Habits and Hustle - Episode 106: Marisa Peer – World-Renowned Speaker, Rapid Transformational Therapy Trainer, Best-Selling Author

Episode Date: March 9, 2021

Marisa Peer is a World-Renowned Speaker, Rapid Transformational Therapy Trainer, and Best-Selling Author. In this episode, Jen and Marisa discuss some misconceptions about therapy and the power of the mind, and deliver actionable steps and plans anyone could follow to improve their self-discipline, as well as their mental and physical health. All directly pulled from a program Marisa’s been developing throughout her long career in mental health. Sometimes it’s as hard as navigating generations of relapse and trauma, but sometimes it’s as easy as affirming to yourself you are capable and deserving of success. Looking for a mindset change? Interested in the direct link between mental and physical health? Or perhaps you’re intrigued by just what “rapid transformational therapy” is. Come find out. Youtube Link to This Episode Marisa’s Instagram  Marisa’s Website  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. 📧If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail]  📙Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal. ℹ️Habits & Hustle Website 📚Habit Nest Website 📱Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits in Hustle. Fresh it. Hey guys, today on the podcast we have Marissa Peer. Marissa is quite a dynamic and impressive woman. She's a British therapist, best-selling author, transformational leader, keynote speaker, and the creator of the I Am Enough movement. Marissa also created the program Rapid Transformation Therapy, otherwise known as RTT, that has been award-winning.

It's a very solution-based treatment therapy program that has fast and very effective long-term results. And she combines all sorts of different modalities from hypnotherapy to psychotherapy, neuro-linguistic programming, cognitive behavioral therapy, neuroscience, and neuroplasticity. Her client base ranges from everybody, from rockstar CEOs, elite Olympic athletes, royalty, and Oscar-winning actors and writers. I mean, this woman does it all. She's also very sought after media personality, and she is in every single media outlet and has been considered to be one of the best therapists in the UK.

I highly suggest you guys listening to this entire episode. If you are somebody who is struggling with any type of self-doubt, limited belief, I mean, this woman gives you practical things that you can integrate into your life for real change starting now. So enjoy this episode. I enjoyed listening and speaking with Marissa and There you have it. Enjoy You're like a jack of all like a of all trades and a master of all trades. Usually you're a jack of all the master I know that expression. Yeah, right? And Usually you're a jack of all the master. I know that's expression, yeah.

Right? And I saw your fertility specialist, a hypnotherapist, a psychotherapist. I mean, you've been considered the best therapist in Britain for, I think it was like a few years back. But I've really enjoyed watching a lot of your videos. I really loved your TED Talk. I did my own recently as well I didn't know to do that. Yeah, and

You know, I just find like a lot of the information you but what I love about what you are how you What you do is you take Information and you distill it down so anybody can really truly understand it in layman's terms. You make the complex easy to kind of understand. So I'm really happy to have you. Well, I'm delighted to be here. And I'm so glad you see that because that was always my purpose. Let's make therapy and the workings of the mind simple for people because you want to fix it. You have to understand it. Right. And you know, because right when I actually, when I first watched your TED talk, I noticed right away, which there was no, like, you don't use unnecessary words. You go right into it.

You're like, listen, there are four things you need to know and do in order to be successful across the board. And these are it. You didn't kind of even pretend to fluff around anything. So who we first talk about those four things that you say are the four important things to be successful across the board, because it really gets to be successful across the board because it really

gets to the meat of the matter and I think, you know, without mincing words, you kind of really kind of put it all into nice one little package. So please, Marissa. What are the whole things you need to know about your mind in order to have phenomenal success across the board? Well, it's very simple. The first thing you have to understand is that your mind's job is not to make you happy. It doesn't care if you're happy or sad, fat or thin, success, right? It just cares if you're alive. You know, we're put on the planet really to reproduce ourselves.

And of course, we have way more potential than that. But from your mind's perspective, but from your mind, my job is to keep you alive against all odds for a limited number of years. And so in order for me to keep you alive, I have to work out what causes you pain or pleasure. When you say things like, oh my God, that guy killed me, that client made me want to die. It was the end of the world when I got dumped. This commute is driving me crazy. I'm dying under my paper. You might as well, okay, my job is to keep you alive. Every time you say,

it will kill me if I get dumped. I'm dying on the commute. This job will be the death of me. Your mind goes, hmm, don't have a job. It's going to kill you. Don't date if it's going to kill you. Don't commute if it's going to make you want to jump off a bridge, just stay home. How about I give you a lovely ulcer, lovely panic attacks, chronic diarrhea, anything that keeps you away from what you keep saying is going to kill you. So the most important thing to understand about your mind is that your mind's job is to do it. What you tell it you want, Secondly, you respond entirely to the pictures

you make in your head. And the words you say to yourself which are yours to change at any time. Thirdly, the mind is hardwired, in fact, super coded to run back to what is familiar. While running away from what is unfamiliar, that's the fact, here's another fact. You can make anything you like familiar. I mean, peeing on the toilet wasn't familiar once, getting food in your mouth and not your hair wasn't that familiar. If you stick a lens in your eye every day, you didn't just wake up and go, let me do that. It took a little bit of practice to take your finger and ram it onto your eyeball and then squeeze that to get that off again. So if you remember these things about your mind, it does what it thinks you want.

It bases it on what you tell it, the way you feel is out of the pictures you make in your head and the words you say, which you're free to change. And while it's the fact that you're wired to run away from unfamiliar and back to familiar, you can make anything you like familiar or unfamiliar for that matter. And really it actually boils down to how do you dialogue with you. We're all taught, if you want a great marriage go and have some counseling, learn these great communications because you want a great business, learn how to talk to your cousin, and be a great parent, listen to some genius that how to talk to your cousin. It would be a great parent. Listen to some genius that how to talk to your baby. But no one says, hey, how do you talk to your son? Look at me. I'm just a big fat loser. Oh, that's never going to work out. That's driving me crazy. This kid is making me

insane. Now you're mind, because well, no more babies for you. So as long as you can really start to listen to your internal dialogue and then change it, that will change your entire life. It sounds simple, but just because it's simple, that doesn't mean it isn't powerful and effective beyond belief because it really is. So how does, okay, so let me just kind of delve in a little bit deeper to that, right? Because, you know, you can say something to yourself in a very shallow, vat good way, right?

Does it mean it's gonna penetrate, you know? I can say all day, oh, I think I'm the smartest person in the world, but if I don't really don't believe it to be the case, it's like hollow words. So how does someone go from having a certain belief set of who they are? Like you talk about an imprint of how they believe they are to be, right? And start to change what that imprint really is on a true level, something that's actually, you know, that they actually truly believe, at versus just spewing out random words about themselves.

That's a great question, because I need people to do this thing every day and everywhere I'm getting better and better and better, but I'm not getting better and better. I've got this little saying, every day, life's walking the park and the sun is shining. Well, when I woke up today and it was raining and I straightway treading some dog mess, and I didn't really find that was real. So you have to understand a few key things about the mind, because your mind can be your best friend when you understand

what runs it. One of the things that runs the mind is repetition. No one says, hey, I went to the gym, I did a hundred sit-ups, where's my flat stomach? We understand, go to the gym every day, do 300 sit-ups, then you will have a flat stomach if you repeat a technique. And the mind is no different, you must repeat something over and over again. But secondly, you have to understand a few things. The mind only works in the present tense. You can't say, next year I'm going to have a beach body, next year I'm going to be a't say next year I'm going to have a beach body,

next year I'm going to be a millionaire, next year I'm going to find love. The mind only works in as my children go, mommy, is it tomorrow today? Is it yesterday now? Because they don't understand. You got on a plane with a three year old, they go, we're there after five minutes.

The mind works in the present tense only. And it really only responds to words that they keep vivid pictures. They're saying, I'm not thinking about chocolate. I don't think about chocolate. I'm not thinking about Cadbury's milk chocolate, of course. You're thinking about chocolate. So you've got to use the words and even use words in front of us.

Give you an example. Let's imagine you want to have a baby, and you say things like, I really want to be pregnant. I love to be pregnant. I dream of being pregnant. That's all wrong. First of all, when you say, I want, I dream, I wish. You're not saying, I am, I will, I can.

Dreaming, wishing, and hoping means that I have no ability to fall itself, so I just dream about it. Being pregnant is not what you want. You can be pregnant eight times and never have a baby. You need to say, I am super fertile and becoming pregnant now, carrying a perfect baby to full term. I want love. Well, how long do you want that for? And afternoon, a week, how about for the rest of your life? And then you've got to say, I'm attracting my soulmate, someone who's perfect.

I'm perfect for him. Our world's collide. I'm finding someone who's sparking and intelligent and loyal and kind. And everything I love in him, he loves in me or her. So you have to really turn the mind on with exciting, where there must be exciting, there must be description, there must be relevant and they must be up to dates. I think I want more money. Well, what is more money? You can get five dollars. Find it on the street.

Does that mean you've got no? You must say, I want to manifest enormous wealth by being incredibly successful, monetizing a gift, taking it to market, having the courage, the confidence, the ability to sell something unique about me because the more descriptive you make it, the more your mind goes, oh, I knew what you want. And now I know what you want. I'll move you towards it. But often what we want, we don't want. Now I know what you want, I'll move you towards it. But often what we want, we don't want. I want love but it would kill me to get dumped. I want success but I could never work seven days a week and if I was the success, my relationship would go down the

toilet. I want love but it would kill me to be dumped. So you've also got to be very clear on what you want. And when you want it, like say you want to be a speaker or a book or do a TED talk, like you and I, you can't go but oh my god, if I went bright red, if I dried up, if nobody watered it would kill me, you've got to keep your mind on what you want and want it so much, so you don't let the reasons why you don't want it creepy. I want to ski, but what if I fall over and break my leg? You see your mind is like a laser moving forward, it's expanding, the minute you add in,

but what if I had love and they left me? What if I had a career that I was a terrible parent? You're actually saying, you know, I don't really want it after all. Right because. So because. Vitamin water just dropped a new zero sugar flavor called with love. Get the taste of raspberry and dark chocolate for the all warm, all fuzzy, all self-care, zero self-doubt you. Grab a with love today.

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Peloton app available through free tier, or page description starting at 12.99 per month. So what I understand then, it's to be super detailed and specific of what you want and repetition are ways to really start the process of believing it, right? To actually believe it in your bones. And then you're saying something else that you And then, you know, you're saying something else that you just said, you're setting it up like up to date. What do you mean

by having things that you're saying that are up to date? Well, you see, it has to be relevant. So a lot of people say, no, I really want to speak. I want to do a tattoo. But when I was five, I tried to read in class. I tried to say the word bridge and I said, bridge, go, never one laughed at me., I tried to say the word bridge and I said, ridgo, never one laughed at me and I thought to thought, oh, I'm never going to draw attention to myself again. When I was 11, my dad left and he never came back and I thought, I believe love hurts. If you let people in, they leave you so often, we have to

fight relevant by saying, look, when I was a little kid, I was dependent on that father, but I'm not now. When I was the kid, the teacher, they built it to make me feel that big. But they don't now. When I was a kid, somebody could crush my one girl, oh, who's going to listen to you? Don't be ridiculous. That will never work out. So we often have blocking thoughts that are totally outdated. They have to be relevant to you today. So I give you listen to songs a go, I die if you leave me. I can't live without you. That's completely rubbish. You won't die if someone leaves you. In fact, you already find someone a million times better. Once upon a time, we would die without a try. But now we can live on our own to a 105.

I wouldn't recommend it. But a lot of the songs we hear are not relevant. A lot of the things we say, your school days are the best days of your life, no they're not. It's all downhill. Once you get to X, you've got more chance of getting abducted by a Martian when you're 50 than finding love. When your 35-year fertility drops into a cliff, these things aren't even true. They're not relevant and you have to have words relevant to use to say you want to have a baby at 37. What is relevant, it's not to go,

well, you know, I've got these old eggs, they're on a cell by day. I know it's all a bit decrepanied. You have to go, hey, I'm super fertile. I'm 37. And my eggs are 25 years old. Because we know that our body ages on its own tidable. If you're, and if you were 40 and you ran, your heart and lungs would be 25. Your knees and your skin, if you ran in the sun, could be be 55 but your body ages on its own tinder which is massively influenced by your thinking. So if you go well I'm too old to find love, I'm

too old to get pregnant, I can't remember, you know it's my age, I'm so tired, it's my age, you make that real, every thought you think is a blueprint your mind and body start to work on this real and say you have to say things like hey I'm super healthy I mean here we are in COVID and now we have a choice oh my god there's a virus I'm gonna get it I'm terrified of going out I don't touch anything I've got to sanitize all my groceries or you could say well I need to well, I need to be careful, I need to be smart, but I have an incredible immune system. My immune system is my line of defense.

If I take vitamins, eat, write, sleep, write, you to practice, so to be cleaning, washing my hands, I am going to be great, I'm healthy, I'm not going to live in fear, because when we live in fear, it actually has a really bad effect on our immunity. So relevant is about, you know, let's not make this about the past and let's not go over the top about living in fear. Right. So it's about what's in it. Don't let your past basically play your future and your present and your presence. Yeah. Yeah. And so when you talk about familiar, how do you make familiar, unfamiliar or unfamiliar,

familiar, familiar all that stuff, what are you referring to? Well, that's a great question because most people don't even understand our wiring and that we need to go back to what we know. So let's imagine when you grew up, you had a very distant, absent father who didn't pay you much attention, maybe diminished you and wasn't really there. And what our mind wants is for us to recreate what we know and give it a happy ending. So when we tend to have cold, distant parents, annoyingly, we're very attracted to cold, distant people, both men and women.

Men are like cold, critical women. I seem to like women that are really bitchy and mean. Women say, I just go for the bad boys. No, the ones who never call cheat. Why do I like them? Well, because that behavior is so familiar, you recognize it. And you want to recreate what you know, but change the ending. And really life is too short to change the ending.

We need to start changing the beginning, instead of finding a cold, distant guy and turning him to somebody warm and loving. Fasement warm and loving in the beginning. And you see, we can look at many people like, you know, Marilyn Monroe, Amy Winehouse, Princess Diana, all these women that had absent fathers, it went for really the bad boys. Because that's our wiring. Let me recreate what I know. You know, if you put six sugars in your coffee and have it cream and drink it or start your

day with Coca-Cola. You actually want what you have, although I'm a few stick math in your arm or drink alcohol first thing in the morning, even though it's really bad for you, what is familiar? We see people who live on a terrible diet because it's familiar. Line the house and watch game shows. Three generations of families on welfare for no other reason than its familiar. And we're so led to believe that well, I can't change. And that's just not true.

You can make anything unfamiliar, anything at all. But then it's like, I guess there's two parts to this question. To know what your habits and patterns are, right? I think a lot of people lack the self-awareness. They do. That's right. To even know what that is, to even be able to stop that behavior that's familiar to, or and vice versa, right? So how do you improve somebody's self-awareness enough? What's the first step, even knowing what that pattern is or what that stop is in your life to even move and pursue happiness, pursue success and get out of that failure rut?

Well, it's a great time of the year because it's January and we was at a new year, never eating sugar again, going to that gym every day. I'm going to be working out, like a maniac and I'm going to be working on my website and I'm not eating any sugar. And we usually get halfway through and go, oh, I've blown it now. So my school just eat lots of sugar. So you need to take a look at, you know, if you have resolutions and goals and you always failing what is going on. I mean, I have many times that that's it no sugar and

I've gone through three months and six months with no sugar ever. Then when you have some you think, I ruined it now. And actually, sometimes you have to decide, okay, why don't I just say I'm going to eat sugar once a week? All right, I'm only going to eat sugar on a weekend because that's an easier thing to stick to. And now I feel like a winner. Why don't I say I will work out four times a week and that may just be nothing more than skipping on my living room carpet for five minutes while watching my favorite show because if you give yourself something impossible, I'm gonna to have this rigid diet, vegan, no fat, no sugar, no enjoyment, no social life. It's too easy to break it. So it's much better to give yourself

better goals. And one of the goals you could have is if you want to make love or success familiar, your goal should be to simply say, every day, I am making success familiar. I'm making success, we write it on your mirror, write it on your phone so that it pings, try to say write it on your, put it on your fridge and start to say, I am making success familiar. I'm making success from her, it's familiar. I'm making success and applying myself at work

and really pushing myself familiar. So think of the wording first. Start to repeat it over and over again. Look at it, say it, state it because it will wire and fire your mind to start moving towards that to see, okay? You keep saying you're making success familiar, I'm doing it. And that statement says you have to take action now, what does

that look like? So you have to decide to make a statement. You see, I prefer to say statements of truth rather than affirmation. If you decide to become a vegan, you go, I'm a vegan and committed to being a vegan. It's who I am. I've chosen to be vegan. You wouldn't go, oh, but it's so hard not to eat bacon. And oh, look at that McDonald's when you make a choice. And you say, this is who I am.

I am a vegan. I am a triathlete. I am a committed hands-on mother. I have my own business and I'm passionate about it. The actions will follow the words. So a lot of people do the action first and the words second, but it's much better to get the words ready to start to say who you are, every day to wake up and state who you are like no Olympic as an Olympic athlete I'm training but you know what when I just stay in bed at E. Krispy Kreme doughnuts because that isn't congruent with who they are so find out who you are stated and the more clear you are and the more you repeat it

the more you'll find it is easy for you to stay on that path. Well, I'm glad that was a great segue into what I wanted to ask you about, which was discipline, right? Because you were talking about new year resolutions, people repeating a mantra or saying who they think they are, who they want to be over and over again. But, you know, and I talk about this a lot from things I do on my podcast and otherwise, but, you know, discipline is the thing that kind of

drop that the through line that kind of takes us there, right? You have to be able to build that self-discipline, which is very challenging, right? So can you give us some ways, some steps, some strategies to build self-discipline? You have to take action. Now we have this misconception. I'm at home and I'm waiting for motivation to knock on my door and when this to motivate a turns up, I'm going to go out and run. I'm going to design my own business. I'm going to start dating online, but I'm just waiting for the motivation. Well, that's a terrible mistake because motivation doesn't turn up until you take action. Now, we've all done this thing about, I didn't really want to clean out my closet, but you know, I just do the salt room.

And now, suddenly, I've done, I think, well, I just do the underwear drawer. And, well, now, I'm doing, I suddenly, I'm into it. I didn't really want to go to the gym, but I thought, just go for 10 minutes. I just do 10 minutes on the spam. I was suddenly, I've done a whole hour. Do you even want to have sex with my partner? I thought, well, you know what I'm like as well, I mean.

That's not a thing. Well, I'm really into it now, because that's what happens. When you take action, you become motivated. That doesn't mean you should have sex when you don't want to, but so often we wait and wait and wait for motivation. And we should all be taught in schools. Motivation follows action. Action doesn't come after motivations.

If you don't want to work out, I just do five minutes. You don't want to work on the book you're writing. You think, we know I just do five minutes of spell checking. So I don't want to work on my business, but I just have a quick look at the font and the color of my, that's all I'm going to do. If I just do that, then you'll find it works.

And so discipline can be hard, but discipline is something that happens. And we don't understand because a whole modern education has gone completely wrong. And what happens is that we, just like dogs finding a bone and burying it, we are humans who are, we respond to reward. And all parents say to the kid if you tidy your room, you can have some candy. If you do, you're a home, but you can go out to play. And so the way to be dissonant is to think of a reward.

I'm gonna work on my emails for two hours and then, I'm gonna have this yummy quest bar. I'm saving as my reward. I'm gonna have this yummy coffee. The quest bar? Is it a reward reward the protein bar? Yes, for me, because I don't eat candy, but I find that they are just like candies.

If I have to eat them all. So I have to, I'm a great believer in reward. And for you, that wouldn't be a quest but it could be a yummy coffee. It could be calling a friend of yours. We're going to have an hour now on eBay looking at all this stuff. I never really want, but it gives me pleasure. Or for me, I've got got a show I love this show but the show is my reward so I'm going

to come in from work and I'm going to do an hour on my paper and then watch the show. And now when I watch the show it's like wow I've earned this I worked for this the problem is I think I'm going to watch my show have have my dinner, eat my quest bar, drink my coffee, and then later I'm going to do my work and we don't do it because we got the reward first. So human beings respond really well to reward. And they also respond incredibly well to delayed gratification. And yet we give people the reward upfront, have this, do this, go there, have whatever you want. And we don't understand that if you don't work for the reward,

you never feel good. It's a bit like, you know, when you're dating someone and you just go out, have date, have sex, so great. But then you think, did I could have dragged that out just on the kissing first and then maybe a bit of making out and maybe waited? It doesn't mean that you should but building the expectation makes everything so much better, planning a lovely dinner and thinking I'm having that then. So all you have to do for discipline

really is to think about what your awards are every day. Is it playing with your cat or your dog or your kid or watching a bit of TV or looking at cat videos. It doesn't matter what it is, is it having some nice food and just decide all of these things will be my reward. Grand Cherokee L, Hurrien now for great deals. Now get 3500 combined bonus cash and Texas residents get 2000 bonus cash plus owners were less seized if competitive vehicles get 500 bonus cash in the 2023 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited and Grand Cherokee L limited. Competitive vehicles exclude all other FCA vehicles. Contact dealer for details. Take retail delivery by 531-23. Jeep is a registered trademark.

By the way, I laughed when you said the quest bar because I would use that as my reward too because I don't like to eat. It's like a candy bar. That's why I was like, that's fine that you said quest bar. And what I was going to say that, so basically from just to kind of pick up from what you said so far was basically do the thing you don't want to do first and then get your reward as opposed to what some people do They say oh, I'll do that thing later on to get that thing out of the way first. Yeah, they take the reward first Yeah, so I'll summarize that

So people who are very disciplined They leave clues all the time discipline people have a couple of things that might fascinate you one is they do what they do Not want to do to get to where they want to be. They also do it first. They want to be fit. They hate running. They get up and they run first. They don't love it. They go, I don't want to do this. I'm doing it first. So you must be prepared to do what you don't want. You must be prepared to do it first. And you'd reward us. I'm going to get up and run in the snow. But when I come home, we're going to have the most yummy cappuccino and some eggs,

and I'm gonna have a nice hot shower. And you make everything, like your shower becomes a reward, your bath becomes a reward. That sounds so simple, because it is. So do you don't want to do it first? Delay gratification, reward yourself after you've taken motivation and then praise yourself a lot. Because if you work for yourself then you're not getting praised and praise is like a muscle. Instead of going, oh I'm such an idiot, I didn't work out,

I'm such a loser, I didn't call that client. I can't have breakfast till I call the client. And after I thought I'm going to get well done, you did a great thing. Look at you. You called that client and you handled it so well. And now your mind's underlingking. Amazing pleasure to do what you don't want to do. First, to taking action, to rewarding yourself, or the action, and for praising yourself. Now all of a sudden all the things you don't want to do become exciting and compelling and actually very, very rewarding too.

So it's a system and people are very disciplined do it quite naturally. It doesn't matter if it's unnatural. It becomes natural over time, just like pressing weights, doesn't naturally do it every week. It becomes very natural. Yeah. I've heard you talk about that one point a lot, the praising yourself a lot.

What is it? What's the, like, what are the reasons behind a lot of that? I know that you say praising yourself. Is it because our natural instinct is to negative talk and just talk down toward yourself and that's where the limiting belief and that's our self-doubt coming out all the time? Or a couple of things about praise.

First of all, we are hardwired to respond to praise. We all know if you have a kid or even a pet, they respond to praise. Not when you say to your kid, why are you so fat and lazy? They will not suddenly become thin and those of it. When you go today, you were really good. You helped me in the kitchen. And I noticed you ate all that salad.

They think, yeah, I'm going to do that again. So there is nothing on the planner that will raise your self-esteem like praise. Praise makes you grow. Criticism withers you., praise makes you grow. Criticism withers you and praise makes you grow. But we live in a world now where I say, I live on my own and an apartment, I'm a coach, I work from home, who praises me, not my mom, not my dad, not my husband, I don't have one, I'm not talking about me by the way, not my boss, because I work for myself. So

talking about me by the way, not my boss because I work for myself. So where do I get my praise from? And that's terribly important because while praise boosts yourself as a me, is your own praise. I could say to you, oh my god, you're amazing. I love you, love you, love you. But I've probably got an agenda. When I say to myself, you're amazing. I love you. There's no agenda so my mind lets it in. So praise will boost yourself, esteem. And we live in a world where we used to get praise from our boss we went to work. The boss said, hey well done, we lived in tribes, we lived in social groups who had a mom, a dad, a grandmother, an auntie, a teacher to go, hey well done. Nowadays we have kids doing homeschooling. They don't have an extended family. Maybe they just live with a single parent and so that phrase, muscle

is withering and you got to make it grow. And imagine if you've got your own business, you have a startup, you're working for yourself. Who's petting you on the back? You don't have a boss. You don't have an assessment every week. So you better be your boss and you better be your assessor and you need to say, well done. This is amazing. Well, look at you. You know, all parents will know that your effectiveness as a parent is linked to how high the self-esteem of your child is. Doesn't that make you panic? Broccoli, you give them. Your job is to give them high, healthy self-esteem.

But that never stops, but you also have to give it to yourself. No, I like that. I mean, you wrote a book called I Am Enough, right? And so, right? And you have a whole program based around that concept, which is about building self-esteem, right? And improving people's self-confidence. Are there other things in the program or in your book you want to talk about of other ways people can help build their self-esteem and start gaining confidence?

Yeah, there's a couple of things. You know, all of these things again, are quite simple. The first thing is to improve yourself talk. You know, imagine you are your own best friend. You wouldn't say to your best friend, oh my God, look at you, you look fat. That's terrible, that doesn't suit you. Oh, you've made a complete mess of that.

Oh, that's awful. Because if you spoke to your best friend, they'd be long gone. So first of all, be your own best friend and start your day by going, you're a great person. You're good at this. You've got this. Be your own cheerleader.

Praise yourself a lot. The second thing is do not let indistructive criticism. There are people around who say horrible things. You know, I was just looking today at someone who said, oh, that Marissa is a scammer. She hasn't even got any qualifications, which is very odd, because I'm very qualified, but I get to choose.

I let that in or think, well, that's a sad unhappy person. And so our choices do not let it in. You can't change people or bitter, and maybe you can over time, but your choices do not let it. I said, you know, I don't like you because I just can't go with all who've got bright green haggle. I don't have haggle.

Yes, you do and I don't like you because that's so untrue. You wouldn't let it in because you don't have bright green hair. But if you have, who cares? But if I said you, but you're so boring and you're not very educated, you might let that in even though it is not true. So the only person who can make you feel bad is you nobody can reject you unless you agree. And low it sounds a little hard to accept. You have to accept that people could say what they're going to say, but you get to choose, I'll let this in or not let it. And shall I believe I'll go, well, clearly you don't know me.

Well, you know that, sure, opinion. You're welcome to have it. Luckily, I don't agree. So not letting in destructive criticism is a game changer. Praise yourself. Be nice to yourself. Don't let in destructiveructive criticism construct it, hey, you're always late and would mean a lot of you get here on time, hey, you know, you do something,

you never quite complete it. And that's a shame because you're very gifted. And if you could just finish it the way you start it, hey, you know, I love you, but every time I make dinner and you just leave your plates on the floor I feel I'm support I'm cared about that's okay because that's saying could you change your behavior not who you are And that's another point to criticizing behavior you're a great kid, but you know I don't why are you doing that or I'm a great person had a bad day and I snapped, but that's just a bad day.

So don't define yourself by some actions you do that let you down. You're allowed to make a mistake, but you are not allowed to beat yourself up for make yourself ill because you made a mistake. And then bring it back again to how do you talk about? You see, it's a free country you can be the most negative person in the world you can say I'm

a loser I'm an idiot I've got rocks or brains I'm the size of a house I'm just a train wreck you can say all that that's your choice what you can't choose is what you do to your body when you do that and if you could look inside your audience see what you do to your immune when you do that. And if you could look inside your audience, see what you do to your immune system, when you talk like that, you would never do that again, ever. And you can choose to say nice things to yourself to be positive, not negative, to be purposeful instead of the opposite.

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B-E-L-A-Y solutions.com slash habits to download it free today. Okay, so basically don't let destructive criticism in. Constructive is fine. We talked about praising yourself. Is there anything else that people can do? Some easy tool, I think, especially now with everything going on. Is there another thing they can tell? Yeah, there's something I love.

Obviously, I'm a therapist. I've got my own method called RTT. And we train therapists all over the world. One of the things I found, and I learned all of this in my own clients is many people are waiting. My dad's dead, but I'm still waiting to send a good person. My teacher said I'd never amount to anything, and I'm still waiting for someone to go,

hey, you're actually smart. So let's do it now. Take a minute and just think about what I call I've never amounted to anything and I'm still waiting for someone to go, hey, you're actually smart. So let's do it now. Take a minute and just think about what I call the missing bit. What are the words you've always wanted to hear? I mean, this is not rocket science. If you had an amazing mom, an amazing dad, an incredible teacher or grandmother or brother or sister who saw how remarkable you were. What do you think they would say?

You know, we all come onto the world with a need and then here are needs. I need to feel safe. I need to feel loved. I need to feel significant. I need to feel that you are proud of me and that I met her. So now, I want you to think of the word you always wanted to hear and say them right now. No one's listening. Just look at me like I'm your therapist and say, I'm significant. I matter. I'm lovable. I'm proud of myself. And then you can go into the you. You are amazing. You're the smartest kid in the world. Look at you. You're so beautiful and lovable. You're great. How lucky am I to be your parent? You're the smartest kid in the world. I'm so proud of you. Now it may seem a little strange, but if you imagine you've got this

emptiness, why call it the missing bit, we have this emptiness, we're waiting for someone to don't go, hey, you're great, but if you say something, could you, could you out there, come and have made me feel good, I think it's sure. I can do that for a year, then I'm off a thansa,

I'm on younger taller, richer, smarter. Or maybe I can do that, but I pass away. And now you're back with that unmet need. But you can meet your need to feel significant and important and loving enough. And when you do it yourself, you no longer depend on someone else. That doesn't mean you don't want the greatest people in the world to recognize who you are, but it means if you recognize it, it is easier for everyone else to recognize it too. So think again, what are the words you would love to hear that would fill you up with joy? And then don't

wait another second, say them now, I'm a matter. I'm lovable. I'm enough. I'm significant. I've got a gift to share with the world. I have a talent that I can monetize and say them and say them and say them and they will sink in. You know, if you had dry lips, you'd put lotion on those lips and the lotion wouldn't nourish them. For some of you have a bit like what I call a dry soul, we need to nourish that with words. And in the same way, your mind doesn't go, hey, is that lotion organic? Is it fair to do this?

This doesn't matter. I got it free on an airline. It's still nourishing my chap's skin. And words and nourishing too. And the mind doesn't go, hey, who said that? I thought you wanted your dad to say that your mind doesn't go, hey, who said that? I thought you wanted your dad to say it, your mind doesn't know and it doesn't care who says the words, it only cares that those words sink in and start to heal you from the inside out. So don't give someone else a

job of making you feel better. Give yourself the job. Other than we'll come along and enhance it, but your job is to make you feel I have women who say you know my husband doesn't make me feel sexy you know that's not his job it's your job I don't feel orgasmic well decide to feel orgasmic we'll give everyone else these jobs of making us whole and while it's a lovely thing to find some of the completes us you have to be able to say, look, I can do it. And then it just makes life so much easier. You know, there's been a bunch of research about something that we were just saying about the fact that your brain cannot decipher if something is actually imagination or real. That's so true.

Right. So, and this is exactly to the point that you're saying, right? Like if you're saying it to yourself, your brain can't decipher if it's your mom saying it or your or yourself, as long as it's getting that information, it doesn't make a difference. If you say on the smartest businesswoman in the world, on the the best athlete in the world, I'm the best mom in the world. Your mind will actually start to believe that. True, but you see so often we don't know that we say the opposite, I'm the worst mom in the world. I'm the worst cook in the world. I'm the most ineffective coach in the world in the same way. Your

mind believes that you see your mind doesn't know or care. If what you tell yourself is right or wrong, useful or useless, hurtful or helpful, it lets it in. So you might as well tell it great things. You know, as a therapist, I realized very early on with my clients because I said to them, you know, you're very suggestible. The ones I said that to would become very suggestible. I might I said that to would become very suggestible. I might as well say that to all of them. It's actually not a lie because human beings are suggestible. And also to do it with kindness. So if I had someone who was

morbidly obese, I'd say, you know, this is fascinating. You're so suggestible, you've told yourself, all these years, I can't leave food on my plate and I'm just bigger and I can't lose weight and you've made that real. That's amazing, your power to give yourself that suggestion. And now let's turn it around and just say, I have a fantastic metabolic rate, I burn or food. I should really prefer eating healthy food. And if you say it and say it and say it, it becomes real. Your words form your reality. If you don't

like your reality, which many of us don't need to really start changing your words. Now, what if you talk a little bit about rapid transformational therapy, which is your program? So how is that different than traditional therapy that people see do? I'm sorry. Well, I was always a little surprise at traditional therapy. I've always had a very inquisitive, inquiring mind. I always look at stuff and think, no, when I was trained to be a therapist, my very eminent teacher told me something. He said, the mind is very complicated

and it takes a lifetime to understand the workings of your mind. And then you need a second lifetime to be in practice on a thinking, that just can't be true. How could that be that you're given this brilliant mind that takes a lifetime to work out? And then a second lifetime to apply since unless you're a Hindu, you're out and then a second lifetime to apply since unless you're

a Hindu, you're not going to have a second lifetime. And so I challenge that. And then I challenge the whole concept of therapy because there's no other model that says bring me your pain and we'll discuss it for years. No doctor says, hey, let's have a discussion about your broken leg and when you've built up trust with me, I'll fix it. No dentist says, yeah, you've got an impacted wisdom tooth. We should have a conversation about that. If you were to stay at four o'clock, all that bacteria leaks into your heart, and then when you trust me, we'll start to hopefully make you better. And that's not to criticize therapists. You are, by the way, good people. But it's a very strange model because it doesn't

offer fast treatment. When we go to ER and pain, we go, can you make me better? We don't go to have a conversation about this and turn up every week. And so I thought, well, therapy should be the same as every other medicine. Take away your pain as fast as possible. And whether you have a broken leg or a cut or a headache or whether you have a fear or a phobia or an addiction, you should be able to get rid of the pain really fast. So, one of the things that wrap it in therapy don't go together, I think they do. So, I created a therapy that was much faster. It was looking straight away for why. So I created a therapy that was much faster. It was looking straight away for why and all our therapists understand that they were three hats. The first

job is to be a detective. A detective is looking for clues. Oh, here you are with an asthma dermatitis, but you didn't have that until you were 11. What would have gone on 11 that would give a normal happy kid contact dermatitis or extreme asthma or exma? Why did you suddenly become a beast? What happened to you that gave you this fear, this phobia, this start of this stammer? Because we are not born with any of those things, because they have always bitten my nails. No. You can have any teeth until you are 18 months old.

So that's not possible. I've never been good with attention. Really, the day you were born, whenever I looked at you, you put the blanket, you just look at me, I don't like it. I can't leave food, babies. You cannot make them eat too much. They just throw it all up, or they put their hand at a clamp,

they're jaws together and turn away. So we have a belief, I've always been this way, that's not true. I can't change that, that's not true. So our TT very quickly finds out why and how and where you got to be the way you are. Not in years of therapy and usually in the first session, and then you go from being the detective to being the dentist, you take out all that toxic, toxic beliefs, limiting beliefs, blocking thoughts. And then you become a coder, and you start to wire in and fire in a whole new belief system.

And you do all the three things together. It's not like session one, or we get to know each other session two, we'll talk about your background session three a bit more session four. No, let's find out why. So if you were coming with money beliefs, you know, I can't make money, I can't keep money, I can't seem to get money. And often they've gone back to a time in their life when they heard their parents say, oh, rich people have sold their soul to the devil. People ask for money, greedy. If you have more than anyone else, they won't like you, keep it to yourself that you know,

we're wealthy because people will just turn up and rob us. Or, you know, one of my clients had her grandma these to come to the house and she'd fold up a five dollar bill and she's giving us a, don't let your sisters know they won't like you if they know you have money and they haven't and that money gave her tremendous guilt every week a grandmother who loved would give her and only her the money with a message nobody will like you if they know it's a secret she began to feel ashamed of all these five dollar bills in a shoe box under the bed now all these years later, she has this fear, if I'm successful, nobody will like me.

I've got a hide money pretend I haven't got any. I feel bad about having money. Now, that's a blueprint. So, in our TT, we uncovered that limiting belief and then we removed it. That was her grandmother's belief. The grandmother shouldn't have done that actually, but she did. Nevertheless, that wasn't her belief. We removed

it and then we coded in. And you believe you can have a huge amount of money. And if you do good things with it, which when you have a huge amount of money, by the way, all you can do in the end is good stuff. When you've got so much, you start to form, like, like, opera wimpers, you start to form charities and children, schools in Kenya, like Madonna, having the school in Malawi. So having a lot of money isn't a bad thing, because when you have really a lot of money, you actually end up doing really good things. Like, we have an amazing business, and as it becomes more successful, we're starting to do scholarships and give people scholarships to train with us especially. When I'm looking at black guys, they're not enough black men or therapists and there should

be. So particularly taking that group of things, we will give you free training to go in the community and help these young kids of 17 who don't have a dad and don't have ambition and often are looking at, I was talking to Wykel Livedshan a couple of weeks ago, it was on a call I was on about this song he did. This is for my brothers, for on the inside, and this is for my brothers, on the other side, because when you come from, where I come from, you sell crack, or you sell rack, and if you sell crack, you go to jail, you go to heaven.. So when you have money, you can do good things.

So with her, it was okay. Find out this limiting belief. I don't know why I feel like this. I guess I'm just messed up. No. Something happened. Find it. Remove it. Replace it with something better. So, RTT is about interpreting what went on, investigating what went on, interpreting it, interrupting it, and installing something a million times better, all in one session, and that's why it's incredibly effective. That's all one, you can get all that in one session. I mean, obviously, we don't, if somebody somebody came into the, I can't fly on the air and I bite my nails, I'm scared of birds, we do the all in one session. If somebody came in with depression or with anorexia or bulimia, then it would probably

be three sessions. So it isn't always one session, but for many things, that infertility, I mean, the amount of women I come in, come in as I've got unexplained infertility, well, even that expression unexplained means everything's perfect. You see, if I had blocked for low pindjips, I've got explained infertility. When it's unexplained, it means everything's great.

Your wounds perfect, for low pindjips, perfect, over is perfect, husband, sperm perfect. But somehow, you can't get pregnant. or wounds perfect, the low-than-use perfect, always perfect husband, sperm perfect, but somehow you can't get pregnant. And that's because people go back to these things. I thought I was pregnant on a 15, it was terrifying. I had a termination when I was 70, and I felt so guilty.

My mom was so unhappy with baby, I've never ever thought I don't wanna be like her. I watched a show about someone giving birth and screaming their head off, oh, I never want to go like her. I watched a show about someone giving birth and screaming their head off of the oh I never want to go through that and so that's very simple. Go back and unpick the beliefs, get rid of them, replace them with something better and you can always do that in one session because it's so simple but we don't do everything in one session, many of the things we work on require three, but they don't require 10 or 15 or 20 ever.

What are, that's a, are you taking from different modalities that you, because you used to be, you used to do hip, hip and therapy, right? So what is that? What's the, the crux of that? Like, how, why does it work? And it is, it depend on who the practitioner is for hypnotherapy? No, well, you see, RTT is hypnotherapy. I mean, what I do is I, it is. Okay. And I, and we call it hypnotherapy on steroids or beyond hypnotherapy. So a lot

about TT is, it's certainly the recording is and the going back is. So it does involve hymnotherapy. But it's just more efficient. So hymnotherapy is great. I love hymnotherapy. One of the things we do in RTT is when somebody goes back, let's imagine you can't resist cakes. You'd love to resist cakes.

And every year is a no-caix. And yet you're't resist cakes. You'd love to resist cakes. And every year, there are no cakes, and yet you're addicted to cakes. And you go back and discover that your grandmother used to come over every satay and make you cakes. And you felt so loved. And your mom was super busy. But on the weekends, you'd bake together. Maybe she'd take you out for candy, or maybe you only saw your dad once every day. But he took you out for candy, or maybe you only saw your dad once every day, but he took you out for candy.

And when you're a small child, you don't answer them what I call tagging, that you start to tag, oh, that makes me feel love, that makes me feel good. No one says, when I'm depressed, I need celery or lettuce. So when I'm depressed, I need cookies and milk, or macaroni cheese, all the foods we had as an infant that made us feel good. You know, when you're a baby and someone shoves in that warm,

milky creamy stuff, everything's right with the world, you feel safe, you feel loved, you feel significant. And so we go for that sugary creamy milky stuff. No one says, oh, I need to grow old trout. I'm having a bad day. Then I need hot chocolate, and cappuccino, and muffin, so it's all over eating as an act of regression. I want to be that little baby. So I want the baby foods that made me feel good. I mean, my generation would never go, I'm depressed, I need sushi, but my daughter's generation would see that as a comfort food, because that was a comfort food, because that was a huge truth to go out the sushi. My grandmother would have said, rule fish.

You kidding? She would have been like, couple pie and custard. So since it's an act of regression, what RTT does is it uses regression to uncover why. Why do you do this? When did it happen? And it's so powerful because the minute the client goes back to the scene, they then have to go, oh, but that's not me. So I give you an example. I worked with a girl who'd been bulimic. She'd had 40 sessions of therapy, still bulimic. And she used to hide food and eat it in secret. And then in the session, she told me that her father left

and it was a very bitter divorce, but he would put chocolate bars through the letterbox. And mother was not there. She worked during the day. And she would be able to get this chocolate and she would hide it. And she felt the chocolate is proof he loves through. The chocolate proofs.

He remembered me. He didn't see him much because it was so bitter. But he would put candy through the letterbox when he knew she was having them other wasn't, in the hour between three and she came home and scored it four, mother came them at six, he would leave it for her. And all these years later her thing is when a husband leaves the house, she runs in the kitchen and eats all this chocolate because she's trying to feel love. And when I said, okay, you know, that's the only way your dad knew how to love you. And you were five, but now you're 32.

And chocolate isn't going to make you feel after your husband's in hate for your birthday. I've got you lots and lots of chocolate bars. You go, well, I don't want that. Hey, for Christmas, I bought you some Hershey's. It's like, no, I don't want a Hershey's. I want a diamond or a nice pair of jeans or a jacket, but chocolate. I want chocolate because I'm not three. And so they have to then state in hypnosis that's not me because. Now I had a boy for many years ago, and every time we had a fight, did you want a cookie? I'd go, no, I want lots of things when you believe me a cookie. Not one. But then I met his mother who go, oh, you need a cookie. And so I saw how she wired him to believe a cookie. Could solve any problem. And it's about the perfect combination of identifying why

you do it and at the same time ending it. So you many people go, I have no why I drink, but I still drink because I come from the family of Irish alcoholics. Other people try to end it without understanding why and you have to do both at the same time. Find out why and end it. Finding out why is great, but without the ending you still do it. Ending it without finding out why is great, but without the ending you still do it, ending it without finding out why is not enough. But when you do both together, it's extraordinary and so powerful and

it's permanent, which is what everybody wants. Permanent change, because I can go, oh, gosh, I never knew that for 30 years I've done that because of that. You know, another client I had who couldn't ask for money was telling me that her parents are both doctors, but they divorced and the mother had more money than the father. Every sati was just all the dachshika asking for money, telling me you're a school coat, you need a school trip, you need this and we haven't got the money. She said, you know, I say to my dad, we need this money. She said, he knew it was a lie. And he'd look at me so sad to be, give me the money, because you knew what my mother was like.

And I remember thinking, I would never ask for money again, everyone. I get older. I'll never ask anyone for a cent. And that's exactly where she was. She didn't even bill her own clients. Because of that decision she made as a child I will never ask for money. And so then you go look, you made a decision when you were a 7 with a life experience of

a 7-year-old, that's fine, but you're not 7 now. And it's not about beaters, it's about saying, look, when you've been on the planet for 7 years, which is nothing, you made a decision which made sense to a seven-year-old, but it doesn't make sense to a thirty-tier one, and now you can stop that. And that in itself is, is amazingly powerful for patients, you think, okay, so I don't have a full bad about doing that. I just have to realize, you know, if your computer got a bug, you call an expert and they don't upgrade it. Well, often our minds have a bug, you call an expert and they'd upgrade it. Well, often our minds have a bug and no one says, hey, what underup grade your whole mind,

which is slowed down with this bug by taking out the bug. So it's about upgrading your thoughts, your beliefs, your feelings, and your potential, and it always works. Now, I think that's great. It sounds to me, though, from everything that we've talked about, so many things are from our childhood that becomes why we act the way we are as an adult as well. There's so many bugs or that's where the imprints come from. And then, like, what is the strat, like, we talk about what it is, your therapy system,

but so how do you create permanence from that? People tend to do something for a finite period of time. It's very easy to figure out what it was and then to act differently, but to make it a permanent change is what really... Yes, that's such a great question because that's why, you know, the session is let's find out why you do this. Let's completely change it.

But the third part of being the code and making the personal recording for the client that has their name when it hey, Suzy by the way, Kevin, and as you listen to this recording, Terry, every time you listen to it and you start to describe who they are. You love saying no to candy, it throws you. You love refusing a cigarette to late, you at delight, you at throw you and powers you to go out with friends you can say, you know, that's not me. I'm done with that. So you describe on the recording who

they are. It throws you to speak on stage. It excites you to talk to people. It'll late you to attract love and to know that you're absolutely lovable. Every day you'll be coming super fertile. You have grade A premium eggs and they're attracting grade A premium sperm, whatever the client wants, but the repetition and self-talk. Yeah, the recording It's two things the recording must be exciting must excite the imagination turn the mind on again be relevant to that person And they must play it every day for three weeks and Again the relevance that word would if you have a generic recording every day in every way you're getting better and better It's not the same as having a recording that says your name, that describes your behavior,

that says who you are, where you're going, what you're becoming. And I was having my baby. I made myself a recording. I played it every day from month and it said, you know, you just push that baby out and it's so easy. The long muscles contract, the raw muscles, relax like a symphony. I found her birth extraordinarily easy and it was one of the best days of that one.

She said, me mommy, what is the best day but I found I drew a picture of the day I gave birth to her because I trained my mind to be excited about birth. And go, this is easy. You know, people who live on farms give birth much more easily than people who don't because they see it as a natural process. So whatever you want, you have to make sure that your mind knows what you want, knows why you want it,

believes it's possible. There's three things are important. Why do you want it? Do you believe it's possible? And a lot of people say, ah, that'll never work for me. I'll never be able to do that. Who's going to listen? Who's going to want me? But when you play the recording over and over again, your mind goes, oh, I know why you want it. I know it's possible. And it's so clear that I'm going to make it real. You know, Roger Bannister, I think it was in 1957, was told nobody could run a mile and under four minutes. It's just not possible. And he broke that down and he broke it and he saw himself in his mind running a mile in just under four minutes. But what happened with him is, no, he did it. That same year, 10 years later, the next year,

40 other people did it. And now it's totally possible. So when you move towards your potential, it expands, and it expands again, and again and again, and when your mind moves to a new dimension, it never, ever, ever goes back again. And so it's really about wiring into the mind, the potential of you, because everyone out there has incredible potential. You know, there's a great story I loved in the UK of policemen finding these kids in the street with half a tennis ball. This is a good stop and search, and they were stopping and searching gangs, and they kept coming against this half a tennis ball.

And then one of the kids said, well, if you take that tennis ball over Mercedes and whack it, it disabled the locking system of the most expensive car in the world. Now, that's genius thinking. Of course, those kids should be working for Mercedes, rather like in that movie, catch me if you can. That guy is now working for the FBI. So, even if you're potentialist to be some kind of genius at breaking locks, that should be recognized. In fact, I recently, I remember someone who said that there was

an ad in the paper saying, we're looking for an expertler to help make our homes more secure. And he said, I couldn't believe it was real, but I applied it when I got it. And I explained to them all the things I did to get into homes and I'm working, making, because of my knowledge of breaking through locking systems. And so that's actually a good thing that we see some people as gifted, everyone has something to offer the world. And if you can believe in yourself, it expires you to expand. But you see, when you're expanding,

like say I'm expanding forwards. And one of the things that makes me expand is praise me, the hema-risso, I love you, we're gonna go, oh, it's rubbish. Wasn't actually very good at all. I don't know how I wrote that. Did you notice chapter three was terrible, full of spelling mistakes?

Now what I've done is I've contracted. I said, you, hey, I love that. Top, oh, my sister gave it to me, it's five years old. is I've contracted. I said, you, hey, I love that top. Oh, my sister gave it to me. It's five years old. Now you've contracted. So you have to be able to be expanding, expanding, expanding, expanding.

And when someone says, you're a great doggar. Oh, you too. Because you've just given it back. So thank you so much. That means so much to me that you love my book, my kid, my home, my cooking. You can later say, by the way, I love your skill, but don't do it immediately. Be all about expanding your potential, your ability to let in praise, to be nice to yourself to reject, because

you keep expanding forwards. And if you keep focusing on the expansion, you can't then go into the contraction, going back to what's familiar, focus on expanding to the unfamiliar, and it will become easy. That's great. I like that. I want to ask you one more thing, because it just goes, dovetails this thing, and then I can real wrap this up. But now we know what we should do that way. What are some of the toxic habits we do to what are the toxic things that people do to become to be unsuccessful to kind of keep themselves down? Are there a few that you know? Yeah, many things. You know, 80% of success is mindset, which is quite just ordinary, but 80% and say,

people have these beliefs, well, I don't come from money. I didn't go to college. I didn't have a dad. My dad wasn't smart. My whole family have always just worked in a factory. So who am I to go any further? I'm not thin enough. I'm not torn up.

I'm not beautiful enough. I'm not torn off. I'm not beautiful enough. I'm not smart enough. It's the I'm not enough, and I'm not smart enough. Interesting enough, compelling enough, attractive enough. And I love the fact that today at last in England we have an amazing model called, who's got Down syndrome. Is it Marilyn Madeline? And she has Down syndrome, Rupert Friend from the Homeland, his wife, Amy Mullins, the Olympic athlete, has no lower limbs. There's an incredible model for gap who's got Bitterliger all over her face. Oh, yes, yes, yes. But she's beautiful. And finally, we're starting to look at people who are not perfect, going, wow, yeah, that's right.

You know, no one says to Kevin Hart, we're too small to be a comedian. You know, well, they did say to Danny DeVito, you're too small, you're not attractive enough. And we're finally breaking through that more. It's got to be six foot, look like I come from Sweden to make it in the water. I've got to be thin with blue eyes and blonde hair. That's all changing. We're looking at people who are flawed and saying, yeah, I want to be like you because we're a flawed people having flawed relationships with flawed people. That's the best you can ever be. So the fastest way is stop trying to be perfect. Don't fight to be thinner. Don't start injecting stuff in

and snipping bits out to make you better. There's nothing for you to take away or add on, unless it's your confidence and just believe that you're enough. The universe that put you here gave you a talent and you can be anything, go anything, do anything, because the world no longer looks at perfection. We now have so many flawed people, and we like them because they're like us. And all those people who try to be perfect felt very inadequate. We saw Britney Spears in public having a meltdown,

because of the pressure to be perfect, and never is a cake to expect to always be super skinny. It's not real. Just be you, be yourself because you aren't enough. So the most powerful way to have an amazing life is to go I'm enough, join the I'm Enough movement, follow us on Instagram and YouTube and know that you're enough because when you know you're enough, it doesn't mean you sit on the sofa eating cakes It actually inspires you to go out and have more because we all have so much to offer all different and don't compare yourself to anyone You know, I've trained 6,000 Thursday and you don't have to be me some of you will be better than me way better than me

I've been doing it for 33 years and you're brand new and it's exciting for you, but you don't have to be me. You have to take my method, follow it as you and you'll probably be even more successful than I am. And some of them that's already happening for them. And I love that because it's about being yourself, recognizing yourself, being

your own cheerleader, and then going out and giving something amazing to the world, which we're all able to do in a different way. Yeah, I love that. I think we all get stuck in that trap of comparison, right? We look at somebody else's situation and we always think the grass is always greener until you see the water bill as my mother would say. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I think this is all great stuff. Where could people find more information about you and your programs and tell us where we find you?

If you go to marisapair.com, we have a ton of totally free stuff. We don't ask for your credit cover. We have free, an audience on love blocks, health blocks, wild blocks, success blocks. You can take them for you or for anyone else that would like them. They're completely free. So that's merrissapier.com. If you want to know how to train with me and do what I do, we'll find someone who's been trained. Let me go to rtt.com. And if you want to join the I'm enough movement, go to I'mT.com. And if you want to join the I'm enough movement, go to I'm enough.com. I love it. Well, thank you so much. It's been a great, this has been great talking to you

and I really appreciate your time on this podcast. Learn your welcome. Thanks for having me. I've loved it all too. time to get it rolling, stay up on the grind, don't stop, keep it going. Habits and hustle from nothing in the summit. All out, a host of biogen, a fuck going. Visionaries, tune in, you can get to know. Be inspired, this is your moment. Excuses, we in heaven at the Habits and hustle podcasts, power by happiness. Hope you enjoyed this episode.

I'm Heather Monahan, host of Creating Confidence, a part of the YAP Media Network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network. Okay, so I want to tell you a little bit about my show. We are all about elevating your confidence to its highest level ever and taking your business right there with you. Don't believe me? I'm going to go ahead and share some of the reviews of the show so you can believe my listeners. I have been a longtime fan of Heather's no matter what phase of life I find myself in. Heather seems to always have the perfect gems of wisdom that not only inspire, but motivate me into action. Her experience and personality are unmatched and I love her go

getter attitude. This show has become a staple in my life. I recommend it to anyone looking to elevate their confidence and reach that next level. Thank you! I recently got to hear Heather at a live podcast taping with her and Tracy Hayes and I immediately subscribe to this podcast. It has not disappointed and I cannot wait to listen to as many as I can as quick as I can. Thank you Heather for helping us build confidence and bring so much value to the space. If you are looking to up your confidence level, click creating confidence now. These friends are actually the delicious ingredients of the new cake batter cookie dough blizzard! That's DQ Soft Serve, cake batter flavor, confetti cookie dough pieces, and DQ signature sprinkles! Oh hey, it sounds like you got some pretty sweet friends! And that's worth queuing the confetti!

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