Habits and Hustle - Episode 212: Are You Curious Enough To Succeed?

Episode Date: February 4, 2023

In this week’s solo episode, Jennifer discusses the importance of curiosity and how developing curiosity can create a strong foundation for boldness. She offers a number of practical ways to hone curiosity as a skill even for those that are more socially introverted. Jennifer and Shanni then dive into a deep discussion on the impacts of technology specifically on children and how Jennifer's kids handled Zoom classes during covid. Join Jen’s new Facebook group! Find out Jen’s secret to getting anything you want out of life Follow Jennifer: Instagram Facebook Twitter Jennifer’s Website Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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All right. Welcome, welcome, welcome to another solo episode with just me, myself and I. Well, and of course, my foil. Me, myself and foil. Me, myself and I and the foil, Shawnee. Today we're going to talk about curiosity. I think that this is a really good one to discuss.

I actually posted something on Instagram earlier this week about curiosity, because I believe curiosity is kind of like the first cousin, maybe even like sibling of boldness, because to me, curiosity is literally the pathway of opportunities and communication and connection. And I always think that if you are somebody who can really harness that, you know, I always think that if you are somebody who can really harness that, you

can really, I think, I think heart, if you don't have, if you're not naturally curious, it would be a good idea to cultivate it because of how it does open up your world so much bigger than where you are. And almost of my best opportunities came from just being curious and asking a ton of questions and putting myself in places where I don't belong and just like wide-eyed and not having any information and just figuring it out by asking and asking. And also, when I'm interested in something,

going down these like rabbit holes. And so that's why today, I really want to explore the importance of that. What do you think, Shawnee? I love that. How can you cultivate curiosity if you're not naturally curious? I think, this is how I think you do it. I think you just do it.

Like, this is the thing about everything I talk about, everything that I kind of preach, so to speak, is there's no secret message or magic bullet to any of this. It's super basic. And that is just basically just doing it, just acting on it, just becoming it. There's no real blueprint to it,

and you do it by doing these small little things. If you're someone who's actually not that curious, you can become more curious or at least act as if, by just asking people questions about themselves. Who doesn't like to talk about themselves? Who doesn't want to feel valued or important or special? And the way you do that is by asking them about themselves, who doesn't want to feel valued or important or special. And the way you do that is by asking them about themselves. And if you're someone who typically doesn't do that because you don't want to pry or

you don't want to make someone uncomfortable or you feel awkward, start by just asking like very basic things about them. That's not too provocative or puts people in an uncomfortable situation. You can work yourself up to that eventually, like I do. But you can start by just asking them just basics. You know what I do? And I actually, when I'm in an elevator,

and it's just me and someone else, I always just make a commentary. So what I would do would be like, well, this is like too close, this is very close for comfort, isn't it? Like, kind of make a joke or like start with humor or not to say that everyone has to be like hilarious and funny and you don't have to cultivate that necessarily.

But like, just saying some like off-handed, easy quip is a great way to kind of like start honing in and harnessing that curiosity muscle. Again, I believe and I talk a lot about this in my book, Bigger Better Bolder, about the real connection between being bold and being curious. It's easier to become bold if you are curious and if you are working on being bold, a really good way of working on that is to act curious by asking people questions about themselves or by breaking the ice, by doing these little things like I

said, going to that when you're in the elevator and just saying something like kind of quippy or like, yeah, it's kind of, you know, whatever it is. It was dark in here, or like, how's your day going? Or why, what brings you to this place? Like whenever I'm traveling, and I'm in a hotel elevator, I'll always be like, oh, you know, you know, like, how long are you in town for? Or like, you know, where are you from? And like, you wouldn't, you won't believe how many things,

how many times that's turned into a long conversation. The next time I bump into them in the lobby or the next time I bump into them down the road in that stay. I've actually became very friendly or friend with people based on that. Not maybe BFFs, but I've kept in contact with a few people because this is the thing, like you never know where your next opportunity or connect, like true connection comes from, like everything and everybody is a conduit to something else.

And that's not being manipulative. It's just being realistic and being strategic. There's a difference. Yeah, it's also just being, like it's just being a person who wants to have interpersonal relations with people. And being curious about, I like what you said about just having,

like, basic questions that you can build up to that you just use, because there's a lot of introverts out there who are not adept. They don't really want to make conversation elevator. They don't know how to. But it's all a practice game to get the rep's in. And it's all a practice game to get the rep in. And it's all a practice game to get the reps in.

And also a lot of times when someone isn't introvert to things, either they appreciate someone trying to pull themselves out of their shell, right? Or they're like, humored by it, right? Because it's so like, out of the norm. Because most people, a lot of times, people want to stay very, very much in their confines and they don't want to be, like, they want their own personal space and they don't want to, like, you know, go outside of that.

So everyone, like, and I'm just using the elevator, for example, they stay within that little space. And they just, like, don't even make eye contact, they look down or they, like, look wherever where they don't, they feel like it's not intrusive. What happens if you just do the opposite of that one time and see what happens by looking someone in the eye in that very small space and being like, so where are you from?

Like, you know, are you here for personal reasons or professional reasons? I mean, maybe if you're a guy, that would be a little harder to like pull off, but you can be like, hey, like, you know, did you catch the game last night or, you know, something a little more benign. But I'm saying, be creative with what you say, but I'm telling you, and in my book, I give this really funny example of how my curiosity led to an entire different job, actually, a whole different career path, which then took me on an entire different trajectory

than where I would never, ever expect myself to be. But you have to read the book. And you've got to read the book. And you've got to read them on to know what it is. What a cliffhanger. What a cliffhanger. But the point is that what I'm trying to really, really hone in here and what I'm really trying to hammer in

is that it is so important to be curious. And you don't have to become a 10 at a 10 in curiosity. But if you're a two at a 10, bump it up to five out of 10. You know what, it's also interesting is, you know, you can be curious about people, but if you're struggling with that initially, you could also just be curious about things. Like, I find it so crazy when I'm sitting with someone in a conversation and we're trying to think of something, and they don't immediately want to Google it.

Like, I have to know things. I love to know stuff. And so, I think that's just a habit. That's a habit I picked up from one of my friends. I was hanging out with him. And every single question we had, he was just like, oh, well, let's just find out. And he was just Googling it. And this was, I don't know, this was like 15 years ago.

And ever since then, I've always kind of had that habit where I'm like, well, why not just find out. So if you're struggling to build up to the people, which you should definitely practice that also, but maybe try and just be curious about things, you know? It could be anything. I think that why I focus on the people is because I believe that we all need other people

to help us expand our growth and expand our opportunities personally and professionally. There's not one person in the world that doesn't have the everyone has to rely on somebody at some point. And like nobody is a success by themselves. I don't believe that to be even. I think that's a total myth. I think everyone is self-made, but you need to have a real supportive group of people. We talk about the both of the directors all the time. But I am even talking about even besides that.

And I think like I said, I think that, I think even to have a rich life, and this is my big thing is that you need to have really strong interpersonal relationships, and you build that through talking and being with other people, learning about other people. There's something like, and again, I'm not saying everyone has to be amazing at it. Most people probably aren't that interested in other people, and I might be more of the

anomaly. But I think if you can just, you know, even elevate on that just a little bit, it would be very surprising of how fulfilling it can be and how it can really benefit you on a lot of different areas of your life, not just on your professional, but also in your personal. And if you are someone who is also not great at it, getting better at that is something that you can work on because we all want to be able to grow and get better and live a richer life. Vitamin water just dropped a new zero sugar flavor called with love. Get the taste of raspberry and dark chocolate

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Peloton app available through free tier or paid subscription starting at 12.99 per month. It's hard to make good friends as adults, so I think when you have those opportunities, you have to take them and it's true. It brings me so much joy. I don't know, I love it. I find the gym is a hard place for me to make friends

because I'm so focused on my workout, but I do try and make an effort there where I'm like, all right, let's just talk to one more person today, you know? Let's just, you know? Yeah, or also, I think we can even break it down to like, you don't have to, like, think about it just like, putting your best, like, being friendly.

Yeah. And smiling. Like, if you think about it just like putting your best, like being friendly and smiling. Like if you just smile and make eye contact with someone, it's amazing. The difference in like just body language and how people respond to you. I'm going to give you an example. Like my husband wears this baseball cap that says, and it's just someone gave it to him and it says, stay positive on it. And I can't tell you how many conversation openers and people he's met because he has this set, like this thing that says stay positive on his, on his baseball cap and he's always smiling.

And he's met like some of the most extraordinary people by just like presenting himself in that happy, positive light, even if, like to me, it's like just having like the energy that you exude. That's why I think even like that, I guess that's also the curiosity piece. Like when you're interested, you're interesting. And when you're smiling and you're making eye contact,

it's like it all kind of works and weaves together. And I think it just makes for just it just really helps with your like building and really kind of creating a richer life in every possible way. Absolutely. Do people come up to you for the Playboy stuff on your clothes? She's only making fun of me, by the way, because I've been wearing nothing but Playboy just sweatshirts.

Not making fun, I actually love all the sweaters. They're really cute. They're like, they're a great clothes. And this is not an ad at all. This is literally, they've set me up. Not for the should be. It should be an ad. E-mail us.

Because I literally wear their stuff in almost every one of my solos because it's super comfortable. Not an ad, but one of my friends works there now and he keeps on sending me nice stuff. So, this is a shout out, thanks, Alex. Oh, that's how you get it.

I thought, yes, you know how Alex. No, but he's, yes. I love your sweaters. Yeah, thank you. Yes, exactly. And, but listen, it's free promo for them. What do they care, right? It is, but I actually really like the point that you made about having things that are

conversation starters, because that might be something that introverts could do to help them is just putting off like, zooming that injury, having a smile, whatever, but maybe having a conversationy piece that you're wearing, whether it's a slogan on your hat or like a breast, it's making earrings, whatever it is. It's what it is. It's basically picking something that's obvious and then pointing it out. That's what it is. It's basically, when you are somebody

who needs to harness your curiosity muscle, a great way to do that, a great strategy, is picking something that's super obvious out and then making commentary on it. So if you're in the elevator or if you're at a party and you're standing beside somebody and you want to strike up a conversation and you want to connect with somebody, a great thing you can do is just pick something that's very obvious. Like,

wow, it's really cold in here or, you know, what do you think or like, oh, you know, the service is really slow. What do you think? And then that's something that's arbitrary and it's like it's not personally, it doesn't cross any personal barrier. So it's super easy. And then you can kind of learn to get better by doing it that way. That's the way it has to be. I actually always use when my service says, SOS on the phone, that is my,

I always will start a conversation when it says that. No matter who's around me, if my phone says SOS, it's just the easiest thing to talk about, because you know when you go somewhere and it says SOS at the top instead of having service? No. Oh, it's like, it's so dramatic.

The phone will say SOS and it's just such a dramatic like piece of information, but everybody around has SOS on their phone. I always will strike up something about that. You know what's so interesting, what I was just gonna say when you just said that, this is why I like having a foil. You just made me think about something else.

Also, when you don't have your phone with you, it's a really great way to strike up conversation and force yourself to be more curious than normal because you have nothing to distract you. Because right away automatically what people do, when they're in, I keep on using a stupid elevator, but in an elevator or at a party or at an event, or where you don't know people,

or where you're uncomfortable, the first go to is to scroll your phone, to scroll Instagram, to check out TikTok, to basically rely on your piece of technology, to distract you and to entertain you. What if you didn't put that thing into play? What if you turned off your phone or didn't bring your phone and you, oh my God, had to actually make conversation

with somebody and you were forced into doing that? Do you know, like maybe that's another great strategy for basically helping hone your curiosity, skill and muscle. Just leave your phone at home or turn it off and then lo and behold, you're like forced and stuck to think about how am I going to, so how do I survive? How am I going to entertain myself and then like talk to the person beside you? Yeah, that's a great one.

I didn't have a phone for two years once. And I once. Yeah, yeah, this was one period of my life. It was 2014 or 2016 that I went two years out of phone. And I only had to get one because I ended up getting a job at one point and they were like, well, we can't keep calling your sister. They're like, we kept putting her number down for everything.

And every time I would wait for someone, you know, you'd be like, go meet up with someone. So I would coordinate on Facebook on the computer and be like, come meet you there. But then when I would get there, I wouldn't have a phone. So I would just for someone, you know, you'd be like, go meet up with someone. So I would coordinate on Facebook on the computer and be like, can I meet you there? But then when I would get there, I wouldn't have a phone, so I would just be waiting for people. And it was so eye-opening, like, all of that time that's usually spent on your phone while you're waiting

for someone, I'm just sitting there, like, I don't have a phone, so I was just sitting there. And it was so weird, but it was such a unique experience. And it changed the way I viewed wait time. You know, if your friend goes to the bathroom or something, tomm Right away you pick up your phone. I find this to be actually, now I'm dating myself. Get the gun because you're a baby. But I will tell you something. I was finally romantically. Like what? I'm dating myself. Yeah, I was like, oh, honey. I would probably have a great time. That's probably better than most of the dates I went on. But anyway, what I was going to say is, before all this,

we didn't have what we have now, right? Like even like in like, when I was, when I was, I don't know, in the early 2000s, you know, we did have phones. Yeah, I'm not like, did you have phone, have phones? But we didn't have like smartphones. And if we did, it was very rare and we barely

We started to maybe do a little bit of texting, but it wasn't that like it wasn't that normal Where you know, I would usually just wait until I get home to call somebody or whatever it is, right? But my life was so much more full in the sense that like I You know, I was very much more aware of my surroundings and cognizant of like, what's where I am and who I'm talking to and personal relationships and socializing was so much more impactful and fulfilling, honestly. Because now it's like even when you go to a restaurant,

like I see families all the time, they're all at a table and everyone's on their phone. Like nobody puts their phone down ever. And it's not only is it a security blanket, but it's actually become people's personal BFF. It's really unbelievable to me. Did you have pages? Were you a pager person?

I mean, we did have pagers, but I was like, listen, I'm not 100%. I don't know. I'm saying technology moves%. I don't know. I'm saying like technology moved fast. It didn't move super fast. It's true. I mean, I had pages. There was a point where the pages were a part of my life. You know what I mean?

There were pages, but it was still more. Like the pages were still met more for like doctors. Like doctors and lawyers and whatever. But not, but yes, but I remember like it was never something that was we were never, I would never rely on it. It was never a security thing. And we got along just fine. Like life still went on and probably even better than it is now.

I just think we realized so much on our phones and so much on technology to socialize and just to be distracted constantly. Like the whole thing is like a blessing in a curse, like all of this stuff, like all of the technology, all the platforms, all the social media, it's such a blessing and such a curse. But I do believe if I had to pick one or the other, I would think it's more of a curse than a blessing.

Interesting, yeah. I do, I think that it was one of the best things that happened in terms of like moving us along in the world, but not on a personal level, I think that it was one of the best things that happened in terms of like moving us along in the world, but not on a personal level. I think maybe professionally, but now there's a robot and a computer to do people's jobs. There's a robot and computer to do people's personal stuff too. You know what I mean? It's just weird. You're getting a diploma. You can't eat a diploma, but you can eat wings and charlis.

Get 23% off any order of 30 or 50 piece wings when you use promo code 23 grad at charlis.com. That's promo code 23GRAD AD at Charlie's dot com. Charlie's as wings. How do you see that? Because I know with the kids and stuff you don't want them to be on the iPads and this kind of stuff. How do you... Do you have some strong with your perspective of that like as a parent? I hate it. Do you notice the difference when they are on their screen? Yes. So, well, and the parent, every parent's

going to say the same thing. It's a constant battle in a fight every time. Because what happens is the kids get so used to, they get so addicted to their iPads that when you try to take it away from them, they freak out. It's always a fight. And their behavior is worse after they've been on the iPads for longer.

Right? But so in what way? It's just like they're more irritable because it's like the... It's like kind of like one of those things where you're an addict, right? And so what happens is when you're taking away that person's drug, it's like they need a fix of it. That's what it feels like. So like, my kid loves video games. And he's also a very active kid.

But what happened was that when COVID was here, and he wasn't able to do a lot of stuff, he was on his iPad, unfortunately, the way more because I had to work. And like, just in general, right? And it did change the neuroplasticity, I believe, of the brain. Because you're becoming,

you become, I would hate to say lazy is the wrong word, but the thargic is the better word, because that's become your new normal and it's easy to fall down that bad path. So it becomes like a struggle and if not like, you've got to make a very conscious effort to get out of that and not allow that to be what happens. So like every day, I'm putting him in,

he's got sports every day. I hate to, I'm not over, I don't want to over schedule my kids, but at the same time, it becomes a real, it's a real thing. Like if they're not doing an activity because of where we are in the world today, the go-to is an iPad. The go-to is a screen. And I am fighting it at every possible chance I get.

And I'm sure if there's a parent listening to this, they, the struggle is real and we everyone can Commiserate and relate to this and it is so frustrating Yeah, it seems like something that's universal with parents. It is it's totally universal Do kids their age have phones is that a thing? Well, my kid is 10 He just turned 10 like yesterday and my other one is seven. And it's probably me two young, but 10, I feel like people have them at that time. Not my kid, I'm not giving my kid a phone to 10.

No, no, obviously not Dylan, but do his friends? I don't know, I think maybe some are getting them, but I think that's just too young, way too young, because it's just, it's already a problem. Why would they, why would I, it's like giving someone who has heroin, and heroin addict, like giving a heroin addict, some heroin to keep in his pocket just in case. You know what I mean?

Like I will do whatever I can to make sure that is prolonged as long as possible, for sure. I mean, you can always make an argument for safety reasons, but I think that, I don't know, man, I think in terms of like their well-being socially, emotionally, it's the longer you can like hold it off the better. Well, delayed gratification is a thing. Yeah, it's a big believer in that with life and everything I do. So this is the same thing. If you missed that episode, the solo episode, you should listen to that one. We spoke about delayed gratification.

Did we? Yeah, we did. It was good. We did. When did we talk about delayed? I was going to think a whole other... It was going to do a whole other solo. Well, it was actually a small piece, so we could do another solo. I think we touched on delayed gratification in one of the episodes. You're going to have to go check back which one, because I do not remember.

But I do I, to be honest. Yeah. But it's a real thing, and I think it is something that should be another thing that should be harnessed and and worked on as a skill. Wait, I have another question about this COVID stuff because okay, kids COVID stuff. No, because I'm so curious about how kids survive during that time. Were they, because they're so young, were they on Zoom classes? Yeah, they're in Zoom classes.

Yeah, but what were they, young, were they on Zoom classes? Yeah, they're on Zoom classes. Yeah. But what were they doing on Zoom classes? Trying to learn? But it's just so young. It just seems so crazy. It was very easy. It is. Think about it.

Cindy was like five. Yeah, Cindy was so young. I'll just have a child who's four or five sitting on a computer for hours. It's so weird. It's absurd. It's absurd. That's why there's so many kids now who are so far back

where they should be because it's literally impossible. And the reality is parents have to work. I mean, that is what the reality is. I mean, unless you are very independently wealthy and you just tell it all the time in the world, people have to work. These are like real things in life. It was really hard.

It was a thing. And that's why now, a lot of kids are in a lot of them are in remedial school and stuff like that. To kind of catch up. I think more like to catch, I don't know what you call it. In Canada, we had a resource teacher, but they have to have, have like two doors to help them catch up.

It's a thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so crazy. They had one of the houses next to us, it was so cute. They're garage, they turned it into a little school and they had like three or four. I did that. Actually, there might have been more, there was like eight kids,

and they would come and they would all like take little walks around the block together. Like a little single file, it was so cute, and then they'd all go back into the little classroom. It was like a little, they set up a classroom with a little desk and stuff. I basically cute and then they'd all go back into the little classroom. It was like a little classroom. They set up a classroom with little deaths and stuff. I basically, I started a pod at my house. Yes, yes, it was like a little school pod.

It was like, it was really adorable. We had like six little girls. Yeah, it was so cute. Because to your point, Cindy couldn't sit on the computer for hours and I was like crazy at that age. That's insane. So what I did was I got six girls

who were in the same situation and I found somebody like a teacher, a tutor who can help them for a few hours a day and they took their homework and they made it fun because to me as I'm sure I talk about this in my book and everywhere else, the socialization aspect of school is critical to your overall well-being too, and I didn't want her to be isolated You know, so I found six kids and believe me that was a full-time job in itself We should do a whole podcast and maybe I will on on that because it is a very

It's a it's very It was very much like a full-time job. You actually had to do another full-time job. So It was like if you're a working mom or a dad, and then you also had to take care of that whole situation, it was a thing. It was a very stressful thing. Their classes are not lectures either. Like lectures are good on Zoom, obviously.

I mean, to a certain extent, high school still would be bad, because you're missing out a lot of the experience, but your classes are more lecture-appropriate than like the four-year-olds class. The four-year-olds not sitting in a classroom, getting a lecture, you know what I mean? No, no, it was silly. It was really ridiculous. I don't even know.

Like, the whole thing was like absurd. It really was. But like I said, luckily Sydney had a pod, And then, so everyone came to my house, which was great for my work. Yeah, sure. I was wonderful. I was wonderful. But Dylan, I couldn't find, for my older one,

I couldn't find a pod for him. It was very difficult. Yeah, it was very difficult, because there were, it just, I couldn't, it wasn't enough kids that wanted to do it, and this one wanted that, and some parents were really cautious. Other parents were, I don't know it wasn't enough kids that wanted to do it, and this one wanted that, and some parents were really cautious. Other parents were, I don't know, it just didn't work, but that's it. Well, it's a good thing that kids are.

Curious. Yeah, that always. Back into the topic. Yeah, I know. I don't know. Such a little segue. Yes, circle back. You could, maybe you fast forward in it, I don't know. But basically, we set our peace with the curiosity.

But if you are not curious, I would suggest very heavily suggest trying to get better with it by, again, you don't have to be a 10 out of 10. But if you're a two or a one, try to get to a four or five out of 10, it will open your world, open your life, open your opportunities by a landslide. And like I said, do it by just doing starting small. Everything in life is baby steps. It's one little bold move at a time. So let me know how it goes. Leave me

a comment. And if you have yet not subscribed to this podcast, I highly suggest that you do. And and discuss this in the Facebook group. Oh, yes. Which you can join by the link in the description. And you can also find the secret to getting anything you want in life by signing up to Giant's Mailing List, which is also in the description below. You heard it here first, guys. Firebook.

What are you doing? Yeah. My God. Come on. All right, guys. Bye. Hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm Heather Monahan, host of Creating Confidence, a part of the YAP Media Network, the number

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