Habits and Hustle - Episode 218: 3 Things To Come To Terms With In Life

Episode Date: February 25, 2023

In this episode, Jennifer delves into the complexities of human relationships and how to navigate them effectively. She discussed three key points of understanding in life: if someone truly wants to do something, they will make an effort to do so; no response is still a response and should be acknowledged as such; and everyone has their own unique set of values that may differ from one's own.  If you are seeking to improve your relationships and live a more fulfilling life, then tune in with Jennifer and discover how to make the most of your relationships and find happiness in every aspect of your life. Key Takeaways: Three key points of understanding in life How to let go of emotional triggers Be mindful with eating and shopping habits Fostering healthy relationships through effective communication Jen's Bigger, Better, Bolder Mastermind starts in March! Apply now to be considered. Join Jen’s new Facebook group! Find out Jen’s secret to getting anything you want out of life Follow Jennifer: Instagram Facebook Twitter Jennifer’s Website Did you learn something from tuning in today? Please pay it forward and write us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts. If you have feedback for the show, please email [e-mail]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Vitamin water zero sugar just dropped in all new taste was zero holding back on flavor. You can be your all feeling. I'll play and all self-care you. Grab the all new taste today. Vitamin water zero sugar nourish every you. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass O. Hello everybody. welcome to another solo episode of Habits and Hossel with me, Jennifer Cohen, and my wonderful foil that you just can't see, but her name is Shawnee. And today we're going to cover a couple things. First, I want to talk about the three things that you need to come to terms with in life. The first one is if they wanted to, they would. The second one is no response, is a response. And the

third one is not everybody has the same values as you. And the reason why I think these are such important things to really take to heart and come to terms with is because we so often internalize how other people treat us, act, everything is external. And a lot of times how what happens with other people is more about them than it is with us. And we need to take note of that and act accordingly. So that is why those are the three things I want to really cover.

First one, like I said, is if they wanted to, they would, or that the first one, I said, the second one, doesn't matter. Let's talk about that. We can talk about the amount of order, right? Because we put so much value on how, like, what other people do. And then we think, we kind of take ourselves on a bad rabbit hole. Right? Like, what did we do wrong? Like, if they like you, right? Like, what did we do wrong? How could we be better? You know, justify people's bad behavior all the time, always making excuses. Because facts and root, I think a lot of times facts and reality are very different.

We want to believe, what's true and what the facts are and what we believe are so, so often so different, so vastly different. And sometimes things are just what they are. If they wanted to be involved with you or call you or see you, they would make an effort. And I think so much has to be like, oh no, they're busy. It's a constantly this excuse thing. And if we can just actually start to take things sometimes at face value, it saves us so much grief, time, energy. Mm.

Don't you agree? I agree. What do you feel like is the line between taking things at face value and not taking things personally? Because it's like you have to find that sweet spot, right? Where you don't get upset about things. And you also don't like overly put your effort into something that you know isn't really worth it.

Like, where do you feel like you find that sweet spot? I think the sweet spot, I think they're very similar, like sometimes, well, actually that's not true. Faced, taking something at face value still can be hurtful, right? Because it's unimpactful to you. But at the same time, if we accept it, once we actually accept it for what it is,

it's easier than to digest it and then move on. Versus what happens a lot of times. Like what I do and what I am always trying to get better at is the rumination of like, well, you know, the over-analysing of why someone is doing what they're doing and like trying to figure out all the nitty gritty of it. When I'm at the end of the day, does it make a difference? It doesn't matter what the reasons are for them. It doesn't change what the reality and what the facts are.

And so, once you start focusing your energy on something else versus that, other things open up towards you and other opportunities, and then you're not wasting your time on a dead end. So that's my point. A lot of times it's waste or time on dead ends because it's too hard for us to even imagine that to be the scenario. Like, you're single girl. You know, like, you, I know.

I am in fact, yes. You know, like, and if he doesn't, like, if he wanted to call you, he would call you. I hate to say it, but like, have you remember that movie? He's just not that into you? Yeah. It's actually true.

When someone actually wants to do something, I talk about this a lot, desire. If people wanted to act a different way, they actually would. They're not doing it. Doesn't matter what the reason they actually would. They're not doing it. It doesn't matter what the reason behind it is, they're not doing it. I agree with that.

I completely agree. But also, I think it's like ripping off the band-aid, right? It's kind of what you're saying. Just ripping off your own personal emotional band-aid where you're like, well listen, you're just sort of accepted and moved on. I think the overall message here is don't focus your... Don't put energy and waste energy

on people that are not even, that are like not putting you as a priority, because they're telling you you're not a priority by all these things we just said. And the other last part was like not your value system is not necessarily going to be the same as somebody else's. So what you gauge is important and valuable may not be someone else's. So when you get hung up on what that is and theirs are, it deflects from what's important in your life.

Right. Absolutely. That's very true as well. That's what I think. I think, I think, and I'm talking, this is more from my personal experience because like I said, I have the tendency to ruminate on things and over-analys and it is constantly an area where I try to like, course correct it and work on it and reframe things and not waste my time

going down bad rabbit holes that get me literally nowhere fast. And the quicker that I realize what a situation is by their actions, this is by the way business and it's also personal, right? It's easier to kind of like move on and keep it moving, you know, keep it moving and not focus your attention again on the wrong people and the wrong deals. Keep coming back, you got plenty of space!

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The Baxalorect for years, tonight, 9.8 Centro1 ABC and Streamon Hulu. Absolutely. I agree with all that, actually. Wholeheartedly. I know I don't always agree with you, but I really do here. I know. What you don't agree with you on temperature, that's for sure. Oh my god, I am literally dying right now. I feel like about to pass out. Our value system is very different. Our value system. Our

temperature value system. Actually our value system is very similar. What's different in our values is is temperature regulation. I believe it should be warm. She believes that she'd be cold. Guys, Jen actually told me though, flat out that she was also hot today in this space in which we are in right now. Only because the whole temperature regulation in my place, it's very, very difficult. If it's hot outside, it's hot inside.

If it's cold outside, it's cold inside. There's no proper regulation. It's actually kind of crazy. I'm telling you, we should start like an entire different Podcast on just like temperature because I feel like it leads into every episode that we do no matter how much we talk about anything else There's somewhere in the episode where the temperature of the room Comes into play also by the way the temperature of our protein. We disagree on that as well What do you mean?

Because you like your protein really overcooked. Oh, that's true. And I don't. So the temperature I wish we would be like, this protein is right, it would be different. I like find cooler than yours. That's true, you know what it is. That's like a little hack of mine.

I think when something's better more well done, it takes you longer to eat it versus I like things that like, that's why you do it. Not only, I like the taste of it. you longer to eat it versus I like things that like, that's why you do it. Not only. So you like to chew it more? Well, that's a big part of it. I think a part of my whole methodology is expanding the time of every eating session of mine

because I enjoy food so much. So because I will, my natural impulses to overeat and like basically shove as much food down my gut is possible, put these little things in place that would prevent me from like the shoving as fast. So if my food is really well done, I have to chew it longer, which makes the process extend. And that is true. That is true.

That's actually such a hysterical. That's, oh my god, I just, okay, so I actually went to Whole Foods the other night, and the guy asked me if I wanted a cart, because I didn't, I was holding with my hands like a bunch of stuff, and I was like, no, this is how I budget, but that's also like how I don't buy like a bunch of stuff

that I just don't need to buy. Like a bunch of like treats or cookies, like I won't take a cart. If I'm going into something, I will just like whatever I can carry in my hands when I'm exiting the store with. It's like a third world country, like grab it whatever you can.

It is. It's like that game where like you just shove everything into the game. Yeah, exactly. Like shopping sweepstakes. Like whatever you can leave the store with, that's what you can actually keep. Because if I go to the grocery store after the gym

and I'm starving, if I bring like a cart in or even just a little like whatever, a basket, I will fill it up like so to the brim. So this way, I don't get all the like sweets or things or whatever because I'm starving. So I'm like, you know, so it's also... That's a great one. I like that. So maybe I should cook my food a little more well done.

I think. To it longer. To it longer. That's why salads for me are huge. Like big, big huge salads that look like they're in a horse trough. Yes. It's because it's volume. Yeah. And so it takes me a long time to eat. So then me eating that salad will negate me from then eating like a piece of carrot cake that I want. Like it's all about knowing the self really well to know where you will screw up and therefore course correct before you need to course correct.

That's what it's about. We had an episode where we haven't mentioned food yet. No door temperature. Our two top foods. Our two top points of discussion. Food is a big one. Food is a big one. I love food.

Don't you love food? Do you love food? Eat. Well, yeah, you know the answer. I love food. By the way, it takes us a long time to do these episodes because we have to eat before we want to snack. We want to meal. We've got to eat the, like, honestly.

Like it's actually like insane. I mean, it's amazing that there's not like a pound of food on the table right now, where we're just like basically like nibbling as we do this talk right now. Yeah, it's actually about that. It's very funny, actually. But to get back to the point of what I was saying,

I wanted to say also, it's a part of like, if they wanted to, they would, and value systems being different. And what was the other one that I always talk about was the no responses? Is always talk about was the... No responses. No response is a response is also... It's part of building your bolded directors a lot.

Like having people around you that are... People that you couldn't rely on that are on the same page as you that you know. I feel like we just tend to waste a lot of time on the wrong people, on the wrong deals, because of what our expectations are. And if we can just like, kind of like manage those expectations, it serves us, it gives us back a lot of time in our life and a lot of happiness.

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I'm also I'm not interested in having people do things they don't want to do like I if you know if I ask a friend if they want to do something or whatever and they're just like not into it what I'm not really like beg someone or convince someone into doing something that's like not good for them either like you know and so if like if I have to beg someone to do something I don't that's a waste of my time I don't want to do that. Right, but a lot of this has to do with people are waiting by their phone for a text or a phone call from somebody because they want to, they think that like, because they want the situation, they want to date them or whatever,

that they're just going to wait around until that person finally decides to call them or text them because they don't want to accept the reality that that person is just not that interested. Yeah. You know? And, you know, and also when it comes to like, when you're constantly fighting over someone's value system or you're not like, you're not like, meshing on those things, sometimes

you guys just don't, you guys are, you guys are to miss in life and work business, whatever because you guys are not, you are not on the same value, you guys are on the same value system. So save yourself time and energy by acceptance of those things, eliminating those situations from your brain, because it gives you back so much effort and time. And I think that's basically all I really want to say

about that. This could be a really short episode. I like that. So do you, okay, everyone question though, do you think that's basically all I really wanted to say about that. This could be a really short episode. I like that. So do you, okay, everyone question though, do you think that by people accepting that fate, that like that person is just not interested and just sort of moving on whatever and not wasting the time or waiting around, that they end up becoming in fact more desirable in the end as a person, whether it's with that one individual human or for all the other people that they're talking to?

100%. That's for sure. That's like a, that's a byproduct of everything. But I will say that even if it's not, I'm coming from a place of acceptance of not internalizing everything that goes on on the outside and the external because that's a time suck. And it's a mind-fuck on top of it. And once you can eliminate it, so much better comes from it. What do you guys think at home? I'm sure this has happened to you guys many times.

And I want to hear how and when. In the Facebook group. Which you can join in the description below. In the Facebook group or in a comment below. Subscribe if you haven't and leave me a review of course on wherever you listen to the podcast and of course on YouTube if you're watching it. Subscribe. Thank you. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Holla Taha, CEO of the

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