Habits and Hustle - Episode 195: Jaiya - Award-Winning Somatic Sexologist

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

Pre-order Jen’s New Book: Bigger, Better, Bolder Today: https://amzn.to/3hvtqYp Jaiya is an Award-Winning Somatic Sexologist. It seems impossible to be more open than she is in this episode. Jaiya and Jen uncover every facet of Sex, Romance, and Relationship knowledge she has in this quick interview answering questions about keeping a love-life going far into a relationship where kids and life get in the way, having multiple partners for over a decade and keeping jealousy at bay, her work with Goop, and more. This is a truly wonderfully shocking one with twist after twist even getting into Jaiya's personal struggles being an expert in sex and intimacy, but still missing the cues of her partner and how that was remedied with help from the understanding of her "Blueprints". Looking for some advice with your own love-life? Just open to hearing what more you could explore from an expert? Push yourself out of your comfort zone and indulge in your curiosity on this one. You won't regret it! Youtube Link to This Episode Jaiya’s Website - https://missjaiya.com/ ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts.  📧If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail]  📙Get yourself a copy of Jennifer Cohen’s newest book from Habit Nest, Badass Body Goals Journal.  ℹ️Habits & Hustle Website - http://habitshustle.com 📚Habit Nest Website - http://habitshustle.com 📱Follow Jennifer - Instagram - https://instagram.com/therealjencohen - Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/therealjencohen - Twitter - https://twitter.com/therealjencohen - Jennifer’s Website - https://jennifercohen.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Get grilling at Whole Foods Market Terms Apply. All right, the time has almost come. My book, Bigger, Better, Boulder, is hitting the shelves, launching, debuting on December the 27th. And I am so excited. I'm thrilled that I get to share this book with you guys. I took me two years to write it and it really is a culmination of all the different tactics and traits that I used

to build my life that I've used on tons of clients from the last 20 years, from athletes to entrepreneurs, and it's all about building your bold, you know, making boldness a skill that you can learn to really get what you want, chase what you want, and not just take what you can get. My entire philosophy is about living the life you want and not the life you get. And really, it's really about taking actionable steps that anybody can do and anybody can learn. Unfortunately, a lot of us get stuck in the self-doubt syndrome, right? And the fear of failure, which then holds us back from going after things or asking for things that really is much more aligned

with who we are in the life we want to live. So that's why I'm so thrilled that I have this book now to share with people about helping people, teaching people, how they can make these bold moves and become bolder and asking for what they want and finding the courage within them to live the life they want. Like I said, I'm so excited. It's on pre-order right now. You can pre-order it anywhere, Amazon, Bart Barnes and Noble, Target, and really start living true to who you are and I can't

wait to see your response once you get it. Thanks. Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Cresher. Today in the podcast, we have Jaya. Jaya is an award-winning somatic sexologist with over two decades of clinical research and clinical observation under her belt. She is also the creator of the erotic blueprints and was featured in the Netflix hit series Sex, Love, and Goop with Gweneth Paltrow. She has this theory and her system is based around

these five erotic blueprint types and we all fall into one of these blueprints sexually. When I tell you this podcast was fascinating, it was fascinating. I think you guys are really going to enjoy this podcast and all the information she has to share. Enjoy. I'm at the Biohacking Conference and I am now interviewing Jaya.

What's your last name? I just go by Jaya's. Like Madonna? Like Madonna, Prince. Exactly. Her be reviewing Jaya. What's your last name? I just go by Jaya's. Like Madonna. Like Madonna, Prince. Exactly. Her name is Jaya. And she is a somatic sexologist.

I don't know what that is, but we're going to find out. She did the Gueneth Paltrow Goops. What's that show? Sex Love and Goop. Sex Love and Goop. And I was really riveted by the episodes that you were in Which is why I really wanted to have this interview with you I don't it was stuff. I've never really seen before I was like blown away by just

By all of it. So I'm really happy that you're here on this podcast. So thank you for being here I love your excitement. It's like making me orgasmic already So thank you for being here. I love your excitement. It's like making me orgasmic already. I'll go into my mouth. I'm gonna have a shot. Because I, it's, how can you not be excited? I mean, I have never seen somebody,

I have never, you're so comfortable with sexuality. I mean, not that, that's not as unusual, but like, you're approached to it and making other people, like getting them comfortable. I've never really seen that in that way before, which are you the only person who does this? There are a few of us who are somatic sexologists, but it is a quite rare profession.

It is, right? The comfort level thing. It was years ago when I first started my career, a few decades ago, it was like, how can I make sex as easy as talking about a cup of coffee? Yeah. So that we're just sitting around, we're having a cup of easy as talking about a couple of coffee? Yeah. Just so that we're just sitting around, we're like having a cup of tea, talking about sex. Talk about sex.

Okay, so what is, okay, first define what that is. Is that actually, did you make that up or did someone else make up? Somatic sex holidays. Yes. Somatic sexology comes from Joseph Kramer, who was my mentor, and it's the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, and they had a somatic sexology portion of their training. And so somatic sexology means that it's more hands-on, not just where like, like, sex therapy where we might just sit and talk about sex.

We're actually going to get more into like, what's happening in the body and seeing, like, what's going on in the pelvic floor. Because sex is something that happens in the body, it's something that happens in our minds too, but it's on multiple layers. And so we look at the whole layer as a somatic sexologist, we're looking at everything. So yeah, because doesn't it really start in the head, like in your brain, because of like emotional stuff and like, it isn't that? Well, because I'm talking for myself anyway as a girl, I'm women in general. I feel like sex first starts with the brain

and then let physical can follow. Is that? Yeah, I feel like our B-spot, the brain, is one of our most powerful sexual organs that we have. And what I've seen so far and working with so many people over the years is that we're all wired a little bit differently. So when you talk about gender, how does gender affect that? How do we were brought up affect that, how do our early sexual experiences affect that?

I'm really looking at that whole picture. It's almost like I'm always being a detective in terms of our radices. I mean, we have so little research around sexuality because it's so shameful still to even research that we don't always have the answers. So a lot of it's just come from my years of clinical being with people and working with people that felt experience. It's like, how is it? I'm very good friend with Emily Morris, who's like this sex with Emily.

And she always talks about sex very openly and freely. It says, she talks about masturbation. Like you talk about getting a cup of coffee, right? And I'm always shy and uncomfortable. I'm always like squeamish when she talks about it. You know, but it's a different, she does something very different than you. Like you were saying, your stuff is much more touch and feel.

And so I guess my question, is it becoming more, do you feel, do you think in your, is it becoming more mainstream now than it used to be? Yeah, I think that sexual wellness, especially for people who identify as women, is, we're just gonna see it skyrocket in the next few years. I've seen some predictions that say

that that industry is going to be over $3 billion because sexual wellness women are becoming more empowered. We're having this conversation and it's people like you, you know, who are having shows and we're having these candid conversations where we can start to really peel back the shame and empower and own ourselves sexually.

But I'm still to be on and I still feel not shameful but it's embarrassing to talk about it like for me it's like I feel like how much of it is like how you were brought up and like your and your experiences in the past like is it hard to break through if you've had a certain background where it was much more shameful? Not because mine was much more shameful, but it was not something we talked about. It wasn't something that was out in the open. And it's hard to kind of evolve away from that, even if it is much more open and more mainstream now.

I think we live in a culture that is a sex night. I think it's just the culture in general. We live in that kind of, we don't talk about sex, be shameful about your desires. I ask audiences all over the world, everywhere I've gone. Did you learn about sex? Did you have a good sex education?

And very few people will raise their hand in the audience. And it's because we are getting a sex education, we're just not getting a good one. Right, not getting good at all. And so the sex education we get are the messages constantly that we receive from our parents, constantly from peers, constantly from even when we're not talking about it, that's an education. That's something that's teaching you, that it's not okay to talk about. And so it's a journey to unraveling all of the conditioning and programming and really getting underneath, well, who are you? Who are you really without all that conditioning and all the shaming and all the programming based upon what our culture and our parents

and religion and so many things have taught us? What's the number one issue that you see the most? The people come to you. Do you have a lot of personal clients? Yes, you do. Yes. Okay, so what is the number one problem that you see? The number one problem that people come to me for is usually a mismatch. Yes.

They feel like in their partnership that they, like, one person, once more sex, the other person doesn't. One person likes a certain thing in bed, the other person doesn't want to do that thing. So it, oftentimes it's, it's not that we're sexually incompatible. I think that that's a mythology. It's that we have not learned who we are,

and so then we don't have a language to communicate. Here's who I am erotically, truly who I am erotically. And here's who you are. Now let's learn each other's languages. It's just like learning a language. It's getting skill sets more so than any kind of discrepancy that we have. Now there are true discrepancy, you know,

sometimes there are somebody who wants more sex than the other, but I'd even go that, take that down to personality typing. It's still the typing of a person who wants a lot of sex is usually falls within one of the erotic blueprints. Okay, I want to talk with the blueprints. That's what I want to talk about. What is the erotic? Okay, before I even tell me that, what about pheromones? What part of pheromones do that does that play in everything? Like people say, well, we have chemistry or, you know, I don't have

chemistry with that person. I have chemistry with this person. Do you believe in that? Yes, absolutely. So chemistry can come down to many different things. So there's cranial nerve zero in our nose. I'm going to get geeky. I love it. I love it. Get geeky about sex.

Get geeky, like it. Cranial nerve zero, which is picking up the pheromonal signature of another person. When you're doing that, the brain is reading the immune system of that person. So it's saying, do we make good babies with one another? So there's a whole chemistry to that attraction. But when you take birth control, it messes that up. There was actually a study where they had women smell t-shirts and the people that they would have naturally made the best match with, they couldn't smell it anymore because they

were on birth control. So it's just really interesting, like that fascinates me around just what attracts us to someone. Then we've got all the emotional attractors based upon memory based upon how we adapted who makes our nervous system safe. So there's just this huge thing that we need to look at in terms of our emotional connection, our biochemical connection, how our bodies feel together, the physical connection, and then lastly, the bioenergetic connection.

Like what's happening on an energetic level? This is when we meet somebody where you're my soulmate, or we know each other before, that sort of unseen, mysterious part of attraction. What does attract us to people, that besides the, what you were saying about the make babies together, the chemistry, what does in your, in your education and knowledge are the biggest attractors to people back and forth. So there's a number of things

depending upon gender too. So like shiny hair is one of them for like men because it signals that somebody's healthy. So they're looking for markers. Again, a lot of it comes down to fertility. It's like, can that person produce healthy babies? Can we make offspring together that's going to be healthy? So they're looking for things.

The shiny hair is a symbol of estrogen. Like somebody has more of that. So that's one thing. Like confidence, we look for that. Can somebody protect us? Can somebody provide for us? That's women to go to men, no right? What's men to women?

So the hair for sure. The hair for sure. The health confidence is also one. Since a humor, those are some of the things. Sounds similar to what women look for in men. Yeah, we look for similar things. We're looking for somebody who is healthy, are some of the things. Sounds similar to what women look for in men. Yeah. We look for similar things. We're looking for somebody who is healthy, who we feel good around, and who we connect

with on multiple levels, intellectually, at the heart, and also at the sex. So what happens, I'm sure you see people also who, because this is like a, that maybe they had a relationship that had a lot lot of sex in the beginning and then of course, then children or whatever happens and they lose that sexual appeal for that person and they become, they're in that friend's feelings. Remakes. Remakes.

How do you, do you really believe that you can actually ignite that against? Absolutely. You do. So a couple of reasons why that happens, the roommate thing. Biochemically, for about 18 months, we're in a limmerant stage. And so we're creating different chemicals together during that time. That starts to wane.

Then you have children, that starts to wane. If you were on birth control, you go off birth control to have children, all of a sudden, they're a fair amount of signatures different because you're actually smelling. Oh my gosh. They're fair amounts. Like we were talking about earlier. So like all of these different factors that weigh in, plus then there's just life.

There's, you know, when she start raising kids, or you start doing all of the business and life, and all of that, that can also. Totally, yeah. That's just, especially if you're in business together, you know, that's a whole other thing. Yeah. And so there are, we call it the passion trifecta.

And so these are the three things that we say start to create heat in each other. Again, one is to have obstacles. Once we're in a relationship, the obstacles go away. Like we've won the person. Yeah. There's no more of that like, it's just the challenge. Yeah, challenge gone.

Yeah. So how can you consciously create obstacles? Like an easy thing during sex is like, we're gonna have sex tonight, but you're gonna keep your panties on. That's like a little obstacle. You know, like, I never thought that's a good one. I like that, okay.

And then you get more creative effect because there's more creativity that's naturally created or like one is you don't get to see me before dates, like before we go out. That's creating like a little obstacle, like we're gonna meet out somewhere. We're not gonna let each other home first. You're kind of creating like some mystery. Yeah, that's the next one. That's number two, mystery. Oh, okay. Like that.

So, obstacle and mystery. So, mystery is another thing that we lose. We start to know each other so much. Yeah. We think that all this connection and closeness is going to create a hotter sex, but actually it can be the opposite. I think it does to a certain point, and then it gets into routine and day-to-day boredom. Right. Yes. God no, I'm just joking. Just joking. And then the last one is novelty or notiness. So in the beginning, we have novelty naturally because everything's kind of new.

But we start to go to the same restaurant. We start to have these same habits, right? We don't have novelty anymore. And we don't have notiness. I like to tell that like Romeo and Juliet is like a perfect example. We had a story about it. Totally. It didn't end well for them.

But you know, they had irresistible attraction because they had obstacle. They weren't supposed to see each other, different families. No, big no. They had mystery. They met at a ball with the masks and all this mystery shouted and everything. And then they had noddingness.

They broke the rules and they saw each other anyway. And they had novelty because it was all new. Yeah. So, like, that creates such irresistible attraction that I mean, in their case, they were willing to die for it. Right, exactly. Because, like, it's like, is it more, okay, first of all, you didn't,

I was gonna say, I didn't wanna jump somewhere else, because you were gonna tell me about the blueprint. So, tell me what that is, because I'm sure a lot of my questions will be answered within that stuff. Okay. So, there's five erotic blueprints. Okay. The first one is an energetic and it's someone who's turned on by space, tease, anticipation, longing, yearning. So they they like the moment before. So I don't know if you've ever been in like a situation where it's like, I'm gonna kiss, we're gonna kiss, we're gonna and all the excitement is in that.

We've ever been in a situation where it's like, I'm going to kiss, we're going to kiss, we're going to, and all the excitement is in that. And then you kiss and it's kind of like, it's not quite as good, right? So that's like very energetic. And then the anticipation is the turn on more than the actual physical thing is the turn on. Blazing Deals, Boundless Options, It's Hot Grill Summer at Whole Foods Market from June 14th through July 4th. Fire up the grill with quality cuts at

the best prices. We're talking animal welfare certified meat. Check out the sales on Bone In Ribbye, Beef Cabobs, and New York Strip Steak. Round out your barbecue with plant-based proteins, slice cheese, soft buns, and all the condiments. Plus, sales on fresh strawberries, peaches, and more. Don't forget the pie, either. Get grilling at Whole Foods Market, terms apply. So wait, before you tell me the, okay, so are you saying that these five erotic blueprints, someone, everyone has one that they kind of fall into with their, with their, what their blueprint is?

Okay, good, okay. Yeah, everyone has an erotic blueprint. It could be like, some people might be 95% of why. Yeah, yeah. It's a little bit of a rest. Some people have more like they're 20% of each one. Right. So everybody has a different blueprint map.

Got it. Okay. That's the first one. Yeah. So energetic and then sensual. And this is somebody who's turned on by all of their senses being ignited. So this is someone who loves like the taste and the smell and the beautiful environment that they're in.

And you know, all of that beauty they need in their erotic experience. Okay. So they bring the artistry. They can have non-genital orgasms, energetics kind of orgasms without even being touched. So they all have superpowers as well. Wow. Okay, go on. Yes.

It's so interesting. Is this book out already? It's coming. It's coming. Okay, good, okay. Are they still not good? And then the next one's sexual. And the sexual is someone who's turned on by what we think of as sex in our culture.

Okay. It's penis in vagina, it's, you know, good to the orgasm, it is nudity, it is all of what we think of as sex. Yes, okay, got it, okay. And then the kinky is someone who's turned on by the taboo. And there's two different kinds of kinky's one is like a Sensation-based kinky so they're gonna like that slap

They're gonna like more of like the feeling of the rope on their body and then there's a psychologically based kinky Which is more about the power dynamics in the play within that okay my partner. He's both. He kind of has the mix of both the your partner Yeah, yeah, he has. Yeah, he's right there. Oh, hi. Oh, hi. So, journey. You best have the best ex life with this one, huh? Yeah, we're pretty expert. Oh, my gosh, I can only imagine. Wow. Okay. Sorry, John. I'm sorry. I think I saw you guys, by the way, like other day, walking around and you guys looked very happy together. So someone says, I've been enjoying all of your canoe to ling while you're here.

I saw the canoe to ling, yes. How long have you guys been together for? We've been together for over 15 years. And you have a 13 year old child too. Yeah. Really? And you're saying genuinely it's been good the whole time. Well, not good the whole time.

Like we definitely, like before the blueprints, and after our son not good the whole time. Like, we definitely, like, before the Blueprints, and after our son was born, we went through a period where I was like, okay, I just went from sex goddess of the world. Yeah. It's a freaked out mom. And- So even you, Jaya. With all the tools that I knew,

except for the I didn't have the Blueprints yet. Like, I had all the sex techniques in the world. Yes. I knew all the good blowjob techniques. All the, I mean, I wrote the books on them, right? I know, you know. You did write the books. I know. It's so true. I know. And then that was it. I couldn't get his interest. I'm like trying striptease, like, right, trying to get him to do all these things. And not into it. Well, the problem was that I was initiating in my blueprint. And I didn't yet. I didn't, hadn't figured this out yet. And I love how when we have our own adversity,

we problem a solve and we figure out. That's the best way to problem a solve, right? When you have that problem yourself, you're much more interested and driven to find the answer for it. So here I am a sexologist with all the techniques, but none of the techniques worked. So what was I doing wrong?

And it was because I was approaching it from the sexual blueprint. I would like touch his genitals and yell like, let's have sex. And he nod into it, nod into it. And then we think also gender wise, like what guy wouldn't be into that because we have a stereotype that all men are sexual.

Yeah. Which is we've debunked that through all the people who've taken the erotic blueprint quiz What we've found is that most men aren't all sexual they have a wide range throughout all the blueprints and so It's really lovely to all men were like really into I mean there no not into this so he didn't he kept saying to me Like you're being too obvious. You're being too direct and then he come to bed and cuddle with me And I'd be like oh god., he's cuddling again.

He just wants to cuddle and go to sleep. And I didn't recognize that his cuddling was him initiating. And he didn't like the way I was initiating, because I was too obvious in the way that I was doing it. And to masculine, I would say, would be the word that we normally would think that would be, right? Right, right.

And so when we took my own quiz, you know, later, it was interesting because I was zero, kinky, which is his number one, and I was like 5% sensual, which is his number two. He was zero sexual, which is my number one, and like 5% energetic, something like that. Really? You know, when we first figured all this out,

and so we were complete opposite. Totally opposite. So it looks like a mismatch, right? It looks like, oh, that's why, and it makes sense. Like, that's why I'm initiating in my language. I'm speaking American English, he speaks French. He doesn't understand what I'm doing. But if it didn't understand him.

But before you had the child, you said you've sex was like really good. Oh, great. So then, but you see, that would mean to me that it was a total match. Did it change over time? Well, we had our son, I was pregnant nine months in. So we hadn't gone through the limerence phase. Yeah, it is true. So when we're in the limerence phase. Yeah, sure, 13 months. So one more in the limerence phase,

you kind of naturally gravitate toward wanting to have a lot of sex. And so you start to then, after that limerence phase, fall into your natural blueprints. That makes more sense to me. Thanks for listening to The Habits and Hustle Podcasts, made possible by your friends at Trinayagin. So I have been a huge fan of Trinayagen for years, and that's why I am so excited to be

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to receive 20% off all orders at $100 or more using the code hustle20 until December 31st, 2020-22. So definitely run, don't walk, to scoop them up today. Okay, what's the fifth one then you step in? So then the last one is the shape shifter. And the shape shifter is someone who is all of the erotic blueprints and shapeshifts among them. They're the most erotically sophisticated and intelligent of all of the blueprints.

And they're oftentimes the best lovers because they're shape shift. They can shape shift and speak. It's like somebody who's multi-lingual, you know. How do you become a shape shifter or who are shapeshifters? So I have a theory about this. Okay. I want one of those. Just in working with people is that I think deep down we're all shapeshifters. But we have been conditioned and programmed.

And through our traumas and hurts throughout life, we start to peel away parts of ourselves. And we start to compartmentalize. So your blueprint actually shows you where you're limited. And the shapeshifter, when fully developed and fully blossomed, they are our ideal in some ways. Not that I want people to start thinking something's wrong or bad or broken in them. Like that's not the message here.

It's just that our wholeness actually, and I think our natural state actually is the shape shifter that we're all of it. And then we've just said, no, that part's not okay. And we put that part away. Interesting. My gosh. It's where do you find them? I want to, I don't know.

Yeah. So we have, we have noticed that everybody who's gone through our journey and our program ends up becoming a shape shifter by the end Because they do this work of the willing and like all of that so come join our community and Find them How did you come up with this program like to someone help you? Did you like just how did it even come to be so I was was in my office one day, and I had a number of influences. So Jack Morin, who wrote a book called The Erotic Mind, was an influence.

And he talked about something called your core erotic theme. And it was all based on your peak erotic experiences. So you take your top erotic experience and go, well, that's your theme. Instead of looking at dysfunction, looking at what was positive. Right, right, right.

And so I started thinking about that. I thought, I love personality typing test. You know, like, I'm going to stick right into the engram and like, myrtsprigs and just, I thought, nobody's done this for sexuality. And so I just started paying attention. Like, well, what's happening? How are my clients wired and what is it that turns them on?

And I'll never forget I was in my office one day here in Los Angeles and I was hovering my hands like showing this couple. He had a rectal dysfunction and they weren't connecting sexually. And I was just showing her like how to not touch like energetically. And he opened his eyes and he looked at his body, started shaking and he looked at me and he started shaking and he looked at me and he was like, what is happening? And then he got this erection and she's looking at me and I said, you're wired energetically.

And I was like, my first like, oh, okay. This actually is a thing. And then it took me about five years working just clinically with my clients of like really honing, kink was the last one, of course, because I was zero kink. So it was the last one that I saw. My own partner's Kink was so funny.

That is kind of, it's always that way. It's Murphy's Law, right? We're six and a half years into our relationship and I finally figured out all I need to do is lay some ropes on the bed. I mean, totally once that was so cool, right? Who knew? Who knew? Who knew, right?

And so, yeah, it was just so fascinating to watch then the whole thing unfold. And then when I started speaking about it, people coming it was just so fascinating to watch then the whole thing unfold. And then when I started speaking about it, people coming up and just be like, oh my gosh, this makes so sense. We're like all my past relationships or the relationship that I'm in. And watching all those a-haz as people recognize themselves.

And then also people saying like, thank you because I felt like I was broken. Like energetics especially, feeling so misunderstood. Like nobody understands that, like going after my clitoris and pounding on it and rubbing on it. Totally. Isn't the thing that's going to get me there, I'm actually just associating out of my body because it's too much too quick, too fast.

Well, that's why I first started this whole podcast by saying, like, isn't it mostly in your head? Maybe it's not for everybody like that. Maybe it's only for some people. I always assume that a lot of girls were just like that head? Maybe it's not for everybody like that. Maybe it's only for some people. I always assume that every lot of girls were just like that. And maybe it's not true, right? We have seen from the quiz,

and I think we've had over a million people take the quiz now that- That's a lot. Two, over, two million says my lover. Two million? What do you do, by the way? Do you run the company? Oh, you run the company.

What's the company called? The Blueprint Company. The giant Blueprint breakthrough. And that's what it is. And you run the company? Oh, you run the company. What's the company called? The Blueprint Company. The Geo. The Blueprint Breakthrough. That's what it is. And you run the company? So how long has this company been around for? He's my C.F. C.P.O. My chief pleasure officer. I love that.

Oh, my gosh, such a good name. I love that name. Yeah, we, I've been doing this for a few decades, but we've actually had the company. I think we launched around 2011, was when we launched it. That's a long time. Yeah. How come I've just said, I guess that's funny, the show just kind of brought you much more

to the general masses, right? Because how would you, how do you know unless you know? Right. And we, because we don't have this conversation, you know, it's not on the mainstream, it's just, even it's hard for us, like we can't advertise, we can't, like, I'm sending emails and stuff, we get kind of lumped into like porn or we get lumped in so like a lot of other stuff.

We're even just us being able to educate, like I can't tell you how many times I've been kicked off of like YouTube or social media. When it's just me, I'll innocent me, you know, sitting there, I innocent me. Yeah, innocent me, yeah, exactly. So do you know, just talking about these things, you know? Oh, I guess that's true.

Am I gonna get banned by putting those words on my, am I going to, they probably will, that probably like shadow banned me, right? Maybe, I don't know. For saying those words. It really depends on if they're onto you. I mean, they might be, after between you and Dave Aspery, I'm going to be totally banned

and I've thrown it off of Instagram, I think. Well, as Dave says, and you're just dangerous, then you just know that you're dangerous. Yeah, and that's not bad. That's not a bad thing. It is. But they're throwing off, like, they're throwing a lot of people off right now.

I do not, you probably don't know it is. It's so interesting, you know, that it's the censorship of education. Yeah. And that we need this education. I mean, imagine having had this education when you were in school. Right.

And I would love to see these curriculums in high schools. And we've gotten some of this in some really progressive high schools. So they're talking about blueprints and helping people understand who they are and how to communicate and having consent conversations. Yeah. And it lowers abuse. It lowers. 100 percent. And in countries who have more sex positivity, we see less crime. Yeah, for sure. Exactly.

I would imagine that would be the case. I mean, wait, so what's going to say about personality? You're saying it about personality types. Have you, did you see any kind of correlations between personality types? Like alpha males tend to be this blueprint. Alpha females tend to be that. Like, is there any? We haven't done any research on it yet.

I would love to see it. I love stacking these things. Yeah, I think it's like a stack. That's fascinating. Ian calls them stack hacks. Yeah. You can kind of hack yourself by knowing yourself. One of those deeply by going, okay,

here's who I am on the Instagram. How does that tie into my erotic blueprint? Here's, you know, I'm really high testosterone, alpha, you know, like super really high testosterone, alpha, you know, like super, does that tie into my sex? Or do I mask myself as a sexual because that's what I'm supposed to be? Right. You know, so I think that happens a lot because a lot of alpha and that was a low testosterone actually. Right. And that's why they're compensating a lot of times. That's just my psychological like 10 cent, you know, you know, thing. But

yeah, I mean, that would be such an an amazing study like how does biochemistry play a role? If you have higher testosterone or you're more likely to be sexual, I am a high testosterone vulva body and human. So that does that play a role in me being such a sexual human? Yeah. How does all of this like nature, nurture, bioc, like it's so fascinating. It is fascinating. But you don't have any like researchers' dads on that.

I don't. And I would love to see somebody do that research. It'd be amazing. Yeah, me too. I mean, so we'd have to put that on our questionnaire next. What is your testosterone? Yeah. We have a gender, we have relationship style,

like those kinds of things. And personality style, like if you're, I mean, I just think all of it's super fascinating. So what do you do when you see stuff like what's the first thing that you look at or how do you make people who will Lost their you know thing with each other the sexual real how do you bring them back together? The first thing we look at is the blueprint so we create a map It really is about knowing yourself and where you're at right now Just like people you know here at the biohacking Conference are talking about what's your bio, gut bio, and what's your DNA.

It's the same thing with sexuality. We want to look at that whole picture. I'm looking at what your erotic blueprint, what your sexual history, I look at four main things when I'm doing an intake, which is the blueprint, of course, as the foundation, but then it's what's the biochemistry. So what's the testosterone levels and what is the estrogen doing? So you do look at that.

I'm looking at all of that as well. I'm looking at physical traumas. So did you trial birth? I mean, that's a big one to women's pelvic floor and how that affects libido. So we've got all of that that we're looking at. Scar tissue. Yeah, that affects the b. So we've got all of that that we're looking at scar tissue. Yeah, that affects libido?

Absolutely, absolutely. Because if you're in pain, are you going to want to have sex? Oh, you mean like that? But also bioenergetically, that's another thing I'm looking at. Third thing, bioenergetics, is if you have scar tissue, let's say you had a C-section, it's through the midline. There is a vessel that goes, an energetic vessel

that goes through that if that is cut off, now you've cut off drive. That's so interesting. So just from an energetic level, you have energetically a block there when you have scar tissue. And if you haven't had that and it was regular, if you've had a vaginal block, you may not have that same thing. Right. But there could be also adhesions or scar tissue you don't necessarily know about that are invisible. Like maybe you didn't have an apesiatomy or its hair, but

maybe there's an adhesion that's grown somewhere inside the uterus of the cervix, you know, I all like circumnavigate that I'm doing my nose for people can't see. Circumnavigate around the cervix to make sure there's no adhesions to the vaginal wall because if that's there, then the cervix can't get out of the way during sex. You don't have uterine flight because it's adhered into the vaginal wall. And what's the other one that you were going to say? And then the last one is the emotional. So what's happening emotionally? So is there trauma in your history around sexuality? Most of us do not escape life without some kind of trauma, anything from a bad vaginal exam or prostate

exam to, you know, being cat-called, these things then create armor on our bodies. And interesting. And then there's deeper sexual traumas that people experience in their lives and then how do we unravel that out of the body, not just from the psyche, but so that the body tissue also isn't stuck in whatever that trauma was. Big Hakeridge Bargons are on sale now with the ranches at Buck Ridge. Get 25 to 100 plus acres of beautiful recreation land from under $5,500 in acre.

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This is how it is, that's challenging. And then you have to make a different choice. You could do conscious uncoupling or you could talk about opening your relationship at that point or maybe transforming that relationship, you know, that way that's helpful so that everybody gets their needs back. How did you become this? What was the evolution of you?

People don't just become a somatic sexologist. What were you doing before? What were you doing? This has been my whole life. I've literally dedicated my whole life to this. When I was a kid, I wanted to be Dr. Rousse when I grew up. That was like, I aspired. I wanted to be Dr. Ruth. So, somehow I must have seen her on something when I was really young. And I wanted to help people with relationship, sexuality, love, you know, I was always just like a lover.

And so I became very, I would go so I became very I would go to the library It's sneak to the library lived in this little small town and I would get all the books on sex and romance novels and read them Because I wanted to know all the information that I could buy like this was like eighth grade or something like that Wow Everything so I was either gonna be a singer or I was gonna be Dr. Ruth one was either going to be a singer, or I was going to be Dr. Ruth, one of the two. And it kind of, obviously became Dr. Ruth. And then what was your first job, or your first thing that you did to kind of get you to this? Like, what before you or this, what were you doing?

So I have all kinds of really fun stories. So the moment I turned 18, I wanted to become an exotic dancer, because I wanted to go into the field to learn the underground of sexuality. I was fascinated with the whole thing. What is this world like? And let me go.

The moment I turned 18, I started dancing. You were an exotic dancer. I was an exotic dancer. So I would go to school, study. I was a singer at church. Like, no, did anyone know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, early age, just again, curious. I wanted to know. It's amazing that I made it as far as I did in terms of being as sexually free as I was because I had so much trauma, but also so much religious

upbringing of escaping the messages of Catholicism. Yeah. Oh, that's how you grew up. Yeah. Catalyze, I had the little school uniform and everything but I used to kind of roll mine up, you know, above the knees, but the nuns didn't like that. Wow, yeah.

So you were always kind of just like pushing the envelope a little bit. Like, let's push in the edge. Yeah. Oh, so you also kind of like trying to do that. But I was such a ruleful or everything else. It was like, but in this thing of sexuality, I just felt like something's not right.

This brings me closer to God. Like that was, like when I was young, I would be like, God and sex go together. Like for me, it was almost like a spiritual practice. Really? So would you vary sexual, gender-led partners when you were young and all the other? No, and this is the other thing is that I was,

while I was a very sexually expressed person, I was also very conservative. Really? So I didn't, I still to this day have not had many sexual partners. I loved parabond and have a lot of sex with the person that I'm parabonded with, and also have a lot of freedom with the person that I'm pair bonded with, and also have a lot of freedom within that pair bond.

So intercourse wise, you know, I'm more interested in what are all the other fun things that we can do, and what are the other fun things that we can play with, because I used to make a rule that if I had sex with more than 10 people, person that I was a really big slut. I remember that. By the way, that was always a thing that we heard too. So you had less than 10 partners?

I went over 10 a few years ago, and I was like, oh my gosh, I went to 11. I'm a big slut. Now I have to move my number to 20. Wait, so wait, now, of course, that you're telling me to wrap up right now. I'm not wrapping this up. I have one more question.

Do you are Mary? You're saying a few years, is it even Mary for 50 years? We've been together for 15 years. Oh, even to get married. Yeah. Okay, so you've been together for 50 years. Does that mean you have multiple sex partners? Because if you said that you just passed the 11,

that means you guys are, are you guys able to have, are you guys more of a swinging couple? We have an open relationship. And I have longterm relationships that I've been with for many years So I have two 20-year relationships He and I have been together for 15 years and then I have one for your relationship Okay, I know your brain is a high supposed to be doing a podcast for 20 minutes about this. Are you joking me? This is like more interesting than, so wait, wait. So this is the only one of your partners.

This is one. He's my anchor partner, my nesting partner. We live life together. Oh, we say we're lifetime lovers. OK, wait, what is this for? We're lovers for this lifetime. Wait. So you guys, this is, so the 15 year partner

is your anchor partner, which means that you guys, that's the one you live with. We live together, we have our son together, we have a business together, we live life. We live life together. But then you also have two other partners that you've had for 20 years each. But they're like, you see them only once in a while. I see them once in a while.

And then one helps us raise our son. Like a nanny. He's with our son right now. Like a nanny. Yeah. Yeah. It makes life so beautiful because it takes a lot to raise a child. Yes. You know, it's beautiful to have a village. You know, we get to have yes. More influence, more adults. There's so much love. We have a high level of emotional maturity and consciousness around the whole thing. And that's why I have long-term relationships. So who's the four-year guy? He's new.

About apparently. Yeah. What's his whole situation? He's also open, he's very open and so it works because he's just, you know, he's been in this lifestyle for a long time. We have, okay, but do all of those other partners have other partners too? Yes.

And so we have total freedom. So Ian, a 15-year partner, has any other partners do you have? Two additional current parties. Two additional, and how long have you been with each of those? About three or four years. Each? Now, what happens, you play favors, do you like, does one, like feel, you feel more,

like what happens if you, with your anchor partner that you have like, do you ever like feel like you like or want to be more with the 20 year partner or the four year, because he's new and exciting? That kind of happens, But LSD happened. It can, but we're all, I mean, so here's the key. And I was telling someone this last night here at the conference, they were asking us about this.

And I said, you know, I think the thing that makes it all work so well is that I love myself and my partners love themselves. And so we aren't seeking to get love outside of ourselves. I have unconditional love for me. And that creates a foundation where there isn't a lot of insecurity within how we're all relating to each other. And so we just have a beautiful foundation

of unconditional love, but it starts first with ourselves. And once you have that, your relationships become very easy. beautiful foundation of unconditional love, but it starts first with ourselves. And once you have that, your relationships become very easy. And I also have low tolerance for anything that is not ease filled. Right. You know, if people don't lift, if people, like our new lover, if he doesn't lift Ian and I up, if he were like, oh, that Ian, he's like, why are you doing that guy? Yeah.

Out. Like, it's just wouldn't, it's not even a conversation. So that energy is not even in the relationship. It's not even in the relationships. And so not that jealousy within open relationships doesn't happen, it happens. And it has happened in our past. It's just that we've done a lot of growth.

It's a fast track to a lot of growth. I mean, I can't even imagine, but I can't imagine. I can't imagine. But how is it that, like, does it happen where then if he's an anchor, can you want to switch anchors or can you leave the anchor? Like, how is it all because you love yourself unconditionally and genuinely that that doesn't even,

like, yeah, I don't think it would come up for us. We're just so solid. I would never, I can't even imagine that reality, right? How often do you see the other people though? What's how often would you say? Once a week, once a month for some of them, every day for another one, you know? Do they all have anchors too?

No. Yes, one of them does. One of them does. You said you see it, wait, you said you see it one every day. How do you expect me to do a podcast in 20 minutes with this? OK, just finish that part. I always have it.

No one warned me about this. I'm sorry. This is unbelievable. How do you see one every day? Because we just have integrated lives. So I talked about the one who's never saw it. So he's just around every day. Oh, so can you do a sex with him so can you do you have sex with him?

And then would you have sex with him? We have more of a romantic energetic partnership at this point in our relationship. Because look at the blueprints. So we can have blueprints that everybody has to be like, we have sex, but we are lovers because we have sex, maybe that's not an intercourse. Does that make sense?

Kind of. Okay, again, I'm we're new part two. I mean, this is just so fascinating. I don't even know how to end this podcast, but what's this called? It's called, okay, can we do part two on just open marriages, open relationships? Because I feel like this is like,

do you just open up a whole Pandora's box of questions for me? But that's what I do. We just like open up boxes. Because there's so many worlds within this realm of sexuality, just with gender, relationship style, what our preferences are, who we are. It's deep.

It's a deep, spiritual world. You can't just have one podcast episode with this. Because there's such vast amounts of information and knowledge. And I think what I find interesting like you can't just fix, they can't just have one podcast episode with this because there's such vast amounts of information and knowledge and I think what I find interesting is like you don't know what you don't know, right? So I'm not even, I don't even know what half this, I know the surface level, like what's an open relationship,

but then like there's so many layers and layers and layers and look at you, you're clearly very happy. Like you can see it on your face, honestly, you can see how this is not just a facade. He looks very happy and content over there. And yet there's all these other people involved as well. You're doing something, right? You talk about this a lot.

Is this something like, we should write a book on this. Maybe. I used to talk about it a lot. I don't talk about it as much because I really wanted to get this message around sexuality out into the world, you know, because we can get kind of lost in talking about the relationships and all of that. But, you know, I felt like the erotic blueprints were really important, so I've been talking about those a lot. Okay, so where do people find more information on this? A new, and then we're gonna do this again. Aroticbreakthrough.com.

So it's eroticbreakthrough.com and jia.love. And my name is spelled J-A-I-Y-A. Dot love. My God, this is so fascinating. I'm so happy that I've met you and that we're starting this like whole conversation. It's so fun. Thank you for having the conversation.

Absolutely. Thank you for having the conversation. Absolutely. Thank you for having the conversation. This is amazing. And I guess we'll do part two when we're not rushed like this. But thank you. All out, host the body, Jennifer Cohen. Visionaries, tune in, you can get to know. Re-inspired. This is your moment. Excuses. We in heaven at the Habitat and hustle podcasts. Power by Habinist. This episode is brought to you by the Yap Media Podcast Network.

I'm Holla Taha, CEO of the award-winning digital media empire, YAP Media, and host of YAP Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit. On Young & Profiting Podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week, we dive into a new topic like the art of side hustles, how to level up your influence and persuasion and goal setting. I interview A-List guests on Young & Profiting. I've got the best guests. Like the world's number one negotiation expert, Chris Voss, Shark Damon John, serial entrepreneurs Alex and Lila Hermosi, and even movie stars like Matthew McConaughey. There's absolutely no fluff on my podcast and that's on purpose.

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