Habits and Hustle - Episode 110: Sarah Jakes Roberts – Bestselling Author, Businesswoman, and Modern Woman of Faith

Episode Date: April 6, 2021

Sarah Jakes Roberts is a Bestselling Author, Businesswoman, and Modern Woman of Faith. From being raised by worship leaders and having a baby as a teen to speaking to a crowd of 18,000 at 24 years old and sharing her truth, to traveling worldwide speaking to 30,000 people, even to now reaching as many people as she can virtually Sarah has a powerful way with words and immense wisdom from a large life lived for such a young person. Though her message is based in essence on her faith, she breaches the gap into secular easily and speaks to the human condition ensuring anyone can find worthwhile meaning in her words regardless of religion. As a successful leader, businesswoman, and author she shares her struggles, her victories, and everything in between with inspiring, uplifting, and informative little nuggets that may be exactly what you’ve been needing to hear. Don’t miss this one. Youtube Link to This Episode Sarah’s Website Woman Evolve Instagram ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. 📧If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail]  📙Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal. ℹ️Habits & Hustle Website 📚Habit Nest Website 📱Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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San Antonio, Texas. Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habitson Hussle, Fresh It! Today on Habitson Hussle, we have Sarah Jake Roberts. She's a business woman, a best-selling author and a media personality who expertly balances career, ministry, and family. She is the daughter of Bishop T.D. Jakes and Mrs. Serita Jakes and pastures a dynamic community of artists and professionals in Los Angeles and in Denver to sold out crowds every single time. There is a reason why her videos go viral. She is very inspirational and really speaks to the core of people's problems and issues to get through.

Her newest book, Woman Evolve, is like I said, already a number one bestseller. It is about life lessons she's learned and new insights from the story of Eve. It's about breaking up with your fears and revolutionizing your life. Please listen to this podcast by me with Sarah and I hope you get as much out of it as I did with this really exceptional woman. For everyone, the book is called Women Evolved and I will tell you, you have a lot of really great little nuggets of, a golden nuggets of information that I think that, even if you're not somebody who is really faith-based, let's say, or religious,

there's something that people can kind of really grab onto and apply to their life. I really have a ton of little pieces that I wrote notes about. Oh, I love that. No, it's true. Let's just dive right in if you're good with that. Absolutely. I guess, first of all, let's just talk about you for a moment, because I know that you are your parents, your father's a bishop, and you grew up with this. Your parents are very well-known in the community. How did you start, I guess, how did you create your own voice and establish your own audience?

What was that process? Because you're still really young. How old are you? You're 32. 32. Yeah, I'm 32. So, yeah, my parents are leaders in the faith community. And I think because of seeing them in leadership, I was actually pretty determined to not be in the realm of faith. I felt like you know, business and just really advancing through the corporate ladder would be more of a head majorly because I had broken like all of these faith rules

I got pregnant at 13, I've gone through divorce, I wait your status strip club So like your girl was not thinking about safe at all. You know, I was like, I'm mean, we got our private thing going on somewhere, but you know, I want to kind of show up in the world as someone who doesn't have to be connected to their past mistakes. And I think that whenever you're doing something in this face, the faith that authenticity is what really makes it powerful. What's from the heart reaches the heart. And so when it became evident that I was going to be sharing my story in hopes that it would encourage other people to not be limited by their past and what they had gone through, you know, I think the authenticity of me just sharing my story in my own way created my own lane.

I can't say that I actually set out with this idea of I want to be different from them. I just wanted to be me. And then the process of being me, it did cultivate an audience that they had not yet extended into and because of that, we've been able to merge and reach even more people. No, it's amazing.

And I think what you just said exactly, and I think that because you're relatable, you're not somebody who lived the path that you would want. You would, people would expect for someone who came from your, from kind of your father, your mother, that it kind of opened up the market, so to speak, for people who also have a past, who also have made decisions that they weren't necessarily

thinking that they would when they were younger, right? Because like you said, now you have what like six kids? Yeah, so my husband and I were in blended family, so they haven't all lived in me. He had three, I had two and we had we have one together, but they all live at home. They're all under our leadership, if you will. So I'll stick to them or with them. Wow, so then let's, okay, so how did we, so where did women evolve come from?

How did that kind of like transpire? Your book is called that, your platform is all about that. What does that mean? Can you just talk about that a bit? Sure, so when I started sharing my story, just about having my kid and just still wanting to believe that there was more to life than me constantly living in the shame of Having a baby as a teenager because that was just the filter in which I saw my identity

And I just wanted to strip away at this filter and the more that I did that people were inviting me to speak and people Were being touched and they were coming out of their shells. And that was all great for them. But whenever you begin to excel, people like to define you. They want you to do what they think you should do with your voice. And you know, people like you should write a book, you should have a conference, you should do this. But I just didn't feel passionate about anything until I started really studying the life of Eve.

I was at this conference and I was speaking and they were talking about different women of faith in the Bible and I just noticed to myself, I'm like, they don't nobody wants to talk about Eve because Eve was raggedy, right? Like, who is I? To talk about the girl I messed it up for us all. And yet in that moment, I felt like how can you be recovering from the way that you've seen yourself, the way that you think other people have seen you and not have compassionate for this woman who kind of sets the tone for how women have been viewed throughout society and culture. And in the process of like looking at her life from a different angle, of course, I went back to Genesis to just really understand what it was like to be her.

And I saw that those she ate from the fruit, though there was this incredible fall from that standpoint. I also saw that she tried to recover and in the process of doing that, I wondered what would happen to any woman if they dared to look beyond what happened to them, whether they did it or it happened to them, and decided I wonder if I can evolve from this. And so Eve became like my hero

because I saw her recover from what's society and what the times really could have left her confined in. And so Evolve is just like my ode to Eve, but to every woman that we all have the ability to evolve. No, I think that's amazing. And I'm going to read some. So the whole story of Eve, I was not expecting when I got your book. But like I said, it wasn't at all what I was expecting it to be.

And you made some great analogies and correlations, like how you said in the air in your life, you continue to repeat a cycle that ends your feeling, you fend you feeling less valuable. That is your forbidden fruit. Like that is so true. Right. Like, I think that's so, like, so smart. And so can you talk about that a little bit more in terms of about that whole analogy? How? Because I think for people who, you know, people know who Adam and Eve is of course, but just about how that forbidden fruit is kind of like someone's like secret or shame kind of thing. Absolutely. You know, all of this happens because Eve eats from this forbidden fruit. And I think from our high horses, so easy. I said, you know, Eve girl, you have one job.

Like we didn't ask you to pay bills. We didn't ask you to be vegan. Like you had it all set up and you failed at this one job. And you know, the reality is that so many of us know better but don't do better We don't feel like we have this strength or the faith or the tenacity to actually do better And that shows up in areas like not making the right choices with our diet or continuing in a toxic relationship Or spending beyond what we should or eating french fries in the car when you're supposed to be on a diet This I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. on a diet. I love that. I love how I see my favorite thing to do. And it's such a behavior.

I'm like, you should be doing this. And yet life has brought me here. This is what I've got to offer. But if I could get us to have compassion for ease, then maybe I could get us to open up an exam in our own lives. Because so many of us, we complain about not being to feel about wondering what our purpose is and how we can make a difference in our world

or how we can change our world, not recognizing that changing those cycles, those toxic cycles that make us, have less belief in ourselves, that make us feel more insecure, that really keep us from reaching our goals. When it is within our power to do, we have a responsibility not just to the world but to our self to become the kind of person

who has the discipline to take action when she knows she needs to make a difference. And I felt like if I could help us to see that through ease that maybe I could challenge us to do it in our own way. No, I think it's absolutely true. And you make, like I said, you make a lot of great points. You even talk about the indecisive versus the wrong decision. And we choose to usually stay being in this purgatory of indecisiveness versus we'd rather be there than by the instead of perhaps making that wrong decision.

And I think that was so true, because everyone can relate to that, right? Like, we know better, but we only think we know better, and we don't make it actually. Right, right. Mm-hmm. Now, I love that because, you know, indecisive is our excuse for not moving.

You know, like, well, I don't know, and I don't know, and I don't know. And we stay there for years and years and years, and I get this all the time as a business owner. This indecisiveness, whether I should hire someone, whether or not we should invest in this idea, it comes up over and over and over again. And then there comes this point where you realize there's going to be risk either way. And so I have to make it calculated risk.

I have to make it informerist, but I have to make a decision. Like as a leader, as someone who is navigating this movement, my inability to make a decision. Like as a leader, as someone who is navigating this movement, my inability to make a decision means that I am keeping the people connected to me, connected to me, stagnant as well. And our vision can only progress to the point in which we're willing to make a decision. And so to release ourselves from the fear of failure means to say that even if this decision doesn't turn into immediate success, maybe it's years down the road, what I know for sure is that I'm going to bring the right heart posture and mentality that allows me to learn regardless of the immediate outcome.

And I think when we remove the barrier of failure and I'm going to be defined by this forever then we're more open to taking risk that will help us not just be successful on the outside, but to become a better, more informed well-rounded leader for whatever other decisions we have to make in the future. Blazing Deals, Boundless Options It's Hot Grill Summer at Whole Foods Market from June 14th through July 4th. Fire up the grill with quality cuts at the best prices. We're talking Animal welfare certified meat. Check out the sales on bone-in rib-eye beef cabobs and New York strip steak.

Round out your barbecue with plant-based proteins, slice cheese, soft buns, and all the condiments. Plus, sales on fresh strawberries, peaches, and more. Don't forget to pie, either. Get grilling at Whole Foods Market Terms Apply. No, I agree, but people get very stuck in the fear, right? Like they're so fearful of doing something. It's like the analysis paralysis thing, right?

Like you do nothing because you're scared. Look, how do you like, when you do your sermon, is it a call to sermon really when you do your speaking? What's the other word for? I'm trying to give a message, we love messages, you know? Messages because you were doing these like sold out speeches all over the country. You know, it's so interesting, like you just don't know

what you don't know, right? Like I didn't know about you until I knew about you. And now that I do, it's like wow, you know, I would like I said to you earlier, like you do say some very poignant really great things like Like to what we're just talking about now and I and I agree with a lot of it And so when you say but when we talk about fear people getting stuck Would you tell your people? You the people who follow you like how do they move through fear? What is some steps that they can do?

Because a lot of it Is about their self-esteem self self-worth, or past trauma. Is there some type of tactical thing that you tell people that they can do to kind of rise above it and go through it? You know, and this is nine times out of 10. So in many ways, this is a generalization, but most of the things that we are afraid of is just a boogey man until we decide to really confront it, right? Like when we were kids and we're afraid of the boogey man, until we decide to really confront it, right? Like when we were kids and we're afraid of the boogey man,

you turn the lights on and you see there's actually nothing there. But to really boil this down to like, what are we afraid of? I am afraid of it not working because what would that mean if it didn't work? What would that say to you about yourself? What would that communicate to you?

That you're human, that your flaw that you need it won't with them? That you needed more experience? Because I have found that when we really confront that fear and we say to ourselves, regardless of where it's land, am I still going to be able to love myself? Will I still be able to believe in myself? And if not, why is my self-worth, why is my ability to receive myself connected to outcomes? Why can't this be a standalone place in which I dwell spiritually and emotionally? And then everything I do is an extension of that. And so I think separating what we do from who we are is so key and navigating fear, especially

when it comes to to taking chances. And I think once we've been able to helpfully dissect those things, then we realize, okay, so I'm going to be human. I'm going to have some bumps and bruises. No one I admire made it through life without having experienced some level of failure. And I say this all the time to my community is that failure are the bricks that paid the road to success. And it is through our failures that we have an opportunity to learn how to do better, how

to plan better, how to execute better, and eventually we create this cycle of growth, not because we were always successful, but because we can frame it our fears. No, it's absolutely true. And then also the whole idea between thoughts and actions, right? Like your thoughts are kind of like the seeds, your actions are, when is it the fruits of the bird? The fruits, yes. And I think that's your, your, your, actually, your point was very, I like the way you said that. And because we become so stuck in those thoughts, it becomes like a very vicious cycle of bad thoughts, bad thoughts, you know, environment. And you talk with me,

your book is so important, right? Like having an environment that you're thriving in, you know environment and you talk with me book is so important right like having an environment that you're thriving in You know, let's let's talk about that if you're in and if someone is in A bad environment. How do they how do they move to another environment? What's the importance of environment? I guess in this whole process? Environment is everything. I mean studies show that the environments that children are raised in are directly connected to their ability to be successful in school, to be successful adults, and it all starts with this environment.

So if we, I live in Los Angeles, right, where it's mostly sunny, most of the time. And because of that, I know what can be planted in my yard because of the environment. And so when we think in terms of environment, as it relates to our actions and our thoughts, we have to determine like what is the environment that I live in? Do I constantly live in an environment of fear? Do I constantly live in an environment of anxiety?

We have to be real about that because those are the thoughts where the thoughts of being prosperous, the thoughts of starting a business, have to survive living in that environment. And so when we realize, okay, this probably isn't the healthiest environment for me to be open to love again, if I'm just like, all men or nothing. Okay, that environment is not gonna bring Prince Charming into our lives. And so shifting that environment is,

and undoing, it is appealing back up the layers, is getting into therapy. It's changing how we communicate because we're trying to shift the season of our life into an environment that is conducive to what it is we're trying to build. So just like practically, you know, it can be like the podcast that we listen to to bring another voice, someone who is exactly at the place where you want to be, bring another voice into your environment to cut through the noise of your fear and anxiety. To begin to listen to music that is a reflection of the heart posture that you want to have.

To find messages that speak to where you want to be, because it's going to take an undoing to get there, but it is possible. And then I'll just say briefly, another thing that I've had to do when I'm creating an environment that will never breathe confidence in my body or in my thoughts and ideas is that the moment that I have a thought that is counter where I know I should be headed, I capture that thought immediately. So like, oh, girl, look at that muffin top you're giving today. You know, I capture that thought and I bring gratitude to my body, but I think it is being really intentional

about grabbing that thought, recognizing it as anti-you and then determining, well, what is a thought that is pro-me, and how do I replace that thought? And it takes practice, it's like building a muscle, but once you do it, it becomes more natural and organic. No, I agree. I think everything's about practice. You can learn, I mean, every skill doesn't

matter if you're going to the gym to get stronger. Anything mental, physical, everything requires you to do it over and over again for it to be part of your new, the new, the new, the new you, the new DNA that you kind of are, or the neuroplasticity that you're creating in your, in your brain. And you do talk about that, like, again, like this resonated with me as well, like the difference between knowing something and thinking something, we get so stuck in that, and the knowing and the doing, if you really know something, that's how you kind of do,

and that's with breeds confidence. And people cannot, and I think depending on the person and their environment, it makes a really big difference on what that is. And you say something really funny, you ask you're like, you know, I have all these people who, the, I don't know where, they say all these things, all these things, and they're like, then they're like, I don't know. We all do, it's true though, right? If we poor our our our our our own paper, like, I'm't know. We all do, it's true though, right? As we pour our heart out on paper, like I'm so upset, I'm so stressed,

I'm so overwhelmed, I don't know. Girl, you do know, you're stressed, you're... You're... Like, but is that a crisis of like saying, I don't know after everything makes us believe that we can't trust the things that we do know? Like there are plenty of things that we don't know. Do not put me in an exam room. I will never be able to perform surgery. Like there are plenty of things that we don't know. Do not put me in an exam room.

I will never be able to perform surgery. Like there are so many things I don't know. So I don't want to rob myself of what I do know, even if what I know changes with experience and as I'm more exposed in this season, this is what I know. And I need to be able to act off of what I know. Absolutely, but it's, and like, it's so,

and that's how I really resonated. Because it's like, I do that all the time Like we know we're it with we're in about relationship We know for eating badly. We know about all these things and yet that we get stuck and I guess I keep on coming back to this idea of being the stuckness like To move from the I think to that I know what is that what's that little area in between that people can get to? Like if you know that information. Okay, that's a great question. Okay, I'll tell you this,

when you really want to know it, I think that when you think it, you're still open to opinions, right? That's why we start asking different people, what do you think I should do? What do you think I should do? Because we don't really want to know. But I think when you come to a place where you want to know, like, I really want to know what I should do, that it changes the way we begin to act and move. So it's like even when the book coming out,

I'm like, I really think I should push the book, but I'm kind of shy and introverted. And you know, you're talking about your thoughts and stuff on paper. And for any creative, that can be a little challenging because you, it's open to judgment and, you know, criticism. And so I can be really shy with that. But I also really wanted to know that I've given my best to this thing that I'd really showed up.

And so I went from thinking, which was kind of fear-based and unsure into this space of like really wanting to know who I am in this space, who I can show up as. And so I think you've got to really want to know. And when you really want to know, it's so much easier to do because you wanted this that you're standing in.

Right, you wanted that badly, that would happen. I'm shocked that you're shy, to hear that you're standing in. Right, you wanted that badly, that would happen. I'm shocked that you're shy to hear that you're shy because you do these huge sermons to like thousand, what's the biggest sermon you've ever done or biggest message that you've ever done? Maybe like 30,000 people. Yeah. 30,000 people, you're talking to 30,000 people on a stage? Yeah.

And you're shy? I am, but one of the things that I do though is like I make sure that I'm like telling a story or like I can't just like go into it cold, right? Like I have to warm them up. I have to let them know like I am one of them know, like I am one of you up here. I am stressed, I am sweating. And when I can get everyone on the same page,

it helps me to move forward. But that goes back to thinking versus knowing. Like I would never get up there unless I knew I had something to say that was gonna help them. And so when I am nervous and I start like shaking and sweating and getting all weird, I say to myself, but like, what are you gonna say in this moment? And I have so much faith in what I have to say

and how it can touch people that I step into the knowing. And my confidence is connected to the knowing and the flow and the communication is connected to the knowing. So I have to step into that, but it's stress. It's stress. I can only imagine, that's a big audience. I was thinking like 2, 3,000 people.

I wasn't expecting you to say 30,000. Yeah. Are you kidding? It's crazy. Yeah. OK, so I have a couple questions about that. What was it? You were young when you really young when you started.

What was the first time that you actually did that to such a big audience? How old were you? Um, okay, so 24, 24 was my first time speaking in front of 18,000 people, and that was when, that was when I really went from thinking to knowing because that was the moment. You know, obviously we talked about my father and mother having these figures within the faith community. My dad was on the cover of Time Magazine and yet when I got pregnant, it wasn't like Twitter

and Instagram when someone was going to like pick up and blog about the story. It was still very much so private. And so as the internet became more prevalent, people didn't know that I had a kid at an early age. And so when I was 24, that's when I went from like, think didn't know that I had a kid at an early age. And so when I was 24, that's when I went from like, thinking I could still have a life after this, thinking that I would be okay to knowing

that I wasn't gonna be defined. And so one of the things that I did is I got up on that platform that my dad was having, and I was supposed to introduce him. And I wanted to talk about the effectiveness of being raised in his household. And that's when I shared with the room that I got pregnant at 13. I had my child at 14 and yet watching and gleaming from what my father had spoken to

so many people was what was pivotal and me finally taking a chance on my own faith and that was the moment that everything really shifted for me. Wow. And that was a pivotal moment when you went out there thinking that you're just introducing your dad and then you just, do you know that you were going to tell your story at that moment or you had no idea? I kind of had, I wondered in my mind, I wonder what would happen if I just stopped living underneath this cloud and just like rip the bandaid off of their look because like there comes this moment like and I'm praying that every person has this moment where they just get sick and tired of feeling like I'm never going to be more than

what happened to me. And I was just at that point I was in this very toxic relationship. I was just so tired of feeling like is is this all that there is to life? Because I think that there could be more. And I had it in my back pocket, just wondering what would happen if I just stopped living under that cloud. And I knew the moment that I stepped up there that I was just going to say it. And I was going to see what happened. And I'll just tell you real fast. I mean, there were like 60, 70-year-old women and that crowd who said, when you got up there,

it freed me too. I had my baby at 13. And to think that someone had spent 60 or 50 years of their lives feeling ashamed of something that happened when they were 13 helped me to see that the power of women coming together to tell their stories isn't just about it freeing themselves. It's about who else will be given permission in that moment. I totally agree with that. And did you know at that

moment once you did that speech or the talk that you had like a gift? Because you know it obviously not everyone can go up to on a stage and have the power and ability to resonate and touch a lot of people, right? Like, you know, you just so happened to be very good at it, obviously. And was that the first time you knew that you were, that was a gift of yours? I didn't think it was a gift then.

I didn't think it was a gift then. It took me a long time to see it as a gift. You know, I love writing. Writing is just like my heart on paper. It's my favorite thing to do. And I didn't think that that was a gift just because everyone can write. I didn't realize writing in a way that you could impact people was really special. But this speaking because I get so nervous, like I hold a hand held. Might be because my handshakes. I just didn't think that something that made me so afraid could be a gift, but it has become increasingly evident by the impact of me sharing that it is a gift.

And so I am accepting the gift in the unexpected, you know, in the unexpected, there are gifts. Well, and now you do write all of your talks by yourself. You get tell for yourself writing all this stuff. Nope, it's all by myself. It's all by myself. Because you take, you can you take like I, I listen to what was a call girl get out. That was a really, I like that girl.

I like girl get up. Could you talk about the nose? You're like, you know, nose, what's the thing? You, you celebrate nose. you don't believe nose. And I was like, yes, I totally do not. You know, like, so like, cause you write from a scripture, like you have like a, it's called a genesis

or a scripture, and then you would expand on it into your own thing, right? Like, how do you think of all of those things and all of those analogies and like, what's the process? Okay, so most of the time I think about something, an area where I need to be like touched an area where like if I'm on the outside looking at it in my life, like because sometimes you got to ask yourself like what advice would you give yourself?

We are so good at giving advice to other people, but it's like what would you say to yourself about this area of your life? And I leave nothing off limits from, you know, maybe concerns on having about my children, to trying to figure out how to stop breaking or to break a cycle of maybe having low self-esteem or whatever, to increase integrity, whatever it is. And I think to myself, like, what is it that you would want to hear? And then I go back in scripture and I look at like instances where people had a similar issue or a similar concern and I said like what was God's response? How did God help them navigate this situation? And in the process of doing that, I see

all of these different angles that I think apply to people today and I try to share it in a way that doesn't feel like you're getting beat over the head with the Bible but rather that there's wisdom that applies to scripture that can apply to our everyday life. And so my goal is to always make the heart digestible in a way that makes people feel empowered to change their lives and to take ownership of their space in the world. No, absolutely. How long does it take for you to do one of those beaches? It depends. It depends. But a couple days, a couple days.

If I have this space to do it in two to three days, I feel really, really good about the content, because it's ingrained in my mind. I don't like speaking on short notice, because I get nervous, and then I just get up there and it's mouth vomit, you know? But totally. Totally.

Totally. But I like to prepare. Wow, so it takes a couple of days. I mean, God bless you because I swear, I've done, I did this TED talk and I had months to prepare. Months to prepare and I was so nervous. It was only like 18, 17 minutes, and it felt like it was like five hours.

I can't even imagine. It's like basically you're doing like a TED talk every single time, every day, you're preparing this. For sure, and you know, that's why you kind of have to be confident about what you're saying. And you know, I'm grateful that I get to connect with so many people because I get to

glean from different life experiences and it gives me a good pulse on where different people are in their life. And what I find most of all, like whether you are a mom with six children like I am or you're a single woman creating her own business, the core of what we're facing, the fear, the doubt, the worry, the hope, the faith of a lead are all kind of the same. They're facing the fear, the doubt, the worry, the hope, the face of a lead, are all kind of the same. They're just applied to different circumstances. And so I love that the people in Waman Evolve, the community that we've created, they get to inspire the messages that I share with people.

Mornings are coming on strong with dark and bold from community coffee. Dark and bold from community coffee. Look for it at your local grocery or community coffee.com. No, you're totally right. I feel like we're all, everyone's at the end of the day, we're all the same. We all have the same thoughts and fears and it doesn't matter where we grew up and what are, even what our background or environment is

because women are women and we all have insecurities. We all have some shame on something. I think it would be it's It's it's so disingenuous when people pretend that they have nothing. There's nothing that they're That they're perfect. I think that's completely like nonsense and garbage because if you've lived a life There has to be something there that has happened or else you haven't lived, you know So so when you're in your audience is now, is it all women?

Do you get any men? Or is it just all women? So one me, Bob is generally all women. We have guys in the sink in just because, like, you know, who doesn't love a little girl? Yeah, I guess a great thing for a guy to go pick up a girl for a date or whatever, you know? For sure, for sure.

But then when our Sunday services, or I speak at my father's church, you know, you're speaking to a diverse audience. And so that's actually a great mental exercise for me because some of the analogies and things that relate with the room just that women is totally different when speaking to men as well. And so being nimble enough in my thought

and my experiences to make sure that I'm casting a large net has been actually one of the things that I enjoy the most. So sometimes I mean, I listen to the way the men and my family communicate to understand what's effective for them and what resonates with them, but even like listening to different podcast from different leaders help me to understand like what is it that is difficult for a man. Not to then I have difficulties, but you know, sometimes when you're momming and building businesses and cooking dinner, and then they come home after just working in their tire, it's like, what is life like for you over there? Because we're struggling over here. Absolutely. We have different ways of thinking

and processing information, right? Like, it just is what it is. So when you talk to an audience that have men, what do you talk about? Oh goodness. Their fears, you know, being married to my husband, I think what I have known even from them, him and my brothers is like this idea of not being completely fulfilled

in their lives and identity power. I think it's something that's really intriguing from in. And I think especially as we see women rise in power, that there could be an opportunity for them to feel like they don't know where they fit in the world. And I think to really go with that, to understand that the rise of the woman doesn't mean the decline of the man,

and to help us to understand that we are better together, that your stability emotionally is just as important as the stability that you add financially. And so to really bring value and hopefully honor to the role of manhood as we continue to see women literally revolutionize different industries, I think it's important that we don't leave our counterparts and I don't necessarily even mean romantic counterparts, but you know counterparts in business, counterparts in our creativity behind as well. I think that is so true.

Man, I very much about what their role is, even being successful, where they are on that thing. But you just said it perfectly. Can we talk a little bit about the uncomfortable vulnerability? Because I think that's a good segue into that, because being vulnerable, you talk with that in your book and I like the set. You do a lot in the book about working it out, right? It's really smart. The book is very conversational. Is that intentional, by the way, to make the book very conversational? I think so. I didn't want to talk

at people. I wanted to talk to them and so I wanted to make them a part of it. at people I wanted to talk to them and so I wanted to make them a part of it. And yeah, you did a good job at that because being vulnerable is very, that's like a key thing, right? Vulnerability. I mean, people don't like to be vulnerable, men or women to be honest. Yeah. So what is uncomfortable vulnerability because you do say it in the book, how would you define that? I'm comfortable vulnerability is daring to allow all of you to be seen. It's bringing all of yourself to a moment and living in that place without apology or fear of rejection because it is so authentic to who you are that you know it can't really be rejected.

Vulnerability is something that people often say that I'm really good at. I think I'm good at being transparent, but transparency isn't the same as vulnerability. Vulnerability is where I am now. And in order for me to determine where I am now, I need space to kind of pinpoint who I am and where I am in any given moment,

but what I have found even with the book I'll tell you that like there are two ways to do this thing it's like you can bench people over and over again that this book is going to change their life and they need it and I believe that I believe that as well but the uncomfortable vulnerability for me is saying I need your help because I have a message but I can't get it out there without your help and I really believe in it And I know that it is going to change people's lives But I'm not sure that I can do this on my own and I've been talking to my community really from a vulnerable standpoint I feel like the only way this wins is if people get behind it and if people don't get behind it

Then the tools that have maybe touched your life won't reach someone else's life And so I literally need you. I can't do this by myself. And you know, that's not like this boss move talk that I see so many other people doing. And yet it's so true for me because it's from the heart. And I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone. I tell this to them all the time. I'll step out of my comfort zone. And I'll post about it and talk about it And I just ask that when you see it that you're like high five it you'll support it You'll get behind it and share it when it feels appropriate for you But meeting people is vulnerability and that's part of the reason I think it makes it so hard is because we don't want people to leave or to not find value and what we offer

I said so true the trans-paracene, there is a very fine line, right? Because a lot of times people can think that they're being vulnerable, but they're just, it's not. It's just because they're blunt or they tell you what they're, you know, they say something. That's not the same. So then how do you, because you have that shyness about you, do you not really, what do you think of social media? Like, and having to have to now go and promote this book when you're so, it's obviously uncomfortable for you, which is endearing, I think. You know, I'm growing, I'm doing it.

I have to, okay, so the thinking verse is knowing, right? It's like I have to step into that knowing. And to do it for speaking one time of the week for 45 minutes is a lot easier than living in that knowing every day because it really does require this stress of faith. And so, you know, as it relates to social media, I am trusting and believing that my heart will be translated in the words. I'm really intentional about the words that I use.

I'll tell you what vulnerability in social media is actually very powerful. Even when someone pops off when you, I don't know if I can say pop song in this podcast. I mean, someone, okay. You could do whatever you want, so good. Okay, yeah, like someone said, something negative to you on social media. It's so easy to like give this neck,

twisting, dissertation, like, I don't know who you think you're talking to, but I am not the one, right? But that's our defense mechanism showing up what I have found is to say that comment sometimes I'll be in people and I'm like I deleted your comment because it struck a nerve of something that I'm still working on and it made me feel x, y, and z and while I know you may have not minted in this way this is how I received it and I will just appreciate you being more sensitive next time when

engaging with me on my platform. And you would be surprised how that has neutralized. I mean, totally this arm to person where they're like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't think that you would see it that way. I was just joking or I said about what I said, but maybe I could have said it differently. And this idea of seeing a person behind a user name, I think it creates vulnerability.

And sometimes you have to be the one that tells someone, like I have 1.7 million followers, seeing a person behind a user name. I think it creates vulnerability. And sometimes you have to be the one that tells someone, like, I have 1.7 million followers, but I'm a person. I'm not this figure. A lot of times people leave me comments and they're like, she said, or I don't know what she did, or her, and this. And I'm like, just next time say me, or I.

Because you're talking to me. And I don't know that vulnerability has changed a lot of the ways that people engage with me on social media. I'm the black people as much. I don't mind hosting black parties. I think they're amazing, but I don't have the black people as much when I am vulnerable about how they talk to me. Yeah, no, I think that's so true.

Because a lot of people, they think that they're talking to like just like some wall, right? Right. When you actually respond, they're like, oh shit, you know? Like, and then like, also then they're like to like just like some wall right when you when you actually respond they're like oh shit you know like yeah and like also that they're like uh oh and obviously they're not they're not so brave they're their courage obviously like wind goals right because you're confronting them people don't like confrontation yeah but you know confrontation it's it it it can be very beautiful because there's nothing like them realizing like this is this is not a platform, I'm not a stage,

I'm a person, and you're talking about my child, or you're talking about something that I said, or something that I went through, or my eyebrows, and who else is in other eyebrows? You know, be gentle with me. Oh, absolutely. People could be very vicious because they don't realize that you are a person.

They think that you're just like, again, like just like some kind of like cartoon, not you personally, I'm saying in general, like a cartoon, they can just like throw whatever because it doesn't matter. But you know, I think that when you do have that comp, not like you said, like the confrontation, I think because it humanizes somebody. And then when you kind of show by the way, we're both human, it kind of makes everything a little bit less, you know, hair kind of like tense and vicious, I guess, the word. We needed it. There's so much division.

These days, my gosh. We really needed it. I've got a book club and in the book club, we've got, you know, white women and black women and brown women and yellow women. And we're all connected over this book that we're reading for the month and I was looking one day and there was like a black woman who had black lives matter and a white woman

who had blue lives matter and yet they're still having this moment about needing to be more vulnerable in their relationships and I thought if we could live first from our core then maybe we could have more productive conversations about the things that are happening in our world. And so that's one of my greatest hopes is we continue to create community and heal from division. That will live from our core and connect and communicate from that place. No, I think that's great, amazing. So then while we're in, well, so the last year that we've been kind of not having the

ability to go and do things and events. And are you now taking it online and using these virtual sermons? How are you kind of speaking to your community besides, of course, doing a book and social media? So our things were very event-driven because we like to create atmospheres that are like half party, half inspiration. And so with that shifting, I didn't have a lot of faith in virtual just because I feel like there's so much about like the music playing and people getting dressed up and I didn't know if we could do that at home. But we have done virtual events and people who never attended our in-person events have been coming to our virtual events. And they're like, that is so life-changing. They're saying the same things that people say when they're in person. So there's definitely a way to translate there.

So we are doing virtual events, but we're also being more intentional about our social media more than just a bulletin board. Like if this is the only piece of inspiration someone gets about her journey today, what is it that we want to say? How can we be more content focused and announcement focused? And so it's allowed us to be a lot more creative and disruptive in how we present our platforms. People are seeing that really resonate.

We really maximize our email list instead of once again just sending out things about what we're doing, but meeting people where they are, like here's your weekly inspiration to help you get through the week. So it was a little stressful, right? Because who could have planned for this? I would have loved to help you get through the week. So it's, it was a little stressful, right, because who could have planned for this? I would have loved to plan before we took this pivot, but it also helped me to understand that like maybe I was using an old model, maybe I did what

you're supposed to do when you have this community of people following you, but what if I'm actually more effective by creating these virtual experiences that allow us to reach people internationally while I stay at home and I'm able to still show up for my family. And was it like, why are you having people from all over the like, from like you have other people outside the country who come who come watch you now? And is it most of US Canada?

So we had 50 countries represented at our last virtual event. So some of like my top five cities, like when I look at my top five cities on analytics with Instagram, it's like New York Los Angeles, Legos, Nigeria, London, like there are, it's not even like just US cities in those top five cities. And so yeah, we're definitely seeing a lot of international growth, which is really exciting. Wow. And then with women involved, so you said you have a book club, but what else is it?

It's the sermons because how are you, what else is on the platform? So we have an SVOD channel. So people are able to get bite-sized content on the go. We do interviews with thought leaders and people who are making changes in different industries. So, Womeningvolv TV, it's an app that you download. We've got Womeningvolv the podcast, which is like a weekly hot topic, hot topics in advice podcast. I do a weekly message or a monthly message based on a word of the month in which we kind of set our intentions.

So, for March the word was a courage for April. It's invaluable. And so each month we present a word and set our intention in that direction. We do virtual events. We have the book club. We have a clothing store. We're helping women evolve in every area of their life. I hope.

Wow. I knew have six kids. Yeah. Six them. Oh, God. How do you sleep? Or that's kind of like a window? It's a little touch and go. You know, some nights are really good. Other nights not so much. Wow, that's a, I like that word of the month. That's really good until that makes the person focus on doing that. That's a really good

idea. I love it. I love it. In the word for January was messy, which was not a sexy word at all, because you know, for January, people want like powerful momentum. But January is messy, because you're trying to change, but then you're real realizing how hard it's going to be to change and so things get a little messy. So, yeah, we've that we're building. We're headed somewhere and the people are really looking. This was new. Once again, something that the pandemic kind of birthed. And so every Monday of the month, that first Monday of the month, I present the word.

And it was interesting this month in March, I was a little late going on my Instagram live. And someone was like, when are we going to get our work for the month? You're like, my month has not even started. And so I figured out what my intention is. So we learned that. That is so nice that you're touching so many people like that. And just because you said the word messy, I want to kind of segue into the one more question

I have for you is about being overwhelmed, right? Because I think now, especially with the whole pot, I mean with the pandemic, everything, that's something it's very true. Being overwhelmed under resource because they're home with your kids or you're kind of like everyone's now like shifting and maybe changing jobs or because the whole world has changed how their you know their career is what they're doing where they're working where they're whatever they're doing where they're working out. And you talk about this in the book and I really like this because you give people ways

and steps of kind of like when they are overwhelmed. Can we just talk a little bit about that? Absolutely. So we have to know the difference between self-care and soul-care. Self-care are the things that we do that don't necessarily bring rest to our soul. So working out is great self-care, but it doesn't always make you feel meditated on the inside. It doesn't always make you have peace on the inside. Maybe you feel momentum and empowered. Getting your nails done, I would consider self-care, but soul care is taking a moment to ask yourself, how are you?

How are you feeling? When was the last time you said your own name? When is the last time you've held yourself close? Where are you feeling fragile? Where are you feeling vulnerable? And what led you to this point? Because I feel like when I have been overwhelmed and when so many people who I get to connect with have been overwhelmed, that it comes down to like one thing got off track and now it feels like everything is off track. And so what steps do we need to make?

What responsibilities do we need to put on pause? How do we need to delegate in order to get ourselves back to a place of center? Maybe we bit off more than we did to. Maybe we need to determine how to separate some things that are happening in our life. But to give yourself permission to check on yourself, to see when you got off track, and then determine what do I need to do to feel supported, to show up in the world of self-important, because, you know, becoming depressed isn't something that you see coming. There's no warning when you're depressed. There's no warning when you're about to have an anxiety attack. It

happens because there is an accumulation. So as much time as we can spend saying I need to just clean out the closet of my soul, clean out the closet of my mind. I think it's so much better because we're able to dissect when we're in a danger zone and then to prepare accordingly for that. Hey, it's Jesse Kelly. We are for the most part a reactionary society. If your neighbor has a break in, you think about getting an alarm. If your buddy gets laid off, you say I better buckle down at work. If banks start closing, you may want to ask yourself if you should keep most or all of your money in a bank. It may be time for a portfolio protection plan. It may be time to have a little personal gold reserve. Go to www.oxfordgoldgroup.com to

learn more. No, I think that's great. And then when you say under resource, you talk about being unconventional or other people's knowledge. And then when you say under resource, you talk about being unconventional or other people's knowledge. Those are all great pieces that I want you to just talk about a little bit. And because I said, these are all, everything I've been asking you are things that really resonated with me and I wanted to share with my audience. So yeah.

Yes. So especially as a business leader, you know, under resources something that I constantly run into a wall with feeling like I don't have enough resource in order to do X, Y, and Z. But I think that that overwhelming feeling of not having enough keeps me from being creative and innovative to really maximize what I do have. That's why I feel like coming back to that place of center is so important because there's creativity and innovation connected to that I talk about in the book you know that saying that they attribute to Bill Gates if you want something done ask the lazy person to do it Because they're going to figure out the most efficient way to get it done or a busy person a busy person. Yeah. Yes. Yes. No, no lazy person. They're going to figure out the best way to get it done quickly. And so, you know, I think living in that mindset of coming to a place at center and then allowing

ourselves to determine, okay, like maybe there's a software program for this or maybe there's someone else who can do this or maybe I can delegate to this person. I feel like that creativity is connected to that center, but never allow being under resource to be the reason why you don't move forward because there's always a way, there's always a tool, there's always a class that you can take to help you overcome the area where you feel under resource. And so I felt like that was really important. As a woman of color, so many of the women who I know who want to start businesses, they're like, you know, the banks don't loan to us in the same way that they loan to other people, or we don't have the education that a lot of people have.

And so how do I get from feeling like I'm coming from behind and a lot of that comes down to being willing to do this research to figure out what opportunities, what assets are available that area really, that resonated because I feel very under-resourced right now. So that's why I'm like, I agree. You have to have Dinka in the box. You've got to also talk to people, get knowledge from people that you, you know, if you don't know something, go find somebody who does know something, right? Or ask questions,

because these are all ways you can kind of help yourself without, you know, with if you don't know, say, don't let that be your stop. Don't let the start be in yourself without, you know, if you don't know say don't let that be your stop, don't let the start be in the stop, you know, or stop being in your start, whatever that is. Whatever that saying is. Whatever it is. You got what I'm saying.

No, but this is great. I, like I said, the book I really enjoyed is called Women Evolved. And where do people find you? Where do people find more information about you to want to get the books? Tell us all your info. All of my information, my telephone number is now Womni Vov is available anywhere on their soul.

Amazon, Barnes and Nell will in these. We're making sure that it's a target, it's going to be a target which is really exciting because it's hard to get into target So one of all is going to be everywhere and then you can find me on all Congratulations at stairages Roberts, thank you. Thank you. I'm excited about that and then get connected with the movement at one of all I Think it's great and if very well spoken. I really like I said you make great analogies where even if you're not somebody who is super religious you can find something in this book that really can

help you or you can like integrate it into your life and improve whatever area. Like I said, you're super super wise for a very young girl. So, thank you. Congratulations. Thank you. That means a lot to me. Thank you for letting me be on your podcast. I love it. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Holla Taha, CEO of the award-winning digital media empire YAP Media, and host of YAP Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit. On Young & Profiting Podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world

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