Habits and Hustle - Episode 208: Instagram Vs Reality

Episode Date: January 21, 2023

In this week’s solo episode, Jennifer discusses why authenticity is one of her core values and how it can improve your life. Jen also discusses the importance of educated scrolling and curating your social media feeds.   Find out Jen’s secret to getting anything you want out of life Join Jen’s new Facebook group! Follow Jennifer – Instagram – Facebook – Twitter – Jennifer’s Website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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San Antonio, Texas. I didn't even tell you about this, but I want to ask your opinion, and I want to ask everybody's opinion about this. So I think this is very, very ironic because I want to talk about authenticity, especially for social media and just for overall how it's like such a popular hashtag and such a big topic now, like everyone wants, everybody wants like real people who are authentic in this and that. And I think I am, to be honest, I think that's pretty much like you can hate me or love

me or not care one way or the other. But I think if anything, at least I think I'm authentic. But anyway, that wasn't my point at all. But nervous with the question. Okay, no, no. So anyway, I'm going to lead with the story here. So I was, you know, during this whole book tour, I've been doing tons of different, like, press and podcasts. And I was talking to this person about, I'm not going to use anybody's name about, about,

about real and about this whole topic about authenticity. And I joined her podcast, but I was wearing my headset, you know, but I was wearing my headset. You know, like I wear these. Because that's just what I do. I don't really, again, I'm wearing a sweatshirt. I don't get very dressed up. I don't wear tons of makeup. I'm super, like, I'm not very girly, let's say.

And I know that I'm not really technically savvy. Let's just say that too. So anyway, so I'm wearing these very, very low tech headset to do the podcast. I show up and I do it all the time. Like if I'm not doing it in person, anything I do virtual, I have these silly things. And she was like super offended.

She was like, no, you can't wear those. Those are like so, like there's so, like not, they're passe, or they're like so like they're so low, low brow amateur type of thing. I'm like, well, that's all I have. And so she went on and on how I could, she didn't want me to even do the podcast because I was like taking away from the brand

and the image of what the whole look should be for her podcast. And actually, maybe you do know, because I had to call you to ask you if I had another mic at my house. And I'm like, running around my house, I'm like, OK, I maybe I have another mic hidden somewhere. Anyway, which was the funny part of the whole story is then we go right into authenticity

and being like who you are, asking me all these questions about who I am. And I'm like, isn't this ironic, right? Like everybody wants people who are real, but yet, and they talk about it at nauseam. And yet, when you are a person who's real and you do things how you would normally do it, like A, wearing these, you know, low-tech, apple-eye, you know, headsets, it's like, it's like kind of not cool,

and it's like past day, and it's amateur, and it's not the right look, it's not the right vibe. It's like, it's not aesthetically pleasing, but isn't that kind of contrary to what being authentic and who you really are is, right? So I found that to be quite a conundrum. Like, I got caught up in a very funny conundrum, I guess, with that.

But what do you think? Do you think wearing these for podcast? Like, what is this? So is it so cheesy and like uncool? Well, for one, when you said you had a question for me, this is completely out of left field. That was not expecting me at all. But no, I, okay, so we always talk about this.

How integrity, like the public image never matching the private image is so frustrating to me. Exactly. And I don't think that that's uncool. I have been a producer of like 10 years now and plenty of guests don't have the tech or the mic or they don't want to set it up. You know, they might have a full-on studio at their house

but they're not gonna go and do your podcast from their studio. Well, I just think certain things don't matter to me. Certain, certain, I guess like for everybody, there are people who like care about their studio. Well, I just think certain things don't matter to me. Certain, I guess for everybody, there are people who care about their things. To me, what kind of headset and mic I use or do I like that to me is not really that important. I don't value things, I don't value material things,

I don't. And so therefore, I don't pay much attention to it. I guess to her, maybe to, I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was also about the sound quality, not just the aesthetics of it, but at the same time. And that was very into the aesthetic part.

She wasn't to the aesthetic part too. I just don't, I guess like if, when you're, I think what, when I talk and when I think about authenticity, what I think about is people showing up how they really are, who they really are. That's like with all the good and the bad, like, like I said, I may not be like all primed up to look like I'm going up to a prom

or to like, you know, to the Academy Awards, but that's just, I don't dress like that. What are you wearing, Jonathan? What are you wearing? Who are you wearing right now? Who are you wearing? Which is funny, because I'm, first of all, I'm not right now.

I don't know why I'm in this whole Playboy vibe. I've been wearing Playboy sweatshirts for like five months. Playboy. I know, and I'm not, this is not, this is not an ad for Playboy. I'm not a Playboy person, but they do have really nice sweatshirts and this is not an ad. But this is what I wear. I was comfortable.

This is what I like to wear. Where I focus my attention, and this is what actually I talk about. This is my book. I talk about putting certain things on autopilot that are not important to you. Because it then it leaves you room in your brain to focus on things that are way more important. For me, what's important is quality of food that I eat, moving my body and exercising, my children's schedule.

To me, that's where my attention and focus goes to, my podcast, friends and family. I don't only care about what design or labels I'm wearing or like what clothes I'm wearing. If my hair is properly like done or if my makeup's on, I barely, and you know this, I don't know how to put on makeup and it's actually quite embarrassing at my age, but nevertheless. Because you're just so hot without it, so why does it matter? Yes, well, that's a whole other thing, right? But the point is it's like you have to a lot,

you're attention to things that are important to you and that you care about, and let the other things kind of go and put other things on autopilot. So with that, right? So that's why I always wear a black tank top and jeans when that's my dress up outfit. When I'm getting dressed up,

when I go show up somewhere, I'm wearing a black tank top and jeans and people know that I've arrived in my very dressed up formal wear. Yeah, absolutely. You can't spend your mental capacity on things that are irrelevant and to say as well with production and stuff, I would never stress a guest out about their audio

if it was like right before the episode and they had this like headphones, as long as it sounds all right, I don't love headphones sometimes because they will, they will drag along those and things like that, which can be a little annoying. So I might have them just not use headphones at all, which is totally fine by me.

Or this is not about that, because I get it. When you do a podcast, you wanna have this sound to be a certain way, I get that. My issue is more about the aesthetics of it, especially when you're telling, you know, the whole idea now is about we want to be real and show up as you are and talk about things that are, like, when things become too contrived and then that's where I don't like it. Like, it's like, I have everything has to look a certain way and be a certain way and you have to show up a certain way and then you preach authenticity, which is totally like the oxymoron.

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Because in the influencer space and you're mingling with so many people that have that disconnect between like their image and who they actually are as people, how do you handle that? It's just a poor annoying. And I think this is why this is why it took this is a long drawn out way of talking about know, know who you are following and who you're listening to because the truth of the matter is it's actually very disappointing. And I talk about this with a lot of my, my true friends is that, you know, like when you actually meet people in person and you think they're going to be a certain way and you're, and they're not, it's like, it's always a let down. Almost always, it's a let down when you meet people

and you put them on a pedestal. The truth is everybody is human, but at the same time, it's like, it is like Instagram versus reality. It's not, it's very different. Instagram and reality, very different. So, again, like, what I guess why I wanna even talk about this further

is I think that a lot of people get really down on themselves and think that they're not, again, the pretty enough, talent enough, all these enough enough and that their life is so shitty in comparison to who they're following. But remember, Instagram is basically a highlight reel. And that's the point, is that like these things are not reality. It's like watching a nice movie or a show.

And really like what if you peel back a lot of the layers of what really happens in real life in real time, it's very, very different than what you see. So like I want people to be very cognizant and aware of that because I think it can really play like a lot of mind tricks on people and it can take people down a really, really bad rabbit hole, a black hole of depression and feeling unworthy and not good enough. And I think that to me is a real dream killer, right?

Comparing yourself to others in general is a dream killer. It's like a brain killer and a confidence killer. So if you can not, if that's happening to you because you're scrolling TikTok or Instagram especially, I think Instagram is worse than TikTok because it's much more about the visual piece. Well, just when we're filtered. And it's more filtered, but it's more about the visual piece. Well, it's just when we're filtered.

It's more filtered, but it's more about people showing their lives off. TikTok's more like funny memes a lot of times. There's less makeup on TikTok too. It's less like done on. It's like people dancing their pajamas and stuff. I think it's right. So I think like Instagram is where it really

becomes very much an issue. That you have to kind of keep on reminding yourself that this is not reality. It is only Instagram. I mean, to be frank with you, I'm not exactly posting all the the the shitty negative stuff that happens to me, you know what I mean? Like when I post on Instagram, it's not intentional, but I post like, oh yeah, my kids dancing. I love this dance or yes, this this message or that message. But like, again, that's such a small snapshot

of what really happens in the 24 hour day of what happens in my life, your life, whoever you're following. So be mindful. And if that is happening to you, which is my point, stop following those people. Because if they're making you feel bad about your life, then that's not the right thing

that you should be following or looking at and really curate your algorithm. Because you can do that. I've had a lot of friends, not a lot. I've had a couple of friends in mind, actually who are very well-known and quite famous, take themselves very much recently, take themselves off, and this is true, off of Instagram.

And one of them just hired somebody to just do all of their social media that they have to do because even with all of their achievements and accomplishments and everything that they've done, it's made them extremely self-doubting, depressed, and constantly thinking that they're not good enough. It's really bad, it's really bad. And these are people I'm talking about who have accomplished things that like in your wildest dreams, like one of the things that they've accomplished would have been like amazing. And like it was like backstacked, back to back amazing stuff, and it still made them feel that way.

So, you're not alone, that's my, but that's one of the points. And, you know, if it's not working for you, you have to change it because this is not a place. Like, it's not, if it's doing harm, you should rethink it. So you're winding down with the podcast. Sounds like you have no plans to leave the couch tonight. Nope, you just want to unzip your jeans, slip on a pair of fuzzy slippers, and rip open a bag of skinny pop popcorn. Because the only place you're going tonight is the bottom of this bag of popcorn. It's a whole back kind of night. It's a whole back kind of night.

Mornings are coming on strong with dark and bold from community coffee. I feel like bust a loose, bust a loose, come on. Get, get, get, get, get on up. Oh yeah. Get, get, get, get on up, get boy, yeah. Get, get, get, get, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on up, get on like to say. Like, and if you can't scroll with that perspective, that's not making you depressed, then remove that from your feed. It's like, I used to feel bad on following people,

but then I got to the point where I'm thinking, well, if this is making me feel sad, you know, why should I feel bad? You know what, 100%. Like, I know in the fitness and health space, right? Like, you follow all these like fitness girls, right? Like, girls follow, by the way, girls are following more girls than guys, you know what I mean? Like in terms of it's like, the people are following the girls are not just all guys. It's like

girls who are like, or are asked for these aspirational girls, we all want to look like have their butt, we want to have their abs. To me, that is so, that to me is so detrimental. Because for what I remember, I would be doing it. I'd be looking at somebody and then I would be like, oh my God, why don't I have that? Like why would I work out that much? I'm not looking like that. Why is this? And you forget that like so much of this is,

so much of this is filters and lighting. Lighting and the other bad thing out. So seeing everything. And so people don't even know, like even though we know, we know intellectually what's happening, our brains play such tricks on us. It's unbelievable. I only follow fitness people,

I only follow fitness people if it's like for form, if they have good educational content. Yeah, like technique. Yes, yes, if it's just photos, that's not what you're doing. You're the rarity. I mean, there's not one person I know, like how many, I yes, if it's just photos, I, that's not what you're doing anymore. You're the rarity. I mean, there's not one person I know, like how many, I mean mostly my girls are like,

oh my god, you following so and so? And like, I'm like, no, I don't. And then I start following them. I'm like, I know now why I'm not following so and so. You know what I mean? Because again, I don't want to have, it's like the natural to be doing that whole, like why can't I?

But again, comparison again, comparing and comparison is like the root of all evil. It's seriously the root of all evil. Women also, it's so unrealistic to compare yourself to some of these fitness people. I hate following guys where they have, like if I see a guy's transformation video of like three months in the gym,

and it's like my transformation video, of like four years in the gym is nowhere near there. And I'm just like, oh, because men put on muscles so much easier than women. Total, they have years in the gym is nowhere near there. And I'm just like, oh, because men put on muscles so much easier than women. Total, well, happy, more than the muscles. Yeah, and it's just, it's different for them. So you can't, there's so many reasons

why you should not compare yourself to a number of different people ever. Well, besides just the lighting and the filters, you know what else it is. Just because someone is touting and promoting that they're doing, I do this, this and this every day. Do you? I mean, so much of the stuff is actually not true.

I mean, like they may be doing that, but they can also be doing a lot of other things involved that they're not promoting, right? Yeah, so I mean, there's a lot of stuff out there. So authenticity is sometimes not so authentic. So I, but I do believe the people who truly are authentic, I think really need a shout out here because they're very few and far between. And for you people who are listening, if you are still listening or if you're watching, you have to shine your light. You're going to be who you are. And like I said, don't compare yourself.

Don't worry, but what anybody else is doing, what's cool, what's trendy, do you, be you. And you'll live a much happier, much more fulfilling, a much more rich life. That's it. I love that. And we join the Facebook group. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, join the Facebook group. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

I joined the Facebook group. And if you haven't yet subscribed to this podcast, click over here wherever this little click is. And subscribe now. And by the book. Oh yeah. And by bigger, better, bolder. Well yeah, that's my shameless plug. God.

Hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm Heather Monahan, host of Creating Confidence, a part of the YAP Media Network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network. Okay, so I want to tell you a little bit about my show. We are all about elevating your confidence to its highest level ever and taking your business right there with you. Don't believe me, I'm going to go ahead and share some of the reviews of the show

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