Habits and Hustle - Episode 154: Talia Goldstein – Founder of Three Day Rule Matchmaking, Dating in 2022

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

Talia Goldstein, Founder of Three Day Rule Matchmaking speaks to Jen about dating in 2022 — and explains why all the single hustlers are hiring Matchmakers. I know what you’re thinking, “A matchmaker? In 2022? Is that still a thing?” Is it ever! Talia joins us on the podcast not only to discuss how she stumbled into matchmaking and got her business started, but also how it’s actually been thriving through it all: online apps, pandemic, and everything else. She’s also got some great tips on how to even get yourself out there, especially as a busy entrepreneur all culminating in an open register you can join free of charge! Not even sure where to begin with dating? Dating a ton, but nothing to show for it? Not sure anyone could ever be the right match for your hectic lifestyle? This is the perfect episode for you. Single? To join the free database or meet with a Matchmaker yourself, create a private profile at Threedayrule.com Youtube Link to This Episode Three Day Rule Website Three Day Rule Instagram Talia’s Instagram ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. 📧If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail]  📙Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal. ℹ️Habits & Hustle Website 📚Habit Nest Website 📱Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits in Hustle. Fresh it. Today on the podcast, we Talia Goldstein and there is no better time in my opinion to have Talia on than the month of February, which is Valentine's Month, the month of love. And Talia is the founder of the Matchmaking Company, 3-Day Ruel. And she was a great person to talk to about hacks with dating, trends in dating, how technology has maybe stifled or stunted actually relationships

and the formation of relationships. And we talk all about it. And she was, she's just a really cool person to talk to. She used to be a TV producer for entertainment. She left her job to host dating events for singles. The party's attended a group so much that in 2013, that she actually founded the matchmaking company, three-day rural.

And the name, actually, she got the name from the movie Swingers, where they waited three days to call a girl after meeting them. So if you're familiar with that movie, you remember that. The company grew so large, it's huge in the country. They have offices in LA, New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Boston, everywhere.

And their success rate is really, really high. So who else better than her to talk to about how to find love if you don't have it, how to maintain it. And like I said, it's a great conversation, a great time to be speaking about it. I hope you enjoy the conversation. I always love talking about love and dating. All right. So today on Havis and Hussle, we have Talia Goldstein, who is the founder of something that I love, which because I love talking about dating and relationships, three day rules.

Is that the name of the three day rules? Exactly. Because I love it. So it's obviously a dating company. She's like a matchmaker. In a day when I feel like everything is so much about technology and apps, number one, how are you, how it happens in that world? Like, now with apps being so dominant for people to meet other people are like, I feel

like you're like a dinosaur, right? Like a matchmaker is like a diet. It's not, and I love it because it's a very personal thing. But how does it work when you have that type of competition? Yeah, it's interesting because we started the company pre-apps and then the apps came onto the scene and what year did you guys start? 2010. Oh wow. Yeah. At the time it was match and e-harmony and jade and the millionaire matchmaker. And there was nothing in between. So matchmaking was so exciting.

And then the apps came out and we thought, okay, our business is dead. But what happened was people started using apps and they're really exhausting. And it's actually quite hard to meet people through them. That they would try it, it would be demoralizing and frustrating, and so then they would turn to us so they could outsource their love lives. So the apps ended up actually helping our business.

Really. So I want to talk about this because I'm so fascinated. That's why I really wanted to have you on the podcast. I just loved he... I obviously was telling you before and you said you knew, but me and my best friends started our own charity called Forbrest Cancer, and the charity is basically us auctioning off bachelors for dates.

Because I was naturally that person like you, I'm sure, where I just like love to set people up and match people together. And I'm glad to hear that your business has actually, it actually kind of got more elevated and did better because to me, exactly what you said, the apps to me can be, it's a burnout thing too. And psychologically, you swipe so much,

even if that person is perfect for you, you just don't pay attention because it's psychologically, you're curious to know who the next person is or the next person is. That's exactly right. Right. And often what we do on the apps is we just swipe on what's familiar. Yeah. We're used to a certain type. And so we're just saying yes to only that type. And so I'm convinced people are swiping right past their soulmates because they're not stepping out of their comfort zone. When if you met someone in person like at work or at a bar, you might be more attracted to someone because of their personality,

but maybe if you saw them online, you would swipe left. Totally. And I'm glad that you said that too, because so much of it is personality. I don't care what people say. It looks get you in the door, but after that, if you're like a, if you're like, be mean or like have a bad personality,

it makes you that much more unattractive. True. And for men, I would say attraction is a little bit more important. Yeah, I'm sure. They have to be attracted from the start. But women, we have the luxury of having it grow over time.

So if you go on a date with someone and you're like remotely attracted to them, if you keep going and they've been amazing personality by the fifth date, they're the hottest guy in the room. Right. Exactly. Well, let's talk with that. So let's go with, in your experience, men versus women, right? Yes, men for sure are visual, right?

But still, have you not, hey, I still believe that you can go with a smoke and hot girl. But if she is at the end of the day, doesn't want to do the same things you want to do, and she's like kind of bitchy, or she's kind of not aligned with, her personality is not great. Do you see that the guys actually still want to date them more? No, they don't.

It's short term. Short term, right? So the attraction, like you said, gets you in the door to these specific guys, but then there has to be more. They ask for someone who challenges them. It's really important for them to find someone who's passionate about something. It doesn't matter what it is. So it can be career or yoga or a charity, but they want to know that you have a life outside

of them. So there's obviously more to it in that you have a life outside of them. So there's obviously more to it in order to sustain a long-term relationship. And with women, it's more... Women usually are asking for stability. Yeah. For them, they focus on someone who has a great career, financially stable. It's a little bit more about whether they want kids or a specific religion. It's a little bit more about whether they want kids or a specific religion. What we do with both men and women is we do an intake call where we ask them to tell us everything they're looking for. So they can come up with a really long list if they want.

And then we break it down into three must haves, three deal breakers, and 10 nice to haves. So we help them categorize. Oh, I love that. That is going to be important. And the must-have are things that are going to make a difference in 20 years. Okay, so let's start because I know that you were, we started, but like you never, you were just doing this by, like on the side. Like you were naturally somebody who were, who liked to set people up.

But weren't you working, I saw or heard, like at E doing, like, true Hollywood stories or something like that. That's exactly right. So I was a segment pretty, so doing like true Hollywood stories or something like that. That's exactly right. So I was a segment pretty strong true Hollywood story. Okay. And I love that show. I love that show. It was so fun. But is it off the air now? You know, it's back. It went off the air and now it's not their bag. It's such a good show. It was so great. That was like so captivating. I loved it. So I started

behind the music, VH1, that I moved to Tru Hollywood story. And the job was really fun, but everyone was single around me. And I just have always loved dating advice and hearing people's stories. So I would sit in my cubicle and give relationship advice. And I started to match up my friends and my co-workers and had a ton of success. Did you? So, yes, matching up really interesting combinations, but I would just listen to them and what they were looking for and I'd say,

trust me on this, you need to meet X, Y, and Z, pair them together and they would be so happy. And I matched a really challenging people in my office, one guy in particular, just was really negative and people weren't stoked to be around him. But after I matched him, he was so nice. He was setting me gifts. He was a totally new person. So I just loved that feeling. And while I was at E, I started hosting parties. And that way I could bring my coworkers and my friends together so they could meet in a more organic way.

We started off with 20 people, then we had 300 people, and then 600 people, we were taking over these huge hotels, like the Visory and the London, well with these singles, because they were having trouble finding someone. Is it mostly, could you have, okay, so just the company itself, like the three-day rural company. Do you have multiple offices, like what, so because I would think LA, New York would be really, really tough, and the other more smaller cities are obviously easier to

date. It's so interesting, because every city thinks they're cities, the hardest to date in. Really? They're all unique. Everyone has a little bit of a different challenge. Like for example, in New York, there are more single women than men. So the ratio is off.

I would say LA is challenging because we have Hollywood and the standards are really high. Yeah. San Francisco has a lot more men, single men. So every city is a little different. I would break it down. So LA, so LA, there's more, I would think there's way more single women. LA, The challenge is Hollywood. So we have all these gorgeous actresses and models walking

around and so the standards are a little bit higher. Right. Your perception is off of what's even like beautiful though because the, what people think is beautiful is basic what they're constantly being told was beautiful to. Right. And I would say we're in DC. DC is a lot more focused on career and ambition. Yeah. People are asking for something a little bit different in each city. Tell me what, tell me what, tell me what, tell me go, go city by city. New York is also career focused, but the issue there is that there are more single women than men.

So just makes it a little bit harder for the women to date there. And L.A. you're saying it's more I would say it's pretty evenly split. But the men want also they want girls who are like 18 19 for the guys are like 60 right and they're looking and they and they actually think that if they have money they can go out with that girl. And most of the time they probably can, unfortunately. In some of the cities. LA and Carpsey. Yeah, LA I would say New York is similar in that way.

Sometimes San Francisco, you have these tech entrepreneurs that become incredibly successful. And now they want the hottest girl in the room. Right, right, exactly. But across the board, dating is challenging. We're nationwide, so we're in 12 major metros, but we work with some clients outside of those. Oh, 12 cities. And we have about 50 full-time matchmakers. Do you have what, what city have you had the most success in? I don't know that there's one city. It may be it's DC. We've had a ton of success in DC,

but really we're successful everywhere. One very interesting trend that happened during COVID is people open their search based on location. So, PBC, for example, in LA, we would hear, I don't want to cross the four of five. So, if I'm on the west side, just match match me with Santa Monica Venice and I'm not going near Silver Lake. In COVID, so many people can work remotely now that they're opening up nationwide. So, we had a couple last week get engaged to LA San Francisco. We have one about to get engaged

LA New York. They're expanding outside of their city. And so there are so many more options. So what were they doing? Because I see that. I saw that a lot of people were kind of like, were kind of hibernating together in one place, like these COVID relationships, right? But are you saying that what they were doing was they were expanding their search?

And let's say you met someone in San Francisco and then what would happen? Would they meet online, would they fly there and then they'd like to each other they would like to have a date together and live together for a year. Basically. So in the case of the LA New York couple that we match, they did two Zoom calls. He flew out. Are you serious? Yes, they did. Two Zoom calls, he flew out. They completely hit it off, he extended his stay. They stayed for a month, and then she came to LA and stayed for a month, and they've been going back and forth because they can work remotely.

That wasn't the case in the pre-COVID where you were stuck going to an office. Have people's standards or what they were looking for change? Because with COVID I'm saying, because I feel like, because people were like alone, they didn't wanna be alone, they may have stayed longer,

or like now that COVID maybe the pandemic is kind of like, over where there's no lockdown right now anyway in LA, but does that mean that they would break up more? Like what was the, how was the dating with all those things? Yeah, actually, I think the silver lining of COVID is that dating changed for the better. So pre-COVID, people were really dating a lot.

They were on the apps going on four or five dates a week. They weren't really giving people a fair shot, cranking them out, looking for the bigger, better deal. In COVID, everyone was sitting at home alone and they had to really also figure out what was important to them. They didn't have a million things on their calendars to fill a void.

So for so many people dating and love moved to the top of the list, but not only that, their list changed. So pre-COVID, they were more superficial. Look, you know, talking us about height and weight and certain amount of money. And then in COVID, they realize, probably that stuff doesn't matter as much. Who do I want to spend a year at home with? Someone who makes knee-laught and makes you full-crunchball and is a great mate in the in between like doing laundry and watching Netflix. So the list changed and now dating is slower and more intentional.

Really. So did you not see a lot of breakups at the end of COVID with these people who kind of know actually I would say on the flip side because they really got to know each other and some of them were long distance. They would have calls and they were talking about vulnerable subjects and their relationship is deeper. And so we saw a ton of success with the couples that got matched over the last year. Really? So like, can you talk about, I'm just curious about the statistics just overall with all

this because I was under the impression that once to kind of lockdown lifted, so to speak, that people were kind of like their rose colored glasses were kind of like, well, you know, because once the availability was available again, people kind of gravitated to what they were naturally doing before, or they were like, well, maybe I'll see, like maybe as much more of a slow thing. And I was under the impression that, to what they were naturally doing before, or they were like, well, maybe I'll see,

like maybe as much of a slow thing. And I was under the impression that, I'm not talking about your company, I'm talking about in general, dating is as a whole that that was happening, these relationships were declining. I think there were a lot of marriages that were declining. Yeah, I know.

Yeah. But a lot of the newer couples that got matched during the time, they were staying together. And there were all these articles coming out, you know, wondering what is going to happen post COVID. Is are people going to go crazy and they're just going to party because they're back? Yeah.

I haven't seen that. I have seen that it's been pretty stable and people are still looking for something meaningful. Really? Keep coming back, you got plenty of space! Oof, not how you would have done that. You like working with people you can rely on, like USAA, who has helped guide the military community for the past 100 years.

USAA, get a quote today. Vitamin water just dropped a new zero sugar flavor called with love. Get the taste of raspberry and dark chocolate for the all warm. All fuzzy, all self-care, zero self doubt you. Grab a with love today. Vitamin water's zero sugar, nourish every you. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass O. Okay, so what is your success rate in terms of matches? Like as forget about from city to city to city to as well.

But do you guys have any like, I just like to know like numbers and data, right? Like you guys have a 50% success rate. A hundred, what is your number? Yeah, it's really hard to track to be honest. So we have hundreds of maybe thousands at this point, marriages, engagements. We have babies. We only know when they report back to us. Right. We're working with people for three months or six months. Typically, it's a short amount of time.

Most of our clients at the end of the time working with us are dating someone we match them with. But it's such a short amount of time that it's hard to keep track of them years out. So they will report back often and tell us that they got Marietta engaged and we'll try to keep track with as many people as possible. So like let's say you have someone signed up for three months or six months, what do you get? Do you get like the next amount of dates per month or? Yeah.

So the process, they get a matchmaker who's doing all of the matching for them, meaning we get to know them, and then we go and interview all of these potential matches to see who's the right fit and anyone who's a fit, we would send over to them. So they get matchmaking, they get a photo shoot, so we have new pictures of them.

They're assigned a separate person who's their dating strategist. And that's really their coach to dig deep on anything that's coming up for them. So maybe it's attachment styles or vulnerability. They get to work on with the coach. Oh wow. So it's a pretty holistic approach. And what we say is our job is to match you with the love of your life.

We have the same goal. that's what we want. At the very least, you walk away and more confident data, because we get to help them, because we have all the information. So for example, they will go on a date, and after we get feedback from both sides. So we know exactly what our client is doing on the date, and we can help them become about a data. Do tell the truth. 100 day and we can help them become about our data. Do tell your truth. 100%.

If it can help them, we would never tell a client that person wasn't attracted to you because that's not gonna be helpful. But we would tell them, it seems like you were interviewing them or you didn't seem interested or you asked too many questions. If there's something that can be helpful, we will definitely give them the information. Because in the outside of matchmaking,

you never get that. You might be making the same mistake over and over and have no idea, but with matchmaking, we know exactly what's happening that we can help you. But okay, I know I'm gonna sound like I'm being, I think to me anyway, that I'm not of contradicting myself.

But at the end of the day, right? Like if someone's asking too many questions and they're that, and if they were attracted to them, or if they were physically attracted to them, those things seem much more dull, right? Like if I was sitting with someone I was really attracted to them, but they were like, badgering me about questions.

Yeah, like maybe down the road, I wouldn't want to like be with them, but on that date, like it kind of like you have, that's where like the rose color glasses come on. If you're, so at the, my point is, is it at the first date, like, yes, I am attracted to you or I'm not attracted to you? Like, if you go back to your client and say, uh, do do this and this and this, and then the day it means the person just really wasn't like into you, right? Not necessarily.

So you're right that a lot of people date in that way. But, and they're expecting like these sparks and butterflies on the first date and to be totally attracted and you just know this is your person. But usually it's the slow burn that ends up sustaining on the term. I totally agree with you But I think I'm like out of the gate, right?

Like if you're somebody who at on that day, I guess you're I let me take that back Because if they're actually using a matchmaking service, right? It's because they maybe truthfully are at a point in their life where they really want to find love They're not they're not doing it for just like the quick hit. Exactly. We'll get feedback. He was hot. She was hot, but I didn't feel a connection.

So they're acknowledging the other person's attractive, but they're looking for a long-term partner. And what we suggest, if you are remotely attracted to them and they seem like a kind person, go out again because it may be on that second date that you're more attracted to them. And they seem like a kind person. Go out again because it may be on that second date that you're more attracted to them. So who is your like target market? Like are you see are you helping more women, man, age, devil? Like what is it? It's a pretty wide range. So we service like 21 to 80. It's 80. We have the cutest success story now. She's 74, he's 69.

And they seem in love. But we service 21 to 80 LGBTQ. Our demo, though, overall is successful busy professionals. So that's people who have been focused on their career and they're really ready to prioritize love. Wow. So then how do you find the guys and girls? Like what do you do?

Besides the client, let's say I come in and say, I wanna find blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like what's your process to finding these people? Because not everybody who you probably set up with people are actually clients. You don't just do client-client. Right, exactly. So we have a network of people

that has grown mostly by word of mouth. Okay. And we have about 150,000 people in that network. So we can use that to match you. So we're going to ask for a lot of information about what you're looking for. We're going to ask you to send photos of your exes

or who you find attractive. So we can visually see what your type is. We'll go to the network, but we don't limit it to just that network. So for us, guys, the limit, your person might be on Instagram or at the gym or in Whole Foods. And so we're constantly approaching people that we think could be a good match for. I love that. You actually go up to them and say, Hey, I want you.

Like, would you say I want you for this? I have a person that I think you're perfect for or do you say something like, Hey, what's your pitch to that? Yeah. We walk up and do you say something like, hey, what's your pitch to that? Yeah, we walk up and usually we say something like, hi, I'm sorry to interrupt, you're adorable, any chance that you're single, I'm a matchmaker, I may have a match for you, will you hop on a phone call with me or grab coffee?

And then we meet them, and if after hearing their story, we still think they could be matched for our client, then we'll set them up. I love that. So how? Okay. That's great.

So you just go up to people randomly. That's what I would do too. All day, every day. I mean, I can't miss an opportunity. No, I hear you. I totally agree. And then like, they're priced to be flattered because it's like, oh, thank you. Yes.

Exactly. It's a win-win. And if they're not single, they might send a friend. Totally. It's a way to expand your network, right? Because that's how else would you know unless you ask? Exactly. And it's so much easier for us to do it than for the client to do it themselves.

Right. So unfortunately. Yeah. I mean, I always encourage people to slide into DMs, like, do the work, be proactive. And I think you really should do that, but it's scary. So having a matchmaker do it on your behalf

is so much easier. Totally. So how many days would I get in three months? So there's no cap. We'll send you anyone we think is a fit in the timeframe, but at the minimum, it's three. So one highly curated day a month. Just three? I don't want like so many more.

You can sign up for six months. It's a minimum of six matches. Again, there's no cap. So if we have more matches, we will send more. The idea is not to put you on 100 dates. So we could just call it. Definitely set you up. It's, we might interview 20 options

before we send you one. So we're doing all the work on the back end, and then we're just sending you the ones that we think are gonna be the best fit for you. So I think this is a great thing for, if anyone's listening, right, when, especially if something like this pun and podcasts, right, which is why I think

it's very important that you are on today, because I think people who are super busy entrepreneurs successful people, people who are trying to build a business, you always, you're not, you're not prioritizing relationships, you're not going out meeting people that way. So like it is like you said, you're outsourcing someone else doing it on your behalf and that way it is a curated thing. It's not like you're not wasting your time going because I will tell you I've never been on these dating apps because I've been married for,

I feel like a hundred years, but anyway. And I've never been on a dating app my entire life, but I will tell you, my friends who have, and people I know, it is literally a full-time job. The average online data expense 12 hours a week online. Oh, it's unbelievable, because by the way, I take my friend's phones, and I'm like, let me see what's going on on there

and it's addictive. It's like another social media app where you're constantly just swiping. It's a rabbit hole. I can go and do that for 30 minutes and I'm like, holy shit, I spit 30 minutes just swiping left or right. Or whatever the term is

because it is a time suck. It really is. It's unbelievable. How do you get work done? It's so time consuming. It really is. It's unbelievable. How do you get work done? It's so time consuming. Nobody really enjoys it. And a major problem is that your friend might be looking for marriage and the person that she's swiping on is, well, you for something casual. And so it weighs so much time when you're not looking for the same thing. Not to mention, it's a good distraction. I get that for a few

minutes here and there. But it's never a few minutes here and there, because a lot of the people who I know who are like type A personalities, it becomes like it's obsessive. You know, you want to see if anyone swiped your way too, when it literally becomes like a full time job. And the other thing I find very interesting is that people are their own sales rep.

Like no one is what they say they are. I mean, I've seen people on that app that I know, and I'm like, first of all, you're not 5'10. Not if you're pushing 5'6, you're lucky, you know what I mean? And like they're, you know, they, they, everyone says that they're, you know, under like the build, I'm athletic, I'm this, like it's the same nonsense.

And they, everyone just makes themselves sound like they're like the best things in sliced bread. And the reality is, it's impossible, right? Like not all of us are going to be that way. sense and they everyone just makes themselves sound like they're like the best things in sliced bread. And the reality is it's impossible, right? Like not all of us are going to be that way. So I feel like you're not, the authenticity piece is really lacking a lot of the time. Completely. You know, I've read a stat that said 81% of online data is lie about something.

They're height, they're age. So you're right, It's not authentic. Also, there are some gems out there that have horrible profiles. Exactly. You know they say that. So it's so hard to tell who you actually would be compatible with, where through friends or through your matchmaker, we get a 360 view of the air. And you see the nuance in the in the personality and what the people really looking for There's so much more personalized stuff to it to your point I find that funny because you're right the ones that look like they're spectacular online are the ones who are the worst in real life

They're the also the charmers. They know exactly how they've done their professional Like it's the ones who like their pictures off to the side They're professional at this. Exactly. It's the ones who, like, they're pictures off to the side, you know, they have a two words in their profile. Those are the, those are the gold, like, I think those are those, like, that's the platinum. They are the best ones.

That's the one totally angry. Right? I matched this couple. They ended up getting married with a kid, and they have a kid now. He had no picture with me. Right. And I just saw a sandwich. I think he might have potential.

Let me just do a video call with him. And he was amazing. Amazing. That's when you find out. And I just saw a stance like, I think he might have potential. Let me just do a video call with him. And he was amazing. Amazing. That's what I find. That's what I find. It's like such a racket. It is such a racket.

And like in LA or people who like, Raya, do you know that one? Yes. Of course you know that one, right? It's like again, it's all like these like models and like actors or other people who try to like, buy, no one ever ends up together. It's a great ego boost.

It's not even because I think it's actually not because usually nothing goes, you're only getting swiped on because you use a good filter maybe. It's just so funny. I feel like people get excited when they get on the app. Oh yes, I think so because it makes them feel like they've arrived. So it's just amazing. It's funny. I just love all of this stuff.

I find it so psychologically fascinating to me. That's why what makes people tick, really what works. I have, because people who do know me, like I said, with my bachelor auction, it was basically created because I have and had a slew of single man always that I'm friends with, and I know when I collect them, like baseball cards, and I have a slew of single women. And I find it very interesting, the people that like, oh, I know, I really want to settle down, I really want to settle down. I really want to do this. I want, and like, they're the ones dating

that the 21 year old, you know, Yahoo's who are barely at a school. And they're like, no, I was saying, because I can't find anyone. But like, you, you know what I mean? Like, you kind of like know what people, you kind of figure out that those people don't really want a relationship.

Because if you did, you would kind of use someone like you and do something that's more in line, right? Right. Part of it though is pattern. So they might be used to dating a certain type and it's hard to step outside your comfort zone on your own. Yeah. So that's true.

That's a very good point. And that's why a service like yours can be probably good. Because you're kind of opening up their exposure point and you that's what a good that's why a service like yours can be probably good because you're kind of like opening up their exposure and possibilities beyond what they can see in their narrow pathways. Exactly. A perfect example is one of my early success stories. This girl came to me pretty preppy. She said, I want a Jewish finance guy. Yeah, don't they all say that? I want a Jewish finance guy. Yeah, don't they all say that? Don't we all do that?

Which I'm sure parents told her, or a doctor, a Jewish doctor, or a lawyer. I'm Jewish I can say it okay. So she wanted that, it's sort of preppy finance guy. But once I learned more about her, I realized she had a little bit of an edge. And so I paired her with someone that I worked with

who was covered in tattoos, long hair, not Jewish, and they ended up getting married. Really? And there's no way she would have swiped right on that person on an app. It wouldn't have been across her mind. Exactly. And I love that you say that because a lot of those guys, because I'm not as younger, that was kind of like the ilk that I thought I thought I should be dating, right?

Because it's an idea that you kind of get swept up that I thought I thought I should be dating right because it's an idea that you kind of get swept up in like oh I it's like I should be doing this I all those shudds I should be with that kind of person I should be doing that and those were like the most like crappy relationships were this completely disconnected it's always the people again that you least expect like we were talking earlier with business or with anything. It's those like, it's where you're not looking, is sometimes where the people, the things that you least expect to be the hit or the success are usually the things that are. It's so true.

I always tell people, your person's coming in a different package, so be open to possibilities because I do think a lot of people are close-minded. It's really not their fault. They get it from their parents, their fairy tales and television. So they think their perfect person is coming in this one package when actually there's soulmate could be somebody totally different. Totally. So they just need to go in with an open heart and an open mind and like step outside their comfort zone. More from our guests but first a few words from our sponsor.

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What do you say to the women? Because I, you know, I find that I know a lot of, even friends in my, a lot of my friends, not a lot of my friends, but a good amount of friends in mine. And women I know who are like older, who are super successful, who are not just successful, but they're beautiful and they're kind. And they have literally everything going for them. And they cannot find, they can't get arrested, literally. Like they cannot because the guys that match them in their age, want girls who are 20 years

younger than them. It's a really big problem. It's a problem. Like the more successful you get, the smaller the pool. Yeah, so you work really hard towards the goal and then you think, well, I have accomplished this. Now I need someone who's at least equally accomplished

if not more. What we do when we are matching them is we really go through like what truly matters to you. What is going to make your life better in 20 years from now? Is it someone who's equally as successful or is it someone who has plenty of time and who adores you? You could help out with the kids and it's nuanced. So it's different for everyone. For some people, they'll say, I want some very successful and I don't care if he is not around,

if he's only around once a month, if he's traveling all the time, like to me, that's important. That's ego though. That's more ego, right? Because you need to get over your ego to be able to understand that. Because the truth is, two people who are like that

is very difficult, right? Right, it's exactly. You never is very difficult. Right. Right. It's exactly. You never see each other. Oftentimes it's two stars in a relationship where usually we say there should be one star and one rock. But then others will realize, okay, I have plenty of money. What I'm missing in my life is not more money.

It's quality time and someone who's supportive and loyal and fun and brings me out of my shell. And so once you dig deeper to really figure out what's truly important to you, then the type changes a bit in terms of who you're looking for. But what if the woman, I'm just gonna stay with the women's side for a second, we can change later, but is self-aware enough to understand that? Because I have had these conversations

with some of my women friends who are single, and they understand that, they've done, they know that, and it's still quite challenging to meet somebody, because it's just, I think just, people want, men want women who are much younger, So women, women who are in their 40s, let's say. I've had guys say to me to these knockouts who I'm friends with who are like 38-year-old girls who are like knockouts, brilliant, Harvard, and sweet, and pretty.

They're like, well, given when I was like 26, who just like a bit, like not, they don't say it, but they're like, hmm, it's, they're such ageism. How does that happen? Like how do people get over that ageism? Or what do women do because of this ageism ageous thing? Like what are they supposed to do? Yeah, well, there are definitely plenty of guys that want to date around their age.

So there are some guys, yes. You're that lady? There are so many gems out there, really, but they're definitely a group of men who want younger and maybe they're 50 and they never had a family. And now they want to start a family. And so they'll ask, I want early 30s. Well, first of all, women can have babies, you know, in their 40s. So sometimes we're educating men on that. But some of them want younger and a huge age gap. And some of them want an equal and someone who's going to challenge them. So it's just a matter of finding the right men for your friends. And they definitely do exist. But it's putting themselves out there asking friends for setups.

Yeah. Making time, one thing I will say, again, goes for women and men, like they say they wanna do this a lot of the times and yet they're not, they're too busy, they don't slow down enough to even go on these dates or put themselves out there. And that's where I think you come in. Exactly. You can actually just pick up the phone

and like give you the information and be like, okay, I can't do this. I have so many friends that should be using you to be honest, but it's actually getting them to make that step. Completely. And we see that a lot. A lot of people say, my number one on my list is finding love this year.

Great. What are you doing to make that happen? And usually it's nothing. It's like, it's not gonna happen when you least expect it. It's gonna happen when you put in the effort. And it is a little bit like a job. So either you make the time to do it and you honestly can meet someone on an app.

If you put in the time and you're open-minded and you're swiping, you can meet someone through friends. You just have to be proactive and do something in order to get the job done. And if you don't have time or you want help outsourcing as a great option, How much is it? So anyone can sign up for free to be in the network, but to be a client starts at 5,900.

Oh, OK. So and that would be for three months. Exactly. And then how much is six months? Six months is 9,500. OK. And those are the two main options that we have. Sure.

But if it's 3,500, you're paid, that divided by three, that becomes an expensive date if it doesn't work out. Right? If you think about it in that way, yes, but we like to think about it as a whole. You do want to coaching and you will be able to sell. It's a holistic approach. Exactly. And also, it's just a minimum number of dates.

And it's also curated, which I think is a big piece of it. Exactly. And it's also curated, which I think is a big piece of it. Exactly. And it really only takes one. And we have the exact same goal. Our job is to get you in a healthy, happy relationship. And we live for this. We will do whatever it takes to help you. And sometimes they'll go through the three months with us.

And at the end, they haven't found that perfect person, but we're really close. And a few weeks later, someone comes into the system that seems great. We're going to send it to the client. We still want them to find love even if it's a little outside of the time that they're working with us. You know, that's actually, I've, I've, there's a lot of, I've heard of a lot of matchmakers that I've spoken to who are way more expensive than that.

I mean, they're like $50,000 for, I don't even know how long. Give me some money. You tell me. Yeah, some of them are $50,000. Some are $150,000. What are you getting for $150,000? I want to know. If I'm reaching out there, are you out there on my behalf, like basically looking for? Yeah, I think that some of the smaller smaller matching companies were just a handful of employees. Yes, they take on a small number of clients and they do whatever it takes to find you matches. So they're scouring LinkedIn and Instagram. We do the same thing. We just are a larger company. So we have more staff and therefore our prices can be lower. And also a bigger database, I would imagine, but okay, that's interesting.

So can you give some tips, some curious of how people, if they're not gonna use a service, what's the best ways to meet people? What's the best places that you've heard of the best? Is the gym, is whole foods, error one? Like, those are all great places. The key is you have to actually look up, like put your phone away.

That's so true. Because people are there, your person could be next to you in line at Starbucks, so if you're looking at your phone, you will never talk to them. Oh my God, that's true. And they'll never approach you. So just when, do things you love,

so if that is going to the gym, we're going to trivia night, our dinner party is trivia night. Who does that? One of our couples actually. One of our couples. They went to the same trivia night and they never met, but then they are like an apprentice. It was at a bar. Because I do here at my house, we do game nights. We used to do it much more often. That's so fun. Yeah, it's so fun. And like what I would do is I would invite a whole like schmorgasborg of people that don't really maybe know each other.

Some do. And it was a chance for two things. For a chance for me and my husband to see a lot of people at one, you know, one swoop because we're so both so busy. And I can socialize with a lot of people. And also for other people to mingle and get to know each other. So it was very, there's a lot of like, there's a lot of reasons to be doing it. It was so fun.

That's great. And that's what I was asking with trivia and ideas. Oh, that's a right note. It would that was at a bar and they would go to the same trivia at night but they never met. And then I'll just tell this story because I love it so much.

But what the woman was our client. And NPR did this advertisement. They said, is anybody doing online dating or matchmaking and we can follow them? So she responded, said, well, I'm doing three-day rule. You're welcome to follow me on a date. She got accepted. So we had to match her and it was gonna be on NPR.

So that is a ton of pressure for a matchmaker. So we found this great guy. He actually was a former client. They went on thePR. So that is a ton of pressure for a matchmaker. So we found this great guy. He actually was a former client. They went on the date. They hit it off. And that was a huge win for us. But then a year later without telling us, they went back on NPR to announce they had gotten married. Oh, gotten married? Yes. Within a year, they were married. And that was the couple that attended Trippie Night in the same bar, but never never met. Oh my god, I love that. Can you name anybody? Would I know anybody that you actually set up or no? You would a lot of them are private but

You might know Ali Webb. She's the founder of dry bar. She's on the podcast. I was on her podcast. Oh, good Well, she speaks publicly about us and she's engaged. She's's engaged. That was your boy. That was your guy. Exactly. So that he was someone she signed up as a client and he's someone we found on Facebook. Are you serious? So wait, so she signed up as a client? She signed up and for what three months or six months. She did three months Okay, and she sent us, you know, who she finds a track day when we really got to know her and what she was looking for. And then I was on Facebook and I saw a suggested friend and he looked like her type and based on the short bio seemed like he could be a fit. So I sent it to the matchmaker and she did the interview and it ended up being a match. So he, so he became, so you did that and

he's like, sure, put me in your like, I like to go out. So in this case, he actually went out with one other kind of ours that we thought could be a match. And then when Ali signed up, we matched him with Ali. So it was his second match. I believe it was Ali's second match too. And they, they did a really long phone call to start when they kind of went rogue. We usually don't suggest that.

I love how long the phone call was like four hours. He was, she was in New York and he was in LA. They did like a four hour phone call. And she picked her up from the airport when she arrived. Wow, so they hit it off. They totally hit it off. So that's so interesting because normally when people like, you know, hit it off on that way,

like that's why you never advise people to be on the phone for that long, because then you meet them in person, you're like, ah shit, like it says it work. Right, usually when you suggest a short call and then go outside and drink. Exactly. Wow, and then it's been like, it's best,

and then that was it. That was, and they've been inseparable. They're getting married this year and they blended families and it worked out. I remember being on her podcast with him and we talked about that a little bit but I didn't realize it was through you

that that happened, that's amazing. So we happened to her third date. She didn't take it. She didn't take it. No. Oh my God. Well that totally worked out. Exactly.

That's the goal to match people as quickly as possible. Okay, give me the other one that I would know. You might know Nicole Lapin. She's like an amazing entrepreneur and author. She has a podcast called Money Rehab. So she came through a friend. And I tell her, when I tell everyone you can join the database or you can be a client, she's like, honey, I am not a database girl.

Exactly. Exactly. So she signed can be a client, she's like, honey, I am not a database girl. Exactly. Exactly. So she signed it's a client and I remember this investor that I, he actually was an early investor in 3D role. I had to talk to him forever and he had been really focused on his career. And I just felt that they could be a good match for each other. So I suggested him to her matchmaker. She did the interview and he was so excited.

And within a handful of dates, they knew. It was a done deal. They just got engaged. Oh my gosh, congratulations to Nicole. That's amazing. So it seems like those are two really great success stories. Can we talk about, because I'm just curious, what's, give me like one that's been like,

kind of a total disaster? Hmm. I know you probably don't want to like, I know, I'm just trying to think about it. And I'm not a disaster. Well, I really can't think of one that's like, an absolute disaster, but I can think of a handful where they came to us

really looking for something that wasn't gonna be the best. Like they're just kind of on realistic. Exactly, I could. How many people come to you who are like totally unrealistic expectations though, for what to have? We really try not to take people on who have unrealistic expectations. So the first thing we do with them is to find out what they're looking for.

And if we can sense they're really rigid and they're unrealistic, we won't work with them. She's not going to help. And also because it's going to be a lose, lose situation. So you're wasting your time. Right. So, you know, like someone just asked me, well, I work with this guy. He's 80 and his ex was 35.

And I just said, you can send him to someone another match in your company. That's not really our jam. How are you different from like back when the millionaire matchmaker? I would say we're very warm and kind. And we don't try to change anyone. Right. Like from what I remember,

those shoes suck. Don't do that. But I'm not. It would be helpful though, wear those shoes sock, don't do that. But I'm not going to be helpful though, because some people maybe just don't have nice, like they don't know what they don't know. Right, so that could be helpful. We, if we do it, it's in a really kind, helpful way.

But I remember watching her show on time, and she's like, you have curly hair. Make sure you straighten your hair. I remember that. I was doing it all the time. Right. She was so, yeah yeah she was so nasty like that. Right. So we're like your best friend and therapist and cheerleader. It's just a little bit

of a different vibe. I would say and also 60% of our clients are women. So we take on both men and women but we end up working with a lot of women. A lot of women and you're not breaking the bank. So that's which is nice. You're not like breaking the bank. So, okay, wait, so because you were saying before, we're saying that because how for people, some tips for them to meet people and dating, would be like they said the gym and the whole food, but the problem you're saying, and it's so 100% true, is people are not paying attention.

So maybe a piece of advice could be like, pay attention when you walk, don't just think that you're gonna get like some apples and eggs, like maybe like kind of advice could be like, pay attention when you walk. Don't just think that you're going to get some apples and eggs. Like maybe kind of like, be on a lurch in a way. Like look at your environment. Don't just hit your head down in your phone. Right. And have conversations.

We just had a couple, we didn't match them, but we know them. They just got married. They met in line at Jersey Mikes. So, you know, your perfect person can be right next to you. Have conversations, I think, especially for women to be proactive. So if you do end up seeing someone at the market or at the gym, approach and show interest, and then you can take a step back.

But we're, a lot of times in matchmaking, we're bridging the gap between two people who like each other and don't know. So I think someone has to show interest in order for the other person to reciprocate. Right, to react. So you're married, we've got two kids, we talk about that. So how did you meet your husband?

I matched made myself. You did? I walked into a party. I was on my way to another party, and I stopped by for five minutes, and I saw my husband across the room. And I turned to the guy next to me. He was my old roommate.

It's like, who is that? Bring him over here right now. And he went and grabbed my husband, and my husband walked up. It's like, I'm Tolly, it's really nice to meet you. How do you know Vijay? That was my old roommate. We had a really nice conversation, and then I had to run.

So he asked me for my number and I said, I'm so sorry I'm leaving, but I'm sure someone at the party has that. You can grab it and call me and he did. And we went on a handful of dates and they were not amazing, but he was very kind. They were not amazing. They were not. They weren't fine, but he was kind and I was attracted to him and he just seemed like a good person and so I kept giving him another shot and another shot and like four or five dates in. This is it. Really?

It clicked for me. I love that story for many, many reasons. The big one is that you didn't just like kind of acquiesce to what was in front of you on the dating stuff, but you like took the initiative, saw what you liked and you made the first move. That's so bold. And it actually ended up working out, even though it wasn't like, you know, rainbows and unicorns,

but you still chose them. Like it wasn't like you were just kind of like seeing what was like, you know, okay, he's good enough. I think a lot of times there's so many different, I mean, now that I'm in LA, a lot of it is unrealistic expectations. But truthfully, a lot of people, what they do is they just settle for what's good enough,

what they see in front of them. And they're like, oh, so that's the best that's out there. I'll just take it versus like taking that initiative, being proactive and like going after something and like, or even hiring a service because you just have not found that person. I think those are really, that's great. I love that story.

Thank you. And he is an introvert and honestly, probably would not have even noticed me at the party. Right, well, you're an extrovert obviously. Yeah, and shameless, clearly. Yeah, shameless. But. Yes. Shameless. Clearly. Yes. Shameless. But I wouldn't miss the opportunity if I didn't show interest. I love that. And now you've been married for how many years? I think we're 12 years. 12 years. Wow. We have two kids. Two kids, right. Like the same as mine. So, when then how did it become a hobby where you were just

basically, you know, setting up people in your office at E, true Hollywood story, to becoming an actual real business? It was quite a journey. So I had a business partner at the time and we started with the events and we charged for the events. I wanted to make sure that I could... What was the event called, by the way?

They were just called like 3-day-round mixers. Oh, okay. That's special. Okay. We had a couple cool ice breakers, but they were really just parties. And how did you get people to come? There was no social media at the time, so we were on foot going to bars, meeting people, handing out flyers.

Well, okay, great. So like after work at E, I was hitting out flyers, doing the events. And then also while I was at E, I decided to take on some clients just to see if I could match make people I didn't know, and also would they, if they would pay me. Right. So, oh wow, I had my day job, and at night I would take on a handful of clients that I would meet at bars, or one of my clients, I I found off Facebook and every time I took on a client I would charge more just to see how much I could

charge for my services. I love that. So that way you're like kind of seeing what your value is in the marketplace. Exactly. So how much was your first client? This guy, I met him at a bar and he, I could tell him he was trying to pick up one and I said,

I can do this for you. Pay me $250 cash, bring it to Starbucks tomorrow. And he did. He did? Yes. And he was great. And I actually matched and they dated for a while, but they did.

I did. I ended up getting married. That's amazing. And then the next one, I found this girl on Facebook. She was super cute. She went to Harvard. I just reached out and said, any chance that you're single, she was.

We met, I just reached out and said, any chance that you're single, she was, we met, I charged her $500, and I ended up matching her with her husband, so it worked. And I would just meet people randomly and charge a little bit more until I figured out what the cat was. And what was the cat at the time? At the time, it was probably a $1,500, something like that. And as we've grown as a company,

every year we increase our prices. Wow, so how many clients did you have on your own before it became an actual legit business? We were, I had about 40 clients total. I would take about 10 at a time. It was not a huge number. That's a lot though. Over, it was a lot, I would say that would be over a year.

Okay. And then I went to match.com and I said, I have this great business, it's a VIP service. I think you should do something similar. And long story short, they ended up investing in the company. They did? And that helped a scale across the country. So match.com invested in you.

Oh, I had no idea. So, but I had only taken about 40 clients when I approached them. So it was a small business. Yeah, we had a match.com. We went on Shark Tank very early on and then we ended up getting investment from other people down the line. You went on Shark Tank for this? My business partner did. She was, I was very pregnant at the time, like about to pop. And at the last minute, I decided, I don't want to have a baby on national television, like you need to go out without me. So she went out, it was very early before we had really scaled.

And we didn't get investment, but the night of air, we had 10,000 people sign up. No, it was worth it. Did they take 1% in perpetuity because that's what they did back then? I know. I don't think I can discuss any of it, but I'm pretty sure the agreements have changed. They did. I think they just recently changed it. I think we were seasoned too.

We were very early. Yeah, because I was going to be on for season one for a shoe company I did. Yeah. No gym required weighted shoes. They approached me for season one and it was 1% in perpetuity. And I think that's what it was. If you're on air, if you're not on air, what it doesn't matter.

And it kind of seemed a little for me, we didn't do it, but there's other reasons why we couldn't do it. But although it became a massive hit, I would have done it. If I would have known what it would have been, but anyway, because zero of zero was zero, but they just recently changed it, I think. You're probably right. I don't know. Okay, so you're getting red, so I'll just change the subject.

I think I'm really going to be not allowed to talk about it. Really? Is it not like elite? And it's not like it's a known thing. I guess not. Okay, I'll move on. not allowed to talk about it. Really? Is it not like elite? And it's not like it's a known thing. I guess not. Okay, I'll move on. Now we're at the rest. Okay, fine.

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Is there like a dog park better for a girl than for? I think they're all the same and that, you know, what people need to do is just be proactive both men and women. And everyone likes to be approached. It's also just being on a learn, like paying attention. Right. So it's not about the gym or anything. Exactly. And having a dating portfolio. So to do all the things, meet paying attention. Right. So it's not about the gym or anything. Exactly.

And having a dating portfolio, so to do all the things, meet someone at the gym, do online dating. Higher a mat checker, ask your friends, like don't just pick one, you know, your person could be anywhere. So just have a portfolio and you just never know where you'll meet them.

I love that. Okay. Try to think of anything else I wanted to ask you. I asked you about COVID tips for meeting somebody I had no idea that match you early on like that match was an investor So are they still involved obviously, right? They're not in 2019. We sold it to another company So they're not we're not partners anymore, but it was really helpful To have had investment from them and I learned a lot.

What else do they do besides invest monetarily? We were partners at the time, so we were a VIP layer above match, so if someone on match was interested in a more premium approach, they would come to three-day rule. Is match, I didn't even know they're still, are they around?

They're around. They're still huge. God, they're still huge god They're still huge people are still using match.com with all the apps and stuff and IAC which owns match also own tinder and hinge and okay cute bit so they have a group of online dating so they all own everybody now My god, okay, so is bumble. I know bumble's own Bumble's separate. I know I know Whitney? So there's who, what other ones are there?

Two fish? No, plenty of fish. Oh, plenty of fish. Yeah, and there's a new one. Yeah, copy meets Vagol. Smores a new one. They just launched in 2020. And that one is less superficial.

So you have to have conversations with people. I believe it's seven conversations, before you can see their picture. Are you serious? I like that idea, it's actually good. That's like, there's a show on Netflix, and I remember what it's called, but like you. Love is blind.

Love is blind, exactly. I loved that show. I binge watched it like in like one night. I was like, I was so obsessed with it. They're very, very fascinating. I really like that concept. And the handful of them I don't very, very fascinating. I really like that concept. Yeah. And the handful of them stayed together.

They did. Exactly. I love that. Okay. I guess that's basically all tell you, this is great. I really love talking to you about this. I can talk with this forever. Where do people find more information about you?

Well, actually not about you because it's not really. It's about your dating. Unless you want to talk about you. That's okay., it's about your dating, and unless you wanna talk about you. It's okay, they can go to 3dayroll.com. You have to spell it out, THRE. Okay. And we're all of our social channels are 3dayroll. I love it.

Well, thank you for being on the podcast. I could talk, like I said, I could talk with this up forever. And guys, if you're girls, if you're listening to this and you're single, you have nothing to lose, you know, like, what's the worst that can happen? You're going on another bad date, right? You've been there before. And it sounds like your success rate is really high, because you seem to be, you have a knack for this. And you're still very involved with lots of the data you said, right? You still do all the match a lot of them. I'm involved but our matchmakers are amazing. I am so impressed and they also have the intuition so you're in great hands. You have to love

doing it like you either like it or you don't right like I because like that's I'm saying I I've had I've had for great things about your company by the way too. So anyway yeah thanks so much for being on the podcast. Of course, thanks for having me. Excucess we in heaven that the habits and hustle podcasts power by happiness Hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm Heather Monahan host of Creating Confidence, a part of the Yap Media Network The number one business and self-improvement podcast network. Okay, so I want to tell you a little bit about my show We are all about elevating your confidence to its highest level ever and taking your business right there with you. Don't believe me? I'm going to go ahead and share some of the reviews of the show so you

can believe my listeners. I have been a longtime fan of Heather's no matter what phase of life I find myself in. Heather seems to always have the perfect gems of wisdom that not only inspire, but motivate me into action. Her experience and personality are unmatched and I love her go-getter attitude. This show has become a staple in my life. I recommend it to anyone looking to elevate their confidence and reach that next level. Thank you! I recently got to hear Heather at a live podcast taping with her and Tracy Hayes and I immediately subscribed to this podcast. It has not disappointed and I cannot wait to listen to as many as I can as quick as I can. Thank you Heather for helping us build confidence and bring so much value to the space.

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