Green Light with Chris Long - The Kili Tapes with Beau Allen and the Most Disgusting Story You've Ever Heard.

Episode Date: February 20, 2020

To celebrate Chris Long's annual trip to climb Mount Kilimanjaro in support of Waterboys.org and United States Veterans, we are launching a new series, The Kili Tapes. Chris interviews Beau, on a rock, several thousand feet above sea level. The former teammates talk NFL football, Super Bowl, food, more food, more and more food and the most disgusting story you will ever hear. About Chalk Media: Following the unfiltered voice and vision of Chris Long, Chalk Media is the interactive online community for you, the intelligent and humorous sports fan. Driven by access, Chalk delivers a unique perspective that cuts through the canned talking points and provides a variety of content from your favorite sports and entertainment celebrities. Here at Chalk, we don’t take ourselves too seriously, but we are rooted in challenging the perception of professional athletes. We embrace the “real” with a unique combination of humor and intelligence. Chalk is a community with a voice beyond 240 characters that brings a perspective and vibe to a traditionally brash and boastful sports media space. Subscribe and enjoy weekly content including podcasts, documentaries, live chats, celebrity interviews and more. Nothing is off-limits at Chalk - hot news items, trending discussions from the NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA, NCAA are just a small part of what we will be sharing with you. 🌍🏀🏈SUBSCRIBE NOW ⚾🏒⛰️ http://bit.ly/chalknetwork Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, y'all, new series coming out. Some of y'all know every year I take a group of NFL players and military veterans up to Mount Kilimanjaro, which is a giant mountain in Africa, Tanzania specifically, 19,341 feet. It's part of my Waterboys initiative. We do some interviews, and we did some AMAs, some other fun stuff. We've been sitting on it. We're calling it the Killie Tapes, and we'll kick things off with my buddy and former teammate, Bo Allen. It's mostly about food, as you can imagine.

And also, he shares quite possibly the most disgusting story I've ever heard. That's a hell of a sell for this interview. But it's a hilarious interview. I hope you enjoy it. I'm here at about 13,000 feet with my dear friend, Bowen. Allen and we are two very stylish dudes on a rock. See this pose? Yeah you've been you're a big pose guy. I'm gonna keep posing yeah whatever's comfortable for you camera change I'm gonna yeah well actually like deep and thought actually don't fuck the shot up oh like

oh that's a good point and then I'm gonna open up to you and knock my water bottle over but no before we get started Chris thanks for having me first of all welcome to my rock yeah I want to start off with you know most people know you know you know you is Bo. Right. But your nickname is the Butter King. The Butter King. How did we get that nickname and can you expound on it? Um, you know, that actually came from so I'm a big game guy, I play a lot of games. And, uh, so it came from my family because we play a lot of games and we play this game called Can Jam. I love Can Jam. Great game. If you toss the disc and your partner jams it in the can, you get three points and I throw straight butter. Oh, you do?

stray butter. I thought it had something to do with the food butter. Well, that actually comes into it. Obviously, I'm a big butter guy. Growing up, I took a bite out of a stick of butter. We all did it. And the butter can. What's the most disgusting thing you reach for in the pantry or the fridge when you get home drunk at their hair? That is a good, you know, I think, I don't think it's conscious. I think I just, I'm just, I just, I just reach for it. And then I don't really realize I'm eating it until I wake up the next morning I see the the shrapnel the shrapnel yeah the shrapnel my wife sees the shrapnel judges me hard I just go foraging I like um remember chunky soup clam chowder I mean I say you remember it because I exit out of my

diet when I turned like 23 and my metabolism went like this but I used to get two chunks A straw? Clam chowder. Nope. Two bags of cheddar goldfish. Crush them up. Put them in the chunkies. 3 a.m.

No, time to burn it off. Just wake up with it. No, I'm a big ice cream guy. Yeah. It's all house. Like, I'll just get the tub and just... Yeah, that makes sense. I eat pretty healthy overall.

Yeah, except Saturday night before the game. When Doug... And you know what I love is the fans are catching on to the Doug thing, and obviously you were with the Eagles a year ago now with the bucks. Yeah, actually... Chris, let me ask you something before we get going too much. I was talking about fucking ice cream here. Did you miss me last year?

I missed you a lot, dude. I'm not really like. I just want to make sure we got that in camera. I'm not even a lot. I missed you last year. You left. The city missed you. You know, you were my guy in the locker room.

Now you were kind of like, you know, you left the big void. And Holody had big shoes to fill. From a personality standpoint. Are we done with ice cream? A uniform. No, I'd like to go back to ice cream. Okay, we'll tell about. Let's talk about Helodi for a second.

on this trip and how smitten you are with him. Smitten. Yeah. What do you call him? God, Emperor Heloti. And he's benevolent. He is the benevolent ruler of the mountain. He is.

Yeah. And you early... There's a statue of him somewhere built in rocks, carved from stone, somewhere on Keeley. He's... You said earlier that you want him to adopt you. Yes. How would your dad feel about that?

Your dad's a normal-sized guy, by the way. Yeah, great guy. Great father. Excellent father. But normal size. Normal size. He's got a great joke about it, too. I think Chris got this. Everyone always asked my dad about me because they're like, what's going on here? He's a normal guy. And then my dad loves this perfect deliver every time. Well-practiced Joe. He says, oh, yeah, one giant sperm.

Getting back to Holodi, I would say that he probably is, and you're in this conversation, you might be one and two. If we get to the top of that mountain, you might be one and two. on the list of like Guinness Book largest people to some of them. I'm fairly confident. What I was thinking is we rig some sort of harness and then Holodi carries me for a little bit and then I carry him for a little bit and we become one entity. Oh yeah. And then bar none the heaviest.

It's like Freak the Mighty kind of. And you guys are like 800 pounds. Yeah. Just and that's kind of how I picture. I picture him carrying you a lot if he's your dad he's going to like put you in a big stroll or take you to the beach. You know how does where you see guys on film and you and you feel like you kind of know them and then, you know, to actually meet him.

Yeah. It's been really cool. I'm pretty smitten with it. No, no, it's cool. It's cool. Because, like, to me, he's kind of a borderline Hall of Fame type guy. Yeah. I always, you know, I think there's an easy case to make for him getting a gold jacket.

Yeah, I mean, like, he always plays a down when I call him a Hall of Famer. But when you meet a Hall of Famer that's humble and that's really kind and caring. Just a good dude. He's a good dude. I don't think I've heard him saying negative. Now, Ninko, on the other hand. Yeah, Niko is. Disappointment.

Niko can be, Lodi can be my kind, you know, great, awesome dad. And then Niko can be like my... The drunk uncle? So, so far on this trip, I think you had one big fuck up. I think you've done really well with everything. Right. Thank you. But you had a layover in Amsterdam that was unintentional. Yeah.

Talk about how your travel got jacked up and how you just squandered that opportunity. I was telling Chris about this. I got stuck in the Toronto airport and I was panicking. fucking wheeling dealing on the phone, sweating, the airport sweats. Yeah. I'm stressed. I mean,

the international section, so it's just tons going on. I'm on the phone with this KLM agent for like an hour and a half. She's like, oh, we're gonna, oh, we got you flight to Amsterdam tonight, a red eye, and then you're going to have to spend all day

in Amsterdam tomorrow, unfortunately. And I'm like, oh, okay, cool. Unfortunately. That's very unfortunate. So I have a cousin actually who lives in Amsterdam. I tried to hit him up, but it was like 3 a.m. or something there. And I had all these,

sick plan. I was going to go to Amsterdam, check out the sites. That's what you do when you're in Amsterdam. You go to Amsterdam. So I took this red eye and I got in and I fucking fell asleep for like six hours. And I woke up and it was like midnight in Amsterdam. I completely wasted. You totally blew it. Yeah. I got great rest. Do you realize what you're done? I got great rest for the mountain criss. And then we linked up and it was great to see you. We chilled at the lounge. We were both very subdued. Yeah. Well, I But you don't like airports. You don't like people.

And neither do I. I think airports bring out the worst in people. The worst in people. I think it's like some of the worst collection of human beings in the world is in airports. And I think it's like a glimpse into like what post-apocalyptic earth would be. Just people eating each other. You know. They call out pre-boarders like, br-brug.

Crowding the thing. Don't crowd the desk. Don't crowd the desk. No. And if you're not in group one, chill out. Get the fuck out of the way. No offense. But it is nice when you're in first class and you're chilling there.

Excuse me. Have they called first class yet? Yeah. The worst is when you're on like a Southwest flight or whatever. I don't do I don't do Southwest. Nothing against Southwest. Excuse me, Chris. Well, the chances of somebody like yourself you need the comfort. Like first class to most people is like pretzels and soda. Yeah, my ass does not fit in the chair, dude. But no. Believe me. If you fly in Southwest, there's the little poles that you line up.

and you're like A, you know, whatever. And people are like looking at your shit like, like, lady, chill out, all right? It's shameful. And what else is shameful is people berating gate agents and flight attendants. I think a skill that people need to get better at in airports and in life in general is what... It's like being nicer. Well, identifying, well, that'd be a fucking start. But like, identifying situations where you have control or you don't have control.

Yeah. And when you're flying in a metal tube at 35,000... It is a fucking luxury. You just gotta surrender yourself. And you can't assume that while there's thousands of planes flying all over the country at once, that your plane's always gonna be on time, or that the flight attendant has anything to do with it, or the gate agent has anything to do with it. Dude, I've been seeing so many dogs at the airport, bro, and like, dogs do not belong at the airport.

Cats belong at the airport even less. Dude, yeah. But I think that's an entitled move. You do. You do. You do. I'm not going to go that far, and I think this is controversial. I think this is...

I think if we run this, you might be public enemy number one. Come find me, bro. I'll debate you. I fucking love dogs. Yeah, I'm a big dog guy. But you don't think they belong at the airport. Like, dogs get scared of stuff, bro, and you're bringing a dog and an airplane. And you put him down in this little deep, this depressurized...

Or like the worst is when... Okay, hold on. I want to make sure I put this in. Guide dogs, service dogs. Of course they belong in airport. Okay. Thank you. Of course.

That was what I was worried about. That is not what I'm discussing here. And the diving gloves save across the crease at the last second. Recently on a flight, I saw a woman with a Pomeranian and it had like the service, it had a little vest that said service dog on. It's not a service dog. It's like, yeah, it's six months old. That dog hasn't learned to serve. It's pissing out of the carpet right now.

That dog hasn't learned to serve. Yeah. What do you, you suck, lady. Like, I was so mad. I was falling her in the little tram. tram, like just giving her the side of the... There you go, though. You're being an airport guy.

No, no, no. You're being an airport guy. You're being a hypocrite. Why? Why? Because it has nothing to do with you, and you have no control over that ugly little dog being on the plane. Just let the lady live.

Dude. You're airport guy. Dogs do not. You're big, angry airport guy. I'm not angry. I'm sitting there chilling. I'm just spying on her. I'm spying.

I'm not saying anything. What about the people? What about the people? I don't want to pilot on dogs. too much. What about the people that when the plane stops, everybody rushes to get up or don't let the people out in front of them? Just chill out. I think there, I think there's a special place for people that cut in line in hell right next to people that don't push their shopping carts back. And bad parkers, serially bad parkers, we all have a bad day. Okay, here's the thing,

though, bad parkers, let's say you, sometimes... It's a chain reaction. Yes, that's what I'm saying. So, like, If you're looking at something, you're like, this jackass doesn't know how to park, but maybe, just maybe, he parked that way because someone next to him, you know what I'm saying? And the real jag left. Exactly. The jag left, and then you're sitting there, and the next thing you know you have a sticky note on your car, it's like, you asshole. Yeah. I get that. Yeah.

I would never write somebody a note like that. I want to talk about some of your... That was a good natural segue. Yeah, I want to talk about some of your less than ideal travel experience. experiences and I know you have a story in Dallas that involved eating something at a hotel that you... So I'm from the Midwest, right? I'm from Minnesota.

It's like passive aggressive city out there and... No, really? You're not passive aggressive? Chris, that's a good one. So we, last year with the Bucks, we played in Dallas and it's great because you stay at this four seasons and... Beautiful hotel. Great hotel.

We stayed at the same place. at the same place in Philly and I'm gassing it up big I'm like I'm gonna get room service I'm gonna carb up I'm gonna get this and this and this because usually you got to dinner at the D-line yeah and I was like guys I'm out this week I'm I got big plan so I'm sitting there like in the castle you know I got my room service I got the like dumb and dumber yeah I'm feeling myself dude I'm just been stoked about this all week and I get this chicken pot pie get like a nice salad ready to rock and roll epic big guy food yeah why you healthy I told you that

And I'm, it's all great. Took my first bite of chicken pot pie. Unreal. I'm like, I made the best decision ever. Second bite. I, like, bite down on something. And it, like, stabs me in the gums. I got ginger vitus.

I'm bleeding. It's a fucking bloodbath in there. You're bleeding? Are you bleeding? I think it's a chicken bone, right? I think it's a chicken bone. So I'm like, oh, whatever. It's a chicken pot pie.

It happens. But, like, it had this, like, texture, you know? I pull it out and like just slow-mo and I'm looking at it and dude it's a fucking toenail. It's not a finger. It's not a thumbnail. And you know the difference, which is interesting to me. Yeah, I chew on my toenails. I got it.

But you know the difference. You can tell, dude. Like, okay, fingernails, toenails have a certain consistency. It's a fact. You would have to have eaten a fucking toenail to know the difference. No, bro. You just know, like, innately know. And I'm like, I'm just sitting there.

I'm just sitting there looking at it for like, solid 10 seconds, just like, and all my dreams of this meal are shattered. Your dreams of the trip are shattered. You got to go home. Like, you got to go on IR. I'm concerned about the game. You got to go on IR. And so I call up Gerald McCoy, who's another DeLyman in Tampa, and he's, I'm like,

dude, gee, you got to come over, man, I got to show you something. Because I didn't want to, like, tell this story without. I didn't want to set him up. I wanted to get his impartial opinion on what this was. And he comes in and he's like in a great mood and he's smiling. And he's laughing at my room service because I'm talking about it with him. And I'm like, I got it on this plate, right? This fancy four seasons plate.

I'm like, Gerald, tell me what this is. He's like, dude, that's like a fried onion or something. That's a fried onion. I'm like, I'm like, touch it. Just touch it. And he like picks it up and he just drops it right away. He just leaves. He's like, yeah, that's a tonal.

That's a tonal. So I had to call the manager of the thing of the hotel, which I've never. You're not a manager caller. Not a manager call. We talked about this. It's a nightmare for me to like talk. And I'm like, they send this dude up and he's like 19 years old. Like probably not the manager.

He's like some guy that they just pay a little extra to get like yelled berated by customers. And I'm like, listen, man, I've never really done this before. But like, I got to complain about this. I got to complain about this toenail on my chicken pop pot. This is a big toenail. And then he's like, and then he's like, well, I don't know. And there's like, yeah, I think it is. I'm like, I don't know what to tell you to that.

That's really fucking disgusting. I hope to like get some four season points or something. Like, give me a little, give me like a free movie. A spa night. Yeah, give me a spa night, you know? You know, I got to get this out of my head. I think, but like, I got so ashamed of, like, complaining about it that I kind of just, like, slept it under the rug.

So then I go down to the team meeting that's later. And, like, everyone, and, of course, like, the manager guy, it got back to the, like, the representatives from the team that booked the hotel, the travel guy. and stuff. Well, everybody's scared to piss off the world famous buccaneers. And I'm not going to bite on that one. And then, and so everyone's just shooting on me and it got out and it sucked. Well, I mean, here's my, I mean, obviously disgusting. Shit happens in food. Yeah. I think hair is kind of gross, but hair happens. Dude, I give long hair. I get hair in food all the time. One time I was eating this, this dinosaur

kale straight out of the bag from from whole food. And my wife can't stand hair in food. Like, she starts dry heaving. And I'm like, something's like, I'd go to pull it out, and it just keeps, it keeps going. That's one of my hair. And she actually dry heaves right there at dinner, but I understand how that hair might end up there. I mean, like, hair nuts great, like, please, like, and there's nothing you can do about it in retrospect. You're not going to hunt down the person and give them a talking to.

I don't follow the shipping codes. But how the fuck does a toenail logistically? Is this guy a big cowboys fan? And he's like, fuck these stuff. How does it logistically get? And, you know, if he's a big Cowboys fan, is he nervous about losing the bucks? I would be.

Okay. I mean, like, but, so they told our guys. There's no good excuse. There's no, there's an excuse for hair. Dude, they told our guys that it was a piece of plastic from the container or something. And I'm like, dude, you know, it's not. Like, it wasn't.

It just isn't. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rain, guy. Hey, come on. As we sit up on this rock, like, 100 yards from camp I just got hit with a fart was that you or somebody in camp the winds come I think it was Mike or Mike yeah so I wanted to as we're as we're on the food industry topic I want to talk to you about bar rescue because we've both been on bar rescue now and you just recently did it yeah I was on bar rescue like three like a couple days before we came out here

to kill you it dude it was it was uh uncomfortable for me because like I said I don't I'm like I'm like you know non-configational yes and if I get if I get a meal that I don't like I'm not gonna be like I didn't order this I'm just gonna suffer in silence I'm gonna eat like I do it too enough of the food to not like offend anybody offend anybody and then be like yeah I wasn't feeling too hungry you know but like we went a bar rescue and it was cambrate and alley Marpet too my buds on the the bucks and cam but you got buds on the bucks yeah I got friends you didn't tell me that you didn't tell me me about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll introduce you. Are they your replacement friends? Big time.

Like saving Silverman? They're way, way cooler than you. They ever take you on a life-changing experience halfway around the world that's fulfilling charitably and existentially? Well, Bar Rescue. It took you on Bar Rescue. Your friends in Tampa took you on Bar Rescue and I took you to the highest walkable mountain in the fucking world. The good people of, that made all the donations. Okay. Twitter. Yeah. You know. Bar rescue. Bar rescuing your better friends.

Definitely better friends than you. Another part. Mike. Just hit me down wind. It's the wind swirling. It could be any of the individuals. It could be the, uh... No, it was me.

Anyway. Okay. Oh. Oh, yeah. So, but he's a huge fan of John Taffer. I like John Taffer. Yeah, and it was cool to go because we went to this place that's like an hour and a half.

outside of Tampa was like New England ale house or something and they showed us around it was really cool it was cool to be a part of it was great to meet tapper but like the same thing like I ordered some clam chowder and I had a hair in it right away and I was just it was good I feel like they put the hair in there on purpose and but I I would just started eating it you know and I saw the hair and I kind of tried to like serptitiously take it and like yeah you know I was like it's probably my hair guys you know it wasn't even though it's black it's a black hair And you have red hair. That's a conversation.

You know, let's stay on track here. And so, like, I didn't want to confront the manager about it, but of course, that's the whole purpose of show. The whole point is you're just shooting on the manager. So then they're like,

yeah, so then the manager comes over. He's like, yeah, I heard you find a hair in your soup. And like, yes, I did. It could have been mine, though. It could have been mine.

And he saw right through that. He's like, no, it's probably one of our staff. I was like, wow, man, you're just coming out with that. He's like, He gave you an out.

He's like, no, we got paid to do this show, and our business is just crumbling. We need to make it as shitty as possible. Well, it's funny because this same manager later, Taffer just snatched his soul. Yeah. Taffer does that. And so the whole experience was just putting me completely out of my comfort zone of, like, critiquing this. I got fishing chips. You know, it seems like a safe bet.

You just deep fry some, like, paddock or whatever, cod. And then you make French fries. Right, right. Then give me a bunch of tartar sauce. I can drown it out. Fish and chips is bad. I can drown it out. I was so wrong.

It was so bad. It was like raw fish on the inside with like a, like, a, like. I didn't. I had the same experience. It was so funny because my buddy Allie just crushed like two different meals. He had a phenomenal. Like he got a lobster roll. He's like, yeah, this is pretty good.

He never, he never, he never, he never, he never, like, who is a lobster roll on bar recipe. That is such a bold move. I have a theory. on airport sushi that reminds me of. Are you an airport sushi guy? Would you eat airport sushi? Think about this. I feel like it kind of depends where.

Bullshit. Let me tell you why. Because they're going to ship it in. Let me bend your ear. No, I get, I understand what you're saying. Let me bend. But airport sushi in a regional airport versus airport versus airport sushi at a big airport. Listen, the airport sushi, it doesn't matter. The sushi plane brings the air...

Are you going to eat airport sushi? The sushi plane brings the air every time. In Detroit. Arusha Airport. No. Yes. Well, that's exactly. Because there's no airport sushi at Arusha Airport.

The sushi plane brings a sushi right to the airport. It's fresher at the airport. Agreed. Then at some trendy restaurant in Dallas at Dallas Fort Worth Airport. I'm crushing the aji tuna. Yeah, I'm with you. It came right out of the ocean. Big plane, just like eel, like no seats.

But I'm not eating. It's just all sushi. But regional airport sushi? That's different. There's a distinction. That's different. There's a distinction. Big metropolitan airport sushi.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I just hate when people shit on airport sushi. Where is Marpet from that he's eating lobster rolls on barrage? He's from New York. Great guy, dude. What part of New York?

He must be from like yonkers or some weird place. He's not from yonkers, dude. He's from... Doesn't matter. Wherever he's from, they need to talk to their children about eating lobster rolls on barrests. Dude, he loved it too. Such a bold. And he didn't get sick.

No. He's like, that's pretty good. So the food here is good. It's unbelievable. For people they don't know, the service, and we'll get to the service, the porters, the guides are amazing. They enhance the experience in all seriousness. Yeah. But the food here is really good.

It's great. I mean, like, we're challenging. We and Holode because we were joking about who's going to be the heaviest one of the mountain. And I'm saying it to me, but honestly, it's going to be Huloti. I mean, everybody knows that. weighed weight. Everybody knows it's to lowity, bro. I'm sorry. It's okay sometimes to get the silver medal.

But once we combine, yeah. Into like mega hobboaty. Because when they put him in the Guinness book, they're not going to have a footnote for you. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm appreciative that you're here, buddy.

You're killing it, by the way, for the folks at home, this guy, being a plus size cat, tipping the scales of what, 330? Yeah, something like that. 325. A lean 325. built like a Greek god, but he's powering up the mountain.

So thank you. I usually ask Chris for a compliment a day. This is the thing. When we play together, he would come up to me, you know, during bad days. And I think good days too. And you'd ask me, can you give me my one compliment today? But after a while, it's kind of unfair. I run out of compliments.

You know, I can only say, hey, you got great hair a certain amount of time. Oh, you got a lot of charisma. Okay. Good smile. You got a little twinkle in your eye that I just love. Okay. I'll give you one compliment. compliment before we close out.

I like your headband. Nice. Now return the favor. I love your sheepskin. You got to unzip it a little bit and show the folks. I probably fuck the mic up, but it's a good time to do it. I mean, look at that. Then I got a little chest tear here.

You just had a nice wardrobe. I was overpacked. He's got a nice outfit. I was trying to sign off. so we got a lot of content for being here beau allen thank you for having appreciate you dog absolutely appreciate you thanks for watching and if you enjoyed please like and subscribe check out some of the other stuff we have going on at chalk media

on our channel and uh we'll definitely get you more killy tapes next week i really enjoyed uh interviewing my buddies not easy doing it at altitude but uh i think it turned out all right so thanks thanks for watching