Habits and Hustle - Episode 156: Gabby Bernstein – #1 NYT bestseller, Host of Dear Gabby Podcast, and Oprah named “New thought leader”

Episode Date: February 22, 2022

Gabby Bernstein is a #1 NYT bestseller, Host of Dear Gabby Podcast, and Oprah named “New thought leader”. With an impressive catalog of books and a particularly down-to-earth approach to self-actualization, Gabby guides us through the content of her new book, “Happy Days”. Yes, there’s meditation and words of affirmation, and everything you’d expect, but she goes a step further in why these practices work for her and why they might not be working for others. She also opens up about a recent tragedy in her life and what has helped her in processing that grief. Gabby’s truly inspiring and accomplishes what many in her field may be missing when trying to approach these subjects with a wide audience. Even if this sort of thing has never connected for you, I urge you to give this a listen and hear the difference for yourself. Youtube Link to This Episode Gabby’s Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/gabbybernstein/ Gabby’s Website – https://gabbybernstein.com/ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. 📧If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail]  📙Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal. ℹ️Habits & Hustle Website 📚Habit Nest Website 📱Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits in Hustle. Fresh it. Today on the podcast, we have Gabby Bernstein, who is a New York Times best-selling author, many times over, a motivational speaker, a spiritual leader, and a podcast host. Gabby has written nine books and they include The Universe has your back, super attractor, spirit junkie, and our newest book is called Happy Days. She started out having these intimate conversations

in her apartment in New York City for about 20 people, which then grew to tens of thousands of people in these sold-up venues around the world. Gabby was called in the New York Times, the guru for the next generation, and was featured in Oprah's Super Soul Sunday as the next generation thought leader featured in Oprah's Super Soul Sunday as the next generation thought leader.

I mean, wow. This was a great conversation. I love to get your input. Please let me know. Send me a review. Give me your thoughts. I really hope you enjoy this podcast. I loved having this conversation.

There's some really great nuggets here that you can apply very easily to your life and that's it. Enjoy. We have Gabby Birdstein on the podcast, who of course is a spiritual teacher, a motivational speaker, an author, a podcast, or a business woman. I mean, you kind of pulled a lot of titles. So you know, you're like, you're a woman of your retisons woman. And your new book is called Happy Days. I mean, I feel like you write another book. Like you churn these books out fast. I mean more than most.

I've written nine books in 11 years. So that's got to cause. That's no small thing. I know that. No. No. Small thing. I've been writing.

I have a book that's been due to my publisher for months now. It's a torturous process for most people. How are you writing nine books in such a short period of time because people who don't know, that is incredible to be writing that many? I have a lot to say. I have a lot of commitment to my own personal growth, and therefore, I never run out of content

because I am always working on myself. And every life challenge offers me an opportunity to grow and to, therefore, teach even more. So the books I write, I often say that I write them for myself. I write them for myself first, and then of course for my reader. And in doing so, I have a lot of healing, and I have a lot of joy, and writing is a definitely a laborious process, but it's also for me but it's also for me really thrilling. And the more I, the more support

I've gotten in my business, the less of a, you know, less of a hustler that I've been, the more fun it is to write because I have the freedom to channel. It's funny, I just moved into this new office and you're the first time I'm doing anything in this new recording space. And so I was sitting at my desk in my new office, which is outside of my house. It's the first time I've ever worked outside of my house in 16 years. My first business, I had an office up in, you know, in Chelsea, New York City. And then I was like from that point forward, I worked from 2005 forward, I worked from home

by choice because I preferred just being in my pajamas or whatever. Yeah. And so I've had an office in my house for a while. And then I was just just now I've built this new office space. And I'm here and I was sitting at the desk and I was like, what can I write? I just want to write something because I was just by myself, like no kid around, no husband, no nothing. And I was just like, let me just write.

So yeah, the more space I create, the more I want to write. And it wasn't always that way for many years. I was writing books on the airplane from the book tour that was from the previous book. Really? Yeah. That is, I mean, so because I feel like your the books have all been like to your point where you just said like a journey throughout your life like wherever you are. That's what you're really kind of like that point of life. That's

what you're writing about. Yeah, that's right. Right. And then this new book, I happy to and happy days, I felt like it was much more raw and vulnerable. Not like then, by the way, I think all of them seem to be, to be honest with you, but I felt like there was much more storytelling that were things that maybe were more vulnerable feeling than it was in the past. Yeah. Even in the introduction, I addressed that. In the introduction, I opened with a story of my publishers sort of pulling me aside saying, we're worried

about you. We were scared for you to reveal this much. And you know, it feels too vulnerable. And my response was that my ability to be this vulnerable is my power. And that is my strength. Now they were also right. You know, some of some of I had to tone it down. I had to pull it back. There's stories I took out because it's so much. It's it's it's it's not an easy read. My one of my girlfriends just texted me today, a very great girlfriend of mine

who's also a writer and she said, I can't stop crying for all that you've been through and for all that I've been through and for all that, you know, we as a collective have been through. And she's just the book, she's like the book is just bringing me to my knees. And I think that that was only going to happen if I was able to be brave enough to show those cards and to tell the truth. Well, I mean, I find that interesting to say that because I feel that your honesty and authenticity is what people, why people like you and gravitate to you. So when a publisher says that, I find it, especially in today's time, I feel the more authentic someone is and the more they're talking about things

that a lot of people relate to, like postpartum, all these things, depression and anxiety and postpartum. I mean, so many of these things is so relatable to people that people want to know these things. They want to feel like there's a common bond and similarity between someone like yourself and them that I think that's what makes you who you are

and why you have why you kind of have success like so much success with this stuff like every book is like best cell or best cell or best cell or there's a reason for it. Well you're right people want to know that people want all people want is our authentic truth. Right. The second that you start like giving podcast voice or like you know whatever that would have to be whatever, whatever you need to be, whatever you think you need to be, that's when people just literally just tune out. And so it's about being real, particularly if you're in, well, really, I think in any space, no matter what you do, and no matter how you do it, even if you're a state-home

mom, it's about being authentic and real if you're an author, it's about being authentic and real. The more real truthful vulnerable we are, the more we allow people to recognize themselves in us. And for me, there's no other option. Like I don't have a... The second that I start to not do step away from that truth, I have to just shut up and walk off the stage or turn the microphone off or whatever it is because

that would be, that would be the end for me. I have to be real. Well, you naturally, like just innately good at, like getting up on stage and speaking to all hundreds and thousands of people or hundreds of hundreds of people, was that a gift that you had or was it something that you kind of harnessed over time or like because you weren't doing this your whole life. You weren't you like you were a publicist, you were in like the night front, like you did like promo stuff and you kind of like evolved and morphed into what you are. So was this a natural progression for you? I have actually been speaking publicly since I was 14 years old. So I was 14, yeah,

when I was 12, the president of the regional Jewish youth group, and I was leading the spiritual weekends for Jewish kids in West Jewish. What USY or Bidaprith or which one? No, I would belong to large-mont temple and the Nifty. Nifty's there. Okay. And then the Westchester County Nifty. And I ran these weekends, these like spiritual weekends with lots of Jewish kids. And knew even then that this was a calling for me, then kind of turn my back on it for the first five years of my career from 20 to 25.

I started a PR business and ran this PR business where I was representing nightclubs, but public speaking all throughout that. So at the time when I was 20 to 25, I was speaking for free at NYU, at Baruch, at all the universities in New York City, and giving talks on entrepreneurship and public relations and marketing, because I was a self-taught marketer, and I was like, I was a self-taught publicist

and so it's just so thrilled. And I remember there was these beautiful teachers that just took me in and they loved me. Like I would offer up my services to go speak and then they would tell another teacher at this school and all these marketing teachers were like my biggest fans and so I would go in and give these talks. And what I loved most was maybe it was a classroom of 40 people or 50 people. But what was so cool was that I looked like them, right? I was 20.

Right. So here I was. To start in my business, I was in my red boots and my jeans and I looked like them. And I felt so lit up in those environments that as soon as I got sober at 25, it was really easy for me to segue into my own speaking career because I'd already been doing it. And I just started speaking on topics of spiritual growth and deepening the content. Right, but you already had those micros, you already had those skills and you just kind of transfer them into a different topic, but it was the same thing. Those skills were sort of innate in my being and personality and you have to want to be

a public speaker. You can't just like hate the idea and then show up on stage. You have to want to be, a public speaker. But over the years, and I've been speaking publicly now for 20 years, and I've obviously perfected the craft and take it extremely seriously. It's my art. Sadly, I have not been on a stage in two years, but I've strangely been speaking to far more people because of the podcast. I've started my own podcast, but other people's podcasts and Instagram. So I'm actually probably speaking to more people, but I can't see them. And so I'm desperate to get on to a stage

I actually live next door to a recovery center. And I've just been like begging them, like, can you just give me an audience? Like, get 50 sober people in the room. I just have to talk to them. I did not do it. Yeah, I feel like now. No, they are. They're totally welcoming me there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, are you doing that? Are you actually speaking at the, at the sober of the day? Yeah, yeah, I'm going to be doing talks there. I gave a qualification actually for my, I celebrated 16 years sober, so it started off with my qualification. But I want to do a motivational talk, like, get on the stage and just do my thing. That's right.

That's amazing. Can you just add lip at this point or do you still prepare and like make sure you have everything you want to say? Both. So I prepare because so that I can add lip. I think that like any art or any craft you want to be super, the more you prepare, the more free you can be. And I have this idea of what my original medicine is, it's to be an untethered force of light.

And so being in that feeling of being untethered and having that force and that energy move through me, it's effortless when I have prepared, when I know the journey I want to take the audience on. Of course, yes, I could stand up and just give a talk right now, if you wanted me to, you just ask me a question, give me a topic, I can give a talk on it. But if I want to present and be totally free, the more prep I do, the more fun it is on stage. Right. Now, I totally understand that. That makes total sense.

All right. So can we just out to school right into the happy day stuff? So what would you say? I have other questions, but like I said at the beginning, I'm like, I have like, because I've never talked to you. I have like a thousand things I want to get through, but it's not going to happen. You're going to have to just come back again. I'm sorry sometime.

So just let you know. What would you say happy days is really about, since you talked about it from where you were at that moment when you read, when you started to write it? I love a good subtitle because a subtitle always tells. If you have a good subtitle, it will tell you what the book is about. And so I'm always really, really specific on some titles.

And when I work with authors, I love to really push home. What is the core message of the book? And so this book is a guided path from trauma to profound freedom and inner peace. That's the subtitle, but it's also the core message. And it's the truth about the book. The title, happy days, you have to read to know why I named it Happy Days. I tell you right up front, originally that was supposed to be at the end of the book

that I would tell you. One of the publishers changes, which I appreciate it. And so there's a reason that I call the book Happy Days, but the subtitle is really the main message. It's a guided path from trauma to profound freedom and inner peace. And so this is a memoir style guidebook. I wouldn't even really, it's a prescriptive book, but there's just such rich stories that there is sort of this vibe of a memoir as well, where I take you through my journey of my own recovery from trauma and how my spiritual faith guided me throughout the entire practice

and the entire journey, but also how my willingness and bravery to go to the places that scare me was the guiding light for my recovery. And I talk about all the different therapeutic practices that saved my life and gave me life. And I talk about a lot of hitting bottom in many, many different areas of my life and many different ways. I talk about parts of my story. I didn't even know until I was in my mid 30s. So I'm really to your point.

I'm very vulnerable and forthcoming about my own journey so that I can help the reader identify and also recognize that they're not alone. And know that we all suffer. And that no matter what you've been through, you've experienced some kind of trauma, whether it's with a big tear or a small tea. Right. That's right. Can you talk about that a little bit? Like the difference is because I think that's a very valid thing to say, because I think just because you're not, and you talk about this, just because you were potentially maybe molested as a child,

doesn't mean that you don't have trauma or there's things that you're caring with you and your adult life. And yeah. So small T trauma could be living through COVID, you know, being alive during a pandemic is a small T trauma. It's in some cases, for some people, it's a big T trauma could be living through COVID, you know, being alive during a pandemic is a small T trauma. It's, in some cases, for some people, it's a big T trauma.

But when I say small T trauma, it's like, maybe you weren't molested, maybe you weren't held a gunpoint, maybe you didn't grow up in an alcoholic home, but you had a car accident that really shook you and you've never really recovered from that and you're having this somatic response to it and you're living in fight flight, right? Whereas, you know, being a veteran and having been in a war is a big T-trauma, right? So there's different ways that trauma can affect us. And interestingly, it has the same effect regardless regardless of whether it's a big tea trauma or a small tea trauma, it just may be more blown out, depending on how adverse the trauma

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So hurry in and get your cake batter fixed today. Only a DQ. Happy taste good. So what's just, you know, it's actually very interesting that I have you today on this podcast because before I had, before I spoke with you, I had Bruce Lipton on my podcast like 20 minutes ago. And so a lot of things are a little bit overlap, right? I had Bruce Lipton on my podcast like 20 minutes ago.

And so a lot of things are a little bit overlap, right, in terms of manifestation and belief, core belief systems that you have. You talk about in the book about, and I really believe this to be true, a lot of how we do conduct ourselves as adults is because we have fear, we feel unworthyworthy all these things that you're talking about the traumas that we have Can we can you share some of the things that That you that you speak about in the book and in all your other books of how we can kind of move pass it It's like simple techniques that help us with our feelings of unworthiness with our feelings of Of our trauma like what are the how do we know what our triggers are like areiness, with our feelings of our trauma.

Like, how do we know what our triggers are? Like, and how do we kind of move past them? Well, you know, first is, you said, move past twice. And I would really say that this book is about moving through. And it's a good ears, Gabby. And that's a really typical reaction, right? We want to move past. We want to push down. We want to deflect.

We want to avoid. We want to run. There's a chapter in the book called Why We Run. I know I haven't written here. I haven't written here. So we run. We're in a perpetual state of running. We run with drugs and alcohol and work

and food and love and we run with all the ways that we anesthetize our discomfort. Often people don't even recognize that they're running because it's a socially acceptable thing, right? So a girlfriend of mine just got divorced and she's like, yeah, I know he's a work addict and she's like, but he'll never know because he makes so much money and he's so thing, right? So a girlfriend of mine just got divorced, and she's like, yeah, I know he's a work addict, and she's like, but he'll never know because he makes so much money, and he's so successful, right? So it's like, when it's socially acceptable, it's like, it's really hard to find out.

It's almost easier that I was a cocaine addict and hit my knees and had to get to AA and was the biggest blessing of my life, right? Totally. So sometimes it's more, it's just a little harder to spot. So we have all these different ways that we run from fear and run from energetic disturbances aka trauma. And we build up these mechanisms for protection mechanisms for protecting ourselves at all

cost from ever feeling into or even identifying with the exiled parts of ourselves, the child parts of ourselves that are all we all have wounded children somewhere in there, whether we had the best upbringing or not, doesn't matter. And you can have the most perfect upbringing, but that kid on the playground told you you were fat and you never got over it. So there's a lot of ways that we build up these false protection mechanisms to anesthetize, avoid, push down, push past, the suffering from our early days and even adult days.

And so when we start to become the witness of the ways that we protect ourselves, the ways that we act when we're activated, that's when we can begin the journey of undoing the patterns, the thought patterns, the physical patterns, the somatic experiences that we have that are so ingrained in our presence and are being in our mind that can't be undone without first recognizing the ways that we run from them. So that's really what we start the book with is really why we run and recognizing some of the behavioral patterns that we have that I refer to as triggers early in the book

and later I would call them protectors. When I start to reference internal family systems therapy. So being the witness, the non-judgmental witness of the ways that you protect yourself, that might be like in my case, controlling or knives out, you know, fighting back, and yelling back, or just writing people off. You screw with me, you're done. Whatever it is, whatever the ways that we protect, and some protection mechanisms can be as extreme as alcohol or drugs or ways that we have to get out of our cells so that we don't have to feel that suffering.

Well, you said something about, and you just talk about this in your book, and I think it's very true that the socially acceptable addictions, right? So like when you weren't, maybe when you're a cocaine addict or an alcoholic, those are, you know, those are obvious. But then what most people, most people, what either they can do is they can either transfer that onto more socially acceptable ones, or if they can be praised for those social, more acceptable ones. Like, if you're a workaholic, or you said something I thought was very, very true. It was like, you can be praised for, you know,

being super thin, but meanwhile, you're like watching every calorie. Like, so there's such a dichotomy, there's such a, in that whole experience. So you're getting praised for being a workout, not you, in general, or people. I getting praised for being a work, not you in general or people. I was praised for being a workaholic. I mean, people would be like, wow, Gab,

you get so much done. And you even said it today, like, you know, you wrote nine books and 11 years. I would say like two of the three of those nine books were written in no for now, at least half of them were written in a much more centered state, but the first half of my books were written in sort of a chaotic place of like, okay, I've got this book out.

I just sold the next one. Now I'm going to get the deadline, right? Now. That doesn't mean that they weren't fully channeled material, that they weren't healing for me to write, that it's, they can co-exist. But definitely lived in workaholism for many, many years because I was running from, there was another way that I ran from the unresolved even traumas that were unbeknownst to me until I was 36 years old. Right. I mean, so how do you now, would you say you're no longer a workaholic, you're no longer?

No, not, no way. No, not at all. I mean, so how do you now, would you say you're no longer a workaholic? You're no longer not, no way. No, not at all. I have a lot of not even slightly now. I have a this great skill set, which is that I can get it. It's a lot done. I'm super inspired by my work. I am very, very productive, but I have really done a beautiful job with my husband and my COO and my director of people ops to spend the last year hiring like almost 10 people

to a team that was already big. So maybe you have 20 full-time people now. And that is still a very small business, but for me, that's tremendous because it allows me to be in my art to work when I want, to take days off if I want to, to write, to be creative. I'm just not stressed. It's great. Really? So So what is the day in the life of you look like today? Like now. Well, today I woke up at 615 with my son screaming

my name, mama, every three year old little boy, who I'm obsessed with. And he woke me up and I went, handed him off to my husband and then I went and took a shower and then you met them downstairs and had a coffee and then by the time he was off to school, I walked, I prepared my coffee and walked over to my new office, which is a new part of my routine and I took some calls that were super creative, you know, call about my redesign of my brand and then that were super creative, call about my redesign of my brand and then did another call about PR for this book that you were talking about.

And then it was like, you know, I need my COVID booster, I got my COVID booster, and then I came back and made some lunch, and now I'm here with you. And when I'm done with you, I'm gonna go work out. So it's like, I don't know,

it's whatever I wanna do that day, depending on there's some days that there's a lot more on my schedule, but I have a beautiful assistant that's constantly making sure that I'm not overpacking my day and, you know, just being conscious of my time. My team is helpful and conscious of my time. And it's just creative now.

But that's, that's, that's, you know, that's, I've been in this field for 16 years. I've been an entrepreneur for 20 years. So that's, 20 years of hard work for now overnight chill, right? So I, I'm not saying that I could have been where I am right now seven years ago, but I definitely could have been much more at ease and supported seven years ago if I had been in a more steady space, if I allowed myself to receive more support at that time. Right.

Yeah. I mean, well, there's a couple of things. First of all, you didn't meditate today. I thought that was your big one that you do every day. Oh, yeah. No, I meditate every morning. So I meditate for, I usually get up like for about 20 minutes and then I meditate around midday like noon for 40 minutes, which I've not done today due to the COVID vaccine,

which I'm grateful for. So, do you not feel sick? Are you feeling okay so far? I'm not fine, I feel fine. I'm gonna tell myself that I'm gonna be completely fine. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, so if I don't do my, like 12 o'clock noon, I meditate for 40 minutes, typically,

unless something's getting in the way, unless I have to, you know, be at an appointment or whatever it is. Right. And my morning meditation is much more like a T.M. meditation, we're just sort of live there and do it. And typically my kid gets up at 730. So when he gets up early, that can be interrupted, depending what happens with Oliver. More from our guests, but first a few words from our sponsor.

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Can you talk about some ways people can kind of glean some of that from you? Because I think, you know, me personally, like work ethic, work ethic is so very important. It's instilled in my DNA. And I'm sure you too. I'm sure had the same thing. And a lot of people listening to this would be too. How could you talk about in your other book that when you slow down and kind of have patience or kind of like don't try so hard? And I know this is a paraphrase. You didn't say it like that. More, more shit or

more stuff comes your way. Do less and attract more is what you're paraphrasing. Basically, yes, do less and attract more. That's exactly what I am paraphrasing. Thank you. I was like totally rooting that for you. But how is that? And obviously you found that to be working for you. Do you find that there's more coming your way when you actually took a step back a little bit and just let and calm down a bit. Oh yeah. You can create a lot by running your head against, you know, hitting your head against the wall, but that doesn't, but you'll always will hit a glass ceiling.

You won't, because you're in the way, you're in the way of the universal support system that's available to you. So you can't actually fully manifest what you are here to bring forth if you are pushing and controlling and hustling and making should happen. It doesn't mean that we don't work hard, but it means that we take spiritually aligned action, that the actions that we take are backed with energy that is sustainable, that are backed with a vibration that is faithful at ease, relaxed, receptive, because when we're pushing and pushing and pushing, we're just literally cutting

off our communication device and cutting off our ability to listen to our inner guidance system and cutting off the energy that's around us and within us that can support us. So when we give ourselves the gift of regulating our nervous system, changing our thought patterns from our history and our past, adjusting the ways that we have it truly show up, doing the personal growth work and the spiritual practice that's necessary to undo those patterns, that's when we become free, that's when we become super attractors, that's when we really truly start living. The entire book, Happy Days, is my journey from trauma and addiction and running and spinning out to freedom. So every single method in that book is how I got there.

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All right, well, we've got a beautiful chapter that's all about regulating your energy and your nervous system. This is a good one for my audience. Let's talk about that one. And so that's a chapter where I talk about Peter Levine's work of somatic experiencing and I give a lot of methods for just you really taking control, I don't even like to say taking control, feeling empowered to know that you have the practices and the methods within yourself to regulate. So for instance, even something as simple as like a G-It-Zoo hold where you put your right hand on your heart and your left hand on your belly, and you just take a deep breath in and you breathe into that space in your diaphragm and on the exhale you just let it go. Just giving yourself that full body permission to breathe into

that space. And then another example would be tapping emotional freedom technique, tapping on that gamut point. There's a point between your ring finger and your pinky finger and that skin right there. And just tapping there, tapping, tapping on that point. And then that point, while you tap on it, if you said to yourself, I am safe. Tap there and say, I am safe. I am safe. That practice can create a full body experience of safety. I have meditations in the book for meditations for relief of anxiety, meditations for connecting to your higher self, meditations for undoing anxiety, anxious thoughts. There's so many practices, and no one practice is more

important than the next. It's almost like one, number one, pick what works for you and do it, and regularly. And number two, I would say, don't underestimate the power of doing it all, right? So everything I've done in that book is something, our practice is I continue to do and practices that had saved me in particularly in recent days. I was pregnant for five months, 21 weeks, and I had to let go of that, I had to terminate the pregnancy because

the placenta wasn't giving the baby what he needed. And so, and that was after a year. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it. But I just wanted to acknowledge that because I am sitting here with you three weeks later, little less than three weeks later. And I'm feeling really good and I'm feeling strong and I'm feeling physically well and I'm feeling grateful and optimistic and hopeful for the future and willing to be open to creative possibilities and connected to my son, my son that passed. And I wouldn't be there if I didn't have the foundation of the nine books behind me because each of those books is just a path on my spiritual and personal growth journey. And everything that I have in happy days is why I'm

sitting with you right now. Feeling pretty good. Feeling pretty good, frankly. I have like meltdowns or moments of grief, but my faith has never been stronger. but my faith has never been stronger. Yeah, I mean, I'm so sorry again. I know I've said it a few times. It's, and you seem to be in a good place, which is great to see. And like I said earlier, again, like everything seems to be a building block

from all your books to where you are now, for someone who's just beginning and just not familiar with your work and know, and who read all your books. What would you say a great starting point is for somebody? I always tell people to start with my book, The Universe has your back because it's it's a book the subtitles transform fear to faith and everybody needs that. Everybody's got fears that take them down. Everybody has fear-based stories that have been messing with their mind

So in their life and so I love that at the first recommendation because also a beautiful First step for somebody as they embark on their spiritual path and they want to develop a spiritual path So that's where I would say to start with one of my books You could also start with something different. I mean, I have a book called Add more ink to your life. It was my first book. It's a hip-guy to happiness. That's for someone who's like super maybe younger and a little bit newer, the spirituality. Have a great book called May Cause Miracles,

which is a 40 day guide book of subtle shifts for radical change. So if somebody's really looking to just sort of add up the new, add up the miracle moments. That's a great place to start. And plenty of people started my journey with me, their journey with me with my book super attractor because that subtitle hooked them, right? Totally.

From manifesting a life beyond your wildest dreams. If you're like, yeah, I want that. And you know what? It works. The book works. The methods work. People love that book. So. Yeah. I want that. And you know what? It works. The book works, the methods work. People love that book. So I like that book. I think that was when I started with.

That was my favorite book. And that's why I wanted to talk about a couple of methods. And I think all these methods are interchangeable, right? Like you can use one method from, like you talk, a big method was the choose again method. Which, that you just share a little bit about what that method is and people can try it, maybe, I love things that are like actionable for people that they can actually take something

and then like use it in their life. Yeah, totally. You know, totally. So the choose again method is, the first step is to really notice the fear-based thought that you have on repeat, the thoughts that you're repeating and telling and retelling, and notice how it makes you feel. And the second step is to forgive yourself for having that thought because the moment that we forgive ourselves for

having that fear-based thought is the moment that we no longer identify with the thought. So we can say, oh, that's just a thought I keep thinking, that's not who I am. So that's what happens when we forgive the thought or forgive ourselves for having the thought. And then the final step is to choose again, which is to reach for the next best feeling thought. So if you're feeling like, oh, I'm broke, I'm broke, I'm broke. Just forgive yourself for having that thought.

Okay, that's a thought that I keep thinking. I'm gonna redirect my focus. I'm gonna know that there is abundance in my life and that's when you start to choose again. I have food on the table. That's abundant. I had a beautiful coffee this morning. That's abundant.

I have internet. That's abundant. I have access to LinkedIn to get a new job opportunity. And that simplicity of just really reaching for the thoughts that feel abundant get you out of that feeling of lack. And so it's a proactive practice of really thinking your way out. You talk a lot, you do a lot of journaling though, a lot of affirmations. But to, I mean, affirmations are a little bit for me anyways, a little heart for me to

understand because I feel like you need to, if you just say something over and over again, you don't really feel it in your bones and believe it. It feels kind of phony. Yeah, it is. Yeah. So an affirmation is designed to, if you're, if you're using positive affirmations, the way that they would really benefit you, would be that you, what you say makes you ignite a positive feeling.

And a lot of people say a lot of positive affirmations that make them feel worse because they don't unconsciously are not really accepting that, you know, saying like, I'm a millionaire when you're broke is not going to work. So you want to lean into positive affirmations that you believe in. So right now as I go through this loss of my son and I think about the future and I know that I don't want to be pregnant again but I maybe want another child, I can say, I'm open to creative possibilities. And that is an affirmation that's very heart-centered for me. It keeps the possibilities limitless. I can still respect my desire to not be physically pregnant again and I can be open to the

possibilities of whatever the universe has in store for me. And so it's a very hopeful way of thinking. So choosing an affirmation that is hopeful and feels good, because what manifests is what we feel, not what we think, what we feel. If you think something long enough eventually it becomes a feeling, but that's why you know, think it, think it, it eventually become your reality, but because of your feelings, that's when it becomes your reality, because you've shifted your feelings good or bad. Right. I mean, I think it's, so it's not about just saying

these like blatant things. I want to mill, you know, like I wanna be rich, I wanna be rich. It's actually finding something in your core that you can really connect to. Yeah, I really prefer to tell people to affirm how they want to feel, right? So I want to feel limitless.

I want to feel like my greatest affirmation is I want to feel like an untethered force of light, right? Right, right, right. I want to feel every day. Words are really important to you, right? Because I can, every time you say, no, not pass, it's through. Like words have a lot of meaning for you. You're a writer, obviously.

But words have a meaning that can actually affect your outcome. Is that kind of, like, is that? Yeah, I think accurate. I think that's true. I think that words are really symbols. So if your word symbolizes something different for you energetically than it might for me, then it may be okay, right? So I don't want to like just be some of its semantics, but I do I do believe that there's power and there's a vibration in words

You know, I I like to curse a lot and I curse to get my point across typically You have a first once I, having Christmas is so magnificent. I know, you're so polite. I know, I don't know what's come up. It's such a lady. It's a lady. Maybe this new studio space is just like no

effing, cursing in here, no cursing in here. Maybe I should put a sign that just says no cursing left. You've been such a, you've been so, don't say f words. Yeah. So, but I do like to curse a lot. My husband will always say to me, like when you curse on stage, it's okay a little bit here and there,

but he's like, if you piss off one person, then you're not doing your job. You know, so. And how is that true? I mean, how do you, how does everyone? Not that I can't, no, I'm going to piss people off, but that's avoidable, right? Right, yes, that's true. Like, people are, but that's avoidable, right? Yes, that's true.

Like people are not gonna like what I say. I cannot control that. You can please everybody. I have probably pissed off a butt load of people for sure. And it's hard to find my friend in mentor Mary Ann Williams and once said to me, if you're not pissing people off, you're not doing your job.

So it's not that, it's Zach's point is, if it's avoidable, don't do it. You're creating some negative thing for no reason. So it's not because cursing is bad. It's because sometimes there's a vibration in a curse word that can be very jarring for somebody or triggering for someone. So that's true. But now I feel like in today's time,

you can't walk even a quarter of an inch without insulting somebody or pissing somebody off. Everybody's very, especially with the world of social media. Do you feel that more now than ever? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think that some of it's really warranted and necessary. And it's been, you know, it's been been too long that we've gone the other way. And then some of it's a bunch of bullshit.

There you go, good. You know, it's just somebody, some asshole on their high horse. Here we go. There you go, go ahead. I like it, go ahead. No, but some asshole on their high horse that's like, I'm gonna have a reason to just, you know,

project my anger out at the world right now. So I think that a lot of the cancel culture is, look, things have to swing the other way because it's been so extreme. But yeah, but you got to check yourself as a human. Like, what are your intentions? Am I here to genuinely serve by teaching somebody? Or am I here to just feel like I can get some temporary

high off of making someone feel bad? Right. You have to be so cognizant of everything you do, especially as a public figure that you're not to your husband's point, not going to piss them one off, because it's so easy these days just to piss anybody off? Right? So if you can avoid it without swearing,

I guess that's the point. But I have one of, I know you're probably wrapped for time. I wanna ask one question, like I said, I'm trying to like get a couple of things in here. Let's talk about one thing, the purpose. Because you talk about purpose a lot, finding your purpose. Actually, I've got two questions for you. How do we realign to our purpose? That was my first question. And my second question is how do we, because this is, you know,

a lot of entrepreneurs are listening to this, how do we attract a job that we want when we're not in the job or in? Those are the two. Similar answers. So to realign with your purpose, you have to focus on what feels good and focus on what brings you joy. Because when you're and focus on what inspires you. So really, our purpose is to we all so we all have a very similar purpose, but each of us individually will enact that purpose in our own unique ways. But our purpose is to be inspired, to be a vessel of love and inspiration and joy, and to express that in our own unique ways. And so the simplicity is rather than going and looking for your purpose, just lean into what's inspiration, all lean into what feels good, lean into what gets you excited. Because when you lean towards joy, you will be led.

When you do the things that make you feel good, you will intuitively know what to do with them. That's kind of coming to the question about, you're in a job you don't like, how do you get to the job you want? How do you attract the job you want? You attract the job you want by focusing on the good stuff and what inspires you and the joy within the job you have. So then give me an example.

I welcome just new relationships wherever I find them. And I remember getting on the phone with a woman at Zara to exchange something for my son. And her attitude was just so excellent. You just like having a great time on the other end. How you doing, honey? What's going down? How you going? What's's your day like, you know, just really enjoying her job. Just dealing with customer service, which is a fucking hard job. Hard job, exactly. And she was so cool and so amazing by the end of the call. I was like, what's your name?

And I was like, if you ever, my name is Gappy Princeton, go to infogabbybrincene.com. And if you ever want a job in customer service, please, I want to hire you. Now I never heard from her, but she's still out there and she has a job with me if she wants one because her joy and excitement and enthusiasm for the job she was in was just creating an opportunity for a new job that she could be ready for if she wanted it. And I really believe that when you show up for what's in front of you with smile and grace and Possibility and it just everything changes. I have always laughs at me, but like I'm so nice to people because

One, why the fuck not? Well, we really let the floodgates open. Yeah, the one why not be why wouldn it be nice to people? Like this is, we're living in such a horrible chaotic time. Be nice people. But number two, be nice and show up with grace and things will be easier for you. I get pushed past lines all the time where people give me a seat somewhere, not because they've read my book, but because I'm nice to them. Totally. Just be cool. And people will be so relieved to have someone be nice to them. I agree. I also don't think, no matter how great your books would sell or sell, if you're an asshole,

you're an asshole and people won't like you. And that's the end of it. That's the bottom line. And I also think, I think that's such a valid point because people are constantly searching for the next thing without being good or focusing and being a present for the thing that they're in and being good at that thing. Because your best opportunities, from my experience,

are usually found doing the thing you're doing really well. Yeah, totally. I mean, listen, you show up for a job that you don't really want, but you show up with a good attitude. Totally. Who knows? Like, maybe that boss that you have now goes and leaves and goes to a different job and then they call them.

You know what? I want you to do more of this job, even though it's not your exact thing. I want to teach you whatever. Or you have a good attitude and you're walking up in the elevator every single day and you're smiling at the same person every day. And then the next afternoon, somebody says, hey, what does it that you do? I'm looking higher right now. So it just show up with a good vibe.

Exactly, like shift that added, so what's a great way to shift that someone's added? That's all attitude, right? And use a choose again method. Choose again, and then use a choose again method. Start your day with a prayer, start your day with a meditation, and firm how you want to feel.

And then the other part is just smile. Just smile more. Smile. It's hard to be an asshole when you're smiling. It's 100% true. I totally agree. Okay, well, thank you. I mean, listen, like I said, I can have I have like a thousand things I can talk to you about. I don't want to like bore you at nauseam all at once. But I will. I hope that you come back on and we can talk to you about. I don't want to like bore you at nauseam all at once. But I will, I hope that you come back on. We can talk about other things when we're not, you know, we're not so, um, you know, over time for you. Yeah, I would love to come back. Thank you so much. It's been a beautiful conversation. Thank you. Thank you very much. You come to LA often or not really well these days. I know you haven't been here. I haven't, but I think I will be.

I think so. Probably when the next, but when the book is out, I'll probably be in LA. Are you going to be doing a virtual book? I am doing a free live online VIP event for everybody in the world. So if you go to Gabby Bernstein, if you go to deergabby.com slash happy days. So deergabby and that's g-a-b-b-y.com slash happy days, you can get, when you pre-order or order the book whenever you're listening to this, you will get a free VIP ticket to this live online event experience.

It's a full day with me where I bring the topics of the book to life and everybody can join from the comfort of their own home. Full day. You're doing a full day? Yeah. Wow, that's a lot. Yeah, I'm doing it with Tony Robbins people that do the his live events that they have like the big screens in front of you and you can pull somebody up on the screen and see

them in front of you and really workshop with people and it's going to be fun. Oh, that sounds amazing. Wow. And then would you be doing like a quasi book tour or a press tour? Maybe, maybe in the summer. Yeah, maybe. Definitely doing press, but maybe I'll do some live events. Hopefully, hopefully, you know, when the book's out, it's not, you know, not a bad COVID

time and it's safe to gather. Have you done a virtual event like the Tony Robbins like event before? No, no, I'm flying out to their studios to do it and yeah. Wow, how many people do you expect to have? I hope to have 50,000, that's my goal is 50,000, yeah. That would be amazing. Oh my gosh, that's so exciting. Good for you. Congratulations. Thanks. You're welcome. I hope that everyone comes. I hope so too. Everyone go to GabbyBerinstee.com or dear Gabby slash. Yeah, dear Gabby.com slash happy days.

That's awesome. Well, congratulations. Good luck with it. I will hopefully meet you in person sometime soon. Yeah, just doing. Yeah. And well, thanks Gabby. This has been pleasure. Thank you. Thank you, Sudhara. has been pleasure. Thank you. Thank you, Suhaar. It's so nice to be with you. This is your moment. Excuses. We're having that the habits and hustle podcasts. Power by happiness. Hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm Heather Monahan, host of Creating Confidence, a part of the YAP Media Network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network. Okay, so I want to tell you a little bit about my show. We are all about elevating your confidence to its highest level ever and taking your business right there with you.

Don't believe me, I'm going to go ahead and share some of the reviews of the show so you can believe my listeners. I have been a longtime fan of Heather's, no matter what phase of life I find myself in, Heather seems to always have the perfect gems of wisdom that not only inspire, but motivate me into action. Her experience and personality are unmatched, and I love her go-getter attitude. This show has become a staple in my life. I recommend it to anyone looking to elevate their confidence and reach that next level. Thank you! I recently got to hear Heather at a live podcast taping

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