Habits and Hustle - Episode 230: Self-Rejection: What It Is and How To Overcome It

Episode Date: April 7, 2023

Are you rejecting yourself before anyone else has the chance to? In this solo episode of Habits and Hustle, I chat with you about self-rejection. I go over what it means, why we do it, what are some of the symptoms you are self-rejecting, and what you can do to overcome it. I also explain the difference between self-rejection and self-sabotage. What we discuss: 01:04: What is self-rejection? 03:51: Self-rejection vs Self-sabotage: what’s the difference? 06:46: How to overcome self-rejection Key takeaways: Self-rejection is when you reject yourself first, to avoid others rejecting you. When you self-reject, you put more value on others' thoughts and opinions than your own opinion of yourself.  Symptoms of self-rejection tend to evolve around self-punitive habits such as turning down or not accepting compliments, turning down opportunities you are being presented with, and bringing other people down based on things you see in yourself. To overcome self-rejection, you must replace a bad habit with a good one. This means learning how to accept compliments, learning how to become less judgemental of others and yourself, and taking a chance on yourself when presented with great opportunities.  My links: Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/ Instagram: @therealjencohen  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Vitamin Water Zero Sugar just dropped in all new taste with zero holding back on flavor. You can be your all feeling. I'll play and all self-care you. Grab the all new taste today. Vitamin Water Zero Sugar, nourish every you. Vitamin Water is a registered trademark of glass O. I Guys is Tony Robin you're listening to Habitson hustle crush it Hello and welcome back to another solo episode of Habitson Hustle where I'm sitting with my foil Shawnee, yeah, whoo, welcome. I wanted to really unpack this notion and idea of self-rejection.

Self-rejection is something I feel like I've been talking about it a little bit more recently on other podcasts and other interviews. I speak about it in my book, Bigger Better Bolder, and I really wanted to highlight this this whole philosophy and this ideology because I think it's something that we tend to do to ourselves a lot, and it's really damaging. And so on this episode, I wanted to talk about what it is, some signs that you might be self-rejecting yourself, and ways to overcome it, to get you to wherever you're trying to get.

So the first thing is, what it is, like what is self rejection? Have you ever heard that expression, self rejection? I don't think I have. And so I don't think a lot of people have actually heard it. We hear the word rejection a lot, like oh, we've been rejected rejection rejection. I talk about it a lot. But I guess it's because a lot of times

in your rejection is when someone else or what someone else does to you versus what you do to yourself. And I think a lot of times what happens is that we self-reject more often than other people reject us. And in fact a lot of times what we do is we self-reject because we are scared that we're going to be rejected. So then we reject ourselves first before it happens to us. Interesting. So you don't even give anything a go because you've already rejected yourself. Exactly. And so we basically, again, we are our own worst enemies and we kind of don't even put ourselves in a place to win because we've already countered ourselves out by self-rejecting. And so let me just tell you what the definition of self-rejection

is. Self-rejection is the active rejecting yourself, basically before someone else has a chance of doing it to you or you basically minimize or water down who you are in a positive way to kind of appease the people around you. Or just don't give yourself that opportunity to kind of flourish. And so, self-isolation is a sign of self-rejection. Regularly comparing yourself to others is a big one. When you compare yourself and do the whole compare game with others, technically what you're doing is you're looking to see how you don't compare or match up to whoever that person is.

So therefore putting yourself on a, putting someone else on the pedestal, putting yourself lower down on that pedestal. Basically, very difficult, you're not able to take compliments, it's very difficult. You're very critical of yourself, you're very actually and critical of others as well. So a lot of times when you're Criticized in someone else is because you see that that trait in you. Another big one is excessive attention to close and appearance Interesting, right? Because you're trying to like hide Whoever that whoever you are. You got a lot of self-image issues

excessive shyness, festivity, and non-initiations in relationships. Oh, so this is obviously not me. No. You're not a big self-projector. Neglecting priorities and key responsibilities, basically self-sabotaging. But how does that, I feel like a lot of that doesn't necessarily apply to self-projection. I feel like that's so, like a lot of that doesn't necessarily apply to self-rejection. I feel like that's so, like a lot of those are very giant.

They are. Well, listen, these are signs that you are doing it because I think a lot of times our self-rejection can be very much like self-sabotage. I see self-sabotaging and self-rejecting to be very similar and you do these behaviors to yourself that you're not even subconsciously aware that you're doing that causes a ripple effect, right? Because every action has a reaction. So if you're doing some of these things like self-isolating or being depressed or being critical of yourself or comparing yourself,

you are then putting yourself, putting yourself in a place where you're not really putting your most positive energy out there to the world. So interesting I could see as such a clear example in the relationship world in the dating game, like that's such a so apparent in that area where you would reject yourself before even approaching somebody because you're like, oh, they wouldn't like me. And I, like, it's so clear.

Also I guess in a career aspect as well, you know, not even asking for the promotion or not even asking to be considered for a role because you've already rejected yourself from that. You're like, there's no chance, there's no way. Why would I even try? It's actually really, I mean, it's super fascinating. Can you see some really clear examples of where that would apply in everyday life?

I wanted to mention that a really big sign that you're a self-rejector is when you're not able to take compliments from other people. Yeah, that's a really interesting one that you're a self-rejector is when you're not able to take compliments from other people. Yeah, that's a really interesting one. That's one, because it makes you uncomfortable. By the way, I'm really bad at that. Really?

I think so. Yeah, I am. So I think that's something I have to, I'm working on overcoming. That's true. You do not like when I give you, you always think I'm joking when I give you compliments. I do, and I do.

And I deflect. Oh my God, that is so true. I do, and I deflect. And I deflect. Oh my God, that is so true. I've actually never even picked up on that in a very real sense. But it's true, when you point it out now, I definitely do notice that. I know. Let me tell you something. I think a lot of the things that I talk about, surprise, surprise, or things that are

obviously relevant in my life life that I have overcome or attempting to overcome or work in progress. So I'm never someone to speak from this like white ivory tower. I'm someone who speaks from like a place where I'm like in it through it, working on it, and speak to the best in the world and for and Glean is much valuable information as possible. But yeah, I'm really bad at taking compliments. And if you are somebody who's bad at that also, you may want to look inward and figure out why that is. I use self-rejecting. That's another one. So like, by the way, all the stuff I just mentioned of all the things like

the compare gain, like comparing yourself to others or isolating or feeling depressed or watering yourself down to make someone else feel more comfortable. All of those things, you can be doing one or two of those things. It's not like you have to be doing all of it to be someone who's, you know, self-rejector. Keep coming back, you got plenty of space! Oof, not how you would have done that. You like working with people you can rely on.

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Grab a with love today. Vitamin water, zero sugar, nourish every you. Vitamin water is a registered trademark of glass O. Right. So these are just a lot of different signs. Again, it's very similar to self-sabotage. And A, the best way to overcome any of this is to a recognize that you're doing it,

which is why I wanted to read some of the signs. And after you recognize it, catch yourself in the moment, so you start to stop doing it. Because that's the only way to overcome something is when you're like, oh yeah, oh my God, I recognize that I'm doing it, I just did it. I'm gonna try better next time, I'm not gonna do it again. And that's how you stop a bad habit from continuing.

And you replace it with a better habit, the better habit of how not to self-reject and to maybe self-accept would be when someone says to you, hey, you look great today, say thank you. As opposed to, oh God, please stop it, or you know, thanks, or like deflect it, or something else, right? So just the way you respond is a really good way

of stopping about that bad habit of self rejection. And that's really what I want to do on this episode and every episode is, like I said, mentioned something that maybe we I want to do on this episode and every episode is like I said, mention something that maybe some that we all tend to do, how we can overcome it, give people these actionable things that can help you better yourself, better your life, optimize yourself to be happier, to live more authentically and to, you know, be bigger, better and bolder. I love that.

I think it's important, by the way, that you're speaking from a place of working through all this stuff and not coming from this ivory tower because anyone who hasn't experienced this stuff and is just giving advice, what do they know? What do they mean? How can they possibly speak from experience or from a place of having overcome something

or work through something or acknowledge something if they haven't actually been through it themselves? It's a bit weird to get advice from someone who's so disconnected from an issue. No, 100%. And that's why a lot of times, sometimes, like, fair, you gotta be careful and disordering, you know, like, what fair piss you go to, right?

Look, I was just thinking in my mind. Because, like, just crazy. Like, is this because someone has a degree and they're now giving carte blanche to give someone advice on whatever the issue is? I mean mean a degree is not like living it, feeling it, experiencing it. And so I just feel like the sermon is so important.

And then, you know, I think it's really easy when someone has an experience, someone to slough something off. Like, oh yeah, just do this. Like I would prefer to get advice from somebody who actually has gone through something and been through it. And then you learn from experience better than I think. You learn from that better than anything else. Yeah, I was in a lot of therapy as a child. I went to therapy at boarding school, went to many programs, and something I learned from a young age is that most people that are in therapy therapists are there because they've been through the wringer in life and they

now came out the other side and would like to help people. Not always, but it is. I was just sitting here before you mentioned that thinking, that's crazy because that's how the best therapists are. The ones who have gone through all this stuff and are speaking from a place of experience as opposed to just some ivory tower. Well, I agree. I also find that a lot of times people end up doing the thing that they actually have the most, like, because they had an issue with it before. So, like, you know, like, for example, like a lot of personal trainers, a lot of people in the fitness business

are in the fitness business because they had, like, some kind of, like, obsession with fitness themselves or some type of, like like reason why they were brought into that space. It wasn't just because. The health of a family member may have declined and then they got motivated to get into it. They may have been fatter before

and then they lost a bunch of weight or they are diabetic. They had to start getting healthy for themselves. Some of the best people on Instagram, this guy that I follow, I actually, his name is Thomas, and I was on his YouTube. He's a massive following on YouTube, like millions of people.

And he talks a lot about fasting, which I'm not a big fan of fasting, but he talks about fasting. Health is very knowledgeable in the health space. And he gives some of the best information because he himself was morbidly obese and then he lost all the weight. So he uses his own experiences as kind of like how he got his whole journey was because he lived it,

breathed it, did it. And because of that inherent interest and desire to be better, he keeps on upping the ante with his research and information. I love that. And I always look for people like that. So getting back, we can talk about that stuff later. But we got lots of other solos to do.

But I definitely want to say that today was about a really pointing out this idea of self-rejection. And if you are someone who is experiencing that or does that, like, let's stop it, right? Like, let's try to get a little bit better by in basically stopping it in its tracks, by changing that behavior as it's happening into self-acceptance. So let's go from self-rejection to self-acceptance. And thank you for listening. I'm joined the Facebook group.

And subscribe. And leave a comment on what you think. And by the book. Yeah. And by my bigger, better, bolder book. Hope you enjoyed this episode. I'm Heather Monahan, host of Creating Confidence, a part of the YAP Media Network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network.

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