Green Light with Chris Long - Rich Eisen! Juwan Howard, Being the Best Dad & Stories from ESPN. USFL Uniforms & NBA Dunk Contest.

Episode Date: February 22, 2022

(2:51) - Hello, Layup Line and Michigan Head Basketball Coach Juwan Howard’s Interaction with Wisconsin's Head Basketball Coach Greg Gard. (22:32) - Rich Eisen on Juwan Howard, Jim Harbaugh and Michigan, Being the Best Dad, Early Stand Up Comic Days, Working With His Wife Suzy Shuster and Stories from ESPN. (1:07:06) - Old Tweets Hurt. (1:19:03) - Improving the NBA All Star Game Dunk Contest.  (137:15) - USFL Uniform Review. (1:56:08) - Presidents Day. USFL Uniforms: https://xflnewshub.com/usfl/usfl-reveals-all-eight-team-uniforms-full-details/ Green Light Spotify Music: https://open.spotify.com/user/951jyryv2nu6l4iqz9p81him9?si=17c560d10ff04a9b Spotify Layup Line: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1olmCMKGMEyWwOKaT1Aah3?si=675d445ddb824c42 Green Light with Chris Long: Subscribe and enjoy weekly content including podcasts, documentaries, live chats, celebrity interviews and more including hot news items, trending discussions from the NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA, NCAA are just a small part of what we will be sharing with you. https://www.greenlightpodcast.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Download the app, bet big, win bigger. And I got to tell you, I really like the sound of that. And with WinBet, it's just that easy. WinBet has what you need to win, including boosted same game parlays for the upcoming NBA action after the football season. So if you're from Arizona, Colorado, Indiana, New Jersey, New York, Tennessee, or right here in Virginia, sign up today to receive a special offer. New users can take advantage of WinBet's bet $10 win $200 offer.

Just bet $10. and win 200 in free bets. Download the win bet app now or visit WynNNBET.com. Download the app, bet big and win bigger. And let's get after it. Bet 10 win 200 is not available in Michigan. Terms and conditions apply must be 21 or older and present in a state where win bet is available.

Gambling problem in Arizona call 1,800 next step. In Colorado, Indiana, New Jersey, and Virginia call 1-800 gambler. and in Michigan, 1,800-2707-1-1-7. In New York, 1-8778, Hope, NY. Tennessee, 1-8009-9-9-7-89. Welcome to the Greenlight podcast. We got the 40-yard dash man himself, Rich Eisen on today's show.

Chris Macon and Rich. Talk about Jim Harbaugh, Juan Howard, and Michigan. All the news is going on in Ann Arbor right now, especially after Joanne Howard's five-game suspension that'll last the rest of the regular season. Full disclosure, we recorded this with Rich before the news of Joanne Howard's suspension was released. So just know that before you listen.

We also learned from Rich that he spent some time in the comic stage in college, doing some stand-up comedy. And then we talk about being the best dad. After Rich, Chris Macon, and Dr. Fax, talk about some old tweets that were resurfaced over the weekend improving the NBA All-Star game dunk contest. We're going to review the USFL uniforms.

We're going to talk a little president's day, which we missed. Happy days, folks. Doing this pod with no ears in, make. I have written down here, skin, knee, no ears. Yeah, it's a different kind of day for me. I hurt my knee exercising earlier. I'm going to get you involved in that. Monday mornings, right?

You and me? 9.30 a.m. 9.30 a.m. were you pushing a sled? What were you doing? I did some double leg movement. I did some RDLs and I did about 30 minutes of uphill walking on my treadmill. That's the way I get exercise now.

I haven't sprinted and I chased the dog who was headed for the road. But that's it over the last year or two. Not true because you did a 40-yard dash and we can ask Rich Eisen about that a little later. Oh, we will talk to Rich Eisen. How was your weekend, man? My weekend was great. I saw you twice. Yeah.

outside of the studio where we get along great yeah outside the studio yeah something else we should try that more yeah yeah yeah yeah it really puts into perspective how we get along inside the studio not great and that it's not as great not as great but we're going to get along great today i feel weird that you don't have years in like i'm trying to talk differently at you i can hear you just the same it's kind of like when somebody's on the screen and we're doing a zoom interview for people at home like we sit here there's a zoom screen straight ahead. And sometimes I will yell because the screen's not that big. So I think the person is far away.

But the person is just, he's not, you know, like, you know, he's not zoomed in on his face. Right. So don't worry about it. I hear everything you're saying. I hear everything Reed's doing back there. I hear everything Matt's doing. I hear everything Taylor's doing. It's actually better without the ears.

And for people at home ears are the headphones, which I have no idea why we have them. Ann Arbor, Michigan. Hello. I would ask why, but I know. Let's not dive too deep in it. Let's do layup line shuffle and then talk about Joanne Howard. All right, so layup line. People have been really into this shuffle shit.

Well, it is interesting. Two very different people. And you could have some embarrassing stuff on your Spotify. I'm looking at a sweet home Alabama by the Florida State marching band right now. Okay, there's one. No, no, no, no. I hadn't hit it yet. That's just my most recent.

Your lovely wife when we were together this weekend told me that all you listen to at home is marching band music and that your family is tired of marching band music. True. Okay. Just a little table setter here. Robert Mueller, true. I tell you what I'd tell you to answer questions. Robert Durst incriminates himself in the bathroom. Yeah.

That was incredible. He just died, by the way, Robert Durst. R-I-P. Oh. R. R. Okay. All right.

Okay. These boots, Eric Church. Oh, that's a good one. People say Eric Church looks like me. I could see that. I see Chase Rice more. You could be related. Related to Eric Church,

pointy nose, beard. Oh, this is weird because I played this at your home the other day. Immortality, Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam. Immortality, that's fucking hardcore. We're doing three. And number three, can't you see? Marshall Tucker Band.

Can't you see? My taste might not be so bad. That's pretty good, dude. I know I'm going to have a bad day now. Ghost of Mississippi, the steel drivers. I've been loving you too long. Otis Redding. Oh.

I've been loving you. Ejos del Sol, Hermannos Gutierras. Oh, it's just guitar music. I don't even know who the fuck this is or when I added them. Most poyos Hermannos. Yeah, Breaking Bad. Gus Fring. Yeah, Gus.

good word association all right so i'll go ghost to mississippi that's the best song that i just pulled that stapledans i always tell people to go listen to the steel drivers if they like chris stapled him uh evidently a lot of people didn't listen to the steel drivers the steel drivers are awesome i don't know that cowboy reed is going to select the steel drivers but check them out i don't know that cowboy reed is going to pick my nominee

can't you see marshal tucker band i was hoping this would be the matchup this is the the toughest matchup yet, but we're going with the steel drivers. Wow, that's tough for Reid because he's a big, like, vintage southern rock guy. By the way, if you're doing Marshall Tucker band, check out Southern Woman and Fly Eagle Fly. Okay. To my other favorites. All right, go to Mississippi.

Oh, why have you forsaken me got me down in Mississippi where I don't want to be? Before we get into Rich Eisen, we got to talk about the biggest story in sports, yeah? Yeah. Skiers' penis froze. Did you hear about that? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Boy, did I.

It's one of those where you only really need to read the headline to get the whole... Especially because it's not a fucking big deal, dude. It is not a big deal. That's my take. Not impressed at all. John Bobbitt, not an athlete, not an Olympian. frozen dicks out of the highway, reattached. Didn't even get his dick detached to be reattached.

Not impressed. Now, has this gentleman's thawed? I don't know. This is why it's thawed out now. He used a hand warmer afterwards to walk back up. He had to use a hand warmer. Well, did he just announce that it was frozen? How did we find out that it was frozen?

The guy's trying to get some. He just announced it. He said that was the coldest part of his body pretty much. after he got out to the course, he was like, my appendage is frozen. I mean, pretty liberal usage of the word frozen. If your appendage is frozen, you're not going to be able to get it unfrozen with a hand warmer. You remember in dumb and dumber? You got his tongue stuck to the pole.

Yep. Now that's frozen. If your dick is frozen to a pole or something like that, that's, that's, we're in the danger zone. Just saying your dick is cold. You're not getting a metal for that, no pun intended. because of the pole metal got it i was trying to figure out the pun there is no pun the pun the pun is the metal you're not getting a metal he's an olympian pole sure yeah polling position yeah i uh i think it's a brilliant uh marketing move because if nobody else knew that his thing was frozen now he says

it was frozen and handworms warm it up fucking move over shack icy hot move over Durex, this Olympian cat. Yeah. Also in the news, Juan Howard. Oh. Got a little, speaking of a frozen rope. I don't know if that works or not, does it?

Do you think? No, he didn't throw anything. His hand? I guess. Frozen rope's usually like a throw from the outfield baseball. How the Blue Jays doing? Oh, it's, we're locked out. No, I know.

Yeah. What are they doing during the lockout? Do you know? No. not reporting so I think this Juan Howard thing is an overreaction

from both sides number one overreaction it's an overreaction it's an overreaction from the people that want him fired and it's also an overreaction

from the people who are outraged that anybody would want him fired like there are two camps of people in this argument it seems people that realize that in sports a little scuffle

as long as it doesn't get super ugly. There was no blood. There were no fans involved. This wasn't a malice at the palace thing. A little scuffle like this is good for sports if it doesn't get out of hand. There's a motion. These two teams give a shit. I have a reason north of watching Big Ten basketball to sit there and watch Wisconsin, Michigan next year, right? We're in the conference attorney. CBS made that admission by not cutting away from the action. They were playing these guys off. And then they started calling it like a UFC match. They leaned into it. So I think

like it's not outrageous to say that this is not actually bad for sports every once in a while. It's not like this happens every time two teams get together at the end of a game, but it has happened in some variation now twice in two years with

Juan Howard. So I understand why people, and a lot of these people calling for his firing, are not even aware of what happened last year at Maryland, where he allegedly told Turg that he was going to kill him and had to get restrained. And by the way, nobody touched him there. So, like, the whole thing is we've kind of,

and the Wisconsin coach is wrong, right? He's wrong. There's varying degrees of wrong and that sort of thing. But we've kind of done this thing with Joanne Howard now where the Wisconsin coach is why he slapped the other coach 45 seconds later. That's not the case. You don't put your hands on somebody.

He was wrong to put his hands on Jouan. Jouan also was trying to power right by him and said, I'll remember that fucking shit, which is not akin to just keeping it moving. So, like, this whole thing is messy. But at the end of the day, we can't be surprised that one of the couple college coaches that everybody knows is one of the most high profile coaches, yes, he coached in the NBA. Yes, he paid his dues, but he's an NBA player. He's high profile.

You can't be surprised that people are going to be a little bit fucking shocked and talk about this for a Sunday. the first Sunday without football. Yeah, I think we can live in the gray on this one. It doesn't have to be black and white. It's probably going to be a suspension for the rest of this season, legitimate anger management because we're on strike two now. And then you come back next season.

You don't need to lose your job over it. But people need to be, they need to be so far onto one side that you're right. They're being incepted on this one. Now, for the folks saying to get rid of the handshake line, that's a step too far for me. I mean, let's say shootings go up. What are we going to say, get rid of the guns?

I mean, let's not. Ah, but I mean, look, people can can act civil in handshake lines. People can get their handshakes like on, it can go anywhere to get their handshakes. You're right. And we should say Wisconsin, for those who have been under Iraq, Wisconsin blowing out Michigan, Michigan presses the Wisconsin walk-ons to try and make it more respectable and the computers appreciate that

the computers really do care about margin of victory and Michigan is squarely on the bubble so this is a thing Wisconsin calls time out that's an interesting take there late so there's something to Michigan pressing Wisconsin I don't love it right but it does make a difference

but when the other team's like hey I don't want a 10 second violation time out there's two teams playing hard here right and then if you're Greg Garder you got to let Joanne give you the blowby. This is my thing about sports media and like the timeline, you know, because yesterday I hopped on my desktop for a little bit. And I just noticed that like it's undeniable we're, we're making Juan a bit of a victim here because he's Joanne Howard. Like another coach in the NCAA that we hadn't heard as much about. We're not going to hear as much about it.

But maybe that guy does get fired. Maybe that guy, I mean like not to mention the fact that like you have the context of the thing last year and this team's on the bubble. and they've got, you know, all these great players, as you've mentioned, like, it's not going to be pretty for a day. Why do people want people to move on so fucking fast after their favorite person gets in trouble? Like, this is how it goes. For a day, people will tweet about him. For a day, people might call for his firing. I don't think he gets fired. I don't think it's the right thing to do, but I don't think, you know, if somebody calls for his firing that it's the waging of some culture war as Damien Woody, my guy put it, I disagree with Damien Woody on this.

I know it's a delicate topic, and we haven't even mentioned that yet. I don't care what the coach looks like. We'd be talking about this. The coach would be disciplined. If you want to bring up Woody Hayes and Bobby Knight, women smoke cigarettes like 10, 15 years before some of these guys were coaching during pregnancy. So, like, a lot has changed since Woody Hayes and Bobby Knight, man. Like, don't bring up coaches from 40 years ago talking about how we would do things this year.

We'd do things in 2022 differently than we did in 2019. Well, and in 2022. I can see the clip of Joanne Howard seven seconds after the game ends. The game I didn't, I wasn't watching live. There is a GIF. It's a, it's a GIF loop hybrid of him just petting the side of this guy's fucking head. It's actually kind of funny. Don't count me in the outrage.

Count me in the annoyed like kind of kind of subcategory of people that are just like, can everybody get off their fucking soapbox, please. Yeah. After several hours of reflection, I have really no opinion. of this. Now for the folks who are saying, what about the kids? Setting an example. You need to set an example for the kids. Whalen sees that. What do you tell them? Well, you know how I feel about fighting. I'm north of how you feel about fighting. You're saying, hey, way, that man should have closed his fist, gotten his hips into it and really cranked on. What I would say to Waylon, who's five, and like what I would say to an 18-year-old kid is you don't have to do anything another adult does. It's not. It's, that fucking simple. If you're that worried about the kids, these guys are guys who are now signing NIL deals. Many of them, their classmates are in the NBA. They're living on their own. They have real world responsibilities. If anybody is adult enough to fucking deal with a coach

that got a little mad or gets a little mad sometimes, it's college athletes. Not to mention, they know who their coach is. Watch their faces when Jouan got mad. Like, I'm sure one or two of them was like, fuck, dude. Like, they know his temper. Okay? This whole thing of like, these kids, well, what's next with these kids? Like, because Bobby Petrino got road rash on a motorcycle with his side chick, that doesn't mean his whole team then went out and got a Harley Davidson and a girlfriend

on the side. You know what I mean? Like, we don't, I, now, there is something to this. If you are in a group and Joanne Howard starts pushing and shoving, then all the players are sitting there as well, like, oh, it's okay. If they were wanting to fight in the first place, then they get the permission slip. That guy that was throwing hands, who by the way, I think one of them could throw hands pretty good on the Michigan side of things, that guy was ready to fight. You don't go from like zero to

200. He wants the fight. Juan gave him the permission slip. You know what I mean? So in an effect, I could see that. But no kid that's sitting there peacefully in the handshake line goes from great game to I want to kill your family because Juan Howard. cuffed the side of that fucking coach's head. Right, which is different from when Joanne Howard said he would kill Mark Turg. Any repercussions for the gentleman, the trainer, who said that the Michigan sidelines should suck it?

No. Okay. I mean, like, I don't know. I'm not saying I would rule the college ranks like the XFL, but I do think that, you know, I've been in football fights. I've probably been in more football fights than real life fights. And, you know, I don't think that makes me a bad person. I don't think being in a football fight as ugly as they might have been before makes me a bad person.

I don't think it makes athletes, bad people to get that worked up over something. It means a lot to them. What's fucked up about this whole thing, fighting in sports, is people boil it down to it's just a game. That is so both sides of your mouth to say it's just a game. These guys are managing, you know, college education, a good one at that at Wisconsin. or Michigan, you know, they have real world responsibilities. They have a tremendous amount of pressure on them. People are coaching for their livelihoods. Like people can get fired. Their families have to move. Like, we boil this down to, it's college sports. We can keep the pageantry

without, you know, playing dumb and putting our heads in the sand as to how high the stakes are and how on edge people are. Sometimes it spills over. And it's okay. Now again, what about the adult male who pointed to his I love that. Social repercussions for that guy at very minimum. I also love number 44 from Wisconsin in the closer look in.

All he wanted to do was was sing varsity, whatever that means. Brad Davidson, you know, I just want to go sing varsity. There's a fight going on. I want to go sing varsity.

Brad Davis, respectfully, we can't wait for you to stop playing college sports. You hate them, huh? At least on this side of the couch. I know who you don't hate.

Rich Eisen Yeah This is an exciting deal for you And for me Because I've been wanting to have Rich Eisen Ongen for a while And he owes to sports centers Basically

Every single one of our teenage years Before going to NFL network So I mean that's a wheelhouse For a kid who likes sports So, Oberman, Dan Patrick Kilborn Chris Berman

Oberman fell out of ranks For me when he went like full crazy sure I'm just saying like he was in a Boston market ad like 10 years ago and then just absolutely skewered a kid for turkey hunting recently I was like yeah just peak overman but this is about Rich Eisen yep um hey you want to do a thing where we have rich Eisen on and we don't ask him about Joanne Howard we should ask him about the big news out of Ann Arbor about the coach Jim Harper screwing over the school for more money,

flirting with the Minnesota Vikings job you was never going to take. We'll see if we ask about Joan Howard. Okay. When your business is starting its championship run, nothing matters more than finding and hiring the best team. With Indeed, you have the power to build a dynasty

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Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? You need indeed. All right. So I've finally cashed in the rich eyes and I don't know what you called, but Rich always calls me to come on a show And I'm always busting his ball.

So I'm like, oh, there's a white D.N. that made news. So Rich Eisen calls me the next day. I get a text, like clockwork. And then eventually what he realized, he likes having me on his show. So now I don't even need like Aiden Hutchinson to be in the draft. Rich calls me all the time to call on the show. What's up, Rich?

How are you, Chris Long? What's going on? I'm great. I'm great now. I'm seeing you on this side of the Zoom. We coordinated this thing. We had a funny text exchange. We should talk about having a guy right off the top, shall we?

Go for it. Yeah, sure. So Rich Eisen claims that he does not have a guy. I said, if you give me your email address, I will have my guy send you a Zoom link. And Rich Eisen said, I don't have a guy, just me. Only fancy people like you have assistance. Redacted at Richisanshow.com. Yes.

I said, this will be a good topic. You don't have a guy. He said, I have someone I can technically designate someone as the guy. But essentially, you're communicating with the guy. Speak to that, Rich. It's a true story, Chris, because anytime I. reach out to you to say, would you mind coming on the show? You're like, yeah, that should work.

I don't know. Email this person. And I'm like, all right, if that's the gatekeeper to Chris Long's, pearls of wisdom, I'll do that because I really want Chris on the show. And, you know, and it doesn't matter whose position is on the field or anything like that. I want your take. And then I get, I have to go to an email. and then invariably I have to wait for that person to get around to getting back to me.

And then if I don't hear for a bit, no, if I don't hear for a bit, then I get a little antsy. Maybe, you know, there's a, there's spam situations. You got to click all the bicycles to get into the email. Like we have a whole bunch of steps of authentication. So when you say to me, you know, would you like to come on the show? I'm like, absolutely no problem. Just give me the time. And whenever it is, and you're like, I'll send the email to whoever you're,

or guy is and I'm like, I don't have a guy. I just know my schedule and I'll be there. So according to my guy, you have a guy or a gal. This is where the plot thickens. Okay. I do have people. Like there are people who work on. I mean, there's a difference between,

there's a difference between having people to help arrange for a show filled with guests for me. Yeah. But if I'm a guest on somebody else, you know, just tell me and I'll be there. Well, I thought you were really easy to deal with on the other side of the guest booking thing. And I don't know if that was a way of guilt tripping me for my difficult ADD brain.

But Rich was immediately answering my text. He was like, what time? How long do you need me? He's a true pro. Both sides of the mic. On a flight. On a flight. Internet on a flight flex.

Rich. Direct, direct unfiltered access to Chris is no peach, my friend. Is that right? Fuck me, dude. I mean, really? I mean, what one, what one paragraph could be is 28 separate texts. It's better. It's better that you deal with the guy.

You know what I mean? The guy could, I'm saving you. Okay, the guy filters, the guy. Yeah. Translating the guy. Exactly. Removes, removes any fuss or must. Coms are not my strong suit. No.

But I'm a nice guy. Do you want to hit him with this thing real quick? Yeah. Do you see our title here, Rich? Very good dads. Very good dads. Do you have anything like, oh. Best dad ever.

So what we have here is we are like constantly improving dads. We're humble dads. There's a lot of room for us to improve. And every time I watch your awesome show, I think there's a complacent dad. What does that mean? I mean, I don't know. You say you're the best ever. There's nothing else that you could do.

You're on the mountain top. In the annals of fatherhood, man. Well, yeah. I mean, there's. what my children think of me and then there's you know i guess this one father's day gift that i think there's still a price tag on the back of it because the kids didn't wow this is expensive blaming his kids like the best dad ever would do all right i'm gonna name a couple dads you tell me better than these dads all right here we go Liam neeson and taken oh god um that's definitely the

most i guess uh revenge thirsty dad right okay that doesn't that doesn't fit on this okay okay all right I will hunt somebody down if necessary. If that's push comes to shove. Phil Dunphy, modern family. No, I'm closest to him. Okay. You know, married up. You know, I have certain tricks that I think are really clever but aren't at all.

Yeah, I'm closer to Phil Dumfie than anybody that you've mentioned so far. Okay. Odell Beckham, Sr. You can't be a better dad than him. Well, let me just tell you something. My kids are just beginning to get into youth sports, and they're always open. They're always open. Yes, they're always open.

And there was one moment that I had with my son, my younger son, a couple of years ago in a pony baseball game where they were letting kids pitch to kids. They're letting eight-year-olds pitch to eight-year-olds. Okay. And it's just like the whole point of this is for the kids to hit and learn how to play and not be hit. So I'm already coming into this thing with a lot of skepticism. And my son steps to the plate because he got the bat lead off because the manager of the team didn't want to make up the schedule or make up the lineup based on whatever he wanted to do it. He based it on when the kids arrived. So now I have two other kids. Getting my son to the game on time proved very difficult, but this was the last game of the year. And my wife and I, we made sure we're going to make sure my son bats freaking leadoff. So he got him there and he batted lead off last game of the year, steps in,

eight-year-old versus eight-year-old and took the first pitch right in the freaking child. Great down. And he's writhing on the ground. So no, I'm the dad who runs out on the field to make sure he's okay. But don't want to alarm him by my presence. but I just wanted to see if he's all right as he rides on the ground. And the umpire told him to take his base. And I'm like, what do you mean take your base?

Like he's been waiting for a week to bat Liot off. I dragged my ass out of the house to make sure my kid bat at Lidol. He's going to back. Like you get back in the bat. Like what are we teaching him like at age eight if you get hit, you take your base? Or do you take your bat? You get another at bat. I think you get another at bat in my opinion.

If I were commissioner. But now here I am, you know, arguing with somebody who is taking their time out of their day to be the umpire for this eight-year-old versus a little battle like barking at this guy became i became that dad it's easy to become that dad i think that's as close to odell beckham senior as i've ever got so your kid's going to get a super bowl ring at some point then yeah okay okay more family stuff your wife uh is a producer yes or still a producer at yes well that's where i met her as a producer for esPN she is she actually sat in this very chair last two days. That's why I asked.

Yeah. That's nice to have like people in the family that can step up, you know, and probably are pretty critical. This is what I was going to ask you is like, I don't know if you're self-conscious as somebody who's on a microphone. You've been doing it so long, right? Like we've been doing it three years, right? At this point. And we hate our voice. We hate like us, the whole thing. And I hate when I have to go home and fucking play a clip to my wife to ask her if it's funny or if it's good because they are not going to bullshit us. And I can only imagine if my wife was a producer. So does that add an element of insurance or self-consciousness when you get home from work? No, no self-consciousness. And it adds insurance. But there are times,

though, when she thinks that what I'm doing is not the best and I feel like it is. And, you know, it lends to an awkward moment in the house, you know. But that's a great tool, though, to have like a relationship where somebody's won honest but qualified to be honest. No question. And she, she, I have yet to win an Emmy Award for, for my work individually. And she has. So she reminds the kids who's got an Emmy Award in the house and who does not. Um, again, one of those moments where, but no, um, Susie's an incredible, um, you know, resource, producer, host. Like, she literally does it all, a podcast that I started a couple years ago called Just Getting started the origin story, uh, podcast where we have people tell their, their stories.

She's doing it now. I'm, you know, we just had a transition episode where she's now the host of it. And it's great. And this past week was ultimate. I, I took two days. I went to Hawaii for a poker trip with my buddies. And, you know, nothing's better than your wife sitting in for you on your show. She had Barkley and Shaq and Jerry West, Marshall Fox sat with her four three hours. And At any rate, it's just, you know, it's great having, you know, the love of your life sit in your chair, you know, mother of your three children basically host your fourth baby. That's what she does. That's so awesome. After all these years, do you ever get nervous interviewing people? I mean, is that something that ever pops up for you? Does it depend on the guest? I'm lucky. I did stand up comedy in college and nothing after that. Nothing. I didn't know that. Yes, I did stand up comedy in college at Michigan for three years. doing stand-up comedy in a comedy club makes everything easier. Nothing.

Like the only time, the last time I was like really nervous was, well, I mean, launching this show was nerve-wracking. But, because I'm not like a take artist. And you have to be. Inevitably. Inevitably, you have to have a take on stuff in order to do this show.

And that's not why I got into this business to have takes. I literally got into this type of show. to have interviews and talk to people and get to meet them and have conversations. But the opinionating of it doesn't come to me easily in the same way that, you know, people who I go up against every single day seems like that they hear something that happens in sports and can basically come up with a menu, an a la carte menu of different takes to have. Do I want the asshole take? Do I want the nuanced take? Do I want the take that's going to get me the clicks? Do I want that, you know, like what, which one, you know, suits me today?

And I don't have that. I've got whatever comes out of my heart and my mind. But so starting this show, the first day was kind of nerve-wracking. And then the first few months where I had to learn the radio business and the, you know, from scratch. It was quite a lot. But the last time I was really like nervous, nervous was on the set of Sports Center at the 2000, I guess, two world series where it was Angels versus Giants. And we're in the old Packbell Park out there and left center field on the sports center set. And we just, the game had just ended.

And they handed me a highlight, a video highlight of cold. I hadn't seen it. Hadn't, you know, I'd seen the game, but I hadn't seen the actual highlight, which is the toughest way to do those back in the future. But at any rate, they told me that if I screwed it up, we would not be able to re-record it until the next live showing of SportsCenter an hour later, which meant if I screwed it up, the intent. entire crew that was thinking they could go home in three minutes would have to then wait an hour in three minutes for me to try it again. Right. And that kind of set me off like a bunch of people basically like, you know, is he going to do it or not? And that got me really nervous. Well, it's like it's like the people you work with actually weigh on you more than the people you don't

know. And that that's oftentimes, believe it or not, in here what what I struggle with is like, if we're doing something, even if it's going well at 6 p.m. I'm like, fuck, everybody wants to go home. You know, like, it's just that bath time is upon some of us and we're very good dads. Yeah, we are good dads improving constantly. There's the best dad ever on the other side of the Zoom. I want to stay on the comedy stuff. Can we stay there for a second?

Did you ever bomb a show? Oh, God, yeah. What was the worst you ever bombed the show? Do you remember something terrible? Oh, my God. Yeah, I got to be honest. When I bombed a show when, okay. So I did it at the student union when I was in college.

So on the campus at Michigan, and this was, you know, late 80s when comedy clubs were red hot. I mean, red hot. People were waiting down out the door, down the street to get in. So, you know, my fraternity brothers would be there. My fellow Michigan Daily reporters would be there. So I packed the house on my side of things. And then it was just raucous. People were like half in the bag arriving.

So the crowd was lit always. So that was easy for that respect, but then I decided, you maybe I want to try this for a living. And I went on the road one weekend for two shows at some laugh house factory, whatever the hell it was called, in Livonia, Michigan, which is about a 45-minute drive out of campus. So I was on the road. I brought my comedy, you know, my college-based comedy. You know, I used to do bits on my college experience. Now, here I am with just regular hardworking, blue-collar Americans who don't know a thing of what I'm talking about. And I had no ability to switch on the fly to try and hit my audience where they live as opposed to where I live.

And it sucked. It was terrible. I got paid like in a hamburger. And the couple of jokes that I did that did hit afterwards, all the comedians are together. And they were like hardcore professionals and they were asking me, you know, if I'm just a college kid, am I going to use that professional? Like, I'm going to use that joke? They wanted it.

Oh, they want to take your jokes. That's kind of a compliment. And it was, yeah, but also I didn't know how to answer it. And I'm like, I am not freaking cut out for this. I am not cut out for this comedy thing. But it was the toughest thing I ever had to do. I sucked it that night. It was terrible.

So I just basically just did it in my student union for the rest of my days at Michigan. and I loved it. It was great. We talked to your friend Jeff Garland on this show, and I didn't know you guys were so tight, and now it's like making a little bit more sense. Garland's great, man. My staple I did all the time was I read the penthouse forum letters in Howard Coasell's voice.

You see this right up his alley. That was it. Just pack a stadium with Macon's. Yeah. That would have been, you'd have loved it then. Who was your comp, though, in comedy? coming out of, you know, the draft in Rich Eisen and the comedy draft.

I'm like, I don't know, man. You didn't have like a Mitch Hedberg delivery. It was like your delivery is like. No, and I wasn't like Stephen Wright. It's kind of what you see every day. Like, I'm just being myself. That's it. Rich, can you imagine having to try to solve a murder before DNA came along?

It's like, hey, Chief, there's a pool of the murderer's blood. over here. Yeah. Oh, gross. Now let me get back to my hunch. What? Is that a joke? That's a joke lifted from John Mullaney.

Oh, okay. It's from John Mullaney. Okay, so that's good. I'm really thankful that's not you. But you liked it. You clapped. Well, I knew you were trying to bit. Yeah.

Trying a bit. Yeah. I'm curious. Do you have a question? Rich eyes and show. Now the, the face of NFL network for damn near 20 years. When's the last time you got? Oh, yeah.

Rich Eisen, that guy from SportsCenter. I get it all the time. That's cool, though. That's cool, though. I'm going to go through airports. I hear the sports center theme all the time. The old, good one. No offense to the new sports center theme. No offense to any of the graphics. No offense to any of that. But it's kind of like the dunk contest. We remember it a certain way. Yes. You know what I mean? As good as Sports Center could be now. As good as a dunk contest, which I hear you want canceled. Could be now. Now, I don't want to cancel. I don't know.

Sports center should, I wish they could time capsule that fucking thing, dude. You know, it was, but we were kids. So I would love to just feel that way now. I feel, I don't know. It's different though now. It's different though now because now you see everything in your phone, right? And so when I did it, it was just a show about what happened or seeing. what you saw happen for the second time.

Right. One, like for the first, you see it the second time for the first time, not like the 19th time because you already saw the first 17 in a text from your friend or on Twitter or Facebook or however you take in your information. And so the show changed. It changed while I was on the air there. I was there from 96 to 03. So it started as a, you know, entertainment based infotainment show.

Yeah. And then morphed into two people arguing over why something happened. And the SportsCenter anchor was now sort of the Crossfire anchor. And I didn't like doing that anymore. But it's different. But I did love it back in the day, man. When I was there and I still hear people like, it blows my mind when they're like, a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old walks up to me and said, they watched me before going to school in the morning because back in that,

that day, the overnight show that I did with Stuart Scott mostly would get re-aired throughout the night and in the morning. Yeah, I just got chills because I'm thinking about wanting to the fucking score of the hockey game that went to three overtimes. I had to go to bed. Right. You know, I mean, like I sat there with with my parents at the breakfast table and, you know, like race downstairs. That was the one reason I wanted to get up in the morning to see what happened last night after I went to bed. So kudos to that whole gang, man. You know, like it's pretty awesome. I mean, just what an iconic group. But you know now they basically outlawed sports on the Instagram account for SportsCenter.

So it might come full circle. You might not be able to get any sports. All they do is like kids doing the gritty. You know what I mean? Like it's very non-sports now. So maybe we will get that novelty back eventually with SportsCenter. Internet, no sports highlights. Maybe.

I don't know. It's just to be it. I always think great highlights are shows. still work. I really do. I did one for the Olympics last summer called Tokyo Gold, where it was just a straight hour of highlights, period, straight through. And he's showing all the Olympic events. And I had some fun with archery highlights. And we did a segment on lesser known sports, gave it an extra, like, long highlight. I called it the Ritch's Shuttlecock minute. So I could say the word shuttlecock as much as I possibly could.

That's good. You can work here. And then you just have fun moments in the highlights, like when this Norwegian runner ran an insane race and he just ripped his shirt off. And I said he was showing off his northern lights. I mean, like, that's the sort of stuff that I always used to do on Sports Center. And it worked. And, you know, Berman's still doing his prime time show now on ESPN Plus. I call me a sucker. I just think highlight shows still work.

That should be on the front page. Berman, it's about the artist doing it too. I mean, so like even if I've seen all the highlights, I would give anything to hear. I always tell the story. When I played for the Rams, not a lot of people watch the Rams. We barely made Chris Berman's show, you know, Boomer and Tom Jackson late at night. I used to stay up with a dip in on like beer 15 in St. Louis in my apartment, squinting my eyes trying to see one Stephen Jackson highlight from Chris Berman, just one of my teammates. But it was like even playing in the league, you know, it's been so many years of me consuming sports media. I still wanted to see the highlights of games I played in. And it's

because Chris Berman was doing it. So it's about the artist, I think, as much as, you know, kind of the art form. And I hope it never goes away. But I think the Olympics are great medium to do like kind of that extended highlight deal. There's no way. You catch it all. Exactly. Because they're there on like 15 networks and with time zones, you don't know when you've seen it. So this is a one-stop shop, you know, show called Tokyo Gold. And I hadn't, it was wild. Like, um, and, and it was produced by a fellow named Dan Steer who I worked with at ESPN years ago. So he came in with an ESPN mentality, um, a sports center mentality. And, you know, I had about 30 highlights in front of me before the one hour show of all sorts of sports that I've never really

called, if you will, in my entire life. And I got a text from my wife about 15 minutes beforehand. And again, we met in the newsroom at ESPN in 96. So she, she texted me, how's it going? And I text her back. I said, I feel like I'm in a time machine. Like, I'm in a time machine. I got all these highlights. And that's what people are coming. They're coming for highlights. And they're coming to find out what happened and be entertained by it. And it was like, I'm getting even chills just thinking. And, you know, it was so great. And I just, want to tell you this one Berman story because I love telling the story. Do tell it. Yeah. It's it's about him and and one of the things that I think that makes you,

Chris, so good at what you're doing right now. And you know, Makin, we've just met. I'm sure you're just as good. He's pretty fun. That's right. Yep. It's pretty good. But it's it's being yourself. You know, like the person that, you know, your podcast viewers and anybody else who sees you, Chris, knows that you're not putting on a filter, you are yourself. And the most successful people in broadcasting I've ever met are the same people off the air as you see on the air. Dan Patrick is a perfect example, Oberman, Stuart, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, 1996. I was 26 years old. I had just had a year and a half in the business at a small market in

Redding, California, Redding Chico market. It's entirely possible Aaron Rogers was watching me do my sports cast, you know, when he was barely, you know, in middle school. So at any rate, I get the call. They found me there and it literally was like lightning struck. Like I won the lottery. And I'm age 26 and this is what I wanted to do. That's why I did stand up in college and then mixed it with my love of sports casting and voila, that was my goal to be on SportsCenter. And it happened and it was unbelievable. But it was head turning. Like, you know, as soon as I got there, I didn't know how to work my way in with these Titans, you know, Robin Roberts, Charlie Steiner, that was when Kilbourne was at his height.

Oh, he's still at his height to me. I know you're not saying that, but his Instagram is the greatest. His Instagram is up there. I don't know if I want SportsCenter Kilby or Instagram Kilby. Instagram Kilby is just like SportsCenter. Okay, good. Okay. He really is.

And I had him here three years ago when, when SportsCenter had like their big anniversary or ESPN had their big anniversary 30th year and I didn't get invited, neither did him. So I basically, you know, he's the Greta Garber. of sports casting. I got him and to come in here and he hadn't been on TV in years. And, you know, we, we drank, you know, martinis together. Of course. And it was a great hour, like, our, like, search out on YouTube. It's unbelievable. It was here for a night. Yeah, I love Craig Kilburn. Long story short is at ESPN, I don't know if they do this anymore. Again, I haven't been there in shit 18 years now. So, or 19. So they had these banners, you know, these banners that say,

ESPN worldwide leader in sports that ESPN would hang over, you know, the side of a baseball stadium or wherever to let you know who's broadcasting the game. So these banners would be hung up prefabricated cubicle walls that would create hallways at ESPN. And it would say a sign saying for on-air talent to please sign for charity. And they would tell you what charity was. And they'd have a Sharpie hanging there. And I was there and I'd been started doing some sports centers. I just didn't want any of those people I just saw just told you about seeing me sign something, like some 26 year old signing this as if I'm putting my name next to Dan Patrick's, right? Yeah. I was really self-conscious about it. So about a week into my tenure there, I'm doing a seven o'clock sports

Center on a Sunday night. And Berman is doing the baseball tonight after it. And he's in the makeup chair before me. And I walk in and I just say, you know, you're the perfect person to ask this question, Chris, and I'd never met him before. And, and I said to him, you know, I'm rich eyes and he goes, I know who he are. He goes, what's your question? But I told him my problem.

Like, you know, I'm like, how many sports centers do I have to do? before I'm considered worthy enough to sign these banners. And he goes, how many of you done? One? And I'm like, about six. And he goes, fuck it. Sign them all. Your vermin impression is pretty good, too.

And so I just turned around. He'll turn. And I went down the row, like signed 12 of them. And he couldn't have been more amazing to say that to me. Like he could have totally. Big leagueed you. Yeah. Or he could have done what Dan Patrick did to me, which is stand next to me.

Yeah. While I'm looking at all, because again, the tapes that would come up from those 11 o'clock sports center from the control room, they would be in this big plastic bin. Yeah. And it would be my job to take them out and put them in so I could see them before going on the air. And you bet I was going to do that as a 26-year-old. I was going to see every last one of them. I wasn't going to just roll the dice like the one I told you about of the World Series five years later.

So I'm standing there and I'm looking at these tapes and I just feel like this presence to my left, just stand there. And I look up and it's Dan Patrick and he says to me, so you're nervous. I just wanted to curse him out, you know? But, you know, I took it to mean like Dan Patrick was giving me shit. And he still does this.

like 25 years later. They should really do a sports center movie. I don't know if it would actually sell, but I'd want to see like what it was like at the office back in those days with the personalities that we came to know as like SportsCenter icons. Okay, write that down, SportsCenter movie. Copyright. Nobody infringe on that idea.

Okay. So I want to ask you, we've picked your brain about sports center before we finish was Michigan stuff, which I have to. It's kind of like the Aidan Hutchinson of Rich Eisen's, well, another Michigan thing here. Freudian slip. So with Monday night football, I think that's one of the biggest like sports media mysteries for me in the next like 10 years. What's that landscape look like? We already have the Manning cast. And really like this conversation extends to any broadcast of a football game.

Like where do you think we're going with this stuff? And who are you excited about seeing kind of fill some of these Manning cast positions getting in the booth? Like Akeep Taleb got in this year doing play by play. His style is totally different. I just feel like the traditional. broadcast is changing and Monday football is the perfect example for that it's like kind of the canary in the coal mine with football broadcasting where do you see it going well I think that's where it's going and I think you know with Thursday night football going to Amazon I think that's you know I'm hearing that's exactly what they're going to do is come up with multiple broadcasts shit I hope so that that would be you know for different audiences you know what I'm saying like it would

employee of Amazon here I'm praying but just hey do some shit guys I'm a traditionalist. And I watched a lot of the Manning cast, a lot of the Manning cast. But at times, you know, when Rubbers meet in the road and a guest comes on and an interview breaks out, it's very difficult to focus on the game itself. You know, I like the traditional broadcast of a game. I always will. But when the Manning started breaking down a fourth quarter with a guest who knows as much. football as them and drilling down into what's going on on on the field, what's going on in the

huddle, and Peyton's reaction to bad football, you know, being unfiltered and Eli's reaction to Peyton's reaction, that was tremendous television. And for Peyton Manning to, you know, even I'm sure people are knocking on his door to call games. Like, why would he call games when he's calling a game from his basement? From his couch. You know what I mean? And he owns the rights to this version of what he's doing with his own production company. I mean, that's the win. That's the W. Why would he get on a

plane just to fly to a stadium to call the game traditionally? It doesn't make much sense. So I think what you're going to see is a ton of diversification of the broadcast and you get to choose which one you want in the same way that people

are choosing how to view their news right now. Yeah. You know, and I think that's the future of it. And then some gambling red zone channel once the Komodo is finally lifted just lifted you know what i mean like instead of like well to go to this game when it enters the red zone when the ball enters the red zone when when it's now just a backdoor cover let's go to the back door cover cam you know and we don't have to talk around it i'm beginning to no longer talk around it you know on NFL network we're asking these questions rapid fire to my guys and they're all

like Joe Mixon's average 62 rush over the last three games. Yes. We'll have more than 62 today. And the over underline for his prop is 62 and a half. And they're putting that up on the screen. And this is the same network where I couldn't talk about Reggie Bush until he declared for the draft. Yeah. You know, and it's kind of crazy.

So I think there will be at some point when the kimono was finally lifted, if not eviscerated, some sort of gambling red zone channel and people are going to find with whatever method of delivery for their game that's possible i'm with you i think i think the manning cast is a terrific like look into what it could be at times and then i i think it's just the selectivity of the guess i think it's like i enjoy hearing from david letterman like it's hard for me to say hey david letterman sucked on the manning cast but i'm just saying like maybe it was the square peg round hole situation. Like, I think if you have a football guest, it's aces. And to your point, I'm even more immersed in the game. But if it's somebody who's not, I find myself as somebody who works

in football, and I'm, you know, a fan, but I'm working in football, losing track of the game. So I do think there's some happy medium if they could find kind of that sweet spot. And like you said, there's going to be a ton of choices. Okay, why you're here, Michigan Wolverines basketball, There was an assault on the court last night. Joanne Howard got into it, mixed it up a little bit. I'm going to give you my take real quick. I think fighting is not the end of the world in college or pro sports, as long as it doesn't get too ugly.

I think CBS not cutting away from the game is an admission by TV and by the general public that we like conflict and drama in sports. They were ready to cut away. They didn't. I don't think it's a fireball offense, but I do think Joanne Howard should end up seeing some sort of, in the context of the Maryland thing last year, some sort of punishment. What say you? I didn't see the show today. I appreciate the fact that you want to talk about it.

I said that he should not be fired. I don't want him fired. I don't want him fired at all. I, this may just be because I'm biased or love the guy. I mean, 25 years of connection to the, we're longer, 30 years now, connection to the program and the school that family members should not be excommunicated like this. And I hope he is not fired. But he does need to show some form of contrition for throwing a hand. I mean, a coach should not be throwing hands. And that's the way I feel about that. as difficult it is to be critical of my coach, which he is, and I'm thrilled that he is,

you should not be throwing hands and everything in between of being upset about the timeout, well, then you're the one who pressed. And then, you know, and then being upset about, I guess, the press that you call timeout. And then when the guy doesn't want to talk to you after the game, let him pass. let him walk just like he's clearly read the room he doesn't want to talk to you so if he basically says to you you know I'll remember that and you feel like that's not fair um then call him later call him five minutes you know five minutes after the game I didn't like I didn't I didn't really like

what you said um Juan and I just want to tell you what's going on and you may not really want to hear it but that's it and I'll see you down the road um that's my opinion on it was whose take was it today. Somebody said on your show, somebody said, do away with the handshake line. And that's well, that was, I think Chapman said that. But Joe said from, yeah, but Jay came on today. And he's like, you know, when, when he did it, you know, when he was in school, they didn't really do that. And, um, and just lining up to Dap really doesn't mean anything. And he thinks it's kind of a waste of time. You like it, though. You, you, you know what? I'm a traditionalist. And there's just too much shit in our world that's becoming more and more uncivil. So what?

what's the big deal if you just line up? And even if you just go through and just tap it up, it's just something that, I don't know, I just don't want to see something that, that promotes sportsmanship and civility go away because of one outlier uncivil moment. No, I'm with you.

I'm with you, but it wouldn't, it wouldn't hurt my heart to see, you know, people seek each other out, you know, on their own volition after games, right? So,

you know, like if you love somebody on the other team, you're going to go dab them up and give them a hug, regardless. and I think you'd see people meeting up after games and whatnot. My whole thing on the Joanne Howard thing is, I think there's been a lot of, I've been, well, I'm not surprised,

but there's been, like, anybody that has a problem with, with Juan Howard's actions, people are acting like it's out of left field. Like somebody who's, there's been a lot of people calling for his firing. I don't agree, but I also don't think that the people calling for his firing are like being ridiculous. I mean, you know, I just think there's been overreaction on every side of this thing,

overreaction to the incident, overreaction to the fact that some people might be a little bit upset and think that, you know, you shouldn't be cuffing other college coaches upside the head. I'm with you. I think there's a punishment and it's south of a firing. And the third one, because there was the Maryland outburst last year, probably should be considered in the context of a firing, but hopefully you never see a third one. Exactly. You know, we could be Big Ten Commissioner today. As Riches fellow Michigan man, I have two. much respect to ask if you think Joanne Howard, though he shouldn't be fired for throwing a hand, should he be fired for being 14 and 11 with several McDonald's All-Americans. I wouldn't ask you that

because I have too much respect for you and John. That's definitely a backdrop to all this, like the level of frustration that's happening right now. No question about it. And then, you know, to get beaten up in Wisconsin, I know that might be the poor phrase, but it's, and how desperate and dire this season has become. But I'm not one of those like, look, like what he did the last two years was remarkable and amazing as well. Yeah. You know, I'd love to have championship runs every single year that just doesn't seem

to happen all that much. And I'm not going to sit here and say he has all these McDonald's, all Americans, and he's screwing it up and he should be fired for that just one year in. Guys building a program. And I think it's an important program that he's building as well because, you know, a lot. He's paid his dues on top of being a former player and somebody that the school needed to turn to because they didn't expect B-Line to go take a Cleveland Cavalier job. That's for sure. Yeah. I'm glad he took the job. Just color me shocked that one of the only two basketball coaches

that a casual college basketball fan has heard of makes news when he slaps another coach in the side of the head. Like color me shocked on that one. That's all. That's all I'm saying. I'm like, no, I know. And he also chose the first weekend that football was over. He picked Sunday, the first one. Like if he had done that last Sunday, Super Sunday, what do you think we're talking about today? Not this. Nothing.

Yeah, nothing about college basketball. And what qualifies me as a Michigan man is dining at Zingermans like twice in my life and loving an harbor. Do you also, if you attach yourself as a Michigan man because you went to Zingermans, do you do that also for Judaism as well? Oh, no, I do identify as a Jew. Okay. You do? Yeah. That's news on this show. Yeah, no, very much so.

Is this a curb your enthusiasm situation here, Funkhauser? Yeah, that sounds like that Seinfeld episode where he was very upset with Tim Watley. Yeah. For telling Jewish jokes because he had just... I'm not a dentist. Predative Judaism. And then he goes and sits on the kneeling bench at a confessional and was asked if that offended him as a Jewish person. He said, no, it offends him as a comedian.

literally one of the greatest lines in history. Funghouser Palestinian chicken. Episode just popped into my head and that's how I'm going to end this interview with Rich Eye. Bro, look at him. He's got to go. He's been in that sweater all day. He's been dressed up all day, making content. I want to get him out of here.

You want zero or one more questions? I'll take one more to go for you. Okay. It's your favorite guy, dude. Jim Harbaugh is returning and your club beat Ohio State this year. But we three have a kinship in that we went to Virginia and we've been the little brother for a little while with the hokeys

who take the football game more seriously than than anything else there is. Is there a way you have learned to compartmentalize? Well, direct the narrative, you know, because you're the better school. You probably went in all the other sports. The football game is their Super Bowl. We just don't pool as many resources. Help us help us help us rebut these Hokies when they be us 15 years. Yeah, because you have a lot of experience there, too, being fair. I have a lot of experience in losing to my rival. That's right. Okay. Well, that sucks. I don't know how else to say it. It sucks. It enrages me. I'm getting enraged by it. It's getting enraged. It's one of the many moments that

I don't find the balance in my life. I'm actually very unbalanced when it comes to Michigan and Ohio State. Like, that's the times when I would, when we would be losing big time, I like throw myself into the love of my children, you know, once again. I would like get down on the floor and play games just to take my mind off it. And I thought to myself, I'd love to be the dad, instead of the dad who's playing games with my children during Michigan, Ohio State, I'd love to be the dad who ignores them because I'm so deep into a competitive game or celebrating a victory with them. So this past year was incredible.

It was awesome. And I hope it truly is the beginning of something, you know, routine. would be so great because Ohio State fans are, pardon me, the Ohio State fans are totally unbalanced. They're unbalanced about it all the time. They think about Michigan when they shouldn't. They admit it when they shouldn't. It's really sad. But when it comes down to it, Michigan beating them is the only way to combat it. That's the only way to beat it. There's only one way through that fucking door. You know, it's the you got to beat the team regularly. And then we did that last year and then we lost this year.

So I hate to tell you, you know, of history, at least on our side of the fence, is any indicator, like you're going to lose next year, no offense, but it could happen again next year. And you know what I did? You get on the ground and play board games. I vomited on my ticket to the football game this year at 1130 at night. I didn't even make it to midnight. I puked on my ticket.

This is, it's here. The ticket is here. Yeah. So, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. It's got the time. Yeah, I don't know if that sounds like a radical approach.

but we're improving dads okay we're not the best dad yet okay the best dad ever rich eisen uh rich eisen uh rich isein you know you know rich eisen if you're in an airport with him don't hum the sports center song okay i don't mind it okay okay cool so i just so i just want to know for my own future reference um in terms of scheduling for this program um does a michigan coach have to throw hands at somebody to get invited on this no fuck no now that you've broken the ice this is like beating Ohio State like we're going to have you back every year we're going to have you back every month can we do a monthly hit with you anytime okay good that's great he was really easy on the phone how do you book yes okay dude hey okay no good rich eyes and everybody thank you when it's booking guests for me

i'll sometimes book them i Chris knows i reach out to him i don't have people handle he is the guy he's the guy i reach out to Chris long it's not a handler calling to this long it's me interpersonal relationship with chris long a book and then once he says yes that's when i run into somebody else to make sure it happens that's great you understand it's a blueprint you feel me yeah we hear you loud and clear rich thank you for coming on green light that's when i get the green light that's when i get it thank you rich rich bro all right take care i can't wait i'll look for the next fisticuffs for the michigan no way go blue i'll be waiting for another one white defensive end to get drafted. See you, buddy.

If you're in Arizona, Colorado, Indiana, New Jersey, New York, Tennessee, or Virginia, and you haven't tried the Winbet app yet, I got great news for you. Winbet is now offering $200 in free bets for new users. That's right, 200 big ones. Winbet is basically giving you free money. Don't pass it up. Download the Winbet app today. Terms and conditions apply must be 21 or older and present in a state where win bet is available. Gambling problem in Arizona call 1-800 next year.

Step in Colorado, Indiana, New Jersey, and Virginia, call 1-800 Gambler, and in Michigan, 1,800-2707-1-1-7. In New York, 18778-8-8-N-Y. Tennessee, 1-8009-9-7-89. Did the first half of this pod with no ears, I'm going to do the second part of the pod with no microphone. What do you think about that, Meg? You can't hear me? Is that it? You don't like it. You don't like my new technique. I'm going no ears, though, for the second part of the pod. I just, I don't know. I like the timber that the earphones provide.

Do you like the, Dr. Fax is in here now. Have you ever gone, no ears? Have you ever been podcasted raw? I have before, but not in here. No, actually, maybe a few times in here. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah. It's done to be afraid of.

But I like these earphones. So Dr. Fax is with us. We will fix the dunk contest here in a few. We fix now the Pro Bowl. What else have we fixed? What do we do? Delete it? Yeah, we organized a bunch of kind of events that, you know, type of Aaron Donald

breaking a civilian's back. Pump, pass and kick. Yeah, stuff like that. Coach is fighting. I want to fix the dunk contest in just a few. Hey, shout out to Nate who provided a life. life raft uh your boy was just about out of marijuana for the for the back half of this pod which is where oftentimes it gets smoky in here and um i was down to um just sticks and i ground up a bunch of

sticks and uh i was trying to make it happen and it wasn't happening so Nate assisted we have some uh Sunday driver Sunday driver is the strain today an actual person in this world who I respect asked another person in this world who I respect. Are they just high all the time when they do that podcast? And I was part of the they. You heard about this third hand or you were there? I heard about it from one of the two. Wow.

DJ Calais says you shouldn't, you should never listen to they. I should disregard it. They, it's always bad. You shouldn't listen to they. They is a very toxic word. they they and I want to hope those people that are listening you know who you are they know who they are okay I can get on board with that but for the record I am not smoking no he's not smoking any dope any of the marijuana he's not smoking any of the I would love to get the I would love to get the

45 minutes back that it takes to grind up the marijuana and smoke the marijuana and blow the marijuana around I would love to be home right now that's good play along with the video. But if I could be anywhere else, Studio Joint. Again, doesn't smoke marijuana intentionally. Or unintentionally, the smoking. It might get into my person. But yeah, shout out to Nate with the Sunday Driver make. What do we have with Sunday Driver? Well, it's a hybrid strain made by crossing FPOG with

grape pie. The effects of this strain will make you feel balanced, calm and happy. Sunday Driver has a sweet, mellow, and creamy flavor. Growers say this strain comes in light green, and purple buds that are drenched in tricombs what are what is a tricom it's just the the sparkly stuff it's the sparkly stuff sounds so little red hair it's those tricombs that's enough marijuana let's talk racism shall we holy shit does matt stafford have good instincts huh is that's how is that how we're twisting the story now that's how the story twisted that's how the story twisted that's how the cookie crumbled.

I mean, like I went from feeling kind of bad for that chick to now I feel like 10% bad for the chick. Because even racist, I feel bad when they hurt themselves. No, this is who I feel bad for. Depending on who it is. I feel bad for the people who threw money in that goal fund me and probably.

No, honestly, it was bad. Here's the most, and Wilcom did a whole bit about this, but, and I think I know what he was saying, but maybe I didn't watch the whole thing.

Don't quote me. You know, like, We went from, you know, screaming at Matt Stafford, who was definitely shit-faced and definitely, like, I don't know about you. If you've ever seen somebody fall in public, if you don't know if they're hurt, your first reaction can be to go, oh, shit, and turn away. Like, out of discomfort or out of like, I didn't just see that. We've all kind of had that reaction to somebody falling or tripping. I'm probably going to chuckle.

I'm not going to lie. I might, depending on the fall, I might. attempt to help but like in that attempt I'm most likely depending on the fall you're gonna look like kind of an asshole all I'm saying I don't know if the way he turned so fast I mean like like I said the other day I made a joke with PFT something the effect of it was second no look pass in a couple days and they were both backbreakers I had to delete the backbreakers part because at that point she was just the poor girl with a go fund me now she's got old tweets so I'm gonna make the joke again And all I'm saying is he didn't know that she was hurting her back as she was plummeting downward

And he turned his face his wife who's very sweet was going over to help Said photographer we hope she's healing up good and we hope the racism's healing up from a couple years ago as well Right I mean like I'm not glad she got hurt but all I'm saying is now we can joke about a little bit yeah No we're all more than one event you know right We're all good and bad. We can all evolve. But it sure does give you a little cover to laugh about the situation a little bit more because she has the old tweets.

Admit it. Well, Nate already has. I don't know that I'm laughing at a spinal fracture, you know. Yeah. Is she going to regain like full movement? I don't, I don't wish. I don't wish that either, but I'm certainly not going to forego the content side of this coin. anymore.

Well, do you want to, do you want to wind back up for the backbreaker joke? Really give it your all? No, I don't. Okay. I don't at all. But all I'm saying is the swing of like,

and again, Will did something to this effect. But the swing of, hey, Matt Stafford is a villain. And then like Matt Stafford's a hero for a GoFundMe. And then by the third day, it's like,

hey, you might want to take your name off that GoFund me, man. John Gruden's picking up the, the remainder of the tab. What was what was Stafford's reaction the moment he starts reading some of these tweets?

Ah, fuck. Stafford's reaction was probably like, what do I do now? Call my publicist. What do we do? We helped e-racism. Do we draw funds out of this co-fund me now? It's just,

it's like out of a movie. It was probably, thank God. What? Well, she's now a racist. Yes. I'm off the hook. But it's also, hey, whatever we have to do to find out who's who, you know?

Are either of you racist? I don't think so. I don't think so, all right? I'll put me down for a no as well. Two nos and a maybe. Also, that sweet girl with the funny NFL jokes and all the stuff. Annie Agar. I like Annie.

I like Annie. She was in Trump rallies. But here's my thing. She had tweets. My thing. Okay, do your thing because I agree with this. My thing with Annie is she's been going viral. She has great videos.

Like, I'm not assuming she has a team. She might be doing everything completely solo. But for this day and age, for you to go this viral and not at some point thinking your head, hey, I see all these people getting in trouble for old tweets. Maybe I should look back as far as I can. and see if I have anything that anyone can use for firepower. It's incredible. Every time somebody gets busted like this,

like a kid will make a play in the fourth quarter of a game. And then like his tweet, he'll be like a Baylor wide receiver. And there'll be like a tweet that's like, I want to stick my 14er up somebody's asshole. Jesus. Like 2013. And it's like,

damn, dude, go back to your high school tweets, man. If they have one meeting before the season, like make that the meeting. They do all types of meetings, right? In the NFL. Absolutely. And now I'm not trying to give racist cover or like people with fucked up opinions cover. But you know, like you want to at least give people an opportunity to change or say, I'm going to start over. Let me get rid of my old stuff.

I'm not upset that we find out who people are. But I'm just saying like make that the one meeting. Yeah. That's the most like, hey guys. you know your Twitter scroll oh there's a picture you and me Kingston

I'm scrolling for the first time and I will say I don't have that many tweets and it takes a long time no yeah it takes a long time I think I joined Twitter I don't even know 2011

I've vetted all your guys Twitter's it takes forever it takes a long fucking time dude what are the worst things we have nothing you guys are all good no racist over there I just used to argue on Twitter a lot

On June 8th, 2012, I tweeted, when in doubt, tell the truth. You're coming out pretty good in this whole thing, huh? Aren't you? Yeah. Hey, go through mine. Yeah, I want a full forensic accounting of my Twitter. That'd be an incredible app if you could tweet from 2013. Bear with me here.

Whatever you want to have said in 2013, you can make it so. You know, look, my one gripe with the whole... You can look so fucking progressive. Look, my one gripe with the whole, hey, whatever you put on the internet, it never goes away. So beware and all that. Also, don't be a racist. But look, what I want to know is, where's all my MySpace stuff? None of that MySpace content.

It's hard to find MySpace stuff. Like, there's no MySpace content that's like out there. Tell me a little bit about your MySpace page before we get into the DunkCompost. It was immaculate. It was so great. What was the song? Bro, I think I had rotating songs. That's when I was like, you know,

was I in your top six? Nah, I don't think, I don't think it was top eight. Is I in your top eight? That's even worse. No, Tom. You were your top eight? Tom. You showed you on your visit.

I didn't make your top eight. I don't even know if you had one. You came to my draft party. We were just talking about this. I invited you to the draft party. You came to the draft. You were on my buddy list, though. I don't know if people have heard this story.

They put a sign up on the fucking rafters. I find out an hour before the draft at Radio City Music Hall. Somebody comes to the back and says, Hey, Mr. Long, can you get in contact with your party up in the front of the rafters of the auditorium? They've hung a sign that says Chris Long has a long dong. It's a giant sign. Sorry, for accuracy's the sake. I think it was a big dong.

Yeah. Big dong. Big dong. Real creative, guys. And by accurate, I mean the sign. The sign. Yeah, that's good. That's good one.

That was a good one. That was a good time. That was a good trip. I had a great time. I also would have had a great time in your MySpace top eight. So fuck you. Dunk contest, man. What do we think here, guys?

A lot of back and forth is what I was seeing over the weekend, hoping, praying that nothing would happen that would put the dunk contest on the back burner and the general consciousness of our listeners. Joanne Howard fucked all that up, but I think we can still talk about the dunk contest. low key people say low key low key i was entertained by jalen green not being able to put the basketball into the hoop for five minutes just jizz already dude i mean that's the equivalent of just jizz already

it was we were all the first date everybody was like just get it over with jalen like there was booing during a dunk contest because he wouldn't dunk the ball during the the contest the dunk contest it's right there in the name i didn't catch that part that's the first that's the first thing they have to change. They can't allow that ever to happen again. Like that's just-

Like people having an unlimited amount of time? Correct. Yeah. Okay, so there was a great, um, ringer article from Roger Sherman a couple years ago, and I was just looking at the worst dunks of all time, because you forget these. I don't know how, but it reminded me of the Birdman thing a little bit. Birdman, Chris Anderson, you remember Birdman? And a yellow Denver Nuggets get up attempting the same dunk for seven minutes. Wasn't it the free throw? Wasn't it the free throw? I don't know what it was.

Here's the problem. I don't even remember what kind of dunk it was because all I remembered was all the NBA players laughing at him. And there can't be a worst group of people than super cool NBA players just fucking grabbing each other like overtly in front of you, shoulder shaking, pointing and laughing, like, and you're their peer. I watched Alan Houston dunk off his head, and people were rolling on the ground laughing at him.

Like, he had nothing, so he just threw the ball up and hit it in the air like a seal. Yep. And then dunked it. Yep. The Baron Davis blindfolded. Did you guys watch that one? I've seen that. That's one of my favorite ones where he misses the front of the rim by like two feet,

yet somehow still doesn't get a minimum score. There's the Chris Anderson. Reed's got it up. Has there been a white dunk contest participants since Chris Anderson? Well, they should have outlawed us. This guy's seven feet tall. Can't do a dunk. Guys seven feet tall can't do a dunk.

Baron Davis blindfolded was, I was really entertained by the way. This guy writing the article was he was just taken aback by the Baron Davis. He needed a 46 to win the whole thing decides to go headband over his eyes. He had missed the rim by two feet. Bro, it's worse. He's got little eye holes cut into the headband, but then they're like in the wrong spot. No! Yeah.

If you look really closely, you can see the little, like he cut out, you know how a headband's like double-sided? He cut two eye holes on half of it on like one side. Yeah. And was trying to look through it, but then got confused and couldn't see the rim. I'm fucking good. Look like Blank Man. All-time underrated player, though. Oh, Blank Man.

That's hilarious. So if you're not getting only one attempt, there at least needs to be a shot clock. I'm also adding a defender and not a real defender but somebody like me. Yes. Where it would just like I'll try hard to block it and won't be able to but it'll look a whole lot cooler. But you need

you need some of sense as if just in case you have like some type of like super saying energy, what if you what if you actually block a super saying energy? What if you actually block a dunk in a dunk contest? Right. 10 grand. 10 grand. That's it? Yeah. Fine. A Kia.

Yeah, you get a Kia. Yeah, you get a Yeah, easy. They're just printing those. I missed the cars. No, see, I don't. No more props. I hate props. Oh, I disagree. I disagree. Oh, I disagree. You said no more prop? No props. I missed the car. One of the best dunks in dunk contest's history is Gerald Green.

What do you do? Blowing the candle out. Is that Gerald Green? That was Gerald Green. Yeah, that's right. Blowing the candle. Now, now, to be fair, if he was somebody famous, and this is another thing, if he was somebody like an all-timer, and I got fixes too. We'll get to it in a second. I just, I think if that was somebody else, we'd be talking about that one like every day. If it was somebody...

What was it? A cupcake? Yeah, he blew the cupcake out. If the prop fits in your hand, you can have the prop. Okay, it's a handheld prop thing. And that brings you to... So no people?

So no people. Bro, I got something on people in a second. It's going to blow your mind. Okay? Okay. Because people's are props. When they're used as props, does that count or no?

So no more hands off or no more alley-o? So no people. That's right. No people. No more people. No props. Okay. Yeah.

People are props. Yeah. Okay. Dunk it. It's a dunk contest. Bro, like I was looking at some of the old dunk contest. Me and Reid looked at a couple. There were some really mid dunks like back in the day that we just acted like they were cool.

Like I can remember back in the 80s. I don't remember this, but from YouTube, there was a guy that dunked over like a teammate sitting on a chair. Like, Aaron. Gordon in this is the best dunk in the history of dunk contest by the way under his legs out of the a mascot's hand on what Nate you definitely know what these things are called that they were balancing on a lot of people were into those they they were the little wheeled things that people stood on and they just leaned forward oh you're talking about the segue was a segue no it didn't have handlebars it's the it's just like the the the the those hoverboard

yeah like a little hoverboard yeah that was really hot in like 25 15 or something around when he won the dunk contest so really topical prop there right he misses the first attempt but god damn it was beautiful when he's when he nailed that thing and he had already jumped over that mascot once dude so jumping over a mask on all I'm saying there's sometimes a prop is kind of dope and that was maybe the best back and forth ever with with Zach Levine two guys you haven't really like that that aren't like big time NBA names like generational names James. Non-MBA competitors. Yes, YouTube.

Agreed. YouTube has a whole entire dunking community. And I think if they need to shake something up, I think honestly, they should do NBA dunkers versus others. And they can get a few YouTube guys. They can do the whole ringer. They can, NBA can make money and do a little reality show, find the next dunker. And you get two extra guys in there on top of.

whatever and you let them battle it out and I think it would be a lot a lot a lot more interesting some of these dunkers they're dunkers they're not like you know what I'm saying they're not basketball yeah they're not which is fine necessarily basketball players yeah they're working on dunking every single day so they can do different things that the normal NBA player doesn't necessarily have time to be practicing or trying to do and I think that a type of excitement would probably help the dunk contest out. It's also like you can get hurt trying some of those crazy dunks. So some of the like actually good players like wouldn't want to do it.

That's the main thing. Like we don't have our Jordan doing it. But we also don't have like our third or fourth biggest name doing it. Like back in the 90s they had here's one. You got to have a short guy every time. Every dunk contest. You should. You got to have a short guy.

If you have a short guy, it's something to see. Nate Robinson, Spud Webb. Yeah. The Nate Robinson era was good. We don't have short guys anymore. Not only did you have a short guy, you also had the goat in the 90s, but then you had the human highlight reel. So you had every level covered, star, freak show, and short guy.

Yep. Horse is the first round. This is not an original idea. Hey, this is what I do. To advance, you got to win the horse game. You're up against another dunker. Can't complete the dunks. Don't move on.

More camera flashes. No camera phones allowed. Only old cameras allowed. Cam quarters. Camquarters. NBA players have to, they get in their little goody bag when you get to the dunk contest

because they give out free shit at everything now. Give them a camcorder. Yep. I'd love to see some of that old camcorder footage from the 90s. You know like Shaq holding the camcorder recording the dunk contest. I'd like to see that video. I'd love to see that video.

There was a kid. I'd also love to see Ray J's camcorder. footage. Don't about sex. I already have. There's another tape, supposedly. Chris, could you and Nate still dunk? Oh, be close.

I don't think so. None taken, Matt. I used to fucking be able to. All right, so. Yes. Sorry, mate. In order to still dunk, you had to have been able to dunk at one point. I'm six foot four.

I'm way up here. I can put a tennis ball over the front of the rim. Yeah, I'm actually the shortest guy on the on the set. On the set. It's incredible. It doesn't seem that way. Like when you watch it. Bacon,

doesn't seem that way? To me, it seems that way. Yeah. Did I do that right? Yeah. You just score a basket on me, though. That's only cool if you score a basket.

So here's another one. More dribbling. Like, Obie Topping the other night, just running with the ball like he's, you know. You're going to call travel. I'm just, no, it makes it look cooler. guys dribble and gather.

No traveling. Say it. Just say it. I don't want these fucking guys traveling, man. Yeah. I'm a rules guy. Yeah. Okay.

Louder rims. They had louder rims in the 90s. Didn't they? I mean, it was like, you can hear it right now. They should have exploding rims. They should have some, they should have, they should have an option and they should have it so that, you know, the, the glass is already a little, a little shattered. so it's like excitement.

You get one final dunk that you have to make because you know the backboard is going to break. So either you make it or you don't, and then that's the highlight. Zach Levine, decapitated, wins dunk contest. Okay, opposite. Peach baskets. And then you get a little old guy dressed up

is Dr. James Naismith. He's got to get up on a ladder and retrieve the ball after the dunk. That's pretty good. players that would surprise you that could dunk, like a dunk contest just for them. Like James Harden, I don't see him dunk a lot, right?

But he's a star. Maybe kind of the worst best dunkers, like the worst dunkers of the good players and make it a fun thing. Okay, go ahead. Or you take the last man off the bench on every single roster and you put them in a dunk contest.

Isn't that what it is now? How about let's start scoring it out of 100 and be real. What's the lowest score that anybody gives? A seven? Six is the minimum currently. There should be a lot more variability. So they're scoring at one to five. Yes.

Yeah, they are. Inflated scoring. That's weird. That's weird. Go out of 100. I want to see 82s. I want to see 37s. Luca Donchich, free run, guy from the clippers trying to block his shot.

Montrez Harrell. Montres Harrell. That would be, that would be. good like like settle your beefs here human beings no no props they can be defenders we settle your beefs here like a basketball Oklahoma kind of like basketball Oklahoma yo no longer called dunk contest you watch your stars to get hurt during this well Howard over Greg guard give Greg guard just like have him standing under the basket Juan Howard give us your best stuff all right so the games Lake City next year.

I know you're not into people or props, but there's oofed Salt Lake City. Okay. Well, hey, not anymore. You're not going to be oofing anymore because dunk over Mitt Romney's entire family. How did Mitt Romney catch a stray?

It's not a stray. How cool would that be? Mitt Romney is court of public opinions up because he's not the devil. And he's got a huge family. They took a big picture, went viral. Salt Lake City. He lives there.

Outside there, I think. I think if you can dunk over Mitt Romney's entire family, you deserve a seat in the Senate. And the dunk contest. That happens next year. Indianapolis, 2004, I really like this idea I'm making, so you might want to catch this one. The Hellman's dunk contest. It's just white guys. Why don't you run that out in Salt Lake?

Indianapolis feels just as easy. But Mitt Romney doesn't live in Indianapolis. It was a great opportunity to jump over 30 people. There's some good white dunkers in the YouTube community. And they can head to India in 2024. The Hellman's dunk contest. The Hellman's. Mayanase.

Yeah. Get it. Oh, I got, next time it goes to Phoenix, you think you can, you think you can jump? Jump over a cactus. wheel out a nine foot swarrow cactus it's called sweat equity like it's it's one thing to jump over a friend which by the way how do you get that job to be the guy that gets teabagged i don't know like you got to feel really shitty to be tapped to be the guy that catches Vince Carter's balls on the back of your head

like you're just hanging out after practice around the all-star game and you're like is he walking over here is he walking over here yeah he's going to come to talk about to me. He's not going to ask me to be the guy the hands of the ball and gets jumped over. Yep, I'm going to have Vince's balls on the back of my head. How do you get that job, dude? I just, I don't know why people agree, like, agree to it. Would you do that for Whalen? If Whalen became a dunker? Absolutely. No problem. No problem. Because that's not weird. It's my son, dude. It's my son. If my son wants to, you know, teebag me on the way to a perfect score at the dunk contest, I'd do that for he didn't get a perfect score

come on now that's racist so what do you mean yeah what do you mean he didn't get a perfect score no he didn't get a perfect score though who didn't Anthony okay good I thought we're gonna have to cancel

you so yeah I think you need to fit the theme of where the dunk contest is with kind of some of the props if you're going to do props at all no props you know small Marty Groff float, New Orleans, 2025. I just put the All-Star Game in New Orleans.

A small statue of liberty. Also risky. Can you imagine not landing that one? Yeah. On the torch? Freedom torch. Up the ass. There needs to be some, hey, the big guns aren't getting this thing anyways. The guys that are doing these dunks are kind of like fucking.

I'm not worried about getting hurt. Up the risk. Lean into the risk. cacti props sorry none take um i will say this though obi top and i tried as hard as i could the other night to really lean into this and you know like when you get home from the bar and watch sports center very topical here that's like peak sports is cool time highlights drunk haven't seen them after a college football weekend something like that packing a dip on the couch um Right, Meg.

I don't pack dips. I don't smoke marijuana. I don't pack dips. I don't go to the bar and come back to watch the sports center. So I know about that. But that is peak sports is awesome time. And I tried as hard as I could the other night at 2 a.m. to watch the OB top and highlights.

And I just could not get into it. It just didn't have that same kind of buzz. And so I do think that. like as impressive as the dunks he did the other night are, it just doesn't have the same pizzazz. I don't know. I also think these big wings are too tall and I'm not entertained by Obi Top and dunking a ball.

You could put the fucking basket on top of Madison Square Garden and he'd have to jump from the street and I wouldn't be impressed. He's seven feet tall. Seven feet tall. So you're not impressed. I think, I think he's, I think we're spoiled a little bit by the dunk contest.

obviously you're going to see a lot of the same dunks and variations of the dunk. But, you know, the dunk that he did, we've never, ever seen that before or like really like a variation. We are spoiled and we're older. And we are the generation raiding these dunk contests. And we're doing it as older people that already saw the 90s. We will never see something as cool again. It's like it's like tap the back the backboard with one hand and dunk it still. That's cool.

We've just seen everything. We've seen it all. we'll never get another MJ with camera flashes in like a 90s retrofit uniform dunking from the foul line. We got it again with a tomahawk with Zach Levine. That was a more impressive athletic feat. But MJ look cooler and he's MJ

and that's the bottom line. That's what wins. They're going to do a bigger pot share. Like it's never going to get, it's never going to be good if there's not a bigger pot share. These guys like already don't even want to really be at the All Star game.

Like most, most of the guys. So you have to give some type of incentive, maybe throw a car in there every year. Moral of this B-block is that things change. Dunk contest no longer exciting. Annie Agar no longer racist. If the photographers come to Jesus as well.

And we have a new football league, which is a new old football league, the USFL, which unveiled its unions. You did that. You're welcome. Yeah, thank you. Now, when you texted me, hey let's roast these bad boys

like I'm curious to to hear your roast because they're so bad I can't even differentiate there eight of them and four are red I was so afraid

I was so afraid that you were about to say you like these uniforms Oh God oh my God that takes my breath away no they're the worst things I've ever seen in my life this is bad dude

and they're also bad fits I think if they actually fit either these people or mannequins, that would be useful, but they look like their movie unis. Okay, the mallers, they got a decent jersey. I think it's a little play on the Broncos a little bit, but it's just the patterns. Like, I don't, they, they should this do more solid colors. This is an awful uniform.

Like, there's no way around it. I know that after some research, they had, these were from 84 or whatever. This is a second go-round. Right. A lot of these are trying to mimic old ones. But what's the real definition of a mauler? Is it like a worker? No, it's somebody that just fucks some shit up, like a mauler. Right?

Did it come from like... It looks like it's probably like a steel worker from the pitcher. Is that really where the word mauler came from? That's what I'm asking. No, I know. A mauler is a person's hand. Is it? Yeah.

Keep your rotten maulers off my things. A maller or a mall is a heavy hammer having a wedge-shaped head used for splitting logs. Wow, so it really is. A mauler. Dr. Facts for the fact. Well, it's right there in the fucking logo. I mean, Jesus, it's right there. Give the guy a certificate.

You could just say I didn't know that. No, I knew it. I was adding color with another additional definition. I will say this, though, before we get. into these we're all drawing from the same picture we'll put the link in in the podcast thing it's a little bit visual but figure this isn't too hard to find the poor guys that did these uniforms their dicks are just oh i didn't even see that frozen everybody's got these little these poor guys man yeah a lot of yeah yeah man i'm not looking down there but god damn you're not

i've been looking at these unis for hours and didn't see that too, bro. It's a button, dude. It's a button, dude. Oh, my goodness. Look at that button, bro. The poor guy. How about hitting send on that and being like, yeah, dude, check it out. I'm the maller's mannequin. Maybe they edited it, bro. This is the first thing I noticed. Whoever it is, bro. I'm sorry. Sorry about that. I'm also sorry because they're wearing a maller's uniform. This thing's hideous. So, yeah, it's bad. It's awful. Purple and yellow. Purple and orange don't work. Clemson had done work. Hammer time, bro.

Phoenix. Yo, but think about that. Old uniforms at work. They can play, like for third down, they can't touch this, hammer time. Yeah, but then everybody's like, why? And everybody's going to have the same conversation

we just had about the... It's Mueller. Now they know what's up. I thought it was an axe. No, it's a hammer. It's a type of hammer. Okay. Clemson does make it work.

You think they make it works? You think Clemson makes it work? Yeah, just because they're predominantly orange. When they overdo the purple, I don't like it. Okay. So there's a balance issue there in my opinion. Phoenix does do it. Now name a third team that's purple and orange. Do that for me.

Yeah, you got it. You know what I mean? Birmingham, Stallions retro Niners adjacent vibe. It's it's fine. It's so fine and it's the most

safe, fine like colors. It's gold. and it's red and I don't like it. But at least you didn't light the whole thing on fire. Also, St. Louis Rams were almost the stallions. You know what this looks like? Like these jerseys, they got these jerseys half off. Like, you remember the East Bay book?

Totally. Like, I feel like that. I don't remember the East Bay book. I've been looking for that thing. I feel like they got these. Speakers are back in for me. They got the good deal on the back of the East Bay book. and they were like, you know what, let's just take them all.

Let's take all these right here. And they fit like you ordered them online. That's what I'm saying. It looks like, it just looks, it looks like all these guys are fucking pro football players. I hope these mannequins. Some on now. These guys are hardworking pro football players. Jeff Fisher is a coach in this league.

You better outfit these guys with proper jerseys. they can't be this loose. Not like the mannequins are rocking here. Fucking Houston gamblers, man. Texas Tech and the Falcons had a baby in a motel room. And yet. In the bathtub. And yet we have a third color entering the chat with those home pants.

Bro, concrete. Concrete. I mean, this is incredible. Those away joints are fine. No, in my opinion. The a ways are fine. You're right.

Aways are fine. They could be better. and silver. I just realize this, but is this, are there games on all turf? Is it all turf? Or it's just like for the pictures they have like sneakers on? No, I think these guys, they half ass the pictures. They're playing all their regular season games in Birmingham

and then the playoffs are in Canton. Unless they're playing the RCA dome, they probably should check the footwear. Yeah. This was actually the only jersey I liked was the gamblers. Both because they're very different. I like the dark alternates. Yeah, I just can't take my eyes off. You like the whoa?

Yikes. Damn, that's another thing you take off your browsing history. Yeah. Like, this is, I don't know what, this is akin to you looking for the internet. But having a thing for these jerseys is bad. It's not as bad as your NBA All-Star Game jerseys are good. I like those pennies, bro. I'm proud of that.

I'm proud of that kink. Proud of that kink. Yeah, that's terrible. I like a practice jersey. Oh, yeah. You're over here, the fisting section of the internet. With the Houston gamblers home jerseys. I'm down with the logo.

He fisted the state of Texas into a G. They did. That's kind of cool. You know what? You know what? Don't. Don't. Don't.

If we stick to the aways. Yeah, they're good. Which they can do, right? Because every game's in Birmingham. Sure. They're not in Houston. You know it would be tight for the gamblers. to just never wear the homes.

Like throw it out there as a beta test. Like a little Dallas Cowboy situation. But you know what? I was looking under the mallers mentions when they rolled it out and I was like, man, I feel bad for that social media person. Do you ever feel bad for a social media person? You're like, damn, they have to tweet right now.

A lot of times for us, like during a Virginia Tech game, after a Virginia Tech game, I feel bad for whoever's sending those tweets. I feel bad for the person who has to unveil the Pittsburgh Mallors. and the reviews were 100% good, 97% good. Well, probably plants, which we should think about.

We should get some plants, dude. Great pod. Anybody out there wants to be a plant for us? I love this podcast. This is a good podcast. Yeah. Five stars. Chris's teeth look great lately.

Yeah. Michigan Panthers, man. Again, what is what the pants? I was high doing a Madden uniform and it was sweet for like three quarters of the thing. I got tired of it and then I had to do the stripes. It almost works. Had a baby blue dream.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. But the pants, there's a mustard pant and then a... There's a balance problem here. And then a bile pan. There's some really fire elements that the Michigan Panthers are playing with here. Wait. You don't like them? What color is that?

Depends on what you're asking. There's several different colors. The home, the home pants. What color is that? That's bile. That's bile. You have a dog? Yeah.

No. A cat. Does your cat throw up bile ever? Rockin the vile. Has your cat thrown up? Yeah. Yeah. And it kind of sometimes is that color.

There it is. Bile. Wow. That's a fucking great call, dude. And what is this? And it's like apricot orange. These other ones, these a way pants? I don't know.

But why are they different colors? I don't know. It's a fabulous question. You know, like what? The stripe? The stripe? It's a balance issue. And is this his arm or is that like a color sleeve?

Bro, here's the deal. Here's the deal. The a ways with white socks change the helmet. You almost have something. So change the whole uniform, right? But away is white socks, different helmet. Wait, wait, wait. Is that their socks?

Could be a baby blue helmet. It is the socks. For fuck's sake. They have, I agree. Okay, this is a nine iron. New Orleans Breakers. total nine iron I don't know what that means

yeah looks good from a hundred and however many yards away you'd hit that golf ball I like these you know what I mean you like that yeah making likes that might use that

three three pant stripes different colors I like it's different dark blue what does breakers mean like what is a wave it's a wave okay so like what does that mean

so a wave so there are a bunch of waves and I know it's fucking like objectively kind of confusing because on the shoulder it looks like a piece of crest toothpaste and not a wave. And on the helmet, I don't know what I'm looking at. Maybe a shark fin. I think another wave. So if they'd have figured the wave thing out, the logo thing out, these could be fucking flames, dude. You have you have hit the uniform G spot for me here.

Yo, but why do they have, these are the, these are the, these are the, these are the workouts shoes we got our second year in college. Bro, you're obsessing of a workout shoes. Nate, focus here. This is good though. Focus on the fact. I can't. I can't focus on the uniforms because everybody's wearing, uh, coach shoes.

Nike Valeros that the guys wear with khakis. But why don't they have cleats on? Like, they have to be on turf. This has to be a turf here. Bro, like I said, unless they're playing at Qualcomm in 1986, The darker, the dark blue needs to be darker for me. If that's a navy, yeah, they got the colors. Wave could use the work.

These all whites, man. Just take them the shop for the weekend. But again, workshop this. Bro, it's a USFL. You have canceled your league and come back. You can cancel the New Orleans breakers logo. What, Tulane was like a wave.

Wasn't there a logo? Yeah. And it does look like a wave. And they're out in New Orleans. Did you, yeah. Did you read that two lanes expanding? I did not. Three lane, four lane.

Oh, fuck. I didn't even know the joke. I've said it like four times on this podcast. I guess we don't listen to each other much. Nate, can you imagine trying to solve a murder before DNA evidence? It's like, hey, Chief, come check over, come check out this pool of blood.

It's the murderers. Chief walks over. Oh, gross. Let me get back to my hunch. testing you testing you we were testing you is part of a hazing process you didn't laugh you passed because these days they could solve the murder with the pool of blood but back in those days okay do you get it it was a hunch well no he's got to get back to his hunch because he's got nothing else he can't test the blood is there a bud we can push when he goes too

far or you can do it for me too what was a murder investigation like in 1935 one cop would just walk in and be like detective we found a pool of the killer's blood in that hallway. He would just be like, hmm, gross. Mop it up. Now then, back to my hunch. Philadelphia Stars, what do you guys think?

Awful. Awful Uynees. Okay, can I say something? You know me. I'm a sucker for ketchup and mustard, dude. There's something here. I'm buying Philadelphia Stars merch. No questions asked. It's a Homer pick for sure. And I'm not sure about having a star on the helmet because the cowboys, I don't know what the fuck they were thinking in the 80s.

doing that but they did try at least i love how retro this is i'm gonna get the sixers retro shit i'm gonna get the stars retro shit look at that third one look at how poorly that fits i mean the 34 is is is just falling to his back maybe he's just not number on his back he's kind of lot go this is definitely a budget thing right this has to be like this had to be like an overall like budget no it's not a budget thing it's a taste thing it's a taste thing and honestly this these are close to being fire so absolutely close to being fire the stripe you got to get rid of those bro these are like pop Warner like jerseys like honestly like these are the jerseys that your your kid if he plays pop Warner like this is the type

of jersey he's going to bring home okay that's fine but you know what we got here we got a solid logo in my opinion if you know if you're not going to reinvent the wheel let's go backwards Correct. Why? I don't mind the helmet stripe. Look at that secondary logo in the back. The bell with the weird striping. They always got to involve the fucking bell, dude.

But why? I don't know about these little like little missing parts in the stripe. Like the stripe in the helmet. I don't know either, dude. It's not a great stripe. But I'm just saying not as bad as some people will lead you to believe. I'm ketchup and mustard guy. Love Iowa State, USC.

You name it. I love the Calgary Flames. It's one of the best logos in pro sports. The bandits have played it really safe. I don't like when a pant stripe extends to a jersey stripe because it's never going to be properly tucked in or aligned. It's not even in the fucking picture when you're trying to hear your picture taken there, 99.

I mean, look, you can't even lie up the stripe. A lot of these pictures are really poor angles. Like, I can't see the jersey straight on. Yeah, 99. So not like the turf shoes, not great, right? Oh, my God. The angles, not great. There's a lot going on here.

From like just a production standpoint with putting these shoots together, have the guy stand straight on so I can see what the fuck's going on. You know what else I noticed? Everyone, I guess they're going to let them do this. Everyone looks cool with the, with the tent advisors. These jerseys aren't, these jerseys aren't. Because everybody's too embarrassed that they're not going to look that cool.

They're not going to look that cold. You got a button dick. Well, this fella seemed to have worn some. Now, I'm not singling anybody out here. I just, if we were watching a college game this year, don't lie though, bro. I texted you,

I was like, that poor kicker. He was out there stuck. It was like a huge kick. And this guy, he just, it was under the lights. I could give more hands.

They're obviously wearing cups, though, bro. Who, kickers? Like, in these pictures, the kicker. That is the world's tiniest cup. Is he wearing a monopoly piece for a cup?

He's wearing a little thimble. Is that the thimble? He's wearing the thimble for a cup. Yeah. It sucks, dude. I know. Sorry about it. And what did you say when I texted you about that kicker?

I do not recall. Yeah, you were like, holy shit, I was thinking the same thing. Wow. And what was the thing I was thinking? That the guy had a monopoly thimble for a cup. It was funny as hell. And he was stuck out there. Sometimes you get in a poor situation where your units pointed the wrong way and, you know,

you could be on national. I thought you were talking about the field goal. No, I was talking. Yeah. Well, I'm talking about the Oregon kicker. Look up for a guy, dude. Jesus Christ, I put it in the group text. Taylor saw it.

Oh, neat. New Jersey General is another red uniform. It's Rutgers. And that logo smells like a cigarette. Five-star general, baby. The logo smells like a cigarette. Yeah. Or an 80s horse racing.

No. No to be fire. A nice belt buckle with that logo on it. But it is kind of, it's kind of cool, though, Nate. I'm not going to lie. I did see some pictures of this. and I thought like they played it safe, sure. The logo looks like a cigarette to me.

But it's time to suit up. That's actually the best one. It's time to suit up the New Jersey Generals. Yep, exactly. That's probably the best one. That was the team that the former president owns at one point. Oh, Trump. Yeah, he couldn't figure out how to keep possession of a USFL team.

Maybe we should fucking elect the rock He's got an XFL team and everything He checks out He's got the whole leaf Oh yeah highly electable The generals have better shoes General's fix their shoes Cowboy

Maybe that's what makes it look better Cowboy do you have a favorite That's what's missing here The breakers I like those breakers nine iron I agree nine irons dude but they're beautiful Kingston you like do you have a favorite Gamblers as I said

but I agree the breakers is pretty cool. Draft is February 22nd and 23rd. You want to live stream that thing? No. Hey, bro, we should live stream the USFL draft, bro. I'll do it from home for 20 minutes from 830 to 8.50. I want to do an eight hour. Drafts are three hours.

Hey, the only USFL live stream, wire to wire, every pick. Why don't you put your name in the hat to be drafted? Both of yous. I mean, that really is the process. You say I would like to be in the, in the pool of players. How would you put your name in the hat?

Oh, no, look. Only if only you got to represent us. Okay, sure. I'll be your agents. Doug. I know Jeff Fisher. It's President's Day. If you're listening, it's not.

But who cares? It's a chance to share our favorite presidents and close the show. Oh, favorite. Yeah. I got that mixed up. Look, you've been waiting for this. and you got it mixed up, man. How did you, how did you?

I thought it was top presidents, like the tallest ones. Oh, tallest? Yeah. So you just have tallest presidents. The three tallest, yeah. Okay, give it to us. Lincoln, LBJ and Donald Trump. So LBJ was the tallest president in a couple senses.

Did you know that? Yeah. Well, there's a... Tell me about it. Well, there's a famous clip where he's talking to his tailor. And he needs a little bit more room. He said that? Yeah.

So he also supposedly would just, he called it, Bown where my nuttang! He called, bro, so it's legit. So he really called his thing Jumbo. Apparently Lyndon B. Johnson was very proud of his penis and nicknamed it Jumbo, which I did not know. Yeah, you guys are. It's relevant, dude.

It's relevant. He regularly showed it to the staff and journalists at the White House saying, have you ever seen anything as big as this? Yeah, had a knack for humor, huh? Wow. With the shortest presidential term, this guy passed one month into his presidency from pneumonia that fell on him after standing in the rain for an hour giving his inauguration speech. Any anybody? Say that one?

He's in office for a month because during his inaugural address, he stood in the rain for too long and got pneumonia and died. Oh, we talked about him. Bill Harrison. William Henry Harrison. Yeah, that's good. I mean, it's not good, but what a fact. Okay My three favorite presidents

I have Morgan Freeman and Deep Impact I have Bill Pullman In Independence Day And then I have Jamie Fox And White House down Top three Right there

Jamie Fox I was just struck by the fact that you went off the board So I barely heard what you just said Can you say that again slowly So I see who you snubbed So Morgan Freeman and deep impact Bill Pullman

and Independence Day Okay good I'm glad you got that one Okay And then Jamie Fox And White House down Jamie Fox was shooting it out With his secret service

And White House down So that's late Yeah it's really lit That's what I want my president's doing At least you think You would like to think that Like yeah my president To get down

That's really good That's a couple That I didn't think about How about James Madison Five foot four For all the short kings out there I was in 7-Eleven the other day I know why they have the height thing on the door

but it sucked for this guy that walked in and he was right under that five foot I was like man it must suck to go to 7-Eleven the things I don't think about because I'm tall you know here I was complaining about big and tall clothing or lack thereof you guys got to walk into 7-Eleven you know for years of playing football

and being in the D-Line room like to me I'm not tall but like in the regular world you're the shortest person on the set right make you guys got to be all uncomfortable in airplanes though oh my god it's the worst jimmy carter in real life i actually think he's probably cool ufo guy as well and john quincy adams have no idea about his politics it probably sucked by today's standards really well he liked the skinny dip in the potomac river he was just out there here we go again with his dick out mate yeah i didn't even were gonna

say the thing was shrunk up like the the guys modeling for for the usFL Poor guys. Was that John Quincy Adams in there? Is that funny? Laughing in a lot of my dick jokes. Yo, I don't know where is this all coming from now. I was going to do like a money bit

and like just name all the presidents on like bills. Yeah. And had this whole thing and then. Mental cutting room floor, huh? Quickly remember that Ben Franklin is not a president. He's not a president. Yeah, that's good. But he's on a hundred dollar bill.

It is a fuck. It is a motherfucker sometimes, dude. He's on a $100 bill. What I thought about, I was like, how did this motherfucker sneak on a $100 bill? Stolen valor is a little bit. Like I would be mad. His name was Benjamin.

But I'd be mad if I was a president. So you don't, you think just presidents on bills. I mean, like if you're going to start it out like that, this don't throw someone who wasn't a president on there. Like Harry Tubman, you obviously weren't. Stop. Don't do that.

Don't do that. Well, you say, just presidents. They already snub them. It's bad, dude. They're bad. They snubed Harriet. Disregard they.

All right. Shout out Thomas Jefferson. You guys give us your best presidents. And then we're going to take this thing home. Reed, of course, has to tell us his favorite first ladies. We know Mr. T's favorite first lady. Shout out Barack Obama. Let's do it.

Number one, Abigail Adams. Actually, no, this is in no particular order. Abigail Adams. She is the distinction of being the. First, second lady and the second first lady. That's right. First second lady and the second first. That's interesting.

And then Dolly Madison, she saved White House furniture when it was burned by the British. And she is often credited with popularizing bipartisanship because Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson would have parties, but it would be separated like all Republicans. His house was separated too. Thomas Jefferson, Reed? That's right. It was pretty well integrated. No, it was pretty separated.

It was integrated, but not the right way. Speaking of your favorite president. The third favorite first lady is Betty Ford. She had a CB radio and her handle was Big Mama. She was also very progressive. Oh, that's cool. Big Mama. Paging Big Mama.

Reid, aren't all those women dead? Yeah, that was the elephant in the room. Rest and peace to all those lovely ladies. Well, it seems like. pandering to me again i was honestly going to see if you had anybody who was alive but um r ip is that your insensitive pandering all right i i i i i b r ip yeah his ip insensitive pandering is his ip that's fucking funny it took me a second yeah it took me a second to get there all right well uh took you a second to get here we are at the end of this podcast uh and we will be back uh friday

with, I believe we might have a Hall of Famer on the show. And if that person bails on us, I'll call my dad. I'll take care.