Habits and Hustle - Episode 214: Dealing with Loneliness in the Land of Likes

Episode Date: February 11, 2023

In this week's episode, Jennifer delves into the phenomenon of loneliness during a time when the world is more connected than ever. She explores the possible causes of loneliness, including technology, social media, anxiety, and more. Through this conversation, listeners will gain a deeper understanding of the impact of loneliness and what can be done to combat it. Join Jennifer as she provides valuable insights and practical solutions to help navigate this all-too-common experience. Jen's Bigger, Better, Bolder Mastermind starts in March! Apply now to be considered. Join Jen’s new Facebook group! Find out Jen’s secret to getting anything you want out of life Follow Jennifer: Instagram Facebook Twitter Jennifer’s Website Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Yeah. I'm recording. Oh, it has been. Why haven't you, you haven't opened your mouth about it? Okay. I was just fixing my... I'm sorry. Apparently we started this solo episode.

So, welcome back. We're back to Happits in Hussle, so welcome back. We're back to happens in our soul the solo episodes and I'm always very remiss in saying some very key things just so I can get feedback from you guys Please leave me a review either on wherever you're listening or watching this podcast if you are on YouTube, please Click the subscribe button and subscribe and if of course if you are on YouTube, please click the subscribe button and subscribe. And if, of course, if you are listening to this on Spotify or Apple, please leave me a review.

It makes a huge difference. And with that being said, I'm going to start the podcast. We are going to talk today about something that I think is a real pandemic, a real epidemic, I should say. And that is loneliness. I think that is something that I feel has been very much in the zeitgeist. Like lately, I'm doing a lot of people are like talking about it. I'm thinking about it. Shawnee, are you lonely? I'm incredibly lonely, Jen. Thank God I have you. I had television brief as she was for a lot. You're not even at all.

You actually are quite helpful. I mean, that's actually to be, you know, with all jokes aside, that's kind of how this whole episode came to be today about the topic of loneliness. You know, it's an interesting thing because, of course, you can have family and friends around you. But I think what's happened in this world now is that we're so busy just trying to like get our tasks off of our lists that we really don't really nurture friendships and relationships

in the same way that maybe we used to before so much technology has been kind of part of our lives. Like, I feel like we're more connected than ever now, right? We all have, so you know, we can DM you, text you, email, phone, but nobody makes phone calls anymore. Nobody checks in on the phone. You don't hear anyone's voice anymore. And I feel like loneliness to me and from what it's seen from everything I've read and researched that it's actually more, it's actually worse for your health than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. And people die from loneliness,

more than they do from so so many other like other health like health ailments. I've heard that. I've heard the death of loneliness is like it's a catastrophe. That's why when one part of the couple passes away earlier, it's so important to make sure that the other person is being nurtured with relationships and things like that or they will just perish from loneliness. People do I mean just the of it, and you can die slowly from isolation. But what I think this is what I really want to get into is like, how is it possible that we are living in a time when people are more lonely than ever, when we are more connected than ever, and have the opportunity to really connect. Do you feel it's because people are taking the path

of least resistance by just texting versus calling because we're so engaged in scrolling our social media that is monopolizing so much of our time that we don't even bother nurturing relationships by actually going out. Like why do you think you're lonely? Well, I'm romantically lonely. I have my, I love my friends.

I'm a great like friend and family support system. I don't feel lonely in that regard. I feel really romantically lonely. Just think the dating scene, especially within the Jewish world, in LA is so bleak. It's just a very sad dating world. And I think that's where my loneliness comes from. But in terms of like, I don't, I don't even know

if I have the answer to that, but it is really sad how many people don't have a close friend that they can call on, or don't have like a close friend that they can call their best friend, or someone that they can just do things with, or call if they're feeling down or upset. Like I got very lucky with my friends that I made during college in Israel, and I think that had I not gone

there for university, probably would not have even remotely the same kind of feeling of like fullness with my friendships. And I see my friends for university, probably would not have even remotely the same kind of feeling of fullness with my friendships. And I see my friends in LA, they don't have that same connection with a lot of their friends, especially in the girlfriend groups, and that kind of thing, it's just not the same here. And so I don't know, I can't really answer that question. Is it text fault?

Is it because of social media? Is it because people are so uncomfortable, talking on the phone now, they just want a text instead. I think people don't have the answer. I think people have become lazy in actually nurturing relationships, because it's become easy to become lazy with it. Are they lazy or anxious?

I think what they do. I think social media and technology has bread more anxiety around socialization, because we're not socializing like we did. I'm seriously concerned about my kids and other kids that are growing up right now because they are not socializing as they did when I was a kid. When I was a kid, we were on our bicycles with, you know, we were like biking in the neighborhood and we were playing with kids in the neighborhood. Now kids are playing video games and they're like on their iPads and it's detrimental, I think, to

not just society as a whole, but to people's how people are like mentally maturing. I think it's really, really sad. And then this is really enough And this is truly the reason why I wanted to bring it up. I think that having friends that are surface friends is one thing, I think maybe a lot of us have that, but true friends, like friends that you can actually really rely on, really count on, call if you really have an emergency. Do you have a go-to person that you could actually call? And to me, I think that's very, very rare now.

So I guess really what I want to, I guess, talk, I want to kind of bring up and make people think about is what are you doing? How are you lonely? Are you nurturing friendships and relationships? Do you even have the tools? Do you feel like you have the tools to do that? And I think having a reflective moment of if you're doing that

and if not, maybe you should try to get better at it because I think that it becomes really detrimental over time to your health, to your physical health even, not only your mental health and your emotional and spiritual health, but to your physical health. And that's why I bring up the fact that it's actually worse. Lowelliness is actually worse than smoking a pack of cigarettes. And isolation is worse than these things.

You can die of lowelliness just as you can die from smoking. It's actually crazy to me. It is. Keep coming back. You got plenty of space. Oof, not how you would have done that. You like working with people you can rely on, like USAA, who has helped guide the military community for the past 100 years.

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The sweet, tangy, crunchy candy that's perfect for sharing. Nerds, shake things up. Shop now at nerdscandy.com. Do you think any of this has to do with how much people are also working from home? I think that working from home thing is insane. I really do. I think that there's a nice balance.

It's nice to have autonomy at course. It's nice to work on your own schedule, but there is something to be said for having someone, having a community of people around you, for good or for bad, by the way, you know what I mean? Like of course. For good or for bad, yes, is it like, can it be like, can it waste a lot of time?

Yes, but I think that there's something, there's something to say about camaraderie and just like human interaction that you can't get. But what's happened, I think since the pandemic, nobody wants to go to work anymore. Nobody wants to go to an office. It's like few and far between that people actually do go to an office.

And people are now just like lounging and working at it. They're like, you know, in their pajamas all day, which is again, not the greatest thing. Because I don't know. I just think that like there's something to be said for having some kind of structure that involves other human beings in front of your face versus just phone calls or actually zoom. Like, you would think that after the pandemic, people, I mean, that people would be so sick

and tired of being on Zoom calls and staring at people on the screen that they'd be running back to the office. But I feel like people are still doing that. Yeah, they are. They are. I always tell people activities, because as an adult, we've mentioned this before,

it's hard to make friends. As an adult, you're not, if you're not, you're not going to school,, if you're not going to school and if you're not going to an office, it's like where are you meeting people? I say activities are the best. Like go join like a group fitness class, go join just something, go do something.

Meet your own group. How about this? How about this? Leave your house, step one. Why don't step one? Actually is, leave your house. Figure out a way to leave your house and interact with people.

That's the first piece of it. Even if you don't want to, even if you don't like to, kind of force yourself, you know, baby steps here. You know, like joining, like running, finding a community, like run a 5K, or like you said, do like a group class. And if that's not your thing,

how about something as simple as picking up the phone and calling somebody? I will tell you something. What if you have no one to call those? Some people don't have anyone to call them. Well, this is what I'm going to say right now. There is now on these apps. This is what I wanted to say.

Is that on Bumble and all of these big dating apps, there is an area on these apps to make friends. You know, I have an opair. And one thing I actually really respected about my opair, when I love about my opair, is that when she started working with me, she comes from a different, you know, an opair, you find somebody from another country, they live with you and they learn your culture. And in return, they help you with your kids. Wait, opair are they're always foreign?

Well, yeah, that's what I thought. I think so. So, yes, they are. Because it's a culture program. The program is about bringing somebody from a different culture to learn your culture. Interesting. And what I really, really liked about this girl

was that she was so proactive. When she first, the first week she started the first thing she did was go into these apps and look and try to find friends in the area who are also here and she has a group of friends honestly that's like they're all really nice girls and they are, they, and like she has more friends here in like five months than people I've known who've been living here for 10 years. That's what she was told when you were friends. Yes, but like, you know, good on her, right? Because she took the initiative and it took the onus on her to go find these friends. So if you really want something bad enough,

if you have the desire in you to do something, it's, you can do it. So if you really want something bad enough, if you have the desire in you to do something, it's you can do it. So if you are somebody who feels lonely, and this is by the way, I want to also say that it's important for me on this podcast, not just to just drone on and on, but to give people things that are actionable. So if we are talking about something, there's a solution, not to say that you don't know the solution, you haven't thought about it, but just to kind of be reminded of these things, right? Vitamin water just dropped a new zero sugar flavor called with love.

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friends, girlfriends, whatever, also swipe for friends. Go find a friend to do something that you have similar interests to and like they're like-minded. That is a great way to ease loneliness. You know, another thing is, you know, like I said about the phone calls, if you have people that you've had in your life over a long course of life, pick up the phone and see how they are, check in on them.

I think that some people would be actually pleasantly happy and surprised to hear from you in a nice way, because chances are, if you feel lonely, I can get, I can pretty much guarantee someone else is feeling the same way. And to me, that's why it's like, take the initiative. Be the first, be the first person to pick up the phone, be the first person to swipe on the app to find a friend, be the first person to make a change for, to kind of alleviate whatever that thing is. And in this case, it's loneliness.

So I think there are solutions if we actually want to find one. I like that. I didn't know. I mean, I knew about BFF Bumble, but I didn't realize it was that beneficial because Linda has so many friends. Yeah, she's got so many friends. She's more friends than I do, quite frankly. I was wondering how. And that's how. And like I was saying many friends. She's more friends than I do, quite frankly. I was wondering how. And that's how. And like I was saying, and then there's other people,

I mean, I think also when you move to another country, you may feel more like forced to find those friends. However, what I was saying at the beginning of this episode is then you have people, you know, like myself, you know, who are so entrenched in their lives of day to day, of like working and building and growing and family that like you don't nourish other relationships that can be very, uh, satiating to you. And so you're going to take a moment, I need to take a moment and think about that.

I have one of my best girlfriends, her name is Nikki, and she lives in San Diego. Hi, Nikki. And, you know, I haven't spoken to her properly and God knows how long. And this is someone who's like really, really close to me. And so what happens if you don't nourish these relationships, they, they like flail, right? Right. So Nikki, I'm calling you tonight. But it's true. I mean, you don't have to, I don't believe that you have to talk to your friends every second of the day.

But you do have to work on the relationships and the friendships that are meaningful to you, because that really does make a really difference in your life for fulfillment, you know? And to me that's part of having a rich life, is having rich relationships, rich friendships, and of course not being lonely. And I think that's why even me talking about this has now kind of kicked me in the ass to like, to do those things. So I'm going to make three phone calls today after this podcast, to three friends of mine, and actually speak with them on the phone. And that's what I'm doing. What are

you going to do? I love that. Yeah, I'm going to make some phone calls as well. I think I'm going to continue swiping on the dating apps through the dating portions of these apps to see if I can find anybody because honestly, it is, it's hard to date an LA, though. That's a, oh, so, oh my god, who's calling? Maybe a friend? Maybe. I think the other thing that you said that was so interesting was this idea of like, you don't have to call your friends every day because friendships evolve. I think that's another thing that adds to the anxiety of people with nowadays is that they're so used to how friendships are when they're growing up where you're talking to someone every day, you're seeing them at school

every day, and then you become an adult, and then you have things to do, and then you kind of don't understand how to integrate those friendships into a more normal routine, where maybe you talk to them every few months, or once a quarter, whatever it is. I listen, I think if that's the biggest of the problems and loneliness, that would be great. I'm talking about, there is literally, people are like deeply, there's like a deep seed of loneliness in people. Like it's really sad. I don't know, I don't really see the biggest problem.

I just think it's one of the interesting points. But I think that's a good point. What I mean is, I just think that with so much connect, I guess, in a world that we are so connected, the irony is so ridiculous. It's crazy that we are lonelier than ever. We are more depressed than ever. We are more suicidal than ever.

It's unbelievable that with one thing that was supposed to be bringing us closer together, it's actually brought us more apart. So that is why I'm saying that instead of sitting and in that feeling of loneliness, it's so important that you as an individual, like take the initiative to change it, to make a phone call, to swipe on the friend at part of the apps, not just the hookup part of the apps, to really get out of your house, leave your house,

strike up conversation. And by the way, who cares if you are gonna do that to somebody and they look at you, they look at you strange, then they're not your people. But eventually you're going to find somebody by just going out there, you know, on a walk, you know, maybe go to a dog park with your dog, because everyone, you know, a lot of people have dogs and strike up conversations. I, by the way, I've met a lot of people who've met people at the dog park. My little sister goes to dog parks in New York and she doesn't have a dog there,

but she just loves dog parks, so we always go to them here. And so she'll go even without a dog because she loves dogs. So go to the dog park, you've been doing a lot of dog. Or maybe she's just a fun guy, who are you kidding? But she has a boyfriend, but. So she's just going to look at dogs.

She really likes dogs. Okay, well, that's interesting. I know a lot of people go to the dog park. I know a lot of guys who go to the dog park to meet girls and vice versa. So it's like a whole food. Like if you're looking, by the way, another thing is if you're looking for a good one,

go to the grocery store to find a girl. That's like a great one. Cause that's, you can find it in your local trader Joe's. Trader Joe's for you, or like in LA, like Arrow One, like I know a lot of guys who just like sit outside of Arrow One waiting for like pretty girls to walk out

because Arrow One is, it's in California, but you can go to Whole Foods, you can go to Vaughn, you can go to Publix, grocery stores in general, you can meet some nice people. I mean, think like think out of the box a little bit. Not just an app, you can leave your house to go to the grocery store and be mindful of who's around you in the produce area.

I can go find a Fisklear responsible woman at Costco. You can find me at Costco, actually. I love Costco. I love Costco. I actually go to Costco to de-stress. I love it there. I love walking through those aisles. It is meditative.

Well, I love food. So me staring at food, like I don't care about jewelry or clothes, but what I do care about is food. So if I can go to somewhere like that and just like go, you know, basically in and out of those aisles, it's like a panacea of happiness for me. Oh, that. That's true. It's the museum that makes you the happiest. I would say, I'm like in a really bad mood and I'm super stressed. I'm like, I'm going to Costco and it changes my mood all to...

The second I walk through those Costco doors, I'm like, I love it. And by the way, there are a lot of people like Costco. I love Costco. Costco's a great place, but they stop... What's with the stopping of the samples? That's a very satisfying time. I know. Well, you know what I feel how,

you know what really happened? I think is that now everyone has an excuse to stop the samples. Right, because COVID or whatever. Right. Before the pandemic, Costco would have a bazillion samples. People would go there for lunch.

Yes. Like my mom would go there for lunch. That's the least. Right. But me and my grandma would always go. They would be full by the time they let it. And now of course they're not doing the samples. But everywhere, everyone now is using the pandemic

as an excuse for why they're not doing it now. Well, since COVID, we're not able to do samples. So now no one's doing samples. But people are using that as an excuse for lots of things. If you go to a restaurant, the portions are half the size. Really? Yes. Haven't you noticed since the pandemic or what could you're in the pandemic and post pandemic?

I think that's a few prices though, no? That's what I'm saying. What's happening is this is a whole other process. This is bleeding into the next podcast. Prices are insane. I mean, if you go to a restaurant, they double the prices and give you half the food. That's just what's happening. Yeah, yeah, cause food, just literally the cost of

ingredient, though. My friend who runs a restaurant in the valley told me that avocado is like four X or something. It was like insane. How about eggs? Insane. Yeah, eggs, eggs are like the gold now. Okay. Honestly, we're going to do

a show. Yeah, we're going to do another podcast solo just on this. So, and also the whole purpose of these solos is to be short and sweet. Yeah, not long and this long and boring multifaceted. So remember guys,

if you are somebody who is feeling that loneliness, there are options or things that you can do. So don't just sit there and be lonely, take action, be the first person to reach out to somebody that you know by a phone calling somebody, use that app wisely, leave your house, and try to join something in your local community if you need to meet new people. Those are all options, but you need to take the onus on you and be the first. And please guys remember to subscribe if you're on YouTube

and if you are on Spotify or Apple. I know she's saying to me, please leave me a review. And of course, Shawnee with the Facebook and also join the Facebook group. I know she says that to me all the time. Anyway, have a great one and profit. On Young and Profiting podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world, and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week, we dive into a new topic like the art of side

hustles, how to level up your influence and persuasion and goal setting. I interview A-list guests on Young and Profiting. I've got the best guests. Like the world's number one negotiation expert, Chris Voss, Shark Damon John, serial entrepreneur Alex and Leila Hermosi, and even movie stars like Matthew McConaughey. There's absolutely no fluff on my podcast, and that's on purpose. Every episode is jam-packed with advice that's gonna push your life forward. I do my research, I get straight to the point, and I take things really seriously, which is why I'm known as the podcast princess and how I became one of the top podcasters

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