figure how to get rid of me or force me to play or do you, which I would have been happy to be forced to play. I beg them, they wouldn't let me. And he starts the whole meeting. He says, hey, listen, I just want to let you know what we're talking about today. I want to know what's best for Tony Besselli. We are going to make a decision what is best for him. Not for the organization, not for anything else, but best for Tony Bessle. And that just like that, like, I was so thankful because I was in such a, it was not a good time in my life that like at least you felt like somebody was thinking about you.

But yeah, so different, different feelings, different scariness. I don't know if scariness is really a word, but different levels of being scared. Well, we can all, yeah, like I remember just the end of your career is the fucking most terrifying part of your whole football. Like you think about it your whole football life. I mean, I don't know about you, but you're always like, man, what's the end look like? Because I, do you hear about how tough retirement is? And especially for you, like, there's another level of morning because you had this awesome

career and you could have played probably another 15. I was bummed and I was old and, you know, not that good anymore. Like, it's just fucking crazy to think of the shorter career and like you still made it. It's awesome. And I wonder if it like makes you think, hey, Sterling Sharp's going to have a better shot because of me or because of who's the running back in Denver? Torel Davis. Like unquestionably, some of the greatest guys ever played, maybe a little shorter career because of injuries. But I think they should still put guys in like you and Torel and Sterling, I think would be the next one in line that had a really short career, but was one of the all-time greats for a period. Well, the way I look at it, Chris is like, you have to define what the Hall fame, like how you,

because it's subjective. Let's be honest. It's subjective. We have 49 guys voting for it and gals. There's couple gals as well. So guys and gals voting for it. And it's a tough process. And it's and everyone says, what do you think about the process? I'm like, I don't know. It is what it is. I don't think there's a better one. It's hard because you're judging people's past careers. But for me, it's, and I, and I don't know. me, you know, longevity always comes into the conversation. And playing a long time in football, you know, is a couple things. You either, you play for a long time for a couple of reasons.

One, you're really good. You have to be good to stay in the league that long. You get lucky. Lucky. Because you just, like, you don't get hurt. Like stuff happens in this game. You know that as well as anybody. Like, friendly fire can come.

Like, getting sideswife. You just don't know. So you're lucky. And sometimes just you have better genetics. Yeah. Your ligaments just work better than other people's ligaments. So longevity matters. There's no doubt about it.

But to me, like if you defined your position for a period of time, like to me that's a Hall of Famer. That's it. Yeah. Like, Torell Davis defined being a running back for a short period. He played less games than I did. But he was like the greatest playoff running back ever. Yeah.

Like, so like how do you not put them in? I mean, like you bring up Stirling Sharp It's a great, it's a great, it's a great conversation because as a kid, now he was, not his kid, but probably high school and college when I was at that age, like Sterling Sharp was the dude. Like you talked about like receivers like Jerry Rice, Strowing Sharp, like hard stop. Yeah. Then it's like everybody else.

And he busted his neck and he can't do it anymore. So, but that's the subjectivity of the whole thing. I'm just glad I got past that point and I got in. They got it right. They got it right, man. they got it right and like I'm just really fucking psyched for you man this is like I know you've been waiting and you've been really classy about the whole thing and you know uh I think it's awesome I just am so happy for you I love the video the whole thing so congrats to you and your

whole family I hope you enjoy it and maybe we'll see you down the line dude yeah absolutely anytime I appreciate you having me and uh and uh always always it was fun it was fun seeing you on the field when you were back playing I was covering games back then and and watching all your success. Well, you're always so cool to me, bro. I always remember how, like, you know, people like you now, Hall of Famer, I'm like, I always refer to you as a Hall of Famer,

even before you got in, but like, when I meet a cool Hall of Famer, it's just like you don't have to be that cool, so I appreciate that, man. No, man, I just appreciate it. I appreciate guys who played the game. I don't care if you're backup starter, Pro Bowl, or all pro Hallfamer.

There's, like, guys who played the game, no. And they know how hard it is. know what you go through. And, and you being a high pick like me, you get, like having this conversation day, it's, it's cool because you, you know the same feeling. Like, you walk into that building and you feel the expectations and the investment that's been made.

And it's like, here we go. Yeah. So, like, dude, I just appreciate you having me on. I love that all the success you're having post career. And that's why you found, you found your lane and now you're running that. I don't have to wear a suit like dad. Yeah. Neither do you hear.

Yeah, no kidding. Now you do, you got to wear a mustard suit. You and my pop, so I'll see you there, man. Well, now we're teammates. Yeah, now we're teammates. Me and your dad are teammates. Yeah, man. All right.

Well, hey, Tony, congratulations, bro. It's great to see you. Appreciate. Thanks for having me. All right, buddy. See you. I'd like to mention Tony Bisselli is a heck of a guy, huh? What a guy.

Hall of Fame guy. Good thing. I didn't lead with the PFT style questioning. Yeah, dude. That would have sucked. Yeah. No offense to. Have Tony Visselli managed.

esteemed guest here, PFT. I would love to see you pass rush Tony Bisselli. Can we set up a thing? I bet Tony would let you pass rush him. I mean, you're washed. Now we could triple team up. For sure, dude. We get PFT on them? Yeah. PFT commenter.

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We have not. Well, you guys will have some stuff to talk about. Makin, are you the, are you the PFT or are you the big cat of this podcast? He's definitely the PFT. Never heard of those two. What? To what are you referring? No, I'm the smart one, so I'm PFT.

You're PFT. Exactly. Yeah. I'm the, the jock yellow. You're the stoner. Yeah, I'm the stoner. You're a stoner. That works.

Yeah. Yeah. And I weigh more than him. So that too. You know, by the way, lived in Seaville at one point. In Seaville. Yeah. Nice.

It was a Seaville resident right off the downtown wall there. Wow. I always bring this up to Chris, but his sandwich at, it's not Jimmy Johns. Where is it Little Jots? His sandwich that he had named after him at Little John sucks. Well. It's a bad sandwich. Horse mail.

Well, that's fucking insensitive because Little Johns is now defunct and it just went under. So I hope you feel bad. probably because your sandwich was such trash. Hey dude, we have Tony Bicelli on him. He had a Bicelli burger at McDonald's. It was three patties, three beef patties, a piece of cheese on a sesame bun. They called it the Bessle burger. That's big time.

Yeah, when they just like kind of repurpose a big hamburger, like nothing special on there. I mean, just getting a sandwich at McDonald's. Like, it doesn't get any bigger than that. That's not a local thing. It's this is the king stuff here. That's king shit. All right. So how are you feeling on the nicotine thing, dude?

I saw you were talking about you're not vaping. Good question. Yeah. I mean, it's embarrassing to talk about. I'll be honest with you. Let's dive right in. I'm a 37-year-old man. And I'm trying to kick a jewel at it.

And so there's nothing cool about that. It was one of these things. And it started about five years ago where me and Big Cat do this sometimes where we get really into something ironically, kind of as a joke. But it turns out that nicotine addiction doesn't understand irony. And so we started to vape a lot. And then it kind of got its hooks in us.

He was able to transition off. I know that he uses now that Black Buffalo stuff. Oh, Black Buffalo. Yeah. Is that like a dip? Yeah, it's like a non-tobacco nicotine dip. And I think he's just doing tea leaves now, which is like no nicotine whatsoever. But I've been like going back and forth ever since the babe.

What I did was I transitioned. off vaping to smoking analog cigarettes and then I was able to quit vaping by smoking actual cigarettes and oh god yeah that's a camel christ just fired up a dart i just fired up a dart to tempt you i want to see how strong your will is i'm fine man i'm good i'm now i'm now three days without vapes three days without smoking cigarettes i'm feeling good feeling great feeling strong yeah Yeah, no, it's aggressive. Like a 2.30 in the afternoon sober dart is one that does think. But a 230, you know, at Millers down on the mall here, if you ever went to Miller's in your time here, a 2.30 a.m. dart feels just right.

It does. You know, Dave Matthews used to be a bartender there. A lot of people don't know that. He spent time in Charlottesville. Did you pick up that habit, ironically or unironically, Dave Matthews habit while you were here? So Dave Matthews is a guy that I've always like, I guess I respect what he's done. And I think he's a good musician. He's had a lot of good guys in his band, like really, really talented. But it's never, it's never been something that I've really vibed with where I can just like chill out and listen to Dave for a couple hours, you know? I like the live stuff, though. Some of the live stuff is really good musically.

That's where the magic happens. I don't listen to a ton of studio, Dave. I just like I know I've been to some of the best shows I've ever been to have been Dave shows and they go forever Carter all those guys. All right. I want to talk about the drive across the country, you know, that you guys just embarked on in that camouflage pickup truck with Billy football. I'm kind of jealous of you. Like a lot of people are jealous of you for a lot of reasons. I'm jealous of you because you get to hang out with Billy football a lot.

Is he what he seems? Billy is even more what he seems than he is. Like, if anything, he's, he's like a damp down version of what he really is on the air. Some people like turn it up to 11. Billy's actually like a 7. And then when the cameras turn off, he just kind of becomes this full like frat bro, but also very curious, intellectual kind of guy. He's a tough guy to describe.

He's he is obsessed with wildlife. He's Aaron Rogers. Yeah, actually, that's not a bad comparison. It really is. isn't. He is similar to Aaron Rogers, except we made Billy get vaccinated. Okay. Yeah. Dan, Dan has Aaron Rogers on the set, doesn't even know it. Yeah. No, they're actually, they share a lot of similarities. They're intellectually curious. Don't always have the best follow through. Billy doesn't have a lot of success in the playoffs either.

But he's done a lot. He's been like a good, a good solid addition. And honestly, he was the best person that I could have had. on the cross-country road trip. No, because he drove the entire way. Is that right? Yeah, so he drove probably 60% of the way. He also got drunk at 10 o'clock in the morning at Amarillo and tried to eat that 72-ounce steak, which the steak just absolutely fucked him up.

He just, he didn't stand a chance, did he? Was he confident leading into that thinking he could take it down? Yeah, yeah. He thought he had his strategy worked out for it, but his strategy consisted of attempting the challenge at 10 a.m., drinking beers before he started eating and then working out in the parking lot. There was nothing that was remotely positive about what he was doing. There was nothing they did to put himself in a better position to take out the steak.

So the steak just bodied him up. The steak punished Billy. And then Billy just kept getting drunk that day and I took over and drove. But he was a fun guy to take a road trip with. Yeah. Because, you know, it's a tough situation when you're in the car and you've got 42 hours to drive. You're looking at the clock ticking down on the GPS and every day it says you've got 10 hours left, 11 hours left, whatever the case may be. And it's really easy to get negatives in a situation like that and to start being like, oh, God, this is so much time.

But with Billy, he's kind of like, he's a mix between Aaron Rogers and a Grancowski. Oh, yeah. That's a, and that is a beautiful entity to be driving next to across the country. That guy's going to stimulate some off, like kind of off the wall conversation. he's going to keep things positive. He's going to have fun. He's going to try to eat a 72-ounce steak. How did it come out on the other end?

I threw it up. So he had to tap out. The steak made him tap. Steak made him tap. Yeah. It was not an impressive showing. In fact, you know who the most disgusted person was with Billy's effort? It wasn't Billy.

It wasn't me. It wasn't Big Cat. It was Stanford Steve. Oh, yeah. He hates Billy. He absolutely. hates the guy. And I think that they would like each other, but Steve just sees, like, so much untapped potential and Billy that he's disgusted by his very existence. So he actually,

he hit me up the day before Billy and I were going to be leaving on this trip. And he was like, Billy is such a fucking jerk. There's no chance he makes it across this country. And he was, he was disappointed because when Billy did the initial food challenge where he tried to do the flatliner wings at the Buffalo Wing factory, Northern Virginia, Billy only, ate like half of a wing. He ate two wings. And he had to give up. So then when he found out that he was going to be doing the 72 out of stake, Steve was like, there's no fucking way that Billy's able to even touch this state. And he was just disgusting with him. And so we actually came up with an idea for a recurring series on our show, which is to just send Billy to do food

challenges, but just it's man versus food, but if food just wins every single time. Just kicks the dog shit out of him. Do you remember when you and I drove to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, hang out with Kenny Chesney and Big Ben. Did I eat something? No, I just remember that we got along so well. And now we do a podcast and we no longer have a friendship. Okay, so ask them that question. Ask PFT that question.

Well, and I would reckon more so Dan than Billy. Do you and Dan maintain a friendship or is it purely a professional relationship at this point? Because Chris and I no longer see each other outside of the studio. The podcast ate the friendship. And that's okay. That's a good question. Thank you. I consider Big Cat to be one of my best friends.

But friendship looks different now than it did five, six years ago because he's got kids and we work a lot. And so I spend more of my time with Big Cat than anybody. And so we see each other at work, we're together constantly. But then at the end of the day, he's got to go home and be a dad, be a family man. And that's what he does. So he doesn't really have any free time. We don't like hang out or go.

go out on the weekends. He doesn't have time to do that. I have kids and I venture out of my house on the weekends. You're not so much. I think- No, just last Friday we were kicking a soccer ball around. At a winery with a bunch of kids. Yeah. That doesn't count. I mean like no offense. It was a good effort. But then when we got together we started to do the podcast, which was interesting. That was fucked. Actually, some of your best material. You guys catch up and then like try to hang out and then start talking shop naturally. Yeah. If you know Big Cat, you know that he's always been kind of

of a home body anyways where like he goes home he loves his couch he loves watching uh you know five different games at once on tv and gambling on all of them and he loves eating his ice cream and so that's what that's what his recreational weekend activities would be probably before kids now that he's got kids you know he's got other home obligations he's got to take care of so yeah i consider him a friend but it's not like we spend all of our time outside of work together now there there was about an hour and a half at the Super Bowl in LA where me and Bubba, one of the producers on part of my take, were just hanging out by the pool ripping darts, bringing some Coors lights at really, really late at night. And then Big Cat comes stumbling home after hanging out with Rosillo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, over the South Bay. Yeah, and I got another story to tell you about that. One of these stories that I remembered like the day after and I was like, that was really cool. But, But Big Cat comes home at like 3 a.m. And then he's just like stumbling by the pool. And then Hank steps out of his hotel room right in front of Big Cat. And we just look at each other. We're like, oh, my God.

Then Big Cat and Hank come out and we just start doing like an hour and a half of part of my take with no cameras. We just start talking shit and talking shop. And then an hour and a half later we realized that we've just done an entire episode. And probably one of the best you would have done all year. Oh, it was the best one ever. Yeah, you'll never hear it. It's like, it's like saying Patrick Mahomes had this one pass in practice one time where he made the ball curve.

He threw a slider. But you'll never see it. He'll never see it. He didn't see it either. Would you like to recap that hypothetical pass as Patrick Mahomes? Oh, wow. Yeah, so I'm too. The Dickens out of this ball.

It made a hard left turn. Here's crazy. Kelting it. Kelis is a hit red of the chintz. I want to talk about macro dosing. That's what's next on my list. Aaron Foster. y'all's friendship you know you got big cat and those guys very different vibe on macro dosing

and it seems like y'all like really hit it off why is that and how long have you like kind of back channel with arian i met arian for the first time i want to say like three or four years ago he was introduced to us initially by our mutual friend tommy who knows yeah tommy yeah Tommy knows every person under the sun. I'd like to go to a dinner once, Tommy. Oh, you haven't got the invite? I've gotten invited. I'm just being dramatic. I feel bad because I haven't been able to make it out to too many of the dinners. The problem is, like, every time they do the picture at the end of the dinner, it's always me just like way out of my league with like mega stars. Yeah. And then I think you're selling yourself short, but he does have some heavy hitters at those fucking dinners. Like,

you've got to prepare yourself before you go to one. Yeah, I had like my arm around Malcolm Gladwell's shoulder at the last one. It's like, okay. That was when my grandma was like, you know what? He's made it. He's finally made it. When I got to meet when Malcolm Gladwell knew who I was. But yeah, no, I got introduced to Aaron through Tommy.

And then we just kind of kept in touch. He was a guest on part of my take. And I listened to his album that he put out. And a lot of times if there's an athlete that's putting out their own music, some stuff will be good. It's like hit or miss. It's miss, miss, miss, miss hit. Yeah, respect to Antonio Brown because Pitt, not the palace has been stuck in my head for

Oh, dude, that's got some real staying power, doesn't it? It does, yeah. Fuck, unfortunately. And so I listened to Arian's album and I was like, holy shit, this is really good. And so I told him that and we kind of kept in touch and talked about music occasionally. and then, you know, had an idea to make a podcast that was mostly about, you know, stuff that we don't get into on part of my take,

stuff that's not sports related, things that are more open-ended conspiracy theories, just deep dives into weird topics that interest us. And he was down for it. Okay, the birds, do the birds. The birds that fell out of the sky this week. In Mexico, there were fucking 300 birds. What was it?

500 birds fell out of the sky dead on arrival many of them like flew up in the air again it was bizarre some died some didn't all right pft what happened so i've seen the video i haven't i've only seen one angle of it though and so i'm told that there was some sort of electrocution that happened to the birds but this used to be a thing i remember 10 years ago there was like an epidemic of mass amounts of animals dying every week yes and it might also be one of those things where when start looking for it, then you see it and you notice it happening all the time everywhere. So we might be in for another wave of that because that was really hot on the internet back in like 2012.

Oh, yeah. A bunch of fish washed ashore at some lake. Everybody says, oh, shit. Yeah, no, I mean, I don't think it's anything nefarious. It's like when you start dating somebody who drives a silver RAV-4 and you start having some trust issues and then you start seeing RAV-4s just dot it. You fucking hate RAV-4s. Everywhere.

Yeah. They're looking for them. There are a lot of Ravours out there. All right. Let's talk some football here, man. You've got two friends here that got hired today. Two of your buddies, I would consider it seems like, Dana Holgerson and Harbaugh, they got their extensions.

Harbaugh is getting seven mill a year with a smaller buyout. Does that say he's going to the league in the next three years? Because a smaller buyout thing to me says, like, I'm out the door. You guys better just pay up and pay me good and don't get used to. me being here. What do you think? Is Harbaugh going to be back in the league in the next three to five years? I think he is. I think he's got to because Harbaugh is a guy that he kind of wears on people. And I love Harbaugh. I love, like, he's such a good coach and he's a hilarious individual and we appreciate everything about him. But he's a guy that if you, if you have him around for a long

enough time, he will make some enemies. You'll rub some people the wrong way. And that's because he's just like laser focused on one thing, actually two things. He's focused on football and then reading quotes about football. And then I think he spends actually half of this day, just reading books of quotations. And then he just writes them down on his giant whiteboard and stares at the quotes. Yeah. It's actually incredible if you see how many quotes this guy burns through in a day. But I think he rubs people the wrong way, the longer he's around because he gets into power struggles and guess what, he's going to win because he's that stubborn of a guy sometimes where he'll just outlast people.

Hutchinson said he lifts weights and khakis. He works out in his khakis. Yeah, he does. And he's just an intense dude all the time. What you see is what you get. And I'm pretty sure that he also takes reps at practice. I think he probably puts on a helmet and pads and gets out there. I'm going to file that under the Patrick Mahomes slider. I don't know. I don't know. I got to see it to believe it, dude. I got to see it. The best throw of the season was actually

Coach Arbaugh. It was Coach Arbaugh. Hey, Holgerson, what kind of guy is he? Let's say, actually, let me put it this way. JMU, by the way, go Duke. Our producer, Cowboy Reed,

is a Duke. We've got Taylor's as a Duke as well. How does it feel to be a bad loss on a resume of a bubble team? Fun belt, baby. I know, that's a good, that's a good question.

Man, we stopped UVA. That was, that was bad. That's embarrassed. We're not talking about it. But let's say that JMU has an opening. And what were the four coaches that we talked about? They say JMU's down to Holgerson, Harbaugh, Ogeron, O'Geron, Coach O'German, Coach O'Re, that's his guy, too.

And then we'll throw in Urban Meyer. Who is JMU hiring to be the head football coach in Harrisonburg? That's a good question. You could not hire Coach Meyer up there. The ratio is so far off. It's like 70% women. That would be a, that would be. fishing with dynamite up there, a recipe for disaster.

I think I would take Dana. Dana's got the, he's shown that he has the ability to recruit in the Appalachian Valley. That's a key. And yeah, that's key. You get all the transfers from your Blue Ridge Community Colleges, your Norfolk Community Colleges, your O'DUs, your powerhouses like that. Yeah. I know, I would love to have data.

I think Dana would actually love JMU. We have an ample supply of Red Bull. So that's, that's number one. honestly. I was actually saying that he should hire Coach O to be his defensive guy or like defensive line coach at Houston. Can you imagine the two of those guys like hit the town? Can you imagine telling Coach O what to do? I don't know if I could tell Coach O what to do. I don't think Coach O's in a taking orders mood lately. No. He's a wild animal. You just, your best home for Coach O is just to like tag him.

Just tag him. See where he got like a great white shark off the coach. to Cape Cod. Yeah. Just see what the fuck coach I was up to. All right, so you said you could break the sack record. That was something we saw in a part of my take. You said you could do it in how in because it's it's now 17 games. PFT said he could do it.

Do you still feel that way or was that just the thing that day? No, I've got a lot of validation for that take actually because it's 17 game season. And a lot of people were mistaken and they thought that I was playing defensive end in a three four setup. Not yet. No, no, I'm not playing. I'm not, I'm not doing that. I'm not responsive for any gaps.

I'm talking pure edge, pure pinning my ears back. 17 game season, Strayhand did it in 16. Yeah. So, and then T.J. Watt, I think, only played like 14 games this year. I heard that. So if I stayed healthy for every single rep throughout a full season, I think I could do it.

Okay. So then. It's a leverage game, respectfully, and a lot of these tackles are 666, 67. ankle flexion total ankle flexion leverage game what do you who do you model your game after Reggie white yeah yeah I got I got I got I got a lot of Reggie white I mean that farm strength I'll just take one arm and just shove you off you don't see it coming you was the funniest part about that whole discussion was there were some people that were arguing with me and saying dude you're full of shit there's no way you'd be lucky to get three or four

and I'd be like you were completely missing the point here three or four like that's like I can remember busting my ass for a calendar year to get like four or five late in my career like they are so hard to come by it is incredible okay so if you're like Joe if Joe Burroughs coming up to you during the Super Bowl like hey nice to meet you Eric like hey I'm Joe Burrow like he was doing he was trying to kiss up to the Rams D-Ly lineman are you going to be a hard ass? Are you going to be like nice to meet you, Joe Burrow?

I'm trying to figure out what your psychological profile is as a pass rusher. No, I don't acknowledge my opponents on the field or off it. I remember there was a guy that was getting mad at you online last year, Chris, about how like football players used to hate each other. And now they're all friends. Now they all hang out in the off season. I agree with that guy. I miss when players used to like see their rivals down in Miami Beach outside of the nightclub in the off season

and try to run each over with their cars. that was when the NFL was Who could forget? Who could forget those times? What would mean Joe Green used to mail poisonous snakes to his opponents? Oh yeah. It's like Andrew Whitworth, who will never join the huddle.

He never joins the huddle. In case somebody jumps across the line of scrimmage. Because he's 45. He was in the NFL when that stuff used to happen. So you don't talk to DeLyman. What if you get an inside hand punch guy? How are you going to rush him? Like if a guy's holding his outside arm,

arm in pass rush if he's if he's just given you uh inside punch and a deep set like how are you rushing that guy all right so i either pull the swim on him or i just simply pin my ears back how do you pin your ears back just got to you got to set the edge and then you got to dial it up would you consider sticking your foot in the ground yeah that's more if i'm playing running back you know what's the ground one cut one cut one cut yeah Maybe go the funniest shit is though If we're talking about like DBs or running backs I'm on the same plane as you guys with the cliches

Like I have no fucking clue what they're doing half the time All right so is Tony Bisselli You know is Tony Bisselli getting in Is that good for you? Like when Tony Bisselli got in Shrine Or he's getting in trying coming up Is that as a D-Lyman that's rushed a lot of big tackles Do you think he's worthy of the honor?

Yeah you know like he's a guy that that you look at You study film and you try to model your game in ways that can do things that he's unable to do. Exactly. He may be a better player watching his tape because I get to learn exactly, you know, new strategies that I wouldn't get to pick up if I'm just going against the average guys that I'm playing against in my practice or Madden League. I love you pretending to be a DeLyman.

It's one of my favorite things. He could be Reggie, really white. Reggie. That was what I associated it with. Okay. So let's do, let's fix the NFL. We alluded to this last podcast. that we were going to play commissioner for a day and fix the NFL for the 2022,

23 season. If you're the commanders, then it's actually the 2023 season, right? They put the wrong year. I actually think it's the right year. I think it's the right year. I think like, you know, like winning the Super Bowl in that year, I'm, I'm a stickler. No, I'm team Dan Snyder on this one thing. Yeah. Our coworker Frank the Tank had a jean idea. I mean, everything that the guy says is, you know, out of this world smart. But he, he had the idea of just rewriting the calendar as opposed to doing like the ancient Roman calendar or the Mayan calendar who based their stuff off math and stars and the moons. He says that we should do our calendar based on when sports end. So the sports year would end right after the

Super Bowl. That way nobody gets confused. That's so good, dude. That is good. That's good. When were you born in the 17th day of the NFL playoffs? They petitioned the league to use the Roman numerals, then the league said nah. Well, they need to fix that fucking those Super Bowl numerals. They're terrible. We talked about that last week. Well, they're getting too high. They're getting way too high.

And they're so basic. Okay, Mike, you want to go first with a couple of the things that you would fix? Yeah. To snap the ball, the quarterback must say hut, hut hike. I like that. Okay. Nobody says, nobody says hot, huck hike anymore. Okay.

The goalposts. Right now we have two. uprights. I'm adding a third right in the middle because kicking has become too easy. We got the Justin Tucker's and Evan McPherson's of the world. You hit the middle goalposts, you get, you get three points. Kick it through without, you get two. Extra point, you get the one. You don't hit it. You get nothing. Oh, so you have serious like solutions. Yeah. Or perhaps you can only attempt like three field goals of a game. I don't mean to offend you, PFT. I know you're a avid kicker. Kicker at at heart.

What I would like to do sincerely is bring back the kickoff, put it back at the 30-yard line so we have more returns and just have everyone be a little more cognizant of the fact that head injuries and head trauma are a serious business. Okay, on the topic of head trauma, I had one. Quarterbacks have to wear helmets with LED lights on them and the more head trauma that they receive during a game, the brighter the light.

Yeah. Player safety. Okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Player safety, but also visually stimulating. Yeah, like, holy shit, Matthew Stafford is pulsing, like electric blue right now.

That guy is fucked up. You don't need a sky judge to see if the guy's concussed. He's got a helmet. Like, it's a halo thing. It's a reverse halo. Yeah, just turn the NFL into Trump as much as you can. It's just basically. Okay.

Yeah. I like that. Okay. Owners or employees of teams involved in lawsuits are deposed at midfield at half time of games. in lieu of halftime shows. I really like this. Or the peeping Tom from Dallas or Stephen Ross. We just mic them up.

It's a Judge Judy situation. I love it. And we hear what's been going on behind closed doors. Maybe like that. Mix it a little judge Joe Brown. Yeah. In general, I think if you get caught as an owner of videotaping your cheerlears while they change, it should be zero tolerance.

You only get one or two warnings, then you're out. So like Jerry Jones, Dan, are better yet, just one per division. How is it possible that the NFCEs has two owners that were embroiled and, like, videotaping their cheerleaders changing? It sounds like the actions of, like, the world's horniest 15-year-old that's like, oh, cheerleaders. Yeah. It's check it with, it's peek in the locker room, like it's porkeys. No, it's funny. You make a good point about the NFCEs.

They're over the perv limit. Yeah. Definitely have the perv limit. I've got an idea that I've been tossed around for a couple years now. make safety is worth five points because it's so hard to get a safety they hate calling safety you're so right

running back it gets you know within like a nose hair of even smelling the goal line coming out of the end zone on a handoff they're going to give it to you at the one inch line

they're not going to call a safety it's so hard to get a safety I feel like two points it's not the juice isn't worth the squeeze yeah I might pass up on a safety I might just be like I might have a tackle

and be like it's not really worth it I'll wait until they're five points for anything less than three points, you know? That's true. That's a really good one. All right, NFL, they've been trying to end racism. You know the Salvation Army bucket.

End racism bucket. White wide receivers, you score a touchdown. You got to jump in it. Yeah, or at least like put some money. Or in Riley Cooper's case. That would end racism, huh? That would finish the job. NFL, if you're serious about it,

end racism bucket. Every team has a band. a la the Washington commanders and a live mascot Yeah bring back the live mascots Every team you But humanely The commander Biden

That's built in right there Commander Biden Yeah It's a beautiful boy I actually think Major Biden should be the The mascot of the Washington commanders I love that dog man I love that piece of shit

He's such an asshole He just bites everybody and craps in the White House and they're just throwing him out. Who taught him how to do that? That's not a dog. The last president. Yeah. You can be the, forget being the dog in the White House.

You can be the fucking president and act like that. You know who could be the mascot for the Steelers? Who? Swag Kelly. That's a good one. That was really good. Stop tanking, right? Bottom five brawl.

Coaches have to fight to decide. who gets the number one pick. There's no, Dan Campbell sticks around, like no matter how bad he does Dan Campbell, they'll keep Dan Campbell around three years longer with this rule. Yeah. Because you can't have him not in the bottom five brawl.

You think Dan Campbell versus Braybill, who wins that one? That was funny. We were thinking about that recently, and I actually have, I think I have Dan Campbell, dude. I might too. Yeah, I got him. But think about it. What happens, though, if a coach gets fired,

that year. Is it the new coach that fights in that system? Yeah, we'd have Doug Peterson and Brian Day. People would be just hiring badass coaches for a year, like on lease, like hire former players for a year. I've got a way to fix overtime. Okay, hit me with it. No more overtime. Okay.

But if you tie, there's no game check. If you tie in the playoffs, neither team advances. If you tie in the Super Bowl, it's a split title like the AP and the coaches pull back in the day. That fucking sucks. You really want to avoid. tying. Yeah, no, everybody's going to be going balls out. Yeah, a lot of two-pointers.

What are the three-gold post thing? Safeties. What about just making all scores worth more? This has been my idea for soccer for a while now, which is like the NFL figured out a great trick or football figured out a great trick to make the game seem more exciting. It's like every time the score,

it's actually worth seven points. Yes. So why don't you just up it and be like, okay, touchdowns are now worth 10. Extra points are worth three. well that's what they're trying to do by making it harder on the defense is they could just fool people people be sitting there like man i'm watching a high scoring game right now the NFL is crazy they don't they don't care how it happens they might not even notice when they used to play defense in

this league exactly touchdowns worth 20 when fucking lawrence taylor was running over people with his car in south beach other players on on on the on the on the washington redskins formerly of course um all right that's pretty good. I mean, I was kicking around maybe like, you know, coaches have to match. So if you want to be selfish like Bruce Ariens and have your own look, then all your assistants have to wear a Kangle.

Oh, produce more foods out of NFL field soil. Yeah. Like more potato chips. Some food, you know, you could really tackle food insecurity by just putting these NFL soils to work. Another one would be sell marijuana at NFL stadiums, especially ones in California. I feel like the one.

in California have all the worst fights. Most aggressive fans. Chill people out. Yeah, chill people out. That Rams fight was pretty bad earlier this year. It was ugly. Now, okay, so I'm on record as saying that I think weeds gotten too good recently. I feel like the last five years, it's just you cannot enjoy smoking pot, or at least I can't.

Maybe if I take like two hits, I'll be okay for a while and then I'll just fall asleep or whatever. I can't smoke a joint and then function for the rest of the day. It's impossible. Me neither. Have you heard our podcasts? It's like trying to wrestle an alligator in here. I get it. I know.

But I agree with you, though, to a degree. Like, I don't want 14% bud. Is that mid to you? I don't know. See, like I don't even get into the percentages. I just miss something. Like, show me something that's got a seed in it. You know, some of the real shit.

It gives me a headache. Yeah. Just smoking sticks. Yeah, I'm actually going to come up with a brand of weed just called bad weed. That's going to be the name of it. Just for people to get paranoid or podcasters that want to smoke out of habit, but they actually have to produce content. It's really, it's really weed for the last people on earth that you'd ever want to get high with.

You're just raising your hand and being like, yeah, I can't handle it. But I'm with you though. Like something that's like 27%. Like it just smacks you in the face so hard. you feel weird the world is weird i like me getting disoriented is not why i get high oh here we go what what is the meaning of life wait i got a couple strains real quick okay cooper kush good staring donald smoke it you just you just stuck kind of like into couch less weed less weed yeah so those are my three strains ask your existential question what's the meaning of life

the meaning of life is when you're gone the people who loves you will miss you I think I just stole that verbatim from Keanu Reeves by the way but it works okay I mean I guess he was asking me this you know it's going to be a good day at work when your co-host walks in and asks you that question yeah yeah and my answer um there is no meaning okay All right. So mentions. Let's do our end of the year mentions. We've got a special guest for this one. Let's bang these out. Probably, I would say probably the most entertaining NFL season we've had in five, seven years just because of how shitty the last one was. Certainly the longest. The longest. Yeah, that'd be one way you wanted to fix. Oh, by the way, Super Bowl Saturday. Anybody? No. Of course. Okay. Well, I think it's immaterial, whether it's Super Bowl Saturday or if the day,

after the Super Bowl's a holiday. Either way, the point is, like, we want a day of recovery. No question. No question. And think about situations like Cincinnati, they cancel school on Monday preemptively, and then you get a bunch of depressed, hungover Bengals fans watching their kids when their kids should be at school.

Like, you need to, you like, it fucks the plans up. Super Bowl Saturday. Okay. Mentions. We'll give out Hollow Man first. What do you say? So I briefed PFT on what these things mean. Hollow Man, of course, is given to the player or a person who would like to become invisible, much like Kevin Bacon in the hit film

Hollow Man co-starring Rona Mitra. It's very topical. Kids are out there always talk about Hollow Man. They do, dude. That's kind of the joke. All right, he's getting it. I don't think any of our viewers have seen Hollow Man. I've seen Holloman because I have Rone Mitra in it.

All right. So Urban Meyer is an easy choice here, but I think Urban, Meyer's so shameless. I don't even think he wants to be invisible. So I'm going to take him off my board. I think the guy just says it was a toxic environment, floats a medical condition, or in this case, depression.

Imagine how the players felt, and then moves on to the next job. So I don't think he feels like he wants to be invisible. I don't think so either. I think Urban Meyer is like, and I miss Urban Meyer. He was so fun to have around. Good content.

He's one of the guys that you can point out of, he'd be like, that guy's an asshole, get him out of the league. But then when he's out of the league, you miss him. You really do. He's like Al Pacino and Scarface. He's the bad guy that we need to point at.

And he was so fun. Like, he only coached the Jaguars for it, eight months. And we had all that content out of them. It felt like an era. You can actually call it an era. Yeah, the Urban Meyer era for sure. I miss him. Ironically, it was somebody else's asshole that it's not a full joke.

Yeah. I would throw Teddy Bridgewater out as well. A lot of people don't remember his tackle attempt. But when you make a poor tackle attempt on film, like it's one of the smallest feelings in the NFL. And he had to feel tiny. Although he has been hurt making a tackle. He just kind of like ran up and did a flyby on a guy.

And then the next week, of all people, Ryan Tannahill, just lays out to try to tackle some guy in the rain for Houston, juxtaposed with Teddy Bridgewater's terrible effort. Steelers receivers against Minnesota. We talked about that. That was what they were spike in the ball. They were spinning the ball. They were first down signaling down 20 and two minute.

Vegas stomping on Kansas City's logo. It's got to be Vernon Hargraves. Vernon Hargraves. Yeah. They would have had that ball. Where would they have had that ball? The 20. They ended up on the 10.

Give Joe Burrow the ball at the 20 with a few seconds to go before the half. That's points. That's what they say. Yeah. Vernon Hargraves Vernon Hargraves did all that in shower shoes That's the part of it

That just makes it for me He decided to wear socks and sandals The Super Bowl And then run out there Athletic as hell to get out there In socks and sandals And celebrate Not look like a fool

But you look like a fool Yeah We can go ahead and blame The Raiders one on Will Compton too I think that was his idea Right He got there And then he kind of stood like

It wasn't his idea But it was definitely his idea We've seen his whole fucking playbook, dude. Totally. I know. That was straight out of the Will Compton brain. That was a boy brand. Tell me this, though.

Yeah, the boy. Tell me this. Go look at the lead singer for the Beegees and tell me he doesn't look like Will Compton. I realize it this weekend. Who are you giving yours to, Pee? Well, so what about the punter for the Packers? But Horquez, Bajorca, I don't know how to pronounce his name. I've been saying a different way every single week.

Bojo. But Bojo. Bojo. Bojo. There you go. Bojo. I think the Bojo was the problem with Mason Crosby this year. Yeah.

Which really screwed a lot of stuff up. Either that or the long snapper. But there was something that was messed up about their special teams all year. And then when it happened to the playoffs, it's like, okay, well, this has been building all year. But he's able to skate by because, you know, when a kicker misses a field goal, it's always the kicker's fault. And sometimes they're bad holders. I think he was the worst holder in the league this year. That's bad.

that's definitely bad and the game almost came down to holding in the super bowl johnny hecker don't forget to hold guys um all right viewing party i'm going to go matt staffer watching that poor woman fall what was he thinking there i mean second no look past of the week nice that's that was awesome we need a laugh track in here no i love it that was perfect i I saw that and who was his mentor, Dan Rolovsky. What is Dan Arlovsky's number one rule of life? Never be alone in the same area as a woman who is not your wife. Oh, yeah.

And so he saw her fall on her back and he probably thought like this is what Dan has been preparing me for. A woman giving herself up for me. I got to get out of here. And then he just turned around and left. That's really, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, Really good. I want to know where Vita Vaya's tooth is. That's one viewing part.

Just tell me where it is right now. I've been concerned about that since week 13 or whatever it was. Jared Gough during the Super Bowl. Yeah, it sucks. So a stray magnet. Yeah. In fact, I think there should be an award for catching a stray. I motion to add that award.

And it should be called the Nathan Peterman Award because he caught the worst stray ever. Remember that? Yeah, that's good. Devantay Adams. He was like, it's not like we're playing Nathan Peterman. Nathan Peterman's like sitting on the couch,

like what the fuck? And that's why I felt like the two weeks for Jared Gough were like it was the worst. The guy went through Detroit. He's a great guy. All he ever did was he was a good quarterback. Like he was a good quarterback. He was a great college quarterback.

And he was a solid quarterback in the pros. He just wasn't as good as the team he was on. And at times, you know, like he became like a little of a home situation. So I feel bad for him. People almost reveled in the fact that he used to be on the Rams. Yeah, I think that's a little bit unfair.

I think Jared's still a good quarterback. I do. He played pretty well up in Detroit. He wasn't bad this year at all. Hank loves to talk trash about him because he hates all of our friends. I got bad news for you, Chris. He probably hates you now, too. Oh, really?

Hank does? For some reason, the last year, he's just been on one. I've been getting that vibe. Yeah, big vibes. Yeah, big, big, big. anti-chris vibes. Okay, fly on the wall. That being, hey, I want to see a conversation. I'll throw you one out there real quick. Naji Harris clearing up or rectifying via Steve Levy, that bogus sleep on the floor in college story. Did you see when Steve stuck his neck out for that college story that

Steve Levy during Monday night football was he said that Naji Harris, when he got to school, laid on the ground instead of on his bed every night and slept there and then Najee Harris after the game was like I ain't slept on no fucking ground dude it made it seem like he was

hitchhiking to workouts and shit back when he was in college like he didn't have a roof yes it's like the whole Andrew Hawkins skit where they have to find the most tragic stories about every player that ever played in the NFL shout out to Hawk

yeah that's a good one I had the Antonio Brown and Kanye West conversation at the Super Bowl. I would have loved to hear what those two guys were just wrapping back and forth about, like some crazy ass ideas. One of those situations where like, you know, Kanye did that interview with Rogan a while back where he's like, I think that we need to put our smartest minds to work on

developing motorized bees. And Rogan was like, what are you talking about, man? Antonio Brown will be like, fuck that, like motorized wasps. Like, they would just get each other going. Yeah. And just keep spiraling and spiraling until they got out of control with something. Until Antonio Brown goes on Joe Rogan, pretty much.

Just when Antonio Brown goes on Joe Rogan, he has completely crossed over into pop culture icon, alternative thinking bracket. No, did you know that Kanye's kid? I want to be respectful. I don't know the daughter's name, but Kanye's daughter was wearing a Howie Long jersey at the Super Bowl. no shit that's awesome Doug maybe is it here's a fly on the wall I'd like to see when

when they were booing Kanye and A.B. thought that he was booing he was getting booed and he was probably hyped about it and then he realized that it wasn't actually for him it was for Kanye yeah that would be tough because both those guys I feel like they've had a similar

kind of like track record the last few years where they're geniuses at what they do they're like the best at what they do. Yeah. But then once every couple months, they just kind of go off the deep end a little bit. Take vacations. Antonio Brown also said that him and Kanye West are looking at the buying the Denver Broncos.

Did you see that? No. Yeah. I don't know how much stock to put in that because it was a tweet. And I am blocked by Antonio Brown, so I had to have somebody send me screenshots of it. What did you say to get blocked by Antonio Brown? I don't know. It could be any of a couple dozen things that have probably tweeted out.

Yeah. I would have liked to have been on headset for a third and nine from your own for quarterback's sneak. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. Maybe chestnut checkers for Joe Judge, but we'll never really see that. That was against his commanders. Yeah. You're welcome.

I would also like to see Davis Mills getting fitted for a suit. Like when they get to the neck and they put the thing like, wow, 24 inches. what would you say? It's incredible. 23, 24. All right, so worst plane rides. This is where PFT thought it would get contentious. You can pick any plane ride on the entire year.

Make? Buffalo bills after losing the Super Bowl to the Kansas City Chiefs in the divisional round. That was bad. Okay. How about this one? Washington, after you got beat by 60 and your D-line got enough fist fight on the sideline.

that was way worse because you weren't even in the playoffs and it's 3 a.m. Okay is Monday night football or Sunday night football to get waxed. How about the guy that has to sit in between those two guys? They definitely put a coach back there in the D-line section of the plane. Plain fights are really ugly. They happen really rarely, but I've seen one or two. Yeah. And also Dallas Airport sucks.

I don't like that place. It's too big. It's not great. You have to get on that monorail. and it always gets stuck in between stations and you're just staring out the window for a while. They could really use an apocalyptic mural like Denver. Shout out the record.

Yeah, that was a good episode. So I was under the wrong impression for this best, worst planar. I thought you were talking. I thought it was like just this week. That's good. This is for the year. Yeah, no, for the week, I was going to say, I was going to say it's actually the Rams.

Because they didn't have a plane. They didn't have a, they didn't have a, they didn't have a, They didn't have a plane ride. How about Brian Flores, Weeks 1, 11, and 16, his only road wins. That had to be awkward in the back of the plane or the front of the plane, actually, wherever those coaches and owners sit. You know, like shit.

Do the owners fly back? No, they're on their own planes, usually, actually. I can just imagine everybody's celebrating and Brian Flores staring at his iPad pensively because he knows like he's just going to get chewed out Monday morning. Best plane ride back, probably the jack. When they flew back without Coach Urban Meyer. I was going to say Urban's PJ back from Sensi before the clip was on the internet. Best playing ride, I'm just going straight San Francisco home from Green Bay.

That had to be so fun. There's nothing like thawing out after a cold game. You know what that's like when you get a couple sacks out in the cold and then you got to take a hot shower, you get a nice meal and you get on a first class ticket back home. and they got off and it was warm where they were. It was cold where they were. It's all the ingredients of a great plane ride. I'm not sure you are aware of the climate in the Bay Area.

Well, it's cold, but it ain't fucking zero. Okay. Yeah, it's stickler for climates here. I always feel like the us against the world plane rides are the best, where you just got done beating a team where you were an underdog. And you just spend the entire ride back being like, they didn't think we could do it. That's fucking awesome.

We had like a month of those. Okay, Frank Gore Memorial Award. I'm going to give that too. This is also the St. Louis Rams Memorial Award. I'm giving that to Robert Quinn. Robert Quinn had 18 and a half sacks. Nobody knew who he was. Who he was, I feel like, until week 13. That's crazy. I

did not know that he had 18 and a half sacks. Now you know. PFT, it's whatever year it was. And Chris and I are watching the draft. It's going to be a night on the town. It's a lot of fun. This is fun. At his place. And then you hear with the 10th pick in the first round, the

St. Louis Rams select Robert Quinn, defensive end North Carolina. Highlights ensue. It just silence falls across the room and nobody knows what the hell to say for several minutes. Until I can Google that he's a right end

mostly, or until I was able to confirm that with my, hey, is he playing my position because he looks kind of good in these highlights. Robert Quinn, I'll give him Frank Gore Memorial Award. Oh, golly day. Okay, I got a bunch here. Fucking fire. him off. Rex, Big

Sex, Burkhead, just fucks around and leads the Texans and rushing. Yes. Hassan Reddick, Carolina Panthers. Yeah, he's awesome. He might get paid this year. And then this guy might be too relevant to be a Frank Gore Award winner,

especially in the fantasy realm, but Amon Rae St. Brown. Oh, yeah. A brother of Equanimius, St. Brown, and they are the sons of John Brown. Not John St. Brown. Just John Brown. Not some long

lettered first name for St. Brown. John Brown. Overcompensating for a four-letter name, dude. Equanimius and Amon Ra. By the way, I didn't know they were related until very late this season. Really? That's the only thing I knew about Amman Rae St. Crown when he got drafted. I was like, oh, that's

Equinemius' brother. Their dad is really good at naming children. That's all that I knew. No question. Dude, that guy is, he's legit. He came on so strong in second half. this season. So my, one of my guys was going to be Tom Kennedy from the Lions. You probably don't know who he is. Only real ballers like me know about this guy. But he's a wide receiver on the Lions. He threw that touchdown pass on the trip play, the gadget play. Yeah. And

fun story about this kid, we were over at Stu Feiner's house in the summertime. We were doing like a day barbecue out there. The whole squad was there. And Frank the tank had joined us also. and he was in the pool. We were all sitting by the pool, hanging out, having a chat, talking ball like guys do. Tom Kennedy comes up.

And he's friends with one of Stu Feiner's kids. Yeah. But we didn't know who he was. He was just like a normal kid that pulled up there. He was like, yeah, I'm going to Detroit Lions training camp

this summer. I hope I make the team. And we're like, oh, dude, that's awesome. He didn't look like a football player, really. He's like a normal size guy.

So Frank, the tank is in the pool. And he hears him say, I'm going to the Lions training camp, and Frank goes, the Lions, the Lions stink. The Lions are the worst football team in the history of football. They always lose on Thanksgiving. They should contract the Lions and get them out of the league.

They are the stinkiest bunch of sucks that's ever sucked. And this kid was just sitting there getting roasted by the Lions. And you know, Frank, he was breaking out like all the A material, like doing all the puns on the Lions. He was like, they should play your games on the Wizard of Oz TV. because you're the cowardly lions. He's like deep in his comedic bag. Oh, for sure.

Like, he emptied the clip on this kid. And the kid just stood up and he just walked away and got in his car and drove off. Like, Frank, Frank chased him out of the backyard because he was bullying the Detroit line so hard. And then they're like, well, that would be the last time we see that kid. And not only did he overcome everything that the lions had stacked against him this year, he overcame Frank the tanks roast of him. and he was able to ball out, make the team, and throw a touchdown pass. That is bad, though, that you can work your whole life.

And I can kind of relate to this a little bit, not quite like the Lions, to become a pro football player and be the thing that you pretended to be in the backyard. And then when you get there, people make fun of you, regular guys in the pool make fun of you, make you leave parties. You know, that's like the irony of becoming a Detroit Lion. Fuck, dude. Yeah, it was bad. It was bad. But shout out to Kennedy because he, I guess, he overcame Frank this year.

He did overcome it. It's very rare to overcome Frank. Did you know that Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln, and Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy? I did hear that. And one was arrested in a barn. The other was arrested in a theater. Yes, I heard this shit too.

Wait, how's this go? So one of them, the guy that... John Wilkes Booth. Yeah, John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald. do you want to see John Wilkes Booth real quick? We have him here. Hold on. Come here. Show him your face.

Yeah. Yeah, I can see it. You can see it. Absolutely. Abraham Lincoln couldn't. It's like a little mix of the back of the head, dude. It's a mix of John Wilkes Booth and Edgar Allan Poe. Yes, exactly.

He likes Edgar Allan Poe better. Doesn't want to be a presidential murderer. Speaking of Abraham Lincoln, never more. Edgar Allan Poe. Revenue. Speaking of Lamar Jackson. Nicely done by you. Come on. Biach. I could have been on the lawn. That's pretty good. If I applied myself. Hey, okay.

So give out your MVP then. I motion to go ahead. Give it out. Yeah. For the year. For the year. Like anything. Anything. It could be not even a player on a field like something that happened that you. Harambe. Yo, that's out too.

I've never seen somebody milk a gorilla longer than you guys. You guys have really have really gotten everything out of this gorilla. That's not fair. We milked him. We rang every drop of blood out of that day gorilla for about, for about eight months. And then we, we let it slide.

And then we said, you know what? We're going to give this gorilla mouth to mouth. We're going to bring them back for these playoffs because it's Cincinnati. And what else is there to talk about for Cincinnati? Parambay, dude, you guys, Ted Williams them is what you did. you froze him and then you knew that eventually the Bengals will be back and that there would be more time for Harabe. We thought him.

We thought him out. Yeah, no, but I think Harambe, this is probably the last time I'll be able to say Harambe's name without it becoming like super, super cringy again. Okay. So this is it. I think so unless the Reds make the World Series, in which case, like all bets are,

anytime Cincinnati pops into the public conscious, I think we got to bring H-Man back. So we're not laying Harambe to rest, Heavenly Father. We're just waiting for Cincinnati to do something relevant again. Okay. Yeah, put them up in the attic for a while. Okay. Do you have an MVP? Yeah, the players on the playoff teams, their COVID antibodies once the playoffs started.

They were so strong, dude. I mean, really came to play. Hats off to those antibodies. Maybe the antibodies, you're talking about the players. I want to talk about the antibodies for a minute. No, I'm talking about the antibodies. They are my MVP. Now here's an antibody.

Great Lent. Okay. All right. And then lastly, the OA Award. The feat of great athleticism that we must mention. And for me, it's Bruce Ariens coaching on Obama-A-Killies, assaulting players on Obama-A-Killies. Achilles used to take people out for a year. We make a big deal about certain guys coming back in six, eight months from Achilles.

How about Bruce Ariens not even having to come back? because he never left. Yeah. I mean, it makes what Camakers did look like child's play. It really does.

For some reason, what BA does, like people just shrug it off. It's like, oh, that's just Bruce. And it's like he was out there like slapping his own players in the head and screaming at him.

But everyone's like, that's just Bruce being Bruce. It's probably had a couple of cocktails and I mean, how he gets. Well, you really do set the tone when you walk out there

in a Kangol hat. Like, all right, this guy's fucking crazy. He could do anything. And I wonder where that threshold is for Bruce Ariens doing something that we actually would be upset about. At what point is it not okay? I also think that the transition lenses help a lot to mask some of that.

So if you see a dude wearing transitions and a Kangle, you can you can push the limit sometimes. It's like that's just a cool little cat. You know, like he's old school. He's just old school. Yeah. He's just old school. Okay. How about your O.S?

Buda Baker. Chris Long doesn't know Buda Baker. Oh, dude. Vooda Baker got mad at me. Has a player ever gotten really well? You just told me Antonio Brown got mad at you. I feel like it's a little different when like your former peer gets mad at you. I'm like, fuck, I'm really am a podcaster now.

Dude, like a guy just yelled at me online about a football take. So my take was that he didn't have a pick six. And he took it as he didn't have a touchdown. And he got really upset. And what did he say online? Chris Long doesn't know Buda Baker. All caps. Buda Baker has a touchdown and he will find the end zone again.

I had to run him down on Instagram to like apologize, dude. To be clear, the tweet was just perfectly crafted. He's really cool actually. Me and Bootabaker talked and we're going to donate. Anytime there's a problem, just make go away with money. I'm going to donate six grand for his first pick six or first touch pick six. So we're just throwing money at the problem. Buda Baker honestly sounds like the name of your alter ego

like if you were a Chet Hayes kind of guy if you went out of a Jamaican dance hall album You think it'd be Buda Baker? You think it'd be Buda Baker? Chet he's gone totally Off the off the deep end lately Well he might be a little too quiet Yeah well no he actually just made news yesterday

Yeah he said I'm awful much at hit Yeah he said he didn't have a strong father figure in his house I was like yeah there's strong male presence in the house I was like, yeah, your dad's Tom Hanks, not Howie Long. You know what I mean? Like, what do you want to, G.I. Joe? Well, everybody thinks that Tom Hanks, like, since he's America's dad, basically, he must have been at least his son's dad. Well, no, but he's too busy raising all of us.

He's doing, yeah, he was raising me. And, you know, like, it was a while he was away on that island. So, um, I motion. Did you name your OA Award yet? You did? Yeah. Uh, Buda Baker. is where we are. How about you? How about you? P.S. Mine is tangentially connected to Buda Baker's

D.K. Metcalfe. My guy, D.K. Yes. You guys are tight, huh? We're friend of me as man. We like each other. I think my impression of the relationship is that we like have each other's backs and we know like what the other person is getting out of this relationship, but we're really rooting for them to do well. It's symbiotic, but we like connect. He's got a weird cystic humor, which I appreciate. But I'm giving him my OA award because just having a for some in general is the athleticism necessary to do that is mind blowing to me. I can't even, it sounds so stressful. I would never be able to even, if I found myself in a situation. Do I don't have the background on some orgy somebody was in? Well, D.K. was, he was setting up orgies. Yeah. And then a woman posted screenshots. Oh.

And he was like getting her to do foursome. Sounds like Twister, doesn't it? Yeah, he laughed it off at the time, which a lot of people would have panicked, but he was like, what can I say? I am but a man. He sounded like Greg there. Do he sound like Greg? It would be so stressful. Like imagine three women being like, hey, you need to have sex with all of us at the same time. No chance it would work out. Hard to please everybody. Yeah, it's like a restaurant knowing how many people you can serve. And now you got to cut the line off at some point or else that you, that you're Yelp reviews are just going to be dog shit. No chance.

No chance I would ever enter a room with three women, much less to have sex with him. Oh, yeah. Forget about it. Forget about it. Dan Orlovsky is it's unthinkable. Dude, the blog that he wrote was so funny. And I don't, I don't like to pick on Dan. No, Dan's the fucking, you'd like to pick on Dan.

But Dan's the best. Can we make fun in good fun of Dan fun and good fun? and good fun? Yeah, his blog. He wrote the blog. I didn't force him to write that blog, but on all-prodadad.com, he wrote how he can't be in the same room as a woman because he'll be tempted, which is also a weird way of Dan being like, I'm horny. Yeah, I'm horny and also every woman would definitely be tempted by me. And then he's also, it's like a catch-22. He's also not allowed to be in his hotel room by himself because then his, mind starts to wander and he goes to all the websites he shouldn't be on it's like damn dude what

what's going on here uh just don't just check off like normal guy it's fine it's a mike pent situation that's so good it is dan olovsky oh hey i can't get over daner olovsky we're not a lot to take vacations here pft are you excited about yours yeah i'm very excited And Hank really set the tone. And I want to thank Hank Lockwood for making it okay to take vacations. He normalized taking time off. Who here is going to do it? I might step up.

You've been stepping up, dude. You've been stepping up. All right. I got a motion mercifully is Eli Apple needs an award named after him, like for the most confident person on an NFL weekend. So like next year, somebody just makes the most ridiculously. confident but dumb throw or like somebody just does something so

bold that only Eli Apple would stand by it. Eli Apple's quote today, y'all reawoken a fire in me that will only make me stronger and I'm beyond excited to unleash that demon again to exponential levels on any op that lines up across from me next season.

Is cornerback now corner the most confident job in the world? Is there a job that demands more confidence than cornerback in the world. Very good question. Taxi driver, taxi cab drivers. I would say

Benny Hana chef. No question. You can't fuck up at all. I've never seen somebody screw up. I've never heard of it. No, they build the volcano perfectly every time. They throw the shrimp directly into your mouth, even if it's like a 70-year-old man, they're catching it

straight up, no bounties. Like, those are probably the most confident people, I'd say. I burned my eyebrows the other night on my gas grill, and that's, I've never even heard of that happening at a Benihana's. No. That's incredible. Like red panda is dropping bowls left and right and nobody even cares.

Nobody cares. Benny Hanagai can't drop a bowl. Snake milkers, snake milkers. Snake milkers, the ones that get the venom out of the snake. You didn't know that was going to go? They put the snake up to the jar and then they like squeeze the top of it. Yep, yep, they're just doing it raw dog. Building a career upon the death of a gorilla.

Ha! I mean, that takes some stones. You can't show any signs of weakness. No. You can't. Eli Apple deserves an award. Can we motion to add that award next year? We can vote Frank Gore off the island as he retires and rides off into the sunset.

That award's shit, dude. It really is. I really don't understand any of them. There's a reason nobody wants to hear about the players on the teams that nobody watches. Anyways. PFT, appreciate you, dude. Finally, we get them on green light. We'll hopefully get them back.

again soon he was very gracious with his time he was interrupted by tony vasselli hall of fine yeah no there's one guy i had nothing else going on today i was spending all day just i got the booster not to brag whoa and so now i'm just you signaling yeah are we still doing the joke where it's like now i now i'm just tuned into amazon all day long i'm talking about amazon web services next gen stats yep yeah my hand my hand has been stuck to my television like a maggot for the last 12 hours. I'm getting tracked. I'm just driving around in the pattern of a giant penis to see if Bill Gates can see.

You know what I mean? Yeah, no. I don't like to brag about it, but I did get, I got boosted only because I was going to go out of the country on this vacation. And they required you to have a booster. And it turns out there are some passport issues. So I had to cancel my big plan that I had. Instead, find a place at the last minute that accepts, or that's like within the United States. And I just wanted to go somewhere warm.

So I'm about to hit the road tomorrow. I don't want to docks you. Take my first vacation. I don't want to docks you, but how's Panama City going to be? Panama City Beach. It's going to be great. It's on site if I run into Dak Prescott down there. It's on site.

Have you ever been to Panama City? Yeah. No, dude. I got my ear pierced there in the year 2004. Whoa. I swear to God. I swear to God. Really?

Yeah. Alex Holmes got her nose pierced. I got my ear pierced. Your girlfriend. got her nose fairs. Yeah, we were kids. That's the most Panama City story ever. It is, it is really the trashiest place on earth. I went there for a spring break one time and, uh, yeah, it's, uh, it's bad.

Seed City. Seed City, this guy's been all over the country. Actually, 2005, we might have been there the same year. Do you recall a hot tub at a hotel? Yeah, I actually spent some time in one of the hot tubs. It sounded like you guys might have been in the same hot tub at one point. Probably were. Longer hair, backwards, Andy Roda, hat, Reebok, and a left ear piercing.

Actually, I was hanging out with John Gotti's son. He was in one of those hot tubs. And we were just catching a cool hang. And then I was like, hey, you want to go to medieval times? And he was like, absolutely not. I was like, all right, peace. I'm out. True story.

Might have been different years. That might have been 06. All right. PFT comment. Appreciate you, dude. Thanks for coming on, man. All right. Take care, guys. A really relatable guy at PFT. I, too, do not have a passport.

And I'm confined to the states. I don't know where my passport is. I believe that. There's a knock on my door about four in the morning a few years back. You were in St. Louis, I believe. And an unmarked man, an unmarked man from UPS knocked on my door to get your passport from me to have it fly on the place. and I pictured it right next to the pilot, like in the co-pilot seat, your passport, fly it to St. Louis so you could go on a vacation.

Yeah, it was sick. Because we were physically not going to be able to get to the passport. You know when you realize that your passport is not with you or if you had a passport, you would sometimes realize it's not with you, like that's one of the scariest moments in the world, especially if you set up a vacation because you're not getting your money back. That was an act of God, so thank you.

You're welcome. I figured a guy dressed in a UPS uniform would appear. No, what can Brown do for you? It's like a what can

this was an undercover what can what can unclear do for you who just moves passports around the country. Read! Yes.

Okay, so I posted this last night on my Instagram story. The, the books are in, man. The who, what's it called?

What are these books called again? Who will win? Who would win? Who would win? Okay. By Jerry Polota. I've gotten so, many messages about people whose children really enjoy these books. My son is getting a set of

these books for his birthday, which is coming up. Okay, what day? March 2nd. You damn near did a what day? Am I right? Yeah, you're right. Like, I'm not saying I'm a good person. No, but you're like a birthday computer. I've got some good qualities. You can buy like a birthday computer for like $9.99 on Amazon. I don't even know if they exist, but that's what they would go for. Keep all your birthdays in this machine. It's a very 1997 thing. You're March 28th. Yeah, that's good.

Your wife's March 26th like Kenny Chesney. Hey, I took us here. But anyways, Waylon's getting the same books. And I had to order two of those bad boys so we could get Reed to do little book reports on who would win out of the two wild animals on this series. There's 25 of them, right, Reed?

Some of these matchups, I don't even know what to make of them. Last night, I was so excited that these things showed up. I was in kitchen 10 p.m. Took a lovely wife out to dinner last night, got home, saw the books were here.

She was immediately, she dove right in. She dove right into like a Komodo dragon and a cobra. And I don't want to know. I really don't want to know what I want to happen is I want read to read the books and tell us who wins. We pick who we think wins. We can side bet these animals.

Okay. And I'm taking these books. says the Bible, man. Whatever they say happens in these matchups happens to me. If I see a cobra and a Komodo dragon fighting on the ground, I'm just going to walk by.

I know what happens. I saw it in the book. I called Meg a motherfucker last night because she spoiled one of the books. I'm that into it. From your kids' point of view, you're the motherfucker. Why?

You're... I got it. That's funny. Only twice. So Reed, what did you decide? What's the first matchup? I picked a junk. A junk snake?

Reed reads off to a good start. Which books do you have? Sounded out. I picked a Jaguar versus Skunk. He's going to have Betty White versus a Komodo dragon. You should do a whole book on Elizabeth Taylor against the fucking pit viper. the whole thing, Reid. Pit Viper would win.

Your pick, Jaguar versus Skunk, who would win, you guys off of not reading these wonderful books. And I will say, for anyone out there who is about to read these,

spoilers are about to follow. Oh, that's really good. Somebody would, somebody would, like, Twitter people when I used to be on

that hokey-ass website. Are you on that website? Yeah. So Twitter people used to, like, literally run you down if you tweeted about a show, It could be done five years ago.

It could be the wire. It could be the Sopranos. People get mad about spoilers, so I'm glad our bases are covered here. Somebody would run me down and say you spoiled who would win. Jaguar. It's the easy pick, dude.

Jaguar is so, it's so, it's minus 330. Scunks give me headaches when they've odorized, but I can turn my nose off until I drive through it. I'm going with Jaguar. Jaguars, I think they have the strongest bite in the world. I do think that the skunk might intoxicate the jaguar with its vapors.

You know, maybe confuse it. But once the jaguar gets a hold of that skunk, there's no way, right? Skunk, I think, might have tough skin, though. The Honeybadger family, I think. Go ahead, Reed. I got the jaguar. You both would be defeated by a skunk as well. Skunk wins.

Read, do the buildup, man. Read us what happens. There's really good fight scenes that they describe in these books, man. So the Jaguar is so strong it can pierce through a turtle shell. The Jaguar will eat a turtle. The Jaguar stalks a wild boar. It patiently waits for the boar to go to sleep. Then it crushes its skull.

So it was smart, too. So there's a cameo from a wild boar in this one. As the Jaguar was eating the Pacu, the skunk chewed and swallowed a turgill egg. Oh, this is fucking science fiction. The Jaguar. This is tortoise in the hair bullshit? No, it's real. Yeah, it's real.

The green and a condo was lunch for the Jaguar. The Jaguar's jaws are so strong. Here, can I have the book read? No, I disagree. You found a tasty dragonfly. The skunk-cated dragonfly. The skunk also ate a delicious frog. When do they fight?

Is this foreplay? The jaguar, the hungry jaguar is walking through a rainforest and is looking for another meal. The jaguar sees the skunk. The jaguar could easily rip the skunk to shreds. This may be no contest. We were right. The jaguar can't stand the smell. It runs away as fast as possible.

Congratulations to the skunk. The ferocious jaguar quit the battle. What? No. So the jaguar don't like the stank. Hey, so I'm going to go, I'm going down the road on this. thing. I will continue to play ball, but these books have to end in fatalities. You can't win by living to fight another day, dude. You have to make the Jaguar expire. I call bullshit.

Not off to a great start read, these books. Damn it, read. Go skunks. What a bad idea, read. Okay. Which one do you want to read next? The Predators of the Ocean. There's all the predators in the ocean one. Okay, next we want to do sperm whale and whale. Even though I saw what would happen probably on the wild crats is what I want next. Sperm whale giant squid. That's what we'll do. And people at home don't spoil this fucking thing, dude.

Like don't spoil our who would win experience. Okay. So next podcast, that's your book. And in the future, just skip to the last couple of pages. It tells you what happens. You know what I'm saying? Got it. It's a good job.

But I want to know how good the skunk can hear and how well the jaguar can smell. Those facts are good. You know what we could do in the future is maybe it's three facts apiece. We just pick the best three and then at the end we just read through the... More of a book report.

Summarize it for us. Put it in your words. What's a definition of crepiscular? Trivia would be good. Being able to shoot stinky juice out of your ass. Close. Say the word again? Prepuscular.

Stinky juice out of your glands. No, that's making Gunter. Hey, that's not fair. Chris does that too. Crepescular means an animal that hunts at dawn and at dusk. You weren't close at all. Oh, I know. Do you know what dawn is?

Dawn is when the sun first rises. Dusk is when the sun sets. Thank you. Cowboy. Reed reads. Riding off into the sunset. Y'all take care.